#sugar bowl theory

[snicketstrange]

Solving the Apparent Plot Hole in SB of Netflix's ASOUE

The mystery of Esmé's sugar bowl in Netflix's "A Series of Unfortunate Events" is an endless source of speculation among fans. Kit Snicket's claim that the sugar bowl contains "sugar" that can cure the disease caused by the MM fungus has upset many, and for good reason:

The cure for the MM fungus was originally discovered by Beatrice Baudelaire, who used a hybrid apple and horseradish in her experiments. Nothing suggests that she would give special status to the resulting "sugar."

Count Olaf also seeks the sugar bowl, but he explicitly states in the TGG adaptation that he believed the MM fungus no longer existed. So why would he seek a cure for a disease he thought had been eradicated?

Horseradish alone is already highly effective in preventing death caused by the MM fungus. Sunny was infected, used horseradish, and showed no side effects or traces of the disease. This makes the definitive cure for the disease less valuable than one might think.

In truth, the only way to view Netflix's ASOUE canon as coherent is to accept the fact that Kit Snicket wasn't entirely honest about the sugar bowl's contents.

So, can we deduce what's really in Netflix's sugar bowl based on the information we have?

In Netflix's "A Series of Unfortunate Events" series, various clues are given about the mysterious contents of the sugar bowl. First, the contents are edible, evidenced by a flashback where Esmé uses the sugar bowl's contents to make tea. This same scene also reveals that the tea tasted bitter, suggesting the bitter nature of the contents. Beatrice, also present in this flashback, hints that the contents have some sort of power, adding that this power shouldn't be in the hands of one person but could be shared with many. Additionally, the contents are tangible: Quigley looks inside the sugar bowl and sees something he can't fully understand but is definitely there. Lastly, Kit Snicket, known for telling half-truths and omitting information, claims the sugar bowl contains "sugar" that cures the fatal MM fungus disease. This information, given Kit's history, may only be partially true.

So, how can these contradictions be reconciled? The crux of my theory lies in the idea that the "sugar" inside the sugar bowl is much more than it appears to be.

All signs point to there actually being sugar in the sugar bowl, likely derived from Beatrice's research with the bitter hybrid apple. What we call sugar could really be a remedy. But it can't just be a remedy for the MM fungus disease.

Firstly, Beatrice must have conducted various different experiments while on the island. After all, everything ends up on that island sooner or later. She must have used rare ingredients from shipwrecks or something that accidentally fell into the ocean somewhere to combine with her basic experiment of blending horseradish with apples. After all, the end result contains "something" that is abortive. Neither apples nor horseradish have abortive substances. This suggests that Beatrice used additional ingredients.

(This detail was first brought to my attention by TheAsh , as far as I know) She may not even know exactly what those ingredients are, as labels made of paper could easily dissolve in water.

If, by chance, in one of these experiments, it were possible to produce a unique fruit and a special type of hybrid apple, formed from a very specific formula and rare ingredients (some of which even Beatrice might not know), then maybe we're onto something. If the fruits from a single harvest had the power not just to cure the disease caused by the MM fungus... but perhaps the ability to cure all diseases! And that would be truly hard to replicate elsewhere, even by Beatrice herself.

So we might have something there. This would indeed be a great parallel to the biblical account of the tree of life, to which TE clearly refers (in a somewhat inverted manner, but still a reference). The tree of life in the Garden of Eden could make someone live forever. Beatrice's apple could cure all diseases. But this phenomenon wasn't replicated, and Beatrice knew she couldn't replicate the experiment.

In that case, to prevent the specific apples from losing their properties when they spoil, Beatrice must have made "sugar" from these apples. A type of sugar that preserved the healing properties of the fruit of life. But where would she store it? Indeed, this powder became the most valuable substance in the world.

And so, a safe, discreet (and preferably beautiful) container was needed to hold something so valuable and powerful. Esmé's sugar bowl proved suitable, as it could preserve the sugar even in case of fire and flood.

Esmé, thirsty for power, would love to be the guardian of such a substance. And of course, the sugar bowl is hers. Has she remained so beautiful and youthful over the course of 14 years by consuming a bit of this sugar over the years? Either way, after discussing with Esmé the importance of sharing the sugar bowl's contents with others, she felt obligated to steal it from Esmé.

catastrophist , this theory was for you! I hope you enjoyed reading it.

#asoue #asoue theory #lemony snicket #beatrice baudelaire #a series of unfortunate events #kit snicket #asoue netflix #sugar bowls theory #sugar bowl theory #sugar #sugar bowl

[unfortunatetheorist]

If The Sinister Duo found Olaf so useless, why didn't they jail him during his trial in The Penultimate Peril? (NCT)

Before answering the question, we must first think of the reasons why they found him USELESS and then why they found him USEFUL, before weighing the two to come to a conclusion:

Reasons Olaf is USELESS:

He is only focused on the Baudelaire fortune. Not even the Quagmire one, solely on Baudelaire revenge.

Speaking of Quagmire fortune, Olaf lost Duncan & Isadora to Hector's self-sustaining hot-air mobile home. The Duo worked quite hard to capture their parents, as TMWABBNH clearly states:

"After we went to all that trouble to restrain their parents in Peru."

He doesn't pay much attention to/realise the value of the sugar bowl.

He's become/been famous! Olaf has had 'Wanted' posters all over the city during the events of TEE - if The Duo knew that Esmé moved into the apartment at 667 Dark Avenue, and they themselsves live in the city, they DEFINITELY knew about Olaf's 'Wanted' posters.

As a sub-point to the above point, Olaf is dating the city's 6th most important financial advisor: her life is DEFINITELY NOT secret a from the press/The Daily Punctilio. He's wanted and they know it.

Reasons Olaf is USEFUL:

The Duo and Olaf both want to eliminate the Baudelaires. Except... Olaf wants to steal their money, first. The Duo have their plan to steal the Snow Scouts' fortunes, so they don't need the Baudelaire's, Quagmire's, or any other fortune of their enemies.

The Duo, especially at first, see Olaf as a pawn in getting the sugar bowl. This means they want(ed) him to get it... for them.

The Duo know that Olaf has direct access to Esmé's fortune - this, combined with her sheer lust for the sugar bowl, makes their [O + E's] coupling a great asset to The Duo.

Olaf is still a fire-starter - The Duo have brainwashed him and they know it.

So, given that there are more reasons Olaf's useless than useful, why do they still let him off the hook?

Well, there are actually a few reasons:

The Duo, by the time of TPP, know that Olaf and Esmé have broken up - by letting Olaf go [i.e. not jailing him], they give him a chance of reconciling with Esmé, so the Squalor fortune can still be used for the purpose of getting the Sugar Bowl.

The Duo know that Olaf is still a fire-starter (well, on that side of the schism) so they don't jail him because they need as many allies as possible, as they keep getting "foiled by those irritating volunteers".

The Duo are giving Olaf [yet] a[nother] second chance at being their underling. By letting him go, they want him to come crawling back to them.

Besides, I think that because The Duo were there, Olaf was 'set free'; if it were only Justice Strauss acting in loco iudex (in the role of a judge), the Baudelaires would've either:

Gone to jail with Olaf 'in light of recent evidence'

Been 'set free' despite all of their inadvertent, arguably accidental/necessary crimes.

Likely the latter, in my opinion.

¬ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist

#asoue #asoue netflix #vfd #a series of unfortunate events #lemony snicket #snicketverse #theory #esme squalor #sugar bowl #count olaf #the sinister duo

[mr-mentally-ill]

okay this theory might be a little controversial..

First things first, we are ignoring the show's "genetically altered sugar" sugar bowl excuse, because that feels like it was pulled out of someone's ass.

Hear me out: there is nothing in the sugar bowl + esmé is still good.

So we know that the schism didn't start with sugar bowl gen, but thats when it really exploded. Esmé Squalor is personally mad, not because Beatrice Baudelaire is a volunteer, but because her trust was betrayed.

Esmé while talking to Dewey Denoument gets told, "The container is yours. Not what it contains."

This means VFD believes the sugar bowl itself is still Esmé's. We know sometimes Lemony will use metaphors for the plot, like the great unknown.

I believe the sugar bowl is a physical stand-in for the betrayal Esmé felt with Beatrice.

When VFD split, friends became enemies. We know this, right? And we know that Esmé and Beatrice were friends that became enemies.

What if the sugar bowl is just a figurative(?) show of that? Esmé doesn't really care about VFD or arson, she just wants her sugar bowl.

And while we get the 'olaf knows' scene, Esmé probably already knew. It doesn't say 'olaf and esmé know'.

Now hear me out again– Esmé holds out the information, not telling Olaf. In hopes that Beatrice will see that she is trustworthy and give back the sugar bowl.

Esmé was obviously there when the dart was thrown. She was standing directly across from Beatrice. She definitely saw Beatrice throw the dart.

So why do we still get the 'olaf knows' scene? If Esmé was truly evil, wouldn't she immediately tell Olaf so they could incriminate them?

Esmé wants to be trustworthy, she wants to be Beatrice's friend again, she wants to hold the sugar bowl again.

Esmé only hurts the baudelaire children at Olaf's command.

"I helped you chase those orphans through the least in places in the hinterlands" That's what she says. She could care less about revenge.

In Penultimate Peril, Esmé has the opportunity to poison everyone. She doesn't. She genuinely does not want revenge.

(This is definitely less believable than my Poe is an ex-volunteer theory.)

But.. thats just my two cents lol

#im gay and tired #asoue theory #a series of unfortunate events #asoue #violet baudelaire #sunny baudelaire #klaus baudelaire #sugar bowl #sugar bowl gen #asoue sugar bowl #vfd #volunteer fire department

[whoslaurapalmer]

this is like. very much a personal thing but sometimes i still feel like bertrand gets such little respect and it bothers me a lot. bertrand is just as important as beatrice and his relationship with beatrice is just as important as beatrice and lemony’s 

#i feel like i see more fics where bea lives and i know where that comes from i know the theory although i don't like it but i get it #but i just feel like. it gives off the impression of shortchanging bertrand out of his family his wife his place in the story #(which is just as valid as bea's! and as lemony's!) #i mean maybe it's FINE maybe the fics actually address his absence but just like. the thought of it. makes me a lil. grumbly #having bea live ALREADY makes me grumbly #again!! sometimes i'm like 'sugar bowl gen lives hell yeah' but sometimes!!! THOSE DEATHS WERE IMPORTANT AND YOU SHOULDN'T IGNORE THEM!! #AND BERTRAND'S PLACE IN THE STORY MATTERS AND SO DOES HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH BEATRICE!!! AS MUCH AS LEMONY'S MATTERED!! #lulu talks about the sad lemon man

[buckyalpine]

Hello, first I would like to say that I love your writing and it normally makes me really happy while I am at some boring classes at college, so thanks for that hahaha ❤️

Also, I saw your requests are open and since I am absolutely obsessed with your angst for bucky, I am here to request some.

