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vamossainz55 · 2 years

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Moonlight Ch. 8 | Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader

a/n: okay, a day late, but guys, bare with me. this is a lot (i know i say it but tbh i have not been letting anyone catch a break lmao). warnings are pretty heavy? or this chapter is probably just the heaviest in general. i really hated writing most of it (just because i was getting my scheduled writers block) and was struggling but i really hope you enjoy <3, i really put all my heart (and tears) in this one.

as always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated <3

warnings: 18+ // angst, a lot of self deprication lowkey? abandonment issues lowkey? smut tho, like pretty heavy and explicit (oral, p in v, unprotected sex but pls wrap it irl guys 💀. neck grabbing, degradation, name calling, quite kinky ngl so please look away if it isnt your thing and just skip the part. if you are under 18 pleas please stay away!), also cheating, like straight up cheating and mentions of cheating. oops. sorry not sorry .

link to masterlist + summary

link to chapter 7

Chapter 8 (6.4k words)

The two weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions, Carlos was still imprinted into your brain and no matter how many nights you slept next to Bastien, all you could think about was the press of Carlos’ skin against yours.

You try your best to wash the feeling away, or hope that late nights with Bastien would get the driver out of your mind, but you soon learn this is useless. It’s frustrating, and you feel the need to scream.

Being away hadn’t helped at all, it had only made your mind wander more. You wondered what would have happened with Carlos, what the driver was feeling, was he also thinking of you as much as you were thinking of him?

All the thoughts came with bitterness too though, because all you could also think about was why the two of you had broken up. It was always mutually agreed but the more you thought about it the more upset you felt, at the end of the day Carlos was the one who broke up with you.

It wasn’t fair.

You had finally gotten over Carlos and somehow he had crawled back into your mind and made himself at home. Was he to blame though? You had practically opened the door and welcomed him in.

To make matters worse, Bastien was not making it any of this easier. He would bring up Carlos at every opportunity, holding it against you for every little thing. You felt hopeless, and although you understood why Bastien felt the way he did it only made you feel even further away from him. The only times you both didn’t argue was when you were in bed, sharing fevered kisses with your hands roaming on each other's bodies.

The moment you arrive back in the UK you feel even worse than when you left. The excitement of the season starting had worn off and all you felt was dread.

You were dreading being away from Bastien, and even worse you were dreading being around Carlos. Bastien had made it loud and clear before you left that you both needed some distance and you promised him you would maintain some space from the Spaniard.

That’s why you decline Carlos’ offer to drive you to the office for the briefing two days before your flight to Melbourne.

You arrive late to the meeting because of this, having pushed yourself to go after swallowing down the anxiety that had built inside you. You see Carlos and Lando sitting in the front and there’s a chair next to Carlos who instantly gives you a smile before patting the empty spot. You give him a quick smile before making a beeline to the back of the room, missing the drop of his smile as soon as you look away.

The sight of him was already making you feel sick.

The planning team is nice and you’re impressed with how detailed they are, planning the trip to the T. You’re taking down notes in your notebook to make sure you have everything written down for the trip before you feel a shift next to you. To your surprise you find Carlos sitting down next to you.

“Hey,” he murmurs in a low voice and you instantly start feeling a bit nervous.

“Hey,” you say trying to sound as dismissive as possible but Carlos nudges your side with his arm, making you look over at him again.

“You okay? Why were you late?” He asks and you’re still focused on taking down your notes.

“Missed the bus,” you murmur, still not looking up at Carlos. You’re about to flip to the next page when Carlos stops you, grabbing the notebook from you and putting it on his lap.

“Y/n,” he says and you’re taking a deep breath. “What’s up? I thought we were good.” He says and you shrug.

“We are, I just wanna make sure I have everything noted down.” You’re properly looking at him now and he’s leaning close to you because of how you were both whispering to each other.

“You’re avoiding me now, I’m not dumb.” Carlos argues, moving the notebook away from you as soon as you try to take it from him. You give him a stern look, one that says stop it but he doesn’t give it back, simply holding it further away from you.

