#so even if i try following the recipe as hard as possible i will inevitably change some things | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

butgilinsky · 4 years

Text

you don’t understand, poppet // dm

warning; language i think?

summary; being severus snape’s daughter makes your time at hogwarts just slightly difficult

word count; 5.8k+

draco x snape!reader, dad!snape x daughter!reader

this doesn’t follow the harry potter timeline!

you don’t remember how exactly you ended up here, sneaking out of draco malfoy’s room at a despicably late hour, trying to flatten your hair while making sure that your sweater was put on the right way.

it was one thing to sneak in and out of draco malfoy’s room every once in a while, but this had been the third time this week, and it didn’t help that it was starting to get harder to sneak out so often.

the two of you had been sneaking around for longer than you could recall at this point. you hadn’t kept track, too busy tripping over yourself when you saw the blond boy smile at you from across the room. despite the two of you being a secret from everybody in the school, it was hard not to pick up on the longing gazes and the giggles that neither of you could hold back when the other was put under a microscope.

you hadn’t always been the best friends with draco malfoy, but you couldn’t deny the fact that the slytherin boy had taken your heart in his hands with little to no effort. if it were completely up to you, with no complications sitting in the forefront of your mind, you would’ve announced to the entirety of the school about you relationship status with draco long ago.

though, that proved to be anything but an option, given that the head of slytherin house was not only a less than tolerant man, but also your father.

it had been nothing less than expected for you to be sorted into slytherin. being severus snape’s only child, and living up to the family name, it was inevitable for you to sport silver and green during your time at hogwarts. you were well versed in potions, given that it had been your father’s area of expertise and you had nothing but an abundance of herbs and liquids lying around the house when you grew up.

most people were never given an opportunity to see severus snape’s fatherly side. the part of him that would read you to sleep, the part of him that had him leaning over the edge of his bed to pull you up after you’d had a nightmare. nobody ever saw the side of him that was reserved entirely for you, behind closed doors and almost never on the hogwarts campus.

they all knew him to be the hard ass professor that took away house points far more than he awarded them. the one that assigned surprise essays when someone pissed him off in class. snape wasn’t seen as the fatherly type, though you and a few of the professors at hogwarts knew that wasn’t necessarily the case.

he was hard on you, there was no doubt about that. he had always been hard on you, ever since you were born. it was no secret to you that your parents were never in love with one another. your father’s heart belonged to someone that didn’t want it, and you had been the product of a way to forget about that.

he didn’t show you any special treatment while you were in class, or if you stepped out of line, but you preferred it to be that way. you hated your first few years at hogwarts, since it had mainly consisted of your housemates blowing you off as the favorite of the house by default. that, along with the few times that you found out kids were spending time to get into your father’s good graces.

you had quickly isolated yourself, sticking your nose up at the kids in your house, and ignored by kids from other houses. it had taken you three years to allow yourself to slip into a steady friend group, guarding yourself from more people than you initially intended.

and now here you were, trying to tip toe down the hall back to your room where you’d have to sneak into your room as quietly as you possibly could. you made the mistake of thinking you had made it safe and sound by the time you reached your door once, but your roommate had run off to your father the next morning and told him that you had been out after hours.

that wasn’t a fun conversation to have at seven in the morning.

you were surprised to see draco on the other side of your door early the next morning, knocking with a grin plastered onto his lips. your disheveled hair and narrowed eyes allowed him to know that you had just pulled yourself out of bed, completely forgetting about the quidditch match that you had promised to attend. slytherin wasn’t playing this morning, so most of your house would be sleeping in as late as possible.

it took you all of ten minutes to get ready, throwing on an old sweat shirt that was very much not yours, though you weren’t sure who the rightful owner was. draco wasn’t going to tell you that it was his, one you had stolen from him a few months back when crabbe had spilled pompion potion down the back of your robes.

you hadn’t even made it out of the hallway before you almost ran into your father, who stood tall and rigid in the middle of the hallway, eyes void of emotion as he looked between you and draco.

“where are you two off to?” you rolled your eyes, stepping around your father and continuing your path out to the front of the building.

“to the quidditch game. care to join us?” you pushed a smile forward, cocking your head to the side as you and your father had a silent argument.

he had been suspicious about your behavior for a few weeks now. he’d caught you out in the halls after hours several times, though you were always quick to whip up a believable lie. that is one thing he wished you hadn’t inherited from him; the ability to be sneaky. you were. good liar, and he was to thank for that.

he shook his head slowly, lingering his gaze on draco for just a moment before you were gripping the boy’s elbow and tugging him in the direction of the pitch.

you sat beside draco during the game, not being able to ignore your father’s burning gaze on you practically the whole time. draco noticed the heavy gaze on the two of you as well, restraining himself from reaching out and showing you any form of physical affection.

the two of you had to do everything in secret. if anybody found out, your father would find out, and that was the last thing either of you wanted.

your father liked draco, sure. he was the stereotypical slytherin student at hogwarts, which was bound to bring the two of them together. he sucked up to the right people at the right time, and wasn’t falling over himself at the sight of harry potter like most of the school usually did.

but it didn’t matter how much your father liked draco. at the end of the day, you had his voice ringing in your ears, reminding you that you were, in his words, “far too young to be making decisions that will dictate the rest of your life’. you always rolled your eyes when he repeated the phrase you’d heard from a very young age, but now it was dictating just how you truly lived your life.

you were close to being caught one afternoon, pinned between draco’s frame and a wall with his lips latched onto your neck. if it wasn’t for your keen hearing and the faintest clicking of shoes, you might have exposed your hidden relationship. but you were able to push draco off of you just in time, running around the opposite corner of the hall and leaving the flustered blond to be found by your father, all alone in the middle of the hall.

then there was the time you were late for class, your tie ever so slightly loosened and crooked. you were panting softly, though it was assumed that was from rushing down the hall to get to class. this is a time when most of the class expected you to receive special treatment, barely receiving the bat of an eye for being late to your own father’s class.

that assumption was wrong.

“late, miss snape?” you felt your breath catch itself in the back of your throat, nerves building up at the tone used to address you.

“sorry, professor, i was-“

“ten points will be deducted from slytherin.” you felt your shoulders sink when the slytherin portion of the room groaned at their entire house being punished from your mistake. “take your seat now.”

you slid into your seat, catching a glimpse of draco’s gaze for just a moment. he smirked, not half bothered by the point deduction since he knew it was because you woke up later than you had intended, having to rush back to your own room to get ready before class. you rolled your eyes, though your lips tugged up into a soft smile that had his heart thumping in his chest.

halfway through the class and you had been completely lost. you were barely following, which had been a surprise to everyone in the class, especially hermione who sat beside you. the two of you weren’t the best of friends, but you found it easier to work together since nobody had been better at potions than the two of you.

so when you poured too much lethe river water into your cauldron, you threw your head into your hands and tugged at your hair.

“struggling?” your father stood at the end of your desk, hands folded behind his back as he quirked up an eyebrow at you.

“no.” you grumbled softly, moving to grab your cauldron so you could pour it out and start again. you were beat to it, the man before you grabbing it in his own hands and pouring the contents onto your desk right in front of you.

you jumped back, trying to avoid ruining your robes with the large amount of liquid, but ultimately failing. your sudden movement and loud gasped had surely caught the attention of everyone in the room.

“papa!” your eyes were wide, filled with shock and a twinge of hurt as you stared up at him in disbelief.

“start again.” he dropped the cauldron onto your desk and spun on the balls of his feet, eyes scanning across the room to test anyone to say something to him about his previous actions.

when everyone turned around and tucked their nose into their own books and recipes, you were left to clean up the mess with a newfound distress weighing in your chest. you had lifted your wand to clean up the mess, hoping to get rid of the liquid spilled across your desk quickly before your father was calling back to you without even sparing you a glance.

“and don’t even think about using magic to clean your mess, miss snape.” your wrist paused, not even having time to conjure the charm before the rest of the class was looking at you, once again.

you had gotten up to leave the class as soon as you were dismissed, ignoring the incessant calling of your name echoing between your ears. you had almost made it the entire way out of the room before you felt your feet glued to the spot, your muscles unable to move, which meant your escape was no longer possible.

the charm that your father used on you lit a fire in your chest. he hadn’t done it in years, choosing to address the problems between the two of you in different ways. the two of you played dirty when it came to fighting with one another, but gluing your feet to the ground beneath you was something that never failed to get underneath your skin.

“y/n.” you sighed when your father stood before you, waiting for the rest of the kids to file out of the room before he allowed you to move from your spot. “what’s going on with you lately?”

“me? what’s going on with you?” his eyes softened, detecting the hurt in your voice and in your question. the two of you had never had this silent feud go on for so long. usually it was a few days at most, but you were teetering the line of a few months now, and you weren’t sure how much more embarrassment you could take.

“you’re keeping something from me.” you groaned, screwing your eyes shut as you racked your brain for another quick response. “and don’t lie.”

“it’s not a big deal, papa. it’s just not something i want to talk to you about.” you hoped it was enough, hoped you could circle around him and slip out the door without more of an interrogation.

you were wrong.

“did i do something?” you felt your shoulders fall at the question, feeling defeat creep into the back of your mind.

“no, you didn’t do anything. i promise.” you took a step towards him, allowing your arms to snake around his abdomen before squeezing gently. “i love you, papa.”

“i love you too, poppet.” his voice was soft, barely reaching your ears.

you were able to slip away then, making it halfway towards your next class before you were being tugged into an empty classroom. you were closed in between a familiar frame and the door, locking you in your place.

“close call, huh?” draco’s hand fell to your cheek, thumb softly stroking the soft skin of your cheek as his lips turned up into a smile.

“really close.” you smiled widely, eyes falling down to his lips just before they pressed against yours.

you had been sitting at dinner when you were being called into your father’s office, having to put your plate aside and excuse yourself from your conversation with draco and crabbe.

the familiar scent of peppermint filled your nose upon entry, a soft excitement bubbling in your chest when your father turned over his shoulder with a knowing look.

“cuppa?” you nodded eagerly, already feeling your tastebuds stand tall as they awaited your favorite tea.

your father always made the best peppermint tea.

you had taken a sip almost immediately after he’d set the cup in front of you, humming in delight while he circled the desk and leaned against it. he crossed his arms over his chest, eyes boring into yours as you sipped your tea.

“are you keeping something from me?” you brought the porcelain cup away from your face and narrowed your eyes.

“yes.” your eyebrows furrowed at your own voice betraying you.

“why were you late to class today?”

“i woke up late.” he narrowed his eyes at you, surprised that was truly the reason. he had expected your secret to come tumbling out by now.

“have you been sneaking around with somebody?”

“yes.”

“who?”

“draco.” you slapped your hand over your mouth, unsure of why you were spilling out these truths until you caught sight of the small bottle that sat beside your father’s kettle. “you put veritaserum into my tea!”

“you’re right, i did. how long have you been sneaking around with malfoy?”

“a few months.” you groaned at your inability to lie to him right now. your lies had been the only thing saving you from your father’s rage for the past few months.

“were you ever planning on telling me?”

“no.”

“why not?”

“i doubt it’ll last.”

“why’s that?”

“because nobody wants to spend the rest of their life with me!”

your father stated at you then, finding himself at a loss for words. you didn’t truly believe that, did you? surely you would’ve told him that. surely you would’ve been able to realize that that isn’t true in the slightest.

“why would you say that?”

“because it’s true.” your voice was soft now, eyes falling to your hands that were folded in your lap.

the heavy feeling in your chest pinned you to your chair. you had never admitted these things out loud, always finding the embarrassment far more intimidating than you were willing to face. it was also common knowledge that your father wasn’t the most emotive person, keeping most of his life experience and thoughts on almost every single subject known to man, to himself.

“poppet-”

“i don’t want to talk about it anymore, papa.” you pushed yourself to stand up from your chair, the lump forming in your throat taking all of your focus in order to swallow it.

“y/n, just talk to me!” you shook your head, moving to wipe away the single tear that dared to roll down your cheek.

“why? so you can tell me that i’m too young? that i don’t understand anything about life because i’ve barely scratched the surface of what life has to offer? i’m tired of hearing that. i’m tired of being told that i don’t know what’s good for me because i’m too young.”

your cheeks were wet with tears now, your voice slightly scratchy from the strain you’ve been putting on it in the last few minutes. snape’s lips parted, his mind racing in order to try to find the words to say to you in order to make all of this better.

“you don’t understand, poppet-”

“to hell with that, papa! i’m set to graduate soon!”

“graduation has nothing to do with your ability to make decisions for yourself!” you froze in your spot, staring at the man who was now seething in front of you.

his breath came out in heavy sighs, his chest rising and falling with the beat of his anger as he watched you sink in front of him. your shoulders fell, your tears cascading down your cheeks as you stood there at a loss for words.

your mind reeled, thinking about every time he had told you something similar. within seconds, your mind was filled with your father’s voice overlapping itself, tumbling out excuse after excuse as he drilled it into your brain. he didn’t trust you to make large decisions. life changing decisions.

“you’re merely a young girl who thinks that she knows what she wants, but you don’t. you don’t know the trials and tribulations life is going to put you through, and if you think that that little twit malfoy is going to stick by your side, then you’re wrong.” your bottom lip wobbled just before you clamped your teeth down around it so it would still.

you looked down at your feet, allowing him to continue his lecture of how you were unfit to choose the life you were going to live. you knew how your life was meant to go, and how it would play out, more than likely.

you would be handed off to a boy that your father saw as fit, no doubt a boy that was physically and mentally capable of caring for and protecting you. you knew that your father wanted you to be safe and respected throughout your life, but that didn’t mean he trusted you to pick who you would share your life with.

it had been a philosophy he’d taken from his youth. he didn’t want you to experience the world that he had to endure, and although you appreciated that, you weren’t him. you weren’t going to follow his footsteps that closely, but he had tuned you out when you tried to assure him of that.

when he stopped, words halting on the tip of his tongue while his eyes were locked onto your defeated and shaky figure, your eyes locked with his once more. you saw the flicker of guilt in them, but you also watched that flicker fleet quickly, replacing itself with the same absent look he often held.

“it’s getting late. you should head off to bed.” you nodded once, turning on the balls of your feet to step back out into the hall, fully intending on bolting straight to your dormitory.

“y/n!” you turned just before making it fully out of the door, turning over your shoulder to lock eyes with your father once more. “don’t even think about stopping by that boy’s dormitory on the way.”

the tears spilling down your cheeks had been far too much for you to wipe away. it would have been useless since there had been a build up in your eyes large enough to refill an entire lake if prompted to.

“well if it isn’t our favorite snape.” you ignored the weasley twins’ comment, walking straight past them without so much as a glance in their direction.

you were able to dodge both of their frames, sliding between the two of them successfully. george had caught sight of your wet cheeks, but had no time to ask about them or point them out to his brother before you had turned the corner and disappeared from their sight.

you thought you had made the cleanest getaway you were capable of, just as you were colliding into another figure, too busy staring at your feet through burred vision to notice the boy walking towards you.

“bloody hell, love, you just about ran me over just now.” you had mumbled out an apology, turning to duck out of his way and move around him before he could see the tear track on your skin, but it had been too late.

he had reached for your cheek out of habit, moving your head back ever so slightly with every intention of greeting you with a kiss in the middle of an empty hallway. he stopped at the damp feeling on his fingertips, and the sight of tears leaking out of your eyes and rolling down your cheeks.

“oh, love. what’s happened?” you shook your head, reaching for his wrist to pull his hand away from you in an attempt to save yourself the embarrassment. “darling, please. who’s at fault for making my pretty girl cry like this?”

“he knows.” you squeaked out, voice weaker than you had originally thought it to be.

draco’s eyes widened ever so slightly, partially out of fear of how snape would eventually confront him about the newfound news, but also because he knew how much you tried to avoid this very scenario. the two of you had been as carefully as you possibly could be, and now you were in front of him, sobbing in the middle of the hallway.

“i reckon it didn’t go well.” you shook your head slowly, not being able to stop the built up of fresh tears in your eyes. “let’s get you to bed.”

his soft voice, along with the way he wrapped his arms around you brought you a sense of needed comfort. he walked you back to your dormitory, threatening both of your roommates in order to get them out as soon as the door opened.

they scurried out, not sure what was happening but surely making a mental note of taking this straight to snape in the early morning. you couldn’t bring yourself to care much, too focused on the sound of your father’s voice still swimming between your ears.

you spent the night in draco’s arms, spilling every detail of the conversation between you and your father. it pained the boy to hear the quiver in your voice as you spoke, having to pause every now and again to choke out a sob in between words. he stayed by your sight for the entire night, arms wrapped around you while he listened patiently.

he didn’t try to talk you down, or assure you that everything would be alright. he knew you hated empty promises, and truth be told, he didn’t know if it would all be okay. all he knew for sure was that he was going to fight for you if faced with the decision.

you had developed bags under your eyes over the past few days, feeling more defeated and exhausted than you did during exams at the end of every year. your shoulders had fallen more often than not, eyes void of the glint they usually held. you only ever smile behind closed doors when draco would pull out all of his tricks to bring the very action out of you.

the last thing you wanted to do today was to stare your boggart in the eye.

you hadn’t been the first to go, which had been slightly uplifting, though the anxiety continued to bubble up in your chest as you waited to stand at the front of the queue. it had been comical when your father tumbled out of a wardrobe while neville stood at the front, shaking at the mere sight of your father.

your classmates, especially those you shared a house with, had expected you to find the sight more amusing. they expected you to laugh or even crack a smile at the sight of your father in high heels and a dress, but you didn’t. you had ben too worked up about what you were about to see. what the whole class was about to see.

“alright, miss snape. wand at the ready.” you nodded slowly, raising your wand in front of you as you anticipated the next few moments.

you casted a glance at draco, who had already had his turn moments ago and stood just off to the side with a reassuring smile. you tried to shake the nerves from your head, but when the creature before you took the shape of your father, seemingly two feet taller than he actually stood, you felt your heart thud harshly in your chest.

he loomed down at you, gaze as cold as it usually was and shoulders squared. his hands were folded behind his back, his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth as he stared at you with the utmost disappointment in his expression.

“pathetic little poppet.” you felt your breath hitch in your throat, completely forgetting about the full room of students that stood around you, watching the entire thing as it played in real time. “a disgrace to the name i’ve so graciously awarded you.”

your lips parted, the spell sitting on the tip of your tongue, but held back by your lack of focus. you had forgotten about the assignment, forgot that there was a way to end this experience now and forever.

“far too young and weak to make lifelong decisions. you’ve relied on me your entire life, did you think that was going to come to an end anytime soon?” you clamped your lips tightly shut as tears stung your eyes for the first time in several days.

you hadn’t spoken to your father since the conversation in his office. you avoided his gaze in the great hall, and he avoided picking on you in class. the two of you had an unspoken agreement that you would keep your distance from one another, far too tense to try chipping away at the ice for now.

“you’re never going to be able to-”

“riddikulus!” your head whipped around, casting a gaze across the room just in time to catch your father lowering his wand, a mortified expression displayed clearly across his face.

the room was silent, not even professor lupin had something to say on the subject. that is, until he clapped his hands together and told everyone to grab their things and hurry out of the room.

just before draco walked out, your father pressed a firm hand to the boy’s chest and held him in place, telling him to stay put for the time being.

draco had been waiting for the man to call him into his office, or keep him after class one day. he had expected this lecture long ago, and was surprised it had taken this long for the head of slytherin to make that step.

there was an uncomfortable silence that hung in the air, nobody knowing how to break the thick blanket of tension that laid over the three of you. draco didn’t think it was his place to speak first, figuring there was far more to solve between the two of you than the small role he played in it all.

“malfoy, i’m going to say this one time and one time only.” draco nodded, his own nerves bubbling up to the surface at how much of a mess he had made for himself by falling into a relationship with severus snape’s daughter. “one step out of line with her, and i’ll make sure you never forget who you’ve messed with.”

he had expected much more. more interrogation, or threats leading up to an inescapable command to break it off with you right then and there. draco hadn’t expected him to give in so easily, not even expecting an acceptance for years to come.

you hadn’t expected it either, not seeing a future where your father allowed you to choose these things for yourself. you were sure he’d wed you off to a man you had little to no interest in for the rest of your life. never did you imagine him to stand here and give draco his blessing, even if those weren’t the words he used.

“yessir.” draco nodded quickly, scared that if he took too long to accept the sliver of sentiment, that it would be retracted quickly. “i would never hurt her, professor snape.”

“you say that now, boyo, but i assure you-”

“papa, please.” your voice, although soft, carried across the room and brought both of their gazes over to you.

“you’re dismissed, malfoy.” draco sent you a questioning glance, surprised to see you nod within seconds, giving him the silent cue that it was okay to leave you alone with your father.

when the door shut behind the blond, your father was taking steps towards you, eyes casted down at his feet as he searched for what to say to you. he knew he stepped over the line the other night, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to admit it to you just yet. he was still having trouble accepting it himself.

“papa-”

“just, give me a moment.” you nodded, pressing your lips together in a thin line as you waited for him to find his words. “i shouldn’t have put veritaserum in your tea. i shouldn’t have said all of those despicable things to you the other night, and i should not have told you that you can’t make decisions for yourself.”

you nodded, not knowing how to respond to a thing like this. you knew your father wasn’t one to admit when he was wrong, but there still hadn’t been an apology that you were able to accept or reject in his train of thought.

“it was wrong of me to trick and treat you like that. i shouldn’t have done it, and it won’t happen again.” you nodded again, still keeping your lips pressed together as his eyes drooped with sorrow. “i’m sorry.”

“i just wish you trusted me with my own life.” you were shocked by your own words, seemingly holding the weight of the word in them.

“i do trust you, poppet. i trust you, i just,” he stopped to breath out a heavy sigh through his nose. “i fear that you’ll make the same mistakes i made when i was your age.”

“i wont.” you shook your head carefully, taking the small step that allowed you to wrap your arms around your father’s frame. “i’ll be careful, papa. i promise.”

“i know you will.” his voice was soft as he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly to his frame. “but i was serious about what i said to malfoy.”

you laughed gently into the fabric of the man’s shirt, feeling his own chest bubble with a low laugh.

just as the two of you unravelled yourselves from each other, you turned towards the door to make a swift exit by each other’s side. however, the sight of multiple pairs of eyes peering in through the window that led into the hall had elicited a soft growl from the pit of your father’s chest.

you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of kids scattering away from the door, leaving the same blond boy that had just been in questioning with wide, apologetic eyes.

“i tried to get them to leave, but nobody would listen.” your father huffed, muttering a small ‘thanks’ before turning to you and telling you to make sure you weren’t late for dinner.

when he left, leaving you and draco standing in front of one another, you let a large smile spread across your lips. draco mimicked it, allowing himself to relax at the sight of you smiling and joyful once again. just as he made a move to reach for your cheek, his hand was clamped down back by his side involuntary, and the two of you were looking down the hallway at your father.

“i’m not going to make it that easy on you, malfoy.”

though he had kept his promise to not make it easy, keeping a close eye on the two of you for the remainder of your time at hogwarts, he accepted the love affair between you and the blond boy.

you were head over heels for the boy, and he for you, and even your father was capable of picking up on that. so when draco stepped up to your house one evening, two years after graduation and while you were away at work, he sat down at the table in your kitchen, your father wasn’t surprised.

draco, despite your now lengthy relationship and his ability to develop a strong relationship with your father, was still slightly surprised to see a grin, though small, spread across the man’s lips. your father had been waiting for this, wondering when draco was going to step up to the plate and drop to one knee in front of you.

he was there for it all, smiling and even wiping a stray tear from his eye when you legally bound yourself to the malfoy boy. though he had been sour about your new last name, he would learn to deal with it. he would also learn to deal with three little ones running around with the very same name.

he was partial to favoring the eldest, a boy with hair as black as his grandfathers, and the same name to prove the relation. your father would mess about with his three grandchildren, claiming that severus had been his favorite, but you were the one to blame. though, that wasn’t entirely true. he loved all three of them all the same.

as long as you were happy, so was he. and you were the happiest you had ever been.

#draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco #harry potter #severus snape #snape x reader #tom felton #draco malfoy x reader

505 notes · View notes

simplyotometrash · 3 years

Text

Headcanons with Obey Me! Oc, Alex

Alex’s relationships to each of the characters

Lucifer:

Have you heard of love at first sight? You have?

Yeah this is not that whatsoever.

Alex hated Lucifer from the moment they met. His attitude, the way he talked to them, the way he talked to Mammon. All of it.

So they made it their mission to get on his nerves as much as physically possible.

They really wanted to see how far they could push him.

Lucifer knew their game and put up with the annoying human and their antics despite the headache it caused him.

They finally talked to one another properly without a fight one night. It was late and Lucifer was, unsurprisingly, still awake and working.

Alex quietly shuffled into his office and immediately was called out on it. Lucifer rightfully suspected a prank. But the truth was that Alex had a bad dream and didn’t know who else to talk to.

Lucifer turned and saw this tired, helpless, upset human and gestured them closer. He listened to their nightmare and did his best to provide them comfort.

Suddenly they weren’t the nuisance they usually were. They reminded of him younger brothers when they were much younger and new to the Devildom. Scared and feeling isolated.

Did their relationship get any better?

Well, yeah it did.

Lucifer grew to see the petite human as another sibling he somehow gained.

Their relationship became sibling-like and the torment only continued, though less hate-filled.

Mammon:

Did they like him? Not at first. He didn’t really care much for them either.

They came to their first major breakthrough early on, though, when Alex witnessed firsthand the treatment Mammon received from his brothers.

Oh they hated it.

Alex is the youngest of 9 and knows what Mammon’s experience is.

From that moment on they took it upon themselves to become Mammon’s designated protector.

If anyone tried to fuck with Mammon they had to deal with Alex and vice versa.

They also are touch starved, so there were many movie nights where they just cuddled up together because they both needed physical affection.

Mammon is one of their best friends in the Devildom and they would not trade him for anything in the three worlds.

Mammon isn’t sure if he is in love with them or wants to just be their best friend, but he protects them just like they protect him.

They also always get into trouble together.

Mammon always ended up going into their room at night when he was having trouble sleeping, sometimes they were awake and sometimes not.

They had an agreement, though, that if the other needed comfort at night they could always go to one another.

He quietly would crawl into their bed and it was as if Alex knew he was there without waking up. They would shift so he could cuddle into them and they’d sleep like that the rest of the night.

There’s something inherently comfortable about being around one another when it’s just the two of them, something Mammon does not want to risk losing. He is very protective over them and will do harm to those who try to hurt them.

Leviathan:

Anime fan? Video game lover? Alex is the epitome of heart-eyes.

Yes, Levi comes off a bit weird but they do not care.

They wanna become his friend as fast as fucking possible because anime nerds need to stick together. They need someone to show them good Devildom anime.

Levi was very hesitant to let the human in. He was a gross otaku, why would they want to be his friend?

He was terrified that it might be some super elaborate prank.

It was seeing them playing a game from the human world that made him begin to open up.

They were playing a video game that they loved and he merely caught a glimpse over their shoulder. That was all it took. He stood there, hovering behind them, watching their gameplay intently.

The rest is, as they say, history.

The pair became the best of friends and bonded over their mutual hobbies.

Levi is also one of the potential love interests for Alex so the feelings can run even deeper depending on how I am feeling.

Overall, though, they are just as attached at the hip as Mammon and Alex. Levi is fiercely protective over Alex and their friendship, often fighting his brothers to claim best friendship. They are his Henry.

They’re able to get through to him when he draws in on himself. When he is so plagued by negative thoughts and anxiety that nothing can reach him, Alex is able to crack through the negativity to shine light back on him.

They give him so much positive reinforcement and affection.

While they are touch starved, they never force physical affection without consent. They know Levi has issues with being touched and would never want to push it.

They’re the only one he is okay with hugging him out of the blue, though it makes him blush, it also makes him feel special.

Satan:

They did not get along at first.

Alex did not hate him on sight like they did Lucifer, but they did not take to him very quickly either.

They pretty much ignored each other for the first couple of weeks.

they could cohabitate in the House of Lamentation in peace without ever acknowledging one another.

It was Alex’s dislike of Lucifer that piqued Satan’s interest in them.

A fellow hater of Lucifer? Someone to plan pranks and piss off the eldest in the house? Maybe they were alright then.

They became friends over their disdain of Lucifer and truly bonded over a love of books.

Alex is a big reader, not only of manga, but of all literature. So they were able to find common ground in that they had some similar interests.

There was never the potential for romance between them and that’s okay.

Their relationship, similar to Lucifer and Alex’s, evolved into a very sibling-like relationship.

They became a younger sibling to him and he enjoyed their company. They proved good to prank with as well.

It was nice to have someone else who liked reading, someone who was calm, and also loved cats. Alex’s love for cats was just as strong as Satan’s.

I personally headcanon that Alex’s cat got to come with them to the Devildom so Satan really had to decide whether or not he was going to kidnap (catnap) their cat or not until they told him he could visit anytime for some kitty cat cuddles.

Asmodeus:

Asmo was a very fast friend to Alex.

The moment they met he was enamored. What drew him in specifically? Alex’s hair. They came to the Devildom with pastel blue hair with an undercut that needed to be maintained.

Asmo saw they were a lover of fashion and had nice hair and he wanted in on that. He volunteered himself to be their personal hair stylist.

They began bonding over these sessions where he would touch up their hair color and cut followed by painting their nails and telling them anything and everything he could think of.

But they did not hesitate to call his seemingly narcissistic personality a fraud. They didn’t buy that he was only a self-absorbed and shallow person who only cared for his looks.

This moment is what makes Asmo the second contender as a love interest for Alex.

They saw right through him and suddenly he felt...free. Free to express himself in more ways then he thought possible. He also began to view them as more than a doll to play with and a sounding board to talk to.

Suddenly they were so much more alive as a person. He wanted to truly know them.

He fights Mammon and Levi for the role of best friend but he also wants to be so much more than that.

He makes a point to spend time with them and never mentions his previous encounters or relationships. He doesn’t want to even risk upsetting them in case they love him back (which they do depending on what I’m writing oops-).

Asmo, though he struggles to admit it out loud, views them as even more important than himself. Their beauty inside and out is blinding. He wants the world to see it and their outfits to reflect it.

He doesn’t hesitate to drop just as much Grimm shopping for them as he does himself.

Beelzebub:

These two cohabitated quite peacefully. They didn’t need to talk or really do much of anything. They simply existed together.

Alex didn’t think much of the large demon at first. They were impressed by the sheer size of his appetite and thought he looked kinda cool.

Beel thought they looked so small and was afraid just breathing too hard might break them.

Their first bonding moment was when he came into the kitchen for a midnight fridge raid and found Alex, in their pajama shirt, cooking. He quietly sat down next to where they were standing and asked what they were making.

Comfort food was their answer. They were homesick. Their favorite thing when they were homesick was potato soup, their mother’s recipe.

Beel knew the feeling all too well and did not press the subject. There was comfortable silence before he asked questions about the human world. Before long, they were offering him a large bowl of soup.

They ate together, sitting there on the kitchen floor, and the hours flew by.

They did get in trouble together for not even cleaning up the mess in the kitchen where they inevitably fell asleep together, but Lucifer was lenient.

Beel became their confidant. The one person they could talk to without feeling judged. And they became someone he could also tell anything too.

Someone he needed for those bad nights plagued by nightmares or when he felt homesick, too.

Their relationship stays this way. There’s not romance that may blossom and neither of them are interested in that.

Belphegor:

They knew he wasn’t human from the moment they found him in the attic. These two had very little relationship prior to the incidents of chapter 16.

We all know how Belphie was about humans and what happened to the MC in that chapter.

Scooting past that, their relationship afterwards was exceptionally tense.

At least on Belphie’s side. He wanted to make up for what he had done but also felt uncomfortable with Alex. He wasn’t sure how to approach them.

Alex, on the other hand, took it as a personal mission to annoy the ever living shit out of him as revenge.

Did they hate him for what he had done? No. They did not hate him. What they felt was not hatred nor resentment, rather they felt irritated and rightfully pissed off.

They sought revenge in the form of annoying him.

But that only lasted a little while. These two actually get along very well once they have a proper talk about what happened and Belphie wanting to make up for what he had done.

Belphie is contender number 3 for Alex’s love and affection in a romantic sense (I’m soft for him, I can’t help it).

They bond over the stars and the fact that they can be in the same room together without even having to talk.

Alex is a high-energy kind of person but even they need breaks. They don’t like feeling as if they have to be like that all the time. And they don’t have to with him. They can be quiet and calm.

They nap together all the time. Belphie is actually the one they go to when they have migraines because his very presence is so soothing that they’re able to relax and sleep through it despite the pain.

Belphie knows they love pillows and buys a new one every time he goes out, whether with them or not, just to add to their bed so they have their own massive pillow collection.

I will do a part 2 for the rest of the characters! Let me know what you think!!

#obey me shall we date #obey me oc #obey me! oc #obey me oc headcanons #obey me oc alex #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey mee beel #obey me belphie #obey me headcanons #obey me shall we date headcanons #obey me

24 notes · View notes

hydra-collector · 4 years

Text

i keep you safe from harm, you hold me in your arms

AO3

Ship: Intrulogical

Characters: Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Janus Sanders, Patton Sanders, Virgil Sanders (minor), Roman Sanders (minor)

TW: suicide attempts, food, self-deprecation/self-hate, kissing, blood/gore

Words: 4,617

Summary: Remus becomes Logan’s protector, the only one who knows the extent of his poor mental health. Logan tries his best.

Remus hadn’t seen Logan all day.

It wasn’t like they were best friends or anything, but the creative side would often pass him in the halls, maybe spit out a gross fact or two, and occasionally get something of a smile from him. But Logan hadn’t come to breakfast, lunch, dinner, or even come out of his room.

He’d asked the others, even though they were wary why he wanted to know where Logan was. He was just… concerned. And it wasn’t like he was running around the imagination like a desperate, crazed lunatic.

He was just worried.

Remus had been wandering around the mindscape for a while. Most of the other sides had gone to sleep at this point, but he wasn’t one for a healthy or regular sleep schedule.

Footsteps.

In all likelihood, it was Virgil. But he’d lived with the anxious side for a long time, and his steps were lighter and faster than this. He followed them.

He vaguely wondered which side would be up at this time. Janus and Logan were all advocates of self care, Patton had been on a 9PM bedtime since he was ten, and Roman always lamented about his beauty sleep whenever Remus came in to bother him. Even Virgil usually wouldn’t get up until 3 or so, and it was only half past midnight now.

Was that… crying?

It was coming from the direction of the bathroom. He sped up, curious as to who it was and what was going on. Light spilled out from the door, slightly cracked open. The sobs continued, and he ruled out Janus from the sound. Janus cried near-silently, if he even did.

He peered through the crack, trying to make himself as invisible as possible. Whoever it was, they weren’t in view of his position. Nothing but-

Their hand.

He noticed the watch around the side’s wrist. It was Logan. And he was reaching for…

The bleach?

He paused for a moment, trying to decide why someone sitting on the floor of the bathroom needed bleach. He cracked the door open a little wider, adjusting himself so Logan’s leg came into view. He heard scribbling, perhaps on the floor, and then whatever writing utensil used being thrown to the side, the piece of paper floating to the middle of the floor, in Remus’s line of sight.

He didn’t like the look of this.

The sobs continued, feeling their full release now, and the bottle cap came off. Remus nearly panicked; if he didn’t go inside to see what Logan was doing, he might regret it.

He threw the door open, finding Logan leaning against the bathtub, tears streaming down his face, blood streaming down his arms. He’d slashed his wrists, and seemed to be using the last of his energy to bring the bleach to his lips.

No. No, no, no, God, please no-

Remus clumsily wrestled the bleach from his grasp, which wasn’t exactly very hard to do, and shove it to the side. A bit spilled out, mixing with the blood pooling on the floor. He ravaged the cabinet, looking for something, anything, to stop the bleeding. He tossed the things he knew he’d need on the floor and settled for a towel to stop the immediate flow.

He returned in front of Logan, trying to be as gentle as the panicked embodiment of intrusive thoughts could be as he tightened the thick towel around Logan’s arms. The logical side made no move to resist, probably exhausted, hungry, and dizzy.

“Why…” Logan’s word trailed off as the blood soaked into the towels and both he and Remus’s clothes. The metallic smell was overwhelming as it fused with the scent of bleach.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I don’t want you to die, idiot.”

Remus let Logan’s arms rest on his lap, making sure he wasn’t going to try anything or disrupt the arrangement. He shifted away from him to close the bleach and wash it off before replacing it in the cabinet. He looked around for the knife, finding its shiny blade in the tub, where there was more blood dripping from the sides. He snapped it from existence.

He picked up the note, sitting down cross-legged in front of Logan. The handwriting was fairly low-quality, and there were a few drops of blood and tears sullying it.

Dear Patton, Roman, Virgil, Janus, and Remus,

I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.

Logan

It was short. And it hurt.

Remus pulled the towels off of Logan’s arms, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as well. He wet a washcloth, gently dabbing at Logan’s wounds. Remus could handle anything, but the dark red lines almost made him feel sick. He did his best to avoid the tensing and cringing that would inevitably happen as he patched up Logan’s wounds.

“You’re good enough,” he said suddenly, breaking the silence. He waited for a response, wondering if he was going to get one.

Logan hesitated, staring at the bandages numbly.

“...Just don’t tell them. Please.”

He wasn’t ready to confront that, was he?

“I won’t.”

He finished, Logan waiting by the door as he mopped up the blood. While he would’ve been glad to let it sit there and terrify the others, that was suspicious, and if he didn’t, Logan would’ve tried to.

Remus whisked away the mop, joining Logan by the door. He wrapped his arms around Logan, the fresh smell of his shirt contrasting with the metallic scent filling the room. Logan took a step back, surprised, but Remus pulled him tighter so he wouldn’t stumble.

“Don’t do that again, okay?”

Logan didn’t answer for a moment, sinking into the hug.

“I… I’ll try.”

Virgil grabbed him by the arm, pulling him through the halls to the bathroom where the other sides were flocked. It was the designated hair-dying day, and everyone had agreed. Except for Logan.

Virgil (and the other sides) knew how adverse he was to it, how desperate he was to be taken seriously. Yet they ignored him when he told them.

Remus was the one with the hoard of dye colors, tossing the ones he didn’t want aside for the rest of the sides to search through. Patton already had his color, a blue that was a little more saturated than Logan would’ve thought. Roman chose a deep, dark red within the next few moments, to no one’s surprise, and Virgil started chatting, trying to figure out if he should use the same color as last time or a new one.

The indigo blue, he had to admit, did look appealing. It was a rich color, and would fit nicely with his tie.

But…

He had other issues to worry about.

The other sides already didn’t take him seriously enough, and if he dyed his hair by choice it would push them over the edge. He’d be treated like an idiot, like he wasn’t worth even pretending to listen to.

Remus was deciding between a dark forest green and a bright lime green, while Virgil had settled on his old color, and Janus was staring intently at a yellow.

“I might skip the coloring,” Janus began, “and just bleach it.”

Bleach.

Bleach, bleach, bleach, bleach, bleach.

“Sounds good.” Virgil situated the supplies, lining up their chosen colors. “Who wants to go first?”

Patton volunteered, and Virgil began preparing the powder. The smell grew, reaching Logan.

A wave of lightheadedness washed over him, and he felt as if he was choking. It took all of his strength not to stumble back or run out of the room in a panic. This was stupid, stupid, stupid, he shouldn’t feel this way. Panic was Virgil’s irrational torture that Logan would calm him down for, not a stupid memory of stupid things, stupid decisions, stupid thoughts, stupid Logan, stupid, stupid, stupid-

“Hey, do you think I could get Logan to test this out on my clothes? I wanna see how it’ll stain if I use a lot of colors.” Remus wore a wide grin, grabbing Logan’s hand and dragging him out of the room. The other sides watched quizzically as they left, but Virgil would trust Remus enough to come back.

Once they were in the hall, away from the ears of the others, Remus set his hands on Logan’s shoulders.

“Hey, hey, Logan, it’s okay, look at me.”

Logan did as he asked, focusing on the eyes staring back at him. He knew, he should know how to calm down from this. Even if he wasn’t dying his hair, they might pressure him into it. They might force him, and then what would he do, as it was unavoidable. Would he panic then? Would he show that, that he was weak-

“Logan!”

He snapped back to attention, Remus’s hand running through his hair.

“You don’t have to go back. You’re not gonna die, and it’s not gonna hurt you. You’re here now.”

Logan took deep breaths, at least remembering that. Remus’s firm hold on his shoulders was comforting. He placed his own hands on Remus’s, pulling them down so he could get a proper hug instead.

“I’m sorry, Remus.”

Remus shook his head into Logan’s shoulder, tightening his hug. “Don’t be. Don’t ever be sorry for feeling bad.”

Logan nodded, clutching Remus like a lifeline.

“Do you wanna hang out in your room while we do our hair?”

“That sounds… good.”

Patton cut up the pieces of beef into little squares, tossing them in the pot. Remus was messing around with the spices, offering his combinations up to Patton. Logan leaned against the counter, not having much to do but watch them argue playfully.

The smells from the pot were intoxicating. It wasn’t Patton’s cooking, or anyone but Janus’s cooking, that could make the aromas drift around the room, but rather the three of them sticking strictly to the recipe. They’d even been banned from adding their own bits of spices. Patton had attempted that once, and they never again spoke of it (although Remus had tried adding a few… unconventional ingredients once in a while.)

Patton took the potatoes out from their basket, handing them to Logan.

“Do you think you could do these?”

He nodded, rinsing them off under the tap. He searched around in a few drawers for the peeler, shaving off the skin. It was an easy job, he was just glad to have something to do. Once he’d finished, Remus grabbed two from the cutting board to start… juggling.

“Remus!”

Patton and Logan both sighed as Logan moved to wrestle the potatoes as Remus dodged away from him, nearly dropping them in the process. Patton crept up behind him so he was sandwiched between them. It wasn’t hard for Logan to reach up and catch one at its peak, and for Patton to get the other one in his surprise.

“Hey!”

Remus reached for another potato, but was held back by Patton. Logan and Patton chuckled as Remus pouted, giving up on his struggle.

“You never let me have any fun.”

Patton let go. “The food’s gonna burn. And you remember how that went last time.”

“Plus,” Logan resumed his spot, rinsing the potatoes that Remus had manhandled under cold water, “you have an entire Imagination to run around, you don’t need to juggle the potatoes.”

Patton returned to his job, allowing Remus to bounce around the room at his leisure.

“Oh, could you cut those?”

Patton gestured to the potatoes, handing Logan a knife. Sharp and shiny.

He forced himself to take it, the object seeming heavier and scarier than it should. He gripped it tightly, trying to steady himself and his breathing. But the feeling was far too familiar as he cut.

He didn’t trust himself.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his back, then sinking into it. It was Remus. The knife was taken from him quickly, and he was pushed out of the way as Remus took his place. He sighed in relief, allowing Remus to hug him tight from the side.

He tapped out a breathing pattern on his leg, trying to divert his attention from knives and blades.

Thank god Remus was there, with his warm, comforting touch.

“Logan?”

A weight settled beside him on the bed, and he looked up from his computer. Remus was kneeling there, sneaking his hand towards Logan’s. Its heat settled there, bringing a heat up to his cheeks.

“What do you need?”

Remus looked… sad. Worry was more accurate, as he leaned back on his feet.

“Are you gonna do something about…”

He paused, looking down. “About how you feel. You need to deal with that.”

Oh. That.

He’d been hoping he could ignore it for as long as he possibly could, but it had been him that had lectured Thomas on repression.

He just wished it could be over.

“I know, Remus.”

The creative side leaned towards him, offering a hand. Logan shifted a little closer, allowing Remus to hold his hand in a tight squeeze.

“I mean, there’s… there’s only so much I can do for you. I would be happy to help you get better and recover and stuff, but… I don’t know how. Janus and Patton- or Thomas, even, they could help you much better than I could. I don’t want you to-”

“I’m not gonna kill myself.”

Logan’s voice was unintentionally cold as he dug his nails into the palm of his free hand. He wasn’t sure if he believed what he’d just said. But he had to, and he was going to make Remus believe it too.

“Lo, that’s not the only problem. I don’t want you to want to kill yourself. Well, I don’t want you to feel any kind of bad ever, but that’s kind of unavoidable.”

“I can figure this out on my own, Remus. I don’t need the assholes that haven’t given a shit about my mental health for years to help me.”

“Logan, there’s no way you can do this all yourself-”

Logan ripped his hand from Remus’s grasp, pulling it to his stomach defensively. “Do you really think they’re going to help?!?!? They’ll act like they care, but the moment I do a single thing wrong, they’ll turn their backs on me. They aren’t gonna care if I’m fucking depressed. They never have! I’ll be defective, useless, worthless to them. They’re gonna ignore me and ignore me like they always have, they’re just gonna pretend I’m okay so they don’t have to deal with me. I can’t- I can’t live through that.”

“Logan, please, they won’t do that. I’ll tell them what they’ve done-”

“No offense, but do you really think your opinion is going to matter to anyone but me?”

Remus didn’t have a reply. Logan knew exactly what he’d just said, and the creative side knew that he regretted it. But it was true. No one listened to him but Logan, and sometimes Janus. He was known for being stupid and saying dumb things. There was only so much of a difference his input could make.

“Fine. You can try and completely fix your mental health all on your own, but I can tell you it’s not gonna work. Talk to me once you’ve learned how to ask for help.”

Logan sighed as Remus left, disappointed in himself. He’d given up the only person who seemed to care about him just because he was too stubborn to improve his mental health. But still, he feared how the other sides would respond. And if they tried to help and failed, he would fall further than he ever could in his current state.

He laid down, staring up at the ceiling. Wishing for death.

“I took this form to be less intrusive.”

The video sped through in a blur. He was unable to process much after his immediate rejection, thankful for his pixelated form where the tears couldn’t fall. He’d hoped… they would be kinder. But all he got was reassurance that they were tired of him and his facts.

He wanted to be better.

But no, he was as intrusive as Remus. And not in Remus’s endearing persistence, or sudden exclamations, or when he was just trying to do his job. Logic should be good enough, good enough at the very least to offer useful input.

He wished Remus was here.

He wished Remus was giving his hand a tight squeeze, offering reassurance and checking up to make sure their words weren’t causing him to panic. He wished he was there, trying to defend him with all his might even though he knew his voice wasn’t loud enough in the group.

He forced himself through it, through their ignorance and his misery. It wasn’t working, he could tell. They weren’t listening.

He wanted to die.

They could have passed it off as jokes or mistakes before, but now… it was like they weren’t even trying. They weren’t trying to keep up their streak of good and kind. He didn’t matter here. Logic didn’t matter when talking about feelings, he was just getting in the way. He deserved it. He wasn’t helping.

