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sobdasha · 2 years

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every time i rewatch the reboot and i get to the Kana ep

I go "I need to write down my Kana Thoughts for posting" for the posterity of me and then it doesn't happen.

IDK which number try I am on but maybe it is a charm!!!

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I feel like, way back in the day, I was not alone in being in Ayame's camp about Kana. Like, good for her or whatever, but a bit rude to go off and have a happy, healthy marriage with some far-removed-from-the-Souma man. A bit rude to let your guilt eat you alive and then recover once Hatori is no longer in your life, and walk off and leave him to stick it out alone with all the memories and the sadness.

(And then Mayuko appeared on the horizon and I stopped caring very much about the tragedy of Kana and Hatori, both of them are clearly destined to live their best lives with other people good for both of them!!!)

Anyway I feel like there were some fundamental assumptions I had going there that were not quite on point, and I have at length since reexamined things and found more complicated nuance and every time I watch the dub reboot I start to consider yet more nuances. And writing them down means I stop composing the same mental posts of meta all the time, so that frees up a little brain space, and also future!me will have things to read to be like "wow past!me so smart" or "wow past!me missed that point so hard."

1) Mental illness hard

I think I was just not tired enough back in the day, and had less life experience. I believe I was either all on board for "Kana destroys any further support she could have provided for Hatori by being consumed with guilt over the fact that she did protect Hatori from injury, for the TRAGEDY", or else it was "Kana should realize that this is counterproductive, focus on what she can do and better to have loved and lost, and recover."

This is Fruits Basket. It isn't dramatic for the sake of cheap drama, it is dramatic because it's genuine and feelings that seem stupid and nonsensical are in fact sharply distressing and overwhelming and can drown you. Therefore, I have to take it in good faith that if Kana simply cannot recover while she's with Hatori, if Kana's depression and trauma are crushing her, then that is in fact literally the case. Whether Kana was already struggling with things, or whether this whole incident was on its own too much, it's still valid.

If Kana can't cope, then Kana would never have been able to cope no matter how much she could have "tried harder."

It's not her fault. And like everyone, Kana deserves to be able to live and thrive in an environment where she is not constantly distressed, constantly feeling guilty/being made to feel guilty over things that are outside of her control, constantly unable to get away from things that trigger obsessive thought spirals, constantly not getting the support she needs in order to be able to take care of herself, let alone Hatori.

Remember: the number 1 rule of helping people is to absolutely not let them drown you. Sometimes you gotta leave them and come back later when you can get a flotation device or something, even if it looks almost identical to leaving them to drown. Choosing to prioritize yourself by swimming away to get the help you need is not the same thing as having a huge and ridiculously empty lifeboat(s) but refusing to let anyone else in it (the latter being capitalist hellscape: a metaphor). It sucks but it's true.

(And Hatori is first in line in the "I don't blame Kana for needing this and for putting her own health and well-being first" camp.)

2) Kana: "Zero regrets." Akito: *injures Hatori's eye* Kana: "1 regret."

I believe Tokyopop's line was "It would have been better if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that I met you."

Went and grabbed the volume now to look at the themes….early in the relationship Kana talks about how Hatori must have been scared, of course he'd distance himself from someone he loved, but there's no need to be scared, don't push me away, I'm happy I met you, I want to be near you. So it's very much feels like an about-face when it ends with Kana saying "I think it would have been better if we had never met," even with things like "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you" sprinkled in.

The reboot dub has different nuances to me. I believe the line is more like "This wouldn't have happened if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that you got hurt because we were together."

And I think that distinction is very important for not feeling betrayed by Kana leaving and moving on, for not feeling that Kana didn't put much effort in really. "I'd never regret meeting you" to "I definitely regret meeting you" is a bad look here. "I'd never regret our relationship" to "I regret that our relationship hurt you" is a very different flavor. And the latter is certainly implied in the manga too it's just that the lines, without context, tend to have harsher default implications.

I also feel like "I want to be near you" is half an argument, arguing back against the idea that Kana does not in fact want this. Yes it references back to Hatori keeping his distance because he's afraid of the curse being discovered, but I feel like the emphasis on want has me always read it as Kana repudiating an off-screen earlier comment by Hatori that of course no one wants to be near him he is cursed and a monster and turns into a seahorse. The answer to that being, too bad you're not actually unlovable I actually do want to be near you.

I believe the reboot dub line was, simply, "I want to be with you" or something like that, with no particular emphasis on want. So the import of the sentence to me falls on To Be With You. Look I'll flesh out better what I'm trying to get at here in the next section, eventually:

3) Y'all I'm not sure Kana was actually let go from her job???

I have, in the past, been guilty of thinking that Kana ought to stick things out the way Hatori clearly stuck things out.

I have, in more recent years, realized that this is probably not a sticking-it-out kind of situation.

I mean, let's say section 1 was not an issue. AU where Kana magically gets cured of her depression after waiting it out long enough, somehow, even though that makes no sense because environmental factors are still at play. Actually that's what this section is about. Environment.

Let's have an analogy. A hypothetical you has a house plant that has thrived for a good long time, seemingly with no special effort, and you put it in a pitch black room, and it struggles for a while and dies. What the hell, the analogy!you says, somehow not knowing why this happened and thus feeling very righteously indignant. This plant has always thrived so well before and now it just gave up and died on me for no reason at all??? Oh yeah it has "problems" well how can it have "problems" now when it's never had "problems" before??? The thing this analogy!you has failed to understand is that plants need sun to grow (also needing sun to grow is not a "problem" it is not a "design flaw" and it is certainly not a sudden new occurrence), you deliberately placed the plant in an environment where you deprived it of sun, and then you blamed it for dying when you were the one who refused to give it the sun you had always given it before that had allowed it to thrive.

(This is also an analogy about ableism, if you were wondering about the sudden fervent passion there. An analogy about internalized ableism and support and capitalist hellscapes. I am, in fact, bitter. Thank you for noticing :)

Actually before I get to my point I want to collect together a sketch of Hatori and Kana's relationship based on the very blurry reference image that is canon, because otherwise I don't remember these things and can't keep them in place long enough to connect any dots:

Hatori and Kana's entire relationship is the span of about 1 year. Per the collector's timeline they meet in "winter," and ask to get married the following "fall-winter", and Kana leaves the Souma later that same winter.

They are probably just out of college, Hatori should be like 22-23 which I can assure you, from 30+ years, means they are babies. Looking back at my own life experience I can tell you in hindsight that it is definitely true that your brain does not finish developing until closer to 25 and sure "puberty" kind of peters out by the end of high school but from about 17 to 25 was an absolutely horrific brain puberty of idk mental illness??? It wasn't exactly the autism, that's always been steady, but the "anxiety disorder that picked up speed until I would have guaranteed multiple panic attacks a day every day with palpitations, vision blurring, extremities going numb, vertigo, disordered breathing, terror, and the absolute urgent conviction that I would throw up right there all over the customer's groceries and knowing I would get yelled at for running away and disappearing in the bathroom in the middle of an order since I never did in fact throw up so let's hope this time isn't the time it happens!, all while holding down a 40 hour constant-customer-service job" waxed to a terrible peak (let's see actually when we got the car I was 22 and I remember it was bad but hadn't fully crested yet at that time) and waned in that time and has since stopped existing somewhere past about 25. I can still technically have panic attacks but no longer have a separate panic disorder, and the fact that it was temporary plus the timing makes me think it was the brain equivalent of your knees hurting because you got tall. The point being, Hatori and Kana are old enough that people go "ah yes they are adults" but they are actually they are children whose prefrontal cortexes or whatever are still disasters. The point being Kana is a precious early-20s baby whose brain and body betrayed her horribly.

Hatori hasn't had an assistant in the years since, so I'm not sure if he asked for an assistant and was given Kana (and after was like "welp never doing that again, I can manage on my own somehow"), or if someone in Kana's immediately family was like "the job market is hard, please nepotism" and convinced Akito to magnanimously bestow the position upon Kana even though it wasn't necessary. That's probably not relevant. What is relevant is that after a certain point Kana starts laying out Hatori's clothes for him to wear in the morning because Hatori, a man after my own heart, hates making outfits to get dressed in the morning and thinks a suit is an all-purpose adult uniform so as to make the process easier and even then would rather someone just picked out his clothes for him. This means that they are either having "sleepovers" on the regular or Kana has fully moved into Hatori's place.

I think I started questioning whether Kana got fired from her job or not upon Akito vetoing the engagement because the reboot places her in Hatori's office for the line about no matter what Hatori said or did Kana did nothing but cry. Why that specific setting, rather than, say, the atmospherically dark and barren room that Mayu later visits Kana in? Is it because Hatori is a doctor and he is trying to treat Kana's illness? Is this simply before Kana stops being able to get out of bed? Did Akito say a huge fuck-you to Kana by informing her in no uncertain terms that Kana has no future with Hatori and must keep her hands off Hatori, but still must show up to work every day instead of being instantly banished? I assume Kana was originally "outside" family, but the room Mayuko visits Kana in seems to be "inside" still since Shigure had to sneak her in.

Which makes me suspect that Akito kept Kana close to really make a point before ultimately driving Kana away, instead of sending Kana away immediately.

Back to environment after that very long tangent. If this is the case, that's a really horrible bullshit situation. That is not a stick-it-out situation.

Every day, wake up in the room that was previously your room, instead of in your boyfriend's room which has been yours for many months. Have you had enough spoons to start moving your things back into your place? Existing is hard, now you are crying again. Get up and go to work, where it's just you and the man you love, the man you still love, the man you have been told in no uncertain terms that you have no future with. You will never get married. The head of the family will never sanction your marriage and the man you love will never marry you without that approval. The man you love will never leave this family. (Hatori has probably been honest and open about that, because it is True.) Feel guilty that you fucked up, that because you love this man and you want to be with him his eye is permanently injured and you both have to live with the knowledge that you can never be together. Feel guilty that you should have seen this coming (there was a reason you didn't openly admit you were in a relationship until you actually asked for permission to marry). Blame yourself, because who else is there to blame? It's not Hatori's fault, you know that, Hatori is the victim here. Hatori says he doesn't blame you, but Hatori also doesn't blame Akito, the person who is tormenting the two of you and who physically hurt Hatori. Hatori literally agrees that Akito is justified and that Hatori knew he was betraying Akito by being in a relationship with you. And Akito openly blames you at length. Based on all evidence you can see, based on the abusive environment you are in, it is clear to you that you are in fact to blame for everything that happened to the two of you. You thought you were making Hatori's life better, you thought the two of you would be happy, but that is clearly not the case and you certainly can't undo it all or make things better now.