“Can we talk about this later?” You ask, not wanting to have the conversation infront of dozens of people.

Carlos looks sceptical as soon as you say this and he lets out a sigh before nodding. You expect him to give the notebook back as you extend your hand out for him to return it but he simply shakes his head.

“Not until we talk.” He says before he’s getting up with your notebook to sit back next to Lando, not caring about the heads that were turning to look at him.

Later turns out to be later in the evening much to your dismay. Tom apparently had a few things he had to catch you up to and you had told Carlos that you both could just talk before your flight to Melbourne but you’re quick to realise as you’re leaving the office that Carlos was still there.

He was sitting by the lobby, arms on his knees as he scrolled through his phone with his head down. For a second you wonder whether you can sneak out without him noticing you but your footsteps prompt him to look up.

“Ah- thought you were never going to finish. Let’s go? I’ll drive you home.” He says as he’s getting up. You realise his hand is nicely wrapped around your notebook still and you wonder how long he had sat there and waited for you by himself.

For a moment you consider taking the ride from Carlos but you’re soon hearing a soft nagging voice in your head that sounds too much like Bastien that has you glued to the floor, not walking to the door. Carlos takes a second to notice this before he’s turning to you. He’s halfway to the exit and he can’t help but to furrow his brows.

“What’s up? You don’t want me to drive you home now?” He asks and you simply shake your head, knowing that you need to already start to set boundaries. It wasn’t fair for both Bastien and Carlos. Sure, you knew Carlos was just offering a ride, but you needed to draw the line already.

“I should go home by myself.” You say and Carlos looks confused, looking at you and waiting for you to explain further. You take a deep breath to prepare yourself to speak.

“I talked to Bastien about what happened,” You explain, looking around to see whether there was anybody around. “I think it’s better if we keep some distance. I love Bastien and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or jeopardise our relationship.”

It takes a moment for Carlos to process the words, and he’s looking at you as if he’s waiting for you to say the punchline of the joke. When he realises you’re being serious he runs his hand through his hair. “Come on y/n, you’re kidding right?” he chuckles a bit, and there’s a cold edge to his voice that creates a sour taste in your mouth. “We’re friends no?” He asks and you have to look away from his eyes.

“Carlos,” You sigh out, and you’re crossing your arms over your chest. Frankly, you don’t know how to answer Carlos’ question. Sure you were friends, but you both knew there were other feelings going around.

“If we’re just friends it shouldn’t be a problem that I hang out with you.” Carlos says and he’s coming a bit closer to you. “Unless you feel differently,” His voice lowers a bit, just to make sure if anyone passed they wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation. “Did that morning mean anything to you?” Carlos practically murmurs and he’s so close there’s a shiver that goes down your spine and you force yourself to step away.

“I don’t want to talk about that Carlos.” You say, taking another step away, this time towards the door. Carlos decided to stop you though, reaching out to grab your wrist and you feel a jolt of electricity spark up your body as he holds onto you.

“Let me just drive you home.” Carlos says searching for your eyes. “We need to talk about this, y/n.” He insists and you shake your head. You didn’t want to talk about it, you knew that it was just going to only do your head in and open up questions that could just stay closed.

“There’s nothing to talk about Carlos.” You murmur and you try to step away but Carlos is still holding your wrist.

“That’s not true.” Carlos says, and you’re startling to feel a bit annoyed at how much Carlos was pressing on this, still holding onto your wrist. Could he not just leave the topic alone?

“What do you even want to talk about, hm?” You ask and your voice is louder than you expected but you’re too nervous to stop yourself. “You want to get back together?”

Carlos’ eyes go wide, not expecting you to say that and he gently pulls you closer, “Lower your voice a bit y/n.” He says and you’re scoffing, looking at him. You don’t know what comes over you but you suddenly feel both hurt and angry.

“Oh, I see. Now you don’t want people to know we were together?” You say and this time Carlos pulls you to one of the hallways, covering your mouth in the process.

You roll your eyes as you stumble with him into the hallway, and once the door is shut you push his arm away.

