#there's been several lately that I'd watched and there was like nothing in the video itself nor the yt description and I had to google it

[lydiaalin]

what's with movie trailers lately not at any point mentioning a release date

#like??? do you want to advertise your movie or not #there's been several lately that I'd watched and there was like nothing in the video itself nor the yt description and I had to google it #what's the point

[anantaru]

— they‘re reading thirst tweets (celebrity au!)

including alhaitham, kazuha, scaramouche, venti x gn! reader

— ꒰ a/n ꒱ — i wrote this after watching the jackson wang and wonho thirst tweets video

— ꒰ genre ꒱ — crack, modern au!, celebrity au!

— alhaitham

the cameras change focus, lights on, 3.. 2.. 1..

in unlimited disbelief, alhaitham delicately held onto the little card he received from the camera crew— which was currently overlooking the interview he was in, as he attentively read through the letters on the paper with a careful uttering.

from @/milkboobielover69:

"i want alhaitham to suffocate me with his huge humongous tits."

at his words, the team of the late night segment— that was hosting the little shift, began to loudly permeate the room with their contagious laughs while alhaitham made severe attempts to cease his upcoming, flustered smirk.

"wow, this is turning into quite an occasion." he speaks in a monotone voice while his porcelain skin was saturated with a brilliant shade of red.

while his conveyance remained as usual, his instinctive body reactions had exposed him to the lens directly pointing at his face.

"i assume you don't mind if i question your username?"

he's facing the camera with his infamous, habitual smile, a brow lightly raised to further gather his thoughts, "it is quite, interesting, if you ask me."

frankly, at first, alhaitham couldn't believe he even agreed to do this, in his words, 'redundant arrangement'.

or that his manager put out said proposal in the first place— yet he acknowledged that it was altogether gravely important to embrace and further strengthen the connection he had built with his fanbase.

"are you all like this?" he asked, wholly amused, "because it is crucial for me to know before we execute that little plan of yours."

with a wink he ends his sentence, his eyes pointing straight to the main camera before playfully shaking his head— as to try to get rid of his flustered cheeks, gathering the next question soon after.

— kazuha

hello everyone, you may recognize me as kazuha from 6reeze and I'll be reading your thirst tweets tonight!

with an authentic greet towards the flashy cameras, kazuha decided to get on with his current performance right away, seeing this particular meeting as nothing more than an exchange of dialogue to further intensify his public relations.

"perhaps i should start with this one."

kazuha was excitingly leaving his pretty eyes roam over the little smartphone he held in his palm, gently scrolling over the numerous tweets the late night staff had specifically hand picked out for him.

from @/peepeeconnoisseur:

"kazuha gives serious hidden dom energy and i want him to ruin me."

at the tip of his issuing, he so soon had began to snicker into the transitioning lens, hiding his growing embarrassment with his hand and dramatically pressing it on top of his face to cover his eyes.

"compared to what i have encountered before-" he rapidly cut himself off, eyes widened in his own foolishness— the last he’d wish now was to accidentally air something personal out.

lightheartedly, kazuha carried on to rub his blurry eyes, in a powerless aim to cover his dazed look and tracks.

the fact that thousands of people were currently watching this right now didn't make it any easier nor turned the task somehow into simplicity, but to keep himself mustered and well collected was one of the very utensils he had been practicing on his entire career.

to have himself speak clearly he was coughing out, setting his attention back down to the phone in his hand, "i must admit, this is really quite tame."

the unexpected blows of laughs and convulsing titters packed the room with a genuine, hilarious response as one of the many staff members spoke out in a saddened voice.

"man, i really thought i'd get you with that one." the woman was crossing her arms around her body and frowned.

"if it was one of my band members i'm certain you would've stirred them off their footing." - "though some you might've flattered even."

the assurance was enough for him to almost completely forget the tweet he had read a couple moments ago.

though after the room went quiet again, kazuha decided to express himself on the topic just one last time, peering up to be to the core set in frame by the several cameras.

"all i have to add is that i am a man of hardly any words, i prefer to show off my skills instead."

— scaramouche

"you better not hold back with whatever we're doing here or you're wasting my precious time." ...

... "not my fans though, they're all important to me or whatever."

the blows and beats of irksome cameras and ring lights being shoved left and right towards their designated area had rigorously bothered scaramouche, who was, at present, situated on a cozy white chair with a couple cards in his hands, lazily leaning onto the armrest.

3.. 2.. 1..

... we're beginning now, massive apologies for the delay ... take one!

hello *rolls his eyes* i'm scaramouche from 6reeze and I'm forced to read your thirst tweets tonight ...

... you better have something good in store for me or I'll have to punish you in some unknown way.

instantaneously, scaramouche broke out of his established, not to mention unduly recognized, personality as he approached a quite nicer (in his own way) outlook for the cameras piloting on him.

after all, he was very much aware of how exasperating the media could turn out whenever he wouldn't control his disinterest in maintaining his public persona.

besides, the last setting he‘d need is for his band member kazuha to lecture him about the whole engage and its significant importance.

from @/http_scaranuts:

"i want scara to fucking spit in my mouth."

the way his body responded on its own was hysterically funny, "why would you want that?" in spite of the fact that he faked his disgust, his guise was revealing a different story.

his sides were splitting into an entertained smirk and not even seeking any effort whatsoever to hide his pleased smile.

he was engaging, almost hypnotizing, and managed to plant a significant impression onto many, which is what his fans idolized about him the utmost.

how downright blunt he was at times, mixed with a bewitching sweetness, a blazing firestorm that was able turn the whole music industry upside down.

scaramouche delightfully clicked his tongue— terrifically composed with an unchanging face.

"i'm barely two sentences into this and you already want me to spit on you."

with a little gesture, he finely brushed his hair strands back that were unkemptly falling all over his face, "how amusing."

"ultimately i'm going to give you a pass for the distasteful username though." he's innocently fluttering his eyelashes before blowing a quick kiss at the cameras, "so so sorry."

thus, scaramouche was carelessly flinging the little card back and tossing it onto the floor, already skimming through the next tweet.

— venti

the video established itself as the camera slowly shifted their focus on venti who was currently sitting in front of a white background, a couple stickers in his hands that had the late night logo inprinted on top of it.

"i didn‘t think anyone would write thirst tweets about me."

he‘s joking and setting up a pseudo guiltless attitude, as if he didn’t see a couple of those while curiously scanning through his notifications the other day.

but, well, to keep his performance going, he playfully waved at the camera and began to regret the fact that he had washed the rational thinking parts of his brain away with alcohol earlier.

venti always appeared wildly comfortable around the large screens and bright flashes of the studio room— essentially he was also known as one of the most talented as well as best performers of his entire group.

.. but maybe it was also due to the fact that he was mostly drunk, yet obviously not exposing it to his fans.

his eyes were now, a tone lower, when he glowered into the first of many cards, without further ado vividly brawling to keep his own poker face.

from @/l3t_thewindlead_thisp3nis:

"(i am not okay) if venti needs a stress reliever i volunteer as tribute."

subsidiary after prattling it out, venti narrowed his eyes towards the screen with a concerned look on his face before ultimately concealing his expression with the little card.

".. a stress reliever?" he asks, bluntly, before setting off the whole room to infectiously laugh.

venti himself nearly erupted into tears from how hard he’d been chuckling at the tweet.

"tsk tsk tsk." he‘s shaking his head with a sigh— as if he was disappointed, and carrying on with his high spirited words.

"a shame, i really thought you would elaborate on that a bit more."

giggling at his own remarks he instantaneously got reminded (by a staff member) to keep it as family friendly as attainable as to not suffer the brutish fate of his manager scolding him afterwards.

the cameras cut and set on a different frame, recording back again.

perhaps it wasn‘t the most brilliant idea to have venti go into this without a single form of preparation— nor a script he could base his answers on.

though beyond anything, he was a natural ar this and managed to engage the viewers with his quite peculiar charms.

"i‘ll leave that for now but i‘m coming back to you later."

©2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kazuha x reader #scaramouche x reader #alhaitham x reader #genshin x you #scaramouche x you #venti x reader #alhaitham x you #kazuha x you #venti x you #al haitham x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin x y/n #genshin impact fan fiction #genshin impact x you #genshin impact #genshin impact images

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

All right, I did a post yesterday about the Cowgate incident of 2003, which started because I read the disappointing news that the site of the incident will be closed to the public when I'm in Edinburgh this summer, and I literally read it during a brief period of being awake in the middle of a fever dream. And then of course I made a post about it, because if you wake up in the middle of a fever dream, you always have to post about the real-life incident that most resembles the content of an actual fever dream.

This made me realize it's been a little while since I've actually watched that video, I went through a year or so of re-watching it at least once a week (mainly because it became a go-to re-watch when drunk, particularly near the end of the night when I no longer wanted to focus on anything coherent or longer than a few minutes, personally I'd never want to be at a comedy show while drunk but I do see why they'd do this for a drunk crowd, it appeals to that side of the brain), but I hadn't seen it in six months or so. I thought, I've probably been building this up in my head a bit in the six months of not actually watching it. The idea of Cowgate as a weird drunken fever dream (though one enjoyable thing about it is that besides Adam Hills and the entire audience I'm pretty sure the people involved were sober, as that was sort of the Chocolate Milk Gang's thing, getting their name specifically because they were the only people who didn't get drunk at late-night Edinburgh shows, instead they went for milkshakes across the road) had become a running joke in my mind and sometimes my Tumblr references, but at this point it's more of a symbol than anything else. After writing that post that ran with the joke of it being an iconic violent ritual, I thought it would be fun to spend some of my sick day at home re-watching the actual video, expecting to find that it just looks like relatively expected raucous comedy show shenanigans, not quite as mind-breakingly weird as I remember.

