#this episode made me cry and shake in anxiety and yet the only thing I could draw was stupid meme jokes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

entername322 · 5 months

Text

Imprisoned

Irene(Red Velvet) x Male Reader

Length: 6765 words

Previous part

Irene watched your body slumped down. Immediately her deranged episode stopped leaving some space in her heart for the panic that's about to settle in.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wake up babe, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up"

The fear is overtaking her, her hand grabbed you by the collar and start shaking your body.

A few moments later she heard your body whimpering breath and a wave of relief washes over her.

"No, you should've told me, you should've told me that A BITCH is in my own peers. I'm sorry babe, I'm sorry"

Tears starts running down her face as she hugged your fragile body.

"I will fix this, you will never cheat again babe, I won't let it happens, you're mine, you're mine and mine alone"

After a few minutes of crying she got up and pull out a handcuff from one of her nightstand.

She locked one of your hand to the bedframe. She ran to the kitchen and grab some water and put it in the table next to you.

"I'll be back babe, just wait here okay, I will fix this"

The gentleness in her voice can only be described as unnerving remembering how she almost kill you earlier.

"You're mine babe, and I won't let anybody take you away from"

Then she ran off the room, leaving you in the empty apartment.

You woke up not long after that, your head is blaring with pain and panic.

As you tried to get up you felt a resistance from your right hand. Opening your eyes you see the handcuff on you.

The fear and terror came rushing in as you remember what happened.

"Fuck"

You feel your body starts to sweat, looking around you didn't find your phone, only yous scattered outfits from the night before.

After dancing around with the devil for awhile you forgot that the devil is a devil for a reason.

Thinking you find a way to tame her. Ha, lay these foolish ambitions to rest.

You were never in control, she have you, she owns you, and if you keep acting up, god knows what she's gonna do to you.

Run, that's the first thing that come to your mind. From the room, from the apartment, from Korea.

Then your logic came in and tell you that she knows where your family live, she knows everything about you, and running, will only make things worst.

You hate your logic.

Despite your fear you still, care for her.

What a twisted love, perharps she is right, you two belong together.

You sat there silently with nothing but your fear and anxiety.

You hear your heartbeat, the clock ticking, the AC, it all made time move so slowly.

Then you heard the front door opened followed by the sounds of footsteps.

You instinctively try to call out for Irene. Yet the sound stuck in your throat, some because your throat felt painful, you can't say anything. Some because you're scared to meet her.

Then the footsteps got close, you feel your body shivering. Every step is a booming roar that made your body want to crumple out in itself.

Then the door opened, and you feel your heart stop.

There she is, Irene, watching over you with worried expression.

For a moment none of you moved, then she ran to you.

"Babe, I'm sorry"

You felt her body crashes on to you.

The weight of her body pushed you down making your hand pull on the cold hard steel of your handcuff.

The pain is severe, but you didn't say anything.

You just sit there, watching her rub her face all over your chest.

"Baby, you're not hurt right? Say something"

You saw her raised her face, her eyes is empty and cold. Her fingers felt like a block of eyes as it touches your skin.

"It's okay baby, I'm here now, nobody else gonna hurt you, nobody will seduce you and take you away from me ever again. Everything will be okay"

Everything will not be okay, your mind races trying to find out what she did while you were out.

"Say something babe"

Her face contorted for a little to show that she will not take your silence any more.

You opened your mouth but then your throat failed to make up words and you just cough.

"Oh my god, I'm sor sorry, here, drink this babe"

She took a glass of water, you think it's water, from the nightstand and try to feed it to you.

Meekly you oepned her mouth as she pour it to your mouth.

"There, better?"

She smiles, her mouth does, her eyes is still empty and cold.

You shake your hand and using your free hand you scratched your neck.

"Oh my god, wait here, I will get some tea for you okay"

Seeing her about to leave again you grabbed her hand.

She looked back at you, you pointed at the handcuff you have.

"No, you need to rest here, and I'm not letting you off again mister, you will stay here as your punishment"

She tried to leave again but you are desperate to get out of the bed.

The eternity of waiting before has made you feel scared of being left off alone there again.

"No, you're being punished, stay"

You flinched hearing her scold you. Yet you grab her wrist and pulled it closer.

You caressed it and point at the handcuff that your other hand rattle.

"What?"

Her eyes look at you with a little more gentleness.

You point at the cuff that's locked to the bedframe before pointing at her hand.

"Awwww, you must've been bored right? Okay you can come with me then"

She took out a key from her pocket before uncuffing the bedframe and cuff you to her hand.

"Mwah, this feels better, we belong together, come on, let's make some tea"

You followed her outside, looking at the clock next to the bed you realized you waited there for almost 3 hour.

You follows her every move as she prepare a honey tea for you.

"It's okay babe, everything gonna be okay"

It's a chant, she keeps chanting it to you trying to make you feel relaxed.

As you wait for the water to boil she sat you down at the dinner table and sit on you.

"I've missed you babe. It must've been very boring there right?"

You just nodded.

"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier okay babe? I really do, but you can't hide those things from me, you have to tell me if you think one of your ex is around okay?"

You nod again.

"Good, I love you"

You immediately kissed her. She let out a happy squeal as she made out with you.

Oh boy, you're into her, somehow all the fear you had just washes away. You're happy she's back, and that she's no longer mad.

"I love you babe, come on the water is boiled already"

After she finished pouring the tea the tow of you cuddle up in the couch.

Playing around with her hair you see her empty eyes slowly turned back to normal.

By lunch you two were already back to the physically intimate couple like before.

"Can you speak now?"

"It's a little painful"

"Awwww, I'm sorry okay babe"

"It's, fine"

For some odd reason she doesn't want to go out for lunch with you, it's weird huh.

The takeout was fine, it was meh compared to the food she used to bring you to.

"So, when you were resting earlier, I decided to check out some house for us to get"

There is still some sense of self preservation in your head that screams desperately for you to wake up.

"I, told you yesterday"

She shake her head indignantly.

"That was yesterday, after what you said this morning I'm not taking ANY more chances, no bitch will take you away from me ever again"

"But, I have to pay for it"

"Ssshhhh, if you really want to pay for it then, make me songs. There's this one house that is just perfect for us. It have a gym, a sauna, a pool with a jacuzzi, it even have two bedroom next to eachother that we can turn into a music studio. You'll live it, I already put in my request, I'm sure they will come back to me anytime"

Reluctantly you nod making her let out a happy squeal.

"Shower"

You groaned.

"Heheheh, okay, let's take it together"

There was too much words to convince her not too so you decide to just let it off.

Thankfully she realised that both of you need to take off the handcuff so the restricting feeling in your hand was gone for awhile.

"Hmmm, I love you"

She hugged you before pushing you inside.

The hot water from the shower washes over both of your body.

"Wash my back babe"

Irene turned around to show you her back. An alluring view your weak mind is to vulnerable to.

Running your finger through her spine you see her body shuddered.

"Are you still not tired from last night babe?"

She whimpered, you grabbed her tits from behind while your other hand wrapped around her to her vagina.

"Hmmmm, baby"

Your mouth start to kiss her neck, your right hand is massaging her tits and your left hand is rubbing her pussy.

"Ahhhhh, there baby, do it again"

"Fuck, bite it harder"

"That's it, pinch my nipple agai- aghhhhh"

Your timidness is all gone, leaving nothing but your hunger and lust.

Without hesitation you plunged your cock into her pussy.

"Baby, yeah, fuck me, fuck me harder. Your dick is mine, it belongs to me and only me"

You pushed her to the glass wall as you start pounding her from behind.

"Baby, mark me, fill me up again, use me"

You are so fucked, you can't escape her, she have got you fully wrapped around her fingers.

Since you're still tired for last night you didn't last long before you cum inside her yet again.

Irene is so used to cumming with you that the moment your cock start throbbing her orgasm would follow suit.

"Haaa, Haaa, let's, get cleaned"

Your rough voice seems to be a new link for Irene. You should be careful, she might start choking you out again to bring it out.

"So, I've send the request to transfer you under me okay? Tomorrow we are going to meet my boss and we will tell them about our dating situation"

You honestly don't care about them anymore.

"Hey, are paying attention"

No, but you can't say that without angering her.

"They're not important right? You're not asking for permission, just reporting to them about what you want to do"

The answer pleased her as she kissed your cheek.

"I, want to rest babe, my tank is empty"

The night went by quietly, nothing to note off. It was the calm before the storm.

The storm, was getting ganged up by 4 girls trying to pester you with questions.

"Enough, you're scaring him, and don't touch him"

Thankfully your girlfriend scare her member off by holding on to you tightly.

"Hehehehe, I told you they are dating"

"You only said that because you find out before us"

"Hey I told you that the rumour might be true before I even know about it"

"That's right, unnie was super suspicious when we first do the trainee check up the first time"

"Right? And she went to the bathroom not long after him. Once she got back she was smiling like a kid"

"You didn't take picture of it?"

"I don't have time"

"Come on guys, we need to band up together"

"Right, so, blue?"

The four girls turned to you making you a bit nervous.

"Yeah, blue is fine"

"Right, so who comes on to who?"

You glanced at Irene who's holding your arm like her life depends on it. She's glaring at her member who doesn't seems to mind.

"Well, Noona asked for my number first"

The four of them gasped and turn to Irene.

"Unnie, you're so brazen"

"Yeah, what the hell, you always said you hate exchanging number with stranger"

"You hate men too"

"Do you guys know eachother before that?"

Seulgi turned everyone attention back to you.

"No"

The four of them look at Irene bewildered again.

"Are you..... Who are you?"

Wendy said to Irene who just keep her calm expression.

"Wait what did she say to get your number?"

"Well, she said she's sorry for not giving me any comment earlier. I said it's fine, she asked if it's okay then for her to watch me again to help guide me. I..... Really thought she meant the trainee in general. I say yes, and she asked for my number"

"Unnie has actually a good flirting skill?"

"That's unbelievable, unnie, why did you do it?"

Irene just raised her face without saying anything.

"She took you out to a dinner after that?"

"Not exactly, she forced me to workout early at the company gym. After that she will have breakfast with me, she would just talk about her days from before. It goes for a we-"

Wendy suddenly interrupt you.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on there, unnie tell you about her days?"

You nodded while Irene is hugging you tighter.

"Unnie, who are you"

"He answered your question already, now let us go, we have an appointment to attend"

All four of the blocked the exit making Irene grunt.

"What happened next, when did you start going out?"

You looked at Irene who nodded at you.

"Well, I think it was after a week plus of that new morning schedule. I didn't had money to eat and I also want to focus on practice and skipped lunch. Irene, kinda find out and dragged me out to get lunch"

"Wait, how do you know unnie?"

"I have my ways"

"Noona kinda stalks me really"

"Unnie"

The girls stare at Irene with disbelief while Irene just blush and glared at you.

"Waahhhhh, unnie is stalking someone"

"Unnie always do a background check for all the guy I hook him up with. Of course she's gonna stalk the one she likes"

"I'm not stalking"

"You were a bit of a stalker babe"

"No I'm not"

Irene looked back at you with a blush making her look so cute. She definitely won't try to kill you when she get jealous.

"How did unnie ask you out?"

"Well, I was a bit pissed, I don't like, well I just don't like it when people pay for me. It make me feel pitied. She then asked if that's what I think she's feeling, I said yes because I don't really have much selling points. She said she like me, I was like okay, thanks. Then she clarified that she likes me, romantically.

"I guess my brain just short circuited from there. She said she want me to go out with her, and from now on I'm her boyfriend. I just say yes"

"That's not unnie, you're can't convince me that is unnie's doing"

"Enough, we have to go, let's go babe"

Irene used one hand to hold you while the other is pushing her member away so none of them get to touch me.

Once we escaped the lion's nest we walk to the crocodile den, a meeting with a bunch of higher ups.

You feel, small, and weak. There's 15, that's right, 15 people sitting around a U shaped table making it feel like you were in a trial.

Irene confidently walked in with you in her arm.

"Let's just get this meeting over with, I want him under my wing and I want it now"

"Welcome you two, please have a seat"

You sit, you gaze to nothingness and just sit there while Irene is arguing with the people there.

It took around an hour until they finally relented. Irene happily parade you all the way to the car.

"I'm so happy, we will be together from now on babe"

You're happy too, right?

"Me too babe"

Well you sound kinda forced although it's not entirely clear was it because your throat is still hurting or because you're not as happy as you should've.

"Let me kiss you"

She tried to grab your head but you back away.

"We're in an elevator babe, wait until we got back in the car"

An ugly frown creept up on her face.

"Once get back I'll kiss you however long you want"

She nodded but the frown doesn't leave her face.

At the basement, the elevator door opened. The people who's waiting for it are, Aespa.

You see Aeri there stare at you shocked, you felt your hand almost break from Irene's grip, you feel your heart jumping out of your chest.

"Good mor-"

Karina tried to greet you and Irene but Irene already dragged you away leaving the 4 girls bewildered by her antics.

"Baby calm down"

"Calm down? Did you see how she sees you? She was trying to win you back. That fucking VULTURE SON OF A BITCH"

Thankfully the car is somewhat soundproof so her roars doesn't echoes throughout the basement.

"Baby calm down, don't you trust me? I will never leave you right? Even if she tried I will reject her"

"She will try to put her filthy fucking hands on you and I won't allow that. Oh baby you're mine, every inch of your body is mine, I won't let her touch a single strand of hair from you"

Her eyes turned cold and empty again. You need to fix this quick.

"We won't see her again, we'll be living together from now on right? I won't need to come here so we will never crosspaths again"

It's somewhat working, her anger doesn't subside but at least it doesn't raise.

"We'll be together okay, you want me to never cheat, and I promise you, I will never think about any other girls again. So can you please do the same for me babe?"

Satisfied she nodded and grab your head.

Your make out session doesn't last long as a car drove past yours making the reluctant Irene let you go.

"Should we, check out the house?"

"You know me so well babe"

The house is nice, secluded in a gated community, a very big house with spacious interior and backyard.

The first thing you want to check was the basement, which thankfully doesn't exist. You wouldn't want a stranger living there, or, being chained there by an angry Irene.

"You love it?"

Irene hugged you.

"Yeah, this place is nice"

"Good because they contacted me back, we got the house"

Irene jumped towards you for a hug.

As you two are celebrating you felt your phone buzzed.

"Who's that"

Irene looked at you angrily, cautiously you pulled out your phone and check the caller. Thankfully it was just your mom.

"I need to answer this"

"Put it on speaker, I promise I won't say anything"

Despite her begging frown expression you know it's not really an option to say no.

"Hello mom?"

"What did you do? Your father just got a call that you're dropping off the trainee program"

"Oh yeah, about that mom, I kinda got a better offer"

"I thought you wanted to be an idol"

"No, I mean, yeah, kinda? But a few days ago I got a test, which I performed a song that I made for my girlfirend-"

"You have a girlfriend already? Don't tell me I'm becoming a grandma soon"

"No, not any time soon. Let me just finish my story mom, so I performed it, in front of a bunch of idols. They like it, and they said I have a potential in being a producer. So I'm training to be one, I can still make music, I got paid enough, and I can work from home"

"Hmmmm, are you getting scammed again?"

"What? No"

"Me and your dad is coming to Korea this weekend sweetie so you better give me a through explanation"

"I..... Okay, I'll see you here mom, love you"

"Love you too sweetie, don't lose your money from gambling while you're there"

That's your mom, always so vocal about your weaknesses and stupidity.

"My mom is coming here"

Irene looked panicked, she walked around the room nervously.

"Baby, relax, things will be okay, mom and dad would love to meet you"

"You think so"

Irene mind is filled with countless anxious thoughts.

What if they don't like me? Will they take babe away from my? Will they cause problem? Will babe choose them over me? Is babe gonna be made if I cut them off from his life?

Slowly her anxiety descend into sinister idea.

She can't have your relationship ruined again by other people. She will hold you, and she will never let you go.

Knowing Irene for sometime you know Irene is slowly going insane with her paranoia.

You grabbed her by the shoulder.

Woken up by your touch her crazed eyes look on to yours.

You flinched for a moment before having determination fill your face again.

"They will love okay? Trust me on this, and even if they don't, it won't change a thing. Nothing will change this, us"

The cracking sound of Irene's insanity is almost audible for both of you.

Once again she is reminded of the warmth your body has always gave off.

The warmth she has grown accustomed to somehow become intoxicating once again.

You're right, they won't change a thing between you and Irene. She understands that now.

"Okay baby"

A sense of relief has was washed over you. For now, you finally gain the control of her.

"Come on babe, let's go home. You must be tired from the meeting earlier"

Irene hugged you and ribbed her face all over your chest.

"Yeah, I want to cuddle again"

Saturday has rolled around, you and Irene drive to the airport to pick up your parents.

Due to the nature of an airport you know Irene won't be able to walk around without being spotted.

Much to her dismay you suggested for her to wait in the car.

To gain her permission you let her leave a hickey on your neck, noticeable for anyone with a functioning eyes in a 10 meter radius.

The longer you waits for your parents the more anxious you become. Mostly because you know how anxious Irene would be the longer you waited.

The moment you saw your parent walked out of the customs with their bag you ran to them.

"Sweetie? What are you doing here?"

"I want to pick you up"

"We can get to your place with a taxi sweetie"

"That's the thing, I'm not in my old place, come on, my girlfriend is waiting"

You picked up the suitcase your father is bringing.

"Your girlfriend? Where?"

Your dad looked around.

"She's in the car, it's complicated, you'll understand when you meet her"

Your parent looked at eachother before following you.

"Did you do anything stupid until you got riddles by bitemark from her?"

The blush on your face doesn't match with your green jacket unfortunately.

"She's, a bit aggressive"

"Is she rich?"

"Dad"

"Come on your mom and I is not stupid, did you seduce a sugar mommy and got a job as her personal musician or something?"

If only you inherited your parents intelligence, you might be able to evade Irene.

"It's, I love her okay?"

"Sweetie, as much as we love you, we know you're pretty stupid"

"MOM"

"She's right, you came to Korea just to follow your ex"

"Okay, first if all DO NOT mentioned that to her"

"Okay, but if we don't like her then we're pulling you up"

Prayers, that's all you have in your mind, you pray so that Irene didn't fuck up the dinner.

"There she is"

The moment you walk to the parking lot you see Irene drove to you.

You quickly opened the trunk and drop your parent's suitcase.

They waited till you finish before getting in the car with you.

"Mom, dad, this is Irene, my girlfriend"

Irene grabbed your hand nervously before turning around and greeted your parent.

"Do I know you, your face seems familiar"

"It does, ohhhhh, I know, she's that girl on the poster our son hang around his room"

Irene stupefied expression turns to you.

"You have posters of me?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal"

Your blush crept up to your face again, Irene watched your sudden embarrassment in satisfaction.

"You're right darling, he have like 10 poster of her scattered around his room"

"Dad, go introduce yourself"

Irene was smiling proudly at you.

"Of course, nice to meet you Irene, we're this rascal's parents. We do want to know how this thing came to be"

The ride was silent, Irene constantly grabbing your hand anytime she could.

You can feel your parent is watching her move, and you know she realised that.

Of course Irene doesn't care, she wants you.

Once you all get to Irene's place you went to heat up the food you've prepared from before.

"So Irene, how did you two meet?"

You really want to stay there with Irene as your parent interviewed her.

Unfortunately you have to tend the mash potatoes.

You don't really want to stay there do you?

"Alright, dinners ready"

Bringing out the food you then sir next to Irene before the 4 of you have a nice dinner.

"This is a nice place Irene, you have a good taste"

"Oh, thank you mom"

Seeing your dumbfounded expression your mom laughed at you.

"Come on baby, she's your girlfriend, I don't need formalities with her"

The fear in your heart is slowly being lifted.

Gazing into Irene's loving eyes, you can't help but to crack a smile.

Irene has been elated and joyful after having some talk with your parents.

They are pleasant and seems very supportive of your relationship with her.

The last few nights she has been restless in her sleep and would woke up early crying.

You have to keep reassuring you that your parent would love her.

Of course, you would never expected them to be this...... Accepting?

After finishing out the food Irene bring out a bottle of wine the four of you enjoys.

"So, are you two moving in together?"

"Dad come on"

"Of course, we are preparing his things from his old apartment before moving it"

"Oh this place is such a nice apartment, to live in"

"Thank you mom, but I think we're moving out soon"

"Really?"

"Yeah, we're getting a house"

Irene grabbed your hand triumphantly announcing your future plans.

"Oh, that's great sweetie, you should get married while at it"

"MOM"

"Your mom is right sweetie, might as well at this point"

"Mom, dad, can I talk to you for a second"

Irene is displeased by your actions. However she will act polite for now. Do expect some scolding after your parents go to sleep.

Your parent followed you to the kitchen leaving Irene sipping on her wine alone.

"Alright, what are you two doing?"

"What are we doing? We're just showing our support for you and your girlfirend"

"Come on you never liked any of my girlfriend"

"We like this one"

"Because she's rich"

"Correct"

"Dad!!!"

"What your father means, is that because she's a beautiful rich lady who seems to be very into you"

"And that is enough to get your blessing?"

"She seems nice, and she loves you, and on top of that she's rich. Unlike normal rich people she has a social presence and public image to keep. So if things goes bad with you, nothing bad would happens. She seems smart so she won't ruin her public image just because you two had a fall out"

"Of course sweetie that only stand as long as you're not being an idiot"

Obviously, your parent doesn't know another side of Irene that you're familiar with.

"Okay, so what you want me to marry her and take her money?"

"Do you not love her"

"More than anything in the world so if you want me to marry her so you two can get her money then I will be mad"

"We don't need your girlfriend money sweetie. Your mom and I is old, we are happily living our retirement with your siblings money. We just want what's best for you"

"You really think I can't amount to anything in life beside being a sugar baby?"

"We say you're not getting any easier path in life beside this"

"Come on, working at home, your beautiful rich girlfriend will be taking care of you while you busy making music all day?"

"Fine, but if you ask for any money"

"We won't, in fact, take this"

Your mom pulled out something out of her purse, a little box. Opening it you see, a wedding ring.

"Mom what the fuck"

"Come on you won't have enough money to buy one"

"That's insulting"

"Yet it's true"

"I hate you two"

"Take it sweetie, it's from my mom, now I'm giving it to you"

You stare at it before pocketing it.

"You're just walking around with grandma's wedding ring?"

"No, we had a potential buyer here in Korea"

The whole situation is overwhelming your brain. You massaged your nose bridge while trying to digest it.

