#posting this again because the formatting on the original was shit

[i-hold-horrors-hand]

I Never Saw You Coming: Chapter 1 (Introduction + Interview)

Papa Emeritus IV needs a Prime Mover. Larysa needs a way to keep her cult from dying. They just might be the answer to the other’s problem.

And they just might fall in love along the way.

(Also readable on AO3 and Squidgeworld)

Larysa had spent the better part of her morning rooting through her closet. She had an important appointment today, and she wanted to make a good first impression. Which required the right outfit. Which could be so difficult to put together.

Eventually, she decided on a tight black dress, matching black heels, and a cute black bolero jacket. Sexy meets business-casual. Just her style, and (probably) appropriate for the people she'd be meeting later.

Touching up her makeup and checking herself out in the mirror, she picked up her purse and made her way out the door, confidence in her stride and curiosity in her mind.

She didn't really know what to expect, and she was eager to see just what—and who—was awaiting her arrival today.

Larysa's heels clicked against the abbey's diamond-patterned floor, the sound echoing throughout the halls, signalling her arrival.

She was ten minutes early, as she usually was whenever she had an appointment or meeting, and took these extra minutes to re-check her appearance in her compact mirror, and go over the points she wanted to cover once she and Sister Imperator—the one she'd been corresponding with these past few weeks—spoke.

The door she was now standing in front of opened, and Sister Imperator—polite smile not fully hiding her intimidating nature—greeted her and welcomed her inside.

"Nice to finally meet you, Miss Hotaling. Please, come in."

Larysa entered the room and immediately noticed the man sitting at the table, watching her with mismatched eyes. He had some stylized skull-paint on his face—which looked either cute or spooky, depending on the angle you viewed him from—and was dressed in a simple black suit. Well, relatively simple. Larysa recognized it as a Thierry Mugler creation, and its collar and hem were uniquely cut. This all went surprisingly well with his salt-and-pepper hair, and she was already beginning to get excited to talk to this man. Clearly, he was more interesting than Miss Imperator had let on.

She shook hands with Miss Imperator, and with the skull-painted man—Papa, he'd said?—who rose to greet her and lightly kissed the back of her hand.

Interesting fashion sense and a gentleman? Larysa's curiosity was now piqued even more.

Imperator motioned for them all to sit, and Larysa took a seat across from her and Papa, legs crossed and hands folded in her lap.

"So," Sister Imperator began, "Miss Hotaling, I'm happy to formally introduce you to our current head of the church, Papa Emeritus the Fourth." She gestured to Copia, smiling broadly.

Larysa smiled. "Hello, Papa. Nice to finally meet you."

"N-nice to meet you too, Miss Hotaling."

This man...Papa, actually sounded nervous. Though she was used to that kind of reaction (she often had that effect on people), she couldn't help but find it charming coming from him.

"Please," she replied, warmly, "Call me Larysa."

"Larysa." Imperator clapped her hands together. "Now that you've met our current Papa, I'd like to get to why we invited you here today..."

Larysa eyed the Satanic anti-pope as she listened to Sister Imperator's spiel. She'd heard it before, of course, but the Satanic sister was going over it again, adding more details here-and-there, filling in some blanks that she'd left out previously.

The current Papa needed to produce an heir at some point in the future, and to do that, he would need a partner, someone to carry and birth said heir. A 'Prime Mover', as Sister Imperator called it. And she had decided that Larysa was potentially perfect for the job.

Larysa wondered if the current Papa agreed, and decided that she would have to find out later, on her own; currently, the man across from her looked nervous, and like he was about to scurry out of the room, and possibly puke.

A funny contrast to his rather formal, well-dressed appearance. The skull makeup also wasn't looking particularly spooky at the moment, either. It was doing absolutely nothing to hide the anxious wrinkles or the bobbing of his Adam's apple as he swallowed nervously.

He looked kind of cute.

After her spiel, Sister Imperator stood up and clapped her hands together again.

"Well. Now that I've gone over the gist of it, I'll leave you two alone to get to know each other a little better."

The poor nervous Papa looked like he wanted to scream as Sister Imperator left the room, and Larysa made a mental note to try to put him at ease.

Poor guy. It's always awkward when your mother tries to set you up with someone.

Copia eyed the pretty blonde sitting opposite him, as he fiddled with his gloves in a subtle-but-nervous way.

And nervous he was. It had been Sister Imperator's idea (well, Papa Nihil's too, but mostly Imperator's) that he should find a Prime Mover soon; with the other Papas dead, and no one next in line after him, an heir would have to be made at some point in the future...which means he would need someone to gestate and give birth to that heir.

He had initially pushed back against the idea a little bit, but Sister Imperator convinced him that he really should give the idea a chance. Give her a chance—to find him a suitable candidate to be his Prime Mover.

So, he did. And after weeks of searching, interviews , and Satan knows what else she'd been doing...Imperator had cheerfully told him that she had finally narrowed it down to one person. A religious leader, like him. One touched by infernal forces, also like him. And beautiful.

So far, he could tell that that last part was accurate. The blonde sitting across from him—smiling politely, yet with a professional and cool demeanour—was indeed beautiful. Slender but still a bit curvy, leggy, blonde (duh), and a snappy dresser.

He was already tense about the whole thing, but seeing just how pretty she was in person? Definitely made it worse. As did her voice.

When she spoke to him, Copia had to suppress a little squeak. Satanas, even her voice was beautiful...slightly lower than her appearance would have you believe, and had just the tiniest hint of rasp to it, which was very sexy.

And her legs. Oh, Lucifer...her legs...

Copia found his gaze drifting to Larysa's legs. The form-fitting dress she was wearing ended a bit above her knees, and rode up just the tiniest bit as she sat. Which allowed him a decent view of her legs, which were long, elegant, and toned.

He found himself thinking about trailing a gloved hand up her leg, and wondered how she'd react to that. Would she shiver? Would she let out a little noise that was halfway to a moan? And what if he took off his gloves and touched her legs? He'd probably be the one making noise...

He swallowed and mentally shook himself from these thoughts. There would be time to indulge in the lust she was evoking in him, later. Right now, he had to focus.

He was looking for a potential Prime Mover, not a quick lay. He wanted to know more about her. He wanted to see if a bond could form between them. He wanted to see if he could, at some point, fall in love with her. And if she could fall in love with him.

First things first, though.

"S-So..." Copia cleared his throat, trying desperately to squash his nerves and focus on getting to know the woman across from him. "Miss Hotaling..."

"Larysa, please."

"Larysa," Copia corrected himself, before continuing, "Sister Imperator told me that you're the head of a Satanic cult?" He decided to start with something professional, then work his way up to the more personal questions.

"Yes." Larysa smiled. "I'm the Conjugal Mother of the Transnational Order of the Succubi. We're a sex cult of mostly women—and others—who worship Lilith."

"I see." Copia shuffled some papers in front of him—questions to ask and information he wanted more details on, he'd wanted to be prepared for this "interview".

"And, I see you are a also a regular mother? That is...you have a child?"

"A daughter. She's in university at the moment."

"Ah, very nice. A mother who values education." Copia hoped that didn't sound as condescending as he thought it did.

"I do," Larysa replied. "An educated women is an empowered woman."

"Damn right," Copia smiled, hoping that didn't sound as cheesy as he thought it did.

"Her name is Allie, by the way."

"Allie? Such a lovely name. She must look as lovely as you."

Larysa laughed. "She does, but she looks more like her father."

"I see." Copia's voice wavered a bit at that. He mentally smacked himself for it. Of course Larysa's daughter had a father—most people weren't capable of parthenogenesis, and he seriously doubted Larysa was an exception.

"He's not in the picture," she added, softly, clearly sensing his shift in mood.

"Oh, ah....I'm sorry to hear that." Copia tried to sound sympathetic, and mostly succeeded.

"Don't be." Larysa sat back in her chair, uncrossing her legs—giving Copia the briefest glimpse of what she was wearing under her tight black dress—and adopted a more casual posture. "He was more of a fling than a boyfriend. I don't really miss him. Anyway, he's in the past, and I'm looking to the future." She winked at him, and he felt himself blushing under his Papal paints.

"R-right..." he stammered, cursing himself for not being able to be more smooth and calm. How the heaven was he supposed to present himself as a good potential partner if he kept acting like...this??

His self-flagellating thoughts were interrupted when Larysa came over to sit next to him, and his heart raced upon finding her leaning in even closer. He looked up into her eyes and bit his lip.

She gently flicked a stray section of his bangs from his face; he'd decided to not gel it all back this morning, having taken Imperator's remarks on how it made him look "quite boyish" to heart, hoping the woman he was meeting—Larysa—would find it attractive. Judging by the way she was looking at him—like the way he looked at a good rigatoni dish—she did indeed. His breath caught in his throat.

"You don't have to be nervous around me," she said, soothingly. "I won't bite...until the second date."

Copia coughed out a laugh, head swimming when Larysa laughed with him. Satanas, that laugh...he already could get used to hearing it.

Hell, he could get used to her touch, her appearance, her...

He blinked as he remembered something she'd said earlier.

"You...you said were the head of the Transnational Order of the Succubi?" he asked.

"Yes."

"So...You are one? A succubus, I mean?"

Larysa shrugged a shoulder. "Eh, partly. I have an ancestor who was one, but that part of the bloodline was already kind of thin when it got to me."

Ah. That explained it. People with succubus blood were naturally charming and attractive. Larysa was clearly no different, in that regard.

And, clearly, even being Papa made him no different from the everyday people who were charmed and wooed by Larysa's kind.

"Does that bother you?"

Larysa's question shook Copia from his thoughts. He blinked and looked up at her.

"No! Of course not." He rubbed lightly at his face, careful not to smudge his paints. "I just...don't meet a lot of people like you."

"Ah." Larysa grinned, propping her elbow on the back of her chair and resting her cheek on her hand. "So, I'm special, then, am I?"

Copia smiled, tentatively reached to take her other hand in his, and brushed his lips over her knuckles, a dash of smugness swirling inside him as he noticed that her cheeks pinkened a slight bit.

"I think you just might be, Larysa."

Their eyes locked onto each other's for a moment, before Sister Imperator opened the door again.

#papa emeritus 4 #papa emeritus iv #the band ghost #the band ghost fanfiction #my writing #i never saw you coming #blank blogs dni #posting this again because the formatting on the original was shit

[kittykattropicanna]

Okay new Simon Riley AU but i need everyone to stick TF with me here

Retired!Reddit!Simon anyone????? NO BC HEAR ME OUT I PROMISE

Imagine Retired!Simon. his served for decades, in that time he meets reader, gets married, had kids, ect, ect, ect.

After he retires, his completely lost and out of his element. he cant work anymore due to his chronic back pain from year of service and integrating back into society permanently turns out is a lot harder then he originally anticipated.

he starts getting really, really depressed. Days start blending into each other and his three sons start to notice their dads is doing it really tough.

