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meteor752 · 4 years

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Tilda in the fellowship AU

After finishing my Tilda Deep Dive I started thinking about how it would have gone if she did follow her brother to the council of Elrond, and if it would have affected anything. Enjoy

***

So the beginning is simple, when she is offered to go to Rivendell she agrees because yay adventure.

But she goes all princessy, like with a circlet on her head, make-up, some long elven robe all that jazz.

And before the actual council she mostly wanders around trying to make it look like she fits in, before she sees Aragorn where she just squeals and hugs him tight because she’s a hugger.

So at the actual council, the moment the ring is brought forth, she’s just immediately going hell yes I’m doing this, while Legolas is viciously glaring at her because you’re not doing this.

She tries to argue back at him when everyone is arguing with each other, because one, the ring needs to be destroyed and she’s willing to do it and two, it’s a chance to get out of her family shadow.

But alas, a fucking Hobbit offers to do it, and she’s just making the most annoyed face in existence.

Until Aragorn offers to come along, and then Legolas, and Gimli, and she’s just over here like “Yeah I don’t have a unique weapon but if Princess here is going then I am as well.”

And then there’s also three more hobbits, two of which she grows fond of immediately.

When she went to get prepared and to get out of the elven robe, she was basically bouncing with excitement. Legolas tried his best to talk her out of it, but Tilda could be more stubborn than a dwarf if she desired to.

He told her to send a message to their da and ada to ask for permission to do this, She agreed, while in her head she was just saying fuck that, and did not do it.

Tilda had a spring to her step when the journey started, chatting happily with two of the hobbits, watching her brother talk quietly with Aragorn, grinning widely cause she knows what’s up.

It took her about a day, a day and a half, before she stopped walking and started climbing stuff, much to almost everyone’s confusion.

She said that it was to challenge herself and to get a better look at the surrounding terrain, but in reality she just wanted to feel tall as she was the shortest out of the “Tall Folk” as Merry and Pippin so nicely put it.

And it took maybe a week for her to make the connection that the Baggins she was traveling with and protecting was related to the Baggins that changed her and her people’s lives, so that was something.

But Tilda took quite the delight in the fact that both The Hobbits and Gimli had heard many stories of the reclaiming of Erebor, but she had actually been there unlike them.

(Well, if going by film canon then Legolas was there as well, which we are going to do mostly because then the Legolas Tilda first met was the dramatic edgy one with eyeliner, which she would just love to tell the others about).

When it came to Moria, Tilda was a little less smiling and bouncy, and more jumpy and uncomfortable. She’d after all known some of the dwarves whose corpses were scattered across the mine, and she’d never been one for darkness.

It was even worse when they came to Balin’s grave with Ori’s corpse just beside it, as she’d definitely known those two.

Now, before we continue, I just need y’all to know this; Tilda does not like Gandalf. She thinks he’s a bad person, she does not understand the obsession that so many elves have with him, and she thinks he should mind his own damn business. So she was just ready kick his ass when he started yelling at Pippin, like this bitch was ready. But she never got the chance, because they have a cave troll!

Tilda was out of her environment, she was in a too small of a space, and she had to make sure that the pretty incompetent hobbits were alright during the whole thing, so everything that was going through her mind in that fight was just a string of panicked curse words.

Glorofindel had told Tilda about Balrogs once in her youth during a visit to Rivendell, so she kinda knew what was up when a fire demon came out of nowhere, and she was a tiny bit excited.

Mostly because again, she likes fire.

But that does NOT MEAN, that she liked that Gandalf fucking died, because despite the fact that she dislikes him a lot he was honestly one of the few things holding the Fellowship together.

They still managed to keep going for a while, and Tilda managed to befriend Boromir out of all people during that period, and they bonded over their willingness to protect their people, and Tilda loved hearing Boromir talk proudly of his brother (While she talked shit about her own siblings).

At the arrival of Lothlórien, Tilda was just ready to lay down on something soft and take a fucking nap because she earned it god damnit. She did have time to say hi to her Gram Gram Galadriel though, who’s been her favorite babysitter as a child (And adult time some extent) and basically her grandma.

When it came to the little gift giving thingy, she was just happy with a new quiver of arrows, because she’d started to run out. They tried to offer her a new bow, but she’s very attached to her own and ain’t giving it up anytime soon.

While riding the boats, she was dramatically posing at the front the entire time, except for when it got too hot and she just jumped into the water and swam for a while, because when you spend your first years in a place called lake town you basically learn how to swim before you learn how to walk.

If you would ask Tilda what happened next, she would just shrug because she literally has no idea.

All she knew was that Boromir went to collect fire wood and that Frodo wandered off (Which he does like all the time, like Tilda wouldn’t be able to count on her fingers the amount of times someone had to go find him),and then suddenly Orcs attacked, Merry and Pippin were taken and Boromir was bleeding out in front of the remaining four.

And as the sister of the best healer in Middle Earth, Tilda did not hesitate to push Aragorn aside and start screaming out instructions, because this man is not dying on her watch.

It took her a few hours to stabilize the wound, and she had Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn running back and forth, giving her stuff like water and herbs, while she made Boromir talk the entire time just to make sure he wouldn’t pass out and possibly die.

But as soon as Boromir could stand on his feet without falling again, they took off to find Merry and Pippin, while Tilda was praying that Boromir’s wounds wouldn’t open before they got to a real healer.

Tilda was more than okay about running for three days straight, but she did made sure they took a few breaks for the sake of Boromir, and she hated it every time because it made her feel a lot like Sigrid.

Tilda got an uneasy feeling the moment they entered Rohan, especially when they ran into fucking Éomer, who she was just glaring daggers at, and it only got worse when he informed them that he’d fucking slaughtered the hobbits, like both Tilda and Boromir had to be held back.

But the news of their possible survival made Tilda go yay, especially when they got to enter Fangor forest, which was just a delight, and she basically prayed to herself that she would got to meet an Ent.

Instead, she met Gandalf, who’s back now.

