#this isnt even touching on the stuff I am simply BAD at

[phantomrose96]

Yknow I don't think I've... talked about the absolute smorgasbord of shit what's gone wrong with my condo since I moved in so

day 0 - hadn't moved in yet, was just moving items over, turned the sink on for just a moment. turns out the tube feeding into the sink faucet was full of holes (how???) and this caused a never-ending leak under the sink. the standing water rotted the baseboard under the sink

still day 0 - said leak and water accrual dripped down and damaged downstairs neighbor's ceiling ($$$). she has to call me to tell me about it.

I have to get a plumber out there next day (still not living there yet! empty place! I have to take off work). While waiting for plumber, I discover heat's not working.

Go to basement to investigate boiler. Seller didn't fix the issue they claimed they fixed.

Plumber looks at sink. Declares it full of holes. Says he can come back in a few days to fix it.

(Plumber postpones, then flakes. I chase down a different plumber.)

Plumber 2 says the issue is with the garbage disposal, not the faucet. Can come back x days later to work on that, and the boiler.

Plumber 2 comes back x days later (I have to take off work again), says "oh the disposal was messed up but also the faucet has holes." Says he can come back maybe the NEXT day with a new faucet

Oh also the smoke detector in the back hall is low battery beeping and I don't have a battery for it. It's constant, every minute on the minute.

I bike to a hardware store and buy a faucet and a battery ($$). Get lost on the way home. (All of this back and forth is by bike. I live in the city and do not have a car.)

Plumber replaces the faucet ($$). I replace the smoke detector battery but it's still beeping. Dozens of more stupid minutes later of going up and down and up and down stairs and dragging my big stupid ladder around, I realize it's the carbon monoxide detector which is hidden behind the door I need to open to even get to the back hallway.

Plumber services the boiler ($$$)

I move in. I have a less than great time emptying everything from my apartment, which doesn't have plumbing issues. On a bad foot to start.

Travel for Christmas. Come back. Now the first floor back-hall smoke detector is beeping. (At least I have a fucking battery. Get my big stupid ladder down the back hall, knock every wall on the way down, and replace that battery).

I get first month's heating bill (I'd been living there for 10 days if even.) $334. Jesus christ. Likely due to the boiler issue.

Electricity goes out for the evening, same day as I get this bill from the gas and electric company, because fuck you I guess.

Homeowners insurance log in doesn't work. I haven't received my bill, which I need to pay.

Radiators bang in the middle of the night. Something something about them being old or not level or full of ghosts. Cool I don't need to sleep or whatever.

I've received no correspondence from the bank about my first mortgage payment. It'll be due Jan 1st, which is a holiday, so I reach out early. They say it's in the mail.

I monitor my mail every day. I receive no mail. I contact again. I reach out to my old apartment building in case it's there (they can't tell me). I sign up for a bank account with them online. I jump through various hoops to discover the bank has my address wrong. The address of the place the mortgage is on...

They had the mortgage address right. They had my home address as identical to the mortgage address but with one number missing. No one noticed. They'd been sending my stuff to a non-existent address, or the back of a college warehouse, I haven't quite figured it out.

I jump through more hoops to pay my mortgage payment with a check in the mail (I had to go buy stamps and an envelope) (late, but they assure me there's no penalty, but are you sure.)

^This has all been about 2 weeks. btw.

(I get a therapist, and find my way to being seen by a psychiatrist, which I guess is good but jesus is it $$$. Still figuring out how to use my stupid HSA)

People on floor 1 move out. They've got contractors in constantly renovating the place top to bottom. I get all their paint fumes.

Sound proofing doesn't exist, turns out. I hear my downstairs neighbors' conversations. I hear their tv. I hear street conversations. One night it was pouring rain and I was woken up by the sound of something banging against the house. Like genuinely banging. I go outside and investigate - it's a car idling with their windshield wipers going. Windshield wipers. Why would that be audible. Walls made of paper.

Floor 1 contactors leave the back door open one night. Luckily I wasn't storing anything in the back hall and had the door to my interior locked.

I receive my next month's heating bill. $689. I call the gas company and they shrug. I call the plumber and he shrugs. I turn the heat way down cuz I don't know. I dunno. Something's wrong with the boiler but it just got serviced so I dunno. I have to call someone else.

Speak of the devil, cones appear immediately outside my building declaring there's going to be gas line work. For a month. They start with the jackhammers at 8am every weekday. It's gonna be a month. I miss the windshield wipers.

We have a weekend of arctic freeze. -30F windchill. I go down to the basement Sunday morning to do laundry. Floor 1 contractors have outdone themselves by leaving a window open. Pipe had burst in floor 1 and was pouring water down into the basement, totally flooded.

I have to call the plumber, and flag the Floor 2 people about it and they at least find the master water shutoff. I'm dealing with the plumber and I have no water for half the day and no laundry for me.

I want to lie down in a marsh for a bit.

#chrissy speaks #this isnt even touching on the stuff I am simply BAD at #like figuring out furnishing #which has been a whole fucking ordeal but thats because im bad at it so its not like i can blame anything else

[typekiku]

thoughts on TYPE MOON stuff

well these are my the type moon stuff i have read or watched or whatever so far. this is my opinion only so its inherently correct argue with the wall or touch grass as the youth say SO here it goes drum roll

FATE EXTRA

boring as shit. no joke im sorry its just booty cheeks but of the not sexy kind. its beyond mid its so mid i cant even act like i enjoyed it. it has an interesting concept and world sure but everything else is doo doo butter.

only good part is nero being hot asf and ig whatever servant there is because i only used nero (lmao i aint playing it all over again) she was funny at times

see shes hilarious at times... im sure CCC will change my mind... right? it has sakura what am i saying its PEAK

also fuck them for including arcueid in this crap

GARDEN OF SINNERS

i honestly dont have much to say about this one it never really clicked with me nor did i ever feel anything about it... BESIDES TOUKO

TOUKO IS SO HOT OMG

clears throat

that aside yea i genuinely dont have any opinion on this series of movies good or bad besides movies 3 and 5 which were my favorites

maybe i need to rewatch em one day and really try to get into it

FATE STRANGE FAKE

my favorite spin off in the whole fate franchise. it has some of my absolute favorite characters and GIL like what else would one even want in life amirite

some of my favorites are:

Richard: the absolute goat and one of my fav servants ever

Enkidu: i want a spinoff of gil and enkidu... is that so hard to ask??

Flat: my son

Jack: my uhhh child ig

alcides: the closest we will get to archer herc but just pure cool regardless

hansa: cyborg priest. nothing gets cooler then that

and many more im already too ti- FILIA - red to mention

i've only read up to volume 7 so i gotta get to reading the rest soon

its just pure chaos and is fun while doing so despite being slow as shit

FATE GRAND ORDER

ok this is the most complicated series here in a way since its so incredibly mixed.

there are some of the highest peaks in fate and then some of the lowest lows so lets see

Highest peaks:

babylonia

Camelot

lb5 (YES olympus and atlantis im tired of acting like olympus isnt peak NO heian kyo its mid)

LB6

the rest of the lostbelts are good but not that good

goetia is an incredible villain

lowest lows:

first five singularities

solomon im sorry the stuff with goetia was peak but the rest was average

gameplay

gacha

serious lack of male summer servants like cmon i wanna see them abs

overall fgo is alright but some parts of it is straight up incredible HOWEVER all of it is seriously held back by being a gacha mobile game and has to work around that limitation

also it has barghest whom i absolutely adore

also fuck fgo for forgetting medea...

WITCH ON THE HOLY NIGHT

now this is peak. the most gorgeous tm work by far i have to say its simply an incredible read all around. even tsukire did not look or work or sound as good as mahoyo did even tho it came out almost ten(?) years after

on the story front i loved it too with a special shoutout to soujuuro being one of my favorite characters in TM (i say this often not my fault type moon keeps releasing bangers)

however mahoyo has two issues for me:

the story is clearly incomplete: i dont mean its just nonsense or whatever but when nasu said its the first of a trilogy you can just feel that in the story with alot of things being left in the air. this wouldnt be an issue really if mahoyo 2 wasnt basically dead....

i didnt vibe with the slice of life scenes as much as i usually do in nasu works: this isnt a flaw in the story more so i just didnt like em idk how else to word that

mahoyo is a great read however and i highly highly recommend you read it or else

it also has touko enough said

TSUKIHIME (original version)

Greatest of all time. Zenith of the medium. Hallmark of media. Gold standard of storytelling. Apogee of creativity. Vertex of invention. Crest of ingenuity. Acme of imagination. Pinnacle of innovation. Epic of epics. Legend among legends. Peak fiction

ok fr tho its actually incredible and you should read it right the fuck now

all of the characters are simply chefs kiss. while the visual novel is incredibly dated and the art is even worse you have to understand this is nasu and takeuchis first ever visual novel made on a barely existing budget.

boy do they make up for that.

the vn is split into two with a near side and far side.

while the near side is really good with arcueid and ciels route (ignore how ciel was actually really fucked over even in her own route its laughable and my girl deserved better) the far side is so much more better and really is where the soul of tsukihime and shiki the main character lies

i cba to review it properly besides saying PLEASE READ IT RN or ill cry and you dont wanna see that do you....

heres my ranking of the routes btw best to worse:

hisui

kohaku

akiha

arcueid

ciel

shoutout to satsuki you finally are gonna get the route you deserved

KAGETSU TOHYA

um it has some cool lore and some really good short stories and... yea thats about it...

dont have much else to add...

play it with a guide because the structure of the game is abysmal

FATE STAY NIGHT

what is there to be said about such a masterpiece? what else could be written about fsn that hasnt been written before? i am but an ant in the shadow of the giant that is FSN only seeking some crumbs to feed and live off of. idk what that means but it sounds cool.

FSN is simply tms best work all around. while i prefer tsuki over it and find the tsuki side of TM more interesting FSN overall is much stronger on most fronts but especially its main characters

Shirou emiya is simply the goat nothing else to be said tbh

heres my ranking of the routes:

issei route

heavens feel

ubw

fate

FATE ROUTE MUST BE REANIMATED RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SABER DESERVES TO HAVE A PROPER ADAPTATION RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

we need more medea and kuzuki holy shit are they cute

FATE HOLLOW ATARAXIA

thank you type moon for making a good kagetsu tohya. its actually impressive just how much better this is then KT like seriously what the fuck did they take to drop this banger of a vn

KT had such shit comedy i didnt even giggle throughout it but THIS

THIS is a emotional rollercoaster of a whole different kind.

introducing the third (arc and medea are first and second) love of my life Bazett and angra we go through an incredible main story intermingled with hilarious and wholesome slice of life scenes that never overstay their welcome

this vn completely changed my opinion on some characters especially illya who went from someone i was kinda 50/50 on to adoring her overall

ALSO MEDEA SCENES YES I WON MOTHERFUCKERS I WO- huh? whats that? fgo basically replaced her with medea lily?

one hour of sobbing later

if you have read fsn and not FHA then i must ask you.. wtf is wrong with you psycho? you like missing out on good things? that wouldnt be me is all im saying

read it.

(in case you're wondering yes there is someone i deliberately didnt mention because my opinion on them is too complicated)

TSUKIHIME REMAKE

im not a fan of remaking classics on the level of tsuki. with all its flaws i still find the original to be good enough to not need a remake...

UNTIL I READ THE REMAKE

this is how you do it folks. the story was elevated on nearly every level and if it was the complete story id say its the best ever in existence ever forever fr. its just that good.

there are three things i really want to point out:

while maybe goin overboard i really liked the buffs all the characters received and in general the whole worldbuilding is so much better now with idea bloods and principles and vampire hierarchies and arcueid inflation scenes (heh) its just epic

ciel got a so much better route that actually feels like a ciel route and not just arcueid route 2 electric bugaloo (and getting fucking cucked)

noel is peak

this is peak type moon and when red garden comes out it will be even BETTER especially with satsuki route because satsuki deserves it

there are some other short stories i havent mentioned like garden of avalon, notes, MAGNITUNING (look it up you wont regret it) its all great and worth the time of reading

eventually i wanna play CCC and read some other stuff like maybe prillya DDD, fgo jp like lb7 traum and whatnot

i just wrote this for fun so dont really take anything i say seriously except for the teeny little part where im inherently correct.

uh if you are reading like or share or whatever tf it was idk

ciao

#fate stay night #type moon #kara no kyoukai #tsukihime #nerding out #arcueid brunestud #medea ily pls come back #fate extra #fate hollow ataraxia #fate grand order

[dinoace2]

Back and Forth

Anyone else make self-indulgent fics, writing themselves into scenes to try and salvage the situation that had just happened? No? That's a me thing? Ok cool

⚠️⚠️⚠️!!!!!JJK SEASON 2 SPOILERS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!⚠️⚠️⚠️

Anyway I love Nanami he is my favorite and he deserved better and I sobbed for 2 hours after all that.