There is no light at the end of this tunnel. Things will never get better with time. Akito's mind will not be changed. Hatori's mind will not be changed.

(That leaves Kana. She can either bend—change, accept the end of this relationship, leave—or she can break. She does both, but in reverse order.)

This is not like Yuki, sticking things out until he meets Tohru, until he meets Kakeru, and his world opens up and his mom relents on controlling his future. He had no guarantee the light was there, but he decided it might be and walked for long enough to find it.

This is like Kyouko, trying to stick it out to stay with Tohru but unable to overcome blunt force trauma and blood loss. This is like Kyou, who says the worst thing he can think of to prevent Tohru from confessing she loves him, because he knows they can never be happy together because he will be locked in a shed on the Souma property until he dies and Tohru will not be allowed to step foot on the estate. These are not situations you can wait out.

(This is also like Tohru, who does want Kyou to do what makes him happy because she loves him as a person, who knows she can be okay with Kyou loving someone else because she genuinely wants that for him. But not right now, right now she is not at all okay, right now she is recovering from a head injury and she's only a teenager and she hasn't processed and she can't just stop feeling her feelings no matter how much she tries to repress them and she can't cope and she cries every time she hears Kyou's name even though she knows this isn't the end of her life and her happiness. Being able to be okay in the future is not at all the same as being okay now.)

"I want to be with you," Kana said. But she can show up to Hatori's office every single day for the rest of her life and she will never, ever be with him. Being in the same room is not, in fact, the same thing as being with him.

I think the despair and depression eventually would have gotten to Hatori as well. I think it is a matter of Hatori simply being a different person, as well as having different life expectations. Kana has, presumably, always expected to marry a man she was wildly in love with and have a family. Hatori has, presumably, always been told that he will become a doctor, have a perfunctory marriage and a perfunctory child if Akito approves. (Hatori was the first one to tell Akito he was seeing someone, so until that incident they were all unaware that Akito was not actually going to let any Zodiacs marry anyone.)

For Hatori, falling in love with Kana was an unexpected surprise and Akito ripping them apart was a sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal and a return to the status quo. For Kana, falling in love with Hatori was exactly as expected and Akito ripping them apart came out of nowhere with no logic and was not something she would ever have predicted or been able to see coming.

So while it was still also traumatic for Hatori, I think it affected him differently. I think it was a thing he could more readily cope with, at the time. And once he made the decision to suppress Kana's memories, Hatori suddenly saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This was the only way out for both of them. His life would be the same as he'd always expected, and now Kana's life would be again, too. She wouldn't be heartsick anymore over her destroyed relationship with Hatori; at worst, she'd have the idea of an unreciprocated crush, a fantasy that never panned out (not a reality that turned out to be unsustainable), disappointing but still status quo. She would leave this godawful family and go out of town. She would have the opportunity to meet someone else under circumstances where she could be happy.

So even though it broke his heart to do it, I think Hatori didn't feel trapped as soon as suppressing Kana's memories became a real option. Life is so much easier to bear when you have the option of an escape route. No matter what the situation is, if you're trapped and you have no options it's absolutely intolerable and you're consumed with how horrible and intolerable it is and how much you want to get out but you can't get out and every day it's harder to breath and you can't look ahead at all because you have no hope of things ever changing. It's Kana getting set free that allows Hatori to cope with a future where he has no prospect of a happy marriage, that allows Hatori to cherish his memories of his relationship with Kana instead of being hurt by them.

I think if the possibility of Kana getting her memories suppressed and sent away had not been on the table, sooner or later Hatori would have fallen prey to his own despair-spiral.

Anyway...I can't remember if I had any more thoughts to elaborate on...this has been a very long post to say "it's important to remember that life sucks".

Welp after that wall of Sad Kana Hours I think I'm going to want ready access to previous shenanigans!Kana posts:

shenanigans!Kana toasts her former boss hot doctor at his wedding to her bff

shenanigans!Kana and Momiji are amazing I love them

#fruits basket #fb all #fb mine #fic: consider for AO3 #fb kana #anyway i'm rewatching and i hope to have energy to write down all the thoughts i have had for years and keep rehaving but have no time haha

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ericsonclan · 1 year

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The Nuttiest Nutcracker

Summary: AJ and Telulah watch a Christmas movie.

Word Count: 783

Read on AO3:

AJ wasn’t sure what he was expecting when Telulah asked him to watch a childhood Christmas movie with him. He sure didn’t anticipate seeing a large rat king wearing a full-body suit with the letter R and a yellow cape singing about how he was the big cheese. Telulah sang along happily, completely content wrapped in her boyfriend’s arms on the couch. The smile on her face hadn’t left since the memorable opening with the Sugar Plum Fairy and while AJ always loved seeing her smile he really didn’t get why she had such a soft spot for the movie.

The teen’s nose scrunched in confusion as he watched on but he was confused. As far as he could tell this was just a very cheaply made adaptation of the Nutcracker. The animations were low quality and sometimes downright goofy to look at. AJ sorta got parts of why she liked it: the humor wasn’t good at all but it was stupid fun and it did have talking fruits and veggies. AJ definitely knew the appeal of that part considering how many times he had watched and rewatched Disco Broccoli and Friends over the years. Hell, he was surprised that he hadn’t burned right through the disc of the Christmas DVD special with how many times he had seen it. It became even more shocking when the number of rewatches skyrocketed ever since Telulah entered his life. AJ kept thinking about it for a moment until he was pulled back into the movie when he heard his girlfriend’s voice again.

“Food fight!” Telulah yelled along with one of the talking foods on the screen. Immediately all the different fruits, vegetables, and nuts got up from their hiding spots on the table and attacked. The oranges all struck poses from their basket before diving headfirst down to the floor, crushing the enemy rats with their round bodies. The pears all shimmied down the tablecloth and joined in to vanquish the enemy aided by the asparagus who blocked the way with their heads. Black-eyed peas used noodles to vault down and it seemed like everything was going their way.

Telulah chuckled at all the different ways the animated food was attacking but what really got her in stitches was when the beans started to make their way forward. With each step forward they let out a loud fart that added to the large, pungent green cloud behind them. Toot after toot emitted from the beans as they charged towards the rats and for the first time since the movie started AJ let out a loud laugh. He couldn’t stop himself during the whole sequence. What could he say? Farts were funny. He always thought they were and he knew that his humor had and would stay in the toilet. Soon both AJ and Telulah were so loud and laughing with so much vigor that they had to stop the movie for a minute.

“Whew, oh boy, that was so funny,” Telulah tried to take a few more deep breaths but she devolved into another set of giggles. AJ wasn’t doing much better as his laughter only grew stronger when he heard his girlfriend’s.

“You should’ve warned me about the beans,”

“No way! The beans are the best part of that scene - I wasn’t gonna spoil it for you. They had to creep up on you like a surprise fart attack.” Telulah tilted her head back to look up at her boyfriend as he laughed. The sight made the smile on her lips grow. She always loved his laugh. It was the cutest.

“Yeah, it definitely surprised me.” AJ took a deep breath and settled back into the couch. “Okay, so this movie isn’t half bad.”

“Half bad- This is the greatest Christmas movie of all time!” Telulah declared loudly then spotted the look of disbelief on her boyfriend’s face. “Okay, so it’s a guilty pleasure and isn’t the best Christmas movie ever. That honor goes to A Charlie Brown Christmas and I’ll die on that hill.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! Sorry, babe. Muppet Christmas Carol breaks the top five though,” Telulah smirked when she saw AJ’s eyes go large.

“Top five?!? It should be number one!”

“It is in your heart, baby, and for me it’s top three.” Telulah noticed the signature pouty frown appear. “Okay, Grumpy Bear, let’s get back to the movie before the Christmas cheer is ruined.”

“Okay,” AJ continued to sulk as he held Telulah closer. “But we’re going back two minutes to the bean scene. I’m not budging on it, T.”

Telulah laughed from within her boyfriend’s arm before tilting her head back and pressing a kiss to his chin. “Deal.”

#twdg #twdg aj #twdg telulah #twdg alulah #twdg christma #ericson's diner au #fanfic #ericsonclanchristmaschallenge

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whatisalifeihaveablog · 1 year

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

Ooh I don't mind at all but also this is a very hard question 🤣 I'll make a caveat that this top 10 is not necessarily in order and is subject to change but I love any opportunity to talk about my faves <3. Think of it as list of characters that I love more than a proper top 10

Yuki Sohma (Fruits Basket) - Gotta start with the guy that's been my icon on here for several years now. I read the Fruits Basket manga when I was in 7th grade and I resonated so hard with Yuki's internal struggles. I've always said our life circumstances are very different but our anxieties and personal difficulties are so similar and I had never encountered a character I related to so hard before so I latched on and have not let go to this day

Shigeo Kageyama (Mob Psycho 100) - I'm currently rewatching this series and keep thinking about how if it had come out when I was younger I would have probably latched on to Mob just as much as I did Yuki for how relatable he can be lmao. As an adult I watch it and really root for this kid and feel genuinely proud in every moment of growth he experiences.

Yusuke Urameshi (Yu Yu Hakusho) - A character I was younger than the first time I watched the anime and am currently significantly older than and he has become my anime son. I adore this boy in all of his asshole tough guy posturing and his wit and genuine care for his friends and determination and just all of it. I also want to wrap him in a blanket and give him some delicious hot soup.

