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negentropies · 6 months

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hate being a hardcore plotter with terminal writer brain because i can't even fucking like something without picking it apart like a rotisserie chicken carcass and trying to fix all the weird holes in the plot that won't let me sleep at night

so anyway, heres a bullet point essay on my thoughts on the bhaal plot bc it doesnt make any fucking sense and its been driving me insane and patch 5 was just the final nail in the coffin

so bhaal's motivations are . muddy. in the case of most durges, it seems he crafted durge as his most perfect champion, let them get a little bit of life experience, and then led them to the bhaal temple where they became its leader with the intent of ???? murdering lots of people and getting more followers ?? i guess ???? omnicide only really became a possibility after they hatched the elder brain plot with gortash, but they were very much already a cult leader by then. regardless, we establish that as of ~15 years before the start of bg3, bhaal wants to use the brain to murder everyone in the world. HOWEVER. if you just so happen to be an oathbreaker paladin durge and face sarevok and become an unholy assassin, you get this dialogue:

this suggests that bhaal's goal is to walk the planes again? which doesnt seem like it would have anything to do with omniciding the world, since gods get their power from the number and fervor of their worshipers. as i see it (ty moth) his goals seem to be as follows: expand his divine portfolio and worshiper base to obtain greater divine status -> reclaim his divinity and re-ascend to full godhood -> rebuild his church into something more coherent and structured -> walk the planes again -> fuck with bane and myrkul

if the absolute plot succeeds and durge takes control of the absolute in bhaal's name, i see no reason why he'd rid himself of a massive new worshiper base, since followers of an exarch (durge in this case) also count as followers of an exarch's god (bhaal). if anything, it would make more sense for bhaal to EXPECT the absolute plot to fail. this way he fucks with myrkul and bane and gets rid of their chosen as well as substantial chunks of their followers.

like yeah, sure, having the entire absolute cult under his control would be cool. it'd probably make him a powerful enough deity to get him out from under bane's yoke once and for all. but it's also worth noting that bhaal hates bane SO fucking much. bane poached his servant loviatar to take her as his consort and then there was the Gortash Situation, so that hatred could mean he'd lose sight of that power and make it so he'd be happy if the elder brain plot collapsed, as long as it meant he could make bane look stupid or undermine him in the process.

this brings me to the new patch 5 epilogue, which inspired me to write down my ramblings in the first place. if you either lose to orin in the duel or you embrace bhaal, then destroy the elder brain, you become this urge-crazed, twitching murderer good for nothing except crashing parties and siring more bhaalspawn. which like . doesn't make sense to me? it's outright stated that durge becomes nothing but a vessel for bhaal. bhaal has been established as extremely patient and more than capable of cooking up plots that could span centuries (see: baldur's gate 1 and 2), so i don't know why he wouldn't just use his newfound puppet bhaalspawn as a mortal avatar to restore his church and facilitate his return to power in a faerûn where myrkul (bane also, but less so) had to take a step back to recoup.

the characterization of bhaal and pre-lobotomy durge makes me a little confused in general. gortash frequently talks about how intelligent durge was and how their strength came in their intense self-control, and in the fact that bhaal let them pick their battles. going off of this, i expected durge to be kind of a stick in the mud compared to the other bhaalists, and we get SOME of that? there's a journal entry you can find from durge to orin where durge insults her for "posing [her] corpse-dollies" instead of just killing and being done with it. however, from the flashbacks and other conversations with the bhaalists we get, our vivisection-loving cannibalistic necrophiliac doesn't really have a leg to stand on here. it really seems like the larian writers had two separate, incongruous visions for durge and tried to mesh them together to limited success

now can we talk about sarevok. can we talk about sarevok? can we talk about how utterly batshit insane it is that fucking SAREVOK, who literally attempted to usurp bhaal to become the new lord of murder, would have gotten so much power and favor from his father? it's clear from durge's internal narration that they hate sarevok's guts. they straight up get inspiration for killing him. so... why did durge ever answer to him? why did bhaal let his perfect clone and champion into the hands of a son he hates and who tried to usurp him?

which all leads me to my conclusion that the baldur's gate temple of bhaal is, in fact, a heretical sect. and more importantly, that durge was led to it with the intent that after they'd exhausted the temple's use, they would off sarevok once and for all, gut the temple completely, and rebuild something new and worthy of their father from the ashes.

everyone at the bhaal temple is interested pretty much exclusively in the ritualistic aspects of murder, while in contrast, durge is (stated to be) more interested in efficiency and (apparently?) restoring their father to power and helping him walk the physical planes once more. again, this is all incongruous with other aspects of their characterization, but i'm going to chalk that up to messy writing. this would also track with durge being raised outside of the bhaal temple, ensuring that no matter what, bhaal would get to them before the temple did. sceleritas fel in particular is shown to be loyal to durge and bhaal exclusively, while not caring for orin or sarevok. the pieces are all here for a religious schism that just . never happens

so, if we pick up some of what larian is putting down and ignoring the rest, a possible version of events would be:

-> sarevok the attempted usurper establishes the temple of bhaal in baldur's gate as a niche, heretical sect focused exclusively on ritualistic murder, with no intention of expanding bhaal's portfolio beyond that

-> bhaal crafts durge, lets them form an identity outside the temple, then brings them in to lead, use, and subsequently destroy the baldur's gate bhaalists

-> durge and gortash hatch the elder brain plot. no matter if it succeeds or fails, bhaal will still win one way or another, whether it be getting a new legion of followers through his exarch or by crippling myrkul and sticking it to bane

-> orin (and probably sarevok) misunderstands bhaal's edicts, interpreting them as him wanting to use the brain to murder everyone in the world. orin fucks everything up when she lobotomizes durge but tbh, that still doesn't really matter. either she dies and bhaal gets rid of a heretical and unstable spawn or she becomes his puppet, just like durge should have in their bad ending

going off bhaal's characterization for the previous games, he is fundamentally a patient plotter with lots of foresight and also immense rizz. omnicide via elder brain is like . the stupidest scenario for him when there is so many other different ways to take this. where is bhaal sending in his perfect murder catholic spawn into a den of murder pagans !! where is the bhaalist religious schism !!!!!

thank u for coming to my ted talk

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #i guess #LARIAN !!!! LARIAN WHEN I CATCH YOU !!!!!!#.txt

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davidmariottecomics · 4 months

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Stuff That Sucks, Part 2 (Not Everything is Terrible)

Hello!

This is going to be a long one covering a lot, so y'know, feel free to take breaks, stretch your legs, get some water. Take care of yourself. Because I took one week off and man, there is toooooooo much to talk about! One of my first blogs on my site, way back when was called "Stuff That Sucks, Part 1" in which I went over a bunch of stuff in the world that was bad. This time, I'm kinda revisiting that idea, but am also trying to put some silly or nice or just life-updatey things inbetween the bad stuff to have some balance, as much for myself as for anyone else!

Palestine

Since I've last posted about Palestine, a ceasefire agreement has been floated. Early reports were expecting it to be resolved this weekend, but we'll see. It's hard to be optimistic (generally, given the state of the world) after 120 days of violence and an agreement that's still seeking pause more than permanence (and, in that, seems more for the benefit of the aggressor). But maybe something good can come of it.

I also believe that it is because of the actions of brave people all around the world that we're starting to see more pressure and movement to resolution. Obviously, there are plenty of people and places who got it right in the first place, like South Africa bringing Israel to the International Court of Justice on genocide charges (still in review, but the ICJ did impose their rulings to not continue to kill people or commit war crimes and Israel... has ignored that). But there have also been so many protests, actions like last week's Global General Strike, and continued efforts in hitting them where it hurts (the pockets) with concentrated BDS plans. Even if it's happening slowly, minds are changing. The latest AP poll shows 1 in 2 adults in the US thinks Israel has gone too far, which I'm sure is bolstered by the repeated statistics that over 27,000 people have been killed, over 66,000 wounded, 85% of the population has been displaced, 25% is facing starvation, aid continues to be blocked, and hospitals and journalists continue to be targeted.

But, even if things seem to be developing, don't slow down on the pressure and the help.You can still contact your representatives: Call. Fax.Email. Contact the White House. Join actions from organizations like Jewish Voice for Peace, American Muslims for Palestine, and the Democratic Socialists of America, or whatever local organization is making efforts near you. If spending money brings you any comfort and you feel a need to put something into good practice, the Cartoonist Cooperative's page still lists a ton of resources for E-Sim cards.

The other thing that feels obvious to say, but I won't not say it anyway, is even if the coming week does bring a ceasefire and some sort of agreement or resolution, the work's still not done. There will be so much rebuilding to do and aid needed in Palestine. There must be measures taken to not allow this to happen again. Even if Palestinians are given full free unfettered access without the threat of violence to Gaza and the West Bank, they're still living under colonization. There're so many other places that are getting wrapped into this in various ways (like the US getting into it with Yemen and Syria). And, of course, there are still so many other places under similar circumstances, like Ukraine and Sudan. The work will change, but it won't cease.