The fic surrounds the reader(me lol), a childhood friend of Nanami, born to the inumaki clan but struggled to accept her position. She saw the danger in Shibuya and couldn't simply stand by, so here we are.

>3k words, Angst throughout, but happy(?) and peaceful ending. Segments in italics are memories throughout their past, and the one bolded paragraph is that natrator who explains stuff occasionally. Only kinda proofread ish so if there's grammar issues I am sorry

TW: I feel as though this should be obvious but blood and death will be a recurring thing here. Also she vomits like 3 times

Characters mentioned/involved: reader, Nanami, Mahito, Itadori, Arata Nitta, Shoko, Yaga, and Toge Inumaki.

(Character doesn't know all of these people by name so she describes them, and it is first person so here's the reference list:

Mahito is the stitched man, itadori is the pink-haired kid, Arata is the blonde kid, Shoko is the woman with the cigarette, and Yaga is the man with the sunglasses.)

Ok let's go

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I shrugged, scrawling out another note on the pad in my lap, then held it out for my friend to read, trying my best to hold it still.

'It isnt that I don't WANT to help people. It's just a lot of pressure, you know? There's thousands of sorcerers out there...surely one can't make a massive difference in the grand scheme of things.'

Nanami looked at the scribble, deciphering my familiar chicken scratch with ease. "I suppose you have a point...and I certainly can't make you do anything but...all I can do is make recommendations. You're incredibly strong, you know that? If you actually put your mind to it...you really could do incredible things with your skills." He smiled, reaching for my hand. "Im sure the higher-ups would still be willing to make you an official sorcerer if you wanted."

I sighed, scribbling another response.

'Yes, but, that's the thing. I don't really WANT to be special or incredible, you know that. I have enough trouble in crowds as it is.'

I paused from my writing and touched my lips, my fingers gently grazing the tattoos on either side of my mouth. I was given these markings when I was way too young to properly have a choice. They're practically a burden as they are, sealing me to a responsibility I never asked for.

'I'll exorcise a minor curse if I happen to run into one, but I really don't see much need in becoming a big fighter like you or Geto or Gojo.'

He let out a sigh, nodding slowly as he looked back at me. "Yes...youre right. I understand."

Of course he does. He's the one who gets it more than anyone else.

He stood up to leave, his seat swaying in his absence, and I crumpled up our conversation, feeling at the paper beneath my fingers. I didn't know it then, but that was the last time we would meet on those old swings.

I wish I were as strong and brave as you,

"KENTO!"

My voice came out in a shrill shreik, cracking and breaking as I shouted a name that no longer had an owner. the lower half of his body crumpled to the floor, much to the glee of the strange figure standing over him. It was instantaneous, one moment he was standing there, and the next...? I couldn't even comprehend what had just happened.

~~~

It was halloween. I had been minding my business when I sensed a massive concentration of cursed energy near Shibuya. Whatever was over there, it was bad. I fought with myself for a long while. Surely the sorcerers could handle it. Surely everything would be fine, it always ended up that way anyway, especially with all the powerful guardians Japan has. I can stay put. What need would they have for a half-rate excuse of a sorcerer who feared her own voice anyway? Its fine.

I froze when I heard the voice. Some kid – no older than fifteen or so – stood at a rooftop, shouting something. I had initially paused because I recognized the name he was screaming to, but my heart sank when I heard what came next.

"NANAMI! NANAMI, WE NEED YOUR HELP! GOJO HAS BEEN SEALED!"

Gojo? As in...the Gojo? How could that-?

I'm not sure why or how but at that point my mind was made up. I changed into something more practical, pulled a mask over my mouth, and left my home to face the very thing I fled from decades ago.

~~~

The train station was nearly silent as I ran through it, sneaking around to avoid confrontation as much as I could.

I heard fighting in one of the terminals, and sensed a massive cursed force, spread out across possibly hundreds of vessels. What the hell...? And...with every hit, every grunt, every sound I heard, it was getting fewer. There was only one sorcerer in there, yet he was...taking on an army. On his own...

When I got closer I finally recognized who i was hearing. Nanami. Of course he was able to take on that much. He's always been strong, so of course this would be no different. I haven't spoken to him in years...maybe after this we can take more time to reconnect. The thought made me smile.

~~~

It was a nice day...we were all too young to be worried about anything...too young to care. I was sitting on the swings with one of my dearest friends, talking over the creak of the old chains. I had recently participated in an incredible family ceremony, and I was so excited for the life ahead of me.

"Grampa called it..um...cursed speak!" I said, my smile bigger than ever as I pointed to the marks on my chubby little cheeks. "I can tell people what to do and they'll do it! Even those ghost thingies that not everyone can see!" I giggled. "I wonder if I can make Mommy clean my room."

My friend chuckled. "Alright, just don't do it to me, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay, Ken! I promise I wont." I put on the most innocent little smile I could. "Youve always done stuff for me anyways, right?"

~~~

As I made it to the terminal, I was frozen in place. It was nearly devoid of life, the demolished corpses of mutated figures piled on the ground around a single person. That was him, wasn't it? Nanami Kento, one of the strongest, most composed men I had ever met, but...he was badly injured, half his torso mutilated, most likely by fire, and he was covered in blood and wounds beyond which I had ever even considered possible. I was so taken aback by the sight that I hardly paid any notice to the stitched-up man that approached him. I heard them speak, only for a brief moment. Nanami turned his gaze to a child who had walked in on the other side and muttered something i couldn't quite hear...

And then he was gone.

"KENTO!"

My cry, unexpected to even me, caught the attention of the man with the stitches. He looked at me, lips peeled back in a too-wide grin.

"Ohhh! You must be a friend of his! I don't think anyone's mentioned you before, so you must be new!" He giggled, stalking forward as more grotesque figures rose around him. "How would you like to join him?!"

For a moment I couldn't move, and in fact it looked like everything was moving in slow motion.

~~~

The same playground, the same people, the same swings. Just...a different time in our lives. We were both stronger, smarter, but still just kids.

"Man, we're gonna be so strong together! And we'll get to hang out so much, too! The academy said we would be in the same class!" I grinned. "Can't wait to beat you up in school! For a grade!" I laughed, feeling the wind on my pale hair as I swung.

Nanami nodded, the same grin on his lips. "I think youve got it wrong, if you think im gonna lose!"

We laughed for a while, until I was brought to an abrupt stop by rough hands on my back. A different kid, much bigger than me, shoved me out of my seat. Another look told me he wasn't a sorcerer, nor did he have any idea what we were capable of. "Youve been on the swings long enough, kid. I've decided it's my turn." He snickered as Nanami ran to my side, helping me up.

I glared at the boy, slightly shaken by the interruption. "H-hey...what was that for?"

He smirked. "Aww, what's the matter? Gonna cry?" He snickered as he took my seat, and I felt Kento's hands ball into fists at my side. "Hey! You better leave her alone!" He growled.

The boy crossed his arms. "Wow, someone's touchy. Why, is she your girlfriend?" He chuckled as Nanami's face went a few shades of red. "I dunno why you'd even wanna be with her anyway. She's got...weird tattoos all over her mouth, like some kinda delinquent who went to jail! Or maybe some circus freak!" His laughter only got louder, and Nanami began to growl as my shoulders shook from humiliation, tears beginning to blur my vision.

My lip quivered but I planted my feet, glaring at the boy in front of me. "Just....go AWAY!" I shouted. The realization hit as soon as the words left my lips, and I clapped a hand over my mouth, but the damage was done.

The boy was flung, almost cartoonishly, forced away as if some invisible monster had thrown him by the ankle. He hit the ground with a hard thud as concerned parents started running over.

I was frozen, I couldn't speak, couldn't think. I did that? Such level of power and destruction, quite literally at the tip of my tongue, and I just....did that?

I didn't talk much after that.

Decided that school wasn't really my thing, either.

~~~

I stared at the approaching man, and the dozens of mutilated human corpses surrounding him. Just how strong was this guy? How could he have done that to Nanami without a second thought? Too much coursed through my head, but one thing was clear.

He wouldn't be continuing.

I pulled down my mask, taking in a deep breath. My lip trembled, my chest shook, and my hands balled into fists.

"Shatter."

All at once, the bodies before me froze, trembling as massive cracks grew up from their feet. They cracked like glass yet their flesh made creaking, squelching noises as they began to break.

In a single, simultaneous moment, every single transmutated monstrosity exploded, a mess of blood, flesh, and gore unlike anything I'd ever seen before. My eyes widened, and my hands shook as I stared on at what remained.

The recoil hit me like a truck, my entire body feeling as if it were about to explode. I doubled over as vomit and blood poured out of my mouth with a pained retch. My throat felt hollow, and my chest felt as if it had been torn open. I could only cough and wheeze and whimper, leaning on the wall to remain upright. In my current state I didn't even notice what had happened right in front of me.

The pieces of the stitched man began to stretch and grow, reforming into his original shape. He looked at me with a twisted grin, slowly stalking toward me.

"Oh! I didn't know you were a cursed speech user! You didn't look like one at first!" I couldn't move as he approached. "But from those markings...youre an Inumaki, huh?" He chuckled.

"Wow....dyed your hair, got a mask on....you must have really wanted to be discreet! Almost like you –" he gasped in false shock, grinning ear to ear. "– Abandoned your clan like a little traitor~! That's fun! I'm all about forging your own path and stuff."

He smirked as he came face to face with my frozen, shaking form. "You abandoned your clan, then came running back to the battlefield to avenge a friend of yours! It would have been noble if it wasn't in vain." He snickered. "Youll die for nothing! How does that make you feel?" He cupped his ear, as though to listen for a response, then cackled. "After a shout like that, you'd be lucky if you could even whisper in the future! I'd expect your vocal cords to be in shreds at this point." He gasped, overcome with an idea. "Ooh, you know what would be even better?! If you went crawling back to your family yourself!"

He grabbed my chin. "I'm in a good mood right about now. So here's how it's going to go. I'll let you walk out of here on your own two feet, so you can stumble on back to that clan of yours and play charades with them until they realize you're their biggest failure of your generation!" He grinned, releasing me and turning toward the pink-haired kid who still stood shocked in the doorway. "Ta-ta now~, better get out of here before I change my mind."

My mind was reeling despite the fact that I couldn't move. This...this curse...had the audacity to tell me to run, with my tail between my legs? To flee, with empty hands, regardless of what more I could do? This thing had the temerity to tell me what to do?

Is that not what I've been trying to avoid my whole life?

~~~

"Incredible," he breathed, astonished. "Youre getting stronger, even if you don't know it." Nanami smiled, sitting on the old swing as I stood in front of him, arms raised as i finished demonstrating an odd move i had come up with and practiced. "Not a lot of people can even comprehend the idea of learning a new cursed technique, yet here you are, creating one of your very own. Impressive work, especially for someone with hardly any formal training."

I grabbed the notepad in my pocket, quickly scrawling a response.

'Its entirely possible that formal training would have suppressed this. If all are taught the general systems, it'll be hard to remain an individual.'

He chuckled. "I guess it's possible. But schooling aside, you really have become something special. Keep honing that skill...keep being you, and I bet you'll one day do something incredible, even if you don't see it. Even now, you found a workaround to vent out your cursed energy without using cursed speech."

I smiled, sitting in the empty swing next to him. I pressed one more folded note into his hand, gently swinging forward and back.

'No matter what I do, and how long we spend apart, you always support me. You give me confidence and let me feel like I can really....do something. And it's something that I want that you always encourage. I never feel forced around you. I suppose I want to say I'm glad you've always stuck by my side. I'm really glad you're my friend.'

Nanami smiled softly then reached over to take my hand, interlacing our fingers.

"Of course. I'm glad you're my friend too."