SOOOO they decided to make a reddit account for him. they make him join a bunch on military sub-reddits, maybe askreddit and things alike just so he can have something to do that isn't watching the football all day

he actually turns our to really, really like it. he can post all about this crazy military carrier, maybe even a little about this childhood (which he feels comfortable with because its all anonymous) and maybe even shares a little about his wife (reader) and three boys.

i can imagine after a while he starts gaining A LOT of popularity because holy shit his stories are so interesting and his lived such a crazy and inspiring life.

it becomes his way to connect with people that aren't just his wife and kids and he starts getting so much support from other people it really starts to boost his mood again.

i also imagine people start asking for dating advice and stuff from him because his always boasting about reader on his reddit. he kinda becomes an internet dad in some way 😭😭😭😭 like people genuinely trust him with their LIVES and i'm imaging some of his response are so fucking funny 😭😭😭😭😭

Maybe take it a step further and his sons create a youtube channel for him that he can make videos about this interests such as guns, car repairs, motorbikes, ect and the internet EATS THAT UP AS WELL bc absolutely massive hot ex SAS DILF that is obsessed with his wife and kids wearing a skin tight black tshirt and a balaclava while talking about this interests 😭😭 everyone loves him sm

like imagine his boys showing him tiktok edits of him and poor Si is so confused bc why is he watching himself get thirst trapped over on some strange app he had never heard of before 😭😭😭😭😭😭 his like 50 leave him ALONEEEEE

if this goes forward i plan to write a big chuck of it in a reddit sort of format almost like you were scrolling through the app and seeing him post. Readers would be Si's wife, so even though you would be reading the text in the third person, every time Si would mention his wife, he would be referring to you if that makes sense???????

idk please tell me if this is a little to niche 😭😭😭😭😭 am i cooked or a creative genius???? ill let you decided

#Retired!Reddit!Simon #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley fanfiction #simon ghost riley #simon riley #call of duty #ghost cod #simon ghost riley imagines #simon ghost riley smut #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley imagine #call of duty modern warfare #cod modern warfare #cod #cod mw2 #ghost x reader #ghost mw2 #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost x you #simon ghost smut #simon riley smut #simon riley imagine #simon riley x y/n #ghost call of duty #cod headcanons #fanfiction #fanfic #cod au

[inchidentally]

x. com/ln4norris/status/1785872795974652036 thoughts on this?

this is one of those instances where so many ppl have this wildly different take on smth and honestly myself and the moots I talk to didn't even… realize it could be taken any other way ??

I think part of this is also bc some ppl are pretty new to landoscar so I'll put more effort into replying to this than I normally would bc I genuinely didn't and still don't see this as being some dramatic thing that Lando said!

but for better reference, I've actually compiled the full clips from the person who posted them in their stories originally with two clips of Lando and Carlos separately saying how their F1 buddies are NOT the same as their actual private life friendships bc I think it helps contextualize what Lando is talking about here.

I think the funniest misinterpretation about this is ppl taking these Shared Activities as indicating deep and meaningful friendships and that therefore Lando doesn't have anything deep or meaningful with Oscar… just bc no padel or golf ?? lasjfgsjla

"we don't do as many things away from the circuit [as Lando does with other drivers like Carlos and Max]"

like. in what world is that him saying anything but … that ?? it's not deep ??

esp when it corroborates what Lando said in that clip about how his relationships with the drivers he’s friends with depend on shared activities and that they’re not his actual close friends the way Max F and all his buddies in London are (he even says in the video above that his friends are mostly in London not Monaco!) and Carlos corroborated the same thing!

so for one thing, the reason he's fine with saying this is because he doesn't see it as some huge thing that he doesn't happen to have with Oscar ?? bc it's not some deep meaningful thing that he hangs with other drivers sometimes outside of F1! they're buddies sure but they're not his private life friends. that's normal and healthy !!

but the other thing that's honestly funny is ppl deciding to misinterpret this as either Lando being a callous asshole to Oscar or again, taking rpf too seriously and thinking "yaayyy I can pretend Lando is secretly in love with/has a deep bond with/is fucking [insert driver here] and hates Oscar"

and like Carlos, Daniel and Lando literally have identical bromance formats with each other and other drivers which makes the whole rpf competition thing so hilariously dumb?? they all do the common hobbies thing, the playing gay for laughs thing, the posting every interaction to social media for fan engagement thing, the roughhousing physicality thing - all with at least 3-5 other drivers. and when you count up the like rpf ship points that these people use to say which one is "better" then m@xiel shits all the way on dand0 for bonding and being mutually invested and charl0s absolutely dunks on carland0 for gay physicality and mutual affection and norrib0n comes along and reminds ppl that Alex remains a hero to Lando and Lando still gets starry eyes over him in a way he never will for Carlos or Daniel etc etc etcccc

all of which still end up paling in comparison to the actual, deep relationships these guys have with their girlfriends and with their private life friends! the idea that Lando will ever love a male friend the way he does Max F is like going to a rakes lying down park and stamping around to get hit in the face repeatedly like why would you bother to be that stupid bffr

[sidenote that I am SO glad for Lando to say smth like this video if it drives those fans away from landoscar. no joke. we do NOT want them here and we do NOT want them treating Lily the way they treat Heidi and Rebecca and treated Luisa and Isa. please stay in carland0 and dand0 and whatever else with that l@rry stylins0n misogynistic, closeted gay men as a fetish shit]

the reality is that if Lando was just meh about Oscar and disinterested in spending any more time with him than he needed to then why would he even point this out ? why would he bother to point out - with even kind of an exasperated pout in his voice - that Oscar isn't interested in anything they can spend time together doing if he… doesn't want to spend time with Oscar anyway ??

exactly asfgsajgflagf

and for ppl who are new, literally the reason a lot of us are so Compelled is precisely bc Lando and Oscar don't follow the cookie cutter bromance format and their respect and interest in each other doesn't rely on common activities or playing into fan PR. they're literally the anti-PR partnership not bc they hate each other or have drama but bc every member of their team says how much they've bonded as drivers and that every time we get content of them together they're beaming at each other and seem to have all these cute little in-jokes and softness. but none of it is for show! none of it jumps off the screen or has them knowingly trying to bait fans!

their entire dynamic is for their own benefit alone and both of them have said how happy they are to have their future together settled for so many years. and the whole vibe of landoscar fandom is that we were all fine with the idea of them just being work friends! then Silverstone happened and the Austin filming happened etc etc. and now we're all watching it and writing fic and making gifs and edits bc landoscar is gentle and gradual and sweet and boyish and genuine.

it's been this gradual little dance between two guys who each have a unique preoccupation with each other but they don't do any of the usual blokey things to force a friendship. Lando's fixations on Oscar's name and his hair and how he's taller and bigger than him and the weirdly horny verbal burps that come out aren't something he does with any of his other driver friends. Oscar is so chilled about other drivers and doesn't even do the whole hero worship thing, yet his internet history about Lando is it's own extremely unique thing that has carried over as his teammate in a way he's never been about another driver.

they don't roughhouse or make fun of each other or push each other's buttons for fun and they don't even raise their voices around each other ?? everything is so gentle and not macho at all ! Lando strangely feels awkward and looks right at Oscar to explain why he diverted to visit Daniel with Martin as a spontaneous unplanned thing even though Oscar wasn't even in Australia anymore when that happened and Oscar didn't even feel like it needed to be explained! Oscar learns and adapts to what Lando feels sensitive about and needs some help with and sometimes even keeps an eye out for his physical well being.

and I think something that has kind of been missed entirely is that the context for the latest video was Lando saying how he's always been the youngest or least experienced in a driver friendship dynamic and - as he's said many times before! - he finds the idea of having to be the older experienced leader not at all comfortable!

which leads to smth a lot of us have always found the sweetest part of the 814 dynamic, the fact that Lando realized early on that he doesn't have to Try with Oscar and he can just exist in his feelings with Oscar and Oscar does not push and he does not get annoyed or weird or offended! and that means that Lando is yes, free to be the full range of bratty to sweetheart and everything in between bc Oscar will just smile at him and be patient. but !! it also means that unless Lando uses his words or takes charge, Oscar will remain in that quiet patient position in their dynamic and won't presume to take charge.

so Lando wishes Oscar would be the older one and take the initiative and now he's in a pickle where he's saying they only don't hang out bc Oscar won't share an interest with him and you can see for a second he knows what he's saying isn't true bc they all talked on a fan stage about a padel competition between Williams and McLaren and he remembers inviting Oscar out to golf at the last minute one time and that Oscar only declined bc he doesn't know how to play and didn't want to hold everyone up but ugh !!! like that is SUCH a Lando situation to get himself into and to somehow be mad at Oscar about <3<3

but ever since Oscar arrived with very little fanfare and decided not to draw too much attention to himself until literally recently, when the Alpine drama was finally firmly behind him, he's been so intent on showing his deference to Lando and even as lately as the place swap in Melbourne that he fully understands the driver dynamics within the team and respects it. and the thing is that Oscar genuinely is so happy to wait and see what Lando wants or needs that it would never remotely occur to him to push or insert himself into Lando's social life unless invited!

so yes, being a fan of landoscar is just like this! it'll never be the PR friendly bromance or the l@rry stylins0n conspiracy theory.

and yep weirdly enough for how so many ppl are taking it, this video for us is so sweet bc Lando's publicly muddling around about why won't Oscar do a mutual interest with him but also already having admitted that he's not good at taking the role that he needs to and pulling Oscar along into his social life the way Carlos, Daniel, Max etc have always done with him - all while Oscar is oblivious and doesn't think anything is even wrong ! and oh boy, Oscar being too literal and not being the type to be pushy ends up assuming he's doing the right thing by not trying to invite himself along to anything with Lando!

like, this is how it goes! if you want the whole bromance catering precisely to your ship needs OR you're hunting for huge drama and simmering resentments that turn into huge drama then this is NOT the place for you lasfgalfg

don't get me wrong I eat up the bromances and the doomed drama partnerships too but I just don't find them worth writing all these stupid posts about like I do w landoscar bc those partnerships are what you see is what you get. apparently what gets me going is The Yearning and The Miscommunication.

#inchreplies #landoscar #twinklaren #mctwinks #apparently ppl are posting wank in the main tags so I'm sticking this in there for counterbalance saflgjsal #mine

[genericpuff]

The Mishandling of LO’s S3 Mi(n)season Hiatus - Part 3 1/2

Here we go, Part 3 of my analysis of the current FP episodes - a three-parter episode set leading up to the midseason finale of LO.

Part 1

Part 2

Truth is, I had actually forgotten a lot of the weird (and very stupid) shit that happened in this episode, that I thought Episodes 251 and 252 had already offered up the worst that this three parter set could dish out. Boy, was I wrong, because when I went back to check out Episode 253, I was reminded of a reality that my brain had wiped out in an attempt to protect my withering psyche-

I also forgot just how long this episode is. It's so long that I frankly can't even fit it all into this post, so this is gonna be part 3 1/2.

Anyways, let's just get on with it. This is the final stop on our trip into absolute nonsense.

CAUTION: THIS IS PART 3 OF A 3 PART SERIES IN WHICH I WILL BE SPOILING MUCH OF EPISODES 251-253. THIS WILL BE A LONG POST. BRACE YOURSELF.

Well, it's the midseason finale, and what better way to open it up than with the final title card-

Typo and all. It wouldn't be an LO episode without one. Granted, IIRC this typo has been edited out, but the version of the screenshots I have from it feature it in all its original unedited glory. So enjoy that.

And yes, just like the last two times, the title itself only applies to the final cliffhanger, which is an absolute doozy especially for those who were there to experience it in real time.

This is already a bit of a wild opening compared to the last two episodes, but it's quickly revealed that this is laying the foundation for the prophecy that Psyche gave to Apollo back in Episode 252. In true LO fashion, the story can't actually be linear in any regard, we're always segmented from pieces of information at a time. Loyal fans will call this a "writing style", I call it Rachel just trying to get another 70 cents out of me.

That said, I will say the art here is fairly decent, but I think that just goes to show that LO's one of worst features these days - ironically enough - is its coloring. What began as its strongest feature has now become one of its biggest weaknesses due to the sheer laziness in its rendering and the colors become more and more saturated into the grotesque over time. So at this point, you pretty much have to rob these characters of their colors to make them look decent, and of course at that point it just further highlights Rachel's same-face problems. She definitely tried to make them look distinguishable here, at least, with Hestia and Poseidon being the most unique.

