#recently I haven’t really been excited about drawing for some reason | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marvelmaniac715 · 1 year

Text

I recently re-read my first ever Chucky fic (go back on my blog and read it if you haven’t so this will make sense) and I think that I can do better. So this is my official rewrite of that first ever fic, with a similar structure and plot, but with better writing (or at least much improved writing). If you guys like it, I’ll rewrite the two follow up fics in that au and (maybe) write a part four…

————————————————————-

When Nica was seven, she was assigned the task of making a Father’s Day card at school. All of her classmates talked about their dads with such pride and excitement, whilst all Nica could do was bite her lip and look down at the floor. They were meant to draw a family picture with their dads in them, but all Nica managed was a stickman with a question mark over the face.

When she went home that afternoon, she presented the card to her mother, who looked like she was about to cry. But then Barbie came home from school and the matter was forgotten. However, that evening as she was being tucked into bed, Nica looked up at her mother and quietly asked:

“Mommy, what happened to my Daddy?”

Sarah startled at the question, unable to meet her seven-year-old’s gaze. She’d always believed that honesty was the best policy, but how could she tell her young daughter the truth? That she’d been taken in by a stranger in a bar’s charm and allowed him to impregnate her? That her one night of foolishness meant that her husband (Nica’s stepfather, as shameful as it was to admit that) was killed? She couldn’t say that, so instead, she looked at Nica and said (guiltily):

“Your father’s dead, honey.”

It wasn’t a lie.

————————————————————

When Nica was sixteen, she was walking home from high school with some friends when she was stopped by a blonde woman wearing sunglasses. She was used to this (a surprising amount of older people were patronising to people in wheelchairs - especially when they were children) so she launched into her well-rehearsed ‘smile and nod’ routine. But she was thrown off when the woman gushed:

“Oh, you look just like your father!”

Nica was stunned by this. She had no polite comeback prepared, she just sort of awkwardly stammered:

“I… do?”

The woman nodded and replied:

“Yes, I can’t see any traces of your mother at all- which is a good thing, believe me.”

Still confused, Nica politely laughed and tried to make an excuse to leave. Then something important hit her.

“Wait… how did you know my dad?”

There was silence, and then…:

“I’m his wife.”

Nica asked her mother if her father had been married to anyone else when she got home that day. Her response was that sometimes people make difficult choices. And that was the end of it.

————————————————————-

Alice’s doll was looking at her. Nica didn’t know why or how, but he was.

————————————————————-

Hours later, Nica had realised that there was a very specific reason why the doll had been looking at her. He was alive, and now her entire family was gone. Her poor mother, struck down first by a vengeful ex-lover (was that even the correct term? Maybe just captor, yeah, that sounded more accurate). Next it was the nanny. Then it was Barbara, killed by a childhood tormentor. Finally it was her brother in law, who didn’t deserve his fate. Now it was only her and Alice, and poor Alice probably didn’t have long left.

Nica could feel a heart attack coming on (why couldn’t she just die from the killer doll instead of her heart condition?) and then there was a clicking sound. Looking down, she noticed that her heart medication was being injected into her thigh… by Chucky.

She didn’t really know what to say about that. Why wasn’t he killing her? Was he playing with his food before the final hunt? Or was there another reason? She asked him why he was doing this and he simply gave her an odd smile and responded:

“Not telling.”

Before she could say anything further, the police arrived, and Chucky became inanimate once more. But she could have sworn that he winked at her during the trial.

————————————————————-

The mental hospital wasn’t fun. Neither was life itself, Nica didn’t particularly enjoy living anymore. So when Chucky told her that he would be possessing her, she didn’t resist as much as she would have. Of course a lot of it was to do with the drugs, but she herself didn’t oppose it either. She asked him why he wasn’t killing her just to get it over with, and just like at the house he offered her a strange smile and said ‘Not telling’. Only this time, he softly added:

“You’re a smart girl, you’ll figure it out.”

It sounded almost like praise, but before Nica could ask what he meant by that, voodoo chanting filled her ears, and the world quickly went dark.

————————————————————-

Living with Chucky was quite strange. Tiffany Valentine was one thing, with her weird ‘family bonding’ activities that she insisted upon for whatever reason. Nica had the strangest feeling that she’d met Tiffany before, but she didn’t know where she’d seen her.

Tiffany was one thing, but Chucky was something else altogether. He was weirdly… respectful, he’d always look away whenever Nica got changed, and Tiffany had told her that he closed his eyes whenever he got changed in her body in order to respect her privacy. He’d use her body to seduce guys, sure, but he never went any further than flirtation (anybody who tried to kiss her/him was given an especially brutal murder).

The weirdest thing of all was that he seemed to be looking out for her well-being. Every night he’d talk to her and say what he’d eaten that day as if to assure her that he’d eaten the correct number of calories. He urged her to eat, sleep and bathe when she had control of the body and on her birthday she found that her favourite book series had been ordered for her by Chucky and that her favourite movie had been bought on the tv.

He’d even make conversation with her whenever her mind started to spiral. He’d talk about his childhood in the late sixties, and sometimes he’d ask about Nica’s childhood (he seemed especially interested in that subject). Sometimes he’d tease her whenever she thought of something particularly embarrassing (having someone read your thoughts was bizarre) but it was always fairly lighthearted as opposed to cruel like she’d been expecting.

One day, she couldn’t take the niceness any longer and asked him why he was acting this way. He played it off at first as him just being concerned about the well-being of the body he was inhabiting, but Nica pushed further and further until Chucky gave in and said:

“Look through my memories and find the night of your conception.”

Nica was confused, but she did so, mildly unsure as to why Chucky knew when that was. What she found was terrifying. The memories seemed hazy, and reminded her of being drugged at the hospital, or the few times she’d decided to get drunk. The memory seemed like a lot of Chucky’s memories from back then, with him seducing an ill-fated young woman to her death, but there was something different about this memory as opposed to the other ones.

In this memory, Chucky said something that must have been funny, because the woman laughed, and the laugh was so… familiar. Nica concentrated harder and realised that the woman was… her mother. All the pieces suddenly fell into place: the reason why Chucky helped her, why he was so weirdly nice to her, why her mom was cagey about the identity of her father, even why she recognised Tiffany (the ‘I’m his wife’ comment suddenly made a whole lot more sense). But she had to ask one more thing:

“How long have you known?”

“Since I first met you. You look a lot like I did when I was in my original body.”

Nica nodded, unsettled that he’d known that long. But that made her ask another question:

“But why did you hurt me when we first met? If you knew I was your… y’know… why did you cause me pain?”

Chucky seemed quite defensive when he responded:

“Hey, I saved your life when it came down to it, and tensions were high, I’m sorry if I lashed out.”

There was one more question.

“Why did you possess me?”

Chucky (Nica’s father, apparently) responded in a shockingly casual tone:

“I wanted to get closer to you.”

At that point, Nica may have began to lash out herself:

“Instead of talking to me and being like ‘hey, you’re my kid, sorry for the emotional trauma’ you decided to voodoo your way into spending time with me?”

“Would you have agreed otherwise?”

That was a good point.

————————————————————-

Glenda stared down at the person claiming to be their father. They refused to believe this story until they (he?) started to describe the dreams that Glenda and Glen had been having for years as if they were facts, fond memories even. When Glenda was convinced, their father grinned and nodded to himself.

“I’d like to introduce you to someone. She’s taking a nap right now- big day yesterday, took up a lot of energy- but this is your older sister, or her body at least. Her name is Nica.”

Glenda was confused by this, and asked how on Earth that came to be. The response they got was:

“I’ve lived a long and complicated life, kid. You’re the youngest of three, I can understand how that may be a devastating blow, but your sister is an amazing person, she’s smart, talented-‘

“How the hell did Glen and I get red hair if our sister is a brunette? Was she born with red hair and decided to dye it?”

‘No, I had her in my original body, you and your twin were born when I was in a doll. You got the doll version of me’s red hair, although I’d argue that you inherited my human eye colour, and you and Glen definitely got my original nose.”

As Glenda processed this, their father began detailing their plans to escape Tiffany’s house.

————————————————————-

Nica had had it. She couldn’t take Tiffany anymore, and she’d fully snapped. She had no guilt or remorse as she stared at her nemesis down the barrel of a gun. She couldn’t feel the gun due to her new metal limbs, but she was so fuelled by rage and bloodlust that it was as if the cool metal was beneath her fingertips.

Tiffany screamed and begged for mercy, but all Nica did in return was let out a cackle that sounded vaguely familiar to her and fire the gun.

Hidden away in a bush, Chucky watched this happen with a beaming grin, filled to the brim with overwhelming pride. ‘That’s my girl’ he thought.

11 notes · View notes

dreadnotau · 1 year

Text

This is probably not the post any of you wanted to see.

Before anyone panics, NO, Dread Not is NOT cancelled, and NO, I have NOT given up on it. It’s just being put on another hiatus, though I’m not sure how long this one will last.

TL;DR - when your “passion project” feels less fulfilling as an art activity than your college assignments do, you’re doing something wrong.

As some of you may know one person alone has been working on the art and management of the Dread Not accounts, the server, and most importantly the comic itself. That unlucky fucker is me. Managing it all used to be a lot more exciting, I guess, but nowadays it’s become a looming deadline and a chore. By purely my own fault, might I add. I’ve boxed myself into a lot of arbitrary things and now making this comic isn’t nearly as fun as it used to be, hooray. Coupled with the fact that meowchela, the co-creator of the au, the one who helps write it and spellcheck it (even if neither of us are good at it), and also my moral support and the only reason I started posting the comic in the first place, hasn’t even been into deltarune for the past half year. It all stacks up to a very tired and unhappy Kooki.

Now, most of you don’t give a shit about this melodrama, and that’s valid. You’re here to see my drawings of cute monsters in distress going through several kinds of midlife crises, and also baby Kris, and that’s good because that’s what I want out of this comic too. But right now? I am NOT in the mental state to be meeting my own arbitrary deadlines for a comic a lot of people don’t directly engage with. This isn’t to say that any of you are obligated to care, or reblog or like or whatever. It’s just the way the internet works. It’s extremely hard to engage in a productive or proactive way, and I think that’s why I have more fun with my art college assignments, nowadays. Because the art, whether it be good or bad and no matter the technique, immediately gets feedback both from my professors AND my colleagues!

Some of you who aren’t as involved in art making might not know that negative feedback is some of the most valuable feedback an artist can get back (when it’s given in good faith, of course), and as Dread Not as an art project was set up specifically to help me improve my art, it’s kind of a shame I haven’t been getting a lot of negative feedback from people unless I ask directly. It’s like the internet actually took the idea of “if you don’t like it don’t look at it” to heart, which is great! But not for me and this comic, sadly. Going forward (aka whenever I have the strength to start uploading weekly again), I might drastically simplify the visuals of the comic, maybe even change some style things because it feels like I’ve really stagnated with the art of the comic.