~~~

I scowled at the curse as he walked away, raising my hands in front of me as I pooled whatever cursed energy I had left into my palms. One hand raised to my eye level, and the other drew back, as though pulling the string of an invisible bow. I could only mouth the words as I conjured my power.

"Cursed technique: toybox."

Toybox: a cursed technique designed and used solely by a forsaken and forgotten member of the Inumaki clan. Playing into the often-overlooked yet highly versatile arsenal of a children's imagination, Toybox allowed its user to concentrate portions of her cursed energy into a physical form, most often taking the shape of a pointed arrowhead or the length of a blade. None could see this "weaponry" aside from the user herself, hence the reference to imagination and childrens' toys.

I took careful aim, seeking to strike the curse at its core. I had one shot at this, and in it, I poured every last bit of power I had left. With a shaky breath and a steady hand, I released the grip that was pulled back, sending the equivalent of a cursed bullet flying at the stitched man.

He was still for a moment, looking down at the sizeable hole in his chest.

His head twisted around unnaturally, only grinning as the wound sealed shut. "Oh dear. I gave you your chance. This simply won't do." He walked back toward me. "You keep distracting me from the person I actually want to kill! And I'm getting tired of wasting my time." He smiled lazily, shrugging. "Buuut, you certainly don't have anything left now. I can tell. You're all out!" He chuckled, as the aftershock of losing so much energy finally hit me like a brick wall.

Almost as if on cue, I clutched my stomach as more blood and bile rose from my throat, and he snickered. With a swift hit to the legs he made my knees buckle, sending me all too quickly to the floor. My head struck tile with a thud, and I'm sure I heard a crack. My vision blurred and my breath hitched, and I couldn't even flinch when his foot sunk into my gut, only drawing forth more blood and vomit.

The man above me sneered. "Youre a pest. And you aren't even worth my time. You were born weak, you lived a coward, and you'll die a failure. Now, instead of dealing with you swiftly like I should have, we're going to find out if it takes longer for you to bleed out, or choke on your own vomit like a wounded dog."

I could only watch as he walked away, gasping, shaking, and unable to move. No matter what I tried, no matter what I wanted to do, I remained still, feeling utterly broken and worthless. My vision was fading, my body beginning to shut down. I heard muffled conversation between the curse and the boy, before it all...stopped.

~~~

My eyes shut tight. Why didn't I feel anything? Why didn't it...hurt? I flinched as I felt a hand on my shoulder, instinctively pulling away and sitting upright. My jaw dropped when I saw him.

"K....Kento...?"

I couldn't believe it. There he was, kneeling in front of me, his blonde hair almost falling in his eyes. He smiled softly, holding out his hand. "...i dont think ive heard you say my name in a long time...did you miss me, by any chance?"

I didn't take his hand, but instead sprung from my spot into his arms, hugging him tightly. My body shook as tears stung my eyes, so many words I never said all rising to the surface.

So much to say, so many questions, so many words, yet the only thing that fell past my lips was, "I'm sorry."

He brushed a strand of hair over my ear, his smile never fading. "Whatever for? I couldn't be prouder of you."

That only caused me to choke on a sob, shaking my head as I buried my face in his chest. "B-but I couldn't fight him...I didn't do anything, I didn't help anyone...." my hands clenched. "I-i failed."

He shook his head, pulling me up to look at him. "My dear, you gave your all to defend a purpose. And I've known you practically our whole lives. Your existence was not in vain...and I can promise that others will agree. I promise, I will never be disappointed in you."

The tears that fell next were of a different kind. "...heh...you always knew how to make me feel better, Ken..."

He smiled, and I paused as I felt his lips press against my forehead. "Of course. Don't you remember? I always do stuff for you." He chuckled, watching my cheeks flush at the memory. I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. Of any possible chance, surely this was the best one I had to say it.

"Kento...you've been...my best friend and my closest ally....our whole lives. My greatest support and beloved confidant..." I whispered, taking his hands. "I love you, Nanami Kento, I always have. I....I know it's far too late to have said anything, and I should have done something better, or-or gone to you sooner, but-"

I was cut off by a calloused hand cupping my cheek, pulling me into the most gentle, loving kiss, like the kind from books that one could only dream for.

He smiled. "Im glad I could hear you say it. It probably would have been awkward if we had to make this exchange with handwritten notes," he chuckled. The off comment made me giggle, and I hugged him again. He simply held me to his chest, wordless, just allowing time to pass.

We spent what felt like hours in each other's arms, exchanging questions and catching up on every detail.

I didn't want to move, didn't want to leave this incredible, impossible moment. Despite the situation, despite what all just happened, I felt...peaceful. Safe. Almost...alive. Nothing else mattered right now.

All of a sudden, i...felt like I was being pulled. As if I was beginning to be torn away from Nanami's arms. He looked down at me, noticing the invisible force.

"Kento, what...what's happening?" I whispered, clinging to him now with more strength.

He...he smiled, brushing back my hair and pressing a kiss to my forehead. "...looks like it's not quite your time yet. You get to keep going."

Fresh tears sprung to my eyes and I shook my head, burying my face in his chest. "N-no, I....I can't...I can't go back...I can't face them...I can't do anything..."

Our embrace was short-lived, and I cried out as I was dragged away.

~~~

"Im getting a response! She's coming back!"

"Easy now, don't overwhelm her."

"Who is she anyway?"

"Im not sure. She's got the marks of the Inumaki, but she doesn't have a sorcerer ID and any other form of identification seems to imply she changed her name."

"Alright, don't interrogate her now, I think she's waking up!"

My eyes squeezed tight, my head was pounding. I heard a lot of voices, too much sound to pay attention to any one thing.

Much as I didn't want to, I opened my eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light. I was surrounded by people, unfamiliar faces, their gazes all boring into me. I felt like I wanted to disappear.

A blonde boy looked at the others, standing close to me. "I found her near where Nanami was...i-i mean, I wasn't completely sure if she was going to survive but if there was a chance, it seemed worth trying." He turned to me. "Are you feeling alright?" I shrugged, only able to let out a pained sigh. He nodded. "Yeah, i..I bet. All things considered, you don't look too badly injured per se...a couple of cracked ribs...might have a mild concussion from falling...but most of your state seemed to come from a near total drain of cursed energy. What happened?"

I opened my mouth to speak, tried to do something, anything, but the only noise that came out was a creaky, broken groan. My hands reached to my neck, at this point only trying to make a sound. I hadn't spoken in years, but now that I couldn't? Oh god. The only sound that came from my mouth were shaky gasps and raspy hisses.

The boy nodded. "Considering the state you were in, I wouldn't be shocked if your vocal cords are damaged beyond use...here." he pulled out his phone, then held it out to me with the notes app open. I sat up, taking the device and beginning to type, beginning with telling them my name.

'Nanami was an old friend of mine. I might technically be a sorcerer but I left that behind for personal reasons. I saw the veil around Shibuya, though, and i couldn't bring myself to ignore it, especially after I heard that kid yelling about Gojo. I got there when I could, dispatched the transmutated humans and minor curses that I saw as I ran toward the threat. I found that patched-up...thing standing over him, but I couldn't move fast enough to stop it. I used my cursed speech on him but...its almost like I didn't do anything at all.'

I sighed, handing the phone back to him to read. He nodded, relaying the message to the others; a woman in a white coat with a cigarette, and a man with spiky hair, a goatee, and dark, angled sunglasses. They both looked...vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it at the moment.

The woman frowned. "...an Inumaki girl who was friends with Nanami? I do remember someone like that...she hung out a lot less after a non-sorcerer got badly injured, though. Must've been you." At her words I shrunk into myself, and she nodded as her suspicions were confirmed. "But...you came back. That shows a lot more about you than you realize." She smiled a little, tapping her cigarette. "Takes a lot of courage to do that."

I turned to the boy, reaching out my hand, and he gave me the phone again.

'I never wanted a life like this. If I could've removed my tattoos and just...lived, like a normal person, I absolutely would have. But it's not like I could have ignored a veil that big and an aura that dark.'

I frowned.

'Not like it really mattered anyway. I didn't save anyone, and nearly killed myself in the process. I'm useless. The only thing I did here was cause another casualty.'

The boy read my note and shook his head. "Thats not exactly true. There were remnants of your cursed energy all around that room. Those things all over the place were transmutated humans, bodies crushed and mutilated to that curse's desired form, yet not permitted to die. Your cursed speech laid dozens of suffering, frightened, pained people to rest. It's a hard thing to think about, but...you saved them."

I stared at him, my eyes wide and lip quivering. I...saved them? How could that have been possible, with the image of such gore, such suffering etched into my mind? It doesn't seem right.

"More than that, I sensed your energy that came from something else. It was strong, concentrated. Do you have another cursed technique outside of your speech?" He asked, simple curiosity in his tone. Not accusational, not upset, just wishing to know. At my slight nod he smiled. "Then...you could still help people. Er- if you wanted to, that is. I don't mean to sound like I'm forcing you."

I took his phone and typed another response.

'I don't know yet, if I'm being honest. There's a lot to take in right now. All I ask right now is, if you can, don't tell Toge I'm here. I don't know if he remembers me, but I'm not sure if I can face him.'

As if the curse of fate decided to play yet another cruel joke, I heard a gasp from behind me. A pale-haired boy stared at me, eyes wide. I couldn't see his mouth under the high collar of his jacket, but I could tell exactly who he was. To my surprise he wasn't gawking at the markings on my lips, but looking at me, with a certain level of recognition in his eyes. I couldn't tell quite what emotion he was feeling, nor what he felt about seeing me after so long.

I never wanted to speak more desperately than I did in that moment. He was so...so small when I left. So young. I'm not sure he even knew why I had gone. I opened my mouth to speak, begging and pleading that I could just get one word out.

My lips moved to a silent voice, tears falling down my cheeks. "Toge, I-"

He didn't even let me try to continue, and I felt myself enveloped in the tightest, most caring hug I had gotten in years. A soundless sob shook in my chest as I clung to him with all I had. My mouth moved over and over again, repeating 'I'm sorry' and 'forgive me' endlessly. The man in the sunglasses chuckled. "Looks like someone missed you."

I couldn't believe it. After everything, after all this time, I was simply...welcomed? Forgiven? After my shortcomings, my failures, my pain, I could still...do something? Be something? No one was upset, and instead it seemed they...or at least Toge, was happy to see me. Despite the tragedy, despite all the suffering...it was like I still meant something. This sense of belonging, of support, everyone had everyone's backs, and everyone was working toward a common goal: making the world a safer place.

When toge let go of me, I picked up the phone one more time, typing a final message with a smile. This level of enthusiasm was something I hadn't felt since I was little, and I was almost relieved to have it back again. I handed the device back to its owner, and he read it aloud to the woman and man, each with a knowing smile on their face.

"How do I come back?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fin.

Thanks for reading :]

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanfic #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen nanami #nanami kento #jjk nanami #jjk spoilers #nanami x reader

[taki118]

SuyaLight Master Post Part 9

I really like these two there’s not a lot of content for the fandom as a whole soooo here’s my submission as I get every moment of these two royals who literally share a braincell (and I love them for it) First up this is just on the manga if you are anime only its going to have stuff you havent seen, yes even with what the anime covers (so read it) and there will be spoilers so beware. If you prefer Demon Monk/Cleric/Leo (which I don’t really get) I am sorry this isnt for you. Lets go! Part 1 is here Part 2 is here Part 3 is here Part 4 is here Part 5 is here Part 6 is here Part 7 is here Part 8 is here Part 8.5 is here

So picking up where we left off, they are in the neutral zone for training and Suya is upset that humans are bad mouthing the demons, so she wants the to show off her tacts though are ummm Twilight says it best

Suyas ‘help’ drives the demons to try and keep her out of it.

