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choices-and-voices · 9 days

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So I very, very rarely post anything not Choices on this blog. But I just wrote the above Taylor Swift essay, and I’m really proud of it, and the main blog where I first posted it has very few followers. So I thought I would reblog it here just in case anyone is interested. If it’s not your thing, feel free to keep scrolling – but if it is your thing, please feel free to let me know. I could literally talk about The Tortured Poets Department for days 😅

If I had the time, and the resources, I would write an entire PhD about how Taylor Swift’s relationship with her fans has been variably represented through her songs, and how that representation has in turn shaped that relationship. And I have neither of those two things, but I do have the next-best options – a free evening and a Tumblr account. So here we go. As far as I can remember, there are only six songs where Taylor directly addresses her fans: Long Live, mirrorball, Dear Reader, and now But Daddy I Love Him, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? and I Can Do It With a Broken Heart. I could be missing a few, because the woman does have a 20-year career. But even so, I think it’s telling that those are the six songs that come to mind: one huge feel-good ballad released when she first made it really big; then nothing for 10 years; then two quiet songs buried in their respective albums; and then, out of the blue, three loud, unforgettable bops released at the same time. From that alone, it’s pretty clear that Taylor has something that she wants to tell her fans – whether consciously or not, something about her relationship with them is weighing on her mind. And it doesn’t take much to figure out that said relationship is changing.

In Long Live, the fans are addressed mostly as a ‘we’ – a part of a collective that also includes Taylor, her band and her team, all of them with equal status and common goals. ‘Long live the mountains we moved / I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.’ Later, those dragons are further described, are established as factions of the general public whom the fans stand separate from, in opposition to – ‘The cynics were outraged / Saying “this is absurd”.’ Basically, Taylor’s fans are shown to be fighting for her like an army ‘on the history book page’, which is not an uncommon metaphor in pop culture. But this is where things get interesting. Because, although Taylor creates that image of the army, she doesn’t structure it in the traditional way. Her fans are not footsoldiers defending her throne – they too are ‘the kings and the queens’, the ‘heroes’, hearing their names read out and holding up trophies. And because of that – because they stand equal with Taylor – they don’t look up to her even in victory, and she doesn’t claim to be anything more than a member of their bedraggled mob. Even at their pinnacle, all that they are is ‘a band of thieves in ripped-up jeans [who] got to rule the world.’

There’s only one point in Long Live where this total equality fractures – where the ‘we’ splits into a ‘me’ and a ‘you.’ And it’s in the bridge, where, for just a moment, Taylor steps outside of the present – she imagines herself and her fans growing up in the future. ‘Promise me this / That you’ll stand by me forever / But if, God forbid, fate should step in / And force us into a goodbye / If you have children someday / When they point to the pictures / Please tell them my name.’ This is usually the part of the song where you see audiences crying, and it’s easy to tell why – because even when Taylor separates herself from the fans, even when she doesn’t explicitly share her title of ‘queen’ with them, she still portrays them as the ones with the power. She asks them to stand by her, then to remember her. Scratch that, she pleads for them to do it. She’s expressing that she needs her fans, deeply. They’re not looking to her for guidance – it’s the other way around.

Fast forward 12 years, to Dear Reader, and you wonder how the hell did we get here?

Dear Reader is the exact opposite of Long Live. The fans are never part of a ‘we’ – in fact, they don’t play an active role in the song at all. All that they are is an omnipresent but silent entity, the titular ‘readers’, who hover offscreen as Taylor sings verse after verse of advice, then spends the chorus telling them not to follow it. This is Taylor as the long-crowned queen in the history book – the ex-thief, the grown-up revolutionary, who realised at some point that no matter how equally you fought alongside your people, no matter how young and inexperienced you all were, at some point they will need a ruler and then they will all look to you. Inch by inch, you will find yourself climbing up onto the throne, and you will be alone up there. The words you speak will fall down on the subjects sitting by your feet, and their power will be absolute, even when you didn’t mean them that way – even when they don’t have any conscious meaning, are just ‘desperate prayers of a cursed man / spilling out to you for free.’ And in the end – just like before – all you can do to rebalance the power is plead. ‘Darling, darling, please / You wouldn’t take my word for it / If you knew who was talking.’