(SIDE NOTE: You'll notice that one of the organic boycotts noted by BDS is Wix. I know a lot of people, particularly young people who are in school/freshly out of school use that for their portfolio sites. Might be worth looking into other options)

Barbie and Godzilla Okay, I'm going to try to alternate serious things with less serious ones. Because I didn't post last week, I am late entering the Oscar conversation, but my two cents is that Barbie did just fine (though... really, nominating Ryan Gosling for Ken???) with what they got. If there was one significant snub this year, it's that Godzilla Minus One only got a single nomination, when it rightfully should've been a contender in all major categories. Like, it was certainly the best picture I saw last year.

KOSA and the Invest in Children Act

I've talked about KOSA a few times here. It's the "Kids Online Safety Act" and it's notable for being bullshit. So, tell your reps to vote no. The reason KOSA sucks--as if the CEO of X being in favor of it wasn't enough--is it doesn't actually addresses the problem it claims to, but is a tool of censorship overreach. As has always been the case, preventing access to information doesn't stop people from seeking it, it stops them from getting accurate information and limits who is in the conversation. So, while KOSA seeks to "hold companies responsible for eating disorder and suicide content" or whatever to protect the kids, as co-sponsor of the bill Senator Marsha Blackburn has LITERALLY SAID, (quoted here from the Melissa Mira Grant article linked above) “Protecting minor children from the transgender [sic] in this culture and that influence,” is one of the most important issues conservatives can take a stand on now, Blackburn said, in an interview with the Family Policy Alliance, a group pushing anti-LGBTQ rights laws. “And I would add to that, watching what’s happening on social media. I’ve got the Kids Online Safety Act.” This bill, she claimed, “would put a duty of care and responsibility on the social media platforms, and this is where children are being indoctrinated.… They’re getting onto YouTube to watch a video, and all of a sudden this comes to them.”

Other advocates against KOSA have pointed out that not only is it seeking to further marginalize queer folks, but it'd also be bad for sex workers (who we'll get back to in a second), and potentially abortion information, as well as actual resources for people who are seeking help with disordered eating or suicidal thoughts. The only "good" that comes from this bill is, well, if you're an evil person in a governmental position looking to suppress information, you can do that if it passes. And if you want points for "protecting the kids", the name says you get them to people who don't know what's actually happening.

BUT, with all that said, instead of just saying to reject KOSA, we now have legistation we can point to as what we want instead: the Invest in Children Act! Unlike KOSA, or it's shitty predicessor, EARNIT (which I've also previously rallied against), the ICA actually seems interested in fixing the problems that do actually exist in the gaps between internet companies that already widely report issues of child sexual abuse online and a lack of action from NCMEC and the DOJ. But, y'know, the name isn't as snappy and this bill would actually protect children (something that given their response to what's happening in Palestine and the US, most of our representatives don't actually care about) and would do good for the world, so unfortunately my expectations are low.

(SIDE NOTE: Because this literally just happened while I was writing--I was listening to music on YouTube [not that they're great either because, I guess just everything is terrible now, but nominally better than Spotify???] and the video for Collective Soul's The World I Know was next in my queue and it paused. Y'know why? Because the website's already set up to tell me if a video may have references to suicide or self-harm! A thing that is already in place and doesn't need KOSA to happen!!!)

Original Comic Art

Be on the lookout for a couple original pieces by J.G. Jones that were stolen from him at OAX. Poor guy had these commissions stolen from his table during the show and I'm sure everyone in the situation (barring the thief) would like to see this beautiful Poison Ivy and Fairchild go to their proper homes. And, semi-relatedly, there have been a lot of creators this week announcing they're parting ways with their current art dealer and if you'd like a commission or to buy their art, you should contact them directly. I don't have a full list, but if you were in the original art market right now, might be worth double-checking where you can make your purchases from.

The War on Porn and Trans People

As if KOSA wasn't enough, it's been a bad few weeks for y'know, most people. In Oklahoma, a bill was introduced that sought to criminalize porn on an incredibly wide definition, brought forth by the sort of far-right Christian who despite being a preacher, has literally 0 understanding of what the Bible actually says because to him, religion is not about practice or belief in a shared understanding of how the universe was formed and how we got to this point, it's a tool of control.

There's a report that the owner of OnlyFans pleged $11 million to a pro-Israel group in the last few months. He has denied that claim. Regardless, as these things so often do, it has dragged performers on the site into the conversation despite A. OnlyFans not (yet) being a BDS target and B. with everything else going on, there are only so many places to move to left. At time of posting, PornHub is blocked in... 6 states. There are a lot of walls being thrown up to try to limit our access to adult material and further deplatform and marginalize sex workers, which was already a massive problem and it sucks.

Meanwhile, this week, Florida's trying to revoke trans people's driver's licenses and Ohio's banning trans kids from sports or gender-affirming care in their quest to ban trans people from existence entirely. And these are part and parcel of the pattern of trying to further criminalize, censor, and legislate women's bodies, trans bodies, sex workers, and anyone who isn't a cis straight white man. In the US, the New York Times, and in the UK, the Guardian are both doing the Tim Robinson hot dog "we're all trying to find the guy that did this" thing despite how much anti-trans bullshit they've spread.

As there are more bills introduced that forbid (or have to shield against consequences for) interstate travel of trans people and people seeking abortions, we're really reaching a breaking point and coupled with the dissatisfaction of both promient Presidential candidates for their records of *checks notes* inaction or hostile action toward the majority of the American people... let's just say I'm not looking forward to how this year shakes out for the most part.

Wedding Plans One exciting thing, though, is Becca and I soft-announced our wedding plans. We'd still like to try to organize something in San Diego for our friends and family presumably around SDCC time, but tha'ts up in the air because that's expensive and coming up much quicker than I think either of us would like with no plans firmed up. But our plan for the wedding itself has largely shifted to doing it internationally.

We were always thinking of a honeymoon in Japan and now have kinda figured that if we're going to do that, instead of trying to do a ceremony in the US and then also pay for a trip, it's cheaper and maybe more special for us to roll it into a single plan. Becca's been looking a bit at Sanrio PuroLand, the Hello Kitty amusement park, because they have reasonable packages and you can bring in an outside coordinator (and we'd love to find someone who has experience with queer weddings in Japan, if anyone might have any recommendations). I'm not quite as sold, but that is generally what we're looking at.

As things maybe solidify around SDCC or otherwise we get our picture all figured out for Japan, I'll share more news.

Virgilio Mendez Virgilio Mendez is a 19 year old migrant who has been held for a crime he obviously didn't commit. He's been charged with aggrivated homicide for a cop who confronted him for the crime of being brown and not speaking English. Mendez was literally just on the phone, repeatedly communicated that he does not speak English (and recently the court found the case couldn't move forward because, as a product of that, he has no understanding of the American justice system), the cop harassed him, ultimately called back-up, the cops proceeded to batter and tase him, and then the original offending officer had a heart attack and died, as the coroner has reported, of natural and pre-existing causes, and all of that has been pinned on this poor kid's back. It's just depressing and despicable.

Baldur's Gate

Okay, so... at one point I thought this was going to be shorter (haha, I don't know why I thought that) and I was going to talk about how I've been playing a lot of Baldur's Gate 3 and my thoughts on it. But I've run out of room for this time, and soooo... next week. I'm going to talk about BG3, Persona 5, Honkai Star Rail, and the ways that things that might activate similar sensations can leave you with very different impressions in the long term. But that'll be next week, so see ya then!

New Releases (2/7/24) Godzilla Valentine's Day Special (Editor - IDW)

Announcements: Happy Black History Month! This week, I want to spotlight Clarence Matthew Baker! He is notable for being one of the first successful Black men in American comics and one of the first successful gay men! That's a lovely little profile of him and his work, including some classic Phantom Lady and It Rhymes With Lust! The man had gorgeous art and influenced comics so much, not in the least because his art was one of the primary examples of the "seduction" of Seduction of the Innocent, the famous anti-comics book that turned comics into a witch hunt for pornographers because the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Check out my Patreon where you can access this blog as well as a ton of cool other stuff! Some recent highlights include the holiday catalog I made at the end of last year is now available to all backers (though $10+ backers got it almost 45 days early) and I've previewed some materials for something I'm working on and hoping to launch in the next month or two. Patreon will also be where I start posting some of my new original comics work later in the year, so keep an eye out for that too!

You can also check out my webstore, my Kofi (I still need to throw up my updated Anti-AI Zine), and Becca's site (also pending a new update)!

What I enjoyed this week: Nancy (Comic), Yu-Gi-Oh: Duel Links (Video Game), Baldur's Gate III (Video Game), Blank Check (Podcast), Dungeons & Daddies (Podcast), The Traitors Season 2 (TV show), The Sopranos (TV show), Almost Famous (Movie), Heartburn (Movie), the mango pineapple chicken from the local Indian food place, getting new comics and making friends with an employee we don't know at the comic store (If you ever read this, hi, Clay @ Nuclear Comics North Park!), having had a good first couple of weeks at the new job!