My idea would be something like this: reader has been in the compound with the avengers for a while now and besides really caring for the team, she has some problems being more open with friendships and relationships in general, cause of some insecurities with her personality, but in somehow she feels really comfortable with Bucky and they are kinda of great friends?

And then she's just waking by the compound looking for him one day and she hears him speaking something bad about her? Something about how he feels like she's overwhelming him cause she just has him as a friend and no one else and it kinda makes her look for him a lot for comfort ( I actually have no idea what he could be speaking, so this is just an idea but it could be anything, really) maybe this could actually be a misunderstanding and he did not meant in that way? I would love if it had a lot of angst and a happy ending, but of course is up to you!

YES I live for miscommunication and comfort and this type of angst, this concept is everything!!

warnings: Angst, miscommunication, idiots in love/ friends to lovers, plenty of fluffff

-

"Hey sugar plum" You smiled, plopping beside Bucky on the couch while he scrolled through Netflix documentaries with a large bowl of m&ms in his lap. "Whatcha watching"

"Haven't decided yet, pick something Jellybean" He handed you the remote and candy bowl, throwing his arm around the back of the couch while you got settled in and flicked through the selection of tv shows.

"Of course" Bucky snorted, shaking his head with amusement as Unsolved Mysteries started to play. You grinned, comfortable nestled against his side while the rest of the team joined one by one; Sam swiped a handful of chocolate from the bowl only to have Bucky swat at his hand like a cat.

"Get your own candy pigeon pants"

"What, y/n gets some but I don't" Sam scoffed in fake offence while Bucky shrugged, throwing one at him.

"Well you're not y/n" Bucky shrugged while you felt your heart flutter. You loved everyone with your whole heart, you really did, but no one else made you feel safe the way Bucky did. Being around him felt like being constantly wrapped in a thick fluffy blanket. Ever since you had joined the team, you struggled to fully be yourself around everyone.

Not that anyone treated you differently; but being surrounded some of the strongest and most brilliant people on the planet gnawed at your insecurities. Steve was a sweetheart, Nat was incredibly skilled and drop dead gorgeous, Tony could charm his way out of just about anything. Everyone had something that made them exceptional and then there was you. You tended to be on the quieter side, fueled with self doubt over if you actually brought anything to the team.

Were you really all that interesting?

What did you really add to the group?

Did anyone even notice your presence when you were around?

Even if they did, did it make a difference?

You'd overthink your way into a quiet corner wondering why you were the way that you were. No one else could see the way you'd worry yourself into a ball of self-doubt, figuring you were just shy and they didn't want to mistakenly push any boundaries.

Then there was Bucky.

Being around Bucky was different.

Something about him was warm and welcoming. He didn't hesitate to pull you out of your hiding spaces around the compound, making sure you joined for team events and game nights. Any insecurities you had always melted away when you were around him because he made you feel special.

Made you feel wanted.

The night went by with everyone sharing their own conspiracy theories over what they think actually happened at the end of each episode while you stayed tucked by Bucky's side. Neither of you had any plans on calling it an early night, while the rest of the team eventually all went to bed as you switched to a new show.

"I'm going to grab more snacks, want anything sugar plum?" You were about to make your way to the kitchen when Bucky placed his hand on your thigh, making you stay seated.

"I'll get it, tell me what you want Jellybean" He shook his head, grabbing the throw blanket and tossing it over your legs so you'd be comfy for the rest of the night while he went to grab the snacks. You didn't have to actually say anything, Bucky knew exactly what you wanted. He came back with half the kitchen raided on a tray along with a beer, pulling you to his side, letting you snuggle against his chest.

You let out a content sigh, unwrapping a chocolate bar while Bucky snuck a bite, the warmth of his body making it difficult for you to stay awake like you'd planned. You eventually fell asleep, waking up to find yourself tucked comfortably in your bed as the sun poured into your room, your body still wrapped in the throw he had covered you with.

You felt your body warm up at the way he was so gentle with you, having carried you to your room without making you stir the slightest. There wasn't anyone else you'd feel so comfortable around.

He was your safe space.

You found yourself hopping out of bed with more energy than usual, deciding to train in the morning instead of your late night workouts, if you were lucky, maybe you'd run into Bucky after his morning run. You made your way to the kitchen, smiling when you heard his voice, along with Sam's, the both of them bickering over something irrelevant as per usual. The closer you got, the more serious their conversation sounded making you wonder if something had come up with a mission

And then you heard your name.

You stopped half way, staying as still as possible part of you wanting to run back to your room while covering your ears, the other part of you curious to know what they were saying. You wanted to move but your feet were glued to the ground, your heart hammering out of your chest.

"How about y/n?"

"Uh y/n..." You could hear the hesitation in his Bucky's as he contemplated his next words, his tone irritated. "She's whatever. It's not like that"

"Meaning?"

"Uh. I don't know, she sort of follows me around everywhere, there's not a day I don't see her but its not like I ask to see her"

You blinked, your stomach starting to churn. Did you follow him everywhere? You did see him everyday but you didn't realize you were following him.

"I mean she's only that way with you, she's definitely not that comfortable with Steve or me" You could hear Sam trying to reason with Bucky but all he did was scoff, your heart wrenching further.

"Yeah. It's overwhelming"

You wanted to run, wishing you had stayed in bed for an extra 5 minutes, your body now hot, not from how safe he made you feel but from embarrassment. Of course he was overwhelmed with your clinginess, he didn't want to have to deal with a burden like you. He had so much of his own issues to deal with and then there was you.

Guilt started to cloud your mind as you thought about all the times you spent time with Bucky, staying by his side while he reassured you or comforted you. How many of those times were actually annoying for him, how many times did he wish you would suck it up and leave him alone instead.

"She's not really friends with anyone else on the team, I'm not sure why she hangs out with me specifically that much" He sounded even more irritated than before; the rest of the conversation a melted into dull buzz, your heartbeat thudding in your skull.

Your eyes stung, hot tears flooding your lash line at his words. Your bottom lip, trembled despite how hard you were biting down on it; your forced your feet to move, slowly backing away from the kitchen until you were far enough to run to your room. You slammed the door shut, instructing FRIDAY to soundproof the walls and turn away anyone that came by before breaking down into sobs.

All of your insecurities were dialed to 100 along with more being added to the list.

How did you not see how annoying you were being. You felt awful, embarrassed, confused.

Why didn't he say anything?

Of course he wouldn't, he probably felt pity for you. A grown adult woman who struggled to open up and still struggled with her personality. An absolute joke.

You let the day go by, too ashamed to face anyone, let alone Bucky. If he felt irritated, there was no doubt the rest of the team knew exactly how annoying he found you. You couldn't bring yourself to see any of them, deciding to skip both lunch and dinner instead while burying under the covers.

****

Bucky frowned when he didn't see you the whole day, his worries growing more when he didn't see you come by for dinner either.

"Where's y/n?"

"I checked on her during lunch but FRIDAY said she'd requested to be alone" Nat looked at Bucky, confused over how he, of all people, didn't know where you were.

"Aren't you both joined at the hip, how do you not know Barnes" Tony wiggled his eyebrow while Bucky rolled his eyes, too worried about you to retort to Tony's comment.

"I saw her once this morning in the training room but not after that. She seemed fine then" Steve had seen you that morning, happy to see you brighter when he had spoken to you, not missing your shy smile when he'd mentioned Bucky's name. "No one else saw her all day?"

Bucky was immediately out of his seat, making his way over to your room to see you, only to have FRIDAY respond instead.

"Ms. Y/l/n has asked that no one disturb her until further notice"

"For fucks sake" He mumbled, knocking at your door one more time.

"I'm sorry Sergeant Barnes, Ms. y/l/n has asked to be left alone"

Bucky was taken aback when he was tuned away; in the few times you had locked your door from everyone else he'd always been exempt from that list. Why didn't you want to see him either? He reluctantly made his way back, his mind now racing over what could have possibly happened from the night before to now.

****

You had managed to avoid Bucky the next few days, purposefully staying away from the areas you knew he'd be around and staying in your room for most of the day. Whenever he tried to speak to you, you'd find a way to escape the conversation, his words reeling in your mind, reminding you he found you annoying. Overwhelming. Clingy.

You couldn't understand why he was going out of his way to try and talk to you when you were trying so hard to stay away, your heart in pain not being able to spend time with the person you felt the safest with. Your mind made it impossible to get a wink of sleep; you made your way down to the kitchen for a late night snack instead. You grabbed a bowl of popcorn, turning the TV on to your favorite comfort shows needing a temporary distraction.

"Jellybean?"

Bucky made his way through the living room after a late night workout, his heart jumping when his eyes landed on you. He was by your side in an instant, not noticing the way you froze when he sat beside you.

"Hi James"

Bucky blinked, his name sounding foreign on your tongue.

He didn't like it.

Not one bit.

Since when was he James.

"Uh, is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine" You forced a smile, scooting over so you weren't sitting too close to him, your mind racing trying to find a way out of the conversation. Bucky could sense your discomfort but he had no idea why, his heart beating harder against his chest when he noticed your eyes shift, as if you were looking for a way to escape.

"Are-are you sure?"

"Yup!"

"Doll" He noticed the way your eyes continued to flick around the room, refusing to meet his. "Somethings bothering you"

"What makes you say that"

"I-you called me by my name-you never do that"

"What else should I call you" You avoided his gaze, fidgeting with a lose string on a cushion while Bucky felt his stomach drop.

Were you upset with him?

"You always call me sugar plum. Only you do" He shrugged sadly, his bottom lip jutting out into a pout. "You don't call me James"

"Oh" Was all you could muster, feeling your throat close up, hot tears threatening to spill from your lash line. You tried to turn away from him only to have him gently cup your cheek, tilting your chin to face him. His heart broke seeing your glassy eyes while you chewed your lip to keep from crying.

"Please tell me what's wrong, did I do something? Did I say anything?"

"No" You whispered, swallowing thickly, pulling away from him only to have him take your hands in his to keep you from running away.

"C'mon y/n, please?"

"I-I don't mean to follow you around and be so clingy. I'm just trying to give you some space Bucky" You tried to keep your voice steady, hanging your head so he wouldn't see the tears run down your cheeks. Bucky let go of your hands to cup your cheeks again, his thumbs wiping away your tears.