I talked about this with meowchela recently, I had a very specific style in mind when I first started the sketches for this comic, and when I finished the first page, it wasn’t quite what I wanted it to be. The truth is, I didn’t have the skills to execute the style I wanted for the comic, and to an extent I still don’t, so instead of the tedious and not-quite-what-I-wanted current style, I might just change it up to be completely different and less time consuming, because either way it won’t be what I want. (And, for the record, most of this drivel is about the backgrounds, the text boxes, and aesthetic choices, and not about the character art, because I’m decently happy with that)

And to the dedicated readers, I have to stress that this isn’t the end. Dread not is a story I care about, even if its amateurish and was basically made by accident. I WANT to tell this story, if only because I know a past version of me was yearning to tell it but lacked the bravery to even try (again, meowchela is the only reason this comic exists, and I basically owe her a life for getting me to start upload the ludicrous au idea I had so long ago). The story and comic WILL continue one day, just not soon. Call it an indefinite hiatus if you want, but it’ll come back one day, stronger than ever, and hopefully better organized. I feel a strange mix of melancholy and relief finally putting this beast down for a nap again.

If I may go a little bit into the behind the scenes, my creative process is hardly a coherent process at all, and is mostly a hodgepodge of spur of the moment ideas immediately put to paper without much thought. Days, weeks, months, or years later, I have to face the consequences of those split-second decisions, and that’s the process that’s been the status quo for this comic’s creation. Sometimes it’s good, like a core symbol to the story coming from what was originally a one-off gag (a-la early homestuck), but most of the time its bad, with hours spent reformatting and redrawing sketches in order to actually make it look competent, which just results in a lot more time that I feel I’m wasting because it’s hardly a part of the finished page itself.

All in all, Dread Not is my baby, my first large-scale project, and I’m not going to abandon it because of one really bad burst of art block. I’ve had other projects I’ve been slowly chipping away at (most of them deltarune related as well) that’ll also be put on hiatus too… not that anyone will really notice because I hardly upload them. But there’s also a lot of personal projects and OC stories I’ve been meaning to work on but just couldn’t get in the right frame of mind to, so maybe I’ll finally start work on those while I take a proper vacation from Dread Not. This whole hiatus thing, however, also means I’ll stop responding to messages, both on Tumblr and in the Discord server, as frequently. Some of you may have already noticed my decline in activity on both fronts. This break has been a long time coming, I’ve just been in denial about it.

And finally, thank you all, again, for reading and enjoying this comic. You probably enjoyed it more than I have! And I mean everyone, from the people who only read and don’t interact with any of the posts, to the people who reblog nearly every page that comes out (I see you guys, and I love your tags), all of you kept me going and I wish I had more to give for the support you’ve shown. I’ll take my time off to really put myself in the right place mentally and physically to bring you the best comic I can. And hey, if you stick around long enough, maybe you’ll even see the end of it! I know I will.

Stay tuned!

PS - If anyone wants lore to chew on while the comics on hiatus, have this bit of trivia I’ve been meaning to share: the current events that are unfolding were originally (and technically still are) only the backstory for the plot I wanted to tell from the beginning. It’s why Kris is so young compared to their deltarune self, it’s why a lot of locations are bare-bones and placeholder, it’s why we aren’t seeing many characters involved right now even though a lot of characters have appearances planned. What I’m trying to say is, this is only the beginning, and I’d love to see someone try to predict where things will go from here, because this status quo won’t stay for much longer, that’s for sure :)

#dreadnot #dread not #dread not au #dreadnotau #Not Comic #hiatus 3 #i guess? have i really only done 2 hiatuses before this?#it feels like more but maybe thats my guilt talking #for anyone who doesnt feel like reading my drivel it really IS just some melodrama about my own lack of motivation as of late

19 notes · View notes

scarletify · 1 year

Text

April 2023 Updates

Hello! I have some updates I’d like to share with you going into this month.

I have a lot to cover, so I’ve put it under a read more. Basically, I'm moving! And it's going to have a lot of positive changes!

I genuinely appreciate your patience and kindness with me during this hectic time. Here are some links if you're interested in my work! Thank you so much ♥

My comic

My videos

Twitter

Patreon

Ko-fi

Updates below!

About my future:

Recently I mentioned I'm going to be moving. I'm trying to go near the end of the month, so this month will be a wild one for me! But this move is a very, very good thing that will have a positive impact on my well being and my workflow.

Preparing to move has had my hands full, which is why I've been inactive recently. After the move is done, my productivity should start to significantly improve. I would like to update you on my plans for my comic, my art, and my videos.

I know I've been very quiet, and that my workflow has been slow for a long time now. But there's going to be positive changes going into the rest of the year, and I hope you enjoy what's to come. Thank you so much for supporting me, for being patient with me, and for always being so kind to me!

About my comic:

My comic is very important to me, and something I love dearly. In recent years the rate of new pages has slowed down significantly, and this has by and large been because of stuff in real life making it difficult to work on it. This move will be a very positive change for me, and it's my hope that my comic can start picking up again this year.

I do plan to start updating it again this month, with the next page going up on my website on Monday (April 3). While I can't make too many pages this month because of the move, I want this to be the start of my comic getting back on track.

My comic means a lot to me, and I want to finish the current arc as a comic no matter what. We're approaching the end of chapter 6, and chapter 7 will be the final chapter of the arc (but not the end of the story!) We're right next to some major story developments, and I'm very excited! I hope you enjoy what's to come.

Comic updates will always be up first on my Patreon and uploaded publicly to the website later. Thank you so much everyone who has supported my comic through the years! I honestly couldn't have gotten this far without you.

I have one more important thing about my comic. While I fully intend to finish drawing the current arc, I am unsure if I can continue running the website it's hosted on. I've been having issues with it recently, and I don't know if I will be able to continue affording to host it after this year. This is something I'll have more information on later when I have a clearer picture, but for now I wanted you to know that it's possible the website could be going away, and I've started uploading the comic to some mirror sites to be safe.

About my art:

I really want to be more active with my art going into the rest of the year. It's been difficult for me to draw, but I love to draw very much, and I want to get that drive for it back. I hope to be able to draw a lot more once my move is finished.

And on that note, I also hope to open commissions again later this year! I haven't taken public commissions in a really long time, so I'm nervous, but excited! And I'll have a lot more information about that once I'm ready.

I've also mentioned for a while now that I hope to open an online store this year. This is something I can more seriously pursue once I've moved. To be honest, the biggest reason I haven't opened a store yet is because I'm not comfortable doing so in my current location. Moving will give me the opportunity to open a store proper, and I'm extremely excited for that!

One of my first goals after I've settled down is to create some new physical merch to test the waters with. I have some fun ideas for what I'd like to do, and I'm excited to share them with you all!

About my videos:

Last year I started uploading my playthrough of FFXIV: Endwalker to my game channel. This was a lot of fun to work on! It got me more interested in video content creation, and started my journey into learning video editing.

My Endwalker videos are up to date, and I haven't had the chance to make any new videos since then. This has been because of the upcoming move, and I won't be able to create any new videos until after the move is done. But this is something I'm excited to explore further! And I have a lot of things I want to do!

While my channel currently focuses on Endwalker, this isn't the only thing I'd like to create for it. I have other games I plan to upload to the channel in the future (including a lot of Final Fantasy games), as well as some shorter videos separate from my playthroughs. I hope you enjoy them!

And finally, something really big coming from this move is it will afford me the opportunity to start streaming! This is something I haven't been able to do because of the internet speed in my location, so I'm very excited to start exploring this more seriously soon!

Again, thank you so much for all your kindness, patience, and support. It’s been a rough few years for me, and I couldn’t do this without you all. Thank you for everything ♥

6 notes · View notes

deathclassic · 1 year

Text

i was tagged by @you-are-so-much-better-than-that and @mikhailoisbaby to do this fic writer/artist tag! ive never seen an artist version of this so this is exciting :D

1. Do you post on Ao3? If so, how many works do you have on AO3? If not, where do you post?

i dont post art on ao3 but i post fics there,,,,not gonna say my username though

2. What is your total art count?

we gotta be like 500+ by now

3. What are your top 5 pieces by likes/kudos?

they’re all dan and phil surprise surprise i was surprised that the first one has 12k notes for some reason. im just going to link them

spooky week sketches amazingphil shop spon PHIL QUIFF DEBUT!!! black ‘n’ white dan phil is not on fire collection

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to but sometimes i forget and i also dont have notifcations on any social media turned on so i miss a lot of things

5. What is your current fandom, and what was the first fandom you drew for?

currently drawing for umbrella academy, shameless and stranger things. first fandom i properly drew for was one direction but i was drawing stuff for like panic at the disco and powerpuff girls and my little pony and my chemical romance when i was like 7

6. Have you ever received hate on any art?

tonnes lol, i’d say every 2-3 pieces i draw gets some kind of negative attention. recently there’s been an asshole in my asks accusing me of fetishising ian and mickey so thats something to look forward to every time i pose

7. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t drawn for yet but want to?

i want to go back to shows i watched as a kid like total drama island and draw the characters in my art style, i did it with the winx club earlier this year and it was fun. i want to draw harringrove but im not mentally prepared to be like,,,sent death threats atm

8. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

i dont know tbh ian and mickey are up there i guess

9. Do you draw outside of fandom?

yeah im a graphic designer so i draw a lot of shit

10. What’s the an art piece you’ve drawn that came out completely differently than you expected?

this one actually

11. Do you draw smut?

sometimes

12. Have you ever had any of your art stolen or copied?

yeah of course, someone sells my shit on redbubble and i have to keep reporting them

13. Have you ever collaborated on a piece?

yes! @mishervellous and i did that amazing comic together for gallacrafts and im so proud of that! also collaborated with a lot of dan and phil artists to make a calendar, a phil is not on fire poster and some general collabs for fun (if anyone wants to collab hmu bc im down)

14. What’s an idea you have that you have yet to draw?

i really want to draw drummer mickey for some reason

15. What are your drawing strengths?

people i guess, maybe like details on clothes and stuff?

16. What are your drawing weaknesses?

hands and feet lol

17. What’s your favorite art piece you’ve drawn?

im so proud of this drawing even though no one really liked it, like looking at it makes me so happy

18. What is one thing you’d like to tell people about your art that they might not know?

like harvey said haha i also use the same colour palette especially skin tones and hair colours also i sketch a lot of the drawings traditionally and then trace over it on photoshop

19. What inspires or motivates you to create for fandom?

myself. i would still be drawing even if no one notices it. heck i draw so much stranger things stuff only for a top of 10 people across instagram, twitter and tumblr to interact with it.