Lelouch Lamperouge (Code Geass) - One thing about me is if a character is pretty and cunning and deadly intelligent and morally grey, they are likely going to be a favorite and Lelouch was an early example of this for me. Code Geass is one of my favorite animes I've ever watched and watching Lelouch scheme and generally be him is so damn delightful every time. He's a character I feel like I could write an entire dissertation on, I honestly could with any of these characters, but I am trying to avoid that for the sake of the length of this post lmao

Wei Wuxian (Mdzs/The Untamed) - How did it take me this long to talk about mdzs? Wei Wuxian is absolutely amazing to watch or read about in every single scene. Complicated and brilliant and cocky and so very tragic. He's another one who hits a LOT of points on the "Who is gonna be Sarah's next favorite character" bingo card. I've scarcely cried for a character as much as I've cried for Wei Wuxian, he is so dear to my heart.

Chuuya Nakahara (Bungo Stray Dogs) - What can I say? I love an angry boy. I'll be honest, a lot of my initial love for Chuuya was aesthetics. His hair and outfit alone had me primed to love him from the start but then he came in with that cocky/angry attitude and honestly fucking sick power and that solidified it lmao. And then the more I learned about him beyond the aesthetics and immediate impressions the more I loved him.

Jiang Cheng (Mdzs/The Untamed) - Definitely gotta mention my favorite angry boy of all my angry boys <3. This man has so many flaws and I honestly do get why it's hard for some people to like him but man I love him so much. His temper, to me, is just another side of his passion which also extends into his ambition and love and he rebuilt his clan from nothing and I'm definitely a person who even when it comes to his more "wrong" decisions/actions I think they're more understandable than the people who hate him say. I feel a strong need to defend him a lot of the time

Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece) - Nothing but respect for my pirate king!!!! Luffy is such a fun character. Like truly one of my favorite shonen protags of all time and that mostly comes down to how hard he makes me smile while reading just constantly. Everything he says and everything he does is so wildly entertaining while also being so earnest and honest and simultaneously laid back. The way he loves his crew and puts everything he has into being their captain. I love him so much lol

Wen Kexing (Word of Honor) - Pretty, cunning, morally grey, do I need to say more? His totally shameless attitude in the beginning was so funny all the time and then the deeper we got into his character the more he went from being the most entertaining person on screen to, well still that, but also a character I feel so many emotions for all the time.

Alphonse Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist) - Now here's some top tier anime son material. My love for Al has only ever grown with the years and subsequent rewatches of this series. I. Love. This. Boy. He has seen and been through too much and is still so good and loving and steadfast in his goals and values. Literally couldn't find a better boy. 10/10

#long post #answered #elaine2895 #sorry it took so long i was at work when i got it lol

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randowwriter · 2 years

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For the Fave's Ask... 1-21 😁

Starting off tough! (With question one, but that's okay.) XD I don't know about absolute favorites right now, but I loved My Sisters The Saints by Colleen Campbell as well as Left To Tell by Immaculée Ilibagiza. (Where memoirs are concerned.) My favorite volume from Yona of the Dawn is volume 18 (because of Zeno's backstory!). As far as poetry goes, right now, I'm enjoying Mantras Of A Poet Jessica Powers, but haven't finished reading that yet. Date And Time by Phil Kaye was my go to read last year, because I bought it during a Poetry Month sale (having heard several of the poems in it before), and have reread certain poems lots of times. I also loved my anthology of Robert Frost's poetry. (And I love so many poems by poets I have yet to get poetry collections and chapbooks for.) Novels? Not sure; I haven't been reading much fiction lately. XD (And when I have, it's been fanfiction.) XD And in general, I love C.S. Lewis' writing, though I've read very, very little of his fiction. 2. Ooh. Out of the movies I saw recently, I absolutely loved Chariots of Fire! Like, I watched it about last month or so, but it's absolutely incredible! (I'm debating rewatching it. It's a true story about the Olympics to summarize poorly, but it's about two men in particular who ran during the Olympic games. And it's just incredible.) As far as Studio Ghibli films, I ranked Princess Mononoke as my favorite years ago (and I haven't watched near enough of those). For watching a lot of movies lately, I'm really blanking. XD 3. Right now, probably Yona of the Dawn or Akagami No Shirayukihime. Chuck is up there on the list too, for a non-anime suggestion. I really love FMA in general, and I've been enjoying the Fruits Basket reboot when I was watching it regularly. I have a Season to go in that and the Prelude to see. XD (I've read the whole manga, which now that I realized I didn't mention series has been up in my favorites as far as manga series go. A place that Yona of the Dawn is also at.) :) 4. I don't know??? I listen to all sorts of songs. I've been really enjoying songs about family and friendship though haven't been listening to them as much. XD I know every time I hear "Holy Spirit" by Francesca Battistelli on the radio, I stop and listen. It practically sits me right down in Adoration, and one day, if I ever felt like I could or should bring music with me to Adoration, I'd take just that song. I was absolutely in love with I Wanna Go Back by David Dunn last year. :) Then Cursillo happened, which sounds funny, but afterwards, I stopped finding the song as relatable. (Which is probably fantastic in some ways.) XD Anything Matthew West or Francesca Battistelli is amazing. XD But I didn't really list songs out of other genres, whoops.

5. Of music? I don't have one. Well, in terms of writing, I like stuff that focus on relationships. Like I love family, friendship, and romance genres the most. As far as anything more exact than that, I don't have anything else? I do really love Fantasy though as well, though rarely write or read it, whoops. XD In music, it's the lyrics that are most important to me, if I don't like the lyrics, I don't like the song, and if I love the lyrics, I love the song. So, I listen to about any genre imaginable. XD 6. Uh??? Found Family, I guess??? I don't usually think about tropes, but I always forget that's a trope, and I love it. (Something like what happens in Chuck with the main characters or Yona of the Dawn with the Happy Hungry Bunch. Like both of those are my best examples for what kind of Found Family I'm looking for.) <3 <3 <3 7. What??? Well, I love my family and friends and the Saints, etc... (I guess to put it simply, which doesn't help with specifics.) Saints feel like really good friends or siblings or role models, and there are definitely Saints I fangirl over, though that's probably not the right word. XD And Jesus! Of course! (Since it says people, I'm assuming human. And Jesus being both Human and Divine has to count.) My goal is to love everybody, and so, I'm not actively ranking people. That sounds like a really crazy goal, but it's something I want to do. (Which means loving my enemies, which I don't like to call anybody an enemy, so the closest to enemies I have are the people that don't like me. So, I love them extra hard! Even though it's onesided!) <3 <3 <3

#favorites ask game #sctwilightvampwolfgal

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olivieraa · 3 months

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I have such a weird relationship with anime.

There's a lot I wont tolerate with anime, especially its treatment of female characters (young girls and women), and so I've been extremely picky about what I watch for just about 10 years now.

2014 was the first time I properly buckled down and watched a good chunk of big animes (HxH, FMAB, Haikyuu, Soul Eater). And then 2015 was when I mixed up old animes with animes that were airing at the time. So I had between 1-3 anime eps a day.

Most of it was... soul-crushing. And I was absolutely exhausted. And I didn't know when I'd stop. When it would end.

It was painful.

Anime treated female characters so badly. The fans were disgusting. I was in arguments non-stop. I was screenshotting and posting scenes that were heinous and I could just feel myself losing this battle of trying to see if there was anything good, anything salvageable about this medium.

When I think back to how I started with anime, which was Inuyasha, straight after Inuyasha I was introduced to... harem. I don't know how, but harem was the first anime theme I stumbled into. I watched DNA2, Rosario + Vampire, Hand Maid May, etc. Eventually my first reverse-harem, Fruits Basket. This went on for a little bit before I found Death Note.

But by then, I was so used to half-naked female characters bending over or falling over and landing in provocative positions, I thought it was normal. Death Note never did that, but just bc it didn't sexualise its female characters, doesn't mean it treated them great either.

It took years before I realised that this wasn't normal. And then if women weren't sexualised, they were beaten. Or both. At the same time. And it was laughed at. Or memed. And I was the only one calling it out. Nobody gave a shit.

This is why I felt so drained. And alone.

I found animes that made me happy. When I look at them in a list all together, there's more than I thought. But to find them originally, was like "suffer through about 40 of the bad ones, find a good one, suffer through another 25, find a good one" over and over again.

I kept getting asks like "why are you putting yourself through this?" and honestly, I didn't know. I still dont know. In fact, I'm still doing something similar somewhere else. Like, I'm building up evidence. And its hard to stop.

And the thing is... I didn't go into these animes with the intention of getting into fights. I was always hopeful, everytime a new lineup of anime was announced, that they'd subvert my expectations. Osomatsu was actually the biggest shock for me. I thought it was going to be teen-boy humour to the max, be the Japanaese South Park. Couldn't have been more wrong about that, and its one of my top faves now.

Finding animes like that, that put me in a happy place, was my main intention. Always hoping animes that were the opposite would start to die out.

Coming back to anime, well, I'm just rewatching rn. Only one's I liked. I dont know where I'm going from there, but for now, I'm just staying in this happy place. Going from Osomatsu to Maou-sama, with a few other good one's in between like 91 Days and Acca - Its been peaceful. I found those animes during times of watching mostly bad ones and these being the little gems in between. So when you watch nothing but the gems, its... blissful. I'm having fun. I'm not ready to torture myself yet.

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star-fandoms · 5 months

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Welcome

This is gonna be my fandom sideblog where I literally will just post art of fandom ocs and absolutely ramble about them(Them being my ocs, and whatever fandom I'm hyperfixating on at the time) Although not all fandoms I like I have ocs for and don't plan on making any for.

