chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

Punt

Change a single letter and change the word game

I want to play a game with you all.

You have to make a new word by changing only one letter of the last word.

Dirt

#irritatingly i cant move what blog this is on #so it stays on the batman blog oops

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

I SWEAR THIS FUCKING MAN RIGHT HERE

dudes be like the alien guy was hot so pinned him to the fucking floor

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

Alfred, remembering what a little terror Bruce was: Nor I, Sir.

I'm golden-child!Jason and not-even-a-silver-egg!Dick truther for life, and that's so funny.

Bruce is used to the chaos he calls his son, so when Jason actually behave, Bruce is soooo confused.

Like, what do you mean Bruce can tell him to not do something and Jason will??? Obey??? The order??? Dick would never.

Bruce, fully prepared for scandal: You are not allowed to jump from one wardrobe to another, it's dangerous for you.

Little Jason, who has no idea why he should: Ok? I wasn't planning to anyway.

Confused Bruce: You wasn't?

Little Jason who are scared to touch anything here, because it probably costs more than his life: I don't want to ruin the mansion...

More Confused Bruce: You don't?!

Or 

Bruce: so, you are saying that if I tell you to sit in your room and read books, you will really sit in your room and read books?

Little Jason, who has no idea why he shouldn't: Yeah?

Bruce, whispering to Alfred: I didn't know they could do that.

#batfamily #alfred pennyworth #batman #robin #bruce Wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #batfam

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

There are currently ~2300 works in AO3 tagged with "Created Using Generative AI"

I'll be upfront with my opinion, which mirrors my opinion in regards to my field: using AI will only hasten your own obsolescence. The point of fanfiction is not to crank out fics, but rather to enjoy the hobby and communities of writing and fandom.

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

I refuse to let boring, toothless fanon/Cass win, so here is a non-comprehensive list of actual things Cassandra Cain has canonically done: -conquered and lived amongst a pack of wolves -eaten (among other things) the contents of a Gotham City dumpster, a raw cow carcass and the flesh of at least one interdimensional demon -brought down Two-Face's crime ring by stealing all his coins so he couldn't make any decisions -stabbed Rose Wilson in the throat to checkmate Deathstroke -played a game of chicken against Batman, in jets, and WON -broke Stephanie Brown's jaw for trying to stop her digging up a corpse -stopped a murderer's heart for several seconds as a teachable moment -broke the Joker out of Arkham just to kick his ass -threw Dick Grayson out a window for hurting Barbara's feelings

#okay but objectively stealing all of two faces coins is by far the funniest of these #imagine her shaking the bag at him threateningly #like #“well all the coins just flipped so guess you have to do EVERYHING IMMEMDIATELY”

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

When Maddie gave birth to Danny, she gave birth to twins. Unfortunately, one of the nurses didn't think she and Jack were parents material, and faked one of the twins deaths.

It was simple. There was another couple, both who had black hair and blue eyes, who had given birth to a stillborn the other doctors had taken away to attempt to resuscitate. They hadn't succeeded, and they were trying to steady themselves to tell the parents.

One John and Mary Grayson.

The nurse just...waited until the area was clear. All she needed was two minutes, maybe less. She might not have been able to save one of the twins, but this one she could save from being raised by a madwoman.

She swapped the babies.

She then came back with the stillborn and told the Fenton's it was one of the twins, happy and satisfied that she'd saved at least one of them.

John and Mary Grayson were told that their son had started breathing on his own, and that it was a miracle.

No one knew anything, because no one thought to look for anything. The doctors were so relieved that little Richard Grayson was not only alive, but had no neurological complications from lack of oxygen, that they didn't look into it. The Doctors that attended the Fentons were so relieved that the other twin hadn't fallen to SIDS that they, too, did not look into it.

No one told Danny that he'd had a twin in the womb. It didn't seem relevant.

One day, many years later, Dick decides to take an Ancestry test to see how many relatives he has.

John and Mary Grayson are not in the results at all.

#infant death #sids #sudden infant death syndrome #kidnapping #swapped at birth #edited to add tags

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

It's Danny's first time doing his taxes, and he's reaching out to an online friend to help him. This is how he discovers that as far as the rest of the world is concerned, Amity Park is a barely contained zombie outbreak.

He'd made an online friend, Bart, and they played video games a lot.

Danny's fulltime job is inventing alongside his parents, and as that makes him self-employed (he doesn't work for his parents just next to them), this makes his taxes a little...scary. And it's his first tax season.

