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#unless this has been fixed??
myfandomhalf · 7 months
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Season Finale
Sick and tired of reading about people say that Dazai knowing about the plan beforehand somehow takes away from the genuineness of the skk moments
You mean you WANT Dazai to choose to kill Chuuya for the greater good and then not give a shit immediately after?? Ignoring the speech for a second, the reason he was able to be so carefree after “killing” Chuuya is because he KNEW Chuuya was gonna be okay.
First of all, Dazai knowing Chuuya wasn’t gonna die doesn’t take away from his speech. He replayed all those memories for himself, nobody else was seeing what was happening in his head. He was GENUINELY upset at the idea of losing Chuuya and having to put Chuuya through that, DESPITE knowing Chuuya would be okay. He was STILL upset. That’s way better than him thinking he just killed Chuuya, sparing him a thought, not even crying (bc no that wasn’t a tear) and then just moving on being silly as if nothing happened.
And then the other speech him saying that they’re destined to - do you seriously think he’d just make that up for shits and giggles? He was being serious. If he was gonna play it up for Fyodor’s sake he would’ve said the most emotional out of pocket line to ever be written, which to them would be related to him leaving Chuuya behind. But no he just said they’re destined to do something.
Dazai talks a lot about the past to Chuuya (Chuuya does not participate) but those two are clearly emotionally constipated bc they never have a conversation about what they mean to each other (which I think is bc Asagiri is not ready to reveal that yet). This was clearly Dazai taking his opportunity to say what he REALLY thinks / feels forcing Chuuya to listen without the commitment. Bc if anyone gets the ick later he can use the convenient excuse of “oh I didn’t mean that” which is bullshit.
And I do think an element of this idea that it’s worse that Dazai had everything planned comes from the misunderstanding that Dazai has completely changed since he was in the port mafia. Dazai just tends to make “better” (as in more objectively good) choices, but he very much still puts on a front. You guys do realize that his silly persona is just that right? A persona? He’s literally being fake every time he’s silly. That’s not his real personality. He’s a morally gray character. He never became a purely good person and he never will. It makes MUCH more sense that he planned everything out with Chuuya beforehand.
He met up with Akutagawa before getting arrested, he probably did the same with Chuuya.
And yes, this means he DID use and manipulate Sigma the entire time. Why wouldn’t he? Sigma has an ability Dazai needed. I’m sure Dazai planned for sigma to not die bc in his role as a detective it’s part of his job to mitigate losses of innocent lives, he knows this, but also bc Dazai needs to know what sigma learned. I genuinely hope there isn’t anyone out there thinking Dazai wouldn’t manipulate sigma bc he cares about him? He just met him. He has no personal investment in him. But he WILL make sure sigma is alive bc of the aforementioned reasons.
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h0ney-bee · 9 months
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Another new oc wip
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theygender · 8 months
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The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃
#rambling#for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to#estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone)#and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments#and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms#it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me#(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲)#and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately#like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related#dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me#but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially#as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess?#like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally'#and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder#thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance#dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone#typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis)#and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself#and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex'#and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭#tmi#request to tag
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eddis-not-eeddis · 1 month