But those same humans get into trouble with some other demons and get saved by our main group.

It does the trick and even impresses Suya

Another trial to get where they want appears but Suya gets distracted and gives chase earning Tilights ire

I like that she asks for permission and he just scolds her.

They make it to the head of the neutral zone who happens to be Suya’s aunt

THey think Suya would be a good choice to talk to her on their behalf but ummmm

Probably the nicest way Twilight could put what Suya did. And he has great hopes for her help

Hopes Suya immediately kills

I love that he can tell she’s faking.

Twilight always gets the brunt of accusations for Suya’s behaviors

The Aunt challenges Twlight but Suya calls her out before anything happens

Much like Suya herself the Aunt sees potential in Twilight and his goals (Almost like an approving inlaw that makes 2 with the mother)

And our pair run off into the sunset....sorta

Even though she’s using him to carry her, Twlight still sees the best in Suya and perhaps really does have the best assessment of her actions

They are all exhausted from the training and Suya “Graciously” offers to help.

Twilight is aware that Suya almost never does things without another goal but he’s not in a position to fight her.

He’s actually really touched and impressed by her work ethic and abilities 

Until she starts going beyond what he asked.

Then his fears resurface, he knows Suya fairly well at this point.

I simply adore that they share the same goals and ideals, they don’t want to just be incharge because of their birth but because they earned it.

Twilight is touched believing he now has an alley for his goals

But his instincts were proven right.

He tries to talk to her on not abusing her power just cause she wants things but Suya is Suya.

#suyalight #sleepy princess in the demon castle #sleepy princess #Aurora Sya Lis Goodereste #demon king twilight #maou jou de oyasumi #Maou-jou de Oyasumi #maoujou de oyasumi #manga #long post

[prawcarcpupy]

Sometime i feel like i am the only one that is real in this earth, isnt it called psycosis or some sort. i dont like labeling myself or self diagnosising but most of the times i dont even remmeber myself, whenver someone ask me to draw a portrait of myself , i have no skill anymore, i can remember other ppl's faces by just a look but the face i have and see everyday is a stranger that i have never even touched or noticed before. this maybe insensitive but sometime i wish i was blind so i dont have to worry bout my appreances, the thoughts that consumes me each day by day because of my worry of people's presecptions about me , about my face and body that i was born as is so painful. i am good at my studies, good at my hobbies, good at socializing with people too but why is it that my looks are the only thing that makes me different then attractive people that gets their ways around stuffs that i try my whole life for but cant still get it. i sometime think that death is the only way out of my eternity suffering about me and myself, i overthink about people's opinion, its like i cant even take critisisms , its very painful, i feel pathetic and sorry for myself and i feel more guilty for feeling bad about myself even though no one cares about me. I feel like I m in a loop. i interact with people, i think about what they think of me even though they said nothing negative, i cry to thoughts that I myself created, i regrets living, i sleep through the night and next morning the cycle continues. i wish so many things about my body and my self that i know i cant change immediately. like my gender, my loud mouth, my skin colour, my fat body, my pale lips , my yellow teeth , my fat fingers , my addictions, my will to leave the earth but dont die, my look on people who are better than me , my feelings toward people who will never look at my way because im simply unworthy of. it is tiring , i envy for myself but i look back at it and think that there are people who have it worse than me. People who are starving, in war, suffering , poverty and more, i have all limbs, funtional body, the thoughts to work, a roof over my head and im not lonely. so why am i feeling bad about myself? i am so selfish.

#ramblings

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hero and villain are working together to take down supervillain

hero is lawful good and villain is just an absolute chaos gremlin

however what hero doesnt know is that villain has the power of I guess chaos like she can just touch a thing and channel and it gets messed up or broken if that makes sense and like it does kinda influence her a bit cause ya know chaos powers and this can sometimes happen even if villian doesnt mean to like a chaos aura stuff just tends to mess up like murphys law but weird because its chaotic and random

hero just thinks villain isnt taking this seriously and goofing off or whatever and she gets upset with her and is like can you just be serious and whatever the oppostite of chaotic is i would say lawful but thats only in dnd I think villain gets upset and is like no i cant actually then hero feels kinda bad and has to comfort villain cause she was mean

also villain likes explosives and whatnot like any good self respecting chaos gremlin

“Could you”— the heroine grabbed her wrist harshly enough to hurt — “stop destroying everything for just one second?!”

Such a simple sentence broke her heart into a million pieces. The villainess jerked back, her chest burning to cinder. She was used to rejection. But not from the heroine.

“No,” the villainess said with an etching throat. “No, I actually can’t.”

Though the heroine didn’t seem convinced, her grab loosened and her features softened to form the usual prettiness of her face.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, everything I do is just without order. As if — as if chaos is following me around. I can’t control it,” she answered. Fuck, her eyes had this stupid sharp pain in them. She told herself it wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t that important that the heroine’s words had cut like a knife, had cut so fucking deep.

But it was that bad. The heroine was always nice and understanding and to snap at her like that for simply existing was so disappointing, so painful it was unfair that words had that kind of power. Because if the heroine thought the same thing everyone else did, the villainess would never have a chance to be better.

“Oh. Oh god, I’m so sorry I yelled at you. I thought you wanted to sabotage the whole operation to test your new bomb or something.” The heroine stepped forward, her hands up as if to calm a frightened cat. “Seriously, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that and I didn’t mean it. I was just…There doesn’t seem to be the right apology.”

The villainess laughed it off but she couldn’t completely ignore the sob that dropped out of her mouth. Crossing her arms, she told herself that she was ready to follow the hallway, to leave, to be as far away from the heroine as possible. But at the end, was that even an option?

Before she knew it, the heroine caught her wrist again, extremely gently this time, and pulled her into her arms. Too thrilled to do anything at first, the villainess froze before she put her arms clumsily around her nemesis. Her cheek found comfort against the heroine’s shoulder.

“You don’t destroy everything,” the heroine muttered, her almost angelic voice beaming in the ears of the villainess. It was a sound to cradle, a sound to hold and to keep forever. With her one hand resting on the lower back of the villainess and the other almost going through her hair, the heroine was giving her the kind of comfort she needed constantly.

“You don’t have to gloss over it,” the villainess mumbled. Something snapped. This time, it wasn’t the heroine. It was the villainess. She tried to wriggle out of the heroine’s hug when the realisation hit her. “You were right. I destroy.”

The heroine let go of her and the villainess already regretted that she was pushing her away.

“Has nature ever been anything but chaotic? Isn’t the human mind the most disorganised thing on earth?” the heroine simply asked. Her voice was back to its tranquility.

“You can’t compare that-” The heroine took a step towards the villainess, making advances to connect with her again.

“Okay, let me put it this way. Has it ever occurred to you that without chaos, there could never be order?” the heroine asked. “Perfection gives nothing but a sad and cruel world, don’t you think? But because of you, there is this strive to make something neat. To find something that resembles satisfaction. You create order because you challenge it.”

The villainess had never thought about it that way.

#writing snippet #heroes and villains #heroxvillain snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroine #villainess #heroxvillain #hero x villain #request #an answer for an ask

[sailorhyunjinz]

Can I request a fluffy HC? SKZ comforting you while you’re rlly drunk when you get home and taking care of you. (Like you stumble and have to throw up and stuff)

i just realised that i kept on calling my headcanons for reactions?? I MEAN i dont even know at this point lmao imma call it... headcanons/reactions

ALSO new territory for me,,, im usually not much for fluff unless its really captivating or like drabbles (ahhh bf!skz is my weakness) AND SO YEAH UNDERSTAND IF ITS A BIT... lackluster. 

jesus christ ive been listening to touch you for like an hour now ASHAHS save me,,, its too good

HEADCANON sKKRrrT

Warnings; skz x gn!reader; fluff (wow amazing?? cherry writes fluff?) established relationship, drinking, use of alcohol, vomiting, minor injuries, mentions of bruises. 

Bangchan

worry mode; on

lets say you were out drinking

dont even think that you could make it one step outside the pub/club

babyboy would already be waiting in his car outside

the entire car ride home he would tell you to stop drinking so much

“y/n,,, why do you always do this,,, you know how bad it is for your health and im scared that you’ll hurt yourself on the way home”

meanwhile you dont understand anything, rolling in the backseat of the car.

when the two of you arrive home he immediately places you in a warm bath, rubbing your back as you almost fall asleep with your back against his chest. 

worries a lot even though you’re fine

makes you breakfast in bed the day after :(((

Minho

complaining about everything ASHASH

he’s like mumbling underneath his breath, wondering why you’re so stupid and do this every time you go out drinking

much much MUCH rather prefers drinking with you alone 

not only because he can control how much you’re drinking

but also because he likes seeing you tipsy?!?”!?

my brain is working rn u guys

its because he likes seeing this kinda,,, hidden flirty side of you that comes out when someone is tipsy 

yk... the whole.. coming too close or laughing lazily at his jokes YK YK?

god im having such a difficult time to keep this fluffy AHSAHSH I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT I WANT TO SAY

he gets really soft with you because he knows that you probably wont remember anything SO HE CAN SHOW HIS SOFT SIDE

without you teasing him for it lol

he’d stroke your cheek with the back of his hand while your leaning against him on the couch, falling asleep in his arms. 

he wraps a blanket around you and mumbles softly

“i love you y/n”

Changbin

he’d be just as drunk as you HASHHASHAH

the two of you would have to call chan because none of you can walk properly 

ok but if it was only you being the drunk one then he’d know what to do

him speaking from experience that is 👀 👀 👀 

removes your clothes (NOT LIKE THAT YOU FILTHY FUCK) and tucks you snuggly in bed, giving you a kiss on the forehead

might even remove your makeup if you’re wearing any

he notices a bunch of bruises on your legs, shaking his head at your clumsiness

makes a promise with himself to go with you next time

even though you would want to be with only your friends ahsahsh he doesnt give a shit about that

everything to keep you safe

doesnt want to see his precious baby hurt :((

Hyunjin

sweetheart that holds your hair/clothes back when puking :((

he pats your back gently as his face has a disgusted facial expression, loving you too much to leave you alone in the bathroom but feeling squeamish

“siri, how do you care for a drunk person?”

reads somewhere that you need to replenish water levels after puking and so he just starts bringing a whole pack of waterbottles in the bedroom

“if you need water during the night, it’s over here” 

he’d try to leave the room, thinking that you’d maybe want some space when having the nausea from hell but you quietly whine which caught him off guard

“d-do you want me to stay?”

you nod and he smiles shyly, laying next to you and just looking at you sleeping??

he thinks you’re adorable :((

even if you’re a lot to handle when drunk

Jisung

ngl this mf laughing his ass off when you’re just blabbering random incoherent sentences

“who was your boyfriend now again?” “m-my squirrlll...” you reply, rubbing your face on his shoulder. “your squirrel? am i a squirrel?” you nod which makes his heart beat faster. 

if you were to drink together bet your ass that he would be wrecked 

probably even more drunk than you so... good luck

everytime you wanted to go out drinking with your friends he would try to persuade you to stay with him instead

“look y/n, staying and cuddling with me brings you both a cute boyfriend, take out and movies”

you shrug “doesnt bring my friends” you say putting on your shoes

“HEY! im your friend,,, your boyfriend!” he says back hugging you, dragging you to the couch, just laying down on top of you

“Jisung!! I’m gonna be late, move!”

“nope... we are cuddling tonight, remember what happened last time you went out drinking?”

you were reminded of you lying passed out infront of the apartment which scared the everliving shit out of jisung, thinking you were dead.

“noo....” you lie, smiling mischievously.

Felix

poor boy would let you sleep ahahshs

he’d tip toe around your apartment, trying to be as quieeeet as possible....

only knock down a whole fucking shelf of pans and pots

but a complete sweetheart that makes you food, knowing you’d be too tired to do it with a hangover. 

do you know those jellies that can prevent hangovers??

yeah, you would find those in your bag

he wouldnt let you wear high heels because he’s scared of you falling over in them :(((

also if you go out he has to know at least one of your friends and have their phone number because NUH UH HE ISNT JUST LETTING YOU GO WITHOUT HIM KNOWING EVERYTHING

he cares,,, a lot and doesnt want to see you come home with scraped knees

because that happened,,,once?? or like maybe 10 times??

