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pansyslut · 4 years

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insecurities

draco x reader

a/n: i’m aware i haven’t wrote in almost two weeks- oopsies. it’s not that i haven’t wrote anything it’s more that everything i write is just blah. i’m pretty sure this is blah as well. i’m tired and i feel bad for not putting anything out. there is a very good chance i will wake up in the morning and reread this with a clear head and realize how trash it is and take it down. enjoy it while you can :)

warnings: none really. very very little sexual talk but it’s really nothing.

summary: draco and y/n run into her ex. he lets her in on his insecurities. angst, fluff.

just like every other friday, you and draco had date night. it had become your weekly ritual. you would both dress up and go to your favorite restaurants.

this week you both chose something casual. deciding to go to some lowkey mexican restaurant and sit outside on the patio.

you hadn’t seen draco very much that week due to work. not only did it put a strain on your emotional relationship but your sexual relationship as well. because of your lack of time together, throughout the whole dinner he kept caressing your thigh making it extremely hard to concentrate on whatever he was talking about.

you both ate with lighthearted flirty banter all night. discussing dessert and weekend plans. it had eventually grown dark but the patio had fairy lights everywhere which draco had pointed out was cute which made you laugh.

“y/n”

you turn to see none other than your ex (if you could even call it that), cedric, standing over you.

you and cedric had fooled around for a couple months but you both knew it wasn’t anything else. as soon as you reconnected with draco you had sent him a simple text explaining it was over. he had text you a few times but you never gave him the satisfaction of replying.

he stars down at you giving a warm smile. “you haven’t replied to my texts.” he says, his eyes darting back and forth between you and draco.

you internally roll your eyes. of course i haven’t you idiot, why would i?

i mean don’t get me wrong the sex was good- the sex was really good. but it was simply that. sex. to keep one another preoccupied until the next situation presents itself. draco was different. he was more.

giving him a harsh smile back, “i’ve been busy.” you say shortly.

cedric nods and runs his fingers through his hair. he leans down and grabs your chin, “call me when you decide you’re not busy anymore. we both know you get bored.” he says in in your ear then softly pressing a kiss a little too close to your mouth.

he said it loud enough for draco to hear. turning back to him and seeing his face, he definitely heard. you turn back up to cedric to find him already walking away before he sending a wink in your direction.

facing draco, you see his stern unreadable expression. “dray?” you say softly. shaking his head as to brush you off and waving to the waited for the check.

he stars at the ground, refusing to make eye contact. deciding not to push it, you sit silently waiting to leave. finally getting up, you both walk to the car.

draco has always been physical. it was definitely his love language. merlin knew that he spoke through touch way better than words. he almost always had some way of touching you. holding your hand, pulling your waist, guiding you around.

instead, it was like he refused to even glance in your direction, refusing to touch you. he didn’t even open your car door like he always did. although it stung, you understood where he was coming from.

i should have pushed him off of me. i should have told draco about cedric before. i shouldn’t have even let him kiss me. this is my fault.

finally after the long silent car ride he pulls up to your house. usually, this is the part where he would follow you in and spend the night or at least have a glass of wine. instead, he left the engine on, staring ahead.

“are... are you not coming in?” you say eyeing him. he holds both of his hands on the wheel, gripping it tightly.

“give me a minute.”

nodding, you let yourself out the car and make your way to the door. kicking off your shoes carelessly and making your way to the couch, plopping down with a huff.

a few minutes later, you hear the door open. undoubtedly draco tightying up your shoes neatly, letting his ocd get the best of him.

paying little to no attention to him and barely acknowledging his presence, you feel him enter the living room and sitting down on the couch next to you where you now lay with your head smushed in the pillow.

knowing he needs time to cool down, you put on some stupid show to ease the tension. after two glasses of wine and an episode of some random show you grow more and more impatient.

turning over to lay on your back and facing him, he finally makes eye contact with you. “so...” you say trying to break the ice.

“so...” he rubs a hand over his face in frustration

“so what are you like pissed at me? or cedric? or what?” you say trying to understand.

huffing and letting the hand from his face fall, “i’m not pissed at you.” although that is reassuring, the weird emphasis is putting more on edge.

sitting up next to him, “so what then?”

he scrunches up his fists and pulls at his hair. “fuck, y/n i don’t know. i’ve never disliked diggory so much more than tonight.” he says admittingly.

nodding, “i know, i know. that was so fucking shit of him. i don’t even know- i guess... i guess he’ll be pissed or something? cuz i haven’t really replying to his texts or calls since we reconnected. i kind of just ghosted him i guess.”

hoping this would help ease his anger, you look up at him hopefully. “but this isn’t about him, right? this is about us, right?” you say practically begging looking up at him.

he meets your gaze and hears your pleading voice. his eyes soften, “yeah... yeah.”

not giving you very much to work with in turn making you frustrated, you get up and go up the stairs. you weren’t sure whether you wanted him to follow you or not. on one hand you knew that draco always helped sooth you and ease the anxious feeling in your stomach. but now, you weren’t so sure he would be much help.

but if he didn’t follow you, what did that mean? is he just giving up on you just like that? after almost a year spent together down the drain over some stupid fight that you weren’t even sure what was happening?

plopping on the far side on the bed, you grab his pillow and shove it in your face. letting silent tears fall, making yourself feel like a fool.

not once, have you cried over some boy. it wasn’t until draco came into your life that you even felt a strong enough emotional connection to even think about being upset over a boy and a silly argument.

you were never the dating type. you never had a boyfriend. it’s not that you couldn’t get one- merlin knew you could if you wanted, but you never had the desire. it wasn’t like you didn’t want to its just that you had never met someone that gave you that satisfaction.

laying there with your back turned, you hear draco enter the room. he sits on the corner of the bed with neither of you able to see the other.

sighing, “y/n? fuck, im sorry, baby. i didn’t mean to upset you.” he said. he rubbed your ankle caressing your smooth skin, just wanting your touch.

sniffling, you wipe the remaining tears off your face. there were still dried streams which he would undoubtedly be able to see when you turned around.

“it’s not your fault. i know- i know it’s not your fault. i’m not mad at you. i’m not mad that he kissed you.” he continues. obviously having a hard time explaining what he was feeling, he tugs on your ankle in a pleading way. you both knew he was lying. he knew you knew he was lying. he didn’t need to see your face in order to know that.

“okay... so it’s not only because he kissed you.” he says admittingly. “it’s what he said as well. when it’s going to be over. like this isn’t expected to last. like he and probably everyone else is just expecting you to get up and leave. hell- i’m expecting you to leave. i worry about that every day. i know it’s not your fault. it’s just that you’ve never been the relationship girl before. i don’t want you to feel pressured or- or suffocated by this.”

you finally understood where he was coming from. he didn’t open up a lot. but you understood completely.

getting up and sitting next to him you grab his hand. “you can’t blame me for not being in a relationship before. you can’t put that insecurity on me. i wasn’t in a relationship before because it didn’t feel right. it was never right. but this-” you say tugging on his arm, “this feels right. you feel right.”

you move over and straddle his lap as he brings his hands to your hips pulling you even closer. “i know. you’re completely right. it’s not fair for you.” he grabs your neck and you feel the pad of his thumb smooth your cheek.

“i’ve never lied to you. i’m not going to start now. i want this.” you say grabbing his face, “i want this is bad.”

it felt natural when your lips came together, neither of you mentioning the saltiness from your previous tears. you were simply craving each other’s touch and needed one another. although it probably wouldn’t be the end of the conversation it was good for now. because right now all you needed was him and to be in his arms.

#draco fluff #draco imagine #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x y/n #draco x you #harry potter #draco angst

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squidlyskeet · 3 years

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Joy Ride -.006

Pairing: StreetRacer!Bakugou x Fem!reader

Genre: TokyoDrift!au, Noquirks!au

Status: Ongoing

TW: Violence, Blood, firearms, eventual nsfw, 18+, mentions of anxiety and OCD disorders, grand theft auto, gang activity, eventual soft yandere Bakugou.

Summary:

It started with a simple question. “What do you say Y/n? You coming?”

After the sudden death of her mother, Y/n is sent to live with her estranged aunt who made a home in Tokyo, Japan. Weary of what this new adventure might mean for her future, Y/n lets loose for her first night there, but how was Y/n supposed to know it would lead to a car chase? A car chase in the passenger seat of a very angry, very hot, street racer’s super car.

A/n: Bold Italics means the words are spoken in Japanese. -Squidlyskeet ✌🏻✌🏻

💥Bakugou’s POV💥

I parked the car on the road in front of Noels house. I’d been there a few times over the years to meet with Mirio about different jobs and organizing patrols. I was happy that I could finally just get this part of the night done and over with, but sighed heavily as I remembered what the next part of my night would consist of.

I’d probably have to walk on eggshells to avoid a bullet to the head where Mirio and I were going.

I looked over to where Y/N was curled up in my passenger seat. I didn’t want to wake her up, after all she did mention that she just got off a plane this morning. She must be exhausted with jet lag and the events of today. I was also hesitant to try and remove her from the seat and attempt to carry her inside. I was already frustrated with myself for allowing her sweet nature to somehow affect me the way it did, and I didn’t want to make it worse by literally touching her.

And god forbid she wakes up and catches me trying to carry her. Or Mirio. I’d never live it down, and that’s unacceptable. I couldn’t have people thinking I was going soft, or worse that I was going soft for some dumb girl.

Maybe I should just open the door and kick her out.

Nah, that’s douch-

“What the fuck are you doing man?” Mirio’s voice was directly outside my window and I jumped, whipping my head to the side and preparing to throw my body in front of Y/n’s.

I could feel my blood pressure rise when I realized it was just the overgrown oaf, and my face flushed with anger at the intrusion while I was trying to focus.

I was pissed he caught me overthinking about carrying Y/n inside too.

“Nothing you baboon idiot.” I whisper screamed back, trying to keep the peacefully sleeping Y/n undisturbed.

She seemed to be full of curious questions, and the last thing I needed was her asking where I was headed in some kind of dumb attempt to feign worry about me. I also just didn’t want to have to lie to her, she seemed so..free and pure. Free of the darkness that wrapped around and tainted my life with an endless string of one complication after the next. One death after the next. One lonely night after the next.

I felt like if I lied to her about something, even after only knowing her for this short period of time, I’d sully her innocence. Darken that lightness that she let shine so brightly for me tonight. That’s why I couldn’t see her in anything but passing again after this, I couldn’t risk letting myself dwell on the stir she created in my stomach. I had to leave at least one thing in my life untainted.

I growled at my own thoughts, not understanding why I couldn’t just let this sappy shit go. It wasn’t like she was some kind of friend to me, hell I’d only known her for one night.

That didn’t change the fact that she had gotten a reaction out of me anyways, even being the irrelevant extra she is.

“Alright then, let me grab Y/n and go give Noel a kiss goodbye and I’ll be back out so we can go.” Mirio replied, unphased by my obvious disrespect to him.

It never irritated him, and it got under my skin. Usually this kind of shit would progress when we were together, and it would get to the point where Mirio and I would spar into the late hours of the night. Each of us trying to prove something to the other.

He that I couldn’t push people around whenever I wanted to get what I want, and I that even if it was still fifty fifty between us, that I could still wipe the floor with his oversized ass. Even if it was only half the time.

“Tch. Whatever.” I replied, watching from the corner of my eye as he rounded the car and quietly opened Y/n’s door.

He gently picked her up, one arm behind her back and the other under her knees. I had to suppress a growl, words that I knew would only cause problems threatening to spew out my mouth like word vomit.

I was mad at myself, had I known she was such a heavy damn sleeper I would have just done it myself when I first got here.

My eyes laser focused when he stood straight and Y/n’s limp sleeping body -my hoodie still draped over her- almost slipped from his hand around her back and I jumped. I knew logically that I was still in the driver's seat and could do nothing if he actually did drop her. That didn’t stop the irritation at myself for not just doing it myself, where I could make sure she made it safely inside.

He quickly adjusted his hold, and frowned.

“What’s the matter with you dumbass, be careful with her.” The words slipped out before I could stop them, and he raised his brows at me.

“I was, she is just sleeping like a rock. I wasn’t expecting her to flop around like a noodle. Man she must have been tired,” He started laughing quietly, shaking his head as he turned and started walking inside. He paused, turning his head to the side to say something else, voice suddenly serious. “Start my car for me.”