"Jellybean, what are you-

"I heard you talking to Sam" You spat, now annoyed that he was here trying to talk to you when he was the one who felt you followed him around. "I heard you tell him I'm always around you. That you don't even ask to see me but I'm there. I didn't mean to be so overbearing. I felt safe with you so I was closest to you, I didn't realize you felt like I was following you".

"Sweetheart, it's not overwhelming for the reasons you think"

"Then what else could it be Bucky? You could have told me you needed some space, I would've understood. I wouldn't have spend so much time hanging out with you-

"No! I like when you're around me Jellybean" Bucky almost sounded offended you'd suggest such a thing while you shook your head, sniffling.

"You don't have to lie to me-

"Y/n, no. I promise doll, this is just a misunderstanding, that's not that I meant when I was talking to Sam"

"Then what did you mean?" You whispered, confused over what else he could have possibly meant. Bucky felt butterflies in his chest, not fully thinking this through. Should he tell you what the conversation was about? Could it be worse than you thinking he didn't even like you when the truth was the complete opposite?

"I don't want to ruin our friendship if I tell you" Bucky suddenly looked scared, his eyes wide like a lost puppy, vulnerable and afraid. He sucked in a breath before speaking, inching a little closer to you. "Sam was asking about if I'm seeing anyone. He thinks I need to put myself out there"

Oh.

A sudden pang of jealousy hit your chest, the flinch in your face not missed by Bucky.

"He was suggesting..." He bit his lip, chewing it nervously before continuing. "He asked if there was anything between us. He thought maybe you liked me because we're always together" Bucky continued to look at you like a kicked puppy, his own emotions now all over the place. "I didn't think you did. At least not in that way but he kept saying there was something between us"

"It didn't sound like you liked me very much" You shrugged while Bucky frantically shook his head, mentally scolding himself. "I thought you found me too clingy"

"Never. You're never too clingy. M'so so sorry doll, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, you're the only person who I can spend the whole day with, I'm not comfortable around others like I am with you. I love when you come around looking for me. I guess a part of me was upset because Sam wasn't the first to ask me why we weren't together and ask if we were more than friends. I didn't think you'd like me and it's overwhelming for me because I feel so much and...well"

"and?" Bucky blushed, struggling to get the next words out while you anxiously waited for him to continue.

"and I really like you" He whispered, squeezing your hand in his while you shifted closer, letting him pull you onto his lap. His arms circled around your waist, holding you close to him both your hearts racing, his nose bumping against yours.

"You like me?" You felt your cheeks heat up when he nodded, his blue eyes shyly peeking up at you through his lashes.

"I like you jellybean. A lot"

"Even more than m&m's?" You felt him hug you together, your lips brushing against his.

"More than m&m's" He closed the gap between you both, pressing his lips to yours, kissing you sweetly as you gently carded your fingers through his hair. He kissed you until you both needed air, a dopey smile on his face while you snuggled into his chest.

"Does that mean I'm your sugar plum again?" He whispered hopefully making you giggle, kissing him deeply again.

"Always, my sugar plum"

"My jellybean"

****

"Fucking finally" Tony mumbled, his hair ruffled, stifling a yawn as he walked through the living room, grinning at you and Bucky sleeping on the couch.

"I told him" Steve rolled his eyes, snapping a picture of you both cuddled on the couch while Sam snorted, nodding in approval. "Took them long enough"

Tags: @glxwingrxse @hungryyeyess @sebsgirl71479 @beabutterfly987 @teambarnes72 @witchywhore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan @buggy14 @whimsyplaty92 @sergntbarnes @inkedaztec @pono-pura-vida @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z @elle14-blog1 @justsebstan @littlelightnings @psychomanniac-blog @happyt0exist @emmabarnes @bethyruth @matchat3a @cjand10 @getwellsoontana @cherryschaos @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @ashenc-blog @buckybarnessimpp @potatothots @goldylions @high-functioning-lokipath @morganemorganite-blog @kingfleury @peaches1958 @spiderman-stilinski @peaceinourtime82 @gublur @wintersmelodie @geeky-politics-46 @lolawassad @almosttoopizza @a-poor-gryffindork @alternativeprincess @buckycallsmeaslut @kamaria-sweet-writes @charmedbysarge @xnorthstar3x @kryoee7 @alina02 @gh0stgurl @polishprincess999 @jessybarnes @alltheficsiwant @chemtrails-club @eralen @perdidosbucky-yyo @clqrosmgc

#bucky barnes comfort #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky x f!reader #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky barnes fan fic #bucky barnes fandom #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfic #bucky fan fiction #bucky fan fic #bucky fan fics #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #marvel angst #marvel fluff #steve rogers #tony stark

[lilmissnatcat24]

for no other reason than i worked at an ice cream shop for eight years, here's what ice cream the mass effect characters would eat

shepard: neapolitan, strawberry for their paragon side, chocolate for their renegade, vanilla to balance

garrus: moose tracks, but will pick it apart just for the peanut butter cups and give shepard the leftovers

tali: literally any booze flavored ice cream

liara: mint chocolate chip because she secretly kind've fucks with the taste of toothpaste but will never admit it out loud

kaidan: butter pecan. it's not everyone's favorite, but it's his, and he's totally cool with it

ashley: whatever the 2183 equivalent to the tonight dough. cookie dough chunks, brownie chunks, butterscotch, chocolate chips, malt chunks, everything

wrex: this man is old as balls!!!!!! rum raisin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

joker: lemon sherbet. you cannot tell me that man is not lactose intolerant

miranda: cherries garcia, little bit sweet, little bit tart

jack: the most sickening sweet shit you can think of. cotton candy with marshmallow superman with a side of sugar

jacob: some sort of dark chocolate peanut butter ice cream that sounds good in theory but in reality you can only take like 3 bites of before you get a tummy ache

zaeed: banana splits that he likes to mash together with a spoon and eat like some deconstructed milkshake

kasumi: the weird avant gard shit you see in hipster vegan shops, like some bacon sweet potato rosebud ice cream

mordin: coffee ice cream, because he likes the taste of coffee but if he were to actually drink it he would spontaneously combust

grunt: those froyo shops that were everywhere in 2014 where you could make a bowl with like 5% froyo and 95% other toppings and it cost 14 dollars

thane: doesn't like ice cream because it reminds him of how he abandoned his child and how his wife is dead and he could never go back to the life he left behind, the life of stability, because his body is engineered for a deadly purpose and he can never atone for his sins rocky road

samara: this woman is old as balls!!!!!!!!!!!!! pistachio!!!!!!!!!!!

legion: tried vanilla ice cream. too sticky, got stuck in his wiring.

james: one of those brownie sundaes that weighs approximately 5 pounds and is majority whipped cream

steve: chocolate chip. classy, just like him ;)

traynor: something smooth and rich and velvety and inexplicably sexy, like raspberry chocolate chunk

edi: takes the idea of ice cream a little too literally and just has a bowl of heavy cream with ice cubes. is confused why everyone is disgusted.

javik: ice cream is for primitives (peaches and cream)

#mass effect #shitpost #commander shepard #garrus vakarian #tali zora vas normandy #liara t'soni #kaidan alenko #ashley williams #urdnot wrex #mass effect joker #miranda lawson #jacob taylor #jack mass effect #zaeed massani #kasumi goto #mordin solus #urdnot grunt #thane krios #samara mass effect #legion mass effect #james vega #steve cortez #samantha traynor #edi #javik

[suzukiblu]

Day twenty-eight of fic NaNoWriMo, obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU.

“I'll show you how it works,” Tim says, smiling a little helplessly at him for no good reason. Kon's just–pretty. And cute. And wearing slightly smudged eyeliner, like he went out of his way to learn how to apply it just for this and didn't quite get enough practice with it during said learning process, which might be a little much to assume but sure is a thought either way. “There'll be placards and stuff that explain how it all goes too. If you don't like it we can leave, obviously, we'll just go to dinner early.” 

“You wanna do dinner too?” Kon asks. 

“My intentions tonight are for this exhibit, dinner, and then another surprise destination,” Tim says. “Do you like Japanese food, because I got us a reservation at a Japanese place I know, but if that's not your thing, there's always other options.”

Tim definitely did not make three back-up reservations in a Bat-panic, because that would be an insane person thing to do and he's operating with fully rational behavior for fully rational reasons here. Obviously. Of course-ly. 

Just like, yeah. There may or may not be back-up reservations. 

Contingency plans are vital, okay? 

“I like Japanese food,” Kon says. “Well–I like sushi and musubi and poke bowls and that kinda thing, at least. So like . . . same diff, right?” 

“Right,” Tim assumes, with still no idea what either musubi or poke bowls are. He'll google it. It'll be fine. If nothing else, Kon can get sushi. He'll buy him one of those huge fancy boats of it if he's gotta. 

. . . actually that's not a bad idea, Kon could probably use the calories. Hm. 

“You planned all that stuff, though?” Kon asks, peering around the gallery as they finally step out into it and frowning in confusion. 

“I promised you I'd take you someplace nice,” Tim says with an easy shrug. “So I found some nice places to take you. That's all.”  

“You only promised me one nice place,” Kon says with a little laugh, shaking his head. “Now it's three?” 

“I'm intending to take you to a lot of nice places, Kon,” Tim says, and feels his chest clench up a little when he sees the way Kon's expression softens at the sound of his name. He needs to be using it more, he thinks to himself. Like–way more. “Or just wherever you wanna go.” 

“Sure,” Kon says, ducking his head, then glances around the gallery again as his frown reasserts itself. “What's everybody doing? They're like–messing with everything.” 

“It's a sensory exhibit,” Tim repeats in clarification. “You're supposed to interact with the exhibits. Touch or listen to or manipulate them. Things like that.” 

Kon . . . blinks, slowly. Then he glances sidelong at Tim, biting his lip. 

He doesn't ask, but the question in his eyes is obvious enough, Tim thinks. 

“It's tactile telekinesis, isn't it?” he says. “So I thought you might be interested in something tactile.” 

“You . . . did?” Kon says, glancing back towards the rest of the room. 

“It at least seemed like a valid theory,” Tim says. Kon had kept touching the cashmere on and off for as long as he’d worn it, and petted the goat, and had apparently been clocking the whole damn mall most of the time they’d been there, and he’d just thought–well–

Kon really does talk about his TTK so much, whether it’s relevant or not. Doing something that might be deliberately relevant to it had just seemed, well . . . natural. 

If nothing else, it might help keep Kon interested in him a little longer. Tim still isn’t sure how long to expect Kon to stay interested, depending, so until he knows one way or the other, he might as well frontload his success here. Or at least try to, anyway. 

Look, he’s going to do his best, alright? His best is just the best he can do. 

“You know, if you wanted me to touch something, you could’ve just volunteered,” Kon jokes, but the way he says it doesn’t actually make Tim want to laugh. It’s actually all he can do not to frown, the way he says it. Just . . . something about it’s a little off, maybe.