This is also HEAVILY a canon x oc(Oc NOT personas/self-inserts!!) so if you don't like that, that's fine! Just block me and move on, no big deal! Also I do kind of change some of the settings to fit my oc's in, but it's nothing extreme I don't think. Also I am not taking this blog seriously LOL, I will just ramble about whatever, whenever because holy moly the inside of my brain is an eternal hell. Maybe I could even make some friends with similar interests FHDGHJDGHJ. If you see any fandoms you like that I also like we should ramble about them and if we have any ocs for our mutual fandoms they should be besties! I guess I should get into the fandoms I like!! Oh also cw for some of these fandoms(Like the fanbase is huge and largely toxic, please don't group me in with those toxic people. Also some of them do have some not so great creators, I'll get into it more later. If you have any feeling that you know which ones I'm talking about and don't want to see me talk about them or whatever, then I would recommend not following!) Also not every fandom I have finished reading, watching, playing, and some of them are just fandoms I REALLY wanna get into, some of them are fandoms that I'm not really involved in anymore. FC stands for Favorite Characters and some of them are more like characters I'm interested in/like their design. I've colored the series names, cause it's a lot to read so if you're interested you can just read the series names and see if you like them as well! Long post, REALLY long post below

Anime/manga

Kimi ni Todoke (I'm SO excited for season 3! One of the first animes I have ever watched!! Would recommend if you're looking for a cutesy romance story, although it's still filled with drama. I have no oc's for this story. FC: All of em honestly)

Ouran high school host club (Another one of my first animes, I hold this anime very near to my heart. I know I DID have oc's for this story, but not anymore. I don't think I'll be making any oc's for this story, at least not any time soon. FC: Mori, the twins, Haruhi)

Fruits Basket (Another one of my first anime's LOL! I watched the 2001 version and haven't gotten around to the newer version, though I would like to watch it eventually. I don't have ocs for this story and I'm not planning on making any. FC: Kyo, Momiji)

Blue Lock (I started reading the manga like peak Quarantine, I would be reading this during virtual learning. When the anime came out I watched it with my sister since she used to play soccer, though we never finished sadly, so now I'm rewatching it again on my own. I do have oc's for Blue Lock. FC: Nagi, Rin, Kurona, Kaiser)

Blue Period (I never finished this one, I really need to! I still have oc's for it though. It was recommended to me by my sister who watched it, and I was drawn in because it's an art anime so ofc I would be interested. FC: Haruka)

Tokyo Revengers (I believe I'm still on season 2, like one of the last episodes of season 2, like seriously just finish it already, Star. Anyways I had binged the first season and moved to the manga to finish what was out at the time and I kept up with updates as they came out. Still can't believe season 3 is out, feels like just last week I was watching the first season and being obsessed. I do have oc's for this anime, a lot of them lol I hold them close to my heart despite not having solid designs out yet. FC: Mitsuya, Rindou, Sanzu, Wakasa)

Jujutsu Kaisen (BARK BARK BARK CHOSOOOOO, pardon me. I wonder who my favorite FAVORITE is??? Yeah jjk was an anime I found freshman year of hs, back when Megumi was my main favorite. Anyways the love-hate relationship I hold with this anime is insane. All the bad stuff? never happened, k? I do have oc's for this jjk! FC: Choso, Ino, Megumi, Inumaki, Yuta)

Demon Slayer (I didn't finish the latest season, however I did read the manga after finishing the first season which was all that was out at the time, but I also didn't finish the manga LOL. I do have ocs for kny! FC: Inosuke, Mitsuri, Muichiro, Gyutaro)

Bungo Stray Dogs (I binged the first season and then got bsd burnout soooo yeah I'm only on the second season. I have ocs for bsd! I love the art style and had wanted to get into it for a while, I do want to go back and finish it! FC: Akutagawa, Yumeno, Chuya)

Trigun Stampede (Another anime I never finished, you'll see a lot of these LMAO! I was really drawn by the art style and animation, I believe an edit pushed me to watch it. I still need to finish it and then I also want to watch the original because I've heard a lot of good things about it! Yes, I do have ocs for it as well! FC: Vash!!)

Osomatsu-san (I remember trying to get into it in middle school due to edits and fanart I had seen, I have some old OLD art of those ocs still. I did want to try getting into it again, but I've still only watched like 3 episodes so I'm really not far at all! I want to redesign my old oc's, but yeah I still have em'! FC: Ichimatsu, Karamatsu, Jyushimatsu, Choromatsu)

Nanbaka (I never finished Nanbaka either... I vibe so hard to the opening though, it goes hard. The character designs really caught my attention cause they were just so out there, like I was pretty used to more tame designs but then here Nanbaka is using these vibrant color combos and some interesting hairstyles and catching my eyes. I also have ocs for Nanbaka! I did start watching it again since it had been like 3 years since I watched it. FC: Nico, Kenshirou, Upa, Seitarou)

One Piece (Mmmmm One pee. Yeup. I told myself I would never watch it, mainly because of the cough cough 1000+ episodes and well considering how I struggle to finish animes, knew that the day I finished this anime would be the day hell freezes over. Anyways tell me why like 2 years ago I tried watching it and only made to episode 5 and then I pick it up earlier this year(2023) and make to episode 185 in like a month or two?? What happened to me?? The chokehold this series had on my brain is insane. I definitely have my own issues with it, such as the sexualization of the women and with that the proportions, but honestly I still really like this anime. I also have ocs for one piece, they might honestly be the first ones I show, but its not all of them, just the ones I have references for. FC: Kobe, Shanks, Ace, Sabo, Luffy, Corazon, Penguin, Bepo, Nami, Robin, Chopper)

Hunter x Hunter (Oof! I really need to get watching this anime already. I've wanted to watch it for so long and I've tried over 3 times but I just can't seem to find motivation to watch it. I Did have oc's for this, but obviously since I've hardly even watched it, they're sloppy and need redesigning. FC: Kurapika, Chrollo, Feitan)

Bleach (I know a bit about Bleach through my sister cause while I was hyperfixated on One Piece, she was hyperfixating on Bleach. I sounds interesting, I just haven't made it super far mainly cause I don't have motivation to watch it. I do want to make ocs for Bleach! FC: Chad)

Madoka Magica (I had wanted to watch Madoka Magica for a while but could never find motivation, even now I'm only on episode 2. I do really like what I've seen so far and I'm excited to get to the more messed up parts! FC: Madoka, Sayaka)

Snow White with the Red Hair (It's been like several years and I'm still on the first season. I made it to the final episode of the first season before getting bored and then I came back aware of a season 2 and wanted to watch it so I wanted to finish the first season but then wanted to rewatch the first season to remember what happened but I'm still not at season 2 yet because I haven't continued watching it in months. You'll see this happen a lot as well with me. I don't have any ocs for this and don't plan on making any. FC: Shirayuki, Obi)

Full Metal Alchemist (I've only ever heard good things about Full Metal Alchemist and so I've wanted to watch it for years, but I never got around to it. I still do want to watch it, but I'm not sure when. I also don't know if I'll ever make ocs for this show either?? FC: unsure as of now)

Haikyuu (I think I'm still on season 3/4 I can't remember which one. I did start rewatching it again, I made it to episode 15 so yay, I need to watch more. I started watching in middle school, got bored and took a break and then went back to it in high school, and now I'm watching it again. I do have oc's for Haikyuu! FC: Kenma, Sugawara, Iwaizumi, Osamu)

My Hero Academia (Thank goodness I wasn't there for the peak worst part of mha. I mean I had watched a bit of mha in middle school, but I never really got into it. I do love the style and the characters though, and I really like what I've heard about with the story and stuff, I'm excited to catch up. I'm currently on the 3rd season and I do have oc's for mha! FC: Taishiro(Yes, I love both versions, there is no being a Fatgum simp if you only like the skinny version>:(, Mirio, Amajiki, Ragdoll.)

The Ancient Magus Bride (I've wanted to watch this anime for a while and finally got around to it. It's not at all how I was expecting, though I enjoy it! I don't think I'll make ocs for this anime. FC: Silky, Ruth)

Attack on Titan (This anime has a special place in my heart and honestly I was debating ever continuing it. I watched it way back when it only had 1 season with my mother and my sister and we were patiently waiting for season 2, however my mom passed away like a year before season 2 so my sister and I never watched anymore since we always considered that to be an us three kind of thing, it just didn't feel right to watch it without mom. But now that I'm older and it's over, I want to watch it again. If ghosts exist, then maybe my mothers ghost can watch it with my sister and I! I don't have any oc's yet, but I do want to make some. FC: Armin)

Blue Exorcist (Something similar to aot happened to blue exorcist as well. It was an anime that mom and I watched together. I believe one season was out at the time as well. I never watched the ova or season 2, mainly cause I didn't know they had been released, but when I found out I held back since that was like mom and I's thing, but once again, I wanna try watching it again. I don't know if I'll make any oc's for Blue Exorcist. FC: Rin)

The Apothecary Diaries (I love shoujo anime so this is a must watch. I also really enjoy the main character like a lot! Like she kind of slays, she a baddie. I don't have much to say mainly cause there's not a lot out, but I enjoy it a lot so far! I don't see myself making any oc's for this show. FC: )

Act-age (Honestly, I haven't started reading this at all. I just saw this one dude from the manga on my Pinterest and went "I like the style and this character, where he from." And then added it to my to read list. I know absolutely nothing about it so far. I don't know if I'll make any oc's for this manga. FC: unsure as of now)

Battle Angel Alita (One of my best friends in the entire universe was telling me about this. Honestly I don't know much, but it sounds interesting, I have to read it and then gush about it to my bestie. I don't know if I'll make any oc's for this manga. FC: Unsure as of now)

Pumpkin Night (Okay the website I was using to read this manga had a horrible translator and that kinds threw me off, but pushing that aside, I really REALLY like this manga. The style is really clean and pretty, and I love Naoko's design. I believe I saw an edit of her years ago in early middle school and wanted to read it since and got around to it in early high school. It's really gory, so if you don't like that, would recommend you avoid it. uhm and depending on which website you're using, you may have really horrible translations, I don't mean like bad grammar or anything like that, that would be absolutely fine, I'm talking about the translator being a shitty person. I don't see myself making any oc's for this manga. FC: Naoko

