i love how the cw’s supernatural handles addiction. they’re like the mark of cain is alcoholism and that is bad because it makes you angry and violence. but regular alcoholism is cool and masculine and we will glorify that for some reason.
“I’d starved my spirit nearly to death in my addiction—given it no faith, denied it all forms of grace. And I’m not talking about religion. I’m talking about the spiritual sustenance that comes from caring relationships with others, fulfilling emotional experiences, wonder at the goodness of the world. These are things that feed the soul. And I had not fed mine in years.”
— Sane: Mental Illness, Addiction, and the 12 Steps, Marya Hornbacher
thinking about sam and richard siken “do we simply stare at what’s horrible and forgive it?” thinking about sam as a vessel and sam in the cage “here is the river, and here is the box, and here are / the monsters we put in the box to test our strength / against” but before that thinking about sam unclenching his fist in swan song and “I wanted to hurt you / but the victory is that I could not stomach it”
“Families will not be broken. Curse and expel them, send their children wandering, drown them in floods and fires, and old women will make songs of all these sorrows and sit on the porch and sing them on mild evenings.”
feeling dean emotions. part of parentification is the choice. responsibility is left at the table and you pick it up. you want to, who else will, you don’t have to. every day you make the choice. you pick up the responsibility. sometimes people do this and they just do what needs done and move on but sometimes people get attached. you’ve done everything for this kid. you love him. you have to justify it, the choice. even if you blame your parents, even if they ask you to pick it up, you have to justify the choice and what easier way is there than making it part of you. the choice gets easier every day and it gets harder. by picking it up you notice all the dirt under it, all the strings attached, the box you hadn’t seen earlier. you have to throw your all in it, it has to be meaningful. if i am not meaningful for my ability to make sure my brother eats breakfast, then what am i doing it for. even without a john winchester in your life to tell you take care of sammy, the kid is right there. how can you not. how could you ever not. (anne carson voice) where can i put it down. how do you justify your every choice, every trait that makes up your self perception, once you put it down? dean never leaves his family, he never chooses to put it down. even when there isn’t a box, sammy is all grown up, (mitski voice) he doesn’t know what to do without it he doesn’t know where to put his hands. he can’t close the chapter. he can’t put it down. he was forced to choose parentification until it was all he could and dean should have gotten to decide to move on.
(via <a href="https://fluoresensitive.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">fluoresensitive</a>)Cain killed Abel, and the blood cried out from the ground—a story so sad that even God took notice of it.
are you taking about schizophrenia: the bearded lady disease by j. m ichael mahoney?? where he mentions how hamilton was throwing himself at burr to shoot because he wanted dick so bad?? if yes that’s what I found
Pet peeve is [character eats something foreign and says it’s delicious only to find out it’s some type of organ food and spit it out in disgust]
“This is delicious!” “Thank you, it’s pigs intestines/cow kidneys / tongue” “OH EW YUCK” like who gives a fuck, if it’s good I’m eating it, you’re weak and the winter will take you
i am, sadly, not immune to tiktok Hair Hacks™ so i’m trying the fermented rice water thing on my hair and it does smell like puke. like idk about the effectiveness yet, but it does smell and look like watered down bile