Carlos looks pissed. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks and you almost laugh at his question and he can’t help but frown a bit at your reaction. Why couldn’t he let old topics rest?

“I think you forgot how things ended Carlos. You broke up with me. You said you needed to focus on racing, I was clearly just a distraction.” You say, clearly upset that you even had to bring up the conversation. “I have a boyfriend now, and we are doing just fine. Sure we have had our ups and downs but it’s fine these things happen. Barcelona happened but honestly- it was nothing Carlos. Nothing happened for a reason.” You don’t know where the words are coming from and you’re not sure if you mean every single one but you’re surprised with how sure you sounded. Carlos looks stunned and his lack of response has you even more emotional.

“We broke up because you left me Carlos” You say angrily. “You have no right to be messing with my brain now. So quit it.” For a second you consider just walking off and leaving but Carlos is standing in front of the door, soon speaking up.

“I’m messing with your brain? You’re the one that walked back into my life, and don’t act like you didn’t know or mean what you were doing in my hotel room. I know you.” Carlos says and this time he is stepping closer to you but you stand your ground, not stepping back. His hair is tousled and his face is red from how frustrated he’s getting too. You can’t believe you forgot how good he looked when he was mad.

“I am trying to make something out of my life Carlos. It’s not like I had a choice as to which team I wanted to go to.” You say in annoyance. “I shouldn’t have gone into your stupid hotel room. I regret doing that, it shouldn't have gotten that far.”

Carlos is coming closer and despite you both arguing he’s looking at you feverishly and this time you have to take a step back. This doesn’t stop Carlos from following your steps though and stepping closer to you until your back is against the wall. He’s standing right in front of you, barely leaving any space between you both and your mind is taking you back to the hotel.

You suddenly realise how clammy your hands feel and how flushed your cheeks are and the way Carlos is looking at you is making you squirm.

“What did you say hm? That you regret it?” Carlos asks and his voice is so strong and firm that it has your stomach turning.

You almost don’t find the voice to speak, simply murmuring a small “yeah”.

You don’t sound confident at all in your answer and Carlos’ eyes are dropping to your lips. You didn’t regret what had happened. More than anything, a part of you regretted stopping it.

“Hm? Tell me then, what do you regret? Sitting on my lap? Letting me run my hands on your pretty thighs?” Carlos asks and his voice is so low that you feel his words go straight to your core and your whole body is starting to feel like it was on fire. He knew what he was doing. Because frankly, if anybody knew you it was Carlos.

He takes this opportunity to come even closer, leaning to your ear and his breath is hot against your skin. “Could you feel me under you?” Carlos asks and you can feel his lips brush your lobe as he smirks at the sound of your breath hitching.

Carlos takes this moment to trail kisses down your neck, your lack of answer giving him enough confidence to go for it. Despite his strong words his kisses are gentle and you can’t help but shut your eyes and let out a soft breath at how warm and wet his mouth felt on your skin.

“I’m not hearing you say it,” Carlos murmurs as his teeth gently graze your skin. “Do you regret it or not princess? I need an answer.” Carlos asks demandingly and you hate how his words are affecting you.

“No I don’t regret it,” You murmur and you feel Carlos smirk against your skin, that bastard.

Before you know it his lips are on yours and no matter how hard you told yourself not to kiss back you couldn’t. Your arms are wrapping around his neck and the kisses are feverish and needy and god you had missed his lips.

You can feel his hands roaming around, going from your sides to your waist and he’s then leaning a bit down, grabbing the back of your thighs. It’s quick and easy and your legs instantly wrap around his waist as he presses your back against the wall.

You’re almost light headed by the time you pull away from kissing him, and you’re both a bit breathless. You swipe your tongue over your bottom lip and you look at Carlos to find him looking almost as gone as you felt.

“Fuck,” Carlos says, shifting his grip on you as you move your arms from his neck, cupping his cheeks. He’s looking up at you with his big hazel eyes that you fell inlove with years ago and you feel stupid. You were definitely going to regret this because you definitely weren’t thinking with your head.

