beeblackburn

[beeblackburn]

💘 Selected Carnation Comics 2022-2023 💘

100+ pages of my favorite Patreon comics from the past year and a half, along with some notes about my process + commentary for each comic :^)

Kinks include size difference, pregnancy, micro/macro, and more.....!

I can't believe I've been making these comics for so long! I wanted to showcase some I think are the strongest, and some that best demonstrate the improvements I've made over the past almost 20 months. Perhaps you will feel inspired to make your own improvised erotica....but if u do u have to show me

pick up the PDF here!

#art by vesta z #check out his patreon too #been on that for at least two years #well worth every dollar and penny #it’s really great artistry with a ton of range #going from ethereal to horrifying to dreamy and deeply erotic

[beeblackburn]

do you ever think about how sometimes it just... takes one random message? and suddenly you find yourself with a best friend or in constant conversation with someone who lives on the other side of the world but is just as much of a freak as you are or maybe you find yourself in love with someone without a last name but with so much kindness and affection in their words and presence. crazy how life and love and friendship just happen

#friendship #online relationships #i used to believe in this so much more positively #i've grown a lot more embittered about it this year alone #it's arguably a fleeting temporal phenomenon burning bright and fast #when you think you have so many friends they fade away like ghosts #when kindness and attention is never initiated your way after the first #it hurts to have that loving imbalance closed in your face #not with force just indifference just with months of silence #there's something in the online facade that's easier to ghost #but i could never stomp out the beauty of this sentiment #a drop of love and friendship and kindness is just a random chance away #we were never meant to be alone we choose to share company #and better things start with that fleeting drop of magic #to me that's so beautiful and bittersweet and tender

[beeblackburn]

BOOK RECS ASK GAME

a book that is close to your heart

a book with a blue cover

a stand-alone that you wish was part of a series

a poetry book that reads like a story

something in fiction that reads like poetry

a book with a pink cover

a book you did not finish

a book you finished in one sitting

your favourite book of 2020

a book that got you through something

a book with a green cover

a book that mentions food in the title

your favorite romance novel

a book that made you trip on literary acid

a book rec you really enjoyed

a book you'd recommend to your younger self

a book with a yellow cover

your least favorite book ever

a book that put you in a reading slump

a book that got you out of a reading slump

a book with a red cover

your favourite thriller

a book that is currently on your TBR

a book on your nightstand

a book by your favourite author

your favourite memoir

a book with a purple cover

a book you wish you could read as a beginner again

your favourite YA novel

your favourite middle grade book

a book that mentions a name in the title

your favourite nonfiction novel

a book with a white cover

a book featuring the enemies to lovers trope

a book featuring the found family trope

a book that mentions time in the title

your favourite heist book

your favourite series

a book featuring your favourite character

a book with a black cover

a book about nature

a book that made you want to scream by the time you got to the end

a book that you have read more than three times

your favourite fantasy novel

a book featuring the friends to lovers trope

a book with a brown cover

a book that mentions a place in the title

your favourite sci-fi novel

a book featuring the bed-sharing trope

a book that made you cry a LOT

a book that you found underwhelming

a popular book/series that you love

a popular book/series that you hate

a book with the best opening line

a book with a satisfying ending

a book that features an animal in the title

a book you want to hit bonk your head with

a book with an orange cover

a book about city life

a book that you think about at 3am

your favourite horror novel

a book with a forgettable plot but amazing characters

a book that actually made you laugh out loud

a book with a grey cover

a book that scared the crap out of you

a book that fucked you up

your favourite historical fiction novel

your favourite piece of classic literature

your favourite mythological retelling

your favourite poetry collection

your favourite LGBTQ+ fiction

a book with a gorgeous cover

a good book with an awful cover

your favourite love triangle

a book featuring the I'm not like other girls trope

a book with a golden/silver cover

a book so useless that you could use it as a coaster

your favourite royal read

a book that reminds you of your favorite song

a book that reminds you of a loved one

a book that mentions flowers in the title

a book featuring the chosen one trope

a book featuring the fake dating trope

your favourite dystopian read

your favourite book about magical realism

a book with an insane plot twist

a book with a predictable ending

a book that made you angry

a book that disappointed you

the longest book you've read

the shortest book you've read

a book about a redeemable villain

a book featuring an unreliable narrator

a book about grieving

your favourite coming of age novel

a book with a restaurant/food setting

a book with a hospital setting

a book set in a fictional kingdom

a book with a strong female protagonist

your favourite gothic novel

a book set in a school

your favourite dark academia read

a book that deals with heavy topics

a fluffy, sweet read

your favourite crime novel

a book that made you squeamish

your favourite book in a different language

a book with a small town setting

a book featuring a teacher/professor

your favourite psychological thriller

a book writing a book

a book about war

a book about the great depression

your favourite chick lit novel

a book that talks about mental health

a book with multiple povs

your favourite anthology

your favourite short story collection

your favourite summer read

a book about childhood friends

a book that makes you nostalgic

your favourite winter read

a book recommended by a celebrity

the book you're currently reading

your favourite autumn read

your favourite spring read

a book you'd read when you're missing somebody

a book that made you hungry

a book with beautiful prose

a book featuring flashbacks and/or intersecting storylines

tag somebody with whom you would want to buddy read a book

who is your favorite person to go to for book recs?

a book that you came across randomly and fell in love with

unreccomend any book you like!

recommend any book you like!