She doesn’t really know how to feel about that, because on one hand it’s Gandalf who’s really powerful and is a great deal of help, and on the other hand it’s Gandalf who’s just the fucking worst.

And then he takes them to meet King Théoden, and Tilda just keeps thinking that that day really can’t get any worse.

While Tilda only dislikes Gandalf, she fucking hates Théoden. She met him earlier in her life when he was still young, and he immediately gave her a bad vibe. So Tilda was salty towards him, and he was rude back, and this gal is petty so she still hates him, and his whole family.

Actually scratch that, his niece is both pretty and powerful, she respects her.

As soon as Sauroman is banished from the king’s mind, Tilda drags Bormir to a healer before anything else so his wounds could be properly cared for, just to get that off her mind.

She sent a whistle to Aloe, mostly because she missed him and they weren’t moving around all the time anymore, before joining Legolas and the rest in the throne room with Théoden.

Until the escape to Helm’s deep, Tilda is just kinda vibing. She avoids Théoden the best that she can, she chills with her brother and Gimli, Aloe arrived just barely a day after so that was nice.

It’s mostly when it’s announced that they will escape that she starts to get engaged again, because just call for help for Valars sake it isn’t that hard, stop letting your pride get in your way.

And then Aragorn fucking dies on the way, and Legolas is over there getting depressed while Boromir is having a bit of a panic attack, so everything is just a mess, and she wasn’t okay either because that was her ‘We we’re both raised as humans in an elven society also we like hugs’ buddy.

But she had to be the stable one for once, mostly because she had two people falling apart on her and Gimli was not the best when it came to feelings. Actually, she wasn’t either, so everyone was just stressing out.

Until Aragon arrived not too soon after, in which she first gave him a real fucking punch because how dare you, and then she hugged him because she’s just glad that he’s back.

So is Legolas.

And Èowyn, because she ain’t slick Tilda saw the looks she were giving her, and she laid it all out in front of her because those two had been giving each other “The Look” for all of the sixty years she’d known them, and it was better to just rip the band aid off.

Èowyn took it pretty okay.

Tilda was even more heated with Théoden when they’d arrived, because fucking damnit just call for aid, to you want me to message my ada? He’d surely help!

When Èowyn told her that she was not allowed to fight, she just said fuck that and encouraged her to do it anyways, because males are idiots sometimes.

So she did.

And while Legolas and Gimli had their little competition, Tilda, Èowyn, and Boromir were on the other side of the battle just kicking ass.

The scream of joy that escaped Èowyn’s mouth when she saw her brother almost made Tilda go deaf (That’s what happened if you ask her anyway), while she only smiled a little to herself because enforcements, yay, but by Éomer and Gandalf, fuck no.

After the battle was over, Tilda had a real talk with Aragorn about her brother, because Legolas literally fell apart when he thought that he’d died, and they both nearly died once more, so please just get it on already.

Tilda was really proud of Èowyn when she stood her ground against her uncles anger for participating in the battle, and yes they did fuck when they got back to Rohan.

Tilda had a great time just vibing with a pint of ale and watching the hobbits dance around, but she was pretty much immune to normal human ale at this point after growing up with the The Wine King, and also because she was no lightweight.

And then she fucked Èowyn again.

Until she felt a deep darkness around from somewhere, and she just rushed to get her clothes on to check it out.

What she found was Pippin getting yelled at by Gandalf while Aragorn was quite weakened and had to lean on Legolas for support.

So once again something big happened but Tilda had no idea what it was.

And then suddenly Gandalf was leaving with Pippin for Minas Tirith and Boromir is arguing about him coming with despite Gandalf’s refusal, and Merry was just sad and stuff and once again, Tilda had no idea what was going on.

Except that Gondor was in danger and Théoden refused to help, so yeah she was all about arguing with him because of that, and with arguing I mean she yelled at him for a bit, walked away to cool off before coming back just to start yelling again.

Aloe was basically the only thing keeping her sane because she was really fed up with everyone else, so she just spent a lot of time in the stable with her elk.

The moment that “Gondor called for aid”, Tilda just threw her arms up in the air all “FINALLY”, while also trying to calm Boromir down who was worried about his land and his brother.

She sent Aloe off with a message for her sister, and then rode on a normal horse with a fucking saddle which was uncomfortable as hell.

When they stopped at the mountain pass, Tilda was delighted when Aloe find his way to her, but less delighted when she heard her full name screamed across the camp from a very familiar and annoying voice.

Sigrid yelled at her for almost twenty minutes of how ‘irresponsible it was’, and how ‘She risked her life for the sake of adventure’ and how ‘Da and Thranduil are so worried about you’, which also angers Legolas a bit since she lied to him, and it’s all a mess.

But it’s nice to meet Bain again, whom she introduces to Boromir and Aragorn and the three get talking on sword stuff, she doesn’t really care.

And she gets a chance of talking with Sigrid, and apologizes for worrying her while she apologizes for yelling, and they both are cool.

Overall Tilda has it pretty chill that night, mostly just checking over all of her arrows while humming on a tune, until Legolas notices that Aragorn is packing up his stuff and all four of them are just welp I guess we’re doing this now.

Tilda just hates the feeling of the mountain, and she has an insanely tight grip on the fur of Aloe while just trying to calm the uneasy feeling, while listening to the other’s talking about its history. Still, she can’t help but read out the best climbing routes of the place.

Aloe is the only one of the riding animals that doesn’t run away at the entrance to the path of the dead, which she was rather smug about, and with him by her side she was a bit more comfortable with entering.

She was not alright with the fucking ghosts however, like fuck that what the fuck take me the fuck out of here hell nah bro.

It was fun entering the battle of the Pelennor fields riding her trusted elk surrounded by her friends and an army of spirits, like that was dope.

They were all alright after the battle, Tilda met Pippin again after being away from him for a few days, and Tilda reassured him that Merry would be alright, that she’d seen so much weaker people battle so much worse pain.