...Guys, it's exactly as I remembered. It's so weird. I've made multiple deep dive Cowgate posts before, but not for at least six months (I think the last time I did it one was for the 20th anniversary, August 26 last year, so almost exactly six months, actually), and I think six months should be long enough to make me allowed to repeat myself on the subject. Because there's almost nothing I haven't said before, but watching it again made me want to say it all again. And I do mean almost - I think I did discover one new detail while watching it between fever dreams yesterday. It's pretty good.

Okay, first of all, here's the video in all its glory:

I cannot emphasize enough how much the first time I came across this it was 2 AM and I had no context for understanding where they were or what was going on. Since then, I have figured out: it's a show called Late 'n' Live. It takes place on many nights throughout the Edinburgh Festival, at a venue called the Gilded Balloon. The Gilded Balloon is owned by Karen Koren. It burned down in 2002 and was rebuilt nearby, this video is from 2003, in the rebuilt venue on Teviot Place. The Late 'n' Live event runs from around 11:30 PM to around 3:30 AM and consists of a bunch of comedians who come on, sometimes to do their own sets and sometimes to do shit like this, managed by a compere, and after that they bring out a band and it turns into a dance floor. At this time, it was known for being a bearpit with a drunk and rough crowd that sometimes got violent. For several years in the late '90s and early '00s, it was famous compered by Johnny Vegas. It was then compered, throughout the early- and mid-00s, by Daniel Kitson. I mean I think there was some crossover, obviously they didn't just have one compere for an entire month and people besides those two guys did it too, some people had to get some sleep at some point. Anyway, these are all things that I know as a direct result of the rabbit hole I went down after finding this video and needing to understand what the ever loving fuck was going on in it. I actually know a lot more than that about Late 'n' Live, but there isn't time for it all right now. I've watched a four-part BBC Scotland documentary series about the history of Late 'n' Live. I watched a Tim Minchin documentary mainly because I like Tim Minchin but a little bit because it had a lot of the Gilded Balloon in it and that was relevant to my Late 'n' Live research. I have an entire folder on my hard drive called Late 'n' Live and it has too many files in it.

One of them's a gif of David O'Doherty throwing his entire body with abandon onto different things at Late 'n' Live in different years: onto Jason Byrne in 2003, onto the floor in 2005, and onto Daniel Kitson in 2007. All clips I found in entirely different sources and decided they needed to be together.

Anyway. I'm getting off topic. Already. Cowgate. The point is Cowgate. I named the incident Cowgate because that's the name of the neighbourhood where the original Gilded Balloon was, and, you know, it was a cow. A cow and what looked like it had to be some sort of scandal. I think it's very clever.

So here's the thing. After I first found that video, which seemed like a tiny relic of one of many moments of one of many nights on one of many years that this stuff went on, and I set about obsessively looking things up for weeks to try to figure out what they were doing, in the process I came across a second video that also happened to capture the same moment. Amazing stuff.

The former video was on the Gilded Balloon's YouTube channel, and seemed to have been filmed officially by the venue staff. This latter one was a montage of videos taken throughout the night by an audience member who apparently had whatever people used to film things at gigs in 2003. Wouldn't have been a camera phone back then.

This video shed a bit of light on some of the essential mysteries of Cowgate, but didn't actually answer many, and to be honest it asked more questions than it answered. Obviously, one of the main questions I had about Cowgate was "Where did the cow come from?" I'd wondered whether the Chocolate Milk Gang had somehow procured it, or whether they took something that was already there. Both options would open up a lot more questions, such as where did they get it, and if it wasn't there because they specifically put it there for the purposes of taking it apart, how did they get permission to take it apart?

The longer video suggests that it's the latter. It shows Daniel Kitson earlier in the night, messing around with the cow the way he might if its presence on stage were a surprise to him as well as to the audience.

The other essential question is "Why did they attack it?", and this earlier scene may suggest a possible reason. From the dialogue, it seems that Kitson jumped on top of it because the crowd told him to, and then the crowd keeps shouting other cow-based challenges at him, and he makes fun of them for suggesting challenges that are too easy (jump off it, touch it, etc.). The video then cuts, but it is possible that he challenged the crowd to ask him to do something difficult with it, and they said to tear it apart, and then it escalated. That scene seems to be from the beginning of the night, and we know the actual Cowgate ritual was the last thing that happened in the night, because right after they finish Kitson brings the band out and that occurs after the comedy ends. So it's possible that they could have come up with the challenge at the beginning, spent a few hours sourcing various weapons, and then done this at the end.

That theory of course brings up other questions, like how they decided on the weaponry. And, again, why they were allowed to do that. The answer to that question depends on where the cow came from, which I still don't know. I once spent a week looking up the International Cow Parade because I thought maybe it was part of that, but I don't think so anymore. It has the word Metro on the side of it, and someone in the YouTube comments called it the Metro cow. So it was probably an advertisement, not an art piece. But I wouldn't have thought your allowed to take apart a company's advertising installation. Maybe it was going to be destroyed after the festival anyway? Also, why was there a cow-based Metro advertisement on the floor at a comedy gig anyway?

I'd like to go through the video in further detail, as I've done many times before, but not for six months so I think I'm allowed a new one, and also I've come up with one (1) new fact (theory) so that's worth doing the whole thing again. I've just spent two days sick in bed, please allow me to indulge in this.

- Right at the beginning, the "three chances" thing still confuses me. That line really suggests that this is a challenge, not just a weird stunt, that they are being tested to see if they can do it. Possibly tested by an audience that was told to come up with a more difficult idea for something the comedians could try with a cow.

But what are the paramatres of the challenge? To take the cow apart, sure, but the "three chances" line implies more specific restrictions. Did they try this two other times earlier in the night and weren't able to do it? Perhaps tried it earlier with fewer weapons? Or did "three chances" mean three people are allowed to work on it? Doesn't seem likely, as Kitson jumped in fairly quickly and made it four.

- Adam Hills sounds like he's referencing something with "literally bottle it". I know "bottle it" is a expression that means "fuck it up", but I don't see how that's literal in this case. Was there a bottle involved? What would bottling it mean in this instance? Failing the audience's challenge? I don't even know for sure that it was an audience challenge, that's just a guess based on the beginning. It could be something else entirely.

- The part where John Oliver, Demetri Martin, and David O'Doherty scurry across the stage like squirrels makes me laugh every time. Why are they all bent over? What are they hiding from?

- David O'Doherty appears to be the only person who came out carrying a weapon. In the first shot of the guys attacking the cow, DO'D is hitting it with a hammer that he presumably brought from backstage. The other two are pulling on it with their bare hands. Then, in a detail I find hilarious, Demetri Marin reaches behind him and grabs what appears to be a chisel off the floor. I guess what probably happened is he did bring that with him from backstage, then put it down, and we just see him pick it back up. But the editing makes it look like he's tried pulling the horns, it didn't work, so he turned around and grabbed the nearest tool, like a character in a video game that just finds useful weapons lying around.

- It also makes me laugh that Adam Hills used his rap-based narration to make sexual jokes about the cow, while Kitson puts his hand over his mouth/in the air like a rapper, to show he's totally on board with this gangsta rap thing, but also, they have shit to and it's (presumably) nearly 4 AM, so the actual content of his lyrics is going to be to give useful practical advice on how to get this job done. Because they're not combining the tools, and you really need to use the chisel and hammer together or it'll never work.

I enjoy the way at this point, John Oliver takes just the briefest break from attacking a facsimile cow with his bare hands to look up Kitson, looking quite impressed with his approach to the situation. "Yes, thank you Daniel, finally some helpful ideas instead of just cowfucking jokes, now let's get that chisel over here."

- It can be hard to see in the darkness, but this whole thing is basically a Kitson and Oliver-oriented plan. Kitson shouts at DO'D to "combine the chisel and the hammer". John Oliver then points like he's directing a play, getting DO'D to bring his hammer to the other side.

DO'D does this, but puts the hammer down on the ground over there, instead of combining it with anything. That's when Kitson taps DO'D on the back like a pretend wrestler tagging in, possibly deciding that if he stays on the sidelines rapping all night, they'll never get this done and be allowed to leave. So he pushes DO'D out of the way, and takes his spot next to John Oliver. Then he reaches down and grabs a random chisel off the ground, again like a video game character. Then he reaches over the cow and picks up the hammer that DO'D has discarded (like a video game character), so he is now combining the chisel and the hammer. At the same time, John Oliver has physically taken the first chisel out of Demitri Martin's hand, and starts working on the same end as Kitson. Now they're getting somewhere.

- This is one of those videos that's funny every time if you keep running it back to watch the same eight seconds over but this time focus on a different person. DO'D tries to get in after Kitson straight-up stole his spot, leans in but can't find an opening, gives up and walks all the way around them both to try the other end of the cow because clearly the Kitson and Oliver dream team have this end sewn up.