More code terms.

I sent him an okay sign, and forced thoughts of Y/n out of my mind. Trying to get into the headspace I needed, I got to work.

I waited until the door shut behind Mirio to exit the car. I knew she was sleeping but I wanted to make absolutely certain Y/n didn’t see anything.

I swung my door open and rounded the car to the trunk, I looked around before opening it, and then opening the false bottom.

When someone from the Side Riders said ‘start my car’ they didn’t really mean for you to start their car. In fact it was considered disrespectful to get in the driver's seat of someone else’s ride, let alone start it. What it really meant was to make sure you're locked and loaded, ready to defend yourself and your territory.

It was meant as a way to let your squad know that you didn’t know what you were rolling into, coded to make sure no one caught on that whoever was riding with you was strapped to the teeth with weapons.

I sighed as I looked down at the cubby beneath the false bottom, debating on what gun I’d use in case things went south. I knew I should pick something small, but before I could even try to convince myself, my hand was reaching for the heavy fire power of the automatic rifle.

I held the box of ammo when I heard the door open again. I quickly held the gun out of sight when I looked up, sighing in relief to find it was only Mirio. I could tell he was switching his mindset to work mode, the usual warmth of his features melting into a dark, unforgiving grimace. The cold emotionless depths of his eyes was an expression I was familiar with. I stared at it everyday in the mirror.

“You strapped?” The wording reminded me of when he asked if Y/n was strapped correctly into my passenger seat. She was, I checked. Eight times.

My chest warmed, thinking of her struggling to get the damn things unbuckled.

*a/n: it’s safe to say everything from this point on will be spoken in Japanese without bold italics*

I sighed at the memory, because, this time he was talking about weapons.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” I replied, as I finished loading the rifle and closed the trunk.

His only acknowledgement was a flick of his wrist as he started toward his car. I made my way back to my own, opening the door and placing the gun barrel down on my passenger seat floor.

I hadn’t noticed before when I was in the car, but after getting out and then back in it hit me full force. It smelled like her. I tried not to think about how the smell of vanilla and lavender tea left a haze clouding my mind. I also refused to acknowledge the deep breaths I was taking while I pushed in the clutch and pressed the start button on the dash.

We started our engines at the same time, usually the sound did nothing but bring me peace and excitement. This time though, I cringed. The force of the cars starting shook the ground with a deep rumble, and I glanced at the house making sure no lights flicked on.

When I was sure she was still passed out, I fiddled with the screen on my dash, putting on some music and waiting for Mirio to pull off the road ahead of me.

I had a thought then and allowed self indulge, even for just a moment.

How did that song she put on go?

I hummed it to myself, as I tried to remember the English words.

Oh, yeah.

I typed it into the search bar and pressed play.

The deep soothing beats pumped from my speakers as Mirio finally pulled away from the curb.

I followed him, unsure of what exactly we were getting ourselves into but ready for anything.

————————————————————————-

Thirty minutes later, after Monoma joined us somewhere along the way, we pulled into an open parking lot surrounded by abandoned warehouses on all sides. My guard immediately went up as I followed Mirio to the already parked cars sitting in the middle.

All of them blacked out and all of them with a red rose emblem on the side.

Except one.

The gaudy car in the middle seemed so out of place with all the rides built for racing surrounding it. While ours were expensive, they were built for racing. This one was built for the rich, made to sit in the lap of luxury and look good doing it.

It was a show, put on to try and intimidate us but I refused. The fact that they would even try had rage building under my skin, and it was almost unbearable to contain when I noticed the men of the Yakuza leaning against their hoods, all with a weapon of some sort.

I pulled up and parked next to Mirio, Monoma following me and doing the same. I looked through our windows asking Mirio a silent question, he shook his no. I was mad, but I trusted his judgement and quietly accepted as I released my grip on the stock of the rifle.

I opened my door and got out, I made a show of a leisure walk. Hands behind my head and a smirk on my face, I knew without looking that both Mirio and Monoma flanked my left and right sides. No matter the smallest of differences or rivalry’s, brothers never step to their enemies alone.

“Well? Where is he?” I asked, my tone coming out a lot more relaxed than I felt.

One of the men nodded his head at whoever was in the passenger seat. I tried to see if it was him, but I couldn’t see past the tinted windows.

A man stepped out of the drivers, rounding the car to the back seat facing us. The boss’s bodyguard. Shoji Mezo. A towering man, muscles stacked on each other like a brick wall.

Man, I hope he said something stupid. I’d love to take a crack at him.

He pulled open the door, and to my surprise, a heeled foot stepped out onto the pavement first. My mood instantly darkened when I realized who it was. Why was this bitch everywhere tonight?

“Hello Katsu.” Her greeting was a soft purr as she addressed me with the nickname she gave me all those years ago. I felt my face twist into a sneer before I forced myself to relax as she stepped out of the car fully.

She had changed out her red ensemble from earlier tonight into some gaudy sparkly evening dress, if you could call it that, that is. The fabric hugged her curves tightly, and asymmetrical cut outs flaunted most of her tanned unblemished skin.

I was happy to find I didn’t have a reaction to it anymore.

This was just another one of his dramatics, a way for the boss to try and exert some kind of nonexistent dominance of me. I couldn’t let it get to me.

“It’s been a long time hasn’t it Katsu? You’re looking extra delicious tonight..” Her sickly sweet voice dripped with sarcasm.

It disgusted me that for two long years, I let that same condescending tone lead me around like a lost puppy. Now that I had been out of the relationship for a year, I could see where I went wrong. I let her soft words and her curves distract me from her actions.

“Camie.” I greeted back with a slight bow of my head, keeping my voice cold and detached.

“Camie darling, what have I told you about playing with the help.” A deep voice called from behind her.

“Oh Tenny baby, it’s nothing to worry about, I was just having some fun.” She replied, as she worked her acting skills on the Boss getting out of the car.

“Bakugou, Togata, Monoma. How are my favorite squad leaders tonight?” He asked, a false pretense at friendship.

Tenya Iida.

Leader and boss of the Tokyo Yakuza, and squad leader of the South Side Riders.

He wore a three piece pinstripe suit, and expensive loafers. His face was tense and his strong jawline was clenched, which proved my point further at his false friendliness.

“Boss.” The three of us said in unison. A deeper bow given by all of us.

I hated saying the word out loud or admitting that he was above me in any way. To not show respect though, would result in an immediate death execution style. While I was more than willing to put Iida in his place, I couldn’t do much with my only defense still sitting on my passenger seat floor.

“Does anyone want to tell me why you are here tonight?” He spoke up again, not acknowledging our greeting.

I guess we were getting right into it.

None of us answered.

All of us knew better than to assume.

It really lit a fire under my ass that I had to stand here and act like the man standing before me was some kind of royalty. He was my age for christ’s sake.

“No one has anything? Let me break it down for you then,” He started toward us, clearing the space between the gap in a few strides before stopping in front of Mirio. “Tonight while you trash we’re out in your little race cars, having a pissing match on who is the fastest one of my warehouses was raided.” He said, his expression one of complete calm.

We still didn’t speak up.

While I knew I couldn’t say anything, I never let my gaze leave his face. Silently challenging his authority with my uninterrupted glare.

“No one has anything to say then?” His arms raised in amusement as he turned back around to address his men. “Did you hear that guys? No one has anything to say.” He was laughing as he said it.

Before he whipped his body around, his arm flying through the air with his fist clenched. It landed on Mirio’s face with a sickening crack. He didn’t knock the man over, no I don’t think Iida could even if he wanted to. While it was a hard hit, his form was sloppy and wasn’t well placed. Mirio’s probably taken more painful hits from Noel, if I’m being honest.

I did my best to hide my snicker that escaped at the thought.

“I’m sorry? Was there something you wanted to say Bakugou?” He addressed me then, blank features finally cracking into a sneer.

“Well I-.” I was cut off abruptly when another one of Iida’s fists came flying at my face.

I saw it coming from a mile away, but had to stand there and take it as I didn’t want an entire team of trained henchmen actively trying to murder me.

I was right when I said it was a hard hit. His fist made contact with my right eye socket, and it sent my head flying backwards. Pain instantly throbbed through my skull, but I’d die before I ever let it show to this dumpster fire.

Mirio had the same idea as he didn’t even hold his nose that was currently gushing blood.

“What about you Monoma? Care to explain?” He asked the third member of our group, who, like an obedient dog, lowered his eyes and kept silent.

I wanted to scoff but the thought of being on the receiving end of another hit right to the eye kept the sound inside my throat. Iida nodded his head and backed up a few paces, talking to all of us at once.

“If I find out that you little street rats had something to do with this, especially if your little dick measuring contest was being shut down as some kind of distraction,” He cracked his knuckles before rubbing them, letting me know that the punches probably hurt him just as bad as us. “I’ll kill you and every single member of your families.”

He paused before looking back up at me.

“I also want that car painted Bakugou, you were on the news tonight. Making headlines in that god awful orange machine you call a car. I want it parked back at the shop and it better not fucking move again until it’s a different color. I can’t have the police after us every fucking time an orange sports car was spotting going 200mph plus.” I gritted my teeth at his words.

Who in the fuck did this extra think he was. The orange was practically a fucking trademark, I was about to let loose on him when he smirked.

He could tell I was struggling to keep my mouth shut. Just like him though, he had to add the gasoline to my already burning hot inferno.

“Also..Bakugou?,” He stopped walking back to his car to turn to me one more time. “Who was that adorable little thing in the Nav seat you had with you?”

Don’t react. Don’t react. Don’t fucking react Katsuki.

“Just some Nav Hoe who wanted a good time.” I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. My heart thundered in my chest.

He knew he had me, but all he did was smirk and grab Camie by the waist while getting into his car.

Iida popped back around the door, his features cold and distant, expecting full attention.

“I forgot to mention I have a job for you in a few days, if one of my patrons doesn’t fork up twenty thousand by then.” He flicked his wrist in dismissal.

Shoji slammed the door shut behind them, and got into the driver's seat. The rest of the men followed suit, a chorus of doors slamming and motors starting.

I held my breath until the last of the cars rumbled away from us. Not one of us moved until the opulent parade was out of sight.

“FUCKK.” I screamed, pulling at my hair and finally releasing the breath I held inside.

“Shit man. Shit shit shit. Noel is gonna kill me. Like literally slaughter me. That was her only stipulation. That Y/n was to go unnoticed.” Mirio’s own hands were carding through his blonde tresses as he started pacing back and forth.

“That’s really what you guys are worried about?” Monoma finally spoke up, his usual taunting features pinched tight in concern.

“He’s onto us. He fucking saw straight through that little plan you put together Mirio.” Monoma added.

“He’s only suspicious, so just calm the hell down you psycho. If he would have known for sure, we would be dead right now.” I shot back at him.

“We stick to the plan. We’ll keep taking down his warehouses. We just have to figure out a way to do it without looking so obvious next time. We’ll try something else other than staging a race. There Has to be other ways” Mirio was arguing with himself more than us, but it pissed me off nonetheless.

“Why’d you even fucking bring Y/n to that stupid race, Mirio. You knew it would get shut down in the first place. You were the one who called the damn race chasers.” I yelled at him, needing to take some frustrations and place the blame before it exploded inside me.

“Her mom just died. She literally just hopped off a plane from across the country this morning. Noel and I just wanted to cheer her up a little. How the hell were we supposed to know it would turn into this,” He stopped pacing and turned to face me, fists clenched. He was obviously pissed too. “And if you wanna start throwing around accusations, why the hell did you fucking agree to let her be your Navigator?” Mirio’s teeth were clenched while he pointed a finger at me.

“Hey guys-“ Monoma tried to cut in before I shoved his skinny frame to the side, pointing back into Mirio’s face.

“Shouldn’t she be mourning or something then rather than be at an illegal race? I tried not allowing her into the car, but Kaminari threatened to call Tenya if I didn't,” My anger was reaching a peak, but I tried to keep it under wraps. “I couldn’t exactly explain to him why that would have been a bad idea, seeing as we literally had plans for the police to shut down the race. Why didn’t you just make her get out of the car? You were standing right there. You could’ve just taken over and forced her to stay. YOU KNEW I WAS GOING TO BE CHASED DOWN BY A HELICOPTER, AND YOU LET HER COME ANYWAYS YOU DUMB FUCK.” I screamed, I was trying to keep my cool but panic was gripping my throat.

