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notnctu · 4 years

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through the lens ❀ l.jn

❀ lee jeno x fem!reader ❀ genre - slow burn, smut/mature content, fluff (romance?), slight angst ❀ details - photographer!jeno, model!reader, college!au, shy!jeno but he aint shy in bed, strangers to fuckers!au ❀ word count - 8k (this is the longest thing ive ever written) ❀ warnings - nude modeling, swearing, oral (f/receiving), some sweet love makin’ ❀ brief synopsis - jeno asks you to model for his internship project, but little did you know, it was going to be a nude photo shoot.

❝ jeno was too shy to hold eye contact, but he stared at you endlessly through the lens. ❞

❀ a/n - hihihi this is author doie❀ ! im bad at writing smut so pls dont hate me ah ha lol i tried my best i also dont model/do professional photography so really apologize if i butcher any terms lmaoo the only thing i am is that im in college and im shy

Jeno had applied to almost a hundred internships and almost close to none returned with an offer, even after a whole month of waiting. He absolutely needed to start building his portfolio before the beginning of his senior year of college. The embarrassment of possibly graduating without any experience loomed over the desperate boy.

Photography had been more than a hobby to him, to the point where he wanted to take it seriously. His parents weren’t the most supportive of an Arts major, but that couldn’t stop him. Jeno saw the best through a camera lens. He had a special eye for beautiful moments and the impressing urge to capture it forever.

It was too late to change his major, if he wanted to graduate with all of his friends. If he wanted to be successful, he had to act on it now.

The swoosh! of a new email startled the sleeping boy. He stared at the brightly lit screen, reading the words over and over again to make sure it was real. Jeno was so enthralled with excitement that he scrambled out of bed to wake up his roommate, Jaemin.

He shook him so violently that the sheets fell from Jaemin’s warm body. “Dude! I got an internship!” He spoke with incredible glee, a wide smile couldn’t leave his face.

Jaemin groaned and had to hold Jeno by the shoulders to halt the boy from causing the room to spin. “Why--What is going on?” He dazely rubbed his tired eyes to blink at his giddy roommate.

The screen blinded Jaemin as it was shoved too closely to adjust. “Whoa--,” he pushed it away and shut his eyes, “--repeat what you just said one more time.” Jaemin held a finger up and Jeno grabbed it, jumping onto his best friend’s bed.

“I got an internship. Someone got back to me.” Jaemin returned the same excitement the moment he processed his words. He shot up in bed and hugged his friend tightly.

“Wo-w, dude! Congratulations!” The two boys hurried on their feet to cheer together. There was no concern for the rest of their housemates, only celebration that roared throughout the entire night.

Truthfully, Jeno had no recollection of applying to this studio. It could have been a random link on a job scouting website, but he couldn’t be more grateful. An internship was long overdue and Jeno had been itching to get some recognition for his craft.

“Hello, I’m Lee Jeno.” He bowed slightly at the receptionist, who had a stern stare that made him feel vulnerable. The first thing he noted about the office: white and minimalistic.

Jeno’s specialty was landscape photography. His aesthetics consisted of black and white filters, city lights, dark mood lighting, and background commotion. He enjoyed capturing chaos the most, a scene where more than one thing was happening. The only reason being that there was more to look at.

“Nice to meet you. The name is Lee Taemin, but you can call me what you please.” A young, lean man strolled his way towards Jeno with a wide grin and his hand for him to shake. Taemin was slightly shorter than him, but his stylish, expensive boots made up for his height. He had to be only a maximum of five years older than Jeno as Taemin appeared relatively youthful.

Taemin’s firm grip pulled Jeno along inside the studio. A small gasp escaped from Jeno which earned robust laughter from the older man. “I hope you can break out of your shell soon. There is no room for timidness around here, Mister Lee.”

“Please, you can call me Jeno.” He smiled, quite awkwardly at the beautiful man.

The tall glass windows, the concrete, gray floor, the white doors that lined the hallway, had to be all too predictable. Jeno envisioned this is what high class must look like. It was the pristine, bright feeling and the smell of vanilla that lingered distastefully. There was chatter behind the closed doors --- mainly directing, and high praises.

The only off-put was that photographers worked behind closed doors. From the few studios he has visited previously, photographers often worked in open spaces due to lighting fractures or the ability to roam more freely.

“I’m actually very ecstatic you signed up for the internship, since you do seem a bit on the younger side.” Taemin gestured toward the sofa in the middle of his massive office. Jeno sat across from him. Water was already placed on the glass coffee table that separated the two. A laptop was opened to face Taemin.

Jeno slyly rubbed the condensation from his palms on his jeans. Taemin’s stare bore deep into the shy boy, who had to break eye contact from time to time. “I know.” Jeno chuckled nervously, “thank you for getting back to me. I was really hoping to gain work experience through mentorship.”

Taemin nodded at everything Jeno was saying. His face being completely expressionless. Jeno sipped his water to regain moisture in his dry throat. Taemin was more intimidating than he was anticipating. “Sounds great. Happy to have you here. It might be a small business, but the experience is worth investing in. Every photographer who has come in and out of my building has found their forte. Let’s say, it’s eye opening.”

“That’s exactly what I was looking for actually.” As scared as he was of this mysterious man, he really enjoyed the comfort the environment radiated.

Taemin leaned forward and squinted at the screen. “I noticed in the portfolio you sent that you don’t have any portraits or any people, in general, in your photos. Do you have any works with people? Since this is a studio of fine art nude photography.”

Nude. Jeno practically choked on the last remaining spit he gathered. Taemin acknowledged the boy’s shocked reaction and tilted his head curiously, “you did know that I specialize in contemporary fine art nude photography, right?” Unfortunately, Jeno did not.

Jeno cleared his throat, “yes, of course. I wanted to challenge myself.” He had to lie, there was no other way to cover up his disbelief. This internship was the only hope left for him to gain something. Though, even the thought of shooting a naked body made him anxious.

He hated how timid he was. His friends and family say otherwise, mainly for the reason that Jeno automatically lit up behind a camera. In all honesty, he hid behind it. It was the only safe place that Jeno knew what he was doing. However when it came to real life situations without it, he lacked the confidence to be himself.

As ironic as it was, he hated being seen. He liked to be the background character in his own life, because the main character took too much of a toll. It could also be his deafening insecurities and lack of self esteem, but Jeno didn’t mind not being the center of attention.

“You like a challenge?” It was more of a statement rather than a question. Jeno caught a glimpse of the twinkle in Taemin’s dark eyes. “Then for your first task, I want you to show me that you can take on this role.”

Jeno scrambled for his phone to jot down notes. “Send me an emotional portfolio, model of your choice. They could be a friend of yours that you feel comfortable seeing naked. It must include a variation of headshots, full body, and body details. It must also be raw and unedited photos. I want to see if you have the eye for the art to capture these types of images.”

“When would you like it by?” He stammered, completely winded at the sudden project that unloaded on top of him.

“Next Friday, and you’ll present it to me here in person. Feel free to use this studio if you don’t have a place of your own with equipment. All you need to do is book a room with the front desk. Any other questions?” The sound of the laptop shutting caused Jeno to look up at the brilliance in front of him. He needed Taemin to help him succeed.

“Why do you take nude photography?”

Taemin was unable to stop the laughter that erupted into the room. “I don’t run a pimp business or sell soft core porn, if that’s why you’re staring at me so funnily. What I make is an art masterpiece, it has nothing to do with physical features or desires. It’s the pure emotion that clothing distracts from. Clothing conforms the model into an aesthetic, and while that works for editorials, it won’t be a consistent thing here.”

Jeno nodded understandingly. Overwhelmed and lost at words. He was unsure what he had gotten himself into. Where was he going to find a model on such short notice on such lewd conditions? He was really going to need to step out of his comfortable zone, in his photography and social skills.

Taemin stood up and extended his hand once more. “I take pride in my art, so I hope you, too, start finding that in your own.”

Jaemin held his stomach from the endless laughter, tears welling up in his eyes. “Nud-Nude photography? And you didn’t know?”

“Jaemin, keep it down.” Jeno whispered and cautiously peered around at the few people flooding into the small lecture hall. “I don’t want everyone in our club to misunderstand and think I’m some creep.”

His best friend straightened up in his seat and placed his hand on Jeno's slumped shoulder, “first of all, you’re a complete idiot for not researching. Secondly, it’s an art form. If you really got yourself a shady, rated R internship, I would’ve told you to drop it instantly.”

His spirits were slightly lifted, but he was still struggling with who he should ask to model for him. As much as he’s already seen of Jaemin, being his roommate, he honestly would rather leave the rest to imagination. Jeno wasn’t purposefully searching the room for a candidate, but he could not stop his eyes from drifting.

He spotted the most attractive side profile that sat two rows below him. He shook his head to make sure he was seeing her correctly. Peering around, he looked for another possible face to shoot. But oh god, how she caught his eye every time she even slightly moved.

You smiled happily with your friends by your side as your club’s executive board members introduced this year’s goals and events to attend. It had to be the smallest amount of alcohol still running in your system that caused you to giggle every time guys tried to turn around and hit on you.

“Why don’t you focus on our club members instead?” You smirked at the smug older boy, who had poorly attempted to grab your attention. “I think this information is important to you. These events could help you develop your social skills to be much better.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but your girl friends scoffed by your side.

He got up in disbelief and quickly walked out of the room. There was a brief pause at the sudden movement, but the announcement carried on per usual.

Jeno impatiently waited for the club meeting to finally be over, so he could talk to you. The longer it dragged, the more his confidence was subsiding. “I’m heading to study, wanna come with?” Jaemin poked at Jeno’s knee.

“Yeah, but you can go ahead first. I need to talk to someone.” His voice was shaky and his throat went so dry. Jeno’s shifty eyes scanned the room, hoping no one saw how nervous he was acting.

Jaemin’s eyebrows lifted suspiciously, “who? I didn’t even know you talked to anyone who came today. Donghyuck and Renjun aren’t here---”

“--her, Jaemin... her. I’m going to ask her to model for me.” Jeno motioned his head. His heart beating faster at seeing a small grin appear on your face from a comment someone made.

Jaemin hummed, “good luck with that, bud. I’ve got two shoulders for you to cry on after.” The extra hint of sarcasm only made Jeno sweat nervously. He was seriously doubting his decision, but it wouldn’t be a challenge if he didn’t do it. He knew he’d regret it more if he didn’t just ask you.

Once the meeting was dismissed, you wanted to get out of the room before the heavy rush into the hallways. Unfortunately, a few frat guys pulled you into their conversation and chatted up a storm. Your friends played into their foolery, but you stopped paying attention when they asked for your numbers.

There was a faint tap on your shoulder and you turned to see who the culprit was. You didn’t seem to know him, because you would’ve remembered such a demeanor. His eyes were glued to the floor behind you and his shaky hands ran through his brown locks. His shyness was quite endearing, yet alarming since you weren’t sure why exactly he had approached you.

“Yes?” You asked curiously.

The moment Jeno heard your delicate cadence, he melted like a popsicle left out in the sun. He peered up, but quickly reverted his eyes to the white tiles when he noticed how beautifully you stared at him.

He counted his breathing to calm his rapid heart beat. He cleared his throat to introduce himself, “I’m Jeno. I’m a third year Arts major, um-- I was just--- I know we don’t know each other. I wanted to ask, uh-” Jeno was horrified at how he stammered over his own words. His cheeks burned with a red glow, and if he couldn’t look you in the eye before, he definitely couldn’t now.

“Hey, see you later.” One of the bulky frat guys called and you waved back weakly.

A guy who had been chasing you endlessly scoffed at the pitiful sight and smirked at you, “see you at my house tonight? Been missing you in my bed lately.”

“Thought you would’ve guessed the reason why I stopped coming around.” Jeno heard the sting in your remarks and the disbelief in the male.

You honestly could have left, Jeno knew that. But you stayed and waited patiently for him to finish. Jeno could tell how strong you were just by your intimidating aura that practically suffocated him by standing in close proximity to you.

You sighed and reached to grab your jacket on the folded seat, “look, Jeno. It’s nice to meet you and all, but I gotta get going.”

Shockingly, the shy boy reached out to stop you by your fingertips. His touch lingered before he dropped your hand quickly. “I’m sorry. Are you free this Monday?”

“Uh, that depends. If you’re asking me on a date, then I’m busy.” Rolling your eyes, you weren’t sure why you still stayed to listen to what this random stranger had to say. If it were anyone else, you would’ve walked away the moment he asked if you were free. However, you acknowledged his timidness and the courage he must have mustered up to approach you.

Jeno shook his head violently, completely in shambles from that type of misunderstanding. “Not a date. I need someone to model for my portfolio photos that my internship assigned. It’s actually very important to me because it’s the first internship that responded back to me when I had applied to so many a whole month ago. Basically, I really need this and you because I think you’d be perfect to take pictures of. Oh-- wow! That sounded very bad --- uh --- what I meant is that your facial proportions are perfect and---”

“I’m free Monday.” You cut off his endless ramble and gestured toward his phone. He handed it to you without any hesitation and you typed in your number. “Text me the time, place and what I should wear.”

“Oh actually, it’s a nude photoshoot.” Your eyes doubled in size, completely offended by that statement.

Jeno felt the sudden shift in the air and brought his hands up to block himself, “to be more clear, it’s a contemporary fine art nude photography studio. The pictures are pieces of art and to be seen as that only. I have no intentions or ulterior motive to sleep with you, see you naked or sell, leak your nudes for the profit of your body. But, I understand if you no longer want to do it because it sounds super strange now that I am explaining it.”

Your shoulders relaxed and the fist that formed unraveled. You exhaled deeply, “I’ll do it. We can talk more about it on Monday and I get to leave on my own accord if I don’t feel comfortable. We work on my conditions.” Picking up Jeno’s chin, he was absolutely petrified at the forced eye contact and your incredible, powerful gaze. He was mesmerized by the fire in your eyes, and if he stared any longer, he could’ve lost himself in them.

“Of course.” With that, you dropped his face and left without another look back. Jeno looked down at his phone and the new contact name, (Y/N). It had slipped his mind to even ask what your name was and he slapped his face in utter stupidity. “Do better, Lee Jeno.” It was a remainder to himself to, hopefully, be better the next time you two speak.

Monday, 3:03 PM.

Jeno paced back and forth in the brightly, lit white room. He was trying to find any blinds or curtains to cover the tall windows of the high rise building. It should not be too much of a problem, the extra lighting was a positive. Jeno was only worried for your comfort of the openness.

There was a soft knock before Jeno practically tripped to open the door. His breath hitched at the sight of your bare face. This time, you were the vulnerable one. Jeno only saw purity, yet impressed at how your tired eyes still managed to bid him a soft smile. He admired your uneven complexion, and the sparse moles that dotted your skin.

“Okay, so you want to see me naked now or later?” Filled with jokes, your voice was light and airy this afternoon. There was a bit of a contrast from the first time you two met. Softer, enchanting, almost ghostly.

Everything in the room was white. The mattress on the floor had a white comforter and white sheets. The backdrop. The walls. The hardwood floor. The only color was the blue sky that the tall windows let in.

“Here’s a robe. You can change in the bathroom.” Jeno scratched the back of his neck and his eyes wandered everywhere, but your’s.

“Would you be okay with me just taking off my clothes in here?” You saw the light tint of pink cover his face, and spread to his ears. You examined more of the shy boy’s embarrassed face, finally getting a really good look at him. Jeno was very attractive, and you could only imagine how beautiful he must look if he fully faced you.

Jeno fiddled with his camera strap, “only if you are okay with that.” Clearing his throat, he stood next to the window to give you some privacy. “I’ll go over what I plan on doing. I’m going to take photos of your face details, parts of your body, full body, and portraits. You can lay down on the bed and I’ll direct you in poses. Have you modeled before?”

He was scanning the bustling city below his feet. Cars zoomed quickly and crowds of tiny people flooded the streets. He brought his camera up to his face, not being able to resist the urge to capture such a thrilling sight.

“If Instagram counts, then yeah. Professional model gig would be a no. Nude photography is a definite no, unless we are talking about being filmed during sex.” Jeno chuckled, while also holding the camera steady and stealing a few moments to keep for himself.

For a strange reason, being naked for a non-sensual reason felt even more vulnerable. Laying on the soft fabric, you felt oddly exposed and slightly more reserved. You’ve had countless strangers see you naked. Men were sexually desiring to see a sexy picture. You were always lusted after, but this feeling of nakedness was special.

“Are you ready?” Jeno gulped, finally setting the camera down.

You hummed cheerfully. Your heart was leaping out of your chest as the boy shifted slowly to face you. As he turned, you noticed he had his eyes sealed shut, which caused a small laugh to erupt. “Jeno, you have my permission to open your eyes and to look at me.”

Holy shit, he was trembling with an inexplicable fear. The camera was slipping from his sweaty hands. His mouth was as dry as the desert. Jeno’s pounding heart was loud in his ears.

Jeno has seen his past girlfriends laying naked in bed, but this situation was too different. When he saw you laying there in absolutely nothing, he was overwhelmed, yet astounded at how graceful you appeared.

There was no exchange of words and no exchange of eye contact. He towered over your lying figure and shakily brought the camera to his eyes. He selfishly wanted to capture your elegance. Through the lens, he saw all of you: the curve in your eyelid, your curled eyelashes, the small mole next to your soft lips, the sharp color of your eyes, the way your hair frames your face.

This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. You were comparable to the arts found in popular museums. Your body lines were enticing and an impressive shape. Your breasts pooled on your chest, the round nude nipple in the centers. Your details had to be sculpted by gods, who took their sweet time making you. You were a true masterpiece.

Confused, Jeno felt a huge mixture of emotions. Was he aroused? Was he infatuated? Did he just fall in love with a complete stranger? He recognized the same thrilled feelings he felt taking landscape photos. With each click, he grew more excited with how beautiful the photos were turning out.

“Sit up and rest your chin on your left hand. Lean your weight on your right leg.” Jeno’s direction was clear and firm. There was no evidence of a smaller tone he usually spoke in. Sitting up, you placed your elbow on your upper thigh to steady your chin. Jeno had already gotten down to floor level to you.

Without the camera that separated you two, it had to be the first time he faced you completely in such close proximity. There was so much to admire about Jeno. He remained concentrated on his craft, but it was actually very sexy to see his dedication. It was almost like he was a whole new person, like all the shyness drifted away.

Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off of you. It wasn’t simply your beauty that amazed him. Your confidence made everything easy. There was something about your blank stares, when he asked for an emotion, you portrayed it perfectly.

“Can we talk while you shoot?” Your sudden voice startled the photographer. He lowered his camera and his gaze automatically wandered off behind you, which didn’t go unnoticed. He nodded after a short pause and the shutter noises continued.

“Why did you choose me as your model?”

Jeno peeled away from the device, “because you’re you.” He didn’t even know what that statement meant. It wasn’t like he knew you before the first time he asked you to model for him.

The corners of your lips dipped down, drawing an evident frown. Click. Jeno loved that image especially. It was a simple way to get real, authentic facial expressions. He marveled at the photo, but registered the reason behind it. “I wanted to ask you the second I saw you. I just knew that I wanted you.”

“But you don’t know me.”

Jeno looked through the lens once again, welcoming a full view of your stunning attributes. He spoke in a low voice, “then, let me know you.” Click.

It would be the biggest lie to say that you weren’t aroused by Jeno at the moment. He was cool, without trying to be. He really did shine when he had a camera to work with, like a star to a dark night. While he had a distinct demeanor off the bat, you enjoyed unraveling the rest of him. He was, also, the first man you met that didn’t seem sexually driven by a naked woman in his presence.

You had to resist every urge to push the camera away and share the few seconds of his entire gaze before it wandered away. You wanted to rock his world, he was so innocent and beautiful. You wished to wreak havoc on him, have him show you how much he wanted you.

You anticipated an awkward photoshoot, but Jeno made you feel safe and comfortable. He made sure to adjust the temperature when goosebumps rose on your arms and when your nipples became painfully hard. He never touched you or came too much into your personal space. He always asked for your permission.

Nude modeling was a new experience for you, but you were surprised at how much you liked it. or how much you liked Jeno taking your photos. He sat next to you on the bed when you put on your articles of clothing and panned through several shots to satisfy your curiosity.

Leaning close, your head ducked to see the photos. A gasp escaped your lips when you saw just the first few. “Is that really me?” The pictures made you feel an abundance of emotions, you felt what they reflected. Sadness, melancholy, happiness, confidence. You didn’t know images had that much power to make you feel that, especially photos of you.

Jeno nodded, smiling so wide that his eyes turned to moon crescents. He was so in love with the results. He found respect for Taemin’s craft and he was right, he might’ve found a new forte to experiment with. “I can send you the photos digitally too, if you want them.”

“Maybe I’ll print them out, frame them, and gift it to every horrid man who has tried to flirt their way to my body since they want to see it so fucking bad.”

Jeno peered over and saw the tiny glimpse of pain in your orbs, “why would you give horrible people what they want?”

“So they can finally shut up and leave me alone. Plus, this is art and if I tell them it’s actually me, maybe it’ll change their minds to start treating me like it.”

He held his palm up and almost immediately, your fingers filled the spaces between his. “I’m going to need you to start treating yourself as fine art.”

“Keep taking more photos of me and I just might start thinking I’m Mona Lisa.” Your laughters blended nicely into each other. There was mutual mental acknowledgement of the happiness you were both feeling.

Jeno never let go of your hand, and there was a short moment of comforting silence where you two sat in each other’s existence. You were the one to break it, “are you doing anything after this?”

He shook his head. “Well then, you’re mine for the rest of the night. We’re going to pretend we’ve been close friends since first year and eat take-out on my bed because that’s what I need at the moment.”

“I know you respect my body and see this as an art form, but I’m genuinely surprised that you didn’t feel aroused at the slightest.”

Jeno didn’t even realize how much time had already passed being you. You two ate and chatted as if you’ve known each other forever, as if the friendship wasn’t established several hours ago. It felt safe and right, like you two belonged in each other’s existence and nowhere else mattered.

He felt warm inside from your hearty laughter and courage, like he was watching a painting come to life or a photo in movement. You were smitten over how endearing and complex he was. He was more than what meets the eye and that alone drew you towards him.

“Okay, I’ll admit,” Jeno paused to watch your reaction, “in the most respectable way, I was somewhat turned on. But! Before you trail blaze me for being just like every disgusting male in your life, I genuinely didn’t have any sexual thoughts during the photoshoot. That was all professional and it will continue to be like that.”

