#unfortunately. i am a dumb bitch with terrible taste who will never change | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

not-close-to-straight · 4 years

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Sugar, Sugar (Final)

Ho ho holy long break between chapters but we are back and ready to wrap this plotless thing up!

MASTERLIST HERE

Enjoy! ***************

The door at Sweet Peach Bakery swished open, the bell tinkling merrily and Tony checked on the cooking lemon curd before calling, “Be right there! Two seconds!”

“No rush, I’m sure you’re making something delicious.”

Tony went very still, gripped at the counter top until his fingers went white and then forced his voice to professional when he greeted, “Oh hello. Natasha, isn’t it? I remember you from the other day at Bucky and Steve’s.”

“Mmm.” Natasha pursed her lips and looked the little baker over. “I’m sure you do. Have you spoken to either of our favorite beefcakes?”

“No.” Tony grabbed a lemon and zested the hell out of it, taking his aggravation out on the citrus rather than the redhead. “But you know that already, or you wouldn’t be here. And you aren’t the sort of person to bow to pressure, so you aren’t here because they made you come which means you are here for the sole reason of buying cupcakes, so in that case--”

He took a deep breath and sent her a smile. “What can I get for you? The special today is raspberry lemon strudel.”

“Wow. You are at least ten times more observant than that ruffled apron would lend me to believe.” Natasha leaned over the counter and studied him curiously, and Tony’s dark eyes flashed in brief annoyance before he replied, “And you are every bit the bitch that particular hairstyle makes you out to be. Do you want cupcakes or not?”

Natasha’s pretty mouth fell right open and Tony went back to aggressively zesting. “I came here to apologize.”

“Well you’re terrible at it, so start over.”

“Fair enough. I’ll start over.” the redhead inhaled, exhaled then said, “I won’t apologize for telling Steve and Bucky about your past. Those two are some of my favorite people in the entire world, my closest friends and since I know they are halfway past stupid in love with you, I’m not about to let a perfect stranger lie to them, are we clear?”

“This is your apology?” Tony slammed the stripped lemon into the juicer and forced it through. “Great job.”

“I would break a strangers heart and face a dozen different times before letting one of my friends be hurt in any way, shape or form.” Natasha said calmly. “And I won’t apologize for that. But I will apologize for how I did it. I should have come to you privately and tried to understand who you were--”

“-- and I would have offered you a cupcake and told you to fuck off because you and I are perfect strangers.” Tony interrupted, and Natasha smiled the littlest bit. “So instead you brought it up in front of a room full of strangers, decided to throw it in my face with a few key words that brought back two years worth of really shitty memories. Do you know what I’ve done the last three days? Eat low fat ice cream. That’s how upset I was.”

“Low fat ice cream sounds incredibly depressing and I’m sorry for it.” Natasha agreed. “But unfortunately when it comes to broaching uncomfortable topics, my skills lie with sussing out terrible people not dealing with less than malicious bakers who just don’t trust anyone enough to open up yet.”

“Your skills?” Tony scooped up a bit of lemon curd and tasted it, then slanted a sideways look at Natasha and offered her a bite as well. “What is it exactly that you do?”

“Data collection.” Natasha answered evasively. “This is the best lemon...thing... I’ve ever tasted.”

“Of course it is.” Tony took the spoon back. “And by data collection you mean you’re a spook. My Auntie Peggy says the same thing when people ask. That’s why you were able to find so much information on me even though all the records are over in Italia and not much more than out of print tabloids that don’t bother keeping published records.”

“Whatever you want to believe.” she nodded. “And I won’t ask what happened or for further clarification cos to be quite honest, I don’t care. All I care about is whether or not you’re going to break Bucky and Steve’s heart.”

“It’s more likely that they will break my heart.” Tony said tightly, and dumped a pile of lemon zest into his mixing bowl. “You might not want further clarification but you read enough to know I was hopelessly in love and absolutely idiotic with how I dealt with the break up. Isabella and Ranieri were fine afterwards. Clearly I was not.”

“Were you ever going to tell Steve and Buck?”

“I had no intention of taking this past a hookup, so I can honestly say no, I didn’t plan on ever telling them.” A block of cream cheese and butter joined the lemon zest in the bowl. “And at this point, I never plan on talking to them again so--”

“Don’t be dumb.” Natasha peered into the bowl curiously. “Steve and Bucky have been practically feral these last few days waiting to talk to you. I know you told them to give you some space right after I ripped the proverbial band aid off, and trust me. I’ve seen an agitated Bronco or two in my day but I’ve never seen him or Big and Blond this agitated. Call them.”

“Nope. Don’t think I will.” Tony turned the mixer on and moved to his other table to line a cupcake pan. “I’ve been feeling like maybe things were getting too commitment-y and this is as good a chance as any to just cut the ties and move on.”

