7pmsunshine

[7pmsunshine]

I overthink because I know how replaceable I am. I'm no one's first choice or anything special to someone, I am nothing.

[7pmsunshine]

A part of suicidal ideation or self harm no one talks about is the numbness to the subject that comes with it. I sit and scroll through pages and pages of cries for help, suicide notes and plans and feel nothing. No worry, no concern, no crushing feeling in my chest. Nothing. Those familiar feelings are now replaced with a strange familiarity, a kind of comfort that it’s not just me.

Fuck. When did it get to this

[7pmsunshine]

Now I’m empty. I have nothing to give to anyone. Except for talking about my pain. And since I realize that’s toxic, I’ve simply isolated.

[7pmsunshine]

[7pmsunshine]

[7pmsunshine]

I literally hate myself :)

[7pmsunshine]

being in your twenties is like I should've k*lled myself but now it's too late

[7pmsunshine]

I’m officially alone in a new city and I know if I ever need, help is only a call away, yet I’m missing my family a lot… I knew it wouldn’t be easy but there’s a lump in my throat right now…

[7pmsunshine]

I’ll never stop being a cutter.

It’s not because my body is marred with scars.

Or because my family and friends know and that’s how they’ll always see me.

It’s the way my eyes love to watch blood bead on my skin.

It’s the way I get flashing images of my wrists slashed.

It’s the way I want to tear myself open everytime I feel bad, or sad, or alone.

I haven’t cut in over two years.

My body only has faded silver lines where red gashes used to be.

But when I’m sad, all I can picture is my skin opening up.

I’ll always be a cutter because I’ll always want to cut.

[7pmsunshine]

I’m getting used to being alone again

[7pmsunshine]

Have small dreams, big ones lead to disappointment

#dream #self harm #cutting #suicide #suicidal #suicidal thoughts #useless #disappointed #disappointment #don’t dream

[7pmsunshine]

“The saddest kind of sad is when your tears can’t even drop and you feel nothing. It’s like the world has just ended. You don’t cry. you don’t hear. You don’t see. You just stay there. And for a second. The heart dies.”

— painfeels

[7pmsunshine]

Me to tumblr: i want to die, i’m so depressed

Me to my therepist: honestly Susan, i’ve never felt better

[7pmsunshine]

[7pmsunshine]

I haven’t really been thinking about dying for about two weeks. Then today I almost got hit by a truck and my only thought was “I can die right now, that would be okay.”

#sad #suicidal #suicide #suicidal thoughts #I can die now #depression #anxiety #anxious #self harm #cutting #help #drowning #dying #death #near death experience #depressed #panic #bad day #kms

[7pmsunshine]

[7pmsunshine]

Today marks one year since the beginning of my worst relapse to date

And the strength of the urge today is making me wonder why I ever quit

#self harm #selfharming #cutting #cutter #scars #relapse #recovery #anxiety #depression #anxious #depressed #scratching #help #mental health #I just want to feel again #I feel so numb #I feel so angry #suicide #suicidal #suicidal thoughts #suicide plan #anniversary #1 year #one year ago #don’t quit #why did I quit