“If we do this we’re only doing this once Carlos, I’m not leaving Bastien” You warn him and for a second you can see the glimpse of disappointment flash in Carlos’ eyes but it’s gone as soon as it comes.

“Then we should make it worth it, no?” Carlos says already trailing kisses down your neck again.

It’s wrong in every way possible but it isn’t stopping any of you as you both sneak into an empty meeting room. Carlos grabs a chair to press against the door, making sure it’s blocking the door handle and the sight of it has you remembering your teenage years with him.

By the time he turns around you’re seated on the edge of the main desk, legs swinging as you watch him come closer. Carlos holds your knees for a second before pushing them apart to stand between your legs and his hand is soon going to your neck, pushing your head up to look at him.

“I don’t care if you say I only have this one time. I’m gonna make sure you come back.” He says without a single bit of hesitance and he’s soon tugging at your shirt, getting you to lift your arms up. He throws your shirt to the side, not concerned at all about it before he’s kissing over your collarbones and you’re letting out a shaky breath, fingers threading in his hair.

“Carlos no marks,” You say but this seems to do the polar opposite as you feel his teeth graze your skin once more. This time he’s taking his time, sucking at your skin and pressing his tongue flat against it before looking over it with a sense of pride. “Fuck, Carlos.” You breathe out, letting out a moan when Carlos moves to the most sensitive part of your neck, making sure to leave the darkest mark there.

You can tell that he loves the way you’re body is reacting to him. The way he can tell that he still knows you so well, probably still knows you best. “Still the same hm?” Carlos asks and you’re letting out a shaky breath as you tell yourself to tell Carlos to stop marking you up. You don’t though.

“Piss off,” You murmur as Carlos continues kissing down and this time over your chest. He goes to remove your bra but you stop him.

Carlos rolls his eyes, moving his hands away as he comes up to give you another kiss. He pulls away and he rubs his thumb over the already forming marks he had left behind. “I couldn’t help myself,” he says, pressing into one of them and you can’t help but wince. “It’s your fault your little boyfriend didn’t leave anything. You were with him for two weeks. If you were mine I’d make sure everyone knows.” Carlos says before he’s slowly helping you undo your pants.

“Well, if you wanted me to be yours you shouldn’t have broken up with me then,” You say snarkily as you kick off your shoes and Carlos is pushing you to lay onto the desk and you easily follow his movements, soon getting your pants off as you stare at the ceiling. The desk feels cold and hard against your body which only makes every touch Carlos leaves behind burn hotter against your skin.

“You want to be a smartass now?” Carlos asks and his fingers are toying with the lace of your panties, soon hooking his fingers to give them a snap. “I can stop.” He challenges, and even though you know he won’t you’re not willing to risk it.

“Don’t stop.” You say and you can hear Carlos’ cocky chuckle.

“Come on, have you forgotten your manners?” He asks as his fingers hook under the side of your panties again. He doesn’t pull them down though, waiting for you to say something and you can’t help but lift your hips hoping that it would encourage him.

“Y/n, what do you say when you want something?” Carlos asks and you can hear the smirk he was practically wearing and you grit your teeth.

“Please don’t stop.” You finally say, the heat in your core being too much for you.

“Good girl,” Carlos says and you hate how your heart practically leaps at the praise. He’s soon pulling your panties off, grabbing you by your ankles so you’re suddenly at the edge of the table. You groan at the sudden movement and you’re pushing yourself up on your arms, about to tell Carlos off when you feel him suddenly kiss you on the inside of your thighs.

Your eyes travel to where Carlos now is, kneeling in front of you with his arms on your legs to keep them open and the sight has you blushing. Carlos is so focused, trailing kisses and soon leaving even more marks into your skin that has you letting out small hisses.

“I’m going to ruin you ,” Carlos whispers against your skin that is soon sending a shiver down your spine. Before you know it he’s getting closer to where you want him most, and it’s embarrassing how you arch your back.

“You’re so wet darling,” He says as his index finger goes to rub one of your folds. You hate how smug he sounds but you can’t help the way you clench around nothing, already anticipating Carlos to do something.