“...wait, are you serious?” she blinked at the baker a few times. “Are you serious? You’d walk away from those two just because it’s feeling like a relationship? Why?!”

“I’m sorry, did you not see the file of my mistakes?” Tony plunked a scoop of crumbly crust into the bottom of each paper and flattened it out. “The last thing I need to do is get involved with another couple! Falling in love once was bad enough, here I am halfway through doing it a second time and I’m not looking forward to getting my heart smeared across the front pages of another half a dozen tabloids. Leave it alone.”

“Tony--”

“Remember how you said we were perfect strangers?” Tony interrupted. “Well perfect strangers don’t offer unsolicited advice. Would you like a cupcake or not? Take one and get out.”

“Fine.” Natasha stuffed a few dollars in the tip jar, then a few more towards the cash register. “Thank you. Should I tell the boys anything?”

“Nope.”

“Alright then.”

Natasha left the shop as quietly as she’d entered, then immediately reached for her phone.

From Natasha: Your favorite baker is at least halfway in love with both your dumb asses and is terrified of getting hurt again. Don’t screw this up.

From Natasha: Also, he’s got lemon cupcakes today and I think I gained seven pounds just eating the frosting. Literally amazing. Marry him.

From Steve: How did you figure out he’s half in love with us?

From Bucky: WTF you went and got cupcakes with out us? Bring me a one.

From Steve: Focusing on the wrong thing, Buck.

From Bucky: Sure am. Tasha I’m surprised he didn’t try to kill you. What the hell were you doing visiting the bakery?

From Natasha: Data Collecting.

From Bucky: Riiiiiight. So. Half in love, huh?

From Natasha: And Terrified

From Steve: We’re on it.

***************

“Welcome to Sweet Peach, I’ll be right with--” Tony slowed to a stop when he saw who was waiting in the lobby. “--you? Hi. What are you guys doing here?”

“Heya Tony.” Steve’s smile was easy and soft and way to charming for how much it twisted at Tony’s heart. “How are you?”

“Still wondering why you’re here.” Tony was too frazzled to even be polite, folding his arms and then unfolding them, playing with his apron and then smoothing it back down. “What are you doing here?”

“Came by to get some sweet treats.” Bucky eyed the lemon cupcakes greedily. “And you know, some of that sweet peach you’re hiding in those leggings over there.”

“Bucky!” Steve hissed. “Tony, what Bucky means is--”

“--nah, I stand by what I said.” Bucky vaulted over the counter and came up close to Tony, wrapping both arms around the baker’s little waist and hauling him in for a long kiss. “Missed you these last few days, you doin’ okay?”

“I’m--I’m--I’m--” Tony’s hair was hilariously rumpled post kiss, eyes wide and maybe even a little scared. “I’m fine. But what are you doing?”

“I dunno what Bucky is doing, but our original plan was to come over and ask you out on a date.” Steve gave up on using words and pushed Bucky away so he could swoop a kiss onto Tony’s lips too. “Missed you, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

“Very confused.” Tony touched his mouth where it tingled after Steve’s kiss. “You’re here to ask me on a date?”

“Well yeah.” Bucky dug his finger into a glob of frosting and mm-hmm’d in interest. “We’ve done the three months of hooking up, we’ve learned a bunch about each other and broken the ice and various surfaces while nekkid. Next step is a first date, right?”

“What Bucky means is--”

“-- would’ya stop tryna correct what I say?” Bucky kicked out at Steve in frustration. “I mean what I say, damn it!”

“What Bucky means is--” Steve dodged the next kick. “-- is that we want to make us official and we’re here to ask if you want to do the same. You want to date us for real, honey? Put a label on all this and maybe just move right on into all sortsa other good things?”

“Eh, I would’a said it better.” Bucky kept eating the frosting. “Babydoll what is this, lemon and lavender?”

“And vanilla.” Tony corrected. “But wait, you-- after you read what happened in Italy? You still want to date me?”

“We read what happened.” Steve swallowed and shared a quick look with Bucky. “You fell in love and got into a serious relationship, they changed their mind and broke up with you, you reacted about as well as anyone would in that situation.”

“Came stateside t’get away from it all.” Bucky finished. “Opened the best little bakery ever and managed to get two hunky beef-cake types to be all sorts of in love with your peach.”

“BUCKY!”

“And the rest of you!” the big brunette was quick to add. “In love with your sweet peach and the rest of you!”

“You guys are--” Tony audibly gulped. “You guys are in love with me?”

“But we aren’t saying anything like that until you’re ready.” Steve held up both hands peacefully. “We’re gonna start at square one. We’re friends, we’ve already done all the ‘get to know you’ stuff, now’s the time when we ask you out on a first date to see if a relationship would work.”

“You guys are in love with me.” The baker whispered. “Really?”

“Don’t matter if we are or not.” Bucky shook his head. “What matters is whether or not you’re gonna let us take you out for some winin’ and dinin’ and peaching this weekend.”