20. And finally, can you describe your process a little? Do you have a favourite place to draw? Do you play something in the background? Do you do research or just go for it? Give us a little insight

i sit at my desk and use a wacom tablet and my laptop. I have my other laptop open and im normally listening to a tv show that ive seen so i dont have to pay attention or a play through of a game or some creepy stories. sometimes i listen to music on my record player. i always spend ages looking at pose references and rage quitting when i dont draw it right the first time before coming back to it a few hours later. i draw mostly in the evenings, after dinner. sometimes i drink a hot chocolate if its late enough lol.

im gonna tag @mishervellous @doodlevich @heymrspatel @adakechi

#mutuals #tag game #m does art

7 notes · View notes

professorlonic · 2 years

Text

sorry (not sorry) long ass astral guard post again, have it on my mind constantly :P

going through the folders for table talk and found these axis sprites >:)

think i remember seeing these in the famous rpgmaker 2k3 sale video but also thinking about how this might’ve been a big influence on how i draw Axis’s hair now. Always liked how it goes up to one side (cowlick?) but actually used his updated face sprites when working on that weezer parody

think i peaked on his hair with this one

idk if the cowlick is technically a canon design anymore though?

still dig his hair even if not but noticed its not as prominent in the table talk title screen/promo and some more recent axis art

think for the longest time i’ve always been drawing his hearing aids with the antenna thingy at an angle which might’ve been based on older teasers though i think its straight now

I think i also tend to draw Axis a bit chubbier now too?, and i think that might’ve been party inspired by his proportions in the 2021 teaser? Think Axis is more twinkish in actuality but idk i think a little chub suits him 😆

I really love referencing old art particularly when drawing astral guard stuff sometimes, like in the piece with Sear and Coda, Axis in the background has a headset inspired by an old rpgmakercola piece with axis in it (unfortunately cant find it right now)

and on a non axis related note, referenced sears old poncho design when doing that steel ball run parody

(the steel ball run volume cover parody is still probably my favorite astral guard fanart i’ve done so far)

Also I haven’t the faintest idea where i got it from??? I dont remember ever seeing earrings on Voleric but in that second ever astral guard fanart I did i gave him earrings for some reason??? Not a bad look i must admit but I cant remember if that was a creative choice on my part or not.

Always been obsessed with concept art and seeing the old designs for these characters and how they’ve changed over the course of its development is just so fascinating to me.

also look at this old piece (they’re so cute oml 🥺 )

And also seeing how much punkitts artstyle has changed over the course of its development??? Its so inspirational seeing how much it has, i’ve loved their artstyle since i first saw astral guard but like just LOOK at this early piece of Axis compared to something more recent

LIKE LOOK AT THIS??? THIS SHIT IS SO COOL!!!!!

like you can TELL that they’re pouring their heart and soul and so much love into this project and its just so inspirational and awesome and i dont know if i can ever fully express just how much I love seeing how this project has been developing and how much I will love the end result.

Like I would consider myself a relatively melancholic person, and have had a bit of trouble paying attention to the things I like about stuff?? but Astral Guard really has made me start like genuinely trying to just find and enjoy those things?? Don’t really know how to explain it 😆

hope these posts dont get like too annoying, and there will probably be many more long ass blog posts like this but like I do get so much joy seeing punkitts art and im so excited to see what they have in store for not only astral guard but just anything else in the future.

#my posts #real long again sorry #i just really like punkitts art and astral guard if you couldn't tell already

10 notes · View notes

palettepainter · 1 year

Text

(very brief spoilers to MHA)

I’ve wanted to make this post for a while now and the only excuse I have for not making it sooner is simply because I’ve just been busy, and whenever I’ve had free time I’ve just been too tired to want to make it. I recently had a panic attack, I got a horrid headache that’s only just started to go away - and now that I finally have a moment to just sit before I get onto commissions I decided to make this post

This is more or less for my MHA followers, but to anyone else in general who follows me this could be just a general life update for you to.

As you have all probably figured I’m really into the Muppets right now, the Electric Mayhem are getting a new series on Disney+ in spring so I’ve been really excited about that and putting a lot of my energy into these characters when I’m not working. I’ve been keeping up with MHA loosely, I’m more or less up to date with the manga up until the fight with AFO and Kurogiri gets released again. The site I used to read the manga on I think got corrupt? One day it just wasn’t working so I haven’t been able to see anything about the manga past that point. I haven’t been able to catch up with the recent episodes for reasons mentioned above: I had a panic attack, I had a bad headache - just largely reasons related to mental health and my own emotional well being right now

I’ve spoken about my mental health before on here - mentioning anxiety and worries with money and probably other things too, but I’ve never been blunt about all the details. I’m not used to being an open book like that and when it comes to being online I try to keep my real life and my art life separate (that’s one of the main reasons why I don’t post pictures of myself to my art socials anymore). However my anxiety and other variables that weigh on that are such large points about my life that dictate how I act that it’s hard to not keep that a private - especially when it affects how I draw or how often I draw, when I post and so on

Anxiety at the moment has really been weighing on me heavy for pretty much this past month, a few days ago it came to a boiling point which resulted in a panic attack, and I’m still feeling a bit on edge after that experience. There are other things at play going on behind the screen, it’s not just anxiety and feeling nervous it’s a lot more then that (anyone who has anxiety will agree that anxiety is a lot more then just those two feelings). It’s stuff I discovered about myself that I don’t feel ready to share with many people, especially family, so sharing it online is something I’m no where near ready for and I don’t know if I ever will - but the main point with all this is that with how I’ve been feeling, I can’t bring myself to watch MHA at the moment with the current arc it’s in

I love MHA and it’s characters I LOVE Ectoloader, but MHA is entering possibly it’s most intense arc yet, there's a lot of themes in it with the characters I’m sure a lot of us can relate to in some way especially with some of the behaviours the characters display. I’ve got MHA stories in the works, I still want to make keychains of some of my MHA OC’s, potentially of the characters too if they sell well, but right now I’m just not in the right mood to be watching MHA right now.

I guess you could say that, for now, I’m going on a break from MHA - I made a post about this but I mentioned how way back in June 2022 I hit a really low point, The Muppets was something new, silly and fun for me to focus on. And while they have helped, just being able to talk and draw these characters who are just trying to form one bit chaotic family unit, I don’t quite think I ever got out of that funk from June

That’s pretty much all I have to say, I don’t feel comfortable sharing too much of what’s happening behind the scenes, but I’ve been meaning to make this post for a while just to give my MHA followers an update on why theres been so little art for that fandom. If you managed to read all the way to this point thank you, and I’ll post another update whenever it is I feel ready to come back to MHA

#MHA #Update

5 notes · View notes

asterlizard · 1 year

Text

2022

This year kinda breezed by, but I'm glad to say that this December was better than last December (looking back at previous years, autumn seems to be a rough period for me for some reason) I ended the year feeling excited and full of art ideas that I can't wait to share with y'all in the new year!

Anyway, accomplishments and updates:

KalChi: The next chapter is coming along, and after dealing with writer's block in autumn, I just finished my latest draft, and will hopefully have it published early in the new year (and hopefully I can finish more chapters sooner instead of releasing one a year)

Job hunt: No luck this year, and some people I know also find it odd that I don't have a job by now despite my efforts, so hopefully I can get that sorted in the new year. If a lot of time has passed, I may return to school to get a Masters degree, but that's kinda my last resort at this point. In the meantime, I'm managing through zine work and dogsitting.

Speaking of zine work, I contributed to 4 of them this year! (simultaneously too, which is my limit!) -Serenity: A BNHA Self-Care Zine -Together In Unity: A Hetalia North American Bros Zine -IidaTenBros zine -First Steps Haikyuu zine

I also think I’m getting a better handle on drawing dynamic and fluid poses, so my next goal will be improving backgrounds

I’ve had quite a few art posts that got pretty popular, but my silly crow doodles was definitely the most popular at 4K+ notes (also I’m enjoying reading people’s replies to my art posts)

I started keeping a health journal

And I’m trying to fight boredom in the meantime

And the resolutions:

Language learning: I was getting tired of not being fluent in a second language despite my enthusiasm for foreign languages my entire life, and I think I finally found a routine that works. So far I’m using it to improve my Japanese, but I want to try and apply it to the other languages I’m learning too

Now that I’m fully vaccinated, I’m starting to feel more lenient in going outside and visiting places more (still avoiding crowded spots though)

More image descriptions: the year kinda ran away from me and honestly I forgot to do this, but I did get one finished! (I will just continue to bug myself about it until it's done) Although now that alt text exists, I think I’ll be using that from now on.

More cleanup: I’ve saved a lot of links and resources over the years due to my curiosity and I never really looked at them until recently. So I gotta be more ruthless this year to not add to the pile of things to do or look at later

Relaxed schedule: Try to not give myself too much to work on at once if I can help it. I suffered a bit of burnout earlier in the year, likely as a result of wanting to do too much in a small amount of time.

And of course keeping up socializing, which I feel I've been slacking on this year (I need to talk to people!)

I've also been slacking on watching anime/reading manga until autumn, and I want to continue with it in the new year (send me your recommendations)

Also I haven't done this in a while, but I wanted to see what good things have happened this year, since my positive outlook had taken a bit of a beating this year: [Link 1] [Link 2]

I’m excited for 2023, hopefully it will be a good year for you all too! 💕

#my posts

2 notes · View notes

bangtaninborderland · 2 years

Text

Hey everyone!

I haven’t really posted in a while I know I’ve been a little quieter I woke up to a lot of dms recently asking if I was okay and to all you wonderful people who care I am doing much better!

I’ve had a rough few weeks, I got marked highest in my law class but for some reason I don’t feel accomplished, I don’t feel like that was good enough. I work extremely hard to be perfect and when I receive the results of that no matter how good it never feels good enough.

Lately I haven’t been pleased with my writing either, I’ve started multiple chapters of risk it all to just get frustrated and throw my phone when I feel like it isn’t good enough.

I have so many beautiful requests that I want to work on but I do not want to deliver something that isn’t to the quality you all deserve.

I’m under a literal microscope and the smallest issue makes my life incredible hard, I have to meet extreme targets in order to go to school, I feel like the stress I’m under is never ending.

I try my hardest to support everyone wether I know you or not but I also struggle with both anxiety and extreme ptsd that sometimes leaves me in a position where even opening my phone makes my mood incredibly low.

As usual I don’t really have a point to this post but I’ve made so many amazing friends here that I wanted to share this as I feel like this is truly a place I can express myself.

Summer is starting soon and I decided to give myself the summer free to take language classes and work out so I will have much more time to write which I’m so excited for.

My life is restricted to books and papers, extra classes and extra study session. I used to paint, draw, write, dance, sing and act. I have and always will be an artistic person but I’m worried I’m loosing that part of me. I’m worried I’ll lose myself in order to become the person I want to be.

I’m slowly learning that person isn’t realistic, I can’t always be perfect. No matter how hard I try I have to accept that I am perfect as I am, self love is the first time of love that I wish to experience because it’s never something I’ve ever had before.

Thankyou all so much for your support, encouragement and love. Especially to @niragis-right-hand-rabbit who frequently lets me open up to her no matter what it’s about.

Also @loopydarcy who sends me the best memes whenever I need encouragement.