He reaches out to Bart, and asks if he knows anyone who files as self employed and if they'd be able to give him some guidance.

He can't ask his parents because, apparently, they've just been throwing random numbers on the papers and have no interest in actually doing them. Danny would like to do this properly.

Also he would like to know how his parents haven't been arrested? Questions for later.

So he shoots a message to Bart, who's apparently in the middle of some sort of sleepover with all of his old friends. Bart assures him that it's fine, and they'll all pitch in to help.

They just need to know his city and state so that the nerd of the group, some guy named Tim, can look up local state and city tax law.

When he tells them he's from Amity Park, there's no response for a good ten minutes.

What follows is a barely legible request for a phone number to call, and a group of people on the other side shouting and asking how he's avoided dying in the hellscape zombie apocalypse that is Amity Park.

Danny has no idea what the other shit means, but he's not about to dodge a chance to make a dead joke when he has one.

"I mean. If you wanna get technical, I didn't. Is...that something that'll effect my taxes?"

OR: The GIW has been lying to keep the Justice League and Justice League Dark out of Amity Park by declaring it a Disaster Zone, stating that not only is there massive pollutants in the air and soil, but that the undead run rampant and are barely contained. The wording they use, however, is a little weird upon closer inspection. It never specifies zombie, and it never says what pollutants. Danny's not super interested about that, though; he just wants to pay his taxes so that the IRS doesn't kill him in his sleep.

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

DC X DP PROMPT #4

Danny was one of the people hired to design/build the Watchtower. He got attached to it during this time and the space station is now considered as a part of his haunt.

This is the JLD's first time on the Watchtower, they IMMEDIATLY know what's up.

LJD: did you take a supernatural entities property or something?

LD: what? No! The lights are just like that :)

Danny, still employed on the Watchtower: Space go brrr

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

I feel like this SEVERELY deserves a poll, voting for the least or most normal or more like, everyone has to pick a dish they ACTUALLY eat

Just ooc to see which one of these people eat the most regularly

Batfam's favorite weird food combinations

Dick: *pours orange juice in cereal*

Bette: *cooks oatmeal with egg whites*

Cass: *puts whipped cream in soda*

Jason: *melts chocolate onto bacon*

Steph: *dusts fries with powdered sugar*

Cullen: *eats pickles with peanut butter*

Harper: *spreads the same peanut butter on a burger*

Helena: *wraps melon slices in prosciutto*

Tim: *slathers pizza in ranch*

Luke: *makes tuna salad with fruits*

Damian: *drizzles olive oil on ice cream*

Carrie: *adds chips to a PB&J*

Kate: *sprinkles sugar on tomatoes*

Duke: *buys chili with a cinnamon roll*

Barbara: *dips strawberries in balsamic vinegar*

Selina: *stirs butter into her coffee*

Bruce: *grates cheese on top of apple pie*

Alfred, offended: Who raised you all?

Alfred: *opens a can of beans with his toast*

#its beans on toast #beans on toast is delicious #i honestly dont understand why people are so gorrified by it #especially with grated cheese over the top

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

What if Janet went into Labor with Tim during a Wayne gala and Bruce helped deliver him, but Bruce didn’t realize Tim was the same baby

Until a random stakeout/confrontation with a villain/league meeting, he remembers suddenly and just straight up goes

“I birthed you”

He then starts to think back to all the other women he helped and like...

– Teenage Bruce stopping in the middle of his day to help Mary Grayson call the hospital when her water breaks in public

– His first test of people skills as Batman is looking after Sandra Wu-San, not knowing she'd become Lady Shiva

– A short while later Batman does the same for Sheila Haywood because Willis didn't bother to show up

– Arthur Brown being too absorbed in his scandals and early scheming to be present so Batman swoops in for Crystal

– Then Janet Drake going into labor at a Wayne gala and Bruce helping her through that

– Couple years later, Batman keeping Elaine Thomas company in the twilight hours

– He stops to help Talia amidst a dangerous battle, not knowing the baby is his and her maintaining the secret

– He gets sidetracked on a time travel mission and assists a stranger, not realizing it's Mary Pennyworth

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

DC X DP PROMPT #16

Mr. Lancer is the brother of Lex Luthor. He never really had an eye for business, or invention, or innovation. He just wanted to be a teacher, spread the good word on literature. Which is the whole reason he had changed his name and moved to the middle of nowhere.