- Then, there's a curveball: someone with the word CREW on the back of their shirt comes out of absolutely nowhere, and hands John Oliver a lead pipe, like a character fucking Clue(do, depending where you live). Where did this come from? Do most stages have large bits of piping lying around backstage? Was John Oliver supposed to bring it on stage with him but forgot it so they had to run it out to him? Or did those crew people decide that they're not making enough progress, someone had better find a large pipe and bring it on stage and hand it to John Oliver so we can all go home.

I've been writing this post so far while watching the official video - the one off the Gilded Balloon YouTube channel - but I think you get a much better view of this specific part from the way it was captured in the montage by an audience member. It's another part that I find incredibly funny. John Oliver is methodically working away with Demitri Martin's chisel and his own hands. Then someone hands him a large weapon, and he immediately raises it above his head like a sword and starts whacking the thing full tilt. Scares the shit out of Kitson on one side of him and DO'D on the other. They both jump, Demitri Martin just cautiously circles away.

In the words of a John Oliver bit that is long outdated but lives on in our hearts and my DVD collection... whaky stick. Whacky stick!!!

Kitson, after initially jumping, responds by choosing to imitate John's style, and starts raising the hammer over his own head to attack it with full force in the same way. While DO'D literally cowers in the corner:

And Demitri Martin continues to do what he's been doing since John took his tool away, which is to run his hands over the body of a cow like a mechanic sizing up a car. He has contributed almost nothing to this operation. I don't even think Demetri Martin knows how to take cows apart. Too busy turning letters into numbers and stuff.

- After getting over the initial excitement of waving a pipe around wildly, John Oliver employs the more thought-out strategy of using it like a lever, trying to prise it open at the seam. Kitson gets in beside him and starts attacking this same seam, striking the weak spot repeatedly with the hammer. In the background, DO'D and Demetri Martin appear to try jumping on the thing.

This is the strategy they're still employing the moment the cow finally comes apart:

I've observed this from multiple angles, and at first I thought Kitson deserved the most credit for breaking it, but now I think it was mainly John Oliver's work. Definitely a team effort though (or at least a dual effort, not sure how much the other two helped, though to be fair the bigger boys took their tools away). It comes apart at the exact spot where Kitson was hitting it with the hammer, you can see Kitson give it a hard kick, then one more strike, then put his arms up in celebration as this strike breaks it in half. But I'm pretty sure it was John's leverage from behind him that allowed him to split the thing.

- At this point they all contribute to pulling it the rest of the way apart; Kitson and Martin hold the top half while Oliver and DO'D take out the bottom. This is another part I find very funny - the way they're so matter-of-fact about handing it out to the audience. Look at John Oliver and David O'Doherty marching this across the stage like they're workers delivering a coach or something:

- Then the camera shows the cow being crowd surfed. The YouTube comments say: "The Metro cow got smashed in two and crowd surfed over everyone out the back door". In his lyrics, Adam Hills talks about taking it up the Royal Mile. The Royal Mile is the street outside, so all this suggests that they continued to take the cow outside and down the street. Was that part of the challenge? Was the initial plan to take the thing apart and then have it carried through the streets of Edinburgh? How far did this cow go?

- I have so far compared them to video game characters, board game characters, tag-team pretend wrestlers, a mechanic, and delivery workers. But my favourite thing to compare them to is probably at the end, when they celebrate like football players who've just won a big match.

"Great work everyone, good hustle out there, really pulled together as a team. Okay, now hit the showers. I want to see you all dressed and ready for milkshakes in ten minutes flat."

- There is so much going on in this video that I find it easier to not try to focus on it all at once, I have to do one thing and then backtrack. So now that I've gone through the whole video while looking at what the rest of them were doing, I need to backtrack and go over the lyrics to Adam Hills' song.

Question: Did Adam Hills think he was going to have to do this alone, or was he supposed to have Kitson co-MC-ing, but then Kitson jumped in partway through? Because I think the latter may have happened. Kitson was the compere for the whole night, as we see in the montage video.

Adam Hills If you had three chances Would you take them? Or would you quite literally bottle it?

As I said before: don't know what he's talking about there. What got literally bottled? Why three chances?

His palms are sweaty, his hair is sweaty He's ready to shoot spaghetti He's got a cow on stage It's got red horns, it's all the rage

This is veering wildly off topic, but I just want to mention that that Adam Hills got his off the cuff "stage/all the rage" rhyme because he'd heard DO'D use it in a freestyle rap battle with Daniel Kitson, that we know from the montage took place earlier than night (another one of my favourite videos, but we don't have time to go into this one right now):

It's cow tipping, it's not quite shitty Get that cow down in this city Take it up the Royal Mile, attack it with a hammer Kitson's on the stage, he's [?] with a hammer

Again, how far did the cow go? They had clearly planned from the beginning (of this song, at least) to have it out on the Royal Mile. YouTube comments confirm it left the building.

David O'Doherty's going up the ass It's time to fuck this motherfucking class Fuck the udder (x4) Let's get this udder fucking cow out of here

After all the times I've watched this video, this is the first time I've noticed that Adam Hills tried a pun on "mother fucking" there. Glad he's having a good time.

Daniel Kitson Davey, Davey, what you need to do Is combine the chisel and the hammer

Finally, some useful fucking advice.

Adam Hills There's Martin, Demitri Martin The Perrier win has left me smartin'

This was August 26, Hills' song mentions later that it's the last night of Late 'n' Live for that year, so the Perrier Awards had just been given out. In 2003, Demetri Martin won the main award over other nominees: Reginald D. Hunter, Flight of the Conchords, Howard Read and Little Howard, and Adam Hills. Adam Hills, who had also been nominated the previous year, when he lost to Daniel Kitson, and the year before that, when he lost to Garth Marenghi. So he is actually being, as a YouTube comment said, a pretty good sport to jump in and have fun about it. If I were him I'd probably resent losing out an award again and then not even getting to smash shit up.

John Oliver, he's the man If that pipe won't do it, nothing can David O'Doherty, he comes from Ireland, the land of the green Daniel Kitson, he's got a hammer He's also got one motherfucking stammer

I quite enjoy the way no one responds to any of this. Adam Hills starts calling them out by name, including bringing up Kitson's stutter and DO'D nationality and his awards rivalry with Demetri Martin, and none of them even briefly looks at him. They are all very busy and focused on the important task of destroying a cow.

It's time to break this cow down It's time to break this cow down It's not time to chow down It's time to break this cow down

I want this verse embroidered on a throw pillow. Actually, I think I want these entire lyrics printed out and framed on my wall.

Late 'n' Live, Late 'n' Live, it's the very last night It's time to wrap this show up tight Send it out the front, send it out the... [cow breaks apart] Break the cow, break it in half Lead it out the front to the path

Once again, talk of parading this thing around outside the venue. Where were they taking it?

Karen Koren, she's outside She's got petrol dripping down her eyes There was a fire at the Gilded Balloon The police found no one else was to blame If this season doesn't go well This fucking venue's going up in flames

That, of course, is a reference to the Gilded Balloon's history. It burned down in a fire in December 2002. It's now August 2003, and they're in a new venue that was rebuilt nearby. Karen Koren is the venue's owner. I'm pretty sure Adam Hills is implying that she's going to burn down the new venue if the performers don't do well enough. Actually, he's not implying that, he's outright stating it. What he's implying is that she burned down the first venue, presumably for the insurance money, and she is currently outside ready to burn this one down too, if they perform badly enough to make the insurance money worth more than the shows bring in.

The cow's in half, the cow's in half Let's hear it for the cow in half!

This is like that famous poem that was allegedly written by a child about a tiger breaking out of its cage. Sheer poetry.

Tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Got out of bed at all The morning sun goes up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could, it'd all be grey But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

What's interesting about this is that these are the lyrics to Stan, which is a different Eminem song from the one he was (sort of) singing at the beginning, which was lose yourself. This may or may not be related to the fact that Adam Hills is the only person in this performance who was not a member of the Chocolate Milk Gang, which was a group of comedians known for not getting drunk during or after late-night Edinburgh shows.

It may also be related to the fact that this is a clip of the Edinburgh show that Adam Hills had just spent a month performing:

So he had Stan in his head all month anyway, he was on stage and remembered he was supposed to be singing an Eminem song, his brain told him that the Eminem song he sings on stage is Stan. Fair enough.

Though it's worth noting that those aren't the correct lyrics to Stan either. The Eninem song says the clouds come up the window, not the sun. Why would it be all grey and hard to see if the sun came up the window?

Crowd surf the cow, people.

I want all those lyrics printed out in fancy calligraphy font. And ornately framed. And on my wall.

So that's Cowgate, in case anyone wants to know. But this is just stuff I've said before. I said I had a new detail, didn't I? Well here it is:

Who is that man, sat unobtrusively in the background, playing the percussion set? Of course we have no way of knowing, in such low quality video without any clear shots of his face. Or do we? Because here is a screenshot of Flight of the Conchords, sitting on that very cow, earlier in the same night! (We know it was the same night because it was taken from the montage of the whole night, which ended with a second angle on Cowgate.)