"Okay, let's go back, don't say anything about this"

They nodded before walking back with you.

"I'm sorry Irene, we are a little jet lagged, do you mind if we lay down for a moment?"

Your dad immediately excused themselves.

"Of course, follow me"

Irene wrapped one arm around yours and lead your parents to their bedroom while you bring the suitcase.

Then she immediately dragged you to your bedroom.

"I do not appreciate your behaviour today mister"

The anxiety she had from leaving you in the airport is welling up again.

Did he see a beautiful girl while waiting for his parents? He's having second guesses about me didn't he? I know it, I know some bitches gonna seduce him away from me. I shouldn't have-

Her train of thought was interrupted by your kiss.

It calm her down, she can feel your sincerity in it making her let go of her possessiveness.

Once you pulled back she was left with nothing but annoyance.

"That's not an answer"

"You didn't ask anything"

"I'm asking now then, your parents is happy to support us so why aren't you?'

"I am, I am very happy for us, I'm just not happy with their support"

"Why? You said they'll love me"

"Love you, not helplessly in love till they want to offer you their son"

"They're not offering anything, they just want us to thrive together"

"Okay baby, I'm just shocked seeing them so happy about us. They've been very, worry that I might get someone here in Korea and have been lectu-....... Of course I won't do it"

Realising your mistake you immediately grab her again.

"Baby, I swear to god, if you even think about doing that, I will-"

"I know baby, I know, I want to tell you my parent is paranoid usually okay? But you managed to break it"

Unsatisfactory answer, but it's passable for now.

"Fine, now get on the bed, it's cuddling time"

With your parents blessing Irene happily moved in to the house with you the moment she got it.

The first few months was a bit hectic.

Irene is unhappy that she can't stay at home all day because there's contractor around the house renovating the two empty bedroom to a recording studio.

Things got easier after that, Irene would go and do her job, you would stay at home. Cooking, cleaning, writing music.

Your dad is right, being a househusband is very nice.

You would come up with a song here and there and she would blast it around the house.

The, producer in training is such a vague term for your job.

You gave them a full album demo on your first month and then went off communication for 4 then come back with a few more songs.

This, happens because Irene doesn't want anyone to sing the song you made.

Eventually they just relegate you to be the Red Velvet song producer.

You never met any of them more than once a month, but that's enough for them to put trust in you to make albums for their group and solo activities.

Live is good, unknowingly a year past, with no hitch in your relationship.

"Babe, I'm home"

Irene's voice was echoing around the house as you are preparing dinner with her.

"Welcome home back, how's your-"

She rushed after you before you finished your question.

"It was so boring, I had to wait for so long on the photoshoot because another group before us was taking too long......"

The kitchen is filled with the smell of cream soup.

The temperature is chilly since it's winter but the kitchen and Irene's arm is warm enough to make it comfortable for you.

Irene coming home and whining about her day while sniffing and cuddling to you has become a normal occurrence for you.

Yet today, today is different, today, you realised, you're home.

This is your home, and you love it.

"Babe? Are you okay?"

Irene saw you dazing off and immediately check if anything is wrong.

"No, I was just thinking, about my trainee day"

"Why?"

"I don't know, some nostalgia I suppose"

The ring your mom gave you has never leaves your side so that Irene would never found it.

Today, you found the resolution to use it.

"You're free tomorrow right babe?"

You hear Irene purr as you caressed her hair.

"Yeah, we're spending the whole day together"

"Can we go to my training room, my old training room, I want to have some nostalgic trip"

She frowned hearing it.

"I want to cuddle with you the whole day"

"It won't take more than an hour"

"Let's go now"

Shit are you ready to use it now?

"Really?"

"Yes, the place is empty already at this hour and we can check it"

"Do you want to get dinner first?"

"We can do it later"

Your hand can't stop fidgeting during the drive.

Every step you take towards the practice room send flashes of your relationship with Irene.

All her anger, all her paranoia, jealousy, possessiveness, obsession.

Also, all her cute demanour, her caring and loving attitude, her insatiable lust.

It all swirl around your head, yet once you stepped back to your old training room, it all disappeared.

Silence filled the room, you slowly walked to the middle of the room.

You remember when you first got there for your first day.

You remember when your friend dislocated his shoulder while messing around.

You remember the scolding you get for your dance.

You remember the faithful encounter you had with Irene and her member.

You remember the time she dragged you to the lunch.

You remember the performance you had for her.

How the crowded room felt empty.

How everyone just magically disappeared.

How lovely her face was.

How she desperately held her tears from bursting out.

How she desperately stop herself from jumping to your arm.

How you wanted nothing else but do the same thing she wanted.

How prideful and happy you were to surprise her.

The memory blended in with the moment.

Now the room is actually empty.

Now there is no one that would stop you two from embracing eachother.

Now, is the time.

You tried to get closer, you really do, but every step feels so heavy.

Before you get to close your distance with her, she leaped in and do it for you.

"You look so emotional babe, did something happened?"

Her hand caressed your cheek and her voice tickling your ear sending warmth and reassurance, you can do it.

"Remember when we first meet, how nervous I was"

"How could I forget"

"Remember how you were checking me out like a creep that you are"

"I'm sorry, I remember you were checking me out and got caught multiple time by me"

"Oh right, as if you didn't check me out while I'm not watching"

"No evidence so therefore it never happens"

"Remember that time when you dragged me out to take me out on a lunch where you just take me to be your boyfriend?"

"You were do stupid there"

"I'm not, then you remember the last time we were here? When I lied to you and sing you a song I made"

"You were so hot, I would've jumped you and fuck you right there and then"

"I would do it too, because I love you"

"And I love you too babe"

"Now and forever"

"Good, because Irene, I could never think about living my life with anybody else but you"

"Babe?"

"And I don't even want to think a life without you in it"

You see Irene picked up your intention.

One of her arm closed her mouth trying to hide her cries as her eyes start tearing up.

"Through all those anger and paranoia that you have, I would still stay with you"

"You with all your perfect imperfection"

"You with all your beauty and elegance"

"You with all your childish needy behaviour"

"You with all your loving and caring attitude"

"You, with all of, you"

"I am just me, a boring uneventful guy who got lucky and get you"

"And I thank the world for letting us happens"

"I thank you, Irene, the most beautiful woman in the world, for accepting me"

Her tears is running down her cheeks looking down to her feet.

She dropped her hand and grabbed yours as you kneeled down on one leg.

Pulling out the ring your mother gave you Irene let out a muffled cries.

You opened the box showing her the ring.

"Irene, will you marry me" "YESSSS"

She screamed almost the exact second you asked the question.

Before you stood up to put on the ring she jumped towards you.

Both of you tumble to the ground.

Cries was echoing around the room as both of you embraced eachother.

For a few minutes none of you want to let go.

Even when the cries subsided you still happily hugged eachother.

Then slowly Irene loosened up her hug and sit up on your lap.

You followed her and bring the ring out.

The smile you've seen everyday looks so tender yet so brilliant with a newfound light.

Slipping in the ring both of you take a moment to admire it.

She dropped her hand, you took the opportunity to grab her by the cheek and get yourself lost in the kiss.

Every cell in Irene body is screaming with joy feeling the cold sensation of the metal around her ring finger.

The cold feeling somehow got amplified a thousand time by the warmth your body and kiss is giving her.

You both were lost in the kiss, drifting off into space, for a moment you are one, your soul intertwined with eachother so much that gods would think it was just one soul, one very big and loving soul.

Then you both were pulled down from nirvana by the desperate scream of your lung.

You both catching your breath while looking down to her finger.

Then your gaze locked and you both start laughing.

""I love you""

Both of you said at the same time before giggling again.

"I like the ring"

"Mom gave it too me"

"It's more beautiful since I wear it from you"

"It's a nice accessory for your face"

The two of you got lost in the moment, in eachother, in the dreams of the future.

"Let's go home"

"Cuddle while eating on the couch?"

"You said you hate cleaning the couch"

"I can clean it tomorrow"

"Then I won't be able to cuddle you the whole day tomorrow"

"Then the day after"

"Okay, let's go home"

This is your life now. You've embrace it, and so does she. You two are inseparable.

Smiles plaster all over you and Irene's face, leaving the practice room one last time, walking towards your future together, forever.

#kpop fanfic #kpop gg #red velvet #irene #red velvet irene #male reader

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bullettrainandpouringrain · 1 year

Text

Hurricane advisory

I was watching the wind carry the rain outside,

Torrents of vapor and rage had been stirring right in front of my eyes

And I watched the ground lay underneath

And take what it could, all it could from the sky.

I could hear this ancient calling from the storm-filled misery,

It was telling me that even the sky has to release its feeling

And I left my bedroom, climbed up on my roof

And soaked it all up, just as the earth seemed to do.

My pores were opening with every bit of water, flowing rage

That landed upon me and covered my face;

The lightning flashed across my eyes and the reflection in the river

Showcased every color trapped in my iris

And all of them seemed to be his, all of them dipped and splashed

Across my pupils and they weren’t simple like red or blue,

No, they were built from an estranged, differentiated hue.

It was the lilac from the first day we met; bathing in the clouds where the skyline had sex with the horizon.

It was the apricot crimson trapped in the glass of the skyscrapers caught in the sight of the sunset.

It was the viridian of the backyards we layed in even when there would be no light; God tried to kill me those nights.

It was the charcoal sable of your car when it would pull through my driveway yet the truth was, you never wanted me to stay.

I sit in my confinement, in his resentment

It is blistered and as easily broken as cement,

And I’m stuck here wondering when he’ll actually commit.

I wait on top of my house with the air buzzing, my ears ringing

Because like always, I am thinking-

It is my most dangerous activity. When I let my mind skip and gallop

Through my insecurities and memories made from my sensory.

I am stumbling, trying to make it out of this tempest

But this is my weakness; climbing to the top of my life

Trying my best to find some kind of cloud to hold me while I cry

But in my effortless, boisterous search, I have been made into a church

Where too many men come to be forgiven

While they piece me together into their favorite burden.

I weep and wait here for the storm to cease

So I can finally escape and let my mind and my body meet,

They hate to shake hands

And I’ve never seen them able to understand

What it is that I have tried to bury in the New Mexico sands.

And it is as my clothes drench and my hair wets

That I feel my melancholy set; I have only really known empty threats

Where my brain is holding a gun to the inside of my head

And the barrel scratches my temple, makes my death seem so simple

But he puts the pistol down as soon as my boy hands me my crown,

Because I am something that is profound, when I am up or down

Because I have no median, it is either I drown you

Or I become a spring breeze of air but I need you to stroke my hair

And tell me sweet things, no matter if you actually care.

You can lie to me if you need to, I do the same too

Because I can’t handle the truth,

Even if it’s something that could give me something true

As I have been lied to in a puking setting,

Where men are feeding me everything that helps them to keep me

And so I’m stuck here in this comfortability born out of deceit

That comes from them and then from me

Because I’ll believe anything you tell me

With a paranoia that lays underneath the bed in my head

Where honesty sleeps and the anxiety begins to greet.

I saw the clouds above begin to swirl, the wind spinning them

And I looked down at my two converse shoes

As I am soaking, sulking and revoking.

I will stay here in the pouring rain

Because I must wait out this hurricane, suffer this episode

As I ponder and know, I am someone I wish I could live without.

#poetry #sad thoughts #thoughts #author #new author #poet #poetic #melancholy #mentally ill #depressing post #depression #manic

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hfrazerk · 6 months

Text

Been dealing with a little stress in my life, few sleepless nights but nothing massively unusual for my AuDHD brain or my chaotic life.

Until Saturday when my wonderful boyfriend of six months and I finally watched episode 5, and I had a nervous breakdown over the end of the episode, because it was beautiful and loving and exactly what I see in our relationship, and it was unavoidable to not recognise not only the power of love but that I deserved to enjoy those things too.

I was only diagnosed last year after 40 years of feeling worthless and stupid and wrong, so it's all very new to me, and I'm still processing the grief.

I spent the weekend in my head, crying, very in my feelings. This then led to a week of the worst insomnia of my life, making big necessary life decisions, and having the worst day of my life in the office yesterday, feeling overwhelmed by the open plan chaos.

Ignoring all of that, very comfortable in chaos 🤦🏻‍♀️, I downloaded Ep 8 and reading spoilers which usually calms my anxiety, instead led me to the Emergency Department of my local hospital this morning, because I was shaking, heart racing, scary feelings, thought I had an infection or complications from my previous sepsis, but no. It is because my body is coursing with adrenaline, one week long panic attack, although blaming the menopause a bit too.

I haven't seen the last episode yet, but I'm taking a break. I identified with Ed Teach so much that it broke me. Dear reader, I be the bitches who cannot handle comfort in a normal human way, and instead made my body think it was getting ready to fight or run away, because I had to accept that the only person who saved me was me, and that feels like too big a responsibility for me 🫣

Thank you for attending my TED talk ❤️

#ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #ed teach #panic attack #stress #hyperempathy #chaoscore #ted talks #adhd #audhd

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xseildnasterces · 7 months

Text

cruel.

Here we are. My favourite month of the year, but this year is different. Right now I am in the middle (maybe only the start) of the worst depressive episode I have experienced in a very long time. The one stable happy place in my life (work), is no longer that. Instead, it is anything but that right now. I am currently experiencing panic and anxiety in ways that I have never experienced before and I am unable to properly function for most of the hours of the day. Instead, I sit and I cry… and I cry. I cannot stop.

What have I learned over the last month or so? Do not trust anyone. Men are pretty much all the same (no matter what sort of relationship, or friendship you have with them). People will tell you what you want to hear and pretend they never said it when things get tough. You will get blamed when things go wrong. You will be the one to suffer in the long run. You will be the one who feels broken, wants to die and wishes they no longer existed, whilst the other person gets on with their life as though you never meant anything to them - despite the lies they told you in the middle of it all.

It’s been a month since this all blew up. A month of hating being at work, and doing everything I can to get behind my office door before bursting into tears unable to stand or speak. A month of attending awkward meetings, being constantly ignored and treated like sh*t. A month of knowing that I was now going to be going to Abu Dhabi alone, that someone I saw as a really close friend would be leaving and the team would be back to square one with no staff. A month of questioning whether I even want to stay here anymore. There are so many things that no longer bring me happiness, that before made me so.

My month has been full of extra therapy sessions, speaking with a psychiatrist, starting new medications and upping my previous dosages of anxiety medication. I have been diagnosed as being in a severe depressive state with heightened anxiety and panic disorder. My mornings now start with severe panic attacks that raise my heart rate to ridiculous levels. My hands shake, my body shakes, I feel dizzy, lightheaded and unstable. I don’t really remember tears quite like those that fall from my eyes on a daily basis right now. The sort of tears that you see in animated films, large water droplets that soak my pillowcases and fall onto my chest. The pain I am feeling is indescribable.

The only way I get through the days at work is by blasting music into my ears and doing all I can to block out everything else. It works sometimes, but not often. I have tried so hard to keep this whole situation to myself, but failed miserably. C hugged me one day in the office when I emerged from another distraught crying session behind my closed door. She said she knew. I didn’t need to even tell her, she just knew. She has become the only person at work that I can speak to about this whole situation. She has been incredibly supportive, despite it not making the worst possible situation all that much better.

I had been so excited for the trip to Abu Dhabi. I was excited to be there with someone I had a great relationship with and who shared so much in common with me. I was so happy, as always, to have a friend, yet of course, nothing good lasts forever (as my mum so often tells me). Instead, I will be boarding a thirteen-hour flight this week alone. Being alone is not something that is working well for me right now. I unintentionally fast for the two days of the weekend. I lay in bed, don’t get dressed, don’t shower or do anything other than lay and cry. My friends and family call, but it sometimes just makes me cry more. Right now I need people. I need to be looked after, I need help to get through this. Living alone is amazing, but when you are hurt and need people, you begin to realise the issues with living so far from everyone that loves you.

Major takeaways from this experience:

Don’t trust anyone

People are not always who they say they are

The self-titled ‘good guys’ usually aren’t that

No one ever cares as much as they say

People can switch how they treat you overnight with no real explanation

People will trample all over you to save themselves, no matter what they say to the contrary

When something seems too good to be true, that’s because it is

Strawberries will never taste the same to me ever again. And the country of Japan has been tainted beyond belief.

N.B. I usually reread and edit my posts to check they make sense and correct language etc. I have not done so for this post as I just needed to write and get things out. Plus, I do not want to reread it.

[Blog title: Cruel - The Veronicas].

#cruel #the veronicas #life #thoughts #feelings #depression #emotions #hurt #thought #journal #diary

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low-quality-boy · 2 years

Text

tw: abuse, sexual violence, eating disorder, self harm, suicide mentions

i had a realization recently that’s been nagging at me so i might as well share it here.

i was in an abusive relationship for nearly two years while in high school (not the realization lol), we got together when we were 14 and it was both of our first relationship, so we were not prepared for how serious it would get. we met in first period home ec class on the first day of grade 9, and soon discovered we had all of our classes together. we quickly became best friends, and by the time we were selecting classes for grade 10 we were dating. we started having sex shortly before i turned 15, and because she never told her parents about us i was able to sleep over at least once a week. it wasn’t long before problems started cropping up between us. after all we were teenagers navigating high school, identity, and our individual cocktails of mental health problems, but the conflict did not confine itself to the normal kind of arguments. when she got upset she turned into a completely different person. she would scream and cry and hurl abuse at me, but worst of all was the abuse she would inflict upon herself. she would hit herself with her fists until she bruised and bang her head against the wall until her nose bled. she forced me to watch her cut herself or, if i wasn’t present, she would send me pictures and tell me that she did it because it was what i wanted. she did it for me. she threatened to kill herself at least once a day (conservative estimate) and would occasionally lie and say she was in the process of killing herself just to see what i would do. more than once she attempted suicide in front of me and whenever i tried to get an adult involved to get her some help it only made things worse. she alienated me from all of my friends (she was extremely jealous), tanked my grades (rather, i did, but because she punished me for doing better than her in school), and gaslighted me into thinking that i was abusing her (a notion i still have a hard time shaking, nearly 4 years later). what i realized recently, though, is that she also sexually abused me. i think. it’s muddy because i don’t think she knew that it was happening. in our sexual relationship i acted as the dominant one, and for a long time i was an eager participant. shortly after the start of our sexual relationship i developed an eating disorder which would eventually take over my whole life and be a catalyst for the worsening of our relationship. turns out starving myself would obliterate my sex drive entirely, as well as make me into a helpless, hungry puppet lost in self-inflicted brainfog. eventually, i lost interest in sex, but i didn’t want to tell my then-gf because then i would have to tell her why, and i wasn’t ready to deal with my shit yet. i still happily did things for her, i just didn’t feel the need or want for reciprocation. at some point i stopped being able to orgasm, so i would tell her that i was satisfied even without getting to finish. this caused her to have an episode, because clearly my tapping out meant that i wasn’t attracted to her and therefore didn’t love her and therefore she was worthless and should kill herself, so i never did that again. eventually i got tired of faking orgasms, and once i told her that i didn’t want her to go down on me things only got worse. she really flew off the fucking handle that time, and she hit me for the first time (she was trying to get me to hit her), and stole my anxiety medication out of my backpack to try to overdose. so after that night i stopped saying no. and until a few weeks ago i didn’t realize that i had been a victim of sexual violence, even if she didn’t really mean to do it. and because we were kids in a queer relationship it never even occurred to me that i could be sexually abused by a female partner, let alone one who accused me of only using her for sex. i wonder if she knew what she was doing, and if knowing would have made a difference. i still go back and forth on whether or not she knew she was abusing me psychologically. i don’t know if she even knows now. and i probably never will.

#low quality posts #tw eating issues #tw sex mention #tw sex assault #tw sex abuse #tw abuse #tw suidice #tw suicude #tw sa #tw sh related #tw sh #tw sex #tw ed

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cjsinkythoughts · 3 years

Text

Inner Conflict

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3586

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Some Angst, Some Fluff, Sam and Bucky being idiots, Mentions of PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression

A/N: Here’s Part Three to my FATWS Series, which I’m making a masterlist for that you can find Here.

Uh…it’s a little long, and I apologize for that. It doesn’t even encompass the whole second episode, only the first half, so a Part 3.5 will be coming out later today probably (it’s my day off work so I have all day to relax and write!) I tried not doing a line for line rewrite of the episode, but there are quotes from the show in here. Mostly it’s Reader’s thoughts and feelings towards what’s happening while conversations are going on around. Reader’s backstory is a bit more unfurled. It’s more action packed and more scene-for-scene of the episode than the previous two. Less emotions shared and less hurt/comfort type of thing, but that’ll be back in the next part probably along with more scenes not in the show. The next part I’m planning won’t be as long, it’ll mainly just be the Couples Therapy scene and a bit more angst with her and Sam and her and Bucky.

Because there’s four more episodes and I don’t know what’s going to happen in them, I’m kinda hesitant on spilling out exactly what is going on with the Reader and what her role was on the original team, but we’ll get there. Also, I wasn’t expecting to be writing multiple pieces for one episode, but if the other episodes are as packed as this one, prepare yourself for more parts than anticipated. We’re already on Part 3 and I’ve got Part 3.5 coming. Just bare with me as I don’t know what’s going to happen in future episodes! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it!

(Not beta’d so excuse any mistakes.)

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

Walking out of the shower, ruffling a towel through your hair to dry it off, you froze at the sound of the TV. A sigh left your lips. It’s all he’d been doing the last few days - watching the news. Keeping up with the tour for the new Captain America.

You peeked out of the small bedroom to find Bucky sitting on the floor, brow creased as he watched John Walker talk to the Good Morning America hostess.

“You shouldn’t be watching that.” You spoke up, leaning on the doorway, still patting your hair dry. He glanced over to you, taking in the towel wrapped around you, before looking back at the TV. Seeing you like that wasn’t anything new. “Buck, I’m serious. Brooding over it won’t make anything better.”

“What do you want me to do?”

You let out a sigh, shifting your feet and biting your lip as you thought about how to respond. “I-I haven’t figured it out yet. But obsessing over the new guy-”

“Aren’t you mad?”

You frowned at his question, his eyes meeting yours once more. “I told you already that I am.”