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#i don't really want to make a whole post about it because it was a very personal and very miserable time for me#but genuinely#the thing that got me wanting to move on again and LIVE after my life plans all fell apart last year#was sitting down and very seriously thinking about the kind of woman i want to be when i'm 70#i hit that thing that a lot of people in their mid-twenties are hitting right now#where it feels like we've already wasted everything and not only are we failures now but we will always BE failures until we die#but right now i'm still in my twenties#and when i thought about what a good lifespan looked like to me#70-ish seems about right#and what do i want to have when i'm 70#what skills will be useful and beyond that#what skills will be fun#i had gotten into a mindset of “too late too late”#learning to draw#or sing#or dance#or fix a car#or ride a motorcycle#they all felt like learning NOW would be pointless because *melodramatically* aLL my YoUtH HaS bEEn WaStEddd#but unless God has another plan i'm not going to die in my twenties#i'll likely live many more decades#my life probably isn't even half-way over yet#what do i want to be when i'm 70?#it doesn't matter that i don't know everything yet#i have more than four decades to work on it#that's more than the entirety of the life i've already lived#and yeah#i spent five years at a dead end job that finally drove me almost to a breakdown#but even that wasn't a waste#i saved enough to go to school and i learned a lot while i worked there
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arolesbianism · 1 month
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Some stuff I've drawn semi recently
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#furry#furry oc#furry art#Ive been going thru it recently but Ill survive#on the bright side the pet sitting job for my aunt is coming up soon#so Ill have a house to myself for a bit at least#Im probably still gonna be fairly offline for the foreseeable future unless I somehow manage to fix my sleep schedule anytime soon#not to say I will be on any sorta complete hiatus or anything just that Im not getting any more active most likely#not that I think anyone rly cares at this point since its been the norm for a while now but yknow#Ill still be around to answer asks and stuff just dont freak out if I take a lil bit to see it 👍#anyways enough of being a downer Im actually pretty happy with these even if theyre mostly just doodles#also I havent posted any art of these guys in a While but say hi to them while you can cause theyre back into the void of my brain now#first is keese (the oc™) second is toon and third is clyve#all from different stories but toon and clyve are both from the magic cat universe#their paths never meet tho the closest connection they have has to go through like 4 characters first#you can also tell theyre from different stories because one is anthro and the other isnt lol#generally speaking I consider anthro designs slightly more canon but both are canon depending on the story#not in a shapeshifting way just in a me being an inconsistent bitch sorta way#but yeah keese the oc is much older than either of those two I just dont talk abt them or their story ever#but hey if any of yall remember suckerz those two are besties#suckerz is sort of younger than the other two and sort of much older than all three#shes a sort of updated version of a reallyyyy old sona sort of character I had in like 6th grade I think#back during my lilo and stitch experiment oc era where I had one that was music themed#I also had a digimon variant of her she was called like beatramon or smth like that#she was basically a hypothetical music mascot and shes kind of still that tbh#if I ever get enough into making music that I start posting shit it will be my music mascot
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social-cocoon · 8 months
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People will really say ascended Astarion isn't abusive with their whole chest huh
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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teal-deer · 2 months
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personal rant under cut to delete later. I shouldn't post this. Please don't look, tw for depression, despair; and when I say you can't help me, I mean that. No one can help me.
There's no point. No one can help me. Years of therapy & job rehabilitation and none of it matters. Friends can give comfort but that's all they can do because everyone else is drowning too. All anyone can do is give sad glances and I'm sorries because pausing to try to help me would just drag them down with me. I'd drown them. I'm nothing but dead weight. No one can help me. There's nothing anyone can do. My parents have literally done everything they can and I still fuck it up. I have every privilege in the world and I keep blowing it and in the end it's because I'm a lazy stupid entitled moron. I deserve this. No, I don't, but if I don't why does it keep happening? Why can't I do better. If you lose this many jobs something has to be wrong with you. People can literally steal from their bosses and be the most awful racist jerks you've ever seen... What's wrong with me? What do I keep doing wrong? What is it? How do I get better? But no one can tell me and no one can help me. Pro tip: you think school is bad? People at least try to help you there. The second you get out of school it's no longer anyone's job to help you & everyone else... If they help you they drown. They can't. There's nothing anyone can do. No one can fix this. Certainly not me. Even posting this, all I'm doing is hurting people, because they can't help me, all they can do is look at me hurting. They can't fix this. No one can fix this.