Am I wrong? I might be wrong, tell me if you think I'm wrong. But I think that's Jermaine Clement playing percussion back there. Based on the evidence that: He was there that night. He does play the drums. He's a bona fide member of the Chocolate Milk Gang. And he has the same vague outline and shirt colour as the guy in those screenshots. And he was in the background of the Kitson/DO'D battle rap video, playing guitar, so he does sometime play music to accompany other comedians doing weird shit at Late 'n' Live. My new detail is I think Jermaine Clement was on the stage during Cowgate.

It is cool, really. I mean, I'm obviously being vaguely ironic by treating this late-night comedy show stunt as a vitally important mysterious ritual. But I genuinely think that what happened there is fucking cool, if you look at all those people being on one stage doing something so stupid together, and then consider where they all went after that.

And if Jermaine Clement was there, that just adds to it. The variety and international breadth of all the different comedy careers all in one place just as they were on the cusp of taking off. I mean, by plenty of definitions some had taken off already, but they have all taken off significantly more since then. Almost as though on one night in 2003, they all sacrificed a cow to the gods of success and it worked. Of the main five people involved in the sacrifice rituals, there are three Perrier Awards (Kitson, DO'D, Demetri Martin - though to be fair two of those were won before Cowgate happened so I guess we can't attribute it to the sacrifice), an MBE (Hills), and a shitload of Emmys (Oliver). Which I think they should all bring in for the prize task of the Taskmaster episode that I imagine with those five as the contestants (it's okay, I think this is worth setting racial and gender representation on panel shows back by 20 years), the studio task is to take a cow apart, the winner gets all the trophies.

That's a lot of countries. The Australian Adam Hills, the British Daniel Kitson, the American Demetri Martin, the Irish David O'Doherty, the Kiwi Jermaine Clement, and the now-British/American John Oliver. All with wildly different types of careers. All, for different reasons, among my favourite comedians. I have seen or heard all of the official video or audio stand-up releases by all six of those people (and possibly 1 or 2 or several hundred or so unofficial ones as well). And not because of this video or anything, I sought them out because those are among my favourites and then they were all on stage doing this unhinged thing together.

It's the great mystery of my lifetime, I still want to know where the fuck they got that cow. And I'm genuinely annoyed that I won't be able to see the stage where it happened when I go to Edinburgh this year, but it's all right, I'll look at the outside.

If I ever get to meet any of these people, this is the first question I'm asking. No I don't need to know anything else about your career, just please tell me, what the fuck was going on with that fucking cow in 2003?

#Youtube

[invisibleraven]

It's okay. I'd rather be here with you

Peterpatterlina

When the band was going on their first tour, they spent their nights on the bus, an experience no one was a big fan of, but they had to get their name out there before the label put them up in hotels on the regular.

Even if Julie wasn't sure how they hadn't broken up several times over by the end of the summer in that godforsaken bus.

The next time they went on tour, they had a platinum album under their belts, which mandated a better bus and hotels on the regular. Nice hotels too, where they all got their own rooms if they wanted them.

Alex was happy to have his own space to spend time with Willie who had joined them for the West Coast portion of the tour. The rest of them were just glad to have a break from Alex's snoring and all hoped Willie brought ear plugs.

Luke and Reggie shrugged and told the label they were cool sharing. They had been used to sleeping together since they were teens, slumming it on the studio couch after they both ran away from home. And well, even after Luke reconciled with his parents he often snuck back to the garage so Reggie wouldn't have to be alone at night.

Of course, once Ray found out about that he told them under no circumstances were they sleeping out there any longer and moved Reggie into the house, becoming his legal guardian as well. Luke couldn't snuck into the house quite as easily, so this was basically permission for them to snuggle every night.

Everyone was taking bets when they would figure it out, this weird nebulous thing between them. Julie had money on it happening before the end of the tour, but so did their roadie Craig and dammit, Julie was determined to win!

Julie, for her part, had a nice spacious room all to herself. A blessing after being trapped in a metal tube with four boys for days on. She got to take a luxuriously long shower, doing her hair treatments, face mask, even indulging in a pedicure as she enjoyed the space; with some room service and a movie to boot.

Only when she went to sleep, she found it was too quiet. There was no snoring from Alex, no soft music from Reggie who needed it sleep, no light from Luke's bunk as he stayed up far too late writing. She even opened her phone and played some of the band's Insta videos so it was like they were there, but nothing helped.

Finally she wrenched herself from the bed and went for a walk around the halls, eventually ending up Luke and Reggie's door. Knocking softly, she waited a moment and then knocked again, a bit louder. There was no way they were asleep, given it was barely midnight and bedtime was a fantasy notion for these boys.

It was Luke who threw open the door and Julie bit back a smirk. His hair was rumpled, he was shirtless, sweats slung low on his hips. But what was most damning was the swollen nature of his lips and the fresh bite mark on his collar bone. He had an angry look on his face that melted when he saw her, leaning on the doorframe. "Hey boss, what's up?"

"Couldn't sleep, figured I'd see what you two were up to. I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"Not now," Luke grumbled but then painted the smile back on. "Nope, just watching a movie."

"Luke," Reggie whined from inside. "Come back to bed."

"Julie's here, gimme a sec!"

There was a yelp and some rutling, and soon enough Reggie appeared at luke's side, looking even more rumpled and well kissed, with a few hickies blooming across his shoulders. "Heya Ju Ju Bean! We were just..."

"I can see what you were just," Julie said. "Sorry for bothering you. I just couldn't sleep."

"Oh, well we're um..." Reggie sputtered. "We're done now. You wanna come in? We can play cards or shoot the shit, whatever to tire you out."

"Dude," Luke hissed. "The sheets..."

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go back to my room," Julie said, wrinkling her nose. "Let you get back to it."

"Be more fun with you here," Reggie quipped then clapped a hand over his mouth.

Luke elbowed him hard, both of them looking embarrassed and Julie froze. Okay, so it's not like she never thought about being with either of them, like they were hot stuff, super talented, and the sweetest goobers. But those were just fantasies, and they usually didn't involve both of them.

"What."

"Just... let's go to your room and talk about this," Luke said slumping his shoulder. "Otherwise I don't think any of us are sleeping tonight."

Julie led them to her room, and they sat on her bed, awkward at first until she demanded they tell her everything. Luke revealing that they had been together since long before Reggie moved into her house, but didn't want to screw anything up with the band so they kept it secret.

"Were you ever gonna tell us?" Julie asked, slightly hurt.

"Yeah..." Reggie starts, fiddling with the sheet beneath him. "Except the whole time, we kinda both... had a crush on you." Finally he looks up at her, pick right to his ears. "We decided that we were gonna ask you this summer if that might be a thing you'd be interested in. If not, we'd come out just us..."

"And if it was?" she asks.

"Then the ball would be in your court," Luke said, taking Reggie's hands in his, soothing his thumbs over the backs. "The offer, and us, we aren't going anywhere, no matter what you answer."

"That... is a lot to process," Julie replied finally. "Can I like sleep on it?"

"Of course!" Reggie said, jolting up. "Take as much time as you want!"

They were almost at the door when Julie called for them to wait. "Can you stay? We can start with snuggles and sleep?"

"Are you sure?" Luke asked, stepping back towards her.

"Because we can go," Reggie stated, gesturing towards the door, but both of their faces betrayed how much they wanted to stay here... with her.

"It's okay," Julie said, tossing her robe off and situating herself in the middle of the bed. "I'd rather be here with you."

Reggie giggled and leapt onto the bed, making it bounce as he snuggled into her side, Luke flicking off the light as he crawled in the other side. They were both respectful, arms around her midsection, faces close to hers, but not nuzzled in.

"This is cozy," Julie admitted. "I could be okay with this."

"Ssshhh, sleep time," Reggie mumbled, yawning.

Luke chuckled softly. "Yeah he drops pretty quick after sex, surprised he stayed awake through everything honestly."

"Don't tell me you get wired," Julie asked.

Luke shrugged. "Insomnia and I are old friends, but it tends to help me relax enough to doze." He punctuated his statement with a yawn. "You gonna be able to sleep?"

Julie could actually feel her eyelids drooping as Reggie's soft snuffles echoed in one ear and Luke's steady heartbeat thumbed against her side. "Yeah, think so. Night boys."

"Night boss," Luke whispered, pressing a tiny peck to her cheek.

"Night Ju Ju," Reggie mumbled, his kiss a bit more sloppy against her shoulder. "Luv oo."

Julie's eyes dropped closed, but the smile on her face didn't stop, even after she whispered her love back to them bothe before finally falling asleep.

And by the end of the summer, the three of them came out as a throuple, much to the surprise of almost everyone not in their inner circle.

Oh, and Craig the roadie won the pot, because he knew the three of them would figure themselves out eventually.