I think if it wasn’t for you two I may have already broken down a few times.

But !!! I love you all.

❤️❤️❤️❤️💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜❤️❤️❤️💜💜💜

6 notes · View notes

mimbotomy · 10 months

Text

Tag Game

tagged by the awesome @aeide!

Last song: Zombie Zoo by Tom Petty: Super fun song, maybe some ridiculous lyrics, but I’ve always loved it and it recently cycled to be one of my favorites again. Also it makes me want to make like an A to Z playlist of my favorite songs sometime.

Currently watching: Yellowjackets! I’m not quite sure what it is about the show exactly, but it scratches an itch in my brain that I never knew was there. Unfortunately, it’s been slow going, because I’m watching it with my fiancé and we’ve both been so insanely busy with work and wedding planning. We just finished season one a couple days ago though and I’m so excited for season two.

I’m also rewatching New Girl and Psych, because it’s nice to have something fun to on in the background while I work.

Currently reading: . . . I honestly don’t know - I’ve been so busy that I haven’t read an actual book in a long time, so I kind of have three answers?

I��m pretty sure I’m theoretically in the middle of Daisy Jones and the Six though, except it’s been so long that I’d probably have to start over to know what’s going on.

If you count reading specific myths and chapters for reference as reading a book, then it’s my encyclopedia of worldwide mythology. I last looked up some myths about Hephaistos’ birth and parentage to win a debate with my mom and the death of Orpheus for my fic There is No Escape. . .

And the last book that I KNOW I finished was Joseph Campbell’s the Power of Myth, which I read on a plane almost a year ago. It was fascinating and I highly recommend it to anyone who has even a passing interest in mythology and folklore.

Current obsession: Art & fanfic (& AC Odyssey) as per usual 😂 Or two specific projects at least? I’ve never really been around children much in my life - all my cousins are about the same age as me and none have kids yet - but I’ve been working as a math tutor and have been around more kids the past six months than the rest of my life combined. And for some reason, that made me super interested in learning to draw kids and age progression, which worked well with my other two obsessions.

So I did a bunch of sketches of Kassandra (who else) at various stages of her life just for practice and while I’d like to finish and post them all eventually, I’m initially planning to post my favorite three sooner rather than later. I’d like to do Alexios too at some point, and already drew him as like an eleven year old for a study for my future second time travel fix it fic.

That fic is not my current obsession though. My current fic brain rot is my silly Alkibiades time loop fic idea where he keeps reliving the day that Phoibe and Perikles die and tries to save them. It’s just outline right now, with a few tiny snippets, but I just can’t stop thinking about it! Which kinda sucks, because I have so many other WIPs and also a fic that I started posting bc I thought I would be done with the last chapter by now so I could post it in two weeks. Guess what - I’m not 😬

Tagging @auroralykos and @aetosavros and anyone else who wants to do this!

#tag game #For lack of a better tag

1 note · View note

duskvivie · 11 months

Text

Unsure On Taking Commissions From Instagram Anymore...

You all might be wondering why I have a post titled this.

Well it’s because I am just not sure about taking commissions on Instagram at this point and may just take commissions from other platforms at this rate. I already dealt with shitty people on DeviantART, I really didn’t want to deal with people on Instagram. I think it’s time I go into what the deal is.

So I had received two messages on Instagram, both messages were from people that were interested in Commissioning me, at least one showed interest, the other....”showed interest”. However I had no true luck with actually getting anywhere when it came this and here is why.

First Story: I am going to talk about the person who did actually show genuine interest in commissioning me. However this was still a big disappointment for a reason. So keep in mind that I did have a commissions listing up on Instagram and still do at this rate, listing my prices for what I do and the kinds of things I can do, one of the many things I cannot do is art depicting real people in NSFW situations regardless of the individual clearly being of age. Anyways this user told me that they were a model and wanted to commission art of basically their body in a very lewd way. I first debated on doing it since I figured it wouldn’t be an issue but....it got a point of being frustrating as the person couldn’t make up their mind on what the wanted and would send me photos of their body constantly, again I didn’t really have a fuss over it as they stated to be a model. But my issue was them not making up their mind on what they wanted and kept pushing refs my way and not agreeing on one....I suggested surprising them but of course they were getting a little picky with their choices now and wanted for a certain one to be made but nothing was really getting through. Now the user was not from America and from Italy so of course I was being easy with them as English was of course not their first language and I did try to work with them. Course I decided that I was just not gonna go through with doing the Commission because I did state I didn’t do these types of commissions to begin with anyways. They didn’t pay at all so there was no loss and I never got started on any drawing as I have been busy job hunting and rebranding my accounts by doing some of my own art for them. I informed the user that I was just not going to do the commission because it wasn’t something I particularly did at all. They seemed to have understood but.....now they think its an obligation to keep talking to me and send me things....this was where I am getting frustrated. I haven’t heard from them recently today but I haven’t bothered speaking with them because at this rate I am just.....not having it. If it escalates then I am blocking them.

Second Story: This one is about the person that “expressed love” for my work. This person first started with asking me if I was open for commissions, which I said yes, they told me they loved my work and wanted for me to do a drawing of their son’s pet, they sent reference of it but for some reason it couldn’t be viewed on PC so I went to the app on my phone and for some reason none of the past messages aside from the opening message from him showed up, not even the photo. I kept asking for them to resend the reference but they kept ignoring that statement and kept pushing with the fact they wanted to send me $200 as a big tip for all my amazing work I did. While this got me excited, a part of me did feel that something was off about this so I decided to see where this went. I knew something was off when he kept ignoring my request for the reference of his son’s pet to be sent. He asked for my PayPal Email which of course is the only way to send money to someone on PayPal, then they asked me for the name attached to the account, at first I didn’t think much of it as I did have to do this with an artist I had commissioned on Instagram before that I met back at Kumoricon last year since they themselves did not have a PayPal originally and did eventually make one for me to send the payment (I did feel bad that I didn’t have any of the other payment methods that could work for them but they were OK with it), I sent the name attached to the account and they sent a screenshot showing “proof” that the $200 was sent, of course I logged into my PayPal and no surprise, no money was sent to the account. They immediately tell me that an email was likely sent to me, as they got a similar email to me too. The email stated that my account had a restricted limit and that I could not receive the $200 and that I had to upgrade my account to a business account, this is where I knew something was definitely wrong. For one I have had $200 sent to my account before by my boyfriend and there were no issues, I even went and did research and the maximum amount that can be sent depending the case is either $4000 or $60,000. The email was also not even the official PayPal email and even then, no emails from PayPal would immediately be sent to Spam Folder either nor would Gmail inform me that it was nothing more than a scam. Looking at the email itself it was a Gmail account and of course any service like PayPal would not have a Gmail to begin with so this was already a scam, again I wanted to see where this would go. The email stated that the other user had to send me another $200 to make the amount $400 just to upgrade the account and then I had to refund $200 back to them and keep the other $200. I made it clear to the person that none of this seemed right at all, but they insisted on me following the instructions from the email. Once the user “sent the $200″ I immediately checked my PayPal the right way by opening another tab on my computer and logging in. The email I then received was once again sent to my Spam Folder, once again Gmail telling me that its a scam (Which I figured it was anyways), the email claiming that now my account had been upgraded to a Business user and that I needed to login to see my funds having been sent. Of course there was a login button on the email but I was not going to click that and I went to my PayPal the legit way and of course....there was truly no $400 in the account. The email even stated that if I did not refund the money back in a certain amount of time that I would be arrested by law enforcement...this already was exactly the kind of thing I was expecting from something that was basically a general scam. I told the person that I did not receive the funds and that I did check my PayPal account and no money was in there....once again they insisted that I follow the instructions as they were desperate in wanting to send me the money. I told them I was no falling for a mere scam and blocked them immediately. Before I even did any of that I did check their profile. I figured just as much...their PFP was of a fursona but looking at their profile they never talked about Furries or anything whatsoever, all of their pics were of them and likely some friends, so it’s clear that this person likely may have stolen someone’s art off the internet and used it to try and scam artists and get them to think they were a furry perhaps.

At this rate I may just not accept commissions on Instagram since it is full of scammers, I haven’t had any bad luck over on Twitter yet or any other platform but I am awaiting for people commission me again as I have taken one Commission. I just....I just don’t think I should be advertising commissions on Instagram anymore at this rate because of the kind of people I get always....no one ever reads the Commissions listing or anything......

#Instagram is full of Scammers #Scammers #Instagram is not art friendly #Just trying to do Commissions #Just trying to advertise #Scammers scamming artists #People don't read Commission Listings #Why can't people read #Tired of these people #May stop doing commissions on Instagram #May not advertise on Instagram

0 notes

witchlyboo · 3 years

Text

Definitely, maybe.

Part five: The one who belongs to someone else.

Introduction. Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four.

Paring: Latina!reader x Logan Lerman x Tom Holland x Ben Hardy x Timothee Chalamet x Pedro Pascal x Michael B. Jordan

Warnings: Swearing, angst, misspellings, some Spanish, me learning how to write properly, and NY stuff that I've learned from movies that we all agree to pretend are real.

Word count: 6.4 k

a/n: You been asking for smut, I know, I know, I just wanted to introduce you to all the boys first, and we're getting there, just one more ahead. Also, I'm working on a masterlist because we are getting too many parts already.

All body types and skin tones friendly. You can also enjoy it as a no Hispanic reader. Constructive feedback and misspellings correction is always welcome.

Red and blue lights flash the driving mirror.

—No, no, no, por favor que no sea a mi—You beg to the sky looking at the patrol that is asking you to park, or someone else, there's a lot of cars in this part of the city, there's a big chance is the panic who's controlling your senses.—Dios, mi abuela fue a la iglesia cada domingo de su vida y nunca te pidió nada, please let me have some of her divina recompensa.—But that's not how it works, you end up parking with just a few seconds to think what to say. There's a perfect explication of why you are driving a car that is not yours in the middle of the night and smelling like a minibar.

Then this ridiculous thought comes to your mind, you look expensive, you've never seen the daughter of a senator but you must be close to it, it would make you less of a feminist if you just use your attributes? Ugh, you feel sick just to think about it but don't have enough money to pay a fine, and the constant paranoia of being chased all the time as an immigrant will only get stronger.

You pull down your dress a little so your neckline can do its job but you regret it immediately, and you're pretty sure you look more like an expensive prostitute who stole the car of his lover than some influential men's daughter.

—License and registration.—You hear him say when he approaches your window. You don't like this but you have to play the dumb tourist, the pretty foreign girl that is too stupid to be dangerous, with the look you have tonight it shouldn't be hard. But damn you hate cops, any uniformed man that works for the government is your eternal enemy, and you don't know how long you could keep the nice dumb Latina game before spit on his face.

—There's something wrong, officer? ...You?!—Your sexy and fake high voice is ruined when you see the face of the man who stopped you. This night couldn't get worse.