The shiny yellow and black ‘SKIP ALL’ button increased his pulse, breathing, immediately turning him lightheaded.

Please don’t silence me.

Logan barely had time to think before cold wood hooked around his neck, pulling hard, choking him. He fell on carpet, hitting his head, though luckily not that hard. The cane around his neck was thankfully released, and he pushed himself up in an approximation of a sitting position.

Janus stood in front of him, holding the cane.

“Why…” he touched the tender area on his neck, “the hell would you do that?”

“You rest here, I’m gonna go-”

“You asshole !”

Logan pushed himself up, presence big despite being shorter than Janus.

“Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get their attention?!? Do you even care ?!? I’m just trying to help them, but they think I’m useless!”

He was half screaming, half crying. He was so tired and so done with everything they’d done. Kicking him out of the courtroom, forcing Thomas to suffer just because they didn’t want to listen to his facts, making him feel worthless-

You deserve those.

“Logan, I just want to help you. It’s not going to make you feel better staying there. You have to know that.”

“What? Because I’m stupid?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I meant. I can get through to them, I’ll convince him to take care of himself, I promise.”

“So you agree with them. You know my opinion doesn’t matter to them. And you’re gonna go, and they’re going to listen to you. Because they’re tired of me.”

Janus sighed. “It’s not your fault.”

There was a pause. Logan looked to the side, sighing as well. “You’re impersonating me?”

Janus nodded.

Logan sighed. “I don’t know how much good it’ll do, just… try to make sure Patton doesn’t mess up any more than he already has.”

There was far more that he wanted to say. He wanted to beg Janus to stay with him, to repeat the advice that he knew he needed to use, but Thomas needed it more than him. He was fairly sure it wasn’t going to work. If they hadn’t listened to Logan, they likely wouldn’t listen to Janus disguised as Logan. But it was worth a try. Maybe he had helped, at least a little.

Janus left as he rubbed the bruise on his neck. He should get ice for it.

“Logan?”

He turned to see Remus poking out from the hallway, taking a tentative step.

“Are you okay?”

Logan hesitated, unsure if he should tell the truth. He so desperately wanted Remus’s comfort, but the creative side would push for him to ask for help, and he’d feel Remus’s disappointment harder than hugs could help.

“I… I need to be alone.”

Well that surely wasn’t how he should’ve handled it.

He left, knowing Remus would be suspicious of his mental state, yet without the comfort he so desperately craved. It took all of his willpower not to start sobbing as he left, at least to make it to his room.

The sight he saw when he rose up made his heart plummet into his stomach.

Janus had done it.

He’d made them listen, done exactly what Logan had been trying to do the entire time.

But Janus was better.

Logan was useless, inconsequential, and stupid. He’d tried so long to be listened to, to be helpful, but maybe… it was just him that was the problem. He didn’t deserve the other sides’ attention, especially if he couldn’t get it.

He felt tears prick at his eyes, holding back the sobs from his throat. He gave them something, hoping they would listen to a single fact, even if they’d kept telling him that his input was useless. Maybe slip in something else, desperate for their concern, despite knowing he wouldn’t take it.

Patton tried to interrupt him, trying to ask if he was okay.

It was what he wanted, wasn’t it? But that sweet voice, full of worry, couldn’t mean anything right now. It didn’t matter when he couldn’t help but blame them, when he desperately wanted to silence them, force them to listen. If Patton was only able to start caring now, he didn’t want it.

He sunk out, as much as he could do from his text box, into his room. He sighed, sitting down, wanting to do nothing more than sleep. Tears began rolling down his face, a few sobs escaping his throat. He rubbed his neck, painfully reminded of the bruise.

An idea.

This desolate, miserable feeling could be easily cured, couldn’t it? They’d made it obvious that they didn’t want him around, so...

Why should he stay?

He had promised Remus that he wouldn’t try again before asking for help. But today had only cemented the knowledge that they didn’t give a shit about him, so why the hell would they try to help?

It wouldn’t matter if he was gone.

Logan stood up to exit into the hallway. He needed to say goodbye to Remus. The walls felt cold and uninviting as he wandered through them, searching for Remus’s familiar voice.

He eventually found the creative side huddled under some blankets in his room, playing around with some sort of floating orb.

“Logan!” He lit up when he saw the logical side, jumping out of his bed to run up and hug him. “Are you... feeling better?”

Logan paused. “...A little.”

He held back the sob forming in his throat, burying his head in Remus’s neck, threading his fingers through Remus’s hair.

“You know I love you, right?”

Logan was sure his voice was noticeably wobbly. He held on as tightly as his arms would allow. This would be his last chance to do so.

“I love you too, Lo.”

Logan released his grip, turning to nearly run from Remus’s room. He wiped at the tears frantically, heading back towards his own room. He conjured rope on the way, testing its strength with his hands.

With a flick of his hand, he attached the rope to the ceiling, desperate to get this done fast. He was fully crying now; tears streamed down his face much faster than he could push them away. But he didn’t care at his point, tying the rope around his neck as he stood on his desk chair.

The abrasive surface tugged and prodded at the bruises as he moved.

He took a deep breath. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was terrified. He didn’t want to... die. He just wanted an exit.

He kicked the chair out from under him before he could think too much about it, the rope constricting around his neck. His tears dripped to the floor from his tightly shut eyes, but no more sounds came out. His hands weakly scratched at the rope, instincts desperately trying to keep him alive.

Before long, however, he felt warmth scratch around his neck and the rope. Something pushed him upwards, releasing a little bit of the tension on his neck. Something cold and sharp, and-

He was free.

He fell forwards into a pair of arms, head resting on a shoulder. He recognized the fabric as Remus’s elaborate costume. He stood there, nearly limp, before pulling his hands up to wrap around Remus. He tightened his arms, shoving his head into the fabric, sobs scratching at his throat. He didn’t dare say a thing, letting Remus rub soothing circles into his back, muttering reassurance that he desperately needed to hear.

Logan felt a weight settle beside him on his bed. Remus had been with him all morning, promising him anything he needed. Logan had insisted he was fine being alone, but he wanted Remus there as Remus insisted on staying.

He felt fingers card through his hair, thankful for the affection.

“Are you feeling better? Don’t lie this time.”

Logan rolled over to face Remus, the creative side’s hand coming down to rest on his cheek instead. A small smile adorned Logan’s face.

“Yeah. Well, despite the fact that I never want to see Patton, Roman, or Janus’s face ever again.”

Remus laughed quietly, shifting so he could rest on his elbow. Logan closed his eyes as Remus continued to let his fingers wander absently around Logan’s face and hair.

“I’m sorry, Remus. I told you I wouldn’t try again. I should’ve talked to you, or talked to them, but instead I just... gave up.”

Remus put his arm around Logan’s waist, lying down properly so he was face-to-face with Logan.

“I’m just glad you’re here. You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

Logan said nothing, sinking into Remus’s blessed touch as his right hand replaced the left in his hair. It felt nice, very nice, to have a quiet moment like this, intimate and calm. Eventually the others would force him out, but he was going to do everything he could to grab moments like these. This was worth living for.

Remus was worth living for.

He felt Remus’s lips touch his forehead, his heart skipping a beat. Remus lingered, thumb paused on Logan’s cheek. He let himself fall away, pressing their foreheads together as his thumb sneaked down towards Logan’s lips.

Logan didn’t dare open his eyes, scared that he might ruin the moment with how he could guess Remus looked right now. He nodded, hoping that was enough confirmation for a kiss.

Remus kept it sweet and soft, lips just barely brushing past as he cupped Logan’s face with his full hand. Logan’s heart was beating quickly, focused in on the feeling.

Remus only lasted a moment after pulling back before bringing both hands to his cheeks, pressing back for a deeper kiss. Logan felt his mustache tickle on his upper lip, savoring the feeling before this would inevitably end.

It had been completely wordless, but words surely would have ruined it. Remus nuzzled into his neck, cuddling closer and bringing one arm around Logan. The other still lingered in his hair, warmth spreading across Logan’s cheeks. He knew Remus could feel his heartbeat, and if he were to open his eyes, see the bruises on his neck.

He let himself relax. Now wasn’t the time to be worried about yesterday. Now... he was with Remus. Not anybody that would ignore him, not with anybody that would pretend to care, not in any situation that made him want to kill himself, but with Remus. With Remus, he wasn’t scared of himself. With Remus, he was protected.

With Remus, he was safe.

146 notes · View notes

tundrainafrica · 3 years

Text

Title: Passion Project (4/4)

Summary:

“Ignoring Hange Zoe had become a little passion project he allowed himself to indulge in, in between expeditions and quietly mourning unnecessary deaths in the battlefield.”

Levi tries to ignore Hange but it never seems to last. A ficlet detailing the development of Levi and Hange’s relationship before canon.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Link to other chapters: 1 2 3

“Captain, you’re moving a little too fast, could you please slow down with the next titan?”

“Moblit, this is the tenth titan I’ve killed today.”

“Apologies sir, we might need some clearer sketches so our squad leader could make the final decision on these blades.”

“Okay then.” Levi held back the grimace that was threatening to come out then. Moblit was just following orders after all.

Cooperating with each other’s squads was Erwin’s orders and in the end, Levi and Hange still had to work together. The first few experiments were easy, quality checking improvements for grenades, base supplies, flare guns and gas cannisters. They were all routine and Hange didn’t need to be there. Soon after she stopped showing up, Levi started to realize he didn’t have to show up in any of her capture missions either, only making it easier to pretend she didn’t exist.

At that moment though, having been stuck on the wall strategizing for more than four hours already, Levi was starting to accept that pretending Hange didn’t exist wasn’t such an efficient idea. When Hange wasn’t simping for titans after all, she had the brain of a logistics and a research prodigy, a rare gift that had propelled her to the top of that military section in the first place.

Levi couldn't help but think with his little struggle with Moblit, he had just stumbled upon a situation of the blind leading the blind. And with every failed attempt to get feedback on the prototype blades, its effect on the balance of the user, and the efficiency with which it cuts through the titans' nape, the inevitable only became all the more inevitable (if that was even possible). They wouldn’t make it on time for their deadline.

Levi jumped back down to the foot of the wall. There were three more titans attempting to scramble up the walls to no avail and Levi had two tests, the control and the experimental test and with that, two types of blades to test, the original and the prototype. They had come up with the genius idea of using a different type on each hand. Or begrudgingly, it had been Hange’s idea which Moblit had so graciously told him that afternoon after their miserable last session a few days before.

We need to check how deep you can slice with each of them. Moblit had said. And whether it slices cleanly through the neck. The older weapons were naturally duller which made cutting up napes a tall order for the average soldier.

Hange though had been working on a different blade which could make killing a titan an achievable goal for even the cadets in the garrison unit.

Levi felt some difference having been using those same blinds for long enough already. It was nothing more than a minute difference in movement for him. Levi was good with comabt which made him so easily adaptable already to the difference of blades. Hange had sworn though that there was a stark difference, many experiments ago back when they were still on speaking terms. With that unspoken yet mutual agreement not to speak though, Moblit was left with the burden of sketching what he can to capture that minute difference and Levi was left to find a way to slow down his movements to something accessible to the naked eye while exposing himself to the novel risk of being eaten by a titan with every single round.

Levi only realized as the sun started to set below the horizon and the sky started to look a little redder, that they had been up on the wall for what must have been five hours. They were both blind and consequently inefficient.

“We could try this another day?” Moblit suggested.

“You should get NIfa or Keiji here to help next time. More people to sketch, the faster this will go.”

Moblit put down the sketchpad and sighed. “I’m the only one who actually sketches among us so I don’t think they would be much of a help either. Our worst case scenario then is we hire other artists? Hopefully Commander Erwin would allow the funds for that. ” Hange’s right hand man had a generally courteous demeanor. Although Levi had felt a little accused by Moblit’s face, he couldn’t tell if the man really meant to inject spite into that statement.

He was right though. For one, of course Erwin wouldn’t waste the already low budget the Survey Corps receives every year on artists when a free alternative existed already.

Get Hange to show up for the experiment.

But it wasn’t that easy. Levi thought to himself. Eventually his anger at Hange dissipated but by then, even before he was aware of it, ignoring each other had morphed into a cruel game by some nonverbal agreement between both sides. Hange just stopped looking at him when they were in the same room and he decided to reciprocate that same action. Possibly out of pride more than anything else.

The situation at the scouts headquarters that night was no different. Hange and Levi’s squads were stationed nearby and everyone knew each other fairly well. As they all reunited in the castle after Hange’s successful attempt at training her own squad and Levi’s special Ops squad for the next titan capture attempt and Levi’s unsuccessful attempt at testing the blades, the tension in the room only became stronger.

Levi felt it as a sensation that consumed him slowly from his toes all the way to his fingertips, leaving him unable to do much but lock gazes with whoever was nearby that wasn’t Hange. He heard it in the uncomfortable mumbles of both Oluo and Petra, the more emotional ones in his team and he saw it in the way Moblit had a smile much wider than what should have been professional.

In his peripherals, he saw it, Hange making small talk with Gunther and Eld to her right, praising them for their quick wit and their ability to master the titan capture contraption she had been cooking up.

The frustrating part was, there was no tension in the way Hange gesticulated and gave out praises in that annoyingly sing-songy tone. Back then, it had felt like screeching in his ears. At present, that voice completely bypassed the ears and went straight for his chest sending piercing and almost nauseating sensations through his heart.

“I'm really grateful. Thank you for all of your help cleaning the lab last week. And of course, for cooperating with me today. My family sent over some souvenirs so I thought I’d share it. ” Hange went for the cupboards to the side of the common room and came back with a large enough bag with the familiar royal seal of that same familiar black tea shop.

“Their shortcakes are also pretty good so I asked my parents to send some over.” Hange continued as she laid out the boxes on the table. There were boxes of tea and boxes of shortcakes. Levi quickly counted them and was sure there was enough on the table for every single person in the room to have one box of tea and one shortcake.

Hange started to slide boxes over to the other soldiers

Rashad. Gunther. Moblit. Nifa. Eld. Keiji. Lauda. Oluo. Levi had occupied himself by saying the names out loud in his head. Hange was taking her sweet time, making sure to say a word of praise to every single person on the table.

That friendly gesture on her end only served to pull Levi back to the situation at hand despite his attempts to distract himself. Was she going to say anything about me? Was she going to apologize? Make peace?

He was on the other side of the table though, the farthest from her and Hange had gone for those closest first. He had to be patient.

After what felt like a lifetime to Levi, Hange only had four more boxes on the table. Two for herself and two for me. Levi thought to himself. Despite the tensions in the room, he found himself excited to be able to taste the delectable shortcake which he had been admiring in the underground, along with the black tea that despite the somewhat salty memories in retrospect still had the malty and bitter taste he enjoyed so much.

Levi chose the exact moment her hands went for the black tea to look up at her. To his surprise, she was looking back at him.

They were on opposite ends of the large round table and thus, the distance only made it difficult for Levi to realize that she wasn’t looking at him at all. It was as if she was looking past him.

At the window behind him. “Looks like it’s getting late everyone. We should get back to the barracks. I’ll keep these two for myself,” Hange said, sliding two of the boxes into her bag.

And the other two? Levi found himself asking silently. The discomfort he was feeling had him speechless.

As if to answer his question, Hange slid the two boxes across to Petra. “Petra, you really worked hard on that first aid plan today. We're trying to keep casualties to a minimum so that was really a great addition to the plan. You deserve something extra.”

“Ah… Thanks!” Petra answered. Levi noticed she had snuck an uncertain glance at him. Levi looked away, not wanting to influence whatever decision Petra chose to make. There was only one decision though that could have made Levi the least uncomfortable at that moment.

“Maybe you should share it with some family or friends?” Hange suggested. “You might know someone who would appreciate this. I heard It’s going to be pretty difficult to find something with this recipe from now on since they’ll be phasing out the shortcake. I heard they’ll be changing the black tea recipe too. It’s one of my favorite mixes so I’d be happy if as many people as possible got to try it.”

Hange could have been thinking about him or she could have been thinking about anyone in the general public. Levi though had erred too much on the side of the assumer.

He didn’t want to make that mistake again.

Passion Project

“To be frank, I don’t feel too good about having to approach you too like this. As a commander and as your friend, I trust both of you to do your jobs. As of late though, it looks like you two have been experiencing some bumps when actually trying to do your jobs. Care to explain?”

To Levi’s relief, Hange spoke up. He had no plans of being the first one to answer.

“What do you mean by… bumps? Erwin?”

It was as if Erwin had been ready to answer the question for a while. His approaching the desk and pulling out a wad of papers conveniently at the top of his drawer had seemed rehearsed.

“Let’s see here,” Erwin said. “I am still expecting a deliverable on the proto-type blades the research team has been working on… And Hange, why does your plan for the next titan capture mission involve everyone in Levi’s squad except Levi. “

“I thought Levi would have been busy with experimenting on the new blades so I didn’t want to bother him too much. Also... since I’m only expecting to capture one titan on our next expedition, I think his squad is more than capable of handling the titan capture without him.”

I wouldn’t have picked them if they weren’t. Levi had to note. He found himself a little amazed that despite the tension between them, Hange had given a pretty reasonable answer.

“And about the experiments on the blades Levi, have you been working on those?”

“Yes. Moblit and I have been working on them,” Levi answered, keeping his replies as brief as possible. He didn’t think he had Hange’s charisma to pull off such a reasonable explanation but he should at least be able to manage not making a fool of himself.

“And it looks like you’ve been working on them for more than a month,” Erwin noted. He looked to Hange. “Hange, How many trials do you need?”

“Just one good one. I only need to see Levi’s movements and positions when he slices the blades, I think that’s more than enough for me to see whether the new prototype can really be helpful to the average soldier.”

“Then why is this taking a month to do?” Erwin looked to both of them and Levi was somehow relieved that at least whatever fault they may be concluded to have, it would most likely be shared between the both of them.

“I asked Moblit to sketch it,” Hange answered with the same charisma and confidence of a while ago. If Hange had been talking to an idiot with that tone, she would have convinced them.

Erwin though, was no idiot. “Sketch it?”

“Sketch Levi’s position.”

“You mean draw Levi’s position in the air while he’s slicing the titan’s nape.”

Hange nodded. “Moblit is a very good sketch artist.”

Erwin raised one eyebrow and turned to Levi. “And Levi, how has that been working for you?”

“Moblit says I move too fast,” Levi answered.

“And that’s why it’s been taking you a month to do this?”

“I’m still trying to learn how to slow down.”

“And why can’t Hange see for herself the experiment?”

“She’s busy,” Levi answered.

Erwin rested his chin on his hands. “Oh, so you too have been too busy to coordinate yourself that Petra and Moblit had to do all the liaising for the both of you?” He took out the first two pages and slid the rest of the papers under them.

One crucial part of being a leader of his own team had completely slipped Levi’s mind as he played the silent treatment card a little too seriously. The paperwork.

“If I recall correctly, I told both of you to fill out these reports together. A lot of the technological developments in the survey corps are dependent on both of your performances after all.”

Hange and Levi both remained silent.

It didn’t look like Erwin was giving them time to defend it either. “Why are these both signed Moblit and Petra? Neither of you could make it to the fortnightly meeting I required of both of you? And neither of you even bothered to tell one another you couldn’t make it?”

Levi swallowed the lump in his throat. That had been an oversight on his end and as he looked to Hange to see that same panic, it turned out he wasn’t alone. Levi had asked Petra to handle the paperwork so he wouldn’t have to deal with Hange.

And it turned out Hange had done the same.

“Both of you are lucky you have subordinates who know both of your trades so well that even if it wasn’t signed by them, I still would have thought the both of you prepared it.” Erwin said as he fixed the papers neatly on his desk. “Except the handwriting part.”

It was an attempt at some humor to lighten the already awkward mood of the room. It hadn’t worked though. With how he felt, Levi actually felt slightly insulted that Erwin had mentioned their shitty handwritings on top of their inability to do their jobs.

“I’m seeing an issue of communication here and I think you two should be addressing it now. The next expedition is in three days and I don’t want any unnecessary deaths just because of some bad communication and failure to deliver on both of your parts. If I see another paper signed by Moblit or Petra--- or scratch that, anyone else other than both of you, any time in the near future, I will shred all the reports I have right now and I will ask both of you to redo it all.” Erwin paused for long enough to glare at both Hange and Levi. “Don’t test me.”

And with that, the short meeting was over. Hange stood up, gave a friendly greeting and walked out.

The door frame could have fit both of them. Levi though, had let Hange go first, not wanting to confront her then. Hange’s face had been unreadable and after that small rageful stint in the research lab a few weeks back, he realized there were buttons about her, he just didn’t want to push just yet.

“Levi, stay.”

Levi looked back at Erwin and mechanically moved back to his seat.

“Moblit and Petra already told me about what happened so I don’t need the whole story from you if that’s what you’re expecting,” Erwin started.

“What did they tell you?”

“What happened after the titan went loose and after her lab got destroyed.” Erwin shook his head. “But that’s not the point. As your commander, I’ll say this. You and Hange are two of the most valuable soldiers in the survey corps. It was your cooperation that got us into this standing in the first place and that’s why it’s in all our best interest that you two keep your communication lines open.”

Levi could only listen.

“And as both of your friends, this is what I have to say. You two are just going to remain as miserable as you are right now if you don’t fix this between yourselves.”

“Miserable? What makes you think I’m miserable?” He had already accepted long ago that it was making him miserable. What makes you think Hange is miserable?

“Maybe because you’re denying it right now?” Erwin said.

There should have been more to it than that. And the knowing look Erwin had given Levi then only added to his self consciousness at that moment. He noticed everything from the way his shoulders dropped, to the way he had leaned further into the chair and the way he had let his eyes fall to the floor below him. “And Hange? What makes you think Hange’s miserable?”

“She denied it too.” Erwin looked pointedly at Levi. “In this exact same way.”

Passion Project

Erwin had made sense. If that whole debacle with the titans and the cold war that followed hadn’t made him a little miserable, he probably wouldn't have entertained the prospect at all. Whether he could say the same for Hange, at that rate he didn’t want to assume.

The commander had seemed privy to both sides and it was he who decided the next plan of action to go about the rift that was created between the two.

Talking to Hange is easy. Proving to her that you still consider her a valuable friend is a little harder.

It was only through Erwin’s words did he realize how much of an arse he had been to Hange lately. He had played that little game of silent treatments since Hange had approached him about the titan capture mission. All he needed was Erwin to knock some sense into him before he quickly recalled everything, while a little more biased against his own actions.

And this is how you repent for this. Levi had to remind himself as he wandered through the woods. He wasn’t excited at all for the plan Erwin had laid out.

“Hange has been a little hyper fixated on getting a specific type of sample she wanted to work with. If you give it to her as a peace offering, maybe you could win back her trust?”

Maybe? It wasn’t a maybe. Erwin had proposed it in a way that it sounded foolproof. And Levi was starting to become a little more convinced that it might just work. Not just because of Erwin’s persuasion. Also because he was doing something that had been so unimaginable and so repulsive of an idea that he would have never done it if it wasn’t for the suggestion and the eventual prodding of Erwin. He probably would have tried any other idea first. But that was the idea left for him. He was desperate and somehow, he was clinging to the hope that Hange would see that desperation.

Most titans stay in the woods so keep an eye out for it. They’re usually on the ground next to the trees and they look like tiny cocoons. Levi was sure he knew what Erwin was describing. In fact, he had seen them multiple times before.