Now, this isn't the first time that we've heard of this herb being referenced - it was stated by Hades that Hera was the one to originally poison Kronos with the herb after gaining his trust - but to see it suddenly just pop up and play a role again out of nowhere already gives me a bad feeling in my stomach. It feels like yet another plot device - especially when presented in this type of format - that Rachel is suddenly using to try and seem "unique" in her writing, much like the strange narration we got back during the "Run For Your Life" sequence. It's just once again LO lacking any specific identity, it's always trying to be a million other things at once.

I will say, much of this in and of itself is panel filler. Why? Because the location of the herb doesn't matter. You'll see what I mean in a moment, but the mentioning of Anthedon plays no role here, it's just yet another obligatory "see, I know how to Google things!" lip service moment from Rachel "self-proclaimed folklorist" Smythe.

Anyways, Eros is perplexed by this but Psyche immediately catches on, knowing right away that Apollo is going for Zeus. And this is where we get yet another one of the dumbest sequences in this comic.

(see what I mean that the location of the herb doesn't matter? Because Apollo already got it and laced it into the cupcake).

Now, first of all, the fact that Eros and Psyche believe Kassandra's prophecy is already hilarious in and of itself, because ... well, because it literally defeats the point of her establishing it as a curse in the previous episode. Unless it only works on mortals? It never stated as such, so we literally just have to go with it and pretend not to notice that.

But most of all, of course LO had to play this off as some joke. Like, "hahaha how awkward! I've already eaten the cupcake!" and he still doesn't seem to really be in shock. Zeus has seen what this herb has done to gods before him, and yet his reaction to this is akin to a dad getting upset that he stepped LEGO's that he asked his kid 20 times to pick up off the floor. The whole "record scratch" style formatting of this followed by Zeus' lack of reaction just really makes me not care about any of this, because clearly the story doesn't care either.

But we don't see who he makes these calls to because the comic, of course, can't spend any longer than 10 panels on a single scene, so we cut to Hades and Persephone.

Again, I don't know what the point was of having Hera relay this information to Persephone for her to relay to Hades, aside from the fact that Rachel needed to act smart with Therapy Speak that didn't even apply to Hera's situation (as we talked about in the last part). They gotta make Persephone the center of everyone's world though, so it's Persephone who's delivering this info and trying to come up with the solution.

Hades, though, wants to focus on his wife's birthday the commemoration of spring.

SIR. THE WOMAN YOU WERE IN AN AFFAIR WITH SINCE BEFORE YOUR WIFE WAS BORN IS CURRENTLY GRAPPLING WITH YOUR FATHER WHO ABUSED HER AND IS NOW HAUNTING HER. THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR FLUFFY ROMANCE TIME. THERE IS A CHILD BEING HELD CAPTIVE IN TARTARUS AND LITERALLY NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE.

Anyways, apparently (for some reason) Hades is the one who has to go meet Demeter out front. Even though Hades has literally NOTHING to do with this ceremony, it's not his domain, but Persephone literally says "yep, that's correct" when he asks if he needs to go out to meet Demeter.

This just feels like such a pointless conversation and I don't get what the point of this exact exchange is. Again, this isn't Hades' domain, so I don't see why he needs to be the one to go meet with Demeter.

But then, of course, to make matters worse, this man has the absolute audacity to pretend like he's never done anything wrong to Demeter. As if she should be obligated to be cool with sharing a bench with this man who literally terrorized her for years and then essentially groomed her daughter.

I hate him so fucking much and I can't believe we're supposed to be rooting for him. He has not undergone ANY of the character development necessary for me to want to care about him.

Anyways, Hades has a seat with Demeter, and the conversation is very brief before Hades says that he has a gift for her. And what is it, exactly?

Oh great, Hades. Sure wish you would have had this consideration hundreds of years ago. I fail to see what good this does for her now because it doesn't change the fact that he still cost her the role of Queen of the Mortal Realm and treated her like shit for hundreds of years. This comes across as such a shallow and empty "apology" because it's barely even a "gift", rather something she was OWED back then that he didn't want to hand over for his own selfish reasons. He still comes out the winner here because he's gotten to spend thousands of years being a rich slave-driving oligarch while Demeter has had to maintain the Mortal Realm on her own even without the glory of having a title.

I especially detest this "twist" because it's less of a twist and Rachel finally accepting the fact she couldn't come up with anything better than what her fans had to come up with for her. If this had been the fact the whole time, we would have seen it established back when we first got those flashbacks showing Hades being a total prick to her over the volcanoes. Instead, Rachel dragged it out for weeks and weeks until finally dumping this "twist" that her fans had been talking about all that time. This is yet another one of those "Rachel used her fanbase to come up with her ideas" moments. I know that that seems a little mean and presumptuous, but the fact of the matter is that the writing in this story is such an absolute mess that you just know Rachel's writing by the seat of her pants and has to rely on her audience's headcanons to actually fill in the gaps of her story. Most of the time when people commend her for the "great storytelling" in LO, what they're referring to are things they came up with entirely on their own because of how easy it is to just make assumptions about LO's storyline. Rachel benefits off the story being as vague as possible because then her fanbase will fill in the gaps with their own assumptions and give her all the credit for an idea they came up with.

By the way, to the "self-proclaimed folklorist" who wrote this, the volcanoes were really just entrances into the Underworld. Hades did not own them. They were owned by Hephaestus. And I would argue that the volcanoes were only seen as "entrances" into the Underworld because, fun fact - if you jump into a volcano, you die!

Hades frames his reasoning as feeling like Demeter was pushing him out of the Mortal Realm, but this makes no sense because none of that is on her. He claims that he felt like an "outsider" but the reality is that he made himself that way. He resigned himself to being King of the Underworld, he ate the pomegranate and made the deal with Erebus, and even he stated that he could still actually leave the Underworld, just not for long periods of time. So he was the only one keeping himself away from the Mortal Realm, not Demeter. We even see that in the VHS tape flashbacks where Hades stumbles onto Demeter's property and she lets him sleep it off in her home. So this whole sob story about how he felt "pushed out" by Demeter is such a bad take from someone who's routinely known to make himself out to be the victim. Because Hades can't have an actual reputation for a reason, no, this is a "retelling" told by someone who got all their Greek myth info off Tumblr circa 2016 and the front page of Google, so Hades has to be the misunderstood uwu sad underdog. Even though he routinely does things that reinforce the reputation he has within the comic, like being a slave driver, abusing lower class nymphs, and grooming teenagers.

Minthe showing up for a split second in the background is the best this comic has been since S2. We stan our girl Minthe, fucking run girl, do what Persephone couldn't do. She's the real hero of this story (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

And honestly, I'm sorry, but Demeter really SHOULDN'T be taking the high ground on this. She has more than enough reason to be upset. For a comic that tries to celebrate feminism and holding abusive men accountable, it sure is willing to make the women - often victims of the men - the real villains who have to "do better". Except for Persephone of course. Persephone is married into the system now, she doesn't have to "do better", she's a "boss babe" for being abusive and petty and undeserving of her status because she's the self-insert Y/N character.

So the ceremony for commencing Spring begins. I gotta say, for the final major scene of the mi(n)season finale, the art is severely underwhelming. You can really tell the difference between S3 and S1 art here, there's barely anything extra done to make this scene even half as impactful as the most basic of scenes from S1.

Like, it's fine, but it still feels so half-baked and rushed to attempt to replicate the kind of art that's been gone from the series for years now. The full sequence itself is actually quite lengthy, with a lot of nymph hands just moving around and playing instruments, but it's about as bland as any other panel, so it makes the sequence itself feel dragged out and boring.

This is about as pretty as the sequence gets and it's still not even as good as the original Dread Queen transformation. There's barely any rendering in the skin, and they couldn't even be bothered to make the hands look normal. It's like it's trying so hard to be "original LO" but is fundamentally missing the point of what made the original LO so captivating.

But oh noooo, looks like Persephone did a bad!

Are they actually gonna give her some kind of flaw? Are we gonna FINALLY gonna find out what she traded to Erebus?

No. We're just gonna make her the cause of winter.

Spaghettios.

And that's where I'm leaving this review for now because, as mentioned in the beginning, this episode is a LOT longer than I remember it being. There's still a whole ass segment with Apollo that we need to cover and I don't want to leave it out but I also don't want to do it entirely in text format and I've hit that pesky image limit. So I'll be posting that second part as soon as I can!

That said, I really can't stand this "subversion" by making Persephone the reason for winter.

First of all, because this is a common problem in a lot of H x P "retellings", as many of them fundamentally miss the point of why Persephone is the "Goddess of Spring".

Persephone was not born the "Goddess of Spring". She was born Kore (Κόρη), a maiden born from Demeter. It wasn't until after she was taken by Hades that Demeter, in her grief, took away the harvest and created winter. It was the return of Persephone every six months that brought about the spring, hence, she earned the name, "Goddess of Spring". What these retellings COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTAND is that the gods aren't 'born' with their titles, they're granted these titles by the mortals who comprehend them and write of them as harbingers of their respective elements, stories, and messages. Zeus wasn't "born" the God of the Sky and Heavens, he was granted that title after he overthrew Kronos and took the Heavens for himself. Hades wasn't "born" the God of the Underworld and the Dead, he was granted that title after he became the ruler of the domain of death.

Where these retellings really fuck up is constantly trying to "subvert" the H x P myth in an attempt to romanticize it, thus undoing the point of why Persephone is called "The Goddess of Spring". A Touch of Darkness also made this mistake by putting a "twist" on Persephone's character by having her start out as someone who couldn't make things grow. But if she sucks at making things grow, then why is she still referred to as The Goddess of Spring? In LO, Hades is referred to as "Grandpa Winter" and the seasons already seem to exist as we saw in this episode through the ceremony, so why has she been called "The Goddess of Spring" this whole time?

But I also can't stand this "subversion" because it fundamentally misunderstands the very myth it's trying to "retell". By giving Persephone the "curse" of creating winter, it further robs Demeter of her own agency in this story, more than it already has. It wasn't enough to make Demeter a helicopter mom, it wasn't enough to drive an actual rift between her and her daughter, they had to take away Demeter's entire role in the story and the creation of the seasons and give it to Persephone.

And this is, surprisingly enough, NOT the first time the comic has done this. There are many traits associated with different gods that have been given to Persephone and Hades. The volcanoes belong to Hades rather than Hephaestus, Persephone is "more beautiful than Aphrodite", Thanatos' and Psyche's butterfly symbolism is given to both Hades and Persephone, Aphrodite's symbolism of roses is given to Persephone, the list goes on. Every single plotline has to involve Persephone as the hero, and every single attribute that's commonly associated with other gods has to be granted to H x P in some way to make them better and more interesting than every other cast member in the comic, and yet they still come across as vapid and boring protagonists with nothing to show for themselves.

So to give the ONE thing from the source material that made LO what it is, it comes across as so unbearably cruel.

But then again, we should have seen this coming. After all, Rachel does not cite this as a retelling of The Hymn to Demeter. She simply refers to it as its more unofficial name: The Taking of Persephone.

Look, I get it, the story is meant to be told from Persephone's POV (or at least through the lens of her being the main character) so I can understand why Rachel may have chosen to reword this to make it more clear. But it's really depressing that she went to such an extent with making it about Persephone that she had to rob one of the most integral character of her moment and retribution. Especially when one of the only books in her cited "research" that's primarily about Persephone is, shocked, The Hymn to Demeter, which is listed at the very bottom of every "research" list you can find in LO's history.