She briefly got to meet Boromir’s little brother Faramir that she’d heard so much about, and got to know that their father had tried to burn him alive and were corrently locked in the dungeon, and a pretty angry Tilda had to calm down a down right furious Boromir.

She learned of Théoden’s death, and was pretty satisfied by it, though in private as both Èowyn and Èomer were devestated.

The battle of the black gate is just filled with happy tears and cheers as its over, because the war is over, the ring is destroyed, they had won.

Tilda finds all three of her siblings after it and hug them all tightly, because they all are okay and all made it out, and she was just so gosh darn happy.

When Frodo and Sam are brought to Minas Tirith, bruised, bleeding, and so skinny, Tilda almost cries. Almost. Because such pure creatures should not have to go through what those two did, and she knows that permanent scars will be left of the journey.

Aragorn is crowned king, and Tilda smiled so brightly as she could, proud of what the boy she fell on after jumping on the wrong branch had become.

He finds Legolas in the crowd, and they smile softly at each other before kissing each other, and no one can ignore the shout of “FINALLY” that escaped Tilda’s mouth, because she’d been waiting for that for almost sisxty years god dammnit.

Before leaving Gondor for Mirkwood, she showers the hobbits with as much affection and hugs that she can, because all four of them deserve it.

She says goodbye to the fellowship, to the friends that she would never forget and the people she would visit so often, and leaves on Aloe with Legolas, to return home.

Both Bard and Thranduil are both happy and very angry when she returns, and she argues back boldly against them, because they can’t expect her to stay in Mirkwood after being away for thirteen months.

So instead of sneaking off, she is let go and leaves with Aloe, a bright smile on her face.

She still has nightmares of the journey. Of Boromir dying in her hands, of seeing Merry and Pippin’s burnt bodies in the pile of orc, of Aragorn never returning from the fall and Legolas’ light fading away, of Frodo and Sam being brought back by the eagles, so scarred and broken, an image she never gets out of her head.

She cuts her hair into a single braid going down her back, she gets tattoos dedicated to the fellowship, she finds happiness in travelling peacefully across middle earth.

She gets an invitation to her brother’s wedding, and she arrives in Gondor with the biggest smile on her face, embracing the fellowship.

Tilda gets put in charge of the music of the wedding, and as she plays softly on her lute with her voice calmly echoing throughout the room as Legolas and Aragorn dances, she can’t help but she’d a few tears as she’s been waiting on this for so long and she’s just so happy for them.

It’s a lot less tears and a lot more laughter at Frodo and Sam’s wedding, as hobbits really do know how to party and she’s just having a blast being one of the tallest.

But then the request to kill that god forsaken Forest Dragon comes along, and she just can’t say no.

***

So apparently if Tilda joined the fellowship Boromir would have survived?? 😅

I just thought about this whole thing, and I knew that she would not have someone bleed out when she could’ve done something.

The reason Denethor is alive and not burned is because since Boromir survived, he wouldn’t go full on crazy, and also I want him to face his actions.

This last part just became a bunch of fluff, but my last post was just consisting of mentally torturing this gal, so I wanted to give her a break.

AU Masterpost

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absynthe--minded · 5 years

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daywillcomeagain replied to your post: re: the Valar, Valar-critical stances, etc this is...

i’m still thinking a LOT about your OP, but as far as the last bit–i think that there’s a lot of people who want to process people who were malicious/spiteful/incompetent in their own lives, especially if those people had a position of authority, DOUBLE especially if they positioned themselves as a spiritual authority, and “the Valar are malicious/incompetent/evil” can be a way to explore those themes through fiction

no that’s a perspective I hadn’t considered, and you’re right, that makes sense as an attempt to process.

someone else I talked to mentioned that for them, there’s value in the story being “I will do the right thing in spite of the gods who have abandoned the world”, and I hadn’t ever really thought about it from that perspective before?

this is something that I want to come to understand more, because I want to try and lessen animosity by understanding why people have the opinions they have. less vagueblogging and sniping, more conversation.

#daywillcomeagain #replies #tolkien

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brieflyhopefulluminary · 6 years

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Fighting Demons IV.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

My lil’ Masterpost

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x fem!reader

Summary: We all have our demons, but we don’t have to fight them alone.

Inspired by: imagine by @imaginexhobbit

Word Count: 2 465

Genre: some strong dark stuff and humour

Warning: mentions of blood and death, confusion, loneliness, language

**(A/N): ** This is Part 4 of Fighting Demons. It’s getting quite intesive so watch out; I was almost crying while writing this, both from laughing and sadness tbh.

If you find some mistakes (and you probably will) please let me know. Fetch some tea/coffee, make yourself comfortable and enjoy. Hope you’ll like it!

Note: I don’t own any part of The Hobbit story. Credits to J.R.R. Tolkien. Also gifs not mine.

„Do you think she’s all right?“

„Is she going to wake up?“

„I don’t know, give her time, she’s been through a lot,“ I could hear Gandalf’s voice from the distance.

„She’s been out the whole night, Gandalf!“

My eyelids were heavy and I couldn’t open my eyes. I didn’t know where I was. I tried to move but with little success.

„Wait! I think she moved!“

„Stop it, Kili, you’re only imagining it.“

„No, really, her hand moved!“

I let a low growl as I tried to wake up and move. Finally after much effort I opened my eyes. My vision was blur at first but then I recognized Kili’s face, and next to him Fili’s.

„(Y/N)! Are you all right?“ his eyes widened. I growled again because my head was starting to ache a lot and when I tried to get up, everything started spinning around and I thought I was going to vomit.

„Gandalf! She’s awake!“ shouted Fili which made me groan from pain.

„Where am I? What happened?“ I asked trying to get up again.

„Oh, (Y/N), are you all right? Are you hurt?“ hasted Gandalf to kneel next to me.

„Ugh! My head is killing me!“ I could feel something warm and sticky on the back of my head. That area hurt the most. „What the hell happened? For how long have I been unconscious?“

„The whole night. How much do you remember?“ Gandalf raised his eyebrows in expectation.