Maybe in this same forest. He had his procedural memory on his side. All he had to do was retrace his steps. As if his own motivations to talk to Hange again were spurring him on, he didn’t take too long to find one.

The cocoons were titan puke and they didn’t dissolve as easily as titan blood. Beneath those cocoons were half digested dead bodies.

But Hange doesn’t need those. She wants the digestive juices. Erwin had pointed out.

“The digestive juices and the spit,” Levi repeated to himself like it was some sort of mantra. He only ever wanted to do that once in his life and that only time he would be doing it, he needed to do it perfectly or risk having to go back.

He took out the jar he kept underneath his cloak and bent over next to the cocoon. He pulled his green cloak up to his face to at least protect himself from the odor that he was sure was coming.

The cocoon already had an odor, a faint ominous odor that only hinted to Levi that there may have been more of it underneath.

With one blade, he poked a hole into the cocoon, and ripped it open a bit towards the top. It was big for an arm to move freely inside without actually having to touch the shell of the cocoon. It wasn’t big enough to send the digested material spilling out.

The smell was horrendous and Levi felt tears spilling out of the corners of his eyes. Even with a first line of defense on his face, nothing had prepared him for the stench of rotting flesh mixed with digestive juices and a titan steam. It had his head spinning and Levi found himself teetering to a tree as far away as possible from the scent but still at least near enough to keep an eye on the cocoon.

He took a break and he made sure it was a quick one. He counted down two minutes to be exact. He only had ten to twenty minutes to finish this little project before a titan appears or worse, his squad starts to look for him. He had little time to waste.

He removed his cloak, folded it and wrapped it tightly around his face, covering all the way up to his eyes which were burning from the stench.

This wasn’t a test of courage nor was it a life threatening combat situation. As Levi got closer to the cocoon, he quickly memorized his surroundings before pulling the cloak up to his head. For that five minutes, he could spare his vision and his full range of movement. He could be as cowardly as he wanted to be.

But really, he would have rather been facing thirty titans at that moment.

Levi found himself having to talk to himself, having to coax himself through the motions just to be able to get his feet moving towards that horrible stench. All he had to do was feel around for the cocoon, dip the jar in, quickly put the cap over it, run away and the hell should be over.

“Levi, why are you here? And why are you like...” A voice rang out in the darkness.

The hell would have been over. It seemed like the devil heard his monologue and opened up another circle of hell.

“Hange?” He had attempted to say. The cloth had gotten caught in his mouth and it had ended up sounding a little more like a muffle. He had tried to enunciate the words a bit before the fold of his cloak got further caught in his mouth.

Levi should have godly balance with the amount of experience he had flying through the air, killing man eaten beasts. At that moment, incapacitated by the foul odor, the awkwardness of the situation, the embarrassment of being caught in it and the disorientation that came with having a piece of cloth tightly wound over his whole head, Levi lost his balance for the first time in years.

He fell forward with a big, loud and incredibly putrid splash.

“Hey! Are you okay?”

Levi felt arms around him before the putrid and mildewy smell rushed up his nose, taking his consciousness with it.

“Get yourself together!”

Passion Project

When Levi came to, the odor hadn’t left. In fact, it was more pungent that he could even remember and Levi had to bury his face on the cloak that was conveniently in front of him to stop himself from hurling whatever those odors were pushing out of him.

The cloak didn’t smell as clean as his own. Any smell though far enough from the one he had just witnessed was a good enough respite. The respite didn’t last long though, soon enough the scent did creep up on him and as Levi soon realized, the cloak had the beginnings of that same odor.

He was the one who smelled like it. That exact moment when the odor did rush through him into his nostrils and spread to both up his head and down his throat, the horse he had been riding broke rhythm and had Levi jumping in his seat.

“Stop….” Stop the horse. Levi felt the contents of his stomach quickly climb up as if the odor had pulled them out himself.

“Levi, you okay?”

Of course I’m not! Levi would have wanted to say. Before he could even ponder the ridiculousness of the question, his body took over his inhibitions.

The last thing he remembered before faded out of consciousness was the cloak in front of him drenched with his own personal cocktail of digestive juices.

Passion Project

“Good morning!”

It had been a week since they got back from the expedition

“I brought breakfast.”

And he had been waking up to that same view of Hange by the door since he started to get a better sense of his surroundings.

The breakfast consisted of bread and egg whites just like he requested. He had attempted a more daring combination of food when he first woke up, and the first night Hange had even tried to serve him black tea. The foul odor which still lingered like a ghost made itself particularly known through his taste buds. With the more daring food choices, Levi found himself facing a disgusting mix of rotten mildew and edible food which had him nauseated if not throwing up at just the first bite.

With the plain choice of egg whites and a piece of bread, he was at least able to placate that little ghost of an odor. He didn’t enjoy the tastes and the sensations which still stung at his throat and rushed to his nose in the most inopportune time. As Hange had told him though countless times since they got back from the expedition, he still had to eat.

He was halfway through the harrowing experience of chewing the bread when Hange spoke up.

“I looked into the samples you took and I think I found out why it smelled weird. To be honest, I threw up too when I opened the jar.” It was just like her to have a little lack of awareness at the fact that Levi was still far from recovered from the titan cocktail debacle and the fact that he was still eating when she mentioned it.

Levi willed himself to swallow the last morsels of bread. “You really want to talk about it now?” he asked, eyeing the plate of egg whites in front of him. The egg whites were starting to look less appetizing by the second. As if they were appetizing. Levi almost forgot how ‘appetizing’ actually feels like.

“We can talk about something else first,” Hange suggested.

Levi pushed the plate away. “No, go ahead.” He had lost all motivation to force the food down his throat. Somehow, the explanation for his one week of recovery that followed that splash into what could have been hell seemed to be more ‘appetizing.’

“The cocoon on top of the rotting flesh and organic matter, was the ideal environment for some fungi to grow too. And that pungent smell was released by the fungi when their vacuum was disturbed…” Hange started. “On top of the titan spit and the rotting bodies…”

Levi knew it was odd. Despite being his fastidious self, Levi had been exposed to enough disgusting things to have at least been able to stand the odor. He had been drenched with titan blood. He had been surrounded by dead bodies a few times. That odor shouldn’t have been enough to knock him out.

But it did.

The pungent odor was cruel. It lingered for days. In fact, even Erwin had sympathized as if he knew how horrible that smell had been. He had given him the week off after the expedition to get his life together after. It was Hange who had stayed in the room while he alternated between the bed and the bathroom. It was Hange who forced him to eat enough so he wouldn’t starve to death.

That week while he recovered from the ordeal of a head first splash into the cocoon juice, his life consisted of sleeping and showering and struggling to eat in between.

“Figures…” Levi said

“And for someone as obsessed with cleanliness as you, of course it would have made you a little sicker.” Hange paused for a second and her lips curled up subtly. “And you did dunk your head in.”

Levi blinked back the memory of that fiasco. It had seemed like a fevered dream then. From what he understood, he had flitted in and out of consciousness on the way back from the last expedition. There were voices discussing the logistics of transporting an unconscious yet stinky captain and one notable voice that had stuck out, so confidently volunteering to have him ride behind her. The only proof that it was anything but a fevered dream was that vivid memory of throwing up half conscious on Hange’s horse and the strong bout of embarrassment that followed. So strong that Levi felt the blood rush through his face just thinking about it. He ended up looking away. That was the last thing he wanted to recall then. He coughed. “Did you find out anything else from those samples?”

Hange shook her head, looking regretful. “Nothing much that could have hinted to the origins of titans. So far… It was all rotting organic matter. The cocoon had smoked when you opened up, which means if there were fluids from within the titan, they might have evaporated already by the time you got the samples.”

“So it was all a waste?”

“Not really. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that type of fungi in my life. Maybe I could study it in my free time,” Hange said. “And you can help by telling me all about your experience.”

That wouldn’t be an experience Levi would have been happy to recall. But if she were going to continue looking at him with that same wonder and curiosity, with that same wide smile and starry eyes, he might just comply.

He didn’t tell her that though but he didn’t reject her either. “Maybe…”

“I’m sorry. I never got to thank you for the samples...” Hange’s cheeks were a little rosier which only made Levi stare at that smile for a little longer. “I was planning on getting samples during that expedition but then I found you there... getting them for me… Why did you?”

“You like studying titans right?”

“But I know you don’t like that I do it. You hate titans and you’re a clean freak. And I was, studying them, enjoying it, making messes, sometimes endangering lives…Ever since before, when I started focusing more on titan research, you don’t visit as often and when I suggested we capture a titan, you kept ignoring me. It’s like you’ve been avoiding me. And with what happened in the lab... You told me yourself you didn’t want to talk to me anymore… So I didn’t expect this at all…”

Levi admitted, he regretted those last few words. But everything before that, those biweekly tea dates, those hours he spent just waiting for her in the lab. How could those have been interpreted as him not wanting to see her? “Weren’t you the one a little too obsessed with your research?”

Hange widened her eyes. “Was I?”

“All you did was coop yourself up in the lab, I had to be the one to take you out for baths, force you to actually spend time with me. How the hell does that make you think I didn’t want to hang out with you.”

“Because you always sounded angry when we actually talked.”

“Did I?” Levi had to concede, she had been annoying and frustrating and maybe he had raised his voice at her. And he did have to knock her out a few times to get her to bathe. But did he really have any other choice?

“You knocked me out to bathe me,” Hange said pointedly.

“Maybe because I thought you should take care of yourself more and Moblit has been trying to tell you that for years.”

“Yes I get that Levi but knocking people out actually does the complete opposite of self care. You could have asked nicely.”

“Weren’t you listening? Moblit has been asking you nicely for years.” Levi hissed. “I had to resort to that because you weren’t listening to anyone. If the titans were the ones who reminded maybe you would have actually listened,” Levi turned to her and narrowed his eyes. “Does your relationship with your squad mean anything to you? Does our relationship mean anything to you? Or is the only thing in your head just titans now?”

Hange’s eyes were wide with shock for a while. The realization he could make out in her face was enough for Levi to stop and wait for her response. Her expression was at least enough for him to want to listen to what she had to say next.

“Maybe you’re right… I’ve been a little too excited,” Hange’s expression softened. “It’s been so long since I’ve gotten this excited over something. When I see titans, I’m excited, when I see an abnormal die, I get angry. When I got Ilse’s journal and read through it, Levi… I felt something bubble inside me and I was ecstatic for days. Is this hope? Wonder? There’s so much we don’t know about this world… I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve ever been this emotional in my life and lately, I get so excited just waking up every single day. How would you describe this feeling?”

Hange’s words were stilted and it was apparent that she was talking while coming up with what to side. Her words were coming out faster than her mind was coming up with them. Yet at the same time, they flowed so easily and smoothly, like an unimpeded stream.

Passion Levi could only suspect one emotion that could do just that to people. And as Hange started to talk about the one thing that had made her so emotional, so excitable and so hyper fixated that past five years. When he saw the way her eyes wandered around the room, probably not focused on her surroundings but on the memories of all those creatures that had made her so excitable, he was sure she was seeing more colors and more sensations.

He himself was no stranger to it. The past five years, he had been more irritable, more angry, more frustrated. At the same time, he had been happier. Back then, when they had first met, he never did understand what kept her rambling on to other people about nonsense. But somehow, with the amplification of his own emotions the past five years, the sudden emotional investment he gave to specific things, he started to emphasize.

You have your passion projects and I have mine. Levi closed his eyes and looked away. The truths and implications behind that sentence had Levi’s chest hurting and it brought back the memories of his own fractured ribs from many years ago having been squeezed by a titan. His heart was hurting and the pain rushed all the way up to his mouth.

And Levi swallowed it back in as quickly and as violently as it had rushed out.

“Hey? You okay? You’re gonna puke again?”

“No,” Levi managed to answer. He wondered though if he had come out as a croak or as a coherent answer. He kept his eyes closed and detached himself from his surroundings, allowing himself one final reflection of what had rocked him so violently to the core.

The realization came after an eternity that could have probably only lasted a few seconds. She was his passion project. Somehow, he wished that he had been hers too.

When Levi opened his eyes again, Hange had pushed a basin in front of him, ready to catch anything that comes out of him. She was staring at him so intently, saying things about keeping it down, getting some rest but he hadn’t been listening.

He saw wonder in her eyes. He felt concern in her tone. And maybe, underneath all that, there could have been care, and possibly even passion. Do I make you feel the same way? Do you feel things with me that you don’t feel with titans? Somehow, he had managed to convince himself that the expression she gave him as they locked eyes, were only his to enjoy.

“I’m fine.” As quickly as that feeling clenched at his chest and pushed the bile up at his throat, it pushed it back down again and with it had placated that war that waged inside him.

“Hey, you scared me. I thought you were gonna get sicker again and go on those long naps again. The last time you ever slept that long was in the hospital.”

Of course Hange would know. She had been the one visiting everyday. “I won’t. Besides, you’ve been visiting everyday right? Don’t you have research to do?” Levi asked.

“Well, I thought I’d wait for you to feel better first. Besides, there are things I wanna test and I’d rather you were there with me.”

I thought I’d wait for you to feel better first. Levi found himself smiling. “Thanks for taking care of me.” For once, she had picked him over titans.

“Of course, you’re humanity’s strongest and we have lots of work to do when you’re out of leave. Erwin still needs reports on the new blades and we’re going to have to redo the titan capture strategy if you’re willing to help out…”

As quickly as the smile had curled up his lips, it morphed into a grimace.

“But first things first, let’s focus on getting you up to speed. Are you going to finish those egg whites? You’re not doing yourself any favors leaving it like that.”

With the right prodding, Hange managed to get Levi to swallow those egg whites in spite of her incessant and detailed rambles about her findings on that very unappetizing cocoon.

Passion Project

Levi did not doubt it. Hange did live with passion. He felt it as a tingle in his eyes when he would count the stars in her eyes as she reported the results of her research over strategy meetings and nights of cafe. He felt it as blood rushing to his ears when he’d hear her shrill screams from up on the wall as he proved another one of her hypotheses about titans correct. He felt it when his nose burned as he entered the lab, only to have to knock her out for another bath.

It was fairly obvious what had been breathing life and passion into her. Those feelings were all tied to one thing--- titans. To save himself the potential pain of expecting something from the unexpected, Levi chalked up her passion for titans as an inevitable truth.

Sometimes though, he was the object of her shrill screams or those stars in her eyes. In those few times, he stood corrected. And in those not-so-few occasions he was proven wrong, Levi was happy for hours, maybe even days.

“I wonder if you’ll still get this much praise if they find out how much of a neat freak you are.”

One of the few places Hange seemed to give him more attention than usual was the ride to the gates of the walls. It was that heavenly in-between. Hange was too far from her lab, yet still too far from the field to be considering titans. And for those few moments, sometimes he did have her full attention.

Just like every other time she engaged in a non-titan related conversation with him, it was music to his ears. Those moments always came as a welcome reprieve Levi wished would never end.

“Just beyond these walls is a world of titans…”

Just like all other reprieves though it ended. Levi used the view of the gates rising in front of him as some sort of distraction to her passionate tirade

“I wonder what kind of titans I’ll meet today...”

And once again, Levi heard the passion. That time in the music in her voice as she trailed off.

“I would really love it if we ran into an abnormal!” Of course, Hange played favorites even among her favorites.

“There’s an abnormal nearby already.” That little provocation from Levi had come up as something so casual and emotionless. Yet, Hange ate it up so quickly, Levi was sure that was where her appetite went.

“Really? Where?” Even within the confines of the wall, she was still looking for them. As if she didn’t have enough test subjects, samples and records within the walls to stare at.

And that train of thought in particular had Levi wheeling his horse a little closer to her, just to mess with her a little more. Maybe illicit some reaction from her.

“Over here.” I’m the abnormal titan. I’ll be the abnormal titan you’re so idiotically looking for within the walls.

Hange only returned his look with a confused one of her own. He looked for stars in her eyes or maybe a flush in her cheeks to find none. She just seemed utterly confused and unpreturbed and Levi found himself feeling a little disappointed in return.

Titans were disgusting. They were filthy. They were chaotic creatures. In that split second where he felt himself manifesting just a little the titans Hange loved so, he wished he were one of them, just so she could look at him, just so she could talk to him with that same sing song voice and scream at him with that same shrill sound.

“Soldiers ready!” Erwin’s voice rang out among the crowd, so naturally grabbing everyone’s attention, notably his and Hange’s.

His duty as a soldier was always priority though. As quickly as he had manifested that jealousy towards the titans, he forced it out of his mind. When Erwin demanded attention, those passion projects took a backseat, something he would only reserve a minute or so to ponder in between titan kills.

He had expected that expedition to be similar.

It turned out though, there wasn’t much mind space or emotional space to consider that passion project any longer. With the siege of Trost, the capture of titans, the 57th expedition and the quickly progressing chain of events that followed, the frustration at the unrequited feelings that came with his passion project had faded into nothing more than a regularly passing thought.

Hange never left. In fact, he was working with her more closely than before. Her projects, her experiments, her conclusions and her crackpot theories fueled by passionate research were just turning out to be more and more crucial with every development.

It was slow going and sometimes Levi did entertain that green eyed monster that would pay its occasional visit. With each turn of event and with each truth uncovered though, Levi did eventually have to accept the harsh truth that accompanied their reality.

Maybe, it was for the better that the titans kept their rightful place, the center stage of Hange’s little passion project.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

45 notes · View notes

daydreamindollie · 4 years

Text

𝟙𝟘.𝟘𝟞.𝟚𝟘 ⏤𝙝𝙮𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙛𝙚 𝙖𝙪

❥ hello again!

❥ so this is another imagine and possible multichapter fic/long oneshot inspired by an online manga

❥ it's called 'Milady Just Wants To Relax'

❥ so if any of you would like to give it a read - which I would highly recommend - please do :3

❥ this is unedited so please don't come after me about grammar and spelling, I just really wanted to get this out as soon as possible while I'm still inspired!

❥ Anyway~ I hope you enjoy!

✚ ✚ ✚

❥ you come from a family of mages. You're actually quite powerful with your magic but you're so powerful that many humans and other mages are seeking you out so as to try and convince you to work for them or do something for them.

❥ Some of their methods of requesting your assistance are pretty tame but there are also a considerable number that go beyond a knock at the door and a polite appeal to do something with appropriate, even outstanding, payment.

❥ Ironically, those that attempt to ask for the impossible rarely provide sufficient remittance.

❥ As a result, you and your family thought it best that you fake your own death and start a new life elsewhere, at a place where they themselves don't know so as to eliminate all potential risk of you ever being found again.

❥ You were able to successfully fake your death by pretending to die during a dangerous task that you were requested to do. Of course, since the people who 'asked' for the job to be done were the rudest, most disgusting people you had ever met, you didn't give them what they wanted by never returning to them and stealing what they were so desperate to have for yourself.

❥ It was the perfect opportunity for you. You delivered karma on those that deserved it whilst also acquiring the freedom you desperately wanted.

❥ Now, you reside at the border of the country, housing in a two-story, quintessential cottage where you are the host of a tea house on the ground floor, with the upstairs being your place of residence. It was a cute little place.

❥ The only thing that warranted any of your concerns was the fact that at the border, there is a lot of tension; there are multiple daily attempts at crossing the border by individuals or groups with intentions of invading the country.

❥ Thankfully, there was a group of seven hybrid mercenaries to patrol the border on a regular basis during times where attempts to cross over the border were the most predictable and opportune for the opposing side.

❥ So, although tensions were high, you knew you'd be safe, which only further expresses how ideal of a get-away place this little town was. Nobody would suspect you of being alive, let alone choosing to live in a place that was so dangerous should you have survived your mission.

❥ You had the hybrids to thank for the safety, however, it appeared as though those living in the town took their services for granted.

❥ Hybrids were fascinating creatures to you. With sharing the DNA of another animal, they themselves procure the strength of over ten men, enough to rip an ordinary human in two, even multiple, pieces.

❥ The majority of the population is led to believe that hybrids are, therefore, barbaric and dangerous and run away at the mere sight of them.

❥ Tales of the consequences humans face when mistakingly acting out against a Hybrid sends shivers down one's spines but you know better.

❥ At heart, they were still very much human. Their animal characteristics only seemed an additional accessory for them to utilise at will so it always irked you hearing people gossiping badly about them whilst walking around town. Many times, you hear of them being turned away at restaurants, cafes, bakeries, and many other stores.

❥ You can only guess that they have been wanting to eat proper meals at a decent place but end up getting turned away. Shaking your head at the behavior of ungrateful humans, you hope that the hybrid mercenaries pay your newly opened tea house a visit despite you wanting very little attention. Hence why your advertising for its opening was very minimal.

❥ Despite being a very gifted mage/sorceress and being part of a prestigious family, you had always wanted to live a normal, calm, and happy life.

❥ To get away from the attention, stress, and pressures of being a part of the Damiani family, you developed a hobby of cooking to ease your worries. It always left you in good spirits, following the instructions of new recipes step by step and having the food turn out perfectly well. It was like alchemy but much more enjoyable since you could eat it right away and savor in the sweet taste of your hard work - even if the food you made was savoury.

❥ Eventually, your hobby made you crave a simpler life where you owned a quiet, comfortable cafe with not a lot but just enough customers to sustain your living. A place where your customers found comfort as well as yourself.

❥ As fate would have it, you were granted that wish. Now you were no longer Elana Damiani, the gifted daughter of Fauques and Othelia Damiani, the talent of the century in magic, sorcery, and alchemy but (Y/N) (Y/L/N) the beautiful, young tea house owner that found residence in the small town of Raoluire.

❥ You couldn't be happier and so, you named your tea house after that sentiment, 'Happier'.

❥ It was a place that you wanted people to feel merriment because that was what it made you feel and you wanted to share that feeling with all that walked through your tea house's door.

❥ As soon as you opened up your tea house, you were more popular than you had ever anticipated but you suppose it was inevitable. Seeing the demographic of your regular customers, you quickly realised that they weren't there for the quaint and cosy atmosphere, but instead, for you.

❥ In truth, they were shameless in admitting the fact.

❥ "You're so beautiful, of course, I would regularly come here~" one of your regulars commented. He was the local baker's eldest son. You had, at first, assumed his regular visits were his way of starting a business partnership between you and the bakery. You had read about businesses sharing each other's profits through certain means that benefit both sides, in your case, it would be having the bakery's goods sell in your cafe as a way of advertising their products whilst their bakery spoke about your tea house as well as display posters of your business on their windows or walls.

❥ It would have been the perfect partnership but you suppose that that wasn't what had preoccupied their minds.

❥ The flattery wasn’t new to you so you handled yourself well enough around the flirtatious men vying for your constant attention. This attention, they had learned could only be achieved through ordering more food and drinks so that was what they did.

❥ Business at your tea house was booming as a result.

❥ However, that meant that you were always on your feet and didn’t have much time for yourself to relax and, possibly, read a good book. That was what you had really wanted after starting your new life - some peace and quiet - but you suppose a good business can’t be something you turn away.

❥ The only additional problem was the rotten looks some village women sent your way whenever you would go to the markets to buy fresh ingredients every day. You made an effort to dress as plain and dull as possible so as to attract less attention but that only seemed to make things worse.

❥ “Even though you dress so humbly, you’re as beautiful as ever, aren’t you (Y/N)?~” the baker’s son commented after directing you towards where they usually buy their supply of flour, sugar, and any other baking necessity.

❥ “Th-thank you,” there was nothing you could do but bashfully accept his compliment before heading off on your own once again using his directions as you avoided the sneers of antagonistic women around you.

