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ackerman-core · 3 years

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in which the rest of the squad is dead, but he’s not, and neither is she.

sorry for the angst. i did not proofread this

levi x fem!reader

t/w: descriptions of violence, gore, blood, death, PTSD, language, mental illness, VOMIT, nausea, being unable to eat, childhood trauma, homelessness, murder, alcohol usage, ANGST, and levi being emotionally constipated

there was green everywhere. spinning through the sky, the blurs of green and echo of petra’s screams, already gone cold with her body, were all she could hear.

there was red. there was the icy blue of the female titan’s eyes filling her vision, and the hurling colors ceased, as if suddenly in slow motion.

she had killed them. she had killed them all.

the female titan smirked at her, and that’s when she realized she was crying. the titan mocked her. the curve of her lips was caused by her found family mangled and dead.

anger filled her, her vision blurred and she was burning, she was actually burning, hot.

eren was screaming, and it was shrill and loud in her ears. eren was screaming, and she had launched herself at the monster before her, blades tensed and ready to cut its head clean from its neck.

she had trained, she had absolutely burnt in hell, taken hits, and screamed her lungs out for this.

she had survived her childhood at the edge of wall maria, stabbing at the dark in alleyways and crying out for stability. cuddling the younger children tight as they slept in the alleyways she prayed were safe, with her eyes open and blurry, she was training then. with her knife within reach, reciting every plan of escape she could think of, while another child snuggled into her sides, desperate for warmth in the cool night, she was training.

she had trained for that moment- for the moment she had to kill the monster.

the titan moved quickly, and her eyes widened as she became bound to the tree, the blades meant to be dug in the thing’s neck stuck into the depths of the wood.

fuck.

the female titan sauntered forward, an evil gaze trained on her face.

eren was still screaming, and she looked over, shaking her head no.

give me a chance, her eyes screamed. i’m not done yet. you can change when i’m dead.

the titan’s injured eye was still smoking, nearly healed, and it crouched to her position stuck on the tree.

oluo had always teased her about her extra knife. she would prove him wrong.

with a scream more feral and painful than any she had been capable of making before, she launched herself from the tree, tugging her dagger quickly from her side, and stabbed the female titan’s other eye, twisting the knife and using her spare hand and feet to dig into it, repeated screams leaving her throat, clawing their way out in the anguish she quaked with, the anger burning it’s way through her limbs and keeping her alive as the beast’s hand shot up and struck her side.

levi would have silently approved of the knife. but that was a thought she couldn’t afford.

the air tinted green with eren’s transformation, the deafening crack falling on dead ears, and she pulled the dagger from the monster’s eye as she fell.

she’d be damned to die without it.

and then she wasn’t dead.

it didn’t take her long to remember every detail of her last conscious moments. it didn’t take her long to see petra’s body staring into nothing, gunther hanging from his cords, eld and oluo reduced bloody stains on the grass.

the sunlight hurt her eyes, and the bandages on her shoulder, head, and torso were restrictive, not to mention the way the wraps suffocated her arm.

logically, she couldn’t sit up, but she tried... until a hand pushed her unbandaged shoulder down.

his face seemed like a distant memory.

“what’s your name?” he asked, in that impassive tone he kept.

she furrowed her brow, despite the pain, and answered his question. her voice was nearly gone, and the single word made her lungs turn to fire.

“levi, what’s-?”

“you’re back,” he interrupted. “the last few times you woke up you couldn’t remember either of our names.”

his hand felt shaky on her shoulder, and he removed it quickly.

“they’re dead,” she stated, only able to see the blood and the bodies.

“they are,” levi replied. “and you’re alive.”

she gagged, and levi had a bucket to her in record speed as the bile burned its way through her body and out of her mouth. she could still smell the sweat and blood, she swore she could, and she could still hear the screams in her ears.

“i know,” he said, in a gentle tone, a hand on her back. his touch was mostly foreign. “it burns.”

and she couldn’t be sure if he meant the bile or the memory of the corpses that had once been her family.