“Carlos fucking do something.” You say, hands already itching to touch yourself but Carlos moves your hands away.

“Now, did we forget the magic words again?” Carlos asks as he uses his other finger to continue teasing you. He’s still rubbing at your lips, using his fingers to pull them apart slightly and to give a light blow. “Seems like nobody’s made you beg in a while.”

The way you whimper has him grinning. “Please,” You mumble, fists balled up as you felt yourself only getting wetter.

“Louder darling. Don’t be shy.” Carlos says and you can’t help but curse.

“Please Carlos,” You say again. You let out a soft moan as soon as his fingers sink in and for a second you feel a wave of relief but the moment you feel his mouth on you you’re cursing, hand going to his hair to shamelessly pull him closer.

“Fuck,” You breath out and Carlos is relentless, pumping his fingers quickly as his tongue is toying with your clit. Your mind is spinning and you can’t help but to press your body closer to him, letting out a string of moans and whimpers. He only seems to take this as encouragement.

“Carlos,” you moan out, unapologetically loud and Carlos is suddenly getting rougher and you’re sure your grip on his hair is becoming tighter.

It takes all your will to not scream when your orgasm washes over you, and for a second you feel like you’re seeing stars. Your arm goes to cover your own mouth as you let out a cry, and the way Carlos grips onto your thigh with his free hand just lets you know that he’s definitely going to leave a mark.

You’re panting, leaning onto your arms as you watch Carlos slowly get up on his feet. The sight of him has your legs twitching because he’s licking his fingers before he’s swiping his tongue over his lips. You’re a bit out of it, and if you were being honest, you do not remember the last time someone had made you feel that way.

You only snap back into it when Carlos holds your neck again and he gives your throat a squeeze. The dazed look you give him as him smirking.

This time he presses his thumb against the tip of your chin, soon pressing down to get you to open your mouth. You’re pliant under him, body still floating and mind still hazed from your orgasm that you’re not giving him back snarky remarks.

As soon as your lips part Carlos is pressing his thumb into your mouth and you instinctively wrap your lips around it, circling your tongue around the pad. You’re looking him straight in the eyes and Carlos is staring down at you with dark and hungry eyes, refusing to break eye contact.

“You’re such a fucking whore,” Carlos says as he drags his thumb over your bottom lip. You part your lips again, looking up at Carlos and he’s soon leaning above you. “I let you finish once and you’re suddenly all quiet hm? I bet you’d let me do anything.” Carlos says and he grips the side of your cheeks, making sure your mouth stays open before he’s landing a ball of spit in your mouth.

“I love it when a bitch knows her place.” The moan you let out is embarrassing but you don’t care because Carlos is already kissing you again, and this time he’s undoing his belt and his pants, simply letting them fall around his ankles with his boxers.

“Mierda,” Carlos curses because you don’t even think twice before your hand is already wrapped around him, the feeling of your skin dragging against him making him already twitch in your hand.

“I forgot how big you are,” You say, using your thumb to spread his precum over the tip before you’re using it to pump him. You almost feel bad with how hard he is and you slowly move off the desk. Carlos takes a slow step back, groaning as soon as you go on your knees in front of him.

Soon his hand is holding the back of your head as you’re taking him in his mouth and he’s letting out small groans and praises. “You’re doing so- fuck- so good darling,” He’s panting out and the way you look up at him has his cock twitching in your mouth. His hips instinctively buckle and he’s soon hitting the back of your throat and you splutter a bit, tears beginning to collect in your eyes. Instead of pulling away though you relax your throat and Carlos takes this as a sign. He’s gripping the back of your head tightly and snapping his hips moaning at the sound of him fucking your mouth. It’s messy, and rough, but despite tears streaming down your cheeks the small moans and gasps you’re letting out are spurring him on further.