Seungmin

teasing youuuu

“weak, you barely finished a bottle”

take a bunch of pictures of you leaning against a telephone pole and then tease you for it the day after

NAH BUT WHEN YOUR REALLY DRUNK HE GETS SERIOUS

he carries you on his back, lowkey scared you’d puke on him BUT CARING NONETHELESS

you pass out on the bed, still dressed in your fancy clothes and he simply looks at you, admiring your features

if there’s anything you want, he will get it

“w-water” you groan and soon enough he returns with a glass of water

slowly sitting you up and stroking your hair, getting it out of your face. 

“be more careful next time ok?” 

you nod, not really understanding what he’s saying before pulling him down in bed with you, falling asleep with him in your arms.

Jeongin

he dont know what the fuck he’s doing

panic,,, sheer panic

he himself doesnt drink too much

maybe enough to feel tipsy but not DRUNK DRUNK

so when you stumble in through the door, your shoes in your hand and hair looking like a mess he gets scared HASASHAS

you fall down, scraping your knee in the hallway and he runs towards you and lifts you up, placing you down on the bed

then he’s like “....now what”

in panic calls chan that tells him to make you drink water and place a bucket nearby

he does just as he’s told but kinda scared to leave you alone in a room for too long, pulling down everything in the house to find a bucket

he removes your jacket and wraps you up in a blanket, snuggling real close to you as he slowly strokes your forehead, feeling you sweat a bit

DOESNT LEAVE YOU FOR A SECOND

#stray kids smut #straykidssmut #stray kids imagines #stray kids headcanons #stray kids reactions #stray kids drabbles #stray kids fanfic #skzsmut #skz smut #skz fanfic #skz x y/n #skz x stay #skz x reader #stray kids x gender neutral reader #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids x stay #bangchan smut #lee know smut #changbin smut #hyunjin smut #han smut #seungmin smut #i.n smut #felix smut

[shiggyscumrag]

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima helping out their s/o after and during a panic attack

Sorry its been really hard to write lately, like I just have no motivation. So sorry it's taken me so long to post an actual fic thing idk man-

I had a panic attack the other night after not having one in months (I dont frequently have them, they are usually triggered when I'm out in public and in a high stress situation so this was pretty rare) so I wanted to write a self indulgent fic about one of my favs characters helping the reader with a panic attack/comforting them after the fact.

Personally listening to music helps me a lot when I'm feeling really anxious and it helped me get through my attack. Focusing in on the beat and lyrics helps me control my breathing and kinda blocks me out from the outside world. Idk if that makes since but yeah. So in one of the drabbles the reader is gonna listen to music to calm themselves down👍🏻

Warnings: mention of reader having a panic attack, mention of the reader struggling to breath, anxiety mentioned and discussed, angst with comfort :)

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

You laid on your comforter, a whiff of clean linen hitting your nostrils. You smiled lightly. You sat up slowly keeping your breath steady. Slowly wiping away the still fresh tears on your face. You didnt realize you had cried? Hm...interesting.

You walked out of your bedroom to your kitchen to get some ice cold water (the best kind of water) and to continue to calm down. After about thirty or so minutes of sitting in the kitchen sipping your water in silence you heard the front door open.

"Y/n? Love, I'm home!" Tadashi shouted taking off his shoes and rounding the corner to the kitchen. "Oh-" he stopped startled to see you sitting there mid drink. You were just so quiet he didnt realize you were there waiting. "Hello my love!" He came around the counter and gave you a smooch on your forehead. He pulled back and noticed your face and eyes were swollen puffy. It looked like you had been crying. "Love are you alright? Have you been crying?" He asked grabbing and examining your face.

You hummed closing your eyes slightly pouting. "I'm okay tashi-" a wheeze breaking from your throat cutting you off.

"Clearly not." He spoke quietly looking at you in the eyes. His emerald green eyes finding your (e/c) ones.

"I just had a little panic attack, but in fine now! I promise!" You spoke stopping part way through. Concern growing on his face, you continued trying to reassure him. "I stepped away from what trigged it and have been cooling down for about a half hour. I promise you Tadashi that I am okay." You say, a bit of sternness pushing through you voice. No longer hoarse or wobbly like before.

With no words Tadashi pulled you into his grasp giving you a firm but not to hard hug, kissing the top of your forehead.

"You could have called me." He finally spoke solemnly.

"I didn't want to bother you. Plus I had it under control!" You pushed back looking him in the eyes while continuing on "It wasnt super bad or anything, plus my phone triggered it so I threw it out of sight."

"Okay, just-" he stopped hesitantly, his grip getting a little tighter around the side of your arms but not to tight. "Call me if you need me next time, okay?" He finally spoke making eye contact once again.

"Of course, Tashi!" You exclaimed while your hands found home on his spotted cheeks. A smile growing across his face. "Now let's order some ramen, I'm starving!"

TSUKISHIMA KEI

You can't breathe. Why can't you breathe? This is a thing you should be able to do without thinking so why can't you? Your mind racing at a thousand miles a minute. breathe. Breathe. BREATHE.

There you were hyperventilating while laying down on your bed. You couldn't catch your breathe no matter how hard you tried. You knew you were having a panic attack. This isnt your first rodeo, but what triggered it? You were simply scrolling on your phone? Sure you had a stressful day and you were feeling a bit anxious. And yeah sure the notifications popping up every two seconds made you're anxiety spike even more, but still. That's no reason to trigger an attack, so why were you having one?

You wheezed out his name as loud as you could in the state you were currently in. You didnt think he heard you. You needed him to help you with stuff you cpuldnt currently move to get. Holy fuck, what were you gonna do. It felt like you were dying. Tsuki not coming made you spiral more. What if he was hurt and needed you more than you needed him? What if something happened? What if he left to go grab something and you just didnt hear him tell you? You were spiraling quickly. Starting to see black dots cloud your vision you finally heard the bedroom door open and Kei rush to your side. Not touching you, he didnt want to hurt you.

"Y/n? Y/n, what's going on? Come on baby, talk to me!" He said panicked.

"H-headphones-" you wheezed out.

He rushed over to the nightstand and grabbed them. Running back overheard asked "Okay, okay I got 'em! Now what?" He asked, a wild panicked look in his eye. A frown across his pale skin.

You pointed to your phone. He got the signal and plugged them in jabbing in your passcode hurriedly. Phone now unlocked he looked for your music app to pull up your favorite playlist and put the headphones in your ears as he hit play.

Hands finding your eyes you held your arms up, opening up your lungs. You focused on the words that were blasting in your ears as you tried to even out your breaths. Tsuki sat their right next to you, waiting for you to catch your breathe, not touching you. He didn't want to disturb or distract you.

After about 3 songs you could finally breath normally again. You reached over and pulled the ear buds out of your ears. Turning off the music you tossed your phone to the other end of the bed. You wiped your now wet face to get rid of the sweat and tears. Tsukishima only stared not knowing if you were okay for physical contact yet. You turned to him red faced with puffy swollen eyes and cheeks. You gave him a light smile. He pulled you into his embrace and started rubbing comforting circles into your back cooing praises into your ear. You simply sat in his arms focusing on his words and the warmth of his body agaisnt yours.

"Thank you, Kei." You wheezed out.

"Oh shut up, theres no reason to thank me." He turned kissing your temple, pulling you harder into him. You smiled gently and cuddled into his loving embrace.

#hq x reader #hq x gn!reader #hq x male reader #hq x female reader #hq tsukishima #hq tadashi #hq yamaguchi #hq comfort #hq angst to comfort #hq angst #tw panic attack #tw anxiety #tsukishima kei #tsukishima comfort #yamaguchi x you #yamaguchi comfort #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x gn!reader #yamaguchi x gn!reader #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu tsukishima #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu yamaguchi #anime #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x poc!reader #haikyuu angst #writing

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime

[autistic-lalli]

I dont know how to properly frame my question, but autistic!lalli has always been a headcanon I readily claimed as canon in my heart because it MAKES PERFECT SENSE in my brain. But besides me, what I'd like to ask is what traits/habits/behaviors Lalli has that immediately clicked to you that he was autistic? Or showed that he was? Like, gush to me about them

(this is mainly so I can get better at writing him and also because I'm curious to know! Actually, SLAP me with EVERYTHING about Lalli, if you can 😂 I'd love to actually know everything)

This topic was also requested by @the-story-isnt-over-yet ! This post is for both y’all :)

I’m going to try to keep this organized, but we’ll see how successful I am. First up, I’ll talk through Lalli’s general traits, then the traits I picked out quickly and resonated with, and then I’ll touch on a couple other things that stand out to me!

Sensory Experience

Lalli repeatedly displays sensory-avoiding and sensory-seeking behaviors. He likes soft textures and sweets—he picks himself up a big ol’ fluffy cloak in Adventure 2, and his mind conjures him a nice and soft one in his dreamspace, and we all know how he feels about pastries. He’s always willing to eat sweets and breads, which suggests that Lalli has samefoods as well (samefoods are like a comfort food, but taken up to eleven; foods that always sound good, sometimes to the point that they’re the only thing an autistic person can eat.) It’s just a single line, but where Lalli tells Emil that he hates blueberries, it makes me think of a very specific picture (I’ll link it later if I can find it.) Blueberries, and other fruit, don’t taste the same every time! Some are sweet, some are sour, some are mushy, some are grainy, and some are juicy. When you don’t know what to expect from a food, this makes it hard to want to eat it, even if some aspect of the flavor is good.

But I digress! One thing that I resonated with right away with Lalli is that he clearly has sensitive proprioceptive awareness. That just means the sense of where your body is in space. When Lalli sleeps or hides under a bunk or table, he’s reducing his sensory input. Being in a small space is comforting because there’s less space to be aware of.

Lalli is also sensitive to touch, which is a fairly easy trait to spot. He doesn’t like the friendly punches the crew delivers, and even balks at Emil’s touch when he’s upset. There are exceptions, but those exceptions come at times when Lalli is calm and expecting the touch to occur.

And sound! Lalli doesn’t like loud sounds, in particular loud people (sorry, Sigrun.) This is a great place to talk about Lalli’s shutdowns. We don’t see Lalli experience meltdowns, but he does have a shutdown a couple times. Shutdowns are a response to stress and sensory overload. It looks different for everyone, and since it’s internal, it’s hard to tell how exactly Lalli’s shutdowns run. However, we see him cover his ears to block out sound and hum (“mrr!”) in order to calm himself down. He’s just trying to regulate his sensory experience. His humming is also an example of vocal stimming.

Social Difficulties

Lalli definitely has social difficulties, but it can be hard to tell which difficulties are due to the language barrier and which are due to his brain chemistry. But! Paying attention to the first part of the story, when he’s with all Finnish-speakers, as well as the dream sequences can really help us hone in on those traits.

Lalli, in general, doesn’t understand other people beyond what they say. He doesn’t understand body language or sarcasm—he doesn’t get why everyone’s punching him, he doesn’t know when Tuuri’s joking and when she’s serious, and he stares at Emil because he’s curious about him and doesn’t realize it’s impolite. He doesn’t notice when Emil is rude and doesn’t understand social scripts like saying “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” When he wants to express approval or comfort, he gives a soft pat to the other person. More touch than that might be too much for him, but he does want to express something, and pats are an excellent tool in that way.

Lalli’s inability and/or refusal to learn or use the crew member’s names also gives us insight to how Lalli faces social conundrums. To him, everyone else is more distinguishable by the epithets he gives them—their names don’t mean anything. It’s like naming someone “flower delivery guy” in your phone contacts instead of “Greg.”

Lalli also isn’t easily frightened. The only times we see him be really afraid is when someone he loves is in immediate mortal danger. The everyday stuff like trolls and omens don’t scare him, which is certainly in part just because he’s used to these things. Trolls and spirits are an everyday part of his life. But an unusual lack of fear is a common autistic experience as well, so I suspect it goes beyond Lalli’s accustomation.

Other Traits

A couple other things that didn’t fit into either of the former categories! First of all, the rubik's cube. That’s just autistic solidarity. Emil picked up a stim toy for his bf, we love to see it.