“...what about Italy?” Tony asked slowly. “Aren’t you going to ask me why they dumped me? Why I spiraled out of control?”

“The most we care about Italy is whether or not you’ll scream various Italian things the next time we get you in bed.” Steve grinned, and Bucky added, “And whether or not you’re really okay after it, or if you need s’more time. That’s it.”

“Oh.” Tony plucked at the ruffled on his apron anxiously. “Just like that? You aren’t going to ask a bunch of questions or think I’m unstable or-- or whatever?”

“M’gonna ask a bunch of questions about how much of this frosting I can eat before throwing up, and how much it would cost to hire you as a full time sweetie pie so you just feed it to me all day.” Bucky felt around for a ladle and dug it into the frosting bowl. “Stevie makes good money, he can afford to pay you for me.”

“Thanks for that.” Steve scowled at his boyfriend. “Tony, you tell us you aren’t willing to take a chance on us as a couple and we’ll keep doing what we’ve been doing. Or you don’t want to do that either, that’s okay. We’ll figure it out. All that stuff Tasha showed us-- we don’t care, alright? Life can mess us up and sometimes we move on, sometimes we don’t. We aren’t upset or-- or even curious, really.”

“You aren’t curious?” Tony asked doubtfully. “At all?”

“Sugar, the last thing I wanna know is how bad someone else hurt ya.” Bucky said around a mouthful of lavender and lemon. “All we wanna know is how we can fix it and make sure you never look that sad again.”

Finally Tony gave them a tiny, tiny smile. “Really?”

“C’mere.” Steve brought Tony back in for a sweet, sweet kiss, brushing his knuckles just lightly over Tony’s cheek and tangling his other hand in the apron strings so Tony wouldn’t pull away too soon. “Tony. All that sort of stuff about Italy and whether or not we’re gonna work out in a relationship-- that isn’t first date stuff. That’s like, fifteenth date stuff we talk about when we hand over a spare key to the apartment and we start planning vacations. We don’t have to talk about anything yet.”

“Plus, we ain’t that good at talking anyway.” Bucky chimed in. “So we could first-through-fifteenth date it up and then talk about it when you feel better and when you believe us when we say it don’t matter.”

“I think I’d like that.” Tony finally admitted and both Bucky and Steve lit up with excitement. “I think I could handle a--a first date. With the two of you.”

“Sounds like the best first date of my life.” Steve grinned and Bucky whooped, pumping his fist in the air.

“When-- um when do you want to go?” Suddenly shy, and far too adorable, Tony bit at his lip and peeked up at them through his lashes. “On our date, I mean. When should we go?”

“Should be a proper date, so let’s schedule for Friday night.” Steve said promptly. “We’ll make reservations someplace nice, pick you up here at the shop or at your place if you prefer that. Drinks first, then dinner. We can go for a walk through the park around the fountain afterwards and share a sweet but chaste kiss before saying goodnight.”

“Sweet but chaste?” Tony’s dark eyes twinkled with laughter at the same time Bucky repeated scandalized, “Sweet but chaste?!”

“Should be a proper date.” the blond repeated. “But uh-- there’s no sayin’ what could happen on a second or third date, huh?”

“Huh?” Bucky waggled his eyebrows at Tony. “Right? No sayin’ what could happen!”

“I guess not.” Tony’s cheeks were flushed bright with excitement and maybe even relief. “You guys are sure, though. Really?”

“Really really, sweet thing.” Bucky finally put the frosting down and motioned Tony back for a quick kiss and then a long hug. “You and us-- we’re just fine.”

“Thank you.” the little baker melted into Bucky’s arms, finally let the stress of the last several days just wash away. “Oh my god, thank you.”

“We got time to figure it out.” Steve came over and hugged them both up close. “It’s just a first date, nothing more complicated than dinner and drinks and a goodnight kiss. You wanna talk, we can talk. Otherwise we’ll just do what we always do and uh-- maybe yell at Tasha a little bit for making you so upset.”

“She was just looking out for you guys.” Tony’s words were muffled in Bucky’s shoulder. “I’d contemplate murder for anyone I thought was messing with Pepper or Rhodey, maybe I should be glad all she did was data collect.”

“Yeah, we’ve really got to figure out exactly what she does.” Bucky whispered and Steve just laughed a little and squeezed them tighter and the three settled in to enjoy the quiet, the moment, together.

But then--

“Wait, if the first date is going to end in a chaste kiss, does that mean I have to wait till date three for sex?” Tony wrinkled up his nose in complaint. “Because that doesn’t seem very fun.”

“Damn Stevie, he’s right.” Bucky’s eyes went comically wide. “That doesn’t seem fun at all! I feel like there’s somethin’ we could do about that.”

“Bucky.” Steve tried to sigh, but Tony interrupted, “No, I think the Bronco has a point! I have two perfectly good couches--ACK!”