Getting up from your bed, your mind was working at lightspeed to process his confession. Jeno was fast to pick up someone’s personality, what stood out and what was kept hidden. He knew quicker than anyone else that you were not someone to offend because you were a strong, straight forward woman.

His personality breakdown went like this: you knew what you like, you knew you were going to get what you want, you enjoyed flirty banter (with people of your choice), you weren’t afraid to be blunt, or kick someone’s ass. You carried yourself with confidence that graced your every step, which makes anyone attracted to you instantly. Bold, confident, sexy had to be what came to mind whenever he thought about you.

Nonetheless, he really liked you as a person. He could pat himself on the back all day long for just approaching you, but he knew the real reason as to how this all happened. It was you saying yes to a stranger’s odd photoshoot. You made him the luckiest man in the world.

“Continue? Are you looking for excuses to keep seeing me?” You smirked and Jeno’s voice grew small.

“I--- uh, well,” there goes the nervous stammering, “I know the conditions were a one time thing, so I understand if you don’t want to do it again.” As the night had progressed, Jeno gradually began to hold eye contact and actually looked at you directly without the help of seeing you through a lens. This was the first time he broke it.

“Hey now, I’m messing with you, Jeno.” He had been sitting on your floor, at the end of your bed. You crawled on your elbows to reach him, and to hold his chin to face you again. Deja vu. “I’d love to get naked for you again, and again, and.. as many times as you want me to.”

He stared at you with his mouth hung open in disbelief. His eyes scanned your beautiful face to see your lips pull back into a mischievous smile. Gulping, he swallowed every ounce of courage he had left. “You don’t have to say it like that.” He tried to remove your grip, but it latched onto his hand.

“You’re finally looking me in the eye, sweet thing. I don’t think you realize how much I had been wanting that from you.” You caressed his cheek, rubbing small circles on his texture.

“What else do you want from me?” His implication sounded suggestive, even if his curiosity was innocent.

Your hot breath brushed against Jeno’s lips. “I can show you.”

Jeno, the one and only college guy who has seen your naked body in a non-sexual context. Jeno, the shy, sweet boy who appreciated and recognized you as a form of art. Jeno, the talented and skillful photographer, who consistently made sure you felt comfortable. Jeno, the only person in the world who you’d model nude for. Jeno, the dazzling character behind the camera who you wanted more than anyone else you’ve ever met. Lee Jeno.

He seemed like he was inching closer, already tilting his head to fit your’s. You smiled to yourself, seeing that your words were received well. Diving in, your lips swam together fervently.

The poor boy found himself lost in your enchanting, alluring gaze. He let the trance consume him, selfishly kissing the art he admired so dearly. A small part of him felt the guilt and confusion that began to rise. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly wished to feel your lips on his neck, or run his hands across your hot skin. He swore these thoughts were not present earlier.

A small pop! and Jeno held your shoulder to pull away. “I’m sorry, did I do something?” You asked, honestly concerned that you were taking more than you deserved. The least you desired was to hurt Jeno, who had been nothing but nice and sweet.

“(Y/N),” you could listen to your name roll off his tongue all day, “I feel somewhat guilty. I don’t want things to be misunderstood.”

“Which would be?”

“I don’t want you to think I coerced you into being my model just because I had intentions to sleep with you.” Jeno was already gathering his things, but you hopped off your bed and placed a hand on his chest. “Because that’s what it’s starting to look like at the moment.”

“Was that something you did though? Did you have those intentions?” Your stare bore right through him. The warmth of your hand relaxed his racing heart.

“Never, (Y/N), I would never do that to someone.” Your hand traveled down to grab his belongings and tossed it back onto the ground.

He silently watched as you took off your pants, and stood in front of him in your underwear. “Then, we’re fine. I know your intentions have always been pure. But truthfully, Jeno, seeing you focused while you worked sparked something in me. You don’t understand how aroused I got and how badly I wanted you to fuck me on that bed.” His hand trailed up your exposed thighs, finally touching your softness. “You’re the one guy I wanted first, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.”

“I-- I don’t know what to say.” His cheeks revealed how embarrassed he was, but his dark, lustful eyes were telling a different story.

A smirk fell upon your face, “then don’t say anything.”

Jeno devoured you, inhaling the light hint of vanilla that still lingered. He hoisted you onto your mattress and kissed you like his life depended on it. His antsy hands roamed your free range, exploring, holding, gripping the parts he marveled over. Small moans from the back of your throat encouraged him to continue.

No one has ever kissed you with the amount of passion Jeno did. It was gentle, with enough vigor to cause your panties to dampen. It wasn’t sloppy, where previous guys had a problem of missing your mouth entirely and slobbered your chin.

His lips worshiped you, highlighting your good sides. Flashes of the photoshoot popped into Jeno’s head as he left purple marks on the places he loved capturing the most. He pushed up your shirt, exposing your chest to him again. His tongue circled around your hard nipple as he made sure to give the same amount of attention to each one.

Jeno knew he was too shy to hold your intense stare, but getting to know you during and after the photoshoot, he could see the softness in your gaze. He was, now, able to see all of you. The sight of you through the camera was addicting enough, so finally taking you all in was more than satisfying.

Your hands ran through his hair as he kissed down your torso. His thumbs hooked the waistband of your underwear, and peeled it off your body. You gasped as the cold air from your apartment grazed against your exposed figure.

Jeno paused to admire your glistening pussy, “would it be okay if you let me make love to you?”

Your heart burned, not out of embarrassment, but at how he still managed to ask you for your permission in the sweetest way. You rested your weight on your elbows, “no one has done that before, would it actually make me want to fall in love with you?”

“It wouldn’t be too bad. I have a lot of love to give and you look like a person who deserves all of it anyways.” Jeno’s finger ran over your wet slit and rubbed your clit slowly.

Your moans filled the room as the electric jolted throughout your veins. The wetness grew, seeping out of you like a waterfall. Jeno dropped down to his knees, and lifted your legs on his broad shoulders.

“Are you usually this wet, baby?”

Chuckling, you smiled at his bold choice in using pet names, “Just for you.”

He hummed, chiming at how he liked your answer. Spreading you open, his tongue met with your swollen bud that begged for his licks.

His tongue darted side to side, up and down and in result, your back arched in pleasure and a darkness clouded your mind. His name and mindless profanities streamlined their way out of you as Jeno ate you out in such a precisely delicious way.

Grabbing a fist full of hair, you pulled him closer, even if there was no more space to fill. Looking down, you two exchanged glances before he thrusted a finger into you. Your hips bucked harder as he eased in another one.

Jeno curled his fingers in search of your sweet spot and found it when a deep moan escaped your throat. His fingertips rubbed and pressed into your plush flesh, causing you to practically scream and squirm in his mouth.

He suckled your clit and fingered you simultaneously and quickly. The pleasure was overflowing and you released his hair to grip your sheets below you. Your legs shook and trembled as he had no caution to stop.

“Please, I’m going to--” you could barely talk due to your face contouring to the splurge of pleasure every single time Jeno rubbed your spot. “--to explode.”

He had to take back what he thought earlier in the day. This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever laid eyes on. The whole scene played like from one of his favorite films. It felt like he was giving his photos life. Your body twisted and turned, accentuating the curves of your lines.

Jeno had become painfully hard against the fabric of his jeans, but seeing you fall apart because of his minimal movements exhilarated him. “P-Please, don’t stop.” A breathy moan followed suit and your thighs tried to press themselves together. Jeno didn’t allow it, his free hand hooked underneath your left thigh to pull one side away from his cheeks.

Your high gradually grew so tall that it all eventually came cascading down. Your legs shook violently and sat up from the euphoria that took over you. Jeno prolonged your buzz and you screamed loudly, having to bite down on your fingers to stop yourself from angering your neighbors.

Jeno drank you up, letting your wetness cover his chin and drip down his knuckles. He pulled away, at last, and you took deep breaths to control your heavy breathing. It was like Jeno knocked the wind completely out of you.

He stood up and you saw the outline of his hard bulge straining itself through his jeans. The next scene was quite animalistic. You, still embodying your high, sat on your knees and unzipped his pants with your needy hands.

“Now, it’s your turn to get nude for me.” You whispered, tauntingly. Jeno groaned when you reached down and gently pulled him out. He stepped out of his clothing, all of it. His shirt was lost in the corner and his bottoms were scattered over your floor. Mirroring his actions, you took off your last piece of cloth.

Jeno was built. Though his biceps did not go unnoticed during the photoshoot, you were surprised at the lines of muscle that sketched his body. It made your mouth water, seeing his extremely hard dick stand against his toned abs. His red tip fell just below his navel. Jeno only kept getting better as the night continued on.

Pulling him closer, his hand found their way to the back of your head as you aligned your mouth to the wetness that spilled from his tip. “I want to make you feel good.” Jeno’s hoarse voice made your knees weak.

Peering up, you batted your eyelashes at him fondly. “Just a little taste?” You begged, having to hold his shaft with both of your hands because of his thickness. Your tongue was already stuck out, your hot breath causing the tiniest bit of sensation for him.

He nodded and his eyes were trained on you. He didn’t want to miss any second of your kitty licks. You flattened your tongue against his warmth, dragging it up to the top. The saltiness hit your palette as you swirled around his redness. “Oh--” Jeno threw his head back and bit his lip, “--lay on the bed now.”

You smiled sweetly and gave his member a quick kiss before reaching for a condom in your drawer. Jeno climbed onto your bed and situated the rubber comfortably. You laid on your back and he was fast to pull your legs around his waist.

He lined himself at your entrance and eased his tip in slowly. Squirming, you craved him to fill you up to the brim. He leaned down to kiss you, letting your tongue lap with his. It’s your hands with the mind of their own when they flew automatically to hold his face whenever you wanted to deepen the kiss. Then, Jeno stretched himself all the way in and he caught your gasp with his lips. He groaned, feeling the mess he created merely minutes ago.

His hips moved so easily with your wetness, but he went slow. Dragging out each pull and then, pushing himself back in roughly. “Jeno!” Your body jolted up the bed each time. His body fell over yours to hold you intimately, letting you bury your face into his neck. Your lips latched themselves onto his sensitive skin, painting a purple sunset.

Jeno’s arms snaked underneath your thighs as he pressed them to your chest, folding you almost into a ball. Your mouth hung open as he fucked you harder, rougher, deeper yet keeping the tempo rhythmically slow. At this point, you could feel his hits in your gut. Your weak hands gripped loosely around his strong wrists that held your legs down. “You’re pussy is so tight and holy shit---, you keep getting more beautiful.”

A familiar burning sensation set in your chest as you saw how concentrated his face had become. You were so fucked out that you could barely speak, “you—” his hips mercilessly slammed into you powerfully, enacting a low moan every time he reached your sweet spot. “—keep surprising me.” His actions came to a halt and he stared deeply into your soul.

You whined, wiggling your hips for any friction. He held them down into the mattress, knowing his grip was strong enough to leave a mark. “I told you, I was going to make love to you tonight.”

“I’ve already fallen for you.” You said breathlessly, tracing the side of his face and pecking his lips softly.

“You don’t understand what you’re doing to me by saying those things.” He whispered and pushed his entire shaft to fill you to your brim.

You yelped his name and gripped his shoulders, but he wasn’t done yet. “Show me how badly you wanted me the first time you saw me.” Jeno blinked at you in slight shock.

As he continued to hold the deep gaze, he kept pushing his dick further and further into you. He was balls deep, almost impossible to keep going. He fucked you without the need to pull out, just burying his cock deeper into your wet pussy. You exclaimed, moaned, cussed at every push. Holding the stare was more than enough to lose yourself all over him again.

Jeno was drunk with the image of your fucked out expression and every time the mixture of pleasure and pressure caused your eyebrows to crease and mouth to open release sensual sound. He had been trying his best not to come undone, to fixate another climax for you.

The feeling of you wrapping tighter and tighter around him drove him insane. “Give it to me, please.” Your muffled plead called for his release, but he could feel that you were close to your second.

Jeno sat up on his knees and pulled you into his arms where your thighs fell over his. You groaned at the empty feeling, though it was quickly replaced with a gratifying moan when he inserted himself again. Your arms dangled around his neck, foreheads touching intimately.

The fucking eye contact again, how could you get enough of it? You giggled, amused at how different Jeno was when he eventually opened up. He wrapped his strong arms around your back and thrusted his hips up into you. The way this man made you squirm, scream, and shake were nothing you’ve experienced before.

He smirked, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek when he went rampage on your pussy. “Not laughing now, are you?”

You whined in pleasure, brushing your fallen strands of hair out of his face. “Shut up before I make you.”

“Then I’d rather keep going.” Kissing up his jawline, you lead your way to his pout. His kisses intoxicated you with his passion and madness, like the most intense part of a symphony, or when the bass drops after a long build up in a song.

Jeno sped up, ramming up into your slick pussy over and over again. He even brought your hips down to match him, guiding you down as he went up. The headboard was knocked against the wall, your windows steamed up, cries of pleasure from the both of you created the ambiance, the smell of sex filled your lungs. Jeno reached between your bodies to furiously rub your clit to where it felt almost raw. It all sent you into the clouds, the familiar queasiness settled in your lower half.

Your eyes rolled back and your back arched, having to pull away from the desirous kiss with Jeno. “I’m cumming!” You announced before the tension unraveled, causing you to see absolute white. The second wave was much more uncontrollable, Jeno felt you squeezing radically around his dick as he tried to fuck you faster to prolong the feeling.

Your legs shook around his and your upper body went limp with pleasure. You reached the peak of the mountain and it came crumbling down underneath your toes. It was catastrophically enthralling, to the point where you physically felt something leave your body.

“Oh shit..” Jeno stopped his motions at the sight of you squirting over his lap. He pampered your torso with fluttering kisses, hoping to calm your spastic body. “...baby, are you okay?” He asked with a bit of concern of how lack of life you seemed.

This man just gave you the best climax in your whole life and he asked if you were okay? Regaining your senses, you sighed a small yes to reassure him that he didn’t actually murder you. Hopping off, you pulled the condom that restricted him.

He hissed when you cupped his balls in your palm. “Cum, my sweet thing.” You purred and Jeno’s hand pumped his member aggressively. You leaned in to help, sucking the tip and flicking your tongue over his slit.

His other hand gripped your neck, causing you to drip on your sheets. Jeno was panting and with every tug, it became louder. He seemed so desperate to release that it made you smile to be the reason behind it. “Can you lay down,” A grunt followed his question, “please.” He huffed.

“Because you asked nicely.” Smirking, your back hit the sheets and you opened your legs to give Jeno a view. He situated himself above your stomach, as he fucked his tight grip.

“I’m cumming---” He couldn’t look any more amazing. With a final moan, the white streaks streamed out in short sequences. It landed across your abdomen, over your nipple, and pooled around your belly button.

Bringing himself back to reality, Jeno stepped back to marvel you, his masterpiece. The white streaks coated your purple skin and your chest rose fast to catch your reality. Gazing upon your naked body, he was utterly infatuated with all of you. He was so in love with the sight of you that not a single photo could capture the beauty that you were.

Jeno pondered the thought of how merely a day changed a small part of him. You were life changing, addicting, an incomparable character that he felt like he’s known forever, and now, couldn’t live without. It was the taste of your juices on his lips, your sweet melodic music that was your voice, your daring smile that enticed him to never peel away from you. It was simply you.

He leaned down to rub his knuckles against your cheek, planting a lovingly peck on your forehead. “I’ll go start the water for you.”

Jeno anticipated the reaction of his mentor. He found himself at the same scene he was when he was first given the task. Taemin sat across from him, hunched forward to analyze his new set of photos on his laptop. Raw, unedited photos of you, your body, your details.

The hum of the air conditioning droned on, driving him mad. Jeno needed one reaction, but Taemin had been silent and expressionless for the past ten minutes. Whenever he did move, it was to click through to the next picture.

Suddenly, he shut it closed and stood right up. Jeno, panicked, did the same. Taemin stuck his hand out and Jeno hesitantly grabbed it, incredibly unsettled and unable to read the older man.

Taemin received it firmly, giving Jeno a good handshake. “Welcome abroad, Lee Jeno. I expect even more great things from you.”

Jeno registered his delightful mood switch and he was fast to follow up, “my photos, --- you --- like them?”

Taemin nodded generously, patting Jeno on his shoulder. Taemin reached up to tap his own eyelids. “What you can see, is very special, kid. You’re an artist and I’m here to recognize that for you. It seems to me, you can do more than take pictures of sidewalks.”

Jeno smiled happily, his eyes disappearing from joy. He couldn’t wait to tell you about it.

The rest of the week, leading up to Jeno’s appointment, had felt nothing short of blissful moments together. You and Jeno spent almost every waking minute together without the cost of your friends’ time. He walked you to your classes, some even being across the campus from his own. You accompanied him for meals, even sitting in his lectures to just be with him.

There were no words that established what you two had become to each other. Jeno wasn’t looking for that anyways, in fact, he somewhat liked the ambiguity. If only he could tell you how making love to you made him begin to actually fall for you.

You were never one to hold a serious relationship, but you found a small want for that festering in Jeno. It was hard to admit to yourself, but Jeno saw you for all that you were. He truly saw you, whether it had been through a lens or through his own eyes. He captured your rawness and you were able to find vulnerability around him.

He ran to you, where you sat in the lobby waiting for him to finish his meeting. Peering up from your phone, you noticed the beaming smile on the boy’s face. You couldn’t hold back your own grin, seeing him apparent with so much joy. “I’m guessing good things?”

“I got it, (Y/N)!” He jumped into your arms and you laughed at the sudden affection. “He loved my photos.”

“I didn’t doubt it for one second. You’re an artist, Jeno. You create masterpieces that make even someone like me, feel like art.”

Jeno hugged you closer to his chest, giving you a tiny squeeze. Pulling away to face you, his eyes examined your outstanding grace. You knew what he was already going to say, but simply wanted to hear him say it. “That’s because you are art.”

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honeysidesarchived · 3 years

Text

WHERE THERE IS NO TEMPTATION, THERE IS NO GLORY.

⊱ a santino d'antonio / oc short-fic

interlude ii ( read on ao3 ) ( masterlist )

words: 2.4k

warnings: none really! just an impending, pervasive sense of doom.

rating: m/t

notes: so happy to have finally gotten this little interlude edited and pieced together! just more soft moments because they deserve it considering what's going to be coming up. thank you everyone who has been reading/interacting with this little love project of mine; it took a minute to get myself dug out of the trenches and posting bite-sized chapters because this is a short-fic is definitely doing something to me (lmao) but we're here!

as always you can find translations on ao3, where it's easier to store them in a place that doesn't get in the way.

There is very little time between when Santino cooks her dinner and when he moves her into his apartment. It happens without much acknowledgment from her; she finds herself swallowed up in moments of casual intimacy that break her down to nothing except a girl in love.

Santino wakes her up by kissing her neck and pulling her against his chest; she makes him dinner barefoot in the kitchen, all of the recipes that her mother taught her, and he drags his hand along her hip to reach over her into the cupboard; he stands still and obedient while Euphemia slides his tie into place, and when he zips her dress for her, he peppers her shoulder with kisses. He tolerates taking a walk through the park, even in the chilliness of late Fall or Winter, because Euphie can’t stand to not get some fresh air once a day. When one of her friends asks why he lets her bully him into the cold weather, he wraps his arms around Euphie with a sly smile and says, “How could I not, when I am the one who gets to warm her up after?”

He is an exceptionally tactile man. There is always a reason for him to touch her, trace each line of her, put his lips against her skin. Santi isn’t a man who loves; he covets. And Euphemia shouldn’t like it as much as she does, but she does. Her therapist says that it isn’t uncommon for a girl who grows up without touching to crave it, desperately, like an addiction.

So, she finds herself living in his loft to feed that addiction—which becomes their loft—and teaching him words in French, and feeding him olives while sauce simmers (and does not boil), and kissing the red-wine taste from his lips. It’s all very romantic and greatly overshadows the moments where Santino comes home raging mad, or when his bad mood takes over their conversation and stirs a fight between them. They’re both hot-headed—her more so than he—and he knows all of the ways to diffuse her while she knows none about him.

But it doesn’t matter, in the end; because Santino always kisses her, and always says, Mi dispiace, cara mi, ti amo, ti amo, ti amo, lip-locking between each break in words until her lungs ache.

Euphie has never wanted to be loved sensibly, anyway.

Making money stops becoming an issue. Santino might have been fine letting her wrap up her loose ends, so to speak, encourages her, even—“You should never leave business undone, my Euphie,”—but he’d never tolerate her continuing to skim out of the pockets of his associates. Not out of respect for them, of course, but because Santino is more than happy to provide.

“I have to do something,” Euphie insists, often. But Santino clicks his tongue and shakes his head, inspiring indignation in her. “That money goes to my mother, Santi.”

“Princesa, what are you worrying for?” He replies every time. In this instance, he is reading over some documents, his voice casual, simple, effective at bringing her to heel. “If your mama needs money, she’ll get it. Tutto quello che vuoi è tuo.”

Euphemia used to think that he was doing it to be generous, but as time goes on, she knows that isn’t the case. If Santino didn’t think he was benefitting from sending her mother money every month, he wouldn’t do it: but he does. Euphemia stops playing at arm candy for other powerful men; he endears himself to her by taking care of her mother; he endears himself to her mother; he’s afforded a sense of control. There is no facet of it where he isn’t getting something out of it. And she thinks, too, that maybe Santino likes it like this, where she is completely reliant on him for everything.

She doesn’t mind so much.

She would, if Santino didn’t drench her in his longing, if he didn’t make her feel, every day, that he is desperate to treasure her. She has always heard about this kind of love—and it is love—and never thought she would have it for herself.

But she does now, and she doesn’t want to let it go.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Tea or coffee, mama?”

Santino is busying himself in the kitchen. They’ve been together for a little over a year now, and they’re on a tour of Italy—not for fun, necessarily, but for integration. They have just spent the last week with Santino’s father and sister, and now they will spend the next two days in the Tuscan countryside with her mother.

Two days for her mother, instead of the week that they gave Santino’s father and sister, in part because his father deserves more time and in part because Euphemia doesn’t think she can tolerate her mother in much more than two-day increments.

“Coffee, please,” her mother says, very charmed by Santino.