I knew I needed to calm down before it got out of hand, but the thought of Tenya Iida taking an interest in Y/n had me entirely on edge.

“Well I couldn’t exactly throw tradition to the wind in front of an entire outfit of Riders Bakugou, the south side was watching. If I had given her the exception it would have caused Iida to notice her,” He stepped closer to me, face to face. “Which fucking reminds me.”

“WHAT A FAT FUCKING LOAD OF GOOD THAT DI-,” My sentence was cut off by a flying fist to the face.

Unlike Tenya Iida’s, Mirio’s perfectly formed uppercut had my entire body flying backwards. This hit hurt a lot more than the sissy punishment Iida tried to dole out.

“Son of a bitch-that hurt.” I groaned, holding my nose that thankfully still felt unbroken. The blood gushing from it was an entirely different story, as it flooded my nostrils and dripped onto my shirt.

“That’s for putting Y/n’s life at risk. You probably scared the little chick half to death.” Mirio explained.

I almost smirked, thinking back to the thousand watt smile stretched across her beautiful face as I pushed my car a little harder than I felt like I ever had. Experimenting to see if her smile would grow if I went faster. It did.

I huffed as I just sat my ass right on the ground. Mirio and Monoma followed suit shortly afterward, I could feel the tension leave my body as exhaustion creeped in. I could fall asleep right here on the ground if they would let me. I knew they wouldn’t though. If for no other reason than because I had orders to paint my car.

I turned to look back at it, she needed body work after tonight’s escapades. So at least I could fix those. It caused a pang of hurt to flow through me. I painted it orange for a reason, my mom loved the color. It was her favorite and while she hated that I followed in her footsteps, especially when she found out I’d be a squad leader, she loved my car. Sometimes I’d go to the home she was in and take her out on a Sunday stroll.

How would anyone recognize me? How would Y/n recognize me? I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t see her personally again but how would she know it was me, passing her on the street, or watching me race.

I growled. I wouldn’t give up the orange entirely, but I’d still follow orders.

“So what do we do now?” Monoma spoke up again, trying to find a solution for our very real, very big problem.

“Well, obviously throwing the race did no good to try and prove that we had nothing to do with the warehouse raids. I figured that if he saw we were at a race, and that it was shut down and covered by the news he would see that we were too busy to be leaking information to the police. Or that he’d come to his own conclusion, and he was still suspicious, as he very well should be, but he doesn’t need to know that.” Mirio said, rubbing his chin in thought.

“We’ll regroup and come up with a better plan when we are all not dead on our feet. We all just need to shower and get some sleep, we’ll figure out a new plan afterwards,” I stated, effectively shutting down the conversation with no reluctance from the peanut gallery. “What are we going to do about Y/n? He’s obviously noticed her, and he’ll try something. If not for anything else but to get under my- our skin. He doesn’t know why, but he knows she’s important.” I continued, this was one topic that we had to make a plan for as soon as possible.

“Well you know I have close eyes on Noel all the time, I have her with me almost constantly, and when I don’t I have my men follow her. She doesn’t know the last part so don’t say anything, but we’ll need something like that with her. I’d do it myself, but I already have my hands full with Noel. There aren’t many other people I trust with something like this.” Mirio’s example was perfect, we’ll assign her an escort.

Another term used by the Riders. Essentially a bodyguard that protects, with just a few more duties than what that job usually consists of. Making sure they know where the person is at all times, being their own personal driver, running errands if they need it, and in worst case scenarios, slaughtering potential threats.

Usually you could tell which of the Riders were escorts and which ones weren’t. The Riders who had names on the passenger seat headrests were the ones to look out for. It was a way to let others know they had someone they’d kill for, and wouldn’t hesitate to do so if the need for it arose.

The job was usually only taken up officially by the Riders who had significant others, being their escort and doing so willingly and happily. It was a tiring job, one that demanded constant vigilance and a lot of times undivided attention. I’d know, I did it for Camie for two years, before I caught her on her knees with a mouth full of Tenya Iida that is.

The sudden hurt I felt as the memory flashed in my head surprised me. I hated the feeling and anger flashed in my heart just as it did back then when I walked in on it. It wasn’t Camie per se that caused my hurt, it was more the fact that I’d put aside my hostility for someone. I’d practically dedicated my life to someone, spending all my time, my money, and my sanity trying to please another person, only for them to turn around and pull some shady bullshit like that?

The spending money part wasn’t necessarily a rule you had to follow, but Riders made obscene amounts of money racing, and doing jobs for the Yakuza. Riders had a tendency to spend a lot of money, unafraid to blow thousands on their rides, why wouldn’t they do so on the person important enough to them that they would be their escort.

“I do the same with Kendo, so I can’t offer up my services with her either.” Monoma’s words brought me back to reality, and away from thoughts of remembering the hell that was being Camies escort.

“What about Amajiki?” Mirio said.

I immediately felt my temper flare again, thinking back to when Y/n asked me if I thought Amajiki would let her be his Navigator. My mind shut it down almost as quickly as I shut her down.

“You’re gonna entrust her care with that shaking leaf of a man? Not to mention that he’s rolled two cars in the last year?” I questioned the burly man sitting next to me.

“You’re right, he wouldn’t know what to do. How about anyone on your squad?” He inquired, still deep in thought.

My brain picked out all the people I would even consider letting Y/n be protected by. Only three came to mind.

Kirishima, Deku, and Sero, maybe if you squinted Shoto.

Kirishima was immediately out, as he was waiting to escort someone else. A tiny little foreign girl who worked at a bakery or something.

Deku was the same, he had Ochako.

Sero, once I thought it over, was out too. He was a playboy, and while I trusted him on my squad I had no intention of letting him near Y/n.

Shoto was a no too, only because the thought of seeing her in his passenger seat made me want to skin that half and half bastard to an unrecognizable degree.

I shook my head in denial at his question, and my mouth moved before I could stop the words from coming out

“I’ll do it.”

Mirio choked on his spit and whipped his head to me, his shell shocked expression giving away his surprise.

“What?”

“Did I stutter? I said I’ll do it. I’ll be Y/n’s escort.” I said, holding in my accusations that he was trying to imply that I wasn’t capable.

“Are you sure? I mean after Camie and all-” Mirio started.

“Y/n isn’t Camie. And we aren’t together. So it makes no fucking difference,” I heaved myself off the ground, walking back to my car with my hands in my pockets. “It’s settled then. I’ll have Kaminari and Shinsou fill in temporarily until I get this fucking car painted and get some sleep.” I said over my shoulder, noticing that both men were on their way back to their own.

“You better take care of her Bakugou, I’ll kill you if you don’t.” I heard Mirio yell to me as he paused before getting into his car.

I nodded my head in acknowledgment sliding into my own drivers seat.

I didn’t say anything out loud, but I silently agreed that if I didn’t I’d let him kill me.

I started my car and looked over to the empty headrest of the passenger seat.

This was such a bad idea.

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Taglist: @thatonegeekchick @nightlygiggless @garnet-redtailedhero

-Squidlyskeet 👀🙃❤️✨👑

#my hero academia #mha #this took a lot longer than i thought it would #uhgggg #bnha au #bnha fluff #bakugou x fem!reader #bakugou fluff #bakugou x y/n #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x you #bnha angst

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gerrydelano · 2 years

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NEW CHAPTER???? live react live react oh my god ok.. ocd martin yeah. tapping as a compulsion is so real 😔😔 me🤝martin -> having ocd 😔 leo is there ! oh shit tim and gerry argument :-0 OH SHIT JON! tim w the fucking baseball bat…. it so funny to me that they just keep that on hand. just in case Oh fucking Lockdown?? oh shit there’s a creacher on the loose GET IT LEO!!!! yeah. oh here comes elias like the dickhead he is >:-( ok leo’s going to melanie’s house… “i’m losing everything” “not me” PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭GEORGIE BELOVED HIIIIII i love her so much 🫂🫂🫂 what i wld do for a georgie hug fr ….. melanie and leo friendship is so good!! yeah where the hell is martin oooohhhhhhhh he’s w jon sasha and gerry. yeah understandable . FUCKING DAISY AND BASIRA AGAIN.. god. okokok tim ok .. i enjoyed this chapter!!!

hi!

OCD Martin Real. the tapping certainly won't be plot relevant ever 😋

surprise! Leo Shouldn't Be Here but boy are we glad he was!

tim and gerry were overdue for some more active fraught energy but this is not what they anticipated oopsie

jon m'boy you have, what the kids refer to as, "fucked up bigtime"

tim got into all of this thinking they were monster stomping, and it was danny's old bat! his math is that he was doing all that For Danny, and that this way, danny's kind of helping him do it. oh, grief. also it's name being beatrix kiddo is my favorite joke ever. ilu bea

SURE IS A CREATURE! been waiting since nothing ventured ch5 to bring in this baby!!!! awoo

leo going to melanie's more like creating a trio of people who will be utterly unstoppable

tim & sasha best friends for ever.........

the amount that i want a hug from butch georgie barker. the medicinal properties to that hug would cure every single ailment in my body. she KNOWS she's the coolest

ren has them as work husband and work wife in CWM so naturally i need to make that happen here without institute contracts :-)

daisy my beloathed... she really did just kind of sniff jon huh. (basira voice) um. can we like. go.

tim is just having THE worst february of all time huh

i'm glad you had fun reading, thank you as always!

#asks #oliverbanks #pbr tag

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emiefaunwrites · 3 years

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Heyyy Emie!! I know this isn’t an hc request, but I’m a little curious to know what are some of your favorite hcs that you’ve written? Or if you don’t really have favorites, what are some of the headcanons that you’ve enjoyed writing the most?

Heyyy!

Oooh I have a couple other asks outstanding but this was too interesting to ignore! Thank you for asking!

So it really depends on what counts as a favourite. There's headcanons I've found really funny and fun to write. There's also those that I find really sad or sweet. I can't really differentiate which ones would count as my absolute favourites so I'll just put a list (quite long probably haha) and why I enjoy it. Hope thats okay?

So the funny ones I like these:

Leon's Rapping Career - this was an INCREDIBLE ask and it made my brain go down so many rabbit holes. I can just picture poor Taka doing his best to listen to the shitty rapping and trying to learn it. I found it so fun!

First Time Drunk (Taka Edition) and Stag Do's - I mean. Drunk Taka is like my favourite. I totally HC him as being hella flirty drunk and very forward. And that's always fun to write. I keep trying to find ways to bring more drunk Taka into my life but not found it yet haha!

Kissing Practice - this is another case of forward Taka controlling my brain. I LOVE the idea that the floodgates open following his first kiss and that he puts 100% into each kiss...and it being really freaking slobbery. Poor Taka...poor Leon...haha!

So then there's the sweet ones:

Valentine's Day Surprise for Taka - I mean how could I not love this? As a kid I NEVER got a Valentine's Day card and I was called all the same things Taka calls himself. So I suppose I was channeling my own wishes through this for our best boy.

The Proposal - I MEAN! ITS THE PROPOSAL! Enough said really...but I loved the idea of a perfectly planned proposal just feeling wrong in the moment and the actual proposal just happening naturally. So yeah. This was lovely to write.

Wedding Day - I MEEEEAN! ITS THEIR WEDDING! Very little to explain about this apart from it was wonderful to remember a wedding again and relive the emotions I felt.

Piano Recital (Kei Edition) - I think this could genuinely be a legit favourite. I just can see it play in my head and think about it every time I listen to the song. And yeah. I just fucking love this one. So so much.

And finally there's the sad/angsty ones:

Night Terrors - so this is a favourite of mine since it's something I'll be incorporating into my main fic. And it's become such an integral part to Leon in both this and Broken Arrow. So this really hits me in the feels.

Leon's First Crush - this is another thing that hits me hard because of my main fic. A different variant of this is going into Broken Arrow and explains a lot of things about how I feel Leon became the boy he presents himself as outwardly. So this is definitely a big one for me.

OCD - this slightly links to my main fic but only slightly. I've always thought of numbers and patterns meaning a lot to Taka and once I was asked I kind of felt it be a big part of Taka. I've been thinking of maybe doing a few more posts on his OCD at some point but I'm hanging on until I'm either asked or it feels right.

Close Call (Takaaki Edition) - Ah this just hit me in the feels. I HC Takaaki as a great dad and so to imagine Taka hurting so bad because of this close call was really sad. It's also where I started thinking how his OCD would flare up in stress so multiple reasons for this.