Tony shrieked when he was suddenly, unceremoniously beef-cake less, both Steve and Bucky all but bolting for the back room and pulling at their clothes as they went and calling for him to hurry up.

“Okay!” Tony burst out laughing when Bucky’s shirt ended up flung over the industrial size dough mixer. “Okay, just give me two seconds to get all this put away!”

He hurried around the kitchen wrapping up the untouched frosting and cooled cake, then tossed his apron away, turned some music on and sashayed back towards his office singing softly, “Honey, ahhh sugar sugar! You are my candy boy! And you got me wanting youuuuu---!”

**************

***************

“What, so those two dorks just showed up and said they wanted to take Tony on a first date after three months of juicin’ the hell outta that peach?” Clint was shoveling bacon into his mouth at a truly alarming rate, and Sam smacked him upside the head before snatching the plate back. “Ow! Damn it!”

“Yeah, apparently, they decided on a real traditional first date complete with chaste kiss and Tony went for it.” Sam ignored Clint’s grabby fingers and passed the plate to Valkyrie. “It must’ve went well cos they texted me about skipping group breakfast. Something about lavender and lemon frosting and Bucky not being willing to put it down.... I dunno. Sounds like kinky baker sex to me.”

“I’m just glad my data collecting didn’t ruin anything.” Natasha sipped at her coffee and cut her eyes towards Bucky and Steve’s bedroom door. “I do feel bad he was so upset but...”

“...but not enough to keep it a secret from your best friends.” Val finished. “No one blames you, Tash. Specially not since it worked out.”

“Must’a really worked out if they aren’t out here yelling at us for breaking in and eating their breakfast food.” Clint finally got the bacon back. “Think they spent the night at Tony’s?”

“They said a chaste--”

“Yeah, when was the last time you saw anything chaste about the Bronco and Steve?” Sam cut in. “No way. My guess is they spent the night at Tony’s cos they would definitely be out here shouting at us for taking the bacon and making a mess in their--”

“EDWARD ANTHONY CARBONELL STARK!” The front door to the apartment burst open and everyone in the kitchen ducked and screamed-- or rather, everyone except for Natasha who whipped a knife out of nowhere and then just as quickly tucked it away when she saw who had come in.

“TONY!” The Colonel James Rhodes didn’t even look at the group as he stomped past headed for the bedroom. “YOU PUT YOUR GODDAMN PANTS ON AND COME OUT HERE AND TELL ME WHY YOU BUTT DIALED ME DURING YOUR HOOK UP LAST NIGHT?!”

“Good morning.” Next through the door was Pepper, tall and beautiful and apparently wildly amused by the whole scene. “Nice to meet you all. I’m assuming Tony is in the bedroom with Steve and Bucky?”

“Uhhh---” Valkyrie’s jaw about hit the ground. “I um--”

“I TOLD YOU LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED THAT IF I HAD TO LISTEN TO YOUR NASTY ASS DURING A HOOK UP ONE MORE TIME---”!

“Rhodey!” Tony was shrieking with laughter, Bucky and Steve shrieking with fear when the Colonel kicked in the bedroom door. “Rhodey, I’m sorry! You are my top contact in my phone, I can’t help the butt dials!”

“YOU WILL HELP THE BUTT DIALS OR SO HELP ME GOD--!”

“So.” Pepper snagged a piece of bacon off the plate. “How is your morning going?”

“Eh. Better than theirs.” Natasha decided, and everyone went right back to eating.

“Honey Honey, how you thrill me.” Clint sang as he poured syrup on his waffle. “Uh huh, honey honey!”

“No singing Clint.” Sam warned, and Clint protested, “Tony sings!”

“If you had a butt like Tony, we’d let you sing.” Natasha countered and Clint gasped, “I am hurt and offended.”

“You are neither of those things, and your butt is fantastic.” Valkyrie informed him. “But lets leave the singing to the sweet peach, huh?”

“Fine.” Clint grumbled. “As long as my butt is as good as Tony’s.”

“Aw. Sure it is, honey. Sure it is.”

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#ncts fics #stuckony #tony stark #steve rogers #bucky barnes

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kiruuuuu · 6 years

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Monty/Bandit continuation in which Bandit hatches and follows through with a plan. (Rating T, it’s very slowly getting better, ~2.2k words)

The other parts of Protection Mountain can be found via tags or here on my Masterpost! (Mobile version here)

“You’re going to collapse if you keep going like this.”

“How convenient, the hospital is right there.”

Blitz doesn’t seem to appreciate his sarcasm and glares at him from the side. “Look, starving yourself isn’t going to achieve anything, except worry him to bits the next time he sees you.”

“Which will be when?”

A sigh. “I don’t know. He took the brunt of that explosion. It’ll be a while, I assume, Six is already asking me whether it’s possible for me to come back.”

