#surviving eating disorder

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[magicalrocketships]

☔

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

Oh, I'm sure I've talked about this before but L U C K I L Y I retain zero information, particularly when I'm tired, so this means I get to explain it again.

SO, the plot which I won't ever write because it gets pretty dark and it also requires me to make up an injury (I got the idea from the first series of Chicago Fire, where the dude whose name I've forgotten (no, really, I retain no information anymore) has a life-changing made-up ?neck? injury where he requires surgery and it will take one year+ to recover from the surgery so he self-medicates and then it's miraculously fixed by a dazzling new surgery in one episode after making it an entire plot for an entire season):

Canon divergence somewhere along the way, maybe the pandemic doesn't happen, maybe he never really got as publicly involved in streaming, whatever, but what's key is that Max doesn't have anything really going on outside of racing and it's this year

So Daniel's left RB/Mcl, and Max is focused focused focused on racing and maybe he gets his first world championship a year earlier but whatever happens, he doesn't build that strong sense of home outside of racing (no cats, no partner, no online streaming, just what's becoming an unhealthy focus on racing and winning at all costs)

Then there's an accident. It happens off-track, so it's not a racing incident, and it's not Max's fault. His car gets hit. And Max is injured. He breaks something in his neck (I am assured this injury does not exist in the manner employed by Chicago Fire. For the purpose of this imaginary not-to-be-written fic, it 100% exists).

Max is told he can't race, maybe forever, but likely for at least a year post surgery

(and at this point I'm just going to c&p from the chat fic doc I saved months and months ago, and it's going under a cut with a content warning here for suicidal thoughts, some mention of disordered eating and childhood abuse, look after yourself, pals)

surviving to drive: the max verstappen recovery story (~3k)

Anyway max realises that he has exactly one (1) thing in his life, racing, and it's just come crashing down and he's v emotionally unhealthy as we know and has nothing else going on so when he loses racing he believes there is literally no other reason to keep going plus he's in hospital

anyway daniel ignores all of max's emotionally unhealthy bans on hospital visitors and sneaks in to see him and he's like... "something is very wrong here"

he leaves and max thinks he's chased him away but then daniel comes back later that day and he's like, "you don't have to have the surgery in this hospital, you can have it done in any of these places *presents a list* so pick a place and we'll go there instead"

so yeah they just go somewhere else and daniel rents them a house and just hangs out with a secretly suicidal max who sees precisely no reason to wake up every morning if he's not racing

and daniel has precisely zero idea that max is still here/alive/whatever just because daniel is there every night and every morning and max doesn't want daniel to have to see him like that

ANYWAY max is very clearly not in a good place and his dad sends him messages telling him how he can improve his recovery and get better faster

it becomes more difficult for max to hide the fact that he's alive mostly by virtue of not being dead right now

and he's had the surgery or whatever and he's looking at a 12 month recovery so he's definitely out for the whole of the next season so daniel's like, "It doesn't matter how long recovery takes, take your time" which of course he has precisely zero idea of how to deal with since he's been racing so long and has nothing else in his life

Something happens idk he breaks a glass and Daniel finds him with cut hands and a piece of glass idk and Daniel's like, "a new crisis! I can help with that! this is clearly not something that max has been dealing with daily for weeks now, it's a new thing!"

so he's like, IT'S THERAPY TIME BABY, no more clutching a handful of broken glass and bleeding everywhere, superdaniel is here to help

yada yada finds max a therapist and max HATES IT, HAAAAATES IT, he's uncomfortable and the therapist makes him feel worse and he still wants to like... not be here if he can't race today, he can't wait a whole year

and daniel asks him how it's going and Max lies because why wouldn't he and he's been doing miserable things his entire life that he didn't want to do so what's another thing on top of everything else

meanwhile Daniel's like... hmmmm this is scary Max looks worse

and he sits in on a therapy session and half way through he's like, "nope, we're ending this, sorry, bye, you can have the money for the whole hour but we're never speaking to you again"

points out to Max that that therapist was awful and why didn't Max just tell him how awful it was and how it made him feel

Max, who's never had a choice over anything in his entire life: "..."