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leofrith · 10 months
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acv hate on my dash and i can't even be mad about it because they make some good points 😶
#like yes it was extremely fucking weird to have us play as a viking with all the violence that entails#while conveniently sidestepping any real consequences for that violence or contending with the results of that violence#because you're too afraid that lingering on it for too long might make your protag look bad#it's like they suddenly decided that their audience is too stupid to deal with moral ambiguity. in the moral ambiguity franchise.#this is once again drifting towards my forever argument that making these games rpgs was a mistake#or rather making these games *half-assed* rpgs was a mistake#and weakens the narrative bc there's never any meaningful follow through for any decisions#including some of the decisions that we the player don't even get to make ourselves#like i think having a set narrative would eliminate a lot of the problems with this game's writing#because they clearly weren't willing to take the rpg elements all the way#also just... make it smaller. there's too many arcs and too many diversions from the main narrative#which while a lot of them admittedly have some fun character moments they probably should not have been required to advance the main story#and with no mission replay or ng+ it's just so prohibitive to replay unless you're like me (deeply mentally ill and in love with eivor)#the point being that dissonance has always bugged me about this game. i could fix her i could fix her i could fix her#anyway. hi i'm gonna go do that ask game now ajdgjhdsf#the nerve pain last night was making it difficult to be on the computer. tbh it also is right now but we soldier on 🫠#ky posts text#ac.txt
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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🐇🩹🚪
#i hate myself real bad today.... like it's this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach nd chest#i am such a fucking burden. i am deadweight weighing everyone around me down. im such a fkn pathetic failure#our living situation is rlly bad nd unhealthy nd toxic. im the only one who can disconnect nd shove it all down nd wanna pretend like nothin#but my sister nd my mom are going insane like they cannot stand it anymore. nd they're also getting super depressed so im worried#my mom's been trying to apply for appartments bc she's been on waiting lists for several years so she can actually maybe get one#so they were thinking that my mom nd my sister can move nd me nd my sister can live here#she even found an apartment close by that she would actually get!! so they could move!!#however...... you're not allowed to put more ppl on this contract so if my mom moves me nd my sister can stay here :/// so she cant move....#cant** stay here#she cant move at all unless my sister nd i have our own places...#my sister has a job nd is an actual responsible adult. so she wont be long until she fixes that#but me???? im 25yrs old... never had a job. cant even graduate highschool even if i try. i have no fkn idea how to survive on my own!!!!!#im just a fkn burden on my mom. i keep her down. i chain her down nd keep her feom being free#im such an awful daughter. im such a bad person. im so worthless. i hate myself for hurting her#i hate seeing her so sad nd depressed bc she wants to get out of this situation so bad#and *im* the one keeping her here. im the reason she cant feel better. bc im a pathetic fkn 25yr old who lives off of her mom like a parasit#ooof i ... i hate myself more deeply than i ever have. how can i do this to my own mom???? why am i so useless????#idk what to do. idk how to move out!! where to?? how do u get a place to live??!?#atp i'd even take living with someone else. like renting a room or smth. just to free my mom of the curse that is me#but idk how to find anything like that bc im completely and utterly incapable nd useless#i feel so bad for my mom.... i know she doesnt want this but it makes me wanna kms even more#if im dead i cant weigh her down i cant ruin her life!!!! if im dead she'll be free of me. im nothing but a parasite she deserves to be free
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sukugo · 6 months
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I wanted to make an edit for Gojo, Sukuna and Yorozu because I also love the parallels but I don't have an appropriate place to post it. If I do it, it won't have enough exposure and my effort would've gone to waste. I'm relieved to know that you plan to make one for them as well, please do it one day, thank you! I'll be waiting!
anon!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 i definitely will (tho it will probs still be taking some time from the looks of it😔) but really dont let that stop u 🥺🥺 if u wanna do it, just go for it!!!! it's always better to have more people make stuff, doesn't matter if it's the same thing, everyone always has their own unique way of making things and seeing things, but even regardless of that, the main thing is that if u want to make something, forget everything else, just do it!!!!!!!!
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taikk0 · 2 years
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JUST SAYING ONCE I LEARN TO PRONOUNCE MY T'S PROPERLY ITS OVER FOR YOU BUTTNUGGETS