“I told you I’d take you on a date,” he says. “Just telling you to feel me up doesn’t seem like putting in much effort there. Definitely not nice levels of effort.” 

“Oh,” Kon says, ducking his head as he glances away again. He’s still holding his hand. Tim wonders what kind of dates Kon’s even been on before–and if he’s ever been the one getting taken on one, too. Especially since as far as he knows Kon’s only dated girls, and there were probably some assumptions set in place there. Like–it seems likely that there would’ve been, at least. Even if just self-imposed ones. 

“Want to try?” Tim offers. “Like I said, if you don’t like it we’ll just go to dinner early.” 

“Um, sure,” Kon says. “We can try it. Um . . .” 

“This way,” Tim says, and leads him towards one of the closer stations in the exhibit. Kon looks a little unsure where to start, so he figures it’ll help if he gives him a little push. Though it’s weird to think of Kon as needing any kind of a push, except maybe a push to actually stay still and listen for ten seconds. Or like . . . anything remotely along those lines. 

The station is a low, hip-height sandbox full of . . . well, sand, unsurprisingly. There's stones and rakes and general Zen garden-style paraphernalia laid out inside it, and patterns and colors already marked and dyed into the sand to be mixed-up and deconstructed at will, though no one seems to have gotten too far into that yet. Kon tilts his head as he looks down at the display, his eyes briefly unfocusing. 

“You're just supposed to play around with it,” Tim says, wondering what that unfocused look on his face is about. “Rearrange the patterns or make new ones, I guess.” 

“Huh,” Kon says. “Okay. Like just however?” 

“I mean, what, are they gonna yell at us for doing it wrong?” Tim asks with a shrug. Kon smirks at him. 

“I could come up with something they'd yell at us for,” he says with a teasing leer. 

Tim suffers. 

“Let's wait a couple stations before we get ourselves kicked out,” he manages, swallowing awkwardly. Kon grins at him, then leans over the sandbox and presses both hands flat against the sand inside and immediately starts rearranging everything with his TTK. Tim is about to reflexively protest him not even pretending to check for any onlookers before realizing that there is literally no possible way that anyone could look at them right now without Kon being able to feel them turning their way, and also the two security cameras that were previously in their range are both cocked askew now.

Okay, so he could be worse at passing for civilian, Tim figures, and just leans over and lets himself admire the wave-like ripples spreading across the sandbox as Kon carefully constructs a swirling rainbow of an ocean with all of the brighter colors and a dark beach stretched out alongside it, accented with little rocks scattered around like shells and driftwood. The wave patterns look surprisingly accurate, but then again, he probably did get a great aerial view of the ocean on the regular back in Hawaii, didn't he. 

Tim takes his phone out and sneaks a quick pic or two of both Kon and the box on old reflex, and Kon laughs at him. 

“You like, babe?” he asks with a teasing smirk. 

“Most things about you, yes,” Tim replies frankly, because he's not Robin right now so he can do that, and Kon laughs again even as he blushes and straightens back up, the sand all brushing itself off his hands. 

“Only most?” he asks. “Guess I gotta step up my game, then.” 

“Find another excuse to wear that crop top and you'll be fine,” Tim advises, and Kon laughs so bright for that it's almost flustering. 

Well, no, it's definitely flustering. Actually it's very, very flustering. 

Adorable bastard. Absolute fucker. Tim should throw him off a bridge, but he'd just fly back up anyway, the asshole. 

Tim wants to kiss him so bad right now. 

Kon's eyes half-unfocus again, and then the sand and rocks and tools all . . . shift. Tim blinks, a little surprised, and then realizes–oh. He's sorting it all back. Like . . . very accurately back, in fact. The colors and patterns are all returning to the exact same designs as they were in when they first stepped over here. Which is probably for the best because again, they’re currently playing civilian, but–

“Holy shit,” Tim says as the patterns all settle back in and his eyebrows shoot up, more than a little incredulous. Okay, well–he's slightly less sure that Kon doesn't have Superman's eidetic memory now. Also, considering how mixed-around all the colors were, he doesn't even know how he did that so effectively. “How the hell did you do that?” 

“Wasn't hard,” Kon replies casually, but he looks smug about it, the–again–adorable bastard. Fucker. “Just undid what everybody already did, yeah?” 

Tim looks at the sand and belatedly notices that yes, in fact, Kon also reverted everything else that'd been done to it back to what was clearly the original design too. He cannot even fathom how Kon could tell how to “undo” any of that. Like–the pattern-recognition, fine, he could've done that himself–Bart could've, if he'd been interested enough to bother–but tracking back a design after undoing the whole thing to begin with and keeping the different colors of sand all correctly separated? Seriously? 

“Jesus,” he says. “That's incredible.” 

“No big,” Kon says, but looks very pleased about the compliment all the same. Tim thinks of about three thousand tactical applications for this skill alone and really wants to know why Kon doesn't brag about this part of TTK more. Or like, ever. It's always punching things and ripping up the street and tearing doors off their hinges and things like that, when he can do things like map an entire building blind and control sand down to the fucking individual grains? 

Tim might need to have a talk with all of their teammates about their actual abilities, actually, seeing all this. Like, some assessment tests might need to happen. Questionnaires. Something. The informal approach was clearly not thorough enough. If nothing else, he's definitely following up with Kon. 

“I honestly did not realize how good you'd be at that,” Tim says, and then has to watch in disbelief as Kon smirks smugly at him while simultaneously–without even looking–builds a little sand castle without even bothering to put his hands in the sand this time. Which he doesn't have to, obviously, because the sand is in the sandbox and it's part of the table which is on the floor he's standing on and Tim objectively understands how TTK works, but that really seems like it'd be much harder to pull off. Just–damn. Damn. 

. . . technically, if Kon can control things as small as a grain of sand, how small can he go? Could he–theoretically, at least–manipulate dust? Air molecules? 

Atoms? 

Because if he could, if things like that counted . . . well, the transitive properties of TTK would be a lot less of a limitation outside of maybe the vacuum of space, wouldn't they. There's always air, after all. And if Kon could manipulate anything on the atomic level . . . 

Jesus. There's a thought. 

As soon as Tim's done being desperately, overwhelmingly turned on and also reformatting several of his supervillainy-connected plans, he's gonna have to start drafting that superpower skills and applications thereof questionnaire. Like. Immediately once he's done, actually. 

Just–again, just Jesus. 

“I mean, it's just a party trick, but it's a fun one, right?” Kon says with another laugh. 

Tim is going to lose his actual fucking mind. 

“You call that a party trick?” he says in disbelief. There is no possible way that any lock could be secure against that. No one could ever hide behind cover. No one could even carry a concealed weapon without him knowing, for fuck's sake! 

. . . Tim is very glad he's been leaving the birdarangs home for his not-dates and current-date with Kon. Very, very glad. 

Jesus, that would've been fun to explain to Bruce. Well I didn't TELL him I was Robin, but I DID encourage him to tactile-telekinetically feel me up in a changing room while I was strapped with Bat-gear, sooooo . . . I mean, you never told me I couldn't do THAT. 

That's exactly how he would've explained it, obviously, but still. Bruce would not have taken it well. 

What a fucking way to come out to Batman, too.

#timkon #tim drake #kon el #conner kent #dc robin #superboy #young just us #young justice #rinfic #long post #wip: obligatory sugar baby kon

[lets-try-some-writing]

Random question, but how good do you think the ‘Bots and ‘Cons would be at cooking? Does the Matrix happen to have any tips or knowledge of the culinary arts? Would the kids be of any assistance to the ‘Bots, or would they also fail at cooking? For some reason I think Miko would be really bad at making anything with more than 5 steps but make a really good grilled cheese sandwich. You think they would fare any better at baking?

Heck yeah this is funny.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙

Cooking on Earth

As a general rule, cooking is not really a thing on Cybertron, at least not as it is on Earth. The process of creating energon based fuels and treats is more of a purification than any real chemical bonding or serious alteration as commonly seen in human culinary works. As such, when the team brought the children under their care and were then hit with the realization that they needed to fuel their small wards, issues arose immediately.

Arcee could hardly process normal energon, much less cook anything to save her life. The only human food she is capable of putting together is boxed macaroni and cheese. Even then, it still isn't all that good. She either adds too much butter or none at all. Her milk additions make dish look more like cereal than anything else and quite frankly she somehow manages to burn the noodles despite that fact that it should be nearly impossible. The children don't like her attempts at cooking, but if pressed, they will consume her noodle dish. She has attempted baking but has only succeeded in burning the wall in an attempt to quote "make sure the cake was fully baked".

She is not allowed in the kitchen alone. Ever.

Bulkhead has been met with limited success in all things gelatin. He can't make much else unless he is putting sauce on pre-ordered food, but gelatin he can do. On Cybertron he was known amongst the Wreckers for his banger jellied energon, even earning minor praise from Ultra Magnus. Thankfully for everyone, the same general concept applies to human jellied treats, and so Bulkhead is able to make gelatin without killing anyone. Of course his flavor profiles are rather... off. He has no clue what actually is constituted as good food for including in gelatin, but he tries his best.

Smokescreen and Bumblebee can make a mean grilled cheese, but only if they are working together. One must have their optics on the food while the other plays music in the background while grating cheese. If either of them get distracted or only one is present, the results are wild and worthy of a fire extinguisher. Bee has attempted soup before, and surprisingly, once in a blue moon he can make a really good potato soup. It is close enough to preparing energon rations that he can manage it occasionally. Smokescreen though? He has been given a lifetime ban from the stove. He somehow manages to make a really good salad despite that. It is largely just him throwing random green things in the fridge into a bowl, but it works generally.

Ratchet does not cook. Optimus has forbidden him to cook despite the Doctor wishing to figure out the strange science. The only time he tried cooking, he made actual poison and almost fed it to the kids thinking it was a nutrient dense supplement. Since then he has been confined to the realms of baking, which thankfully, is not too foreign since he can and has made spectacular energon goodies in the past. He knows how to work heat related tools well enough to make really good cupcakes. He can't do frosting though. Its always chunky or pure liquid sugar. Miko still eats them, even if they are a little burned sometimes.

Ultra Magnus can cook, on both Cybertron AND Earth. He just refuses to do so. Period.

Optimus for his part, despite his knowledge, can cook in theory. He knows how it should work, and so largely depending on the resources given to him and his level of focus, he can make a mean dish on Cybertron and Earth. His specialty on both worlds is a variant of shepherds pie, something he lived and vented back on Cybertron due to how cheap it was at the local restaurant. Of course the names of the dishes and the ingredients differ, but the concept remains the same. And so as long as the dish requires no decorum, Optimus can make it fairly well. However if asked to bake, the Prime physically cannot. The singular time he made the attempt, he came away covered in soot and with a lifetime ban from the baking items.