“can you at least drink something?! you’re going to end up dead at this rate!”

hange was irritating her.

she was halfway through her expected healing time- her shoulder and ribs were being a bitch- and they hadn’t been off her back about eating the entire time.

she sat with hange, levi, and erwin while they continued raving at her. erwin and levi stayed silent, the latter sipping his tea.

she had put off every promotion erwin shoved at her, opting to be apart of the special operations squad, but she referred to the veterans as her equals, being as experienced as she was.

she did, however, consent to being levi’s second-in-command.

“you’re going to waste away and be no use,” levi finally spoke. “you’ve already lost weight and need to be trained up again. don’t make it worse.”

erwin pushed bread towards her, with a look.

“it’s a command,” was his simple statement.

the problem wasn’t the eating itself- it was the blood she smelled and the bile that would creep up her throat when she tried to consume anything.

shoving it down, she nibbled at the piece. she would have to grow used to it.

it wasn’t uncommon after the incident for levi to walk in on her staring down at her dagger.

jaeger had said she used it to dig into the female titan’s eye and then fell to her presumed death after eren turned.

he had to give the bastard one thing- he had swept her from the carnage quickly in his titan form. he had held onto the shred of hope that she was alive.

she had insisted up and down that she needed that dagger on her for all the time levi knew her- it bordered insubordination for higher ups, and she took lashings without ever planning to relinquish the blade.

“i stole it when i was nine,” she said, sensing his presence despite her back to him and bringing him back from his thoughts.

the room was her own then, after petra passed.

“i lived in the shit part of wall maria. right at the edge,” she continued, as levi stood against the door.

“dad left one day and mom died beyond the wall. she was in the corps. people kicked me out onto the street when i was eight because dad wasn’t paying for the house anymore.

“stabbing creeps wasn’t hard. sometimes nice women would give me bread or fruit and i wouldn’t have to rob people or steal shit,” she paused, trailing her finger around the blade.

“i just think it’s funny- this blade has saved me more times than i could count. especially when mina came around. she was just a little thing when i found her. she was six when i was ten and i did all i could to protect her. then the wall fell.”

levi felt a twinge in his chest that reminded him of his past: of kenny, of isabel and farlan, of having to hurt and steal to survive.

levi knew about the rumors in the corps about his upbringing, so he just nodded.

“i get it,” was all he said, and she understood.

“come with me,” levi told her, after a beat. “you’re helping me with paperwork.”

i don’t want to fill out the death certificates alone.

it’s when he’a filling out them out that he realizes neither of them have truly mourned.

and, of course, he wouldn’t.

after isabel and farlan he realized he couldn’t afford to rage, to cry. it didn’t bring anyone back, he knew. you use the ache and turn it into fire, into blood.

maybe she had faced more in her twenty-something odd years than levi had realized- but he knew his way of coping wasn’t the most healthy. it wasn’t normal. she should be grieving properly, not like him. she should be trying to be normal.

levi pushed her cup of tea towards her, noting that she still had yet to touch it in the half hour she’d been with him, silent, but comfortable. in his peripheral, he saw her stare at it like the thought of consuming it offended her.

“what, would you prefer shitty tea?” he asked, looking up. “i didn’t use my good leaves for you to waste them.”

she took a sip, and levi noticed her stifled gag.

now, he knew he tea wasn’t that bad.

“what is wrong with you? i see you gag every time you eat or drink.”

she stared at the tea, face blank and gaunt. she was silent for a while, and, somehow, he didn’t lose any of his patience. shadows cast across her face in the candlelight.

“i smell their blood every time i try to eat,” she stated, blunt. “i smell that titan stink whenever i have to drink.”

oh.

“you’re going to kill yourself at this rate,” levi told her, and he wished, for one of the first times, that he knew how to speak without being so brash. he knew what she meant, he smelled the same blood, he smelled death when he woke up from what sleep he could get.

he remembered the food escaping his throat every time he remembered isabel’s lightless stare for the first few weeks. he remembered the smell in he and his mother’s room that had built for weeks. he remembered the first drop of blood that wasn’t his staining his shirt.