Yona of the Dawn (Kimi no Todoke gave me newfound hope that Yona of the Dawn will get another season despite all this time, I am clinging on to threads honestly. I've spent so many night crying, hoping for a season 2. Everyone who has watched YotD wants a season 2, come on please! I NEED it!! Like I still see the manga getting updates so there's plenty of content to make a season 2 and once again its in high demand from those who watched/read YotD. I do want to make oc's for this show, I believe I had some but they're old and I remember nothing. FC: uhm like everyone <3)

Land of the Lustrous (Another anime I'm clinging onto to hope with for a season 2. I NEED it. I have a hard time finishing animes, let alone rewatching them, but tell me why I could watch land of the lustrous over and over again. It is so good. I do want to make oc's for this anime. FC: Phos, Cinnabar, Diamond, Padparadscha, Aculeatus, Antarcticite, Cairngorm)

Remarried Empress (Ooooo pulling all-nighters in high school to read this was definitely my favorite decision. In all honesty though, this manga means a lot to me and has inspired some of my own stories, I didn't think I would be one to like the old-timey ruler stuff, but I am. I also love the relationships between the characters. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: Navier, Heinry)

Death is the only ending for the Villainess (Also pulling all-nighters to read this during high school. I loved the art style and the story. I don't really keep up with it anymore which happens with a lot of manga's that I read. Either their anime's come out, or I just get tired waiting for updates. Anyways, I really like the mc and who she ends up with, they scare me lol. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: )

Today the villainess has fun again (Honestly, read this awhile ago and hardly remember anything. I know there was the one dude with pretty eyelashes and I fangirled over his blushing face. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: )

Spy x Family (Watched this anime with my sister, though we never finished it. We finished season one and think we made it kind of far into season 2. I think it's a really cute anime and want to finish it, I can't wait for it to get more darker and more serious. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: Yor)

Beastars (I haven't watched the anime or read the manga but I want to! I've heard so many people talk trash about this anime before giving it a chance since it's "furries" but then like when they do watch it or for those who watched it without judging it, only say good things. I do know some spoilers, like I'd say I know like the basics. But I love the animation and art style and the story seems really interesting! I know I'll have to read the manga since no more seasons will be coming out sadly, but also because of the side stories. I don't know if I'll ever make oc's for Beastars. FC: Unsure as of now)

Chainsaw Man (I remember my sister reading the manga and then us finding out that there was gonna be an anime adaptation, so I held off on the reading. I really liked the style and animation, and the opening made it to my spotify wrapped last year. I did have oc ideas in mind, I never got around to designing them. Honestly the ideas I had I'm not really proud of either so most of them will be getting redesigned entirely. FC: Power, Angel Devil)

Sailor Moon (I haven't watched this anime in so long! It been since 3rd grade and I made it to 60 something episodes. Back when anime episodes were uploaded on Youtube with little to no problems. I wanna rewatch this anime so badly. I don't think I'll make any ocs for this anime though. FC: Sailor Mercury, Sailor Chibi, Luna )

Tokyo mew mew (I need to watch the reboot, I used to looove magical girl anime's in elementary school. I don't remember much other then liking the show and watching old Ichigo x Quiche amv's and hating the main male lead. I don't see myself ever making oc's for TMM. FC: Quiche, Ichigo, Minto)

Shugo Chara (Another anime I haven't finished. I showed this anime to my sister and she got farther then I did, I don't think I even made it past season 1. I still want to go back and watch it though. The openings are bops! I don't see myself makings ocs for this anime. FC: Amu, Ikuto, Tadase)

Cardcaptor Sakura (Never even started watching it, I just REALLY want to!! I've seen some Clips on youtube, and some funny dub moments on tiktok. I can't see myself making ocs for this series. FC: unsure as of now.)

Neon Genesis Evangelion (Another anime recommended to me by my friend. I've only watched like 8-9 episodes. I want to watch more, and I'm excited to see those darker moments cause I love stuff like that. I don't think I'll be making any oc's for this anime either. FC: Rei)

Noragami (I only watched the first season in like 5th grade or something. But now I'm seeing like all the latest chapter stuff on tiktok and like wanna rewatch/finish the anime and then read the manga, unless they'll animate the entire manga. Anyways I don't think I'll be making any characters for Noragami. FC: Hiyori, Yato, Yukine, Kofuku)

Mod Psycho 100 (Despite me only being on the second season, I do hold this anime close to my heart. I NEED to finish this anime, especially now that it's like over. I do have ocs for this anime! FC: Mob, Reigan, Teruki, Dimple)

Shows

My Little Pony (I remember skipping school in 4th grade to binge the seasons that were out on netflix. I used to have a whole bunch of mlp toys as well. I loved mlp so much when I was younger! I did want to rewatch it again recently, sometimes it's just really nice to go back and watch shows you loved as a kid, even if you cringe at how obsessed younger you was with the show(Pretty sure I tried doing a fluttershy cosplay with what I already had when I was younger.) I have a ton of mlp ocs, that I made on pony town since I really struggle with drawing ponies, but I think I'm getting better! FC: Fluttershy, Pinkiepie, Princess Luna)

South Park (I had wanted to watch south park for a long time but just never had anywhere to watch it until recently! That said I obviously haven't made it far lol. Think I'm only of season 3 or something. Obviously the show has horrible humor and touches on bad topics in a poor manner so avoid this if you're sensitive to that stuff, not that there's anything wrong with that of course! I do have oc's for this show and I'm working on my own sort of au I guess. The south parkies will NOT like me I guarantee. FC: Kyle, Wendy, Kenny, I don't know the other characters well enough to have an opinion.)

Ninjago (I remember this show airing when I was around 9-10, somewhere around that age group, and I wasn't super interested, think I watched like an episode or two. But then like I had started hearing all this talk about Ninjago online and it was only good stuff and I had wanted to watch it since. Too bad the fandom's pretty much dead :( I'm still not done watching it. I do have oc's for it though! FC: Kai, Llyod, Nya)

Lego Monkie Kid (I've rewatched this series 3 times within the past 2 months, so if that's any indicator on how good this show is and how much I love it, there's your sign to watch it. I got my bestie to watch it as well and now we're both hyperfixated. It's great and the seasons and episodes are both short so it's a really easy show to binge. I love the characters and the story. I also love the Eternal Servants au by @/emelinstriker (Sorry I don't know if it would be okay to tag her over something like this, I'll tag her properly when I do fanart!) That being said, I do have oc's for lmk and the au! FC: Macaque, Ao Lie, Mk, Redson)

Arcane (I was shocked when I found out this was a League of Legends show, it also kind of dissuaded me from watching it, but I'm so glad I did! This show is so well done! I've named plants after the characters, I have a little solar light-up polar bear named "Claggor", I named my cat "Ecko", and not that this was intentional, but when my sister and I first watched it my hair was dyed blue and hers was dyed pink. Needless to say, I love Jinx and I've never related to a character as much as I do with her. I'm so excited for season 2. I won't be making oc's for this show though. FC: Jinx, Ekko, Victor)

Bluey (I love this show so much! A huge comfort. I understand that some might be drawn away by the fact it's like a children's show, but it was really comforting to me. Like it was nice to see a good family, not perfect of course, a good and healthy family. And some parts reminded me of me and my sister. And the show isn't just like some normal kids show where the characters are asking you where an apple is when its right in front of them, no this show actually feels like it's teaching me something. Like this is something that I would show my kids and be able to watch this with them. I won't be making oc's for Bluey. FC: Bingo)

Games

AMONGUS (Among us was really fun to play with friends, it sucks that I'm so bad at it though. It's also so easy to tell when I'm imposter cause I just target one of my best friends, she does the same to me, it's great. I do have among us ocs! I even made a little story around them!)

Witches Heart (I finished watching manlybadasshero play the main game but I don't think I ever finished the bonus stories. I love the story and the artstyle, it's a big inspiration for when I'll make rpg's. I think I might make oc's for this story, but I'd want to watch it again. FC: Wilardo, Sirius, Noel)

Your Turn to Die (I haven't watched the latest update yet so I'm not caught up yet, I also haven't watched since freshman year so I want to watch it again. I was like hyperfixated on this game the entire freshman year, I was doodling my ocs and the characters on my worksheets. It was great talking to my friend, who was the one that got me into it, about it! I did have ocs, but they're old and in need of a redesign, I'll be redoing them! FC: Joe, Sara, Reiko, Keiji, Gin, Ranmaru)

Stardew Valley (It's been a while since I've played Stardew Valley, but I want to play it with my sister again. It's fun and I'm excited for their new game as well! I do have ocs for Stardew Valley! FC: Sebastian, Sam, Shane, Haley)

Genshin Impact (Oof. This one is difficult to talk about. I hardly play this game anymore, I think the last time I played it was when Sumeru came out because I wanted to explore the region. Anyways I was super obsessed with this game back in 2019-2021??? somewhere around those times. Everything was really fun in the beginning and then it got exhausting and I have issues with the creators, especially with the release of Sumeru characters. I still do have ocs and I think about them from time to time, they're still early in development as well, I want them to be detailed like the in-game characters. I feel I have more bad things to say about this game rather than good things, but it doesn't stop this game from being an important part in my life. FC: Diluc, Xiao, Heizou, Kazuha, Scaramouche, Ningguang, Ayaka, Kaveh, Shinobu)

Honkai Star Rail (I really don't play this game much but I kept up with it during development and excitedly waited for its release date. I still somewhat keep up with it but I really don't play it often. I do like the game more then Genshin though, I just get exhausted with grinding games. I do have ocs, still in early development since they need to be more detailed. FC: Dan Heng, Blade, Jing Yuan, Argenti)

Zenless Zone Zero (I'm still keeping up with the development, I can't play it though since it's still in pre-registration. I don't have much to say since I don't really know anything. I do plan on making ocs and have a few in mind. FC: Von Lycaon, Billy Kid, Soukaku)