“Fuck,” Carlos groans, you’re sure he’s about to come with the way his thrusts are getting sporadic and you try to tighten your throat around him but he stops you by gripping your hair so tight that you let out a broken cry. It’s loud and the pain is too much and this seems to snap Carlos out of whatever trance he was in. He apologises quickly, soon pulling out of your mouth and crouching down. “Sorry- fuck- I didn’t want to finish off that way.” Carlos is panting and his eyes are searching yours for confirmation that you were okay. You give him a small nod, not trusting your voice with how raw your throat felt. Soon he’s helping you up and sitting on the table and the sudden tension from before is gone, instead his touches feel gentle.

“You’re good?” He double checks and you nod, his hands are cupping your cheeks again before he’s giving you a kiss. It’s soft and it’s sweet and it has your mind spinning even more.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Carlos says just in case before he’s rubbing your sides. “Is it okay if we continue?” Carlos asks.

“Yeah,” You murmur, wincing at how hoarse your throat sounded. Carlos nods and his hands go over your thighs before giving them a gentle squeeze.

“Tell me if you need me to stop.” Carlos says before pulling you closer again. He keeps one hand on your thigh to keep you steady as he lines himself up. Unlike before this is slow and Carlos is taking his time and there’s a weird tug at your heart.

“Fuck,” You breathe out when Carlos finally presses in. Despite him having stretched you out he still felt so big. Your arms shake a little and you whimper when Carlos uses his arm to pull you closer to him as he pushes deeper as well.

“You’re so fucking tight y/n.” Carlos breathes out and he’s bottoming out and you feel so full you might pass out. “You need to relax or I’m not going to last.” Carlos says and he’s looking at you so intently, eyes going over every single feature on your face. He’s leaning down to give you a kiss and you can’t help but meet him halfway.

The kiss is softer than any other kiss you both shared before and you feel like you’re melting into him. “You’re so beautiful y/n.” Carlos whispers against your lips, as if it was a secret for the both of you.

Once you’re relaxed enough you feel him moving his hips but his lips are still close to yours, stealing kisses every here and there as he slowly begins to pick up his thrusts. Despite this though the thrusts are still slow and dragged out, but he’s rubbing into you just right that you’re letting out soft breathy moans that are mixing in the air along with Carlos’.

The atmosphere is heavy and there’s a weird weight in your chest as you watch Carlos, head falling back as soon he hits the right spot. “Carlos there please,” You whimper out and that’s enough encouragement for Carlos to finally pick up the pace.

“Tell me who fucks you best?” Carlos asks, and his hand is wrapping itself again around your neck and you’re letting out a small but broken whine. “Stop fucking you for two years and you’ve gone all soft now hm?”

You can’t think straight, all of Carlos’ words are turning into gibberish in your mind. You only manage to snap back into it when Carlos gives your throat a gentle squeeze.

“I said, who fucks you best?” He asks again and you blink at him, completely dazed.

“Y-You,” You moan out.

Before you know it you’re whimpering and squirming under him, feeling yourself get closer and closer. At this point your arms are around his neck and he takes the opportunity to lift you up slightly, thrusting his hips as he holds you in place.

The room filling with the sounds of both of your moans and the sound of your skin slapping against each other, both of you either forgetting or no longer caring that you were still in the office.

“Carlos- Carlos- I’m close.” You gasp out and Carlos shifts a bit, letting go of your neck before his fingers go down, toying with your clit and you can’t help but let out a cry, back arching.

“Don’t come until I tell you to.” He pants out as his thrusts pick up even faster and somehow feel even deeper and you’re letting out a string of moans. His fingers soon move faster and you’re soon begging for him to let you come.

It’s only when you’re blubbering nonsense that Carlos is saying “Come for me, show me how good I make you feel.” as his touches get rougher and that’s enough to have you unravelling yourself again, screaming out his name as your nails dig into his shoulders.

You’re still riding out your high when Carlos groans, cock twitching in between thrusts. You can’t help but let out a groan at the feeling of Carlos coming inside of you and Carlos drags his hips a few more times before he’s gently setting you onto the table and pulling out of you. He keeps you close though, wrapping his arms around you as you both recollect yourselves.

You’re both panting, breathless and exhausted and you’re almost putty as Carlos takes off his shirt to wipe at your legs and body. He catches you from falling onto your back and you hold onto him, still slightly dazed.