He tilted his head, which he did when he was confused, his eyes narrowing. “Why don’t you show it? Why aren’t you screaming or cursing or crying or something? You, of all people-”

“Because it won’t help anything, Buck.” You shook your head, pushing off the wall. “I want to. But if I let myself go down that road…” Dropping your gaze to the floor, you take a breath, collecting your thoughts. “This is such a complicated situation, James. I’m being contacted left and right for a statement on the new Captain. People trying to see my reaction. Senators trying to get me to meet with him. I can’t let myself snap. I can’t.”

He scowled. “They’re still bothering you?”

A dry chuckle escaped your lips and you nodded. “Makes me miss the days when no one knew who I was; when I was the behind-the-scenes seventh Avenger. But I made that choice to come out, and I have to deal with the consequences now. Blowing up will only-”

“Even though I never met him…he feels like a brother.”

That one statement stopped you in your tracks. Bucky’s head whipped back to the TV, his jaw ticking, his nose scrunching up.

“Did he really just say that?”

Bucky merely nodded, his chest heaving as he tried getting his breathing under control. “Feel like snapping now?”

You purse your lips as you held in the tears stinging your eyes. After composing yourself, you moved over and grabbed the remote, letting out a tiny sniffle as you did so. You tentatively touched Bucky’s shoulder, silently asking him if he needed anything from you. His response was to open his arms, so you quickly got down besides him to hold him.

“He is my brother, doll.”

“I know, Buck.” You pressed a soft kiss to his head, which rested against your bare shoulder.

Your bare knees are pressed harshly against the wooden panels of the floor, and you’re twisted awkwardly, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. As long as he was comfortable, you would take the uncomfortable position. As long as he was being held, you would take the soreness it would leave. As long as you could help him be some sort of okay, you would take not being okay in this position.

You two sat like that for a few more moments before your phone buzzed. You gave a sigh, pulling back and holding his cheeks in either hand. He wasn’t crying, although he was on the verge of doing so. You’d seen him cry before, so you knew he didn’t mind. For you it was a different story.

Bucky had maybe seen you cry twice since the whole Blip thing went down. And one of them was over the phone, so he didn’t see it so much as he heard it. You didn’t let yourself cry in front of him. Or anyone, for that matter. It was a part of you. The only person you ever felt comfortable enough around to cry in front of…wasn’t there. And you couldn’t change that.

“We’ll figure it out.” You told him, nodding gently and letting a small, sad smile quirk the corners of your lips up. “Okay? We’ll figure it out.”

The clench in his jaw loosened as your fingers worked circles into the hinge, making him relax and nod back. You pressed a tender kiss to his forehead before standing up, moving across the room to where your phone was on the counter. You assumed it’d be another government official or news reporter, so you were slightly shocked to see ‘Sammy’ flashing up at you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you read his message, a slight pout forming on your face.

“Doll?” Toned arms wrapped around you, warm and cool, his chin setting on your shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sam. He needs my help with something.”

“I’m coming with you.”

You turned in his arms, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Why?”

He shrugged, licking his lips. “You might need help.”

“Bucky, you can’t go if you’re just going to yell at him.”

“I won’t.”

You studied his features. He was lying, you knew that. Of course he was going to snap at Sam for giving up the shield. He was mad and they got on each others’ nerves every chance they could find, so of course he was going to.

But you still found yourself saying yes and telling him to go pack a bag. You were never able to say no to Steve and it seemed that got passed on. What a nuisance it was.

****************

And you were so right. It was the first thing he said once Sam came into view coming down the stairs.

“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.”

“James.” You squeezed the hand he was holding, voice pleading for him not to do this right now. He huffed, stepping back to let you greet Sam properly, giving the man a hug. “Hi, Sammy.”

“It’s been a while.” Sam commented, pulling back and holding you by the shoulders. “You look good. Not that you’ve ever looked otherwise.”

You gave him a small smile. “You do too.”

“Thanks for coming. I know it’s short notice, but-”

“It’s fine, Sam. Really.” You insist.

Sam nodded, before eyeing Bucky. “Did you have to bring him?”

“Samuel-”

“This is wrong.” Bucky cut in, staring Sam down, falling into step besides him as the man started heading outside.

“James-”

“Hey, hey. Look. I’m working, all right?”

You rolled your eyes as the two started arguing, stopping your stride to take a breather. You used to joke about babysitting them, but it didn’t feel like a joke anymore and you were getting tired of it. All the bickering for no reason. The contempt they held for one another. Steve made you promise that you would look out for them, and you were trying, but they weren’t making it easy.

When you joined them again, you raised an eyebrow at the direction the conversation turned. How the hell did they get from arguing about the shield to what a wizard is?

“Ahh! Haha! A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat!”

You gave Sam a look as he babbled about how he was right. “Sorcerer Mickey has a hat. Isn’t that, like, how he gets his powers and everything?”

Bucky grinned at you. “Thank you!”

“Excuse you!” Sam scoffed, pointing an accusing finger at you. “We were having a conversation!”

“Yeah. A stupid conversation I just ended. Now I’m gonna be in the plane. Feel free to join me when you’re done being idiots.”

They both spluttered, but you were already walking away, leaving no room for arguments. As you loaded onto the plane, you spotted the Lieutenant whom Sam mentioned who had been helping him out with missions. Torres, you thought, remembering his name from a previous phone call with your friend.

“You Lieutenant Torres?” You asked, walking up to him.

He blinked, before his eyes widened, a grin appearing on his face. He seemed young, which you were perfectly okay with considering you’ve been working alongside old men for the past decade. It was always nice to work with a fresh face, which you found after you started working with Wanda and Peter.

The thought of the two youngest members made you falter, not having heard from either of them since Christmas almost six months prior, but you quickly recovered yourself, shaking away the worries you had for them.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N! I’m a huge fan! I’ve read all your files!”

Chuckling a little, you held out your hand. “Most of those are heavily classified.”

He ducked his head with a little blush, rubbing the back of his neck after shaking your hand. “I, uh, I might’ve…used connections.”

“It’s okay.” You reassured him, throwing him a wink. “I won’t tell. Can you tell me what’s going on? Sam didn’t exactly explain the situation.”

He nodded, getting into ‘work mode’, something you’ve seen in most military men, informing you of their recent missions and the group known as the Flag-Smashers and giving you a file on them. He was in the middle of telling you about his solo mission in Germany when your two fellas came in, sending each other small glares, but remaining quiet.

Bucky caught your eye and sent an apologetic look your way, to which you just smiled at before turning back to Torres.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay.” You told him once he was done.

“Oh yeah. It wasn’t that bad.”

You laughed and nodded. “I’m sure. You seem like a tough kid.”

He smiled, before looking around and jabbing his thumb behind his shoulder. “I-I’ve gotta go, but-”

“We can talk later.” You promised with a grin.

“Really?!”

“Of course! I have a feeling we’ll be working together more, and I like getting to know who’s gonna have my back.”

He beamed and nodded, walking backwards. “That’d be awesome! Talk to you later then!”

You giggled as he turned around and jogged off, pumping his fist in the air. You turned to a grinning Sam and nodded towards where Torres left. “I like him. Seems like a nice kid.”

“He is. Very energetic. A little reckless, but he’s got a good heart.”

You hummed, the smile falling from your face as you flipped through the file Torres gave you. “So…Munich?”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry again for taking you away from the search, but-”

“Search is off.” You informed him quickly, not looking up. “Until further notice.”

The plane went quiet, before Sam cleared his throat. “So…no sign of Wanda yet, then?”

You shut the file, looking up at the men whose features were laced with concern. “I’m gonna go talk to the pilot. Behave while I’m gone. No pushing each other off the plane.”

“Doll?”

You were stopped by the hand that grabbed your wrist as you passed Bucky. You shot him another smile, knowing it wasn’t convincing enough for him, but it being the best one you had. “I’m okay. I’ve just gotta ask him some questions.”

************

Opening your mouth to stop him, you groaned when Bucky jumped out of the plane before you could speak. First Sam jumps without sharing the plan, then Bucky jumps without having a plan. Or a parachute. Or wings. Or anything.

Torres looked at you, but all you could do was shrug. “I dunno what to tell you, kid.”

“You’re not gonna do that, are you?”

“No.” You reassured him, shaking your head. “I’m gonna wait ‘til we land like a normal person and take my bike. I just have to pray that they’ll wait to do anything stupid until I get there.”

They didn’t wait. You’re pretty sure they didn’t even think about waiting. By the time you got to them, they were fighting - and losing, might you add - to six really strong people on top of two semi trucks.

Because why wouldn’t they?

Oh, oh. And on top of that, the fake was there, throwing the shield. The shield that didn’t belong to him. The shield that meant so much more than he would ever know.

“Hi, doll! Sorry we started the party without you!” Bucky shouted from where he was hanging off the edge, that close to the street and getting his head torn off by the tire.

“I’m so tired of babysitting you two, you know that?!”

“Oh! Sorry we’re such an inconvenience for you! Blame him! He jumped the gun!” Sam shouted, coming to fly next to you as you rolled up your sleeves, standing on your bike, using one hand to steer.

“Can I get a little help already?!”

“Sam-!”

“On it!”

Knowing that no matter how much they pissed each other off, Sam would make sure Bucky was okay and vice versa, you focused on getting to the top, where Walker and a buddy of his were struggling a little bit.

You climbed up to the roof of the semi no one was on, wincing when you heard your bike skidding across the pavement. There goes half your salary.

You couldn’t dwell on it for very long, considering one of the guys appeared in front of you. You recognized the fighting - the strength - and faltered, a memory resurfacing at a very bad time.

“C’mon, honey. You can do better than that.” Steve grinned at you, holding out a hand to help you up.

“Excuse me for not having super strength, Rogers.” You huffed out, taking it and letting him pull you up.

“You don’t need to be stronger than me. You just need to be smarter.”

“That’ll be easy.” You teased, stretching your arms before getting into your stance again. “You’re a dumbass sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, who chose to be friends with this dumbass?”

“Everyone needs a dumbass for a friend.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “So I’m your dumbass?”

“If you want.”

The grin he shot you made your heart skip a beat. “If you’ll have me.”

You blinked, but Steve wasn’t in front of you anymore and you weren’t in the gym in DC.

The guy caught the punch you distractedly threw and twisted your arm, making you cry out, kicking him in the back of the knee and flipping him over your shoulder.

You went to kick him again, but he caught your leg and threw you against the side of the other semi. You were able to grab onto where Bucky had ripped through the side, but you winced as the metal cut through your palm. Sam had just flown under the trucks, taking Buck with him, and you knew when a fight wasn’t worth it, so you quickly moved around the truck, letting Walker and his pal distract the Flag-Smashers, before letting yourself fall onto the side where the grass was.

You wanted to lay there, to catch your breath and curse yourself for getting distracted. You hadn’t had a flashback like that in a while. But you didn’t let yourself. You had to make sure the guys were okay.

Standing up made you cringe; you could feel the throbbing in your shoulder from where it was no doubt dislocated and your leg was aching, the muscle probably pulled when the guy threw you.

“Doll!” You turned, seeing Bucky and Sam sprinting towards you a few yards down the road. “Hey, hey.” Bucky immediately had his hands hovering over you, scanning your body. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, shoving his hands away. “I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“I think I dislocated it.”

Sam frowned. “What the hell happened?”

You gave him a weird look, starting to limp across the field to where you noticed a side road earlier. “They were super soldiers, Sam. And we got our asses kicked.”

“Yeah, but you know how to fight a super soldier-”

“It’s been a while.”

“Bullshit.” Sam side stepped in front of you, making you stop. “What happened?”

“I-I just got distracted, okay?”

“Y/N. Look at me.” Bucky took your face between his palms, eyes worried. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. A tired sigh left your lips and you looked anywhere but his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just hurting. My leg, I think I pulled it or something-”

“C’mere.” Bucky turned and crouched down, making you blink.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be walking. We don’t wanna make it worse.”

“But it’s just a strain, it won’t-”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Just get on the man’s back, Y/N.”

You bit your lip before sighing and carefully climbing on his back. He shifted you gently, making sure to hold your leg with caution, leaning his head into yours when you hooked your chin on his shoulder. “You-you don’t have to talk about what happened. Just-just know that when you do…I’ll be here, okay?”

You nodded, moving to press your nose against the column of his throat. “Okay.”

But you could never tell them. How could you? How could you tell the world’s longest POW that you were having nightmares? How could you complain to an Air Force vet who served two tours in Afghanistan and watched his best friend get blown out of the air that you were having flashbacks?

You weren’t sure if it was PTSD or anxiety or depression. Maybe all three. It didn’t matter, though, because you didn’t want to admit it. You wouldn’t admit it. No one thought the Blip messed you up that badly. No one thought Steve leaving did that much damage. And you were okay with that. You were okay with them thinking you were healing - that you were fine - because they needed to see that it could be done. That they could be fine, too. Especially the men walking, Sam teasing Bucky per usual.

It wasn’t until a horn honked that you allowed yourself to be pulled out of your thoughts. A scoff left you when you realized who it was, switching the side you were laying on so your cheek pressed up against the cool metal of his left shoulder, facing away from the jeep.

You tried ignoring the guy as he talked about working together and shit, taking a shuddering breath, making Bucky squeeze your uninjured thigh. There was no way you were working with him. You couldn’t. It’d be like betraying Steve and you didn’t need that on top of all the other things you were dealing with.

You couldn’t deny the need for a ride though. The airport was 20 miles away and you were hurting pretty bad. You suspected that was the reason the guys relented, Bucky tenderly setting you down in the jeep between him and Sam, careful of your injuries.

You stared at your lap as Walker and Sam talked shop. You understood where they were coming from, you were always able to see both sides of the coin, but it didn’t mean you were going to willingly work with him.

“I got mad respect for all of y’all, but you were kind of getting your asses kicked till we showed up.”

You scoffed at that, finally raising your eyes to meet Walker’s friend’s. “Like you were doing any better?”

Bucky reached over to grab her hand that was resting on her lap. “You know, I’ve been trying to get in contact with you.” Walker faced you, eyes raking down your form. Bucky shifted in his spot, but you ran your thumb over his knuckles before he could do or say anything stupid.

“Yeah. I know. My phone hasn’t stopped blowing up for a week. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Walker frowned. “If you just answered-”

“I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’ve been a little busy doing my job to blow smoke up your ass on national television. Sorry if my saving people’s lives has been an inconvenience for you, but some wannabe playing dress up isn’t my top priority.”

Walker’s brows furrowed and he was about to say something, when Bucky cut in, asking his friend who he was. You were already that close to jumping out of the jeep, when the guy, Hoskins, told you three that he went by ‘Battlestar’.

If the situation wasn’t so aggravating, you would’ve laughed when Bucky immediately told the driver to stop, opening the door before the car even stopped. “C’mere, doll.” He murmured, lifting you up into his arms bridal style, before walking off, tuning out Walker as he shouted after you two.

You pouted a little when you saw Sam still talking to the guy. “What’re they talking about, Buck?”

“Some nonsense about him not replacing Steve. Just trying to be the best Captain America he can.”

You laid your head against Bucky’s chest. “The best Captain America is Steve. He can never be Steve.”

“I know, doll.”

“Steve told me once that all he was trying to do was be a good man…it’ll always amaze me that he didn’t see he was the best.”

You missed the distraught look Bucky shot towards you, the look in his eyes almost heartbroken while you talked fondly about his best friend. The tortured scrunch to his features seemed to melt away at your next words, though, and he held you tighter as you curled into his hold.

“Just like it amazes me that you don’t know how important you are to me too, Buckaroo.”

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jusananimehoe · 4 years

Note

can u write something for feitan finding scars from self harm on his s/o? he enjoys torture and pain and its interesting to think how hed react to something like that one someone he cares about/loves

This turned into 1700 words, fucking hell, I got too carried away, but this subject hits very hard with me, so hopefully I did it justice. I absolutely believe Feitan is capable of caring, even loving, but it’d be a very different kind of love than what most would be used to.

So, enjoy, hopefully xxx

warnings for blood, blood kinks, self-harm mentions, mentions of general mental health issues.

Also; feel the need to mention that if any of you are suffering in any way, shape or form, my askbox is always open xxxx

How did I get here? You sighed, sinking further into the empty bathtub, trembling from head to toe as shame threatened to drown you, the horrible, but familiar ball of disgust was swirling wildly in your chest as you eyed the door nervously, praying he wouldn’t find you, like hell. You bit down on your lip as the doorknob turned slowly, you’d locked it, though you’d also known it wouldn’t keep him out, when had anything ever kept him out?

You allowed the smallest of smiles as your mind wandered, to all those months ago when he’d first come over your balcony, on the twenty-fifth floor at your apartment complex, eyes a little wild, hair a little windswept, aura radiating malicious intent. He’d smirked at you like some kind of deviant, eyes raking over your form, taking in the way your legs trembled, barely holding you up, enjoying your fear, perhaps a little too much, but gods, he’d looked so beautiful. Had you fallen in love with him in that very moment? Perhaps, perhaps it had been later, with how patient he had been, how willing to take things at your pace he had been, the space he had given you, it had all been such an experience, especially since you were well aware, he was a complete and total sadist.

He’d wanted to hurt you, you knew he wanted to hurt you, even to this day, and sometimes you even went willingly, more often than not these days, it was you who went in search of him, desperate to feel the stinging bite of his whip, or the wet, burning pain of his claws raking through your skin, like butter. He’d been more than willing to oblige you, of course, losing more and more control as you gave more of yourself to him with every passing day. You were grateful, you realised, laughing softly at the absurdity, grateful that he’d stolen you away in the middle of the night, and locked you up inside this place he sometimes called home, to be his own personal little toy, but what a life it had been so far.

And now I’ve ruined it all.

You whimpered softly and hid your face, pressed firmly against your knees as the door opened slowly, allowing the dark-haired man to slip inside without a sound, eyes locking on your form instantly. You couldn’t see his eyes burning into you, but you could defintley feel that loaded gaze, and a tremor racked your body as you sniffled quietly. It had been a moment of weakness on your part, a lapse in memory of exactly why you had always been so careful, though he’d seen you stripped down on many an occasion, you’d always dutifully covered the hideous marks up with the make-up that he’d supplied you with when you’d asked. The shame that wracked you now was deep, all encompassing at your own stupidity. He’s going to throw me away, no doubt about it

The scars on your legs had not faded over the years, mostly because you were a repeat offender, despite trying to get help multiple times, nothing had really ever made a difference, and you had tired of people always looking down on you, with their pitiful eyes, “oh but we understand what you’re going through”, or, even better, “why would you do something so revolting to yourself”? The scars had eventually just become a normal part of your body, and since you were too riddled with anxiety to ever really connect with anyone, they’d never been an issue, until him, of course. You’d been tired, too tired to remember your morning routine, and now here you were, hiding in a bathtub as he walked slowly towards you, you fought the urge to cry, or laugh at how pathetic you were.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

The smallest ones were just pale lines across your upper thigh, the worst, the ones you had done in your most extreme episodes of self-hatred, were raised, bumpy, purple lines, that stood out a mile away, and you shook and cried quietly at the thought that he’d seen them, ghosted a finger over them, even, before your mind had screamed the realisation at you, which, in turn, had led to your very undignified bolt from the bedroom you’d recently begun sharing with him.

A soft touch against your throat had you shivering and biting your lip hard enough to draw blood, will he just get rid of me, or maybe even kill me? The gentle finger trailing down your neck forced a tiny little whimper from your throat, and a low growl rumbled from his chest in response as he swung into the tub with you, landing silently, to sit behind you. His hot breath on your ear had your eyes fluttering as he pulled you back against his cool chest, hands gripping tightly at your thighs even as you made a choked noise of distress at the action. A hot tongue ran slowly over the sensitive skin along your jaw, and you gasped quietly, leaning into him further as his teeth bit down harshly, eliciting a shaky little groan from you as you felt something wet dripping down your neck. His tongue ran over it instantly, shuddering as he cleaned the stinging wound carefully, nails drawing slow circles over your scarred skin even as you watched shakily.

He nuzzled into your throat then, and you turned slightly, before finally lifting your head to meet those eyes you loved so much, shivering at the intensity you found there, shivering when he leaned in to claim your mouth in a slow kiss, tongue surging forward into your mouth as he pulled you closer, tugging you around to straddle his slim waist, nails turning to claws, digging into your hips with a grin as you groaned against his hot mouth, shuddering against him as he clawed at your skin, slowly, with patience, and a care you knew he showed only to you. His eyes burned as he gazed down at your soft figure, eye twitching as he battled with his own self-control, tongue swiping over his lip as he squeezed the bloody claw marks.

His eyes snapped back up to your face then, and seemed to read the uncertainty there, the indescribable terror, at the thought of being abandoned by the only person you’d ever met who seemed to understand your need to be punished, to be hurt, to be pushed to the very limit of consent. His forehead touched yours gently, stormy eyes locked on yours as you breathed him in, comforted by the tangy smell of copper and blood that clung to him, strange to others, comforting to you. You bit your lip and took a risk, eyes flicking down so you didn’t have to see his reaction.

“I’m afraid that if I let you see every side of me, you’ll be disgusted”, whispered so softly you almost hoped he wouldn’t hear it, but judging by the tightening of his grip, the way his claws dug further into your supple flesh as you shivered, he’d heard you just fine. A warm mouth pressed against your jaw then, before moving up your face, across your cheeks, over your nose, pressing against your mouth, before tangling his tongue with yours again, slowly, like he was mapping out the inside of your mouth in intricate detail, leaving you gasping against his mouth when he finally pulled back to look at you, expression unreadable.

His eyes fluttered, his mouth turned down in a slight grimace before he opened it slowly, “I-“, he cut himself off, appearing frustrated by his inability to find the correct wording, his left hand moving up to card his now soft hands through your hair, lost in thought for a moment, considering carefully as you waited with bated breath, body trembling against him even as he tugged you closer, hands running up and down your arms to address the little bumps now appearing on your skin, when had it got so cold?

“I-“, he began again, still looking a touch uncertain as he tilted his head, eyes focusing on you with a seriousness that knocked all the breath out of your chest, “I-like-broken-things”, he managed to say, voice as monotone as it always was, and yet, you could feel the sudden emotion behind it, his desperate desire to get this right. ” Find-them-interesting”, he continued before shaking his head swiftly, looking annoyed with himself, “beautiful”, he amended quietly, “find-them-beautiful”. You trembled, nose brushing against his as your pressed closer to him.