“you need to push through it,” he told her, and it was weighted when he said it. “you’re not dying- and that’s an order.”

“i don’t think it would evolve to the point of starving to death.”

“don’t be a smartass,” his tone was still heavy, and she closed her eyes at the sound.

levi studied her face, the dark circles and defined facial structure. despite those signs, those signs of illness, he saw the same face that had smiled whenever she saw him.

somehow, it was the same face that made laughter look brighter than it would look on other’s. somehow, it was the face of the same girl who fought with higher ups and refused to be timid, refused to back down. he would be lying if he didn’t admit he associated that face with beauty.

he stopped himself short. studying was not meant to be admiring. he picked up his pen and swirled his signature across the bottom.

and his squad was, legally, dead.

the following week is when the shipment of officer-only goodies came in.

technically, hange was breaking rules by bringing her along... but erwin smiled when he saw her.

“you deserve a drink,” hange told her, grinning.

she smiled, a real smile, and sat at the chair that levi had silently pulled out for her. they had gone as far to find a wine glass, and she laughed.

“booze in a wine glass? are we pretending to be those fucks in wall sina?”

mike laughed, gently prodding her back.

“haven’t you heard? hange insisted on bringing you for the wine,” he told her, a wry smile on his face. “the booze is mine, girlie.”

nanaba walked past, scoffing at mike and patting her good shoulder.

“shut up, asshole. let the girl enjoy a drink.”

all engrossed in other conversations and pouring drinks, she rested her arms on the table, laying her head on top of it.

“hey,” she heard a familiar voice, next to her.

levi stood to her left, holding a bottle of red wine.

“do you want any or not?”

“yes, please,” she told him, a soft smile on her face. he poured a small amount in her glass, making her wrinkle her nose and look up at him.

“you can have more when you’ve finished that- if you’re not fucked up enough by then.”

in defiance, she picked up the glass and chugged the wine, face contorting as she did so, and the unmistakable gag.

it’s so dry.

“i’ve known you for years, dumbass,” he told her, annoyed, taking the seat next to her. “twenty-five and still can’t hold your shit. don’t try it.”

“leave her alone, shorty!” she heard hange exclaim. “she deserves a drink.”

yeah, she’s piss drunk.

she hummed to herself, and levi couldn’t do much else but watch her. erwin had taken a few sips of a drink and retired to bed- never much of a drinker-, and everyone else varied from plastered to tipsy.

taking a sip of his own wine, he realized he mildly resented erwin for being deemed the babysitter.

they were all adults; why should he have to make sure they didn’t do anything stupid? it wasn’t as if the cadets had gotten to drink- every person in the room was experienced with the bottle.

and yet, they were all annoying shits about it.

levi wanted to get up and leave- after all, he had mountains of paperwork to do and cups of tea to brew. levi wanted to leave the room, full of adults acting like children, and the scent of booze.

and then he looked back at her.

she was staring at him, and most of the gaze was blank. but levi could read her, he had to be able to, with their jobs, and he saw a certain... wistfulness.

“what’s on your mind, brat?” he asked, abruptly. a lazy, tired smile curved her lips.

“would you like a detailed list or just the highlights?”

he scoffed, rolling his eyes. she knew he had chosen the latter.

“i’m thinking about how shitty this wine is,” she began, wrinkling her nose at the, now empty, bottle.

levi took a small sip of his own. “you had the majority of the bottle.”

“yeah, but it still was gross. bitter,” she let the last word hang in the air, eyes unmoving from his face. it almost made levi uncomfortable.

“i’m also thinking about love.”

levi’s neutral gaze never wavered.

“love?”

“uh-huh,” she confirmed, the lazy, hazy smile still intact. “like petra. i love petra. she is my best friend,” levi felt his heart clench at her usage of present tense.