And of course, this plea is interesting in itself, because it’s also the exact opposite of the plea in Long Live. In Long Live, Taylor is asking her fans to immortalise her in the future, to pass on her identity – the underlying assumption is that they can do this because they were there with her, they know her. But here, Taylor says that her fans wouldn’t listen ‘if they knew who was talking’, which implies – well, they don’t know. They don’t know the person behind the words. Despite all the mountains they moved – all the magic they made. Despite all the games they played together, the secret sessions, the Easter eggs, the friendship bracelets. Despite the songs spilled out like confessions. Despite it, or because of it. They don’t know her. They don’t know Taylor Swift.

In Dear Reader, this concept is portrayed as tragic. There is a lot of sadness in that image of Taylor alone above the crowd, a perceived ‘guiding light’ that is actually so lonely and broken in the way it shines – which is a good segue back to another song on our list, mirrorball. The metaphor there was very similar to in Dear Reader, but the plea Taylor made was more in tune with Long Live – she begged for her fans to keep standing by her, keep listening to her. ‘When they called off the circus, burnt the disco down / When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns / I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything / To keep you looking at me.’ Basically, in mirrorball, she begs her fans to stay with her despite the new gap growing between them; in Dear Reader, she begs them to either take a step back or take a step forward, but not to leave things as they are. And then, we get to the songs of The Tortured Poets Department. And Taylor isn’t begging anymore. If anything, she is screaming.

TTPD was marketed as Taylor’s saddest album, but to me, it’s more obviously her angriest. Rage is not a new concept in her songs, but it’s previously always been directed at very specific people – Kanye West in Look What You Made Me Do, the haters and bigots in You Need to Calm Down, Jake Gyllenhaal in We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together and I Bet You Think About Me and All Too Well (10 Minute Version). Alternatively, it’s been couched in fiction, like how the story of Rebekah Harkness couches mad woman. But in TTPD, there is no couching – the very marketing leans into how personal each song is for Taylor – and nobody is safe. For the first time, Taylor’s fans are not represented as a separate entity protecting her against the rest of the world – they themselves are a part of that roiling mass who she needs protection from. That message becomes very pointed in the third line of But Daddy I Love Him, ‘I just learnt these people only raise you / To cage you.’ That line flags the entire song as directed not towards strangers, but towards the people who have surrounded Taylor since she was 16, who have shaped her career, who claim to care about her – the army of Long Live, the audience of mirrorball, the listeners of Dear Reader. Those people are the ‘Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best / Clutching their pearls, sighing “what a mess.”’ And that makes sense when you remember that it was Taylor’s fans who were most critical of her relationship with Matty Healy, and even with Travis Kelce. But it doesn’t make the song any less uncomfortable to listen to. For the first time, the ‘you’ Taylor is yelling at is actually you, and maybe that’s why she’s so unguarded and vicious in her choice of words – ‘I’ll tell you something right now / I’d rather burn my whole life down / Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.’ It also brings a new dimension to the lyrics ‘Time, doesn’t it give some perspective? / And no, you’re not coming to the wedding’. Because of course, when things are going well in Taylor’s relationships, it’s her fans who want to share in that – her fans who want to hear updates from her, like her social media posts, listen out for wedding bells. And with those lyrics, Taylor’s taking that away from them. No, you don’t get to be there for the good parts. You haven’t earnt it. You didn’t respect me when I needed it. You don’t know me that well.

And that leads, of course, to the ultimate song about Taylor’s fans not knowing her – I Can Do It With a Broken Heart. Arguably, the song doesn’t quite belong on this list, because Taylor never directly addresses her fans either as a ‘you’ or as a ‘we’. But that’s telling in itself, because it’s a song where the fans play an active role in the narrative, and yet where they only appear as a foreign, menacing entity – the crowd that sees Taylor’s ‘broken pieces shattered’ and responds by chanting “more.” There’s been a lot of debate online about whether this song will ever be performed live, and personally, I think that it’ll be just too uncomfortable an experience. Because this song is mirrorball without the plea in it. This song is so self-reflexive, its light burns your eyes. Every single syllable of this song is designed to say what you see is not who I am, and you don’t know me, and what you think is love is killing me. And how can a crowd cheer during a performance when that’s what their cheering means? I love you, you’re falling apart for me. I love you, it’s ruining your life. Of course, the song was written about a very specific time in Taylor’s life, and I think that’s worth emphasising for every song on this list – they all capture a specific moment, immortalise a specific emotion like fixing a bug in amber, whereas in real life, emotions come and go. The fact that Taylor felt like this about her fans at one stage doesn’t mean she always feels Iike this about them. The fact that she was hurt and furious doesn’t mean she can’t also be grateful and warm. But what angry songs do is disrupt the assumption that everything’s okay, form a crack in the glass, introduce doubt behind every smile. You only need to see through someone once to never take them at face value again. And when that experience is immortalised in a song, it’s even harder to forget it. What angry songs do is become self-fulfilling prophecies, echoing in the fans’ heads every time they see Taylor until eventually, some distrust is inevitable. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing – to be more aware of how the mirrorball turns, the illusion of light, the real person underneath. But it’s a change. It’s a change, and even by singing about it, Taylor is ironically making it happen.