Danganronpa (Middle school was wild. I was into Danganronpa before it reached it's peak in 2020-2021, I was into it in like 2017-2018 and then kind of got back into it in 2020, but mainly with my own ocs and fangame ideas. I just remember the fanbase being so toxic in 2020 and even now some of the fans are not so good(Which is obvious, every fandom has it's bad apples.) I also have issues with the game, such as the sexualization of the teens and even younger in ultra despair girls. I'm not super into the fandom, but I do have my own ocs that I like and want to make a fangame for eventually. FC: Kirigiri, Mukuro, Komaeda, Shuichi, Jataro)

Punishing gray Raven (I'm sadly not very far and my interest never lasts long sadly, I think I'd be more into it if was on pc since it's really hard to play games this immersive on my phone. I do have an oc for PGR though! FC: Lee, Lucia, Liv, Kamui, Chrome, Vera, Ayla)

Animal Crossing (Dude I was obsessed with Animal crossing for a bit. New horizons is the first and only animal crossing game I've played, but I remember watching the horror places in new leaf, I loved watching the scary things in animal crossing when I was younger. I do have an oc for animal crossing! FC: Goldie, Marshal, Raymond, Judy, Coco, Merengue, and so many more but these are the mains)

Cookie Run (I don't have much to say other then I just log into cookie run almost every day and that's it, I don't really do anything like I used to. Kingdom and ovenbreak. I do have cookie run ocs! many many cookie ocs! FC: Pure Vanilla, Cotton Candy, Chili Pepper, Milky Way, Frilled Jellyfish, Snapdragon, String Gummy, Chocolate Bonbon, more so many more)

Wadanohara and the great blue sea (Okay so for the Okegom stories, I'm more so still into them for the nostalgia and my own ocs. I do love the style as well but the creator is...awful. I got into these stories in middle school so it's been awhile and I didn't realize that the creator wasn't a good person. WATGBS is really nostalgic and has a special place in my heart. Once again I love the style and the music is a big inspiration. I also love the character designs! I do have Ocs for WATGBS! FC: Wadanohara, Memoca, Fukami, Uomihime, Mikotsuhime)

Gray Garden (Unlike WATGBS, I never finished Gray Garden so I don't have much to say. I might go back and try to watch it cause I'm pretty sure I made it far but I don't remember. Oh yeah, this is another Okegom game. I also have ocs for this game. FC: Kcalb, Yosafire, Froze)

Ice Scream (I think this was my first Okegom game, it's a web browser game so I've actually been able to play it. It's a short little game and I was waiting for years for updates but none ever came. I also have ocs for this! FC: Shirogane, Yukisada)

Bloodborne (I've never played Bloodborne, the only reason I am even remotely into Bloodborne is because my friend is going through extreme brainrot and got me to makes ocs for it, so yes I have ocs! FC: the Doll

Obey Me (I started playing this game like a week after it came out and yet I'm still not even at lesson 16 LMAO. I also pre-downloaded nightbringer and I'm not far in that either. I know stuff that happens though! I do have ocs for Obey me! FC: Mammon, Satan, Beelzebub, Simeon, Barbatos, 13)

What in Hell is bad (oh gosh, this game is well its a game alright. It's really funny to me, like I cant take it seriously. Mainly because of the gacha animation, but also it's just funny. Although this would be torture for me if I was actually in the game since it's really sexual and my demisexual ass would be disgusted. Anyways, I definitely have issue's with this game, like some of the philia's are problematic(like Necrophilia, I don't remember all of them but I think that's the worst of them) and also due to circumstances in the game, noncon in common in the game which is yikes. Also I just used my Obey Me oc with a few changes, I thought it would be funny if in every au she came into contact with demons. FC: Satan, Minhyeok, Paimon, Marbas, Astaroth, Zagan)

Our Life (I love pouring 70+ hours into this game. I was obsessed. This game means so much to me. Cove Holden is my standard. Just wait till a get a card and some money, I am buying those patreon moments. Also I am so SO excited for Our Life: Now and Forever! Like I WILL cry. Our Life: Beginnings and Always made me sob at so many parts, and I'm expecting the same for OL:NF. Anyways, I do have oc's for both Our Life's! FC: literally everyone)

Ensemble Stars (I love finding out how messed up this little idol game is. I was into the game before Ensemble Stars!! came out, so I was into the first game, but I couldn't ever play it, and finally it came out in English and on the phone/computer. Since it came out on pc I've been playing it a lot more! Midnight Butler is my favorite song!! I do have ocs for Ensemble stars! FC: Ritsu, Arashi, Mika, Kanata, Midori, Chiaki, Leo)

Ikemen Revolution (Heartbreaking to find out it was cancelled. I never made it very far, but still. I like watching the event stories on Youtube. I'm pretty sure this was my first Ikemen game as well, so it's even more sentimental. I do have an oc for this game! FC: Luka, Lancelot, Jonah, Edgar, Zero, Kyle, Loki)

Ikemen Prince (This is the Ikemen game I've played the most. I love the art style and the characters! I eat that shit up! I also watch the event stories on youtube LMAO! I have an oc for this game! FC: Yves, Chevalier, Clavis, Rio, Licht, Gilbert)

Ikemen Villains (I'm excited for this game to get released in English! I've been seeing a few translations on Tumblr. I don't have much to say as I barely know anything, but I do have an oc at the ready. FC: Ellis, Harrison, Liam, William)

Twisted Wonderland (Honestly, you'll probably mostly see Seele, my twst oc, on this account as I draw them the most and also get hyperfixated on twst the most. Also I did have another account dedicated to her, I'll access it another time and delete it since everything will just be moved here. FC: Jamil, Malleus, Deuce, Kalim, all of em really)

Lovebrush Chronicles (I've played this game once, but I want to play it more! I think the premise is really interesting and I know a bit about the story and I'm excited to get to that point. I have an oc in mind, but not much work has been done on them. FC: Ayn, Alkaid)

Infinite Blue (I'm excited for the actual game to come out, so far only the scavenger hunt demo is out. I do have ocs for this game, though they aren't well thought out as of now. FC: Rory, Alexei, Leo, Milo)

Tears of Themis (I really enjoy this game, I like mystery games and romance games and boom here's a combo of the two. I do have ocs for this game! FC: Artem, Marius)

Undertale (I love this gam so so SO much, it means so much to me. Sadly I was there for the worst parts of the fandoms, I had just witnessed it, I didn't participate in it. I was a sans fangirl but not those that would make videos of killing other sans fangirls, I liked the fangirls that got together and became friends! I made an entire series off of my old Undertale oc's That said they aren't Undertale oc's anymore, maybe I'll make some in the future idk. FC: Toriel, Sans, Papyrus, Muffet, Napstablook, Mettaton, all of them!)

Deltarune (I didn't finish chapter 2. I really like this game and the music if a huge inspiration for me! It definitely doesn't hit the same as Undertale due to that nostalgia factor, but I'm gonna keep up with any game that Toby Fox makes since he's a big inspiration for me! I might makes oc's for this game in the future but as of now I don't have any. FC: Susie, Ralsei, Checker King, Seam)

Wobbledogs (The silly game ever! I don't have much to say honestly, it's just a silly game where a mutate silly dogs. No ocs, just a silly game I like. Put them in the floating cheese room)

Degrees of lewdity (oop- I haven't played this game in a bit but I was obsessed for a bit. My luck in this game is shit though, one time like every move I was getting gotten. I do have oc's for this game! FC: Kylar, Alex, Harper, Robin)

Castle Crashers (I used to play this game all the time in Elementary school, although I could only play it over at my cousins house! I don't have much to say since I don't remember that much, I do have it but there's not anyone to play it with as of now. I do want to make an oc, just a little silly. FC: The pink knight)

Sims 4 (Silly character creator, that's all I really use the sims for. Although I do want to use it for other purposes to, like house designing and stuff for my ocs. I just makes characters on it though, but they've all been ruined since my mods needed updating and I forgor every single mod I had LMAO, they're all bald ad naked)

Five nights at Freddy's (haurhaur haurhaurhaur haurhaurhaurhaurhaurrrr n e ways the horror game ever ig. This game holds a special place in my heart, I need to continue my yearly fnaf phase where I rewatch all of Marks playthrough and then every game theorist video on it. I do want to make ocs for this game, I've had ideas but never went anywhere with the ideas. FC: Foxy, Sun and moon, Marionette, Mangle)

The Witches House (I think this was my first horror rpg game ever, it started my obsession. Also I have more but they weren't as meaningful as the ones on this list. Dude the twist of this game, I eat that up. I want to rewatch this game so badly. No ocs, don't plan on making any either.)

Ib (I think out of all the horror rpg's I've seen, Ib is my favorite and also the one I've rewatched the most. This game is so important to me and who I am as a person honestly. No ocs and I don't see myself making any soon, but maybe in the future. FC: Honestly, the trio ever.)