❥ Of course, not all women were like this, many of the elderly favoured you actually. It was for your polite nature, kindness and thoughtfulness towards them. However, many times, they were also trying to convince you of your compatibility with their son or grandson.

❥ You didn’t give them a direct answer of rejection but you avoided that topic as much as possible.

❥ Nevertheless, despite the lows, there were also highs. Even though you were no longer the renowned mage/sorceress, you never lost touch with your magic, which you were grateful for, but that was only so running your tea house by your lonesome was easier.

❥ While you were tending to customers, your kitchen and utensils were occupied with cooking up the orders you collected at the front of house. It was then your job to finish the plating of the dishes once you made your way back to the kitchen again.

❥ Overall, things were going better than you expected. At first, you thought people would have begun suspecting you of being from a noble family as they always commented that your appearance and mannerisms rival an aristocrat but you supposed that was just mere flattery.

❥ Thank goodness

❥ It’s almost been two months and banter at your tea house was as raucous as usual. At first, it was an overwhelming atmosphere but you were quick to adapt to it.

❥ However, gasps of shock sped through the tables at the tick of half-past two in the afternoon. The second of absolute silence was curious but what was more intriguing was the sudden exiting of your customers. Their frantic escape was like a tidal wave that extended from a tsunami.

❥ “Thank you for the coffee, (Y/N), here’s the bill!”

❥ “We’ll see you tomorrow!”

❥ They had made their escape so swiftly that you were left still trying to process everything that happened in what felt like half a second. Shaking your head, you rid yourself of the stupefying bewilderment before turning around at face the doorway, where your eyes met those of a hybrid mercenary.

❥ “I apologise for your loss of business,” the wild cat apologised with little remorse, his voice monotone.

❥ It took you a moment but you’re eventually flashing him a wide smile, “Welcome to the Happier Tea House, will it just be you today? Let me clear up a seat for you.” you chatter happily, “Would you like to sit anywhere in particular?”

❥ As you tilt your head, blinking with smiling eyes at Yoongi, he was sent into a daze of astonishment.

❥ Were you really willing to allow a hybrid into your cafe? That’s a first…and with such a welcoming smile and greeting too. This had to be some sort of dream.

❥ “Um…sir?” you even addressed him so politely as well. Usually, greetings from humans were dubbing him and his kin as ‘savages’, ‘abominations’, ‘barbarians’, and the like. Not only that but you had to be the most beautiful human girl he had ever seen.

❥ “I’m sorry, once again,” Yoongi bowed and voiced with real guilt this time. Usually, he wasn’t bothered about his apology but made an effort to do so each time despite knowing the mistreatment he’d be faced with.

❥ “There’s nothing to be sorry about, sir. Let me go and get you a menu,”

❥ With a shake of his head and a wave of his hand, Yoongi pointed your attention towards a partially cold latte a customer had left in their rush to leave the vicinity, “It’s alright, I’ll just have that. What is it?”

❥ “I-It’s called a latte, I’ll get one made for you right away,”

❥ “No no, I’ll just have that one,” Yoongi then went and brought the mug to his lips and took several sips before flicking a gold coin at you with his thumb.

❥ Catching the coin in clumsy hands, your jaw dropped as you immediately went to protest, “th-this is far too much-!”

❥ “Don’t worry. My presence cost you your earnings for the rest of the afternoon. I apologise,” as you went to protest once more, Yoongi had already turned his back towards you and left.

❥ It was at that moment at you registered that he would be one of the hybrid mercenaries hired to patrol the border. It was strange how his tone was turned on its head after your greeting but you hope he’ll return soon so that you’d be able to serve him good food and drink properly.

❥ For now, you’ll have to deal with the leftover orders and cleaning up. Thankfully, your magic made the clean up much easier and faster. You thought your regular customers would be back after an hour, at minimum, however, you were proven wrong after the third hour had passed.

❥ It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing as you could finally get to reading a good book and relaxing in peace until the very late evening, however, it really made you think.

❥ Were humans really that fearful of hybrids? It was a ridiculous fear to have. The hybrid that had arrived that afternoon was very polite and even compensated you for lost business. It worried you the way they were being treated in this small town despite being the mercenaries that were responsible for protecting it.

❥ It took a lot of tenacity and self-restraint to take such discrimination and continue doing the job they were doing.

❥ Your heart ached with sympathy and admiration for the hybrid and his group but, as a result, you were filled with determination to serve them well should they ever enter your tea house doors again.

❥ “I could use some good food right now,” Jungkook groaned as the others made a sound of agreement.

❥ “But you know no restaurant is fond of allowing hybrids in through their doors, let alone providing their service.” Namjoon reasoned with a shake of his head.

❥ At the end of a hard day’s work, even though they can cook, they sometimes sustain injuries from being out on the field and so can’t cook for themselves. Additionally, even if they’re at their cramped home, they never feel truly safe as their hybrid senses are always making them aware of the hostility the townspeople have towards them.

❥ This was how they lived, even from a very young age so they should already be used to such treatment but that’s just never the case. It was undeniable, their desire to be accepted into society and treated fairly for once.

❥ “You know…” Yoongi’s voice cut through their grumbles of disappointment, “there’s a new tea house that opened a month or two ago,”

❥ “Oh yeah!” Jimin perked up, “Didn’t you already visit that place, Yoongi-hyung?”

❥ “Yeah, and,” Yoongi looked at their hopeful faces with a small smile, “I think the owner would be willing to serve us something,”

❥ It took a week until the cat hybrid arrived at your tea house door once again but this time with the rest of his team as well. Of course, the same scuffle to exit as quickly as possible and avoid the hybrids happened once again with your customers - thankfully, they all paid before leaving, shouting their goodbyes as they exited.

❥ “Welcome to The Happier Tea House,” you greeted right away, accustomed to the rushed exit of all your previous customers, “Party of seven?”

❥ It came as such a complete shock to them (well, except for Yoongi) that such a beautiful and young tea house owner was greeting hybrids so kindly without a second glance at your retreating customers. Truly, this was the first time that they felt guilt for causing a cafe owner to lose business because of their presence.

❥ “S-sorry about this,” Namjoon coughed as he blushed in apology, not expecting the kind smile directed at him.

❥ “It’s not your fault they decided to run off,” your eyes softened with an unknown warmth that Namjoon and the other six hybrids couldn’t take their stare away from, “they could have very well stayed had they wanted to,”

❥ After handing over some menus, you left them to chose what they wanted. Seeing as yours wasn’t a regular cafe, your menu was quite diverse and left you a reason to leave them to decide their orders for longer as you prepared a good book for the afternoon once more.

❥ With time, they finally gave you their order to which you noted down swiftly before making your way to the kitchen. You got their drinks ready for them first as you cast a charm to have your utensils cook their meals once again.

❥ “Here you go,” you set down their drinks with a smile as their curious gaze at you persisted.

❥ It was certainly a pleasant surprise to be welcomed with such open arms.

❥ “I can’t believe this,” Hoseok, the red fox hybrid whispered in awe, somewhat breathless as Yoongi nodded along.

❥ “And she’s so beautiful too,” Jimin grinned beside Taehyung and Jungkook who hummed in agreement.

❥ “We lucked out that she decided to make business here,” Namjoon agreed with a gentle smile weighed down with his fatigue.

❥ “I just can’t wait until we finally eat real food,” Seokjin’s dreamlike trance for the upcoming food was a mutual sentiment. It had been so long since they had a warm, home-cooked meal that could really fill their stomachs with enjoyment.

❥ It took you quicker than they expected but they were grateful, their stomach had been rumbling but they could also feel themselves falling victim to their fatigue and border on sleep as their exhausted bodies relaxed into your soft, wonderfully scented cushions and chairs.

❥ “I’m sorry it took so long,” you apologised with a timid smile. They would have assured you of being timely had they been in a better state of health but they were practically drooling just from the smell so you let them eat their meal as you smiled and tucked yourself away at the back with your book.

❥ Almost an entire hour had gone by before you were pulled away from the world your fictional book had confined you in.

❥ “Um, miss owner,” a bashful snow-coloured lynx called for your attention as he leaned against the counter separating the kitchen from the main area.

❥ “Y-yes?” you stuttered in surprise as Jimin gave you a look of apology.

❥ “I’m sorry but is it alright if my friends and I stay for longer? Most of them had fallen asleep,” he looked embarrassed but your reassuring smile made him awe at you.

❥ “Don’t worry, stay for as long as you like,” your eyes crinkled in happiness, “you’re all pleasant to have as customers,” you weren’t lying. They weren’t rowdy or flirtatious or ordered you around too much just to get your attention. They had manners and carried themselves like true gentlemen, the complete antithesis of how they were portrayed on peoples’ tongues.

❥ “Even so, we shall pay you extra for your stellar service and generosity,” Jimin grinned widely, placing several gold coins on the counter before making his way back to his teammates, leaving you no place to protest.

❥ With a sigh and a smile, you peered over the corner and smiled all the more at the sight you were greeted with.

❥ Even though the lynx hybrid had been awake and grinning moments ago, he was fast asleep now, leaning into a tiger’s shoulder as the black jaguar you had first met leaned into the sofa chair with folded arms beside them.

❥ It seemed everyone was asleep now.

❥ In an act of kindness, you went to your room and pulled out several blankets to drape over their slumbering forms. After doing so, you set about quietly decluttering the area using your magic. They had cleaned the plates of their meals, which made you grin because those were your recipes, and so you were smiling for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

❥ Thankfully the magic you used kept you from making any noise that would disturb their light siesta. This would be your thanks for their hard work out at the borders. And you would continue to thank them in this way every time they came to your teahouse.

❥ “I’m worried about the tea house owner,” Jungkook mused one day. Although refreshed from your hospitality and amazing food, he couldn’t help the worry plaguing his thoughts.

❥ “I agree,” Jin elaborated with furrowed brows and pushed down bear ears, further expressing his concern, “she is a young lady that’s not only polite and kind but extremely beautiful,” his comrades nodded beside him, remembering your external but also internal beauty, “she’s also alone in a town with many vicious men,”

❥ “She’ll need protection,” Hoseok suggested.

❥ “Our protection,” Yoongi nodded to everyone in the team before they all looked towards their canine leader, Namjoon, who laughed.

❥ “It’s not as if I’m going to say no,” he gave a nod of approval, “I worry for her too. She is in a vulnerable position.”

❥ “It’s decided then!” Jimin clapped in glee, eagerness bubbling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of meeting you again as soon as possible.

❥ “Let's not get ahead of ourselves though,” Taehyung reasoned as another concern fabricated itself in his mind, “we’ll have to be subtle about it or else she’ll lose even more business because of us.”

❥ With a sigh, Jimin nodded, “You’re right,”

❥ If they visit you too often, you’ll end up losing customers and profit. Yes they had the money to pay you compensation for lost business but you needed to interact with other humans or else you’ll end up isolated. Not to mention, they had their own patrols to make.

❥ “Subtle protection it is then,” Hoseok grinned, never one to let any negativity into his heart, “we’ll take turns watching over her from the background. One for every day of the week.”

❥ “Like undercover guards?!” Jungkook beamed in excitement, being a mercenary had been a delight at first but that thrill had died quickly with the unrelenting prejudice of humans.

❥ Protecting ungrateful individuals didn’t leave much excitement in Jungkook’s stomach. This, however, was an entirely new type of elation. He was protecting someone that cooked him good food, served delicious drinks, and draped blankets over him and his family.

❥ He’s sure all of them were more than willing to set their lives down on the line for the one human that had shown them the genuine kindness and acceptance they have been covertly earning for many years.

#.diary entry #bts hybrid au #bts hybrid imagine #bts x reader #bts poly x reader #bts hybrid poly #bts fantasy au #bts ot7

221 notes · View notes

does-it-need-saying · 3 years

Text

For the person who made life so much better this year, and who I’d most definitely be a complete mess without. I hope this helps close out your 2020 on a good note, and that you have the happiest and best and most amazing 2021 possible! This one’s for you @loupettes ❤️🐀

Sick Week

“So how long will you be staying here? A day? Two?”

“And by you, you mean we, right?”

The Doctor and Rose were making their way over to Jackie’s flat. After a rather shrill call about not getting a visit in the last month, Rose had been particularly keen on making an impromptu visit home. Although the Doctor still hadn’t exactly seemed to accept it.

“Well she’s your mum, Rose. You don’t see me dragging you along to every single one of my affairs, do you?” Rose stopped them in their tracks and gave the Doctor that unmistakable ‘are you being serious right now?’ face. The Doctor sighed, very much in defeat, and tugged on Rose to continue on. “Fiiiiine, we. I meant we. How long will we be staying here? A few hours?”

Rose rolled her eyes now, choosing to ignore that last remark. “A week.” And feeling a ‘but Rose!’ rising in his throat, she quickly continued on. “I promised her a week so we’re gonna be here a week. And if you make a fuss about it, I’ll up it to two weeks. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he gave in.

Of course Rose didn’t really care whether he was a willing participant or not, but she was quite happy to see she still had him wrapped nicely around her finger. So with an extra hop in her stop, she smiled at him, looped her arm through his, and moved to give him a quick peck on the cheek. But upon feeling a fiery heat on his skin, she recoiled back. “Blimey, what’s wrong with you?”

“Oi! I give into your exact demand and this is the treatment I get? You are a bully, Rose Tyler! Nothing but a mean and hurtful tyrant!”

Rose waited a minute to see if he had any more dramatics left in him. “You done then?”

“Mmmmmm… I believe so.”

Rose chuckled. “Good then, you big baby. All I meant is you’re feelin’ awfully hot there, practically burned me to the touch.”

“Am I?” the Doctor asked, intrigued enough to touch all around his face.

“You mean you don’t feel that?”

“Ahh, that’s just my fancy shmancy temperature regulation kicking in. How else do you think I could survive running around in this giant coat all day? Or did you think I was just that impressive?” he asked with a sly smile just as they arrived outside the estate.

“Okay, but that still doesn’t answer my question. Are ya sick or something? ‘Cause if you’re about to be passed out in bed again I’d like a little heads up. In case another dangerous alien invasion comes up, ya know?”

“If I tell you I’m sick does that get me out of staying with your mother all week?” Rose just crossed her arms at him. “Fine, fine,” he quickly conceded as he opened the door for her and followed her up the stairs. “I’m fine, though. Just something that happens occasionally due to the whole aforementioned temperature regulation thingy. Always good to know when it happens, though, so feel free to let me know when you think I’m ‘hot’ anytime.”

Rose could practically hear the grin spreading on his face, and she couldn’t help but smile herself. Though she was thankful she happened to be in front of him so he couldn’t see how extremely red her cheeks were now. “In your dreams,” she teased.

Following a few more flights of stairs and a couple pushes forward from Rose, the pair finally found themselves outside the flat.

“Any last words then?” Rose asked cheekily as she pushed her key into the lock.

“God help me,” the Doctor pretended to pray.

Rose just snorted back at him as she turned the key, but as soon as the door opened her attention shifted. “Mum!!! We’re here!”

“Well it’s about time!” They could hear Jackie shout from the kitchen and went to join her.

“Sorry Mum,” Rose tried to appease her with a hug, but it wasn’t quite working out.

“’We’ll be back in a week, promise. Just a week’,” Jackie tried imitating her daughter. “A whole bloody month it’s been! A bloody month without so much as a proper call to let me know how you are?! For all I knew you could’ve been dead! Or ‘ad joined some alien cult!!”

Rose just stood there, choosing to take all of her mother’s anger now rather than wait for it to inevitably get worse later on. Meanwhile, the Doctor stuck himself as silently as he could to the doorframe. He was certainly entertained watching someone else getting the Jackie-Tyler-Talking-To for once, evident by the smirk plastered on his face. Or at least he was quite enjoying it until an inadvertent snort escaped his lips and Jackie’s wrath was immediately drawn to him.

“And what do you think you’re laughin’ about, then? You’d think after that year you stole my daughter for, you’d be a bit more careful about keeping up with the visits! But no, you’re just as much an idiot now as you were then!”

The Doctor stood up straight now. “Jackie-“

“Mum,” Rose quickly interrupted him. “We’re sorry, alright. I’m sorry. Just got the dates a bit messed up in my head, but I promise it won’t happen again. Okay?”

Jackie took a hard look at Rose, then at the Doctor, then back at Rose. She let out her breath, and any anger she had left with it. “Fine, then. But for letting you get off easy, I want another day with you here. Patricia’s havin’ a party Sunday afternoon and I never get to show you off anymore, so I reckon you owe me that.”

“Yes, Mum, of course,” Rose promptly agreed, taking Jackie back into a now fully loving hug, while daring the Doctor to argue with a slightly murderous glare. Needless to say, he chose not to fight it.

“Well, then, now that that’s sorted,” Jackie said, taking a step back. “Anyone up for a cuppa?”

---

“You’re puttin’ me on! There’s no way you just happened to run into the Paul McCartney on Abbey Road!”

“All the things we’ve told her about, and that’s the one thing she won’t believe?” Rose sighed to the Doctor.

“It does sound a bit unbelievable, I suppose,” he defended.

“Not you too!” Rose laughed. “She’s bad enough, but you were actually there!”

Unlike the first few minutes of their reunion, the rest of the day was going by quite well. They had spent hours catching up, laughing, and just having the best time. Even the Doctor had quickly dropped his stubborn façade.

“I’m not saying it didn’t happen,” the Doctor continued on. “I’m just saying, if someone had told me ‘oh you know what we did today? We met one of those famous Beatles on the same road of their famous album cover all by accident’- without any of the context, mind you- I might not believe it either.”

“Ha!” Jackie gloated. “I knew there was a reason I still put up with him!”

“Mmhmm,” Rose hummed, deciding to take the loss. She slumped back into her seat as she accepted a sly smile from the Doctor before he took a bite of his chocolate biscuit.

“Mmm, this is absolutely delicious! Did you make these, Jackie?” he asked with his mouth full.

“No, they were a gift from Susan. She just opened a bakery down the road, she did. Great little place.”

“Well, give her my compliments!” The Doctor reached for another biscuit as he was still finishing off the first one.

Jackie sighed at him, noticing all the chocolate smudges around his lips. “Ya’ know there’d be more for you to enjoy if you ate properly.” She licked the tip of her thumb and pressed it to the mess on his face, only to be surprised with his burning hot skin. “Oh sweetheart!” she practically jumped on him, taking him in her arms. “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feelin’ well, love?! You’re burnin’ up!”

“No, Mum—” Rose tried.

“Jackie, it’s not—” the Doctor tried.

“Oh don’t you go trying to make up excuses. I don’t care what planet you’re from, a fever is never normal!”

“No, actually it’s perfectly normal. You see—” the Doctor tried again, but either Jackie chose to ignore him or wasn’t listening in the first place.

“Now listen, here,” she went on, getting up off the couch while pushing him down. “You’re gonna lie down right here for now and I’m gonna go make you some more tea. I’ve got a special recipe just for these things, works wonders! And when you finish with it, we’ll take you to Rose’s room to get a good night’s sleep. Rose, you can sleep on the couch this stay—”

“But Mum, he’s not even--!”

“Don’t you argue with me, little miss! You may be out travellin’ all of time and space, but I’m still your mum and you’ll do as I say.”

Once again, Rose slumped back in defeat. “Yes, Mum.”

“Good. Now, I still don’t know much about alien sickness, not exactly like there’re any books on it at the shops. But ever since that last time on Christmas Day, I’ve been stockin’ up, just in case ya’ know. So anything you might need, I’ve got it all. Vitamins, acetaminophen, fish oil, sugary treats, salty snacks…”

Jackie continued rambling on her admittedly quite impressive list as she made her way to the kitchen. Rose and the Doctor were left on their own, just staring at each other trying to figure out what they’re next move would be. But they were both coming up blank. They could take on Daleks, Cyberman, and even Satan himself any day, but a determined Jackie? Their only option was to let things take their course naturally. Of course, the Doctor seemed to be a bit happier with the situation than Rose. A few days of being fully taken care of for once? Maybe this stay wouldn’t be as bad as he feared it would be…

“…and of course loads and loads of tea, since that’s what seemed to do the trick last time,” Jackie finally concluded as she returned, setting down the fresh cup of tea. “Right then, I’m gonna go get some extra blankets for you. And Rose, why don’t you go tidy up your room a bit, yeah? It’s always a mess in there, make sure it’s all nice and comfy for when he’s ready to head in.”

“Yes, Mum,” Rose grumbled, getting up. And with all her willpower she refrained herself from giving a nice slap to the Doctor, who was almost begging for one as he waggled his eyebrows at her.

---

Over the next few days, the Tyler residence had slowly turned into more of a resort for the Doctor. Jackie and (begrudgingly) Rose started waiting on him hand and foot, tending to his every need. And the Doctor was certainly milking the experience for all it was worth. Though the first few days he wasn’t exactly sure how to deal with this sort of attention, it didn’t take long for him to learn exactly how to be, what Rose continuously and emphatically was calling him, a man baby.

Admittedly, Rose had become a bit jealous of all the attention the Doctor was getting. Sure, it wasn’t like Jackie had shoved her aside whenever she got sick as a kid. But she genuinely couldn’t remember ever having been so pampered- and that was including her bout of appendicitis in the fourth grade. Still, she did rather enjoy seeing her mum and the Doctor getting on so well. When Jackie wasn’t ‘nursing him back to health’, Rose would catch them gabbing on about some reality show they started watching together, or laughing over the latest estate gossip. She always did suspect they cared more for each other than they let on, and it was nice to finally know it wasn’t just in her head. Even if it did mean having to take care of that perfectly fine twat of a Time Lord.

Finally, though, on the fourth day, the Doctor’s ‘fever’ broke and the magic spell he seemed to have over Jackie wore off. As quickly as she had dove into action, she jumped right back out. The days of automatically full cups of tea, bed side delivery of whatever either of his hearts desired, and a completely nurturing Jackie were gone. And though he wasn’t exactly proud to admit it, it did take longer than he would have thought to return to self-sufficient life.

Not that that put any damper on the rest of their stay, though. The three of them immediately went back to having the same good time which was promptly interrupted that first day. Between movie marathons, wandering the town, a few competitive games of Monopoly (which Jackie somehow always won), and a load of chatting, there wasn’t a dull moment to be found. And when Sunday came along, it was actually the Doctor who seemed most excited to head off to Patricia’s party. His enthusiasm even seemed to rub off on Rose, who had grown tired of these estate get-togethers before she had even learned how to read. But it was nearly impossible not to have a good – no, great- time watching the Doctor fail miserably at limbo and pulling her to dance what seemed like every five minutes.

But eventually the party came to an end and Monday rolled around, bringing with it a sort of gloominess in anticipation of the Doctor and Rose’s departure. Where they all would have been sharing smiles and laughs just a few days ago, there was an eerie and awkward silence instead. Until finally the inevitable had come and they were all crowded together in the flat’s tiny hallway by the front door.

“Now, don’t go forgettin’ about me again, got it? I expect to see you two back here next week. And you better not be lookin’ 20 years older by then, either!”

“We’ll be back next week, Mum. And I promise I won’t have aged more than five years. Tops,” Rose tried joking.

Jackie gave a forced laugh, hugged her daughter, then turned to the Doctor. “And you- you better keep takin’ good care o’ her… and yourself.”

The Doctor only nodded in agreement, a small smile growing on his face. A week ago he probably wouldn’t have admitted to being touched by Jackie’s well wishes for him, but now he felt quite grateful for it. So when Jackie moved to give him a hug him, for once he embraced her back just as warmly.