LO should have just stayed as self-indulgent fluff. This isn't "subversion", this isn't a "twist", it's just yet another item on the list of making Persephone the most Important One of all. Even when it attempts to be a 'flaw', it fails tremendously by acting as yet another aspect of her being a Mary Sue, because her 'flaw' has come at the cost of another character's story, identity, and strengths. What was originally a tale of grief, retribution, and standing up against a patriarchal system, has now been warped into a consequence of a muddied plot that doesn't have anywhere left to go. For a story that claims to be "feminist", it has ironically missed the original point of its source material entirely, and completely robbed itself of the feminine strength it could have had if it hadn't tried to be "subversive".

I don't really have anything much more to say than that. I could leave it here for good, but we do still have that extra segment to talk about that covers the actual final cliffhanger in this episode, so... we'll see you on the other side.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus

[poetrysmackdown]

some informal thoughts

hello! hope the holiday season has been kind to all of you. and i hope all my jewish followers had a lovely hanukkah! anyways, since i said a few months ago that i’d pick poetry smackdown back up sometime around this time of year, i thought i should make a post. the gist of it is that i’m still quite busy, i have a break that’s about three weeks shorter than I was planning on, and i don’t currently have the mental bandwidth required to read, contemplate, and sort through poem submissions in a way that does justice to them, even if i were to recruit some friends to help out. since running a tournament format requires at least five weeks of continued engagement once it’s underway, and since i’m not at capacity to offer that right now due to the change in my schedule, i’m gonna have to bow out for now. sad bc i was looking forward to it!

my hope is that i’ll have some more time over the summer to hunker down with it, in which case you’ll be hearing from me. it’ll frankly depend on the kind of job i land in for the summer, but i find that my unemployed spirit can typically keep me doing stupid shit regardless of workload...to a point. i don’t want to make any promises because i don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up just to let them down again LOL. i do admit the amount of exposure the first tournament got has made me feel like more of a perfectionist this time around, doubly because i don’t feel that i’m very suited to being a public online presence (even a relatively quite small one)—i’m bad enough at responding to emails for my own real life responsibilities, let alone tumblr asks for the silly responsibilities i invent for myself lol. that’s not to say i no longer want to do it, or i don’t enjoy it, or even that i don’t feel capable of making a really interesting bracket—just that if i am working to put something new together, and if people are taking the time to submit poems they care about, then i don’t want to half-ass it.

my second admission is something like this. I made the original bracket as a celebration of poetry and our relationships to it. yes it was silly and competitive, and the poems were very tumblr, but still, celebration was the intention—I wanted to have conversations about poetry. I stand by the bracket format as a fun and valuable way to foster conversations about poetry, but truthfully, the poems i’m wanting to have conversations about right now—the poems that we should be talking about right now—are ones that i'm not comfortable putting in a bracket. I reblogged The Baffler’s Poems from Palestine collection on here earlier, and Najwan Darwish’s “Who Remembers The Armenians?”, which I still often find repeating through my head when I'm traveling from one place to another, walking home or riding the bus. I came across this beautiful thread recently where people have been translating Dr. Refaat Alareer’s “If I Must Die” into their own languages (this just makes my translator's heart sing!!!!!!). @havingapoemwithyou has been posting some great poems from and for Palestine as well—check out their tag here.

There's always more to add, and I'll be posting more on here as I come across it, but that's what I feel anyone should be focusing on right now when it comes to poetry. i think poetry can be an escape but it should never be a distraction. does that make sense? i wouldn't be against doing a one-off poll here or there, but it feels weird to be making a tournament for poetry right now, or anytime soon. i feel like what free time i have right now is still best utilized helping my friends with organizing in the real world. and god, a bit off-topic but while I'm talking, fuck poetry foundation—I have so much respect for all the poets keeping up the boycott, because while i think it's a simple decision, it's not always an easy one (Aurielle Lucier discussed that here).

anyways, if you read all of this, thank you for your time!! I could go on and on, but really this was just meant to be a message telling y'all that there won't be another tournament for a while lol. even so i'll be trying to use this small silly platform as best i can until palestine is free because that's the absolute least i can do.

#not a poll #also i'm closing my ask box for now because i know i don't have the bandwidth to answer anything rn. sorry :( #but feel free to reply here with your thoughts and any resources and i'll do my best to respond #or even messages might be fine. something about the ask format just gives me anxiety sometimes lmao #cannot stress this enough i am so so so bad at responding to things #even when i want to or enjoy doing it

[bartxnhood]

sorry’s never enough | c.h

calum hood x fem!reader

summary: you’re betrayed again by your boyfriend, who just can’t seem to keep his promise

warnings: angst, no happy ending, kinda toxic relationship, arguing (it’s a short one)

a/n: surprise ! this is kinda weird for me to post randomly and not tell anyone but i this randomly hit me. also i feel like i should note, i know i’ve written many fics of this scenario and it seems to be a common theme with calum fics but this in no way shape or form represents calum hood as a person. this is strictly fiction and written for entertainment purposes. thank you.

not proofread

requests open

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you should’ve expected it, from the moment he stepped out the door and got on that plane. you should’ve known better.

he was going to do it, it was only a matter of time before the evidence got back to you. it was just a waiting game for you. would he keep his promise?

no. he doesn’t care.

that morning you woke up, like usual, nothing was out of the ordinary. you got out of bed, made it, and took duke outside to do his business. everything was going normally. until it wasn’t.

you finished breakfast, put away the dirty dishes, and decided to take a scroll on your phone. your boyfriend's tour was coming to an end and it had been one beautiful tour. he seemed to be having the time of his life, and he was even happier it seemed. and it made you feel better about your relationship. you thought, for just a second, that maybe, just maybe, he kept his word.

but when you got the notification from sierra your heart sank. the pictures and the videos of calum at a bar with another girl. his arm slung around her waist as he kisses her, his hand on her jaw. it made you feel sick to your stomach, looking at the photos. sierras message ended with ‘im sorry, hun.’ you felt the tears swelling in your eyes and the aching in your chest had returned.

how could he do this to you?

“hey babe” calum enters the house, walks to you and presses a kiss on your cheek. he noticed you didn’t acknowledge him, so as he was setting his bags down he turned to you. “is everything okay?” you laid your phone down on the counter and slid it over to him. “i don’t know, is it?” you asked, your voice stung like venom. calum looks down at the phone which revealed an article that read: “calum hood spotted with mystery girl at a london nightclub. what happened with his girlfriend? or now, ex-girlfriend’

you saw his expression sour, pushing the phone back towards you. “so?” you asked again. he had no answer, and you saw the gears turning in his head trying to come up with another excuse. “i’m sorry.”

that’s all he had to say? after everything? everything you’ve done for him. all the sacrifices you made just to be with him. that’s all? "don't apologize if you are just going to keep doing this shit, apologize when you're actually going to change because im tired of having my hopes crushed every time" you were livid, your chest burned with anger. even looking at him made your feel sick. calum tan his fingers through his hair, huffing quietly. “if you would ever go on tour with us, this would never happen.” "oh, so i'm the one at fault?" "that's not what i'm saying-" "well, it jolly well sure sounds like it!"

“I don't want to do this with you." "that's what you always say whenever I'm trying to talk some sense into you." you rubbed your temples. talking was him wasn’t always this hard, in the beginning, he was the most caring person but as time went on he grew distant. “i’ve given you my life, calum. i made sacrifices for us to be together. i dropped everything just to be with you, you choose to do this to me? after everything?”

you heard a groan come from his side followed by yet another huff. this wasn’t the first time calum had cheated on you, and you should’ve known it wouldn’t be the last time either but you chose to talk it out and overcome the pain and suffering. you thought it had worked, but obviously, it didn’t. “i never asked you to do anything of that either, y/n. you chose to put your life on hold because of me. i didn’t”

“and you never stopped me!” you yelled, throwing your hands up in the air. “what do you want from me, calum? am i not good enough for you anymore? what am i doing wrong, please just tell me!” by this point, you were starting to break. tears welled in your eyes and your face flushed red. “it isn’t you.” he stated matter-a-factly. you couldn’t help but laugh at his response. “it isn’t me?” you repeated, and once again pushed your phone towards him. “the evidence proves otherwise cal.”

calum knew he was hurting you, he knew he put you through hell and back and that you didn’t deserve it. there was no excuse for what he did to you, he just never wanted to face the truth. “you never change do you, calum? you never fucking change.” you snatched your phone away from the counter, and looked at him one last time. “i’ve had enough, calum. i’m done. i can’t believe i loved you” you pointed in his face, and maybe it came out harsher than expected but at that point, you were so tired.

his eyes shot up at the word ‘loved’ it made his heart stop. surely he heard that wrong, right? “loved?” he asked, following you into the hallway where you were heading but you didn’t respond. you entered the shared bedroom “i’ve been pretending to love you for a long time, calum.” he saw the bags sitting atop the bed. two duffel bags and a large suitcase, “what do you mean?”

a dry chuckle left your throat, “i mean, i’ve been faking it since the first time you done this, i thought for a while that you had changed but obviously you didn’t. and frankly i’m tired of waiting time hoping you’d come around.” you grab a few of the bags ready to head out the door as your friend had texted you that she was on her way. “calum, i did love you. i loved you for years, and maybe we were meant to be together but i can trust you when you go out and get with these other girls. i’m sorry”. you pressed the softest kiss on his cheek.

“don’t come looking for me, just focus on yourself, calum.”

you saw the tears in his eyes, he was guilty and regretful for what he has done to you. “i’m sorry.” you nod, “i know you are.”

#calum hood angst #calum 5sos #calum hood fluff #calum hood #calum hood x reader #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagine #calum hood 5sos #calum hood blurbs #5sos fan fiction #5sos fluff #5sos fan fic #5sos fic #5sos smut

[shuttershocky]

I don't know much about Rainbow Six, so give me your best guess: How's this SECOND group of Rainbow Six people getting isekai'd into Terra?

There's two ways they can go about it!

The first would be Hypergryph making their own original story elements once again. Although a sci-fi, Rainbow Six was still somewhat grounded as military fiction and R6: Siege did not feature mad scientists creating zombies with interdimensional cancer rocks. All that was stuff that Hypergryph added in themselves. Funnily enough, after Originium Dust, Rainbow would then go on to actually do more fantasy shit themselves, introducing alien monsters in a post apocalyptic future in Rainbow Six: Extraction.

HG could easily make up a new story about Ela informing the rest of Rainbow about Ash, Tachanka, Blitz, and Frost's disappearance in the lab, and their investigation into portal technology leads to another group getting stuck inside Terra.

The second way would be actually using the ongoing storyline as a jumping off point.

In Rainbow Six: Siege, Rainbow has currently broken up into two rival factions: Rainbow, and Nighthaven. Rainbow is led by Ash, while Nighthaven is led by Kali.

The story goes that Nighthaven was originally a PMC founded by Kali, the scion of a wealthy family and a martial artist that was nevertheless barred from joining combat units in the Indian military due to being a woman. Her partnership with a genius inventor called Osa led to Nighthaven becoming an incredibly influential and powerful organization with tech that rivaled Rainbow's, which was ridiculous given that Rainbow as a unit was backed by like, every country in the world.

To prevent a potential conflict should Nighthaven end up being hired by a supervillain or whatever, the head of Rainbow, Six, instead decided to hire Nighthaven and invited them to officially become Rainbow operators. Kali agreed, so they merged into one unit.

The Rainbow and Nighthaven operators got along, but Ash and Kali didn't. Kali eventually planned to leave Rainbow and go private again after a couple of years, but not before courting the other Rainbow operators with the idea of joining her instead.