anyway he gets max to try another couple of therapists and in the end there's one who is NOT monstrously awful and does not make Max feel like he wants to scratch his own skin off

so Max gets THERAPY and it becomes clear that max's childhood was weaponised beyond belief and he doesn't even know what foods he likes and doesn't like

because he never got a choice and he was always on some kind of food plan that his dad could withhold or not according to how max was doing in every other area of his life

well of course, he gets a whole year of therapy and it turns out his dad was an abusive asshole and he is BLOCKED from Max's phone

and Max has to do things like "make sure his life has more than just racing in it"

so he reads a book

the first one he's ever read

he tries food and tries to figure out if he likes it or if it's just a source of energy he has to eat anyway

he gets a PLANT

it DIES

anyway whatever he gets therapy and he lives in a house with daniel and is allowed to feel some things because he never really felt anything before

and daniel goes off and does some promo stuff idk and films some shit from the house and max is maybe in the background or something and no one's heard from him in ages and in fandom it's all like MAX IS IN DANIEL'S HOUSE etc

and the drive to survive people get in touch and are like, can we interview you for the series even if you're not on the grid, do some stuff about your recovery etc etc

and max is like... i guess

he's not, like, actively suicidal any more because his life has actual pillars of stuff that isn't just racing

his life isn't just like dependent on one jenga tower of racing with the pieces falling down

like, he can't wait to get back to racing but he's like, six months in to therapy or whatever and he's been living with daniel and it's... nice to just... watch movies with him and eat stuff and play computer games (daniel banned racing games so max has had to... compromise)

and maybe there are some... warm feelings

some best friend shit when he's never had real time for a best friend

some "i could probably spend more time with daniel in a forever kind of a way and not get tired of it" you know

BUT ALSO, daniel blowing up his life for max, he saw max in that hospital room and didn't once question what it would mean to him to step back and just... fuck shit up so that max would be okay

anyway drive to survive team show up and they do a bit of interviewing and it is VERY CLEAR that this isn't a natural fit for an episode because Max has, for once, got some shit to say

so they come back with an idea for a spin off documentary that's just Max and this injury and getting back to driving

because Daniel has kind of been fielding red bull this whole time, saying "he's not racing this year, leave him alone, give him some space", and he's got to go out and talk to them or do some promo stuff with them, whatever, he's going away

Max says the timing is good because he can do the main body of the interviewing about what's come before etc, then Daniel can come back and do his bits

and then the docu team are like, "where do you think you'd be right now if you hadn't crashed" and Max looks at the camera and says, "dead, I think" and the team know they're on to a winner because Max has realised that actually, driving like you don't care if you're alive if you don't win isn't actually okay

anyway Max does the documentary interviews and Daniel comes back and Max tells him he can talk about whatever he wants, it's fine but when the team ask him about helping Max when he realised he wasn't coping, Daniel won't give any details and says it's Max's story to tell and he just wanted to make sure his best friend was okay

not realising that he looks very much in love during this idk

ANYWAY SOME TIME PASSES and they do a bit more documentary stuff and Max is preparing to race again and Daniel is doing some stuff with red bull and he flies out somewhere to do an interview and photoshoot for some magazine or other.

The first clips from the documentary are released and they're on youtube and clipped up for instagram and Max posts them but the first picture is just like, 'this contains discussion of suicidal thoughts' etc

Daniel is preparing for this photoshoot and interview

anyway the first clip is about Max in hospital and they go straight in for the kill, Max saying, "I didn't want to live if I couldn't race.

"I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to speak to anyone, I shouted at the nurses, I just wanted to get somewhere so I could figure out how not to wake up again. And then Daniel walked in.

"He didn't know how bad it was, he didn't know anything specific, but he knew something was wrong and he got me out of there and he brought me here and got my surgery moved. And he didn't know he saved my life that day. He won't know until he sees this. But he saved my life that day."

END OF CLIP ONE, start of clip two

"You were suicidal," the interviewer says

"Yes," Max says. "The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't want Daniel to find me. He'd moved me to a different hospital and he'd rented this place for us so it was close to the doctors, and every day I woke up and he never knew that he kept me alive just by being here."

"But he found out in the end."

"Not how bad it was. Just that it was bad. And he got me help. And when that help didn't work, he got me more help. He's the best friend I've ever had, and I still haven't been able to tell him how bad it got."

end of clip two, start of clip three

except this clip is DANIEL

"I snuck in to see him in hospital. he wasn't doing great. He was kind of lost, and I didn't really know what I could do, but, like, I figured he needed some space so I got him some. Different hospital, different views, nothing to remind him about racing."

"But he was struggling?"