#book asks #did i ever finish the last bunch of book asks? no! 😌 #am I still going to reblog this? yes! 😆

[beeblackburn]

For the movie asks: 3, 11, 17

Thank you, @smalltownfae!

3. A movie you think is overrated?

Oh, the words I had about Lost in Translation right after watching it? Maybe it was because I was buzzed on an edible, but I absolutely thought that felt really overrated in the watching. Not bad, Johansson and Murray give some top-shelf performances, that choice of ambiguous dialogue at the very end is a great one, and I dig the point of this being a temporal crossroads between one's beginning and one's end, and the alienation behind being alone in a foreign country... but, by god, Japan's way too caricatured in this, especially the "lip my stockings" scene and the bit with the dart guns, and you can tell Sofia Coppola's still a bit inexperienced in not trusting the audience, given the on-the-nose A Soul's Search tape.

It's probably objectively artsy and "good," but compared to Paterson, First Cow, and even The Station Agent, it doesn't do that much for me.

11. A movie you wish you could un-watch?

Before yesterday, Encanto. The songs are catchy, I love the colors and visuals of this movie, Luisa is an all-timer design alone, so that's why I'd purge it and avoid a movie that needed either 10-15 more minutes to pace out the climax better, to prune out a few family members to give more narrative breath to the remaining ones, or turned into a Disney original TV show, an episode focused on a family member.

However, Ghostbusters: Afterlife made a solid case as a movie that I was better off not watching. Maybe I was just in a very tired mood by then, but it just rung as the most cynical "loving" nostalgia-bait cash grab, and that's even before you get into the ethical ramifications of CGI Harold Ramis of it, with a self-defensiveness streak to its jokes and a tepid climax that doesn't rise above the more dynamic middle part of ghostbusting.

17. A movie you never get tired of talking about?

Pig, Pig, Pig, Pig, Pig. Holy shit, Pig is really great.

I could go a lot into Nicholas Cage's acting (just a papered-over, stoic split scar of a man), Alex Wolff's acting (he's great all across, but his last scene is perfect, beautiful and gutting), the forest visuals, the parts' food titles, the way the foodie world there pops alive, the dialogue about the persimmon tree, the palpable grief intertwined with wounded nihilism suffusing the narrative, the restaurant scene, and its entire second half, and what it says about masculinity, prestige, performance, and art. All in a tight about 90 minutes? Hard to believe it's Sarnoski's directorial debut, but easy to believe Cage saying it's his best performance, hands down. There's such lovingly subtle and trusting collection of details for the audience to cotton on, I don't think I can ever shut up about it, given so few people have watched it, compared to Everything Everywhere All at Once.

I hope more people watch it, it's so textured and tender, just an amazing movie.

#movie asks #lost in translation #sofia coppola #pig #michael sarnoski #encanto #jared bush #byron howard #charise castro smith

[beeblackburn]

Movie Ask 🎬🍿

19. A movie you look forward to watching (could be an upcoming release or not)

20. A movie you think looks beautiful.

Thank you, @ladywynne​!

19.  A movie you look forward to watching (could be an upcoming release or not)?

God, so many, my list of A24 movies has drastically ballooned beyond just the company’s lot and expanding onwards. But, if I had to pick one, The Handmaiden because my friend got me the extended cut, with more character moments and more time to breathe, and I heard it’s a hell of a romance film, even on the onset. Sounds like it’ll be a treat! ❤️

20.  A movie you think looks beautiful?

The Green Knight is one of those films that I kick myself for not watching in theatres. It was so gorgeous in 1080p on a laptop screen, just imagining how it would’ve looked in 4K or beyond on the big screen, the visuals, the set design, the costumes, the colors, the cinematography of it... its beauty would’ve snatched my breath away. 🥺

#movie asks #park chan wook #the handmaiden #david lowery #the green knight

[beeblackburn]

Movie asks

Your favorite movie released this year

A movie you think is underrated

A movie you think is overrated

A movie you like but wouldn't recommend

A movie musical you like

A horror movie you like

A sci-fi movie you like

A fantasy movie you like

A movie in your native language you like

A foreign-language movie you like

A movie you wish you could un-watch

A performance you think is underrated

A performance you think is overrated

A movie made better by the ending

A movie ruined by the ending

A trilogy/franchise you like

A movie you never get tired of talking about

A movie you never wanna hear about again

A movie you look forward to watching (could be an upcoming release or not)

A movie you think looks beautiful

A director you think is underrated

A director you think is overrated

An animated movie you like

A silent movie you like

Your favorite movie

Your least favorite movie

#been watching more movies lately so… #👀

[beeblackburn]

Thank you, @bloody-wonder, for the tag!

Rules: List ten books that have stayed with you in some way, don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin

Assassin's Quest by Robin Hobb

The Heroes by Joe Abercrombie

Eragon by Christopher Paolini

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons

Berserk Vol. 6 by Kentaro Miura

Silver Spoon Vol. 4 by Hiromu Arakawa

Liar Game Vol. 4 by Shinobu Kaitani

Beastars Vol. 4 by Paru Itagaki

Tagging @xserpx, @smalltownfae, @xillionart, @cosmosrebellion, @leojurand, and @kateofthecanals.

#book tag #books

[beeblackburn]

Top 5 favourite films?