Which that brings us, finally, to possibly the angriest song Taylor’s ever written – the last song I’m going to be talking about, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? At first glance, this song isn’t necessarily directed at Taylor’s fans. It reuses a lot of imagery from my tears ricochet and mad woman, and it’s easy to write it off as also being about Big Machine Records or her detractors in the general public. But some of the lyrics in the bridge are very, very telling. The most obvious is ‘Put narcotics into all of my songs / And that’s why you’re still singing along.’ Then there are all the veiled references to obsessive people trying to get closer than they should be, closer than any stranger is allowed – ‘So all you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs,’ ‘I’ll sue you if you step on my lawn.’ Elsewhere in the song, we also see the circus imagery of mirrorball turned threatening – ‘I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean’ – and the opening lines of But Daddy I Love Him come back, ‘You caged me and then you called me crazy / I am what I am because you trained me.’ This song has all the evolving messages about Taylor’s fans rolled into one – you don’t know me, you don’t own me, you’re ruining my life, you have no right to criticise. And then, for the first time, she says it in black-and-white – ‘You hurt me.’ No metaphors. No frills. It’s only three words, but it says volumes – You hurt me. You were meant to be on my side. We were meant to be fighting together. But, somehow, we’ve been split apart. You broke the promise I asked of you when I was 19 years old. You turned on me. And it hurts.

TTPD is an incredibly, incredibly angry album. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? is an incredibly, incredibly angry song. But they are also both incredibly, incredibly sad. Taylor sings ‘You should be [afraid of me]’, when, 15 years earlier, she was singing ‘I’m not afraid / We will be remembered.’ And yes, a song is just a moment in time, but a series of songs – that’s a story. It’s a life. You can play through Taylor Swift’s discography, and you’ll hear the story of a 16-year-old girl whose trust was slowly destroyed. Sure, that might be the story of most 16-year-old girls. But most of them don’t go through it in the public eye. Most of them don’t have to balance being honest against perpetuating the cycle. And most of them listen to sad songs to get them through, instead of being the one putting those sad songs out into the world. ‘You don’t get to tell me about sad,’ Taylor sings, because of course she does. We don’t have to tell her about sad. For our generation, she is one of the people who defined what it means.

~~~

(Disclaimer: This essay is not intended to deal with the actual content of any criticism Taylor received from her fans, or the question of whether that criticism was justified. I’m leaving that discourse to other people. My aim was just to explore how Taylor’s writing about her fans has changed over time, and what that tells us about their relationship and her career as a whole).

#not choices #music #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #long live #mirrorball #dear reader #but daddy i love him #who’s afraid of little old me?#fandom essay #original post

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choices-and-voices · 16 days

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😍🥹😭

I forgot to mention, chapter 3 is posted! And now with art by @artbyamara!