He does not appreciate his brother delivering a package in his door. Not delivering it personally, not even sending a physical person to do a drop off. Just a measly note.

'hold onto this for me - L.L.'

What has Lex ever done for him? Nothing, that's what. So Mr. Lancer does the sensible thing. He opens the box to investigate to find - hardened ectoplasm?

Mr. Lancer knows about Danny and co. Au where Kryptonite is just hardened Ecto and is basically rock candy. Lex sends his brother a shit ton of kryptonite for safe keeping thinking 'he lives in the middle of nowhere what's he gonna do with it?' he feeds it to Danny :)

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

Barbara Gordon icons

Please like or reblog if you save <3

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

Witness Protection

There’s a dead guy in the alley and it’s not Danny. 

Ok, technically there are two dead guys in the alley but honestly, Danny feels like they’re way past semantics.

Because, once again, there is a dead man in the alley. 

Danny is fairly sure the guy’s been murdered. The bloody mess that is the guy's chest is a pretty good indicator, but the bloody knife that's still stuck in the guy’s guts is really what makes it for the teen.

Danny might be freaking out a little bit. Because, while he is used to dead people, they’re never this newly deceased, or for that matter, this gruesomely murdered.

Before his breath can quicken too much, Danny makes himself take a deep breath. 

Say what you want about Danny, but he hasn’t spent his high-school career moonlighting as a teenage vigilante without learning a thing or two about staving off a panic attack. Feeling more calm, Danny focuses back on the issue at hand.

I should call the police, says something in the back of his head that sounds like Jazz.

If I call in the murder I’ll be on the suspect list, retorts some other part of his brain he’s choosing to call the Sam part.

No advice from an imaginary Tuck though. Even in his own mind he can’t imagine a Tucker that hasn’t already passed out cold at the sight of a dead guy. 

Which, fair. Danny is kinda considering the option, as he’s feeling a little faint himself. It is way past time he got out of here. At least he's figured out just how to do it.

Anonymous tips are a wonderful thing, made all the more wonderful by the presence of payphones in Gotham.Danny is officially handing this off to the proper authorities.

Boy is he glad he doesn’t have to be involved anymore.

A few streets over, a hooded figure rounds a corner, their breath coming fast  as they clench their bloody fists agitadely. There wasn’t supposed to be anyone there, and yet. This is an unexpected setback.

The hooded figure leans back against the alley wall to catch their breath. Nothing to do about it but fix it. And as these things go, this is an easy mistake to fix. The face of the black-haired blue-eyed hurdle floats to the front of their mind. 

It should be child’s play.

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

Well I mean the sword is ALSO a serial killer so honestly that checks out. People probably shouldn't be so surprised

Anyone who tried to wield the legendary sword would instantly turn to dust. Your country uses this as a method of execution. Little did you know, you were the chosen one it was waiting for.

#shitposting #not batman #not dp related #not dc related

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

Jason using his guns as blunt weapons is so funny like imagine ur getting shot at by the Red Hood, he runs out of ammo, you think you have a chance and he just throws the fucking pistol at you

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

LMAO Jason holding a goon up against a glass display and telling him to be quiet so he can watch the televising of Dick's award ceremony is hilarious, THAT'S HIS BROTHER, YOUR HONOR, NOW SHUT UP HE'S TRYING TO LISTEN

[chewingbatmanlikeasqueakytoy]

I think it’s funny to think that whenever Jason shows up to ANYTHING with a duffle bag the batfamily and co think there could be decapitated heads inside:

Dick: whatcha got there Jason?

Jason: my luggage for the mission??

Dick:

Jason:

Dick:

Jason: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS THERE AREN’T HEADS IN HERE

Dick: THERES ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY

Jason: I HAVEN’T KILLED ANYONE IN MONTHS

Dick: THAT WE KNOW OF

I imagine that then the Justice League becomes weary of Jason with duffle bags due to the bats. So the outlaws could be helping with a mission and:

Superman: Hood if it’s alright we’d like to search your bag?

Red Hood: there’s just my gear inside

Superman: we just want to double check it is your gear…

Red Hood:

Red Hood: not you guys too

Red Hood: THERE AREN’T ANY DECAPITATED HEADS INSIDE

Arsenal: at this point you should just put heads in there.

Red Hood: I’m not trying to get back on the Justice Leagues Wanted list Roy