“Well then…” Jackie started, taking a step back from them. But she couldn’t bring herself to actually say goodbye. And apparently neither Rose nor the Doctor could either as they stood in their own silence for some time.

“Ya know…” It was the Doctor who spoke up this time, scratching the back of his head. “I think we’ve got some more time on our hands. You were talkin’ about wanting to catch that special tonight on—err… the Arctic, weren’t you, Rose?”

“Mmm, yeah,” Rose caught on and quickly agreed. “I was just sayin’ earlier- remember?- how it’d be a real shame to miss it.”

“And I- ya know… if I head off alone I’m no good at getting out of trouble all by myself… So why don’t we both stick around an extra day?”

“Really?” Jackie couldn’t help but beam at the suggestion. Then catching herself, “I mean… if you want to… s’ppose I could reschedule dinner with Diane and Linda for another night- if it’s what you two would like.”

“That’d be great, Mum,” Rose smiled.

“Oh and I was thinkin’,” Jackie went on without missing a beat, already heading back to the living room. “It’d be awful fun to go down and take a ride at the London Eye! Haven’t done that since you were real little. Oh and then after that we could head over to Susan’s bakery and…”

The Doctor was just about to follow when he felt Rose tugging on his coat and turned to her.

“Thank you,” she smiled at him, and stood up on her tip-toes to give him a small kiss on his cheek.

“Oh don’t thank me, I’m just trying to trick you into owing me a favor for once!” he winked at her, then whisked himself off to the living room as well shouting after Jackie. “Oh! I forgot to tell you last night! You’ll never guess what Sid told me about him and Matthew!”

Rose took a moment longer for herself in the hallway as she listened to the two of them gabbing away. She’d had quite a lot of amazing moments over the past couple years, yet somehow this one week had blown them all away and she wanted to ingrain the pure feeling of happiness from it into her mind. Then, with a last little chuckle to herself wondering if she’d ever actually be able to pull the Doctor back to the TARDIS, she went to join them.

#heartfelt fluff #I hope you all enjoy!#sick week #original fic #dedicated to loupettes #I love you girl!#tenxrose #tenth doctor #rose tyler #jackie tyler #dw #doctor who

21 notes · View notes

keto-diet-corner · 3 years

Text

28 days keto meal plan reviews

The keto diet is becoming more and more popular in the community and health. Its popularity stems from the fact that it has been linked to a plethora of health benefits, including weight loss. This diet requires your body to use stored fat as its main source of energy instead of carbs. It is a low carb diet. Nowadays, more and more health risks such as obesity are caused by a sedentary lifestyle. It's no surprise that this diet is becoming a good choice for dieting.

In this article, we will focus on finding the answer to whether the 28 Days Keto Challenge program works or it's another useless weight loss program.

1. What is the 28 Days Keto Challenge?

The 28 Day Keto Challenge is designed by Keto Resource to re-regulate your metabolism to minimize fat storage so you can lose weight fast.

With a ketogenic diet, the body gets its energy from stored fat, and as a result you will notice a gradual decrease in fat intake. This is a very nutritious diet plan that includes everything you need to know when following the keto diet.

The 28-day keto challenge claims to help you see changes in your overall body weight within 28 days while also helping you lose fat.

The best thing about this program is that it is completely natural and when ketosis starts in the body, it will help you fight hunger in time.

In simpler terms, the keto diet will keep you from cravings, which means fewer calories.

The 28-day plan will equip you with all the best keto-specific recipes you need to get through the month without breaking the keto diet and you'll be amazed at how delicious the food is.

The 28-Day Keto Challenge gives you the basics of food science - from mastering macros to intermittent fasting styles to staying in ketosis - and cooking in the kitchen, with dozens of recipes. recipes for any time of the day.

The 28 Day Keto Challenge is designed by Keto Resource to re-regulate your metabolism to minimize fat storage so you can lose weight fast.

The 28-day keto challenge claims to help you see changes in your overall body weight within 28 days while also helping you lose fat.

The best thing about this program is that it is completely natural and when ketosis starts in the body, it will help you fight hunger in time.

In simpler terms, the keto diet will keep you from cravings, which means fewer calories.

The 28-day plan will equip you with all the best keto-specific recipes you need to get through the month without breaking the keto diet and you'll be amazed at how delicious the food is.

The biggest challenge of keto is the fact that the world around you doesn't really support it. If you've ever tried to eat out, sticking to the keto diet can be a big deal, and you'll likely inconvenience the friends and family you eat out with.

But the 28-Day Keto Challenge makes a unique keto diet a reality you can actually live with, with easy (and delicious) recipes along with the educational content you need to stay on keto. I keep active no matter where you eat.

2. Who is the 28 days keto challenge for?

You may be interested in the 28 Day Keto Challenge if…

You're looking to lose a few pounds and want a fun and new way to do it

You want to make major changes to your lifestyle and body, not just for the sake of weight loss, but for your overall health

You tried the keto diet before but couldn't do it because you lacked the right recipe and some basic tips

Your body is starting to feel unhealthy and you want a new and effective way to get your fitness back

You want to lose weight without feeling like you're on a restrictive diet and you want to be able to eat delicious meals and desserts without messing up your diet

You are interested in learning more about food science to enrich your understanding of food and your body in the long run, from macro diets to intermittent fasting

You've been on the keto diet before and you want a structured plan that works for hundreds of thousands of people

You want some really delicious avocado recipes!

Simply put, the 28 Day Keto Challenge is for anyone who wants to put in the effort and really commit to the keto lifestyle, even in just four weeks.

3. Pros and cons of 28 days keto challenge

Advantages:

According to a study, there are many benefits that you can enjoy with the ketogenic diet. These are as follows: reduced triglycerides, increase good, cholesterol (HDL), limit bad cholesterol (LDL), minimize blood sugar spikes

Easy to use and fits your lifestyle.

The expected weight loss is about 2-3 lbs per person, this is completely natural.

No need to buy canned and prepackaged foods, as you get detailed information about the meals you should eat.

This is a grain-focused and beam-based diet plan for natural transformation in the body.

Comes with a money-back guarantee.

Both nourish your body and help you achieve your desired weight loss goals.

Defect:

You cannot access the program without an active internet connection.

Only available for sale on the official website

4. What do you get with 28 Days Keto Challenge

4.1 10 Expert Guides

The 28 Day Keto Challenge consists of 10 different tutorials that cover different aspects of the Keto lifestyle. One book is about intermittent fasting and how it can boost your metabolism and improve your results, while another is about macronutrients and how to measure them.

Other books include

The Keto Diet Basics

The Keto Diet Basics, Including 13 Quick Tips and How It Gets Started

Eat Well on Keto

Your recipe companion for success. You get 10 breakfast, 14 lunch and 14 dinner recipes. You will receive two free dessert books (Keto Peanut Butter Treats & Keto Chocolate Treats).

Maintaining Ketosis

This is the most important aspect of the ketogenic diet. This guide offers helpful tips to make sure all your hard work doesn't go to waste.

Mastering Macros

Fat is just one of three important macros to measure. This guide teaches you how to achieve and maintain ketosis by eating the correct balance of fats, carbs, and protein on a daily basis.

Beating the Keto Flu: Your Guide to Getting Over the Inevitable Keto Flu as Quickly as Possible.

Intermittent Fasting: A quick supplement to intermittent fasting and its role in maintaining ketosis.

Social Situation: Probably one of my top three guides in the series. It helps you navigate outings with friends while staying consistent with your diet.

Delicious avocado recipe

Guide to Keto Supplements

This challenge sets you up for success by giving you all the information you need to know so you can only make informed and sustainable decisions in the future.

4.2 Tutorial from start to finish

When done correctly, the keto diet can lead to significant changes in your body composition. But when done indiscriminately, you may see an increase in bad cholesterol, which can be detrimental to your health.

Getting into ketosis is especially difficult, especially if you're doing it for the first time. With the 28 Day Keto Challenge, you feel more confident knowing you're on the right track. The program comes with a 28-day meal plan. It never feels too restrictive or too new, which makes it easier to stick with it.

4.3 Control the keto flu

The keto flu is a normal part of the keto diet. Some people face more adverse reactions when switching to a low-fat, low-carb diet, while others experience it to a milder degree.

Common symptoms include irritability, constipation, brain fog, headache, and fatigue.

So, if you've heard things about the keto flu and wondered how your body would react to it, the 28 Day Keto Challenge will guide you from start to finish, from flu to weight loss.

5. Where to buy 28 Days Keto Challenge

The 28 Day Keto Challenge is an online program by Keto Resource that is only available for purchase from the Official Website. Your account will be active as soon as your payment is successful.

You need an active internet connection to access the meal package and other program content.

6. Is The 28 Day Keto Challenge Worth It?

So, after reading all the reviews, is it a good idea to start the 28 Day Keto Challenge? The answer is yes!

The program is easy to follow and you get all the details you need to incorporate it into your lifestyle. With each step of the program, you'll get closer to your weight loss goal, which can make a significant difference.

Finally, the program comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee, and you can get a full refund if you don't think that's something you can try.

The article 28 days keto meal plan reviews first appeared on DUNOGE.

Check out the source of DUNOGE's article at 28 days keto meal plan reviews

#keto diet #keto #weight loss #sugar free #fating #reverse type 2 diabetes #ketotransformation #low carb

4 notes · View notes

sleephyjhs · 4 years

Text

You’re sleep deprived (REACTION)

[ requested / masterlist ]

KSJ

Your head followed Jin’s shoulders as they bounced up and down. Using his shoulders as a pillow wasn’t unusual for you. He had just told his 1000th dad joke of the evening; any other night you wouldnt have found them as funny as you did.

As his laughing slowed, he looked over to see you struggling to stop, “You never laugh this much at my jokes, what’s wrong?”

Between deep breathes, you struggled to say, “Nothing.. I can’t breathe.. I think I’m overtired.”

“You must be if you’re laughing this hard,” he couldn’t help but become endeared at your beaming, yet sleepless face, “how about we get you to bed? It’s looking late.”

“Hmm okay!” You giggled, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s broad shoulders. He hoisted you into his arms with no diffculty and hurriedly carried you up the stairs.

Without hesitation, after he’d tucked you into your bed, Jin wrapped your figure in thick blankets to shield you from the cold, and left you to sleep. Not of course, without leaving a warm kiss on your forehead.

MYG

You’d spent most of your morning relaxing in Yoongi’s studio at the company. He’d been working on a new song and was desperate to get your opinion on it. Just a few final tweaks and it would be done.

The night before, you’d received close to no sleep at all. Coming to the end of your first trimester of pregnancy meant your constant sickness was starting to fade away. But not quick enough.

Not being the type to disturb someone else, you suffered in the bathroom with your sickness until the morning. Now, your lack of sleep was finally catching up to you.

As Yoongi played you his new song, you couldn’t help but flutter your eyes. They ached just by being open, “Honey? Are you tired? Didn’t you sleep well last night?”

You weren’t surprised he didn’t hear you the night before, but of course, he could sleep through an apocalypse, “No, I was so sick.”

“Lay down there. Catch some sleep now.”

“No, you’re working on music and I’m just in the way. I’ll go sleep in the lounge or somewhere.” You argued, standing slowly to avoid inducing more sickness.

“Thank god for headphones then. Please, just stay. There’s blankets and pillows there. Let me know if you need anything,” knowing Yoongi was always prepared reassured you for the coming months. His presence was comfort enough.

JHS

Whenever you had a spare few hours between work shifts, you’d join Hoseok in the dance studio. It’s how you met, and so you’d often use dance to reconnect with one another after a long day.

However today, you were more exhausted than usual. Before you, you watched Hobi’s blurred figure compromise different movements as he counted out the beats. Your eyes couldn’t help but fall to the floor as your heavy eyelids covered them.

“Does that look okay?” He asked, but you couldn’t reply. You heard his question, but an answer didn’t occur to you until a few seconds later.

“Huh? Sorry..” was all you could mumble. With effort, you raised your head to look at Hoseok in the eye, and of course, he was clearly concerned about you.

“You look so tired, would you like to call it a night and get home?” You could barely manage to nod at his prompt, “Come on, jagi.”

He linked his arm in yours, gathered your coats and bags and lead you out from the company building and into the car park. To you, the short trip took what seemed like several weeks.

Hoseok cranked up the heating and handed you a blanket he kept in the boot of his car, “It’s always busy this time of night, maybe get some sleep on the way home? I’ll drive smoothly, I promise.”

KNJ

You followed Namjoon closely as he toured the bookstore. Equally, the pair of you both loved books, but you’d simply couldn’t find the energy to search for your next big read.

Namjoon read different blurbs to you and made his judging comments on each of them. Usually, his witty analogies of different plots and summaries made you giggle but in that moment, you’d have way preferred a bed to a book.

“You usually pick up at least a couple of books. What’s up, do you just not feel like reading?” Namjoon asked you halfway through your widest yawn that afternoon.

“Reading would make me even more tired but I don’t think that’s possible.” You muttered, linking your arm with his and resting your head on his shoulders, “I’m okay though, take your time.”

Although you couldn’t see, Namjoon’s eyes thinned as he smiled at your drowsy slur. His cheeks folded into dimples as he thought about how to help you.

He glanced at the selection of books he carried in his right arm, “We’ll get these and go, okay? You need rest so that’s what I’ll get you.”

PJM

Once a week, you and Jimin liked to take the time to cook together. Neither of you were particularly gourmet level, however your skills put together always made for an interesting meal.

Today, Jimin was in charge. He had found a new recipe to try and so to make sure things ran as smoothly as they could, you split the workload equally.

Midway through stirring together some kind of mixture, you began to feel a rare drowsiness filter through you. It was hardly mid-afternoon, surely you weren’t already exhausted?

“Go lay down, honey,” The slowing of your stirring must have told Jimin something wasn’t right. Any other day you would have known your unresponsive state would worry him, “I’ll wake you when it’s ready.”

“No it’s okay, I’m okay. There’s so much to do, you can’t do it alone.” You insisted, using the very last of your willpower to finish the stirring.

“Look, you’re virtually finished. I promise you, I can finish this. Let me surprise you, for once?” The joking pout he formed was easily enough to convince you. Jimin knew too well your soft spot for casual aegyo.

KTH

This was your first time flying privately with Taehyung and the boys. Their latest tour kickstarted in Brazil, and as you had never been before, Taehyung convinced his management to allow you to join them.

The whole crew of staff and members flooded the private waiting lounge and inevitably caused a gentle bustle of chat and laughter. You tried hard to focus on what Tae was telling you; the last you could remember he was explaining the concept of his new favourite album.

You hated coming across as though you were uninterested, but in reality, you were just exhausted. By knowing him a few years, you knew Taehyung didn’t like to be ignored when talking about something he loved, and so trying to regain attention was your main priority.

“Are you listening?” Taehyung whispered into your empty ear (the other filled with the melodies of obscure music). His soothing, deeper voice certainly didn’t help your drowsy state of mind.

“I’m trying, I really am. I’m just exhausted Tae, that’s all.” You worried that your apology would sound like a lazy excuse, but instead, his covered arm slipped around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest.

“We won’t leave you here, I promise. Take a quick nap, and then you can get some good rest on the way there. Sound good?”

His raspy voice still sounded better than the music he played you, “Sounds good.”

JJK

If there’s one thing you knew for certain about Jungkook, it’s that he hates to lose. Which was unfortunate for him, as you also hated to lose. Playing video games was dangerous for you two, as you were both as competitive as the other.

Despite this, you, without fail, managed to hook him up to a different games console in his spare him and thrash him at any game he liked. Most of the time, he chose Mario Kart, as he considered himself to be the better driver.

After several rounds and several losses from both of you, you decided to hold a tie breaker match. It would hardly be 3 minutes; it couldn’t possibly impact the exhaustion you already felt.

What you’d failed to tell Jungkook was that your longer shifts this week were finally beginning to catch up with you. It would hurt you to turn down his end-of-week gaming tournament.

“Y/N, did you hear me?” He placed his hand above your knee in hopes to gain you attention a different way, “Would you like to call it a tie this time?”

“What? No, no. It’s okay, let’s go.” It wasn’t okay, another minute really would be pushing you but you were still determined to beat him nonetheless.

You unintentionally zoned out again, and to break your daze, Jungkook swept a blankets around you and plumped the pillows on your other side, “I promise you we’ll rematch when you wake up. I also promise that I won’t let you win.”

( i changed your request a lil as i found it a bit difficult to vary in plots, but i hope this is still okay! )

420 notes · View notes

peace-coast-island · 3 years

Text

Diary of a Junebug

Fireworks, paper lanterns, and glittering stardust

The Sea of Lights is so beautiful! Lanterns and fireworks decorate the sky like constellations, little specks of stardust scattered about. I enjoy taking the time to craft a lantern, make a wish, and watching the lantern float away until it's nothing but a little speck in the sky.

Prepping for the Sea of Lights was a lot of work. Once again, the camp has held the honor of hosting a big event so naturally, we had to go all out. Luckily, we have some friends helping out with the festivities - two who happen to be a part of the committee.

Rika and Elowyn have been part of the Sea of Lights crew since last year so they pretty much know how to make the festivities a hit. Alma and Milana aren't directly part of the crew but they've been to the festival a few times so they were also able to chime in.

Elowyn hopes to get the couple to volunteer for next year but since they have to do a lot of work for the annual cherry blossom festival at their hometown, I don't think they're too interested in helping run another big event. Let's be honest, Alma and Milana are mostly here for the food - I mean, who isn't? That, and also the fact that they're finally visiting the camp after all this time!

Things have been pretty much the same at Corentine, well for the most part. Alma said there's some new guy who's been scouting the outskirts of the village due to rumored abnormal supernatural activity. It's not unusual for them to have strangers walking around these areas though it's frustrating for everyone - especially the stranger - when the mission's unclear. Despite suspicions nothing's been confirmed so the poor guy's been scouting the woods for weeks with absolutely no progress or direction. And since he's gonna stick around for a while, the town council insisted on providing him a place to stay so he's staying in Alma's old room.

Rika hasn't had too much of a chance to get to know the guy but from what she and the others learned, he acts all tough but gets startled easily. Knowing these girls, they've been messing around with him quite a bit. Alma says he's cool, probably a bit shy and prideful, but once his guard's down he has a good sense of humor. Milana wants to use him to test out her latest contraptions as she's in need of a newbie to critique her inventions. RIP (or good luck?) to the new guy.

Alma and Milana are enjoying their new house, which is only about five minutes from Alma's family house. They both figured that now they've been married for over a year, it's probably time to leave the nest and finally give Alma's father some peace of mind. However that still doesn't stop Alma from using him to occasionally get away with chores. Milana says that if Alma keeps this up, they might as well hire him as a housekeeper and pay him by the hour. Then Alma promised that she'll try to do her share of the chores so they could instead use that money to either dine out in a fancy place or go on a fun vacation.

There's never a dull moment with these two. They can be a bit much, especially when you throw in Rika, Elowyn, Emerald, Jade, and Kei into the mix. It's been forever since I've seen the latter three - last I've heard, they joined Rika in Jamie's entourage for a bit before it disbanded. I think all three transferred to Seashore Path so I guess Emerald and Jade probably graduated or will be soon by now while Kei's probably got another year to go.

Rika's been working on some new projects, teasing us as usual. They're always up to something. As of last week Rika now goes by she/they, which feels right for them. The elders are a bit out of touch but they try to be supportive. Ojiichan started complimenting Rika by saying they look gnc af and now all the other elders are saying it, which is sweet! The big mystery though is who taught Ojiichan that and whether or not he fully knows what it means. Still, it's nice to hear how supportive everyone is.

They have also taken up pickling veggies, which sounds kinda surprising but isn't at the same time. Given how much she loves kimchi, it makes sense that she'd want to make her own. My mom sometimes makes her own kimchi and she says it can be a hit or miss. It also looks like a lot of work so kudos for Rika for being successful! It also takes some patience and even then you never know how they'll turn out until they're ready. They plan on doing beets next. After that it's daikon and carrots, and then garlic - all which sound good.

As for the kimchi, it's great! They like it super spicy though so I was only able to eat a little bit before I couldn't handle the heat anymore, but it's tasty. The veggies are perfectly crisp and it's not too liquidy and salty. Rika plans on refining the recipe as well as make a mild version for those who can't take the heat - she means a weakling like me - which is something to look forward to, Buuut Rika's definition of mildly spicy and mine's is probably very different so either way I'll be chugging a lot of water or tea between every bite.

Rika's also been helping Elowyn start her own Patreon, which is exciting! A friend's friend of theirs is also gonna launch a Patreon too so I'm gonna keep an eye out for that as her work seems interesting. The friend had just moved from Japan a few months ago and she's an artist who has an ongoing manga/webcomic about a high school girl who becomes bonded with a young ghost whose job is to keep order between spirits and mortals. According to Rika and Miki - who knows her as well - the story's inspired by true events that happened to the author.

The premise sounds interesting and an english translation by a friend of hers who also serves as an editor/beta reader is usually uploaded the day after so when I have time, I'll definitely read it. From first glance, the art style looks nice so I'm intrigued. It definitely has the vibes of a deceptively cute and lighthearted story that's complex and tragic underneath. The manga's ongoing and usually updates twice a month.

Elowyn's also gonna be in a short fantasy murder mystery film directed by her brother called The Scythe. A few weeks ago she appeared in a music video as a backup dancer for Avery Ronnie. In between gigs Elowyn practices magic with Rika by going on various missions. Though Elowyn says it's no different than being an unpaid intern, except with an increased risk of dying and things going terribly wrong.

Rika and Alma are alike as they're hard working but also kinda lazy. Without prompting they can accomplish something cool and badass but ask them to pick their things up from the floor or do some cleaning around the house and they'll make up some excuse. We roast them for it but at the same time we get it - and it's not like they can't take care of themselves but sometimes they do need a bit of prodding. Both also have this charm that let them get away with it half the time so it's kinda on us too.

We've been hard at work setting up the stalls and decor as well as making lanterns and planning out the fireworks show. To our surprise, Rika and Alma have been pulling their weight, though I think bribing them with food helped with that.

Rika got some glittering stardust from a friend and wanted to put that to good use by adding some spark to the lights. We tested out the fireworks with it and it produced some dazzling effects. Problem is that glittering stardust is super flammable so we have to be super careful. So that's why I left fireworks duty to Rika while the rest of us kept our distance.

Making lanterns was a lot of fun! A while back Pai and Connie sent me a lantern they made for a similar festival in Bonsai Harbor. Apparently the two really got into making lanterns so they started giving away a bunch of them to friends.

Yeah, I think we also kinda went overboard with our lanterns. But they're so much fun to make! Well, I could just give them away too - I know a bunch of people who would love to have a souvenir from a festival. I'm gonna keep a bunch to decorate the camp and cabin when we're in a festive decorating mood. As for the inevitable surplus - I'll figure that out later.

The fireworks and lanterns were easily the highlights of the night, second to the food. Thankfully there were no incidents with the glittering stardust - we did a bunch of test runs to make absolutely sure that there's no chance of the lanterns and fireworks colliding to create a possibly catastrophic explosion as glittering stardust is dangerous around anything that involves flames.

(I mean it turned out to be a great idea, but why the hell did we take such a risk by using flammable stuff around fireworks? Then again, it's Rika and when they overlook something, we tend to follow suit too because it's too easy to get caught up and carried away. It's not our fault that she makes it easy to get away with a lot of dangerous stunts - but it all worked out for the better so it's good.)