Mad Father (This is my second favorite rpg game! Also very special to me and my heart, I could cry thinking about the memories. These games raised me, which might be concerning actually, but nonetheless, they raised me. No ocs and I don't see myself making an oc. FC: Aya, Maria, Robin)

Kingdom Hearts (Don't ask me literally anything about this game, it's crazy that I basically know nothing despite this game being an important part of my mind for the past 18 years LMAO I've only played 2 and 3 and never finished either. My mom introduced me to Kingdom Hearts and I used to LOVE watching her play it! Ofc I played it myself too after watching my mom play it. I don't know if I'll ever make ocs for this game, maybe if I get hyperfixated on it again. FC: Sora, Roxas, Axel)

Wizardess Heart (I'm so upset this game was taken down off the app store, I lost all my progress. You can still play it on the SWD collection game where it has a bunch of the developers games into one, but y'know. I do want to make oc's for this game and get back into it! FC: Lucious, Elias, Randy, Yukiya, Hugo, Zeus)

Baldurs Gate 3 (Never played it, tryna get it for the holidays. My sister plays it and we're gonna play it together. Tbh I'm mainly interested in the dnd aspect since I've been wanting to get into dnd for a while, but I never really knew where to start and this seems like a good place to start. Obviously, I WILL be making ocs :3 FC: Karlach, Gale, Glut, Lae'zel)

Garten of Banban (Say whatever you want about this game, I enjoy it's chaos, it's funny as fuck and entertaining. Is it good? No, not really. Does it need to be good? Nah, it's got chaos and that gives it at least +20 points to me lol. I might make ocs for this story later but idk. FC: Bittergiggle, Bambalena, Sheriff Toadster)

Misc

Welcome Home (I really love this arg! Definitely not as obsessed as others, but I love keeping up with the creator and seeing what's going on in the fandom. I do have ocs for this! FC: Wally, Sally, Poppy, Howdy)

Mystery Flesh Pit National Park (What an outlier in this entire list LMAO, anyways THIS is my favorite horror piece. I can't explain it, and I won't in this post, I'd need time to really get down the feelings this project gives me. I've spent several hours watching the 1 hour documentary on youtube by Wendigoon and even longer playing the roblox fangame. I love this series, specifically the part where the clowns get melted, it's a horrifying idea and I love it. FC: the pit)

Poison Bugs (More Okegom! I have no clue what's going on in this story, not much is out and I'm not sure if there's any place where I can read/watch this, no clue. All I know is bugs, and I like bugs, so bug ocs. So yeah I have ocs for this. FC: Odea)

Obsolete Dreams ( Final Okegom as of now! I think this is like a comic/manga, but I've never read it. I want to, but also like I have no clue what the plot is even about and it lowkey seems all over the place. I think the main plot is a dad who has a bad relationship with his daughter and he's trying to mend it, but he's an alcoholic sooooo. Anyways, oc's, I have 'em, but no work has been done on 'em. FC: Maekami, Jork, Kiku, Glasses)

Lacey's games (I don't have much to say, I just like it! I like horror, and I specifically like this type of horror. Where it disguises itself as cutesy but it's not, it's morbid and will haunt your days.)

Vocaloid (I also don't have much to say, fandom wise. I've been into this fandom since 3rd grade, my stalker got me into this music, its great, what an important part of my life. I want to make oc's for this so badly and make them voices and stuff, using the UTAU app. FC: Gumi, Len, Oliver, Fukase, VY2)

Homestuck/Hiveswap (So never finished this but gosh the impact the web comic has had on me. I saw this one post like a couple months ago that said something like "Every homestuck fan is trans" which was really funny since going as John Egbert for Halloween made me question my gender so yeah it really was my awakening. I do have ocs! FC: Karkat, Dave, John, Rose, Nepeta, Kanaya, Xefros)

Orin Ayo/Tragicbox/incredibox (It's mainly Orin Ayo and the spin-off/sequels. Uh warning for VERY dark content if you're looking to get into it! Anyways I'm obsessed with the story and character designs, I wanna make ocs for Orin Ayo and have an idea. Normal incredibox is fine though! The beats go hord! FC: Tab, Lilac, Cratz Pur, Kaski, Mike Scarlett(From Incredibox Airline), Mason)

#So happy to finally finish this cause now I get to just ramble about my ocs #Theres probably more that just slipped my mind #This account is for my fan ocs and fandom ramble that I don't want on my main account #This will be updated eventually #like if I think of any fandom I missed #or if I end up making ocs for some #or get into any new fandoms #which feel free to suggest some!#No promises i'll get into it but I'll check it out!#wow long post #i lomv long post yippee

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sparklyfaerie · 4 years

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So I’ve been rewatching Fruit’s Basket and thinking a lot about the Cat’s curse for a while now. I didn’t really question a lot about it until I started watching Season 2 of the anime, the episode where Akito tells Tohru about Kyo’s impending confinement in particular, and I started thinking about why they were confined.

I’ll be talking about stuff from the manga that won’t appear until season 3, so be warned that there are spoilers.

At first I thought it was just because the Cat’s true form was a hideous monster, but then I thought that that couldn’t be the reason. From what I could see, there was no real reason for the Cat to be locked up other than arbitrary cruelty. They were already guaranteed an unfulfilling life: ostracized by the other Zodiac, unable to find companionship outside of the Zodiac because of the whole transforms into a cat/monster thing, and just generally being looked down on by anyone who knows about the curse as being a monster.

They already had the True Form as punishment for ‘rejecting’ God and the animals in their original life, so it couldn’t be that, either. Again, anything on top of that would just be arbitrary cruelty.

But then I realised: The Cat is literally the linchpin of the entire curse. And the God incarnates know it. Because, if the Cat’s locked up? They can’t find anyone to love them, which is how the curse breaks. And the other Zodiac instinctively look down on the Cat, which is a built-in defense against one of them loving them completely.

I would be willing to bet money that Cats before modern day were isolated from birth. The only reason modern Cats are allowed to attend school is because there are laws in Japan that say schooling is compulsory, at least until the end of Middle School. And then, the Sohma family is high profile, so they couldn’t have a string of dropouts tarnishing the family name.

So, the Cats go to school because the law requires it. And they go all the way through High School to keep up the family image. They attend all boy’s schools (or girls, if the Cat is born female), ostensibly to keep anyone from discovering the curse, but also to keep them away from girls (or boys) who might potentially fall in love with them. (Obviously this would have failed spectacularly if the Cat turned out to be gay and fell in love with another student at school, but I digress.)

After they graduate? Now there’s no one to miss them. Lock them up and throw away the key.

We know the Kureno’s curse broke when he was in middle school, judging by the uniform in the flashback. I checked, and it’s the same one Kyo wears in the flashback where he’s shouting at his teachers that Kazuma isn’t his father in the Season 1 finale.

So, we know that Kureno is ~10 years older than Kyo. His curse broke when he was, let’s say, 15 or 16. Kyo would have been a child, around the age of 5 or 6. Judging by how he’s illustrated, this is likely when his mother kills herself and he is taken in by Kazuma, who begins to love him. Kyo finds fatherly love in his new guardian and the curse begins to weaken.

Things stay steady for a while. But when he meets Tohru and begins to love her, and she begins to love him in return, the curse starts to weaken again. Momiji’s curse breaks. Then Hiro’s. The two of them are freed before the rest. If I had to guess why those two in particular, I would say that their bonds with Akito were already the weakest? I know it’s stated that Akito doesn’t like Momiji, and I can’t imagine Hiro being very close to her after the incident with Kisa.

And when we get the ~confession scene, where Kyo tells Tohru that he loves her, and allows himself to be loved in return, the curse breaks for everyone else in a great cascade.

So, yeah, Akito really fucked up when she allowed Tohru to live at Shigure’s place. She wanted to teach the boys a lesson by having a girl grow distant and reject them, when in reality it literally went in completely the opposite direction.

#Fruits Basket #Kyo Sohma #Kyo Soma #Tohru Honda #Long post #Fruits Basket spoilers #Fruits Basket curse #Sohma curse #Soma curse #kyoru

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dragonmiryo · 3 years

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I was 10 years old when I watched my first Fruits Basket clip. My childhood best friend showed it to me after having started watching the series in spring and I’ll never forget it. Episode 13, when the student council president starts bashing Momoji and Hatsuharu for their hair and outfits. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen and I wanted to watch more, so after getting permission from my mom (since I was still only 10 and there was cursing), we both decided to sit down and watch it on Netflix together.

To say I fell in love with the series is an understatement; it had inserted its way into my heart and wasn’t leaving. From the funny moments, the sad ones, and the wholesome ones, Fruits Basket had something that 10 year old me had never seen in shows before: emotional rollercoasters and meaningful messages in almost every episode. I rewatched Fruits Basket constantly, going back to my favorite episodes when I needed a laugh and watching several episodes in one sitting just because I could. Come summertime, I found out the manga had much more story than what was in the anime, so I started collecting.

There was a bookstore we discovered that had a ton of manga, and so often when we had the time, we’d go there to see what we could find. From there I started collecting Fruits Basket, Ouran, Sailor Moon, and even Naruto. We’d go frequently to see if any new manga were there, to see if there was a volume that hadn’t been there previously. It was out of order sometimes and it took years to finally collect them all, but I was persistent. Fruits Basket had become my favorite series and I was determined to get every volume.

It wasn’t until I was sixteen years old that I finally completed my collection by buying the last volume (which was every expensive and since I didn’t make much money, I had to either save or wait until Christmas and my birthday). Finally, the story I had been reading and waiting to finish for six years had come to an end and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. It was the end of an era for me and I was left fulfilled and yet saddened that we didn’t get a full anime series for it.

Then, not even a week later, I was scrolling on an old website I used to use to get kpop news called JpopAsia to see how much it had changed. I hadn’t used it since I was barely fifteen, so I was curious about it. As I scrolled and looked at the news, I noticed three familiar figures and a headline that said: Funimation Announces Fruits Basket Reboot.

To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. I read the article, unable to to believe that it was really happening, and looked up several other news sources that confirmed it to be true. It hadn’t even been a week ago that it was announced. I screamed and ran to my mom to tell her the news and we both new we had to download Funimation so we could watch it. Even my dad agreed to watch it with us after seeing how excited we were.

Now I’m nineteen years old and the reboot has reached its finale. After almost ten years of being a fan and waiting for a reboot that I never thought would come, it has ended. I watched my favorite manga series turned into a full anime and watched it to completion. And I couldn’t be any happier.

It was everything I loved about the series animated before my very eyes, with the voice actors from the original anime saying the lines out loud instead of me hearing them in my head as I read my manga. The art style was new and fresh, the actors had played their lines better then ever, and the best part? They were doing it right.

There isn’t a single thing I disliked about the anime. I can think of no complaint. It was everything I could have possibly dreamed of, and more so. I loved everything about it. I loved the voice acting, I loved the animation, I loved the pacing, I loved the excitement I got every Monday when a new episode came out. But most of all, I loved watching the show with everyone else, new and old to Fruits Basket. I loved reminiscing with people who read the manga and were as excited as me to see it fully animated. I loved watching my dad and thousands of others experience it for the first time and theorize about what would happen next. I loved the community it built with people who needed Fruits Basket, who needed to hear the words that Tohru had to say. It was everything I could have ever possibly hoped for and I couldn’t be happier with it.