Thank you, @hiddenlookingglass!

Before I continue, I have to give the obvious caveat that I haven't watched a ton of films, relatively speaking. I think most of these films were watched last year alone. And, making this list, I have to give honorable mentions, because, fuck me, originally this list was seven entries and, short of cheating this ask to write out top seven or ten, it was never going to happen without title-dropping the runner-ups, so here goes:

You Were Never Really Here: Take the premise of John Wick, drain it of all the orchestra and slickness, ground it in broken people, scarred by violence in childhood to adulthood, and polish it off with some of the tightest film editing and sound design in the industry, and you get my unquestionably favorite anti-violence film.

The Final Exit of the Disciples of Ascenscia: A lovely and tragic indie gem of an animated film about a cult, one that finally clicked the appeal of them without diminishing their harm, and one that breaks me in touching on my own questions of loneliness... and whether being in an unhealthy dynamic is better than being alone.

Paddington: The second one is undeniably an even better film, but this one's rain scenes and leisurely narrative feels cozier to me. Whenever I feel like complete dogshit, I rewatch this, because Paddington's charm and earnestness winning over the Browns before realizing he found his family and home with them is hrrgh.

The Green Knight: A visually sumptuous banquet of the senses, trippy and wondrous in how it depicts Gawain's knightly trials, with moral and literary themes that scratch my itches and a fantastic leading actor who carries the film, complete with an ending that brings it all home, landing with such an earned emotional punch.

The Witch: Eggers' mastery at inhabiting the psychological reality of his time periods is impeccable, and it all started with this horror tale of a family plagued by the supernatural outside their walls... and religious anguish and Puritan misogyny among its members. Paired with a hell of an ending and arresting last shot? Delicious.

And, now, onto the proper top five!

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once

Look, is the script overstuffed with exposition about how the multiverse works? Yes. Is it ultimately narratively unwieldly, even faking us out with a false climax, and increasingly uneven to the end? Yes. Are some of the jokes pretty juvenile in the "haha, dildos are funny" realm? Yes. Could it have been more queer? Yes. Is the conclusion a little too tidy and pat, especially for my Chinese childhood abused-ass? Yes, yes, yes. There are definitely fair criticisms that I can agree to, but...

Every time I revisit this film, it wrecks me a whole another way. I never escape this film emotionally unscathed, I philosophically and morally match to it like an alternate version of me jumped into my mind, slipped into my flesh. There are at least five scenes in it that crack me open like a chestnut and I'm left a blubbering mess and astonished at how it manages to tie together all the chaos at the end in such believable catharsis that I can still buy into.

It's still an amazingly-acted film that allows for a rough, unpleasant, and embittered middle-aged female protagonist to lead the events, quite a few ladies dictate and command the plot, and manages to juggle a ton of disparate tones, balancing genuine pathos with bathos, and emotional weight undergirding every bit of silliness and goofy concepts it throws at you. It's still a multiversal familial drama that, at the heart of it, is centered around the experience of what if our first-generation immigrant parents made different choices, that failure can be its own positive experience in a lifetime full of not living up to your parents-demanded potential, and that, in depressive ennui, loneliness, and intense nihilism, all we can do is love, embrace what little joys our speck of lives get, and be there for each other. That, despite the material hardships and pain of a life, our connections still matter enough to keep at it.

It throws the totality of everything beyond the universe at our minds and senses, even down to "talking" rocks and sausage-fingers people, calling to the sheer information overload that most everyone in 2022 felt keenly, acknowledging that it can be such a burden that threatens to hollow us out with existential indifference... and earnestly makes its own case against that. If nothing matters, if all we do and are is worthless in the grander scope of the universe, then these moments we're facing right now, the people in our lives, they matter.

We're not built to attend to everything everywhere all at once. We'll always feel the whisper of what-ifs, the weight of different paths not taken. We might even be useless alone. All we can really do, in the end, is be there for these moments and people around our present. I can't help, but cherish this film on those grounds, but it offered such an awe-inspiring, emotionally resonant experience that it jumps up to my favorite as a result.

2. Pig

How has this masterpiece of a debut, depicting grief, human connection, the heart and art being hollowed by loss and commercial concerns, and masculine vulnerability with such finesse, flown under the radar, nor been nominated for any major accolades? I'm genuinely asking, because, aside from maybe one particular scene that tries to fake us out into thinking it'll become a more conventional John Wickesque revenge thriller, I don't see any crucial flaws that wouldn't warrant it in the discussion as one of 2021's best films. If you haven't yet, treat yourself to one of the best films I've watched.

I watched one of its mid-section scenes, that speech, you know the one if you've watched it, on its own, and wept at the power of its acting, dialogue, and direction by itself. The fact that I still broke down, despite primed, when watching it in the context of the full film should tell you how good Sarnoski's hands are at his first try as director. He brings an intimacy and restraint to the camera in capturing the events in the film, often situating his central characters against the wider scope of his landscapes and environments through a wider lens, showing them as small people against the greater beasts of being scored by grief and loneliness.

Though, given I brought up John Wick, one facet these two share, despite the bait-and-switch of premise, is that almost every character, no matter how minor, has a personality and some texture of history with the protagonist, by direction or sheer acting. Sarnoski just trusts us to infer the weight of history between our characters and, if you want to know how well that approach turns out, Cage's performance should be the clear-cut sign. If you have any doubts of how good Nicholas Cage could be, and trust me, I had a few, this is easily his subtlest, most restrained performance. No signs of a Cage hamfest, this is him at his best and minutely controlled, portraying a stoic man whose hardened demeanor and lack of social graces belies a painful past and years spent in intentional human disconnect.