Being surrounded by fireworks and lanterns, I feel light on my feet. Wishes floating up in the sky, finding their way into the black night sky. I wonder how far will the lanterns fly before their lights go out.

I wonder how many wishes were released throughout the night.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

1 note · View note

naancypants · 4 years

Text

Reparations

(Ao3) | 1,528 words

---------------------------------------

Things for the Claw Crew have been less than ideal lately. The Marvin Empire is pulling Bess farther and farther down an uncharacteristic road of ladder-climbing and cold, uncaring business deals. George & Nick are on the outs because of an ongoing emotional disagreement. Now, to top it all off, an angry spirit named Camila Carmody is vowing to make good on George’s old blood bucket curse by claiming her life before midnight.

Enacting a ritual to capture Camila’s vengeful spirit for good is the only way to ensure that she will never terrorize another soul in Horseshoe Bay again. Nancy and her friends are all stationed at different areas of an abandoned hospital by the ocean, preparing to do just that.

As soon as Ace shuts the slotted storage room door behind them, Nancy sinks to the ground with a pointed heaviness. “Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse - here I am! Hiding in a closet because we’re going to kill an angry sea ghost that’s after.. my friend’s.. blood.”

The way her tone quiets down at the end of her sentence reveals to Ace that there is more beneath the surface she wants to say. He drops to the floor next to her and patiently waits to hear what she is thinking.

“First my dad got arrested. Then my dad wasn’t my dad. Then my dad was Ryan Hudson... and then my boyfriend died. And now that I’ve finally had enough time to process everything, I thought it would start to feel better and yet it doesn’t. I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. What am I doing wrong?”

“...Do you want me to answer that question?”

Nancy lets out an incredulous huff, causing her strawberry blonde curls to bounce a little with the movement of her shoulders. “At this point, I’m open to suggestions.”

Ace takes a moment to decide how best to put what it is he wants to say, then states in a soft tone of voice, “I think you’re bein’ too hard on your dad.”

Without missing a beat Nancy breathes out a sardonic, “Which one?”

“Both.”

Another silence envelops the small room.

“...But especially Mr. D.” Their eyes meet, and Ace is struck by her surprisingly calm demeanor; one that quietly urges him to elaborate.

“You know he raised you. He took you in when he didn’t even have to. All that means nothing now that he kept one secret from you?”

“Yeah, well it’s one hell of a secret.”

“You keep secrets, too.”

“None like that! I mean that’s - that’s my entire life.” There’s a certain quiver to her voice, a fleeting break in her usual stoicism that Ace can only imagine she hates to hear from herself. Without giving much thought to the action, he places a comforting hand on her knee.

“Everything he does is for you, Nancy.”

He looks over at her with as relaxed a face as ever. The next words fall lithely out of his lips, “People are gonna disappoint you. Don’t hold it against them.”

An unsettled feeling begins to claw at her conscience. She knows who she is - strong-willed, determined, and stubborn as an ox when it comes to admitting her pride - but she also knows who Carson Drew is. Kind, compassionate, and far more forgiving than she could ever deserve.

So then why does she still feel so indignant, as though she has been wronged and betrayed by the one person she had always trusted the most? No, she isn’t ready to forgive him.

But when will she ever be?

While Ace is looking away she examines the vaguely-lit angles of his face, contemplating. She breaks the tension with a lighthearted quip. “Well you never seem to disappoint me, Ace.”

A small grin forms on his face as he glances back at her, this time holding her gaze for more than a few seconds.

Suddenly the walkie-talkie in Ace’s back pocket crackles to life, and this time, the glance they exchange is out of mutual understanding that it’s time to take action.

------------------------

Hours after a successful mission, the crew is gathered at the Claw as per their usual habit of unwinding after a day full of chaos; the clock, however, is going on 11PM and everyone - especially poor George - is exhausted. Nancy watches with wistful eyes as Nick slides George’s arm across his muscled shoulders, acting as her literal and metaphorical rock in spite of everything they’ve been through. They amble their way out the back door as Bess exits through the front, Ace having silently taken on the task of finishing up the closing process for the Claw.

As the only other remaining soul on site, Nancy slides into a bar stool with hands folded in front of her. “Hey. I, uh, didn’t get to say it before, so thank you. For listening.”

Ace glances up only briefly as he finishes loading a storage cart with wine glasses, “Yeah, no problem.”

Her eyes follow his frame as he places the cart on top of another inside a lower cabinet. He slides the door shut with a single swift motion and wipes his hands on a dish towel. The quiet atmosphere is rather nice, Nancy finds. Peaceful - but she knows that its existence is only temporary, at least until she crafts another sentence to fill it with.

“I know I have a tendency to get stuck in my head,” she starts, “And I know how much it... pushes people away. I’m just having a hard time reconciling who I thought Carson was with who he turned out to be,” she observes Ace’s soft expression as he steps up to her spot at the counter before bitterly finishing, “A liar.”

The silence that follows would have been bearable if not for the fact that her words cause him to be noticeably disappointed in her, as evidenced by the way he shifts uncomfortably when sliding his hand into the back pocket of his jeans. He pouts his lips for a moment and looks down at the counter. “I don’t really think that’s fair.”

She starts to protest, but decides against it. Her mouth closes and she lowers her face, trying in desperation to ignore Ace’s gaze boring right through her.

“Your father’s a good man. He deserves to hear it from you.” Ace says simply. The words are so haunting that the same unsettled feeling from before returns in full swing, this time leaving an icy chill in its wake.

All she can do is stare at him in awe, though it’s a sentiment she manages to keep blanketed under an impenetrable facade.

His eyes only linger for a moment before he turns and disappears into the kitchen, from where Nancy eventually hears the back door.

She sits unmoving in the dim restaurant for longer than is perhaps necessary.

------------------------

At some point she picks up her keys and closes the Claw behind her. On the drive home, Nancy begins to wonder what her friends are doing at that moment - how they are coping.

George is wrapped up in a blanket, safe and secure at home. Nick has still not left her side, offering up a hot herbal tea from Victoria’s recipe book and sitting with her in front of the fire. He drapes a gentle arm around her shoulders, relieved to finally have all worries of danger and arguments forgotten & behind them - for the time being, at least.

Sitting at her vanity table at Aunt Diana’s, Bess numbly traces a finger down the multiple scars she acquired tonight and inadvertently smears blood along with the removal of her makeup. Bess’s internal struggle has only been worsening; that inevitable divide between the family she has always dreamed of and the cold, steely disposition that comes with being one of them.

At last, breaking through her thoughts, Nancy arrives home.

As she steps into the entryway the first thing she sees is Carson Drew dropping a stack of papers onto the dinner table. In addition to a teal button-down, he also wears the same resigned, dejected expression that has become his default since the truth about Nancy’s parentage came to light. Carson has more or less bound himself to a vow of silence so as to maintain the fragile peace between them. Watching her dad move so lifelessly, with Ace’s words echoing in her head, it dawns on Nancy how completely and unacceptably unfair that is to him.

When he takes notice of his daughter’s presence across the hall, he is able to identify the prick of tears in her eyes, but says nothing.

Neither does she.

Rather than exchanging words, Nancy feels safer exchanging an embrace. In an instant she has closed the distance between them, arms wrapping around his midsection as though her very life depended on it. It surprises her how quickly he manages to reciprocate the action, despite being caught off guard by it, gripping her tightly with an overwhelming abundance of love and affection that surpasses any mistake she could ever possibly make.

#nancy x ace #nace #cw nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nancy drew #my writing #PLEASE #I NEED ace to be the catalyst for getting her to forgive carson #I NEED IT LIKE THE AIR I BREATHE #THANK YOU BECCA FOR PROOFREADING AND OFFERING YOUR AMAZING SUGGESTIONS

47 notes · View notes

thebookofus-depravity · 4 years

Text

Skinny Bone Jones

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 coming soon!

9k words

This is my baby Park Jaehyung and an AU in which y’all are dealing with the coronavirus together in LA. Jae grew up with Y/N and you were childhood friends. You stayed close but haven’t seen each other in ages. Now you’re both back.

Teeth rotting fluff, possible smut in future chapters (lets see if I have the balls to post it), Y/N has a strong proclivity for a certain guitarists hands. And honestly, who can blame her? TW: Confrontation with a nasty old ex, Coronavirus, Quarantine, overbearing parents.

...

This fucking sucks.

Closing your laptop, and shoving it off of your lap to the side of your bed, you are struck by exactly how warm the underside of your Netflix Machine was in contrast to the chilly room. Well, 3 hours of To Catch a Predator in, and sure, your old 2011 Dell dinosaur is going to be a little mad at you. I've got to do something today. Anything.

Week 3 of your quarantine is coming to a close and on this breezy LA Thurs-Fri-Turday (who the hell knows anymore) you can feel the last tendrils of your sanity escaping with the setting sun. It just doesn't stop setting. And rising. And setting. And rising. Tortuously slow some days and before you can even get out of bed the next. Not that you get out of bed much.

Alright. That's it. I'm gonna do something. I have to. It's time to make some art, bake some cookies, go for a run, tell someone around me how much I value them, topple the patriarchy. I am going to get up and do something with my life and damned if I get in my own way again. I am unstoppable. I am formidable. I am inevitable.

Rising from your rumpled bed clothes with the steadfastness of a slightly anemic Viking (whoa I’m woozy, I shouldn't have stood up so fast. Shit, when's the last time I ate?) you cross to the large bay window that faces the street. You throw your curtains open, ready to face the day, only to be faced with… stars starting to twinkle at you out of the inky blackness. Dammit. I'm gonna have to defeat systemic oppression tomorrow.

Squinting from behind your glasses, you see that the stars are not stars at all but helicopters blinking down at you. You haven't seen real stars since your trip to Big Sur last summer. Although you moved to LA when you were 7, you have vague recollections of the Korea that you loved as a young child. Your parents had picked up and moved to the States after years of struggling through VISA's and citizenship red tape. Your mom and dad had originally meant to get married and have you in the US. The land of opportunity.

You now chafed slightly under that blanket of opportunity as you are far too aware of the responsibility you have been given to make the absolute most of it. From the ripe old age of 8 you had been conditioned to follow your dreams to their fullest. As long as those dreams were to become a doctor, lawyer, or marry a CEO. Your parents cared about you greatly and you knew that. They only want security for you, happiness comes from security. Now 25, you can't quite remember the last time their overbearing nature had been quite this...potent. You were in your final year of medical school at USC and there was nowhere to run. It was time for you to begin your foray into the 'real world' of residency. The same post-undergrad 'real world' that you had watched all of your non-premed friends crash land into. They had all distanced themselves from you, both figuratively and literally; intentionally and inadvertently. Divorced, Beheaded, Died: Divorced, Beheaded, Survived. You had watched you friends get married, have kids, sabotage marriages, buy houses, do well, do poorly. And here you were in some kind of bubble both safe and isolated from all of the uncertainty beyond the classroom.

Jokes on you, Jessica, now we're all screwed, you find yourself thinking for the upteenth time over the past month. You had been watching the Coronavirus since December and knew exactly what was to come. You did all that you were capable of as a not-quite certified medical professional and tried to convince people of the reality of the threat, convince them not to panic, and to exercise a reasonable level of preparedness. Well, that didn't work. You found yourself sunk into a deep well of frustration and futility at the action and inaction that was being exhibited throughout the States. For the first weeks of quarantine you found yourself glued to your phone, helplessly watching the tragedy unfold and the stupidity that was ensuing. By week 2 your empathy had burnt out and you knew you couldn't watch that world anymore. K-drama's it is. After completely obliterating Crash Landing on You, Itaewon Class, and rewatching Descendants of the Sun for the eighth time just because it's so. damn. cute!, your parents started to get a little concerned.

Your stomach growled and you realize you, in fact, haven't eaten since early this morning. As you consider what the consequences of emerging from your cave of a bedroom might have, you resign yourself. Five minutes later you are hovering in the kitchen with a bowl of leftover whateverthefuck in hand, you turn to see both of your parents at the bar stools staring at you with a look of concern that you haven't seen in years. Shit, I keep forgetting, they think I'm functional. Your parents had shipped you off to Health Careers College Prep school, a boarding school in Sacramento, when you were 16. Upon graduation there with your high school diploma, nurses aid, and dental hygienist's certificates, you immediately started at USC premed. You hadn't lived at home since your Jonas Brother's phase. As much as your parents loved you, they didn't really know you. This had been overwhelmingly obvious when the USC campus closed and you returned home to open arms and your bedroom frozen in the clutches of 2009. Your parents had welcomed you home with tearful hugs and a new gift for your room. I know how much you love that Kevin- boy. And your room is so old. Come. Come. Already wary and wondering who the hell is Kevin? you allowed yourself to be led to your old room and set your bags down with a deadened thump. You tried so hard not to laugh, You really did. They're trying so hard. But like, Where did they even find this monstrosity? You had been staring up at the largest poster of Kevin Jonas that you had ever seen every night for 3 weeks and it was starting to get to you.

Regardless of the decor (purple fuzzy lamp shade included), there were so many parts of living at home that were so foreign to you. Although everything was completely the same, you were worlds different and it was disorienting. Your bed seemed smaller, the walls shorter, the colors dimmer. Everything that made that house your home was still there, only you had changed. It was like you were in a coma and had just woken up, the rest of the world unchanged but with 10 more years under your belt. Your therapist would tell you that you were reverting into a childlike state because of trauma and surroundings. Hush, Mollie, I don't need that right now. I need food.

Food was honestly what was keeping you sane and civil. Your parents own a pho shop just down the street that was still taking carry out and delivery orders for pho, crawfish, whatever they had lying around. You had been helping out in the kitchen and with deliveries since you had been home. As freeing as the drives have been, you really come alive in the kitchen. You had been watching your mom make pho and dumplings for years and although she sent kimchi to your apartment every month or so, you missed your moms cooking. And her kitchen. You immediately took to cooking just like you had when you moved off of USC campus and into an apartment with some friends. You had 12 burners! That all worked! A convection oven! Two of them! Kitchen Aid's! You had no problem opening up shop at 8am every morning to prep the dough and get the stock boiling and all of the other things that her mother and father had been doing for the past 20 years.

Returning to your room after rinsing out your bowl and chopsticks, and exchanging goodnight's with your parents you sit on your bed and tell yourself to go to bed. You have to be up at 7am for the kitchen. You need to chop scallions for the pork and chive dumplings so it has time to coagulate. Come on, Go to bed. No phone. It was a pitiful attempt, really. You had been pulling med-school grade all-nighters since your junior year of high school and nothing was stopping you now. Turning on your side for easy access to your charger, you plug your phone and coast through Instagram, Youtube, Twitter, Tinder for an indeterminate amount of time before your eyes start to get heavy. Instagram was just filled with all of your peers from USC recklessly meeting up with friends for picnics and drives and all of the other things they thought they were free to do because they were young and healthy and beautiful. Fuck off. Youtube provided a lovely escape from the actual outside. Mikey Chen showed you around TaiPei's street food scene, Binging with Babish gave you a new hand pulled noodle recipe to try, Bon Appetit made you glad you weren't Claire Saffitz. Tinder was a joke but an adequately funny one. Instead of your bog standard USC fuckboi's you were able to talk to fuckboi's from Korea, Dubai, Indonesia, Guatemala, Brazil. How fun. You had downloaded it 6 months prior after yet another guy in your department was just 'too busy, i'm sorry' to make the date that you had planned. You generally tried to avoid Twitter as it was just an echo chamber of panic and 24 hour news cycles and didn't do much for your anxiety. See, Mollie? I'm being smart.

You flick open the little bird app and scroll for just a minute. A particular notification picques your attention. Jae tweeted. Well, Day6 tweeted, but we all know who runs their twitter. Your throat tightens with nerves as the post loads. You worry about him more than you'd like to admit but with tours cancelled and travel suspended, you know how hard it can be for people whose livelihoods revolve around entertainment and travel. The post loads and you let out a sigh of relief to see Jae surrounded by his band mates and smiling. Brian starts speaking Korean and delivers his message about their newly acquired tiktok. Brian gestures for Jae to speak and Jae delivers the same message in English. Ah, he went back to blonde. It looks good on him. Wait is he- oh god, he's wearing a crossbody fanny pack. Jae, you're old. Stop. Shifting to get more comfortable, you let the video loop a few times before closing the app. Jae's okay. You roll over onto your side and set your phone to the side. Jae's voice echoes through your ears for the next few minutes but you resolve yourself against it. I'm not getting fucking tiktok. I'm a grown ass woman. That app is for 12 year olds. And Jae. Resolved, you burrow into your Jonas brothers duvet cover for the night.

Sweating and on the verge of tears, you wake with a start. The dream was already slipping from your consciousness with a blessed haste but the uneasy feeling that the nightmare gave you seemed to coat the inside of your skull and taint it's entire contents. A thin light filters through your still open window and your eyes creak open. Morning? Sure, why not? Rolling over, you flick open your phone and are greeted by an all too unfamiliar, 5:17am. It's too damn early. Even for you. You still have an hour or so to kill before you have to get up but you didn't fancy the idea of trying to go back to sleep after that dream. Propping yourself up on a few of the approximately 67 pillows that litter your twin sized bed, you open your phone. 3 new emails from USC congratulating you on your graduation and asking for some documentation of something or another or evaluation of some class you hadn't thought of in weeks. Skip. 2 emails from residencies that you had applied to before the coronavirus urging you to reapply in the fall. Great. You couldn't even bring yourself to feign concern over the missed opportunity. 1 email from Twitter informing you that Jae had tweeted. Again. You follow the link to another video of his side project EaJ. You had been following his new releases and you were surprised by the tenderness and vulnerability that they showed. He was always such a funny guy, it was the only side that he really showed much to the media. Sure, fans got glimpses at concerts, but not many knew just how deep the well ran in that man.

Today's Tuesday, apparently. The next episode of How Did I Get Here? comes out today. I'll have something to listen to while I food prep. You never admitted to yourself how pleased you were when he started the podcast. You missed hearing his voice on a regular basis. Hollered up into your window, whispered between giggles in the back-most church pew, hurled across crowded hallways. Of course, the voice was different than it is now. Pocked by pubescence and the LA accent, you remember a far squeakier Jae. He was the first person you met when you moved into the neighborhood at 7 years old. He was 9 so of course, he took it upon himself to show you exactly where you could and couldn't go and what taco trucks would give out fare for free to little kids on weekends. You remember those years fondly as finally having the big brother you never had. Skinny Bone Jones, you called him. He stood up for you when the kids in middle school called you smelly for bringing kimchi in your lunch. He called you smelly just for being you. He was well liked in school and by extension so were you. You had the cool big brother. You were more than happy to play second fiddle and be his backup. Tagging along to parties, helping him record his yellow post-it note covers on Youtube, letting him know when his hair looked stupid.

And so it stayed until Jae actually made it on KPop Star. As much as you loved him, you didn't think he would ACTUALLY make it. Sure, he could sing. He had a beautiful voice but that wasn't enough. The boy danced like a drunk chicken and was 6ft tall and 120lbs soaking wet. He didn't even know Korean. What was he thinking? He was thinking he was going to prove you wrong. And he did. You watched as Skinny Bone Jones transformed into Park Jaehyung with a perfect balance of immense pride and terror. You knew you wouldn't lose your friend entirely but during his trainee days he had very limited access to the outside world, and you just weren't a priority. Honestly, you would've been offended if you had been. He has a mom, dad, an older sister, bandmates, college. It only makes sense that the steady stream of communication turned into a trickle. It wasn't until Every Day6 that you were more of an insistent presence in his life. You burrowed your way back into his inbox with the tenacity of the annoying little sister that you were. You were worried. You watched him on After School Club and in the deluge of content that Day6 was serving their slowly growing fanbase. He looked tired. You once again rekindled your relationship but it was different now. Instead of you leaning on him for social support, you became his confidant. He was struggling. Burnt out, and questioning so many things, he didn't want to go to his bandmates because he didn't want them to worry. His parents would pull him immediately if they knew exactly how rough his condition was, his 'friends' from college had proved fake. He now had Alpha Phi Omega blocked because they wouldn't stop asking for favors: Day6 tickets, Twice merch, Got7 tickets. He felt alone but you reached out and he was able to lean on you. The trials passed and he was happier than ever and Day6's growing popularity meant good things for his lobster funds.

You stayed in contact over the years and shared with each other the going on's of your lives. You had even managed to go to the Gravity World Tour date in LA. Jae got you backstage and you were able to meet the rest of his bandmates that you had heard so much about. It was an act of God that you managed to keep your composure. I mean sure, he's just Jae but you're still backstage at a concert for the first time! Your cheeks still redden when you remember how Jae caught you ogling at YoungK. Heart in your throat, and voice barely above a whisper YoungK had walked directly over to you and asked what you were doing backstage. After a solid 15 seconds of pointing listlessly at your Press badge and making just the strangest of noises that were meant to approximate speech, Jae finally caught wind and rushed over, knocking your sense back into you and introducing you to the members.

Oh! Y/N! It's so nice to finally meet you! Jae talks about you all the time, I'm so glad you were able to make it! Your cheeks inexplicably reddened further to a violent shade of pink but the boys slowly defanged themselves in your mind. They're truly lovely people and you're glad Jae has them. That being said, you still can't quiiiite look Brian in the eyes and Jae thinks it's hilarious.

The Gravity tour feels like ages ago as you shrug on some jeans and a tee shirt for your walk to the shop. August 2019 at the Novo may have only been 8 months ago but it seems like a different reality. The Novo will be closed for the forseeable future and concerts are cancelled. That stings but not as much as the radio silence from Jae. First it was his tour schedule that rendered communication difficult and now the virus. You know he's busy and it's been a weird few months for the entertainment industry, but a 'Hey I'm alive.' would be nice. From his podcasts and twitter you've been able to keep some thread attached but you feel it stretching thin as the months stretch on. You really don't want to be annoying. You're sick of feeling like a fan. Yeah, you support Jae and Day6 and would call yourself a MyDay, but that's not all you are. You know him. You dragged him through the mud when he convinced you to try sledding down a muddy hill on a trash can lid. You set up his camcorder for his covers when he still had that stupid swoopy hair. You posed as his angry girlfriend when a crazy fan wouldn't leave him alone. You're starting to feel like just a fan and not a friend and it's only exacerbated by the glee that you feel when you get the notification from dive studios that How Did I Get Here? has updated. I miss my friend.

Not bothering to flip the sign on the front door from closed to open, you shoulder open the front door of the shop after fumbling with the keys. Tying an apron securely around your waist, and flicking on your noise cancelling headphones to a comforting thrum, you wash your hands and begin to chop the largest pile of scallions you've ever seen. Crunching through the pile, you start Jae's podcast and everything is gone but him. You can almost imagine him in the room with you, perched on the counter talking your ear off about the Mandela effect or how weird elbows are or something equally as ridiculous. Today he's talking about soul mates. As you listen to him joke and banter and pontificate, your eyes well up. It's just the scallions. You know damn well it's only partially the scallions. You miss Jae. And you're in the middle of a pandemic. And your family barely knows you. And you're not sure if you even want to be a pediatric oncologist. Fuck. Jae's words turn into white noise in your ears as you toss your headphones to the side and place the knife on the butchers block, perhaps more aggressively than necessary. You pause the podcast and let yourself sit in the feeling. You're lonely and sad. See Mollie? I'm letting myself feel things. Making room for every emotion. You cast your mind around and recall all of the little wounds that prick a little too deep today. You feel a squeeze in your abdomen and your eyes shoot open wide. Shit, my period. I've got to be PMSing. Even Jae recognized the trend in your emotions before you did. The week before your period, you were notoriously mushy and weepy and indulgent. Well, that's one mystery solved. I'll be okay. Mollie's voice echoed through your brain with her familiar argument that hormones only heighten the emotional distress, not fabricate it. These feelings are valid and aren't fake just because you're hormonal. You steadfastly ignore that point, wipe your eyes, and pull your headphones back on. You finish up the pile of scallions and a few other morning chores before the podcast ends. It's Jae's sign off that sends the bowl of mandu filling that you were holding clattering to the floor. "I'm coming to you from my childhood home, so if the audio is a little finnicky… blame Byron." Jae's home.

