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Misshapen Reflections
Formulas fold,
fractures of the familiar.
Interests of mind,
time has scarred and
bizarrely taken steps, retraced -
Displaced in the shiver of distress
the ancient wounds
revealed truths can't touch,
And not that there's
really much more to say, but
I'd like to be guiltless again
(if that's okay)
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"It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spiders..."
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How else can we pretend?
Another gap in logic,
another gap in our trajectories colliding.
Wonder what makes this
an essence or a choice?
Voiceless in the voids,
creating maps of contingent desires
nothing feeds the fire
like our hearts.
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Best pressing, vinyl
this rushing of tone and depth
reasons I left my soul somewhere else -
And when I hear the words
wrought worship from choruses
biting back on loneliness
Pastures painted, plastered
pictured someone else's standard
and words warp against the glass -
Timed out, this song
another revolution around
a sound I'm growing closer to.
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Sworn
We catch a cresting of light
fostering hope amid chaos,
stripping down our fears
by baring our secret souls,
a fire we keep wicking
with memories and truths,
dismembering delusions
as details of newness
dissolve in the elixir
of our love -
truest truths we find
somewhere buried within
the death that came before.
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Twisted Ties, These
Paths are crossing,
missing ides of locales
the ideas which flew quickly,
Tracing steps abroad
but it doesn't retract, and
the further I run is the further
I've ever been from something true -
Nestling, heading into sleep
the slump of slumber
catches the drifts of old friends
and what they said or didn't say,
We may have been bobbing out
through the distance
calling into the wild western wind
until our throats were slit,
and silenced.
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Pickpocket Brainiac Scientist
I am seedless,
following, filtering,
feeling out the noiselessness
with pangs of giddy dissolution -
I am friendless, feeble
fixating on the groundless grass
and bodies amassed
along the outskirts of a broken-down
trampled along, insidious town.
Feelings scrambled, crammed
somewhere in the crannies of my mind
and what's left?
What lies in the pastures?
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“Too old! Are you crazy? You are just starting to live. And life still has all its joys and fruitfulness to give you. Its pains too, of course. But a great and faithful love is the crucible where joys and sorrows melt to become greatness and goodness.”
— Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, Correspondance, February 8, 1950 [#178]
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Paying Penance to Residual Worth
Isn't there more time?
We began to spread apart the darkness,
and, for whatever reason, it left us silenced
in a hopeless trance of messiness
distanced from nocturnal remembrance,
those odd reverberating dreams, scuttled to the core -
we make out with less than we did
bringing solace along with our pride, a price to pay
nothing ever came for free and
a delusion we doubled down on made sense (at the time)
Once was never enough to prime the value
of our circuitry, certainly the choice was mine all along,
alone to face the fractured cold of eternity.
Lifting out the bones from the fragile grave,
this will be the last time I'll say goodbye.
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Modern Afflictions
Weave another story out of sadness,
as it happens all the pieces barely fit
and the good intention to escape
grows itself out in odd directions.
Do we know those which we hurt?
Do we know for what we urge?
A complicated mess of words,
frothy with feeling and verve.
The simple turns of tongue now
simply come undone,
simply for the fun of losing nerve.
Do we dance in all this decay?
Do we sip our wine and stay in pain?
A fragile vase of flowered hope,
diseased in tepid water.
How delicate we frame desires
when we’re further from the fire
and flames are all we need.
Does it hurt the way you’d like?
Do we run when time is right?
(Last man standing wins the fight)
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Creative Juices
Common-thread spinster
in the upper room,
wishing for the proof
that there's still a life
outside of this dormancy.
Producing blankets
that only shelter them
who keep the blinders on.
The finder's keeper's
rule of thumb,
drowned in the undercurrent.
Flushed away and stained
by prudent memory,
flights of foolish fancy.
And if only wishing
was fixing the problem…
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As Weather
Meet me in the morning fog.
Hide amongst the thoughts
that fill your mind.
Read the sky to predict
how our lives will intertwine.
Of all the glorious details,
our focus is directed as
we dissect the coming storm.
Afternoon settles with
a sunspot reference to
the pages already turned.
What you and I have learned,
so far.
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We'll be happy forever
everything perfectly placed,
everything perfectly at hand -
Yea, we have it all
we've got too much
and whatever the cost
we'll exhaust ourselves on data
before we'll ever let go -
Pry my phone from my cold dead hands
(understand, I'm practically dead already)
Happiness is pretending
we don't need anybody.
And if a picture says we're perfect,
isn't that enough?
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Versions (Part 1)
That's when you looked back at me, asking questions:
seeming to misunderstand every word I said
leaving me breathless to try and explain -
(I'm seemingly always explaining myself)
These conditions I've built around who I'll be
and what I might want to egregiously say,
nothing but a poor self-image and inverted display
I keep coming back to the moment, so let's get back to what you asked -
where we stood, there was a road we would walk
and again, you signaled your damnation of lies
as you tried your best to lie your way out,
and I bought it, as usual, nothing to hide
because I knew I had my own stuffed in my pocket,
and I would guard it with my life.
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Widened
There you sat, as I watched you dream
your mind so full of fantasies, embellished
the intricate dalliance of memory and time
betwixt - finally formally composing a symphony
for just the momentary remembrance,
the replay in treasured silence of what we made real,
this actualization of revealing eyes, blinking
another triumph of surrealism in stride, and
what tangled webs of desire we always weave
from the crumbling embassy of our hearts.
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