“I can’t believe we did that.” You murmur out, and you’re embarassed at how little you could think right now. Carlos is shaking his head in disbelief too.

“Me neither.” Carlos says. He’s holding his shirt awkwardly for a bit, and it’s clear that he’s thinking about something but he just doesn’t want to say it. It takes you a bit to notice.

“Spit it out,” you tell him, knowing him well enough already.

He lets out a sigh before he’s speaking up. “You’re gonna hate me but I’m gonna need you to go get my extra clothes in the changing rooms.” He says and you can only look at him in disbelief.

“What? Did you want me to use your shirt?” Carlos says and you know you’re practically useless right now but the little pride you had left didn’t want Carlos to know how out of it you were (although you’re pretty sure he knew). If any confirmation was needed, your legs almost buckle the moment your feet hit the ground and Carlos needs to quickly catch you. He’s grinning from ear to ear.

If Carlos was trying to hide his smugness, he was doing a damn awful job doing so.

——————

Carlos ended up getting the shirt that he needed himself as you just sat in the meeting room to get some time to recover. You both are relieved that the office is almost empty and you both manage to sneak out undetected, the tension is heavy between you both though, to the point that you don’t even realise Tom in the parking lot, up until you both reach Carlos’ car.

“What are you two doing here?” He’s by his car holding his own bag, clearly ready to go home. You take a deep breath, ready to play it cool before turning to Tom.

“Uhm-“ Carlos starts off but he’s looking at you in panic and you try your best not to kick him then and there.

“Carlos offered to drop me off so he decided to go to the gym when he was waiting and I ended up having to wait for him.” You explain giving Tom a shrug. You felt bad for lying- but this was definitely not the moment to be saying the truth.

Tom looks a bit sceptical, mainly eyeing Carlos’ deer in the headlights expression but he soon nods anyway. “Ah okay- I’ll see you both at the airport then?” He asks and you’re both nodding, ready to cut the conversation short.

Once Tom is in the car you both go into Carlos’. You tiredly watch Carlos put on his seatbelt just as Tom drives off and you think Carlos is going to start the car but decides to speak up instead.

“For the record, I didn’t want to break up with you.” Carlos says and you’re quick to tense up.

“Carlos, I thought we were over this.” You murmur and Carlos shakes his head. You rub your temples, a bit frustrated.

“You still did it though.” You say and your stomach is twisting and turning at the conversation, you didn’t want to hear what Carlos had to say. “You literally came over, slept with me, and broke up with me the next morning.”

“You said we were fine when I broke it off.” Carlos says and for a second he sounds offended, and you can’t help but scoff.

“Of course I did Carlos. What else was I supposed to do?” You say and you’re looking away to look outside of the window. You had never told anyone how Carlos and you had broken up, always being the type to hold your head up and suck it up. He was the only person you had been able to open up to and the moment he had broken up with you you felt like you were left alone by yourself.

“I couldn’t tell you Carlos. I felt like I didn’t know who you were.” You murmur. He’s slowly reaching his hand to your thigh but you move your leg away. “Stop,”

“I’m sorry,” He says and it sounds so sincere that you can’t even look at him. “I’m really sorry.”

“I was young and naive, I knew it was wrong, but I wasn’t thinking.” He explains. “We were barely talking at the end, I was so busy with racing, and you were studying, and I- I also didn’t want to burden you. When I came over that night I wanted to break it off right there but I couldn’t,” Carlos sighs shakily and you can hear the regret in his voice.

“It’s selfish but I just wanted one more night with you.” Carlos mumbles. “I loved you. Even now y/n, I,” He says before taking a deep breath. For a second you want him to say it, you want to hear the words, but you realise you’re not ready for that again. You don’t want to give him another opportunity to break your heart when it already took you so much time to rebuild it.

“Don’t,” You murmur. “Please don’t say it Carlos. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it.” You say and you’re looking up to the car’s ceiling, feeling your eyes water slightly.

“What do you want then?” Carlos murmurs and you let out a shaky sigh finally looking over him. He looks remorseful, and you know his words are sincere- but they weren’t enough.