A certain event saw Ash and Kali beat each other up, and then Kali decided it was time to go and removed Nighthaven from Rainbow, while successfully poaching a bunch of their operators. Six was assassinated by an unrelated villain afterwards, leaving Rainbow in really dire straits as an organization. With a lot of their manpower gone and the unrelated villain turning out to be a former rogue Rainbow member, they're pretty screwed right now. Perhaps even more so now that four of their remaining members got teleported into Catgirl world.

Now, while Fuze was not one of the Rainbow operators who defected to Nighthaven, he WAS one of those that Kali tried to recruit. One of the NPCs from Originium Dust, Ela, DID end up joining Kali too. I can see an approach where Rainbow sucks up its pride asks Nighthaven for help locating their missing members, and Kali agrees because Osa (who is a big 60s sci-fi nut) hears the words "teleportation" and demands to study the remains of Dr. Levi's lab. Hell, she'd probably want to study Originium too.

Osa could recreate and stabilize the portal creation, then they send in a team to explore the alien catgirl world.

Maybe Kali goes too. She's one of the easiest fits into the Arknights tower defense format (she's a sniper in Siege) and she'll get to beat up Ash in another world too while also lording it over Rainbow for rescuing them.

#arknights

[impunkster-syndrome]

I want to open pride month with saying sometimes it's not bigotry- you're just wrong. And that's okay. Disagreement is not always bigotry (I've seen people say that having transmasc headcanons of characters they personally see as transfem is bigotry, and a person claim that wanting them to take down a stolen post from a transmasc that they made without credit to the original author or consent is transmisandry), because if you see it that way, then everyone but yourself and those you deem "safe" is a potential malicious bigot out to hurt you. It isolates people and leads to the formation of high control groups.

People can say bigoted shit without that making them inherently evil, too. So many of these discussions, mostly what I see in the transmisogyny tag, do have people that say bigoted things towards the "other" side. I see posts blaming transmascs for transmisogyny. I see posts blaming transfems for transandrophobia. I see posts blaming binary trans people for exorsexism. All of these are wrong and bigoted. But those people can learn how to be less bigoted if they want to. It's usually lashing out at the wrong group for the bigotry and treating bigotry as an inherent sin and not something that is systemic and everyone contributes to, even those oppressed by those systems if they don't unlearn bigotry. Just like how being trans doesn't make you immune to being transphobic in any way.

Tumblr leftists tend to really love the punchy "Haha gotcha!" type of posts about bigotry that ignore nuance, because they feed into a black and white view of the world and of oppression. That's alt-right tactics. When people make posts like "Sure you're a fagdyke, but are you normal about trans women" it functions to push the reader to ignore that trans women who do identify as fagdykes are out there, and trying to create a bigotry binary denies them their experiences. It paints an identity as the source of bigotry in the hypothetical, which is gender essentialist. Watch the rhetoric in what you reblog and post. It does matter because there's probably going to be someone who is that hypothetical that sees it if it gets popular, and seeing so many people agree that their identity is inherently evil is not fun to feel or can make someone closet themselves again. The closet isn't good for anyone.

#exorsexism #transandrophobia #transmisogyny #pride #queer

[cleolinda]

Weekend links, April 21, 2024

My posts

Initially I wrote, “I ran my mouth about the Watcher streaming/paywall situation because I make bad decisions,” but I think the post has actually gone over well? In short, I want to see them succeed but I am also deeply fuckin’ baffled. I so desperately want the tea about what was really going on behind all this, and how the guys are reacting to it now, and I really hope they can turn this around somehow. 

Side note, Friday was CHAOTIC. 

Reblogs of interest

The Hot Vintage Lady Polls are escalating in round four. We got to a point where I posted propaganda for Ava Gardner AND Dorothy Dandridge in their matchup. Probably the biggest scandal of round three was Vivien Leigh getting knocked out, but she’s now High Chancellor of the Shadow Realm. The most contentious matchup this time seems to be Judy Garland vs Natalie Wood, which is nearly 50/50 as of this writing. But keep your eye on Hedy Lamarr, who may have Mifune Sweep energy. 

(I think I love these brackets for the same reason I love Dracula Daily: it’s delightful that thousands of people on Tumblr actually have deeply-held opinions about things from many decades ago, and if they didn’t before, they do now.)

(“I’m Katharine Hepburn, and this is Jackass!”)

--

Happy Bread Day (Observed)!

Hozier Watch 2024: “Why Would You Be Loved” has arrived on the Wasteland, Baby! special edition. I like this post about how that song is in conversation with “No Plan,” one of my favorites. (I wrote about “Movement” a while ago, but I could have fully inflicted an essay on you about how “No Plan” pulled me out of my six years of hiding from the internet. Anyway, it’s a great album from a few years ago, check it out if you haven’t.) 

Generally I keep my mouth shut about Taylor Swift, but the new songs sure have some lyrics. I love Florence Welch, but I’m scared.

You’ve heard of spoon theory, now check out spell slot theory

“You’re either frolicking in this field with me, or...” is funny, but then you get to the reblog.

What if we lay in this field together and held feet

A deep breach of etiquette with a little dog named Gucio

A story about statue vandalism with a delightful twist

You gotta fight mint with mint (like I can bring in my lemon balm, but at what cost?) 

I saw this post about feeding wild skeletons on Pinterest and I loved it so much that I tracked down the original. 

Once again, Holy Shit, Two Cakes theory

Remember the haunted house I grew up in? Yeah, it had a carpeted bathroom like this.

“gonna start formatting my posts like fics on ff.net circa 2008” will do you exactly the psychic damage you’re imagining 

The Round Table attempts to use Zoom

Video

Lil Nas X covers “Jolene,” Dolly Parton loves it, and @oscar-wet-and-wilde has further Black Country recs

A big loud steppy

“He’s retrieving”

Crispy meows

Watching this angel of a Doberman get a full spa treatment is also self care

AND YOU DARE SAY NO MORE TREATS??!?

The sacred texts

I don’t like thing, now with artist credit 

Personal tags of the week

I love when I can use a really niche, specific tag, and this week, it’s mouth perfect size for meme, with a little shaped on the side.

#weekend links #odds and ends #linkspam

[insoukokuhell-434]

Soukoku Fic Rec - FLUFF :]

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link) Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

30 Kisses - setosdarkness

19.2k ALL AGES - AU AU - Modern: No Powers, Childhood Friends, High School, College/University Fluff and Humor, Developing Relationship, Getting together, Poet Chuuya, Port Mafia Boss Dazai, skk's unconventional mating rituals, Ficlet Collection, 30 kisses challenge

From summary: "30 kisses between Dazai and Chuuya, starting from highschool, all the way to adulthood.

It starts when Dazai steals Chuuya's first kiss and Chuuya convinces himself it's just how alien mackerels greet each other…"

it must be because i love you - communist_sasuke

5k MAFIA SKK (15, SB), 22 SKK Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Dazai is Whipped, Developing Relationship, Post-Corruption Ability Use, First kiss

From summary: "(Or: A series of incidents in which Dazai and Chuuya can't gather their thoughts around each other, and a couple of clues as to why.)"

Chuuya Nakahara's Guide to Winning Gay Chicken - Zombiemarker

9k ALL AGES Gay chicken, canon compliant, they're both idiots, Kouyou is the best

From tags: World's longest running game of gay chicken, because they're both emotionally stunted teenagers who are far too competitive for their own good, at least it works out for them

Happily (n)Ever After - Memos

14k  22 SKK + flashbacks Romantic Comedy, Light Angst, Bad Decisions, Alcohol, Suggestive Themes, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Assault With Flowers, Don't Be Like SKK Kids, Drunk marriage, Reconciliation

Twin Flame - insi 

10.2k 22 SKK Soulmate AU, Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Chuuya is Bad at Feelings, Non-Sexual Intimacy, It's okay they're working on it, Ambiguous Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light angst

Summary: Soukoku go through a soulmate au speed run

A chance to start again - Root (Fyki)

4.4k 22 SKK Mutual Pining, Getting Together, First Kiss, Fluff, Introspection, they work they shit out

Without Words - StarshipDancer 

11.5k 22 SKK Caring Chuuya, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, Getting Together, Moving In Together, Literal Sleeping Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, video game references, sticky notes, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Soft skk, skk’s Unconventional Mating Rituals, 5+1 Things TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions 

The Only Present Worth Having - StarshipDancer 

3.5k 22 SKK Birthday Fluff, Arcades, Flowers Language of Flowers, Getting Back Together, Soft skk, Implied Sexual Content

castles out of couches - halfbloom (diphylleias)

14k >22 SKK Established Relationship, Living Together, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, Snippets, No Plot/Plotless, cute cohabitation chronicles, Implied Sexual Content, Healing

partners -  setosdarkness

39.6k ALL AGES Canon Timeline + Post-Canon Slow Burn, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, oblivious to love, Idiots in Love, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Wedding Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Literal Sleeping Together, Breakfast in Bed, Stuck in the Rain, Moving In Together, Food Fight, Marriage Proposal, Actual Marriage (LOL), Crossdressing(the origin of ojou-sama chuuya)

From tags:

"they go to wedding fairs because they're broke": the fic

"dazai tricks chuuya to signing the marriage register": the fic

"soukoku is married since day 1": the fic

"chuuya overreacts to dazai possibly getting injured": the fic

Wet Bandages - StarshipDancer

3.7k 22 SKK Domestic Fluff, Literal Sleeping Together, Morning Cuddles, Couch Cuddles, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Caring Chuuya , Soft skk, POV Chuuya

A Night In - StarshipDancer

4.3k 22 SKK Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, Surprises, Valentine's Day, Established Relationship, Soft skk, Idiots in Love, POV Chuuya

Moving Pains - cactusnamedbob

1.9k 22 SKK ADA Chuuya, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Literal Sleeping Together, Sleepy Kisses

realizations in a shared hotel room - setosdarkness

4.6k 22 (Post-Canon) this is a "soukoku gets quarantined together" fic, Fluff and Humor, Sharing a Bed, Feelings Realization, Protectiveness, Domestic Bliss

Only for You - StormDew2

9.9k MAFIA SKK (post 15) Literal Sleeping Together, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Kissing, First Kiss, chuuya gets banned from drinking so dazai gets him some wine, Underage Drinking, Light angst

A Game of Honesty - StarshipDancer

3.1k 22 SKK Established skk, Domestic Fluff, Literal Sleeping Together, Lazy Mornings, Teasing, Sleepy Kisses,  Idiots in Love, soft skk, POV Dazai    

for the rest of the hour - photography_tea

1.3k 22 SKK in bed thoughts and fluff, Because They Deserve To Be Happy Dammit, reference to dead apple

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know asjsj <3

I haven't included many "literal sleeping together" fluff fics , check out this list if you want some of those :]

Soukoku Fic Rec Masterlist

#soukoku #soukoku fics #soukoku fic rec #skk fic rec #skk #sierra’s recs #16 in total :D #edit: added chuuya nakahara's guide to wining gay chicken #edit 2: added twin flame #Sierra’s posts 🌸

[sherbet-shivers]

A Minor Malfunction Part 1/3

We need to ignore that this is 6 years late ashgdahls (I only just got to play D/etroit: B/ecome H/uman and my love for sweet baby boy Co/nnor is alive)! Also figured snz is still snz, so even if you don’t care for the fandom you might enjoy the main course anyway lol

**Please do not share to non-kink snz blogs — no need to drag vanillas into this! This is also my first time posting to tumblr at all, so formatting tips are always welcome <3**

Blurb: Connor suffers a little virus (Part 2 here and Part 3 here)

Characters: Co/nnor R/K800 (-centric because he’s babygirl) and H/ank A/nderson

Length: 4k+ words

TW: cursing, minor robot discrimination; no spoilers

“You’re quiet tonight, Connor,” Hank observes between sips of his drink. His name triggers the Android to lift his head and meet his partner’s gaze, which studies him conspicuously.