But also, Lalli relies a lot on his routine. That’s probably why the military, and scouting in particular, suited him. He has his own personal routine that is the same day in and day out. He tries to keep a routine on the expedition, but isn’t able to, which increases the amount of stress he’s under. Nothing is predictable, which automatically makes everything more stressful.

Relationships

I also think the dynamics of Lalli’s different relationships are super interesting and really highlight some things that aren’t often covered in media with autistic characters. It’s super heartbreaking the way Onni and Tuuri don’t seem to understand Lalli. Tuuri especially doesn’t understand why Lalli does the things he does, and doesn’t seem to make any effort to understand, which is sadly a common experience for many autistic people.

On the other hand, Emil’s reactions are the complete opposite. As I put it to a friend once, Emil often makes mistakes with Lalli, but he never crosses the same boundary twice. He lets Lalli have agency in their relationship. If Lalli has a boundary that inconveniences Emil, he doesn’t complain about it, he simply adapts. Lalli has very specific needs in his relationships, needs that are both unusual and difficult for him to communicate, so it’s far easier for him to just default to being a loner.

Me & Lalli

On a personal level, I have a whole lot of these traits. I stim with soft things, I’m sensitive to sound, I tend to be hypersensitive with my proprioceptive sense, I had to intentionally teach myself to read body language (I work as a theatre artist, which helped a lot,) I’m not easily frightened, I’m sensitive to touch and sound, and I certainly struggle socially. Furthermore, I actually had an untreated sleep disorder until about a year and a half ago, so I deeply resonated with Lalli’s chronic exhaustion.

Truth be told, I headcanoned Lalli as autistic from his introductory card, and I knew he was autistic within ten pages. Chronically exhausted and doesn’t know what’s going on? Mine now.

The Autism Metaphor

I talk about this some in my autism and superpowers post, but I really love that Lalli is both autistic and is living an autistic metaphor. It’s not uncommon for characters who can see or sense other things (ghosts, spirits, emotions, danger, etc.) to read as autistic, because that’s what autism often feels like. Our sensory experience is so distinct and we are so aware of it that it can feel like a superpower at times--in a good way and in a bad way. We’re living in a sensory world that a lot of neurotypical people don’t understand. Furthermore, these kinds of powers or sensitivities usually come with an isolating social impact in these stories, which only strengthens the metaphor for autism.

But Lalli has both actual autism and is a mage. He sees spirits and omens and can sense when trolls are near, and also is sensitive to sounds and doesn’t like to be touched. These things aren’t related to one another, but they all read as being in the same category, which both deepens the metaphor and makes him really interesting as an autistic character.

This is also why Onni readily reads as autistic as well. We don’t have as much direct evidence for him, and in many ways his trauma seems to run much deeper than it does in Lalli and Tuuri, so it’s hard to separate out what’s a trauma response and what’s an autistic response. Overall, I’m quite a fan of “no Hatakoinen is neurotypical,” but that’s a post for another day ;)

I’ll also be posting a panel or two of an instance where Lalli is displaying an autistic trait each day for the month of April!

#stand still stay silent #sssscomic #lalli hotakainen #autismacceptancemonth2021 #meta #actually autistic #long post

[snailsaalt]

my only text post here and its about morrigan and lilith being gay

i feel like i have to talk about it here. like twitter gets to hear about it from me all the time so they know all my thoughts on the matter but you guys are lucky so you dont hear me talk often on any of my blogs. i should ruin that!! unfortunately for u guys tumblr doesnt have a character limit either. anyways every so often i show my morrigan/lilith art in nondarks spaces and someone always goes “ouh wai i thought they were sisters!????” an d i have to explain how foolish they are and that they should learn the shitty fucked up lore with a 10000 plotholes (but its allowed to because its dope as hell) like. this is like the sailor moons cousins thing but people actually fucking believe theyre cousins. darkstalkers fans stay losing anyways heres a high res of this fruity ass png bingus with an e drew in the 90s  

i know its obvious that peopl who think theyre sibs just have never touched a ds game or looked at any official images ever but. i think they should because ds arts amazing but more importantly morrigan and lilith are little fruits. morrigsn a grape and lilith is cherry.

i hate ressurections artstyle + artist whitewashed anakaris and felicia + drew jedah without heels. but ykno. i will take my wins.ALSO LOL.. BUTT WINGS FAIL MOMENT THIR WINGS OIN THEIR BACK!!!!!!! anyways

the titty press on the window. the breath. morrigans gaze. the hand hold. cishet games have no fucking idea what theyre up against. gona talk about the actual game now

its so fucking gay. anyways im gona jus talk abou my hcs now i think jedah is jus liliths mom. hes v open abou his fave child bu they still make lilitha da spagheti.... also i think its funny cauds like.  i think u guys kno i ship jedemi which i could go over why in this post but this isnt ABOUT THEM. its about MORRIGAN. and MORRIGAN 2!!!!!!!!! back to what i was saying jedah being liliths mom but also marryign demitri would make him morrigans father in law.. but also... since jedah turned ozom into fetus of god ozom is related to all of them too????? lol. i just think jedah turning his enemies into his children is funny and no one talks about that enough. anyways i feel like a lot of people just see two women (or in this case demigirls i think they r both nb) being close and instantly think “ouh theyre so close theyre like sisters HEHE!!!” and like. its so obvious they explored eachothers bodies. like i dont hate u if u intepret their relationship that way like maybe im an iddy bit concerned abou how you view your siblings but whatever i wont think about it too hard i think people think its cute and funny dynamic or whatever and thats it but like. i also dont wana see that cause..... i simply do not ! :] anyways i constantly feel like a freak caus of that but i think i am a freak for different reasons thatre morally ok but legally bad but lets not talk about that lets talk about the satanic subtext. jesus obviouslly was inspired by jedah w/ the savior and the rapture and the betrayal (ozom didnt betray jedah with a kiss hes homophobic and also has no lips :’[) but ALSO!!!!!!! god made eve from a piece of adam. lilith was made from a piece of morrigan. lilith was made a demon for thinking that she was equal to adam, lilith believes shes morrigans equal and betrays jedah’s little utopia attempt. they choose a life of being gay with stupid fucking goth bimbo and hedonism instead of saving the world and they benefit from it... i dont think ive ever seen anyone talk about that at all an when i bring it up to the 8 other ds fans with rights theyre all like “ouh ive never thought about it like that!!!” i think people kinda just avoid looking at morrigan in a deep way in general even though shes one of if not the most important character and theres so much interesting stuff you can look into like her struggle to be herself and have fun or giving that up to make makai less of a shithole, her power being taken away in a society where power is EVERYTHING, her relationship with demitri going from “lol this dudes so fucking stupid and easy to make fun of” to “ew this rat fuck is trying to make me his mindcontrold servant because the only way he could possibly think of someone as anything positive is if theyre below him” i say that but people kinda avoid looking at ds lore in a deep way in general so yea. lol. ds turned me into the joker theres so much cool shit you can talk about but NOO most of the bs is porn boobs titty asscheek balls and NONE OF ITS EVEN GOOD. I SAID IT!!!!!! DESPITE WHAT THE SO CALLED “TOLERANT LEFT” MIGHT THINK ABOUT IT... like how makai is made out of gods corpse and no one knows how big it is and the fucking door that killed jedah also killed a fruit noble (his name is persimon the door kills fruits....) anyways i have a ds server ive never posted a link to here.... i’ll drop it in this post i guess https://discord.gg/wMBGrda theres probably a lot i forgot to talk about despite the fact i wrote so much LOL. anyways the servers mostly lore discussion or jokes but there are 2 people there that play the video game.... crazy ik.....

#darkstalkers #morrigan aensland #Lilith Aensland #tw // incest #(just a mention but id rather b safe ykno :]) #snail talk #mute that tag if u want this to go away #im deranged #also if ur freakd out by tw dont worry.... #i am jus bitching about it.. #big text warning too

[creacherkeeper]

How is the cowboi doing? :) I’d love to hear about some of their recent adventures.

OH WELL IT'S ME + ALSO MY DICE HATE(/love) ME SO YOU KNOW THEYRE GETTING WHUMPED CONSTANTLY LMAO

there have certainly been some Events Unfolding so those are under the cut, casey since youre in our campaign now NO PEEKING

fair warning this is .... long ..... you have asked me to talk about my dnd character and you simply CANNOT stop the floodwaters now. enter at your own risk

okay so basically the first arc of the campaign kind of kicked off with them getting a vision from their goddess (the grain goddess/goddess of agriculture) saying that she was trapped in a fey gate and that they needed to come rescue her

so erley immediately Rallied The Posse and set off to do that. they NUMEROUS times tried to pray to her, commune with her, basically just get ANY sort of communication or guidance from her, but the dice like to tell their story so i literally never got above an 11 (paladin with only +2 to religion my beloved) and they never heard from her, which was making them. pretty nervous. when it seemed like everyone else was able to talk to their gods just fine

well we eventually figured out that there was a huge gathering of fey in the woods (me: this might be too big for us to fight. what if its like 30 fey? / my dm, glancing at his notes where he has 2000 fey written down: (: ) and basically the fey like. had captured and were trying to kill what was left of the pantheon so they could bring back gaia as the One True God

we found all this out because it turned out several members of the party had been lying about how much they knew of the fey and had personal connections to the fey they'd kept hidden. and erley, who is ALSO HIDING A LOT from the party like. immediately went on the offense and was just generally very unhappy about this

there had been this fey merchant who kept popping up wherever we were trying to sell us magic weapons that seemed tied to us specifically. erley was always VERY suspicious of her and did everything in their power to stop the others from buying her weapons (which we literally had to buy with -5 to a skill point, not money, v sus) to mixed results. but basically when we got to the fey gathering (we called it gaiapalooza) erley rolled a 1 on their survival check to get through the magic field and like. got teleported to her. and they really wanted information from her so they basically were like LEORA I DONT KNOW WHO TO TRUST I THINK MY PARTY HAS BEEN LYING TO ME, CAN YOU TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THEM CAN YOU SEE US WHEN YOURE NOT THERE? and basically pretended to need a therapy session in order to milk her for information lmao. she also seemed like. REALLY interested in erley and i was also very nervous about that

and i was RIGHT to be suspicious of her because we found out she WAS ACTUALLY THE BIG BAD and we had to fight her in the arc finale. and several of our party members had rl stuff and were not there, and in game our druid was away casting an 8 hour long spell to try and stop the palooza ceremony, so our party was SUPER nerfed and also as soon as erley realized it WAS actually leora who was behind all of it and she WAS trying to hurt them with those weapons (the weapons were tethers to the gods to be able to kill them basically), they got .... a little angry

and my party found out after irl a year of playing these characters that erley's first level is barbarian :))

so erley raged and did frankly a staggering amount of damage in this fight, and also only stayed up because of rage because they took a LOT of hits. but also. they dont rage FOR A REASON so it sort of took them over and when leora dropped, one of the other pcs ran over to stabilize her as she was making death saves and erley :) maybe :) drove a spear through her heart and killed her :)

and her body immediately just like. overgrew with plants and vines and flowers and basically wrapped the spear in a bed of plants and it was very cinematic and cool

(we have since found out that leora was like. actually an aspect of gaia so. that is. interesting)

of course then erley popped out of rage and was like FUCK this is why i dont do this, i went too far, it always goes too far, THIS is why im ashamed of this, and just got very emo boi about it. so they used their last spell slot to cast restoration on the space they had fought in and reached out to their goddess, having just saved her and the rest of the pantheon like she had asked them to

and i rolled a nat 1!!!