Pic of the Week: Feels like it has been a while since I did this, but here's a cute picture of Tiansheng for what it's worth, but Hourly Comics Day was this week and Becca put together some strips. First one's linked and you can find the rest on their Bsky page!

#minus one snubbed #oscar snubs #godzilla #barbie was nominated for a lot and deservedly so #dumb cats #matt baker comics #wedding plans #personal update #world news #comic art theft #free palestine #free gaza #fuck kosa #stop kosa

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hufflpuffin · 29 days

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I send to you while my heart is wracked with pain. How did I reach this point? I feel like a beggar after being a lecturer at the finest universities and a trainer in prominent international institutions. And here I am now, sitting in a tent, holding my phone to reach out to those who possess genuine humanity to help us overcome this disaster. I am Abdullah Mohammed from Gaza. I am married with three children, and my wife is pregnant and about to give birth. The situation is worsening day by day. I hope you will share my story and assist me in leaving Gaza and protecting my children. Gofundme Link | PayPal Link We can also work together as an experienced graphic designer. WhatsApp

Peace and safety to you and your family in Gaza, my friend.

My name is Abdullah Mohammed, and I am a father of three children, with my pregnant wife in the sixth month, along with my parents and younger brother. We are all enduring the harsh and deplorable conditions of war. The challenges began the moment the war erupted on October 7th, forcing us to flee our home with family members to different locations, a situation known as displacement. We have been constantly on the move, seeking refuge in vehicles and trucks, navigating the harsh reality of bombardments, clinging to life. I lost my recently built apartment, and unfinished payments are still pending, just months before the war started. Additionally, I lost my local job as a graphic design trainer, and my remote work as a graphic designer with international companies suffered due to the challenges posed by the ongoing conflict. After 150 days of war, I lost clients as I couldn't deliver their projects with the same efficiency as before.

I am in need of financial support to initially travel to Egypt, where a coordination process facilitates the travel arrangements. The cost of this coordination is $5000 for adults and $2500 for each child. With three children, my pregnant wife, as well as my parents and younger brother, the total cost amounts to approximately $27,000. Currently, I am putting in tremendous effort, working in any available opportunity, to accumulate as much money as possible to assist my family in their travel endeavors. Moreover, to start a new life, I require a small amount to rent a house until I can regain stable employment and begin saving money to face life's challenges. I am an experienced graphic designer capable of providing professional services in designing commercial advertisements, brand logos, and signs. I am adaptable to work under any circumstances, and I am reaching out for your support to rebuild my life and that of my family. Your contribution will make a significant impact in overcoming these challenges, especially with my pregnant wife in the sixth month and the presence of my parents and younger brother.

Abdullah's Portfolio as a Graphic Designer

If you can, please help Abdullah's fundraiser so he and his family can escape from Gaza!

#this is a vetted fundraiser #gaza #free palestine #palestine #fundraiser

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bonniebird · 2 years

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Jonathan Byers x Reader

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Jonathan sighed as he leaned forwards, head in hands as he leaned his elbows on his knees. “You’re going to be fine. Your work is amazing.” Joyce insisted from her seat next to him.

“What if they change their mind about the scholarship?” He said quietly.

“Oh, they won't. They liked what you showed them.” Joyce smiled encouragingly. They were sitting in the hall of a college that was a thirty-minute bus ride away from Hawkins. The town it was in was a small but fast-growing, according to the sign they’d passed on their way in.

“Maybe I should have added some more photos to my portfolio. There’s that one that Hopper liked that I left out. I didn’t think it was good enough.” Jonathan ran his hands through his hair and then shot to his feet as the door opposite them opened.

“Mr Byers. We’d like to welcome you to the course. We’ll make some adjustments for you so you can do a day or two at home each week, which should help with the travelling costs. We’d like to see more of these when you start.” A man who had interviewed Jonathan came out and shook his hand before handing him back his portfolio. Joyce looked thrilled and rushed them both down to the reception office to get all the details she needed.

As they got in the car Jonathan went quiet. “What’s wrong?” Joyce asked.

“This. Is my personal photo folder with photos of us. Not my college one I’ve been working on. It’s mostly test pictures of (Y/N). I must have grabbed the wrong folder when we left. I didn’t have time to double-check. The folders they’re in look the same.” He explained and leaned his head on the dashboard.

“I’m sure (Y/N) won't mind.” Joyce assured him.

“But they want more. What if they only liked my pictures of (Y/N)!” Jonathan complained. Joyce chuckled as she turned back towards Hawkins.

“Then I suppose you’ll owe (Y/N) a lot of trips around town.” She joked. He gave her a look as if he was mortified but she shook her head and smiled. “Just make sure you talk to her.” She said as she turned the road towards the Byers's house. Hopper’s cruiser was outside and she could see them as she rounded the corner rebuilding Will’s fort.

“I hope you're right.” He said as he leaned on the top of the car and sighed. Joyce rolled her eyes and walked through the house to the back garden.

*******************

“Jonathan we’ve been doing this all day.” You complained as he leaned in with his camera. He sighed and lowered it.

“I know! I know. I’m sorry. Just one more picture.” He said. You sighed and gestured for him to take the picture. You didn’t mind helping Jonothan. In fact when he’d told you about the folder mix up you’d found it very amusing, having told him having matching folders would cause a mix-up. He took several pictures, his camera making a snapping noise each time the flash went off. By the time he was done your eyes hurt from the flash. “Now are you done?” You asked as you rubbed your eyes.

“Yes. Thank you.” He smiled as you nodded and he helped you get down. “You’re a very good muse.”

“I’m a very tired muse. You drove me all over Hawkins for some pictures.” You grumbled. He smiled as he packed up and you helped him carry everything back to his car.

“I’ll get you something to eat to make up for it. Then I can develop these. You could come with me if you like?” He offered. He chuckled when you crinkled your nose. You thought back to the last time you’d helped him develop his photos you’d opened the door too quickly and ruined several of them. “Or we could get something to eat and I could drop you off.”

“You don’t mind?” You asked as he drove towards a diner he knew that you liked.

“Not at all. I’ve been taking your picture for almost eight hours. Must be exhausting.” He grinned when you tutted and smiled.

“So exhausting.” You joked.

Jonathan tags:

@linkpk88 @babypink224221 @lisainhell @spiderwebs-blog @gryffindorqueensworld @rockyrascal @twerp8999 @supernatural-wolfie @love1deandra @archaeologydigit @im-eating-rn @bucketbunny @littlefreakingfangirl @gillybear17 @bluejaysaysstuff @lchufflepuffcorn @bluejaysaysstuff @im-ilvn @slxthxrxn-sxmp

#jonathan byers #jonathan byers x reader #stranger things #bonniebird

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sagemoderocklee · 1 year

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...and that's another year of writing done!

Happy New Year's, everyone! Can't believe we've gone through yet another year of a pandemic (despite what government's around the world tell us about it being over).

This year was a strange one. The later half of the year feels like such a haze for me, days bleeding together, much like they did in 2020. Why? Because, after two years of being as safe as possible, I caught Covid. And not only did I catch Covid in early May, I was one of the lucky ones to get Long Haul Covid, and with that I have spent the last half of 2022 on a medical leave.

It's been a difficult year for me. There are very few things about 2022 that went according to plan--between catching Covid and simply not having the money, my plans to move to Ireland at the end of this summer didn't happen, and while the plan is to postpone my move, to when is still to be decided. I have also let my sewing and portfolio building fall to the wayside, largely--again--because of my health.

However, there are some things to be happy about and this post is my chance to look back and celebrate my writing victories.

sagemoderocklee's 2022 Fic Wrap

Absolution: Part IV (WiP)

While the goal had been to end the year with another update, tragically it was not in the cards. My health being what it is and my focus being on completing other projects, and Absolution being the huge piece it is, I felt it made more sense not to try pushing out Part V. However, I am very happy I was able to start the year with an Absolution update as this fic is very much one of my faves. The fourth part of this fic was a bit of a challenge to write, especially in the middle, but I finally hit on the beats I really needed. A big complication with Absolution was that the remaining 6 chapters, which I had fully planned and plotted, needed tweaking... which is to say Absolution needed to be longer. So I had to move all the plotting I had from Part IV on and rebuild and entirely rewrite each chapter/scene-by-scene breakdown. I'm pretty solid at the moment with Parts V through VIII in terms of plotting, and now I think I can safely say this fic will be a total of 13 chapters (the last one being an epilogue), but that could change since I still have to finish all the restructuring. I know all the key beats and the end goal, but sorting out the getting from one point to the next is really the big issue. However, all that being said, I do want to start the new year with Absolution, so that will be my top priority for January!

Pomegranate Sun: Ch1 (WiP) Co-authoring with @ghoste-catte

The first chapter of this fic I started writing a couple years ago, sometime after I got the prologue from @ghoste-catte. And then, of course, I stopped and didn't touch it again for... ages. But with the Naruto-Run last December and @ghoste-catte wanting to have a special fic for the big milestone of 100 GaaLee fics, it was time to work on this baby again. It is absolutely no surprise that when I get to worldbuild I'm in my comfort zone, so even though it took a while, once I got into working on this (while sick with covid, no less) I was happy. And this is going to be such a fresh piece of worldbuilding since we're bringing in OCs from the far west of Wind Country!