And how we disconnect from other people bleeds into this narrative, permeates like an unspoken wound that won't scar and heal without proper treatment. Our central characters are haunted by ghosts in the narrative, unable to process what they've lost or reach out to others, for fear of surrendering to the totality of pain from that absence. But there's also disconnect from retreating to what others want, never showing ourselves and only what's acceptable to our social peers, our patrons, or our families, and it costs us piece-by-piece until there's slowly nothing left of us.

And it ends up on an unexpected climax and such a gentle note about masculinity, about how men suffer in trying to bear their griefs stoically, instead of permitting a chink of vulnerability. I dare not spoil more, you have to see it for yourself in how it succeeds in defining its own terms for masculinity and how much emotion cracks through the narrative. It's a film that divulges into the nature of art and food, and how they can bring forth an invitation of connection to others, and it deserves so much consideration and attention, given how much of a powerhouse it is.

3. A Ghost Story

Oh, this sleeper hit of heartache. I knew, going in, that the ending scene would cut to the emotional bone, having checked it out in a clip before, but the knife this slid between my ribs was unexpected in its depth and sharpness, especially given when I watched it. This was after I watched both Pig and The Green Knight, both stellar, emotional films, and while I think Lowery's later work there is better put-together in both pacing and visuals (A Ghost Story absolutely has scenes that drag, and I genuinely think one in particular suffered from overstaying its moment and not fitting Lowery's strengths as a visual/atmospheric director), this touched me so much more in its statement of grief and time.

I've watched enough films to get a decent grasp on my tastes, and its meandering, contemplative, more mundane fares that let scenes breathe in their silence without a quippy aside. This one suffused me in its haunting, contemplative atmosphere from the halfway point, lingering onwards and well after it ended. Lowery's direction is grounded in its intimacy, choosing to focus long stretches on mundanities other directors would've skipped past, as if to say these small moments, daily and common as they are, are what's most important in the grand scope of life and what we focus on, despite the vastness on time upon us all.

And the time spent during grief is where the film guts me in its first half. Going from cozier domesticity, full of lived-in marital discussions and intimacies, to the tangle of strangers sorting through the post-death ceremonies and the silences in the griever's life, booming from the absence of their beloved. Those long, uninterrupted shots, from then on, serve to point out how life persists after our bereavements. There is such attention and empathy to the camera, in how the director wants to show how people cope with grief, how it dogs our every movement, weighs down our limbs, loosens out the tears inside, and make us focus our energies on such simple things like eating food in the dark, to fill the hole our losses leave behind.

But if some trace of us survive as ghosts, upon death, then loss cuts both ways, and it's here that this film truly unmakes me in how it handles grief and remembrance on the ethereal side. Using ghosts as a speculative vehicle, it invites us to see how differently they experience the passage of time, as these beings are temporally untethered, but stay geographically tethered to a particular land. There's such a bitter loneliness to their existences, how being unravaged by time means they are unable to grieve being left alone themselves, they cannot move on by the temporal march by itself.

It's a beautiful, tender film, where centuries can pass by in the blink of a transition, but tiny affections take up whole minutes. A quiet narrative where snapshots of marriage and the tolls of grief take up uninterrupted stretches, letting them sit inside us and linger. A poignant story that ponders, sincerely, if something, anything survives of us after we are gone from this earth, or if we are doomed to have our impact on this mortal plane swept aside and forgotten after we pass away and time moves on from us.

4. The Last Duel

I have a confession: this is my first and, so far, only Ridley Scott joint for various reasons. I don't love R-rated films, I easily get squeamish over live-action gore, and his biggest film and the one most people remember him by was Alien, which wasn't The Thing graphic, but definitely still above my comfort level! So I never touched him for a decade and a half. Now, later, I watched some of the earlier grisly parts of Game of Thrones and found out he directed plenty of period dramas, which was more my speed, and I got the opportunity to check his The Last Duel out with a group viewing. Now, given that preamble, imagine how I felt at its opening scene: a slow-burn of an opening with a lady being dressed before a duel between two men, shot in the same way they are being armored, as if she bears her life as well on the line, and bears witness to two knights charging at each other, before they converge, both hoping to break bones and shed blood.

That, and the subsequent Battle of Limoges, would absolutely impressed onto me that holy shit, Scott directs action in two minutes unquestionably better than some directors do in entire films. He portrays the inherent viciousness, filth, and ferocity of battle in a way that immediately clicked to me as a fan of Joe Abercrombie and a lesser one of Miles Cameron. And armor matters! But that, by itself, wouldn't have made for a favorite of mine. No, it's how this is a proper medieval legal drama with three central, compelling characters at its heart, each explored through a Rashomon-style framing device, and a heartbreakingly timeless message of what a rape victim's choices are in the patriarchy. Does it have its flaws? A few admittedly key ones of editing and dialogue that give away its directorial intent, but nothing so critical to weigh it down from its vaulted highs.