(the dm was like "you have committed this violent act, you feel so low and so bad and in need of guidance, and reach out to your goddess. and the absolute lack of a response just makes you feel empty inside" and i was like :) oh :) okay cool :) you love to see that with your paladins huh)

at this point the druid came back in and, instead of erley like. examining any of their own shit immediately lashed out at her and was like "why did you lie to me about the fey, why did you lie about why you were here, why ARE you here because i realize now it wasnt to help me"

and at that point ONE OF THE FEY QUEENS WALKED IN and the druid was like "... mother ..." and we were all :O

so it turns out the fey queen is her birth mom but had like? kidnapped one of the children of her firbolg tribe and was holding her hostage and the druid was on a quest to find her and bring her back

so erley :) felt :) even more bad about that :) and very shamedly pledged their help to her, and basically was like "as long as youre on this noble quest i will follow you if you'll have me"

so we're on our second arc now, which is traveling across the country to go meet the fey queen and get this kid back. as we were traveling my dm had me roll religion and a luck check and i got a 21 ON RELIGION FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER and a 6 luck. and he was like "you dont usually dream, but you have a nightmare. you know this nightmare was given to you, it was divinely inspired, but you dont know who sent it" and it was just erley killing leora over and over and over again. so they were like. well fuck

(my dm also messaged me privately and we talked and he was like. yeah you can get rid of your oath of devotion and change it to oath of the ancients, i am not telling you or erley why the subclass has changed and you also might get nerfed later. also level up barbarian for the next fight)

so erley was. feeling PRETTY DANG BAD and very guilty and stressed and all that. they did also realize their barbarian side was getting stronger which, considering their backstory is all tragic barbarian shit they were NOT happy about. i was fully prepared to have them be more ostracized from the party and go into full angst mode, but then the druid actually like. pulled them aside and explained why she had hidden information from them, and had a very sweet conversation with them and held their hand and it was VERY touching (she also had the baller line "you think your goddess can hear you and she's not answering. but maybe you're talking in a whisper and she needs to hear you scream")

we had another fight (we're level 7 and my dm told us after it was a cr 32 fight like. dude??? what the fuck?????) and once again erley didnt go down only because of rage

THEY ALSO UNINTENTIONALLY CAST MISTY STEP (which is an ancients spell they didnt have before) and were like WELL NO TIME TO UNPACK WHAT THAT WAS RIGHT NOW, HAVE TO NOT DIE

after the battle was over i asked to roll a check to figure out why i had access to that spell and got :) yeah you guessed it :) another nat 1 :) so erley has literally no idea how they cast that or what it could mean. we just had a new pc introduced who is a sorcerer so erley is definitely going to talk to her and see if she knows anything. because they are FULLY IN THE DARK about their subclass change or what that means in game

we're also (because of the fucking cr 32 fight) going to be leveling up again soon, and babey you KNOW im leveling barbarian. after rage kept me up and then rolling another nat 1 religion check, and also me the player not knowing whats up with their goddess/magic, i simply cant level paladin rn. so im BETWEEN A FEW SUBCLASS OPTIONS and ive been thinking them over but i think it really depends how the next few games go

my FULL ANGST option was to make them level into zealot barbarian like their awful dad, but i thought that made the least sense in universe rn

secondary angst option is to level into berserker, which i think fits pretty closely with how i've been roleplaying the rage so far. trading off an extra attack for a level of exhaustion fits pretty closely. also whump central

the NICE option is to have them be a totem warrior barbarian, and have both their paladin steed and their totem be a bull :) (they are a cowboi after all) i think thats the closest i can marry their two classes and potentially have some healthy growth for them, let them see that the rage doesnt HAVE to be a bad thing, that being a barbarian isnt something they HAVE to be ashamed of. reskinning the bear totem would give them resistance to all damage but psychic while raging, and im planning on taking the tough feat, so theyd pretty much be ... an unstoppable tank. plus i can still divine smite while in rage so theyd be VERY powerful

and now youre all caught up on my very special boi :))))) bet you didnt expect quite that much of an infodump but. listen. listen im simply obsessed with dnd i cannot help it. any chance to talk about my characters i WILL TAKE IN A HEARTBEAT (thank u for prompting my ramble lmao)

#ERLEY RYZER THE COWBOI MY BELOVED <333 #god this is literally SO long im sorry lmaooo #i have several friends not even in our party who are like 'will you PLEASE be nice to erley stop whumping them' #and im like #no <3

[its-an-inxp-again]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

#ask #anon ask #sometimes i say stuff #tw biphobia #tw transphobia #tw panphobia #tw queerphobia #lgbt #lgbtqia

[tillman]

top ten worst arthurian takes GO

god how can you limit me to only ten. almost everything everyone says is just so dumb in some way and god the main thing? i wouldnt give a shit i really wouldnt if people didnt constantly act like theyre talking about the REAL legends <3 and then source toafk.

and like. okay! i dont expect people to have read everything. thats fucking impossible. who is going to have read 1000 years worth of literature. but to then either claim superiority cus u like one branch over another or cus you think youre too cool to just.. admit u dont know something? it makes me very angry and i am legally allowed to bully you.

anyways under a cut cus well .... anyways im going to be mean i dont give a shit. 

10) this is a catch all one but literally everything to do with lancelot. every single fucking thing. none of you people are normal.  the idea hes some sort of awful parent, the idea hes a “later addition” to the legends (just ... not true?????? the vulgate alone which solidified his existence is ..... 13th century..... thats.... so early in terms of arthuriana......), the general conception he fits into this “bimbo” type archetype (specifically that) in see him being characterized as a slutty and stupid vapid person whos only with guenevere to get closer to arthur, THE IDEA HES EVEN VAGUELY CLOSE TO ARTHUR? thats a huge plot point in a lot of the vulgate lancelot doesnt give a SHIT about arthur, th white, making him into the stereotypical full of himself man, bro its literally all fucking bad. whatever have your own takes on the character but hes . fucking hell just stop talking about lancelot if you cant be normal.

9) th white. i dont care anymore i dont think anyone should be looking at his work anymore it has nothing worthy of any attention. it truly has no value. 

8) jesus fuck uhm theres a lot i could say about how the general fandom and books themselves treat women but the treatment of morgause is just abhorrent. she isnt a fucking r*****. lot is literally worse than her in terms of parenting and being a human being yet shes the only one demonized ever. and like. okay! you can write her as an abusive mother and be uncomfortable with how she is written in the text but modern texts making HER the one to initiate the thing w arthur .... usually against his will for some reason. well. fuck you.  also not a huge thing but portraying guenevere as an abuser is rooted in so much misogyny. this is not the place to have a serious discussion about that but just be aware of how u are thinking about characters. 

7) everything to do with galahad and mordred LOL not even just galadred but bro they are substanceless characters theyre not that fucking deep. 

6) uhhh also everything to do with arthur/guenevere/lancelot <3 the power and age dynamic at play here literally physically makes me sick and also its glorified so heavily i just dont think you people should be allowed to touch these characters. it doesnt even have any hold in text you people just read th white and some other nonsense and were like wow <3 polycules solve all issues <3 and like they do but not this one LOL

5) stop combining elaine of astolat and elaine of corbenic this isnt a complaint this is a fucking PLEA I AM BEGGING you people. aslo please treat elaine of astolat right i love her so so much she means the world to me

4) i think you people are fucking weird around kay. ohhh booohooo the french were meaaan to himmmmmm. okay. stop pointing at the prehistories for reasons kay is actually sooo cool and soooo competent. ohhh hes soooo cool in the welsh texts. thats cool for the welsh texts and doesnt have anything to do with how hes characterized in literally everything else. he doesnt haev to be this competant killing machine to be a really cool character. also hes not. he. hes not thor? 

3) here this is a complaint for the original texts but villainizing gawain? cool thats hot. doing that by making him into a sexual abuser? i hate you. i hate you. prose tristan author and the post vulgate author who took it from them im going to litearlly fucking twist your head off your body.  oh here ill tie this back to the general fandom. gawain isnt some fucking “cinnamon roll” being “uwu slandered by the evil dutch texts fans...” gawains a shitty person and thats cool. hes mean and devious and smarmy and uses the image of the perfect knight to get thorugh loopholes. SGATGK isnt the only text in existance. its also not... an “early text” its pretty late. its. its the 14th century thats after lancelot was introduced to the . hes. its late okay.

2) if i have to see one more fucking take that isolde gave tristan the potion knowingly i literally might snap this is a threat. i cant fucking do it where are you people getting this from its jsut so fucking insane and so . wrong ? disgusting ? like i get it no ones read anything tristan and isolde related besides misreading le morte but jesus fucking CHRIST where are you even getting this one why do i have to KEEP seeing it.

1) STOP. making characters cishet.  stop it. stop. i fucking see you cishets. STOP thinking the arthurian stories are for you. they arent. shut the fuck up. 

anwyays thats all i. this was mean sorry im being mean right now but god <3 you people are fucking insane.

the thing i want to note is hey. its okay to not know things. arthuriana spans a thousand years of texts. if you only like the modern stuff cool good for you i hope you have fun. i do truly hope my friends and i are starting to create a space that people are comfortable admitting you dont know something or to ask questions or just simply not want to know. like thats cool and fine of you! do that! 

just stop fucking making weird arthurian takes and making me look at them. thank u. 

#arthurian legend #arthuriana #:-) <3

[party-gilmore]

New SPN Theory: okay hear me out - incoming Fictional Theology that may mangle a few things but it's all in good fantasy and to alleviate some of my own personal discomfort at G-d being portrayed Like That.

Chuck isnt actually The God.

He's thinks he's The Almighty and fully believes it and has most of the necessary memories associated with it BECAUSE, drumroll please...

...he's actually the youngest of the pagan gods (albeit incredibly powerful) born into existence by the sheer number of radical, evangelical, frightening fervent worshippers all over the earth who believe in this wildly inaccurate, fictitious, end all be all perfectionist micro-managing judgement day apocalypse/revelations obsessed twisted TPTB version of Him.

The sheer power of their belief and worship had to go SOMEWHERE, and it wasn't to the actual Creator because They were so very far removed from this fictional version of Herself made up based on homophobic translations of the misogynist translations of the racists translations of the original text (also conveniently explaining meta-wide SPN and its TPTB and their own trouble with such content) to the point where there was hardly any similarity at all.

And so came into being Chuck - a pagan god born from the power of enough people's belief in an almost tulpa-like manner, who's frightening power is less because of the strength of his followers beliefs and more because a core tenet OF those beliefs is his ommipotence.

Because they believe he created everything, HE believes he created everything, and has even convinced his own self that he has the memories to back it up - to a degree. He's working with an incomplete deck and he knows it, repressed that part of himself that knows he's not The God and shoved it away, but some lingering instinct remains.

He spends so long not revealing himself to the angels because part of him knows there's gaps in his memories that cant be found in, or even outright contradicts, what's publically available to the believers that bolster him and what's in the available lore.

Things like, what his first words were to certain angels, discussions he might've had with then right after Lucifer's fall, etc. Personal stuff that if he spends too much time around them, might get found out he doesnt know.

It was touch and go there for a while when The Darkness came around, because truth be told he only had vague insinuations and as much info as the Winchesters could dig up that one - but luckily, it turns out The Darkness had been sealed away for so long, her perception of her original Sibling was so faded there was no way she was going to recognize any differences. Chuck's vague omniscience (as granted him by any one who believed in a god who patrolled your mind for sinful thoughts to punish you even if you dont act on them) let him keep one step ahead by skimming her surface thoughts and emotions whenever around her.

ANYWAY ALL THAT TO SAY:

We get to the end of series.

And The Actual Almighty has had enough.

They stepped away in the first place, so long ago, because in order for Free Will to matter, for ANYONE'S choices to matter, everyone's choices had to matter. Even the shitty people. Even the evil beings.

If She were to begin picking and choosing which courses of action He thought were good versus evil, or if They let some consequences or butterfly effects occur but others, isnt that just arbitrarily ignoring Free Will for one in favor of another? It's still saying "I dont think this choice should happen, so even though theyve made it, I'm removing it from the table." They would be no more than a puppet master. Of happy puppets, but puppets nonetheless.

No, regardless of morality, remaining involved would invalidate the entire point of Her creation: life must be able to make choices, good AND bad - so long as it's a choice. He must even remove himself from the presence of The Host, for as long as they are with Her they will only think of what to do that would be pleasing to Him, as opposed to what they themselves want.

And now, this Chuck fellow is making quite a stink.

Normally, Her own rules state that They shouldnt get involved, but in this case Free Will is already being removed from His creations. Something on a smaller scale happened once before, but the Winchesters through their own choices and will subverted that path.