Plus One (COMPLETE)

So, I signed up for a bingo challenge and ended up writing a slightly spicy one-shot. Certainly not the spiciest thing in the world, but I very much enjoy writing flirty!Gaara. I have a LOT of feelings about the way fandom and even the canon blank period treats him surrounding sex/sexuality, and it's really informed a lot of how I view and approach Gaara as a gay male character. This wasn't like a huge piece (though I have an even sexier sequel planned), but it was so much fun.

It Eats Your Heart: Ch2 (WiP)

Chapter 2 of IEYH took me about a year to write. I was struggling. It gave me writer's block. It made me wanna throw my computer. My roommate helped me workshop it a bit. And it still took me forever to finish it. Then finally--FINALLY--I hit on what was missing. This chapter was a fucking bitch, but gotdamn was it worth it. I'm so happy with how this turned out and I'm so looking forward to finishing this fic in the new year.

Pearl-Filled Lungs: II, III, IV, Epilogue (COMPLETE)

My beloved enemy. This fic sat for three years, untouched and miserable. I'd started chapter two... last year? The year before? I don't remember, and it languished. I think it was just the first scene--maybe just part of the first scene. But god it was a struggle. I signed up for the WiP BB last year, but dropped. Signed up again this year and... committed. Largely because of the artist who, though unable to complete art for this fic, was such a huge inspiration. The WIPs they sent me... I wish I could share them because they were stunning. When they were unable to continue, I really thought I'd give up, but once again @ghoste-catte inspired me to continue, thanks to their generous offer to make banners for my fic--and the banners are truly such a work of art! And someone... I got through this fic. I think my original vision comes through, despite how much I bitched and moaned during the process. I wanted to write a fairy tale, and I did. And honestly, I am happy with P-FL. It's not my most popular fic, by any means, but it will always hold a special place in my heart.

My Home is Your Home: Ch1 (WiP)

And here we have a fic that was meant to be a one-shot. I was gonna try and get this done in under 10.5k for an event challenge, but then I talked with my roommate and... they looked at me like 'bitch who the fuck do you think you are' and you know what, they were right. I was foolin myself. This fic wasn't a one-shot. I'd come up with an idea for something much bigger than a one-shot, and I'm glad I listened to them. So instead of an event challenge, I reworked everything and turned this into a fic for the @puregaalee Horror Fest, and I am sooooo excited that I did. Paranormal Romance isn't a genre I've dabbled in, and I'm stoked to try weaving the horror genre with RomCom elements. This fic not only ended up being a much bigger piece than I'd intended, but it also has a planned sequel! Because I wouldn't be me if I didn't add more WiPs to my docket than I subtract.

Blood on the Branches: Ch1 (WiP)

Talk about a fic that was pulled out of my ass at THEE last minute. For Horror Fest, I was struggling to come up with an idea. I knew what prompts I was vibin with, but damn I couldn't think of a single thing. And then one night, laying in bed I came up with an idea.... An entirely different idea from this because with only days left to finish, I scrapped everything I had (and by scrapped, I mean moved to a different document) and came up with something completely new! And so instead of straight horror, I leaned into what I'm good at and now I have a horror/adventure story! While the original concept for this fic is good, I am way more excited about this! Once again, taking my worldbuilding to new heights as we leave Suna and head to the south of Wind! I don't know exactly when I'll be able to get the next chapter out, and I really need to sit down and plot this in full, but I am so excited to write this story!

The Corn Maze House (COMPLETE)

Well, it was a bit of a slog towards the mid-point, but I got through it. I honestly worried I wouldn't, but in the end I'm really glad I didn't give up or give in to feeling negatively about the writing process for this piece. I'm not fully happy with it, but I am happy it's done. The premise for this fic, in my entirely unbiased opinion, is very good, even if I'm still not sure of the execution. I may end up going back over this fic in the future, but regardless I'm happy to have a completed horror fic under my belt, and also to not be adding another WiP to my roster. Definitely very light on the GaaLee, despite being an established relationship, but that was kind of how it had to be, so I'm sure this won't be like a crazy popular fic, necessarily. But I still think this was good practice with the horror genre.

Return to Sender: Ch1-11 (COMPLETE)

Talk about a fic I never expected. RtS was meant to be a simple, cute lil RomCom. A dash of miscommunication, a whole lot of comedy of errors, and just a smidge of drama... The ask prompt that started this definitely did not make any indication that I needed to write a 90k+ drama about homophobia in the shinobi world or about the mistakes you make when you're terrified of losing someone important to you. But I simply am the person I am, and I am the writer I am. This was the direction that felt right, and honestly, I'm so glad because I am so happy with how this story turned out and the reception this fic has received is truly astronomical. I dove into it following completing chapter 1 of PomSun and in between working on P-FL because P-FL was the struggle it was. RtS gave me a much needed break and the first three and a half chapters were such a breath of fresh air. When I say those first three chapters were a breeze to write, I mean I think it took me less than a week to write them. This was (sort of) the first time in over a decade I've had a fully completed multi-chapter fic that I can post on a schedule, and GOD it felt so good to just post chapters weekly. RtS Sundays were the highlight of my week, and even though towards the end there were a lot of complications, it was truly such a joy and has made me want to work harder to get fics done before posting. Also! Not only did I have a ball writing this fic, but I also had a lot of fun making the images that I included in it and the soundtrack to go with it. While some of the images are... less exciting than others, this fic just felt like the perfect opportunity to do some mixed media stuff, and I do really enjoy making soundtracks for fics. I have to say, though I love so many of my fics, RtS will now have a very special place in my heart. The reception, surpassing 1million with it, and just the way it all fell into place... I am truly so filled with joy by how this fic went.

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Total WiPs at the start of 2022: 16 Total completed works: 4 Total new works: 5 Total updates: 21 Total new words: 186,296 Total words (Ao3): 1,011,369 (-2,521 PomSun = 1,008,848) Total WiPs at the end of 2022: 17

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2022 Resolutions

The difference between this year's writing and last year's is kinda wild ngl. All that time on medical leave and not sewing really gave me a lot of time to write, (though I do wish I'd been healthy enough to sew more). Looking back at my writing resolutions from the start of the year to now, I can definitely say I'm proud of what I've accomplished, even if it seems like I didn't reach that many resolutions. The two biggest resolutions (1million words and finishing P-FL) were reached, and honestly hitting those two goals was the greatest accomplishment of the year.

So, while most of what I'd had planned for this year was updating fics from last year's Naruto-Run to 1K which didn't happen, I still think this year was a success!

Reach 1million words--168,358 words to go!✅So, the math I did at the end of last year for how many words I needed was actually wrong. I needed closer to 178k, but despite this minor math mishap, I not only reached 1 million words, I surpassed it! I have been trying to hit this overall word count for the past three or so years, and I am utterly shocked, amazed, and proud of myself for making it happen this year! Admittedly, I think this goal was reached because I ended up getting long covid and have spent June through the end of the year out of work and home. Still, this is by no means a small feat, especially given the number of words I needed to reach this year while also being disabled by covid. Long haul is no joke and the brain fog--ohhhh lemme tell you! that shit got me so fucked up, so managing to power through and find joy in writing in spite of that struggle was really important. Writing was one of the few real joys I had in my days these past months, and I could not be more thrilled to finally say I've surpassed 1 million words. Truly, I owe most of that to RtS, the most unexpected fic of 2022.

Write the sequel to Flyweight Love❌Not Reached. Part of me was sure I'd get this done at the end of the year, following Horror Fest, but RtS became priority #1 instead, so HB3 will be on the docket for next year!

Finish IEYH❌Not Reached. While I didn't reach this goal, I did manage to update this fic, finally. Chapter two was a difficult journey and actually caused a lot of writer's block for me between the end of last year-early this year, so while I didn't finish this fic I did still make progress and for that I am very happy. My hope is to accomplish this goal in the new year now!

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs✅REACHED! This is a pretty big one because it's been hanging over me for... long time. Three years, in fact. But I signed up for the WiP Big Bang and managed to actually get all four chapters written, edited, and published! It always feels like such a relief to be able to cross something completely off my list, but especially something that's been weighing on me the way P-FL was. In many ways, I wasn't happy with the journey, but I am happy with the end of it. I think P-FL is a lot better than I give it credit for, so I am really proud of it and proud that I got this finished.

Finish The Passing of Things❌Not Reached. I was actually really hoping to get this done, so I'm going to make this a goal for next year!

Update Absolution (Ch 4-6)✅❌❌Partially fulfilled. While I did not get three updates in for Absolution, I still got one so that's a partial win for me!