I hope this was insightful? I'm loving this little world that you and my followers have helped me create and I hope I'll be able to keep it going!

#kiyotaka ishimaru #leon kuwata #kei kuwata #takaaki ishimaru #yaysof11037

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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@theeyethatbinds Girl SING IT. SING IT LOUDER FOR THE GIRLS IN THE BACK, SWEAR TO GOD.

Like I’m gonna be real wit y’all I was looking forward to le Comte for a while, but I was always side-eyeing Jeanne. He’s a blunt hermit and grump and 100% mood, so I hoped his route would give me more insight into how I feel about him.

Ladies. When I tell you. It was EXCELLENT. I mean there are so many gr9 routes in the game, I don’t want to take away from them, but there was just something about his that hit me so hard???? (MY KOKORO BROKORO)

More under the cut since his route won’t be out for a little while (we still got Isaac, then Theo, then Jeanne), as a little treat. As usual, pls don’t read if you don’t want spoilers, thanks!

Okay so going into this route I was fully expecting the big sads. I mean, if history has taught us anything it was that Joan D’Arc was a badass but good lord, that doesn’t mean the people of her time were kind to her. (I need to do more thorough research on her, so if I’m getting any of her pronouns wrong or neglect something, I do apologize.)

That being sad, I was like aight DECK MY SHIT WITH TRAGEDY, JEANNE. And at the beginning it’s p fascinating. He’s very ornery and resistant to any kind of consideration or attempts at friendship MC extends. But eventually, after a good deal of persistence, he relents little by little.

I’d also like to level with y’all for a sec. Being someone who knows a great deal in regards to the kinds of mental and emotional shit Jeanne struggles through, I think they handled that part of the route so, so well. Granted, I’m not the kind of person to launch a crusade over different writing styles--but for me it just feels all the more poignant when it makes sense; when certain dispositions or trauma are conveyed with that depth. To me, it made 100% sense that Jeanne would be so against accepting other people into his life immediately.

He and Mozart vibe because they’re so similar, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s comfortable letting just anyone in--much less a complete stranger. I think it’s more that Mozart and Jeanne share a kind of indelible bond/mutual recognition through their talent, actually. They were both prodigies, absolute geniuses in their fields (military vs. music) but their social skills were shot to hell for the very same reason. To be brilliant--beyond one’s potential posthumous legacy--tends to mean being hated. Plus, they’re both principled to absolute extremes. When they’ve decided on something, they will not waver. They’re stubborn and austere, but behind those walls lies a molten core of sensitivity.

This is important to understanding him, I think, before I move forward.

While one could argue that their reaction is a result of that deficiency of emotional and social support (which I entirely concede does contribute to the matter at hand, it shouldn’t be overlooked) I think the real crux of the matter here is control. Think about it. Among the oldest residents in the mansion (let’s say that were born more than 100 years within the range of the present period of the game) are Mozart, Jeanne, Isaac, and Shakespeare. What do they all have in common?

Extremity. For Mozart, it comes in the form of a kind of OCD, as perfectionism. For Jeanne, it is generalized anxiety and PTSD. For Isaac, it is primarily social anxiety--but it’s still noticeably severe. And Shakespeare runs around with a knife, insecurity through the roof, literally unable to trust anything or anyone (psychosis? schizoaffective? I’m really not sure, these are all ballpark assessments based on the evidence I have). In order to adjust to their new surroundings, there was a cost--and in some ways their coping mechanisms become noticeably maladaptive. They were born into eras that were mercilessly unpredictable, and the only way they knew how to cope was to was to either take the blame--make it a personal failing that tragedy struck--or try to immerse themselves into their craft. They all seek to regain some kind of control (this is even visible in Vincent, to a degree--painting was an escape from his emotionally turbulent world).

Granted that’s not to say that the others don’t struggle with such issues at all, I just feel like the characters from more unstable time periods tend (as a general trend) to mirror that instability within their personalities.

All that being said, (I apologize I am a tangent-monger and love meta), Jeanne’s self-imposed isolation is only partially caused by the above dynamic. Yes, he is unwilling to let people into his heart for fear of betrayal. (It’s almost like an entire nation clamoring to watch you burn for something you didn’t do after spending your entire life and talents trying to protect them would do that to you, but I digress >:| ). But there’s another devastating and potentially less obvious reason for keeping people out.

He thinks he deserves it.

Loneliness, melancholy, aimlessness. These are all the punishments that he incurred on himself after a life of what he conceives to be considerable sin (hahaha battlefield enemies go ripppp). Whether or not he was operating purely out of a sense of duty, even if he felt sympathy for his enemy combatants, it’s not enough. And the condemnation of his king, of his entire nation, only served to magnify that self-loathing to a dangerous degree. (Don’t get me started on his parents I’m still so angry >:| they more or less disowned him since he was constitutionally weak as a young boy, and thus could not serve as an adequate farmhand. Don’t work? Don’t eat/live).

It’s hard enough living in a reserved way because you’re afraid of getting hurt, but to think that you deserve it when hurt finds you, no less? And my favorite part, that he’s so profoundly sure that it is an extension of a personal, fundamental failing? That for a person to survive, they must be strong, that there can be no other way--that there is no time or space for ruminations on fairness or unfairness, there are only those who manage to survive and those who die.

Now my friends, esteemed comrades, legendary sluts. Is that enough for us, Cybird asks, are we feeling enough pain quite yet? Fuck no.

Most of his route after we get over the hurdle of his hesitation is just him. Being. Bashful and gentle as all FUCK. Like he is the definition of “I'll kill you, but also I’m babie.” For instance, she insists on teaching him how to read and write at night when she finds him trying (and not succeeding) to read “The Ugly Duckling”. Yes I mean the children’s book. I CRIED THE FIRST TIME AND I’M CRYING NOW. So, naturally, MC buys him a notebook to practice with and he puts his name in big letters on the front. When MC sees this, she asks him about it--wondering why he would given he’s so self-conscious of his own writing (boy writes all squiggly like a little kid because he’s never done it before ;-;).

The scene goes a little something like this:

MC: Wh....whatcha go there Jeanne? Jeanne: ? My notebook? MC: I...mean that you wrote your name on it? Jeanne: Yeah? MC: Why? Jeanne: ._. It was a gift from you, and I figured it'd be hard to practice if I lost it...so I put my name on it... (HE WAS SECRETLY TOUCHED I BET AND IM--) MC: Why such big letters? Jeanne: So people can spot it quickly, obviously MC, inches from crying and laughing: Jeanne: Mademoiselle??? Why are you laughing? MC: Because you’re cute, Jeanne!

Like. They start out so rocky and Jeanne is so SIGH. I guess I’ll agree if it’ll get her to stop looking so sad and ask me to join her for stuff. But then he just can’t help but go full softe at how patient and kind she is, starts feeling comfortable just...being who he is deep down. A man that’s always hoped for better in life, a person that only ever takes up his sword to protect--that has an incredibly pure and clear heart, despite so much pain.

And good lord, they are GOD TIER romantic slow burn???? Swear to everything holy, I was BEGGING for them to make out by like chapter 10, I was just suffering for most of the route until the bangarang premium. Here’s probably my favorite moment in the entire route:

Basically Sebastian and Mozart pull out all the stops trying to bring Jeanne and MC together (once they see Jeanne show some interested in her). And so Jeanne asks her to join him in the courtyard the next morning, and they’re playing with Cherie (Jeanne’s pet baby white tiger). Besides being ungodly adorable--because Jeanne invited her for the sole purpose of hoping to see her delightfully surprised--Mozart begins to play a love song nearby. They don’t name the tune, but Jeanne canonically starts singing along (I wholeass cried, I WANT TO HEAR HIM SING????). And so she asks what the song is about, and he explains that Mozart once played it for him, but he couldn’t make out the words at first. Mozart explained that it was a love song that speaks to the difficulties of being in love (the worry, the strife) but also the beauty of the intensity and passion. He goes on to say that even when he learned the words, it never made much sense to him back then--it never resonated.

He’s singing softly with a fond look, and so she asks, does he understand it now? And he looks her dead in the eye, and says “...I think I’m starting to.” Like. AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT LOSE MY MIND AT THE TENDERNESS????? WHAT A SMOOTH MOFO????? MAN RAISED TO BE A SOLDIER, NO KNOWLEDGE OF ROMANCE OR WOMEN, AND KILLS ME IN MILLISECONDS?????? I DEMAND JUSTICE. (Or it’s just me thinking sincerity is the best aphrodisiac, but that’s beside the point.)

This has been your quarantine 2d boy meta and yelling, provided by your local mod Minnie. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get to the things I’ve been procrastinating on while reliving/dissociating about one of my favorite rts in the entire game. Stay safe and well out there y’all, peace out!

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp spoilers #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp mozart #yall like #this reply just launched me right back into my jeanne feels #i dont have words for how much i love him #he's just such a good dude????? such a good dude #he really is trying his best pls give him love for me if you can #i binged his route almost as hard as sg's bc it was just t h a t sweet and compelling #i also cried like a baby #he deserves better and he deserves love #i will protect him forever #does that mean that in every single route i am acutely aware of the fact that I can't help him?#:))))))))))))))))))))))))))) life is pain. life is a party and jeanne and i are the pinatas.#and no i dont wanna talk abt it there will be no more questions LDKJH #just kidding around if anyone has any questions yall are free to send em! I'll answer to the best of my ability~#anyhoot ty @theeyethatbinds for bringing all those good feels back #you are a legend and you have wonderful taste we stan **cheers**

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daily-dose-of-imagines · 4 years

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(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

Hello! Congrats on your 800+ followers! I’ve only found your blog recently but am very much loving your content. :)

Wondering if I could please have a match-up for Collar X Malice, Mystic Messenger and Fire Emblem - Awakening? Could you please also make this anonymous?

I’m 5’1, female, long dark hair, dark eyes, normally dress in feminine clothing and would wear dresses all the time if it was practical. Taurus, Ravenclaw and ISFJ. Introverted with extroverted qualities. Can be shy in crowds/meeting new people, but generally good one to one and can probably fake being social and carry out conversations even when my heart is racing. Can be awkward and say a lot of random things. Tend to be very talkative and rambly with friends. I’m pretty silly and I love to laugh (especially at my own jokes) and make others laugh. I can get anxious and overwhelmed easily but wouldn’t ever give up and will persevere no matter the challenge. But because of that I do have trouble letting things go and can be a pretty big perfectionist and slightly OCD when it comes to work or cleaning. I try to be optimistic especially for others. I’m the friend that people usually go to for advice and to give direction. I speak my mind but am careful of other peoples feeling. Empathetic and will stand up for others and support them.

As a SO I’m very affectionate and romantic. I say I love you often (to friends, family and my SO), saying when I feel it, not shying away from sharing my feelings, and will hug and kiss my SO lots. I love hand-holding and if I’m out with SO, you know we be holding hands. NSFW (Confirming I am 18+): I do act innocent and shy, and I do feel shy for real lmao, but I enjoy teasing my SO and making them very flustered and turned on. I also like being teased/dominated (especially after pushing my SO to a breaking point) and enjoy edgeing for both myself and my SO.

I want a SO I can have fun and with and enjoy being around. An SO that is my best friend and my partner in good times and bad. I have a teasing personality and am sassy so I might roast my SO teasingly or just tease them in general but wouldn’t ever take it too far. I can be emotional and do cry easily but it’s because I care so much. I’ll cry if I ever have a fight with a loved one because as much I’m the one that usually starts the confrontation, I don’t like having to be in an argument with someone I care about. I used to feel bad about having so many emotions but the people around me have said it’s a good side of me that I don’t shy away from sharing feelings and emotions. So I’d also like a SO who is willing to be open with me too.

Hobbies: singing (frequent karaoke-goer), reading, show-bingeing, fashion and playing board games and video games.

Hope all is well with you and please take all the time in the world with this request. Thanks for all your work in answering all our requests, it is so awesome of you to do all this and very much appreciated. <3

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello~! Of course we’ll anon this for you sweetie~! Thank you so much for requesting with us and we really hope you enjoy the match-ups we’ve given you~! ;; I’m so happy you enjoy our content and thank you so much for the congrats! We’re honestly still reeling over the shock-- anyway, since you’ve chosen from fandoms from two lists I’ll be handling the Fire Emblem - Awakening portion of it~! Admin T and I both came together for the Collar X Malice pick so we hope you like who we’ve paired you with~!