“I told you before, I want to stay with Bastien.” You murmur. “I know it might sound stupid to you but- I will try to figure it out with him.”

“And us?” Carlos asks and you shake your head.

“We can’t be friends Carlos. I thought we could, but we can’t. Look at what we just did. I don’t blame Bastien for not being comfortable with you around me, I’m not going to argue with him about that.” You say apologetically. The disappointment in Carlos’ face is clear as daylight but he nods anyway.

“Why did you do it then?” Why did you sleep with me? You know is what he means to say.

“I needed closure.” You murmur and that answer seems to be sufficient because Carlos finally nods, starting the car.

The drive is quiet this time and your head is pressed against the window as you watch the streets pass by. You don’t feel guilty, but you realise you weren’t feeling anything right now.

You only speak up when Carlos is pulling into the gates of your building and you’re pointing to the empty parking space. “Do you mind coming up?” You ask softly, “I have to give back your shirt.” You say and Carlos doesn’t even look at you as he nods and slowly reverses the car.

The silence is loud as you both make your way to the building and up the elevator. You don’t have much to say as you both walk to your apartment door. Carlos steps in behind you, quietly closing the door and you excuse yourself before going to your bedroom, looking for the shirt in your half unpacked luggage.

You’re digging through the luggage when you hear your phone ring and you go quickly to check it, the moment you see the text you laugh.

It’s not the first time that this has happened. That you get a text from a random girl, along with an apology and explaining that she spent a night (or multiple) with Bastien before finding out he had a girlfriend.

Bastien never told you- and you never confronted him. Call it naïve but a part of you thought that Bastien would stop, but by the fourth person- you really doubted that was going to happen. You just sat down and stayed quiet though because for the most part, he made you happy.

If you were being honest, you just didn’t want to be left again.

You were not even mad now. You just felt stupid that you were letting yourself be in this situation. But looking at yourself now, were you really any better?

The moment you grab Carlos’ shirt though you feel your heart in your throat and you’re clenching your jaw. You force yourself to calm down before you’re getting up, reminding yourself that Carlos was in the livingroom. You could respond to the girl afterwards.

When you come back Carlos is by one of your shelves looking over the photos that you have perched up. You realise he’s looking at some of your old highschool photos with your friends, and you know that he’s slipped there in the picture somewhere. You soon see his gaze travel to a photo of you and Bastien though and his face falls a bit.

“Hey,” You say softly, which prompts him to turn around. His eyes fall from your face to your hand where you’re holding his shirt.

“Here,” You’re stepping towards him, holding your hand out. Carlos gives you a small tight lipped smile as he takes the shirt from you and he looks over you quietly.

“Does he make you happy at least?” He asks and you look at him, surprised that he’d ask you that question. “Regardless to us and what we are- just make sure he makes you happy.” Carlos says and you give him a small nod.

“There’s a few things we need to work on, but he makes me happy. I believe it will work out.” You’re lying through your teeth, but Carlos nods at your words anyways.

“I’ll see you in the airport?” You’re gently getting him to the door, not knowing how much longer you could keep yourself composed for.

“Mhm, are you sure you don’t want a ride there?” Carlos tries and you give him a forced smile before politely declining the offer.

“I’m good, thank you though Carlos.” There’s a a weird hole in your chest but you try not to think about it too much, opening the door for Carlos.

“Alright, alright. Bye Y/N.” He says as he steps out of your apartment. You give him a small nod and a wave.

“Bye Carlos.” You say and the moment you shut the door you’re letting out a shaky breath, going to the bathroom in hopes to wash everything away.

fin.

Link to chapter 9!

i hope you all enjoyed! put my whole heart in it. would love to know what you guys think and how you feel about it. are you surprised that reader knew all along about bastien??? i also hope it provides a bit more insight about how reader is feeling/thinking. and apologies for all the angst !! feel like this chapter is bittersweet hehe.

ps. this is my first time writing smut and posting (for f1 at least) so I sincerely apologize if it isnt giving 🫠

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