#filled prompts #ficlet #rukebox #peterpatterlina #gosh this got long #julie and the phantoms

[lyraeon]

at 20 I thought I was faking my depression and was "bad at life" and lazy like my family said. I still earnestly believed I was entirely straight and everyone knew girls are just nicer to look at. I still had a ton of ingrained racism and other bigotry from my Bush-worshipping family. My main dream of being an astronaut had been smashed by my anxiety and health problems, so I was trying to study Japanese because like every other weeb I thought I'd fit in better over there (lol), but I'd already flunked out of one college and been forced to quit another to get a second job. I was overdrawn constantly and often buying gas station gift cards at the grocery store so I'd only take one overdraft fee. I was dating someone horribly controlling who eventually earned the title "evil ex", dialed up my eating disorder, and traumatized me out of writing for 2+ years. I had several roommates because we all considered having the funds to go to anime conventions more important than personal space (and because back then we already thought $600/month was expensive). I spent any other free time half asleep at a friend's house cuz there I could play games and watch Intent videos. Half my meals came free from work, the rest were hacked together from stuff that worked out to $1/serving or so. The power or internet got turned off at least twice a year from non-payment.

at 25 I thought I was too depressed to deserve burdening others with my presence or existence. that I was a burden and purposeful downer and nothing would ever get better. I was still dealing with a ton of internalized transphobia, racism, and other bigotry that I had been taught was Just The Truth and still occasionally fall into. I was massively straight edge against weed and anything else (threatened to call cops on close friends) while also being a half bottle of vodka a day alcoholic just to get my brain to shut up enough to let me write or sleep. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, if at all. I had lost my ability to draw when I severely injured my wrist while i had no insurance. I tried going back to school, first for architecture then teaching, and flunked/dropped out of both. I was losing jobs every 6~8 months from being chronically late and being sick constantly. I manged to lose one on my birthday and wound up having to make some other tough choices because of it. I had only just reached the point where being overdrawn was a rare thing and I wasn't buying single gallons of gas with tip money. food was still often just ramen but I no longer had days where I didn't know if I'd get to eat, though I was often dependent on my then-bf. I had multiple teeth rotting and couldn't afford any treatment besides getting them pulled, and often not until they'd become infected.

by 30 I was finally on antidepressants and in therapy. I was on the road to physical therapy for shoulder and wrist injuries that had happened years earlier. I was pretty happy in my relationship. I held down one job for almost 3 years straight after getting medicated, then turned around and flunked/dropped out of college for the 5th time (Physics this time) because I was too anxious to take public transit reliably and STILL couldn't do homework anywhere but in class, so most projects never got done. I'd stopped being able to write (and am still running from the possibility my meds Took That from me because it doesn't come back if I stop them). Food had become a different struggle - I no longer had time, physical health, or executive function to cook reliably so I was spending too much on take out and causing wild fluctuations in my weight. I was hiding my eating disorder from my partner and my friends. I had begrudgingly un-estranged myself from my family to support younger cousins as they came out as queer. I had developed a healthier relationship with alcohol. I had accepted that, outside of addiction, drugs are a bodily autonomy thing and stopped being an ass to people about them. I had finally learned some damn etiquette around things like not accidentally outing people. I started streaming and making videos - stuff I had dreamed of since first watching Dead Fantasy and Red vs Blue and Weeblstuff in high school but had thought impossible after I lost the ability to draw.

I'm currently 35. This year I am living on my own for the first time (aside from 5 failed months at 18). I got divorced - a complicated, regretful process that was ultimately for the best but I could and should have handled better (and sooner). I've been in physical therapy long enough that I'm able to use chopsticks properly again and am thinking of trying to relearn drawing. It's also meant I can do the dishes and wash my hair on my own again, most days, so I'm relearning how to cook consistently. I'm reading (listening to) books again. I'm on year 8 of antidepressants and currently working with my doctor to fine tune what I'm on (and finally have a system to take them consistently). I've been diagnosed with ADHD and figured out I might also be autistic, and a lot of things in my life make way more sense when viewed through that context. I have appointments to get evaluated for ADHD meds, autism, shoulder surgery/other "PT isn't enough" treatments, teeth implants, and new glasses. my clothes have been put away 3 of the last 5 times I did laundry and I've learned that if I only own one dishwasher worth of dishes, the sink can't pile up. I've fully embraced that I'm polyamorous, pansexual, and demiromantic, and that I can be cis while also being "gender agnostic" - none of it really matters or processes to me, but I get that it does to others so I respect it. I'm seeing someone who makes me feel like I can do anything, is inspiringly ambitious themself, and is equally polyam, meaning I might also be asking out a cute girl soon and don't know where board game nights with the nice throuple I met might go. I'm having to do odd jobs and accept help from my dad to make ends meet, but I'm arguably a full time content creator now - something I literally didn't even let myself dream about when I was younger because it felt impossible, but which is fully worth the complications and budget crunching because it's so accommodating to my disabilities and uses so many of my talents. I'm still depressed, but I have hope that ADHD treatment will help cut through the remainder. Most days I just have hope, period. And more days than not, I'm genuinely happy for at least a while.

You'll find yourself.

It might take a while. There will be detours, mistakes, pain, tough choices, and a lot of hard work. But there will also be unexpected joys and more possibilities than you ever imagined.

Someday, you'll find yourself.

And when you do, it will be worth the wait, I promise.

#personal #though you can still reblog if you wanna #I was just having A Moment #and now for all the warning tags #mental health #tw eating disorder #tw alcoholism #ed tw #depression #adhd #tw abusive relationship #tw abuse #tw suicide #if you need anything else tagged lemme know #also sorry it's such blocks of text #i just kind of went full ramble

[somin-yin]

I see you reblogging Johan stuff so what about you do that character ask game you did days ago but this time with Johan if not too late. ✌🏾

OMGGG YES! First of all, thank you so much for the ask, of course it's not too late and of course I'd love to share my thoughts on Johan ❤️

Sexuality headcanon: Homosexual/gay, I've tried seeing him as pan or bi but for some reason I can't see Johan with any girl at all, so homosexy it is.

OTP: LIGHT YAGAMI X JOHAN ❤️

Source

I mainly ship them because their dynamics would be so interesting. If they team up, no one would be able to stop them, not even Near and they would definitely defeat whoever comes after them. I also like the idea of Johan subtly manipulating Light to guide him the way he sees fit, but very subtly so that Light doesn't notice. Meanwhile Light would think he has the upper hand and that he's manipulating Johan instead but we all know it's the other way round. Of course manipulating Light would be difficult because the guy is brilliant and a very skilled manipulator himself but Johan knows how to do it without the other noticing 🤷‍♀️ also Light has a big ego, and many flaws that Johan can exploit for manipulative purposes. (Shout out to my probably only fellow Light x Johan shipper @captainhysunstuff, go check her Light x Johan drawing!!)

But if you're asking about Monsterverse then Johan x Christof. I love those 2 devils together, the devil and the devil's apprentice, delicious ❤️ But I also ship them because:

They were both the only ones who survived Kinderheim 511 so they can trauma bond about that and they are somehow alike in their manipulative and sneaky techniques.

Johan killed the people who were posing a threat to Christof and Christof possibly funded Johan's plan too.

In the wiki, it was mentioned that Chirstof may have put himself in that powerful position so that someday he can meet Johan again (I bet Christof must have been dreaming of his reunion with Johan all those 10 years they were apart, he has a massive crush on him, I smell it 😂)

When Christof came home he called out for Johan, this makes me think he's used to having Johan around, he even said "Where were you Johan?" in a very casual manner, which makes me think they are familiar with each other. I bet they may have lived together for at least short periods of time after their reunion and you can't tell me nothing happened between them meanwhile 🤷‍♀️

They both possibly killed that man known as The Baby, so they have potential for murder husbands 😂 Do you need more reasons to ship them?

BROTP: Johan and Anna/Nina, the twins ❤️ and I completely subscribe to the idea that Johan did everything for her! (For a better explanation of it read @xprincessgarnetxvi's interpretation and watch @leovoid's video)

NOTP: Johan x Roberto I suppose 🤷‍♀️

First headcanon that pops into my head: Johan and Christof did the nasty when they met in that hotel room, I imagine Christof was like "Hey Johan, you won't believe what I did! I just manipulated that man exactly like you taught me!" And Johan would feel so proud of having that very good apprentice that he'd decide to reward him 😂 (if you know what I mean)

Favorite line from this character:

"Hatred is created when people gather. I just poured a little oil on it."

"Tell me what do you think is the ultimate fear? I really though that I'd already reached the darkest of the dark, but then, ahead of me, I beheld a darkness even greater still."

One way in which I relate to this character: Oh boy, this is about to get serious yet again. I suppose I relate to his feeling of void and to the frustrating sensation of wanting to feel more in certain situations but something blocks it. It's a very uncomfortable sensation. Johan became like that due to severe trauma and abuse (of course in my case the trauma is not as bad as his but I can see why he became like that: the brain creates a block, a disconnect as a defence mechanism). As for me, I'm just usually numb in my day to day and the only things that break that numbness are my S.O. and my fictional favorites. In Johan's case what breaks his numbness is his twin sister ❤️ This makes me feel empathy for him and at the same time it makes me feel conflicted for feeling empathy for someone who committed all those atrocities. But I can't help it, when I see him, I see the child who was broken down to believe he was unwanted and unloved crying for help. He wasn't born like that, he was broken down intentionally by some monsters. I could see he realised he wasn't born that way when he told Capek: "The monster inside of me wasn't inside of me, it was outside". No child should be broken down and no child deserves to go through that. But of course this doesn't mean I justify what he did, nothing can justify him. And I also feel for his victims, specially the children, please Johan leave the children alone. Moral of the story: provide children with love and safety when growing up, otherwise they will become broken adults or monsters in the worst cases.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: His complete disregard for his own life.

Cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Problematic fave all the way, he even gets compared to the devil 😂

And last but not least, a couple of Johan songs because I can:

#johan liebert #naoki urasawa's monster #light yagami #naoki urusawa #yagami light #death note #johan monster #monster johan #ask

[honeybadgerdontcare394]

Get to Know the Badge

Tag someone you want to know AND/OR some of your besties:

Any of my beautiful wonderful moots could do this and I wouldn't complain! No pressure though.

Favourite colour: Purple is my jam! If we're gonna get specific, like a royal purple, eggplanty purple.

Last song: Empty Chairs at Empty Tables from Les Mis, only because I am working on something using the song, but I do love me some Les Mis in general and I've been on a Broadway soundtracks kick lately.

Last movie: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. The RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies are some of my favorites and I never get tired of watching them.

Currently watching:

I confess I don't keep up much with more recent shows...

Been on an early-mid 2000's nostalgia kick, so I've been watching shows that I loved back then, Numbers, LOST, Heroes (first 2 seasons).

Shows I dropped this year/didn’t finish: I flip back and forth between them all with long breaks in between sometimes, sooo Numbers, LOST, Heroes lol...

Currently reading: Just finished re-reading the entire HP series for the umpteenth time. Re-reading the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini because I'd like to read the latest book that just came out, but the last time I read the series was in high school, so it's been a minute and a half.

Currently listening to: anything that's ever been on Broadway lol

Currently working on: Several HL fics I've just nailed down the plots for with a little help from my friends, numerous crochet endeavors, and some audio/video little clippy things that I like to do.

Current obsession: Hogwarts mf Legacy has been my life practically since it came out, so we're still vibing hard with that and pretty much nothing else.

#hogwarts legacy #get to know me #idk what else to tag

[eerilyiridescent]

yesterday my coworker informed me that the average attention span of gen z lasts about 8 seconds now, 4 seconds less than that of millenials. this wasn't that surprising to me, though. I've been really self-conscious of my phone usage lately, especially now that I've been constantly observing how bad it is for the general public

I'm not gonna magically heal this, but I know I'm guilty of seeking instant gratification via social media.

I've done this several times over the course of the last few years, but a couple days ago, I decided to delete most social media off of my phone. I realized every time I do this that I don't actively seek out using instagram. I do, however, impulsively tap the icon when it's on my home screen. that being said, I'm not entirely restricting my access to it. If I wanted to, I can go on my computer to do so. thing is, if I'm at my computer, I don't want to just scroll through social media for long. it feels almost wrong to do so, it isn't as "easy" or intuitive as swiping your thumb up and down.

before I deleted some apps, I tried simply monitoring the time I spend on them. I'd think, "okay, I've got time to kill doing nothing. let's look at what's going on for like 10 minutes!" but it's never just 10 minutes.

in this Business Insider article, researcher Lazaros Gonidis from the University of Kent's School of Psychology explains the obvious: "If someone is playing football for an hour every week, Gonidis said, their brain gets pretty good at estimating that duration and will send signals to indicate tiredness and that the game is finishing soon. With TikTok, people rarely put those kinds of boundaries in place. When they first start using the app, they may watch five videos. But over time, those five videos will no longer be enough to get the same dopamine hit."

I read that and thought "yeah, sure. that makes sense, but why can I set that boundary when I'm doing literally anything else??" although I still easily lose track, I'm somewhat mindful (albeit significantly more than when I'm on social media) of the time passing when I'm watching tv, painting, journaling or anything else.

AND with that said! I will always feel a hundred times more satisfied with my day if I engage in my pastimes to pass time. scrolling through my phone is not and should not be a pastime, but it has definitely become one. a very popular and expected one. and it makes me feel terrible about a lot of things.

#ramble

[silverwolf1249]

Raising Awareness: China's White Paper Protests

If possible, please consider reading and sharing this post.

So my tumblr has absolutely nothing to do about politics, but this is something hitting a little close to home and stuff like this is so important to get seen because it sure won't get the attention it needs, so I want to help increase its visibility any way I can.

I can't even begin to tell you my shock when I learned that the top 2 universities in China (Tsinghua University and Beijing University respectively) were both protesting against the CCP. That the protesting started from people all over China, and once some universities began protesting, the networking between the academic institutes made the protests quickly spread to roughly 175 universities all over China and abroad like Harvard and Caltech which have decent amounts of Chinese international students. I've even seen a few signs about the Ürümqi Fire (one of the major tipping points that started the protests) on my own university campus, which was the reason I started researching the situation.

For some background for those who might not know, the origin of using a piece of white paper to protest comes from a joke when Russia was still the Soviet Union. The general gist of the joke is that a man passes out blank fliers out to people, and gets arrested. He shows that he's only handing out white pieces of paper, but gets locked up anyway because "The fliers may be blank, but it shows your true intentions!". This, by the way, was explained to me by my dad, so it may deviate a little from the original joke. In any case, it's used to represent everything they cannot say aloud due to China's censorship.

But back to the coverage on the situation. I've been searching through most of the major english speaking news sources and read what I expected to see. Police intimidation in broad daylight, entering trains and people's own homes, and accosting people to delete any possible pictures they had from the protests and deleting all social media apps and VPNs which could help spread the word. They also recorded people's personal data, facial recognition, retinal scans, fingerprints, etc.

Several people were grabbed and arrested. There were also apparently a few journalists (including one from the BBC) who got caught trying to cover the issue and got beat up and arrested by the police before being let go after a few days. There's some other stuff as well, but overall it was mostly what I expected, but I still felt like there had to be more. I turned to my dad for some help, who's fluent in Mandarin.

With just one small search in YouTube with the phrase "白紙抗議", I got so much more new information. The phrase translates to white paper protests in traditional Chinese. This helped me find a treasure mine of recordings from a Taiwanese news channel that went further in detail and showed more first hand footage and images that was different than what I'd already seen, and so much more terrible to watch. But there were also videos and images that made me want to applaud the protestors.

Remember when I mentioned that an event called the Ürümqi Fire was a major tipping point to all the protesting? For some background information, Ürümqi is the capital city of Xinjiang, a huge region of China's north west area, and is also know as the Uyghur Autonomous Region.

The Ürümqi Fire was an event where an apartment building in the city burned down, killing at least 10 people. This wasn't even the first incident since China's zero-Covid policy, it just happened to be the event that got the ball rolling. In the english speaking media I looked into, I only saw pictures of the fire, or a silent video of it.

In the video I found? The recording also had sound, people screaming desperately for someone to help, unable to escape their locked rooms, and with no firemen coming to save them until much, much too late; all issues stemming from China's zero-Covid policy. It only gets worse from there.

Currently in english speaking media, most people only suspect more violent police suppression than just restraining people. Well, no need for any more speculations when you can watch two first hand accounts of young women being beaten by the police for not complying. The actual violence is, thankfully fully censored. Just seeing the beginning of the videos alone made my heart drop to my stomach.

But it's not all doom and gloom. These videos also held plenty of pictures of slogans graffitied by protestors all over different college campuses, and lemme tell you, people get creative under rigid censorship. I'm still not clear what some of them actually mean because I'm barely able to speak any Mandarin, there's no hope in me deciphering the word play. There was also a clip in one of them on how one student at Tsinghua University started a protest on her own, until she was surrounded by a veritable crowd of people.

I will be adding both of the videos I watched below, they both have english subtitles and can help explain more than I can. They also go into more detail other major reasons people, especially college aged people, began protesting. Most of them are unsurprisingly, covid related.

Other than that, it's just...so incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking to see what these people are up against. The White House released a statement essentially saying they won't touch the topic because of the potential fallout with China. Apple is apparently helping the CCP by limiting AirDrop time to prevent protestors spreading awareness to other people. And, let's not forget what the CCP did with the last large, public, student ran protest; the CCP sure tried their best to make sure it was erased from their history.

The protestors, the majority being people my age, have everything against them. A much like the Hong Kong protests, they don't stand a very high chance at succeeding. But they're still fighting out there for what they believe in, and have definitely left their mark in history. I have so much respect for all of them, I'm worried for all of them, and all I can do is sit here and write this post and hope more people see this and spread the word. At the very least, I want raise awareness over the situation.

*Just a reminder to watch the videos at your own risk as they contain potentially triggering content*

(the first video is the most recent update

the second one only has english subtitles for part of the video, but they have Mandarin subtitles if you're willing to google translate, and also the first hand clips throughout the whole video are still worth to watch even if you can't fully understand what they're saying)

Some Other Sources:

*If these sources or any of my words above end up being from unreliable sources or later found to contain false information/updated information appears, don't hesitate to send asks or comments so I may edit my post/delete the links/add new or better sources.*

White House Weighs How Forcefully to Support Protesters in China

New Symbol of Protest in China Roils Censors: Blank White Papers

China Covid protests explained: why are people demonstrating and what will happen next?

Apple Limits iPhone File-Sharing Tool Used for Protests in China

How blank sheets of paper became a protest symbol in China

Protests erupt across China in unprecedented challenge to Xi Jinping’s zero-Covid policy

#tw violence #tw police #tw police brutality #tw politics #current events #white paper protests #china #university #politics #me #world news #news #protesting #activism #i wish winnie the pooh got covid and died bc that would be some sweet ass irony right there #the asshole would deserve it #i really hope i used irony correctly #ranting #long post #tw death #human rights #covid 19 #students #blank page rebellion

[jess-moloney]

There's Something Wrong With This Party

After looking at the photos and behaviour surrounding this (for whatever reason) late birthday party for Jamie I've noticed several concerning elements that I'm going to share.