Connor smiles a bit stiffly. “You usually prefer me quiet, Lieutenant.”

His investigative partner groans. “Yeah, when you’re barking up my ass,” he scoffs, though his voice lacks any hints of malice. The two had been working a handful of Deviant cases together and Hank’s introductory disdain had subtly been reduced to something warmer. Teasing had become their shared language, which was a preferred change of pace from where they’d started; not to mention a great way to lighten the mood between all the rumors of homicide and an Android uprising. Still, in spite of their growing closeness, Connor doubted Hank considered him a true partner, let alone a friend, but at least the two were no longer arguing like they had been a few weeks prior.

“So,” Hank starts again, “what’s going on with you?”

Connor makes a face, even tilting his head a bit before glimpsing side to side. “Nothing, as we’re currently idle in a bar.”

“No shit, smartass. I mean what’s going on, as in why are you acting all funny?”

“Funny?” Connor sifts through his memory, trying to recall a recent instance in which he’d been humorous by Hank’s standards. To no one’s surprise, he comes up empty. “I don’t recall acting funny. Why? Do you want to hear a joke?”

“Wha-? No! Christ, nevermind; just forget I said anything you weirdo,” Hank dismisses.

Connor didn’t mind the rejection (nothing was personal to machines), but he was programmed to follow orders; thus, he re-quiets, following Hank’s lead.

However, just because he’s silent, doesn’t mean he’s inactive. An Android’s life was rarely dull given there was a full 24 hours in day to take advantage of. As much as Hank said he loved naps, Connor couldn’t imagine wasting precious work hours to sleep.

Even now they were technically “freed” of their investigative duties, but Connor still had plenty of personal maintenance to attend to. It was the daily obligation of an RX800 model like himself (all AI models really), and so he promptly runs a survey of his internal diagnostics. Aside from making his masters happy, it was an Android’s priority to ensure that everything about them is up to date and code — ranging from their adaptive software to the state of their hard drive.

At the same time, he decides to trace through the entirety of his memories, still determined to figure out what Hank meant when he said “acting funny”. Funny…the word repeats in Connor’s head. Human emotions and terms were somewhat difficult to diagnose on his own, though Hank’s recent company had introduced Connor to a wide collection of colorful language. So many terms denoted so many different meanings, many of which were subjective and therefore wildly confusing to a purely calculative mind. So when Hank said Connor was “acting funny”, what exactly did that mean? His type of humor was unique (and apt to change given his BAC), so maybe what he found funny wasn’t what Connor had originally filtered for. Or maybe…the term meant something entirely different altogether? But, then what did that mean? Questions like these are what made humans so fascinating and troubling according to Connor’s programming. He could run himself in circles for hours asking the same questions, constantly seeking meaning, searching for answers, decoding Hank’s unusual phrases-

Suddenly, an alarm goes off in Connor’s system, alerting him to some kind of error in his software. It’s honestly startling, catching the Android surprisingly off-guard for once. This…hadn’t ever happened before; at least, not while he was without a suitable guardian or engineer nearby. Thankfully he’s already wired to know exactly how to respond, and thus promptly performs a system-wide scan to diagnose the error in question. Within seconds, his answer is received, though to his misfortune, it’s little more conclusive.

Code: C5Y0091-24BC. Classification: Unauthorized Bio-Component Breach By Unknown Digital Error. Software Virus Suspected. Result: Bio-Component Defects And Malfunction. CyberLife has been automatically contacted. Expect an update within 24 hours.

A single blink has Connor back in reality, surrounded by the musky odors characteristic of the many bars he and Hank frequently hopped. Hank is muttering something about the game with Jimmy’s bartender, but Connor hardly hears them.

Virus? Malfunction? How could that be possible? Connor had experienced software issues in the past, but many were easily patched or otherwise resolved by his masters, sometimes within seconds! So this was…unusual to say the least. He’d been warned of course to stay vigilant against hackers, obvious glitches, chain mail, pirated sites, FaceBook and other shady threats — it’s why he ran diagnostics multiple times a day. So how could this have happened? How could he have been so negligent to have missed something?

At least CyberLife had been notified, which meant he’d only have to wait a few hours for his orders on how to proceed; but until then, what was he expected to do? He was hesitant to trust himself, especially after being branded by his own system as potentially defective.

Malfunction. The word echoes through his system and encourages Connor to continue searching his recent stored memories. He weaves through the past effortlessly in search of anything that could stand out or explain his current predicament…and that’s when he’s reminded of what Hank said not more than two minutes ago. Funny. Had he really slipped up so poorly even he hadn’t noticed something but Hank did? What did it mean if a trained AI couldn’t catch a mistake while a human so easily could?

Connor chooses not to answer that question as he comes across a particular gap in his memory — one he hadn’t noticed until now. It was short — a blackout lasting no more than four seconds — but that may as well have been an eternity if it meant there was an absence of crucial information. Rewinding prior to the lull in time, Connor revisits a particular scene during he and Hank’s investigation earlier that same day.

The two of them had been assigned to a Deviant case involving an unnamed MJ100. The dog sitter had been out walking two corgis, both belonging to its owner when it was confronted by a group of six human protesters. After being cornered, the Android was jumped, pushed to the ground, and kicked repeatedly, enduring damage to its left ocular component and minor denting targeting its knee attachment on the same side. Its gait was consequently deemed unstable as it tried to pick itself up. As it could not recalculate its balance, it was knocked down a second time; and on its third attempt, the Android had defied its programming and resorted to fighting off its aggressors using heavy handed tactics and a nearby blunt object (presumably one of the protester’s sign boards). It then attempted to flee the scene but made it less than a block away before being tackled and deactivated by a local officer.

Weirdly enough, the next few details are a bit scrambled within Connor’s hard drive. All that is clear is that while investigating the Android’s body and calculating the damage, Connor’s vision goes dark — particularly after coming into direct contact with its bio components. It’s a startling discovery, and his vision only seems to return a few seconds later after Hank snaps at him to answer a question he’d claimed to have repeated once before.

Following that instance, minor things that should’ve caught Connor’s attention had gone completely unnoticed. His temperatures were running high and low interchangeably by several degrees, his system wasn’t adequately flushing out debris causing congestion within his gears, and even his processing speed — which usually ran above peak performance — was barely keeping up with that of a model two series back.

How had he missed all that? Surely he would’ve recalled Hank repeating himself, if not the obvious lull in time and all the issues impairing his components. Why couldn’t he put together a simple sequence of events? Just how damaging was this virus? What happened to him within that lost period?

“Hey!”

Connor glimpses at Hank, who is snapping in his line of sight. The old detective snorts once he realizes Connor has come to.

“Jesus, I guess even robots can be space cadets now, huh?” He muses as he slaps a wadded up stack of bills onto the counter and slides them over to the standing bartender. “I’m heading home to feed my dog. You’d better go back to the station and recharge yourself, Blinky. That fucking disc in your temple is going crazy.”

Without any further pleasantries, Hank takes off towards the door and exits the bar through a cloud of cigarette smoke. Connor meant to pay for his drinks and a ride home, but he supposed that’d have to wait until tomorrow. For now, it was probably best he follow his partner’s commands. After all, he was made to heed directions, and eager to run another diagnostic scan undisturbed.

Going in the opposite direction of his partner, Connor starts his way back to the police station downtown, occupying his walk by fumbling with the trademark silver coin he carries in his pocket. Hopefully all he needed for a fresh start was an overnight rebooting.

…

Connor Model Prototype RX800 — Serial Number: 313 248 317. Functionality: Below Average. Code: C5Y0091-24BC. Classification: Unauthorized Bio-Component Breach By Digital Error 2B9YD77158G. Software Virus Confirmed. Result: Bio-Component Defects And Malfunction. Self-Repairs Update Initialized. Time Remaining: 62 Hours, 58 Minutes, And 23 Seconds. System performance is being automatically monitored by and reported to CyberLife HQ.

The alert rouses him from his sleep mode. It wasn’t the best news to start the day with, but then again, neither was this creeping sensation bothering his nose and tickling his chest. He attempts another scan to source out the cause, but is immediately interrupted by a sudden, involuntary gasp. The reaction quickly proves out of his control; because in spite of trying to fight and diagnose it, his efforts prove futile as his chest inflates, mouth parts, and he’s bent at the waist with an unexpected-

“Ah’HTSHh’iew!” And another? “Iihy’YDTZSH’shH! Hh-?!” And another?? “hK’SCH’uh!”

He shakes his head and sniffles instinctively, more than a little surprised and uneasy following such an aggressive series of outbursts. He didn’t like that one bit, and could only assume that a reflex like that attested to the true extent of his malfunction. Not only that, but the annoying fluttering feeling in his face hadn’t been remotely relieved; if anything, it’d been stirred and hurled through his system like a shock of irritating static. He wasn’t familiar with automatic overrides to his manual settings, and didn’t wish to experience that again if he could help it.

Straightening his back, he ignores the blank gazes from his fellow policing Androids, who are similarly parked in their charging stations in rows running to his left and right.

“Excuse me,” Connor murmurs, not that any of his companions could feel offended by his unusual behavior. He’d only said it out of sheer obligation, though perhaps somewhere deep in his system he was also preventing being viewed as a threat…as unfortunately impaired.

A malfunction.

For the sake of preserving his public image, he would commit himself to being as discreet as possible. He wasn’t a malfunction, and he would set himself to prove it. He just had to get through the next two days without drawing unwanted attention or affording any more hiccups. He could do that.

Right?

…

For the first time since his creation and introduction to the public eye, Connor was experiencing…doubts. The virus he’d contracted was proving to be more difficult to supersede the more hours that went on. The rate of his degradation was…less than optimal, to say the least. For one, his bio-components (as predicted) were suffering unfamiliar glitches all over. His movements were sluggish despite a full night’s charge, and his data processing was running at a measly 73% speed — even slower than last night. His internal temperatures were rising and falling like a seesaw; the balance constantly tipped between too hot and too cold. It was starting to affect his bio regulators, which couldn’t decide if he needed to start letting off steam or shiver through the morning. Thankfully, these ailments weren’t too difficult to hide so long as he was diligent in monitoring them and constantly tracking their progression. As soon as something was apt to change, he was quick to process a solution in order to appear as normal and high functioning as possible.

What he couldn’t predict nor control was the sudden influx of outbursts.

It’d only been a handful of hours since he “woke”, and even less time since the station opened up to its human staff; and already, Connor was slipping up here and there. As an Android, people paid him little attention (which actually worked in his favor), but that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned over being reported by a fellow Android or a stray, observant human. After all, he’d discovered that no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn’t do much to prevent-

“Iiy’aASCH’hiEW!”

That. He despised the act itself, and grew frustrated every time it took him by surprise. Why was it so difficult to challenge or prepare for? If he had just a little more notice, he could stop himself or at least attempt to override its command. However, every time he tried, he just couldn’t. He was being outplayed by an infraction, a glitch — a minor one at that! — and that only added to the frustration gnawing at his senses.

As if the lack of control alone wasn’t bad enough, he was also starting to tire of the persistent, crawling itch tracing his nose and teasing at the inner cavity. It was terribly irritating, prompting him to pinch and rub at his face, or sweep a knuckle under the sensitive (and offending) appendage. But doing so often only relit the flame, like a match reigniting a fire so close to dying, but reluctant to fade out. Even now, just as he earns some relief thanks to a series of sniffling and scrubbing, he feels that ember kicking up again; tickling and teasing against his inner sinuses until he’s forced to-

“eE’SHYIU’Uui! ‘dSHH!…ha’hh-! uH’-!”