» » Admin Ko

Hi and thank you so much for requesting with us! Admin ko pretty much said everything I wanted to say! I’m happy that I got to collab with her though! And I hope you enjoy!

>Admin 𝕋

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙...

ꜱᴛᴀʜʟ

It’s without a doubt that with your sweet and bubbly personality you catch Stahl’s attention within the first meeting. He absolutely adores your talkative personality, and finds that your laugh is one of his favorite things to hear. Whether it be from his own clumsy actions or if you happen to find your own joke funny in it’s own right. It over all just makes him happy to see you happy in the trying times of war.

He does tend to get a tad overprotective if he notices how anxious or overwhelmed you are, and will try his best to not only calm you down, but offer you gentle and sweet distractions to help ease the anxious thoughts that plague your mind. Most definitely is the one who’ll try to help you slowly let go of things. He understands that whatever occupies your mind most likely had been traumatizing, but he wishes to help you move past it slowly and gradually with hopes that those pasts won’t anchor you down.

Similar to you, he is most definitely affectionate and will have no qualms in replying to your sweet ‘I love you’s with his very own. It’s almost without a doubt that before you both go to sleep or even start the day you both exchange a simple and sweet good morning and good night kiss. Though he will most definitely be a flustered and shy mess if you happen to overwhelm him with affection. Despite his soft and clumsy personality, Stahl is most definitely not afraid to take charge or let his frustrations get the better of him.

He will most definitely find your teasing and coy actions so mesmerizing that it’s unspoken to the whole crew that if he looks or gives off an irritated vibe, to steer clear and to give you both the personal space you both will most definitely need.

As an S/O, Stahl most definitely takes your health and well being as his top priority. He most definitely enjoys the sweet and silly memorable times you both make. He feels hurt every time you cry and wishes he can help in any way. Unsurprisingly, he takes well to confrontations as he is in constant self critique of how he can be better. To him, as long as there is a constant and steady flow of communication, he won’t have much issue when it comes to figuring out arguments or misunderstandings.

»»————-　♡　————-««

You and Okazaki would such a cute and affectionate couple! I feel that Okazaki would love how kind and shy you are, and how you can be talkative, but also be very in your zone and quiet when you want to be. I will find that very admirable! Another thing that he would like, is how affectionate you are with him! He is just as affectionate as you are, so he will gladly welcome it with open arms! He wouldn’t be too caring about look, but he will like your dark hair the most out of everything, appearance. His favorite thing to do would be to file his fingers through it for hours on end!

Okazaki would help with your anxiety, and know when you need help to calm down, so that you don’t have an anxiety attack. He will love the fact that people see you as a figure where they can come and tell you about their troubles, he sees it as very admirable too. He loves how jokey you are, despite you’re flaws, such as your perfectionism and OCD, he knows that you are strong and wouldn’t always let that bring your spirits down!

But make to affectionate! He would love hold handing and kisses and hugging! He is literally quite a snuggle bug, he’ll want you in his arms constantly, and no one else’s! He will love how multi-dimensional you are in the relationship, being either shy and reserved or teasing and playful. It will definitely keep him on his toes, and he will definitely like that! He is very dominate, and will be very protective of you, and can get easily jealous, so beware other guys! If he does get jealous enough, he will take you into an alley way and pin you up against the wall, and grope and grip on very sensitive areas so you know who you belong to!

He is also the type of guy who will hate to have arguments with his s/o,, so if he had an argument with you, then he see you cry???? oh yeah he will definitely cry along with you as he says sorry for making you cry! It’ll be a very emotional experience! On another note, Okazaki will love to listen to you sing! It is one of his favorite past times! And watching you read, it may be a little weird, but he loves your concentrated look you have when you read, it’s cute to him! And it’s the same with video games! He gets a kick out of watching you!

🙤 · ┈┈┈┈┈┈ · ꕥ · ┈┈┈┈┈┈ · 🙦

𝘠𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨

Much like Okazaki, Yoosung will love how you can be extroverted and introverted, since he is the same exact way! But something different about Yoosung is that he will be more understanding about your anxiety and things of that nature, because he has been through it, so he can help you! You both are quite awkward beings when it comes to people so when you are with each other it’ll cancel out, and you will just be super cute together, joking off of each other’s antices! Ugh, adorable!

Looks wise, he will love everything about you, He will love your dark hair and dark eyes, and will always compliment every time you wear a dress because he will know just how much you love wearing dresses!

Yoosung will be the same as you, and will love affectionate, he will always want to be holding your hand when you two are out somewhere; he will want to kiss whenever you do something cute, or he will want to hug you whenever you seem like you are a but cold. Really, he will use any excuse in the book just to be able to touch you! And sometimes he will get turned on by your teasing and will blush at any and every sensual touch you make at him. Anytime you do anything a little but sexual he revert back to being a teenager I swear!

Yoosung will be just as emotional as you will be! He will hate fighting, doesn’t want to do it whatsoever, if he can avoid he will! He just wants to love you! He doesn’t want to fight you on things that are super petty and aren’t worth fighting for! He wants to play video games, and sing karaoke with you! But be careful, he can get very competitive!

#match-ups #matchup #anime matchup #fire emblem awakening x reader #fire emblem awakening match up #mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger matchup #mystic messenger yoosung #mysme yoosung #yoosung x reader #yoosung matchup #okazaki x reader #collar x malice #collar x malice matchup #collar x malice x reader #okazaki kei x reader #okazaki kei

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thebword99 · 4 years

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Maladaptive Daydreaming

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a professional psychiatrist, therapist, doctor, or anything in between, this is my personal experience that I will be sharing for informational purposes and awareness. Also, keep in mind that anyone who leaves negative comments will be blocked :)

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Ever since I was a kid, my head was always in the clouds. Everyone in my family had always said I had a great imagination and that I was more on the creative side than the logical. It made sense, considering math or science weren’t my strongest points. But, english, drama, art and sports always came to me naturally in school.

However, as I got older, I was always so invested in books, movies, and listening to music. I would always daydream, even when I was a kid, I would be reading books, watching movies, listening to music and playing outside. Creating fantasy scenarios in my head all the time. I was always a daydreamer, but it has gotten worse over the years.

It continued on in high school, sometimes I would catch myself in a daze, playing out a movie scene in my head for almost hours on end and creating fictional characters and plots…yeah it was bad. The funny thing was I got good grades in school and focused on my work well, but I was often daydreaming a lot when I was mindlessly doing something that didn’t require a lot of my attention, like showering, washing dishes or even eating at the dinner table. Until I started realizing just how much I was daydreaming, I decided to google and research.

After hours of researching, I found out a condition called “maladaptive daydreaming” that seemed to resonate with my situation. Some of the symptoms include: extremely vivid daydreams with their own characters, settings, plots triggered by real-life events, difficulty completing everyday tasks, difficulty sleeping at night, an overwhelming desire to continue daydreaming, performing repetitive movements, making facial expressions, whispering and talking while daydreaming and daydreaming for lengthy periods of time.

As I was reading the symptoms of maladaptive daydreaming, I checked almost all of them off and a light went off in my brain. Now, this isn’t exactly known as a disorder nor a condition, in fact, daydreaming is a normal habit and it’s harmless, and this is a really cool ability to have. However this can get in the way of your everyday activities and can take away a lot of your precious time. Too much of anything is bad for you and in this instance, daydreaming was my addiction. On the bright side, there is a very fine line between mental disorders such as schizophrenia and maladaptive daydreaming. The difference is maladaptive daydreamers KNOW that their daydreaming; they know the difference between fantasy and reality. It’s just a waste of time and can lead to other mental disorders such as ADHD, depression/anxiety and OCD. Coming to this realization, I had to get it under control.

It took me a long time to manage it because I had been doing it without even realizing it. Once I noticed how much I was doing it, it really opened my eyes to do better and focus on myself and my life. It wasn’t easy, on occasion I daydream more than I’d like to and it’s hard to get it under control. However, the more I became aware, the easier it is to control it. The key is to be consistent. Do not give in to temporary temptations because it will not create permanent solutions.

So, how did I manage it?

Well, for starters, I took in the importance of the present moment. I noticed that whenever I caught myself daydreaming, it meant that I was bored in the current moment I was in. So, my mind would start to wander off and create exciting scenarios in my head that weren’t beneficial for my real life. So, I really started to focus on the present moment at hand by engaging in my tasks and with the people around me. I started to take up more hobbies and really try to be mindful about them. And, anytime I caught my mind wandering off, I would bring myself back to the present. It became hard at first, but once I started catching myself more and more, the daydreaming got a lot easier to manage.

The second thing I did was meditation. When I wake up first thing in the morning and before I go to bed, I would meditate. As a maladaptive daydreamer, it was really hard for me to get out of bed and start my day, as well as fall asleep at night because my mind was so active in creating daydreams. Once I started meditating, it really helped to set the intention for the day, as well I was teaching my mind to not wander off as much and to try and stay present.

The third thing I did was I set myself a time during the day where I can daydream but only for a certain amount of time. Trying to get rid of a habit completely is extremely difficult, so I decided to take it nice and slow. For example, if I got up in the morning, I would take the time to maybe daydream in the shower. I set myself a time limit of 20 minutes maximum per day, so once I reach that time, I snap out of my trance and finish any tasks I need to get done for the day. This really helped me to stop daydreaming for excessive amounts of time. I went from daydreaming for hours to not even a half an hour per day because I was strengthening my mind and learning self-control.

I was triggered by a lot of real-life events that “added on” to my daydreams. Music, movies, tv shows and books all triggered this habit. So it’s very hard for me to combat this when I’m reading a really good book or listening to music in the car. As well, it doesn’t help that I also dream at night, then I daydream about the dream I had the night before…it was really hard to manage this behaviour for me. My mind would not give me a break. However, the important thing to remember is: as long as you have the willpower to bring yourself back to the present moment and realize your mind is wandering, you’re already doing a great job and taking the first step to control yourself.

Also, it’s not a bad thing to daydream. Everyone does it, but it’s only an issue if it starts to effect your life. If you’re lacking in school or work, or you’re isolating yourself from friends and family to daydream, or you’re manifesting negative emotions due to these daydreams you’re creating, it could effect yourself and those close to you.

You can find more information on maladaptive daydreaming here. I know this isn’t a very common condition, but it is getting more recognized. Hopefully this article can bring awareness to those who are maladaptive daydreamers and don’t know it yet. If you happen to be a maladaptive daydreamer reading this, I hope this found you well and these tips have helped! Remember, it always gets better, but only if you work for it, just like I did.

Write again soon :)

-B

#maladaptive #dreamer #daydreaming #daydream #day #night #coping #tips #mental #disclaimer #trigger #real life

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wigglebox · 4 years

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So, I was chastised today [tw covid-19 and eating disorders]

My anxiety has skyrocketed, like most of us, like all of us, recently. I work in news/broadcasting so the anxiety gets worse with every shift.

I have ARFID/SED which makes eating difficult sometimes, and when I have no hunger at all to work with, it’s a rough journey back to the top. Naturally, even though statistically I won’t get sick, if I do, I don’t want to be nutritionally deficient.

I have mild asthma (I have an inhaler I’m meant to take twice a day to manage symptoms but for 10.5/12 months out of the year, I only take it once, because my asthma is fine). I’m 29, on my way to 30, but naturally, still in a mild risk group. My mother is a heavy smoker and 60, so she’s in a high risk group.

I mentioned on an ARFID subreddit that I had to adjust my routine so I leave for my mom’s house every morning (at 430a.m.) and stay there through suppertime, arriving home around 730p.m. I don’t see anyone on my way in or out of my apartment, and I wash my hands, and my mom disinfects. On the weekends, I’m at her home by 5 p.m. for dinner.

I mentioned this because it was how I could manage my anxiety a little until I can really bring it back down. It was allowing me to have a routine, and it was allowing me to see someone in order to eat. I share a meal with my mom, which is some of the most food I’ve had all day. And, my mom gets peace of mind seeing me eat.

I got yelled at because I wasn’t practicing ‘social distancing’ or isolating myself, and that got my guilt and anxiety spiking this afternoon to the tune of a 2.5 nap to meditation tracks on Insight Timer.