When it comes to the Decepticons, Megatron does not cook, period. On Cybertron he was a fantastic brewer of high grade, but that skill does not translate over well. On the Nemesis, he has a small personal brewing station where he will occasionally whip something up for himself. But that is a rare treat. He has taken the time to study human brewing methods though, largely out of a desire to mock their efforts. This of course led to some experimentation on his end, which in turn resulted in better high grade than what he was capable of producing before. He will never admit where the jump in skill came from.

Knockout and Breakdown love to make cake specifically. They can't even eat the stuff, but they like seeing how big and how grand they can make it. Hours are spent dutifully baking cakes to perfection, molding them, and then decorating them. Usually its done after Cybertronian sites, but off an on they will make human tourist locations out of cake. Breakdown also experiments with chocolate and has become relatively good at making realistic chocolate molds. These, along with Knockout's cakes, he takes to different places around the globe to donate. He may not be fond of humans, but waste is not acceptable.

Starscream is by far the best chef out of all present Cybertronians, and that is only because he fragging hates that Gordan Ramsey is better than he is at it. Starscream has devoted a ridiculous amount of time to cooking JUST so that he can curse right back at the human chef and prove himself superior. No, he does not know where it stemmed from. No, he cannot even eat what he makes. But frag it all he will get that beef wellington right or he will die trying. However against all expectation considering his considerable cooking ability on Earth, he can't cook on Cybertron to save his life. He never needed to, so he never learned.

Shockwave doesn't cook. He makes purified energon and that is all. He doesn't even bother learning anything else. Why would he? Its not like he can taste or appreciate anything complicated. Arachnid does not cook either, and that is largely because she sees it as beneath her. Soundwave is in a similar boat and does not bother... unless it comes to making cat treats. Those he will go through the pain of working with tiny human tools to manage in order to lure in the furry creatures.

Dreadwing can only make noodles. And only from the box. He has no explanation.

#transformers #maccadam #transformers prime #team prime #optimus prime #ratchet #bumblebee #megatron #soundwave #shockwave #smokescreen #bulkhead #arcee #starscream #knockout #I aint tagging the rest #crack #enjoy yall

[russellsppttemplates]

Finn, Julia and max all baking together (https://pin.it/2KImIi4az)

"Can you get the flour, please? Papa forgot", Max asked Finn as the little boy complied, getting down from his tower that was helping him stand higher and work on the counter safely and less likely to fall.

Julia was mixing the butter and sugar, "like this, papa?", she said, looking a little unsure at how that was the ways cookies looked like before they were cooked, "yes, love, like that, well done!", he smiled, cracking the eggs into a bowl on the side.

"Here, papa!", Finn said, climbing up the tower and helping Max measure the flour, "we have to put this in there?", he wondered, "yes, then we can all help Julia mix so everything is well combined after I put in the eggs - will you let me do it, sweetheart? I need to do it carefully so the egg doesn't cook in the warm butter", he explained, taking the bowl from her hands and whisking it all together, "Alright, we can use our hands for this", he smiled, seeing the excited faces the kids pulled as they for their hands dirty and combined the ingredients until they formed cookie dough.

"Now we roll it!", Finn said excitedly, grabbing the tool and giving one end to his sister so they both rolled the rolling pin along the counter surface while Max washed the bowls and tidied the ingredients they wouldn't need anymore, getting the cookie cutters from the pantry.

"We should make a big heart one for mama! She'll love it!", Julia said as she looked for the shape, "and we can put some pink sprinkles on them, too! Mama loves them!", Finn suggested.

"That's a great idea, guys!", Max added, smoothing down the dough in some of the parts the kids couldn't reach and putting the already cut dough on the tray so it could go on the oven.

"Did you ever bake cookies for mama when you met her?", Julia wondered, "no, I didn't. Mama was the one to teach me how to bake cookies, we did it in one of our first dates", Max recalled, "I nearly burnt the kitchen because I was melting the butter on the stove and I kept getting distracted by her", he exaggerated a little even though he remembers thowing out the black liquid.

"It's okay, papa! We all have to learn some way around and you didn't know any better!", Finn comforted, bringing a smile to his lips at the fact that the way you were raising the kids was reflecting on their behaviours and words already, "That's true, besides, mama is also really patient, that's why I'm also hoping we won't ruin the kitchen too much so we don't have to retest that theory".

(Thank you for submitting an ask ✨️)

#max verstappen blurb #inês writes blurbs #f1 blurb #f1 x reader

[suzyq31]

Alright, here goes nothing. Let's see if Gryffindor has a shot! Written for @jilymicrofics.

Prompt: Horrified

===

James' eyes went wide with horror beneath his glasses. “Don’t even joke about that.”

Lily laughed, the now empty bowl of ice cream perched on her stomach shaking with her movement.  “I’m not joking.”

He gave her a mock wounded look, taking another bite from his own bowl. “Well, you’re wrong."

With a sigh she heaved herself up from leaning against the sofa. With only a few weeks left of her pregnancy, nearly all movement was difficult. James sat up, arm extending to take the bowl and waving it away to fly across the cottage towards the kitchen. 

Lily adjusted her tank top and did her best to turn towards her husband. “I didn’t say I was right. Only that it’s a possibility. One you’ll have to resign yourself to.”

He shook his head and placed his hand where the bowl had been.  The warmth of him a stark contrast to the cold ceramic. “What’s that Muggle theory? Nature versus Nurture? He’ll have both. So it’s a done deal.”

She snorted. “I don’t think it’s been used to study the inheritance of Quidditch skills.”

“No. But they’ve got their football teams. I’m sure it’s similar.” 

“So you refuse to prepare yourself for the fact that your son might just not be interested in your favorite sport. Let alone want to play, or have a natural talent for it.”

James gave her the mischievous smile, the one he’d been giving her since they’d met. “I never prepare for the worst.”

“That’s true,” she conceded with a laugh.

His grin only widened. “He’ll be one of the greats. I know it.”

She was about to reply when a strong kick up near her ribs made her wince. James’s eyes went wide again, this time with wonder and a touch of concern. 

“You alright?”

She nodded, moving her hand over his. Months had passed since she’d first felt the fluttering inside her, now much more intense and jarring, yet it never stopped amazing either of them.

“I think that means he agrees with me,” he added.

“That or the sugar is finally hitting.” 

Her free hand found its way to James’ messy hair. More and more these days her mind was preoccupied with what was to come, wondering what their son would be like. If he would look anything like the man she loved, or if he would look like her at all.

James hummed absently, ducking down to kiss her lips, still tasting of strawberry ice cream . “Your sweet tooth and my quidditch skills. He’ll be unstoppable.”

#harry potter fanfic #jily #james/lily #jple #jily microfic #my micros

[snicketstrange]

The Chronological Plot Hole of the Sugar Bowl

Well, I've already explained that the sugar in the Sugar Bowl (SB), as depicted in the Netflix series, cures not just the Medusoid Mycelium (MM) disease but all diseases. However, there's still a chronological plot hole to address."If Beatrice developed the sugar-based medication that cured all diseases while she was on the island, how could that sugar be in the SB if Esmé had it around the time of Beatrice's almost-marriage to Lemony, which occurred before she went to the island?"Now it's time to delve into the territory of TBBRE—a step I take reluctantly but justifiably, given Netflix's extensive use of TBBRE content. From Finnish pirates meeting the Baudelaires to the children's fateful trip to the beach at their parents' insistence, the Netflix adaptation acknowledges TBBRE as canon.According to TBBRE, the island of TE had an enigmatic law forbidding the export of its apples (see Note #31 in Chapter 13). Basically, no one could leave the island with an apple. Apparently, at some point in the past, the island was socially advanced enough to have a legal system. But why prohibit taking apples from the island?Here's my theoretical answer: at some point, the island's apple tree bore the fruit of life, capable of curing almost all diseases.Naturally, a law emerged forbidding anyone from taking these miraculous apples away. The islanders surely realized the risks of widely disseminating this information.However, someone, at some point, managed to sidestep this law by converting the apples into sugar. This sugar then became a valuable commodity, held by VFD and safeguarded by Esmé in her Sugar Bowl (SB). Beatrice stole the SB not for its artistry but to replicate the life-saving sugar, aiming to alleviate human suffering. Alas, she could never recreate the exact sugar elsewhere, and it was consumed in various trials. Beatrice then set out for the island where the original apple tree stood. By this time, the island's regulatory systems had collapsed, allowing her to successfully reproduce the curative sugar. In essence, only the island's tree of life could produce this potent fruit. To fortify its properties, perhaps to counteract the deadly Medusoid Mycelium, Beatrice added horseradish to the roots, making the apple's curative powers even more comprehensive. Though she successfully manufactured a superior sugar on the island, the unique tree remained the sole source of this panacea.That's why the SB is so precious: almost no one knows about the apple tree, but they do know about the curative sugar inside the SB.

#asoue #asoue theory #asoue theories #asoue netflix #asoue Netflix theory #sugar bowls theory #lemony snicket #a series of unfortunate events #beatrice baudelaire #esme squalor #the bad beginning the rare edition #tbbtre #TBBRE

[unfortunatetheorist]

Quote Debunk 2 - Across The Snicket-Verse: "You would have our fortune if it weren't for Esmé - if it weren't for [her], you'd be rich and we'd be dead."

What would've happened if Esmé DID get her hands on the Vessel For Disaccharides (during ASOUE)?

Esmé's obsession/addiction to the Sugar Bowl has been a source of great entertainment during the Netflix series, and, as the Baudelaires said in The Penultimate Peril [to Count Olaf]:

"You would have our fortune if it weren't for Esmé - if it weren't for [Esmé], you'd be rich and we'd be dead."

But what does this mean?

Well, one thing's for sure - she would've DEFINITELY stopped trying to capture the Baudelaires; all she wants is her precious Sugar Bowl, as she tells Olaf in The Vile Village:

O: "The point is, I'm able to give my ladylove the best gift in the world: an enormous fortune. "

E: "I already have that. What I don't have is the most important part of a tea set."

O: "The Teapot?"

E: "The Sugar Bowl!"

Along with this quote, from the same episode:

E: "Let them burn - orphans are out. And sugar bowls are in..."

This also means that her break-up with Olaf would've probably come earlier in the series - most likely during/after The Hostile Hospital.

But what would've happened?

Esmé would've searched tirelessly but selfishly for her powerful trinket.

She would've found it.

She then would've argued with Olaf: Esmé's point being they've got the sugar bowl, they can go; Olaf's point being he wants to stay to catch the Baudelaires.