Update TAoL (Ch12)❌Not Reached. Sadly, this update was not in the cards for me this year, which is truly a tragedy for me because it's been two years since the last time I updated. But unfortunately, this next chapter has a lot of issues that need fixing, so getting through has not been easy. However, it is a top priority in the new year!

Update TBotDatP aka the Ballad❌Not Reached. Another fic I was hoping to update, but alas, not this year. But the first chapter is very much underway, so with any luck, I'll be getting a Ballad update out in short order!

Update WNNBYT aka the Hanahaki fic❌Not Reached. While this is a fic I'm excited to work on, it has lost priority in favor of other fics. Maybe next year, but I don't want to make it a resolution since I have fics I'd rather focus on over this.

Update Pomegranate Sun (Ch1)✅ Reached! Amazingly, I was able to get chapter one of this fic out, though it did take a while. However, I'm very proud of how that first chapter turned out and excited to continue this fic with @ghoste-catte in the new year!

Update 13S❌Not Reached. I did get a good chunk of the next update for this worked on, but tragically the amount of worldbuilding needed for this chapter put a wrench in my plans to move forward. However, the worldbuilding has been done in large part, so I am looking forward to getting this fic updated next year!

Edit Alliance❌Not reached. In general, Allied Nations has not been on my mind or at the top of my list. I think, more than likely it won't be until I get TAoL finished, as that's a similarly huge project, even as a stand alone story.

Update Honor Bound❌Not reached. Similar to the above. And while I do have the first three chapters written, I don't want to dive into posting any more chapters of this fic until I've edited Alliance and made the changes to it I know are needed.

Resolutions Reached✅: 3.5 Resolutions Not Reached❌: 9.5

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2023 Resolutions

With 2022 at an end and a lot more writing done than I expected, I'm hoping to carry that energy into 2023, regardless of other things. I do hope to move to Ireland and get back into sewing regularly, but as my health has changed much of my life, I'm also anticipating more time at home as I shift into working from home. So with that, I hope I also find more time and energy to focus on writing.

This is a lot, and I do not expect to get all of this done, but the goal is to get as much of it done as I can. I have a lot of motivation, so here's to a successful writing year in 2023!

Complete IEYH

Complete Absolution

Complete MHiYH

Complete TPoT

Update 13S (3-6)

Update TAoL (12-15)

Update PomSun (Ch3)

Update TBotDatP aka The Ballad (Ch-4)

Update TEA (Ch1)

Update TCoS (Ch1)

Update BotB (Ch2)

Publish the sequel to Flyweight Love, HB3

Publish The Beautiful Beast of Cāngdì (Ch1)

Publish A Cat's Guide to Finding Love

Complete at least three more MFBingo squares

#fic wrap #end of year writing summary #my fanfiction #gaalee

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pinecellar · 22 days

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It’s been…

Two weeks have passed since I finished my professional portfolio and I’ve been submitting to jobs since. It has been difficult. Our cat Biz is still here, with us having shifted to comfort care for his cancer, but he has good days and bad days. He’s been our little orange one eyed guy for over 6 years and while we always knew, due to his FIV, we could lose him earlier than a non-FIV cat, it’s still so unbelievably hard. I’ve been going through stages of mourning despite him still being here with us. Perhaps he also represents a time of rebuilding for me and to lose this little symbol or mascot of overcoming hardship during a time when I have to rebuild myself again is incredibly sad to me. Right now, I’m sitting next to him as he sleeps on an ottoman he’s grown strangely attached to recently. I just love the little guy so much. I always will.

Also during this time, a close family member has been going through their own mental health crises and I am attempting to help them to the best of my limited ability but it has been extremely hard. I love them and have always looked up to them. When it rains it pours, so I’ve heard.

With everything else going on in the world, it all seems so bleak… but then, there are a few bright spots. My partner, my other cat Cary, streaming, and my video projects, the last being the whole reason I started this Pine Cellar persona. I am returning to them and while I am stressed, I am also hopeful. I lost my job right when I was returning creatively to my old self. I then shifted and threw everything into rebranding my professional career and getting myself ready for the job hunt.

Now, I am stumbling back into the creative process, but I want to do it sustainably. I am no longer the spry early 20 something that could do all night shoots in Los Angeles. I am not the late 20s to early 30s woman who could work themselves to a nub to build a new career in tech. I am in my late 30s now. If I want to create, I have to do it sustainably. It’s been hard to accept my age. That I need to take breaks and get proper sleep. That I can’t push myself for hours and hours like I used to. That being said, I am far more skilled and frankly faster, so I appreciate my young self a lot.

I am now using a piece of tech called “Brick.” It’s basically a 3D printed block that contains a sensor you scan to lock your chosen apps. You can place the magnetic Brick anywhere, ideally somewhere somewhat out of the way. I know it’s kind of ridiculous you buy a piece of tech to stop you from using another piece of tech. However, if it works for me (particularly better than the uninstall/reinstall cycle I got into with certain apps), I don’t see the issue with using it. The amount of willpower I’ve had to expend in the past to not mindlessly scroll social media for hours is just too much, particularly with all the stressors in my life right now.

Anyway, I just need something good to happen right now. I’m getting a bit weary of bad news.

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ucancallmegina · 10 months

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New Idea: after a bit of a devastating …well that’s a bit dramatic lol…So let’s say after a disappointing review that came in super late with, honestly no real resolve but a refund put me in a bit of a funk in regards to what I want to do and accomplish as a photographer. I’m a fan of constructive criticism, really I am! However, when it comes off in a way where you started doubting yourself, which, let’s be honest, is a personal problem, it doesn’t make it NOT hurt— but just a smidgen🤷🏽‍♀️. In my case a lot a bit. What can I say, I can be sensitive…It’s the gift and a curse of a Libra. However, I came up with an idea today, to just book a studio either here or in Charlotte, and have my favorite model friend to do some shooting with me, which he was down to do also which made it even better and makes me feel great that he is comfy w/ me and in from of the camera and that he trusts me! Im our text convo, I revealed the partial reason to why I wanted to do this idea to start. No.1 — build up my portfolio. No. 2— rebuild my confidence back up. Luckily for me, my friend/client understood where I was coming from as to why I was hurt, embarrassed, and angry all at the same time, but also complemented my work regardless of him being w/ one of my clients. I think I’m just going to revamp everything continue to be a freelance photographer, but after September no more events. Understandably people expect a lot from someone that they hire to capture whatever it is are looking to capture. Unfortunately, it’s a lot of pressure when you’re new to the process but enjoy what you do. From now on, it will be single person shoots/head shots and family events. (Kind of debating on the family events tho). As much as I want to put myself in a position to be this elite or promising photographer, I’m not that! And I’m OK with that. After a while, it gets to a point where you have to just learn and make decisions on your own because even though someone may be inviting to assist on some things, you don’t know doesn’t necessarily mean they’re gonna follow through, and I’m OK with that too. Just gonna focus on at least getting my photographer for title registered as an LLC so nobody will steal my shit! Lol… we’ll see what happens though. August is right around the corner which is what I’m shooting for, for this impromptu shoot.

keep your fingers crossed and prayers up for me people!

CYA😎✨

#tumblr #ucancallmegina #blog #confidence #hustle #motivateme

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sesmantelar · 1 year

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staying late at work today - it unintentionally happened but I have four ish weeks until my next vacation. I just sold my sectional yesterday because it was way too big/wide for my dollhouse, and I used the cash to order a new couch (more like a loveseat, but I think it's perfect and the perfect size for my dollhouse). My apartment feels like it has way more space in it now so hopefully I will not feel inclined to stash hella stuff on the couch. It feels like I can now move around and breathe for the first time in forever, and I'm kind of excited to redecorate a little bit. Considering adding another large faux plant to the living area, as well as my harp once it arrives/a little music section. Good thing about my pedal harp is that it won't be an eyesore and it serves the energy of my dollhouse: angelic, feminine, grand, elegant, quiet, melodious, harmonious.

either way, I have no choice but to detach from my wants and prioritize my needs - I need to take two weeks off to travel, take gorgeous photos, make amazing connections and also relax/recuperate when I return before my summer contract - and when I start the summer contract I want to be in a much better place. I need to hit my savings goal for the year (a large chunk of the money I want to be sat on prior to leaving for switzerland next summer/fall). I need to have the majority of my debt paid off - meaning continuing to snowball (which I have been very consistent with lately) and continue chipping away at the larger amounts. I need to start my degree on july 1st, and when I do I need the majority of the tuition to be handled so I don't have to worry about budgeting all over again. I need to. I need to be able to allocate ALL of my spare funds towards self improvement - learning my pedal harp very well, advancing my figure skating, saving and depositing money for my grad school in europe next fall, getting my procedures finally done, building my travel portfolio.

I have sooo much to get in order but I genuinely do feel as though I'm taking the steps in the right direction - especially as it pertains to snowballing my debt. Now, regardless of how I feel, I never touch the credit cards. I will use them again once they are all paid in full (including the bigger card), but only to continue rebuilding my credit. Hopefully I can have a really good travel credit card by next year. I think the little over a year I have remaining is plenty of time to reach all the goals I previously set for myself.