“Tea,” Euphemia interjects. She looks at her mother—her face is tired, and older than she really is. Euphie knows that this is a side effect of heavy, abusive drinking and years spent in emotional terror, not the passage of time. Still, she finds it hard to drum up anything except distant pity in her heart. “You don’t need the caffeine.”

“Oh, you always ruin my fun.”

Santino re-enters the room with a small cup—it’s an espresso cup, but he’s poured it with regular coffee.

“A compromise,” Santi explains, handing the cup to her mother, smiling handsomely. “To make both of my girls happy.”

Her mother preens, glows under the affection. “You are so sweet, Santi. A perfect son-in-law.”

He has always called her and her mother his girls. His own mother had passed since before Euphemia; and while he knows that Euphie’s relationship with her mother is strained at best, he does what he can to ease it. Because it makes her happy, he says, and if she’s happy, he’s happy.

“Not yet a son-in-law,” Euphie corrects, and Santino flashes her a quick, amused little smile.

“You see how cruel she is to me, madonna? I have asked her to marry me, you know.”

“Santi,” Euphemia sighs, but it has had its desired effect; her mother looks scandalized, mortified at her daughter’s resistance to marrying a man as good and handsome and charming as Santino.

“Effie, tell me that you haven’t been bullying Santino like this?”

“Mama, there is no reason—he is just teasing. Ascoltami, you don’t need to look so horrified.”

“I do not know where I went wrong with you, Euphemia Sancia.” Her mother clicks her tongue, muttering something under her breath and taking a drink of the coffee Santi made her, and Euphemia can’t bring herself to say that not everything she has done wrong in her life is a slight against her mother’s parenting skills.

Santino smiles and leans across to Euphie, bringing her hand up to kiss it.

“Don’t worry,” he says to her mother, his voice blooming with practiced warmth. “I will ask her as many times as it takes for her to say yes.”

Euphemia feels her heart stutter painfully in her chest. She knows that he means it; he’s suggested it to her three times, now. It seems to be the only thing he doesn’t mind asking more than once.

“She’s always been fussy, my Euphemia,” her mother says, breaking the magic of Santino’s eyes on her. “Never happy with what she has, just like her father. Except for you, Santi—you are the only thing she holds onto.”

Exasperation and disgust flood over her. Both the mention of the man considered to be her father and any similarities they might share has her mood souring. “Mama—”

But Santino is sweeping in, like he always does when he can tell Euphie is getting tired of her mother, coming to a stand and asking her, “We should get started on dinner, cara mia, don’t you think?”

Just like that, he’s taken control of the conversation again. He sees her flailing and steadies her. Euphemia is certain that he doesn’t love her mother—that he doesn’t even like her—but that he can spend his time tolerating her with charm and grace despite knowing what her mother allowed to go on under their roof is indicative of the man that Santino is.

“Yes,” she replies, standing as well. “You look tired, mama. Take a rest while Santi and I make dinner.”

She wanders into the kitchen with Santino trailing after her. As soon as they’re alone, he winds his arms around her waist and kisses the juncture between her shoulder and neck.

“Is it true?” he asks coyly. “That you don’t hold on to anything except for me?”

She doesn’t want to tell him very much, because he knows already, and because to say it out loud will give it legs. A year together, and she still doesn’t want her feelings for him to have legs. Santino splays his fingers against her sternum and kisses her jaw.

“You know that it is,” she says at last, her voice a little unsteady. She can feel Santi smiling against her skin.

“Euphie,” he purrs, “marry me.”

Yes, she wants to say, as her eyes flutter shut. Yes, I’ll marry you, Santi. Anything that you ask. I’ll do anything for you, if you would just keep saying my name like that.

She wants to say it but the words won't come out. There is nothing quite like the feeling of Santino peeling back each individual layer of her defenses, piece by piece; so close, she knows, he is so close, but not quite. Not yet. She is most comfortable keeping him at arm’s length as much as possible—to kiss and to fuck and to let someone hold you at night is one thing. To let someone in past the barbed-wire of defenses is yet another, impossibly reckless. To be seen feeling anything deranges you, as the poets like to say.

“Sancia, hm?” he continues instead, when she can’t bring herself to answer, as the words stick in her throat. It’s one of those things where Santino seems to exercise a surprising amount of patience, this whole ordeal of to marry or not to marry; later, Euphemia will come to understand that it is because Santino believes their life together to be inevitable, that she will always say yes to him, one way or another.

For now, she turns in his arms, cocking a brow at him. He continues, “It means sacred.”

Euphemia nods sagely and props herself up on the counter. “Buon ascolto, my love. I suppose that means you should work very hard to worship me well.”

Santino laughs. He leans in, trapping her against the counter—though it isn’t much of a trap if she’s a willing participant—and noses the slope of her jaw.

“Yes,” he murmurs, “I suppose that it does.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━

On the last leg of their tour of families, Santino insists that they spend a few days in Rome by themselves.

The days are used mostly for doing a lot of nothing; neither of them are particularly interested in sight-seeing, but rather interested in seeing each other, a thing which they don’t seem to tire of particularly quickly. Instead, they shop, or lay in bed together until the afternoon, or go out to eat when street lights kick on and the city takes on a life of its own.

“You are much happier, Euphie,” Santino says one evening, smoothing out his napkin on the table absently, “when you are not around your mother.”

It’s not a question, per se, though she knows that he expects an answer. But she is still young and a little petulant, and she likes to push his buttons and make him say exactly what it is he means, so she takes a sip of her wine and replies, “Yes.”

He arches a brow at her. He looks particularly handsome like this, she thinks—not around his family, just eating dinner in a streetside restaurant in Rome, illuminated in warm candlelight and the glow of the streetlights outside.

“Are you going to tell me why?” he asks, amusedly.

“If you ask.” Euphemia sets her wine glass down on the table, and when Santino reaches for her hand, she lets him take it, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “But it is so boring, Santi, to talk about my mother. Why don’t you ask me about something else?”

The brunette’s mouth is curving in a little smile. “Like…?”

“Like…” Euphie gestures with her free hand, like she has to really think about it. “Euphie, how did I get so lucky to have a woman like you? That is a good place to start. Or, what will you do with me once you get me back to the hotel? Or, Euphie, will I ever be so fortunate as to call you my wife?”

Santino laughs, leaning into their conversation, bringing her fingers up to kiss them. He has long lashes; soft, and dark, and they brush the tops of his cheekbones when his eyes close. Santino glances from her fingers up to her, that boyish grin on his face.

“I already know the answers to the first and last question,” he says casually, like it’s no big deal, but he’s grinning wickedly at her when he says it. She scoffs.

“Dimme poi,” Euphie insists. “I am dying to know, Santi.”

His expression is very sage, very wise, and he nods his head. “Il destino,” he says, winding their fingers together, “e tra un anno.”

There is something very heart-stopping about the way Santino articulates il destino, as though it is fact, as though there is something undeniable about their coming together.

“How do you know?” she asks. “In a year?”

“Because if you do not want to marry me by then,” Santino replies matter-of-factly, “then I am certainly not suited for marriage at all.”

She rolls her eyes, taking a drink of her wine and savoring the way his eyes trail over her, admiring, drinking her in.

“Well?” he prompts. She looks at him expectantly, and he reiterates, his gaze set on her, “What will you do with me once you get me back to the hotel, belladonna?”

Euphemia feels her heart stutter painfully in her chest when he looks at her like that; like she is the only person in the entire universe, like she has become the sun that snags him in her planetary pull, like he will never, ever grow tired of looking at her. It sweeps the breath out of her.

“Anything, mio amato,” she murmurs. “Anything you want, if you promise to never stop looking at me like that.”

#john wick fic #santino d'antonio/original female character #santino d'antonio #c: euphemia volpe #f: where there is no temptation there is no glory #spilled ink #john wick oc #i'm fine we're fine this is all fine nobody panic #gonna #q #this so that i can pretend i don't see it djhfbjdf #x: senza tentazioni senza onore

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practicalmagicintuitions · 3 years

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HC+DG business relationship, career reading

DISCLAIMER: If you will send me an Anon, I will answer in the same tone as your ask, opinion is written.

All information and statements made in this reading or any other post of mine are all alleged until proven to be fact and for entertainment purposes & usage only. All information stated is based on my intuition and my tarot cards. Opinion only. The readings have no intention to cause any harm to the individuals, people featured in it.

Disclaimer 2 : I always always want to give you insightful, detailed readings but I had to be short with this because it’s a sad reading. I hope you will… well… enjoy or appreciate it and if you have questions go on, but I physically and mentally couldn’t go deeper in this.

The foundation of the relationship?

6 of Pentacles, 7 of Swords, The Magician.

Let’s start with the Magician. The Magician is the first numbered Major Arcana card (the Fool is the 0). This is the manifesting, the I am doing card. On the card, the Magician is raising his one hand to heaven and with the other hand, he points to the ground, to earth. This refers to the Wiccan prayer “As above so below” This means mind and matter are reflections of each other. We are part of the universe and the universe is inside us. The Magician creates a future with a word. Words and acts should match.

As a career choice, he is someone who is self-employed, who is on the stage, who wants applause, who wants to perform…

This card is also about to reveal, like a magic trick.

7ofS is trickery, mind game, lying, walking on eggshells, sneaking.

The foundation of this relationship is codependency. The promise that they will do something huge and meaningful, build a new future together, but this is not true. That promise is not honest, there are lies and sneaky things beneath the surface. 7ofS has a meaning that someone doesn't want to lie but he has to. On the card the figure holds 5 swords and 2 are in the ground, he looks at those. This could mean he wants honesty but he cannot know how. (I have a few unpublished readings and this card is coming up more and more frequently).

What keeps them together?

3 of cups rx, 8 of cups rx, 4 of wands rx

What keeps them together? The fact that he basically feels he has no option. He cannot go right or left because the options are horrible everywhere for different reasons. He fears change. 8ofCrx is fear of abandonment, emotional weakness. On one hand, he lost touch with his friends(3ofCrx) or they just grew apart, but they are not actively in each other's life. It could mean he is left out from their former friends’ group or they are not happy for his success. So he is lacking that friendly, supportive energy. (disclaimer: this is such a sad row in this spread, I am trying hard, but I am struggling to write what I feel and see, I hope you will understand what I want to say). This also could mean false friends, who are gossiping and bitching. I do not think he genuinely feels friendship towards DG or her towards him.

In my previous reading, I repeatedly got cards that mean one certain thing, but I chose to ignore that meaning, because, Nah, it’s not important. But this card(3ofCrx) means it so strong, I have to mention. And do not put words in my mouth, I am not stating anything but I have to mention it now. This card very strongly suggests some problems with alcohol and over partying. I am NOT saying he is an alcoholic, I am NOT saying that. What I am saying is that he perhaps has a tendency to drink more than he should and more often than he should. And if this becomes habitual… could be a problem. I’ve gotten this since I’ve started reading on him, and this is the point where I have to mention it.

And top of that…. the 4 of Wands rx also mean he feels himself cast out - or just not belonging- on the home front. Think about it… all of his brothers have their own family. And probably his parents are feeling good themselves too. I mean my parents have been living such a full, exciting life since I grew up and I seriously started my own life separately. It doesn’t mean they don’t love him, but he could feel left out nevertheless.

So what I am getting at is that he is sticking to her, because he is emotionally immature and just doesn't want to change because of fear. He feels he doesn’t have a supporting family background. He cannot go back home emotionally for support, he chose to stay in a false friendship because he feels he is cast out from the warmth of the home and from real friendships. There is no business or project card in this spread… What keeps them together is not really work or business-related.

Where is his career heading?

Fool, The Emperor rx, 5 of Pentacles

( I just want to sob, this whole reading is so depressing…. I cannot….)

He has new options, directions in his life but with the Emperor rx he almost has a tyrannical approach to them, and I think this behaviour will cost him a lot. Cost him roles, investments and money. Those new opportunities will go away, and he won’t change, just continue this behaviour.

The Fool not necessarily mean foolish behaviour but here… I think he believes in himself too much, he thinks the new opportunities gave him a right to be controlling, overly authoritative, bossy, demanding( Emprx). He is also someone who is not taking responsibility for his actions. On the card the Emperor sits on his throne, but because it’s rx he falls off from it ( or he was pushed). He lost his kingdom, the love of his people etc. This is the tyrant who is weak card. Overly judgmental. Probably he will always find something in the new offers, beginnings which are not good enough for him.

And this will lead us to the 5 of Pentacles card. This card is a very negative change mostly financially, but I said before, pentacles are about resources. For now, I will describe the money part of it.

On the card, you see 2 baggers, one of them is hurt, it’s winter, outside of a church. They are poor, have nothing, the walls of the church don’t protect them.

I think his behaviour, how he sees the new offers and his roles and involvement in them, how he wants to control everything will lead here. He won’t be a literal bagger, but he will suffer dearly. Doors will be slammed into his face. Maybe he couldn’t keep his lifestyle at the level he used to. As an investment, it means bad decisions, bankruptcy, etc.

In the spread, the 5ofP is under the 4ofWrx. Both mean that you are cast out, left out, and don't belong.

On a very concrete level 4 of W rx and 5 of P together could mean some serious money loss because of a real estate deal or because of renovation, etc.

I also have to mention that both the Emperor rx both the 5ofP means you are lacking spiritual growth and overly focus on material things.

How does he see his career?

8 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, Wheel of Fortune rx

Normally 6 of S is leaving behind some troublesome time, situation and seeking a safe harbour somewhere else. When I saw this card in the row I felt this, moving away not his decision, something which is forced on him, but this is just an intuition.

8 of P is the success card and he leaves this behind for some reason, maybe seeking an even bigger success, but he is heading towards the reversed Wheel which is usually the bad turn of events. The bad luck.

8ofP is total focus on your task which needs time to bloom, but this card is very still. And the 6ofSw is a moving card. It could mean he wants something more exciting, to make things move, not just stand or sit still and focus. Maybe he doesn’t realise lack of movements doesn’t mean things are not evolving, and he wants to leave this aspect behind. This seemingly stagnation period. Problem is, it seems, he abandoned success to take a risk. Maybe part of this already happened and he knows now he has to rely on luck now. I think he felt he needs to push himself more and this won’t have the desirable outcome. Good thing is the Wheel is as life itself is in constant motion. Up, down, up again. It’s up to him how to react to this.

Look, I get it, now it seems, he has oh, so many offers, roles, opportunities… his name has been circulating a lot lately. But this reading had a very stable energy. It’s not a what will happen in the next few months reading. I will still check on him and NV, like a monthly spread, but for a while this is my last bigger reading on him. I will do short readings on others and I want to write about tarot in general a little bit, but I am still open to conversations and I won’t close my asks.

#pmitarotreadings #henry cavill #tarot #alleged #opinion #tarotreading

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random-mha-thoughts · 4 years

Text

Greedy (Shinsou x Reader)

Pairing: Shinsou x Reader

Genre: Fluff/Comfort, College!AU

Summary: You’re an extremely touch-starved college student, so you ask your friend Shinsou to help you out.

Word count: 2,282

Tags: @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog @bunnythepipsqueak

a/n: I may or may not be projecting on this one...

This took way longer to write and it ended up way longer and shittier than I expected. Not to mention I fell asleep in the middle of writing last night, so I’m sorry this wasn’t up sooner!

I was debating between Shinsou and Todoroki on this one, but I haven’t written for Shinboi in a while, so why not? (If you guys want a Todoroki ver, I’ll write it too!)

I hit 500 followers 2 days ago! Thank you guys again for liking my posts and my content, I really appreciate it! I’ll work hard to give you better stuff in the future!

I said in my milestone post that I would start a new tradition of spotlighting other writers/artists in the community that I follow to spread some love around, so I’m promoting @lovingshoto once again! If you want some floofy headcanons and one shots, go check her out!

Alright, I’m done talking, enjoy lovelies~

My friend blinks at me. He's practically frozen with fear at my proposal.

"Come on, it's not that bad! Why are you looking at me like I asked you to hide a body for me?" I whine.

"It's not that." He puts down the drink he almost choked on. "It's just...very strange."

I'll admit, it's a very unconventional request I asked of Shinsou, but it's very rational, I swear. "I have scientific evidence to persuade you. Science agrees that it helps lower depressive symptoms and stress. And it releases Oxytocin and makes you happier. Which I really think both of us can benefit from."

My friend sighs. "It still sounds really weird."

"And it improves sleep." I give him a pointed look.

For the first time in our conversation, Shinsou finally seems interested. "Alright, I'm listening."

A grin splits my face in two. "We can start at twice a week! That way, it won't interfere with both of our busy schedules too much."

The violet-haired boy crosses his arms over his chest. "What's so great about cuddling anyway?"

My jaw drops to the floor. "Shinsou, are you telling me you've never cuddled anyone before?" When his face turns red in shame, I know his answer. "You poor, touch-starved boy. How about tonight we give it a try, and then you can give me your answer?"

Shinsou levels a gaze at me. I can't read what exactly he's thinking, but I'm hoping I'm pulling him to my side. Spring is start to hit and I'm feeling both the emotional and physical consequences of so-called cuffing season. Long, hot showers, wrapping myself in blankets, and clothing myself in hoodies and fuzzy socks to survive winter aren't cutting it for me anymore. I want to say I'm becoming influenced by the amount of couples I see walking around campus, but it sounds more intelligent for me to say it's a natural instinct of animals.

But I know it's just an emotional thing, I'm lonely and touch-starved myself.

Shinsou rubs the back of his head. "Where and when is this happening?"

The poor, confused boy stands in front of my bed. "What am I supposed to do again?"

Huffing, I pull his arm into me. "Just get in here and hug me. I'll help you."

I don't blame my awkward friend for being hesitant. He's not usually one for invading personal space and he's definitely not the hugging type. Unfortunately for him, I am a hugger and physical touch whore.

"Just lay back like this, arm out." I position him on his back before laying on my side, using his arm as a pillow and wrapping an arm around his torso, almost like hugging a life-sized teddy bear. Feeling his warmth radiating from him, I hum in satisfaction. "Just like that."

Shinsou eyes me, stiff as a board. It's a cute expression, watching his face tinted in rosy blush. "W-What now?"

I shrug. "We just talk. Or we can just stay here silently." But he's still panicked about the whole thing, so I decide it might be easier for him to be distracted by conversation. "How was your bio test yesterday?"

"It was...okay." His gaze darts back and forth between me and some other object in the room. "I think I messed up on one of the answers."

His arm under me hasn't relaxed from his tense state. "Are you having trouble in class in general?"

"Yeah, but the bio department in general is out to get all of us anyway. Something about narrowing down the huge number of pre-med kids."

I nod slowly, but Shinsou still looks completely nervous. "Hey, is this making you too uncomfortable? I don't want to force you to do something you don't like." Maybe I went about this the wrong way.

He finally looks down at me. "No, it's not- Damnit. It's just... I'm not used to it. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do, and I'm not much of a hugger, and I don't think I'm the best person to do this for you."

My heart melts at his candor, guilt eating at me. I get up from my position. "I'm sorry, it was selfish of me. I didn't even think- I guess it's a little pathetic."

Shinsou sits up and hugs me. "It's not pathetic, don't think that way." His large hand strokes the back of my head.

I'm taken back by the sudden gesture. "Look at you, being all touchy-feely now."

"Shut up, you're obviously trying to make this work, I should put in an effort too." The tempo of his head pats slows. "Also, is it...strange that I kind of missed your warmth when you pulled away?"

Something flutters inside me as I smile to myself. "I think I've made you a believer."

"So, how did your presentation go?" Shinsou strokes my hair from behind.

His soft touches coupled with the warmth radiating from his chest on my back is a magic relaxation spell. My eyes are already closed in bliss. "Went great, especially since my group stayed up late the night before to practice like 500 times. I'm just glad it's over."

"You think you did well?"

"Yeah." I feel myself already drifting off from his hypnotic gesture.

His deep chuckle resounds in my ear. "If you were a cat, you'd be purring right now."

I snuggle closer into his chest. "I can't help it, I'm just so tired and you're putting me to sleep."

Shinsou has really warmed up to our twice a week cuddles. We thought it would be best to have a Friday night cuddle to wind down from the week and a Tuesday night cuddle to energize in the middle of the week. If either of us end up being busy one of those days, we said we can either postpone it a day or just wait until the next cuddle day, but nothing has every come up yet. It's settled very nicely into both of our routines.

He seems to enjoy it more than me sometimes, sending me eager texts or showing up early to our cuddle sessions. It's not uncommon for him to end up sleeping until morning as we embrace. It warms my heart knowing he's realized the benefits of cuddling.

"Can you turn around? My arm's about to fall asleep," Shinsou asks, and I lay on my other side, letting him fold that arm near his head and wrap the other around my torso.

Speaking of warmth, I never imagine I would feel a different kind of warmth when I'm near him. It's not the kind that comes just from the sharing of heat. It's the kind that sends tingles or goosebumps through you from just under the surface of your skin, makes you a different type of cozy, the feeling of sweetness without the taste.

Our relationship grew deeper than I think we both expected. Slowly, we've opened up to each other about deeper things we wouldn't have normally talked about. Late into the night, if we were both still awake, we would open up about out innermost thoughts, secrets, and demons.

Most importantly, I'd say it definitely improved my mood overall. Not only did it give me something to look forward to, but I feel happier. Even on nights where Shinsou ends up leaving for his own room, I'm left with an afterglow buzz, sleeping with a smile on my face for the rest of the night. Thinking about it during the day sends another wave of warmth through me. It's as if all my stress melts away when we're in each other's presence, basking in each other's scent and low breathing.

Though, there is something about cuddling Shinsou that makes me want more of him. I don't know if this is a side effect of the warmth, but I understand his eagerness to spend more time interlocked as we do. All I want to do is snuggle closer to him until there's no more space left. The afterglow of the cuddle sessions would easily be replaced with a cold emptiness, leading me to crave his touch during the day. I'm a starving child who's become a greedy glut for nourishment.

Shinsou's scent is stronger now that I'm facing him. I press my arms into his chest, allowing me to lean in closer to his neck, gradually morphing into a ball against him. I don't know how I survived without this before.

This week has been absolute shit. I'm so close to screaming at something, my lungs feel like they're going to burst. A mix of anger, self-loathing, loneliness, and melancholy bubble underneath the surface. I failed a test in one of my major science classes, I have a paper summary due sometime next week, and two written assignments due in two days. On top of all of that, as part of a pairs assignment in one of my classes, none of the "friends" signed up to be my partner. And these are the same "friends" continuing on to graduate school with me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I'd left my umbrella in my dorm and it poured rain today.