I could write sonnets about each character and what I loved about them. I could talk about how much Tohru means to me as a main character who was kind and selfless but it was never made to be a weakness, or something that was taken advantage of until it broke her. Or I could write about Kyo, the perfect representation of what a tsundere should be but was never defined by it, and grew to change into a better, mature person. Maybe I could talk about Yuki, how much his story and journey meant to me as I got older, how happy I was to see him make new friends and become a person who was no longer held down by his abuse, and flourished in spite of it.

Each and every character means so much to me and to see them on my TV again, with their stories fully fleshed out... I can’t stress enough how overjoyed I was. There are no words in the dictionary that can express it. And even though it’s over, I didn’t get that “What now?” feeling I usually get after finishing a series I loved so much. I know what’s next for them. And I know that if I ever need them, they’ll always be right there; in my bookshelf, or on my TV.

It was an honor to experience Fruits Basket with everyone, and while the series is over, I’ll never stop loving and talking about the characters. Almost ten years with them, and the number’s just gonna keep growing. I’ll continue to read, watch, and rant about Fruits Basket,

Repeating the good and the bad.

Doing it all.

And piling on the years.

#fruits basket #fruits basket reboot #long post #more of my ramblings #i could talk for hours about fruits basket no joke #i almost want to talk about every character in length #just because #i have a lot of feelings can you tell #it all means so much to me that even text doesn't do it justice #but anyways #if you do manage to read through all of this then congrats #hope you feel the same way #thank you fruits basket for the incredible journey #but this isn't goodbye #you'll always occupy a space in my heart

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lololil · 4 years

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Requested by @nachtumringt from this prompt list - the way you said “I love you”. I appreciate you greedy being, thank you for the request. I hope you’ll enjoy it. 🍃✨

2. With a hoarse voice under the blankets

Lucas doesn’t know when it became love. Maybe it always has been. He remembers seeing Eliott for the first time, a clumsy little boy carrying boxes into the house next door. The feeling in his belly - like infinite little stings - and the heat spreading through his tiny body were definitely something new.

He even asked his maman what it meant, afraid he might have had an allergic reaction, but she just smiled and kissed his forehead. “One day you’ll know, mon chérie.” But he wasn’t sure he wanted to know, it may have been warm and fuzzy, but it was prickling, urgent. “Now, don’t you want to go meet the new neighbors? Take them this.” She stuffed his short arms with a basket filled with fruits and some sweets. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go, of course he wished to see the boy again, but what if that weird feeling ate him up?

If only had he known...

The feeling did, in fact, eat him up. To the point each two of three thoughts in his head would be about Eliott - that’s the boy’s name.

And now, twelve years later, they are in the exact same position. Lucas observing him from his house, analyzing how his muscles contract differently with each movement, how the breeze makes his strands dance around, how his eyes shine even though the sun decided to stay hidden behind the dense clouds. Boxes are being carried, but this time from the house and into the car. Eliott’s car. The one he will drive away in first thing in the morning, away to college. Away from Lucas.

Funny thing is, he did find out what that feeling he felt so many years back was. But now he has only been left with his chest ripped open, his heart sore, imploding, bleeding.

Eliott’s eyes catch his and he can’t help but smile. His friend looks worried, lifting his shoulders with a clear question what is it. Lucas shakes his head and Eliott, as the stupidly perfect boy he is, starts running towards Lucas with a childish jog despite his huge limbs.

“What’s wrong?” Eliott asks, keeping his hands behind his back.

“Nothing! I was smiling!” He points to his own mouth and makes an exaggeratedly fake grin. “See?” Eliott huffs and takes one hand to Lucas’ hair, playing with it.

“Dumbass.”

“Yes, I guess we’ve established that that is my role in this relationship.” He points to both of them and something shines in Eliott’s eyes.

“I have something for you.” Lucas’ features brighten and he jumps excitedly. He was always incapable of feeling down around Eliott.

“What is it?” Eliott laughs and takes his hand from behind his back. Presenting Lucas with a stuffed raccoon. The raccoon. “What? Eliott, you can’t give me this. I already have my hedgehog.” And well it was kind of ridiculous, but they had bought them when they were younger, Lucas only agreed because Eliott had the most gorgeous smile on his face and he wanted it to last a bit longer.

“Yes, but I want you to have it. Please. So you can remember me when you look at it.” He looks taken aback, bashful, and it’s so honest and so sweet Lucas could kiss him. God, he wants to kiss him.

It’s not like I could spend a minute without thinking of you he almost says. “Ok. But only if you take my hedgehog.” Eliott smiles so angelically it’s hard to breathe.

“Ok.” He agrees and Lucas takes the stuffed animal giving it his all not to squeeze it. “You are cute.” It isn’t unusual for Eliott to say random stuff like this and Lucas never knows what to do. Obviously, his immediate response is always a heat accompanied by a deep crimson spreading through his features.

“Okay, please don’t. Come on, we still have a lot to do before you leave.” Eliott ruffles his hair once more and takes Lucas’ shoulder, leading them into the latter’s house.

***

Hours later, after spending the evening rewatching all their favorite movies, they are in Lucas’ bedroom, tucked under his covers, talking. This is one of the things Lucas loves the most, spending time next to Eliott talking about everything and nothing. Just existing next to him.

After they’ve settled in a comfortable silence, Eliott turns his body in Lucas’ direction and they stare at each other before Eliott starts talking.

“Do you remember how we used to read stories under the covers?” Lucas laughs.

“How could I forget.” Indeed, how could he. Eliott wiggles his eyebrows.

“So, wanna do it again? For old times sake?”

“For old times sake.” Lucas imitates him exaggeratedly. “Gosh, you are just a big baby and want excuses to read child books.” Excuses, just excuses. It’s what came to Lucas’ mind instead of running to get under the covers just to be closer to Eliott.

“I don’t see any kids' books around here. Do you? I mean, it is your bedroom, so if there were I guess that would make you the big baby.”

“Oh shut up and just get under the blankets.” And it’s beautiful, how Eliott beams with excitement. Just like a child.

“Ah, I’ll just get my phone, because I know how you get. Afraid of the dark and stuff.” At that, Lucas has no choice other than roll his eyes and tackle Eliott onto the mattress. Wrong choice, they end up close, really close, and Lucas has to strain himself not to join their lips. He quickly goes under the covers and Eliott follows after, turning his lantern on. “Excited, are we?” He teases, but Lucas is too entranced by the way the light reflects on Eliott’s features to respond. “For someone so opposed to the idea you sure got down here pretty fast.”

“Jesus, shut up!” Lucas says kicking him maybe a bit harder than necessary, making Eliott let out a high pitched squeal and they both burst out laughing. Their bodies squirm and it gets harder to breathe under all the blankets but none of them dare to resurface.

The laughter dies gradually, disappearing into a stuffed silence. Through the badly lit space, he can see Eliott. He seems lost in thoughts.

“Lucas, I’m scared.” He whispers, the light barely hitting his face, but Lucas can still see the deep worry in his eyes, how they are darker than usual, heavier. And how Lucas wants to touch him, take this feeling away, make that beautiful smile appear on Eliott’s face again. “I don’t want to lose you.” Eliott’s voice sounds broken and a shiny tear travels down his cheek, making a perfect trail to his mouth. Lucas follows its path with his thumb, drying it softly. Eliott’s skin is so warm under his hand.

“You could never lose me.” Eliott closes his eyes, creasing his eyebrows. More tears slide down his face. “It’s true.” Lucas can’t stand this, so he gets closer, until their noses touch. And Eliott opens his eyes, pupils blown. “You will never lose me.” They stare at each other, minutes spent looking at the galaxy that is Eliott’s eyes.

“Lucas.” His voice is only a tone louder than a whisper, a soft hoarse to it. He backs up a little, his hand traveling up to cup Lucas’ jaw. Eliott studies his face for a minute, eyes landing on each and every spot of Lucas’ features before they return to his eyes. “I love you.” All his thoughts get blurred, he can’t command his body to move, he can’t do anything except from widening his eyes in utter shock. He had wished to hear those words coming from Eliott’s mouth with that meaning countless times, but he never really expected it to happen.

Eliott must sense Lucas’ inability to form any coherent sound, so he lands a kiss on his cheek, it’s warm and sends a shiver down Lucas’ body. “I love you.” A croaky whisper against the skin there. His mouth travels to Lucas’ ear, warm lips caressing it. “I love you, Lucas.” He lets out with a warm puff and realigns their heads, trailing his thumb across Lucas’ lips and capturing the lower one. Lucas wants to bite it. “Can I kiss you?” He asks. Grave.

Lucas wants to scream yes, finally. But his brain is still short circuiting from the revelation, so he just joins their lips. It’s far better than he could have ever dreamt of. Warm like a summer breeze, but as refreshing as inspiring winter air. They move in perfect synchrony, pulling desperately at each other, their bodies touching completely. It’s like they have been doing this forever. Might as well have been.

Lucas has to part, words finally coming back to him.

“I love you, Eliott.” The boy smiles, dumbfounded. It’s a beautiful image and the duvet over their heads with the dim light makes it even more magical. “God, I love you. So much.” Eliott lets out a laugh, maybe a bit relieved, and pulls Lucas on top of him, their mouths join again, no sight in detaching.

***

The next day, when Eliott leaves, Lucas still feels like a part of him has been ripped. Like maybe a vital organ is missing. But at least now he knows what Eliott’s mouth tastes like, what it feels like to touch and be touched. And that, that is something nothing can take away.

And now, when everything seems too much, they can always go back under the blankets. Just the two of them. Stolen peace in the middle of chaos.

#it was nice #coming up with this #and sth i probably would have never written #so thank u for requesting it #and it is also kinda long #i didnt plan for it to be this long #but i just kept writing #my writing #elu fic #lucas x eliott #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury

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