"Yeah," Daniel says. "He struggled. It was hard to see him when he couldn't race. He's my best friend. It was hard when he wasn't doing so well. But he's doing great now."

smile smile etc Daniel being happy

then a final max clip i think

"Do I still have that drive to win? God, yes. I'm going to win. That hasn't changed. I just want to live as well. I want to wake up tomorrow, and the next day, and the one after that, and win."

then a final slide with the documentary logo on and some suicide prevention helplines, idk

ANYWAY imagine Daniel, if you will, at a photography studio about to have pictures taken, crying his eyes out in the toilets because he's just found out Max wanted to die

so Daniel, who is always very professional, entirely bails on both the photo shoot and the interview so he can go home because he needs to see max

and Max lent him his plane because that's a normal thing excessively rich world champions have so it's not a fucking nightmare getting back from... wherever the interview is, somewhere not that far away in europe

and Daniel chooses to respond to Max's documentary clips on instagram

[ASIDE, my beloved friend as I was telling her this over Telegram, in response to that above: WHY????

Me: because this is MY 4am hurt comfort fic baby]

so anyway he makes a text post that just says Max is the bravest and best person he knows, he's fought so hard to be here, and that there hasn't been a day in Daniel's whole entire life that would have been better if Max wasn't here on this planet, and he's so glad he stayed

and then another one which is like, if anyone else feels like they don't want to go on, please stay, people love you, here's some helpline numbers etc

and Max just replies to him with a blue heart

important to understand that this is my four am comfort fic so it is ENTIRELY appropriate that Daniel walks through the door and both hugs him and starts to cry

and Max hugs him back but does not cry because Max has broken through a lot of shit in therapy but he is not a crier

but he IS accidentally in love with Daniel

and Max makes some Choices in his life, as Daniel does, but this choice involves touching Daniel's cheek and glancing at his mouth and then up at Daniel and Daniel kind of nodding and then there is a KISS

which is badly timed really considering that today has been very emotional and Daniel is still crying and has been travelling etc and they've never actually addressed any of this

so Daniel needs a moment and he goes into the bathroom to stare manfully into the mirror and wash his hands and face and when he comes out Max doesn't let him say anything, just launches into a multi point in-person powerpoint about how they should be together

[my friend: maxplaining his way into a relationshippp]

which Daniel, it turns out, entirely agrees with, but he's really kind of emotionally burnt out right now and would really just like a hug and a sit down, so he tells Max yes, of course, but could they just talk about it later and hug right now

How good is Max at listening to instuctions to stop talking?

not marvellous it turns out but daniel kind of likes it when max gets enthusiastic about stuff

even if the stuff in this case is a multipoint argument in favour of them being quite gay together

OH OH OH now we skip forward a bit

to when Max is racing again

first or second race out there for red bull

and daniel is kind of tied to red bull again

anyway Max WINS

hurray etc he's a conquering hero with a recovered broken neck

so once he's out of the car idk he's done the bit with the team and he spies daniel and goes over to hug him, which the cameras in general love, and then he goes off to do some kind of next step celebratory thing, cool-down room, whatever

only partway there he's like... um

has a feeling, one or two, you know the kind of thing

max hasn't historically been very good at feelings

or healthy choices

but anyway, he decides to act on this one, which is to go back to where Daniel is, and kiss him

which is as much of a surprise to daniel as it is to the whole of the media who are still around to film him

and then Max just turns back around and heads for the podium, so there's a very nice accidental shot of Daniel, afterwards, just smiling and ducking his head and touching his thumb to his lip

which turns into a very popular gif

for reasons

Anyway!! there is a LOT of discussion about Max losing his edge now his focus is not only racing

the documentary talks a lot about Max's childhood abuse and limited food intake etc etc but doesn't mention his dad by name

Daniel races again somehow but probably not in the fic

daniel ends up losing some bet or other and has to do a computer game live stream from his living room of some cosy game idk and the whole thing is interupted by max just living his life in the background

max getting up and sleepily saying morning, max going for a run and kissing him hello, max going in and out of the sim, idk, the two of them making weird noises at each other because they still do that

OH I forgot they buy a house together like immediately after getting together

somewhere green again and it's in both their names because they've lived together for a year already and whatever

and still don't tell anyone they're together even though red bull has them residing at the same address

and ZERO people realise until after the kiss on screen

and obviously the docu clips suggest they've been staying together

and Max gets to say to Christian that they literally own a house together when he expresses some degree of surprise at kissing in public

not their fault no one noticed

Forgot to say that max and Daniel get filmed driving about and max stalls his car and doesn’t know if he likes olives and maybe they forget they’re being filmed