Trudging up the stairs of my dorm building, I open my door and slide my bag off my damp shoulders without moving inside. A familiar tickle in my eyes, heaviness in my chest, and overall loss of warmth in my body almost starts overtaking me.

I don't want to be along right now, I think desperately, closing the door and practically sprinting down the hall, up another flight of stairs, and finding another room. I don't care if it's not Tuesday or Friday, I can't be alone right now.

I slam the door open, thankful that he never bothers to lock it. But I turn the bolt closed.

Shinsou jumps up in surprise. He's sitting at his desk, textbooks and laptop open. I would feel bad for intruding at a time like this, but I'm too far into my feelings to care about things like shame or decency.

"What's wrong?" he looks up at me as I rush over.

I don't respond, grabbing his arm and harshly yanking him out of his seat only to throw him onto his bed. His eyes widen as I climb on top of him, one of my knees between his legs. We haven't used this position, but I just don't care. Once I collapse my head onto his chest, he audibly breathes out a sigh of relief and relaxes, settling one of his hands on top of my slightly dampened head and the other on my back. "What happened?"

His warmth and fresh scent that normally calms me right down makes me silently sob into his chest. I don't hold anything back from him; all my feelings ranging from my past mental health to my childhood quarrels with my parents to the existence of time being a curse for not being enough of it in a day burst from my lips messily. I probably sound a mix of drunk and deranged.

Shinsou doesn't say a word, only alternating between stroking my wet hair and patting my back gently, even as I make a mess of his shirt. "It's been a tough week, you deserve to rest before you even try to tackle it. Those people aren't your friends, you don't owe them anything and you shouldn't expect anything from them either. They don't deserve how great a person you are. You're doing great, trust me. You're hardworking, friendly, trustworthy. Anyone would know you're an absolute gem to be with."

His words evoke a shift in me. This warmth is different from the emotional bursts I've felt before. Hearing compliments from him hits differently.

And that's when it hit me. I'm not just greedy for his cuddles, I want Shinsou as a person. As my boyfriend.

My eyes snap open and I lift my head up. I meet his confused stare. "Do you...mean that?"

One of his eyebrows lift up. "Of course. You're amazing, why would I lie about that?"

I feel a slight rush of heat. "Would you... Do you see me... in some other way?"

He blinks once before a tint of pink coats his cheeks. "Well...maybe I do? I didn't want to say anything about it, but since you're asking, I won't hide it from you." The color saturates more. "I like these cuddles and everything, but...sometimes I think I want more of you. It's...we're already doing this whole thing together, it feels like we're already a couple." His arms constrict around me. "Sometimes, I want to hold you like this and call you...k-k-" He coughs, embarrassed of his next word. "Kitty."

My own face gets infinitely hotter as my stomach tumbles at his term of endearment.

"Y-You already nuzzle into me like one!" he adds defensively. "It's not weird, I swear!" I looks cute to see him all flustered like this.

I kiss his nose instinctively and he turns tomato red. "I think it's really cute," I mumble. "You can call me that if you want. I'll be your kitty."

Shinsou seems like he's in a panic, arms frozen as they constrict around me. "Wow... That sounds better than I thought it would," he mutters incredulously.

I chuckle. "You said that out loud, Hitoshi."

One of his large hands cups my jaw and I nuzzle against it. "My precious kitty." It rolls off his tongue so naturally. He presses a kiss on my forehead. "I'll keep you happy with my cuddles."

I smile against his touch. "Aren't you happy I showed you cuddling? Aren't they great?"

"They're the best, especially with you, Kitty."

#Shinsou x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #shinsou hitoshi #college!AU #shinsou fluff #comfort #gender neutral reader #shinsou imagine #shinsou scenario #mha shinsou #bnha shinsou #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction

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ri-ahhh · 4 years

Note

Ooooh but like what if it's gray getting jealous and a teeny but insecure too when MJ mentions some of her work mates and other close guy friends w whom she hangs out and drinks and parties yk?And when he finally meets them he might not be able to get some inside jokes or be pissy on how touchy one of her guy bffs is?!And just goes like"baby am I too young for you?"🥺maybe some cute fluff and hot makeup sex?? ;p Sorry if this too much or straight up lame It's cool if you don't wanna concept this

Ok, first of all, I love this. Second, this is my first MJ concept and I’m soft af🥺

If there’s one personality trait Grayson Dolan wouldn't normally attribute to himself, it’s that of being easily jealous. Why would he be? His life, despite it’s occasional heavy downs, is relatively picturesque in the grand scheme of things. He’s got a loving family, an amazing career, a beautiful girlfriend, and he’s narcissistic enough to proudly say he’s a good-looking dude.

But the little green monster first starts to stir in chest when said beautiful girlfriend lays back on his chest one morning, scrolling through Instagram while the two of them laze in bed. MJ is looking through the pictures she had been tagged in at a company dinner the night before, double-tapping her phone screen occasionally and diverting his attention away from his own phone when she does.

“Who’s that?” he asks, trying to sound as casual as possible as he eyes a certain picture with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Hm?” MJ had already scrolled down to the next photo, but she goes back to the one in question. Grayson points to the guy standing next to her. “Oh. That’s Jesse. He’s one of my teammates.”

Grayson doesn't respond right away, his gaze focused on the way the attractive young man has his arm wrapped tightly around MJ’s waist in the group photo. MJ is leaning away from him, but it still gives him a bad vibe — not from her, but from him.

“He looks friendly.”

MJ glances up at him and slaps the other side of his bare chest with the back of her hand jokingly. “Relax, we all had to squeeze in to get the picture. He’s just a colleague.”

“Yeah, to you,” Grayson mumbles. He tosses down his phone and turns on his side so he can throw his arm over her middle, nuzzling into her hair.

MJ smiles and scratches her nails up and down his sculpted arm, his warm breath tickling her ear. He’s not really the possessive type, too confident in himself and trustworthy in her for this to have ever been an issue in their relationship, but her work world is one entirely separate from him. She doesn’t think it’s too irrational for him to be suspicious, especially since she can admit feeling a little iffy about the way Jesse had so easily sidled up to her for that photo.

She shifts her head on the pillow so she’s facing him, kissing his lips softly but soundly. It’s an unspoken reassurance between them, and they both let the topic go.

A few days later, they’re in the kitchen together, a pass only she is allowed while Grayson cooks. MJ sits on the island, her feet dangling over the cabinets as Grayson stirs the vegetables he’s sautéing on the stove, when her phone buzzes on the marble countertop beside her. She picks it up and chuckles, her manicured fingers typing away.

“What’s so funny?” Grayson asks nosily.

MJ hits ‘send’ in the text response she wrote. “Jesse sent a stupid meme that reminded him of this super difficult exec we have to deal with for one of our clients.” She holds up her phone so Grayson can see it, but without the further context he doesn’t really see the humor in it. It causes a weird sensation to bubble in his stomach, one he can’t quite place, but it definitely makes him give the veggies an extra vigorous stir that has some of them flying out of the pan on accident.

He draws the line on this guy in his head when MJ sends him a text the next afternoon while he’s in a Wakeheart meeting downtown, just a few blocks from her office.

ugh baby i’m so sorry i have to cancel our lunch date :/ jesse wants to keep working on this report we have due this afternoon and i’ll look like a dick if i leave.

Grayson huffs and feels the back of his neck flush with anger. Why is Jesse controlling whether or not she can take her lunch break? She has a habit of skipping it to begin with, which Grayson can’t stand and actively tries to make sure she doesn’t do, so his irritation with this dude is through the roof now. His mind can’t help but wander to the possibility that maybe Jesse is doing it on purpose; he knows for a fact all of her coworkers know about him, so who’s to say he’s not trying to keep her to himself today? Before he can type out a heated response, however, MJ double-texts.

i promise I’ll make it up to you tonight. whatever you want, on me. literally and figuratively ;)

She knows him too well, can probably sense his frustration a few streets away. Grayson sighs, but his mouth lifts in a little smile, because he loves her and he’s low-key looking forward to that promise now.

Alright. I’ll be thinking about that to get me through this meeting. Pls eat tho baby, it makes me worry when you don’t.

me too lol. and gonna order some kreation now, don’t worry. ily

She punctuates her message with a few heart emojis, and Grayson returns the sentiment before pocketing his phone once more. His mind is far from the financial projections he’s supposed to be paying attention to, but luckily this is much more Ethan’s territory in the business than his, anyways.

Friday, he and MJ are cuddling on the couch watching a movie when out of nowhere she gasps a little and sits up from where she’s leaning on him. “Oh, I almost forgot to ask. You and E doing anything tomorrow?”

Grayson chuckles and shakes his head, amused by the suddenness of her question. He pushes a lock of her hair, damp from their shared shower, behind her ear. “Not that I know of, other than we might go to the skatepark.”

MJ grins. “Well, my boss is making us do our monthly team-building workshop at a climbing gym, if you want to tag along. I don’t think you’ll be able to join us during the middle of it, obviously, but afterwards it would give you the chance to meet some of the people I work with, if you want.”

He considers it. He hasn’t been climbing in a while, and he’s actually been itching to get back into it. Not to mention, it’ll give him a chance to keep an eye on Jesse while he’s around MJ in the skin-tight lycra she wears to work out in.

“Yeah, I’m down. I’ll ask E if he wants to come, too.”

The next day, the three of them roll up to the gym in Ethan’s Tesla. Grayson wastes no time in taking MJ’s hand in his as they walk through the parking lot, just in case a certain set of eyes are watching. MJ squeezes his fingers reassuringly; she’s not dumb, not impervious to the fact that when he kisses her goodbye once they step inside and before they go their separate ways that he had caught a glimpse of the man from the picture that put his guard up to begin with.

When he pulls back but makes no move to join Ethan on the other side of the gym, MJ shakes her head with a grin and cups his cheek softly.

“No need to stake your claim, Neanderthal,” she says.

He looks down at her with a pout that makes her heart and her panties melt. His wide hands plant themselves on her hips and tug her a little closer to him, anyways. “Am I being obvious?” he asks.

“Only to me,” she winks, rising on her toes to give him one more chaste kiss. “Now go with E, before Chanel gets here and I have to reverse the roles.”

Grayson laughs but does as he’s told, giving her waist a gentle squeeze before they part ways. MJ’s company had rented half of the gym, which was roped off for them. He chooses the open wall closest to the one they're using, eager to keep his girlfriend as nearby as possible for the couple of hours they would be separated.

As he sits on a bench and slips on his climbing shoes, Grayson can’t help but search out where Jesse is. He’s easy to spot, that’s for sure. Not only is he already next to MJ, chatting animatedly while she smiles and nods politely in return, but he stands out with his curly mop of hair, caramel-colored skin, and pale blue eyes. Maybe his attractiveness is part of the reason Grayson is somewhat intimidated by his obvious interest in MJ, but he’s also part of her everyday life, one he knows nothing about other than what she shares with him.

It’s never been something that bothers him, because it’s healthy to have a life outside of a relationship, but he’s always dated — hooked up, whatever you want to call it — in his industry. There was always a mutual understanding of what work and life in general entailed with those flings, and it’s taken Jesse for him to suddenly realize he doesn’t have the experience or the knowledge of how to handle his feelings with that not being the case with MJ. It makes him feel out of control, not good enough somehow.

Grayson Dolan does not like to be out of control and he most certainly does not like being below his own standards.

“Who’s that?”

Grayson is brought out of his daze by his brother’s voice and the hand he had clapped to his shoulder. If he were able to laugh at himself in this moment, he might have found Ethan’s question funny, since it was exactly what he’d said when he first saw Jesse, too. Ethan’s gaze is fixed on MJ and the man in question, who had placed his hand on her elbow as he talked only for MJ to duck down to ‘tie her shoe.’

“Jesse,” is all he says, standing up to buckle his chalk belt around his waist.

“Oh,” Ethan replies, nodding his head a little. “Do we like him?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.”

Ethan becomes another set of eyes for Grayson while they climb, giving him nudges or a little whistle every time he catches Jesse standing a little too close to MJ, or finding a reason to touch her, or to ‘help’ her as she climbs up the wall. Grayson glowers over every time, trying his best but probably failing to not to come off as the jealous boyfriend. Every once in a while MJ will catch his eyes, giving him a quick wave or a thumbs-up with a pretty smile just for him. It makes his heart settle some, only for his chest to tighten again when Jesse starts cheering for her a little too loud.

The two hours pass by a little faster as he settles into the rhythm of climbing, trying to put her touchy coworker in the back of his mind. He trusts MJ with everything in him, but he knows how men can be — ignorant either by choice or by idiocy to a woman’s obvious signals of disinterest.

“Gray!”

He’s just reached the top of the wall when his girlfriend’s voice cuts clear through the loud chatter around them. He looks down and sees her on the mat, hair pulled back in a cute high ponytail, freckled cheeks flushed from the exertion of the day, as she waves him down with that same bright smile.

He grins, excited to have her to himself once again. “One sec!”

Once he’s made it back down the wall, he greets her with a kiss. She’s tied her jacket around her waist, leaving her top half covered only by a pretty green sports bra that happens to be both his favorite color and one that makes her eyes pop beautifully.

“I like this,” he says suggestively, hooking his finger in one of the straps and tugging gently.

MJ rolls her eyes and reaches up to adjust the center of the Wakeheart cap he’s got backwards over his hair. “Come on. You can meet the idiots I have to put up with every day.”

She leads him to the group, who are all standing around chatting, gulping down water, gathering keys and such as they prepare to leave. He gets introduced to them a couple at a time. Some of them he recognizes by name, such as Valentina and Jude (both of whom MJ actually likes and considers friends), MJ’s intern Alessia, and Chanel, of course, who bats her eyes so obnoxiously it’s almost comical.

And then there’s Jesse, who’s immediately sizing Grayson up with those striking eyes as soon as they approach him standing in the corner on his phone. Grayson doesn’t back down in the slightest, a smirk fixing itself on his lips when MJ leans into him and wraps her arm around his back. He drapes his own over her shoulders, pulling her that much closer to him.

“Hey Jess. This is the famous boyfriend I’ve told you all about,” she introduces, patting a hand on his hard stomach and smiling up at him for a moment.

Grayson lets go of MJ long enough to extend his hand. “Grayson.”

Jesse accepts and shakes his hand politely. “Jesse. MJ and I are teammates.”

“So I’ve heard,” he says, keeping a tight smile on his face as Jesse continues to square up to him, like Grayson has posed some kind of challenge.

Jesse nods, a grin of his own popping up as he gets the idea that MJ has maybe talked about him before. Grayson wants to roll his eyes, but he stays trying to be the bigger person here.

“So what do you do, Grayson?” Jesse asks.

Another hot flash overcomes him. He’s heard the question often enough to know there are two ways people ask it: innocently and genuinely; or knowingly and almost maliciously, like Jesse is now, waiting for him to say the ‘i’ word and berate him for it passive-aggressively.

MJ tightens her arm around him some, and it calms him down enough to answer with an even tone. “I do social media.”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg, though,” MJ steps in for him with a grin. “He and his brother have a whole production team under them. And they're CEO’s and part-owners of a fragrance company, Wakeheart. I think I’ve told you, whenever you compliment my perfume, that it’s Grayson’s, right?”

She’s incredible, really. Grayson smiles and shows off the diamonds in his teeth, which glint in the harsh artificial light. “Well, Jesse, if you like MJ’s perfume so much, I’d be glad to send you our whole collection. Maybe you’ll find one that’s right for you.”

He can see Jesse’s resolve start to waver, especially when MJ stands on her toes to kiss Grayson’s stubbled cheek. “Very generous, huh Jesse?”

Jesse clears his throat and digs his keys out of his pocket tellingly. “Ah, yeah. Thanks, man, good to meet you. See you Monday, MJ.”

He brushes past the couple without another glance, and he at least has the decency to blush a little from embarrassment. MJ turns and wraps her arms around Grayson’s middle, staring up at him with big green eyes that sparkle with amusement.

“Do you think he got the picture that I’m completely, totally, head over heels in love with you?” she asks, swaying slightly as he wraps his arms around her as well. “And that he has no chance in this universe whatsoever?”

“I don’t know, I feel like you could’ve laid it on a little thicker. Hyped me up a bit more,” Grayson jokes, dipping down to brush her lips with his. A blonde statue glares at the pair of them when he pulls back and glances over MJ’s head. “Chanel is staring daggers at us. Should we make out right here so she can see how I feel the same about you?”

MJ giggles and shakes her head. “Unfortunately, nothing will faze that bitch.” She nuzzles his nose with hers affectionately, the chaste display a perfect disguise for the dirty whispers that comes out of her mouth next. “Mm, my CEO boyfriend can take me home, though, and fuck me nice and hard in the shower.”

Grayson’s eyes turn a shade darker, and he bites his plump lower lip. He wants to slip his hands down to her ass, but he’s also very aware of how public they are right now. “If we even make it to the shower,” he murmurs.

MJ scrunches her nose and raises her brow in a look of mild disgust. “Gray, if you think I’m sucking your dick after it’s been in a cup for nearly three hours, without you taking a shower, you better think again. I don’t think even Chanel is down for that.”

Grayson lets out a belly laugh and releases her, taking her by the hand instead to go find Ethan. “Noted, baby. Noted.”

#no smut but #might post some tomorrow👀#thank u again bb for sending this in it means a lot❤️#dolan twins #grayson dolan #grayson mj #grayson mj blurb #blurb #g blurb

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221bshrlocked · 4 years

Text

Plant Your Seeds

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Words: 1604

Warnings: Swearing. Awkwardness. Sweet Fluff!

A/N: I have an entire biblical/theological story to write for one of my classes and I have no motivation and it’s due next week and I have three other projects and I am just not in the mood to do anything. I saw this prompt and had to write it. Hopefully you like it.

The ringing of the door bell broke the hours of silence you’ve remained in since you opened. It was a quiet Friday afternoon and a part of you hoped you wouldn’t get any customers so you’d spend more time planting the new Hydrangea seeds you just bought. You looked up and couldn’t see who just entered, deciding to just wait until the familiar bell rang or someone asked for help. Another ten minutes passed and you realized whoever entered never exited and wasn’t making much noise.

Quickly wiping your hands of dirt, you walked away from your working station to check on the customer. Turning a corner, you found an incredibly well-dressed man standing in front of the Lavender and Sunflowers. You hated to break whatever trance he was in, mostly because he looked focused and confused at the same time. It was kind of cute.

“Hello, can I-”

You didn’t realize how focused he was and jumped when he frantically turned around and grabbed his chest, swearing under his breath before stepping back and almost knocking over the few Marigolds left in the bucket.

“God I am so sorry I didn’t mean to-” The words died in your throat when he finally looked at you, and you realized you really wanted to know what shade of blue his breathtaking eyes were in that moment.

“Oh n-no that’s my bad I’m,” he seemed to be trapped in the same haze you were in for a second before clearing his throat and continuing, “so sorry I almost knocked those over.” He leaned down and put the bucket back in its place before standing up and pushing the glasses up his nose.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve been meaning to put those somewhere else. People keep tripping over them.” You smiled and looked away when you found his eyes too intense to maintain contact with. “Umm, is there anything I can help with?”

He continued to stare at you before turning towards the sunflowers, his eyebrows immediately furrowing from the long and vibrant colors of the plant. “Would you like me to make you a bouquet of sunflowers?”

“NO!” You didn’t expect the sudden and quiet loud response but you nodded and took a deep breath.

“S-sorry I didn’t mean to- it’s just that I…umm, I’m not here for the sunflowers. Not anymore at least.”

“I see, well I’ll be back there so if you need any help with anything, just holler.” You were about to turn around when you heard him step forward.

“Wait, wait…I do need help actually.” He stood there for a moment and you waited for him to ask but he never did and you immediately knew. He wasn’t the first one to walk into your flower shop feeling this way. The great thing about flower shops was that you always had a glimpse into other people’s lives, sometimes managing to help them out without even knowing.

“Listen, whatever happened, you’ll be okay. Whatever it is you’re feeling right now, it’ll pass. Perhaps not as quickly as you want it to but you’ll keep going. Life keeps going! That’s why I have that sign outside. Flowers can’t solve all your problems but they’re a great way to start. Please, take your time. I’m not going anywhere and you don’t need to rush.” You tapped his shoulder twice before smiling at him and you thought you saw something shift in his gaze but you ignored it.

You let go and walked to the counter to give him some space. A couple of minutes later, you were balancing something on the check book when you heard him clear his throat to grab your attention.

He looked much more relaxed than earlier and you were glad he managed to deal with whatever he was thinking of.

“How do I passive-aggressively say “fuck you” in flowers?”

He was super calm and collected when he asked the question which frankly you never expected to hear from him. And you couldn’t hold back the laugh even if you tried before you realized he was dead serious. You quickly apologized before asking him what he meant.

“I don’t wish to bore you with my sob story because you probably hear many a day than I ever will in a lifetime, and mine is probably extremely low on that scale, but long story short, my girl…my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, in my own apartment, and laughed in my face when I found out it was with one of my closest friends. She just got a promotion and I would love to send her a passive-aggressive bouquet of flowers except I also want it to be delivered to her boss “by accident” because frankly, she deserves it.”

He hesitated when he saw your lack of a response and he was about to apologize when you cut him off.

“Yeah alright! Sounds like a plan, a great one if I am being honest. And I know just what to get you. Come with me.” You walked to his side and went to one of the back corners of the shop, sliding one of the glass doors to walk inside and telling him it was okay for him to enter. You leaned down and pulled a few of the pink flowers beneath the roses.

“Here are some geraniums which showcase her stupidity for leaving you, and…” you kneeled down to grab another bucket that was slightly out of reach, “some foxglove for her extreme insincerity.” He took them from your hands and studied them before noticing you were already walking away.

“Here is meadowsweet and yellow carnations so she knows how fucking useless she is and how incredibly disappointed you are or were in her actions.” He grabbed the beautiful flowers and sighed, knowing he would never buy these flowers again even though they were among the prettiest in the shop.

“And last but not least, some lovely orange lilies so she knows how much you hate her…and him.” Shutting the door behind the two of you, you walked behind the counter and grabbed some green leaves to fill the bouquet, taking your time rearranging the flowers so they balanced each other.