#this fic has my entire heart #playchoices #choices: stories you play #the cursed heart #tch book 2 #tch alternate ending #fanfic #longclaw tch #radiance tch

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choices-and-voices · 23 days

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*cries in I miss The Cursed Heart so much* 😭

fairytales which tell you to be both kind and clever fairytales that say to be kind is to be clever and to be clever is to be kind fairytales that say the cleverest thing you can ever do is choose kindness and that cruelty or thoughtlessness are always foolish but not kindness never kindness

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #the cursed heart #fandom essay

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choices-and-voices · 1 month

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So we’ve now made it to Chapter 3 of The Deadliest Game, and the two main questions raised by The Deadliest Gambit have both been answered: we know the truth about Nick & Farah’s double life, and we know the life-changing secret that Nick was planning to reveal at the party. Those were the two leads that I thought might be pointing us in a ‘Nick Faked His Own Death’ direction, and now that we have alternative explanations for both of them… I’m starting to seriously doubt that he’s still alive after all. Honestly, the scene in the cool room probably should have crushed my hopes a lot sooner, but I am nothing if not an optimist and I wanted so, so badly for our MC to see him again. Now, it feels like experiencing his death for a second time, and I am still bizarrely emotionally invested in it all. If The Unexpected Heiress had given me this much to grieve about Amelia, I probably would have dissolved into tears by Chapter 2 😢

(Also, it’s kinda early for predictions, but – just putting it out there, the two people I’m most suspicious of right now are Pete and Liz. In Pete’s case, it’s because he also works for Whoosh, and therefore he has more to lose from this deal than just Nick’s inheritance + he’s more likely to have heard about the deal from someone in the company, eg. via them answering one of the ten thousand emails that everyone teases him about sending every day. In Liz’s case, it’s because she works directly for Nick, and therefore she’s definitely out of a job if Nick gives away all his funds – she even skirts around the issue in her interrogation, when she says that she’d never hurt Nick because he’s ‘the entire reason [she has] healthcare.’ Plus, we already know that Liz knew about the deal beforehand – Nick gave her relevant documents to mail on in The Deadliest Gambit – and her alibi is that he ‘asked [her] to take care of a work thing’ just before he died, despite him making a huge deal earlier in the night about how Liz & Jun were off the clock. Idk, it just doesn’t stack up to me, and that could just be due to sloppy writing on PB’s part but it could also be deliberate. I’m really, really excited to see where things go next, if only because it means that Nick Gallant gets closer to the vengeance he deserves 😭).

It has occurred to me that I should add a final comment to my last post about Nick Gallant. Firstly, I want to note that I actually really like Dante Valdez – I know he’s the book’s ‘preferred’ LI, and often that puts me off, but in this case he comes off as very sincere and hard-working and I think he’d be a great fit for my MC. I am 100% planning to romance him. Secondly, I have wondered whether this is going to be a Veil of Secrets-esque situation, where Nick is eventually revealed to be a) still alive, b) no longer in a viable relationship with Angelina (PB is already hinting at that much), and c) actually a last-minute love interest. And if that ends up being the case? My MC is gonna have a big, big decision to make.

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #the deadliest game #nick gallant #fandom essay #original post

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choices-and-voices · 1 month

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Aaaah this is so incredible!!! The writing and the art!!! I immediately hit that AO3 Subscribe button, cannot wait for more 😍

Title: A Heavy Burden to Bear

Rating: T

Summary: Kieran isn't able to break Ella's curse as easily as he'd hoped. After they use her powers to defeat Opulence and regain balance in the realm, he is plagued with guilt and despair at seeing his love live without a heart. They embark on a quest to discover how to break her curse. And in so doing, find secrets long hidden that might at last grant him a way to never live a day without her again.

My attempt to give The Cursed Heart series a more satisfactory ending. This will pick up during Chapter 15 and diverge from there.

Artwork by the amazing @artbyamara, who has awesomely volunteered to create art to accompany this fic!!

Read the first two chapters on Ao3!

#seriously #check this fic out #it’s probably the best Choices fic i’ve ever read #playchoices #choices: stories you play #the cursed heart #tch book 2 #tch alternate ending #prince kieran #jack tch #fanfic

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choices-and-voices · 1 month

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#what can I say #I’m a total sucker for childhood friends to lovers #it’s not that I don’t love MC & Nick as a bromance as well #but I really would have to think about it very hard 😅#playchoices #choices: stories you play #the deadliest game #nick gallant #original post

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choices-and-voices · 1 month

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Okay, I’m just gonna come out and say it: I have never been as sad about the death of a Chapter 1 murder victim as I am about Nick Gallant. The man got literally 12 minutes of screentime and yet has already been established as the most cinnamon of rolls. Scratch that, he still has cinnamon being added to his roll from beyond the grave, and I just –

I mean –

All I can say is, 😭😭😭

#look #i know there will definitely be more to Nick than what meets the eye #and i know that he’s a billionaire and that level of wealth necessarily carries some moral ambiguity #but still… he is so so sweet and he radiates so so much love #and watching his friends grieve him is breaking my heart #playchoices #choices: stories you play #the deadliest game #nick gallant #dante valdez #jun seong #screenshots #original post

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choices-and-voices · 1 month

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That's what my life in the palace 𝒘𝒂𝒔

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #blades of light & shadow #blades of light and shadow #aerin valleros #fanart

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choices-and-voices · 2 months

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Aaaah I love this instalment almost more than the last one! That moment where Kieran says that no, he is not selfless, but he is choosing to do this for Jack and Ella – that feels like such an important part of the overall message of the series, and it was captured in just two lines. Amazing 😍😍😍

WIP Wednesday

More Jack/Kieran conversation!!