“and eld... and gunther... they’re like big brothers. i love them. and oluo, even though he’s annoying,” something in her face changed. “i proved him wrong about my knife, though,” she patted the thigh that the sheath rested upon. “i really proved him wrong... but i love him. i proved him wrong because i love him. and i really...”

she stopped speaking then, resting her head in her hands. she was quiet.

“i think it’s time for you to go to bed,” levi told her.

“i think so too.”

“can you get up?”

“... no.”

“thank you,” she mumbled, as he unlocked his door. “i didn’t wanna be alone in that room.”

he didn’t reply, instead holding the door open.

she looked as if she felt out of place in his room, his office, and he probably made it worse when he ignored her to make tea. a part of him didn’t care, really. another part of him, a much larger part, wanted her to be comfortable there, comfortable with him.

he heard a sudden noise, and looked over his shoulder. she was sitting on the middle of his floor, staring at him, eyes wide, observing.

“tch, at least sit in a chair,” he reprimanded, turning back. he heard her scramble to her feet and sit lightly on the chair.

drunken mess...

it could have been an hour or two that had passed since he passed her a cup of tea and started his paperwork, but levi wasn’t quite sure. he was hyperaware of everything: her breathing, her small sips of tea- she hadn’t gagged once-, and the way she couldn’t seem to stop staring at him.

“what?” he asked, eventually, mildly annoyed. he hated being stared at- and her gaze unnerved him. it made him want to stare back, to never miss a single blink of her lashes.

“levi?” his name was a delicate question on her tongue and levi knew she was still inebriated by the way she had her emotions displayed in the set of her mouth and the glossiness of her eyes.

“will we be okay?”

she would be the death of him.

“what?”

“will we be okay,” she repeated, as a statement that time. “i think we will, but the hurt makes breathing painful. it makes living feel like a crime.”

“we’re alive, aren’t we?” levi replied, sarcasm laced in his tone. “that’s enough.”

silence hung in the air until he heard a sniffle. he looked up.

he had made her cry.

you’re a goddamned asshole.

“hey,” he said, not sure how to direct his tone. “hey, don’t cry,” he sounded lame, weak.

“please don’t fucking cry,” he said, reaching a hand out to her arm. the emotion in his tone surprised himself.

“it’s okay,” she said, composing herself. she made no move to continue speaking.

levi sighed, running a hand across his face. he never wanted to be the cause of her tears again. it felt wrong.

“yeah,” he spoke up, after a moment of silence.

her eyes are pretty. admiring, not studying.

“we’ll be okay.”

“captain!” she exclaimed, seeing his familiar silhouette making its way across the field.

uninhibited by bandages or braces, she ran, and she almost laughed at the sensation, the sky blue and sun high. she almost laughed, feeling the grass against her ankles, nearly hysterical with the joy she felt at seeing levi, one of her only people left, uninjured, alive.

levi turned in time to steady- catch- her, having almost fell with the sudden stop before him.

“calm down, would you?” levi asked. secretly, she thought, he was happy to see her healed. secretly, she saw a flicker in his eyes.

“i-is the female titan...?”

levi stared at her, his gaze piercing.

“no.”

she wanted to crumple, to fall to pieces on the ground. still, she remained rooted, unmoving.

“but, we have her in custody, in a way,” he replied, and she felt like her lungs could hold air again. she hadn’t escaped. she would pay.

“what-?”

“hey,” levi cut her off. “tch, have you even slept or eaten since we left?”

“yeah, i’ve just-.”

he scoffed again. “you finally heal, and here you are again, looking like a mess. you’re slipping, brat.”

she felt herself smile- truly smile, with teeth and crinkled eyes.

“come on,” he maintained the expression of contempt. “you better not make me regret making you tea.”

it was an empty threat, she figured. she realized that he had missed her too.

they would be okay.