“Would you like to write a card? It’s free.” You said to him as you tied the bow around the plastic, gently pulling up some flowers to bring out the colors of some of the others.

“W-what do I even write?”

“I mean the flowers are passive and she’s probably too stupid to understand, no offense.”

“Non taken.”

“But the card can be aggressive. Here let me write it in calligraphy.”

“Oh wow you don’t have to.”

“Please, I don’t have ‘100% satisfaction’ written on the window for no reason. How about, ‘Go deep throat a cactus. Sincerely,” sorry I didn’t catch your name?” You laughed at the blush forming on his cheeks and he seemed to notice his surprised reaction when he heard you giggle.

“It’s James. James Barnes. But my friends call me Bucky.”

So not only was the man the definition of beauty but his name rolled off the tongue easily as well. Great.

“So would you like me to sign it as James Barnes or Bucky Barnes?” He was quiet for a moment before he looked up and nodded at you.

“Definitely James Barnes.” The two of you said in unison and something twisted in your stomach when you heard his sweet laughter ring in your ears.

“Now just write me the address and the name of her boss and I will deliver them myself. When do you want her to see them?”

“Oh I don’t want to waste your time, I could just-”

“The great thing about owning a flower shop is that you can open and close it at any time.” You took the flowers from him and placed them in a vase already filled with water.

“She works until six so anytime before that. Thank you so much. You didn’t have to go out of your way to do any of this.” He took out his wallet and decided to focus on the money and not the gorgeous smile staring right back at him.

“Please it’s nothing. Flowers make me happy, well, plants in general. And if the plants can help out with anything then I don’t mind at all.”

“So how much for the passive-aggressive bouquet?”

“It’s on the house.” You responded immediately, taking the small paper he wrote the address and the names on before placing it in your front pocket.

“No no please I couldn’t.”

“Please, I insist.”

“Fine, but on one condition. Can I take you out for coffee sometime tomorrow? Just so you could tell me what her reaction was.” Bucky smiled at you, readjusting his glasses god knows what time that day and you couldn’t help but mirror the joy etched on his face as you nodded.

“I’d like that a lot actually.”

“Great, it’s a date!” He took out something else from his pocket and gave it to you as he picked up a business card from the counter.

“See you tomorrow sweetheart,” your eyes widened at the pet name before waving to him.

“Bye Bucky.”

You watched him as he walked out of the shop, his steps picking up a bit as opposed to when he was lazily following you around not fifteen minutes ago. You couldn’t wait until you saw him tomorrow but you certainly couldn’t wait until you saw his ex-girlfriend’s expression when she saw the flowers and the note.

Yup, flowers were definitely problem solvers. And your wingmen apparently.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #bucky barnes #plant your seeds #flower shop au #professor bucky #professor barnes #professor bucky barnes #go deep throat a cactus #fluff #sebastian stan #sebastian #sebstan #james bucky barnes

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nerv0usm3chanic · 3 years

Text

CORRUPTION

Chapters: 1 || 2 || 3 || 4

((NOTE - This is an introduction to a new PERMANENT AU feature exclusive to nerv0usm3chanic. Please see further, generalized information regarding this AU here: X

Be advised that each of these chapters are VERY LONG. The full content will be tucked under a read more after a brief introduction segment.

DO NOT REBLOG.))

“Arthur...have you been feeling okay?” Vivi asked, taking a seat beside Arthur as he focused on the project before him. He’d been fiddling with robotics for a while just as a hobby, but given how long and hard he’d been working, it looked like Arthur was working on an even more vital project than any before. He was clumsy with his right hand as he set down a pair of tweezers and looked at Vivi with tired eyes and a weak smile.

“I’ve been better, Vivi.” Arthur sighed tiredly. He’d been back from the hospital for nearly a month now - two and a half months since he’d lost his arm - and the blond spent nearly every day working on an intense project. “It’s...not too easy adjusting to not having something...” Arthur admitted quietly, staring at the metal bones before him.

“Oh, jinx! I’m sorry, Artie, I-I didn’t mean-!” Vivi started, backpedaling in her sentence before Arthur reached out with his right hand and touched her shoulder. He smiled at her softly, assuring her that it was alright.

“N-no, it’s okay, Vivi. You know it’s not your fault.” Arthur said gently, reassuring Vivi that what had happened was in the past and really there wasn’t anything she could have done. Except maybe not make them go to the cave in the first place. But Arthur refused to entertain that dark train of thought...it might wake him up. “It was just...a lot of crazy coincidences.” That was something he told himself over and over, day in and day out. It helped him feel better about the absence on his left side.

“Hmmm...well...are-are things going better?” She asked, tucking her hair behind her ears, “Is it easier with your cousin and uncle taking care of things?”

“Hmm...uh, well...to a degree.” Arthur answered, turning back to his project and carefully picking up the tweezers. Even after weeks of practice, Arthur still found it hard to adjust to being right-handed...among other things. “Lucan takes care of the front of the shop and does some fixing and Uncle Lance still runs the shop as normal. I help out with checking numbers and making sure bills and such get paid. So, I’m still working. It keeps me busy when I’m not sleeping or working on this thing.”

“So this is...” the blue-hared woman started, looking at the complex assemblage of metal rods, hinges, and wires, along with a lot of other things Vivi didn’t know the particular names of.

“Yep.” Arthur nodded, using the tweezers to carefully arrange a pattern of wires to eventually lead to sensors in one of the digits. He still had a lot of work to do before he was finished with his prosthetic arm.

“Okay um, yeah, um hold it there, for just a second.” Arthur directed as his doctor carefully positioned the first rendition of the blond’s new left arm. Six months had passed and this was going to be the first attempt to connect the false appendage to the specialized port. In that time, Arthur had spent so much time studying and using the nearby university resources, he might as well have earned an honorary degree with what he was attempting. Arthur knew this was going to hurt and he needed his cousin and uncle for support. The pale fingers of his right hand were grasping tight to Lance’s rough gloved hand in worried anticipation.

“Just take yer time, lad.” Lance replied in the softest version of his gruff voice. He wasn’t the most comforting of individuals, but the short-statured Kingsmen was practically Arthur’s parent with how much time he’d put into raising the boy. Arthur wouldn’t have asked anyone else to be there for emotional support. “An’ don’ do anything ye don’ feel ready fer.”

“We ken always do this later if ye need ta iron out some wrinkles.” Lucan offered, giving Arthur a pat on his whole shoulder. As his cousin, it was expected that Lucan would be somewhat close to Arthur. But seeing as the two had bonded so much more closely since Lucan moved to Tempo, the younger Kingsmen might as well have been brothers. All three men looked to the doctor preparing to attach the false arm.

“I wish I could numb the pain for you, Arthur.” He murmured gently, “But this is a prototype and...we need to gauge how well the adaptor works to communicate between the wires and nerves...” The arm had been through so many tests and iterations with the help of the local university and waiting for more tests wasn’t going to work anymore.

The doctor needed results for his paper. The university needed results to keep funding the specialist and Arthur. Arthur needed results...in the form of a new left arm. The chance that there would even be any kind of re-use of his left arm again was enough to motivate Arthur for this improvement.

“I’m ready...just...be careful.” Arthur nodded, gripping his uncle’s hand tighter as the prosthetic’s port approached the adaptor his doctor had installed two months earlier. There was that ominous tingle in the back of his mind, a dark chuckle rising up from the depths as the separated parts got closer. Amber eyes widened in fear as he noticed a small flux of energy and a tiny zap between the ports now just millimeters apart.

“W-wai-!” But he was too late. A pained scream ripped free from him, lightning practically erupting around Arthur’s arm port as everyone was pushed from the blond. Arthur would wake sometime later in a hospital bed, his new arm heavy and limp. He would cry out in angered frustration, causing everyone to leave the room as he pitched anything within reach at those nearby.

He had failed...again! There was nothing this metal arm could do but sit there! It was an arm-shaped paperweight...it was just good for looking like an arm...until he made a metal finger twitch.

“Alright, you ready to test out that coordination, Artie?” Lewis called over the short distance between him and Arthur while Vivi and Mystery watched eagerly. Arthur was going to be practicing more refined movement with his arm, this time it was catching and throwing a ball. A simple task for many, but Arthur had been so focused on preparing his arm, working on it days and nights for months. Vivi was proud to see Arthur regaining himself; the use of his left arm being the most important thing she’s noticed.

“I’m ready!” Arthur called back, flexing his robotic hand to prepare it to catch the baseball. He’s been working on getting back to being left-handed, but had found tasks much easier to accomplish with developed skill in using both his hands. Forced ambidexrty was interesting to accomplish - and he was exceedingly proud of his abilities - but now the point was to get his false arm’s motions up to snuff.

“He’s improved so much!” Vivi says to Mystery as she watches Lewis pitch the ball gently. “I was really worried about him for a while.”

“Yeah...it was a little shaky for a while there, wasn’t it?” Mystery added, internally still angry at himself for using such drastic action. It’s been a solid 11 months since then and still-! Mystery nearly bolted and then forced himself to sit back down with a huff; he was doing his best to contain the canine urge to chase the ball. The first few volleys back and forth were fine, no trouble at all for Arthur. Mystery felt a sudden strange energy in the air as Arthur caught the ball again and perked up as he smelt a strange singe.

“That had some real pep!” Lewis laughed as he ran to catch the ball and prepared to throw it back. He was so glad to see Arthur seemingly back to himself once more. For a while, Arthur had become a near-complete hermit, forgoing any kind of social engagement to get his arm made.

Arthur himself felt almost too relieved to be able to use his arm so easily. Physical therapy with the doctors was tough and mechanical therapy with the robotic majors at the local university was a nightmare...but it was worth it to have a functional arm once again. And the grant money to develop the appendage further wasn’t half-bad either. It was exciting, thrilling even! He almost could feel the electric excitement as he-oh...oh no. Arthur caught the ball and paused his adrenaline rush as he sees electricity dance over his arm again and hears the sizzle of the tennis ball’s singing fibers in his hand. Quickly he passed the ball to his other hand.

“Ah- uh, I think th-that’s enough for now. I think the arm’s getting a little overworked. Ah, um, st-static and all that!” He gives an awkward grin to ease Vivi and Lewis’s sudden confusion. “I’m ah, g-gonna go inside and discharge.” Arthur gave an awkward laugh and scurried to get inside the mechanics shop again, his trio of friends were left worried and confused.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” Arthur whispered in a hiss, glaring at his hand as a ribbon of green electricity coiled over the metal. The dark voice in his head merely chuckled as Arthur went to a specialized discharging station in his room.

‘I was bored. You live a very dull life, Kingsmen.’ The voice hummed idly, ‘If you would just allow me to take over-’

“Never! Just-just leave already!” Arthur murmured, sliding into his room and heading for the discharging rod. On the surface, it just let off static electricity. On the inside, there was a battery hooked up and storing the electricity Arthur would often unwillingly produce. He used the power to run a lamp attached to his desk.

‘If I could, I might...but at this moment, I can’t. So I will just bide my time, boy. I am very patient~. And when your friends inevitably abandon you for your behavior~.’ Arthur frowned, furious that he had to deal with this thing all the time. But what could he do? Exorcising a spirit was one thing, but he was sure this being wouldn’t let go after a few holy words, a splash of water, and some special tags.

Arthur might need to find someone who can offer more specialized help than a priest.

Chapters: 1 || 2 || 3 || 4

#curruption au

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

Text

crossposting billions analysis/musings here but now thinking about 5x08 kind of makes more sense with the context of like, whether that could’ve kicked off them specifically being concerned about loyalty / worrying about unpleasant surprises, since they obviously don’t expect to run into rian having another job, and then instead of going “hey so like, what’s up” to rian about it, they apparently start off strong(arming) a bit, since rian is also starting off bothered by the treatment, and, while we don’t have any reason to think that rian apparently possibly having been moonlighting catering the whole time was going to make her want to quit or have any other conflicts with her mase carb job, after taylor again tries to just go right to the flexing authority / applying pressure approach, now rian’s apparently unsure about staying at tmc, which doesn’t seem to have been true before, establishing that taylor’s reaction to “oh shit is rian Not committed to working here” by already sort of taking a somewhat antagonistic / punitive approach, one which was somewhat bemusing in the first place since there was no indication this had or would cause problems or that they couldn’t just like, talk to rian without preemptively taking that stance, and thus not put rian on the defensive as well / Be antagonized from the start, but they sure did, and it showed us that this was counterproductive, and that only when they both decided to start an exchange with a more conciliatory approach (quantciliatory: see: taylor & winston in 3x03, and then in their next meeting in 3x09) was the situation set up to be resolved, also thanks to taylor voicing their actual motivations in a somewhat unexpected offering of vulnerability re: their lore & also not just trying to push rian into this / hold anything over her head here really

also of note that now, despite taylor’s own trust issues clearly at play, they’ve repeatedly told rian she just kind of has to trust them, despite rian knowing she doesn’t have a lot to go on / can’t really do anything but wait and see if she gets burned by that, which, you know, taylor might have to do with wendy, who hasn’t even gotten around to her “then trust me” line. and, in the midst of these points, is outright saying they can’t trust people b/c they get fucked over, so.

and of course thinking about the entirety of s5 here & gaining & losing (& firing) employees.....rewind to 4x11 when taylor’s saying nobody has to argue for comp b/c the results speak for themselves, but is also asking people to defer bonuses &, in doing so, presumably stay at mase cap for another year, & winston points out that this is less just giving them all a choice & there’s pressure to defer & this suggests employees might be expendable / collateral re: losses tmc might take on if taylor’s commiting to an indefinite revenge jag against axe, a journey that requires you to dig two graves and neither needs to be mine....but he also does not quit, and mafee makes it about trusting taylor, which winston acquiesces to. also notable that lauren like, pseudo breaks up with taylor, but doesn’t, but takes her bonus now b/c if they break up she’ll have to quit, and none of these things really seem to bother taylor at all. then there’s 4x12, where they get to tell their employees they’re all the best & sexiest in the business & tmc is getting back on track, but when we see [all of tmc, apparently] in s5, they’ve presumably had to downsize, or who knows if some people didn’t want to go to axe cap....they kept all their named people, so probably it wasn’t necessarily about taylor having to deal with people quitting, but also probably people Had to be let go, which they not only don’t enjoy like, in general, but of course sucks when it’s their own employees & they would rather not have to downsize or be dragged back to axe cap in the first place, just seems like an Insecurity & Vulnerability Issues exacerbating matter overall, and, naturally, specifically about axe fucking everything up for them

then over the course of s5 you’ve got wendy being generally unhelpful in 5x01, making sure to not really put her back into helping taylor & the rest of mase cap out as part of her job without taking advantage of a chance to ingratiate herself to lauren, which lauren goes ahead & names for what it is. then in 5x02 it’s time to take advantage of taylor’s absence, pull a non axe cap employee over to take care of an axe cap mess, aka lauren, refuse to defer to sara at all and then deflect any responsibility for sara’s disgruntlement / feeling out of place as a result onto taylor, and then of course, you have sara’s sort of halfhearted attempt to voice her grievances to taylor, whose response not only highlights their own unhappiness but now sure definitely seems to suggest that despite recognizing lauren’s business decision to do axe cap stuff as A Good Opportunity, that’s included in things they’re unhappy about but also can’t do anything about. and then in 5x03 sara’s still unhappy & despite clashing a bit further with taylor, apparently taylor doesn’t consider that sara might quit, cue their “don’t worry, i’m not going to fire you” line before sara does quit, & evidently being thrown & unhappy about the fact that she has. & shoutout to their outright telling wendy they can’t trust her & she shouldn’t’ve jumped in and decided lauren should do shit for axe cap, which wendy evidently takes to heart by which i mean she passive aggressively deflects the whole thing and i am sure nothing has changed at all with her and she’d do it again if she felt like it.

then in 5x04 there’s the thing with mafee wanting to switch seats at the lunch table, aka sit with the axe cappers (even if it’s not that clear whether it’s Just a seating change or if it makes him more tied to axe cap re: the actual work he does, seems to at least partially involve the latter, for all intents & purposes) and while taylor does not express anything like “wow really betraying my trust here / this isn’t very loyal of you” they’re clearly unhappy with it, even if we don’t know that they’re actually upset with mafee about it, or anything

5x05 and everyone at least listening to winston about “we can’t and don’t trust wendy” even if nobody particularly cares if he’s fired, who knows if taylor was that concerned, but they at least put in Some effort in the form of stalling for time about it. just a bit odd if they cared enough to put in that nonzero effort but also maybe had no other contingency plan here, and winston’s pointing out that maybe they should be convincing him to stay on....like, yeah, why not? there’s no particular reason for winston to be singled out as Un Impact Fund Worthy, while apparently lauren, & for completely unknown reasons, mafee, are good to go. lauren telling mafee he has “nothing to worry about” to which winston somewhat incredulously goes “he doesn’t but i do??” does kind of sum that up lmfao like, yeah, sorry, but why??? and then there’s the fact that the oil divestment thing which directly led to this impact fund route came from a project winston worked on with taylor i guess, & which taylor decides to run with when, despite sara & mafee both voicing skepticism, winston alone is like “hell yeah we can let’s go for it,” and then, you know, winston also does not quit or anything after axe then invests in the shares that tmc theoretically could’ve. and wendy just got here and isn’t really citing anything about winston about Why he in particular has to be fired, and is figuratively Resting Her Case b/c he doesn’t get her metaphor correctly or w/e?? i see no reason tmc employees shouldn’t think wendy’s trying to isolate taylor / get rid of people who aren’t tied closely enough to axe cap over taylor.....and then spamming F for the fact that there’s this whole subplot that stems from this wherein lauren’s the one pointing out to taylor that they can’t trust wendy & to offer her like, a share of the company in the teens%, and then taylor doesn’t listen to lauren by offering wendy 40% and lauren doesn’t listen to taylor by confronting wendy & telling her she’d better not fuck taylor over, smash cut to wendy fucking taylor over in 5x10 there and lauren Not getting to take it out on wendy, and taylor not doing so either

but here we are still in 5x05, theoretically, wherein winston does just accept not being fired, and wendy’s bailing on the mase carb soiree b/c axe is whining at her to stop doing her stupid bullshit about her stupid life b/c he’s having emotions, so that’s great. and while maybe winston doesn’t need to trust anybody out here b/c apparently, unless ever discussed directly / otherwise, he Is just fine staying at tmc so long as he’s simply not fired, and taylor apparently presumes he will (not like they seem to worried about anyone else even considering quitting either, i guess), he also sure seems to have some people on his radar re: his own vulnerability, like, already Doesn’t trust wendy even if 5x05 is the first time she directly goes after him in any way, can point out that this is about taylor too even if, again, he hasn’t really been directly involved in wendy going after taylor in s4 or prior, & also he still would probably like some validation from taylor themself but will also shrug it off 4 sec later if he doesn’t get it, & for whatever reason may never be brought up in dialogue he sure is committed to working for them or he wouldn’t be here & stay here. & he likes rian, & doesn’t seem too threatened about like, not going “oh heyyy” & acknowledging he likes her actually, as soon as the soiree even, & then there he is in 5x07 having been negged but forging ahead with the determinedly amicability & just kind of tempering the “i’m Just Looking Sometimes, i’m Not Pressing” thing rather than being like “nooo i don’t have a crush on you” or anything. and also, in front of mafee during the soiree lol, and possibly now taylor & lauren if they inferred anything beyond “idk there goes winston operating in the wrong, too literal context / being overly earnest & spontaneous or something” about it....getting off topic talking about winston here maybe but originally the topic was “thinking about 5x08 in an additional/new context as of 5x10″ so guess the post has already gotten off lol

anyways winston’s not really being burned, except also he is (expressing repeatedly he doesn’t feel valued by taylor lol......) but also he doesn’t mind enough to like quit so it’s fine? and mafee might kinnnda have his back at times, won’t narc on him, might intervene if he’s being harassed / threatened, thanks guy. & rian seems to like him in some kinda way and you know, she Did jump in there & apparently truly singlehandedly of her own sole motivation save his employment, i guess? he may as well trust fall swoon into her arms immediately. but guess he’s just vibing out here, and really like, the way billions works, plot focus is dangerous & nobody really just has an episode’s focus of “and here’s [character] just having a great time! they’re so happy! hoorayyy” and even the attention of other characters can be bad. axe shouldn’t’ve looked at him, but do think that was probably just winston off the shits raring to be validated by anything and going “damn i was glanced at? big day for winstons,” and if other characters are writing him off, then they’re probably not also going to come after him (although you know. there’s 5x05!! but she did drop it quick enough i suppose) or be threatened by him in any way and Defensively come after him. i am off track here

anyways then 5x06, things are fine, nobody’s quitting or being threatened with firing, 5x07 they’re fine but also axe is fucking everything up and taylor has to deal with that / know that even [him not being able to be trusted to not fuck everything up For Himself] can fuck with tmc as well as collateral damage, then 5x08, as once stated way back at the beginning of this post, maybe sets off taylor having trust issues re: closer to home threats here, i.e. how committed their employees are, even if it Seems like they are (which, they probably are! i.e. how there probably need not have been any issue w/rian having this side job if taylor hadn’t kind of forced it as an issue) & taylor’s able to resolve it with a bit of vulnerability / dropping the [best Defense is a good offense] insistence

then of course there is 5x09 & seems like maybe it’s A Problem that not only did axe fuck things up for them after saying to their waist that he wouldn’t, but he also said it to wendy & in part b/c wendy backed taylor up, but then also axe went through mafee like well fuck things up for taylor or i’ll fire you, and mafee’s response may have been one that taylor understood but also sure like, had the implication that there’s nothing else he would have or could have done in the face of axe, either then or going forward so long as they’re at axe cap, which can’t be very heartening, and although of course taylor just realizes axe is the problem, when in 5x10 they’re clearly fucked up about not being able to count on anyone truly standing between them & axe / not siding with loyalty to axe vs them when push comes to shove, it’s not difficult to retroactively apply that to this situation with mafee & suppose that like, even if in that moment they didn’t consciously go “wow so i’d better be worried about this from other people too” apparently by the time in 5x10 they learn actually lauren’s Not guaranteed automatically staying with mase carb / them & that wendy, despite again a face to face conversation, is like yeahhhh fuck it i entrusted axe with this and i have no reassurance(tm) for you except bullshit nothing, seems like maybe the first [i’m unexpectedly vulnerable??] internal emotional dustup from 5x08 & then the much more obvious one in 5x09 wherein mafee’s just asserting it as a given that if axe wants to hurt them he will & there’s nothing for it has kinda coalesced & been set off here by first realizing lauren isn’t automatically with them & then that wendy’s just over here doing whatever making them all the more vulnerable to axe & then they’re apparently launched into very defensive mode about all of it, but they’re also clearly personally hurt about things rather than Just like, considering strategy or whatever, or yeah their directing their reaction at their relationship w/lauren & just cutting it off themself wouldn’t be so spiteful & yknow, maybe they’dve simply fired her but been like eh yeah sure go to axe cap but don’t give axe any tmc secrets and also maybe we should break up. meanwhile, if they can have one personal relationship blowup after having tamped down [being bothered] by issues in it for a good while now, it’s like, maybe not guaranteed that just b/c they’re not confronting mafee about anything here they’re not also tamping down [being bothered] which may Potentially blow up later.......do not want that

so congrats i guess to winston if nobody’s really bothered re: him lmfao, like, hey, then they won’t be Bothered(tm) down the line either......again with the like, taylor maybe trusts him to be Loyal b/c they’ve given him the least individual / personal focus here ever so like, if i Don’t trust you, i trust you lol....guy who’s just kinda Around, and is also kinda invulnerable(tm) for it, where rn his most vulnerable thing going on, which is uncoincidentally his most like, involved arc / thread re: character material, is Liking rian, and we don’t know whether that’ll go anywhere. if it’s a joke, that’s kinda underwhelming, but if it’s setting up a romance watch out, that’s where billions concentrates the theme of what’s lost / fucked up in the course of trying to play / compete in / win in this game, but wherein winston is maybe protected by the fact he’s Not really trying to be exceptionally ambitious / at the forefront of things & is instead just kinda out here vibing & rolling w/stuff, which is harder to narratively come down on so as to execute some thematic material....but which may also result in like, his not getting any relationships really, although if he & rian have this mutual affinity / kindred spirituality, why shouldn’t they get to be buddies, which is not so often crushed to make a thematic point as romances are.....also, let’s see him talk to tuk outside just the once, that went great, in 5x08 anyways. i’d say like, as is true of anyone amicable w/him, feel free to kiss but also everyone watch out with that around here. and that brings us back to 5x08 so may as well pretend that’s a definitive conclusion b/c the [series of interconnected billions tangents] that this post has been can go on indefinitely.