Because, obviously, that fear is there. I don’t see anyone other than her, and I haven’t been to the grocery store since March 15th. She’s been to grocery stores more, but says they aren’t crowded, shops with gloves, and stays away from people. She is a little less anal about this than I am, but I’ll also say my Contamination OCD is skyrocketing. But there’s that fear, obviously. The only contact I have with OTHER people is with a door handle on my apartment building. The only contact she’s had with other people is in the stores, which everyone has to go grocery shopping at some point, you know?

I don’t want to get my mother sick, and she doesn’t want to get me sick. But the stuck thing is that if I don’t get up every morning to come here and then stay until Dinner, I don’t think I’d be in a great place right now. I live in a 600sq ft apartment and I can’t I can’t stay in there day in and day out and be expected to eat. Would my peace of mind probably be easier in terms of germs if I DID stay there? Yes. But I also need to eat food.

I’m afraid I’m being selfish, and the person who yelled at me said her country is on a mandatory quarantine (meanwhile my state is not) and that I’m risking my mom and my’s health by doing this.

I”m scared, upset, trying to work through scenarios that just won’t work. I can’t stay in my apartment for several weeks until this is over, I can’t move in and sleep here though maybe I might have to wind up doing that. The whole point of my coming here was to get me out of my apartment but to keep sleeping in my apartment and to keep a routine.

I’m terrified of getting my mother sick or getting sick myself and then getting her sick, but I’m also terrified for my eating. I”m terrified that I’m being selfish and by my own inability to handle things myself, that I’m putting me and my mother at risk while everyone else is “social distancing”.

I would stay home if I could, but I just can’t right now. I just can’t.

So yeah, being chastised was hard. I know I’m probably not being smart right now but I can’t think of any other options. Videoing doesn’t work, and besides, my job is so stressful that at the end of the day when I was done working remotely in my apartment, I felt like trash because my apartment is just one large box. That energy is still there.

Anyway, I have to get that off my chest. I hope I’m not being too stupid.

#original #text #covid 19 #covid19 bl #eating disorder bl

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romancingromanoff · 5 years

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Okay to Cry (Natasha Romanoff x female reader)

Hi!! Can I please make a request? Natasha romanoff and reader? Established relationship. Reader has a really really bad day and comes home crying, doing her best to hide her tears from her girlfriend but Nat finds out anyway?

As hard as you tried, you just weren’t like Nat. It’s not that you exactly always wore your emotions on your sleeve but you also didn’t think it was the end of the world to get out a healthy cry sometimes. Then there was Natasha: Trained to be this unemotional, unflinching killing machine. She wasn’t that person anymore and had come a long way in terms of emotional awareness and health but you still felt like you were the weaker one that always needed to rely on her for comfort instead of the other way around.

You wiped a couple of stray tears off on your sleeves and blinked profusely while fanning your face. Looking in the rear view mirror again you noticed that your eyes were indeed a little puffy but you could just blame it on allergies. Sighing at your predicament, you dragged your way out of your car and tried not to make too much noise fumbling with your keys at the door. You opened it as quietly as you could and stepped into the house.

“Hey, babe,” Nat’s voice came from the kitchen where you could also smell leftovers being cooked up.

“Hi!” you tried to sound like your normal chipper self but then whined at how over exaggerated that came out. She would definitely be suspicious now...

“You’re excited. Good day at work?”

“Um, yeah,” you carefully put up your coat and bag near the door so that you were facing away from your girlfriend at all times. “Addison’s birthday was today so she brought in cupcakes for everybody.”

“Ooh, those ones her boyfriend the baker does with the homemade icing?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you bring me one back?” Natasha eyed you looking up from her food and you did your best to try and just casually shrug before just naturally becoming interested in arranging the vase of flowers in the hallway. It wasn’t your worst coverup since you often went a little OCD and organized random things around the house, but you still hadn’t even looked at your girlfriend which caused her to frown in suspicion.

“Uh, no, sorry. He only made enough for everyone at work.”

“I think you’re lying,” her words pierced you with fear and you froze for a second. Trying to play it off, you fake sneezed into your elbow and then continued to take your shoes off, never looking her way.

“You’re right,” you playfully fussed back. “Sorry, I just got hungry on my way home. You know, in the traffic?”

“Y/N,” Natasha was blatantly demanding that you look her in the eyes. You cringed and took a deep breath in before putting on your best face and turning around. You couldn’t take it. The way she was looking at you with pity and concern in her eyes caused you to break down immediately.

Before you could crumble down into a little ball on the floor, Nat was by your side feeling the back of her hand across your cheeks and forehead feeling for any signs of overheating. Your crying fits were often accompanied by spontaneous fevers and the heat building up in your body usually caused you to panic even more.

“Shhh, shhh,” she pulled your hair out of your face and tied it up behind you so that your neck was uncovered. “Count with me,” she settled her hands on your shoulders and began to count down. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Inhale and exhale, that’s it, baby.”

The only thing keeping you from hyperventilating was the calmness that radiated from Natasha. She was your anchor; gradually, with her soothing you could form the words you had yet to say aloud in your mouth.

“Colton’s dead,” you whimpered into her shoulder. “He was just alone in his home when he had an asthma attack and couldn’t reach the phone. His neighbors found him three days later.”

“Colton,” Nat murmured the name immediately running through every person she had met or heard of with that name. She was puzzled at first, not that you would blame her. Colton was technically your older brother though due to your abnormal childhood you didn’t even know he existed till about five years ago. You’d only met with him in person a half dozen times or so and barely knew anything about him but was technically his only living family. “Oh, kitten. I’m so sorry.”

“I know we weren’t even close; we were more like acquaintances than friends-”

“But he was still your brother,” Natasha reasoned. “It’s alright to feel sad about losing the last of your flesh and blood.”

You just nodded, understanding her reasoning in a general sense but still feeling awkward about applying it to your own situation. God, you couldn’t even think of the last conversation you had together; it was probably just your standard Christmas greetings when you called him over the holiday. The phone call was probably less than 5 minutes too. You struggled to think of anything you knew about him but couldn’t even come up with his favorite color. It felt so strange knowing that you had spent almost all of your life not even knowing an individual existed but could cry over their death like you were old friends.

But Natasha was right. Colton and you were all that remained of your family and now even he had left you. The idea of being alone in the world with no family or history wasn’t hard for you to live with while growing up, so why was it hard now all of a sudden? Still, the tears continued to wet your face and Natasha gently rocked you in her arms as you just allowed them to fall.

“We have what we have when we have it,” you repeated the words that she had somberly reminded you of so often. More and more you think you were beginning to understand what she meant.

“That’s true... but right now I have you. And I’d like to take care of you if you’d let me. I’d like to be here for you now.”

“Nat,” you let out a small, dry chuckle and wipe under your eyes. “You’re always taking care of me though. I just feel like I never get to be there for you,” you admitted the thoughts that had been weighing you down with guilt for some time now.

“But I know you will be when I need it,” she lifted your chin up, beckoning you to meet her green eyes as they radiated a cool, calming look. “I know I don’t always show it but I do need help. A lot, actually. Mostly in learning how to be human; how to feel,” she studies your face as you take in each of her words carefully. “You have no idea how much I need you. It’s okay to cry... you taught me that.”

“Okay,” you nod, finally letting yourself cry freely and without any care. Half of your tears are for the brother you never really knew but wish could have lived longer. Though your mourning is a mystery, it’s purely from the heart. The rest of your tears are shed for the woman who holds you, who you know you love more than life itself, and who you know will stay with you forever. You thank the universe for her as you allow yourself to drift off into a dreamless sleep in her arms.

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totaldramafan-lauri · 4 years

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Welcome to Heartstone~

A place to get away~

FINALLY started playing this game! I got it a couple weeks ago, but hadn’t opened it until today. XD

And y’know why I started playing today?

......My internet was out. XD

And lucky for me, unlike Spla2n, this game is perfectly playable without internet! So, I got started on my island paradise, aaaaand......

....I almost immediately messed up. >__>

So! What happened was, I chose this map:

Thinking “Cool, water everywhere! And I can put my house in the middle of the circle and it’d satisfy my OCD!” Bad idea, past me. I never even considered the fact that YOU START WITH NO DANG BRIDGES ON YOUR ISLAND.

So, right away, I chose to play on hard mode, cuz at the moment.....I am unable to access OVER HALF OF MY ISLAND, and it’ll be that way until I can get some bridges down. So, yeah, right now, this is NOT a place I want other people visiting, for that one reason. XD

But, I pressed on, refusing to start over, and I very quickly got used to the Miles system, and got in the swing of picking weeds and gathering branches, making myself a couple tools and spending.....quite a lot of time fishing. XD My first fishing rod broke, even!

I like how you can choose where your villagers live in the game. My new friends, Hazel (a squirrel with a lot of attitude), and Scoot (an very athletic, nature-loving duck), live pretty close by.....although, given how little of the island we can reach, of course I had to do that. XD

The biggest downside to this game for me so far is how slow it is. I’ve done all I could and now I have to wait until tomorrow for anything else to happen next. But, well, I knew what I was getting into....Keep in mind that this is my first Animal Crossing game, BUT, I do know a fair bit about how the series works thanks to Chugga’s LP of New Leaf. And I can already tell that this game is different from that one in a lot of ways! Not only is EVERYONE new to the area and not just you, but you’re on the same level as your villagers, and are not in a position of power as big as Mayor. A lot less pressure! XD

Also, just a note, I have NOTHING PLANNED HERE. The only thing I knew ahead of time was what I wanted to name the island. That’s IT.

Due to this game’s laid-back, non-story-driven nature, a lot of my posts about it will be shorter, focusing on small moments rather than big events happening all the time.

But hey, it’s still a way to bring more life to my blog, right?

.....Also, this happened

#heartstone island stories

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planetsam · 5 years

Note

Malex with Michae seeing Alex in his dress uniform

Follow up is here.

“Damn Alex, looking good,” Liz says, “I take back my earlier complaint of you being late.”

“Don’t start,” Alex says.

Michael tells himself he’s got this. He’s single which is good. Isobel has dressed him which is better. And Max is out of his pod which is the best part of it. Oh and then Kyle’s getting some award at some banquet Isobel has managed to score them tickets to. But so is Alex because Alex and Kyle are a team now. And joined at the hip. But not anywhere else, or so Liz has not inconspicuously told him on several occasions. So the stars are aligned. The cards are in his favor and he has got this. He turns around with his best devil may care grin.

He does not got this.

Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Alex has been wearing clothes that make him look like a hotter version of the seventeen year old goth who made a plastic visor look like a fashion statement. He’s got more money and more resources now. Michael has pretended not to notice because he’s been in a relationship. But now he’s not and instead of letting himself think that Alex looks good in his expensive emo get ups, he’s now subjected to the sight of Alex Manes in his dress blues. He’s seen him in his military uniform before, in several varieties of it actually. He doesn’t look comfortable in any of them. So, naturally, he picks the dress blues to look comfortable in.

Men are not supposed to wear a tuxedo that well.

Alex is not supposed to wear a tuxedo that well.

God he looks like prom but about a billion times better. The blue is darker, the fabric is better and, fuck him, Alex fills it out really, really well. Even the slim cane he’s using isn’t enough to dampen it. Actually, it’s the opposite. He looks like he walked off the set of some old time movie, where the women wore the kind of gowns that Isobel is wearing and the men made Michael realize he was attracted to both sexes. Michael never quite worked up the nerve to ask if Alex has the hole from his septum piercing. Now it’s all he can think about. Alex catches him staring and gives him an odd look before coming over.

“What’s with the cane?” He blurts out.

“New prosthetic chaffed,” he says, “it’ll heal soon.”

Well Michael can take that as a comforting thought in the afterlife since seeing Alex with a cane and his dress blues is going to kill him.

“Shit,” he says, “you got a new one?”

Alex nods.

“I keep running through them,” he says.

“I hope you don’t mean that literally,” Michael replies.

Michael decides it’s the grin that’s going to kill him. Not the cane or the suit or the wondering if Alex can still fit a ring through his nose. He aches. In a very familiar way when it comes to Alex, if he thinks about it. Which is something he really didn’t want to go back to. They’ve both taken so many baby steps forward. He doesn’t want to be there pining like he used to. Maybe he can just get really stupid drunk now that Max is back to take up the mantle of Alien Messiah and Worlds Best Brother. Fuck knows Michael’s shit at the first part and yeah, he can hold his own at the second. But Max back is nice. Alex bumps his shoulder with his own.