Let's start with the fact that the venue is famous for being a wine bar with a huge wine list. They offer more booze options than food options and currently have only two non-alcoholic options buried in the wine list. What in the world is Jess doing taking Jamie of all people to a place like this right after he just made a post about not feeling supported in his sobriety?

The first thing advertised at the top of the main menu is vodka shots. This is absolutely not a place you take your sober boyfriend for a late and weird birthday celebration, hands down.

The minimum spend for a dinner reservation and a private room is £1500. This means you practically do have to buy alcohol to meet the minimum requirement of what you have to spend to make a reservation there. Besides, we know Jess drinks and seems to love her wine so it makes sense that she would choose this place and then more than likely also drink it up.

They also only offer access to an al a la carte menu (not the main courses) so this sort of thing is meant for drinks and tapas, not for an actual dinner. They intend for you to spend most of your money on bottle services and small plates. Not dinner. This is where Jess took Jamie. If you don't see a problem with this I don't know how and I'd really like you to explain to me why this is okay. However, this isn't even the worst of it.

Notice how there are tons of photos that Jamie isn't even in. He's in two of them. One is a very staged pretending-to-bite-the-cake photo the other is looking like a hostage situation next to Jess and her best friend (his brother, for some reason) is seated very far away from the two of them.

This made me wonder about the cake, you never see him actually eat it or the cake being cut. If you look at one of the photos you can see Jess's hand/plate and it has a slice of cake on it. Next to her would have been where Jamie was sitting. There's not even a plate there so he didn't have any cake. The person next to him has a plate of cake. Jamie isn't even in this photo. Did he leave? Why did he decline to have any of his cake? I suppose one could claim he just ate it really fast and left but why? Doesn't look like anyone else did that, looks like the cake has just been served. There are also a few other people declining to have cake as it seems.

Jess's friend, Melanie, posted these two photos promoting a cocktail and a button that says "Press for Champagne" which, by the way, is some sort of feature at this place.

So, Jess's big party idea was to take Jamie to a place where you have to spend money on booze, is all about booze, he's surrounded by booze, and then she takes a bunch of photos that make it look like it's more her party than Jamie's? Plus, if you watch the video of him with the cake he seems less than enthused by it all and he reposted none of these photos. The only photos he posted were:

In the first photo, he's looking down and away, in the second photo he looks like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck. Like he's timid or terrified. There's no tagging Jess, no thanking Jess, no I love you, Jess. Nothing. Then the last photo he posted was of him asleep in bed which I'm assuming she took because who else would have taken it?

If this was a planned event then why did Jess post that passive-aggressive message on his birthday? If she knew this was going to happen anyway why not wait? Why not do this on his actual birthday? Why not include his brother more? Why choose this venue which is 95% alcohol? Does this seem like a supportive girlfriend? Or does this seem like a woman who threw a party for herself, forced Jamie to be happy about it, and used it to "prove" she's still with him and get attention on social media? Of course, none of the stans are ever going to be able to explain or defend this other than "Well, Jamie is probably okay with alcohol" even though all of the proof here says otherwise because it appears at some point he left while everyone else stayed there, and he damn well doesn't look or act comfortable.

So yes, Jess fanatics explain why a supportive partner who encourages Jamie's sobriety would choose this venue to have his birthday two days late? I'd love to hear your answers.

#jess moloney #jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #thoughts

[eroticcannibal]

What is unschooling? From the phrase I'd guess it'd be unpackaging the bullshit that schools do and figuring out how to break free of the programming kids go through to make them good workers, and encouraging people to learn at their own pace and to follow their own interests and abilities.

But like, from what people have been saying on your post I'm not actually sure anymore.

Ripped from Wikipedia because I'm lazy

"Unschooling is an informal learning that advocates learner-chosen activities as a primary means for learning. Unschoolers learn through their natural life experiences including play, household responsibilities, personal interests and curiosity, internships and work experience, travel, books, elective classes, family, mentors, and social interaction. Often considered a lesson- and curriculum-free implementation of homeschooling, unschooling encourages exploration of activities initiated by the children themselves, believing that the more personal learning is, the more meaningful, well-understood and therefore useful it is to the child. While courses may occasionally be taken, unschooling questions the usefulness of standard curricula, fixed times at which learning should take place, conventional grading methods in standardized tests, forced contact with children in their own age group, the compulsion to do homeworm, regardless of whether it helps the learner in their individual situation, the effectiveness of listening to and obeying the orders of one authority figure for several hours each day, and other features of traditional schooling in the education of each unique child."

Tldr the child is in charge of the learning. Some people have this weird idea that the children do nothing all day and the parents are uninvolved but that couldn't be further from the truth. Children WANT to do things and learn and engage with the world and oh boy. I tell u. They want to do it with the parents. It can be exhausting at times djnsjwnw

As an example, and bare in mind every family has very different experiences because unschooling has endless possibilities, for us, the child will usually roll out of bed at midday, watch some videos on game lore and development (research skills, listening skills, comprehension, story structure and storytelling, history re games), do some art or animation for a good few hours (art skills, obviously), it will info dump at me for a bit (social skills), delegate some tasks to me (project management skills, organisation) for some projects we are doing together, at the moment that is a pokemon game (more research skills, general computer skills, coding, pixel art, sharing data with a team, music development, writing). It will also spend some time with the pets, including the Foster cat (animal husbandry skills). We usually touch on something relating to adaptations, accessibility and symptom management during the day. And at this point I cannot be bothered to continue because its late but you get the point.

[afniel]

Realising you’re genuinely disabled is a seriously painful but necessary step! There is the grief and realisation that hey, I genuinely cannot do these things, these possibilities are lost to me. That’s awful and it hurts.

But then comes the part where it isn’t just painful, but reassuring. The realisation that hey, it’s OK to stop pushing yourself. It’s OK to just stop and not do something. You have nothing to prove. It’s already been proven. You don’t have to prove it again and again, because you already know the truth! Let knowing for sure allow you to find peace in it. No more pushing, more letting it be what it is. You can begin to make peace now. 🙏🏻

Much love, a fellow disabled 💙

I mean, it's not at all my first rodeo with it, I've been disabled for almost 15 years at this point. I just don't like the feeling of comparing myself to abled people and coming up obviously short because, y'know, I'm not abled. Also why should I compare my ability to someone else anyway? That's just how to make yourself feel bad. I've been through The Stages plenty of times and I'm not even sure if that's what it is, or if it's just mostly annoyance at watching a thing that ended up completely not about or for me but it sure did sneak in and get me to do The Comparison anyway.

And to reiterate, it's a good video, there's nothing at all wrong with it, it's just that a video on 'how to preserve your physical capacity' that I already don't have is about as useful to me in particular as a screen door on a submarine. And yeah it's not like all videos have to cater to me either, that would be ridiculous. It just hit wrong at a weird late hour of the night and I've had a banging nasty cold (non-covid at least and it's finally getting a lot better today symptom-wise) so I was off my usual equilibrium about it.

Which is not to say that I don't appreciate the message either! Just that, yeah no you're completely right, but at this point I'm in the choir and there's not much preaching I haven't heard already several times on the subject. It is usually reassuring to think that hey, I don't have to be able to do as much as someone who's not disabled to be worthwhile as a person...but sometimes I've just spent the past week on my ass and I'd like to be able to do as much as my usual baseline, which already isn't much, and that's just frustrating, you know?

#disability #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

My journey through John Oliver's IMDB page that I've been doing in the last few days (summary: his old Cambridge doc got taken off YouTube, I got paranoid about how I'm glad I'd saved that but this is a reminder that nothing stays on the internet forever so you need to save the stuff you want to keep, this escalated too quickly into me buying a new external hard drive just to see how much of his IMDB page I can download and put in one place) has brought me through a documentary about Russell Howard from 2021. I previously knew that documentary existed, but I hadn't watched it because even before Russell doubled down on the Jordan Peterson thing enough for me to be done watching his stuff (I ignored the mild comments for months before he actually invited Peterson onto his show and made ignoring it impossible), I didn't need to see a documentary about how the pandemic made life difficult for an extremely rich and successful touring comedian.

However, I learned today that John Oliver had a credit in the documentary, so obviously I immediately downloaded it. To be honest I haven't watched the whole thing, I just skipped through it in search of the John Oliver bits. Because I have given up on Russell Howard, but his former connection to the Chocolate Milk Gang, and my hobby of cataloguing all Chocolate Milk Gang history, is the only thing that will make me temporarily suspend my closely held principles such as a hard line against all Jordan Peterson apologists. I did the same thing with his recent podcast, rolling my eyes when I first saw it announced because surely he doesn't need another platform and Britcom doesn't need another bland podcast, until I saw that there would be a John Oliver episode and obviously I listened to that one.

Anyway, the point is that there was some fun Chocolate Milk Gang history in the documentary, I've cut out the relevant clip:

The Chocolate Milk Gang goes by many names. Andrew Maxwell apparently called them "the guys with the bags". Stewart Lee has called them "The hanging around gang". In a discussion with Richard Herring they were labeled "the nerds of the circuit". But here we have a new one: the golden generation. A name coined by Russell Howard and then immediately and entirely justifiably ripped apart by John Oliver, what good stuff. I greatly enjoyed that. Someone should make a Chocolate Milk Gang documentary. I could probably cut together a Chocolate Milk Gang documentary from all the media files I've hoarded. See how many names they've been given over the years.