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ackerman-core · 3 years

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eyes on me, part one

fifth grade teacher!levi x kindergarten teacher!reader

( @miekasa hi i am 🧃 anon and i got the courage to do this )

this is a bit self indulgent

y’know, if you met levi ackerman, you’d never expect him to teach fifth grade

levi “hardass” ackerman?

it couldn’t be

but it was and he was the best fifth grade teacher at trost elementary school

and he’d never admit it

but everyone knows he’s soft for his kids

hange, who teaches second grade, likes to tease him about it. and just about everything else

erwin, the principal, likes to tell levi how many special requests he gets from parents to place their children in his class

she was the newer kindergarten teacher, and someone levi had hardly crossed paths with

and yet, she always had a smile and wave for him

and asked her students to say good morning to mr. ackerman when their classes passed each other in the hall

she had requested, even in your first year, that she take the low-income, struggling students

which levi had a lot of respect for. he also respected that she made a point to call out the other teachers who laughed and made remarks about it

but he was confused as he received an email sent to both of them from erwin

he needed to discuss an opportunity with the two of them

and of course he gave no hints. ass

hange, who had their kids in gym during the time of the meeting, stepped in to watch his kids

the children loved them. even though they liked to interrupt his class

brats

he ran into her in the hall on the way there, looking nervous and fiddling with the end of her dress

that’s another thing levi noticed. she was always wearing dresses or jeans.

doesn’t she own dress pants?

she smiled at him, albeit nervously

“hi, levi,” her voice was melodic. another thing he had always noticed.

in fact, it was hard not to, with the times he’d heard her voice carry into the hall when she taught her kids songs

he said her name as a greeting and nodded

“do you have any idea what this is about?” she wondered, and levi almost smirked at her trying to sound casual. she thought this was a bad thing

“just as clueless as you are”

the rest of the walk was quiet

levi held his id to the office door, unlocking it, and holding it open for her

“thank you” she told him and her eyes glowed with sincerity

he nodded, feeling somehow unable to speak

how strange

levi didn’t bother knocking and just walked into erwin’s office, her following behind

erwin smiled, nicely, and invited the two to sit

“what’s this about, erwin?” levi shocked her a bit with his bluntness, despite knowing they were close friends

“maria university has two TAs they want us to take. i wanted to see if you two were up for it?”

“me?” she asked, surprised. “i’m only a first year- i mean, yes, i’d love to! but...”

erwin smiled, gently

“and yet i have heard endless compliments and received countless emails from parents about you. your students scores have raised far higher than projected from the start of the year- i’d say you’re more than qualified”

she looked touched, and a smile grew on her face

it was stupidly cute, levi thought

“i guess” levi responded. “because i assume this is more of a command than a request?”

“we needed a kinder and a fifth grade teacher. you two are the best options. i don’t take these things lightly”

levi shrugged. “alright. but i reserve the right to make him my errand boy if he’s shit”

she giggled, and it sounded very light compared to erwin’s deep chuckle

the meeting was adjourned and levi noticed you practically skipping back to class

made sense that she taught kinder

“i didn’t expect you to agree”

her comment very minorly shocked him, as he didn’t expect her to be as forward

her perception was astute

“eh, i’ll do what erwin says. i trust his judgement”

“what a nice friendship” she said, sweetly “and hange talks about you a lot- they’re very fond of you”

“tch” levi scoffed “they’re a pain in my ass”

she laughed, and levi suppressed the urge to smile at it.

“well, here’s my stop,” she said, having reached her classroom

without looking away from him, she opened her door. her para, petra, was in the room watching them as they colored

“i’m back my lovebugs!” she exclaimed, finally looking inside, and she waved levi over

“say hello to mr. ackerman! when you get to fifth grade, maybe he’ll be your teacher! make sure he knows how lovely and smart you all are!”

levi would be lying if he said their hellos and excited faces weren’t the cutest thing he’d ever seen

she turned back to him, grinning

“see you later, levi”

“see you,” he replied, almost choking the words out rather than saying them

she closed the door and her scent- lavender- flew behind her

fuck

why did she have to be so stupidly cute?

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