—Wait, what happened with the party?—Evan interrupts you while you finish some notes for work, little remainders for later when you don't have an eleven years old kid running around you, he's not usually this energic and you have to blame yourself for that, you're describing a life of excess and eccentric fun, something you let behind so many years ago that your own son doesn't know even a bit of it.

—Ugh, a nightmare doesn't worth telling.—You remember vaguely most of it but what keeps fresh in your mind is bad enough to don't want to bring it back.

—But if Timothée is my dad I have to know the important things, including the bad stuff.—Sounds perfectly reasonable and that's what makes you groan at him. Sometimes you feel blessed that your kid is better than you in any possible way, and sometimes you want to kill his brain with video games and reality shows like the rest of the parents.

—Ok, cool, but I'll keep all the +18 content for myself, so this part of the story might be blurry for you.—It kinda is for you anyway.

You should’ve known this night was cursed, you had a feeling because a) your earring fell off at the same time Timothée texted you to give you the party address and say he can't pick you up. And b) he won’t pick you up. Your mother would say that’s reason enough to not go, a real gentleman wouldn’t make you go to an unknown place in the middle of the night on your own in a city like this. But you decide to ignore it because you are a modern woman and because it’s worth it. It better be.

The outfit must be something special. You always take your time to choose what to wear, even if just another regular day, and since this isn't the case you thought about it for hours, that made your mind busy enough to not thinking about Tom and the whole love confession. He texted you saying he'll come for you to go to class together on Monday, which is completely impractical because he's way closer than you but is progress and you're going to take it.

You wanted to ask for Sheep's opinion but you thought she might not care, has been a few days since she started acting strange like she's bothered just to see you breathe. You want to blame his boyfriend to take all her time and attention from you but is probably just her new job, she got a small role in a Netflix show, and even when you're so happy for her, that's the event that has changed her into someone completely different. But you give her time, stress can do bad things to people.

The winner is the exact copy you made of the black and white striped dress Cameron Diaz wore in "The Mask" beautiful, classy, and sexy enough without being too scandalous, not that you have any problem with that, but this isn't the occasion, you don't want to feel like you're being too much or too little, just enough, it's supposed to be easy, right? you were born for this. Just adding some big shiny earrings you got on a thrift shop that look like real diamonds and you're ready, not that you own any to compare. Red lipstick, dark eyes, and a messy bun to get that disinterested pitch every look needs.

Getting there wasn't a problem, you were in the rich part of the city, everyone know who, where and what just to brag about it. The excitement is growing with every second, you check your makeup like thirty times in the elevator and send texts to your mom just to let her know where you are, and because you have to share that moment with someone and you are limited of friends these days.

Timothée opens the door with red eyes, drunk, high, or somewhere in between, you know then you were right about the bad feeling. He jumps on you to kiss you and no matter how much you try to explain the delicacy of your lipstick, he does it anyway, leaving a taste of alcohol and shrimps in your mouth. Taking you by the waist he walks you to a group of people you don't know while you're trying harder to fix the red color of your mouth without a mirror.

—Here is the companion I bought, look at her, that's how five grand per hour look like.—They laughed but you were too disoriented to process all the things he said, it was supposed to be a joke? if it is, why isn't he correcting? Instead, his hand goes straight to your ass and presses it to get you closer to him.

—I'm actually an intern in the costume designer department of the new version of "Sense and Sensibility".—You wanted to mention your recent promotion to hairstylist and makeup artist but that might be too pretentious. Anyway, they don't seem to care what you are or not, in fact, they don't even see you, all eyes are on Timothée

—Oh, well, is easy to forget when you're paying them—All laughs again. Who is this person? Who are all these people, actually? You recognize some influencers, a few cast members but there's no sign of the director, other main actors, not even his co-star. You feel like an extra in a movie where someone will be killed in a luxury party, hopefully not you. You take his hand from your body and clear your throat.—I'm just joking my love, she looks stunning, isn't she? I’ll get you a drink.

He leaves and the group of people surrounding you suddenly dissipated like boiling water, you were on your own again and despite some judgmental gazes is like you’re not there, you’re sure you could just take your dress off and throw it to someone’s face and unless Tim says something about it, no one would care. You’re there as his companion, an ornament, and that’s not enough to earn their attention because it’s too obvious you’re the one in turn.

You walk to the only window no one is smoking and check your phone, you know, the thing you do when you pretend you have important issues to attend, but no, you end reading some old messages, pictures, texting your mom of how much fun you’re having at the party, and somehow you check your filed Facebook messages to find Logan’s name. You cover the screen so fast you hurt your nail, his name is enough to make you tremble like a Chihuahua, you haven’t talked to him since that night, you know from his sister he lives in the house he bought for you two and he’s having the happiest life without you. You want to believe that because that means you took the right decision but deep inside… no, you can’t be that person, you want him to be happier than ever.

You find the guts to open the message, and you read as slowly as is humanly possible. “My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health…” Dios, just Logan could start a message like that, your smile is almost too big to fit in your face so you bit your nail to cover it a little. “I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you’ll be happy to know…”

—That’s a fucking long-ass message.—Tim appears behind you and takes your phone from your hand, spilling some of his drink on your dress in the process. Apparently, he's been there long enough to read part of the message.

—Give it back.—You command in the most severe voice you have, your magical moment got ruined and you remember the hole of hell you are.

—"My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health. I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you must know I still use them now and then"—Timothée starts reading the message, and even when no one is close enough to hear it and you don’t really care about this people’s opinion, that’s not for anyone to read, that’s one of the few parts of your life you treasure the most and you’re not ready to get over it.—You little slut, are you cheating on me with a med student?

—Give it to me.—You repeat trying to take the phone from his hand but he’s faster and walks away putting it out of your reach.

—"I meticulously preserve them, I certainly know any piece of art made by you will be priceless in the near future"—You don’t want to hear it coming from his drunk mocking voice, so you try to ignore what he’s saying and put more effort on chasing the phone.—Should I had kept the jeans where you left the wet spot on? I didn’t know you were an artist, my love.

—Timothée, por el amor de Dios.—Now you're trying to climb him, it wouldn't be that hard to take him down, he's skinny and you're fierce. That's what you thought but he's not moving even with you are on top of his shoulder and his opposite long arm keeps the phone away from you.

—Who is this guy and why is he talking to my girl like this?—You see the olive eyes getting darker and the tone of his voice went deeper than you thought he could do. You desist from taking the phone, you know the bullies love the attention, maybe that's exactly what he wants and give it to him just makes it worse.

—I'm not your girl.—You claim fixing up your dress having enough of games, and you have no reason to keep worrying about losing your job, the filming is done, and apparently your relationship with him too. You don't care about any of that anymore, just want to read Logan's text.

Even behind all the alcohol and the eyes injected in blood thanks for who knows what kind of drug, you can see the disappointment and anger, but it's not a broken heart, Is the hissy fit of a child that loses his balloon and now everyone will pay for it, especially you.

—Are you sure about that?—You can see him swallow hard, almost looking vulnerable, but his voice is defiant and threatening to prove you wrong. He just has to stretch out his arm to reach the open window with your phone in hand, his intentions are clear and the only thing you can do is raise your hands as a reflex.—You were mine the moment you put a foot on my trailer, and I don't fucking share my stuff.—Before you can say a word he drops the phone from the fourth floor.

You know is senseless but you find yourself running out of the party and going to search the device, using it also as an excuse to get away from that place. This is the first time someone makes you feel meaningless, you know the famous' world is cold and lacking in empathy but this is ridiculous, they're a bunch of parasites fed by attention and power. By Timothée.

The screen is crashed and the rest of it is probably beyond repair, not that you're surprised, its life is longer than you've been in the country and you admit you should have replaced it much earlier but you're not the kind to throw away things that still work. However, is not the phone you are worried about, not as much as what it contains.

—That was obsolete anyway, I'll get you a better one.—You didn't know he was following you, his voice interrupts your self-wailing. He sounds calmer and a little embarrassed, but not enough to say sorry, you don't think he's capable of saying it.

You shake your head and start to walk away without a word, you don't want anything from him, not materially, at least.

—Don't make a scandal out of it, it's just a phone!—He yells erasing any trace of regret in his voice. He doesn't see the reaction he expected and that's when he runs after you and with a hand on your upper arm pulls you back, you gasped for the sudden bluntness.—That annoying habit you have of leaving when I'm talking to you.

You push him away with all the strength you have, which resulted in him almost falling on the ground.

—I don't care about the stupid phone!—You finally break, but sadly is not as satisfactory as you thought it would be.—You are mean, vain, arrogant and the worst part is that you enjoy being this despicable human because you have absolutely no consequences to it. Everyone around you just accepts it and I feel so sorry for you because the only possible way for you to fill the void inside is to be surrounded by that crowd of mules licking your steps—To your surprise, he has nothing to say, he's just standing there with no facial expression, whatever he feels is easily covered by his years of experience acting, even drunk.—I can't give you that and it's obvious they don't want me either. What am I even doing here?—You ask yourself thinking where would be the best way of getting a cab, is a rich zone, must be easy.

—Everything is better when you're around—His voice is thin and fragile, you have to process what he said three times in your head to understand his words. You're not willing to look at him yet.—You're not like the others.

—Pure bullshit. You love to repeat that misogynist discourse of girls being in a certain way because is easier than be responsible for the people you choose to be—You were hugging yourself the whole time, is a cold night, but not enough to be bothersome, you enjoy Fall weather—You got me for a moment, I give you that, you fooled me but I'm too tired of guessing what version of you is real—When you return your gaze at him, he doesn't try to hide the guilt anymore, but there's still haughtiness in there.—Now, if you don't mind Mr. Chalamet, I need to get a cab.

—No, you came with me, you leave with me.—There's no trace of alcohol in his voice anymore, a good scolding is enough to put you sober, you know that thanks to your mom. Oh god, you're becoming her.

—You didn't bring me here, gigantic head—You look at him and put your hand in front of him with the palm up. He stares at it for several seconds before put his own on it—Not that!—You shake it and start looking inside his jeans pockets until you feel the metal of his key car.—You can't drive and I have to get home. You'll find it in the studio tomorrow.

That's how you ended with a car way more luxurious than you expected, driving so slowly and carefully that the police stopped you. What a night, but at this point, you couldn't care less about anything that is not that message, is been months and you can't get over it, over him. Not even Ben moans, Tom's comforting arms, or fight with a movie star at 3:00 am. is enough to get him out of your mind.

—So is true, you don't wear anything that hasn't appeared in a movie, huh?—Michael B. Jordan is leaning on the car window with a mocking smile and a sparkle of satisfaction that you would love to punch but his uniform keeps you in line, where you come from police is not equal to justice, most of the times is oppression.

—You know where it's from?—That was kind of comforting, no one at the party noticed. Not that you care.

—Is The Mask, not some Adam Hitchcock's blurb.—He smiles and even when you really don't like him, it's nice to be with a familiar face, you are really tired of running away, scaping for problems that are a result of your null capacity to deal with emotions. Ugh, what a word.