They break up, Esmé taking the Sugar Bowl with her.

A more-angry-than-usual Olaf hunts the Baudelaires with murderous force and sheer heartlessness, finds them and [more or less] the events of The Slippery Slope are brought forward to The Hostile Hospital - Sunny is captured, and Violet and Klaus are killed (albeit surgically, with Olaf still posing as Dr Mattathias Medical-School).

Or, alternatively to 5. :

Olaf captures Violet instead of Sunny, as he won't have to wait as long to get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune. We know Olaf is an impatient person, as he explicitly says to Olivia in The Carnivorous Carnival:

"I'm tired of patience."

But this is just a possibility...

¬ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist

#asoue #asoue netflix #theory #vfd #a series of unfortunate events #lemony snicket #snicketverse #sugar bowl #esme squalor #count olaf

[male-reader-haven]

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••Just a Taste?••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

Christmas Week day 3

Yoongi and Y/N are baking cookies for Christmas together for the other members! What could possibly go wrong? ;)

My first Yoongi fic!!! I have another in the works for a bit so expect more of him to come!!!! This one is a bit shorter, but I actually really liked how it turned out!

Tags: dom Min Yoongi x sub male reader, smut

Warnings: 18+, food play, edging

The sound of pots and pans rustling catches your ear, ringing out through the house and causing you to turn in your bed. It's not early in the morning, but it isn't late either, only being 11:20 AM. You decide to investigate and sit up. You don't bother changing out of your silky pajamas (Jin had gifted them to you before and you actually really liked it). You thought it was just you at home today, since the other members had been talking about going Christmas shopping all day, and you weren't that interested, so you volunteered to stay home. If any of them stayed home however, you have a pretty good guess at who it is. Once you make your way to the kitchen, your theory proves correct and you are greeted with the one and only Min Yoongi still in his sleep clothes busy getting together ingredients and bowls.

"Whatcha doin?" You ask, leaning on the counter.

"I didn't feel like going out. It's probably busy." Yoongi replies without looking up. "Thought I would surprise you guys with some cookies. Plus, I didn't want you to be alone..." His voice falls off quieter at the last part. You smile. Yoongi cares for you all so much, but still gets shy about it.

Such a tsundere.

"Awe, you do care!" You laugh and go over to stand next to him. "Can I help?"

Yoongi looks up to your face, an unreadable expression on his face. "I don't need help, but you can if you want to."

"Perfect!" You roll up your sleeves and wash your hands. Yoongi brings over a bowl and a few measured out portions of flour, sugar and other ingredients.

"Here, blend the dry ingredients while I measure the vanilla and stuff."

You blend the ingredients and get together a nice mixture as Yoongi pours in the milk, eggs and vanilla. You start to mix it together, but it quickly gets thick and difficult to mix with one hand. You struggle for a moment before realizing Yoongi is standing watching you, smiling and laughing silently at your pain.

"Ah hyung, don't just laugh!" You pout.

"Okay okay, here." Still grinning Yoongi reaches over and helps adjust your grip on the bowl and spoon, placing his hands over yours. Your heart flutters for a moment, but you brush it off. "We can do it with our combined strength!" Yoongi laughs as he helps you mix the cookie dough, standing behind you with both hands on top of yours. You love hearing him laugh, love seeing him smile. It's not that Yoongi isn't a happy person, it's just that he tends to hide his expressions and feelings around other people, so hearing him laugh so freely like this is...

"Now we have to roll them out and cut them, like this." Yoongi interrupts your thoughts by forming the dough into a blob and setting it on a mat. He then rolls up his sleeves and starts rolling and kneading the dough. You can't help but stare as his beautiful hands as he works, his long fingers so delicate yet strong, doing the work.

"Y/N?"

"Ah, what? Sorry, I must still be tired." You snap out of your daydream. "Now we cut them from the roll, right?" Yoongi nods, and the two of you shape and cut out the cookie shapes from the dough and place them on the baking sheets, then place them in the oven.

"How long do they bake for?" You ask.

"Twenty five minutes, or until they don't look doughy in the center."

"So do we just wait then?"

Yoongi points to more ingredients on the counter. "Perfect amount of time to start making the frostings."

"Damn, cooking sure is a lot of work!" You go over to inspect the food coloring and ingredients.

Yoongi chuffs. "Yeah, that's why you all make Jin and I cook for you." He starts gathering the ingredients, instructing you on measurements, letting you try doing it on your own.

"Oh, geez!" You exclaim as powdered sugar goes everywhere. Yoongi laughs.

"You have to add it slowly or else it goes everywhere like flour." He rustles your hair, releasing a cloud of powdered sugar in the air. "Cute," he says under his breath. You blush.

Eventually you get some decent frosting out of the whole debacle, ending up with separate bowls with different colors for decorating. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, because the timer to the oven goes off and Yoongi pulls the cookies out of the oven.

"Wow, they look perfect!" You exclaim, admiring the golden cookies.

"They did come out pretty great! We just have to wait for them to cool." Yoongi looks satisfied and sets down the oven mitts. He turns to look at you. "Ah, you have some frosting on your face."

"Oh really? Where?" You bring your hand to brush your face. "Did I get it?"

"Not in the slightest." Yoongi smiles, and you swear you catch his face turning pink. "Here, let me get it." He takes his finger and swipes your cheek, then to your surprise he puts his finger in his mouth. "Mmm, You did good." He looks away, as if embarrassed.

You stand there for a moment in shock, then muster up enough courage to respond.

"Actually Yoongi, you have some on your face too." He turns to look at you. You take one of the spoons and smear white frosting on his cheek and mouth.

"Ack, Y/N!" He laughs and retaliates, grabbing another spoon and smudging frosting on you, getting it on your forehead and lips. After a moment of giggling, you look into Yoongi's eyes. His expression is deeper, his smile falling into something more thoughtful and his cheeks turning a dark shade of pink. You find that your faces are much closer than they were moments ago. Before you can process what is happening, your lips collide and you kiss Yoongi, a quick kiss at first, but upon separating Yoongi goes back into it, deepening the kiss. You feel your stomach do a backflip and savor the taste of frosting on Yoongi's soft lips, whimpering slightly as he bites your bottom lip. Finally you separate, Yoongi hovering for a moment before licking his lips.

"...tastes good..." You can't tell if he is referring to the frosting or you. Then Yoongi presses your back against the counter and looks you up and down with hungry eyes.

"Y-Yoongi, I..." You stutter. You can feel your face burning up. Yoongi runs a hand along your side and looks you in the eyes.

"Is this okay?" He asks in a low voice. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

You are surprised, sure, but you definitely like what is happening. You swallow and nod. "Yes, Yoongi."

He bites his lip and starts undoing the buttons on your sleepshirt. He takes the spoon with frosting on it and examines it for a moment, thinking, before he smears frosting on your chest and uses his fingers to run it down your stomach and below your belly button. He then starts kissing and licking the frosting off your chest. You have never felt anything like this before. The feeling of his tongue on your skin drives you wild, and you moan softly under his mercy.

"Ah, Yoon... That feels good..." You squirm slightly as Yoongi continues licking you clean, trailing lower and lower until he reaches your boxers, holding back your very aroused member. He looks up at you one more time, checking to see if you stop him or not, before he gets on his knees and pulls down your underwear. You hiss slightly at the sudden cold air and blush. Yoongi takes his finger and ever so lightly traces along from your center along your shaft and stops at your tip. He then looks you in the eyes and pumps your cock a few times, getting you harder.

"Y/N, I want to taste you..." He eyes your cock and throws you a serious look. "I won't do it until I have your permission."

You smile, loving how polite he is. "Please do." You huff the words, already extremely aroused and a bit impatient. At your consent, Yoongi licks his lips and grips your thighs as he kisses the tip of your cock first, sending chills down your spine, then putting it in his mouth.

Oh fuck, he's good.

Yoongi uses his tongue to stimulate you while also moving his head, making your mind draw blanks and giving you goosebumps.

"Aw fuck Yoongi, you're really fucking good, hnnn..." You try to keep your voice as composed as possible, which is hard to do considering you are currently getting the best head you have ever had. Yoongi quickens his pace, going harder and deeper while you slightly buck your hips into him. You can't believe how stunningly beautiful he is when you look down at him, his long black hair and perfect skin and beautiful mouth taking your cock. "You're gonna make me come soon, fuck!" As a response, Yoongi goes even faster and harder, trying to get you to your edge. You can't take it anymore.

"Ah, fuck, coming soon, ah, aah, fuck, oh fuck, oh fuCK-" Just as you felt your pleasure peak, Yoongi stops and pulls away, then grabs your dick and puts his thumb on your tip, preventing you from ejaculating. You cry out from the ruined orgasm. "Ohhhhhh fuck, come on, why? Ohhhhh fuck, please." You look down at Yoongi desperately. He gets off his knees and stands up to your level once again.

"Don't panic baby, I just want you to see how good you taste." Yoongi then pushes up against you ad kisses you again, this time snaking in his tongue to explore you. While the two of you make out, his hand goes to your abused cock and starts to pump.

"Hng, hwah, haah..." You moan into Yoongi's mouth at the sensation, still sensitive from how close you got moments ago.

"Don't worry, I won't be mean this time." Yoongi breathes into your mouth as he speeds up the pace of his hand.

"Aw fuck, Yoongi you're killing meeee..." You let out high pitched whimpers as Yoongi brings you closer and closer to your peak for a second time that morning.

"You close baby? You feel good?" Yoongi smirks and attacks your neck with kisses. It's obvious how much he is enjoying watching you at his mercy and disposal.

"Mhm, fuck yes, your hands feel so good round my cock, fuck, I'm gonna come soon..." You tilt your head back, staring at the ceiling before Yoongi uses his other chin to redirect your attention to him, planting another sloppy, open-mouth kiss. You do your best to warn him while you make out.

"Hnng, gonna come, gonna come, coming, coming, ah fuck, oohohhhhhhh!" You moan as you come into Yoongi's hand. You stand there, riding out your high and admiring oongi in front of you, steely gaze and eyes locked on yours as he takes his hand to his face and puts a finger in his mouth.

"I knew you'd taste good."

Send me suggestions on what to write next! ~ <3

--Masterlist--

#min yoongi x male reader #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi #yoongi x male reader #yoongi x reader #yoongi #bts yoongi #suga x reader #suga x male reader #min suga #bts min suga #bts min yoongi #bts x male reader #bts x reader #bts fanfic #min yoongi smut #yoongi smut #suga smut

[mr-mentally-ill]

Woah Mr Mentally Ill posting twice in one day??

...who cares lol

Anyway– I'm here today to talk to you about the use of color in ASOUE. So let's get into it!