„Well…“ I made a grimace when trying to remember. „I remember the bear…then here the house and…Thorin. I remember Thorin. Oh, wait, THORIN!! WHERE IS HE??“ I shouted in anger when I finally remembered our argument. I jumped with the intent to go searching for him, but my legs betrayed me and I fell down on the floor. Fili almost caught me but I was too quick and managed to smash my face against the floor. „Grrrrr!! Argh!!“ I shouted in pain and held my bleeding nose.

„For Valar’s sake, (Y/N), calm down,“ Gandalf shook his head but handed me a piece of cloth he pulled out from his cloak. I took it gratefully and tried to stop the bleeding.

„Now, please, tell me what happened,“ I repeated calmly in a slightly nasal tone as I held my swollen nose.

„Well…“ Gandalf hesitated.

„You and Thorin started fighting and we couldn’t stop you so Gandalf had to separate you from each other with a spell and you flied across the room and hit your head against the wall,“ blurted out Kili to stop me from exploding again.

I stared at him in disbilief as I tried to process what he just said to me. I closed my mouth when I realized I left it open and, as I finally understood the meaning of his words, I slowly turned my head to look at Gandalf. He pretended he was calm but I still noticed the flash of fear in his eyes when he saw how completely enraged I was.

„I…I am sorry, my dear…I tried to warn you but you wouldn’t listen,“ he started babbling.

Well, that was too hilarious and I couldn’t stop myself from bursting in laughter. Now it was his, Fili‘s and Kili’s turn to stare at me with their mouths wide open. I bet they thought I‘d hit myself so hard I have lost my mind. Maybe I have, who knows?

„It’s fine, Gandalf, let it be,“ I managed to say between my laughs and snorts. „Just give me something for that headache and I’ll be all right. Oh, and I’m starving,“ I added when I calmed my giggles.

„Yes, (Y/N), of course,“ frowned Gandalf at my silliness (but I’m sure there was also a little sigh of relief) and got up to bring me some of his medicine.

After Gandalf gave me a dangerously looking luquid with a disgusting odour („Don’t worry, it should help.“ Sure.), they left me with a bucket of some fresh water. I washed myself a bit, changed my clothes, cleaned my wound and face from the blood and went to the kitchen to see the others and hopefully not Thorin.

„Eeyy, (Y/N), you all right? Feeling better?“ yelled the dwarves all at once.

„How are you feeling?“ asked me Fili with concern and helped me to get to the table without stumbling.

„I am better, only a bit dazed from the medicine,“ I smiled vaguely. I wasn’t only ‘dazed‘, I was drugged as hell and I didn’t mind, it was a pleasant change, not feeling pain for once. I heard Gandalf’s chuckle, that old bastard knew what he was doing.

„Here. Eat.“ A huge man set a plate with bread before me. I haven’t noticed he’d been there but I was too indifferent at the moment to let him startle me.

„Thank you,“ I smiled at him and started to eat.

Lately I found out that it was our host, Beorn. He was really tall and intimidating but he seemed distrustful and kind of…broken? He wasn’t fond of dwarves and they knew it so, at start, whenever he made an abrupt move or said something too loud, some of the others almost jumped from fright. It was only funny in Thorin’s case and I had to control myself with every bit I had not to burst in laughter, which would probably lead to another fight. I managed to avoid Thorin that day, or was he avoiding me?

I was sitting outside on a bench, a bit further in the gardens, enjoying the light breeze and a moment of serenity, when Beorn appeared beside me.

„You are a dark and a wild one,“ he sat next to me.

„Excuse me?“

„You didn’t run, you weren’t scared of me. You just sat there and watched me,“ he said

„Why didn’t you attack me?“

„I could feel the dark beings around you. They reminded me of my owns,“ he lowered his head and silenced. I waited for him to say more but he looked like he was immersed in his own thoughts.

„They were much scarier then me in my bear form,“ he broke the silence. „Is that why you didn’t run?“

„Well…“ I was deciding whether to lie or not. It was one of the reasons, that was true, but it wasn’t the main one. I couldn’t tell him, I was too ashamed of it. Only after a moment I realised the meaning behind his words. I felt my cheeks burning from shame. Oh no, how stupid I was!

„Do not worry, I understand,“ he said with a sad smile.

„What do you mean?“ I managed to look at him as well.

„The burden of my past is crushing my bones. I have killed people, (Y/N). I have killed my own kind. I am nothing but a wild beast,“ he frowned when he remembered. „I am dangerous, no one can live with me. I shouldn’t even be here but I’ve been too much of a coward to end my living.“

„Can you call it living? Or is it more like surviving?“ I asked him quietly. He looked at me with confusion.

„Self-pity won’t help you. Maybe you shouldn’t hide anymore. Maybe you should accept your past and start living a full life,“ I looked down and started realizing something. „For what are you trying to punish yourself? Haven’t you suffered enough? Whatever happened, it happened in the past and we can’t change it. And it’s stupid to dwell on it your whole life because in the end it doesn’t matter anymore.“ It finally made sense. I could see what fear of oneself and isolation could make with a person. Beorn was so lonely and damaged he only was a shadow of the strong man he once had been. He let his demons consume him and now this is what was left of him. I didn’t want to end like this; I was young and kind, honest and caring, I deserved to be loved and so did he.

„How could I ever forgive myself?“ he muttered and covered his face with his hands.

„We are not in this world to suffer,“ I looked at him and lightly touched his shoulder to comfort him. „I can’t tell you how to forgive and accept your darkness, that you must find by yourself, but I can tell you that it’s the right thing to do. And you are never alone, believe me.“

„How can you be so sure?“ he looked at me with watery eyes.

„It’s something my friends taught me,“ I smiled when remembering the members of the Company.

„The dwarves?“ he asked in disbilief.

„Yes,“ I said simply.

„Are you sure you can trust them?“

„Yes, they are my friends.“

Our conversation with Beorn was still on my mind when I got to the main room where the others were planning our departure. I found them sitting around a table and talking about Mirkwood and its king.