—Is Alfred Hitchcock, actually.—You didn't want to sound priggish, but you correct him with no time to stop yourself, an old habit.

—You got me, smarty, you know more than movies than me. Where did you get this car?—You feel really nervous even when you got this legally, you have your documents and license on time and he's being nice enough to not want to run away in a car that you technically borrowed for yourself.

—It's not mine.—No shit, Sherlock.

—No shit, Sherlock, I was asking where did you steal it.—You wanted to laugh but there's something with the uniform that just doesn't allow you to be yourself.—Are you drunk?

—No, no, fuck, no, it's just, I don't feel comfortable with cops—He raises his eyebrows but that is his only reaction.—Listen, is my boss' car, I'm doing the favor to take it to the studio, and I'm really nervous because is fucking expensive, he's an asshole, I haven't drive un almost a year because you people only use cars if you're rich or your work and lives depend on it. I'm starving.—The last part came out of nowhere, you haven't eaten anything in almost 13 hours, maybe that's the actual reason why you are that moody.

He doesn't answer right away, takes his time to look at you, what makes you blush, he's really close, closer than he's ever been. Does he smell like green apples? Not the actual apples, the artificial smell they had given to them.

—Get out of the car.—Oh no, is he arresting you? Is he finally taking revenge for every time you make fun of his Hawaiian-type shirts? You know you have too much karma accumulated and a cop making you pay for it when you don’t believe in their sense of justice is kinda poetic, and evil.

You don’t want to discuss with someone with a taser, gun, pepper spray, or who knows what else. So you take your bag, the key car, and get off defeated.

—My turn is almost over, I’ll take you to eat something, c’mon.—He walks back to his patrol and you stay still for a few seconds still processing his words, you must look totally devastated for him to offer that. How you see it you have two options, go with him and spend an awkward hour with a person you don’t like or risk getting a fine, Tim can pay it, it’s not a big deal but you don’t want to owe him even the minimal thing.

You get in the car holding on to your bag to feel calmer, this is the first time you’re fully alone with him since you found him half-naked in your kitchen. Those defined abs may never leave your brain.

—Are you cold?—He interrupts your thoughts with his question, you didn’t notice you were shaking. He looks for something under his seat and gives you an NYPD hoodie, you hold it doubting your next move, is not like you don’t appreciate the gesture but it’d be easier to take if it doesn’t get that words printed—Is clean.—He says chuckling when he sees the way you’re looking at it.

—Is not that, just, you know, fuck the police, defund the NYPD, demilitarize the pigs and that stuff.—You say putting on the hoodie anyway, is a cold night and you won't help the institution wearing their propaganda.

—Yeah, I get it, but you can't change the system just from within.—You decide is not the right moment to have a political conversation so you shrug your shoulders and discreetly smell the hoodie, a mix of cologne, green apples, and cheap soap, you know is cheap because you buy the exact same, do its job.

—I'm in the mood for pizza.—You say casually, making a deal to yourself to try to be his friend, he is a small part of your life anyway.—Domino's is open at this time of the night?

—Tell me you're not consuming that shit, dear Lord, you been here for how long, two years? I can't believe your idea of a good pizza is Domino's. Stella hasn't taught you anything?—You're surprised by the level of condescension with a pizza and you mirror his smile, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Your school program includes people from all around the world so you don't have that much experience with actual new yorkers. Logan is rich, so he doesn't really count.

—What's wrong with Domino's? I don't buy much street food, is cheaper to buy things on the food market. Besides, all pizza is good.—The mention of Sheep makes you a little tense, so you don't say anything about it, is not a conversation to have with him.

—Don't blaspheme in the patrol, I just washed it—You laugh, finally, after a terrible weekend. You can see why she likes him, there is something about his voice, smile, and his eyes that feel... calm, like watching Friends after a marathon of Lord of the Rings.—There are rules to survive this city, and I'm surprised you have made it this far without a proper guide.

—Chill out Mr. Miyagi, I'm not from the jungle, and I've learned a lot by myself.—He gives you a lopsided grin as a request, and you put your fingers up ready to enlist your acquired knowledge.—Walk fast, like you're about to be stabbed, something that actually happened to me, with an umbrella—He nods and laughs being related to it.—Number two, no small talk, no one cares, even if they ask. Number three, if you look a stranger in the eye, especially a homeless person, you have essentially invited them to approach you.

—Number four, we never eat from Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza hut, or any other chain restaurant, only trucks and local places are allowed.—You roll your eyes but you get the point, is just, again, you're not much into street food, it doesn't taste like home and the only way to eat food like that is preparing it yourself.

—Fine, fuck capitalism, let's support local places—You make an obvious fake enthusiastic tone but he nods proudly.—Number five, you don't need a car to live here, not even know how to drive. I would have successfully avoided this police brutality if I had followed that rule.

—For someone who is about to eat for free, you whine too much.—He parks the car and gives you a sign to go with him. You see him go to a pizza truck and order, you realize at the moment how ridiculous you look, so before chasing him you let your hair down, take your huge earrings off, and roll up the skirt of your dress until your mid-thighs letting the hoodie cover the rest, and clean the red lipstick with a Kleenex from your bag. Now you look more like a college person and not a rich girl who just got seized.

—Here you go.—He says giving you a slice as big as your head, looks oily and spreading cheese everywhere. Perfect.

—Is it vegan?—You ask receiving the food with an obnoxious face. His kind grind turned into a dread expression and you give him your second laugh of the day.—I'm kidding.

You are about to give it a bite when you see passing next to you a huge rat with the exact same slice as yours in its mouth, running into the dark of the night happy to have obtained the food for its family. They use to scare you when you just moved out but now they're like any other pigeon in the sky.

—Rule... whatever, a rat with a slice of pizza is a symbol for good luck, congratulations.—He pets your head awkwardly, not sure if you're ok with the physical contact, which, surprisingly, you are.

—I see rats with bagels all the time.—Pizza and bagels, that's the main culinary wonders of the city, you like it, not much to object but is hard not to compare it with your home's food.

—Is easy to confuse a rough diamond with a simple rock.—You both eat in silence, enjoying the mixed sounds of the city and all the different smells, the whole situation feels like one of those lofi music videos. You remember thinking about moments like this before getting the scholarship, what would it be like to feel normal in the city of your dreams.

—How do you know that much about movies?—He asks after a few minutes when you take a break to drink something, that pizza is not easy to take.

—When I was a kid a spent much time on my own, so my dad bought me a used DVD reproducer, and at the corner of my neighborhood was this movie store where you could buy 5 pirate movies for one dollar. They were blurred, with a terrible sound, and most of the time with the wrong movie inside but they helped me to not feel lonely. Eventually, the store closed but I've watched everything in it by then—He gives you a warm smile, you never told that story to anyone, not because is too intimate to share, but because no one asked, it doesn't sound like a question with a complex answer.—Anyway, I watched Marie Antoinette when I was like eight, and I decided at that moment that however is done I wanted to be part of that magic.

—You hear all kind of people chasing dreams in this city but is hard to find someone who actually deserves it.—You blush and you cover it with your hair but the smile on your voice is impossible to hide.

—Is that a compliment? You must really want me to like you to date Sheep.—You laugh but you can see his face tense, so you can guess your friend has been busy breaking everyone’s hearts.

—She hasn’t returned my calls in three days so I don’t think there’s much you can do—You nod, all this time you thought he was the reason she is ignoring you but apparently you are both in the same boat.—But yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, what I should have said is, Marie Antoinette at eight? I can see where all the damage started.

You gasp and throw your napkin at his head, he easily catches it without even looking at it and laughs; that was unexpectedly attractive.

—Why a cop?—You ask, not sure where that question came from, maybe you authentically want to know more about him, he just bought you food, and honestly, that's the easiest way to win your trust.

—I wanted to be an actor when I was a child. This is the city of opportunities so you may think that if you want to chase the big wonder, this is the perfect place to do it. But I grow up surrounded by these people giving their entire lives to get something just given to one in a million so I decided is not worth it. For many years I wondered what I wanted to do with my life and the answer was really clear, my dad was a cop, a good one, or that’s what people say. I don’t remember much because he died when I was seven—Conversations about death are not your strength, everything can turn out uncomfortable if you choose the wrong words.—It might not be that glamorous but if my father died for it, it surely worth it.

—For the good ones.—You raise your almost empty can of Coke and he does the same with a grin that warms the cold weather of the night.

—For the good ones.

The next two hours passed like minutes talking about anything and everything. It just felt right to talk freely with him, you didn’t feel judged for your awkward family moments or your random thoughts, not even once because he told you his too. At some point of the night he borrowed you his gym sweatpants, any of you could just suggest going home but that was off the table, end that peace just for weather reasons would have been a tragedy.

—I read Timothée Chalamet is a dick. Is that true?—The mention of his name remains you of your life and everything that comes with it, including the middle semester project that you must dedicate your entire day, one that is about to start.—What, you can’t talk about it?

—He is a complete dick with no sense of privacy or human decency—And when he interrupts a deep kiss to look at your eyes, smile, and caress your chin, you feel like a character of his Victorian movies. But he didn’t ask that.—But the next week he’ll be no longer my problem.

—That’s why we have rule twenty-three, don’t ask for a picture of a celebrity unless they are local—You have heard about it before but you haven’t got the opportunity to decide if you like that rule because the only celebrities you have seen are from work and that club’s party opening.—That means you’ll be free to go to the Stephen Kings’ movie projection there will be for Halloween.

You don’t know if that was a proposition, a suggestion, or just a simple recommendation, and whatever it is, you noticed he was nervous to ask. Is it wrong? It feels wrong like you were betraying your friend accepting to hang out with his boyfriend without her consent. But he didn’t ask you to go with him so is safe to answer.

—Yeah, I guess—You get a moment, four seconds top, where you shared innocent, curious, and tenting gazes like three graders in the playground. And that’s the further you will allow yourself to go.—We better leave, if the sunlight touch me I’ll turn into dust.

You get off the car hood and go to the side door, but this time he opens it for you. You give him a “seriously?” Look, receiving a little push in your arm as a response.

↬☀︎︎

A distant voice asks you to wake up, softly whispers that turn into caresses on your cheek, your eyes feel so heavy, even when you are well aware of your environment your eyelids keep closed.

—Good morning, Princess—This is the first time Tom calls you that way, the change from silly nicknames to Princess is enough to get you out of hibernation. He is squatting beside your bed, his smile is the promise of a better day, and chasing that idea you give him one small back.—Your mom has been texting me desperately all day, she said you're not answering her calls and is worried.