#IVE ALWAYS PRONOUNCED T'S WITH MY TONGUE AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX IT ITS BEEN THAT WAY FOR SO LONG#BUT ONE DAY. I WILL PRONOUNCE MY T'S SO GOOD YOULL THINK IM A WHITE PERSON#WHAT SUCKS TOO IS THAT IM BILINGUAL WHILE ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE I SPEAK TAGALOG MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE OF MY ENVIRONMENT SO I-#-HAVE NO PROPER WAY OF PRACTICING IT BC FILIPINOS PRONOUNCE T'S DIFFERENTLY BC OF THE LANGUAGE AND UNLESS IM IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING-#-SETTING THERES NO WAY IM GONNA BE ABLE TO PRACTICE CONSISTENTLY 💔💔#even worse i slur over my words all the time. i have a stutter. i have VERY frequent voice cracks and when i try to suppress them i sound-#-ver odd. PLUS ADHD#idk if adhd might be one of the causes or of it gets added to the pile but dude i actually need help 💀💀#but another problem is i dont think anyone would see the point in it#i communicate just fine its just that i have so much trouble communicating verbally (vocally?) in a way that isnt unnatural and in a way-#-that properly articulates what i want to say and how i say it. often i have so much trouble showing varied emotion to prove a point when-#-im referring or talking about something that isnt reactionary#LIKE DUDE WHY IS TALKING SO HARD 💔ALL PEOPLE CAN TALK WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH ALL PF THIS THIS SUCKS#which might be why i prefer writing what i want to say bc unlike talking the way i speak has nothing to do with it. i get given time to-#-think. and with an adhd brain writing what you want to say is so much better because typing it out involves the conscious decision to-#-type it all out and it acts as a filter#BLEFGGGH SORRY I KEEP BLABBERING ON THIS WSS SUPPPSED TO BE A SILLY LITTLE POST IDK WHY I WENT HAM IN THE TAGS#anyways umm yeah i dont like talking. i like communicating and maybe socializing tho. but not talking. does that make sense???#there r also times where i straightup cant speak at all. i want to speak and i want to say things but my brain feels too busy or ig blank-#-but not empty and i cant form words or sentences and all i have are thoughts and feelings#anyways i think asl is neat and i want to learn it not just for my benefit but also for accessibility#also filipino sign language if im up for it#man there is something wrong w my brain 💀#mikyomix rambles#yeah this one was a true ramble but only in the tags
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sirnica · 4 months
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Words cannot explain the stress frenzy I worked myself into trying to pick a new laptop.
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piningprecussionist · 5 months
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jason kim your ex is on tumblr now https://www.tumblr.com/thesushiguyy
Who...?
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Oh. The guy from Ushi Bar, right.
We never really dated? He did help me move my stuff to Hollie's place though- that was... nice of him.
#ooc: current blog canon has decanonized him and kim as an item! unless they want to interact w me and have an ideas on how I can Fix That#ooc: it was more convenient for doing the hollie interactions. the way im currently imagining things is that Kim's beef with Hollie is less#+ a legitimate backstabbing/betrayal and more Kim being put off/a little jealous of the fact that people who expressed an interest in her +#+continually will also go for Hollie and will actually pursue her more actively than they would Kim#ooc: so like. if i was leaning more on SPTO canon. stuff like roxie's comment after their kiss would probably have made her a Mega Bitch +#+ to Hollie the next time she saw her despite them not interacting. does this make sense?#ooc: anyhow at a glance it looked like they were running some jason/ken bit currently#ooc: so yeah. the way ive been thinking about it so far Kim just knows Jason as a guy who expressed an interest in her when she'd show up +#+to get something on lunch break- which she was considering seriously... until she brought Hollie along one day and saw how he was ogling +#+her by comparison. Kim was upset but less about Jason himself and more just “what the hell am I? dirt?”#ooc: i am super open to reworking this since im not 100% happy with it but it's just. the way things work best I guess with the Kimona stuf#ooc: ALSO. I have her call it the Ushi Bar because the S is always out. she refuses to call it Sushi Bar again until they fix it.#pine.txt#asks#anon#rp#kim pine#sp comic#spvtwtg#spto#spvtw#(now to go reblog their intro I suppose!)#(ooc: also. processing that you d i d give me the opportunity to put this in separate continuity... but since this is their first mention +#(+ here and this change is relatively recent for blog canon I don't want to confuse anyone)#((ooc: ALSO... he IS brought up for the first time just after the Knives kiss right? man was a shield. that's my thoughts on that.))#thesushiguyy#jason kim#((ooc: also that jealousy thing WOULD effect more than just Hollie. it's just that it happens more frequently with her than anyone else))#?#(unsure if i may change the formatting for this to make it roadtrip compliant)
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apricot-the-apricat · 5 months
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Rivvy's ref sheet :]
My sona!! They're not really canon to the actual story (not this version atleast, Apricot still is) so they look/function a bit extra weird even for my oc standards, but they're cool I like them.
Also to clarify Apricot isn't my sona anymore, she's just a normal oc, the also-being-my-sona part is Rivvy's job now which is part of why they're non-canon. I made this username a good few years before rivvy was a thing tho so I'm gonna stick with it lol
alt. outfit mostly so you can see their scar better:
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gothamcityneedsme · 6 months
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also basically all of those screenshots are tavon being mean b/c i think its way funnier when he's mean. i dont screenshot when he says nice things
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