Please forgive my verbosity haha (this is so long omg it needs editing)

Jack stares at Kieran, uncomprehending and wary.

“I could hate you for all you’ve done,” Kieran begins. “In fact, I wish that I could. It would be far, far easier to hate you. To condemn you, kill you, and feel vindicated, without ever having to accept the truth. Instead, I must confront the facts. I must acknowledge that, despite the abhorrent actions you took, the offenses you committed against me...they were not entirely unwarranted. Your crimes deserve punishment – for the murder of my most beloved knight, whose innocence and lifetime of dedication to my family demands I bring his spirit justice. But I will not kill you, Jack. There must be peace between our peoples, at long last, and killing you would only continue a destructive cycle. For the sake of everyone I love and have ever loved, I am compelled to make this right. Somehow, we must find a way to change things. And I can’t do that without you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re their leader. They will follow you, Jack. I’ve seen them. Few mortals would find the bravery to invade the Moon Court without such a general at their head. Your people will not trust me, and, I admit, they have no reason to. But your job is not finished. Join your army with my cause, and let us together take down Opulence.”

Jack makes a face toward Ella, her aura of magic softened - but still evident. “You have your super-charged mortal weapon right there. Use it. Use her. No army of mine can compare.”

Kieran resists the urge to bristle at the dehumanization. He’s angry, lashing out like a wounded animal. Trying to inflict any wound he can.

Kieran knew exactly how that felt.

He took a moment to ensure his voice was calm, no to rise to Jack’s bait. “Perhaps Ella’s magic is enough to take back the Sources - but she is still just one person. And this fight concerns us all.”

“No,” Jack says immediately. “They’ve suffered enough under my command. I won’t lead them into certain death.”

“I can’t die,” Ella interjects, making them both turn to look at her. Her arms crossed in front of her, she looks haughty, almost bored. “I’m not Fae. No weapon can stop me. Let me lead them.”

Kieran can’t help but flinch at how eagerly she jumps to violence, remembering her callous disregard for life on either side of the battle, destroying everything without restraint.

That is not my Ella. That is a stranger wearing her face.

“Ella,” Kieran says, unable to bare looking at her. “Could you give me a moment alone with Jack, please?”

“Suit yourself. I’ll be outside the door. If you try anything, Jack–”

“He won’t,” Kieran assures them both, locking eyes with Jack. Ella leaves, closing the door behind her.

Jack’s gaze fits uncomfortably to Kieran, and somehow, without knowing this man – without knowing he ever existed until a scant time ago – there is something of an aching familiarity, pulled deep from the recesses of his heart and memory. To look upon someone of his own blood, when he thought he never would do such a thing again…

“Why did you do that?”

“To gain your trust. At the moment, Ella is not herself, and her magic is more than both of us combined. This is between us - let us stand on equal ground and speak man to man. Without my secret weapon.” Kieran sighs audibly, hating himself, hating what he knows he must do. “I look at you, Jack…and I cannot help but see the resemblances between us. Had our fates been reversed, I very well may have followed the same path you forged that found us here today. I would feel the need to make others suffer the way I have suffered. You’ve committed a grievous wound to me, and it’s one that will not heal quickly, if it ever shall. But…I look at you and I see our mother’s eyes. I see a man who should have grown up beside me…who should have been my brother. I see many wrongs that can never be put right.”

Kieran is surprised at how much the urge to pummel Jack lessens as he speaks. Whatever spirit of grace Ella had infused in him was still at work, even now that her own merciful heart was gone.

Jack sucks in a pained breath, and Kieran falters only briefly at the glimpse of this alternate life that flashes before his eyes. He had never once aired these thoughts, not even to Ella. Had scarcely allowed himself to entertain the idealistic imaginings that he should have long since outgrown.