What's amazing about this film, and one of the key things I respect about it as someone who wants to write in that age, is how much, for the majority of its narrative, it is grounded in its medieval realities without turning its characters into anachronic mouthpieces. It has a showcase of warriors scarred and visually worn down by the wars they waged, discusses how the Black Death affected medieval economics and taxes, deals with betrothals and the dowries involved, and how waning wartime fortunes in a lord can sour the pot there, and the turmoil of marriage life, especially how reproductive knowledge intersected with beliefs about rape and love at the time. It admirably enmeshes itself so utterly in the culture of that age, that it's depressing to consider just how much patriarchal culture hasn't changed since then.

And how it divulges into patriarchal culture with nuance, and how women become victimized by it, is so key to making the proceeding duel all the more impactful. Because, as the framing device shows, these men don't come from a vacuum of their medieval culture, their egos and entitlements and self-justifications were shaped by their sexual circumstances and chivalric tales, and there are countless others like them who've done just as bad, if not worse, to others. It's why, even before the duel's outcome is set in stone, the crushing truth of the matter is... no matter the result, at least one individual dies, but the patriarchal apparatus stands, grinding up women in the future as it did the one witnessing the duel.

It's unflinching in its depiction of medieval culture, it's brutal in its violence, both warfare and sexual, and it demands an expectation of ambiguity in the character psychologies and gives no easy answers on how to deal with the patriarchy, especially when, as a lady of the time, you were dependent on the men who uphold it, at the mercy of their actions for your justice. It's why the last third is so harrowing: before the duel, before the trial, even before the incident, countless women went through similar horrors without the spectacle of public scrutiny. The final emotional context leaches the initial excitement when we return to the opening, leaving behind only cold understanding and terrible tension, no matter how much thrilling combat clashes and clangs in the winter air. It's my favorite period drama so far, and I don't expect it to be beat anytime soon.

5. The Secret of Nimh

Another confession: I didn't watch this, front to back, until the 30th Anniversary screening at my local Cineplex theater last year. Not that I didn't love what I saw in clips and pictures, but when the full film was on Youtube when I was in my teens, I neglected to watch it all the way, then it got taken down for a long while. There were other animated films and I didn't relish checking it out in separated clips. So, I knew a bit of what to expect, but boy, this whole film on the big screen was a greater feast for the eyes than any recent Pixar film I checked out. Does it have its problems? Yes, it's definitely narratively uneven, even rushed at times. I do wish some characters got more fleshed out and more time was given to the runtime, as a result. And I can 100% get the criticism of that climax resolution being a deus ex machina, even if I don't agree with it.

But, also, it's fucking The Secret of Nimh. Every frame here feels like it was downloaded from my mind, every sketchy bit of animated linework like it was distilled from my meaty head pulp. Its gothic and dark sci-fi aesthetics are unimpeachable to me, no other animated film comes close to approaching how much I viscerally crave their visual trappings. Say what you will about Bluth, and I certainly have my opinions about his stinkers, but even in them, the man and his team can draw up gorgeous, magical backgrounds and artistry. They're fascinating, lovingly animated and/or goddamn horny messes, bless them. You get a consistent grainy sort of texture in the linework, in the animation models themselves, that I can't help, but always adore with my eyes, hitting a sweet spot with me in this particular feature animation of his.

Even through the more childish trappings like Jeremy and the simplicity of the quest structure, how it balances those with its more heady themes always intrigues me further as an adult, like how we'll uplift our lesser animals before disregarding them, leaving them with the alienation and consequences of those experiments, and how the arrogance and selfishness of humanity manifests in our creations as a result. There's also bits of understated worldbuilding one catches better as an adult, like the fact that the non-Nimh associated female animals have no first names and are surname-defined by species (Auntie Shrew) or by male partner (Mrs. Brisby), suggesting a patriarchal ecological system. And, even before all that, the poignancy of a mother's quest to suck in her fears to protect and save her child from death only enriches with age.

None of this would hit as well, if not for the characters, even the supporting cast being animated to give them such fluid energy and expressive body language in the best of Bluth fashion. Most are dimensional enough in script to make the overall cast a cut above the typical animated fare, even the one-offs or the minor ones that appear in one scene or two. But the crown that completes the jewel of this production is the lead herself, Mrs. Brisby. She's easily one of the best, if not straight-up so, animated protagonists ever. Female leads weren't unknown back then, but mother leads? Almost unheard of, back then. And a huge part of that best status, what cements her place as such is that she's vulnerable throughout the movie. She's just a small mouse in a world full of giants and monsters, and she never fails to be scared at the vastness of the obstacles in her path. Yet, she doesn't whine, nor cower when the chips are down. By all accounts, her storied husband should've been the hero here, carrying out this mission to help cure his child... but he's gone, and Mrs. Brisby has to rise up to the occasion, stir up her courage to go on this sprawling quest, face down horrors and ancients again and again, all for her child. No one expected this of her, and she's always fearful every step of the way, but her conduct always reminds me of the GRRM quote, that being afraid "is the only time a man can be brave," which Mrs. Brisby demonstrates so much, with such earnest vulnerability.