„He is too stubborn and unpredictable, we need to be cautious not to get caught,“ frowned Gandalf.

„And I heard that he’s such a dildo too!“ shouted Kili.

I could see how Thorin drew his eyebrows together in confusion and opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly blurted out „Well maybe you shouldn’t believe gossip!“ to distract him. It worked and now he was trying to kill me with his glare. I’m sure he had heard the word „dildo“ and many other insults, that I taught the younger Durins, several times before, but he never got the chance to ask what the hell that even meant, mostly because of me distracting him. I don’t need another speech about my incompetence and irresponsibility, as I would get if he found out about me teaching his nephews such obscene and vulgar expressions. So this is how kind of started my little game called „How far can I get without Thorin finding it out and killing me“ or „How many times will my distractions work till he gets pissed and finally asks“. I expected him to scold me now for being late but he didn’t say a word. It looked like I might have taught him a lesson?

We were leaving the next day. Beorn gave us some supplies that we needed and he lended us his horses to reach Mirkwood as soon as possible. He looked more sad than delighted, which was odd considering the fact that he’s been hosting dwarves in his home. Only when realizing he was looking at me I could tell the cause of his sorrow.

„Please, stay. I feel that you are the only one who understands me,“ he tried to convince me.

„No, I’m sorry, Beorn, I can’t stay. I belong with the Company,“ I said with a soothing tone.

„Are you sure you will be safe with them?“

„Yes, I am sure,“ I smiled at him. „And remember, you are not alone. There is someone else that will understand you. You just have to open yourself to them.“

With Gandalf leaving and Thorin leading us we entered Mirkwood. I had to agree with Bilbo, that forest looked sick. And it felt sick, an eerie feeling was crawling up my spine, something was wrong in there.

„Are you sure that Thorin should lead us?“ I asked the others carefully so Thorin wouldn‘t hear me. No one answered me so I looked at Fili. He just shrugged it off and followed the others. Great. I knew that going last wasn‘t the best idea but no one had any objections that I shouldn’t have. We wandered the forest maybe for hours but who could tell, the time wasn’t normal there. I felt dizzy and drowsy and I almost couldn’t walk straight. The others were still before me, walking clumsily and babbling nonsense.

I heard a crack behind me and when I turned around to see what was it, something moved quickly behind the trees. At least I thought I saw something moving so I went to check it. I stepped carefully without any sound to not scare anything that was hidden behind the tree stem. I approached it and leaned to look. There was nothing there. I hummed for myself in confusion but I let it be, who knows what the hell was it. I turned to go back after the others but no one was on the road. I hurried to catch up but I couldn’t see them. I started running faster and faster and calling after them and looking between the trees, but they were nowhere to be found. They were gone. I started to panic and breathing heavily. No, they couldn’t have left without me, they couldn’t have! I saw something moving between the trees somewhere so I hasted and almost sighed with relief when I reached the spot.

There was nothing but gloom. No bird chirping nor branch cracking, everything was in deep silence, and still I felt as though being watched. I have never felt so naked, so hopeless. I was completely lonely and yet not alone. Even though I was a warrior and thus able to protect myself, I felt defenseless. There was something watching me in the shadows, waiting for a wrong move to attack me. I couldn’t even hear nor feel my demons, they abandoned me as well. I fell on my knees, I was paralyzed from terrror in that sick darkness, tears filled my eyes as I screamed in despair. There was a single word that kept me sane and alive, there was a name to which I was holding with everything I had to keep me from falling into the abyss of madness.

Thorin. I called his name again and again but he never answered. I screamed till my vocal cords started to burn and all I could make were just soft shrieks. Thorin! Thorin. Thorin. I repeated that beautiful word as a mantra over and over again. I needed him to hold me but he never would. I needed to hear that deep voice, that I often dreamt about, soothing me with sweet words, but I never could. I needed him to love me back but he never would. I needed to see him one last time, to see those blue eyes looking back at me, but I never could. I was there alone, lying on the hardest and the coldest ground I have ever laid on. I was staring in the dark that surrounded the trees around me, my whole body shaking from fear and exhaustion. He abandoned me and I haven’t had the chance to say goodbye. I haven’t been able to tell him how I needed him and how I loved him. I would never see him again. Never.

Tag list: @ireallyloveearlgrey @evyiione @aspiringtranslator @nelswp @lillee-nika@letsbeinspiredby @fizzy-custard @abiwim

#the hobbit #the hobbit fanfiction #thorin #thorin oakenshield #thorin x reader #thorin x you #thorin oakenshield x reader #beorn #fanfiction #fanfic #kara's

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petalsofelrondir · 6 years

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La Douleur Exquise Chapter 6, One-sided!Thrandolas

I am back, 3 years later, with my continuation of LDE. Don’t you want to laugh bc it’s been 3 years omg. I can’t even rmb how i post these chapter updates on here anymore. Many things have happened in three years time but i’ll always be thankful that my writing will always bring me to that happy place where nothing bad is associated with it. I’ll make my rambling here short bc i have what i wanted to say written out in the notes of the chapter, but i hope you guys enjoy this new chapter!

La Douleur Exquise Chapter 6 on AO3

also under the cut

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Aragorn asks as they pull up outside the restaurant, Legolas nods. It was now or never. He would meet this man and his family and do some evaluation, then he would decide if he could win back his father or not, if it would be possible.

Of course, the ever present question of ‘what was the point?’ was always at the back of his mind. Because truly, what was the point of trying anymore when his father so clearly keeps his distance, even go so far as to hide a relationship from him. He wouldn’t condemn his father for having a new lover, his mother had died long ago, things change, he understood.

He suppose he’s too old to want his father’s attention anymore, the time for nightly cuddles and sweet mornings have long passed and if he wanted those he could get them from Glorfindel now, so there was really no point.

But then he would remember that day, when his father had put a hand to his forehead and told him to call him if he were sick, it gives him renewed hope that maybe he cared. But did he? When he so easily put him aside for the little girl who had called him ‘ada’ –legolas still hasn’t gotten over that yet- and what more, for something he had never done for legolas when he was small. It was hard for legolas to believe so.