“Fucking go, then. I don’t need a bloody babysitter, especially not one who’s doing such a terrible job.” Regardless, he nibbles at the nougat-filled croissant Blitz forced onto him. He’s switched to demanding Bandit eat in his presence and, unfortunately, the outside of the hospital offers barely any distractions he could use to his advantage, therefore Bandit doesn’t really have a choice. It’s a miracle he’s not getting thrown off the property as a whole but figures security would rather have him where they can see him. “Your boytoy is probably missing you horribly, too. Let me wither away in peace and go back before Six gets her knickers in a twist. But if she wants me to come back as well, tell her she can shove it right -”

“She wouldn’t.” Blitz absent-mindedly begins taking his own croissant apart without eating any of it, gaze locked on his fingers. Talk about hypocritical. “She knows, Dom. They all know. I get daily inquiries about how he is, but more often about how you’re doing. They know you don’t read their messages and they probably know you’d break down due to the reality of it all if you did, so they ask me instead. We all know how much you love him. How much you love each other.”

“Shut up.” The croissant tastes like cardboard and the nougat reminds him of dark chocolate, so he looks around the ugly courtyard, turns his head away to blink away the tears. It’s becoming a trend and he hates it. “You’re bored out of your mind anyway, I can tell, and you’re fucking sick of me. Go back.”

“You’re going to do dumb shit if I do.”

“This isn’t fucking Romeo and Juliet, I’m not gonna drink bleach a day before he gets released out of the ICU. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Blitz side eyes him and they both know they’ve been friends for long enough that he’s worryingly aware of the kinds of thoughts buzzing around Bandit’s head right after Montagne was injured, when it was still unclear whether he’d make it. “There’s other dumb shit. I don’t know what you’re going to do, I just know you will. Trying to beat up Olivier falls under that, just so you know. It wasn’t his fault, even if both of you seem to think so.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? If I do stupid shit regardless of whether you’re here or not, it obviously doesn’t matter.”

And Blitz just sighs. They know he’s going to leave regardless, though he’ll inevitably keep checking in.

The pattering of small drops on his umbrella is meant to be soothing but if anything, it erodes his patience. He’s sick and tired of spending his days doing nothing, letting his mind run wild, but he’s afraid of the alternative. It’s imperative he spends as little time as possible in the hotel room he used to share, just like he needs to be in the vicinity when it’s visitor hours. He can’t afford to miss Madeleine in case she stops by that day, needs to be here if – if anything happens, but even if it did they probably wouldn’t tell him. It’s illogical to sit here regardless, on his usual bench, slowly feeling his shoes and socks soaking up the rain and cursing himself for not bringing another jacket. He’s freezing and his exhaustion exacerbates the icy feeling in his bones.

But how could he be anywhere else when Montagne is right here?

His days feel empty not only because of how little he actually does for how much time passes but also because there’s no joy in them. Every memory is sullied by worry – even if Montagne recovers fully mentally, what if he can never walk again? The possible long-term consequences are incredibly intimidating, so daunting that he’d rather not consider them at all. Still, when he thinks back to any wonderful moment between them (and they are endless), they loom threateningly in the background, casting a shadow over it all.

Someone comes to a stop in front of him and the boots are too heavy to belong to Madeleine. When he looks up, lifts the umbrella to reveal a dark expression, he scowls in return. “Get the fuck out of my face”, he hisses and decides to maybe leave it at a warning this time. The scratches on Lion’s cheek have healed by now.

“Come on”, the Frenchman growls, rips the umbrella out of his hand and begins walking towards the front entrance of the hospital. Despite how much Bandit wants to stay just to spite him, he might actually end up with hypothermia if he does, and so he eventually gets up and jogs after the thief. Lion shakes off as much water as he can before he returns the umbrella unprompted. “You’re allowed back in, I vouched for you. If you cause trouble again, we’re both banned, so don’t start shit. Got it?”

Bandit heaves a deep breath of relief but can’t bring himself to thank him, not after all he’s done. He nods and they venture forth together, take the stairs, greet the receptionist who squints at Bandit and sit down next to each other. He doesn’t know what Lion wants or why he did it, but the last thing he needs right now is a fucking talk. Fortunately, Lion seems to agree, merely crosses his arms and remains silent.

They sit like this for at least an hour, Bandit tense, Lion unmoving. He doesn’t know whether it really is a test of patience or whether Lion isn’t aware of the anguish his presence alone causes, but it’s beginning to piss him off. “You don’t deserve to be here”, he murmurs eventually, propping up his head on his knees, leaned forwards while Lion is leaning back.

“And if I wasn’t, you’d bitch about that too.”

He’s not wrong. Bandit remembers Blitz’ words: It wasn’t his fault, even if both of you seem to think so. Bullshit. He peers at the other man from the corner of his eye and notes how he, too, seems to have suffered. He looks exhausted, both mentally and physically. “Fucking bastard”, he mumbles.