And also that when the documentary finally airs all its eps Netflix on Twitter are like “lol bet you can’t figure out which bits we filmed after they got together and which were before because we certainly can’t, lol”

And Daniel’s in the comments, like “do I get a prize if I get it right”

He gets 9/10 clips right but no one but max knows

Anyway when they buy their house max has zero shits to give about the decor so daniel just gets a decorator in and the only thing max wants is a fancy catio for when they’re not there and his new cats want to go outside

Daniel arranges this because he’s a sucker for max.

anyway that's general plot of surviving to drive: the max verstappen recovery story, the end.

#my fic #fic i wish i was writing #except actually this one is just staying my 4am comfort fic #but i've just told it to you too #content warnings for: #suicidal thoughts #mentions of childhood abuse and disordered eating #surviving to drive: the max verstappen recovery story

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

#cat #orange cat #survival #eating disorder recovery #doodles #bad art #lousy drawings #doodle #positivity #self love #healing #recovery #ed recovery

[uncanny-tranny]

"A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" being said like that's a bad thing. How beautiful is it that the memories and experiences my body has gone through will be etched into me, even if temporary, even if it isn't "flattering"? Why would I want to be alive if it meant that I am not permitted to live? And why should I avoid myself like I am a sin, like I am a curse, worse than death and pain?

I will envelop myself in layers of care and love, even if it means that I am slightly different. I will continue to do so even if I am alone. I have survived long enough. I will rest now, I will find peace.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #recovery #body shaming #body shaming tw #fatphobia tw #disordered eating tw #disordered eating mention tw #i swear i will fucking hunt whomever came up with that phrase #pleasure can be temporary without it being cast as sinful and shameful. the temporary is just as important as the permanent <3 #like... wow i kept a small frame throughout my life but at what cost. why would i torture myself with that #i will do what is best for *me* and not society actually. maybe i'm selfish when i say i wanna *live* #because i have survived without living long enough and i deserve to rest #(and you do too. you have endured and survived long enough. let your weary bones rest for once)

[scissorsisters]

So fucked how eating disorders literally fuck up your body so badly health wise and no one gives a shit

#I always think about how amy winehouse would have survived her overdose if her body hadnt been so weakened by her ed #disordered eating #ed

[wizardnuke]

i understand this is like. objectively a wild thing to bitch about when yr average woman wants to lose weight but it is really so fucking bizarre and disheartening to be asked "how are you so skinny how do you do it" by women who are really honestly beautiful and healthy and i am genuinely so jealous of their bodies' ability to maintain some semblance of body fat. i have to say "i wish i weighed more" and they look at me like i'm crazy and then i have to say "every time i manage to gain 5-10lbs i inexplicably get really sick and lose all the weight i gained and it's a vicious cycle of never really feeling healthy" and that's not the answer they want to hear and they still don't understand why i want to gain weight and like. hhhh. makes me sad. i love you you're so pretty and i am chronically ill

#eating disorder tw #just in casies #i was briefly at about 105 at some point in hs when i was really athletic and it was predominately muscle #i'm at around 87 rn? this is not a good thing? do u understand that ur body needs food and fat to survive? #do u know hooow exhausted i am on the daily because my body doesn't have any extra energy to burn #i'm just sick and this is how it presents dude. and ABSOLUTELY not to speak over how horrifically that fat people r treated by doctors but #for three years i told my doc i wasn't able to gain weight and am never hungry and she never stopped thinking im anorexic #took an ER visit a new doctor several more visits to find a med that helps with The Tummyaches and i'm still struggling #i was 97lbs and then i got just horrifically sick out of nowhere and im at 87 now. i dropped to 83 for a bit

[nonegenderleftpain]

Had someone see my post about being starved as a kid and asking for tips on how to survive eating that little, and I am highly suspicious it was an ed blog looking for tips. I'm not going to give advice on how not to eat, but in case it WAS a serious ask, I'll give my advice on surviving when you're dirt poor.

You want cheap, calorie-dense foods. Your concern is not to eat healthily - healthy isn't an option when you have ten dollars a week and no means of cooking. If you're in a situation like I was - homeless with no money - dollar meals are your friend. You want to take every penny you can find, put it in a bag, and take it with you to McDonald's. Don't go buy vegetables at the store, because there are not enough calories per dollar in peppers and carrots. Take those pennies to McDonald's and get meat. The calories and protein in a burger patty will take you farther than the pure starch of fries, so you're gonna want burgers. You can get a McDonald's burger for a dollar, and that is what you're gonna want.

