allthecatsaregrey

[allthecatsaregrey]

Off 3rd Main Rd, Chennai.

[allthecatsaregrey]

purple

[allthecatsaregrey]

Creeping fog In the Cemetery

[allthecatsaregrey]

Dhaka - Narayanganj Hwy, Khulna.

[allthecatsaregrey]

Till Death do we Part

I have a friend who is 74 years old. I love her very much, and she’s always been like a grandmother to me, I’ve known her since the day I was born. Of course, I’ve always known that she will die before me, it’s almost inevitable that I will outlive her. However, every time I am reminded of this, it never gets easier, in fact, I find it has only gotten harder. What will I do once she’s gone? She’s the only person I know in the city I live in. 

I’ve never been good at making friends with people my age, all my life my friends have always been older than me. I’m not sure why, this is just how I am. Unfortunately, that means that quite a few of my friends are at least 19 years older than me. At least twice my age. It seems my friend who is 74 is not the only one I will outlive. 

I find that I don’t know how to handle it. How do I cope with the fact that unless I put a stop to my own life it is almost certain I will outlive so many of the people I care about? I know someone has to be the last one standing, I know eventually there will only be one, but why does it have to be me? I am already feeling grief over people that have not yet died. 

This is probably why I’m so afraid of growing old. I don’t want to have to watch everyone around me leave me behind. I know it’s selfish, but I can barely even handle thinking about it, how am I supposed to handle actually experiencing it?

#hhhh why did i have to make so many friends with old people #bad poetry #bad poem #poetry #poem #original writing #creative writing #writing #sadcore #sad #emo #tragedy

[allthecatsaregrey]

Vampire

You think you’re better than me just because you’re human, don’t you? You act as though I had a choice, a say in the matter, but I didn’t, most of us don’t. Vampireism means a lifetime of solitude, an eternity of loneliness. Vampireism is a curse, one that I would not bestow upon anyone. 

I have watched everyone I’ve ever care about die. I can never get close to anyone, maybe it’s selfish, but I just can’t stand the pain of knowing I will outlive them, that no matter what I do my future will not hold them unless I choose to burden them with my reality. I envy your mortality, for if I were mortal too I might have the capacity to allow myself to love again. 

While the utter loneliness is by far the worst part of this curse, there are other things I will never stop missing. I miss the felling of the warm summer sun on my skin, I no longer remember what it feels like, but I miss it nonetheless. There is peace in the darkness, but I fear I will never again feel the joy that lives in the light. 

I miss food, too. The meals that were once my favourite now taste rotten on my tongue, the smell isn’t even pleasant to me anymore. I know it seems trivial, but so much of the human experience revolves around food. Celebration, grief, community. My inability to consume anything other than blood is a constant reminder that I will never be seen as a person again. 

Despite my losses, we aren’t so different, you and I. I care for living beings, just as you do. I crave companionship and intimacy, I have likes and dislikes, I have hobbies that I enjoy. Despite our differences, we are still very much the same. When presented with a vampire, it is easy to forget that they were human once, too. I was human, just like you.

#i have been thinking about vampires a little too much recently #incase you can't tell i am obsessed with the tragedy #poetry #bad poetry #bad poem #poem #original writing #vampire #vampireism #tragedy #monologue #creative writing #lol emo #humanity

[allthecatsaregrey]

I miss you, I'm sorry

I’m writing this at 4 AM 

I always seem to think of you when I can’t sleep

I wonder if you think about me too

Do you miss me like I miss you?

Are you still mad at me?

Do you wish we were still together?

We were just kids when we first met

I didn’t know anything about the world

And neither did you

That was the beauty of it, I think

We learned how to navigate this world together 

I still know all of your favourite things

Or at least what they used to be 

In my mind, you’re still in every shiny, blue pickup truck

Do I still drive every little, red car? 

I often wonder what you’re doing now

Where you are in life 

Do you have new friends? Are they nice? 

Do you like your job?

Have you moved on?

I know it’s been a long time

I know I hurt you

I know you hurt me

But I often find myself hoping I run into you on the street 

Maybe we’d reconnect

Maybe we would pretend not to recognize each other

There’s really no way of knowing

I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you

I know I’ll never stop loving you

#love #love poem #bad poem #bad poetry #poetry #poem #sadcore

[allthecatsaregrey]

Mother

Saying my mother doesn’t love me would be a lie

Because she does

But it’s not in the way a mother loves a child

She loves me like you love your little brother

Willing to do anything, but not willing to let me believe it 

She loves me like a close friend 

We drift apart, we come back, and we don’t quite know everything yet

She loves me in the way one loves their roommate

Favours are something she allows, but if I ask too often it’s a problem

 

She doesn’t think to tell me the things she tells my brother

Get home safe

I’m proud of you

I love you

But I know all of her insecurities

I know every problem she has with her friends

How she feels about my brother, my father 

She doesn’t hold back when she tells me the family gossip 

And maybe it’s because for the longest time she didn’t see me

Maybe because she missed out on 14 years of my life 

Perhaps it’s easier to forget about it

The art she threw away

The moments she was never there for

The birthdays she missed 

Perhaps, pretending is easier than apologizing 

I am my mother’s best friend

But why can’t I be her child?

#bad poem #bad poetry #poetry #eldest child #eldest daughter #mother