The Secret of Nimh is a lot of things. It's a story about the vastness of the world as a little person in it through the perspective of a mouse, with horrors and monsters beyond your comprehension and understanding. It's a cautionary tale about human hubris towards nature and how our creations risk being condemned by the same flaws we ourselves succumb to. It's a three-way struggle between nature, science, and the unknown beyond our knowing grasp. It's a beautiful series of nature and grotesque sci-fi backgrounds and animation work, through some of the most expressive body language, facial emotions, and voice acting with talking animals, worthy of being Disney's creative challenge at the time, and especially now. It's a dreamy fairy tale narrative, where the hero must undertake a quest for a reward at the end, except this protagonist dwells in the shadow of the hero that should've been. Deep down, at its very beating heart, it's a mother journeying to the ends of her earth to protect and save her child, with fierce fear and clear courage. It's my favorite animated film.

#everything everywhere all at once #pig #a ghost story #the last duel #the secret of nimh #pig 2021 #eeaao #you were never really here #The final exit of the disciples of ascenscia #the green knight #the witch #paddington

[beeblackburn]

📚Bookish Asks📚

📕What book has had the biggest impact on your life, and why? 

📖Do you prefer physical books or e-books? Why? 

📑How do you organize your bookshelves? By genre, author, color, or in a completely unique way? 

🔖What quote from a book resonated with you deeply?

📗Are you a one-book-at-a-time reader, or do you read multiple books simultaneously? 

🧾What fictional world would you love to visit and explore if given the chance? 

📔Which book character do you relate to the most, and why? 

📙What’s your favorite genre to read, and do you have any recommendations within that genre? 

📑Hardcover, paperback, ebook, or audiobook? Which format do you prefer? 

📘Do you have any reading goals for this year? How are you progressing so far?

📖What is your favorite book-to-movie adaptation, and why? 

📚Do you have a go-to reading spot or do you read everywhere?

📕Who is your all-time favorite author, and what makes their writing so special to you? 

🧾What is the most memorable book ending you’ve ever read? Did it leave you satisfied or wanting more? 

📙What book did you initially not enjoy but ended up loving? What changed your perspective? 

📗If you could have a conversation with any author, living or deceased, who would it be and what would you ask them? 

📘Are there any book series that you’ve been meaning to start but haven’t gotten around to yet? Which ones are they? 

📔Do you have any bookish rituals or habits that you follow before, during, or after reading a book?

📚Is there a particular book cover that you find absolutely stunning? Share a picture or describe it! 

🔖Which classic book or author do you think everyone should read at least once in their lifetime, and why?

#HMMM

[beeblackburn]

Top 5 media with trans rep/themes?

Thank you, @xserpx!

Truth be told, this question is actually trickier than you think, because I haven’t read/watched that much medias with explicitly trans rep/themes, I own a lot, but haven’t read them quite yet, and the better stuff I’ve read is sequestered in my writing server via snippets and tidbits from others... or indie/self-published publications and patreons... and, uh, not to oversell my stuff, but my own writing KOFF KOFF.

To be clear, I do have enough to give a list, but given what I’ve heard of Manhunt by Gretchen Felker-Martin (can you believe I bought that damn book six times?) and Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt, this list is liable to change after checking out at least the former.

But without further ado...

Cheer Up! Love and Pompoms by Crystal Frasier and Val Wise - Look, I promise I love pain and violence and self-loathing and feeling like your skin’s a stranger to you, but this was done by a trans writer and artist team and it damn shows. As a whole, it really sings in how the trans experience feels like acceptance in your support network is conditional on how well you act. How well you don’t rock the boat, how well you perform to your preferred gender, and how unstable and insecure you can still be, despite all that and more. It doesn’t wallow in those thorns too long, but in terms of trans rep and theme? It’s my favorite, and it doesn’t hurt that I love the art. 

Tangerine, directed by Sean Baker - If the above was the more optimistic take of trans childhood, this is the poignant, if still playful, reality behind a decent chunk of adult trans womanhood, done with a cheap budget, but with verisimilitude intended. It doesn’t pull punches on how shitty trans sex workers are treated, how they’re objectified and abused, but it still allows them agency and personhood in how they go about the tangle of their professions and personal lives. And, more importantly, it doesn’t pull punches of how fellow trans people can hurt each other through their flaws and bad choices... but doesn’t surrender that they can still offer solidarity when the going gets really tough from systemic transphobia.

A Grisly Communion by N.J. Barna - If the first above was trans experience as childhood joy and love, the second was grounded street-walking reality, this is transcendental body horror. It’s a story that understands following our commonplace religious institutions can give you some degree of safety... but it can’t give you peace of mind, nor body. That the (fat) trans experience is conditional on being useful, on not taking up so much space for threadbare tolerance, and it’ll never be enough, given that fatness intersects upon the transness of it all. So, when unusual idols of worship are offered... we take them, because they, at least, would pay respect to our bodies and grant us the power to be on the other side of being meat from judging eyes.

Boys Run the Riot by Keito Gaku - I really wish this wasn’t cancelled before its time. This manga deserves at least a year’s worth of chapters, being an unconventional look into high school adolescence through a trans man’s pen, and a trans boy’s eyes as he navigates through being closeted in Japanese school culture and masculinity, his love life, and especially his daily choices of fashion, and how he eventually tries to gain more friends and allies through opening himself up... with plenty of teeth in how trans privacy must be respected for their safety, and how influencer culture intersects with gender performance and the need for online cache, with no easy answers there.