…

After sweeping up a pound of pork, beef, mirin, soy sauce, and chives and disposing of it, you stare at your phone- hands shaking slightly. Jae. What the fuck. You rip off your apron and your mind races. Should I call him? Should I go see him? I can’t believe he’s right here. 2 houses down. Fuck. Your rational brain knows that it’s okay to feel excited about Jae being home. But the sneaky little bitch that lives in the back of your brain is telling you that if he wanted to hear from you, he would’ve called. You feel a little bit of yourself fragment at that, but you push it to the side. You open up your phone and slide over to his contact in your phone. What greets you is your last text conversation.

Jae: I’m so glad you had fun, Y/N! But if you ever look at Brian like that again, I might have to put a ban on you at our concerts. His head was way too big.

Y/N: Look at him like what?! I didn’t do anything and you know it!

Jae: Of course you’re didn‘t. You totally weren’t drooling over my bassist.

Y/N: Fuck off.

Jae: Gladly, love. ;)

8 months ago. Sure you’d DM’d quite a bit since then and called a few times. But it just seemed so sparse. You don’t want him to just humor you. You’re an adult and perfectly capable of being alone. You’re not going to text him just yet.

You finish up your morning chores and head back to your house, pausing for perhaps just a little too long in front of the sandstone house with the tan shutters and shoes out front. You knew that house so well. You knew how much weight the tree outside the upstairs bedroom window could hold. You knew where the kimchi refrigerator was tucked away in a back corner of the garage. You knew there was a blonde boy in there that you wanted nothing more than to run inside and get a hug from.

You shower and let the hot water run over you, hoping it will relax the knotted up muscles in your back. It’s not like I can go see him anyway. We’re in quarantine. He probably just got back to LA and just hasn’t gotten the chance to-. You run the same conversation over and over in your head until you can’t take it anymore. You need someone else’s voice in your head. Curling into your covers, you sigh and go to the App Store. A few short minutes later and you hate yourself more than you ever have. Tiktok. Here we go. You watch the video of Day6 introducing themselves to the social networking platform once, twice, three times until your eyes start to ache. All of a sudden you’re met with a new post that pings up. Your breath catches in your throat as you see Jae standing in his living room, attempting to keep up with Amber Liu’s dance challenge. You can’t help but giggle as he flails to the left, to the right, oversized black hoodie always falling into his face. BM would be proud. Express not impress. You find yourself shocked at the weight that he’s gained. He looks healthy and happy. You remember the conversations in middle school about how much he hated being skinny. The evenings in the weight room in high school. Failed doctors appointments. He looked good before but you see that in recent months his chest has been swelling and not just with pride. His shoulders sit a little bit broader than you ever remember in the past and you’re happy for him. Good for you, Jae.

You like the tiktok and let it loop a few more times before sighing heavily and opening your messaging app.

Y/N: I got TikTok for you, ya little shit.

You chuckle but leave the text unsent. You’ll think of something better later. You toss your phone to the side in the face of the mountain of laundry on your bed that needs to be taken care of. As you hang the last of your shirts, your phone pings. You pick it up to a notification from Jae.

Skinny Bone Jones: Language!

Skinny Bone Jones: Do you think Amber approves?

You feel a flare of indignation wash through your limbs at the mention. Apparently it had sent. Oh well. As the thrill of a reply ebbs out of you, it is replaced by a rising indignation. How dare you?! Not tell me you’re in town and pretend like you didn’t?! Really?!

Y/N: I don’t really care what Amber thinks.

Maybe that was a little snippy. You love Amber, truly. But how can he have time for TikTok but not me?

Skinny Bone Jones: Yeah? Do you still care what I think?

Your heart catches in your throat. So he’s caught on that you’re pissed.

Skinny Bone Jones: Y/N, can I call you?

You swipe up to the phone icon and call him on auto pilot. Talk to me, Jae.

“Y/N?” you hear Jae’s voice.

“Jae.” Your voice comes out whispier than you meant it to. You try again.

“Jae! How are you?”

“Oh, y’know, just got off a plane that smelled like bleach and got to my house that isn’t really my house anymore, left my guitar to be sanitized, was “strongly encouraged” to make a TikTok by my company, and then got my head bit off by my best friend. Just quarantine things.” There is a touch of acid in his voice but Jae mostly sounds tired. Your empathy comes surging back and you sigh.

“I’m sorry Jae. I just- I didn’t know you were in town until I listened to your podcast this morning. I was a little hurt that you didn’t call or anything.”

“Look, kid. I just got home. I’m a diva. You know I require at least an 18 hour period of naps and boba to function properly. I’m a KPop Star now.” You laugh at the callback to your irate spiel a few years ago about how fame had changed him and he was a diva and just ‘wasn’t the Jae you knew’ anymore. It wasn’t his fault he was allergic to everything and turned down all of your food suggestions.

“Jae, you’ve been a diva since day one.” You quip back, tension resolving as you fall back into a familiar playful banter.

“And don’t you forget it, Y/N.” There's a slight pause before Jae continues,

“This diva is really sorry he didn’t call you. It’s just been a lot the last few days. The tour just got cancelled. And our album comes out in a few days. Our team has been going crazy trying to figure out how we’re supposed to publicize in this climate and I just-“

“Jae. Chill. When I preordered mine last week, it was the most popular album on the site. It’s gonna sell. Don’t worry too much.” There’s a beat of silence in which you can hear the air whoosh out of Jae’s lungs.

“You-You preordered Demon?” Jae sounds shocked but endeared at your admission and you laugh.

“Of course? I’m really pumped to hear that sexy, soothing voice of Wonpil’s. Maybe I’ll even get a Dowoon photo card this time! I keep getting Jae ones in my other albums and I give them to my little cousin.” This isn’t entirely true. You have 3 of Young K, 2 of Dowoon, and 1 each of Wonpil and Sungjin. You’ve been waiting for a Jae photocard for ages. You would die before you told him that, though.

“You little shit. If you don’t want to see my face, why are you following Day6 on TikTok?” Jae ribs back.

“Brian. Duh. He’s fine as hell.”

“Yah! Haven’t you found a boring ass Orthopedic surgeon or some shit, yet? Why do you have to terrorize me like this?”

“Why? Haven’t you found a Twice member that’ll marry you yet, Skinny Bone Jones?”

“I’ll have you know, I gained 10 pounds the past 8 weeks! I’ll be big as BM soon!” You can picture the expression of childlike pride in his face even if you can’t see it.

“You look really good, Jae. I’m proud of you. You’ve been working really hard.” The sudden sincerity catches the both of you off guard and you clear your throat.

“Thanks, Y/N. That means a lot.” A comfortable silence is followed by a lengthy conversation recounting the previous weeks, the various states of the other members, your own eviction from college, and the status of the shop.

“You know, Y/N, if you or your family need anything I’m more than happy to help. I mean I know how hard it can-“ You cut him off before he can go any further.

“We’re okay Jae, honest. I know you’d be good for it but we don’t need anything right now. Business is good at the pho shop and we’re okay.”

“Okay, okay. Just know I’m here.”

“I mean NOW I do, no thanks to youuu,” you wheedle, whining about his failure to let you know he was in town.

“Come on, Y/N, I said I was sorry!” He laughs but you can hear the desperation of sincerity in his voice.

“I know, Jae. I’m just kidding. I just really missed you.”

“I missed you too Y/N.”

You get off the phone upon the realization that you needed to go to the shop and prep for the dinner deliveries. Sometimes you abhorred that you were “essential”. You run downstairs and tell your parents the good news about Jae and inform them you’ll be back soon.

“I know you’re excited, Y/N, but remember we can’t be going and visiting people like that. Only essential work.” You roll your eyes slightly but assure them that you know. As if you hadn’t been telling them the same thing for weeks. I had to convince you not to go play mahjong in the park, eomma. You might be excited, but you’re not stupid.

You had just started filling the mandu when you hear the bell over the door chime. Pardon me, are you stupid? We've been closed for weeks, why do you think it would be okay to just walk in? You wipe your hands on your apron and start to walk to the counter.

"Hello? I'm sorry, we're only open for call-in deliveries." You round the corner and lift your head from your hands to see the form of the gangliest, tallest, loveliest man you've ever seen in your life.

"Special delivery." Jae remarks smoothly, arms open wide in invitation and head cocked to the side as if he was bracing himself for the crash landing that was to come.

"Jae!" you yell, and launch yourself from behind the counter and into his arms. His arms fold around you and everything else melts away. Your face burrows against his chest and you inhale. He smells like home and cinnamon. You can feel tears welling up in your eyes with the tide of emotions that wash over you. Jae's hand cups the back of your head into him and he hugs you just as tightly as you hug him. You press yourself into him with everything you have and in the deafening silence and warmth all that you can think is I love you.

"Y/N" He whispers, not loosening his grip on you.

"Mmph." you respond weakly.

"My shirt's wet." You jump back from him a bit and see that he's correct. Your eyes are leaking. All over his white shirt. Oops.

"Oh! I'm-I'm sorry." You laugh a bit and swipe at your eyes before patting at his shirt in futility.

"It's okay, love. Come here." He welcomes you back into his arms and you wrap your arms over his neck this time.

"I missed you." You whisper, voice cracking a bit.

"I know you did." You jump back from him. Bitch.

"Hush. I missed you too, you idiot. Why else would I be standing here right now?"

You cast your eyes around in a panic. He's here. He's right here. In the store. Here. He shouldn't be here. He should be in quarantine with his family. You're unessential to him.

Sensing the realization in your eyes, he pushes past you, walking to the back and puts on the latex gloves hidden behind the counter.

"I figured it was about time to get a 'real job' like everyone keeps telling me to." He smiles smugly and picks up the knife to start chopping the bok choy. You stand there in shock for one second, two seconds, three seconds until you realize he’s about to cut his fingers off.

“Jae! Stop!”

“Look, Y/N, I don’t care what you say, I’m going to do this. I want to help. And I’ll be damned if I’m not allowed to see you in the time I’m finally here-“

“No, Jae. Stop. I know I can’t argue with you. I’d be thrilled if you’d work with me. But Brian is gonna kill me if I let you cut your damn hands off.”

“I… what?”

“You’re a guitarist Jae. We can’t have you cutting off your pretty little fingers. And if you keep chopping it like that, that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”

Jae looks down at his hands and stretches his fingers wide as if considering them for the first time.

“Pretty?”

You roll your eyes, but unbidden, your eyes are still trained on his hands. They really are pretty.

“Just. Let me show you.” You show him how to tuck his knuckles up against the blade and chop in smooth rocking motions so as not to take off his fingertips.

You work in relative silence for the next hour, packaging meals and portioning combos as your mom and dad peek in and out to pick up the orders. You can feel a warmth flowing through you as you take in your surroundings. The loneliness of the past weeks leeches out of you and dissipates into the warm atmosphere, homey smells, and murmur of conversation. It’s almost as if your limbs wake up bit by bit, like a tree waking up after a long frigid winter. You feel yourself stretch and shine and the bubbles of contentment flow through you. By the time the last combo is out the door, you find it really difficult to take the smile of your face.

Jae seemed to be in the same boat. On more than one occasion you caught him staring at you. Every time you caught him he just shook his head and laughed in that infuriating way of his. But you really couldn’t be irritated at him. It was impossible. He was your happy fairy, even if you wanted to kick him in the shins every two minutes for saying something dumb. Mom and dad said goodnight to Jae in the same way they have been since he was 10. “Tell Mrs.Park I say hello and don’t be a stranger.” Right after they leave and you’re washing the last dish, while Jae sits on the counter telling you about production for Day6’s new album, the phone rings. Before you can tell Jae not to answer it, he’s already taking the man's order. Fine. One more can't hurt. You weren’t anxious to end this day and return to bed alone, so you welcome the post-closing distraction. Cobbling together a plate from the leftovers you were about to bring home, you grab your keys and beckon Jae to follow you.

“No need to bug mom and dad, we can take this one.”

As you walk outside toward where your little yellow bug is parked, you feel Jae move behind you. You can feel his body close to yours and you stiffen instinctually. You’re not used to skinship anymore and you can feel the blood in your veins carbonate as Jae’s breath ghosts across the back of your neck. You stop dead in your tracks, eyes wide, flush creeping up your neck as you feel his hands- those damn hands- ghost along the side of your left arm. You squeak when his fingers brush against the back of your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. Your world spins. Fuck is he holding my hand? Do I want this to happen? He’s so close to me. Can he hear my heartbeat?

“Jae-“ you begin to say, with absolutely no idea as to where the statement would go after.

Luckily you don’t have to think of any sort of decisive move because Jae immediately snatches the keys from your now limp left hand with a cackle, running ahead to the car.

“I’m driving!” You little fucking- oooh!

You’re thankful for the cool evening breeze and dim street lights or you were sure to get a ribbing for the blazing red cheeks that you were sporting. You climb into the passenger's seat with the food on your lap and do your best to sink into invisibility. It doesn’t work. You’re convinced that he can hear your brain jackhammering away at the night's events.

Did I want that to happen? Did that happen? He was so close to me. He felt so warm and the way he touched me. Running your hands over your arm, you could feel his touch like it had raced a burning path down your whole left side. Do I… like Jae?

You glance over at him now and again as he puts the car in drive and begins the route to the destination. Jae, of course, is jabbering away about how everything has changed since he’s been gone and, “Omigod, is that ANOTHER pinkberry?” You find yourself nodding along passively while actively trying to figure out what the hell was going on in your brain. Much like his podcast, his voice became white noise by which you asked yourself questions you weren’t sure you wanted the answers to. Of course I love him. But do I like, like him? Never in your life have you felt more like a horny, confused teenager but as you glance over and watch Jae with one hand on the steering wheel, wind blowing through his hair, you know one thing for sure- Jae isn’t a kid anymore. And he isn’t your brother.

It isn’t until you pull into a neighborhood about 10 minutes later that you remember that you’re here on a delivery. Yanking yourself from your reverie, but with unease still firmly lodged in your thoughts, you address the task at hand.

“Jae, where are we?”

“Uhhhh, 3051 Driver Rd.”

Driver Road. You know this neighborhood but you can’t quite place where. If your previous safari into your possible romantic interest in Jae wasn’t jarring enough, you feel panic rising through your system like so much bile. Why do I know this neighborhood? Jae, unaware of any turmoil on your part, pulls up to the house in question and when your headlights wash over the yard your heart sinks into your throat. You’re going to be sick. 3051 Driver Rd. This is where Sean lives.

You had met Sean Avery in your sophomore year of premed and had fallen head over heels in love with him. He was tall, attractive, ambitious, and he wanted you. You were star struck. It wasn’t until a year of ‘dating’ later that you unearthed the whole messy truth of his long string of side pieces and general douchebaggery. If that wasn’t enough, in the past year you heard the report of him almost catching a case with a high school senior in the area. You knew now that he was nothing but a predator and a coward. You had managed to avoid him since your explosive breakup but now it seemed you had very little choice.

“Sean fucking Avery” you seethe in the seat next to Jae.

“What did he do to you?” Jae asked, taken aback by your sudden vitriol.

“Shit, that wasn’t in my head was it?” Jae laughs a bit but sobers up quickly at your expression.

“Y/N you look really pale, are you okay? I don’t know your history with this guy but hey, you don’t have to deliver this. I’ll do it. Don’t you worry, love.” Jae places his hand on the top of your head and ruffles your hair a bit in an attempt to be comforting. The attempt helped. Your heart pricks up a bit at Jae’s term of endearment but it feels more deadened than it should. You’re sick of feeling like this. Of letting Sean steal your joy from you. It’s been too long for that shit. Pulling yourself together a bit, you shake yourself out of your head and steel yourself.

“No, Jae, I’ve got this.” Jae looks at you with slight concern but shrugs nonetheless.

“Alright, well, I’m going with you okay? This dude really must’ve done a number on you if this is your response. And I’d like to see the bastard.” Jae’s eyes glinted with something dangerous that you’ve never seen in him before and it causes the same fire in you to spark. Let’s do this.

With Jae by your side, you march up to the door with the delivery order and set it on the front steps. The doorbell is deafening in the still night and you have to remind yourself to breathe. You jump as the door swings wide and a pathetic looking man sporting a robe and a beer belly peeks from the inside. All of the breath that had been waiting in your lungs released and you feel your head go a little bit light with the realization that this was the man that you were in love with. 7 years later, gone was the debonair gentleman who could sweep you off your feet. In his stead stood a balding, fat, stiff man in boxers and a moth eaten robe. He grunts in acknowledgment of the presence of other humans but it’s obvious that the Neanderthal hasn’t recognized you. He retrieves his food and goes fumbling in his robe pocket for his wallet. He fishes out a card and hands it to you. You take it from him and process the payment.

Declined.

“Sorry, Sean, your card- it declined.”

He huffs and makes a sound in the back of his throat that you can only describe as gross as you hand it back to him.

“It what!? What do you mean declined?” He stumbles forward a few steps and you automatically flinch backward into Jae. Jae’s hand comes up to your shoulder to ground you, a reminder that he’s still there. Sean’s movement wafts a smell of body odor and brown liquor. He always was a mean drunk. You decide to cut your losses while you can and keep the transaction as minimal as possible. No games.

“Your card, Sean, it declined. Do you have an alternate form of payment?” Sean whips open his wallet and roots around for a minute before retrieving a few crumpled up bills. He extends the cash but before you can swap his card for cash, his arm whips back. Looking at you sideways, suspicion drips from his slurred speech,

“How do you know my name?”

Shit. Fuck. Dammit.

You watch helplessly as the cogs turn in his inebriated brain and recognition washes over his face.

“Y/N! It’s you! What do you want from me now, bitch? Trying to take my money now too? Get out of here!” His voice steadily rises in volume and you can feel the walls of your panic closing in on you. Suddenly Jae steps in front of you, arm outstretched to the belligerent man.

“You’re talking to me now. You’re done with her.” Jae holds himself with a confidence that you had only seen from him onstage.

“Just pay for the food and we’ll be going.”

“And who the fuck are you?” Sean spits back, as if Jae were something distasteful that he had found on the bottom of his shoe.

“I’m Jae. Y/N’s boyfriend. Now I’d really love to take Y/N home tonight before it gets too much later. So if you can just pay for your meal, we’ll get going.”

Sean crumples up the bills and throws it into Jae’s chest.

“Good luck with that bitch, kid. You’re gonna need it.” And with that he retreats inside and slams the door shut behind him.

Jae immediately rushes to your side and wraps you in a big hug. Although similar in mechanics to the hug earlier that day, this one was far different in intent. You could feel it in his soul, that hug was meant to squeeze all of the fragmented pieces of you back together again and hold them until they stuck. You can feel your heartbeat slowing to match his and your breathing slowly regulates.

Mollie is gonna have a lot of fun with this one.

Jae escorts you back to the car and there’s a thick silence that you can’t quite bring yourself to cut as he puts the car into drive. You know he is forming his own story of what happened between you and Sean in his head and you can’t tell if that’s better or worse than just reliving it and telling him the whole story- cops and testifying and court and all.

Once out of the neighborhood, Jae heaves a sigh and chuckles a bit.

“Well he seemed lovely.”

“Uh huh. He’s a real peach.”

Jae looks over at you with an expression of dual concern and amused what-the-fucker-y. Did that really just happen?

There is a beat of silence and solid eye contact before you both start cracking up. Unable to restrain yourself any further, you both dissolve into a kind of healing, deep belly laughter that shakes the entire car. Pulling up to your house, Jae throws the car into park and then turns to face you.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, you know? It’s not my business. You’re my business. But asshats like him aren't. Just that I’m around to keep them away from you.”

You sigh deeply, still recovering from the laugh attack, before giving him a brief bulleted list of the sheer shenanigans that Sean had pulled on you all those years ago. You watched as Jae’s face contorted over the course of the story, hardening into yet another study in fierceness that you were yet to see from him.

“I really am okay, though Jae. He had me pretty fucked up for a little bit but honest, I’m okay. I did the therapy, I fought my battles. I just hadn’t done the last closure step of actually looking him in the eye and saying goodbye and good riddance. And I probably never would’ve if it weren’t for tonight.” You reach out and grab his hand instinctively.

“Thank you, Jae. I really appreciate you doing that with me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“You would’ve gotten your ass handed to you is what you would’ve done.” Jae states, deadpan.

“Jaeee!” You laugh, hitting him on the arm.

“Oh, so now you can throw a punch? Okaaay, nice.” This little shit.

Banter aside, Jae takes the key out of the ignition and gathers his things to get out of the car. As he closes the door, you hear him mutter “You need to pick better guys. You’re too great to end up with someone like that.”

You don’t have any kind of answer to that, but you feel a lightness in your chest as his eyes burn into you. Jae walks you to your front door and all you can hear in your head is an echo of Jae’s declaration of “I’m Jae, Y/N’s boyfriend.” Is that what I want?

You end up at your front door far too soon and the twinkling of the helicopters in the sky signals to you that it’s more than time for Jae to go home. Your heart sinks into your stomach at the thought of him leaving and you inwardly groan.

Jae gives you one last hug goodnight and you know before he even releases you that this isn’t enough. Not even nearly. Your feelings, whatever they may be: love, like, general affection, haven’t been correctly quantified and expressed. This has been the best day you’ve had in months, and he was the deciding factor. You were grateful to have him there on your front door step, in his arms. But maybe, just maybe, if you’re able to express to him exactly how you feel about him in this moment, he’ll be able to help you out and translate exactly what this feeling means for your future together. Without thinking about it too much, you retreat from the hug and angle your face up to his so that your noses are almost touching. You sit like this for just a second. That sickening second that would allow him to retreat and tell you you’re an idiot for even thinking it. But he doesn’t retreat. Instead, your lips are brushing against one another in just the barest of whispers of a kiss. His lips are so soft. It’s over in an instant and as the chilly night air cuts between the two of you, you are all too aware of how disproportionately warm your face and neck have become. You smile up at Jae and he carries a similar, if not slightly more shocked, half smile.

As if reading one another’s minds, you both understand that it’s wise to let one another think about the night's proceedings before any further rash decisions are made. In an attempt to preserve the spell of the night sky and the kiss and the chirping cicadas, neither of you say another word to one another but instead exchange content smiles that convey more than a goodnight ever could. With a slight bow of his head and a glide of his hand down the length of your arm, Jae walks backwards down your front steps and slips into the night, shaking his head slightly, trying and failing to conceal his smile. You watch him from the porch as he skips up to his house, before slipping into the warmth of your own home.

...

GIVE IT A LIKE IF YA LIKE

FEEDBACK IS MY LOVE LANGUAGE

#kpop #day6 #day6 jae #park jaehyung #slow burn #fluff #kpop fanfiction #day6 fluff #day6 au #fanfiction #skinny bone jones #friends to lovers

20 notes · View notes