But he couldn’t help picturing what childhood might have been like, trailing in the footsteps of an elder brother. Someone he could have looked up to and admired. Who could have given him advice. Been there beside him, as a comfort, a guide. Perhaps it would have been Jack learning swordplay with Sir Monty, Jack laughing as he bested his teacher for the first time, with a friendly rivalry.

The path of those thoughts was a downward spiral, too painful to continue. Kieran quickly pulled himself away before it drowned him.

Even now, looking into Jack’s eyes, still so full of suspicion and an unwillingness to surrender, Kieran can see the young man Jack once was, and know that he would have idolized these same traits in his elder brother. This strength, bravery, and determination.

Kieran has to force away the emotion in his voice. “I spent a long century cursed and alone, Jack. I pushed away, or frightened away, everyone but Longclaw and Sir Montgomery. Until Ella came along, it was a century empty of love or hope. And now, knowing that all along, you were experiencing the same? It fills me with grief. But I was given a second chance, and it changed everything. Tis only fair I offer you the same. You should have been allowed to grow up a prince. To be welcomed home to your…family.”

I wouldn’t have been alone. Neither of us would have been alone.

It would have caused no end of scandal, Kieran knew, if he had known of Jack and welcomed him into his court. It might have even sparked a way between the courts. But there was a part of Kieran that wished it could have happened. He would have fought that battle if it meant none of the rest of this had ever happened.

Jack’s throat bobs on a swallow. He says nothing for a moment, then… “You can’t tell me a halfling bastard would have been allowed to become a prince of Fae. And if my parents had stayed together in defiance of the Sun Court, you would not have been born.”

Kieran grimaces. Jack isn’t wrong. The most likely outcome, if Jack’s father and their mother ran off together with the infant Jack, all three of them would be dead now, and Kieran would have never existed.

“I’d like to believe we could have changed things, given time. The crown grants many privileges of rule. Once my mother was gone…Well. We can’t say what might have been. But I wish I had known. I would have sought you myself. All of this could have been avoided.”

Jack’s mouth screws up into a petulant frown, and he crosses his arms over his chest. “Really?. What would you have done, Night Prince? Welcomed me to sit on the throne? Given over your crown, and shared dominion over half of the realm?”

Kieran feels the urge to rip out his hair. “Gods, you are infuriating. Now I see what my parents had to endure with me. Jack, listen to me, damn you. I am offering to share that power now.”

If anything, Jack’s suspicious eyes only narrow more.

“You have shown yourself a good leader – I’ve seen how you take care of your people, not risking their lives unnecessarily. You’ve managed to take down both courts with an army of mortals, something that has never been done since their creation. I have no choice but to respect that. And what Fae remain will have no choice but respect you. Or fear you.”

“So you wish to install me as a puppet to pacify the unwashed masses? I set out to destroy the courts, not join them!”

“You set out to save your father, Jack. Perhaps abolishing the courts was simply a convenient bonus, and I understand why. But the courts were formed because Fae are too powerful to exist without laws governing their behavior. So consider that in order to gain something out of all of this disastrous mess, you may have to compromise a little.”

Jack glares at Kieran, but he’s no longer arguing. Which meant he was listening, at long last.

“I want mortals to have a place in the future of this realm. I want this realm to have a future. The responsibility of these lands has rested on my shoulders since I was old enough to stand.” Kieran glares. “This goes against my nature, I hope you appreciate that. If we had met a year ago, things would have been very different - but I am a changed man. I owe many things to Ella, but most of all I have learned to admit when I am wrong. Here and now, Jack, I offer the hand of peace. And with it, an offering to change centuries of injustice.”

Jack stares at him in disbelief. “I don’t believe a word of this.”

“I do not lie,” Kieran hisses, insulted. “A tyrant now holds all the power of Fae. That is your fault. We are going to win it back, or die trying. Join me. Take the first step in showing that Fae and changeling need not be enemies. For whatever it may be worth, coming from a crownless, mortal, powerless prince – I’m offering you a chance to help shape the world we rebuild from the ashes into something better. For us all.”

There is no lessening of Jack’s suspicion. “If I refuse, are you going to let your consort kill me? What strange curse have you put upon her to make her so powerful?”

“I did nothing,” Kieran growls. “Ella made the only choice she thought could save the ones she loves - from you. She sacrificed her heart to gain magic no mortal was meant to possess, and it stole away everything that she was.”