Tomorrow I likely will wake up early to stretch, get ready, go to the rink closest to my job, skate four an hour, break my fast and then go to work for 14 ish hours. I need to be in the "montage" mode again so I can get to the point where I want to be. Amazing things are coming my way if I just maintain my discipline.

I will be paying off the hold for my previous college this coming week so I put off my filler touchup appointment - I just feel like if I get my priorities in order, I will be able to really enjoy indulging and treating myself once my cash isn't so tied up. Sigh because it's all in the name of improving myself and situation for future me.

Lastly, I FINALLY finished my carrd for my social media and started posting art again. I plan on posting art on here too once I have some more pieces completed, framesand my apartment together. I want my whole aesthetic and personal brand to finally flourish this summer. This feels like a new beginning.

I feel like I haven't touched on everything I could touch on in this entry but I'm here late so I will be updating as the night goes on :)

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vampireantihero · 1 year

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It's May Day. (Newsletter)

This year feels like it’s flying by. Buckle up, y’all; this is going to be a slightly longer newsletter, so I hope you all stick with me.

It’s May 1st; and it’s snowing here in Wisconsin. To be honest, that feels like the perfect metaphor of this year for me. Winter has been hanging on to the year like a heavy weight; far past its time, and bad for the things that are trying to grow, bitter and cold, and refusing to die. Spring is trying to establish itself hard, and the flowers are in bloom despite the snow. This year has been a lot of shakeups, stepping back, and reassessing for me. Most of the first quarter of the year was spent caring for my mental health, and now I am working hard on putting together a new portfolio in a different facet of my art career. I’d love to do illustrative work for companies and not just private sector commission-based work. I’d also love to work on videogames, or maybe films or television as a concept artist (I like creatures and environments best). So, since the beginning of April, I’ve been revamping old stories and rebuilding the worlds in order to be clearer, and drawing concept art for the environments and characters.

I’ve been working quite a lot, and have forced myself to reassess that too. I think now I’ve found a bit better of a balance and better know my limits, so I can stop myself from doing too much at once. If I connect back to the metaphor I started this newsletter with regarding the weather, the “winter” would be my unhealthy work ethic and tendency to try to please everyone and be totally available despite my own energy levels. For the past few months, I have been giving myself time to breathe and being less available in online spaces, because I’ve been extremely tired. I’ve lost friends and connections because of this, and I do feel guilty for being less around, but also I recognize that if I keep going at the pace I was, I’ll make myself ill the way I did in college and I don’t want to do that again. It would also (and has in the past) make my content suffer, and you all deserve quality from me.

Plans Going Forward

As it stands, I’m distancing myself from streaming because I just do not have the time to give to it. I may still pop up from time to time for art streams, but I am focusing on my art and career change this year. You can still see my art in the discord, in social media spaces, and on youtube. I’ll also still be keeping up with this newsletter, social media, and the Youtube uploads. I’ll likely also start working on story-based content to upload to Youtube, though I don’t know how far down the line that’s going to be. And I’ll still have commissions open, and I’m working to get myself organized enough to offer my services over on Fiverr and Upwork.

Once my portfolio is completed, I think I may give creating the comics one more try. I feel like I’m on stronger footing with some of them now that I’m establishing the visual assets a bit better for my portfolio. Though this time, I won’t start publishing it (or even announce it) before I have a significant amount of the pages done, and am far enough into the story that I have quite a decent buildup of content so that I can post regularly. I’m also going to be revisiting the tarot concept I started creating back in 2021; redraw the two cards I’ve got done and go back to concepting the rest of the cards.

Portfolio

The first portfolio piece I finished went well! It’s also been added to a concept art contest in one of the art discords I’m in. Here is the drawing, as well as some backstory on some of the characters:

Setting: This story is a historical fiction, in which the humans are in a religious monarchy called the Abbey. Inhuman and humanoid creatures need to hide at night in order to avoid being captured and either used for their powers or murdered by the Abbey and the human settlements surrounding them. In this world, spirits exist, but they have to be bound to something in order to inhabit the physical plane.

Characters (and backstory):

1. Ghost. Our protagonist, a reluctant hero. Previously human, but has been dead so long that he has long forgotten his original name. He was sickly as a human, and learned how to project his spirit from his body as a child in order to escape the constant pain he was in. One day as he was astral projecting, his body died. Desperate to find a way back to life, he contacted his family; only to be betrayed by them as they tried to capture him and sell him to a High Warlock within the Abbey. Ever since, he has been looking for a way to bring the Abbey down. His tether is the clay pot he carries, faithfully made for him and repaired by his friend, Hyacinth.

2. Hyacinth. Our Tinkerer/Support character. Hyacinth is also a spirit, though she died way more recently than Ghost-- having been murdered whilst praying in front of an Abbey altar. When she died, her spirit was so terrified to disappear that she inhabited a nearby gargoyle. In life, she was a tinkerer, and in death, she was is much the same -- she spends her time looking for ways to enhance her party's gear, and to strengthen both her and Ghost's tethers to their physical objects. She is the only one in the party that cannot participate in combat-- because of the nature to her tether to her gargoyle and her death circumstances, if she takes a significant amount of damage, her soul will disconnect from her body.

3. Silas. Our Mage/Necromancer. Not much is known about Silas. He doesn't speak much, and chooses to help because he likes the spirits of the group. At first glance, he looks like a human in a plague doctor costume, but if it's too light or you look a little too long, his mask starts to look a little too real...

4. Vesper. Our Tank/Heavy Hitter. She's a vampire type creature from a long line of reclusive vampires. Though, her species is fruititarian like many natural bat species. Because of the expansion of humans into her family's forested spaces, her family was hunted and killed for their pelts. Devastated at their loss, she traveled to find a master who would teach her to fight and learned how to wield a scythe really effectively. She joined our squad when Hyacinth found her, injured, in the forest, and nursed her back to health. She heard what Ghost was planning, and decided to help them with their journey.

They are from one of the three projects I’m developing for my portfolio; they may be popping up from time to time as I go through and create more of these worlds. If you’re interested, they’re a set of characters that shows up in one of my vampire stories that the actual main character of the comic spends a good deal of time with.

Theatre (And Other Life Updates)

As you all know if you’ve been keeping up with the newsletters, the past month or so has been extremely busy both on weekends and week days. The theatre I’m a part of has been working hard on painting our more permanent space for the theatre. We’re working in conjunction with a local-to-us church in order to have this performance space. Me, my husband, and another member of the theatre have spent the last month between rehearsals and after work painting this room, and it’s finally done. And it looks so good!

We’re really excited to have this space. And, I’m really happy to no longer be painting, though I’m proud of us for putting in the work in this room. We’ll be announcing our next play very soon. I’ve been making props for the last few weeks (in fact, you can kind of see one in the bottom of the 3rd picture — a chunk of styrofoam I’m painting to look like a busted piece of concrete) and, have quite a few more things to create. One of the coolest aspects of this play is that we’ll be performing it in pride month, and it has a lot to do with LGBTQIA+ history; some of the props I’ve been creating have been exploring the culture surrounding these topics and it’s been a lot of fun! But, some of it is also very heavy. I’m also assistant directing this show, and it’s been interesting to learn how directing works.

All in all, I’m almost caught up with the stuff that I’m behind on, such as the commission terms switching over into the shop, and I should have more to share with you all soon. I’m hoping to have Youtube stuff done earlier as well, so that I can give earlier access than a single day for Ko-Fi members. I’m sorry for the delay on these things, but with the painting done in the theatre room and most of the props we need finished, I should be a bit more productive during my week day, and a bit less busy on the weekends.

Lastly, I want to take a moment to mention the Discord. Today the newsletter is a bit late because I took a little bit of time to rearrange the Discord and make it less Twitch-oriented. Now, it’s much more art and content creation centric, so if you want a place to talk about art, content creation, or just hang out with our growing community, check out the discord here. I also ask for feedback here, and you can sometimes see things earlier than they’re released there as well. If you’re a Ko-Fi member or subbed in some way, then that’s also where a lot of the rewards get put as well. If you join, just make sure that you let us know why you’re there (Check the #start-here channel.)

So, even though this was a large update, a lot of it is positive. If I’m going back to the metaphor at the beginning of this email, then I can confidently say that I’m shaking off the winter of bad habits, self-doubt, and overworking to burnout. Now, I’m doing my best to let the spring take over and let me grow; as a person, as an artist, and as a worker. And with that, I’m signing off. I hope that you all have a fantastic week. Remember to take care of yourselves, drink your water, and do what you can. I love you all.

(Friendly reminder: You can sign up to get this newsletter directly to your mailbox by subscribing here.)

#newsletter #my stuff #update #life #artist #content creator

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aegisdux · 1 year

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A wild peacock appears! He struts over with a smile on his face, lifting a hand to wave slightly.