“Maybe-that-is-why”, he began slowly, face scrunched in concentration, eyes a little wider than usual, “why-i-find-you-beautiful”, he finished, averting his eyes instantly, clearly uncomfortable. You shivered, arms trembling as you sat in his lap, hands running slow up and down his bare chest, eyes wet with unshed tears as you took it all in, he wasn’t leaving you. Your mouth found his a moment later, nails digging into his back and raking down his skin as he hissed underneath you in pleasure, claws returning to your hips again.

He claimed your mouth hungrily as you ground slowly down against him, moaning loudly into his mouth as he grabbed your ass, sharp claws breaking the skin with ease, pressing hard enough to leave a scar, for sure. “Only-me”, mumbled against your bare shoulder as he bit down, hard, drawing a desperate little squeal from you as you tugged on his dark locks pleadingly. “Only-I-hurt-you-now”, he finished before biting down viciously again, groaning as the taste of blood filled his mouth.

Your head collapsed against his as you trembled and gasped, body like a live wire against him as you went boneless, too enraptured in all the emotions, all the pleasure surging through you to really pay much attention, though you forced your brain to form a coherent sentence, knowing he’d be expecting a confirmation.

“Yes”, whispered softly against his hair as your breathing grew more laboured, “yes, only you”, enjoying the contented little hum against your stinging shoulder as he smirked slowly against your bloody skin, already bruising a dark purple under the sharp bite of his teeth.

“Only you, Feitan”.

#feitan #feitan x reader #feitan smut #feitan portor #phantom troupe #hunter x hunter #hxh #some fluff maybe #slightly soft feitan #but not really #fluff #smut

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pretoriafics · 3 years

Text

If I wasn't a goddamn werewolf - Pt. 3

You find out that Derek is your Alpha, and he will be the one who will teach you how to defend yourself. Word count: 2.676 Pairings: Reader x Derek Contain: Pure angst!!; Derek being a dick; Derek being a sad puppy Warnings: English is not my main language <3; Inappropriate language TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST PART 1 | PART 4 Gif credits here

Your world turned upside down. But, at least, you had Laura with you.

Both of you never were too close. Laura was always really nice to you when you saw her a few times at Derek's loft. Your conversations were superficial most of the time, but if you and Laura were doing nothing, both of you could talk for hours. Of course, you guys stand back from each other after that argument with Derek that made you so heartbroken.

But then, you were bitten.

Laura was the only Hale you were significantly close now. You only spoke with Cora sometimes, and you didn't meet Talia yet... You didn't meet Peter either, and even if you had, you surely will not stay close to him now. Well, you were pretty close to Derek, but now you don't want to see him even if he appears painted in gold in front of you. So, Laura was the one who was helping you to understand the world you are now part of.

She explained everything to you: Laura admits that her entire family was made of werewolves, but you didn't need to be afraid of it. Laura told you, even, that she needed to run away from Beacon Hills, and because of it, Derek thought she was killed by her own uncle. She was the best mentor you could ever ask for. During your first two weeks as a werewolf, Laura lent you a few books so you could read and learn more about your new world. It was only after reading a few books and learning a few things that you finally went on your first pack meeting.

You were driving your car to the new Hale house. You were pretty anxious about everything and with no idea of what to expect. You were trying to stay calm, focused, and trying so hard not to think about Derek and all the drama surrounding his name. Of course, Laura knew about your anxiety. Your hands were sweating, your heart was beating fast, and your body language was tense. There is just one thing Laura didn't tell you, and she would do it right now.

"Uhn, so (Y/N)..." She started, taking care to say the right words "I told you that everyone would help you with the knowledge about the supernatural and all... I told you about the hunters... But did I told you how could you defend yourself against them?"

"No." You said, looking at her for one second and already expecting the kind of news that would let you disconcerted. "But I can imagine. I mean, I just need to attack them, am I right?"

"Sometimes, but sometimes not... I mean, we train our betas to be able to defend themselves. We will do the same with you. That's why I requested you to wear your gym clothes."

"Oh, okay" Well, isn't seems that bad. Your body relaxed. "What do you will teach me?"

"Me? Nothing. Derek will do it. This is at his charge, he's the alpha. Your alpha."

You took a peek at Laura, with your body starting to get tense again and your heart running fast inside your chest. Derek would teach you self-defense? And he was your alpha? Oh, God. You didn't even reply to her.

"I mean" Laura continued, after some seconds of tense silence "Sometimes I help him with it. Yesterday I was helping Erica with it. She is each day better."

"But can't you help me with it instead of Derek?"

"No. I would love, but... The Hale Pack is not a matriarchy anymore."

You let out a long sigh, with your body tense and a bad mood dominating you. Without a sign of doubt, you're still so fallen by him... But things have happened between you both. And suddenly, the scenes of your argument with Derek invade your mind.

It was exactly one month since your first kiss with him. The sky was with a bright moon and full of stars. Oh, you remember that sky like it was yesterday! It would be a pretty romantic night: You would tell Derek that you were been in love with him even before the first time you felt the taste of his lips on yours. You were hoping that he felt the same. After all, Derek was so caring and so sweet to you...

You were wearing a red dress because you remembered the night he said to you how beautiful you were wearing red, and how much that color suits you. With shaking hands of anxiety, you were stopped in front of the loft door, with a low gaze and playing with your own fingers when Derek opens the door.

Your eyes meet his, and still anxious you gave him a sweet smile. You felt your cheeks burning when you noticed his green eyes running through your body, looking at you with your red dress.

"Hi." You said, hesitantly and low, with your sweet smile still on your lips. However, despite Derek's eyes run through your body, looking at you with that red dress, he didn't say anything. Actually, his face was pretty cold. That made you shrink, with your smile disappearing on your lips, thinking that maybe you didn't choose the right dress.

"Hi." Derek replied, forcing a smile on you. He gave a step left, letting you the space you needed to come into his loft. "Come in."

You know that there's something wrong now. After the first kiss of both of you, Derek always receives you at his loft with a soft kiss. What was happening?

You came into the loft and sit on the couch, looking at him. Derek closes the door and walks to the table, saving a few sheets into a briefcase. It was like you were invisible. Confused, you look at him and, hesitant, you had started to talk.

"Uhn... I was thinking that maybe we could eat pizza and watch a movie tonight. Alissa told me about a new movie on Netflix that-"

"I can't."

And he even looks at you when he replies to you so coldly. You felt as if cold water had been thrown at you. Flummoxed, you look at him, and he isn't looking at you, still fiddling with that stupid briefcase. A few seconds of uncomfortable silence fills the loft until you find the strength to talk.

"Why? Are you busy? I can return tomorrow, don't worry."

"I'll hang out with a girl soon. I'll pick her up at her house in a few minutes, and I really don't want to get late."

Your heart breaks into thousand pieces, and you already felt your eyes watering. What?

"...A girl?"

"Yeah." Derek closes the briefcase and lets it into the table. He crosses his arms and, with a cold face, looks at you. "A girl."

"I didn't know that you were hanging out with other women."

Derek arches his eyebrows and lets out a low and short chuckle of derision.

"Do you really thought I would stop seeing other women just because of you?"

You stare at him in shock. Your heartbroken threatened to be exposed in tears, but you tried to hold them. A little bit embarrassed and feeling foolish as never before, you shrink on the sofa, staring at your own hands. Your voice was low.

"I thought that we're having something special."

Derek rolled his eyes, grabbing his jacket on the chair and wearing it.

"I just wanted some fun, (Y/N). You can't blame me."

Derek was punching your heart word by word. Why was he treating you with such indifference? You look at him, with a tear escaping from your eyes and running through your face.

"So is that all I was for you? Just someone who you could have some fun with?"

Derek let out a long sigh, sitting on the chair and staring at you with his crossed arms.

"I can't understand. What did I do with you that made you thought you were so special?"

"Are you kidding with me, Derek?" Your voice gets louder in anger and shaky with your cry. You can't hold your tears anymore. In anger and hurt, you stood up from the couch. "Everything! You were just... playing with me during this time?"

"Oh, crap. Goddamn women and all of this silly sentimentalism. You are nothing to me, so stop acting like a..." He stares at you, with his eyes cutting you like blades "...Like a stupid teenager in love."

Derek spits those words with such disgust that you just felt another blade inside your chest, cutting what has left from your heart. You hadn't the strength to reply to him, and even if you had, the news tears that were running through your cheeks and that knot in cry on your throat would restrain you.

"Look." Derek stood up from the chair and touches your arms. You shrink yourself. His touch was the last thing you want now "Why don't we solve this soon, and you tell me why you came here?"

Disgusted by his touch, you grab his wrists and move his hands away from you.

"I just came here to say that I think I was falling for you, and I would like to know if you felt the same. But you clearly don't, and I'm the fool here. I'm going home. Good luck with your date."

You were sitting on the couch in the living room of the Hale house, just waiting your turn to start the training. Your fingers were sliding the screen of your phone. However, you can't pay attention to it because you were so anxious about interacting with Derek since the episode in the supermarket. You were feeling mixed feelings: You miss him so much, but at the same time, you were still hurt with the supermarket episode and with the arguing both of you had on his loft. You just want to run away from him, but he is your goddamn Alpha now. Things would be easier if Laura was your Alpha. However, with her time away from the city, Derek took her sister's place. It occurred when he killed his uncle and became the Alpha he is nowadays.

Oh damn, you were pretty sure everyone knew about your anxiety. Actually, you had noticed the older woman in the house looking at you from the kitchen sometimes. Yeah, Talia was looking at you and pretty curious about you as well. However, she knew you just needed some time. Then, at the right time, she could meet you.

You heard the door from the basement being opened, and you saw from the living room couch Erica walking in wide footsteps through the entrance hall, going out of the house. Damn, she seems so pissed off! Boyd was trying to reach her.

Laura appeared after Boyd, rolling her eyes while walking from the entrance hall to the living room.

"Goddamn teenagers." She fell onto the couch close to you, with her eyes looking at the ceiling "Your turn. Derek is waiting for your downside."

Oh, Gosh. Your heart began to run faster in anxiety, and the wanting of just run away from there arouse even stronger. Well, maybe if Laura went with you, all of that could be bearable.

"You come?"

"Not yet." She said, looking at you. "It will take time until I'll be able to watch your training."

"How much?" You questioned, standing up from the couch.

"Maybe I could watch your training next week."

You were so fucked up! Would you need to spend all that time alone with Derek? Oh, man...

"Uh... Okay."

You replied, letting out a long sigh and accepting your current situation. You compress your own lips and walk to the basement door. You gotta be strong now and needs to face it.

You open the basement door, gaining access to a small mezzanine that overlooks the entire basement below. Derek had his back to you, sending a message on his cell phone. When he felt your smell, he turned to see you.

He was so damn relieved to see you there, healthy and so beautiful. Lycanthropy suits you, and the bite made you more beautiful than ever. This time, Derek was not with a cold expression for you. Actually, you could saw a hint of sweetness inside of his green eyes. However, all Derek could see on yours was melancholy.

All he could think about is how much you probably hate him. Derek wanted so badly to ask you if you were okay and tell you that you weren't alone to deal with your new lycanthropy. He wanted so bad to tell you how worried he was about you and how he wasted both of your times staying away from you. Damn, Derek wants so much to recover all the time both of you were lost away from each other... Maybe you could recover those time in some vacations, or just staying in a cheap motel cuddling each other and laughing.

But he wasn't strong enough to be rejected by you. So, he conducts your training as distant as possible. His voice was stable all the time, and all you did was listen to his instructions and look at him just to see the movements you should do and nothing more.

When your training was over, he just looks at you while you drink the water from your bottle, with your back to him. Derek was reuniting all of his courage and strength to talk with you. At the same time, he was hiding all his fear of being rejected for you. Then, he finally gets to say something.

"During all this time, I was trying to keep you safe."

You took the water bottle out of your mouth and finally looks at him with a cold voice.

"Safe from what?"

"Safe from everyone who could hurt you to get to me. Hunters, other werewolves..."

You rolled your eyes. You didn't believe him.

"My boyfriend is waiting for me at his home, so I have to go."

You start to go upstairs. With his heart aching, and even a little bit desperate, Derek follows you.

"Wait, just let me talk with you. Please."

Your footsteps became faster and faster until you reach the door. You opened the door so angry that Cora, who was talking to Isaac in the entrance hall, jumped in fright.

You didn't reply to Derek. Hoping that you would listen to him and just forgive him, he starts to talk for a second time.

"I didn't want you to come to me again because it was dangerous. I really needed you to hate me. You would be safe that way."

Dominated by rage, you stop close to the front door and turn yourself to face him.

"Go fuck yourself, Derek!" You yell, with tears invading your eyes that were glowing yellow. However, you won't let them fall through your face this time. "Do you really think that I'll believe this bullshit? You will not make me a fool again!"

Your reaction made him just freeze, looking at you, not only surprised for your sudden rage and words. Derek was hitten for your rejection, just like he feared. Cora and Isaac were looking at the scene with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. Oh, man... The Pack was already doing tons of gossips about you and Derek, and that arguing would be the main one.

You walk out of the house, walking to your car, letting Derek behind. He did not follow you this time. He hasn't strengthed for it.

Suddenly, Derek noticed someone he hasn't seen before: Peter. His uncle was now stopped close to him, moving away from his mouth a bottle of Jack Daniels. He pushes the bottle to his nephew while letting out a long sigh. Derek just grabs the bottle and turns it in his mouth.

"I know, I know," Peter says, giving at his nephew a few pats on his shoulder. "Women's..."

TAG LIST: @teen-wolf-obsessed4life

#teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf fanfics #teen wolf fics #teen wolf fanfic #derek hale imagine #derek hale imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale fanfics #derek hale x you #derek hale x y/n #derek hale angst

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sidespromptblog · 3 years

Text

Between the Mask: Part 2

One, Three, and End

Warning: Plenty of tears from all parties, angst, Janus has a momentary panic episode, and Logan has a mental break down.

Summary: Roman confronts Janus about how exactly Roman should act around him, after being told by the others that being both nice and mean to him is wrong. Only to discover that after everything he’s been through, Janus isn’t the person that he portrays in front of everyone else.

Word Count: 4303

AO3 LINK

A strange kind of vigor filled Roman’s chest as he moved towards Logan’s room, a mixture of anxiety and adrenaline danced around his heart the closer that he got. A part of him was nervous about possibly bumping into Patton or Virgil, and having to answer the inevitable questions that would eventually arise when they put two and two together about where exactly he was going and where he was coming from. With Janus’ face still fresh in his mind, Roman felt a sense of protective unease at the thought of Patton and Virgil forcing their way into the safety of his room. Because, the one thing that he certainly did not want to answer was that question and the secrets that it entailed, especially because, despite how Janus may have started to become accepted he wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready for everyone to know about the real Janus just yet.

Especially not without his consent.

And Roman would damned before he broke the fragile trust he had just now built between him and Janus, especially after everything he had initially done wrong between the two of them.

He would guard Janus’ secret like a lion.

“Logan?” Roman whispered as he stood before the simplistic blue door that lacked any distinguishing characteristics, “Logan, I… I know that you’re there.” He winced at his casual tone, given everything the last thing he should be is casual with Logan.

He couldn’t help but to cringe at the vivid memory of himself so carelessly pressing the ignorance button, when Logan had only wanted to do his best and educate Thomas, Patton, and him.

He’d been rather rude, even if he had only meant it jokingly.

A deep sigh rumbled his chest as he forced himself to take a step back from it all, moaning and whining would get him nowhere. Logan had always responded to clear and decisive wording, not emotional blithering and most certainly not sing-songy language.

He needed to speak Logan’s language rather than trying to get across with his own. “Logan, if you’re even listening to me… I want you to know that I.. I see you.” Roman softly began, so much for no emotional language. “I see how much you’ve had to sacrifice for the sake of my and Thomas’ dreams to be a reality. I see how much you’ve had to change while the rest of us gets to stay the same. And…” Here he took a deep breath, pushing down the pride that had always gotten in the way of these apologies. “I’m sorry that I didn’t see it sooner, and.. and I’m sorry for how much I’ve made you sacrifice and just how much you’ve suffered because of it. I’m sorry for hurting you, in every way that I ever have.”

Roman hadn’t even noticed it when he had started to spew out his apologies, but the moment they started the sight in front of him clouded over with tears that he refused to let fall. The knowledge that he’d been not only a bad friend, but also a bad protector, hit him like a punch to the chest. He had never wanted to hurt anyone, but in the end it always felt like no matter what he tried to do, he had always done the opposite. It was like that with Virgil, when he had tried to protect Thomas from the bad thoughts. It had happened with Patton, when he had constantly tried to keep him happy. It had happened with Janus, and now… now it was happening with Logan all over again.

“I’m sorry too…” Came a soft but equally hoarse voice from the other side of the door, “I’m not a very good logic… no matter how hard I try to be. If I was good, then maybe-”

“No!”

Roman’s hands slapped desperately against the door before he even had a chance to think about it, letting silence reign after his outburst. Shaking his head roughly to the point that his usually pristinely styled hard flopped onto his forehead in a mess of curls, Roman pressed the palms of his hands even harder against the door. The last thing that he wanted was for Logan to blame himself for any of this, it wasn’t anybody's fault for how things turned out.

It just happened, that’s why it was called an accident.

“Logan,” He sternly whispered, forcing himself to keep his voice down. “You don’t have to change, you don’t. Not for Thomas, not for the others, and most certainly not for me. Do you understand?” He felt like he was getting dangerously close to both crying, and digging his nails into the door in an effort to get through to Logan. “You don’t have to change for us, you never will. You can say that you don’t feel emotions, but I know you Logan. I’ve seen you smile, I’ve seen you address Thomas and the others as a class, and I’ve seen you happy Logan. Happy.” Roman’s head solidly thumped against the door. “You can still be happy… if you come with me.”

A long stretch of silence drifted between the two of them, before finally…

The blue door that Roman had been unleashing all of his feelings out onto, slowly eased open, almost making the creative side lose his footing before he swiftly regained it.

There stood Logan, huddled into himself wearing his unicorn onesie that Roman hadn’t seen since the day Logan had accidentally worn it during a video with Patton. The socks he was wearing clashed visibly with the pale blue of the onesie, with a garish orange that Roman didn’t dare to comment on. His tie was gone, and his glasses were neatly folded and tucked away into the collar of the onesie letting Roman see the logical side without his glasses for the first time.

He looked tired.

Especially with his eyes rimmed with red, evidence that Roman wasn’t the only one who had been close to crying. The alternative though… hurt Roman’s heart to much to even think about. The idea that all this time, while Roman had been wallowing in self angst, Logan had been crying with not a single soul to comfort him or tell him that it would be okay.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Logan’s eyes darted away, the vulnerability of the prolonged eye contact already too much for him. “Why do you want me to come with you?” He finally muttered, his fingers twitching and fiddling where his tie would usually be. “That’s usually the opposite of what you want from me.”

That was true too, in the past Roman had been almost obsessed with making Logan go away so that he could continue with his fanciful daydreams about just what Thomas could accomplish. He had never even considered how it might make Logan feel to be on the receiving end of all of that.

Roman’s arms itched to drag Logan into a hug, a hug that would wipe away every careless action he had ever done in his life. “Someone wants to see you.” He instead said, moving his hand to rest on Logan’s back, small steps after all… small steps. “He knows exactly how you feel… he’s had to change a lot of himself just to be listened to. And I think…. I think that we could all use the company if I’m being honest.”

Logan almost unconsciously leaned into the warmth of Roman’s hand. It had been more than a week since the last video, and at least a week since he had allowed himself to be around the others. Which meant none of the Patton’s hugs, none of Virgil’s awkward leans that happened to brush against him sometimes, and… no touch, in general.

“Why?”

The question left Logan’s mouth well before he was ready, but even so, despite the question he found himself walking with Roman back to wherever he had come from. He wanted to go, deep down he knew that he wanted to go. He wanted.. he wanted to finally be understood, he wanted…

To be cared about, without being laughed at and made fun of.

Roman’s smile was almost too easy and too knowing. “Because you’re my friend, and I care about you.”

That was good enough for Logan… for now.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked as he stopped dead in his tracks almost immediately upon entering Janus' room, seeing the dishonest side surrounded by a mound of peach colored yarn. But not before turning to Roman a look of utter befuddlement and uncertainty on his face, emphasizing his question that had still gone unanswered. "What is he doing? What's going on?"

Roman had to fight to keep down the snicker that so badly wanted to burst out of him at the sight of Logan’s confusion, it was such a rare sight for the logical side to be confused by anything. So try as he may, he quickly turned his laugh into a polite cough before looking over to Janus with obviously raised eyebrows. He hadn’t thought it possible, but he looked even more comfy and cozy than when he had first seen him. The reading glasses had been pushed further up his nose, giving him a more dignified look that was utterly swept away by the strings of yarn he had all around his fingers and looped loosely around his neck.

Two needles sat firmly in his hands, waiting to be used.

“I am attempting to learn how to knit,” Janus began with a begrudgingly embarrassed look at the mess around him, “It’s a lot harder to get down than crocheting is, especially with the two needles instead of one. I might need to get a few books, or look up a few videos to learn some more about the different styles.”

The eagerness in Janus’ voice was practically palpable by now, to the point where Logan squirmed where he was standing. The urge to offload several papers worth of information building inside of him like a geyser.

The only thing stopping him was…

This wasn’t Janus.

It couldn’t be Janus.

Janus was a sly worded, silver tongued snake. Who delighted in getting his way, and would go to great lengths just to get it. So this had to some kind of trick, like when he had taken over Patton’s form just to get Thomas to consider lying to Joan. This was just a ploy to get both Roman and him to his side, and against the others just like he had done with Roman during the trial that he had been… neglected from joining. He was just showing them this to get them to trust him, there was nothing else about it. Just…

Just trickery.

The excitement on Janus’ face faltered. “You.. you didn’t tell him?” He uttered softly, his eyes quickly darting from Logan’s face to Roman’s. A look of what could only be considered fear darted over his eyes, although fear over what Logan didn’t know. “You brought him here and you didn’t even tell him what he was going to be walking into?!”

Janus’ heart thudded heavily in his chest, as a feeling being far too exposed washed over him in waves.

Logan had seen him relaxed.

Logan had seen him as he usually was.

Logan had seen him without the walls that he’d meticulously built up for years.

Logan had seen him… Logan had seen him.

What if he told the others? What if he told Thomas? Logan wasn’t exactly known for telling lies, if anything blunt honesty was usually the way that the logical side went about his business. He could tell the others, and it would be no skin off of his nose. He would tell them.

He would tell them if he got the chance to, he definitely would.