This is on a much larger scale though, so perhaps They should get involved. Just a little bit. So She disguises Themself and finds Dean in an abandoned gas station on an empty earth, and Dean calls Him his little Miracle.

From then it's canon-divergent from mid 15x19 where the dog is basically G-d but like in the same way as the armadillo in Road to El Dorado, where She helps in clever little unnatural ways to aid the boys in their task so as to never openly reveal His hand.

Also when They go and get Cas from the empty, because of course He does, She has a wonderful little talk with him where Cas gets to be filled and surrounded by a divine presence of love and pride and delighted surprise that is telling him you were right to think for yourself, right to step away from simply trying to please Me to living for your own, right to love. You were never broken; there was never a crack in your chassis - you are the ONLY one who did what I hoped you all would. Castiel - Cas - you are my beloved son and i am so, so proud of you and it's all at once Motherly and Fatherly and also something wholly Neither, and Cas realizes that this whole time the "divine" has just been a massively scaled up macrocosm of humanity, in it's staggering entirety (or rather, the other way around since it was the Divine which begat Man), so of course They understand

Cas steps back onto this earth with new confidence in his purpose (to fight for his family and this world) and new assuredness of self (in that he is fully at ease with the massive yet now feather light awareness of his love for Dean) and neither of the brothers can figure out why he's being so formal to their dog and Cas Wont Tell Them.

He does, however, tell Jack that he spoke with his real actual Grandmother and that He is so, so very proud of him and They love him and She just knows he's going to do great things.

Halfway because They asked Cas to pass on the message, but only if he wished, and the other half because he knew Jack deserved to hear it.

#supernatural #spn

[shxllxfx]

Desperation // Angel Reyes Imagine

Angel Reyes x Reader

Summary: Y/N and Angel get into a big fight

Warnings: a fight? I am bad at warnings lol. No insults or anything. Grammar? English isnt my mothertounge

A/N: an idea i got because of a song. If you wanna listen to it: Desperation  Eminem ft. Jamie N Commons

Words: 2282

Masterlist

If you wanna be added in my future posts, let me know :)

The third time today, Angel didn’t answer to you. In the morning, when you woke up, he wasn’t there. Already gone like the day before. When you wrote him a “good-morning-text” telling him you would be at the Mayans club house at 12 he read it but didn’t answer. You were annoyed to say at least.

None of the boys knew about you and Angel. There wasn’t really anything they could know. Angel came over occasionally, you watched a movie, cuddled, talked and most of the time he came over and both of you drove to the club house in the morning, together but not since a couple of days. At first Angel would wake up earlier, write you a message saying they had some business to take care of. The next day he would just leave, waiting for you to write him before he shortly answered but now? He didn’t even write you back. Your mind tried to calm you down. Maybe they are just busy and he can’t write back.

You checked your phone again. Nothing. With a sigh you got in your car and started it, making your way to the clubhouse. You needed to talk to Angel. When you arrived, no one was outside, but the bikes were there. So they were too. When you opened the door to the older building a smell you knew and loved hit you. Cigarettes, beer and motor oil. “Hey Y/N” Chucky said, running past you carry some stuff outside. You held the door open for him. “What’s up, Chucky? Everything all right?”  He gave you a quick nod and smiled before leaving. You let the door close and turned around, looking for Angel. Disgust flooded your face when you saw him sitting in a chair, some random girl on his lap. She was whispering something in his ear, which made him chuckle. When he brought his beer to his lips his eyes met yours. For a few second, he just looked at you, before turning his head back to the girl. She touched the side of his face, letting her fingers run over his jaw, just like you always did. Your heart ached. You couldn’t cry, not in here. They don’t know. They would just ask questions. Questions you didn’t want to hear right now. You didn’t know why he was acting like this. You thought there was something between the both of you.

Your head was prepped on his chest, with closed eyes you listened to his heartbeat. His fingertips ran over your side, occasionally stopping at the elastic of your sports bra. With a small smile on his lips he tilted his head down to yours, placing a soft kiss on the top of it. “Could get used to this.” He chuckled. Your heart skipped a beat. He never said anything like that too you. But today already started different. He made you breakfast in the morning, gave you a kiss before walking in the club house, occasionally gave you a small smile while you worked in the clubhouse, handing drinks to the other men around and sometimes you could even feel him staring at you. When you drove home after the end of your shift, he had to stay. He came outside to tell you he would come over later, pecking your lips with a boyish smile on his lips. Something he never did, especially not in front of the clubhouse. When he arrived at your place, he brought you your favorite food and watched your favorite show with you, even though he hated it. You looked up at him and smiled, bringing your hand up to his cheeks. He kissed your palm and you ran your fingertips over his jaw, making him smile like a little kid on Christmas.

The images of that night flashed before your eyes and you felt anger grow in your gut. You couldn’t cause a scene. You weren’t official. It still hurt. You knew you only had two options: Talking to him or starting your shift and simply ignoring him, which would be very tough. With wide, fast steps you made your way over to him. “Angel.” You blurted out. The other men sitting at the table looked at you. His head slowly turned to the side, facing you. Your eyes flew to the girl on his lap for a second, making you want to puke your guts out right there and then or punch Angel in the face in front of everyone. You didn’t know yet. “I need to talk to you. Alone. Its important.” He raised an eyebrow. Bishop chuckled. “Reyes, what did you do?” A low chuckle from the others made you straighten your back. He didn’t say anything at first, just looked at you. You were angry. Heat radiated from your body. “Like right now Angel.” You said through gritted teeth. If he wouldn’t get up, you would start a scene. You didn’t care. You were angry and ready to punch him in his face. He patted the girls back, which made her get up with a groan. You rolled your eyes as she gave you a death glare. When he followed you outside, you felt your anger grow even more. Gripping his wrist, you almost ripped him out of the club house.

“What is going on?” You asked, exhaling to calm your nerves. “I don’t know what you mean, (Y/N).” You felt your hands starting to shake as he crossed his arms before his chest. “Oh really? Save the bullshit for your bitch inside, Angel.”  Now you crossed your arms. “You really wanna play it like that, huh? As if nothing happened between us? Who are you trying to kid?” You voice started to shake. He scoffed and leaned his head to the side. “What happened between us? You mean that I stayed over a couple of times? God, didn’t know you would get your hopes up that fast, querida.” Your heart skipped a beat at his words. “What do you mean? I-I- That between us, I- I thought…” You took a step back, tears starting to flood your eyes. “What? That its love? C`mon you didn’t really think that I love you? That you love me? It was fun for a while but- “You cut him off when your hand flew to his cheek, turning his head to the side. “I did. God I’m such an idiot. I love you and you just wanted something to play with?” The first tear left your eye. “Y/N, you know this aint love.” His voice was calm, but he couldn’t look at you. “What is it then, huh?” You were screaming now, letting your anger out. “Its desperation. You are desperate for someone to love you, but it aint me, Y/N.” He turned around. “Just go home. Ill tell Bishop you’re not feeling well.” With a shocked expression and tears running down your face you watched him go back in the club house.

It has been a week since your fight with Angel and the two of you hadn’t talked since then. You knew that the others felt something going on between the two of you. Angel was constantly stressed and angry, easy to piss off. And you? At first you called in sick, you couldn’t stand seeing him, After two days you came back. You were more daring. Talking to the others more, completely ignoring Angel, playfully flirting with the others. They took it as a joke, nothing serious. Today was one of your shifts at the clubhouse. It was Bishops birthday and even though he says he hates celebrating his birthday, they always threw him a small party with loads of alcohol. You looked at yourself in the mirror. A black crop top and your favorite jeans, that hugged your curves so perfectly were the best look for a day like this. You put on your leatherjacket and took the little present for Bishop before getting into your car and driving to the MC.

“Hola Corazon” Coco opened the door after he heard your car, giving you a quick hug. “Hey. How’s the birthday kid?” You heard him chuckle while walking behind you. “Kid? The old man is by the pool table.” He made a quick pause, grabbing your hand and pulling you back a bit. You stopped. “Angel is there too. “ Your heart stopped and yet you shrugged. “I don’t give a fuck. I’m here for Bishop and his party.” You smiled and pulled him to the pool table by his hand. “I am here to have fun.”

When you walked towards the pool table all eyes were on you, holding Cocos hand. You let go and walked to Bishop with open arms, the present in the hand Coco didn’t just hold. “Happy birthday, Bish.” You smiled and hugged him. His arms wrapped around your torso before squeezing you for a second. “Thanks querida.” You quickly pecked his cheek before pushing away and giving him your present. He smiled at you and took it. “Got you a little something. Hope you like it.” You felt Angels eyes on you when you walked over to the bar, taking the beer Ez gave you. “Wanna tell me what’s going on between the two of you? Angels been pissed ever since you talked to him.” Ez eyes wandered to his brother. “And he is staring at us.” When Ez eyes were at you again, you smiled. “I don’t know. It’s a long story.” A sudden need to talk to someone about what happened overtook you. And who would be better than Ez? After all he knows his brother better than anyone else. “You can tell me.” He nodded to the door. “Wanna talk outside?” With a quick nod from you he walked to the door, arm over your shoulder as he always does.

“He-We…God I don’t even know where to start.” You shook your head as you sat down on, he stairs next to him. “Let’s just say there was something. Or at least I thought there was something. He made it clear that that wasn’t the case.” You looked at your hands, rubbing small circles on the back of it. “What did he say?” Ezekiel was a good listener, always has been. Your jaw clenched thinking back at his words. “That it wasn’t love and that I am just desperate for someone to love me.” His eyes widened in shock. You head just nodded. “He didn’t mean that. See…there has been a lot going on recently…with the club, our dad…you should talk to him again.” You let your head fall on his shoulder. With a long sigh you closed your eyes, enjoying silence for a minute. You missed him, his hugs, his lips, cuddling with him on the sofa, laughing, watching a movie. It hurt. You heard the door open. Steps coming closer to the two of you made you open your eyes. “I will go back inside.” Ez said, looking behind you. Now you knew who was standing there. Angel. “Yeah. Thank you, Ez.” He stood up, giving you a nod. His steps were heavy on the wood, just like Angels before. You heard him stop and pad Angels shoulder before walking inside. You looked up. It was already dark, the stars on the sky sparkled brightly. His weight made the step you sat on complain for a second. It was quiet. He didn’t say a word, just like you.  His smell wandered in your nose. Cigarettes, beer and motor oil. “I’m an asshole.” He sighed. You didn’t answer, it was like your lips were sealed. “I didn’t mean what I said, its just-“ He stopped. “I love you. And that shit scares me.” You turned your head to face him. The light that lit up his face came from the clubhouse and wasn’t bright. You tried to search his face for any other expression than the one it had right now. Regret. “I live a dangerous life, Y/N. I don’t want you to get hurt or worse. I-I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you.” Your head slowly nodded up and down, eyebrows raised. He said it. “You love me?” It was the only thing that left your mouth. He nodded. “I chose this life, Angel. I chose to take the job here. I chose to. I wanted it. I knew it was dangerous.” He didn’t say anything. “It was my decision and so far, I’ve never regretted it once. This club isn’t only your family, it became mine too. I love this club. I love you. And I have never felt more save in my whole life. But when you said that I-“ He cut you off. His words were fast and you were lucky to understand him. “I didn’t mean that. Oh god, Y/N . You aren’t desperate for love. That was just- I wanted you to forget me. I wanted to forget you. I thought it was better that way but I can’t. I love you and I fucking miss you. The only one that is desperate is me.” A small smile grew on your face. You cupped his face with your hands and pulled him to you, pressing your lips on his. He was quiet, didn’t hesitate to kiss you back. His hands grabbed your hips, lifting you up to place you on his lap. You broke the kiss to breath. “I am so sorry, mi dulce.” He pressed his forehead against yours. You nodded slowly. “I love you, idiot.” He let out a small laugh before pressing his lips on yours once again. “I love you so much.”

#mayans fanfic #Mayans MC #mayans imagine #mayans fx #mayans #mayans headcanons #angel #angel x reader #angel reyes #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes headcanon #angel reyes x reader #let me know what you think