Okay let's start off with basics: yellow represents innocence and purple represents evil. In the early days of the first season, Sunny wears yellow colored clothes. As she gets older however, she wears more colors like pink and grey.

Purple is the color that Esmé wears at the opera. It's also the color that the man with the beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard wear. In the scene wear the baudelaires help burn down the hotel and help Olaf get away, Violet wears purple.

Again, going back to yellow, look at the island. Now this might be a bit of a stretch, so take it with a grain of salt. So yellow and red make orange right? So someone with not much knowledge on the subject might think that orange and white makes yellow aswell.

This is where the stretch comes in, Ishmael wants to recreate that innocence like we see in Sunny at the start. That's what VFD was supposed to do, keep childlike innocence.

While you would think red would be a color associated with evil in ASOUE, but it doesn't. It mainly represents good. The uniform on the Quequeg is red. In the show, Kit wears it at the opera. In the books, the baudelaires wear it while working at the Hotel Denoument. Klaus also wears it in some early episodes.

Blue would usually be associated with childlike innocence, but in ASOUE it's usually the loss of childlike innocence. Beatrice wears it when she throws the dart that kills Olaf's father. Klaus wears it when they steal a boat, get arrested, in the movie, and all illustrations. Sunny also wears it in later seasons, showing how she is no longer innocent. It is also the color of the sugar bowl.

Green is a neutral color. The hypnotized mill workers wear it. In the show, the baudelaires wear it when they spy on bad people. Olaf wears it in the song "Not how the story goes".

Black and white funnily enough, aren't black and white. They're blurred, both bad and good characters wearing it.

But hey– that's just my two cents!!

(If you guys wanna send me theories to talk about, send me them!)

#im gay and tired #asoue theory #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate events theory #sunny baudelaire #violet baudelaire #klaus baudelaire #count olaf

[kasaron]

Do you have the apple wine recipe? Thank you!

Sure thing! I'll do you one better, I'll give you my recipe for ANY KIND of fruit wine.

Please note, this will make approx 5 gallons of rather strong, dry wine. It will be about 15% ABV, and I encourage you to BE CAREFUL when drinking it, as it can be stronger than you expect.

Full instructions Below;

Supplies; (These are reusable items or materials which you use to make the wine).

(2) 5 gallon brewing buckets (or a 6 gallon food grade bucket. Regular 5 gallon ones are too small; you can use practically any kind of food grade container, as long as it's glass, stainless steel, or HMPE/UHMPE plastic). you can TECHNICALLY use 1 brewing bucket and 1 regular 5 gallon, cause of lees and other loss, but ehhh. Make sure the bucket lid has a hole to accept your airlock, and is waterproof otherwise.

(1) large plastic tub or container. I like big HDX totes for this.

(1) siphon (get the 24" one. just do it.)

(1) brewing airlock

(1) StarSan (sanitizer)

(1) hydroemeter and matchjing graduated cylinder (this is to measure the potential strength).

(1) waterproof baking scale

(1) pair of nitrile gloves

(1) 24" long stainless steel mixing spoon (ALUMINUM IS BAD DO NOT USE)

(1) Turkey Baster (New, Clean, Unused. Label it for brewing only)

(1) Large stainless steel, glass, or ceramic bowl

Theory (I promise to be brief here).

Alcohol is made when yeast eats sugar and oxygen, the byproduct is more yeast, carbon dioxide, alcohol, and what are called esters (complex aromatic chemicals). Not all yeast are made equal, and many thrive in specific environments, or make specific byproducts.

Some universal rules;

No Vitamin C, Citric Acid, or Citrus Juices. (Kills the yeast.)

No Juices w/ Preservatives. (You can use from concentrate, as long as there's nothing else in it).

No Artifical, or Non-Sugar Sweeteners (It doesn't work).

Nothing With a High Protein Content (Milk, nuts, etc. It will rot. Don't.)

Nothing with a lot of salt. (Also kills the yeast.)

Between 100-70F, for most yeasts.

Ingredients

5 gallons of fruit juice (any blend, any brand, any kind, follow the universal rules.)

Sugar/Sweeteners (I like dark brown sugar and unsulphured molasses, expect to use 4-6 pounds)

Spices, mixins, whatnot (see below).

Process.

Sanitize; You will need to make a batch of StarSan (read the instructions!) with warm water in your large plastic container. This is your sanitary solution. This will kill unwanted microorganisms. It is 100% food safe. Do NOT rinse or wipe sanitized items, if a sanitized item touches ANYTHING that isn't sanitized, it is no longer sanitized. You will have to sanitize everything except your ingredients, and that includes your hands, repeatedly, any time they touch anything that is not explicitly sanitized. To sanitize something, immerse it it for approx five seconds, and pour/let drip any remaining star san on or in the object. The residual star san is FINE. Don't worry about it.

Must; Pour your fruit juice into your brewing bucket (AFTER SANITIZING THE BUCKET). This will mix all the fruit juices you may use, this is vital. Meanwhile, put your yeast packet (UNOPENED) into your pocket. Trust me.

Measure; Use your turkey baster to fill your graduated cylinder, and hydrometer. Note (WRITE DOWN) the brix, and specific gravity. Use this calculator: https://www.brewersfriend.com/brix-converter/ to get the current potential ABV. Now, work out what ABV you want, by gradually increasing the brix, until it hits a point you'd like. Take those Brix, and plug them into this calculator: https://www.brewersfriend.com/chaptalization-calculator/ to get how many pounds of sugar to add. Measure that amount of sugar by weight, into your bowl. If you are using liquid sweeteners, you will have to work out how much sugar they have, by weight; that can take some math, but there are ways to find it online. Add that sugar/sweetener to the brewing bucket, and mix until dissolved. Take a second measurement, to confirm that the Brix has gotten to the correct levels.

Mixins; add any spices, or mixins you want. I am very partial to a half or whole cup of coldbrew concentrate, 2 ounces of vanilla extract, and a small bit of cinnamon (very small). You can add black tea, cloves, nutmeg, even citrus zest; just follow the universal rules, and if feasible, sanitize the material. If you can't sanitize it, it should be ok, generally, as long as it's visibly clean and free of gunk.

Mix! Add your yeast. You do NOT need to prep your yeast, save for to get it up to body temperature SLOWLY (put it in your pocket while you work). Put your sanitized lid on your brewing bucket/vessel, and shake vigorously. If this is not feasible, or you are not very physically strong, instead vigorously mix the mixture. Your goal is to aerate the mixture, to add oxygen, which the yeast needs for it's initial growth spurt.

Airlock; Add the airlock, write the Brix, and starting date on the bucket or on a small bit of painter's tape, and store in a room with a stable temperature, away from sunlight. 70-90F is ideal for most yeast.

Wait; Check on the airlock, it it's making bloop noises, it's fermenting. When it stops making bloop noises, or they seriously slow down, the fermentation is done. this will take approx 1-2 months, in my experience.

Check; Make your star san again, sanitize your gear. Open your brewing bucket. If you see mold, when you open the brewing bucket, you failed. Try again. If you see brown/crusty stuff on the sides, thats OK; that's Kroysen, it's normal. Use your baster as before, to check the Brix/SPG. It should now read near zero. If so, it's done, if not, maybe add a bit more yeast, close it up and wait a little longer. If there are any off flavors, make a note of them. that's not unusual, and it's NOT impossible to fix. Google the specific flavor smell or whatever, and you'll find suggestions. If it's rotten eggs/feet smell, see next step.

Rack; When it's ready as above step, use your siphon to siphon the wine from it's current bucket, to a second one. Do your best to not disturb the bucket before or during this step, as a lot of dead yeast has settled to the bottom, and we want it to stay there. This second bucket can be a regular, food-grade 5-gallon bucket; since you will be leaving some stuff behind, and fermentation is done. If the wine smells like rotten eggs, you need to "air rack" it, that means, when you siphon it, let the wine pass through a strainer or collander on the way out, or let it fall from a height, so knock out the sulphur dioxide. APPLE WINE WILL ALWAYS NEED TO BE AIR RACKED.

Enjoy! You can bottle it at this point, or do what I do, which is have a bucket with a spigot that I can grab a glass from whenever I feel like it, in a cool dark place in my basement.

For my apple wine,

5 gal apple wine

4 lbs of brown sugar

12oz mollasses

K1V-1116 yeast

And if you do choose to make your own wine, I implore you to share it with others, and also let me know how it goes!

#brewing #homebrewing #home brewing #cooking #crafting

[kelly-bands]

cake day ( CHLOE KELLY × READER )

one shot!

summary: It's wednesday, cake day! But oops, who said these two know how to bake correctly?

note: okay, this fic is according to that one survey (fluffly wins) and according to that request from chloe's pov, but I'm not a fan of writing in the first person and I decided to write in the third person.

Every wednesday of every week, of every month, Chloe Kelly and Reader would bake a cake together. It had no sentimental or significant value, the two simply entered into an agreement to always bake a cake that day, following the same steps and different recipes.

The problem is that the new recipe was more of an interpretation and cognition test for the couple than something simple and practical.

Chloe cracked the eggs in the corner of the basin: one, two, three… four. In theory, everything was supposed to be working since all the ingredients are there on the counter and so is the equipment. While Kelly started the recipe, Reader took care of the whipped cream and frosting.

" Why the fuck am I seeing four gems from afar, Chloe? " Reader complained, snooping behind her girlfriend's shoulder. It was the first sentence Kelly had heard since the two entered the kitchen minutes ago. The english attacker's optical orbs turned over due to the girlfriend's soon complaint.

" Because maybe that's what's in the fucking recipe?! " The blonde argued, leaving the cake spoon on the counter and resting her hands on the front of her white apron, intending to clean her fingers dirty by the egg whites that barely dripped.

" No, of course not. The recipe says there are only three. " A questioning and at the same time confident tone reached Kelly's ears. Reader approached the woman, while supporting the bowl full of egg whites and sugar between her arm and her chest, looking at the bowl with the supposed four egg yolks. " You don't by any chance know how to read, Chloe Kelly?" She mocked the situation.

Damn, Reader could be annoying. But very irritating when she wants to be.

The english slammed her spoon down on the table, placed the digits on her face and drained them, accompanied by a snort. "Why don't you read the recipe in the book before saying that? Maybe you're blind." Her tone rose a little, threatening to complain even more.

That was why all of Kelly's friends claimed that the two deserve each other. There were no differences, both personalities and tastes (maybe a little).

Chloe Kelly is a bit of an impatient woman, Reader too.

Chloe Kelly hates complaints, and so does Reader.

And that's exactly what the two of them were doing in the kitchen. The big problem is that perhaps it would be crossing the line, but that was the most common thing for this couple.