His fingers hooked into the blankets surrounding him, gathering them around his shoulders as if they were an invisibility cloak that would shield him from the others’ gaze. Scrunching it around his shoulders and over his head, Janus felt the fire in the fireplace sputtering out as the terror continued to thrum in his veins. They wouldn’t listen to him anymore, they’d laugh at him, and Thomas would go right back to the habits that he’d tried so hard to avoid before.

Everything would be useless.

Janus.. Janus would be useless.

“Janus? Janus?” Janus’ mind snapped back to the present as he felt Roman’s gentle hands rocking him where he sat. “I’m sorry for not telling him beforehand, I figured that it would be easier if I were to bring him here and we could both explain everything to him.” Roman’s heart had frozen at the sight of utter terror that had crossed Janus’ face, well before the dishonest side had tucked himself away like a terrified squirrel under his little burrow. “I’m sorry for not making that clear before, do you.. do you want us to leave?”

Roman hoped not, he desperately and dearly hoped not.

But seeing Janus’ careful ragged breaths moving the blankets, he had no idea of what the final verdict would be this time. He wasn’t the judge, and Janus’ face was hidden so he had no idea of just what he’d say. He didn’t want to have to go, he didn’t want to leave Janus after everything he’d figured out about him. After… after the future that he’d promised to try and make for him and Logan.

“Roman,” Logan’s voice softened to almost a whisper as the logical side laid his hand on the creative side’s arm. “Give him a little space, it is likely that he’s just having a panic episode. Crowding him wouldn’t be the best option for him right now. Why don’t we sit and give him some breathing room?”

Leading Roman away from the other side, Logan guided him to a comfortable looking sofa that had been pushed against the wall. Once he’d had Roman seated, Logan settled in next to him. Casting his gaze from the fireplace that was steadily retaining its light and warmth, to the bookshelves that held endless amounts of knowledge in them. It was a very nice looking place, a sort of mix between what would have been Roman’s and his room had they decided to collaborate and make one for the both of them. It was very quaint and homey, if Logan had to use words those would be the exact ones he’d use to describe it.

Warm was another one.

“You don’t have to leave,” Janus finally uttered from his place hidden under the blankets, “I was just… shocked that Roman hadn’t told you, and.. and scared that…” Movement came from his giant pile, and two mismatched eyes looked back at Logan with a fair amount of uncertainty. “I was scared that you’d tell the others, and once they’d know, they’d never take my act in front of Thomas seriously, and they’d just… laugh anytime I needed him to take care of himself. I didn’t know how you’d react and well… I still want to be taken seriously, even if I happen to like being comfortable and not sneaky or sly.Do you.. do you understand?” Janus finally asked, tugging the edge of the covers down just a little bit more, and letting his hair poke out just a little.

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation in Logan’s voice, not a single octave or syllable even hinted that he didn’t understand exactly what Janus was feeling.

He knew.

He knew all too well.

A deep sigh tinged with regret fell from Logan’s lips as he finally stood up, making his way over to Janus’ side before plopping down in front of him. “I know exactly what you mean.” He muttered, distaste coloring his voice. “But…” He added just as quickly. “I don’t understand why Roman wanted me here, I understand if he wanted to share a secret. I’ll gladly keep it, Thomas and the others won’t hear a single thing from me. But... that doesn’t appear to be the case. So what exactly is going on?”

A glance was shared between Janus and Roman, one as quick as a fish in a stream, but one that Logan caught onto nonetheless.

Janus’ fingers fiddled with the ends of his knitting needles, while Roman tapped his feet together focusing on the sensation of the carpet fibers between his toes.

“Logan…” Roman began softly, “When was the last time you smiled?”

And just like that, it felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over Logan’s head. A seven worded question, that was all it had taken to send Logan’s mind to a screeching halt well before it had even started. His nails bit into the palms of his hands, and his lungs burned from the prolonged breath that he had forgotten to take as soon as Roman had prompted the question. Whatever he had been expecting from the both of them, this.. this was not it. The muscles in his legs itched to move, to take him far away from this feelingsy conversation and questions involved in it.

“I’m leaving.” Logan croaked after a minute of pure silence.

As soon as his legs moved to make him stand he almost wobbled, but weak or not his legs could at least carry him to the door.

But apparently not fast enough, as like a snake in the grass, Janus’ hand darted out wrapping around Logan’s wrist and preventing him from taking even a single step away from the other side.

The grip wasn’t strong, and if Logan’s had really and truly tried he could have broken away from it. “Logan, please.” Janus softly intoned, attempting to keep his gaze firmly on Logan, and not on Roman coming up behind the logical side to stop him from making a break for it. “When was the last time you felt happy enough to smile? Please Logan...”

Wordlessly Logan shook his head at the request, as he pathetically attempted to tug his hand out of Janus’ grip. Even with that though, he couldn’t make himself muster the force to break it. He knew what the answer was, but he also knew that he didn’t want to answer it because that would just be one more way that he had failed to keep emotions away from his logical fallacy. It would just be one more way that he had failed at his one and only job, just another tally. But even so…

Logan’s bottom lip trembled for a second, with a truth that burdened his body and mind. “I don’t know.” The whisper came out cracked and broken, just another way to make the side that it had come from.

And with that one little utterance, his knees finally caved sending him back onto the spot he had just risen from.

“I don’t know.” He repeated again, now feeling the frustrated tears prickling at his eyes like pollen in the spring. “Why can’t I remember?!” He angrily and yet wetly huffed, as he tried with all his might to scrape away the tears from his face before they could ever begin. “I must have! I know that I must have recently! But.. but I just can’t remember!” Logan’s entire body shuddered with the force of the sob that rolled through him a hurricane decimating the coast. His hands clasped at his hair, as his arms shielded his face from the only two sides that had ever seen him cry.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried either, and try as he may… right now he couldn’t seem to stop.

He didn’t want to stop.

Here there were no stupid songs forcing him to sing out whatever emotions he was having.

Here there were no Patton’s to make puns about his feelings.

Here he didn’t have to uphold the needlessly rough standards he had for himself in front of Thomas.

Here he didn’t just have to be logic.

Here… with Roman and Janus on both sides of him… he was safe.

So he cried, he cried until he felt like he couldn’t cry anymore. Until every emotion he’d ever felt came spilling out of him all at once, for what must have been hours upon hours. Until his head was resting on Janus’ knee while the other side gingerly ran his fingers through his hair, soothing the dry sobs right out of him. Until he felt Roman’s blisteringly warm hands resting firmly on his back, promising not to go anywhere. For the first time he felt safe enough to let out these emotions, as scary and unpredictable as they may be.

The hand on his back moved a little. “Logan,” Came Roman’s voice close to his back, “I don’t want any of us to have to hide like this again. Janus has been hiding and masking himself for years, so have you, and… I don’t want to do it. I never want to have to do it to feel like I have to survive. That’s why I brought you here, that why Janus let me show you his room. If.. if we want things to start changing for the better… we have to take the first step.”

Sniffling, Logan raised his head a little, looking back at Roman’s surprisingly serious face. He supposed that in a way that Roman was right, he hadn’t even been sure for how long he was going to keep his unfeeling and emotionless facade up or if it would just eventually become a part of himself if he let it go on for long enough. What would have happened if Roman had never gotten him out of his bedroom? If he’d just let Logan be there, unhappy and locked away from everyone who intentionally and unintentionally hurt him.

Nothing would change.

Just one cycle after another, with all of them suffering in silence unable to read the other.

“We’re not mind readers.” Logan mumbled, more to himself than anything. “We shouldn’t expect the other to be either…”

“What?” Janus asked, unable to hear Logan through the folds of fabric, and judging from the look on Roman’s face he certainly hadn’t heard him any better either.

A light dusting of pink made its way over the tops of Logan’s ears.

Giving a little cough though he repeated himself. “I said…” Logan scratched the back of his neck. “None of us are mind readers, and we shouldn’t expect the others to be if we’re not. Hiding and scurrying away when it comes to our true feelings, and acting passive aggressive helps nothing if it just keeps building and building when nobody notices it.” Fiddling with the fabric Logan went on, feeling as if he was digging his own grave at this point. “If.. if someone brings something up in front of the others… we need to have each others’ back, especially if it's something… precious to us.”

Almost immediately Logan felt a pair of hands come up behind him ruffling up his hair, making it stick straight up in the air as Roman grinned at him. Before he even knew it Roman had hooked his arms from behind Logan, giving him the biggest squeeze of a hug that he’d ever felt. And the pride bursting within Janus’ eyes spoke leagues, even if there was nothing else about Janus’ body language that said so.

“If you tell me something that you want to be seriously taken, I won’t laugh at you. And I’ll make sure that the others won’t either.” Roman promised, but not before crossing a giant X over his heart and pretending to jab out his eye. “Janus, if you ever want to show up as you are, and not who they expect… I will stand behind them one hundred percent, and I will stand against them if they have anything bad to say about it at all.” He promised, warmth flooding his chest as he looked down at his two best friends. “I want the both of you to be comfortable and safe. I want you to be able to smile without worry.”

Logan hadn’t thought it possible for his week to end up like this, since the most recent interaction with Janus he’d felt shoved to the side and forgotten. To the point where he was ready to just decide in his room and not make any kinds of comments unless called on by another. But having Roman come to him, and having Roman make his promises…

It felt a lot like hope.

“I hope you know that I will do the same for you,” Logan uttered softness filling his voice, “If they say anything about your ideas that you’re excited for, or have anything to say about how you treat either of us… I have your back, I’ll stand by you.” And turning his gaze to Janus, the one side that he’d thought he’s have to fight against his falsehoods forever. He saw him for who he really was, and who he wanted to be. “I promise you… I will not ever let them laugh at you, I will take you seriously even if they try not to.” A tiny smile quirked onto Logan’s lips, the first one in a long while. “I’ll yell with my teacher's voice.”

“You two will always have a place here.” Janus uttered with a fair amount of reverence. “Through good and bad, if you need me I will be here for you. Should the others turn their backs on you. I won’t. That is a promise.”

Maybe it was just the warmth of Janus’ room, blazing even brighter, but…

They all felt a little warmer that night, ready to take on whatever demons laid in wait for them the next morning.

#logan sanders #ts logan #ts logan sanders #roman sanders #ts roman #ts roman sanders #janus sanders #ts janus #ts janus sanders #logan angst #roman angst #janus angst #ts sides #ts sanders sides #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #ts sanders sides fanfic

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let-them-read-fics · 3 years

Text

Handle With Care

Requested By @posies4rosie: "Jisoo once gave advice in an interview to people who are having anxiety/depression, that when they feel themselves “slipping under”, they can try turning their thoughts to something lighter and focus on the better things instead before getting consumed. -- Request for reader x Jisoo where reader had one of those episodes and failed to pull herself out, which she thinks she’s failing Jisoo by not being able to help herself, causing her to sink even further. -- Jisoo uses her way to help reader. Angst with a happy ending, please <3"

Pairing: Jisoo x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 3,948

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Self-Doubt, Mentions Of Anxiety / Depression, Fluff, Light Smut / Suggestive Themes, Some Cursing, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Hello again, my lovely readers! I really enjoyed writing this one, so thank you very much for requesting. I hope all of you enjoy it -- Happy reading!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

The day started off like any other, nothing seeming out of place or particularly noteworthy as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and took a look around the room. Jisoo had to leave before you woke up, and a sweet letter on the bedside table served as her parting gift.

My love,

We have an early stage today, but I'll be back before you know it. Turn it on if you miss me too much ;)

All my love and kisses,

Your Jichu

It made you smile, imagining her saying those words with a little smirk on her lips, and you mindlessly toyed with the edge of the paper. The power this woman holds over your heart is a bit frightening, if you're honest with yourself. One simple note, merely a paragraph at best, warms your heart immensely. The thought of her alone is capable of making you giddy, magically turning you into a love stricken teenager. She rules your world with care, always making sure you feel important and valued; she fights your demons right beside you, never backing down for a minute.

Before Jisoo, you falsely thought you knew what love was; the ill-conceived notion that you used as a guide was flawed in every way. You were raised to believe that true, honest love only existed in far-off realms -- in worlds of make-believe; so, naturally, settling had always been your forte. You blended in and stuck with the crowd, always going for the safest option when given the choice. You limited yourself with each decision you made, and deep resentment blossomed within you.

Resentment at your family for allowing the disease of self-doubt to grow within you. They could've stopped it before it really began; they could've assured you of your worth instead of letting you think your insecurities true.

Resentment at yourself for believing them.

Everytime you attempted to break the pattern and listen to your heart when it told you that there was a world beyond such mundanity, some nagging voice in the back of your head told you it was all a lie. Your life so far, as boring as it may have been, was predictable and safe. Although you ached for the unexpected, for some all-consuming thrill to shake up the life you had grown to accept, you always fell back into that old mindset. Your fears outweighed your courage every time, and you knew it was futile to go against them.

But one day -- one beautiful, fateful day -- you met Jisoo. It was a time in your life that you needed a friend; someone to listen and assure you that things would be okay. In allowing your paths to cross, the universe most certainly blessed you; Jisoo became your confidant in the blink of an eye, offering consistency and understanding, and you let her slip past the walls you spent years so meticulously putting up.

You didn't do that often, and yet it seemed like a no-brainer with her. She made you feel as though you were enough, that you mattered in a world that so adamantly tried to make you believe otherwise. Her love was unconditional and fierce, thorough and far-reaching.

Keeping people at arm's length had always been your way of ensuring that life stayed as predictable as ever, precariously balanced in that safe zone of no risk. Even when you dated people, giving into those innate desires to be cherished despite not deeming yourself worthy, you never really let them in. Not all the way, at least. Something always told you that others were better; closer to perfection. No matter the person, you could always find a reason to say that they were better. That they were something you'd never be; that they had something you'd never have.

The comparisons didn't stop when you began dating Jisoo, but they sure as hell slowed down some. All of that was her doing; she filled your mind with constant reassurance and love, always showing you what a healthy relationship looked like. Over the years, she learned to read you well: the shifting of your eyes served as a sign that you were getting overwhelmed; the way that you zoned out told her the negative thoughts were barreling in. Though she's convinced you to give yourself some credit in the matter, she's the main one responsible for getting you where you are today.

She's your strength -- your reason for wanting to be better.

-------

"Dalgooomie," you cheerily sing out, your voice echoing throughout the apartment. That familiar sound of paws on hardwood draws a smile from you, and you turn to see him eagerly scrambling towards you.

"Good morning buddy! Are you ready for a walk?" For a moment, you swear he can understand your high pitched speech; he spins around, wagging his tail happily as he looks towards the door.

With a laugh, you clip his leash on and the two of you begin your walk.

It's a gorgeous morning; the sun is peeking up, illuminating a sky of beautifully pastel colors as the grass shines with dew. The beads spring off in different directions, the surface tension of the water breaking every time Dalgom rustles his way through the lawn. You have a feeling that today will be a good day.

If only you knew.

About 15 minutes later, you unlock the front door and grin as he charges into the familiar space. He tugs you with him, drawing a chuckle from you as your feet stumble in through the doorway.

"Slow down buddy! I know you're hungry but you've gotta give me a second," you shake your head, amused, as you remove his leash and make your way to the kitchen. He follows suit, barking when you take too long for his liking.

"Yah, okay okay!" You scoop his food into the bowl and pat him on the head as he begins to eat.

A ding from your phone sounds off, the notification surprising you a little. Great timing, you think to yourself.

"About to go on stage, I'll text you later. Xoxo"

Your heart warms at the message, and you type a quick reply before heading to the couch to turn the tv on.

At first, all is well: you watch your girlfriend in awe, always so enraptured by her performances. During one portion of the program, you even run upstairs to retrieve your lightstick and dance around in the middle of the living room. As much as Jisoo can't believe you actually bought one, she thinks it's the most adorable thing ever.

Everything was going well, truly, until towards the end of the show, when the girls were interviewed with a few other idols. One in particular, a female soloist, stood beside Jisoo, looking completely at ease next to her. She was beautiful in every way imaginable, and you couldn't help but begin to compare yourself. You tried to focus on how happy Jisoo looked as she joked with her members, answering the questions with that quick wit you love so much. But your mind soon again filled with intrusive thoughts, taking the focus away from Jisoo.

She looks so much prettier than you do

Watch how she's looking at Jisoo

They look pretty together

What if Jisoo likes her?

I bet she does

You physically shake your head in an attempt to force the thoughts out. Jisoo loves you, you know that. She's with you for a reason. Eventually you're able to look at the tv again without grimacing, but soon that progress is destroyed all over again.

The soloist puts her hand on Jisoo's arm, motioning to the girls and herself as she explains something to the MC. She must've cracked a joke, said something really hilarious, because all of them burst into laughter. Jisoo throws her head back, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth as she giggles loudly. That joyous sound hurts you now, almost feeling like she's laughing at you.

It's ridiculous and immature, but your brain takes it there no less. You know better, but your mind is flooded with insecurity and fear, overrun by your unforgiving worries. Tears are streaming down your face as the thoughts grow worse and worse, and it feels suffocating. You consider yourself weak for blowing such a seemingly innocent thing so out of proportion, twisting what should be a positive thing for your girlfriend into something negative. But you can't help it. Your brain betrays you, coming up with hundreds of hurtful scenarios that pile on until you can't breath. It's a physical pain, one far too overwhelming to "wish away" now. You turn off the tv and dart up the stairs, set on crying into your pillow until your mind decides to give you a break.

-------

"Y/N, baby, I'm home." Jisoo calls, and you can hear the material of her jacket slide onto the metal hook beside the front door.

"In here," you say weakly, cursing your voice for even hinting that you're less than okay. For Jisoo, you want to be perfect; you want to seem like you have your shit together. She must not have thought anything out of the ordinary, though, because soon you hear a little giggle from the hallway.

"Hi Dalgomie, did you miss mommy?" She coos, her voice higher than usual and bouncy as she bends down to scoop up the pup. She pads her way into the kitchen, talking to him all the while. Her free arm snakes around your waist once she reaches you, and she leans around to kiss your temple.

The action was loving and simple -- it shouldn't have made your heart ache. Perhaps it wasn't the act itself that caused it; maybe it was the accumulation of all of your emotions from the day coming to the surface. The feeling of Jisoo's arm around you reminded you of earlier; of how close she was to that woman on the program. They looked incredible, clad in the blingy outfits you could never afford and elegant in their mannerisms. It all brought forth the nasty idea that she's just settling for you -- that she's only with you because she feels sorry for you.

When you don't start a conversation like normal or even turn to look at her, Jisoo knows something's wrong. Gently, she kisses Dalgom's head before setting him down on the ground. He trots off towards god-knows-where, and you almost wish to be him. You want to avoid the discussion you'll surely be having any minute now; running away has always been your go-to.

But Jisoo won't stand for that. She's mature and honest in every way, and she knows how to handle you.

"My love, what's wrong?"

She's earnestly concerned, and her tone lets you know she doesn't want you to brush the problem away. Without even knowing the issue yet, Jisoo can tell it's something worth working through.

"I had an episode today and I wasn't able to stop it." You hang your head, your fingers busying themselves by toying with the bread bag in front of you. Once you had stopped crying earlier, you came down to make yourself some food; after all, you hadn't eaten all day.

Jisoo tuts at you, slowly turning you around to face her. The back of your legs lean against the counter now, and tears threaten to spill out of your eyes. A few moments of silence pass, Jisoo giving you the opportunity to elaborate. She always offers you the option to initiate the process, not wanting to risk diminishing your feelings before even knowing what's troubling you. She never patronizes you, and you're endlessly thankful.

With a deep breath, you lower your gaze to the floor and continue. Seeing the disappointment in her eyes is definitely not something you can handle in your already emotional state.

"I turned your show on today and saw the pretty idol you were talking to. I started comparing myself and it all got worse from there." You inform quickly, just wanting to get the words out.

She sets her jaw, clenching and releasing the muscles repeatedly as she decides on how best to respond.

"Did you use the technique we talked about?" She asks gently, releasing the question with care.

"I tried, but it didn't work this time." A single tear rolls down your cheek, and you swipe it away before Jisoo can even notice it.

You feel like you're failing her by giving into your worries, but they're incessant. They fight for your attention, completely overruling any "happy thought" that you might have previously hoped would be capable of mitigating your fears. You're disappointed in yourself, but since when is that a new thing?

"She's an idol, Jisoo. She can relate to you in ways I'll never be able to."

"You think I'd throw away 4 years with you to be with someone I barely know, because we can relate?"

She voices your fears in such a way that you instantly feel foolish for believing them. Nevertheless, you persist.

"She's everything I'm not."

"And that's precisely why you never have to worry."

With furrowed brows, you tilt your head and look at Jisoo: her statement confuses you.

"No one else even comes close to you, baby. You're what I want. You're who I want. Every little thing that makes you who you are is a reason I love you."

Your heart beats harder at her words, taken aback by how genuine they sound. She's saying all the things you need to hear, but it feels too good to be true.

"Loving me is exhausting; I don't see why you keep doing it. You should be with someone who doesn't need coddling… who isn't broken like me. We go in circles, Jisoo. I always go back to giving into my fears."

She lets out a disbelieving scoff, soft in its volume as she says, "If I wanted to leave, I would've. You've given me more than enough chances to go, and still I have yet to find a reason to. I'm not perfect either, Y/N. You act like everyone else is so high above you, but we're really all just dealing with our own baggage."

"I have enough of that for 10 people." The phrase is pointed and self depreciating, and Jisoo can't take it any longer.

"Stop. Look at me, baby." She finally breathes out, hooking her fingers underneath your chin and raising your head.

"Whether or not you think I'm making a mistake, I'm always gonna choose you. My life isn't complete without you in it; our stories became intertwined the day we met."

Her cheek briefly tugs up in a lopsided smile at the memory of your first meeting.

"I'm just scared, Jisoo. Do you know how many times people have told me they'd stay, just to leave the moment they found someone better? I know I'm not easy to love; I know it's difficult. I just can't imagine what I'd do without you. You've made me feel emotions I never even knew existed."

You're more honest with Jisoo than anyone else, and being so vulnerable scares you. Nevertheless, it feels good to open up sometimes.

"You'll never have to find out what that's like, because I'm never leaving. Do you understand how in love with you I am? I don't think you do."

You slip your chin out of her hold again, still disappointed in yourself. The action hurts her more than you know, and you miss the way her face contorts into a sad frown.