The most important advice I have is to make sure you eat every day, even if you're eating less than if you saved and bought a whole meal. You need the energy to get you from one day to the next, and the risk of an insulin flood knocking you on your ass isn't something you can afford if you have to keep moving. Get a burger, eat it, and hold those dollars for the next day. Keep doing this until you're able to land work that can pay you enough to feed you more, and even then, do not get a meal that is veggie based until you know where your next week of meals are coming from. Get veggies in your food if you can, but you are not going to survive homelessness on salads. If you can't get protein in a meal, you need starch, and if you can't get either, then save your money to guarantee your next meal will have both. Those sugars, fats and proteins are what your body needs to keep from completely breaking down, and eating is more important than eating healthy food.

Track down where your closest food pantry is. If you're unhoused, you're gonna move where you're sleeping closer to that pantry. If you're sheltered, you're going to figure out what the closest shelter is to that pantry and move there. Then you're going to skip a meal and spend that money on a can opener. That can opener is now your most prizes possession. Most foods that get donated to pantries are canned or boxed, and if you don't have access to a stove, those dry foods are useless to you. You're going to load up with the cans you can carry, and here is where you can get some veggies. You still need to prioritize meat, fat, and starch, but canned green beans and starchy veggies like corn are going to give you back some of your vitamins that your body is lacking. Rebuild your strength, and slowly work up to two meals a day instead of one. If you've been going without much food and you try to chow down the minute you have access to more, you're going to get sick. Prioritize small cans so you can eat everything in it at once, and carry more full meals that way.

Then, you're going to track down your closest library. When you're there, you're going to ask them to help you contact the closest social services to you. Tell them your situation - if you have a warrant out for something like petty theft, tell them that. They will help you find services that will not turn you in, and will help you start to find more permanent shelter. There are not a lot of safe places for unhoused people, but your library is. The people that work there are safe, and you can stay there as long as they're open and not have to spend a dime. I cannot stress this enough - librarians will *help* you.

This isn't infinitely sustainable. Your body cannot survive forever on this. But this is your best bet for keeping fueled while you get to a more stable situation. Take advantage of cheap calories. Stay hydrated. Focus on calorie dense foods and space out your meals. Don't wait until you're passing out to eat, because it's already too late, and you leave yourself vulnerable and unsafe. And ask for help. Libraries are a social safety net. You have computer access to make a resume, save it on Google docs. Apply to local jobs. Ask them to point you to the closest publicly available shower, like certain truck stops. Spend as much time there as possible, out of the elements, and let them know your situation. You'd be amazed the resources they have for you.

Good luck and stay safe.

#homelessness #poverty #how to be poor #survival tactics #disordered eating tw

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[notebook-enthusiast]

reminder: your body needs sugar and carbs and fats to thrive. if you can get these in the form of fruits or bread or cheese or whatever that's great, but sometimes that's not realistic. and eating "unhealthy" foods* is better than depriving yourself of nutrients altogether.

*please see tags for full context

#tw food talk #ed recovery #this is a baby steps post #with the ultimate goal that u should be able to eat food to enjoy it not just bc ur hungry #and that categorizing food as 'unhealthy' is unhelpful #also that u can eat even if ur not hungry and gaining weight is/can be a good thing #but when ur in a disordered mindset around food u gotta start w surviving

[shape-of-your-body]

the first night cal is on the mantis, greez makes stew for the three of them. it's the first actual full meal that's not rations that cal has had in... ever. at first he picks at the food, but with some urging from greez and cere, he devours the bowl. greez is kind of surprised that he doesn't lick the bowl clean. when he's done, he asks if there's more. there's not and cal is obviously kind of disappointed, but then the pilot supplies that actually... he can whip up some more, without a problem, give him a few minutes and retreats to the kitchen.

cere follows him after a few minutes while he's fast cooking, giving him this knowing look. and he's like "look, the kid likes my food!" and then after a few more minutes of Stare Down he's like "okay fine, but i don't think he's had a real meal in a long time, look at how thin he is! a stiff wind would probably knock him down" and cere laughs at how quickly he's taken to the ship's new inhabitant despite his earlier misgivings

and after that he always makes a bit more food.