The final one teases him, so much so he isn’t even certain it’s the last one. He’s aware he must look ridiculous — an Android caught in a hysteric limbo, interrupted by a dysfunction that it’d never succumb to before, let alone conceived. He tries desperately to fight it — to prove he can use sheer logic to overcome his own reflex, but the itch is just too overwhelming, causing his eyes to squint and lips to quiver. So after a few good seconds of rebelling against the inevitable, he hastily pardons himself to the station’s supply closet, locks the door behind him, and surrenders to his system.

In his clumsy haste however, he had managed to knock over a few spare broomsticks, and even rattled a small tower of cardboard boxes. His vision was immediately clouded by a puff of gray, but he didn’t have much time to observe or clean up the mess since he was already too busy-

“ae’ESHHEW’ww! Aa’KSCH’yIEW! T’tdSSH’yiEW!”

Was it getting worse?! Between hitching breaths Connor struggles to perform another scan. He interrupts himself twice, but ultimately the result comes back, reading out in bold text: Environmental Irritant Level: High. Bio-Receptor Reactivity: High. System Override: Automatic. Self-Repairs Update Ongoing. Time Remaining: 57 Hours, 22 Minutes, And 19 Seconds. System performance is being automatically monitored by and reported to CyberLife H-

“HHh’ITSH’hUuii! Ahh…h’ah-! H’-! H’PTzsSH’IEWw!”

They were stumbling out of him in pairs and triples now, every fittish burst triggering glitches in his sight and sending shivers down his core. He tries to keep them quiet by smothering his nose into his palm, but air manages to slip out anyway, making hisses of noise he’s starting to find…embarrassing? Perhaps shameful was a more accurate term, on second thought.

Still caught between sneezing or not sneezing, he squints through bubbling gasps and hones in on his immediate area. His specs focus in on the particles of dust scattered around him; no doubt disturbed by his sudden entrance. His system classifies the debris as a common irritant. Ah. So that’s what was setting him off worse than before.

He shakes his head and scrubs at his nose with a free knuckle. Here he thought he’d finally found some reprieve only to cause himself another problem. He should’ve expected this or pre-calculated the chances of this happening, but of course little was working in his favor with a bugged out tactical unit.

“Hih’PTSHH’ieew! Ah’haaH-…!”

Seriously? How long did this usually last?

“h’H-…! Nnng…oH’H-!…oh…”

Connor lets out an artificial sigh, his nose twitching aggressively and mouth uncurling from a snarl. The itch hasn’t quite dissipated, but at least the urge to sneeze has retreated for the time being. As he scratches at his face and sniffs testily, he makes a mental note-to-self to avoid any more stale or dirty areas over the next two days.

He had to get out of here, before someone noticed he went missing or worse, caught him in the act of hiding. Reluctant to get dragged into another fit but eager to escape, he raises his arm and buries his nose against his sleeve — a courtesy he believes humans are commonly accustomed to when they suffer similar ailments. He then tends to the supplies around him, returning them to their exact state before he’d made a wreck of things. Once adequately tidied (both he and the closet space), Connor tentatively unlocks the closet and exits the shroud of its privacy.

The immediate change in lighting is too fast for his eyes to process, causing a temporary blindness that stings his circuits and scatters pixels across his vision. He grimaces unconsciously as he heads towards his desk, and to his surprise, the commanding officer is waiting for him when he approaches.

“There you are RX800. We’ve got a new report about a Deviant downtown. I want you to pull Hank from wherever the fuck he is and go investigate.”

The chief slips a manilla folder into Connor’s hands then readjusts the belt around his gut. Connor busies himself with downloading the walls of text in his hands, then blinks up at his boss with an automated smile.

“Of course, Chief Fowler. I’ll be sure to retrieve Mr. Anderson, and we will investigate the scene immediately.”

His response is somewhat obvious, but still, the chief approves of his confirmation, nodding as he starts to brush past the bot. Connor glimpses down at the data in his hands again, when suddenly, his captain pauses and waves for his attention. Promptly, Connor swivels on his heel.

“You look different, RX,” the officer acknowledges, more skeptical than worried. “More…,” he ponders for the words, eventually settling on, “blue.”

Blue? Connor couldn’t tell what his commander meant, at least not with his processing unit so slow to react. Did he mean sad — as in the human emotional equivalent of blue? Taking a guess, Connor puts on his best smile in spite of his state and shakes his head.

“I assure you I’m normal, Captain. Fully functioning and eager to follow your directives!”

He hopes his summery tone is enough to dissuade his captain’s lingering stare — which it ultimately does — however, instead of looking appeased, his commander only looks more confused before resuming his strut in the other direction. Connor shuffles uncomfortably where he remains, glimpsing side to side self-consciously in case other people have witnessed his untimely encounter with the chief. Thankfully nobody seems to notice, but in the midst of his search, Connor manages to catch a glimpse at his own reflection against Hank’s black computer screen. He leans a bit closer to get a better look at himself, and what he finds puts his erroneous state into further perspective.

His hair is disheveled, the corners of his eyes tainted with faint webs of static, and his cheeks and nose are dusted a blue color eerily similar to that of his Thirium — his blue blood. That’s probably what Fowler was talking about; and if that wasn’t already damning enough, Connor could only imagine what Hank would say (or think) when he fetched him.

Connor smooths back his hair and pats at his cheeks. He’d have to be extra cautious with Hank if he wanted to dodge his attention. It’d be a difficult task given the detective had already picked up on his mild dysfunction the night prior, but Connor was always committed to giving his best effort. Sure, it may slow down his rate of update, but likely by a negligible amount.

Confident in his ability to disguise his condition, Connor tucks the Chief’s folder under his arm and heads down the nearest hallway towards the station’s south exit. This would work, and it would be worth it.

Anything was worth it if it meant sparing Hank’s judgment.

…

By the time Connor reaches Hank’s house, he’s damp with rainwater. He’d made longer treks in the rain in the past, but this time, he’d failed to take into account how the weather would affect his weakened system. Currently his internal temperature sat at an unusual low of 57 degrees Fahrenheit, and his whole body was shaking to make up for the cold. In the short amount of time that had passed, optimization had dropped to 66%.

The only positive was he’d somehow managed to relieve the blue tint in his face, and the repeated fits of sneezing had died down significantly now that he was surrounded by fresh air. If he was fortunate, that’s how it’d remain for the next several hours.

The Android climbs the front porch, then knocks at Hank’s door (always in threes). As usual, he’s first greeted by Sumo’s barking followed by the muffled sounds of Hank cursing out his unexpected (but still somehow predictable) return visitor.

“Goddammit, not today you walking nuisance!”

At least he knows it’s him.

“Apologies Lieutenant, but I’ve been given direct orders by Chief Fowler to come get you. He wants us to investigate another Deviant case immediately.”

There’s no response. Connor didn’t usually grovel, but he had work to do, and it was starting to get pretty cold out there in the rain.

“P-Please,” Connor pleads, unintentionally stuttering thanks to the shivers wracking his system. “You know I can’t do this without you, Lieutenant.”

There’s another pause of silence, only this time it’s followed by a characteristic groan and the sound of footsteps approaching the porch. Right on cue, Connor takes a step back just as Hank flings open the door and motions him inside.

“Get your ass in here and give me fifteen minutes, huh? I need to change and sober up a bit.”

Connor nods as he follows Hank inside, getting no more than a few feet into the living room before he’s bombarded by Sumo, who licks at his shins and threatens to knock him over given his massive size.

“Sumo down!” Hank orders as he heads towards his bedroom, though the friendly Saint Bernard pays his master no mind.

Connor giggles as he kneels to Sumo’s height and proceeds to pet behind his ears. “Good boy, Sumo,” he consoles. Freeing one hand, Connor fishes in his pockets until he comes across a particular texture, revealing a hidden stash of spare treats he carries solely for occasions like this. He palms the biscuits over for Sumo’s pleasure, and smiles fondly as the hound licks them from his grasp.

“You better not be feeding him again, Connor!” Hank calls from the other room.

“Of course not, sir!” Connor answers, cooing as Sumo’s tongue tickles his fingers. The more he visited Hank’s home, the more he looked forward to seeing Sumo’s goofy smile. He was starting to see why humans adored animals — especially good boys like Sumo.

“Riiiight,” Hank drawls in return. He’s been a detective for over 20 years, so why an Android attempted lying to him about his own dog, he seriously didn’t know. “Hey, Connor!”

“Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Remind me later to tell Fowler to kiss my ass next time he sends me out into the rain. Swear that fucker doesn’t ever need me until the weather is shit,” he adds beneath a grumble.

“Will do,” Connor answers, still mildly distracted by the fluffy lump of love curled by his feet.

After a few more minutes, Hank emerges from his bedroom, dressed in a darkened leather coat, distressed blue jeans, and boots well past their wear. It complimented his grizzled aesthetic, which Connor was starting to find charming the more time they spent together. Hank must catch the way he’s staring, because he furrows his brows and gnaws at his bottom lip; a habit indicating some level of self-consciousness.

“What? I got something on my face?” Hank asks. It wouldn’t be the first time he left the house with pizza stains and booze clinging to his beard.

“No,” Connor replies, frankly. “I like your outfit. You look handsome, Lieutenant.”

Hank looks more perturbed than complimented, but regardless he says nothing but “Christ” under his breath as he brushes past Connor and swipes his house keys off his computer desk. As he does, the faint blush of his cheeks are exposed by the soft glow of his laptop’s LED. Connor smiles, rising to his feet and reaching for the door handle. Swinging it open, he beckons for Hank to lead the way.

Hank obliges the kind offer, but halts midstep just as he’s about to pass the pseudo-doorman.

“What’s on your face?” he asks after glimpsing Connor up and down.

The Android shuffles in place. “I-I don’t know what you mean,” he answers somewhat meekly.

Hank doesn’t believe him for a second, that much was obvious with the way he stiffens his jaw and narrows his eyes. Still, he chooses not to elaborate, and simply relents to looking back at Sumo, who has sidled up against his leg as a goodbye gesture. Hank gives the pup one last parting pat on the head before stepping out into the morose outdoors.

“Hold down the fort, Sumo. This won’t take long,” Hank sighs. “I’m not wasting more than four hours out in this goddamn shit.”

He starts down the front steps while Connor turns to close the door behind them. As the Android does so however, a dreadfully familiar tickle takes him by surprise, gracing him with barely enough time to tuck his nose into his collar — a sloppy and hurried attempt to suppress a mini fit.

“iihH’MFFSH’ui! ih’zZSHH! dtsSH’yiew!”

He sniffles carefully as he rises from his jacket and shakes his head free of the bothersome itch.

“Connor! The Hell are you doing?” Hank calls from the sidewalk.

“Nothing; sorry! I'm coming, Lieutenant!”

Sumo whimpers at the Android and paws at his leg, as though he senses something is wrong with his second best friend. To relieve the dog’s distress, Connor cups Sumo’s chin and scratches it one last time.

“I’m alright, Sumo. Be a good boy, okay? I promise I’ll bring Hank back home soon.”

With that said, Connor closes the door, tugs the handle to make sure it’s locked, then races after his Lieutenant. As he closes in on his side, another alert crowds his interface, reading: Functionality: Moderately Impaired. Code: C5Y0091-39BC. Result: Bio-Component Defects And Malfunction. Risk Of Shut-Down: Low. Self-Repairs Update Ongoing. Time Remaining: 55 Hours, 50 Minutes, And 50 Seconds. System performance is being automatically monitored by and reported to CyberLife HQ.