Based on the ten or so minutes I watched, I think I might genuinely be capable of putting together better videos than the person who made this Russell Howard documentary, the editing on it looks surprisingly amateur-ish for a film about such a huge mainstream star. However, it did provide me with very slightly (only very slightly, but still) higher quality versions of a couple of CMG-related images I had seen before, but had only seen in terrible quality, so it's nice to have those a little clearer:

And I hadn't seen this one before, I don't think Andy Zaltzman changed in appearance at all between 2003 and about 2017.

Oh and Steve Hall shows up at the end, which is fun. I like that guy. I like Steve Hall probably too much, given the fact that the main thing I've heard him do is be quite gross on several episodes Daniel Kitson's radio show in 2007-2008. But it was really funny. Those episodes made me laugh almost constantly and I recommend them to absolutely no one, no one should ever hear that. Though it's not the only thing I've heard him do. I have to be the only person in the world who watched the We Are Klang sitcom in 2023 just for one actor, but that actor was not Greg Davies. Oh and Steve Hall was in that Late 'n' Live recording from 2007, but that's not a lot better for making him respectable. He writes on The Russell Howard Hour and on some level I know he was probably involved in bringing in Jordan Peterson and probably if I asked Steve Hall to tell me all his political opinions I wouldn't be able to enjoy his old sitcom anymore, but luckily he doesn't have a big enough platform to tell us all his opinions so I'll just assume it's fine.

@lastweeksshirttonight, tagging you in case you don't happen to see this post because you'll really enjoy that video clip, it is relevant to your interests.

[vigilantdesert]

U, R, B, O, S, A

A, B, C's

U ─ Unusual. What’s the most unusual place they’ve had sex at/in ? Was it a good experience ? Would they repeat it ?Is there an unusual place they’d like to try ?

In canon, the strangest place was in a cave in the Hebra region of Hyrule during a blizzard. It was the first time she and her future wife Stanna made love, and though she wouldn't repeat it just because of the danger, it was one of the best experiences she ever had. The emotions were already heightened because Stanna had saved her life moments prior, and this was preceded by approximately 10 months of homosexual yearning. She doesn't know how one would go about it, but if she could figure it out, she would happily be a member of the mile high club,

R ─ Recording. Have they ever filmed themselves having sex ? Did they watch it together afterwards ? Has anyone else seen their videos ?

In her modern verse, she absolutely has, and she has with several of her partners. With some, it was more the thrill of being on camera, and they deleted the footage shortly after. She's been lucky that nothing ever leaked, and none of her partners have tried to seek out revenge. Likewise, she would never share those videos without express permission from the other party, and frankly, she's not into that aspect of being filmed.

B ─ Breeding. Is this one of their kinks ? Do they often have unprotected sex ? Have they ever had any pregnancy scares ?

No, sort of, and no. Urbosa wouldn't be opposed to dating a trans woman, but she has thusfar never been with a partner who could accidentally cause pregnancy. In her modern verses, she's pretty good about dams and gloves, but in canon it varies greatly. There are a few methods of protection, but they tend to be clumsy and not wholly helpful in preventing disease.

O ─ O’clock. What time do they usually have sex ( mornings, late at night, during lunch break, etc… ) ? Are they usually in a rush, or do they take their time ? How about on weekends / holidays ?

Whenever she can get it, to be honest. Urbosa is cursed with a high sex drive and very little free time. When she does get time with her partner, she does her best to make sure it's satisfying for everyone, and when she gets time enough at home that she's not trying to fit everything into a weekend, she loves taking her time with her partner more than anything.

S ─ Spanking. Is this one of their kinks ? If yes, who’s the spanker and who’s the spankee ? Any favourite positions ? Do they use just the hand or any other spanking implements ( like the paddle, belt, whip, hairbrush, etc… ) ?

I don't know if I'd say it's specifically a kink, but she does enjoy both spanking her partner and being spanked. If she's the spanker in the situation, she likes all kinds of positions, standing, straddling, over the knee, and so on, but if she's receiving, she prefers to be against a wall. She'll use implements if her partner asks her to, but she prefers they not be used on her, since she can get overstimulated and that's deeply unpleasant for her.

A ─ After care. Do they take care of each other after sex ? How ?

Yep! Regardless of how little time the sex may have taken, she always makes sure to spend some time with her partner afterwards. Ideally, this means a lazy morning/night, some cuddling, maybe a snack or meal. It always has to include at least one of those things, or she feels that she's let her partner down.

#answered asks #headcanons #suggestive tw #anonymous

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Overall nothing V has done lately has been exciting to me. But that's okay. There's tons of BTS content I haven't watched.

Yeah same. I'm not really into fashion like that, and I don't think the shoots he has done are anything special. Yes, he is very attractive but I'm not freaking out like I did for the "JK for CK" or Yoongi's as-yet-undefined photos.

And there is sooooo much content, and sometimes ARMY'S are insanely aggressive with everything. As if you're less of a fan if you don't buy every magazine they feature on, or stream their music 24h/7 days a week (oh fuck, now that will be stuck in my brain forever. Again). I haven't really watched the D-Day concerts after the ones they streamed in theatres because I want to experience that with a friend who lives several hours away. And we're adults with jobs. So I feel you.

I was pretty neutral about most of the releases (except D-Day. I was fucking scared I'd hate it because I was expecting too much. And People pt2 wasn't quite living up to People imho. But damn what an album. Literal life changer), but they all just were so GOOD in unexpected ways. I only buy physical copies of the shit I care about, because I don't want to throw parts of my disposable income at stuff I won't ever look at or listen to. SMF pt2 made me order Face on the spot. I yes

Generally, what I want from music is to make me feel something. To fill that hollow void in my soul, be that through anger, love, sadness or joy. I want it to be somewhat interesting in its composition (that's the part of me trained in classical music) which is why I love Vibe or Take Two. Or, like you said, challenge something.

In that regard, Layover is a bit like Tae's photofolio: safe, uncomplicated and mostly an aesthetic.

(I sound so harsh and I'm both sorry and not? Yoongi and Taeyang talked about everyone around you turning into "yes-men". That no one really challenges them because they're famous. So maybe I'll collect some thoughts on...all this...and write a post. If I'm not tired af tonight lol. Adulting is stupid)

I don't think you're being harsh. BTS are artists so criticizing their art is part of taking them seriously as artists and not just mindlessly streaming and consuming their content.

I agree that V's photoshoots weren't to my taste. They're all pretty similar, and he either wears Celine and/or old men clothing. Like, his poses, the photography, the styling, the vibe, are so similar between photoshoots that it's not exciting and V's looks don't do anything for me. Sometimes I think he's so handsome, but most of the time I don't notice it. He's handsome of course, but I'm meh about it.

I also agree that the songs are pretty safe. Jin's debut was pretty safe but it wasn't really a debut, so it doesn't count. RM and Suga didn't really shock me or show a whole new side of theirs with their albums, but RM has been challenging himself and us with his collabs, like Sexy Nukim and Smoke Sprite, and the way he promoted his album was very original and cool; Suga released two fire music videos with great storytelling and branched out a bit musicallly. Of course, J-Hope and Jimin totally surprised everyone with their albums, and Jungkook surprised us for obvious reasons lmao. So far V hasn't surprised me at all, but maybe the tt will? Probably not. I guess we got too used to being shocked haha.

But you said it well that V's album so far feels like an aesthetic, and that's so true for a lot of V's recent projects and that's one of the reasons why it's harder for me to connect with him right now.

Thanks for the ask!

#ask #bts #v #text #thanks for the ask!

[mcrmadness]

Thanks for the "people I would like to know better" tag, @angelicfruitcake! ^^

Last listened to: I can't even remember... but my Last.fm tells me that I was listening to music the last time a couple of weeks ago and I was listening to Tehosekoitin. Apparently the last track was Tuu ja rakasta mua.

Currently watching: Nothing really, which annoys me cos I'd like to be watching something, unless I just forgot if I WAS watching something. So lately it's been just loads of random youtube videos.

Currently reading: I still have several books I'm reading but lately I've continued one of the books from Rick Riordan's The Heroes of Olympus series, so I'm gonna mention that one only: The Blood of Olympus.

Current obsessions: Nothing particular right now, but only a few days ago I was obsessing with video games a lot (for weeks). Especially with different zoo management games, and I was switching between Planet Zoo and even the original Zoo Tycoon a lot but then had to take a pause from those because I started to have dreams about zoos and zoo buildings every single night. So from them I switched to the original Tomb Raider games! I actually finished Tomb Raider: Chronicles (5th game) finally, started TR: The Angel of Darkness (6th) and finished it in just 3 days, and finally started TR: Legendary, which is the first game of the first reboot. I've been liking that one so far, but after beating 2-3 different boss fights, I had enough and quit in the beginning of the next one. I will deal with that one later. (Plus I started to have dreams about TR games as well, and I always sleep worse when I start having reoccuring dreams like these.)

I'm feeling too lazy to tag anyone as usual, but you can do this tag game if you want.

#tag games #mcrmadness' random stuff