Legolas’ face is cool and unshakable when he meets the Bowmans, he figures he would crumble later but for now he would stand tall in the face of an opponent. Aragorn smiles tightly, and the only reason he doesn’t throw in a punch with the handshake he gives Legolas’ father is because he promised Legolas he wouldn’t.

Bard is puzzled when he sees Aragorn, he’s quite sure he was the one who had glared at him last Sunday. “Have I seen you before?” he asks, his daughter agrees that she’s seen him before.

“I don’t think so. I surely don’t remember if we ever did.” Is the reply Bard gets, and he’s still confused, but he doesn’t ask of it further. Instead, he gets a good look at Legolas, who is so much like his father. His hair is as pale and long, eyes as blue and body as lithe and graceful as his father’s, he feels like he exists in a different world from theirs.

He tries his best not to think that way because Thranduil has told him not to on many occasions when he needed help and money was tight, or when Thranduil brings him out to dinner at a fancy posh restaurant, and also when he met some of Thranduil’s other friends, he definitely felt the difference in class then.

When he looks at Aragorn though he feels better because the teenager looks as rugged as he did, and less like the clean brightness of the blonde father and son. He then suddenly feels very odd because Thranduil had told him about his son’s friend, and also about how he thinks they’re more than friends. It would surely be a coincidence, the pair of them looks like a younger version of him and Thranduil, he supposes it may merely be because Legolas has the same tastes as his father, he seems to like a lot of things his father likes, as far as he knew.

They sit down and order their food, chatting a bit stiffly, in Bard’s point of view, he gets a feeling that Legolas doesn’t like them much. He suppose he could understand, he was afraid of his children not liking Thranduil too, but they turned out fine, he wonders what Thranduil will do about Legolas’ case.

Thranduil wonders what’s wrong with Legolas, he isn’t his usual enthusiastic self, if anything he looks solemn. Maybe he’s nervous about introducing Aragorn, but Thranduil has shown no dislike to the rugged teen, he had been nothing but courteous to the young man. And then he thinks maybe it’s time to talk to his son about he and Bard’s relationship, maybe it will ease his mind.

He listens as his son talks to his lover in clipped tones and smiles that don’t reach his eyes, he’s seen enough to recognise hostility. He had hopes that they would get along, he loves both of them, he wouldn’t want either of them to be unhappy. He adds into their conversation, hoping to smooth the way, but it doesn’t seem to work.

Legolas doesn’t see what’s so good about this man, he’s unkempt, ungraceful, his kids are making a mess of their food, he’s even feeding them! For Valar’s sake how unreliable is this man that his kids can’t even eat by themselves? How could his father possibly lo- have feelings for this-this- disgrace of a man?

He took a few deep breaths and a few bites of his food, he knew he was being biased in his judgement, after all one of his best friend –currently sat beside him- was as unkempt and ungraceful but he still loved him anyways. But so what? These were his feelings, he could do whatever he wanted with them!

Aragorn feels the thick atmosphere around them like a heavy blanket on a hot day, he doesn’t care to diffuse it because he doesn’t want Legolas to like this man and further blame himself for being ‘unlovable’, a man or two could be sacrificed for the sake of his friend’s self-esteem. He wants Legolas to hate him and by extension slowly hate his father too.

Anyone else might think he was cruel for thinking so, but he’s tried to be nice about Legolas and his father’s relationship and look how that turned out. Thranduil had been the same as he always was and Legolas had fallen deeper into his pit of despair, he wanted to sigh out his entire being just thinking about it. And so if helping Legolas to try and reconcile with his father didn’t work, he would help Legolas forget him instead.

He hears Legolas try to calm himself and his fingers are white from gripping his drink too hard, Aragorn decides it’s time to give him a breather before he has a brain aneurysm. He excuses the both of them to head to the bathroom.

Insults at Bard fly out of Legolas’ mouth the second the bathroom door is closed, Aragorn calmly listens to them and nods along, knowing his friend needed this release.

“And worst of all, do you see the way he feeds his children? They’re not little babies anymore, they can feed themselves! What kind of incompetent man allows his children to make such messes of themselves, and he even cleans them up for them! Do they not have arms and legs?” Legolas gestures wildly everywhere while he rants, Aragorn tries to make sure he doesn’t injure himself.

For Aragorn, the things Legolas is ranting about were purely little things here and there that had unfortunately managed to catch Legolas’ eyes and were avidly being talked about. As for the last thing he said, Aragorn sighed, it was a serious problem probably stemming back to Legolas lonely childhood.

He didn’t tell Legolas though, he didn’t tell him that it was normal for parents to care for their children that way, messes were what children made and coddling was what parents did. And of course he knew why Legolas was ranting about such inconsequential things, why it bothered him so much that a parent was just doing his job and taking care of his kids.

It was because Legolas was jealous.

He was jealous that his messes weren’t cleaned up by his father, jealous that his father never tolerated disobedience, that he couldn’t play with his food and have his father play along with him.

And he was also angry, angry that his father had abandoned him to a nanny at such a young age, that he was forced to learn to take care of himself faster than others, that he had not a happy childhood that he was seeing Bard give his children while his own father sits beside and smiles as if he approves of all the things he had never done for his own child.

Legolas had so much emotion inside him he did not know what to do but to hate and rant. But alas the hate was not directed at the person it was supposed to be at, instead he had pulled in an innocent man who loved his children and openly showed that affection, he had directed all his rage and jealousy at this great example of a father, simply because his father was not one.

All Aragorn would do was pat him on the back and comfort him, he would let that anger stew and hopefully finally be angled at Thranduil sooner or later. “Do you want to leave?” Aragorn asked, just in case his friend really couldn’t take it anymore.

Legolas shook his head, “I won’t let that man win.” He says with venom in his voice. Aragorn sighs, he had a long way to go to achieve his intended goal, for now he calmed his friend enough to continue their dinner.