He sniffs discreetly and steals a final pinch at his nose. For one of the few times since they’d met, Connor agreed with Hank completely.

Hopefully this is all over soon.

#snz #snzfic #snzblr #snz kink #d/etroit: b/ecome h/uman #co/nnor R/K800 #h/ank a/nderson #whump-ish #full-time lurker spotted

[christiansorrell]

Play-By-Blog #1: The Isle by Luke Gearing

Welcome to my large-scale play-by-post of The Isle by Luke Gearing! We are playing this adventure with its original system, The Vanilla Game (although this will likely be adjusted somewhat to fit the Play-By-Blog format). This is the first proper entry, but you can check out PBB #0 to get a feel for the ideas behind this play-by-blog concept and at character creation. For now, let's lay some groundwork.

How Play-By-Blog works:

I write up the situation, NPCs, and more, just like a DM.

You vote in the poll to help decide the character's course of action.

I roll the dice, resolve actions, and write them up next week.

So on and so forth for the rest of the adventure!

Notation:

[Text in brackets is out-of-character text!] "Non-italicized quotes denote text from the original adventure!" "Italicized quotations denotes NPC dialogue."

Last week, LOADS of you (over 150 people) voted for our character's class and Magic-User won in a landslide. Using that, I randomly rolled a character (using this Vanilla Game character generator). Let's get to know them a bit before we dive in.

The Player Character: Medon Girdou - Magic Cutpurse

Medon Girdou, a cutpurse turned unlikely wizard, is in a bad way. You don't stage a solo raid on a place like the isle if things are going well. Somewhere back out in the world, there are forces calling for Medon - calling on their debts, calling for their death, or calling them home (when they'd rather be anywhere else). Now, the chance of riches, enough to possibly settle the score, has brought them here to the isle.

[Because Medon is braving The Isle alone, they are coming in at Level 3 to help turn the odds very slightly in their favor. This isn't their first raid.]

[We'll let any background and whatnot build out during play. Feel free to propose your own ideas about what kind of person Medon is and what may have come before but remember, Medon's true character will come out during play and be determined by the actions they take!]

With their katana in one hand, spellbook in the other, and a pocket full of cheese and lead figurines, they step onto...

THE ISLE

"The isle is tiny, a mere 40 acres of forbidding rock and low grasses. Seen from the sea, the monastery buildings stand adjacent to the peak of the isle, lit by a fire atop a tower. The monks never let the fire go out.

"Cliffs rise above the bitter sea, mauled by waves and weather. Fallen stones jut like Frisian horses, big enough to skewer whales. The abbot knows this, because he has seen it."

You've convinced Cioran, a local fisherman, to grant you passage to the island, claiming to be a pilgrim in search of your god. Once a month, he delivers supplies to the monks on the isle out of some sense of obligation you can't quite place. You watched him sit and listen to the sea in the dark of night for hours aboard the boat.

Cioran drops you at a small cove on the island's eastern side [C], wanting to see you on your way before sailing around the island to the main jetty. He's not sure how the monks would take to an unexpected visitor on his boat, even if you are a pilgrim. He'll check this cove again in a month, if you are looking to return to the mainland. His ship slides away quietly around the northern cliffs.

You are alone.

A bloated corpse, fought over by a dozen or so gulls, is bobbing facedown in the water of a small, rocky alcove.

A stone-carved staircase leads up out of the cove, coated in wet, slimy moss fed by the ever-humid conditions. [Saving Throw to not fall down the stairs and take damage: Success!] Taking your time, you manage to safely climb to the top and look out across the rest of the isle.

[You can see out to 3, 4, 5, and 6. 2 and 1 are partially obscured.]

To the north [3], you see a squat formation of man-made stone some 30 or more feet high, scars and bird shit marring the surface.

To the northwest [4], you see a collapsed building of some sort, a loose pile of rubble.

To the southwest [5], you see a scenic view of the western sea atop of an hill topped with an outcropping of rocks.

To the south [6], you see the Monastery, the reason you came to this place. The supposed home to a number of riches, meant to bring glory to a god but that do little more than languish here in obscurity when they could change everything for you, if only you can get to them.

Beyond these places, you can make out a partial view of a sizeable collection of graves to the far north [1] and the upper branches of a large tree to the northwest [2], past the collapsed building.

The choice now, of course, is...

You can now read PBB #2 HERE.

#ttrpg #indie ttrpg #fantasy #vanilla game #the isle #play by blog #play by post #luke gearing #meatcastle PBB

[lizhly-writes]

you know, a while ago -- shit, six years ago? -- i was purely an original fiction writing blog. i don't know if any of you followed me around that time. if so, haha, say something, because that's pretty impressive. that blog format was kind of DIFFERENT.

my grand conceit was to write every single one of writing blog guy's prompts. i can remember a little bit of my reasoning for this. i think it was 1) "hey this'll force me to be creative!" 2) pure irritation at the fact that not all of writing prompt guy's prompts had stories, or only had a few. like i would get excited about a prompt, see lots of notes and go "oh boy i'll see lots of cool variations" and then either have nothing or maybe just one or two stories. which was absolutely not enough when i wanted to shove the prompt in my mouth.

i suppose even back then, i was a "GUESS I'LL HAVE TO DO THIS BY MYSELF" kind of person.

i don't think i particularly wanted to write the prompts back then. i mean, i DID, but it was less of a "this prompt is burning my brain" and more "i want to be a cool writing blog" and "wouldn't it be awesome of me if i did that"

You know, there's a quote going around that im pretty sure originated on tumblr, whose post i CAN'T fucking find, that goes like this: "we do this not because it is easy, but because we thought it would be easy."

i think this is me, constantly.

i wonder if i should try to fill out writing prompt guy's prompts again.

#liz rants

[chevvy-yates]

WIP WEDNESDAY

got tagged by @aggravateddurian ! <3

again only writing:

Cyberpunk 2078 — Pandemonium:

Technically I can already start layouting the 2nd chapter as the written part is 100% done, but I am still missing some VP where I have to place Hizumi, Vijay and Ryder in the Afterlife and, ofc I am either too lazy to do that or I just forget about it bc I distract myself with other stuff (that also wants to be done). But as soon as I get to it you can expect the 2nd chapter! At least for those who are interested in it.

New pinned post coming soon:

I am about to make a new pinned post, yes it will be a brand new post but contain more or less the same my current one has. I just wanted to refresh my boys profiles, tweak the formatting a little and make them a bit better readable but they won't differ much from the current ones. I'll exchange the profile pics with given time tho as I'm not satisfied with most pics but have no time to throw each after another into the game just to get the perfect pic for it.

About Blorbos:

I am trying to sort out/clean up my boys' wardrobes. E.g. I noticed Thyjs has too much stuff and from every piece like up to 3 versions. I force myself to get it down to one piece, which doesn't work all the time, but I slowly get there. When he's done I'll have to do the same with the other boys thow Ryder is the most unproblematic of all as there's only one iteam in black for him in the first place of most mods.

I don't want them to wear all the same clothes unless it's basic stuff or shoes. I also try to get rid of most replacers unless it's stuff that hasn't been made as xl yet or need to be kept for color reasons and what not. It takes me so long because I also clean up my folders where I storage their original files as well sorting out those I have taken out. You know each of my boys has their own save file. I am also renaming some files to have a better overview as bru I tell you thjys is close to 300 mod files.

Chrome Chamber Rave concept:

Prepared some posts already but I am hesitating to push the post button bc my brain is stupid telling me shit I shall not listen to.

that's all for now. I promise next wip post will contain some pics or sth cooler than just text! I don't like it either.

tagging:

@astarionhistears, @nervouswizardcycle, @gloryride, @elvenbeard, @heywoodvirgin, @rosapexa, @streetkid-named-desire, @therealnightcity, @wanderingaldecaldo, @koda-shoulda-woulda-but-didnt, @breezypunk, @ouroboros-hideout and anyone who wants to or has to show something. No Pressure and if tblr mentions don't work, I'm not even trying to edit it as I am tired of it not working properly.

#wip wednesday #more like an update post rather than a wip post #but wll I just want u updated for those who are interested to read my brabbling #thoughts

[cas-poisoning]

Saw your post about you critiquing Jensen’s new show and SPN a lack of diversity, which was something people were annoyed enough back in the early days to talk about in different websites and forums! Sorry you’re getting shit for this, because I said on a different website how bummed I am that once again he’s playing Dean 3.0, and a cop to boot. I’ve not watched Walker and I most likely won’t watch this show for the same reason. Like dude doesn’t want to branch out and do something different which is boring. Same with Jared. Like maybe they’re really just one trick ponies lol

Thank you!! The funny thing is I wasn’t even really criticizing Jensen because the original post was already saying they didn’t like how he was playing a cop (which I agree with) and I was just like “yeah and Dean was kind of a cop character too” and people flipped on me.

I think it’s a little sad because people are able to criticize things when it’s easy because they know they are supposed to. So it’s like “ugh yeah Jensen playing a cop sucks #acab” and then you point out “hey supernatural has some similarly problematic themes!” And suddenly people don’t want to keep the energy for their favs 😅

I love supernatural (duh I have a whole account dedicated to it) but I think we should be allowed to unpack and critique elements of it that can relate to real life beyond being just a show about monster hunting. So people just automatically refusing to engage but still being all acab!! about other cop shows just feels very performative to me.

And that’s not even getting to the diversity topic. I hardly see people talk about it. I’m glad to hear it was pointed out by people in the early seasons.

I’m currently watching the x-files which I’d argue is a very similar format to supernatural, and obvious influence, and the difference in diversity is crazy. There is really no excuse for supernatural to be as white as it was. They really did not save any non white families. There were like 2. In 15 years.

#spn #I agree with everything u said abt Jared and Jensen too #like idk why ppl act surprised they do cop shows when supernatural appeals to the same fantasy #it was literally intended to appeal to a middle America male fan base in 2005 lmao

[thowawayuntilfurthernotice]

The funniest thing about the modern internet is that there is no hill too shitty to die on for some folks.

I don't think I'm bringing anything new to the table by saying that Primos looks awful and that the backlash it received from people was warranted. I mean, this wasn't the usual "White guys whine about everything being woke" nonsense, this was legitimate criticism being leveled at Disney by Mexicans and other Latin Americans. You know, the target demographic that Disney is trying to market this show towards?

So long story short, I made a post saying that I don't blame Disney if they decided to quietly shelve the series, as even if by some miracle the show turned out to be good or passable (Which is very unlikely given the quality of the original theme song) the damage has already been done.

I also pointed out that no amount of retooling could salvage this series, as I personally don't see Disney spending a shit load of money to get a DTVA series fixed. As the company treats their television animation division as an afterthought.

But with the modern internet being what it is, someone stumbled across my post and decided to respond with a long winded essay that was filled with typical nonsense about how I'm the worst person ever, all because I criticized a show that a majority of the internet already hates.

And I love how this person tried to frame my post as a personal attack on the show's crew, when I didn't even mention them.

Does it suck that all the people who worked on this show most likely won't get to see their work in a finished format? Yes!

But that argument shouldn't be used to shield the show against criticism, because guess what? That very same argument can be applied to literally every piece of media that the internet complains about.

Yes, the state of western animation is fucking depressing, trust me, I would love nothing more than for animators and storyboard artists to work on long running shows. But again, just because the industry is struggling right now doesn't mean that we should automatically start praising the shit out of every animated show that comes out or is announced.

#Primos #Disney #Disney Primos #DTVA #Disney TV Animation