“Cunt”, says Lion, unperturbed.

“You’re blaming yourself, aren’t you?”

The Frenchman’s brows draw together. “I’ve thought about it a lot. The whole mission. And I’ve come to the conclusion that we didn’t make a mistake, instead we were missing intel we had no way of acquiring prior to going in, intel we weren’t aware of missing. With all the information we had when we planned it, I think I’d agree on doing it all the same way again. I’ve retraced all our steps and it was the best possible approach. Just because the outcome turned out bad doesn’t mean there was a mistake in the decision making.”

Bandit mulls it over. He’s done the same thing but exceedingly more biased, frantically looked for people at whom he could point fingers. Ultimately, he came up empty and this revelation was a whole other punch to the gut: sometimes, life is simply unfair and accepting this isn’t easy. “Yeah”, he offers eventually. “Doesn’t answer my fucking question though.”

“Yes. I am.” Lion uncrosses his arms. “Of course I am.”

And this is unexpected, a show of weakness possibly meant as an armistice. “Me too”, Bandit says and feels a curious gaze on him. “He wouldn’t have been on this fucking mission if not for me. We requested to be deployed together, so we did. This wasn’t really his normal gig, too messy.”

“You can’t know whether he wouldn’t have been sent anyway.”

“No. I can’t. But that doesn’t change anything for me.”

“I have absolutely no fucking idea what he sees in you.”

Bandit catches himself before he agrees, swallows the words with a wistful smile and then shoots back: “And I can’t understand in the slightest why he’s friends with you.” They look at each other and shrug. “He’s just like that, I suppose. He sees something pitiful and he has to nourish it.”

Lion huffs in amusement. “Yeah. That sounds about right.”

“Have you met his sister? Madeleine?” A shake of the head. “She’s the only one visiting him at the moment.”

“Oh? What is she saying about his condition?”

“I don’t fucking know, I don’t speak French.” Lion snorts derisively. “Don’t give me that, I’ve seen how bloody lost you are with the people who only speak German here. Maybe you can translate for me the next time she’s here. She might come in later.”

“Sure.”

Bandit ponders this for a while. What is he going to tell her? He can’t really divulge any details as to what happened and as for - “Don’t mention anything about Gilles and me though. Our families don’t know yet.”

Instead of only Madeleine, Bandit meets Montagne’s parents that day and it’s the most awkward fifteen minutes of his life. There he is, hopelessly in love with the son of this overly friendly elderly French couple and terrified of them finding out on top of having to pretend everything is fine between him and his translator who seems to hit it off extremely well with them, when instead all he wants to do is kick Lion in the shins for prolonging the small talk to unbearable lengths. Not to mention he can’t go into detail of how exactly Montagne and he know each other, given that he doesn’t want to reveal their relationship and isn’t sure how much they know (or are even allowed to know) about Rainbow. The members of staff (who can clearly put two and two together and have effortlessly figured out Bandit is longing for his loved one as well as meeting his parents for the very first time) try and fail to suppress smirks the entire time.

It helps that he has a lovely conversation with Madeleine afterwards, learns that she’s a journalist and they exchange anecdotes of Montagne which leave all three of them smiling. Having Lion translate back and forth is annoying but required and despite all, Bandit is grateful for his help. Madeleine closes the conversation by saying how glad she is her brother has such devoted friends and she’ll be sure to stay in contact, laments the regulation of them not being able to visit Montagne regardless, hugs them both and remains blissfully unaware of the seed she’s planted in Bandit’s head.

Blitz left the day before and so his nights are lonely and unproductive, only this one is an exception. Madeleine told a story about the hospital Montagne was born in and it gave Bandit an idea – an idea which requires a bit of researching and a lot of unlawful thinking.

The next day, Bandit is busy. He spends a large part of it perfecting Montagne’s signature until he can forge it with his eyes closed and the rest on scouring the internet for certain French phrases and letter templates. He double and triple checks each one he composes, every single one of them absolutely essential to his plan, therefore they all need to be perfect. What little he remembers of taking French in school helps and eventually, he’s decently satisfied with the result.

Further researching reveals a small obstacle which is solved easily by contacting one of his old buddies who knows someone who in turn knows someone who can put Bandit through to someone who does small favours for small currency, and additionally to making that phone call to the French hospital Bandit needs, he even proofreads Bandit’s mangled letters, laughs at him for half an hour and then corrects them.

Finally, after printing and signing them, he drops them in the mail. Now he just has to wait.

A few days later, Bandit enters the registrar’s office of his home town Berlin, the city in which he’s still listed as a resident. It’s an extremely fortunate coincidence but he would’ve travelled half the country too if it’d been necessary.