#winston billions #if you can believe it tl;dr the issue w/rian in 5x08 may have set up this thread w/taylor coming to a head in 5x10 there....

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fanworks-library · 3 years

Text

summary: youre just a completely ordinary college student living in a post monster world

pairing: dr w,d gaster/reader

tags: reader-insert, reader with a vag, noncon

You had never been very lucky in life. Some days, frankly, you wanted to give up. But you had determination and held on.

Recently, you were starting to feel like your determination was finally, finally paying off.

Even though you had bottom barrel grades and a shitty attendance record all throughout high school, you had gotten into your first choice university. On top of that, you had got a full scholarship that included room and board. You were sure there had been some mistake but you weren’t about to pursue that line inquiry.

Even this dorm of yours was a dream come true.

You had applied for a single person room; on a whim, really. There was no way someone like you would get it. But just a week before the move-in date, you received a letter from the school saying that under recommendation of your doctor a single person room was needed for you and your request was approved.

Well, you didn’t have a doctor. Like, maybe you needed one; sure, but you sure as heck couldn’t afford one.

You were benefiting from someone’s mistakes and it took you a few weeks to be okay with that.

While you had never been to the city the university was in before your move-in day, you had for, some reason, always wanted to live there. Your inexplicable feeling was right; you absolutely loved it. Not that you got out much, but you loved every quaint small business and aged building fronts. You loved the ancient trees, the fields of flowers and the cobblestone roads. It was like traveling back in time and made you feel, for once in your life, at home.

This was an opportunity of a lifetime and…

You were on the precipice of fucking it completely up every single day.

You had absolutely no idea what to major in so you applied under Undeclared. You had until the end of Sophomore year to make a declaration but you were already feeling like trash about it. Everyone else in your class had drive, had goals; knew exactly who they were and what they wanted to do. Except you.

You’d tell anyone who asked that you just wanted to get all the electives and gen ed courses out of the way, to which you often got mummers of support and “Good idea, I should have done that,” but you were fairly certain that your lie was transparent and others were mocking you with fake sympathy. You hated it.

Your classes were simultaneously overwhelming and under stimulating. You were struggling keeping all your grades above failing. Well, all except for one;

This semester you were taking Introduction to Monster History as an elective.

The speed which the overworld had gotten use to the monsters being back was nothing short of incredible. It was like they never left. By the end of the week, it was old news.

Especially in the city you were in. It was the first one monsters reached when they came down from the Mount Ebott. The outskirts of the city wrapped around the mountains base; civilization petered out, the last road turned into a dirt path that led to the woods that went all the way to the top.

You knew because you had walked it before. The barrier may have been broken but a fall like that sounded pretty good at the time. Last semester’s finals had been particularly killer on your self esteem.

But now, you finally had a class you were actually good at.

Even on your very worst days, you still dragged yourself to this class. You weren’t afraid to be called on randomly, to raise your hand or just blurt an answer out.

Sometimes, when you did your reading assignment, it felt like you had read them before. And even when you winged a test you basically got everything right.

Was this what it was like to be good at something? You were sure you had never felt happier in your entire life.

But you were still, unfortunately, you; so when the final project was assigned you waited the last minute to do anything about it. The final was in three parts; part one was your typical test, part two and three went hand in hand. You had to write a research paper and do an interview with a monster that later had to be quoted in your paper with proper citations.

At first that third part sounded pretty impossible but many of your classmates were monsters and most of them were really eager to share about their lives in the underground.

The professor had kindly set up a suggestion board for theses. But, as aforementioned, since you waited until the last moment, every last one of them was gone. That’s when you panicked and realized you better kicked it into high gear.

So, you spent the rest of the week pouring over your class books. Then over books in the library that were written by monsters (you were surprised how unorthodox and laid back the nonfiction books were written).

The more and more you read, the more you realized how absolutely in love with monster history you were.

You had to write a paper that would blow your teacher away. If you got a good grade on this…yes, if you get a good grade on this you would absolutely declare your major to History with a focus on Monsterkind!

You exhausted the library’s resources with speed that surprised you. You scourged the internet. Your interests jumped from one topic to another. Your notebook was filled with notes and thesis ideas. Many you deemed too boring after an hour of reading up on it.

You needed a way to narrow everything down and make a choice. So, you decided to make a timeline with different color highlighters, each color representing an important monster to their culture and then in their colors you’d highlight your notes and the one that monster or that time period had the most interesting facts you would write about.

Maybe something even ridiculously specific, like trade of monsterfood during such and such time. You didn’t know what you were looking for until the third or fourth time you had to start the timeline over.

You had been, up until that point, ripping out the notebook pages, crumpling them up and tossing them on the floor because you had believed you were messing up.

But it wasn’t you that was messing it up (for once), it was something about the source material that was messed up.

Dates weren’t lining up right. Birth dates, death dates, dates of important events. Your yellow highlighter was frequently going over the purple one. And there there were gaps that none of the highlighters could fill.

You knew what your paper was going to be about.

Going back through all the books you had taken from the library and all the books you had for your class, you went through the text with laser focus. You returned to the internet until you were on the tenth O in the google.

Due to how long monsters lived and how peaceful they were, they didn’t really have that much history to get all tangled up in, it wasn’t like it was with humans. Everything flowed smoothly from one year to another, a clear and easy to see timeline like a 12 piece puzzle, except…except for one thing.

One piece of the puzzle that didn’t fit into any of the groves right yet came in the box with the others.

Armed with actual notecards and a notebook filled with actual honest to god research for once you were ready to start your paper at the final hour.

The blank word doc started at you and you back at it.

You attempted to pluck out some kind of a title:

Who is W.D Gaster? (You deleted it.)

Where is W.D Gaster? (You deleted it.)

When is W.D Gaster? (You deleted it.)

Your eyes were feeling kinda heavy. When was the last time you slept? Days likely but you couldn’t sleep yet not now that you were actually working on something. You still had to interview someone and this thing was due on Monday at 12:00 am on the dot and it was Friday.

Maybe it was time for a change of music, you thought but forgot what you were doing after opening the tab.

Time to throw in the town for today, there was no way you could work like this. You still had two full days to do this which was one day extra than your usual poor planning cram sessions. So, instead of whatever screaming metal you were going to turn on, you turned a nature sound generator on instead.

(You set it to rain on roof at 79%, wind in leaves at 62%, thunder at 100% with the second option in the green bar drop down menu) and forest ambience at 79%)

Your muscles relaxed the moment you hit the bed, falling back on it with a triumphant umph. Lulled by the sounds coming from your computer, you fell asleep before you could even get under the covers.

Something woke you up.

Your computer which should have been emitting the soothing sounds of a rain storm was now making an awful garbled static. It had cut through the quiet of your dorm so suddenly and loudly that it had woken you up. There was a strange rattling sound you recognized but you knew you shouldn’t be hearing. Your brain was too tired to worry too much about any of this.

It was dark outside, dark in your room. You didn’t bother looking at your clock to see what time it was.

You didn’t feel like getting up and investigating that strange sound, or fixing the awful sound coming from your computer. You were so tired that the discordant sounds couldn’t stop you from closing your eyes and getting back to sleep.

Something grazed your cheek gently and in your half asleep state you reflectively leaned into that something without a thought. Whatever was touching you gave off the feeling of being shocked, like static electricity; only low and cold and constant. It wasn’t entire unpleasant. And the feeling of deja vu rattled in your sleepy head. Was this a dream?

Maybe one you’ve had before?

And then you felt your hair get mossed about, which caused you to open your eyes. You didn’t turn the ceiling fan on before you went to bed, there wasn’t like a breeze or anything in your room.

You felt it again, more distinct this time, like someone running their fingers through your hair.

Startled, you went to get up as quick as possible. You mind rationally jumped to There Is A Massive Spider In My Hair. And you were going to get it out, only—

Your movement was met with resistance. Your shoulders weren’t even a half an inch off the bed before you found yourself pushed back down. Pinned.

There was that rattling sound again.

You attempted to move your legs. You could wiggle them a bit but not get them up. The same with your arms. What…? What was this!? Was this sleep paralysis?

Your heart was pounding in your chest, the room felt big and dizzy. The static from your computer was barely audible over the pounding of your own heartbeat in your ear drum.

There was another noise, that weird rattling sound again.

It clicked in your brain finally. It was the sound of your keyboard. It was missing a leg so it hopped up and down, rattling against your desk, when being typed on.

You had just seen the screen of your desktop for a half of a second when you had jolted up. Just enough time to see a line of new type on it before you had been pinned down to the bed.

Something brushed against your neck causing you to yelp. You turned your head even though there was no way you could angle your face to see what it was.

Outside the corner of your eye, you could see another line being added to your semi-blank word doc. From your bed you couldn’t make it out but it didn’t exactly look like letters. You could see a third line start just as something that most definitely felt like hand push your head so that you were looking at the ceiling.

You heard your keyboard rattle again.

You tried to jerk your head out of the invisible grasp but it held firm, the feeling of large unseen fingers dug into your jawline.

Another invisible hand settled around your throat, this one squeeze for a second and you panicked. Maybe you were having a stroke, people choke to death then don’t they? You were having some kind of strange stroke and you were going to suffocate on your own organs.

The pressure on your neck grew tighter and tighter while was felt unmistakably like hands ran across your chest. It then let up completely, suddenly, while the hands on your chest explored your shape. You gasped for breath.

While you were busy getting air in your lungs the hands left your chest and started to navigate south. They ran along your sides, stretching down to your stomach.

With what limited movement you had, you struggled against whatever force was keeping you on the bed. It was moving under the shirt now, you tried to get a look at it but you couldn’t get your head out of the vice grip.

Struggling only made the unseen force hold onto you tighter.

When what felt very much like hands reach your bare skin again you gasped, the touch was cold yet electric and you could feel goosebumps being raised. And you could feel two new hands run down the sides of your hips to your legs.

They just barely touched your thighs as they rans down your legs, finger tips spidering over your skin. Harder, they pressed against your calves and then again up to your thighs, on the inside now before pulling your legs farther apart.

You were starfished; pinned on your bed like a frog waiting to be dissected.

What felt unmistakably like a finger pressed itself against your lips as the sensation of hands returned to your chest, this time under your clothes. You weren’t going to let whatever this was in your mouth. You kept your lips such even as the fingers were massaging your chest, roughly then softly, pulling and digging in.

The energy they were giving up almost had you gasping but you kept your lips good and shut, that is; until whatever this was pressed down on your clit,phasing right through your clothes.

The sudden shock made you gasp and the fingers invaded your mouth. You gagged against the intrusion, attempting to push what really felt like two large fingers from going farther into your mouth, your tongue was overpowered and they slid down with ease, pushing to the back of your throat, where you started gagging anew, just when you thought you were going to throw up the fingers moved back. Your face was already beginning to feel sore from how stretched your lips were across the fingers.

The tip of an unseen finger was rubbing circles against your clit at a painfully slow pace, the movement felt almost mechanical; lacking any sort of variation.

The low static hum being pulsed into you from the touch caused your hips to buck and you were mortified at yourself, trying to gain purchase, trying to urge whatever was happening to you to happen harder and faster.

This hallucination, this nightmare, took the hint and picked up speed. You whined, your steadily heavy growing breath muffled by the fingers that were running the length of your mouth. Drool was slipping passed your lips, being pushed out by the friction of the fingers, running down to your chin.

You hips were jerking, everything was so overwhelming, hands were at your side running slow, tips of fingers barely grazing your skin, hands ran from your neck over to your chest, giving you the vague sense that your pulse and heart beat were being checked upon continuously.

Your hair was being touched; gently. Lovingly. Your checks being brushed upon by backs of invisible hands, and just when you thought you were at your limit, a finger was running the length of your vagina.

Only now did you realize how wet you were, feeling your own fluid being rubbed against your folds.

You were attempting to mentally ready yourself for what was going to happen next. You knew it was coming. The finger pushed itself to what you assumed was the knuckle on the single go, the length filling your limit. It knocked the wind out of you. The silent moan was caught in your throat and the force of the entry caused your upper half to lift up, braced against the hands that were holding your shoulders down.

You fell back on the bed and bucked your hips, which pushed the massive finger further in. You had thought there was no way that there was more to it, but you were wrong. It hit up against the farthest part of you and freed the muted cry.

Your moan was muffled by the fingers pumping away in the same slow mechanical pacing.

You were focusing now on keeping your body as still as possible but you were shaking. The feeling of electricity ran through your cunt and you couldn’t take it.

Another finger joined in and, as wet as you were, you were feeling uncomfortably stretched. What was being inserted into you felt like burning against your clenching walls.

The fingers curled, keeping their steady pace. You sobbed against the fingers that were once again pushing the limits of your gag reflexes.

You heard your keyboard rattle again.

Losing yourself now, your hips rose and fell; desperate for more speed so you could just finish already.

A new set of hands held your hips firmly in place while the fingers worked. This time your movements didn’t prompt them to work faster.

You let out a panicked cry when your lower half was suddenly lifted up. You were being supported and your mind was scrambling for logical explanations.

None came to mind.

Two hands were gently spreading your ass and you gave a half-hearted struggle, you didn’t hand the grip to tighten but you wanted out of this. You could barely form complete thoughts at this point and you were dizzy from trying to make sense of what was happening.

The two fingers cried out and, despite yourself, you cried out at the loss in desperation. One of the two fingers pushed into your anus completely, your own fluids weren’t enough to make that entry comfortable. If you weren’t being muffled you were sure your dorm neighbor would have heard the noise you made.

The finger was slowly working in and out of you, just like it had in your pussy a moment ago.

A new finger had replace the two that had left and started at a sudden, quick pace, curling just right against your g spot. The pace was unbearable and the fingers holding you in place were gripping hard as your body attempted to curl up on itself.

The finger on your clit was coming down hard on you now. You could feel it bruising already and yet it wasn’t enough. You weren’t surprised to feel tears running down your face but you couldn’t remember when you had started crying. Your choked sobs and moans were muffled by the fingers in your mouth. Your were just barely aware of the keyboard rattling.

You were so close to cumming, so close, so close…!

You knew a flood of feelings would hit you. Fear, shame…satisfaction, but for this moment your mind was blank as your own liquid ran hot down your ass. You heard yourself drip on your bed and the first thought you had when your mind returned was what a pain the laundry would be.

As you came, one of the hands on your chest travelled to your centre. You were still being held up by the hands which you had hoped without reason would just vanish after you came. You had your entire weight on them, limp and a final moan was shaking from your throat.

The hand at your middle pushed into you. The horrible sensation of been punched through like a fork stabbing through the plastic in a microwaved meal. Your moan turned into a scream.

The sensation not necessarily painful but frightening and wrong.

There’s a squeezing pressure all around your chest, all around your entire self. Were you dying!? Was this dying!?

You feel yourself lose consciousness.

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thefledglingdm · 3 years

Note

Can i ask a ficlet or fic with ben and bea? Anything 😭 i just miss those two

YES HELLO I AM HERE!!!! i have it posted here!!!! please see below the cut, and I’ll add it to the there’s a skirmish of wit between them post on ao3 as well!!

note: this is a goofy sort of meet-cute au inspired by my own life and relationship with my pet. this will make more sense. i hope this is okay!!

hang me in a bottle like a cat

Ben did not give two thoughts about it when his neighbors moved out of the apartment complex. He was never particularly close to the couple, or any of his neighbors, really. Who even talked to their neighbors anymore? No one went over to say welcome to the building or ask to borrow a cup of sugar anymore. And since this building featured in-unit laundry, Ben never needed to interact with people beyond a brisk nod passing on the stairs or at the mailboxes. And that was exactly the life he preferred. He kept to himself and his one-bedroom apartment and his engineering job in downtown San Francisco, and that was exactly what he wanted.

In fact, Ben had not even noticed the inhabitants in the two-bedroom next door changed until he checked his mail one Tuesday afternoon and saw that the battered mail tag for apartment 310 had changed. The new tag simply read, Stratford, H/ Stratford, B.

Huh, Ben thought. Neat.

That was the most thought he put into his new neighbors until Friday. Ben was sitting on his couch, phone in one hand and beer in the other, Netflix on in the background. He was not paying real attention to anything at all, really, which was why he jumped where there was a sudden crashing sound through the wall.

And dimly, Ben heard a woman’s voice lamenting, “Oh, you stupid little bastard.”

Ben furrowed his brow at the sound, listening to hear if there would be any more. There wasn’t. Shaking his lip with a bemused little smile on his face, Ben returned to his phone.

Ben assumed that the odd outburst through the walls would be a one-time thing. But clearly he overestimated the thickness of the walls in his building, or he underestimated the temper of his new neighbors.

Every now and then, Ben heard the noise through the wall: loud, uninhibited laughter; the shifting of different furniture being assembled or rearranged; the odd fire alarm dinging off, always accompanied by some kind of loud swear.

And every now and then, Ben would hear that voice again.

“Out of my way, you tiny bastard man, if I trip over you I am going to push you out the window.”

“Dinner time, dinner time, dinner time! Will you eat this? I don’t care if you like it or not! You’ll eat it and like it!”

“Get a job, you fucking freeloader. Pay your rent. Pull your own weight around here for once.”

“No. No. No. This is mine. I’m not sharing. Fuck off. I hate you. Fine, one kiss.”

“Back, back, back – no! Move! You know you’re not allowed outside!”

It was like living with a strange, cranky ghost that swore like a sailor. And had a mean streak.

Most nights, it was actually rather funny. But as time went on, he started to grow a bit concerned. Whoever his new neighbors were, they sounded like they had a… contentious relationship. One full of arguing and insults and exasperated affection.

Ben knew that his neighbors’ lives weren’t any of his business. But he had to admit he was deeply curious. And with the occasional crash and shout, he wondered if he ought to pop by. Check in. Greet the new neighbors, after all. His mother would probably give him her standard amused, slightly disappointed look if he revealed that he had still not said hello or welcome to his new neighbors since they moved in over two months ago.

The tipping point finally came, as Ben knew it must. He had just arrived home from work, a few hours later than usual on a Friday night. He’d had a project to finish up, and the rest of the office was barely helping. So it was almost eight o’clock in the evening as Ben made his way up the stairs, keys in one hand and loosening his tie with the other. He was just about to open his front door when a sudden clattering of dishes made him jump.

“No – dammit, you little shit – you know you’re not allowed in the kitchen! Get out! I will feed you! Move, you stupid asshole!”

Ben looked longingly at his door. Then he sighed, taking the five steps to the neighboring door. He lifted a fist, rapping his knuckles against the door.

Immediately, that same voice called: “One second! Shit, no, move - c’mere -”

The door chain rattled, the deadbolt turned. The door opened. And Ben came face-to-face with his neighbor. He opened his mouth. Forgot how words worked.

Because – oh, wow. The woman had a heart-shaped face, strong features, long, dark auburn hair, hazel eyes. Freckles dotted her nose and cheeks like stars. She was a bit shorter than him, curvy, wearing a soft, faded Star Wars t-shirt with the collar cut so that the oversized shirt drooped down one shoulder. In her arms was a very large, very fluffy orange cat with perhaps the largest and most vacant eyes Ben had ever seen.

Oh. A cat. A cat.

A lot of things made sense now.

“Um, hi, did you need something?” The Most Beautiful Woman Ben Had Ever Seen asked, cutting off Ben’s train of thought.

“Oh, no,” Ben said. The woman raised an eyebrow, looking distinctly unimpressed. He quickly amended, “Well, I live next door, in three-oh-eight, and I, uh, I’ve heard you? Yelling? And I wanted to check in, see if you were okay, but.” He flapped a hand in the girl’s general direction, his limbs feeling oddly boneless. “The cat. You have a cat. Makes sense.”

“You heard – oh, my God,” the woman said, her expression going from borderline suspicious to confused to mortified. She had absolutely no poker face, and Ben found that observation indescribably charming. “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry, I had no idea the walls were so thin, I’m so sorry I’ve been bothering you –”

“You didn’t bother me,” Ben interrupted, which he knew was rude, but he felt even worse watching this adorable woman blush in embarrassment. “I mean, it was. Funny? But I just. I wanted to check in? And, uh, say hi. Since we’re neighbors.”