Realm of the Elderlings - What Hobb lacks a bit in the full understanding of transgression in the trans experience or culture as a whole, she makes up for in allowing a messiness in individual characterization and having one of the best gender nonconforming characters in all of fantasy. I’m not as crazy about the Fool as some fans, but he’s eminently quotable, layered, complex and messy as hell, and when he talks about love and yearning, such concept of malleable bodies, and how he transgresses cultures with utter confidence in his presentation, it’s enough to make one’s heart swell and ache at how there are not more characters like him in fantasy, for when he speaks of such experiences, it feels like he touches a part of you that transcends the physical.

#cheer up! love and pompoms #tangerine #a grisly communion #boys run the riot #realm of the elderlings #crystal frasier #val wise #sean baker #nj barna #keito gaku #robin hobb

[beeblackburn]

Top 5 blorbos? 💖

Thank you, @xserpx!

FitzChivalry Farseer (Realm of the Elderlings) - One of, if not the best Fantasy Protagonist out there, how I love to bully him for his poor-ass choices and cherish him for his better ones. How I love to peel away at his layers, but also lose my brains to incomprehensible noise at just wanting to slap him and hug him and tell him it's all going to be okay, and he'll have a very unconventional family by his side, beloved by so many he won't let close.

Sansa Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire) - There are literally whole passages and chapters burnt into my brain from how many times I've reread her material. Easily one of my favorite female characters in fantasy, just this excellent, fleshed-out take on this classic princess, stuck in the tower, kept by captors in shining armor or with handsome locks of hair, but never losing her idealism in the face of abuse and adversity behind closed doors. I keep coming back to the series, mostly for her. She's worth it, despite what everyone in her surroundings thinks and says about her.

Vick dan Teufel (The First Law) - My broken sweetheart. This unbelievably tormented soul, broken down by the system grinding her up and feeling the only way to endure the cruelty and trauma done to her is through being the boot against the necks of people like her once, only to still have a flickering flame of humanity deep down. She managed to grip my heart from the get-go, and she never let go as she peeled away more layers of her self-delusion and repression of trauma, only to realize sometimes, all a person can do is not settle for what they're given, and instead reach for what they want. That last line of hers lingers in my heart.

Black Calder (The First Law) - I'm always terminally Black Calder-brain poisoned. I just love the journey he took from being a spoiled twat whose first impulse at being given a message is to cut off the messenger's head and send it back to his comrades, to a slippery schemer snake who slithers across political campfires and battlefields without his head nailed down, yet can't slip past his own heart in the end, to an embittered, yet determined father who'll torch most his ambitions, sell his very soul, just to protect and save his son at the very end.

Geder Palliako (The Dagger and the Coin) - Oh gods, this utter trash baby. I want to slap him and his pathetic flaws, so attuned to fascism and the banality of evil that comes with it, this up-jumped fool elevated to too high a castle in the sky, this fucking warmonger who would murder a political prisoner out of spiteful rage and wage violence in the name of making world peace and not think through the implications. Yet, he's also such a mew-mew, so curious about the world, just wants peace and quiet to read his books, just wants friends and will settle for people who just don't treat him like shit. Both virtues and vices so intertwined in the same person, unable to be divided so finely. Which is what's so great and terrible about him.

#realm of the elderlings #a song of ice and fire #the first law #the age of madness #the dagger and the coin #robin hobb #george rr martin #joe abercrombie #daniel palliako

[beeblackburn]

put “top 5” anything in my ask and i will answer ok go

#hit me up? #gonna give this a try

[beeblackburn]

1, 6, 22 and 31 for the asks? 💖

Thank you, @xserpx!

1. Who is/are your comfort character(s)?

I mean... I'm not sure most of the characters I read/watch are comfort ones in that sense, I think?

FitzChivalry Farseer (Realm of the Elderlings) - He's so stupid, it's almost hilarious. Like, he's a mess, he's a right mess, but I've always found something familiar and comforting in how Fitz navigates his depression, his repressed feelings that spill out into cathartic rage, and yeah, his total fuck-ups, but is capable of still having loved ones, making up for his mistakes, and having a semblance of a life. I don't know, as a fellow depressed person, Fitz gives me a strange hope that life isn't irreversibly broken, no matter the circumstances, even if Hobb's too good a writer to promise an utter happily-ever-after for us.

Stannis Baratheon (A Song of Ice and Fire) - He's also really stupid. This fucking lobster king, so pedantic, teeth-grinding, grudge-gnawing, snappish, and socially awkward. There's a lot of good reasons I latched onto this fool in my teenage years and still find a familiarity to him. That being said, I've always found the man comforting in how... solid he is, past the surface. He's all the above, but he rewards good service, he tries to grow past his grievances, he puts in the work and isn't happy to do it, but he grinds his teeth because someone has to do it. He's a source of stability in an increasingly chaotic narrative.

Sansa Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire) - She used to be so innocent in her outlook, just a child increasingly swept up in the storm of a dark fantasy world's chaos, constantly told she's stupid and foolish for believing in better, and refusing to stoop down to it, despite a Rogues' Gallery of mentors trying to corrupt her towards moral darkness. I'll always take solace in how she keeps such hope and idealism, naïve at first, then fiercely held onto, despite most things that gave her joy now give her nightmares and horrors, still keeping in her heart, All the stories can't be lies.