Jack’s eyes went wide. “She used the mortality cure.”

“It is no cure. It is a curse,” Kieran tells Jack viciously, who glares back, unrepentant. “It stole Ella away from me and made her empty. And it would have done the same to your father. No magic can stave off death forever. But my Ella would not want you to die. And in her stead, I must do what she would have wanted.”

Jack doesn’t fully believe him, Kieran can tell. But he’s beginning to.

“Help me fix this,” Kieran urges.

“You acknowledge the world can’t return to what it was?” Jack asks, venom in his voice. “I won’t help you return Fae to power while mortals beg for scraps.”

“You did a fairly thorough job of dismantling the Sun Court,” Kieran muses. “So I imagine the world cannot return to what it was, no matter what happens next. But the magic of Fae must always be held in balance. Someone must be strong enough to hold the key to the sources of magic, and willing to keep unruly Fae in line by whatever means necessary.”

“So you propose yourself for the role, I assume?” Jack sneers. “Trading one tyrant for another.”

“No,” Kieran snaps, insulted. “I propose we return to the Moon Palace to reunite with whoever is left. And that we all work together to determine what our shared future will look like. We aren’t bound by the constraints of the past any longer. None remain who installed those unequal structures of power. I’m offering you a chance no other Fae has ever offered a mortal, let alone a changeling, to influence what comes next.”

Jack’s eyes widen slightly, a flash of surprise. “You want credit for doing the bare minimum? Why would any Fae ever give up one iota of their power? Let alone a prince?” He sneers the word with derision.

Kieran’s irritation flares, and he tamps it down with some effort. “Because despite what you may believe, I have known what it means to suffer. In fact I have known little else. I have watched every last member of my family die at the hands of those who professed peace, until I alone was left to defend and uphold my court. I have been betrayed and cursed heartless by someone I believed to love me, forced to roam the night as a thoughtless beast for a hundred years, unable to feel love or happiness. I offer this because you are the last of my blood, and you too have suffered unjustly. Because I have found peace in the love of a mortal, and I must save her from this curse. Because I tire of pain. I have had my fill of it. And I’m not the only one.”

Kieran glances behind him, where Ella has gone. Despair spins into a whirlpool inside him at how empty Ella's eyes have become, knowing she won't be there to give them the advice he needs. He turns back to Jack, who at long last has the decent to look shaken. “I’m tired, Jack. I’m tired of losing those I love. Aren’t you?”

Instead of answering, Jack looks toward his father’s body, and he squeezes his eyes closed.

Kieran softens his voice. “More than vengeance, more than anything, what I want now is to create a world in which these things cannot happen to another generation.”

“The selfless Fae prince,” Jack scoffs bitterly, not looking at him. There's tears in his voice. “Such an unlikely choice of hero for this fairy tale.”

Kieran, fed up, grabs Jack and hauls him to his feet, forcing him to look Kieran in the eye. “Do not mistake me: I am a selfish man. I am not merciful or kind. But while my Ella cannot be…” Kieran closes his eyes briefly, trying to remember her smile. “Then I must be both, for her sake. The reason you are still alive is not because I lack magic, but because I choose to break this cycle. You may be stronger than most mortals, but even without my magic, you are no match for me."

Jack glares and bristles, an argument ready in his mouth. Kieran can see it, and the beast in him roars its ugly head and dares him to say it, wants the fight, wants to be justified in venting his rage with fists and more pointless bloodshed that would solve nothing.

Instead, Kieran lets go of Jack, and steps away. “You don't trust me; that's fine. I wouldn't trust me, either. But you must decide if your cause is worth more than your ego. For I will create a new world from the ashes of what you have destroyed. I will move heaven and earth, do whatever must be done, because I wish to finally know what it is to live in peace. I want to know what it is to have hope in a better future. And I want to love my Ella as well and as long as fate grants us. It is not only for our mother’s sake that I spare your life, but mine as well. I do not want to live a life chained to hatred and vengeance any longer. I want to learn what it’s like to have a brother, to create a new kind of family. I want to live my life with a clear conscience. The question is…do you?”

Jack’s lips part, as if he means to speak, but no words come out. He pushes himself away from the wall, his legs trembling.