"When I roll over in the morning and see your face on that pillow, I don't know what to do with myself. When I'm holding you and Dalgom cuddles in between us, it's like I see a glimpse into my future. When you smile at me it's like I can finally breathe again. My home is with you; please don't ever doubt that. You're my world."

And then, you hear it. The noise that very rarely ever comes from your girlfriend. A sniffle.

Your eyes shoot up to hers in an instant, searching through her deep pools as you step forward to cradle her face in your hands. She tries to turn away, already upset with herself -- she knows you'll blame yourself for her tears.

Jisoo only cries in front of you when she's frustrated or deeply moved, and sometimes when she's scared. As you run a thumb along her cheek, you attempt to figure out her reasoning for it this time.

Once she eventually accepts that you aren't letting her get away, she leans into your touch.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You sell yourself so short. The fact that you think you're anything less than incredible devastates me. You're amazing in every capacity… and so, so beautiful."

Her voice wavers, taut with the emotions she's still reeling from. She says the words so assuredly that you begin to give in and believe them. She makes them sound like simple facts; common knowledge to any and everyone. On top of that, you're pained beyond belief that anything of your doing makes her this sad. She deserves to be smiling constantly, so hard her cheeks hurt and her belly aches from laughing.

"I'll never be able to see myself like you do, Jisoo, but I'm willing to work on it. You've already helped me more than you'll ever know, and I've come pretty far. Sometimes I just can't keep the thoughts at bay."

She nods, moving the hand that previously rested on your hip to hold your wrist. She strokes the skin gently, leaning further into your touch as her eyes soften with understanding.

"I love you. Thank you for dealing with me." You utter, leaning forward to rest your forehead against hers. She sighs at your words, rubbing a comforting circle on your back.

"Thank you for letting me in, jagi. Saranghae."

Your lips move to meet hers now, halfway, both of you needing to feel each other. It's slow and meaningful; she takes her time with it, treating it just like she does your heart. You tilt her head to deepen the kiss, noting the warmth that her cheeks still radiate as you trail your fingers over her skin.

A subtle shiver courses through her at your ministrations, drawing a smile from you. You'll never get tired of kissing her; of having her wrapped in your arms, so close to you. Vulnerable moments like these remind you of how different she is from everyone else. She's your everything and then some, and she needs you as much as you need her.

A bit impatient now, Jisoo tugs at your bottom lip, silently asking for more. You tap her thighs before looping your hands underneath them, swiftly lifting her onto the kitchen counter. The thin material of her skirt sits a little higher up on her legs now, having ridden up as you moved her.

She hooks her legs around you as you move to stand in between them, preventing her from falling and keeping her as close as possible. You break the kiss to study her for a moment, lazily running your fingers along the newly exposed skin of her thighs. Her hair is on its way to being mussed, the curls from her earlier performance now coming undone.

Her tongue darts out of her mouth to moisten her lips as she drinks in the sight of you. The top 2 buttons of your blouse are open, allowing her eyes to gaze at your chest wantonly.

She trails a hand up your body, teasing you before she grips your collar and yanks you forward.

Your lips meet again but this kiss holds something different than before: it's passionate, full of need. She adjusts her posture so that her body is flush against you, enabling you to feel how hard her heart is beating. No one else is capable of making her feel this way, and she's determined to remind you of that.

You bite her bottom lip before smoothing your tongue over it to soothe any ache your actions might've caused. The act is welcomed by Jisoo, proven by the groan that vibrates in her throat. Her hands tangle in your hair as you lower your head to her neck, pressing your lips to the tender skin.

"A-ah, right there," she husks out, her voice deepened with desire. Her wish is your command, and you take your time in leaving a mark there. You continue your assault, leaving a trail of purple-ish bruises in your wake as you move to untouched patches of skin. She knowingly spurs your actions on by moaning into your ear when you bite with just the right amount of pressure, her breath hot on your neck.

You pull away to admire your work, knowing her makeup artist will have a field day with covering up all of your marks. She leans back a bit, slowly swiveling her hips as she uses her ankles to pull you closer.

Her movements fuel the heat pooling between your legs, and you don't even attempt to stop the moan that leaves you. She knows you so well; she knows exactly what gets you going, just what to do and say.

"Come here," you command, securing her legs around your waist as you lift her off of the counter. Her lips find yours again, keeping them occupied as you walk towards the couch -- trekking up to the bedroom would take far too long.

"Tell me what you want, baby." You say, laying her down on the plush cushions. She pulls you against herself again, smiling at the feeling of your hips pressed into her. At first, she defies you, opting to push her lips against yours instead of answering your question. You know what to do to make her talk, though. Slyly, you pull away, barely ghosting your lips over hers. It's just enough contact to make her want more, but not enough to satisfy her.

With a press of your thigh to her center, she's already bucking her hips up into you, reaching up to reclaim your lips. She whines as you pull further away, not allowing her to kiss you until she gives you an answer.

"Use your words, Jisoo." You add your hand into the mix of things driving her crazy as you trail it down her body, allowing your fingers to sneak under the hem of her shirt and skim over her abdomen.

She looks at you defiantly, causing you to quirk an eyebrow. Challenging you, is she? Two can play at that game.

You apply more pressure to her core, allowing her to take pleasure in two more strong strokes against your thigh before pulling away completely.

"Fuck- no. Y/N…" she pleads, reaching for you again. She's really getting worked up now.

A smirk crosses your lips at her desperation, and you almost have to stifle a chuckle. She knows you're stubborn, and denying herself release seems idiotic when all she has to do is listen to you. So, she gives in.

"I want your mouth; your fingers. All of you."

Your cocky persona falters a bit at her words and you feel the blood rushing through your veins at the way she said them. Her voice was raw with lust, dripping with desire as she eyed you.

"Was that so hard, baby?" You tease, resuming your previous movements with a smirk.

"Shut up and kiss me." She huffs out, half annoyed and half amused.

"Yes ma'am." You press your lips to hers and get started on meeting her demands.

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theinariakuma · 4 years

Text

First One to Know

Rated: SFW (Rated T for language, mentions of mensural cycle, and Pregnancy symptoms)

Obey Me!

Polyship! Female MC

Includes: Datables, Diavolo, and Simeon

This is based off the idea of how Female MC would tell each boy she was pregnant. They’re all the ”first to know” concept.

For precaution. All under the cut.

Lucifer:

She sat in the bath, huffing a bit before she sank her chin under the water. How does one tell Lucifer they're pregnant.

Lucifer was this... All powerful, all important person. While, yes, she could just tell him. It felt like she needed to do something else.

She had plans for everyone but him and Belphegor. They were the two more difficult brothers.

Part of her wanted to bring Diavolo into the planning to tell him, but she knew it would likely end up as a few things. A party, a big thing... And she didn't want anyone but Lucifer to know first.

"One of your daddies is going to drive me crazy." She spoke in a quiet time, fingers brushing over her stomach, it was far too early for anything beyond knowing there was a baby, but talking to them comforted her. "He's impossible to surprise."

With her luck, he'd know before her anyways.

So, she kept planning. Each idea fell flat in her mind. She'd been more focused on how to surprise Lucifer that she only half paid attention at RAD.

"Long day?" Lucifer often walked her home, just like cooking was Beel's time and Naps were Belphie's. The walk home belonged to Lucifer. He'd made a claim to it early in the start of the relationship.

"Mm something like that." She moved her arms around his neck, giving him a slow, happy kiss.

His hands drifted to her hips, gently holding her as he returned the kiss. The affection she showered him and his brothers with often caused them to relax. Years of pent up tension lovingly eased away by her.

It wasn't until half way home she noticed how his hand would occasionally drift up to her belly. She'd found herself unconsciously doing the same since she found out.

"You know!" She turned to look at him. Eyes narrowed as she pointed in his face.

The smirk on his face and the light joy in his gaze said everything.

"You knew! And I was going crazy trying to think of how to tell you!" She glared at him, but Lucifer just laughed.

"You didn't hide the test as well as you thought. Asmo saw the box."

Her cheeks went red and she began walking faster. Despite her annoyance, hearing his laughter made her smile. He was happy about the news.

Mammon:

She sat on the edge of her bed, fingers pulling and smoothing her skirt down.

"Alright, what's on ya mind? You keep doing that..." His hands began moving in a ringing motion, the way she was abusing the fabric of her skirt.

"I'm trying to think of how to tell you. You're... Well. I wanted you to know first. You were my first man after all..." The soft memory made a smile appear on her face.

Mammon quickly shut up as his cheeks began glowing red at the words. "Y-You bet your ass I am..." He muttered, eyes looking away.

"I... Well." She bit into her lower lip. "I'm pregnant."

Out of everything Mammon expected, that was the last thing he could have thought of. It did make sense. She was being shared by seven powerful demons. It wasn't too surprising that her birth control failed...

Mammon was hesitant, his fingers as gentle as possible, cupping her cheeks. "Say that again..." He was terrified. He was greedy and selfish, but oh how he wanted this. Wanted to be a dad, even if he didn't feel like he deserved to be one.

"I'm pregnant... You and the others are gonna be dads... And you're the first to kno--oh!" Mammon kissed her deeply, his fingers cradling her face as he cut her off, kissing her slowly, deeply. She couldn't see them yet, but the man was crying, he was so happy. She made him so happy and made him feel so loved.

Leviathan:

Fingers stroked the back of the girl laying against him. Her face tucked into his neck as she quietly dozed off. She'd lost interest in the anime about two episodes ago. Not that Levi blamed her, it was boring, but he was always one to finish a series... Well at least the season, no matter how dull or trash it was.

It was nice just being able to hold her.

His attention kept drifting to her, the woman was half curled up in his lap, her arms loosely wrapped around him, her breathing soft against his neck.

"Oi, Levi. You got more shit from Akuzon." Mammon didn't even bother knocking as he brought in the package.

"I didn't order anything." Levi's brow furrowed as he held his hand out. Mammon almost scoffed, but he wouldn't make him move. The dozing girl against him looked so peaceful.

"What is it then?" Mammon, being the jealousy boy he was, did not leave, much to Levi's annoyance. Today was his day with her.

Levi began opening the box, only to pause at the items. A box that held a smaller version of his game controller, some other miniatures, and a plastic sealed shirt. The invoice settled in the package told him that it indeed was not his order, but the girl in his arms.

"Why do you need a tiny controller?" Mammon asked, confused as he saw Levi looking at the box. There were more miniature size items inside the box that only furthered his confusion.

The soft giggles against his neck made Levi arch a brow. "I see you're awake. Want to explain?"

"Look at the shirt." She smiled and nuzzled into him after waving to Mammon.

Pulling up the white shirt wrapped in plastic, he saw the logo clear as day.

Black clouded his vision, the last thing he remembered was hearing the two cry out at him.

"Oh my god, Levi!"

"The fuck, man!"

The woman held her hands over her mouth, not expecting that reaction.

"He fainted." Her voice turned to soft giggles, "Only you Levi." She moved to gently lift his head, pulling him to lean into her, stroking his hair. Her poor nervous Otaku couldn’t handle the news.

Mammon got a glimpse at the shirt before shaking his head. "Course Levi would pass out over news like this." Part of him was both annoyed and amused. “I’m gonna tell everyone.” The grin appeared on his face as he snapped a picture to send to the group chat.

"Yeah. He would. He's so nervous like that." She chuckled, watching Mammon hold up the "Baby download in progress" shirt she bought to send a picture to it to the rest of the guys.

"I'm glad. Ya know, to be here. Even though ya probably meant to do it alone with him." Her cheek leaned into Mammon's touch, the Avatar of Greed moved to stroke her cheek as he crouched down next to her, staying with her as she stroked Levi's hair, waiting on him to wake up from his unconscious state.

Satan:

Satan felt his temple pulse as he was growing steadily more annoyed and angry.

Three times today alone she's avoided him. He was growing to detest sharing her with his siblings if this was how she was going to act.

He loved the woman, she was his kitten, sweet and loving. Yet the past week or so she'd been acting off. That off act had soon turned to her avoiding him and he wanted to fucking know why.

His eyes narrowed a bit as he glimpsed her and Lucifer talking.

Somehow, some way. This was Lucifer's fault.

He'd rather blame Lucifer then believe that she was willingly avoiding him. So he waited until she left off to who knows where again to go to Lucifer's study.

"What did you say to her that is making her avoid me?" The dark aura coming off the blond was dense, his wrath was dense and when Lucifer looked up from his desk he was surprised that the blond wasn't in his demon form with that much anger.

"I haven't said anything, Satan." His eyes narrowed. Their little human and he had been working on a contract for her to allow her to stay as a contracted ambassador for Diavolo for the Human world... So she could stay.

The past week she'd been insistent about getting this done as soon as possible.

"You're lying!" That was all it took before his tail whipped out, lashing at the desk separating them once his demon form came out. Breathing heavy as the desk and all of its paperwork went everywhere.

"She won't even look at me! She avoids me! And you're the only one who would tell her anything!"

The crash had startled her, she'd gone to grab some tea for her and Lucifer.

A while ago she'd noticed she'd missed her period. For her it wasn't too unusual for it to be a little late, however when one week turned to three. She began worrying.

Earlier in the week, she'd taken a pregnancy test and well... It came back positive. All of them did, actually.

Anxiety had filled her to the point she started avoiding Satan because he could read her like an open book... And well, she was scared. What if he wasn't happy? What if the others weren't happy?

She wanted Satan to be the first to know out of the brothers. He'd quickly become someone she could always rely on and he was almost as patient as Asmo and Mammon with her--despite their quirks.

However, her stress began raising as she realized she was two months off from the end of the exchange program. She wanted everything to be settled for her to stay... She didn't want to stress any of them out more than what the first bit of news would do.

The last thing she wanted was someone yelling at Diavolo And putting Lucifer in a bad place stuck between her, his brothers, and his loyalty to Diavolo.

"Satan, stop!" She saw him pinning Lucifer up to the bookshelf, hissing low as his tail whipped around.

She didn't dare go further in. Satan would never intentionally harm her, but she didn't want to risk it accidentally.

"Why should I?" Blonde hair and vivid green eyes turned to her, pain and fury in his gaze. "Since you'd rather abandon me for him anyways! You've done nothing but avoid me! Something is wrong with you and you refuse to tell me!"

"Satan, you need to calm--"

"Oh, shut up, Lucifer!" His anger diverted back towards his elder brother. Surprisingly, Lucifer was not fighting back against his assault.

"Because I'm pregnant!"

Both demons were looking at her now, Satan's hands slipping from where they were once clenched in Lucifer's shirt.

"What?" The breathless tone. Neither demon suddenly knowing what to do.

"I found out earlier this week. I wasn't avoiding you because I was upset at you. I was avoiding you because I was scared because I knew you'd ask what's wrong. I knew I never could... Never would want to lie to you or the others... I needed to figure things out."

"That's why you've been so insistent about getting this contract done quickly." Lucifer's voice was just as awed and breathless.

All seven of the brothers shared her. And a baby... Her getting pregnant was really the last thing any of them thought of.

"I was going to finish this... Then tell you."

Satan's demon form almost melted away, hesitating as he went to her, fingers moving to cradle her face. "Tell me?"

"I was going to tell you first... Then the others... But I needed to be sure I could stay first. That... Diavolo wouldn't have to send me home. That you guys wouldn't put Lucifer in a bad spot... That he wouldn't be stuck in a bad spot, between his duty to Diavolo and me and you guys..." Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"You silly, amazing, foolish, stubborn human." His forehead pressed to hers, his shoulders beginning to tremble as a sob left him.

Satan hadn't expected that. He didn't expect her to try and take on so much to give him such peace of mine.

Lucifer didn't approach yet, he'd talk to her...let his own emotions out later. Right now, this was between her and Satan.

"I'm going to be a dad."

"You all are." She closed her eyes. "You all are fathers. And the first time I hear any of you arguing over who's the blood father of the baby, I'm going to be mad."

Arms pulled her close, awe was still flooding him, unsure of what to say or what to do... Just knowing that he loved her so much.

"I'm sorry, Lucifer." His voice was low and it was only then that he approached the two.

"It's alright, Satan. I understand why... Our little human tends to drive us all a bit crazy and quick to act without thinking." Lucifer moved to press a kiss to her knuckles, not pulling either out of their embrace. "You need your rest now. You can tell the others later, but right now, you need your rest. When I sort out..." Lucifer sighed as he looked to the destroyed desk, "That. I'll bring the paperwork to you and I'll contact Diavolo. We're not letting you leave.. I refuse to let you go as much as Satan and the others will."

Satan began gently ushering her out the door, energy zapped after such a cold splash of reality diffusing his anger. They'd both get some rest... He wasn't going to let her leave his arms for a while.

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus was nothing if not perceptive. While he did not always show it, he did make sure to always pay attention. So when his little darling was a bit easier to excite than usual, he noticed.

Eyes softened as he saw her. Out of all the brothers, Asmo was the softest with her. He liked the soft touches, forehead kisses and hair stroking, things that were intimate but not so much sexual.

He loved sex, he would never deny that, but him offing intimate affection outside of sex was both something he did for just anyone.

"What's in the bag? Did you go shopping without me?" Lips moved into a pout at his darling as she just laughed and gave him a soft kiss.

"I promise you'll like this gift and be less annoyed and pouty after you see it."

"I don't like when you shop without me." He huffed a bit, pulling her into the bed with him. She just laughed and snuggled back against him, letting him fuss with the sealed gift bag for a moment.

Despite his general nature of liking to surprise people, Asmodeus hated surprises.

Yet, when he tugged the tissue out of the bag and pulled out what he thought was a T shirt, his heart stopped.

A soft pink onesie. It was tiny, made for a newborn sized infant. On it was careful handwriting stating, 'Of course I'm cute, look at my Daddy.'

"You..." Words, for once, escaped him.

A squeak left the woman as she found herself pinned under the Avatar of Lust, kisses peppering all over her face.

"You beautiful, amazing woman... I can't.." he was choked up, unable to form proper sentences as he pressed soft kisses over every inch of her face, the final one ending at her lips, drawing her into a slow, lingering kiss.

He never knew such happiness before.

Beelzebub:

Beelzebub loved cooking for his little human. His two greatest joys next to spending time with his brothers. It was a routine between them. On their days to cooks, they spent time together. He may have had to share her, but he would claim these moments happily and selfishly.

However, recently he noticed how her face would go pale and she'd rush off. The smell of his cooking bad been making her sick.

"I'm okay, I promise." Her words were soft, but he knew she wasn't feeling the best after getting sick.

When it became a consistent issue, he began truly worrying. Not only was his sweet human sick but his cooking caused it. Had his his cooking gotten as bad as Solomon's?

"Are you sick? Do I need to get a doctor? Let me get Lucifer!"

"Beel, baby. I'm okay."

"You can't keep food down... Is my cooking bad?"

"Oh Beel, baby... No." Her hands reached up to touch his cheeks, he leaned down so she could touch him easier. "This isn't your fault. I suspected it, but I didn't know until this morning."

His eyes were lit up with confusion. Didn’t know what?

"I'm having a baby, Beel. You guys are going to be dads."

The awe on his face before he swept her up into his arms, laughing and nuzzling into her Affectionately making her laugh. He was both relieved and excited.

Belphegor:

Belphegor was currently snuggled up to his precious human. Despite being probably the laziest of the brothers, he was also one of the smartest. It was why he got along with Satan so much and why he also clashed with Lucifer... Well that and several reasons.

He'd noticed it very quickly, probably before she did. She was usually full of life and energy. However the past couple of weeks she'd been exhausted, not quite to his level of sleep, but enough that people were worried.

However, pressed into her for their naps, he noticed several things, her temperature was not up, so no fever. And areas of her body were more sensitive.

"Come on. It's dinner time." He nudged her after Beel texted him. "We can come back upstairs after eating. I know you're tired."

She almost whined in protest, "I'm not really hungry. My stomach has been pretty upset when I eat." She thought maybe it was just her period about to start.

Belphie sat up and gazed at her, "Are you pregnant?"

Her lips parted before shutting again. A thoughtful look on her face. "What day is it today?"

Arching a brow, "The tenth."

He watched her face for a few more moments before looking at him, "I... Maybe?" She hesitated. She hadn't even thought about it. "I am late this month. I thought maybe it was stress? It wouldn’t have been the first time I was late because I was stressed out."

Belphie sighed and drew her up into his arms, causing her to snuggle into him more.

"Can we... Go after dinner to pick up a test? I don't wanna say anything to the others until we're sure." She snuggled against him, her mind warming with exhaustion again. She just wanted to stay here and go back to sleep.

"Yeah, of course." He dropped a kiss to her brow. "Any idea who the father would be?"

The question earned a smack to his chest.

"What?" He saw her annoyed glare.

"All of you. And if you ask that again, I'm going to yank your tail next time." Despite her annoyance, it made him smile to see her so protective of everyone, calling them all the fathers.

"Alright. You're right." He sighed and moved to get up, pulling her along. "Food then the run to the shop.... If it is, can we tell Lucifer last?"

She rolled her eyes, taking the lead as she tugged him by his hand.

Later that evening, when the three little tests all came back positive, she just gave Belphegor a look. "How the fuck--"

"You're exhausted, constantly. And sensitive. But you're not squirming like when you’re on your period,” She was almost always uncomfortable, and always wanted to munch on something. Not that he or Beel minded, “or running a fever.... And you haven't been really wanting to eat."

"I can't tell who's more observant, you or Lucifer at this point." Lucifer magically knew what they were doing so often she'd tease him about spying, yet it seemed Belphie was just as observant if not more so.

"It's kinda funny. You knew before even I noticed." She laughed a bit, earning a smile from him.

Diavolo:

Diavolo was a special sort of person, and to say she was surprised he was willing to share her, was massively down playing it.

The Prince had truly been a man with a golden heart and a fist of steel if pushed enough.

"Barbados did mention I had a little bird in my office." His laugh was low, the large man moving to look at the girl who was currently leaning against his desk. "Lucifer was nearly panicking when someone mentioned you weren't home."

She blinked in surprise before pulling out her D.D.D. "Woops. I forgot to turn the sound back on." She was gonna get a lecture about that later, she just knew it.

"Now, Princess, why are you waiting on me and not letting Lucifer know?" A large hand stroked her cheek, causing her to lean into his touch.

"Cause he'd ask why and I wanted you to know first?" Bright, soft eyes gazing up at him as her hands moved to gently hold his hand. After a moment she moved his hand from her face to her abdomen.

There was a moment, a pause before it clicked. Golden eyes seemed to grow brighter. "Are you sure?"