Legolas knows that he’s contradicting himself, making things between him and Bard a competition when earlier on he told himself he would be okay with his father having a new lover. And truthfully Legolas thinks it’s partly true, the only thing out of this whole disaster that irks him was the way Bard treats his children. He hated that he and those bardlings were on the same boat, both without mothers and only a father to look after them, but yet, they were loved more, cared for more, had more attention from their father than he ever had with his own. And now they even had attention from his father when he himself has nothing but scraps that Thranduil might deign to throw out to him. He’s devastated and angry and the only way he could think of right now to set things right were to separate his father and Bard, so he no longer had to look at the way his own father looks at his lover’s children and cares for them more than he ever has his own.

When Legolas and his friend returns, Thranduil notices that his son looks less wound up but still tense, and his friend has a comforting hand behind Legolas’ back. Maybe this was too soon, maybe Legolas wasn’t ready to accept a new family. He would need to sit down and have a talk with Legolas about this soon.

Legolas makes it through the dinner with gritted teeth and false smiles that hurt his cheeks. Bard’s children are too chummy to Thranduil, even Legolas isn’t that close to his father and Thranduil is his father, it wasn’t fair. He does rejoice in the uncomfortable look on Bard’s face throughout the dinner, the only small reprise he gets from having the precious time with his father hogged by some outsiders.

When Thranduil bids his farewell to Legolas and Aragorn, Legolas pauses and asks, “You’re not coming home?” Legolas had come with Aragorn in the latter’s car, he was expecting to follow in his father’s car back home.

Bard and Thranduil were the only ones left standing with Legolas and Aragorn, Sigrid had taken Bard’s car and was already backing out of the parking and leaving with her siblings. It was obvious to Aragorn that Bard and Thranduil were off to spend time together, and he knew it was quite obvious to his friend too.

Bard looked at Legolas and for a moment he saw such intense longing in the boy’s eyes that he was taken aback, Legolas’ gaze was directed at Thranduil and he looked as if he was begging his father to come home with him. Bard was taken aback and frozen on the spot, his brain wasn’t processing things fast enough. Aragorn sighs and not so subtly rolls his eyes, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by Bard who isn’t coming to a revelation but he’s collecting the pieces which he will examine when he goes home and has time for his brain to slowly understand.

Aragorn is just waiting for Thranduil to make some stupid excuse up and leave, then Legolas will come home with him with sad disappointing eyes, which will turn into anger the moment he closes his room door and Legolas will explode into rants. Aragorn will then comfort him and reassures him that he’s loved, that he is enough, and adds on that one day he will find himself in a healthy environment, no longer wishing for the father that neglects him as if he were an outdated toy, and he will have all the love he ever deserved and more. It was pretty much routine for Aragorn now.

“Sorry Legolas, I was thinking of spending some more time with Bard. You go on home with Aragorn, I’m sure you’d want to spend more time with him too.” Thranduil smiles at the two of them, trying his best to convey to his son that he was absolutely fine to the idea of them being together. He doesn’t see the look in Legolas’ eyes that Bard does, nor does he hear Aragorn’s sigh that Bard does.

Legolas nods stiffly and bids his father farewell, watching as his father turns to leave. His eyes meets Bard’s, and for a moment he thought he sees something flicker through them, something he couldn’t decipher, but then he remembers he hates the man and he glares back. Bard merely smiles politely to them and bids them goodnight.

Aragorn brings Legolas back to his house and they bring out the alcohol and snacks, he settles himself down for a night of ranting, and this time, he’s ready to poke holes whenever Legolas wants to defend his own father because honestly, enough was enough.

#mine #my fics #la douleur exquise #thrandolas #thranduil #legolas #lord of the rings #im actually so happy to be posting this update #im smiling so much #im so happy bc i feel like i finally did something i said i would do #i hope you guys like it #i'll try my best from now on

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benrleeusa · 5 years

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[Ilya Somin] The Politics of Game of Thrones Revisited

The imminent start of the final season of Game of Thrones is a good time to consider the series' political message, and reprise some of my work on that subject. Plus, a discussion of the political economy portrayed in George R.R. Martin's recently published prequel to the series.

The final season of the of the hit TV series Game of Thrones begins this weekend, on April 14, ending a long wait that began when Season 7 ended in 2017. One of the many interesting aspects of the series and the books by George R.R. Martin on which it is based, is the attempt to address a variety of political issues. While some might consider it frivolous to assess the political message of a fantasy show, it's worth remembering that far more people consume science fiction and fantasy media than read serious nonfiction analyses of political issues. And social science research indicates that science fiction and fantasy, such as the Harry Potter series, can even have a significant influence on fans' political views. At the very least, discussing the politics of Game of Thrones is less painful than analyzing the much grimmer politics of the real world! Valar morghulis - "all men must die" - is all too true. But at least we can have some fun with fictional political economy first!

Over the last several years, I have written a good deal about the politics of Game of Thrones. My most extensive analysis is a 2017 article focusing on what it might take to fulfill Daenerys Targaryen's vow to "break the wheel" of Westeros' awful political system:

In a famous scene in Season 5 of Game of Thrones, Daenerys Targaryen compares the struggle for power in Westeros to a spinning wheel that elevates one great noble house and then another. She vows that she does not merely intend to turn the wheel in her own favor: "I'm not going to stop the wheel. I'm going to break the wheel."

In the world of the show, Daenerys's statement resonates because the rulers of Westeros have made a terrible mess of the continent...

Daenerys's desire to "break the wheel" suggests the possibility of a better approach. But, what exactly, does breaking the wheel entail?...

Even in the late stages of... Season 7, Daenerys seems to have little notion of what it means beyond defeating her enemies and installing herself as Queen on Westeros's Iron Throne....

Unlike most of the other rulers we see in the series, Daenerys has at least some genuine interest in improving the lot of ordinary people. Before coming to Westeros, she and her army freed tens of thousands of slaves on the continent of Essos. She delayed her departure from Essos long enough to try to establish a new government in the liberated areas that would — hopefully — prevent backsliding into slavery.