“You glad to have him back?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Michael says. His first instinct is, again, to deny but Alex looks at him with that steady smile and he kind of fails at that instinct, “yeah I am. He’s probably got two more weeks before I want to put him back in the pod myself,” he says.

Alex laughs.

Fuck him so hard, Michael thinks. He can’t stand there looking this good and laugh at Michael’s dark sense of humor. That’s not fair. He promised Isobel he was going to behave. He wants to show Max he’s changed. And he wants Alex to stop standing there looking so good in his uniform and laughing at his jokes in that horribly honest way of his.

“You know I could take a look if you wanted,” he says, “at your prosthetics.”

“I know,” Alex says, “it just—“

“I know they’re delicate and shit,” Michael continues, “I’d be careful.”

“I know,” Alex says, his eyebrows drawing together, “I know you would. I just didn’t want to waste your time while they’re still trying to figure it out.”

Michael frowns.

“That’s not a waste of time,” he says.

Alex looks at him silently. He doesn’t know how they’ve fallen back into this mind reading bullshit when they’re both so bad at it and so bad at lying. But Alex nods after a moment.

“I’ll let you take a look,” he says.

Michael nods.

“In the meantime,” he says, “the cane’s hot.”

Alex scoffs but there’s an affection to it that hasn’t been there in a while. At least, not where Michael can see. When Alex turns away he can see the faint red staining his ears and tries not to feel too cocky about the fact that he can still make him blush. He can’t let that go to his head after all.

Champagne goes to his head though.

And the problem is that Alex keeps coming by him. Looking so good in a way that’s both his past, his present and probably his future. It’s messing with his head. Plus shit never changes in Roswell so the more champagne he drinks the easier it is to pretend they are back at prom and any second Valenti will say something stupid and a fistfight will break out and he will not have to watch the two of them standing side by side. The most aggravating thing about the universe is how it deems it appropriate to teach Michael a lesson by putting him in the position he didn’t want to be in. But let it never be said that Michael Guerin is one to wallow. To wait? Sure. But there’s a difference and he is distinctly on the wallow side.

“How bad’s the chafing?” He asks Alex abruptly, when they wind up alone again on the balcony.

“It’s manageable,” he says, “as long as I keep the pressure off it,” his eyes narrow fractionally, “why?”

Michael holds out his hand.

“Dance with me.”

Alex glances around before he cautiously puts his cane to the side and puts his hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael puts his arm around his waist, helping take some of the weight. For a moment Alex is tense. More tense than he usually is when things like this are done.

“I got you,” Michael assures him and son of a bitch, Alex relaxes cautiously, “see? Not so bad.”

“We’ve never done this,” Alex points out.

“We were waiting until we looked this good,” Michael says. Alex chuckles and shakes his head, “you know I’m right.”

“I know you have a lot of cheesy pick up lines,” Alex says, “next you’re going to say this is like prom.”

“You do look like prom,” Michael tells him, “except for the ring. Do you still have the hole?”

“I—“ Alex presses his lips together and goes for his ‘Michael Guerin’s shooting his mouth off’ eyeball, “you can’t tell me I look like prom and ask about my holes,” he scolds.

“I think I just did,” Michael replies.

Alex shakes his head and looks down but Michael is the one who Isobel practiced dancing on her entire early childhood because Max was in her head and knew the danger. Also he had cooties. Michael doesn’t step on people’s feet when he dances with them. Or people’s foot, in this case. When Alex looks back up at him there’s a hesitance in his eyes that makes Michael want to break their hold and not push this past where it can be.

“Is it weird? Seeing me in this?” He asks, his eyes scanning his face. Michael does him the courtesy of thinking about his own feelings.

“It makes me think of prom,” he says, “makes me think of how I wanted to dance with you and couldn’t.”

Alex looks at him, genuinely surprised at the statement. Their getting to know each other has been strictly within the confines of who they are. Not who they were. But the world doesn’t end when Michael says prom. When he brings up that time in their lives when one act of kindness changed everything.

“We’re dancing now,” Alex says.

“Yeah,” Michael replies, something expanding in his chest, “we are.”

Michael stays as people start to leave. Isobel is not the worst roommate he could ask for, even if she does have no concept of what’s his room and what’s her OCD playground. Alex has a car taking him back to his cabin because as the award dinner recipient, he’s fancy now. Michael notices him leaning a bit more on the cane as he walks him out but when Alex turns to him, there’s nothing but satisfaction on his face.

“Can you take a look at this?” He asks, “tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Michael says, “afternoon okay?”

“It’s great,” Alex says and stops only for a moment before continuing, “join me for dinner afterwards?”

Michael thinks he might have just died. Not by the cane or the laugh or the blue fabric that stretches across Alex’s shoulders. Nope. Alex has asked him out properly with witnesses around and that is what is going to kill him. He’s nodding before he can get the words out and Alex gives him a smile that’s definitely not helping him stay alive until tomorrow.

“Goodnight,” he says and slides into the car smoother than he has any fucking right to, “oh, and Michael?” Michael fights the urge to bite his lip, “the answer to your earlier question is yes.”

Michael’s forgotten his earlier question until Alex rubs his thumb under his nose.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

He’s going to wear the nose ring tomorrow.

Well now Michael has to stay alive until then, just to see that.

#michael guerin #alex manes #malex #roswell new mexico #michael x alex #prompts #roswell nm fanfic #malex fic

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my-lady-knight · 4 years

Text

Favorite Reads of 2019

As seems to be my usual, I’m posting this at what feels like the last second.

Writing this year’s post was hard. I’ve been complaining offline all year that it feels like I read far fewer books I really, truly enjoyed. Even the books I did enjoy, they didn’t stick around long in my head for me to remember details. On the other hand, this list ended up being thirteen items long, so it can’t have been that bad. And having to go back to the books in order to write this list did make me remember how and why I loved them, so there is that.

Presented in chronological order of when I read them:

The Lions of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay

The first book I read in 2019, and I knew would end up on this list as soon as I finished. It’s also the first book of Guy Gavriel Kay’s where I finally understood what the fuss was about - when he commits to writing three-dimensional characters with compelling interpersonal and socio-political relationships, he commits. The cultural/social details of this secondary-world version of medieval Spain set at the beginning of the end of the Caliphate and the rise of the Reconquista are evocative, and the scope deftly alternates between being vast without tripping over itself and touchingly personal. Most importantly, this book gave me an OT3 I wasn’t even expecting in the form of Amman ibn Khairan, famed soldier, poet, and advisor now outcast from the city-state of Cartada, Rodrigo Belmonte, beloved cavalry captain with a complicated loyalty to the rulers he serves, and Jehane bet Ishak, an esteemed physician whose path intersects with them both. Together they represent the connections and tensions between their respective, secondary-world Muslim, Christian, and Jewish communities, cities, and leaders in this secondary-world Spain and form a triangle of everything the country has, is, and can be. A year later I still love this book.

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: Essays by Alexander Chee

This book is difficult to write about, because I remember loving it as I was reading it, but I can’t remember any of the essays very well several months after the fact (see above). What I do remember is that they were difficult, and complicated, and messy, and they did the thing I love when essays do where the fact that the things Alexander Chee was writing about are super-specific to him made them somehow feel all the more relatable. All the essays were nicely crafted stories and emotional journeys, withAlexander Chee tracing all the various aspects of his life through his writing, as an Asian man, a gay man, an aspiring writer, a professional writer, a resident of NYC, and a survivor of sexual assault, using prose that was both artistic and clear as water.

The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie

Amal El-Mohtar wrote in her NYT review that this book was akin to “Hamlet”, “if [the play] were told from the point of view of Elsinore Castle addressing itself to a Horatio who mostly couldn’t hear it,” to which my response was “huh?” Then I read the book and it a) made so much more sense and b) ended up being an astute, apropos explanation of the kind of book The Raven Tower is. It’s the story of a soldier and companion to the heir of a country investigating the disappearance of its ruler and the ascendency of another in his place. It’s also the story of a calm, patient god in the form of a stone who predates all of history and narrates the changing existence of gods, their power, and their relationship to humans and their civilizations. It’s an understated yet powerful book, full of Ann Leckie’s brilliant and clever writing, world-building, storytelling, and otherworldliness. It’s Ann Leckie. She knows what she’s doing. And it fucking works.

Sal & Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Hernandez

This book - is bonkers. It is insane. It is one thousand percent over the top. I kept asking myself “why am I not irritated???” Instead I loved it. Sal is the new kid, a practicing magician with as showman’s flair for the dramatic and boundless energy, and he can open up portals into other universes. Gabi is the sharp-eyed, bossy class president and editor of the school newspaper who just knows something’s up with Sal and his shenanigans. Together, they become friends! And open up more portals into other universes. This book is warm and empathetic and funny and kind-hearted. It’s too-muchness quality somehow worked. The whole thing felt like the literary equivalent of a hug.

The Parting Glass by Gina Marie Guadagnino

This wasn’t a Deep book, but I could not stop thinking about it, nor could I stop recommending it to people. It’s a zippy historical fiction novel set in 1830s NYC prior to the Potato Famine. Mary (or Maire) and her brother Seanin are Irish immigrants working in the same wealthy family’s house, she as lady’s maid to the marriageable daughter named Charlotte, he as a groomsman. Mary is half in love with her Charlotte; unfortunately so is Seanin, and the two of them are carrying on an affair, the aftermath of which leaves Mary in a bind about where her loyalties lie. I love that this book has a queer take on a love triangle that I’ve never seen before, and I loved Mary’s anger and resentment, her unashamed attitude towards her desire for Charlotte as well as other women, and her selfishness as well as her loyalty. I also loved the upstairs-downstairs nature of the book and the clash of Anglo-American and Irish immigrant ethnic and class mores and the larger social and political setting of the city and time period.

The Bird King by G. Willow Wilson

I don’t even know how to begin describing this book. It’s a story about maps and boundaries and borders. It’s an epic of daring escape and adventure about a mapmaker named Hassan with a magical gift and a concubine named Fatima, two friends fleeing the Inquisition after the surrender of Granada, in search of a mythical island ruled by the King of Birds. It’s a story of faith and trust and bonds forged from disparate people, and transformation, transformation of yourself and the world around you because you will it to be so. It’s a beautiful, beautifully written book.

(As a side note, I’m intrigued by the fact that two of my favorite books on here are set during the Reconquista.)

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas

In some ways I liked this even better than The Hate U Give. I loved the complexity that arose out of Bri rapping about the injustices she’s experienced, with people drawing completely different meanings out of her words, people wanting her to use her rapping and her voice for differing reasons, and Bri herself working to figure out the power she has with her rapping and how she wants to use her talents, when it comes to financially supporting her family, standing up for herself, and being herself when so many around her are creating all these false images of her based solely off her words. I loved Bri’s anger, the way she kept speaking before thinking, her loving, sometimes complicated relationships with her family and friends...Angie Thomas’s writing and storytelling is phenomenal.

Kindred by Octavia Butler

I’m not even sure what to say about this book that hasn’t been said but, um, yeah, it’s Octavia Butler, it’s a classic, and really my favorite aspect of the book is how it so effectively bridges the gap between history and present and demonstrates how the two aren’t so far apart, and effectively blends them such that for Dana, the present becomes the past and the past is her present and suddenly she isn’t visiting history at a somewhat removed vantage point, she is part of history, her own history, her ancestors’ history, in all its horror, caught in a catch-22 of needing to repeatedly save the life of her white, slave-owning ancestor who over time grows more and more violent towards her, in order to ensure the chronological security of her own life.

The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf

This was a harrowing read. Set in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia during the 1969 Malay-Chinese race riots, sixteen-year-old Melati has OCD, or what she understands as a djinn living inside her that forces her to obsessively count in order to keep her mom alive, a secret she tries to hide so people don’t think she’s possessed. When the race riots break out across the city, Melati has to make her way through the violence in the streets in order to find her mom, all while battling the djinn as its power increases in the chaos. I repeat, this book was brutal. The descriptions of Melati’s OCD alone make it a tense, taxing read - combine it with the violence and unpredictability of the race riots and all the threats to Melati’s safety and her ever-growing fear for her mom and it’s a lot. Even so (perhaps because) I could not put this book down. The recreation of this part of history (which I had no clue of before and knew nothing about) was both immersive and informative, the story was deftly plotted, and I loved how Melati’s characterization and her relationship/the depiction of her OCD and how it specifically affects her in her particular circumstances.