The way her smile grew only caused a massive one to spread across his face. Politics be damned, he was too happy about this.

He moved to pull the smaller woman into his arms, holding her close.

Simeon:

Being an Angel meant a few things, even if Simeon knew he was on a path of damnation like Lucifer and his siblings had.

He loved the woman currently snuggled in his bed, his fingers ran through her hair as his gaze softened.

A new life was blossoming.

A new life that belonged to them. He didn't care about the lineage, it was still his child within her, whether he sired them or not.

Fingers carefully caressed along her body, the touch was intimate and soft, just admiring her. Tonight she was with him in Purgatory Hall before she'd go back to the House of Lamentation.

"Mmm... Morning, Simeon." Her voice was groggy and soft. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Very well, my feather." He whispered as he leaned down. "I love you." He nuzzled into her soft hair, earning a soft, happy noise.

"You're so lovey this morning. Did I miss something?" She ran her fingers through his hair.

"You're pregnant, love." His words were soft in her ear and just the honesty of it stole her breath. "It's a very new life, but I noticed this morning."

Fear flooded her first but then joy did. Because even if she was scared, even if she was nervous, she had Simeon and the others. "Are you happy? I”m a little scared... but happy."

"I am happy. Because this is ours... Yours, mine, and the others. And have no doubts they'll be as excited as I am. Even if they are a bit scared."

Simeon was as terrified as she was, he was an Angel that broke all the rules, teetering the edge of falling from grace. Lucifer was one that had already fallen and was now a demon... A powerful one.

But he knew, no matter their fears, hers or theirs, they'd love her and their child. No matter what. And nothing would ever harm them.

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inlovewithhisblueeyes · 3 years

Text

Stuck in Your Head

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader

Word Count: ~2.7K

Warnings: Descriptive Depressive Episode and Discussions about Prescription Medications (specifically missing doses and having side effects)

A/N: This is my first time writing RPF so I decided to stick with something I know well. I substituted my own best friend’s name in so I didn’t have to deal with the pesky acronyms cluttering the story.

Buried underneath the covers, you were safe even though sleep continued to elude you. The chill of the morning was unable to pierce the walls of your blanket fortress. While the soft pitter-pattering of rain on your window would normally be able to lull you to dreamland, you were left to watch the rise and fall of the fabric.

Early daylight had danced its way across the room a millennia ago. No matter how deep you burrowed into your little nest, the light would seep through. So you tucked your head underneath your pillow and fought the urge to continuously check your phone. Watching time tick past would only make these growing frustrations and anxieties worse.

You remained curled up with your knees close to your chest, willing your hands to stop their shaking. All those exercises you had been taught in therapy seemed fruitless. Nothing could alleviate this numbness that had settled in your bones. Time continued to pass as you laid there, only daring to leave your bed’s warm embrace when your bladder was screaming in agony.

The spot where you laid never had to the time to cool. You were always sucked right back to it in record time like every episode before. Brain fog would cause the same thing every time. The days would seem to just blend into one another, a cycle of light and shadows that would chase each other around the ceiling. You would have no idea if you took your meds, what day it was, or even the last time you ate. Time would be nonexistent in your little blanketed world.

A soft vzzzzt came from outside your safe zone. Moving your hand slightly, you could just barely feel the vibrations of your phone. You paused as you tried to decide if you had enough energy to answer. It was most likely unimportant, another robocall about some silly matter. Sighing heavily, you drew your hand back to its previous position.

Silence fell over the room once more and you breathed a sigh of relief. You forced your eyes shut in hopes that you could finally sleep. Not more than a few moments passed before the quiet was broken yet again. The soft vzzzzt returned, requiring you to begrudgingly open your eyes. You hissed as you slowly rolled over, just enough to reach over and drag your phone under the covers with you.

You flipped your phone over as your best friend’s face filled up the screen. You know you should answer it, but you didn’t want to worry her. Ariel has enough going on without you dragging her into your shit. You quickly shot off one of those automated responses saying you’re busy and you’ll call back later before declining the call.

Carefully shoving your phone back out from under your blanket pile, you tried once more to adjust and get comfy. Finally, it seemed that the sleep you craved is upon you. You yawned before nestling your head deeper into your pillow and letting your eyes fall shut.

You woke up sometime later and noticed that the bedroom is almost completely dark. You dare to glance at your phone and it’s only 6 pm. Stiff limbs quickly made themselves known as you tried to stretch. They crack and pop as you finally moved them, each crying out desperately for motion.

Slowly you sit up and allow yourself to slip out from your burrito. Every movement feels as if you’re wading through an endless pool of molasses. You rise to feet carefully and your knees buckle as they wake up to support you. Ambling towards the kitchen, you tried to scrounge up the desire for anything other than a few mints.

Your pickings are rather slim. Even then everything would take longer than you know you have the energy to stand for. Huffing as you grabbed handful of mints before you make your back to bed. You crawled back into bed, grabbing your laptop in hopes you can find someway to pass the next round of sleepless.

Popping a mint in your mouth and scrolling through the various entertainment options, you happened across a show you know very well. Another time you might have smiled at your luck. Of course it recommends something that he was in. Rolling over to grab your phone, you unlock it to check what time it is over there.

2 am the clock answered. You swallowed the lump in your throat, remembering what he said last time.

“I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, call. I’d do anything for you. “

You glance at the clock once more and you lose your nerve.

“He’s halfway across the world right now and under enough stress. You’ll talk to him again when Friday comes around” you rationalize internally, “That’s more than 3 days away. You’ll be back to your usual by then. You always are.”

You shake your head and push the phone off the bed. Tucking an arm under your head and curling your knees to your chest, placing your laptop on top of them. You settle in with Forensic Files, hoping that Peter Thomas’s voice will eventually get you more sleep.

Sleep doesn’t come. You’ve lost count of how many episodes of Forensic Files that you’ve watched. All of them have blurred together. Once again the sun’s rays slowly painted your room in an array of reds, oranges, and finally yellows. Two more rounds of soft vzzzzt that go unanswered cause you to retreat back under the blankets once more.

For how long you remain there is unknown. All you known is that you’re forced to get up by your throbbing bladder. Then you’re back in your bed, curled up around a pillow and begging for sleep to come. Your body is sore, your mind is all fogged up, and by the time you do feel sleepy, the sun must be high in the sky.

Here's to another day of waking up after the sun has set. Daylight Savings Time is a bitch. There’s no use in checking your phone. You stretched and tried to sum up the strength to move your feet, knowing you need to at least try to make your way to the kitchen. Each step causes a shooting pain in your underused appendages.

Leaning against the counter, you grabbed a package of Cup Ramen from the cabinet. Not the healthiest choice, but the one that will take the shortest amount of time to cook. Adding the water and setting it in the microwave is the easiest part; having the strength to wait the 3 minutes to cook is the hardest.

Anxiety seeps in as you watched the timer go down. Tapping your fingers against your thigh, you tried to pass the time without throwing yourself into an anxiety attack. Finally, the microwave beeps and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. You opened the microwave and quickly stirred the contents of the cup together.

You make the trip back to the bed that’s been calling your name since you left. Although you’re not hungry, you have to try to eat. You ate earlier right?....Your stomach hadn’t give any indication of hunger. You ate as much as you could stomach before leaving the unfinished meal beside your bed.

Grabbing your laptop, you scrolled through for something, anything to distract you. In a moment of clarity, you remembered that last time he mentioned a nature documentary which he said you should watch. You found it easily and turned it on, curling your body around your laptop. In your bones, the numbness reared it’s ugly head once more.

The animals in documentary didn’t cause you to laugh at their antics like they usually would. You had to pause it. You felt like you were drowning in this void. What once might have been enough to drag you out of the darkness, no longer could do so. You had been doing so well; going to your appointments and working on coping with your trauma only for the empty pit to gobble you up once more.

Screwing your eyes shut as you take in one shaky breath after the other. Whatever strength that was left in your tired limbs, you willed to help get you through. You needed to be fine, he needed you to be fine. Every inch of you shook with hurt and sorrow as sleep waded in and out of your mind. It took forever to succumb.

A gentle chime woke you from your fitful sleep. You laid underneath your mountain of blankets and watched the gentle rise and fall that came with every breath you took. You blinked a few times as you attempted to stretch out your body. The chime had stopped by the time you were finally able to peak your head from where it was tangled in your cocoon.

The noise had emanated from your laptop. You inwardly curses yourself because you only know what that means. You left yourself logged into Skype and you reached a hand over to check who called. However, as soon as you did, the chime started up again, his name flashed on your screen.

A sob threatened to break loose from your lips. It couldn’t have been Friday already. Skype dates only happened on Friday and Saturdays, that was your routine. You glanced around your room and contemplated slamming your laptop closed. Based on the colors of the sun that painted your bedroom’s walls, it was early, much too early for his call.

Deep down you knew he would keep calling until you responded and as much as it pained you to do so, you had to give into him. You moved the cursor to hover over the accept button. With a deep breath, you clicked accept. You waited for the swoosh that always came before his face filled the screen.

You couldn’t face him like this. He didn’t deserve this. Your stomach was already upset, it didn’t need your anxiety making it worse. Burying your face in your hands, you heard the tell-tale noise that the call connected.

“Darling, there you are,” he exclaimed.

You had no choice but to peek between your fingers to see his smiling face. He looked so happy and full of light. You couldn’t dare to bring him down from his high. He was worthy of so much more, someone who wasn’t empty. Surely he could see that.

“As much as I’d love to talk your lovely hands, I’d rather talk to that face of yours.”

“Hen-“ Your voice cracked from not being used in so long.

“Please,” He begged.

Every inch of your body quaked, the inevitable was here. He would see you, see how broken and lost you were, and wouldn’t be able to take it. The expiration date for your time together was today.

“Please, sweetheart.” He tried again, his voice no louder than a whisper.

You shook your head in silent agreement to his plea. Trembling, your hands pealed away from your face and finally you saw your boyfriend’s face fully. Messy curls were strewn across his forehead and there was an inkling of stubble making an appearance on his face. His eyes were bright and warm as always. You could just barely make out the brown amongst the blue at the top of his left eye.

“There you are,” Henry murmured, his voice dropping an octave.

“Hen-“

“Shhhh... I know it’s not Friday but I wanted to see you. Ariel was worried. I was worried.”

“I’m so sorry-” You started as you felt tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, love. I’m happy to see your face. I would ask how you are, but I think I know. Have you been taking your meds?”

“I don’t remember. All I know my stomach is a bit upset,” you whispered as the first hot tears rolled down your cheeks.

“I’d reckon it’s been a few days then,” Henry sighed, ”Do you think could get up and make some green tea? That’s always helped in the past.”

You groaned, flopping backwards onto your bed. A few moments pass by in silence as you weighed your options.

“I can try.”

“That’s all I’m asking for, sweetheart,” admitted the blue eyed man,” How about you bring me with you?”

You nodded slowly. Henry was always good at reading you. It seemed that regardless of the distance between the two of you and the blurriness of the camera, his skill hadn’t waned. He knew you so well and right now you were thankful for that. There was so much you couldn’t say right now, you didn’t have the energy nor the clarity to do so.

Stretching your arms above your head, you winced at the stiffness in them. You had to do this, you had to fight that little voice in your head. You carefully moved yourself to the edge the bed. Taking a much needed deep breath, you forced your aching body to sit up. Gently, after a few moments, you maneuvered yourself to stand on your feet.

You glanced over at your computer screen and saw nothing but pride and encouragement in his blue eyes. It gave you the required push to grab your laptop and make your way towards the kitchen, tired body be damned. Normally, you feel safe and content in the silence with him. The freezing emptiness that had made it’s home amongst your bones and mortal flesh flourished in it.

“How’s filming going?” You croaked.

Henry was quick to fill the crushing silence “Remember that scene I mentioned to you last time…” His hearty timbre warming the outermost parts of your mind. Puttering around the kitchen, you put the kettle on and grabbed your favorite mug while listening. He could be speaking about blue-footed boobies and you would still be rapt.

Sooner than you would of liked, the kettle sung it’s annoying little tune. Carefully, you snatched it off the stove and poured into the waiting mug. You dropped the teabag in and leaned up against the counter. Glancing over at the computer, you saw Henry watching you with a smile on his face.

“Good job, sweetheart,” Henry beamed.

You tried to blink away the tears that remained in your eyes. “I boiled water. Nothing too special about that.”

“You know what I mean.”

Shakily setting the down the mug, you forced yourself to take some deep breaths, but it does nothing to stop the onslaught of tears. They blazed in hot trails down your cheeks.

“My brain doesn’t work, Hen. The fog sets in and it’s like I can’t do the simplest tasks. I can’t even just go through the motions,” You sobbed

“Oh, darling,” his voice barely a whisper and your gaze remained on the floor, arms wrapped around your quaking form.

“Nothing’s working…. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I don’t even feel alive anymore. Just empty and cold all the time.”

Silence fell over the two of you once again; only being pierced by your shuddering breaths as you tried regain control. It took a few moments to calm yourself. You brushed away the remaining tears and finally glance up at him.

“I’m sorry,” You murmured.

“Sweetheart, you don’t need to apologize. I know you’re struggling. I’m worried about you being all alone right now with everything that’s going on,” Henry admitted,” How about you ask Ariel to come stay with you? Just until I finish filming.”

“I…I can do that.”

“I want you to know you don’t have to stick to our schedule. I know you like the consistency it brings, but I don’t mind if you call other times, love. I’d be happy to hear your voice more often.”

Nodding your head, you grabbed your abandoned tea and took a sip. “I love you, Henry.”

“I love you too. We’re in this together, us against the problem.”

Somehow his words seemed to pierce at the remaining chill in your body. He was exactly what you needed, your lighthouse in the storm. No matter how far apart you may be, you’ll always find your way back to his loving embrace.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #real person fiction #celebrity fanfiction #henry cavill x you #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fanfic #rpf

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prurientpuddlejumper · 3 years

Text

Death Threats

Summary: What if the people threatening Barba went after you, too?

Warnings: Angst. Injury. Fluff. (I realized the timing puts this in the episode Heartfelt Passages, so that was a busy day for poor Rafi.)

Dedicated to @teamsladsandgents for inspiring me to get stabby.

2,256 words

You thought he punched you, the man in the elevator. It wasn’t until the doors chimed open and he was striding quickly but casually from the building that you realized you were bleeding.

The inch-wide slit in your shirt took a moment to start bleeding in earnest as you stood in shock, time frozen along with your body. Then thick, dark amounts of it began streaming through your fingers.

The elevator doors were sliding shut before you thought to stumble out with your last ounce of strength—to scream for help—before your body sank to the ground, leaving you alone in your metal coffin. You tried to sit up again, but it hurt and made more blood come out.

You couldn’t reach the elevator buttons.

You were so tired.

The funny thing was, you weren’t afraid. Just disappointed. You always thought you’d turn into an action hero if you were attacked—that adrenaline would awaken some ferocious, hitherto unseen warrior within, like Jason Bourne.

But it all happened so fast.

It was over before you noticed a blade in his hand. Over before you processed that he had said something to you, just before that dull punch in your gut.

“That ADA you’re fucking sticks his nose in the wrong people’s business.”

It was strange that you weren’t thinking about your mom or your best friend of ten years. As you pressed as hard as you could to stem the bleeding, you didn’t see your whole life flash before your eyes. The only thing on your mind was your boyfriend of the last several months, the sarcastic lawyer who kept so many walls up, and the petty argument you got into earlier about his canceling lunch plans again.

None of it seemed real. Didn’t seem like the way the story of your life ought to end—bleeding out in an elevator.

It was getting hard to concentrate on what to do next.

OK. The buttons wouldn’t work. Too far to reach.

No one can hear you scream.

Phone.

Your phone was in your pocket, but you had to take one of your hands off of clamping your gut to reach it. Blood streamed through your fingers—so much blood from such a small hole. Your hand was too slick with it and shaking to grab hold of the phone. If you could get it, you could call 911.

“Work, you fucking hand,” you thought. You thought that was an undignified last thought. It should be something profound. Poetic.

But no. Your last thought was going to be swearing at a Samsung.

Tired.

You never remembered if you managed to get the phone from your pocket or not. It didn’t matter anymore.

The last thing you remembered thinking about was Rafael finding out you were gone, his eyes red from mourning. Blaming himself. You wished you could tell him… If you died, you wouldn’t be there to cup his cheek, to make him smile again. To tell him what you whispered to the dark elevator, alone.

“It’s not your fault, Rafi.”

***

The man’s name was Felipe Heredio, a lieutenant of the BX9 street gang. There was already a warrant out for his arrest when he stabbed you. ADA Rafael Barba identified him in a lineup as the man who was stalking him only an hour after a neighbor found you lying in a pool of blood. The fact that he was already in police custody might have been relieving to you if you were conscious. You might have felt proud that it was Barba who ensured he was arrested.

And your heart might have broken when Barba’s phone rang, and his entire world stopped.

***

Rafael’s eyes were red from crying when you woke up with oxygen tubes in your nose, and your hand cradled in his. Your throat hurt more than anything else, oddly, which you would later learn was from being intubated for surgery.

The first word you croaked upon regaining consciousness was, “Sorry.”

A collection of empty coffee cups was scattered around the feet of his chair so he could stand vigil for however long you had been out. His eyes were not only red and wet, but bulging with that jittery, over-tired, caffeine anxiety.

You knew how busy Rafael was. That it was a weekday (technically, it was already tomorrow), and he’d have court in the morning. What you didn’t know, because he didn’t want to weigh you down with his world, was that Barba had already mourned one death today, and that one more loss might break him.

You were sorry for causing him so much trouble.

Rafael was having none of it, of course. He tried to keep his voice from shaking when he told you, “Why in god’s name would you be sorry?” followed by barking, “Stop that—don’t try to sit up. Nurse!”

His bedside manner was well and truly atrocious.

The next hour was a dizzying blur of nurses checking your vitals and helping you use the bathroom, then answering a uniformed officer whose questions you could barely understand through the morphine haze.

When it became clear what had happened and why, Rafael became unusually quiet. All of his follow-up questions and complaints of, “is this really necessary? Can’t you do this later?” fell away. He slumped in the visitor’s chair beside your bed, his hand still holding yours, but in pensive silence until the officer finished, leaving you alone except for the security detail at the door.

Then the apologies came. The heavy confessions that he’d been receiving threats for a year, and this was all, all his fault. Admittedly, if it weren’t for the morphine drip dulling everything, you might have been pissed off that he knew this might happen and kept it to himself. He kept so much to himself, you had to read about his cases online to know what was going on in his life. But his face—which you always thought babyish, with his smooth cheeks and lips ever-ready to flash a sarcastic smirk—was drawn, making him look old and haggard. He was too serious, too raw to possibly blame him.

“I’m so sorry for putting you in danger. I never should have gotten you involved in this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” he choked. “I’ve been getting threats since I indicted those cops, and I haven’t exactly been on… anyone’s good side. I should never have started dating you.”

Like a slap in the face, that sting made it through the morphine. You jerked your hand out of his.

“That came out wrong. It’s true, though. I was selfish to think I could…” He gave a melancholy sigh as he sank back in the chair. “It will be safer if we keep our distance from now on. This will never happen to you again.”

You never imagined you could get stabbed and have your heart broken on the same day, or that the latter would hurt worse.

“Then what are you even doing here?!”

“I had to know you were OK. But as long as I’m getting death threats—”

“Wait, wait. You’re saying you’d rather give up being with me than give up a legal battle with powerful enemies?”

His eyes widened and he stared like a deer in the headlights, only where the deer was an insensitive workaholic, and the headlights were the blinding rays of truth. It wasn’t even a surprise that he hadn’t thought of it that way—this was every fight he’d had with an ex just before they broke up with him.

“I, uh—”

You grabbed his face and dragged him down into the softest kiss, which was not what he was expecting. He almost yelped (though it melted into a whine) when his fiery hot, coffee-flavored lips hit your cool ones. When he pulled back, lips wet and parted, his brow furrowed in confusion over still-widened eyes.

“You are… the sweetest.” Your hand lingered on his cheek as you gave a doped-up-on-painkillers smile. “The most selfless, noble… bravest… amazing man I have ever met. I love you so much.”

“I… what?”

“Rafael”—your thumb lazily stroked his cheek—“I know how much you care about me. Even though you’re married to your job and it’s frustrating as hell sometimes, I’ve never been insecure that you don’t love me enough. I know you never tell me about your cases because you want me to be able to sleep at night. You worry about me too much. And you always look so nervous whenever I leave, like you think I’m never coming back this time.

“So the fact that you would sacrifice your own happiness before you’d let an injustice go unanswered… that’s incredible. You do nothing but give a voice to the voiceless all day, working yourself to the bone without considering the cost to your personal life. You’re like a superhero, ADA Barba.”

A short breath of a laugh escaped his lips as his hand came up to the side of his face to cover yours. His eyes were watery, and he looked like he was about to break down again as he bitterly whispered, “A superhero who almost got you killed.”

“I’m not leaving you, you know.”

“Cariño. If anything happened to you, I couldn’t—couldn’t…”

“Nothing’s going to happen. It’ll be OK. I’m not leaving you alone.”

A tear wavered precariously close to the rim of his eyelid until he turned away, rubbing his face. It was gone when he turned back. “You could have died because of my fucking work! I’ve never given you the time you deserve. How do you still want to be around me?”

“Hey, someone has to be there to protect you when you get yourself in trouble,” you grinned.

Rafael Barba couldn’t take any more. He bent over the hospital bed and wrapped his arms around you, doing his best not to snag any of the many tubes coming out of you or put any weight on anything below your diaphragm, but hugging you to him as tightly as he could. You felt his trembling breathing in your hair, and hot wet spots pooling on your neck.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Your free arm closed over his back, stroking his broad, tense muscles through his shirt. “I’m really glad I didn’t die,” you whispered, finally allowing yourself to feel scared now that he was here. “I didn’t want to die yet. Not like that.”

“I’m sorry.” He breathed in, and his arms tightened protectively. “You have no idea how terrified I was. I’m so sorry…”

“Shh,” you whispered. You clung to him, soothed by his familiar cedar and citrus scent, fainter now after a long, harrowing day, mixed with the masculine smell of sweat.

“I’m glad you’re alive, too. I can’t lose you. I can’t. I love you more than anything.”

Soon—too soon, because you wanted to continue talking—you drifted to sleep in his arms. And once again too soon, you woke up with your entire abdomen on fire, and nurses bringing you pain medication. Rafael was still there, half asleep next to you in the narrow bed.