The woman opened her mouth to speak, but then there was another voice in the apartment. “Bea? Who’s at the door?”

The woman – Bea – stepped aside as a smaller, more petite woman stepped into the doorway. Her blonde hair was tied up into a ponytail at the top of her head. She eyed Ben with a blue-eyed stare. Then she peeked up at Bea. “A gentleman caller, Bea? Scandalous.”

Well, that was their relationship explained in two sentences. Ben watched the two sisters as Bea glared down at the younger woman. “Of course not, Hero. This is our neighbor…” She frowned at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.”

“Oh, no,” Ben agreed. It took him a second to realize, oh, she was asking the strange man at her door to introduce himself. An extremely reasonable request. Yes, Ben would love to drop through the floor right about now. “Uh. Ben. Ben Montounto. And I have intruded on your night long enough. So I am going to…” Face-plant into my couch, throw a blanket over my head, and hide for the rest of my life.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” The blonde woman, Hero, suddenly asked. Her sister tried to open her mouth, but she plowed on over anything she might have said. “Since we’ve apparently been bothering you for the past few weeks without even knowing it. An apology. Bea’s a… cook.”

Bea cut her sister with a glare. Ben tried to bite back a laugh, and he mostly succeeded until Bea turned her affronted hazel-eyed gaze on him. Oh, she was adorable.

“I don’t want to intrude,” Ben said honestly. He stepped back. Bea held his gaze.

“It’s not intruding if we invited you,” she pointed out bluntly.

“Oh, so now it’s ‘we?’” Ben asked. Bea lifted her chin slightly, refusing to back down even as her cheeks pinked slightly.

“Well, I didn’t stutter,” Bea replied archly, and she stepped aside to invite Ben into her apartment. It had the same layout as his own, just flipped and mirrored, with an extra bedroom attached. He carefully sat on the couch, sitting awkwardly straight up.

“D’you want anything to drink?” Hero asked, poking her head into the fridge as Bea returned to the stove. “We have water, seltzer, beer –”

“– Terrible wine, move, you little monster,” Bea said to the orange cat winding around her ankles. Now that he was here to see it in person, Ben could see the smile on Bea’s face as she cooed down at the cat. He could also hear the pet mrowl back up at her, green eyes wide and guileless. Ben dimly wondered if he would even hear the Wii homepage music echoing in the cat’s head, or if the poor little thing lacked even that.

“Seltzer is fine, thanks,” Ben said. He already felt awkward enough sitting in a strangers’ living room; drinking their alcohol was just several steps too far. Just as he was getting set to leap to his feet and sprint to his apartment, a loud mewl made him look down.

“Hello, lad,” Ben greeted the orange cat, holding out a hand for the pet to sniff. “What’s your name?”

“Tony.” Bea set a can on a coaster in front of him and sat on the other side of the couch, leaving a careful full cushion of space between them.

“Tony, hmm?” Ben replied, still speaking to the cat. “Talented wee thing, aren’t you? You can talk and everything.”

He heard Bea stifle a laugh. “He’s a rescue from a local shelter, so he’s still getting used to people. He takes a bit to warm up –”

Bea’s sentence trailed off when Tony suddenly leapt up to land on his lap. He circled around for a few moments, orange cur catching on the material of Ben’s slacks, before plopping himself into a furry puddle. Ben automatically ran his knuckles under the cat’s chin, and the cat closed his eyes and tilted his head back happily. He started purring, long, loud, and low, like a running engine or a motorboat.

Ben looked at Bea. Her mouth was hanging open, insulted. He felt himself grinning. “You were saying?”

“Shut up,” Bea snapped back automatically, though there was no anger behind the phrase. Ben laughed aloud.

“This is such bullshit,” Bea said, pointing at the cat. “He’s been with us for like, two months, and he still never sits on my lap? Hero’s, occasionally, but never mine. You’re an asshole, you know that?”

The latter sentence was addressed to the cat. Ben lightly scratched his nails behind the cat’s ears, and Tony shoved his head into the pressure. The purring only grew louder. Ben watched Bea scowl playfully at the cat, dark brows furrowing and cheeks going pink when she blew a raspberry at the cat.

Adorable. Utterly adorable. Ben could not believe he had shared a wall with this woman for two months. He knew nothing about her, about her job or her life or where she was from or her history or how she took her coffee or her favorite shows or movies or colors. All he knew was she was beautiful, and sassy, and she lived with her sister, and she loved her cat, and she swore like a sailor, and she had freckles dotting over her shoulders as well as her cheeks.

He did not want to lose any more time.

“You know,” Ben started, keeping his gaze on the cat. Don’t be weird. Don’t come on too strong. “Cats are supposed to good judges of character.”

He met Bea’s gaze. To his relief, she did not look like she was about to toss him out of her apartment. No, Bea Stratford met his gaze with a smirk and a challenging glint in her eyes.

“I’ve heard that, but I still prefer to conduct my own research. So, Ben Montounto.” She angled herself toward him, supporting her chin with the arm she propped over the back of the couch, and raised her chin.

“Tell me about yourself.”

#bea and ben #jj answers

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kilyra · 5 years

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It’s Okay to Not be Fine

Chief Jim Hopper (Stranger Things) One-Shot

A/N: Absolutely no one requested it, but trying to focus on a more fun fic is just not happening. So I’ve fallen back on the ‘ol write what you know trick (in a sense, the reader’s loss is a husband though).

In the midst of grieving your husband, Hopper comes over to help in his own, gruff way.

Warnings: Spoilers about Hop’s family. Grief. And also, the reader gender-neutral but be aware it is about the loss of a husband.

If you want to be on my tag list for this or any character just let me know!

The firm, steady knock on your door was enough to draw your ire. So when the repetitious knocking kept growing louder, it just pissed you off.

In seconds, you went from deciding to ignore whoever was there to stomping across the living room and flinging open the door without even looking through the window first.

“What?”

Hopper's large fist hung in the air as the wood disappeared from under his knuckles. His eyebrows lifted as you spat out your irritated greeting, but his reply was calm. “Evening.”

Huffing a curt sigh, you relaxed your grip on the doorknob. "Chief...what are...can I help you?"

His steel-blue eyes swept over your face and even the quick study made the muscles in your stomach tighten. You hadn't glanced in a mirror all day, but you were suddenly self-conscious. Your eyes felt like sandpaper, there was little doubt they were swollen and bloodshot. Awkwardly, you forced a smile.

Not bothering with returning the hollow gesture, he raised the oversized paper bag he was carrying in his free hand. The scent of tomato sauce, cheese, and a mix of spices wafted through the doorway with the gesture. “Flo asked me to bring this over. Said you haven't been seen at the grocery store in a few days, figured you might be needing some food.”

Your stomach didn't so much as grumble at the smell. He may as well have been waving a wet dog under your nose for all the good it did. A lead lump formed in your gut at the thought of eating. “Flo's...been keeping tabs on me?”

Nodding towards the table, he casually stepped inside, forcing you to move back and out of the way. After he set down the bag, he grabbed a stack of papers tucked under his arm. “It's Flo, she keeps tabs on everyone. She also said your mailbox was overflowing and sent me over to the post office.”

“That's my...how could you get my mail? You don't have a key.” Reluctantly you grabbed the pile from his outstretched hand.

Lightly shrugging, he didn't try to hide the fact he was looking over the living room. To his credit, his gaze didn't linger on any of the many piles of stuff that overtook the space. Shoving his hands in his coat pocket, he started to aimlessly wander the room. “I'm the Chief of Police. I can do anything.”

Dropping your attention to the papers in your hand, you weren't surprised that there was only one bill to break up the monotony of the card envelopes. More sympathy cards. They just kept rolling in from the relatives in the far-flung corners of the country who couldn't make it to the funeral. Dropping the bill on the table, you piled the rest with the other cards already crammed in your telephone stand.

“You're not going to open any of those?” Hopper had paused to focus on a picture of you and your late husband, but he was clearly still keeping track of you.

“What's the point? Everyone's already called to ask me if their card came yet and they all say the same thing anyhow.”

Grunting in agreement, he reached up and carefully straightened the picture on the wall as he tenderly traced the frame. It sent a dull pain through your chest. You hadn't even noticed it was crooked.

“I'm just glad people stopped sending flowers at least.” Any that were delivered after the funeral went straight in the garbage – you didn't even wait for them to start wilting first. There was just something sickening about having them around just to watch them die. And you doubted you could ever enjoy the smell of a flower store bouquet again.

His boots shuffled loudly as he hummed another agreement and turned back toward you. Nodding at the mess, he finally addressed the elephant in the room. “So...what d'you got going on here?”

Wasn't it obvious?

Clearing your throat, you shrugged. “Just packing up some of hi-...just some stuff. To donate or something.”

That was a generous statement. The reality was you had pulled all of his clothes from the closet, put a few things back – shirts that still smelled like him – and then sat in a daze in the middle of it all. After a couple hours, it seemed to make sense to bring stuff from his den to add to the already-overwhelming pile. All it did was make the fog worse as you stared at everything. You started this project when you first woke up in the morning and had maybe put five items in the box over the course of the day.

“Right, that makes sense. And is this all going or are you still sorting?”

His voice brought you back to the present like an anchor to your drifting boat. Wait, had you been drifting? A glance at his patient, passive expression didn't give you a clue one way or the other.

“Uh...yeah...no I'm done sorting. It's all getting packed, everything in here.”

With a solemn nod, he shrugged his jacket off and slung it over the back of one of the table chairs. Reaching over he unpacked the food, pulling out a smaller brown bag sporting a grease stain and a large baking pan. Once it was set out, he peeled back the tin foil cover on the pan. Lasagna.

Flo must have made it.

“Great then. Tell you what? How about we trade places? I'll get to packing up some of the...stuff...and you sit down a minute and eat.” As he made his suggestion, he opened the smaller bag and the smell of the garlic bread filled the room.

“It's fine, Hopper, I'm not hungry.”

“Uh, huh. Sure...I’m just going to...” His voice trailed off as he went into the kitchen. All you could hear were the rushed sounds of cupboard doors opening and closing as he searched for everything, but you made no move to help. Not that it mattered; within moments he came back with plates, cutlery, and a large knife. Paying you no mind as you tightly crossed your arms, he cut into the lasagna.

He was being nice. You knew that. And yet, a flush of anger prickled over your skin, forcing you to grit your teeth to keep it from jumping through your mouth. Your lips pressed together in a tight line as you composed yourself and tried again. “I'm not hungry.”

Nodding along with you, his mouth tugged down in a soft frown as he pushed a plate of food into your hand, forcing you to unfold your arms. “I hear you, I do. But...and it pains me to admit this...Flo was right. You need to eat.”

Clenching your hands along the rim of the plate, it was all you could do to stop yourself from throwing it. “I'll eat when I'm hungry.”

As hard as you were trying to keep your raging fire in check, there was no doubt Hopper easily picked up on it. But it seemed to roll right off him. “Right. And when's the last time you ate, exactly?”

Your fingers relaxed as you thought about it. The days were a blur, something you hoped would stop after the funeral but it only seemed to get worse. Thinking back over the day was a challenge. Slowly, your lips parted as you wanted to be ready to blurt out the answer when it came to you. But it didn't.

“Mmhmm, that's what I thought. So now, I need you to sit down and eat. I can even leave you alone if you want, and take over packing for a bit.” Hopper firmly pressed his hand to your shoulder, guiding you towards the table.

The fire came back.

“W-would you just stop? I'm so fucking sick of this.” Shoving back against his hand, you broke free as you dropped your plate onto the table.

Letting go, Hopper submitted with his palm out and slowly let his hand drop to his side. His eyes stayed glued to your face, however, quietly scanning over you like he could read your thoughts. “Sick of what?”

“This. All of this. People calling me or stopping by to see how I'm doing. But they're mostly upset their cards didn't make it yet, or telling me how strong I am, that I'm God's brave soldier marching on with His strength.”

His eyebrows furrowed together, perfectly reflecting your own disgust. “People actually say that shit to you?”

“Yeah. And everyone is too busy shoving that crap at me to just ask how I'm doing, nevermind actually listen. I had to put on the brave face for the funeral to try and help everyone else through this. And I did it because I thought I'd get my chance to just...just help myself through it later when the shock wore off. But it's still happening. They only check in to reassure themselves that I'm okay, but they have no idea. I keep having to wear that mask and tell them what they need to hear because otherwise, they freeze up. But it's not fine. It's not fucking fine, Hop.”

Tears barbed along your sore eyes as your rant hitched in your throat. Holding your breath, you forced it all back down so you could compose yourself. You were getting good at that.

“No, no it's not fine. I get that. After Sara died, I watched Diane go through that too – grieve with everyone while trying to hold our life together. No one knew what to do, how to help, so they just kept wringing their hands at us before finally backing away altogether. All they had to do was be there. Hell, all I had to do was be there. But...instead...it tore her apart and I...I just...drank...” Staring past you, he rubbed the back of his neck as he let out a long sigh.

For a brief second, you saw the pain behind those confident eyes. It wasn't a flattering confession, but it was probably the most real thing you'd heard in weeks. His eyebrows flinched as he rifled through the memories until he finally blinked himself out of it. Running his thumb over his forehead, he refocused on you. “But I'm here. And you gotta know, I'm not here for me, Y/n.”

“I'm fine.”

Slowly, he moved closer. "You're not. You could use some help and you need to eat. I mean, I've known you since high school and I've never seen you so...do you even realize how baggy your clothes are now?"

“I'll deal with it,” you said through your clenched jaw. Each step he took made you want to step back but the telephone stand was behind you. All you could do was mentally recoil.

“But you don't have to, not all by yourself. Okay yes, some people might mean well but they're...kind of useless. But we're not all useless, alright? Let me help." He was close enough to rest his hand on your arm, but he kept his touch feather-light.

“Don't.”

He didn't move his hand, and you didn't pull away.

“I don't have time to just...just break down, okay? I can't do this right now.” As hard as you tried to keep your voice steady, it cracked.

His fingers curled around your arm, keeping you still as he closed the gap. “Yeah, you can. Why not? It's okay to not be fine.”

A shiver ran down your spine and spiked through your chest. The cold chill radiated outward and everything trembled – your arms, your shoulders, your chin – everything. Steeling yourself against the wave did nothing to stop it. “We were so happy...why did this happen?”

It was barely even a whisper, but Hopper caught it as he gathered you against him. Your arms were folded and trapped between your bodies, but you clung onto fistfuls of his uniform as he held you close. “I wish I had an answer. You're both good people and you didn't deserve this.”

The tears came harder as a sob finally broke free. Before you could even think of pulling away, he wrapped his arm tighter, keeping you tucked against his chest as he gently stroked your hair. The front of his shirt grew damp as you wept, your cries filling your otherwise-silent home. Lowering his head to rest his cheek against the top of your head, he hardly gave you room to breathe as he quietly held you.

Just like every other time you had broken down, it felt like you’d never stop. The intensity was frightening but somehow subsided quickly. It was like you could only handle such immense heartbreak in small bursts before the numb curtain dropped again.

Letting out a shaky sigh, you felt the trembling slow as your muscles seemed to melt inside your body. “I didn't want to do this today.”

Still absently rubbing your scalp, he nodded and lifted his head slightly. “I know.”

After a sharp inhale, you felt on the verge of crying more but you held your breath until it passed. You were too exhausted. Hopper relaxed his grip, letting you move away if you wanted. But you didn't.

“You're an asshole.” There was no fire to your words.

You felt his laugh rumble deep in his chest as he rubbed your arm and let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah...I know that too.”

“Thank you.”

His only reply was a soft squeeze as you started to pull yourself together. Even with help, there was still a lot that had to get done.

After you finished eating.

Taglist: @foreverfaeries @flower-two @getlostinyourparadise @selfishkiddo @angelicshinigami @pansmexualparker @givemeabite

#jim hopper x reader #chief hopper x reader #hopper x reader #stranger things

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f-nodragonart · 4 years

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ok wait I have one more rant abt American Dragon and I swear I’m done, but the whole concept of a ‘leader’ dragon for every country is very.... strange to me

like ok, suspension of disbelief for vague hand-wavey magic, or the existence of magical creatures, etc. fine fine. but the whole PREMISE of the show is built around the concept of an American Dragon-- yet that concept is so incredibly, frustratingly vague. like I said in my original review, I’m willing to excuse a lot for a simple kid’s show that isn’t looking to worldbuild super deeply, but the main premise at the VERY least should have SOME planning behind it

for one, the physical size and population distribution of each country varies WILDLY across the globe, it’s honestly stupid to assign the same number of ‘leader’ dragons (one) to each, and expect each dragon to serve their respective country to the same degree of competence. the US is a fuckin MASSIVE country w/ two states disconnected from the mainland, and SEVERAL different biomes that have contributed to diverse sets of populations (which would likely be reflected among magical creatures as well, culturally and biologically-speaking). it’s ridiculous to expect ONE dragon to serve, represent, and protect ALL those populations

and the thing is, Jake DOESN’T do that! he’s a New York Dragon at best. the only times I remember him helping out w/ magical emergencies out-of-state are when he’s traveling for personal reasons (like visiting family) or when he’s tending to dragon council business, in which case most dragons across the world are gathering there too (not to mention these instances are generally out-of-country)

having a ‘leader’ dragon assigned to a bio/cultural region without even bothering with human borders would make FAR more sense (esp since the dragons don’t even wanna bother w/ the human world anyways, so why are they assigning things based on human constructs??). hell, there could even still be dragons representing larger areas too, so long as it was established that they’re the more broad-scope representatives that must regularly convene with the dragon representatives of the smaller regions under their jurisdiction. this would assure that each dragon is truly an intimate member of the communities they’re assigned to, rather than some outsider intruding on important matters that they simply can’t understand w/o cultural context. this especially makes sense if we assume that dragon forms are magical/psychological projections of the cultural society that a given dragon is raised in, rather than a *strictly* biological body whose traits are genetically inherited (tho like I said in my main review, I’m rly doubtful of that actually being canon to the show...)

now, it would admittedly be p cool if the show took the time to pull Jake across the nation to explore different cultural/ecological regions and the magical creatures within. but that’s expecting a lot from a show that only establishes that Jake is part-Chinese on the most shallow of levels, and fails to explore Chinese culture in any intimate manner beyond ONE(1) episode about the Chinese new year. like, the bar is on the ground, here

and even if some attention had been paid to America’s diverse cultural settings, I’d still be skeptical of Jake being able to handle the whole nation on his own. hell, I’m skeptical of an ADULT dragon being able to handle a nation as huge as the US, much less a tween handling the whole thing. I already take huge issue w/ kid’s shows framing dangerous, mature situations as “normal” responsibilities for children to encounter and just “get over”, as if they’re as commonplace and simple as like, studying for class. so every time Jake is reprimanded for not managing his time properly when he’s running on 10 min of sleep after facing off against angry trolls, or trying to take some free time for himself when he’s missed out on every other chance at a normal middle school milestone, I genuinely seethe w/ rage

at least w/ most other kid’s shows there’s some explanation I can accept for the main character having to go through that kinda stress. like w/ Danny Phantom, Danny unfortunately goes thru a freak accident, and he can’t tell his ghost-hunting parents abt it for fear that they might tear him apart for science or misguided protection, and he decides on his own that he has some responsibility to use his powers for active good (tho DP still pulls the “ghost-fighting is just like balancing school and a social life!” bullshit that I HATE..). or w/ Steven Universe, all this responsibility was thrust on Steven by adults who didn’t understand the consequences of their actions or had no other choice, and Steven’s currently dealing w/ the massive emotional fallout of having his childhood stolen from him

but with American Dragon, like... this shit is PLANNED. the council carefully CHOOSES the dragon for each nation-- these adults have a RESPONSIBILITY to both a whole WORLD of magical creatures AND their dragon subordinates to choose capable, mature dragons to lead the magical world. and for some reason they decide that this responsibility should fall on the shoulders of LITERAL CHILDREN?? who was the previous American Dragon? where the hell are they now? (Neopuff pointed out to me that Jake is in fact the first AD, which is even even more suspect than before! what!!) even if Jake is chosen to be a potential future AD, why does he have to take on that full responsibility now?? why isn’t a seasoned adult taking care of the bulk of responsibilities until Jake grows up??? like I get that children’s power fantasies hit different when ur an adult b/c u can recognize what responsibilities a child shouldn’t have to deal with-- I GET that it’s good to let children explore mature responsibilities in fiction, I’m not arguing that. but these responsibilities should at LEAST make sense in-context, and NO adult should have knowingly thrust these duties on literal children w/o some DAMN good explanation for why they literally CAN’T assign dragon duties to adults. not to mention that the whole, “you’re selfish and need to learn better time management skills,” thing is such an insidious message to direct at kids who should literally only be expected to... be kids? I’m SO fucking mad abt this!!!

and don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that Jake is being trained by the Chinese Dragon, and Haley by the Korean Dragon. like, again, the show establishes that there’s only one ‘leader’ dragon for every nation, and that Lao Shi and Sun are the current dragons of their respective countries-- they haven’t resigned, as far as we know. so like, what happened to China and Korea (and now that I think abt it, which Korea??)? they just don’t have dragon protectors? fuck them, I guess, they’re on their own now? b/c training American dragons is so much more important than protecting their own countries? b/c a Chinese and Korean dragon somehow have better knowledge of American magical communities than the dragons that have actually been living there and presumably been serving those communities for decades (and b/c every Asian country is apparently interchangeable, so a Korean dragon is obviously perfectly fit to understand the cultural background of part-Chinese dragons)? hello???

now I AM at least willing to consider that perhaps the dragon council runs on enough shallow bureaucracy that their predecessors just arbitrarily decided to assign a single, young dragon to each country, and the current council is too stubborn to change that tradition even in the face of its clear problems. like, actual real-life political systems are absolutely fucked, so it tracks that a fantasy political system could be similarly broken. this doesn’t explain all the fuckshit, but it might at least explain some of the fuckshit. BUT none of these problems are ever brought up in the show, so we have to assume that they are somehow, canonically......... not actually problems..... ugh.............

and none of this even BEGINS to tackle the weird dragon monarchy over all magical-kind. like this obviously isn’t exclusive to AD, u see this sorta bloodline-bound authority thing in a LOT of western fantasy media. but the fact that the dragon council seems so utterly incompetent when u pick apart all the above issues, I’m just sitting here like... how have the trolls/elves/merfolk/etc. not guillotined y’all yet? lmfao