Jade War by Fonda Lee

CLEAN BLADE CLEAN BLADE CLEAN BLADE

*ahem*

The second book of the Green Bone Saga was even better than the first. It took the story of the Kaul family and the No Peak clan and the worldbuilding of Jade City and turned everything up to eleven, expanding the story beyond Kekon into the global theater, particularly Espenia, bringing into the picture Kekonse immigration, diaspora, assimilation, and cultural heritage - what it means to be Kekonese, to be a Green Bone and carry jade and follow aisho outside of Kekon. The gang warfare between the No Peak clan and the Mountain clan spills over the domestic sphere into the international. Espenia grows more aggressive in its moves to gain control over jade at Kekon’s expense. It’s family loyalties and betrayals, it’s gang politics and warfare, it’s community, municipal, national, and international politics and culture clashes, and the changing world of being a Green Bone and wearing jade in a post-colonial world. Anyone who’s followed me this year because of Peaky Blinders - READ JADE CITY AND JADE WAR. YOU WILL LIKE THESE BOOKS I PROMISE.

Hexarchate Stories by Yoon Ha Lee

With this short story collection, Yoon Ha Lee has not only successfully published fan fiction of his own work in the Hexarchate universe and is getting paid for it, he’s published good fanfiction. The cute Cheris and Jedao backstory pieces of flash fiction he first published on his website are drabbles. One of the original pieces in this collection is straight-up PWP. (How the hell Solaris agreed to it I have no idea, there is literally no plot.) The very last story (also original) is fix-it fic for Revenant Gun that left me kicking and screaming over the CLIFFHANGER that Yoon Ha Lee ended it on HOW DARE YOU I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT CHERIS AND JEDAO ARE GOING TO DO NEXT YOU BETTER BE WRITING MORE STORIES SET IN THIS AU TIMELINE. In sum, Yoon Ha Lee is a delight, I love him, and I loved this collection.

The Deep by Rivers Solomon

A novella about the weight of history, especially painful, traumatic history, and the necessity and yearning for it when you don’t have it. To be forced to bear the burden of history alone is to be crushed and subsumed by it. To lose or become detached from it is to lose connection to the people you’re from. Either way, it is difficult to impossible to maintain a people’s history alone. Rivers Solomon is such a poetic writer with her prose, painting beautiful images with just the right collection and arrangement of words, all while packing an astutely aimed punch in 160 pages.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

I had some issues with how convenient some of the magic/magical artifacts felt, and the various threads of the murder plot didn’t tie up as nicely as I wanted, but oh, Alex Stern is a marvel - a survivor in every sense of the word who embraces that part of herself over and over, even as what being a survivor means changes for Alex over the course of the book. A dark/contemporary urban fantasy set at Yale where the university’s elite student societies are also magical societies— Alex is a dropout who got into drugs as a teenager in order to shield herself from the ghosts she can’t stop seeing, recruited to act as overseer of the societies’ magical rituals, and who takes it upon herself to investigate the murder of a young woman not too different than herself. The centrality of power and its abuse in this book is delicious, the read is gripping, and Alex is worth the price of admission. Yes, I will be reading the second book when it comes out.

(Also, this is literally the second book I’ve ever read that makes any mention or inclusion of Ladino (both Alex and Leigh Bardugo are Sephardi.))

Honorable Mentions

Finding Baba Yaga by Jane Yolen

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

How Long ‘til Black Future Month? by N. K. Jemisin

Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon

Dragon Pearl by Yoon Ha Lee

The Boneless Mercies by April Genevieve Tucholke

The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2018 edited by N. K. Jemisin and John Joseph Adams

The Calculating Stars by Mary Robinette Kowal

Amnesty by Lara Elena Donnelly

Storm of Locusts by Rebecca Roanhorse

Let Me Hear a Rhyme by Tiffany D. Jackson

The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht

Pet by Akwaeke Emezi

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

It’s also been my practice over the past few years when making these posts to crunch the numbers regarding the number of books I’ve read by PoC authors. This year I read a total of 30 books, which is the exact same number as last year, but since I read fewer books this year, they accounted for 47 percent of my reading, compared to last year’s 43 percent. My goal since I started has been to get to 50-50 parity between PoC and white authors, and this year’s the second-closest I got (I reached 48 percent in 2017.) The goal for next year is once again 50-50.

#long post #book recs

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komorebirei · 4 years

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Fantaisie (Music AU Drabble) - Warm Hands

(Read on AO3)

Yeah, I’m on a posting spree with this series. This happens shortly after the first chapter of Broken Fugue, in mid-December. Just some plotless fluff. :P

Part of the Rêveries, Passions Music AU.

—

Fantaisie: Warm Hands

—

Adrien: tadaimaaa! :3

The text comes in while Marinette is practicing, not surprisingly.

She sets down her violin and immediately swipes the phone off the music stand to respond. He’s supposed to be flying in from Sydney and she’s been waiting to hear from him all day.

Marinette: What does that mean??

Adrien: i’m baaaaaaaaack! ^___^ the appropriate response would be okaeri ^_-

Marinette: Yay! Welcome back!! :D :D Marinette: … Okaeri? Is that Japanese?

Adrien: yup… i’m guessing you don’t watch anime

Marinette guesses he's just watched a lot of it on the plane.

Marinette: You would be right. :P Of course you’d learn Japanese from anime. Congratulations on fulfilling the dork stereotype.

Adrien: i’m very grateful to anime-sensei Adrien: allow me to introduce you sometime

Marinette snorts.

Marinette: No thanks.

Adrien: there’s one i bet you’d like! Adrien: it’s important for your musical education

Marinette: Hmm… we’ll see about that.

Adrien: so you’re agreeing to watch it with me??

Marinette: Maaaaybe.

Adrien: i’ll accept that. Adrien: hey, are you in the practice wing?

Marinette: How did you guess?

Adrien: can you play a G major scale? :3

Marinette: …

An odd request, but she can guess what he’s up to. Raising an eyebrow, she sets down her phone and exchanges it for her instrument to do as requested.

She hasn’t even begun the descent before the door bursts open to reveal a very chipper Adrien in a forest green cashmere v-neck sweater, white polo peeping out the collar, and light grey slacks, looking like he’s walked out of a Ralph Lauren ad. “Put that down and bring it in,” he demands, beckoning her for a hug.

Giggling at his antics, Marinette frees her hands and lunges into Adrien’s arms with an enthusiastic, “Welcome hooome!”

His delighted hum rumbles through her, making the hug feel even warmer. There’s something unfamiliar about his scent. It’s a travel smell.

“When did you get back?”

“Just now,” he murmurs. “I thought I’d have an eighty-to-twenty chance of finding you here, so I dropped off my stuff and came right away to surprise you.”

“Well, I’m pleasantly surprised.” Marinette relaxes her hold to step back and look him over. His cheeks and the tip of his nose are pink, and his hair is windswept, reminding Marinette how cold the weather is these days. The practice room is a pleasant cocoon. “I missed your pretty face.”

“Missed yours.” The color on his face deepens with the words, and he coughs, looking away and shifting his weight awkwardly.

Seeing him react that way makes Marinette blush, too. It’s harder to pass it off as a joke now… and suddenly, the practice room is uncomfortably warm.

He manages to regain his composure and meets her eyes again with a grin. “Guess what?”

“What?” She pretends she didn’t notice the mood change, and the awkward moment passes easily.

“I made you something!” He seems very excited about this.

“Oh?” Marinette’s eyebrows shoot up. She isn’t aware he has any crafty talents. Or has he tried his hand at baking? “What did you make?”

With a flourish, he removes a little parcel from his messenger bag, wrapped in baby blue paper. “Open it!”

She slides a finger under the tape, splitting it in half and peeling open the wrapping paper flawlessly.

“So you’re one of those OCD people who re-wraps their presents,” Adrien observes with amusement.

“I am not OCD, and I don’t plan on rewrapping it,” Marinette huffs. “I just don’t like wasting pretty paper.”

“—Don’t judge, okay? It was my first attempt at knitting,” Adrien hurriedly warns as she removes two rectangles knit in pearlesque silver yarn and turns them over in her hands, trying to figure out what exactly she’s holding. “It was a long flight, and there was only so much I could sleep, so I figured I’d put my time to good use. I literally just watched a YouTube video and learned on the plane. It only took me the first hour or so to figure it out. I hope they fit… I had to guess what size your hands are.”

He’s babbling to distract her from what has started feeling like a shoddy and unworthy gift as he awaits her verdict.

She quickly realizes they’re tubes, and there’s a hole in each one, a couple centimeters long. Thumb holes. “Wrist warmers?”

“Yup!” Adrien seems very pleased that she’s managed to identify his creations. “Since it’s only going to get colder, and if you insist on wearing that ridiculous coat of yours, I have to do something to keep you warm. Plus, you’re always complaining about how cold the orchestra room is… you’ll be able to keep these on while playing!”

The gesture is so thoughtful and sweet that Marinette can’t help but giggle, despite the fact that he’s just insulted her favorite coat again. “You think the coat is cute,” she insists absent-mindedly, closely inspecting his stitch-work.

They’re not all the same size, and there are a few random holes she could probably fit her pinky into. She presses her lips together, reminding herself it wouldn’t be nice to laugh. It’s just so cute.

“I said don’t judge!” he reiterates, increasingly worried about her opinion. “... So? Are they acceptable? Would you wear them?”

Marinette considers withholding her judgment a little longer just to tease him, but the look on his face is so vulnerable that upon seeing it, she immediately breathes, “I love them! Thank you so much!” and pulls down his neck to plant a quick peck on his cheek.

She slips the knit tubes over her hands, even though she is far from cold, especially after kissing Adrien’s cheek. It felt natural at the time, but as seconds tick by, she starts to wonder if she was too forward. Her palms start to feel humid under the thick layer of yarn. It doesn’t matter—she wants him to feel appreciated.

Displaying her hands proudly, she sees his hand drop from his cheek and realizes he was touching the spot where she kissed him. Heat floods her face again as she wonders what he’s thinking. He doesn’t look at all bothered by the kiss. Not in a bad way, anyway.

As much as she loves the gift, she honestly can’t wait to take the wrist warmers off because it is far too hot in this room.

“I’m glad you don’t hate them,” Adrien laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks for overlooking my shortcomings.”

“You did a great job with the holes,” Marinette compliments earnestly. “Holes are difficult.”

“Thank you,” he preens. “What about the rest?”

“The rest looks great, too.” Marinette thinks about the holes he didn’t mean to make and can’t hold back her laugh this time.

“I know you don’t mean it, but I’ll accept your praise.” Adrien sticks out his tongue and gives her a playfully smug look. “Anyway, I’m exhausted, and it’s like two a.m. in Sydney, so… I’m gonna go back to my apartment and take a nap for a bit. I’ll probably be back here later to practice.” He rolls his eyes. “Just wanted to pass by and see my favorite human first.”

“I’m your favorite human now?” Marinette raises her eyebrow, feeling a little flutter in her chest.

“But of course, Princess,” he says, in an overly-exaggerated way that she can’t take seriously.

She tries not to feel disappointed. He’s always saying things like this, but she knows he’s smooth with the girls, and is pretty sure these lines come as easily as breathing to him. No reason to believe she’s special to him.

The way he gets flustered sometimes makes her think otherwise, though…

And for whom else has he sacrificed his precious time to make wrist warmers? She shifts her fingers, rubbing against the soft yarn. The fluttery feeling is back.

He’s picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

“Enjoy your nap,” she bids him, leaning against the doorway as he takes his leave.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way back, in case you’re still here.”

“I might leave soon, but… text me when you’re hungry? We could grab food.”

“Sounds like a plan, Princess.”

Once he leaves, she removes the wrist warmers and places them atop the folded paper on the piano cover, gazing at them adoringly. They’ll be perfect for orchestra, and more importantly, Adrien made them. They’re now her favorite possession… besides her violin, a custom-ordered contemporary Guarneri copy that she still hasn’t paid off.

A few minutes pass before she can get into the right headspace to resume practicing, but when she does, the lively trills and runs of Mozart’s third concerto sing like never before.

#Broken Fugue #Miraculous Music AU #Music School AU #Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction #ML Fanfiction #Fluff #ML Sugar #Adrienette Fluff #Adrienette #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng

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