—Fuck, my phone broke last night, can I call her from yours?—That’s an oversimplification but in the search for a better story, that's what you decide to believe and tell. Tom nods and gives it to you, he looks happy, beyond that, this is the first time you see that subtle blush on his cheeks and the eyes sparkling. You sit on the bed next to his body looking for your mom's number, slowly he moves between your legs, you have shorts and an oversized Back To The Future t-shirt, you got took the time to prepare yourself to bed last night and keep Michael’s clothes inside your closet to wash them, like The Tell-Tale Heart, a little innocent secret who feels dirty somehow

The conversations with your mom are always long, nostalgic and the tears are hard to hold for both parts; after a long life sharing almost every day with her, her absence never feels smaller. But this time is different, Tom is exploring the bare skin under your knee with his warm hands, asking for permission with curious eyes, and when you don’t object to the touch the British boy keeps his exploring mission cautiously, giving special attention to see your eyes in case something change. Is time to hang up when he gives a long and loving kiss to your knee, the less erotic kiss you could think of but so intimate to bristle your skin.

—Not nice to touch someone's daughter when is talking to her mom.—The protest of your voice loses strength at every word, he heard that and just straight his back to reach your face, the gap is almost extinct.

—We're okay, she likes me.—He assures holding your hips and pulling you a bit to him. Tom looks very comfortable with the new closeness authorization, you like it but are not very sure about it yet, most of you still think of him as your best friend.

—Did she tell you that? Are you talking with my mom behind my back?—You laugh when he does, almost like nothing changed.

—She adores me, I swear, I'm invited to Christmas, you know?—You're not surprised, she invites everyone, Logan was too but the first time he got family plans and didn't make it to the second.

—You should go, maybe we can do...—His lips touch yours in a peak at the middle phrase and makes you forget what you were about to say.—Man, the audacity to interrupt...—Then he kisses you again, deeply, using his tongue to taste your inner lip and his hands holding your shirt in fists. That's a twist of events.

—Is that ok?—You hear a weak whisper coming out of his voice but you got so mesmerized on his lips that decided to ignore it and kiss him back instead. He responds to your touch and starts to lean over you to make you lay on the bed.

Jesucristo bendito, is this happening? like, actually happening? you must look like trash, you barely took all the makeup from the night before and didn't take a shower, you start to get so worried about smells, feelings, and what that'll mean to your already too much-spoiled friendship.

However, the time of doubts is done when Sheep starts yelling in the living room, you both reacted running to the sound and looking for your blonde friend. Michael is there but doesn't look like the same as a few hours ago, is annoyed and tired for the lack of sleep, a look that doesn't match him at all.—What did you do?—You ask him fast assuming she's mad for something he did.

—Just in time, the star of the movie, I was wondering how much it will take you to be the protagonist of this.—That is Sheep's voice talking about you and what must be your heart breaking from her words.

—Excuse me?—You wish your tone would be less savage but you can't help respond the same way she did.

—Logan wasn't enough, then you got the drummer, fucking Timothée Chalamet, Tom and now my boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't leave you alone with my dad or I'd be calling you mom now.—You have no words to that, Michael doesn't even dare to look at you, he must have told her something she misunderstood, but Sheep, or well, Stella is saying things she actually thinks and keep to herself. Tom walks in front of you whispering things to her to calm her down but she is not looking at him, you didn't tell her anything about Tom either so he's taking responsibility this time.—Go ahead and fuck the whole city, Michael if that please you but you're crossing the line with Tom and you know that, you're going to ruin him as you ruin every man that enters in your life.—She has a very you moment having the last word of the dispute and getting out of the apartment with Michael going after her but not putting much effort in it.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Taglist:

@eridanuswave @cjand10 @deluxeplanteater @rorodendra @navs-bhat @coxxxxxpi @leviosatothestars

Thanks for all the love and support, if you have opinions, suggestions, or want to be part of the tag list (Or don’t want to be part anymore) let me know, I appreciate every message.

#ben hardy imagine #michael b jordan fc #tom holland x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #pedro pascal #logan lerman fc #definitely maybe #fluff #angst #timothee chalamet #Tom Holland #Ben Hardy

111 notes · View notes

irondad-creator-awards · 2 years

Text

Winner Spotlight - broskepol

Today we’re talking to the wonderful @broskepol who so kindly agreed to answer our questions.

How did you get into Irondad? Ehh, I guess it was soon after the Infinity War was released in theaters. Well, actually I wasn't much into MCU when Infinity War came out, so I gladly caught all the spoilers, and that's when I heard that there is some really touching yet heartbreaking scene where Spider-Man turns into ash and Tony Stark's holding him at that moment. I thought like, ‘Hey does this mean marvel actually do try to make their viewers feel something for their characters?’ (lol I thought these were just meaningless blockbusters) (well actually they still are just meaningless blockbusters, but one of the best of their kind, you know) 'cuz that sounded like some really sincere thing in the plot. Later I decided to actually watch Infinity War myself (just for fun lol) and man I didn't expect to feel kinda sad at the end. I mean, as soon as the end credits started I thought ‘Damn, I wish I knew these characters better so I could actually feel something for losing them". And that's when I binge-watched the entire MCU for the first time and fell in love with these characters. Then suddenly came the toughest part - to wait till the Endgame release, because unlike Infinity War, I was ready and absolutely hyped up for it. And since the Irondad scene at the end of Infinity War was actually one of the most heartbreaking in the entire movie, I was so excited to wait and see how these two would reunite in Endgame. So, seeing them hug eventually was really heartwarming and satisfying (let's ignore what happened next, lol), so then I felt how many soft feelings I have for these two and how much I need them to be like father and son.

What’s your favorite Irondad scene? Would it be too obvious to say that the scene of them reuniting in Endgame is my favourite? But why the hell not? I absolutely love it.

When did you start drawing, and what inspired you to become an artist? I've been drawing for my entire life, literally. I cannot remember myself without this passion, it's something that's always been with me, so there wasn't really something special that "inspired" me to become an artist - it feels like I was simply born with the thought of becoming one in the future.

What do you enjoy about creating art the most? I like the chemistry between me, art, and the viewer. It goes like this - I felt something, I made a drawing based on that feeling or inspiration, and then the viewer felt the same way or even something new. I enjoy this process of emotion exchange - that's why I value the feedback so much, because I’m wondering what exactly did you feel or thought of when you saw my drawing. Also, art just makes me feel good. This is something I’m good enough at - and I’m certain about it. This fact gives me at least one reason to like myself a bit more than I do.

Which of your artworks are your favorite and why? And can you include a link/copy? Talking about Irondad - this one is my absolute favorite...

I've spent like a couple or three nights for making this, and sadly it didn't get that much attention as I wish it did (it's classic - the more time you spend on something - the less recognition you get at the end, this is just how life works, I’m used to it). I love its emotion and overall mood - it doesn't look like something I normally draw, this one is way more dramatic, if I can say so.

What's your favorite thing to draw? Oooh, I love sketching people - the poses, the emotions, different appearances.

What inspires your art now? Kinda tough question, since I haven't drawn much for myself for almost a year... One of my inspirations now is also my guilty pleasure - Genshin Impact, which I’m not proud of, but somehow this overhyped thing just makes me feel better and I kinda wanna sketch its characters just for fun. Also, I recently started watching Arcane and oh my, this style just makes me wanna DO ART. Moreover, I’ve recently been to a little tour with my family around Europe and seen quite a lot of incredibly beautiful landscapes, that just cannot escape my mind and I wanna create something based on this experience.

How did you feel to be a winner of the Awards last year? This was unexpected, but really pleasant, since my blog has already been inactive for quite some time at that moment. It was nice to know that people still remembered me and valued my art even though I wasn't posting anymore. That was nice!

Thank you so much @broskepol for sharing your talent and time with us xxx

#Irondad Creator Awards #Irondad and Spiderson #irondad #spider son #Iron Man #tony stark #spider-man #peter parker #please reblog

67 notes · View notes

rantrambles · 3 years

Text

Ever get so upset you make a Tumblr account to vent?

I haven’t even listened to The Penumbra Podcast yet but it’s on my list because it’s insanely popular and the cosplays I’ve seen are hot as hell (A+ to all the cosplayers I’ve seen you’ve done great work). Now, with the recent news surrounding the podcast, I’ll wait till it’s done if I ever do get into it. I’m Asian and part of the LGBT community but I’m not nonbinary so I can’t say much about the trans represention in the art but I wanted to add my two cents on the matter as a person of color and someone examining the situation from the outside. Also, before I get deeply into it, I’m not the only person of color with opinions on this matter so if people have their own frustrations and criticism with the racism in The Penumbra Podcast and/or the new artist they hired, definitely listen to them too. These are my own personal opinions, and I’m sure other people will disagree and that’s fine. We’re all going to have different views on this so bear that in mind. Also, feel free to correct me or add anything if I’ve missed some information. Here’s a great breakdown of the whole situation for those that don’t know what happened. Finally, I was very hesitant to post this, but I felt it was important because I make a statement at the end on how race should be presented in a podcast format so if you are interested in making a podcast and want to have a diverse range of characters, please skip to the end to read those thoughts.

I’ll start off by saying, I’m not even that upset with the new artist that The Penumbra Podcast hired. I know that statement alone is controversial but I don't personally know them, and I’m not going to judge who they are as a person by a few pieces of art they’ve made. They are the least of the problems that I have here. Since the announcement and the backlash, I’ve been scrolling through the artist’s Instagram account and I can tell why people find the designs offensive, but I’m also comparing the designs to the artist’s other work, and I honestly believe that’s just their style. They’ve exaggerated the features of just about every character they’ve made, regardless of race or gender. From what I’ve seen the sharp angles and overly round curves in the anatomy that make some of the character’s features more jarring are how they prefer to draw. I’m sure they’re capable of drawing more realistic proportions but for the most part they’re art aims to call attention, be bold, and create distinguished features. Not inherently a bad thing on its own.

And yeah I’d understand the issue if this were a scenario where the artist heard how these characters acted in the podcast and thought “hey, obviously this character is a black woman because they are super strong and therefore must have big muscles, no other woman could look like that” or “hey, this character has to be Asian because they act super seductive sometimes better draw them as such.” But from my understanding the race was already decided by previous official artists and a general description of the characters were already generated by the audience, similar to how The Magnus Archives leaned towards drawing scrawny Jon with black, greying hair and dark skin. The new artists couldn’t really change those features even if those features aren’t described in canon because a depiction that strayed too far from popular fandom interpretation would make the character’s unrecognizable to the fanbase.

I think the reason this became such a big issue for most people is because the new Penumbra artist used their exaggerated art style when making these characters and people of color and nonbinary folks already see themselves drawn as these exaggerated caricatures all the time (with those images being used to further discriminate against them). I’m sure the artist didn’t mean for their art to be offensive, but that of course doesn’t change how it was received.

According to some, the poses and expressions the artists chose did not fully represent the characters entirely and only served to further perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and I’ll have to take their word for it because I still haven’t listened to the podcast so I have no idea how the characters act. But again much of the criticism is based on the one line-up and doing a deeper dive into the artist’s work I managed to find artwork that was much less offensive. Here some art where Vespa is depicted in a non-violent pose and one where Vespa is in a threatening pose but not an overly violent one. Here is Peter drawn in a non-seductive pose. Hopefully, the artist truly does keep the criticisms in mind as they work on the new official art. I’m just not the type of person that wants to get the pitchforks out and cause this particular person to lose a job they seemed really excited about over their old character line-up, especially when that person is also part of a marginalized group.