“It seems I am not the only stubborn, foolishly idealistic one in this room.” Jack’s eyes move to his father’s deathbed once more. He’s exhausted, wounded, weakened. There is blood pooling where he fell. And yet he sets his jaw and thrusts out his hand. “This will not be easy. Even with your secret weapon. Even if we best Opulence, the rest of Fae will fight you tooth and nail. They will resist any attempts at change.”

Kieran can’t help but smirk. “I know my countrymen perhaps better than you, Jack. But I am their prince. And they will bow when I tell them to.”

“With that kind of confidence…” Jack coughs, hacking and wet, blood in his teeth. Kieran had wounded him perhaps worse than Jack had let on. “What could possibly go wrong?”

Kieran allows himself a smile. “My thoughts exactly.”

"That world you describe…” Jack begins, his voice choking only a little. “It's something my father always hoped to live long enough to see. Perhaps...perhaps we can yet fulfill his dream. I think I owe him...that much."

Jack's shaking hand takes hold of Kieran’s, and the brothers touch for the first time in peace instead of in violence.

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #the cursed heart #tch book 2 #tch alternate ending #prince kieran #jack tch #fanfic

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Quotes from Kieran that straight-up sound like Shakespearean love poetry: a comprehensive list

‘None may touch me. None but you.’

‘What is left of my heart belongs to you. When you leave, it will shatter anew.’

‘Tell me I did not hurt you.’

‘How am I expected to pass another century without the taste of you on my tongue?’

‘After so many decades spent hating each sunset, knowing nightfall would take my freedom from me... I began to yearn for the moonrise instead of cursing it. Because dreams of you might be waiting on the other side.’

‘I would rather be cursed to roam the wilds as a beast every night than live endless lifetimes without you.’

‘Wherever it is that souls may go, you will find mine waiting for you at the end of all things.’

‘You shall pay dearly for every spilled drop of her blood.’

‘I was not lying. Were you?’

‘Just this once, beloved... I wish you could not lie.’

‘You hold all of my heart, beloved. Now, and always.’

‘I would make and unmake the world for you, beloved.’

‘Believe me when I say I want every part of you. Every version. Now and future.’

‘Look, beloved. Your skin is a canvas covered in stars.’

‘If I were you, I would begin by thanking her and throw yourself on her continued mercy. Because you’ll get none from me.’

‘What would be the point of immortality without you?’

‘No magic. Like an everyday mortal.’

‘Insult her again, and I will carve my refusal into your flesh, so that you may never forget it.’

‘I don’t care what your title is. Every breath, every beat of my heart belongs to you. You are mine for life.’

‘Thank you… for sharing the sky with me.’

‘If you lay a single hand on her, there will be nothing left of this place but a hole in the ground.’

‘Let us live in this moment long enough that I may love you the way you deserve.’

‘I will let nothing separate us… I shall always find you. Your heart calls to mine in a language beyond words.’

‘For you I would set worlds aflame, tear the sun and moon from the sky. I did not live before I met you.’

‘Perhaps you are the most courageous of all, for choosing to live among us. A mortal among gods.’

‘Welcome home, beloved.’

‘You helped me find peace in my grief. I will always help you find peace in yours.’

‘You sacrifice too much for me, beloved.’

‘I cannot give you my heart. It already belongs to someone else.’

‘There will always be tasks vying for our attention. But you are more important to me than any of them.’

‘I like being in here. I always want you to have the freedom of a place to call your own… and it means everything, that you welcome me in.’

(And finally, BONUS: Quotes from *other* characters in The Cursed Heart that straight-up sound like Shakespearean poetry, because the writers of this book just do. not. rest.)

‘I know you. I’m not afraid.’

‘I love him so terribly, it hurts.’

‘You are so much stronger than you know. And a love as strong as this is worth fighting for.’

‘Even if you kill me, I’m glad I met you. Because you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. And I will love you until my very last breath.’

‘The world is rarely gentle to those who are so kind. It is you who must be the strongest of all.’

‘What do you want with that cursed thing?’ / ‘To cut the Sun and the Moon from the sky.’

‘Anything here that wishes to eat me had best prepare to choke.’

‘I know you. And I love you. Both your darkness and your light.’

‘You are everything I want. Just you. Just like this.’

‘If love could forestall death, we would all be immortal.’

‘All stories end. Even ours. That’s what makes them beautiful.’

‘I don’t care where I sleep, so long as it’s beside you.’