... so when cal comes back with a nightsister of dathomir, he's already prepared to make even more. have to make sure the kids are well fed!

#this is my headcanon #jedi fallen order #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #greez dritus #cere junda #i just... really love the family dynamic here ok #and then during survivor cal survives on turbo dogs and dry cereal #before survivor i mean #he gets to the saloon and greez is just like REALLY KID #food headcanons #food mention #i wouldnt really say this is disordered eating as much as it is just the aftermath of not really eating substantial food #if you know what i mean!! #food as a love language

[silenthillbunni]

im so sick of asking for help when there is no help to get

#the psychatric contacted me just now #and they said that the personality disorder department or whatever it is called said i didnt have enough issues or difficulty for them #so basically im not getting any treatment or help w my mental health anyway #lmao #yeah so... gues i just gotta suffer thru it #and try to find a way to force myself to .. find a way to live on my own #idk #im just so tired #and im angry #ppl fucked me up and gave me a personality disorder #now i cant function #and im all on my own #its a dog eat dog world. survival of the fittes #fittest* sigh #and im weak #weak af so its just a matter of time before i die #i wish there was help to get but its all bs

[dandelionsmarkthegrave]

When karma finally comes knocking on your door, don't beg.

Take it.

Don't beg, take it and remember every time you told me that begging wouldn't help me.

Take every hit, like I did, when you were the one dealing out the beatings.

Don't you even dare to cry! You don't deserve to cry.

For everything you're getting is everything you did...

Every single hit, every single kick, every single belt cut, every single abandonment and psychological abuse will come back to you.

But don't you dare beg for mercy. You made your bed now lay in it and suffer for your actions

against a, your, helpless, scared and beyond broken child.

Because that's what I was. I was your child.

- i was your child; by me (your karma, a snippet from the book about my life)

#trauma #ptsd recovery #cptsd life #cptsd recovery #narcissistic abuse #physical abuse #23 years old #living with adhd #late diagnosed autistic #late diagnosis #adhd brain #traumatic childhood #abuse survivor #actually bpd #bpd struggles #auhd #disordered eating thoughts #complex dissociative disorder #childhood survival #orphaned live #living with anxiety #living without guilt #everyday survivor

[boydykedevo]

When the three executive dysfunction meals you can actually eat aren’t stocked so you just like. Starve.

#I’ve been surviving on yogurt and crackers for like two days andbaksbjsje #picky eater + executive dysfunction = *in a decently stocked kitchen* THERES NO FOOD!! #it’s so hard to explain to ppl that I’m not doing this on purpose if we don’t have microwaveable soup I cannot eat #icarus is talking #vent ish #uhhh #disordered eating // #i guess? does that apply beyond eating disorders

[unknown-drug]

It all started when I finally wanted to BE and not just exist... But now, I gotta survive this shit to be FREE at last. It's just a little longer..

#vent #freedom #tw ed #tw relapse #mood #set me free #gotta survive #bpd #anamia #ana trigger #tw mia #tw ana #ed shit #ed diet #not sick enough #disordered eating #ed not ed sheeran #mental illness #ed vent #ed bllog #ana bllog #blog #active ana blog #🕯️as a 🪶 #💡as a 🪶

[brokoala-soup]

hot girls aren't normal

they always have tummy issues that oscillate from one extreme to the other making them seem like an unpredictable monster

#one day I'd eat 3 people's lunch #and the next day I'd survive on a single slice of papaya #my tummy is more unpredictable than a hormonal teenager's mood swings #tummy issues #hot girl shit #stomach issues #disordered eating thoughts

[arowrath]

i know that logically there's not a mathematical equation to tell me exactly how much i should eat and drink and exercise and weigh and et cetera and that i kind of just have to listen to my body and then do what it wants and also that it will change day by day and year by year etc. however i am very very bad at that. why cant i just have exact numbers to aim for and then when i reach them all it's like leveling up in a video game and i never have to worry about eating and such ever again. why can't i eat the next 60 years worth of nutrients in a couple of days and speedrun it and level up really fast and then not worry about it ever again. call it healthmaxxing or foodmaxxing or something. i hate having a body

#text #.. #disordered eating tw #JUST IN CASE ? #its not like. a body image thing i just hate eating and deciding what to eat and then doing it and other such things #why cant i survive off of my little treats and nothing else while also being physically healthy #the 'i just need to get thru this week' image but its 'i just need to eat more'