Nonetheless, it is not clear whether Daenerys has any plan to prevent future oppression and injustice other than to replace the current set of evil rulers with a better one: herself. The idea of "breaking the wheel" implies systemic institutional reform, not just replacing the person who has the dubious honor of planting his or her rear end on the Iron Throne in King's Landing. If Daenerys has any such reforms in mind, it is hard to say what they are....

Daenerys's failure to give serious consideration to institutional problems is shared by the other great leader beloved by fans of the show: Jon Snow, the newly enthroned King in the North. Perhaps even more than Daenerys, Jon has a genuine concern for ordinary people....

Perhaps to an even greater extent than Daenerys, however, Jon does not have any real notion of institutional reform....

But in Medieval Europe, on which Westeros is roughly based, parliaments, merchants' guilds, autonomous cities, and other institutions eventually emerged to challenge and curb the power of kings and nobles. These developments gradually helped lead to the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and the economic growth that led to modern liberal democracy. Few if any such developments are in evidence in Westeros, which seems to have had thousands of years of economic, technological, and intellectual stagnation.

The characters in the books and the TV show are not the only ones who largely ignore the need for institutional change. We the fans are often guilty of the same sin.....

Most of us read fantasy literature and watch TV shows to be entertained, not to get a lesson in political theory. And it is much easier to develop an entertaining show focused on the need to replace a villainous evil ruler with a good, heroic, and virtuous one, than to produce an exciting story focused on institutional questions..... Game of Thrones/Song of Ice and Fire is comparatively unusual in even raising the possibility that institutional reform is the real solution to its fictional world's problems, and in making this idea one of the central themes of the story.

However understandable, the pop culture fixation on heroic leaders rather than institutions reinforces a dangerous tendency of real-world politics. The benighted people of Westeros are not the only ones who hope that their problems might go away if only we concentrate vast power in the hands of the right ruler. The same pathology has been exploited by dictators throughout history, both left and right.

It is also evident, in less extreme form, in many democratic societies.....

For all its serious flaws, our situation is not as bad as that of Westeros. But we too could benefit from more serious consideration of ways to break the wheel, as opposed to merely spin it in another direction. And our popular culture could benefit from having more stories that highlight the value of institutions, as well as heroic leaders. However much we love Daenerys and Jon, they and their real-world counterparts are unlikely to give us a better wheel on their own.

Back in 2016, I discussed Game of Thrones/Song of Ice and Fire in an article on the politics of several science fiction and fantasy series where I highlighted the series' skeptical view of political elites. In this 2013 post, I discussed the significance of the "Red Wedding," one of the most shocking and controversial episodes in the history of the series. Back in 2011, when the series first began, I commented on some of the political issues raised by the struggle for the Iron Throne, building on an Atlantic symposium about the series.

In August 2017, I participated in a panel on the politics of Game of Thrones, sponsored by the R Street Institute and the Cato Institute, along with Alyssa Rosenberg (Washington Post), Peter Suderman (Reason), and Matthew Yglesias (Vox). We are hoping to reprise our discussion during the final season.

During the long interregnum between the end of Season 7 and the start of Season 8, George R.R. Martin published the first volume of Fire and Blood, the history of House Targaryen's rule over the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. The book predictably divided fans, many of whom would have preferred that Martin finish the long-awaited Winds of Winter instead. But I thought it was fascinating. At the very least, it did provide a lot of information about Westeros' political system. Here are a few examples (with spoilers largely avoided):

1. Even when the king is both competent and relatively well-intentioned, the political system doesn't function all that well. When he is either malevolent or incompetent, all kinds of disasters happen. And badly flawed kings seem to be more common than good ones. The high frequency of bad kings and the inability of good ones to make much progress is a strong sign that the monarchy's flaws are mostly systemic, rather than the fault of a few flawed individual rulers.

2. Like the Roman Empire, Westeros under the Targaryen kings never developed any generally accepted rules of succession. Thus, civil war breaks out over such issues as whether male offspring of the king take precedence over female ones who are older and/or more closely related. It is also not clear whether the king has the right to designate his own heir, or whether there are laws of succession that he cannot set aside (and if so, what they are).

3. Despite the above, Fire and Blood actually deepens the mystery of why Westeros has had so many centuries of economic stagnation. It shows that the kings invested in useful infrastructure (e.g. - ports and roads) and that there are many sources of investment capital other than the Iron Bank of Braavos. Plus, several of the great houses engage in extensive trade with other parts of the world. All of this should stimulate considerable innovation, growth, and technological progress. Yet very little seems to occur.

4. Fire and Blood makes clear that the stagnation probably is not caused by dragons, despite speculation to the contrary by commentators on the earlier books and TV show. There are never more than about 10-15 domesticated dragons in Westeros at any one time, and they don't seem to be used for anything but warfare and transportation for their riders (mostly members of the royal family). They clearly do not substitute for labor-saving devices or provide transportation for trade. And, while they are powerful battlefield weapons, they are clearly not invincible and their presence should stimulate military innovation, not stifle it.

5. Based on what we see, it is far from clear that Targaryen blood is actually necessary to become a dragonrider. If it is, only a tiny bit seems to be enough. This suggests that the number of domesticated dragons and dragonriders could be greatly expanded. If so, dragons could actually help jumpstart the economy! There is a lot they could do to increase Westerosi productivity, if they started to take on jobs other than killing people and transporting VIPs.

6. Women are clearly second-class citizens in Westeros. But they seem to have higher social status and more autonomy than their real-world medieval equivalents. We even see a number of cases of them entering male-dominated professions, including warfare. This further deepens the mystery of Westerosi stagnation, as relatively freer Westerosi women should be more productive than those of medieval Europe, yet this does not seem to result in much increased growth.

Perhaps we will get more insights on the politics of Westeros from Season 8, and George R.R. Martin's long-awaited Winds of Winter. Until then, don't forget that political chaos is a ladder!

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