Legosi (Beastars) - I think it's partly how much I can read neurodivergence in him, but there's some deeply familiar with how much Legosi is a deeply introverted weirdo in his own right. He has his little quirks, he loves to read tragedies, he's got an uncomfortable relationship with his body and self and urges, he fucks up in small and tremendous socially awkward ways, all of which I latch onto. Yet, he is always sincere, he tries to be kindly and meet anyone halfway, even if he's scary and weird by society's definition, and even gets to live a content life after dropping out of high school, as a service worker who enjoys getting to know more experiences past a more societally-acceptable course.

Crown Prince Orso (The Age of Madness) - Yes, even with that trilogy ending. Like, it's Orso! Whenever I read his chapters, I just know I'm in for some depressed thoughts, wry, self-deprecating humor, and him to acknowledge he knows nothing, but by god, he'll try his best. In a world full of traitors, cutthroats, and tyrants, Orso's mostly just a nice, depressed dude who wants to do the right thing, treats those he cherishes with all the affection through the haze of depression, and maybe have a drink or drugs along the way, refreshingly so.

6. Why did you do that?

Honestly, because she probably needed the money more than me, and someone else could also watch really gnarly, sicko movies.

22. What type of person are you?

I mean... a self-deprecating, self-centered, hot-tempered, perfectionistic, paranoid, stubborn, spiteful, envious, petty, grumpy, needy, lazy, and depressed basket case of a person.

On the other hand, I do try to be non-judgmental, thoughtful, generous, curious, loyal, and kind, so.

31. What type of music keeps you grounded?

Judging from my soundcloud's liked songs, I'm drawn to future bass type songs to keep me in that specifically grounded feeling. I've got plenty others I listen to, but a good chunk of songs are meant to give me some ambient noise or enliven me a little in mood.

#weird asks

[beeblackburn]

4, 12, and 34 for the asks! 😸

(What cryptid do you believe in/what kind of day is it/is there a song you know all the words to?)

Thank you, @random-jot!

4. Which cryptyd being do you believe in?

I mean, I actually don't know that many cryptids off the top of my head, for a start. At best, my knowledge is localized to the Loch Ness Monster (would like to believe, but at the sights they've been seen at, I just can't believe a creature of that size could go undetected), Bigfoot (maybe? Most likely, it's just bears or I suspect a North American already shot it dead), and the Yeti (which... I mean, the Himalayas is a pretty remote location and it'd be difficult to get enough aerial cameras to capture every stretch of land to catch it).

So, I guess the closest existing cryptid I believe in is the Yeti.

12. What kind of day is it?

A better day than yesterday, purely by temperature. It felt like early summer went by the past few days, yesterday alone made me melt through my two layers. It was just awful. Also, maybe the day I start on Livia Llewellyn's Furnace. Heard good sick vibes about her writings.

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Every word? Plenty from my teenagehood, actually.

"Maybe" by Sick Puppies

"Tonight" by FM Static

"One Step at a Time" by Jordan Sparks

"Angel with a Shotgun" by The Cab

"I'd Rather Be With You" by Joshua Radin

On general principle, I re-listen to one song for a half-hour or hour on repeat, so I usually can memorize how the song sounds like that, but lyric videos usually help me tremendously more with knowing every words by heart.

#weird asks

[beeblackburn]

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

#:eyes emoji:

[beeblackburn]

#the age of madness#best feeling ever to have a trilogy written by my favourite author that also happens to have some of the most interesting gay rep#i've ever read (via @xserpx)

basically my standards for gay/trans media these days are that it has to be something i'd still enjoy even if none of the characters were gay or trans. bc otherwise the whole thing is a waste of my fucking time. in 2012 i was so starved for gay representation that i'd consume anything that so much as mentioned queerness just to feel less alone but that's not the world we live in anymore and i don't want to go back to that world and i would be miserable continuing to pretend that gayness is the pinnacle of good writing in 2023 it feels so.... gross. i like being spoiled with a rapturous amount of gay content to choose from and plenty of the gay content i DON'T like is beloved by other queer people and i don't have to love every gay narrative or pretend to. so i'm no longer touching any shit that doesn't do the kind of cool storytelling that compels me. i did my years in the trenches.

#joe abercrombie #for a nominally cishet author... #honestly abercrombie's take on queerness is refreshing in a few aspects #having its flaws? of course nothing's perfect #but multiple queer characters with different relationships to their queerness? #showing off how toxic adhering to heteronormative culture is? #showing off the romantic element of queerness? #but also being very upfront and explicit that some of them are banging and enjoy it? #leo dan brock is easily one of two best fantasy queer protagonists in the last decade #and it's barely a contest past the other one leo is leaving so many in the dirt #i mean the age of madness is still great outside of leo's queerness but it's so much better for it

[beeblackburn]

i'm so glad i'm not a teen anymore i'm sorry for teens that you guys still have to do that. whole heartedly prefer the ways my 20s suck to the ways my teen years sucked

#with the caveat that last year sucked in a way #that may have fucked me up irreversibly #and this year hasn't been better at all #and i don't expect it to improve all that much #yeah pretty much! #anyone telling you your teen years will be the best of your life #is a fucking liar #loooved getting abused by family #alienated and bullied in school circles #and punched down by even the educational administration itself #and slammed down by parents for the smallest hint of queerness #hormones and hostile households and alienation and school and ignorance and being condescended to? #and there's a good chance you'll also likely suck in pretentious and cringey ways? #y'all teenagehood fucking sucks all of us are champions for surviving that horror show #i wanna live up to my fat edible-chewing don't-give-a-shit lesbian mess 30s