“Good morning”, he greets the clerk politely and hands over the papers in his hand which are comprised of all the necessary documents: his and Montagne’s ID (which he left at the hotel when they went on the mission), both birth certificates (and France should really re-think how easy it is to get one of these) and a document certifying that Montagne is indeed single after having been married before. Additionally, he carries a writ of consent stating that Montagne agrees to all of it, signed by no other than Bandit himself. He’s proud of this particular signature and is sure it’d even hold up in court.

It’s all highly official and obtained extremely illegally. And with a smile, he announces: “I would like to get married.”

#rainbow six siege #montagne #bandit #montagne/bandit #fanfic #protection mountain #bandit you tire fire #blitz KNEW it

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chickenfetus · 7 years

Note

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ????

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general?????????

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples:

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them???????

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual.

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me.

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual.

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good?????

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

#softshouyous #asks #if anybody actually read all through all of this.... thank u.#FALEN THAKNK U FOR ASKING I LOVE U

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victoria-shade · 4 years

Text

Authors note: I own nothing in the MCU or anything at all really.

This story will mostly be written from Wanda’s POV. This is a no powers regular people AU. Wanda is a waitress in a small town diner with her sister Natasha and brother Pietro. This will be Wanda and Vision pairing.

—————————

When you live in a small town people tend to know things about each other. It’s almost funny how everyone’s dirty laundry just flows through the air like a contagious virus.

I know that the principle at the high school, Mr. Rodgers was in the army during world war 2. I know that his wife Peggy was married when they met during his deployment.

Or how the mayor: Tony Stark has a nasty habit of cheating in his wife Pepper almost any chance he gets.

Most of us try to stay out of everybody’s mouth, he seems to do his best to get into them. Maybe I do know more than most though, working at the only real restaurant in town.

It’s a quiet town, barely more than a Main Street with a few shops, and some houses scattered for about 25 square miles. As are most towns in Vermont. But for most of us that call Derbyshire home it’s all we’ve ever known.

The shops are nice enough, as long as you don’t try and talk to the woman who owns “Mar’vels home town clothing”. Her name is Carol Danvers, everyone knows she is barley more than a mean drunk on a good day. It’s generally best to get what you need and get the hell out.

I work at my parents diner, it’s been in our family since before prohibition. My grandfather named it “Maximoffs home town cuisine” but everyone just calls it “Maxy’s”.

The basement used to be a speakeasy, which my mother always feels the need to tell almost anyone new who comes in. Most of the regulars already knew or came during that time themselves. My sister and myself do the waitressing, my older brother Pietro works the kitchen. We have a wonderful old man named “Bucky” as we all call him in the dish room. He is best friends with Steve Rodgers, the previously mentioned principle at the high school.

Bucky is quiet and keeps to himself for the most part, but is always kind to anyone he comes across. Although he did punch Pietro right in the face one time. Only ones who know why is Bucky and Pietro. We are all content to leave it at that.

But this is not the story of the petty nonsense that us small town folk like to entertain ourselves with. This is the story of how I found the love of my life, and how we beat the odds to be together. The odds being my mistake of dating William Ultron, a terrible brute of a man, if you could even really call him that.

————

I first saw Victor on a rainy day in October in 1967. He had just gotten a job in the bank as a teller. He was tall and handsome, his blue eyes took my breath away almost instantly.

Natasha was about to take his table as it was technically in her section, but I told her I had it. She could see in my eyes that I was smitten and just smiled and went to her other table. It was Tony Stark and another one of his female conquests.

I felt my heart in my throat as I approached his table, his Ray Ban clubmaster glasses sat on his nose like they belonged there. His blonde hair was cropped short and slicked back in a style that would make any woman swoon.

He was wearing a very nice black three piece suit, every part of it ironed to perfection. He took off his fedora and trench coat and hung them on the coat rack before choosing an empty table next to the window.

He was just getting settled and was looking at the menu as I got to his table.

“Good morning Sir! Welcome to Maximoff’s, can I start you off with something to drink?”

I couldn’t help but cringe, even to myself I sounded like a giddy teenager. I’m 25 I should be able to handle myself better than this.

He flashed me a beautiful smile, I knew immediately I would do anything to see it again. Possibly after a night of amazing... no. I really shouldn’t be so crude.

“Thank you Miss, I will take some of that coffee with cream for now.” He said nodding at the coffee pot in my hand.

His voice was music to my ears. I usually wear my heart on my sleeve, but I have never had a crush so fast in my life. I even think I detected a bit of a British accent, damn I think he may be my dream man.

“Sure thing Sir. Would you like to take a few minutes to look at the menu?”

“That would be lovely thank you very much.”

I smile at him as I pour the coffee, taking great care not to over flow the small cup.

“Well I will be right back then.”

I smile at him as I turn to leave, he returns it politely.

Walking through the swinging doors the the kitchen I notice the knowing grin on my sisters face.

“So looks like Wanda has a crush!”