Again, that’s just my opinion on that particular artist. Those who are offended by their art are still valid in how they feel, and the artist should absolutely take their criticism to heart to better how they represent the characters.

What I’m more upset about is that I think The Penumbra Podcast should never have released official art for their characters in the first place and that’s their mistake that they refuse to own up about. They have made it clear that the story was never meant to portray characters of colors, a fact emphasized by the fact they hired mostly white actors from the start. They only started releasing art of the characters to get a profit. And the thing is they know what they did was wrong. All I had to do was search Penumbra Podcast racism and there is a note on their website saying that they archived some old official art.

“We have discontinued all Penumbra merchandise that uses the original character designs, and in the meantime, any profits on the sales of that merchandise will go to the For The Gworls project. We also realize that the depiction of these characters as POC, while not appropriate for us to use in our marketing and merchandise, has nonetheless become personally meaningful to many POC listeners. For that reason, and because we do not wish to distance ourselves from our mistake, we are keeping these images on our website for archival purposes. Though we do want to make it clear that many of the main/featured voice actors are white and that we did not write the characters to represent any specific POC experience, you are, as always, free to imagine these characters in any way that you like.”

I went to their shop and they still sell posters and pins with the character’s faces on them, but they are donating it to a good cause so hopefully that stays the same. However, I still find it a little uncomfortable that they are still selling character merch and have plans to continue selling character merch. They have no right to dissuade the fans that already found representation in the characters, but they also have no right to profit off the representation that was built, regardless if they made the story.

Let’s compare this to another piece of popular media. I love Avatar the Last Airbender and, I liked the ATLA voice actors just fine but there should have been more people of color doing voice acting behind the screen too. The voice actors for that show were mainly white too, however, the creators knew that they would be making poc characters. That’s what makes the difference. Did they still choose to go with mostly white voice actors? Yes. Could they have done better and pay more people of color? Also yes. But I’m not as furious at them because they did their research on the cultures they were basing the ATLA world off of and intentionally gave us a show where Asians could see characters that looked like them represented on the screen. The Penumbra Podcast did not do any of that. Again, they openly admitted that it was never their intention to make the character’s people of color when they made the podcast so that goes to show no research was made to properly represent specific cultures. The color of the character’s skin in their official designs therefore became more of aesthetic choice rather than representation, and it wasn’t even their aesthetic choice to begin with!

Race isn’t a color you can just throw onto the character because you feel like it. So I want this to be a lesson to anyone that wants to make a podcast: if you want to include poc characters please do some research into the cultures you plan to represent the way you would with any other form of media. Just because the audience can’t see the characters and just because it’s harder to smoothly introduce the character’s appearance doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be lazy on how you present the characters. Do research before you start writing the first episode and take the time to hire poc actors. Hiring poc actors is actually the least that can be done to show representation. Also, since the audience cannot visually see the race of the characters on a podcast and it can’t typically be described the way you would in a book, you’ll have to be creative. It’s not my job to say how, but my suggestions would be, before the fans come up with their own image of the character, you need to establish race in the first few episodes or release character profiles on a website so that the fans know you canonically intended the characters to be of a certain race even if you aren’t able to mention it in the actual podcast. If you are unwilling to do any of these then the best route is to avoid stating race at all and allow the audience to build their own representation into your form of media. However, once this happens, you are not allowed to profit off popular fan interpretations. You lose all rights to create official art or images of the characters. You cannot use “we have a diverse cast of characters” when you market your story. It doesn’t matter whether you created the content or not, you did not create the representation for those minority groups.

It’s one thing for fans to build their own inclusivity into a form of art like a podcast, but it’s another thing for the creators who never worked to make the representation happen to take advantage of the representation that the listeners built for themselves. Thank you for attending my TedTalk.

#the penumbra podcast #podcast #race #the magnus archives #diversity in podcasts #diversity #tpp #tpp fanart

124 notes · View notes

arctimon · 3 years

Text

The Beta Team That Never Was - Fanfiction Corner (BH6 Edition)

So all of this Peni Parker comic talk actually got me thinking about the process of her being included in my fanfiction.

I wish I could tell you it was a long and arduous process, but...

OK, maybe some of it was hard. But when you have a virtually endless supply of Marvel characters that you can use for possible teammates for Big Hero 6, you have to go with your gut.

We all know that the team will be Robbie, Aspen, Peni, Doreen (eventually), and Kate. But there were six other candidates that could have been in the mix as well.

And five of them have their emblems here:

These were made before I actually knew how to make hero emblems properly.

Some of them you might recognize. Some you may not. But we’re going to go through them all, from left to right.

And to start...it’s really hard to draw tiny hearts.

1.) Riri Williams/Ironheart - Ironically enough, it was around the time that Hiro started chasing Sirque around the town in “Portal Enemy” that I started brainstorming her. A teenage genius, stuck as to what to make, sees “Captain Cutie” and the chase on the news and gets brainstorming.

Thus, the Power Armor is born.

And she gets so excited that she bolts off to San Fransokyo to show her idol what she’s created.

And then, as per the Big Hero 6 Fanfiction Clause states...shenanigans ensue.

It was an interesting possibility, but the thought of Ironheart was really late into me doing the backstories of the people that I had chosen, so she was pushed aside. I don’t personally see me revisiting her in the future, but who knows?

2.) Nadia Van Dyne/The Wasp - Back when Karmi had first been pulled out of SFIT, there was a young woman who wanted to recruit her into a special organization. It was one that brought together the greatest female minds in their fields, and Karmi was on said recruitment list.

The organization?

Genius In action Research Labs, or G.I.R.L. for short. And it was led by the Wasp’s daughter, Nadia Pym (later changed to Nadia Van Dyne).

Plot-wise, this was probably the person that I got the farthest with, since the story would’ve been more of a focus on Karmi than anyone else. Also, the idea of writing someone with Bipolar Disorder (which Nadia was confirmed to have in her latest solo run) was intriguing if nothing else.

Unfortunately, it sort of dried up from there. A lack of a central conflict, uncertainty as to how many of the other girls (Taina, Priya, Shay, and Ying) to have, and how to handle her actual powers stopped it cold.

But seriously, how do you write in the ability to shrink to microscopic size? That’s not really a thing, even in a world as futuristic as San Fransokyo.

3.) America Chavez/Ms. America - The mere idea of a Superman-esque Latina teenager was enticing, especially because America, in her relatively short comic history, was with the Ultimates and the West Coast Avengers (meaning there was a possible Kate/Hawkeye angle). Making start-shaped portals was the Silent Sparrow angle, and the all-around badass, headstrong attitude would be the counter to Honey Lemon’s more nurturing personality.

But being from an alternate universe (which has very recently been retconned in the comics in part because she will be appearing in the MCU and Doctor Strange 2), no real villain to play off of, and becoming possibly way too overpowered for the BH6 universe, she was scrapped.

It’s quite a shame. I really like her in the comics that she’s in. Perhaps there will be an opportunity for her somewhere down the line...

4.) Alison Blaire/Dazzler - A pop star with light-based powers?

Or better yet, a struggling artist with acoustikinesis?

Her power to convert sound into light was what originally drew me to her. Something that could be made into a technological ability, unique enough to put a (pardon the pun) spotlight on it.

An actual blonde instead of whatever HL’s hair color is.

Heck, she even has a half-sister named Lois that could have been the antagonist (death tough, destruction waves, and the like).

But she quickly got lost in the fold. Better ideas (like Kate and Doreen) got more of my brainstorming, and she was eventually given up on.

But funnily enough...

It’s almost like she’s already in the show.

(See, for the people who may be new, one of the many Marvel theories that I’ve touched upon is that High Voltage is actually this universe’s version of Dazzler. Juniper is Alison and Barb is...well...Barbara London, Alison’s mom).

Hey, @baymaksu totally agrees with me kinda sort of.

5.) Cindy Moon/Silk - I knew right from the get-go that I wanted a Spider-person on the beta team. I also knew that I didn’t want Peter.

No offense to Peter Parker. He’s fine. But there’s a billion other Spiders out there, and I wanted someone out of the normal vein of Peter, as well as even Miles and Gwen.

And in came Cindy.

Locked away in The Bunker because of her spider powers manifesting, she was eventually released by Peter and thus began her entrance into the main Marvel world.

Her “unique ability” is her improved Spider-Sense, which Peter has said is even better than his own. That, plus her other powers, brought her the closest out of anyone to being a member of the Big Hero 6 Beta Team.

As we all know, however, Peni ended up getting the spot over Cindy (for the family angle with Hiro and the giant robot that she pilots). On the other hand, Cindy would later make her debut in the stinger of the last chapter of Along Came The S.P.I.D.E.R., along with Miles, Anya, and Joey.

Unlike Riri, Nadia, America, and Alison, Cindy and the rest of Peni’s little Spider Society are going to be showing up in future stories. And if I can get everything in order, they will be starring in their own story set in the Big Hero 6 universe.

Finally, I have no emblem for them, but the honorable mention goes to...

6.) Lunella Lafayette/Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur - Yes, there was a point in time where I was seriously considering putting a nine-year-old super genius and a giant red T-rex into my stories.

Ignoring the giant...”red flag” here, the reason why Luna never made it is the same reason why I haven’t put Rishi in anything yet. It’s because I don’t really know what to do with supergeniuses that young. Hiro is at least a teenager and thus has teenager-y problems to fall back on (like puberty and Karmi and all that jazz), but a nine-year-old? That’s a little too extreme for me.

When I was nine, I was busy playing with sticks in my backyard with my brother, not solving unsolvable puzzles from Bruce Banner.

...All that, and the giant dinosaur.

But hey, at least Disney is jumping on the MG/DD train. That’s good to see.

Crossover potential, perhaps?

P.S. - As I was finishing putting this post together, it occurred to me that I may get this possible question in the comments, so I’m going to head it off at the pass.

“You know that all of your possible superheroes are girls, right?”

First of all...sexist.

Second of all...true.

That was about 90% on accident. The actual team (Robbie, Aspen, Peni, Doreen, and Kate) has only one guy on it (two if you count Eli, three if you count Tippy-Toe).

I don’t really have a good explanation for that. I like all superheroes, but I think that the girl and woman superheroes need some spotlight, you know? I could have pulled people like Namor or Miles or the male Hawkeye into the mix, but to be honest, I find the characters I chose more interesting than a lot of the guy characters I was contemplating.

Of course, nothing is stopping any of you from using those characters in your stories. Be my guest, not that you really need my permission or anything.

But you can’t take Aspen. Aspen is mine. (Spoiler: Aspen is not mine.)

99 notes · View notes