"Kyoraku-sotaicho! What a beautiful morning, isn't it?" was the start to the conversation as Yumichika stopped and lifted a document on his hand, presenting it to the captain-commander sheepishly. It was a filled form asking for extra budget to cover the costs of ruined property. "I'm sure you heard it, but our men enjoyed the morning practice a bit too much today - especially Zaraki-taicho himself."

Such a wonderful day: Sun imposing recklessly, barely cover by a weak layer of grayish clouds; windows open, allowing the cool breeze impregnate the office with renewed air.

Gazing at the sky, what a beautiful spectacle: marvelous blue painting the whole scenario with an almost perfect colour. Kyoraku took a moment to relax himself and at least, briefly, disconnect himself from the daily routine before taking a deep breath and take a seat.

Officially, his day started.

His straw hat tilted a little to hide under the projected shadow a faint smile, he was positive that morning.

Before he began to check the stack of papers next to him, the door slid open; rising his head to see who was the new visitor and surprisingly was a familiar face to him: Ayasegawa from the Eleventh Squadron arriving to his office.

Shunsui made his way to lay his elbows upon the wooden surface and leaned his body forwards, lifting enough his hat so his eye could aim towards the flamboyant figure.

"My, my. Such a surprise this morning."

Another piece of paper to his portfolio. Shunsui and papers did not get along very well, a task perfectly suited for his dear Nanao which was not present at the moment of such marvelous meeting.

He gave a quick view to the report as he listened him carefully before he could offer a response to his request.

"Ayasegawa-kun. Did you know that your squadron it is almost reaching the limit of it's budget, correct? This year you requested for third time a rising of the limit. If my maths do not betray me, with this number, the increase is a about... Mmmh,... 344%. If we compare the current budget with the past year, there is a deficit of 208%."

"Seireitei is rebuilding from its ashes after the Quincy attack, we had many losses and we cannot afford this excessive budget. We need to make a big adjustment in the current spending. All the squadrons are making drastic cuts in their numbers in order to reach a balance.

Possibly I am asking for something difficult for a Squadron like the Eleventh. But it is time to do some... Let us call it sacrifices in order to survive this storm.

My offer is the next: I can find for a reassignment of enormous lands so your men can train with no restrains. I also might offer suggestions in order to reduce the budget, specially the medical ones. The Eleventh Squadron spends 60% of the budget in medical treatments, 32% in structural damages and the rest are salaries.

If there is a struggle in order to reduce unnecessary spending, I can transfer a percentage of my actual salary in order to fullfil your needs, Ayasegawa-kun."

#yumichikah #i like the way it goes #asks #replied #thank you :3

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davieswealthmanagement · 2 years

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 No Asset Allocation Strategy Is Always Right

 No Asset Allocation Strategy Is Always Right When the facts change, your strategy should change, as well. If you stay wedded to the same investment plan all the time, you lose sooner or later. I was talking to an advisor earlier in the week about my firm’s preference for tactical asset allocation, which rebalances the mix of your assets based on their performance trend, and weighing the portfolio by risk metrics. He told me a story about how he had allocated money to a tactical strategy that stopped working. This should not surprise a seasoned investor. Every investment strategy stops working at some point, either temporarily or permanently. Buy-and-hold and asset allocation worked well in the bull market of the 1980s and 1990s, but those portfolios tanked in 2002 and 2008. The legendary value investor Bill Miller, whose fund at Legg Mason beat the Standard & Poor’s 500 for 15 straight years yet lost a lot of investor money in the 2007-2009 downturn because he stayed the course with value investing – favoring undervalued stocks. Even a smart strategy fails sometimes, too. Market dynamics are constantly changing, it is foolish to expect an investment methodology to work all the time in every type of market, or never just stop working. Here are four ways that you can protect against this: 1. Use multiple, asset allocation uncorrelated methodologies. You need to be sure that your portfolio doesn’t all move in lockstep. There is nothing wrong with hedging your bets. We use intermediate term momentum analysis to judge how strongly an investment is moving up or down and how likely it is to continue on that trajectory. We buy when it is going up and sell when it starts to weaken. We also use short-term counter trend analysis. This model buys when something is weak and sells when it is going up. These methodologies do not move in the same direction at the same time and use completely different metrics. If one holding stops working, the others aren’t affected. So if you use a of buy-and-hold or asset allocation strategy, you need to combine it with a completely different return stream as a hedge in case your main strategy doesn’t pan out. 2. Define what it means when your asset allocation strategy stops working. If you follow a failing momentum strategy in a market that should be favorable for momentum, reconsider your strategy or the individual holdings in your portfolio. Decide ahead of time how much your plan can veer off before you must change tack. Every method fails at some point, so constantly monitor everything for signs that it is not working properly 3. If you identify a asset allocation strategy that is not working as it should, determine why and whether it is temporary or permanent. Err on the side of caution here. Over the years my firm used models that stopped working as we expected. For example, fixed allocation to commodities and bonds is common. Bonds are presumably safe, but right now there is a major selloff in government debt. Momentum investing can be very risky when prices are volatile, so we don’t use that exclusively. We decided that these changes in the market dynamics were most likely permanent and took the models out of our strategies. Let’s take a closer look There are three types of financial patterns that may affect your investments and ways to help you protect your financial future: A bull market is when stock market indices like the S&P 500 and Dow Jones Industrial Average steadily go up by at least 20%. When markets rise, investors may see the value of their retirement account increase over time as well. A bear market occurs when those same types of indices drop 20% or more from their previous peak over a period of at least two months. When bear markets occur, some investors may see the value of their investments drop significantly. Unfortunately, rebuilding a damaged portfolio just to where it was may take time investors don’t have. A recovery is represented as the number of months from the bottom of a market decline to when the market reaches the level of its previous peak again 4. Most importantly, always work to improve. It is tempting to find an investment strategy with a great long-term track record and assume it must continue. Nothing works forever. Sticking to the same method, no matter the track record, is a recipe for disaster. Look at all the companies through the years that went out of business because they assumed that what worked for them in the past is sure to continue. Just as companies need to innovate to stay competitive, a wise investor is always in a constant state of improvement. There is always a better way to manage our clients’ portfolios, and I spend hours every day trying to find it. When I do, I try to find something better than what I just found. ✅ BOOK AN APPOINTMENT TODAY: https://calendly.com/tdwealth =========================================================== 🔴 SEE ALL OUR LATEST BLOG POSTS: https://tdwealth.net/articles If you like the content, smash that like button! It tells YouTube you were here, and the Youtube algorithm will show the video to others who may be interested in content like this. So, please hit that LIKE button!💥 🎯🎯🎯Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChmBYECKIzlEBFDDDBu-UIg ✅ Contact me: [email protected] 🔥🔥🔥 ====== ===Get Our FREE GUIDES ========== 🔥🔥🔥 🎯Retirement Income: The Transition into Retirement: https://davieswealth.tdwealth.net/retirement-income-transition-into-retirement 🎯Beginner's Guide to Investing Basics: https://davieswealth.tdwealth.net/investing-basics ✅ LET’S GET SOCIAL Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DaviesWealthManagement Twitter: https://twitter.com/TDWealthNet Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daviesrthomas Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TdwealthNetWealthManagement Lat and Long 27.17404889406371, -80.24410438798957 Davies Wealth Management 684 SE Monterey Road Stuart, FL 34994 772-210-4031 https://TDWealth.Net Read the full article

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thedisenchantrix · 8 years

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On Writing...

The two things I love more than anything (aside from my people) are writing and photography. I've spent my entire life pecking at them, in equal parts indulgence and avoidance. Of course, I never willfully avoid either of them, but instead a battle wages in my subconscious bringing productivity in these areas to a halt. I then have to spend all of my conscious energy trying to make peace with my mind. I've always found the creative process to be cathartic, but it's hard to turn to your only refuge when it's become a thing that you fear.

The thing is, in order to truly create, one must become vulnerable. One must expend part of oneself for art to have any meaning. One must bring their absolute honesty and bare their soul. Otherwise, we are left with something hollow where art could have lived.

My own vulnerability is so frightening to me that I've spent all of my life alternating between trying to kill it and trying to run from it. Each time I sit down to write, or head out with my camera; I fear what I will reveal of myself. I fear I'll hand over my kryptonite. My rational mind fights with all it has against my conditioned, subconscious fear that I will find the very core of my being to be profoundly damaged.

So, when it comes time to create, I feverishly come up with a million things I have to do first and unleash a tirade of perfectionist self-doubt while in the act. I sit down for a while, questioning my every word. Did I say too much? Does this sound crazy? Does this sound too emotional?

So, by the time I am done organizing my hard drive or rebuilding my portfolio, researching my topic or redesigning my website; I'm exhausted and several hours have passed. I delete more than I write. I can never find the time to spend a day with my camera, even when I can.

My mind and body fight me at every turn.

I can't spend the rest of my time on this planet waiting and preparing for the worst and reacting like a child who's been burned near a hot stove. If that means I have to start by writing about why I'm not writing, then at least I am still writing. If that means I play with my iPhone camera for a while, then at least I am retraining my eye to see the beauty around me.