Reader glanced at the recipe written in the book, Kelly right after it too, but mostly pointing with her index finger where it said 'eggs'.

But the number was smudged and soiled with something dodgy.

" How do you expect me to read it if you got it dirty? " Reader complained once more, but this time with a mocking tone, aware that she would be irritating the woman more and more. Thus, she blamed Chloe for the mess that who knows who had made it.

Kelly frowned. She was praying she didn't explode in front of her girlfriend, though. This was one of the strengths of the english: even though she was impatient, she did everything not to lose Reader's company, because she adored him.

" Honey, love of my life, my princess, my love. I don't know." That was the most mocking tone Chloe could manage, since at this point, even if she was the most competitive woman in the world, she had already given up. And Reader could tell by her tone becoming calmer and lower afterwards.

Reader patted Kelly on the shoulder when she noticed her sulking, signaling that the player could continue the work that was almost going downhill, but being proud of her attempt to collaborate.

Chloe continued the recipe step by step, this time paying even more attention to each letter on that paper. At the same time, Reader was preparing the icing for the cake, mixing for a long time all the necessary ingredients.

The attacker slid the cake batter into the buttered pan, ready to be placed. Her fingers were smeared with sticky dough, grains of flour all over the front of her apron, almost as if she'd been dropped in the snow.

Baking wasn't Kelly's strong point, especially when it came to not making a mess in the kitchen.

But on the other hand, the blonde had Reader by her side. Mainly to clean up all this mess that the two made.

" That's it. " Chloe finished her part by placing the cake in the oven. Slowly she went to the faucet, intending to clean the dirty digits.

" Apparently everything worked out. " Reader dictated in a hopeful tone, after what happened. Her hands were still busy mixing the frosting, but this time, mixing the various dyes in an attempt to get the color correct (not so correct.)

After drying her fingers, Kelly's first move was to approach Reader, who was at the other counter. Chloe realized that her girlfriend would be scattered, focused on the cake, so she was opportunistic, wrapping her arms around the other's chest.

The english noticed how her girlfriend's body contracted, probably due to the fright and sudden touch. A giggle came from between those short, thick lips, close to Reader's ear. The lips descended to the shoulder, depositing a peck on the exposed skin of the Reader, in which she would promptly finish mixing the cream.

Chloe Kelly loved that, loved to always complain and argue about any micro movement of her girlfriend and then hug Reader as best she could. Be it kisses, hugs, caresses or whatever, it always soothed the blonde. Almost as if Reader was her safe haven, the only place the english could rest and take her thoughts miles from earth.

The blonde continued, her nostrils resting on the crook of Reader's neck, the sweet scent of frosting and the scent of, possibly watermelon, mingled and lingered there. This was another point Kelly loved about Reader, about how her scent was so strong (mainly because it was ALWAYS on Chloe's clothes).

" Try this, I also followed the recipe in the book. " Reader's index finger stopped backwards, even though she couldn't see Chloe properly. Covered in icing, it was an invitation for the player to put her lips there, to taste the frosting.

And that's what Chloe Kelly did. Her face, previously pressed against her girlfriend's shoulder, rose enough so that her lips could reach Reader's finger. Slowly wet lips supplied cream to index finger, ending with a small fragile bite. Reader laughed, probably because of the tickle the english gave.

" It's great. Much better than those bakery ones. " Honest and proud of Reader's talent, Chloe always distributes praise for everything her girlfriend does, and this time was no different.

The english felt Reader's body move, twisting and turning between Kelly's long arms, which released as soon as she noticed a change in her girlfriend's direction. When she realized it, Reader was literally in front of Chloe, inches away from the attacker's face. Reader's fingers slowly intertwined around the player's neck, pressing her body even closer to Kelly's.

Reader's back rested against the edge of the counter, while Chloe Kelly's frontal pressed even more, intentionally. The player's hands rested on Reader's forearms, which were pendulous and resting on Chloe's shoulder .

" What did you think of this new experience of making a cake? " Reader asked.

" Awful. " Chloe replied with no regrets. " But doing it with you was a little less work. " She completed.

" Other than the fact that you probably thought about throwing the cake at me… " Reader scoffed and chuckled, referencing the player's earlier irritation.

" Of course, you blamed me for something I didn't do. " Kelly also joined in the joke, adding a tearful tone to her speech.

"Pftt. I'm sorry then." Reader rolled her eyes, slowly dropping her head into the crook of Chloe's neck.

Again, Kelly's heart warmed as fast as a fireplace.

Even though she was a pretty closed off woman when it came to touching and silly emotions like that, she loved, adored, appreciated so much. Chloe Kelly would do anything so that every day she could feel that same touch, in every way possible.

The attacker's cerulean eyes landed fixedly on Reader's face, which in seconds rose. Moments like that where she could appreciate the beautiful face of her girlfriend were incredible, moments that the only thing that could remain was the physiognomy that always, always touched the lips in any region. These moments made her fall even more in love with the person Reader was. Moments that—

Oh shit.

The cake.

Fuck, Chloe Kelly. The damn cake.

"Shit."

Chloe broke Reader's embrace as quickly as if she were running away from her, heading straight for the oven; hot as fuck. Kelly reached for the first cloth she saw, with her other hand free, grabbed the metal handle and opened the oven.

At least something about this cake worked, which was not burning.

The digits gripping the cloth held the cake pan, which was clearly almost overcooked. The english quickly but carefully placed the cake on top of the counter. Finally able to breathe, the warm cloth was thrown over her shoulder and her hands to her waist.

“Please, let's change the cake day to something easier and more practical, Y/N” Chloe complained amidst the worrisome giggles, where she rested her fingerprints on the counter.

" If you say. “ Reader returned close to the player, at the same time, analyzing the cake inside the round mold. It wasn't ugly, or even looking like something bad, it was just… something.

The couple waited for the cake to cool, dispersing amid gossip and conversations that, in their view, would be interesting ( Discussing about species of dogs is certainly an interesting subject, Chloe Kelly.) After the necessary time, the blonde tried, carefully, remove the cake from the mold.

But it was not expected.

Even though the cake pan was buttered and Reader was there to facilitate Chloe Kelly's magnificent and crazy cuts, it didn't help one bit.

“Hand me the knife, let me do it for you. “ Reader was polite this time. She held out his hand hoping his girlfriend would give up the knife.

And this time Chloe didn't argue, discuss or even complain about Reader's attitude. Even her cheeks began to burn, perhaps from the embarrassment of not being able to cut the edges of a round cake. To help her girlfriend, Kelly fetched the bowl of icing, with mixed colors.

What the fuck?

How difficult is it for both of you to get something right?

“Ahm… Y/N. “ The english called out to Reader, who would be focused on finishing cutting this shitty cake that would be causing chaos in the kitchen. The frosting colors turned out terribly, TERRIBLY UGLY.

Something like gray mixed with brown, something like a five-year-old putting all the colors on the chromatic wheel and mixing. Chloe tried in every way to keep a small smile at least fake, so as not to cause any uncomfortable or uncomfortable feelings in her girlfriend.

“ Apparently I'm not the only one who has problems with cakes. “ Kelly finally said something after seconds of silence. And it was only after this speech that Reader turned her face, at the same time that she removed the cake from the mold with her hands, she also saw the shit she had caused in the color of the icing.

"What the fuck—" Chloe just stared at the woman who would be complaining in front of her, nothing new. " How did that happen?" Reader completed her sentence, with a forlorn tone.

" Nice question. " The english quickly tried to come up with some response that wasn't totally her own girlfriend's fault.

" Right. Let's take it easy, let's not give up now. " Oh, done. Now Reader was trying to come up with some solution to all this shit. " Let's use that, and as for the cake, it's okay to be almost breaking. " No, it's not okay. A cake breaking apart is not a cake, Reader.

Chloe rubbed her right eye with her index finger, this whole situation was making her tired. She went for a spoon and spatula, already intending to cover the cake.

Kelly immediately began icing the unfortunately gray frosting, while Reader just watched, not wanting to create any more intrigue.

And apparently, that was the only thing that had worked out of the whole recipe.

Slowly the cake would be taking a beautiful shape and its color, in the end, maybe it wouldn't be so ugly after all. Maybe something rustic, maybe something fashionable among wealthy elderly people.

Chloe focused on spreading that cream on the outside of the cake without saying a word. Little by little, her fingers began to get dirty, gooey, as a result of trying to turn the cake on the turntable. But it was her way, and in the end, the important thing would be the result.

Mainly the taste.

Reader looked down at her girlfriend, working hard to finish the cake. Days like these, even if they were disastrous, were the best days for both of them. Chloe Kelly's biggest hobby ever was spending time with her family, even on the few days she was able to travel there.

However, her problem of being away from her family was solved from the moment she began to consider Reader part of his family. So Chloe always gave her maximum effort in situations like these, even if she never even did it, even if they argued, even if unforeseen things happened.

Even if everything went wrong, it would be okay, because she is doing with the best person in her own family, Reader would always be on her side.

Deep down, Chloe Kelly loved spending time with her wife; your girlfriend, your family.

" What about? Kelly murmured, finishing off one last spatula on the cake. She immediately brought her wrist to her forehead, wiping the little sweat that was almost accumulating.

Surely if Chloe Kelly and Reader were on a cake competition show, they would be the first ones eliminated.

" Enough with opinions for today. Let's eat it now. " Reader's tone only confirmed that the cake was not in the best, not even aesthetically.

"Yeah, it's better."

Chloe selected a random plate from the cupboard that she could place the cake on top of, and said she did. The english took advantage of the situation to immediately cut it in a triangular shape.

She placed the piece on an individual glass plate and handed it over, accompanied by a fork.

" Moment of truth! " Kelly started her bad imitation of drums.

Reader allowed herself a smile as she slowly popped a piece of the beautiful cake into her own mouth.

Let's face it, Reader would have made the ugliest face in the world if the cake had tasted bad.

" It's not bad, but it's not the best thing in the world either! " She stated, licking her lips while letting out the cutest laugh possible. "Try it too."

Kelly picked up another fork, eating the same piece of cake.

It was true, it wasn't a bad thing. To be honest, in their opinion, it was better than some low-income bakeries.

" Don't doubt my baking skills. " The player, inwardly, felt quite proud of being able to bake a cake without exploding the gas.

" Right! Next wednesday, roulade? " Reader questioned and presented a new recipe.

Damn? This feels like a game of levels, each time you go up, the difficulty increases even more.

" And that talk about making something easier?"

" Forget it, it's always good to challenge yourself. "

" Okay. With you, anything. " There's a first time for everything.

And Chloe Kelly always wants to have the first turn of things with her girlfriend.

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