Natasha taunts me in a sing song voice that makes me blush. I don’t know how she can just read people like that. One look and she can tell your deepest secrets. It’s almost scary.

“Well he is handsome isn’t he? I doubt I will ever see him again though so does it really matter?”

“Guess you haven’t heard, that’s the man that will be taking over Bruce Banners job at the bank. I think his name is Victor or something like that.”

I look at her dumbfounded for almost a solid minute.

“How in the world do you know everything in this town? I may be nosy, but even I don’t eavesdrop that much on the customers Nat.”

Sometimes I think my sister would have made a great spy, she just knows things about people and about the town.

“Oh come on, you know I have been seeing officer Quill. That dumb deputy tells me everything, he may be handsome but he is so lost he doesn’t know weather to scratch his watch or wind his butt half the time.”

That’s curious, I wonder why the police would know about who the bank hires, I mean beyond a background check. That’s probably why.

“Well then, maybe I will get to see a lot more of this Victor around town.”

I wink at Nat as I go to check on my handsome customer.

She only chuckles and picks up the pancakes Tony Stark ordered for himself and his “secretary” or mistress as we call her around town.

I walk by Tonys table in my way and can feel his eyes on my ass I go by. He really is a disgusting pig on a good day.

Victor has put his menu on the corner of the table and seems lost watching the rain outside. From his seat he can see the mountains and the forest past the parking lot. As much as this town can suck, it is undeniably beautiful. Northern Vermont tends to be that way any time of year.

“Have you decided on what you would like?”

I ask him politely, but try to keep my nerves in control. If I am to see more of him, I would like for him to at least not think I am as immature as I probably came off earlier.

“Actually yes, I would like some toast with jelly and some bacon. Thank you.”

As I write down his order I couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes slowly went up and down my body. He didn’t do it in a way that made me feel gross, but it was a tasteful look. Like he was appreciating, rather than simply lusting.

It was so slight a flicking of his eyes that had I not been so entranced by them I wouldn’t have even noticed.

I flash him a warm smile.

“I will get that right out for you.”

As I turn to leave I notice a familiar car pulling into the lot, my heart drops. Even if this wasn’t a small town, I would know that damn black Ford pickup anywhere.

Fucking William Ultron. I broke up with him over 6 months ago, but the jerk keeps harassing me. One would think as time goes by he would give up, but it seems like the time is only making him worse.

Victor seems to notice my frightened face and sudden change of demeanor. His gaze follows mine to the tall black haired man quickly walking to the door to get out of the rain. He must have also noticed the look of furious anger on Williams face.

The door slams open just as I make it to the safety of the kitchen. Natasha has already noticed Ultrons unwelcome entrance.

“This ass hole really doesn’t take a hint does he?”

I call out for Pietro, he knows why I left Ultron and hates him more than anything else in this world.

“Pietro get out here! And Nat call Peter Quill over at the station!”

I step out of the swinging door, and try to make myself look less frightened and more pissed off.

“What the hell are you doing here Ultron? You know you are not welcome here anymore! You need to leave right now.”

I don’t think I came off as fearless as I had hoped I would. Almost as soon as the words left my lips he grabbed my arm painfully.

“You know why I am here? When are you going to stop playing these stupid games already?”

“William stop! You are hurting me.”

I wince at the pressure of his grip, and hear the kitchen doors swing open forcefully.

It’s Natasha and Pietro, and they are pissed.

“Take your fucking hands off her right now you son of a bitch.”

Pietro practically yells as he stomps over to me and my abusive ex. Natasha is right behind him and holding our fathers shot gun.

“You heard him, now you better get out of here before I get to use this! The police are already on their way.”

Natasha picks up the gun higher to show how ready she is to do just as she said.

In the corner of my eye I can see Victor standing up ready to help out with the unfortunate situation unfolding before him.

William only glares at me before letting go. The next words out of his mouth make me feel weak with fear.

“This isn’t fucking over, no body just leaves me! I promise you this isn’t over.”

He stomps out of the door and jumps into his truck before peeling out of the parking lot. The squeal of his tires when he gets to the the pavement only serving to show just how pissed that narcissist is.

Victor is still standing by his table looking in in concern as my siblings walk me to the kitchen. Natasha takes over for me the rest of the day so I can just go home. The last I saw of Victor that day was his beautiful blue eyes follow me in concern. I could see he wanted to ask me if I was alright. I know he was probably just to polite to pry into what was so obviously a personal matter. But I wish he had, somehow I just knew that if he was to wrap me up in those arms I would have felt better so much quicker.

To be Continued.

Authors note, this is going to be long I hope. If you like it or have anything to say feel free to review. I’m hoping to have at least 2 chapters a week. Hope you enjoy.

#wanda maximoff #avengers #vision #marvel #fanfic #peitro maximoff #natasha romanov #bucky barnes

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