He didn’t leave you.

Even if it put you in danger, he would rather be beside you, making sure you were OK than cutting you out of his life and hoping the bad guys got the memo. He couldn’t put you through that pain, even if he could do it to himself. Especially when you pondered aloud to him whether you’d survived because you were thinking about him—that you refused to die before seeing him again, knowing what a wreck he would be.

Recovery was long, and interspersed with doing nothing but fall asleep when you’d rather stay awake, and not being able to sleep at all. Rafael (and his security detail) moved into your apartment when you were released from the hospital so he could take care of you—as grumpy and bossy and sarcastic as his bedside manner might be.

You swore you were going to sign up for Krav Maga or Cobra Kai or something once you could exercise again, since apparently you were not a secret knife-fighting ninja deep down. Next time, you wanted to be a badass who could fight back, and never let anyone harm your overzealous ADA when he kicked the hornet’s nest.

Eventually, you would convince him that it wasn’t his fault that bad guys had acted like bad guys. And he would convince you that taking care of you wasn’t a burden—that the emergency time off from work was worth it. He started replacing “sorry” with “I love you.”

In the end, while you wouldn’t say being stabbed was a good thing, or that you’d choose to be stabbed again if you had the option, it did ensure Heredio was put away for a long, long time. It left you with a cool scar, and a new catchphrase for expressing your displeasure—“I’d rather be stabbed again than do the dishes!”

Fine, it also left you jumpy and made your chest tight whenever you found yourself alone in an elevator.

But most importantly, it brought down the walls Rafael had been keeping up around himself. He talked to you more. You talked to each other more. And he remembered to—on occasion—take time out of his heroic, selfless life of battling injustice, and selfishly spend it with you.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

@beccabarba / @itsjustmyfantasyroom / @dianilaws / @permanentlydizzy / @mrsrafaelbarba / @madamsnape921 / @astrangegirlsmind / @neely1177 / @onerestein / @delia26 / @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes / @storiesofsvu

#Rafael Barba #Rafael Barba x Reader #my writing

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captaincravatthecapricious · 3 years

Text

Sick Fic I Didn’t Bother to Name Part 2

Basically Jon is sick post canon and Tim lives and is looking after him while Martin is at work. See look you don't have to read chapter one!

Okay so I know we all expect my fics on Wednesday, but next week it will probably have to be early Tuesday morning. So keep an eye out. Wish I didn't have to switch it up, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

cw fever, delusions sort of? sort of flashback?, past strained friendships, I think that's it?

Jon is starting to lose track of time. Getting lost between the seconds. Gaping spaces where he isn’t awake enough to register what is going on or what episode he and Tim are supposed to be on. He’s lost in the moments his gummy eyes are closed and between strained breaths.

He knows it’s the fever. And he thinks he knows where he is.

He’s on the couch with Tim.

In his and Martin’s home.

But between blinking and the gaping chasms between one tick of the clock and the next, he finds himself in places that have been gone. Long gone. Burned to the ground. Both the places and the things that occurred.

He’s on the couch he’s on the couch. He is on the couch. He is using Tim as a pillow. While Tim gently runs a hand through his curls. It would be soothing if he wasn’t also seeing another time. Another place. Another Tim.

A Tim with his face twisted in a familiar rage.

Shoving him. Redirecting a forgotten, graceless fall. Legs giving way under the strain of the worst couple months of his life. Whichever worst months those were… Because for a while each month was the worst in a new and horrifying way.

He is on the couch.

And Tim is speaking to him soothingly as his breath catches in a panic he knows is lost in time. Out of time. Unstuck like Billy Pilgrim. So it goes.

It would have been a sensible fear years ago.

It Was sensible.

When the exhausted slip of the tongue and static echoed off the hatred behind Tim’s eyes, ricocheting. At least once slamming Jon against the wall when he lost control.

And he knows he isn’t making sense. And he knows that Tim would never raise a hand against him. And it wasn’t as if Tim ever really did. But he wasn’t gentle. Touches that once-and-now mean comfort and safety then meant something too tight too rough too much and sent him into walls or to the floor or caused bruises on his stupidly sensitive skin.

Jon is on the couch, mumbling to himself feverishly.

Tim is worried. Jon’s fever is up, despite the recent medication and the damp flannel on his forehead. Tim doesn’t even think it’s too high, but Jon has always been delicate. Or has been recently. Tim wishes he could cast his mind back far enough to confirm that this is just the way his friend has always been, and not a recent development in the years in the Archives where the world was against this slip of a person.

Tim tries not to think about it. Because he can’t lose himself to regret when Jon is facing whatever his mind is throwing at him. Even when his mind could very well be throwing the memory of a Tim that the present Tim regrets. Guilt is something for the bottom of a bottle. Or in the muscle cramping heat of the heavy beat pounding music and pounding feet. Or in the thick of paint fumes and the wet splat of a brush against the walls.

Guilt and anger are not meant for quiet moments on the couch watching over a sick friend. Not for episodes of Avatar the Last of the Airbenders.

No, this is how you rewrite the guilt and rage.

He will regret and be angry with himself and the situation that is no longer the situation when he has his coping mechanisms, both constructive and self destructive.

He soothes Jon. With quiet reassurances and a gentle embrace, trying to gauge if Tim will have to step back to sooth, or if the words are helping, or if he should pause the show or if the familiar noise will help ground Jon.

In another time, Jon stumbles across Tim in the break room. Limping his way to make some tea and let that sooth the fire beneath his skin and the heavy weight of trauma. Rubbed raw wrists. His body failing to bounce back after kidnapping. And the taste of static as the question he’s already forgotten pulls and answer he can’t comprehend from Tim.

The twist of lips in a snarl.

Jon reaching out to apologize, but Tim jerks away.

Sending the unsteady Jon reeling.

Tim is gone before Jon hits the ground. Too dizzy to keep his feet.

Jon is crying, and Tim wonders if he has grounds to blame himself. He will anyhow, but he wonders if it is justified this time.

But he can’t act on that sort of regret. Substantiated or not. This is not the time.

“Hey, ace.” If Jon were more lucid, he would absolutely hate the nickname. Tim loves it. It combines a lovely gender neutral expression with the happy double meaning of Jon’s sexuality. Tim feels that it could serve to ground Jon to a friendlier memory. Not to mention, well. Okay he wouldn’t Hate the term. But he would love to make a show of hating it. “You with me?” He pats Jon’s face lightly, and gently wipes away the tears. He isn’t really sure if Jon is sleeping or hallucinating or just uncomfortable.

Jon frowns. He struggles with coordination enough to rub at his eyes. Eventually he cracks open a fever glazed eye, bringing (Tim assumes) the world into whatever blurry focus he can without glasses.

“Tim?” Jon’s voice is rough. Tim isn’t sure if it from congestion settling or just disuse.

“The one and only.” He throws in a cheeky wink. He wants to say more, but doesn’t know where Jon is in his mind.

A clammy hand reaches up and traces some of the scars Tim got in the unknowing.

Tentative. Both with the lack of clear vision, probably, and with a hesitation that Tim is fairly certain that comes with an uncertainty of where their relationship stands.

“What?”

Again, Tim isn’t sure if this is Jon lost in the past or just hazy on some details.

“It’s Tuesday and Martin made you call out from work today. Martin would have stayed, but I got off from work earlier today, so I am keeping you company. Sasha is at work, though. She’s probably jealous. Uh… We’re watching Avatar. Which you always complain about, but I know that’s just for show because I know you watch it on your own. Oh! And my favorite part! The Magnus Institute has been burned to the ground! And please don’t try to know anything, because you’re sick enough please don’t give yourself a migraine.”

Jon doesn’t give him the typical annoyed look at over-explanations, so Tim has to guess that Jon was missing some of those details. Jon relaxes, however. Which is good. Lucid enough to understand what he’s saying.

“You back with me?” He asks Jon.

Jon makes a so-so gesture. He’s stopped crying, which is good, but he’s still hesitant to relax against Tim.

“Where had you gone?” Tim asks against his better judgement.

“Felt unstuck.” Jon’s hand closes over Tim’s wrist. Using it to cling to the here and now. Tim understands that feeling.

“Anything I can do?”

“Just… be here?”

“Not going anywhere, bud.” Tim promises.

Being shoved. Hitting the ground. Curled on the unforgiving tile.

He’s on the couch. Tim is here, and he’s kind and solid.

Tim is shouting. Angry. Biting. Chilling words. Bent too far to be a friend. Twisted.

Jon is getting dizzy from the unstuck feeling.

Everything is spinning and he is dreadfully cold.

Aching cold.

But he’s afraid that every drag of his eyelids will take him back to echoing shouts and freezing tile and bruising hands.

Jon wakes up screaming. He tries to pull himself up, the blanket wrapped around him like restraints and he wants to be up and moving and free. He screams when someone grabs his arms.

Tight grip, enough to leave marks over his raw wrists. Tim shaking him until the world upends itself and he’s on the floor. On the floor. On the floor.

As Tim looms. Angry and shouting and tall. And Jon is so so so small. Breakable. In a way that no one seems to notice until he’s broken in front of them.

He’s on the floor of his living room. There are no bruises. No rope burns.

Just a precariously high fever. Sitting crying and dizzy in the thick tangled blankets.

Tim kneeling before him, making his posture as unthreatening as possible.

“Jon? Bud? You back with me?”

Five things he can see. Tim. The laptop. His cane. The couch. His ace ring.

Four he can hear. His own pounding heart. His strained breaths. Uncle Iroh on the laptop. Tim’s voice.

Three he can feel. His sweat damp frizzed hairs plastered to his forehead. The thick blanket that takes turns being a comforting weight and a panic inducing restriction. Again, his heartbeat.

Did he take his medicine this morning?

Is he up for more medicine for his fever yet?

The heat of anxiety is easing him back into the ice fever chills.

Tim is reaching for him. Offering him a hand. Instead he tips forwards against him.

“Back with you.” Jon assures, finding his voice at length.

For sure this time.

Nothing like panic to jolt him back aware.

Tim settles him back on the couch with care. Presses a kiss to his forehead, and tucks him in again against the shivers.

Jon settles back to watch another episode, Tim as his pillow once more.

#the magnus archives #fic #tma #jonathan sims #tim stoker #timothy stoker #cw fever #cw strained frindships #in the past its all good now #cw hallucinations #sort of

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onceuponaloonatic · 3 years

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Can you update the misahyo au?

of course !!

In the nearly twenty years of being with Sana, Jihyo had never come home to her crying. Sure Sana had cried plenty once she was home, and while she wasn’t at home, but never once had Jihyo come home to Sana sobbing. It seemed today was a day of firsts.

After dropping Nayeon off, Jihyo had taken her and Nico home, too far into her head about what Sana had told her to really listen to Nico and engage with her on the ride. Once they got home, Jihyo helped Nico out of her car seat and brought her inside. She helped her with her shoes and then told her she was going to check on Sana and Mina. As awful as it made Jihyo, she just needed to see Sana. She needed to see how her wife was and she needed to hold her. Even if it meant she left Nico by the entry to their house, standing awkwardly by the locked front door. (Jihyo had made sure to check that it was locked the minute she and Nico were inside. Jihyo finds Sana on the couch. She’s curled up in a ball, and a mess of tears. She meets Jihyo’s eyes and Jihyo can feel her heart shattering at the sight of her wife so absolutely destroyed. Sana looked so scared. Jihyo was with her immediately. After a quick check to make sure Sana was okay with a hug, Jihyo wrapped her up so tightly. She didn’t want to let go. She ended up holding Sana. She needed to be here for her. Of course she wished Mina was here too, but right now she could only focus on Sana.

“Mama?” The moment is broken when Jihyo sees Nico standing there staring at the two of them. She looks like she’s about to cry.

“N-Nico.” “What’s wrong with mommy?” Sana sobbed harder at the questions, cuddling closer to Jihyo. “It-it’s nothing baby. Why don’t you go play upstairs? Mommy is just a little sad about… Big kid stuff.” “Mommy okay?” Nico asked, the tears spilling over as she watched Sana fall apart. Jihyo’s heart somehow broke even more at the sight. “Just go upstairs please.” Jihyo knew she was being too harsh, but she couldn’t keep three people from completely falling apart. “Mommy… Mommy okay?” More tears spilled out from both Nico and Sana. Sana shook in Jihyo’s arms while Nico stood in front of her, both on the verge of getting much worse. “Nico- please just go upstairs.” Jihyo sighed.

“No!” Nico screamed, more tears coming out as she started sobbing. “Mommy okay?” “Nico…” Sana muttered from Jihyo's arms. Nico stayed for a few more seconds before running off, and Jihyo made sure to follow her long enough to know she went upstairs. Jihyo sighed as Sana shifted closer to her. She was still shaking in Jihyo’s arms. “Babe can you-go make sure she’s okay?” “I will in a bit but I need to make sure you're okay first.” Sana shifted closer to Jihyo, burying her face into her chest. Her breathing was starting to even out, and Jihyo couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Sana calming down a bit.

“I’m fine.” Sana insisted. “No love you're not, and that’s okay. It’s really scary. And you need to feel that fear and sadness. You are a mom, but you're also a person Sana. Burying your emotions even if it is for Nico isn’t going to be good in the long run. It’s going to hurt you and Nico.” Jihyo started drawing small shapes on Sana’s back, pressing kisses to her head as she thought about what to say. It was scary, for all of them. In Jihyo’s arms, Sana took a few shaky deep breaths, slowly regaining control of her mind. “You’ve been a mom for as long as I have, how are you better at it?” Sana muttered once she was calm. As she came down, she felt exhaustion creep in. “I’m not better at it.” Jihyo muttered between kisses to Sana’s hairline. “I just think we need to be our best for her. And sometimes to be our best we need to take some time for ourselves.” “Look at you, such a good mama. I married the right person.” Sana joked, settling against Jihyo and closing her eyes. “You and Mina.” “Mina….” Jihyo sighed. “I’m-” Jihyo and Sana were both surprised when the doorbell rang. Jihyo felt Sana immediately tense up again, all of the tension returning to her body and her face went from sleepy to scared in seconds. Jihyo took a deep breath, knowing it was probably not Sana’s parents. They had no way of knowing their address. Momo’s mother wouldn’t tell them and it’s not like they had talked to Sana since they got arrested. Even with that knowledge though, she still couldn’t help the tension building up inside her. Jihyo made Sana stay on the couch, and the minute she’s gone Sana is grabbing a throw pillow for comfort. Jihyo had to get on her tip toes to properly see through the peephole and Sana would have laughed at her if she was in a better mood. “It’s just Nayeon and Momo.” Jihyo announced to Sana, seeing her wife relax. She couldn’t blame her, Jihyo felt relief flood her as well as she opened the door. “Hey guys, now’s not a great time so-”

“I know. I’m here for Sana.” Momo looked like a woman on a mission as she interrupted Jihyo. “My mom told me what was going on and to check on her.”

“She’s in the living room.” Jihyo knew Momo could be protective, especially when it came to Sana. They had been friends for so long, and Momo was some of the only biological family Sana had left. She knew Momo was one of the best people for Sana right now. “And I’m here for Nico.” Nayeon announced. “Nico?” Jihyo asked. “I’m guessing you guys upset her.” Nayeon moved inside to take her shoes off and Jihyo closed the door behind her, immediately making sure to lock it. “I-how did you know?” Jihyo asked, genuinely surprised. “We have a special bond.” Jihyo looked at Nayeon accusingly. “Alright alright, Mina texted me she was really upset.” “Mina?” “Apparently she went to Mina after you told her to go upstairs. She told Mina what happened and Mina told me.” Nayeon explained. “I can take Nico if you want to talk to Mina… I know you're trying to give Mina her space, but I think it’s time you guys talk.” “Did Mina say anything to you?” Nayeon sighed and nodded no. “She doesn’t have to. This is one of the longest episodes she had in a while, and it’s affecting all of you. With this stuff with Sana’s parents going on, I think you guys need to sort out what’s going on with Mina like now. It’s hurting all three of you, and it’s hurting Nico. This is one of her first times being around Mina when she’s like this- I’m sure she’s confused and scared and it’s stressing her out. When you add Sana on top of it, god I can only imagine how scary it must be at her age.” Nayeon explained. “Maybe that’s why she was so upset earlier when Sana was crying…” Jihyo thought aloud. “I have a feeling that contributed. I think it’s also pretty disorienting to come home to your mom having a breakdown and your other mom basically telling you to go away. She’s three Hyo, she isn’t exactly capable of completely understanding things like anxiety and depression and breakdowns. You did the right thing sending her upstairs, but I also think you could have handled it a little better.” Nayeon sighed. “But that’s okay. You guys are learning. A big part of parenting is learning. You're going to make some mistakes along the way and Nico’s going to be mad at you or upset for a bit, but as long as you make it right it will all workout.” “Thanks Nayeon Unnie…” Jihyo sighed. Nayeon really was one of the best people in Jihyo’s life. As much as she complained about the older girl, she and Jeongyeon had always been Jihyo;s rocks. “It’s easy to have perspective on stuff like this when you are on the outside. But really as hard as it is, at the end of the day it’s up to you to make the decisions you think are right for Nico.” Nayeon put a comforting hand on Jihyo’s shoulder. “Now, I’ll be upstairs with Nico. You might want to give Momo a minute alone with Sana, you know and I both know Momo knows things about Sana neither of us will ever understand.” Nayeon explained.

“Yeah, you're right, I’ll go check in on Mina… I’m sure she’s rattled.” Jihyo sighed.

“Sure. And Hyo, make sure you don’t take on too much. You tend to do that sometimes.” Nayeon sighed, letting go of Jihyo’s shoulder. Jihyo followed her friend upstairs, Nayeon immediately went to Nico’s room. Her door was open, and in passing Jihyo could see her with her face buried into her giant stuffed bear Sana had insisted on getting for Nico’s third birthday. On a trip to Costco, Nico had seen the giant stuffed bears and absolutely fell in love. Convincing her to let go of the bear was one of the hardest things in the world to do. She had thrown a huge fit and Jihyo had to take her to the car. After a full blown meltdown, she had an asthma attack in the car. After that, Nico seemingly forgot about the bear. When her birthday was coming up, Sana had decided it would be a good gift for her, despite the fact they had already picked out quite a few gifts for their little princess. Nico had nearly died when she saw it on her birthday. She jumped up and down and almost had another asthma attack when she came downstairs and found it in the living room.

“Mina…” Jihyo found her wife in the bed. Mina looked like she was crying, her form shaking under the covers. “Love, it’s me again.” “I’m starting to think you might live here.” Jihyo could’t help but crack a smile at that. At least Mina could still crack a small joke. “Maybe I just really like the girls that live here.” Jihyo responded, moving closer to the bed. “Nayeon’s with her right now. Momo is with Sana.” Jihyo sat on the edge of the bed. She reached a hand towards Mina, but stopped herself midway. “Hey love… You don’t have to talk about it yet, but we- we can’t keep this up. Nico can’t- I can’t- I don’t want to rush you my love but we can’t do this forever. Maybe just, can we talk about making things a little better?” Mina was quiet at that, snuggling closer to the covers. Jihyo hates seeing the tears on her love’s face. “I- Nico told me something was wrong with Sana.” Mina’s voice was hoarse. Jihyo made a mental note to grab her some water later. “Yeah… But it’s- we should talk about you first.” Jihyo sighed. “Please my love… It hurts all of us to see you this way.” “I-I’m sorry.” Mina started sobbing some more. Jihyo hated it. She hated knowing Mina was in so much pain. “No no baby it’s okay. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel like this. We just- we love you. And we want to help you feel a little better.” Jihyo muttered, tangling her fingers in Mina’s hair. “You don’t have to be perfect Mina. None of us expect that from you. Me, Sana, Nico, none of us expected you to be perfect. You know that, right?” Mina’s silence was the answer to Jihyo’s question. “Love, none of us expect you to be perfect. You’re already doing so good. We are all so proud of you.” “Nico too?” “Of course. Nico thinks the world of you, but she knows no one is absolutely perfect.” Jihyo muttered. “She loves all of us so much. She loves you so much.” “What about today?” Jihyo gently moved all the hair stuck to Mina’s face away. “You and I both made mistakes today baby. But it’s okay. She’s fine- I should have texted you and warned you she was in a fragile mood. The last few days… Haven’t been ideal for all of us, her included. Nayeon is with her right now. She told me everyone is going to make mistakes and part of parenting is learning. None of us really know what we’re doing… Do we?” “No.” Mina couldn’t help but giggle. Her crying had stopped, and Jihyo was more than relieved to see the small crack in Mina’s face “Exactly. We can make things better, but we both need to put in a little effort, okay?” Jihyo swiped her thumb across Mina’s cheek. “Mm-kay.” “Okay?” “Mm-hum.” Jihyo continued swapping her thumbs across Mina’s cheeks. “I want to see Nico.” “You don’t have to love.” “I want to.” Mina sat up, reaching for one of Jihyo’s hands. Jihyo immediately held it. “Okay.” Jihyo smiled. “Let’s go.” Mina held tightly to Jihyo’s hand as they made the short journey to Nico’s room. Her door was closed, so Jihyo knocked on it. At Nayeon’s “come in” Jihyo slowly opened the door, keeping eye contact with Mina to make sure she was okay. At Mina’s insistence, Jihyo opened the door. “Hello.” Nayeon greeted them. Nico was in Nayeon’s lap, her face buried in Nayeon’s stomach. “Hey Nico, we have some visitors.” She seemed calmer, sleepily cuddling with Nayeon. “Hey sweetheart.” Jihyo led Mina to sit next to Nayeon and their daughter. “I’m sorry about earlier. I know you were worried about Mommy. And that was sweet, but um the thing with mommy, it was adult stuff. I know you want to help and that’s really sweet of you.” “And I’m sorry too baby, I- haven’t been feeling well lately and I shouldn’t have gotten mad. Can you forgive Ka-san?” “Katsu?” Nico looked up from Nayeon, tears still lingering on her cheeks. “You want Katsu?” Mina couldn’t help but giggle. “Uh-hum.” “Alright, you can have all the katsu curry you want.” Nico brightened a little, reaching a hand out from Mina. The two held hands and Mina brought Nico’s hand up to kiss it. “I love you.” “I love you too ka-san.”

#twice #misahyo #myoui mina #minatozaki sana #park jihyo #im nayeon #hirai momo #namo #misahyo au

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