We each have a finite amount of time on this planet to somehow touch the world we live in. Perhaps to alter it with some tiny ripple; whether that be through our careers, our opinions, our families, or our art. We have to leave our stories behind for those who come after us. Every voice has its purpose. Every truth has its place.

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pixiedoodlein · 2 years

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Such a nice few days of delicious food and laughter that felt like pre-pandemic normalcy, only so much sweeter now after living in a vacuum for so long. A went to the city Fri to get some work materials, see his mom, retrieve one of his best friends to come visit. I had a nice quiet time (except for a few hour span of many work zooms and climbing toddler) home alone w/ the kids (school canceled for ice- I love that the snow day is definitely not dead around here). Sat AM I spoke to the director of the MFA program I went awol from 12 years ago; I reapplied and got readmitted, they’re honoring most of my old credits and I can finish most of it within a year mostly from home. We will all spend summer 2023 in Chi so I can do the workshops on-site that I can’t do remotely. She was so nice and amazing and encouraging and I am so excited to have that creative community again.

The dudes got home Sat afternoon & it was so fun to get to be a hostess again, cleaning & cooking & conversation with a very smart very hilarious friend. We ate very much and very well: elaborate salads, chocolate cake, lots of green veggies, frittatas, steaks on the grill, etc etc etc. Sunday A took him to see a cool project he landed, it’s something super historic and excellent for his portfolio, with a very tight timeline (the next month will be hectic, but immediate $; these quick, intense projects work much better for our current schedule/ lack of childcare than him having a FT job). We stayed up late with friend every night laughing and telling stories then A and I stayed up way, way late every night after friend went to bed, talking about my writing ideas, problem-solving his work puzzles, brainstorming the micro & macro of our house plans and projects (there are many to do over the next few years: expanding the living room, putting in gray water system/ garden room off our bedroom, building out the kids’ bathroom and a green roof, digging into a hill for a garage). We are very sleep deprived but as a couple we need those expansive expanses of time to talk and hang out a few times a week or we start to get at each other’s throats.

Friend slept in little guy’s room and my kids both camped out in the living room, they were so cute snuggled up tigether on the pull-out couch with the cat and dog. A and I took turns sleeping in; Sunday I slept til 11, I never sleep til 11! Monday the guys spent all day outside tromping around our forest and then today we all hightailed it out of country wonderland after brekky to bring friend to the airport in the city an hour away (not to be confused with The City, NYC. I thought it was odd that friend was flying to NYC instead of driving but flight was very quick and only slightly more $ than a tank of gas). Then we went to Carmax to sell A’s car and I was shocked that the price they gave was the price they’d quoted online. It’s a fancy make but 100k miles, some big dings (not even dings actually and not even dents- the car is legit fucked up), and a can of white paint once spilled in the trunk, and there’s something wonky with the suspension and the brakes; I was not counting on getting this much for it and it’s a very happy surprise to be able to replenish our savings account & pay off a big chunk of credit cards. We can’t share my Subaru forever & will need to get him another car, but we can share for a while, while he waits for a decent old cheap truck to pop up in a cornfield (one of the probs with fancy car was it’s computer controlled so he couldn't work on it himself, frequent very costly trips to the dealership for big & small repairs, but something older / simpler he can have fun rebuilding/ fixing up).

Then we went to the children’s museum which was SO crowded (for around here) but it was still fun, would’ve been stressful though if we didn’t have a 1:1 ratio. The kids/ all of us were so happy to be out in the world engaging with new things/ people, something we used to totally take for granted. Every time we spend time with people aside from the people in our family little guy makes speech leaps and today he was melting my soul zooming around with the “packpack” he brought full of cars, it was so fucking cute and we really need to get him out into the world more the way I did with M when she was a toddler. Many people were maskless at the museum and he took his off after a few min and I just tried not to panic aka not to think too much about it and to just let him have fun. We joined this museum when we moved here and though this was only our 2nd time going it’s one of those things we’re membership pays for itself if you go more than once so we didn’t feel pressure to stay for eons, we did it for 2 hours and when it got annoying to carry coats & tantrums started we left. A says he wants to bring little guy back on a quiet weekday when M/ all the other big kids in the area aren’t on vacation next week. Oh! And little guy used his first public restroom with a scary automatic flusher today! He consistently pees & poops in toilet at home & at A’s parents’ house when we go to the city for a weekend, but if he goes out diaper-less near our house we are either just walking around our woods or the neighbors’ and he drops trou outside, or on the occasional diaper-less trip to the supermarket he pees in the parking lot before we go inside (I’ve really embraced the whole IDGAF rural lifestyle). Today we had him in a diaper but when I took M to pee at the museum he said he had to and he did! I swear cloth diapers have been the key to his uncharacteristically drama-free success in this area. Then we picked up over-priced but very good sushi, (sushi is not something we can get near home), drove back to the county in the rain, and picked up Rusty from daycare. I figured better to spend the $25 and have him playing with other pups today vs tearing apart the house I just cleaned. He’s generally a good dog now (A still has not fenced the yard but it doesn’t matter anymore because Rusty will run off and play in the woods right around the house but doesn’t bolt too far to hear us or go down the road) & much better than he was in the heyday of hellion puppy era of a few months ago, but he still is a paper shredder, a wood eater, and goes nuts pulling dishes out of the sink and chewing them up if we dare leave him home alone with dishes in the sink. And then we watched movies and kids stayed up too late again and camped out on the couch again. I am so fucking glad I took today & tomorrow off work. Have an epic to do list tomorrow but it’s all fun stuff or at least fun-ish. Our family friends w/ 2 kids are coming to visit in April and I’m so looking forward to having guests around again!

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librarycards · 2 years

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do you have any advice or resources for people who are new to poetry reading/writing and want to get into it more seriously? i feel like i don’t even know where to start and lit magazines seem so intimidating but i want to learn how to write more poetically and how to appreciate poetry more. sorry if this has been asked before!

hi there! this is a great question and i do have some resources for you.

first things first: you need a gateway poem/poet. I recommend beginning by checking out some of these poetry books, all of which have poems which can also be found for free online. there's no need to rush, here. feel free to take a poem a day or a poem a week, sit with it, reread it, and let your mind wander with it. keep a notebook next to you - you'd be surprised at how quickly the urge / inspiration to write will creep up on you. even if you just want to take notes on a turn of phrase you like, this is a great way to introduce yourself to poetry as a new structure of thinking, rather than just another kind of writing.

Here's an example poem, Sci-Fi by Tracy K. Smith. Her pulitzer-winning collection, "Life on Mars," was a gateway collection for me, and this poem still brings me to tears.

Relatedly, much like the Poetry Foundation site, lit mags - while intimidating - are a great place to read free poetry, to get a taste of a particular writer without buying a book. if you find a writer you like, check out their bylines and look at their website: most professional writers will have some kind of CV or portfolio online, and clicking through those will introduce you not only to more poems you like, but also to new magazines to read. again, there are way too many lit mags out there to look at every one you might possibly like, but you'll certainly find yourself returning again and again to a handful. from here, you can get a good idea of the images and styles you're drawn to as a reader.

i recommend starting just by signing up for a couple lit mag newsletters after browsing their poetry archives - Split Lip Magazine, Palette Poetry, and The Commuter from Electric Lit all have solid newsletters and extensive archives. I also love poking around the archives of wildness, Tinderbox Poetry, BOAAT, and Peach Mag. remember that hanging out in lit mag spaces shouldn't be a "job" - it should be something fun you do to find inspiration and enjoy peoples' creativity.

once you've got your reading rotation going, you might just start writing your own riffs naturally. i can't stress enough the importance of keeping notes for spare phrases and ideas that these poems share with you, and for wandering thoughts in general. i've had so many of these that turn into full fledged, submittable poems! this is how most of my poems start! ultimately, remember that poetry is a dialogue: you learn to "do" poetry by working with those already doing it.

if you want a quick way to jumpstart your side of the dialogue process, consider a simple mini-workshop: find a poem to close-read and annotate, and then assign yourself a certain period of time to write something "after" it. free-write, don't worry about form or polish. just give yourself, say, 20 minutes of complete freedom with the work.

keep in mind what you've seen others do that you've liked, disliked. remember that poets constantly steal, remix, and recycle. remember you can borrow lines and concepts. remember that you can also mix and match them. and don't forget to keep practicing.

poetry itself is a practice, one that involves breaking and rebuilding the way you see the world. don't expect this complete transformation to happen quickly or on a certain schedule. i began my engagement with poetry by reading little and trying far too hard in my writing. i made a lot of shitty poems. now, i read significantly more than i write, and i try to read as widely as possible. the poems i do write are significantly less shitty than before. all of this was only possible by consuming other peoples' transformative wordwork and allowing it to marinate with the rest of my brain.

persistent absorption, if left alone, will let poems condensate inside of you. write them out. lose the inhibitions. no one needs to see the poems but you. at the same time, sometimes it's what you write when you assume no one should see, that you most want to send into the world.

#i hope this helps! it really just is a years long process of reading and writing and reading and writing etc #writing #ask #anonymous

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