-Mod Spiral

#don't get me wrong I still rly love this show. nostalgia's a helluva drug #but this RLY fucked me up while I was rewatching it #like please sir? an ounce of logic for me sir? my family is starving #american dragon #American Dragon: Jake Long #mod spiral #reviews #long post

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bluesfm · 4 years

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( park chaeyoung , twenty two , & cisfemale ) who ? these days , it’s all about blue hyong, who comes from los angeles & ca and is making headlines as a singer . she currently has a fan count of 42k , no thanks to the rumors of them being inflexible ! but , on the other hand , their most devout fans say they’re actually imaginative . last i heard , they caused quite a buzz when she publicly dissed her new record label and the misogynistic treatment she was receiving from their reps ! it’s no wonder they remind me of long rants in the notes app being posted to her twitter account , empty bottles of wine laying at recording studios’ floors & notebooks upon notebooks filled with lyrics she might never use but refuses to let go of .

well hello human friends !! n also hello to the non human friends too , wassup . i’m angie a dumb noodle from the middle of the south american jungle , and i’m here to introduce yall to this mess i call blue who’s a muse i have had for yrs now n carry w/ me wherever i go , with some minimal changes but she’s still the same messy bitch on the inside don’t worry folks ! so i will provide u w/ some background info on her n some possible connections under the cut . issa lil messy but we’ve been away for a while pls bear w me

blue is the only daughter to a couple of south korean immigrants that came to america when they were in their very early 20s n already expecting blue in order to chase the american dream n create a better life for themselves n their family . their life was pretty hard for a big part of blue’s childhood , while they were both studying n working odd jobs to pay for their education all the while taking care of a child . so blue didnt have the best childhood , not that her parents were bad or anything they just didnt have time for her . nowadays , they are a lot more comfortable in life , since her dad became a lawyer n her mom is a nurse , but they definitely didnt have an easy beginning .

ok so maybe bc they werent present durant most of her childhood they didnt notice a lol of signs that might have made things a lot easier for them , bc by the time they were available to emotionally be there , during her early teenage years , blue was already kinda a mess . she had grown up w very lil structure n refused the rules they tried to instill on her n was already used to doing things her own way . that lead�� to a lot of conflict between them , since they expected her to study hard n do well for herself in a nine to fiver when she was already sure art was the only way to go n while she did ok , she definitely wasn’t as good as her parents expected her to be .

so ... u know her teenage yrs were basic girl angsty she fought a lot w her parents n rebelled frequently n ran away from home like ... weekly , but she never rly had any real hardships . life was reasonably good but she always had something to complain abt ... just as she liked

[ MENTAL ILLNESS TW ]

but then she reached her late teens they all realized there was something going on other than the usual teenage angst she displayed all the time when she had her first manic episode . her parents thought it was a “ blue thing “ at first bc she was usually a very impulsive person n she rly didn’t have a habit of thinking before acting on her impulses , but her mom quickly noticed the signs of a manic episode when she realized how aggitated n restless she was , specially when blue described an hallucination she seemed to be having . they took her to a psychiatrist , she was admitted to a hospital n diagnosed w type 1 bipolar disorder n very quickly medicated . while the medication brought her out of her episode , n she was allowed to go home after her mood seemed to stabilize , blue also noticed it stunted her severely emotionally n decided ( against medical n parental advice [ pls dont do it fam !! take ur meds ] ) to quit her medication , falling into her first major depressive episode a few weeks afterwards . n for abt four years she’s been living w her disorder , n she doesn’t medicate at all . she’s super open abt her struggles n she has a Lot of them , specially w how much drugs n alcohol she consumes . i never said she was smart yall .

[ END OF TW ]

ok so as u probably assume , blue is an emotional mess . she has a very chaotic personality , n most of it isnt even from her illness or anything she just is a very chaotic person in general ? she is one of those artsy ppl who forgets to wash her own clothes so she ends up wearing the same dress for like , 3 days . she’s super outspoken n outgoing n rly easy at making friends if u can get past the dumbass energy she exudes 24/7 ? but yes just a very outgoing person n a outright mess most of the time . she is also soooo stubborn u will never get her to change her mind abt smth she believes to be right about in any way . u just cant . she loves a good time n loves partying n is the lack of impulse Queen soo if u got any bad ideas she is the one u should go for if u need any company . also .... so dramatic . she makes a big deal of everything n has 0 apologies abt that . just catch her crying over high school musical 3 or smth like that .

but yea on the bad side tho , blue takes up n gives up on projects so easily n she can be super fickle abt things in general . like , she will defend an idea for 7 hours but 2 days later she’s already onto smth else n doesnt even remember being so obsessive abt that other thing ? a mess . is also Quite abrasive ? if she thinks ur acting dumb shes not gonna be scared to call u out on it . can also have a Reaally explosive temper . not usually but specially during manic episodes she can be quite easy to annoy ngl . is very unreliable , especially if ur not too close .. tbh that is something connected to her disorder . when she’s on a manic episode , she will be too busy planning things she will never get around to doing or painting her entire house or spending 3 days awake n drunk writing 17 songs by herself . n during her depression is very hard to get her to do anything n even if she feels terrible , she rly cant be an available friend .

in regards to her sexuality , she’s an open bisexual and also is a crazy romantic n falls so hard for literally no reason . but like ... doesnt have the healthiest mentality for relationships ? not like in a toxic way but she will usually give 145% of herself at all times n honestly believes all of the ppl she falls for are the one (1) just wants to make things work no matter what . she’s v impulsive w/ meeting n falling for ppl tho so things dont rly end up working n she always ends up heartbroken over it . Well . At least she’s trying right ?

in regards to her career n art , she’s posted youtube covers n original songs for a couple years and gathered a decent following ? she wasnt huge or anything but she did get a record deal w an actual big label out of it a few months ago . blue was pretty happy abt it but then when the recording process started she realized they werent treating her as she thought she deserved at all ? which resulted on her taking her thoughts to some reps of the label n when she didn’t feel any difference in the way she was being treated she took it to the public ? which definitely caused quite a sitr bc she wasn’t a huge name but she was big enough ? so now she’s in some considerable trouble w her label but Also more famous than ever so they are choosing not to bury her for now ? she’s in some definite trouble though so it’ll be fun to see what happens next n what her moves will be ? spoiler alert : it’ll prob be smth dumb.

i still have so much to say but i’m so lazy wow . dont start ur intros so close to opening time folks thats my tip as an old internet auntie . OK SO ONTO SOME CONNECTIONS NOW

some label mates who she may or may not get along with ?

hookups !! she prob has a few she regrets too bc who doesnt am i right

best friends !! ppl who actually support her n she loves w no restrictions just love all around friends

exes </3 not gonna lie i have some sad ideas abt this one

good influence bc blue is a mess she needs one of those pls someone slap her head n make her drink some water

a fling she has feelings for but may not be requited ... i like my romantic connections to be angsty did yall notice

artistic soulmate !! someone her artistic bitch side just vibes with ? could be a songwriter or singer or anything tbh

some indecisive romantic shit where blue rly knows sh’s too messy n this person is too amazing ? but they still have feels so ... now what ?

this is p mcuh it ?? it has taken so long to finish this i hate myself but HEY if u like blue or dislike her u should hit me up so we can come up w some plot ideas ? i wish i had a quirky goodbye idea but my brain has just quit working guys so u get nothing from me other than a good old fashioned goodbye thanks for ur attention i love u

#cala.intro #sometimes i surprise even myself w how unorganized i can be #i am sorry this is so messy im trying to keep it on brand tm #also i cant believe i actually finished this

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astrology-with-charu · 4 years

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10 January - June 2020 #Astrology #Horoscope Penumbral Lunar Eclipse at 20° Cancer

The peace & quiet of full moon in Cancer is raising the wave within us of deep & personal emotions cause it’s come to deliver clarity and messaging from within - what motives you from within?

It’s a manifesting full moon which has come with a completion of a task that got activated since May 2019. That’s challenged you out of your comfort zone & from your old defences - it wants to yes shift your external reality which the line up of Saturn Pluto Jupiter in Capricorn will achieve in no uncertain terms in 2020. But more importantly, it’s restructuring your structure within - creating a person of steel & draining any ounce of weakness hidden below the surface that will block you from manifesting your material desires. Desires of not what the world wants of you, but desires of what motivates you from within.

It’s bringing clarity which will come in no uncertain terms in next few days on your path ahead cause as I said this the year of focusing our resourcing & not squandering the resources of this earth or our time, each day has to count & each day has to produce material progress.

History of this eclipse goes back to 2000 & 2001 - you can look at what initiations from Oct to Dec 2000 produced karmic outcomes from January 2001 ending in Sept 2001. I know what you are thinking but nothing is ever exactly same - just look at the lessons to see if it applies to your next level of growth. Opposite polarity eclipse also happened in 2010 - you can see what began around July 2010 - you could see next chapter of that might begin.

(This is a channeled message written during the eclipse - you can see or hear the video for a more structured listening if you want - Link - https://youtu.be/_4Ky929kFHA )

Bookmark this article - http://emailabuddy.com/blog/?p=842

Mercury is full as is the moon - this complete illumination usually brings about a news - clarity that we didn’t have before, information that was hidden or outcome that we were awaiting. The period from 11 Nov to 10 Jan was an experimental phase, we tested, we tried, it was time to test the untried, there was no thinking of consequences when few reckless actions were braved. It was the right time to take a few chances & roll the dice. But now after 10 Jan, deliberation will be the boss. Few who were blinded by ego & will or rage whose actions were not truly rationally arranged - will see a few cards topple in next one to four weeks as Mercury would in its in waxing phase. Introspection, completion of projects, maturity of experimental ideas, burst of creativity checked against practicality will be the theme as we are entering 47 days of completion of deeds (10 Jan-16 Feb). Mercury will be going retrograde from 16 Feb so business tasks would require deliberate completion - mind will be logical, organised & rational as w make material progress on our targets.

The pull of this eclipse is towards a destined path so if a few chips fall, let your path take a turn - a few diversions might take you through more beautiful vistas - stay open stay flexible as a few twists this month are expected. 18 Jan & 23 Jan are surprise & rebellious days that’s where this water full moon can help us prepare.

Intuition is high, we are closest to ourselves - there is a subconscious pull to where we belong. Saturn Pluto opposition to this powerful emotional moon - creates a push & pull that’s shows up as friction - external conflict with family or authority figure is just an indication. There is a conflict within you & this external fight is just a pictorial depiction. Female archetype butt heads with the masculine - both are part of us but may be there is an imbalance. As we have just started the year with a new moon solar eclipse of ambition & growth - our heart is possibly crying - what about my spiritual & internal growth.

This is such a year when Saturn Pluto Jupiter will pull us to our very core, to heights of our ambition, to material abundance & rebirth of our power & lust to high extend of the galore. There will be greed, ambition, redistribution of resources & power - weak structures will break down to give way to what’s sustainable. We will be taught to not compromise our ambition & with blinders on chase that dream doggedly for sure but this Cancer Moon is screaming what about my sense of belonging, my comforts, my feeling of being home, my nurturing side, my inner being, my original design. Am I loosing my reality, my truth, my own authority of self in process - I will reach somewhere this year for sure but first I want to establish that’s my purpose. Am I reacting to external impulses, the challenge of this world or this dream I will be chasing is truly my own.

Some shells surely need cracking & we will come out of our comfort zone - to some extend 2019 already transformed my core but Pluto opposition to this eclipse is doing an irrevocable deconditioning - it’s saying there is no place for your secret source of weakness in this new life beginning. Any guilt of ambition, of our lust, any weakness of our mind - is purged irrevocably by this watery weeping eclipse night. Psyche is split open in two - I am the Dark, I am the light. Finding both power, lust, sexual expression, passions as well as God, Faith, spirituality, belief, mother within you - you have to accept both are parts of you. At 20° Cancer Castor & Pollux the twins reside - they point out without one, the other won’t survive. Castor is intellectual, logical, graceful, skilful yet mortal. Pollux is dark, unbeatable, physically combative & immortal. They are inseparable part of the powerful being that is you - approach the chapter you have in front of you by combining those two parts of you. Come to the situation from two sides - the bright side & shadow side - blending of the opposites is positive manifestation of this point - William Blake, George Elliot, Charles Dickens or Charlie Chaplin for sure - they used their pain to create brightness for the world.

William Blake said - “We should go to heaven for form & hell for energy and marry the two” So use this opposition, these powerful emotions, emotional fortitude & tenacity to create a solid plan - there is no stone no obstacle this strong desire can’t reform - this directly rightly will clearly show you a way but first the obstacle will show up & possibly pain. Fluid response & organised form are perfect blend of these polarities - instead of standard response of - Fight / Suppression of desire / Projection of problem onto others - Try this new blend of opposites - compassion for the rules / the administration / the blockage while using your passions in organised form to create a new way to overcome the obstacle. Your old defence mechanisms will be challenged & dismantled cause it’s not just the world , the society rules, the administration that’s being reborn - so are you.

Sensitivity of brain chemistry, body parts - breasts, womb, stomach, ribs, gums, bodily fluids - could come up - ease yourself into this new brand world. As a new born is transitioned from womb to water - swim, take a steam, drink water & float. You will see a part of you slowly leaving as you find power in owning all of you.

This is the year when our plans mature - we are being taught to be responsible for our experience on earth, our dreams & our body for sure.

Stand up proudly & be counted in your new life & create cash value of whatever is your belief.

William James (20° Capricorn - Sun Mercury Ceres Conjunction)

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human being can alter his life by altering his attitude”

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janephillipsblog · 4 years

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Happy New Year! 2019 Reflections, 2020 Resolutions

This is the time of year to reflect on everything that has happened in the past year and look forward to the new year and perhaps make some resolutions. We are also entering a new decade, which is something that I have never thought much of in the past. The 2010’s have been interesting and life changing for me that is for sure. Going back even further to the beginning of the millennium, it’s certainly been quite a journey. 1999 was the year that I took up theatre as an adult so 2019 marks the 20th year that I have been doing theatre. It has been quite a ride and the road has been long, winding, and often quite bumpy! Relationships, pets and business ventures have come and gone, whereas other aspects of my life have remained constant or improved.

In 2018, I had made a commitment to myself that whenever I had money to spare I would enroll in classes and workshops for acting or personal development. I got 2019 off to a good start by taking the Essentials of Film and TV class at Company of Rogues starting in January. That month I also volunteered as an usher for the One Yellow Rabbit High Performance Rodeo. My blog post about the festival resulted in a feature on me as a volunteer in the One Yellow Rabbit newsletter. Rehearsals also started that month for Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Princess Ida” with Morpheus Theatre. I also started as a volunteer with the Alberta Animal Rescue Crew Society (AARCS), mostly as a cat caregiver. I volunteer at the animal shelter about 2 to 3 times a month.

I turned 45 years old in February. I also took a stunt combat workshop with Adrian Young Action Services which was fantastic. I also did a story slam workshop one evening which was something a bit different as I had never done any sort of oral storytelling before. I also participated in the Dead Cold Run, a 5K run in South Glenmore Park. I am looking forward to completing the run again in 2020.

In March I joined the Calgary Society of Independent Filmmakers (CSIF). To date, I haven’t done much with my membership other than volunteer one evening, but the intention to do more with it and get involved is there! I took Bruce Horak’s creative workshop, Tendencies, which was fun and I also volunteered as an usher for the Festival of Animated Objects which was very enjoyable. I also participated in the Rogers Insurance Run for L’Arche and ran my first 5-mile race (8K), a new distance record for me. March also was the official end of my relationship with my boyfriend of the past 4 years.

Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Princess Ida” with Morpheus Theatre opened in April and ran until May for a total of 14 performances. I participated in the Onesie Run in Prince’s Island Park and also started seeing my current boyfriend during this month.

In May, “Princess Ida” finished its run. I started getting regular IATSE 212 stage call work. The film industry was getting busy so permittees such as myself were able to get more work. I took the Bouffon Intensive Masterclass workshop this month which fulfilled its promise of pushing my boundaries and challenging me as a performer. I also participated in the Rocky Mountain Soap Company’s Fast and Female women’s run (completing the 5K distance) in Canmore. This was challenging as there were hills and Canmore is at a higher altitude. I hope to participate in it again in 2020.

In June, I ran my first 10K in the Huntington’s Run for Hope, I also started to work on the summer trains for Aspen Crossing and did a day on set as background for Tribal. I also volunteered at Horror Con selling tickets. This was also the month I started to put the wheels in motion to find employment within the film industry, submitting my application for permittee status with IATSE 212 in film.

In July, I started a series of vocal lessons with Naomi Williams. I took the set etiquette workshop with IATSE 212, a requirement for the film permit and at the end of the month I took the production assistant workshop with the Director’s Guild of Canada, Alberta District Council. July was also a great month for stage calls with IATSE due to the Calgary Stampede. During the Stampede this year, my boyfriend and I checked out several bands on the Coca-Cola Stage - Metric, Bishop Briggs, Dear Rouge and Death Cab for Cutie - and played the midway.

At the beginning of August, I was offered a role in “Babette’s Feast” with Fire Exit Theatre, which I of course accepted. I did the performer set etiquette course offered by ACTRA and also did a couple of days as a background performer on “Ghostbusters: Afterlife”. I did a road trip with my boyfriend to Grande Prairie to see his parents, returning to Calgary via BC, staying in the fabulous Three Valley Lake Chateau for the last night. At the end of the month, I left the legal industry for good and began work as a production assistant in the locations department on a TV series called “A Teacher” which was shooting until October.

In September, I participated in the Pride Parade with ACTRA and DGC. Rehearsals started for “Babette’s Feast” and I would be playing Babette. I went to Ontario to visit my family for my Dad’s 80th birthday. My sister was also there and I hadn’t seen her for 15 years so it was a fantastic reunion.

In October, I worked on the Train of Terror as a scarer for Aspen Crossing. I also had a day on set as a background performer for “A Teacher” and towards the end of the month worked as a locations PA on a Canadian feature film called “Chasing Justice”. I also accepted a role in “Clue: The Musical” with Dewdney Players. I also got to see Morrissey and The Interrupers live in concert this month.

In November, I took the mermaid course with Adventures in Scuba. I did a day on set as a background performer for “Winter in Vail”, a Hallmark movie. I also had a few IATSE stage calls.

Photo Credit: Jen Carty

In December, “Babette’s Feast” with Fire Exit Theatre opened at the Engineered Air Theatre in Arts Commons and ran for 7 performances. I also worked on the Polar Express for Aspen Crossing. On a personal note, I also made the last payment on my car loan.

Generally, over 2019, I formed and maintained some great habits. I was happy to have continued regular exercise and increase my running distance, however, after I stopped being a full-time office employee with access to a gym at lunch, I stopped running for a few months. It was also difficult to maintain an exercise program when working 14-hour days on set as a PA, however locations work can be physically demanding and IATSE stage calls certainly are. I discovered that I enjoy physical work much more than office work - it’s great to get paid to work out! I have recently started to run again and finding the 5K distance easy to do and looking forward to all the races that I can participate in next year.

I am happy to say that auditioning has become a habit. I auditioned a lot last year. It took 18 auditions (screen and stage) before I was offered a role in “Babette’s Feast”. The role of Babette was definitely worth persisting for, because I admit, after rejection after rejection, that negative little voice inside my head kept suggesting I give up, that being an actor is too hard. I am glad that tenacity took over and I kept on going. As far as auditioning goes, I felt very happy that I was invited to audition for Vertigo Theatre twice last year. Those experiences have made auditions in general easier and not so scary. I have three theatre auditions lined up for January 2020 already.

Writing is developing as a habit. I have been keeping a journal on and off since a teenager and I try to write in my journal every morning. I completed a short story in November, which I submitted for a competition (still waiting to hear), and am working on several scripts. I am learning to focus more and work on one project at a time - taking on too many projects has definitely been my downfall in the past and I have many incomplete ones.

I have also seen a lot of live theatre this year. 52 shows! I have been able to see this many shows as I volunteer as an usher as much as I can. I have learnt so much as a performer and writer from the shows that I have had the privilege of seeing this year. Here in Calgary we certainly have a vibrant scene both amateur and professional. There seems to be a great demand for it as well as many shows sell out even with long performance runs. There was only one show that I did not really enjoy (which shall remain nameless - it was more to do with the actual story than the production itself), but my ten favourite shows this year were, in no particular order, “Cafe Daughter”, Alberta Theatre Projects (part of the High Performance Rodeo), “Deathtrap” - Vertigo Theatre, “Tria Fata” - La Pendue (part of the Festival of Animated Objects), “Giant” - Ghost River Theatre (part of the Festival of Animated Objects), “Avenue Q” - Front Row Centre Players, “Boom X” - Rick Miller at Theatre Calgary, “The Invisible” - Catalyst Theatre/Vertigo Theatre, “Iceland” - Theatre Calgary, “Monster” - Seadreamer, and “A Christmas Carol” - Theatre Calgary. “Deathtrap” was my overall favourite for total entertainment value.

2019 was not a great year for real estate. It wasn’t for a lot of Realtors. For me, working full time and trying to run a business was not easy, but now I have the time to focus more energy into my business, to help more clients and hopefully bring more results!

2019 was a not a great year for me in terms of background work either, especially compared to 2018. I only had 5 days on set as a background performer this year. This is one of the reasons I decided to pursue work as a crew member, which I found fulfilled the desire to simply be on set.

So what does 2020 have in store for me? I guess I will have to wait and see with 20/20 vision! My main resolution is to continue with the work I have been doing. To keep exercising, keep running, ride Stardust more, more mermaiding, swimming, walking, exploring. For acting to keep taking workshops and classes when I can and keep auditioning and hopefully get more auditions in film and TV. I am going to continue to write and complete things, allowing others to read them. I have a short film script that I would love to see produced next year. I hope to do more real estate, more PA work, more IATSE work and more background work. I also want to travel. I would dearly love to go to Ontario for my mother’s 70th birthday in March and for my brother’s 40th in December. I also want to visit my cousin in New Mexico. But mostly I resolve to stay true to myself, to not accept second best and to keep striving for excellence, inspiring others and myself at the same time.

Happy New Year!

#actorslife #theatre #running #writing #happynewyear #calgary

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