Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
In an interview with, David Karp (Tumblr's founder) admitted, "Being on computers all the time makes me feel gross."
Trending Blogs
#story time

Me: Does anyone know what an errand is?

Kindergartener: *raises their hand, super excited*

Me: Yes?

Kindergartener: It means you’re going to go buy groceries!

Me: That’s right! Errands are house chores that you do away from home, such as going to the bank or buying groceries, like you said.

Kindergartener: :D

7 notes

Ok speaking of cats, Abel watched me sit down on the couch and IMMEDIATELY jumped onto my lap to cuddle. He’s content with purring himself to sleep rn as I type this w his face buried into my shirt

4 notes

So this is my dog- quick story time.

So basically as cute as she is- she’s incredibly dumb: I’ll explain why. Her paws have started to get swollen so she’s licking them causing the hair to come off. To stop that we had to put on cone on her and she absolutely hates the sound of the Velcro. So yesterday when I was taking it off she tried to run away cause she didn’t wanna hear the Velcro and ended up banging into the sofa. I know this doesn’t sound funny but it was HILARIOUS. Ugh why am I even posting this- I need a life

0 notes

Story time reminiscing 🤣

I had an issue with my boiler, and British Gas had to come out, so this dude turns up and does the job then asked if he could use my toilet before he left, I said

Yeah mate, go ahead”

thinking he was probably gonna have a quick piss…This FUCKING man had a massive shit in my bathroom, and stank out my fuckin house, because he didn’t even open the window or clean his fuckin skids…

And when he finished he came downstairs, and we were talking in the hallway and he ABSOLUTELY knew I could smell his fuckin shit..And it was really fuckin awkward.


4 notes

“Supper Arrives” from The Wind In the Willows

By Chris Dunn Illustration

2 notes

Love with Fire

Tw: TT characters, sex

Keep reading

5 notes

Tumblr, I’m a romantic. I want all the cliché moments. I want my man to come home and light a fire in me. Kissing me and pushing me into a wall. He’d pick me up nad carry me to the bedroom still kissing me the whole time. Very slowly and gently he’d lay me down and kiss his way down my body as we undressed each other. I want all of the romantic moments. I want flowers and romantic dates. Cute pictures together. Surprise moments.

And I’m also a little drunk which makes me even more sappy than I normally am. Ugh.


1 notes

prompt by @write-it-motherfuckers

Prompt: The song of the day is: Man or a Monster (feat. Zayde Wølf) -by- Sam TinneszThe challenge is to write something based off of this song, be it the name, the lyrics, or the tune itself. Let your imagination go wild and see where the music takes you.

Fic: The man tested the knot that bound his hands to the post, the same knot he had seen bind so many before. It held fast. He looked on at the crowd within the village square as the shouted and threw rotten food towards him. 

“Matthias Ericson,” the priest spoke from in front of the crowd. The voice brought the Matthias’s attention to the priest.

“You are found guilty of the unholy murder of Christ’s children. The account follows. The murder and mutilation of Henry Smith. The gruesome beheading of his children Liam and Caden. And the murder of his wife Annette. Before God, you are found guilty of witchcraft, black magic, and conspiracy with the Devil. Confess your sins before this servant of the Lord and you will be redeemed at your death,” the priest continued.

“I confess nothing. I am not guilty of witchery nor of the use of black magic, only the use of the gifts given to me by the Almighty. Before God I have not consorted with the Devil. Nor am I guilty of murder but the just killing of a heathen family responsible for the deaths of innocent travelers on the road, demons in human form bound to the service of the Lord’s enemy. In that I am guilty,” Matthias responded. He turned his head towards the sky. 

“You were seen in unholy form, taking the shape of a devil. You are bound here covered in blood. Repent now of your sins and your soul may yet be saved,” said the priest.

Matthias continued to look upwards and ignored his words. Ignored the shouts from the crowd as they stared at him. Stared at his naked body, hands and arms covered in red stain and splatter across his chest. 

The priest signaled for the pyre to be lit and a fire ignited at Matthias feet. He brought his attention back to the priest.

“All of you,” he spoke to the priest and to the crowd. “Each of you stood by as these demons acted in your midst. You call me a murderer, unholy, a servant of the Devil. What were they?” The fire began to lick at his skin. “What are you for allowing such things?”

The fire engulfed his legs and he cried out throwing back his head. His scream let loose into the air and grew higher and higher in pitch until it was a shriek, louder than the wind. Black hands crept out of Matthias mouth, their long slender fingers resting around his mouth. A dark being of hardened shadow crawled out of Matthias shell as his body turned itself inside out becoming this new creature.

Its hands were loose of the binding though it still stood within the flame. It directed all of its attention at the priest as the crowd screamed in fear and ran. The priest tripped over his feet in shock, falling into the dust. As the creature approached him, it spoke through rattling breaths as if its chest were collapsed.

“Tell me priest. What sins have you? What unholiness have you?”

One sentence could still be heard amidst the screaming.

“He that is without sin.”

1 notes

This is more traumatizing than embarrassing but back in high school, I had been studying and preparing for the ACT like crazy

I went it to take my test and the moment I sat down to take the first portion of the test, my period decided it was time so I started getting some of the worst cramps of my life, I’m talking I could barely concentrate while reading a simple sentence (luckily I had a panty liner so I wasn’t worried about the floodgates opening and drowning my seat or smt)

Well I trotted through the reading and math section anyway with the cramps getting progressively worse, so bad I was getting so naseous, and then the freaking test teacher opens up their McDonald’s lunch and oh my god, I had to ask to go to the restroom and I spent like most my essay time throwing up and in tears by the toilet seat because I was certain I was going to do awful and the cramps wouldn’t stop, a poor girl came in and probably heard me crying and just walked out lol

Eventually I went back, finished my really crappy essay, finished the test, left and called my mom crying to pick me up, worst testing experience of my life 😩

I still got my highest score on it out of all the times I took it somehow!? Idk what happened, I think my survival instincts kicked in

3 notes

i remember the first time i learned about toy doctors. i was around 5 and my sister’s rumplebear(some weird koala/bear/sloth stuffed), well he wasn’t in good shape. i thought he was dying. at the time, my grandfather had skin cancer and i was learning all about doctors and how they might be scary, but they are there to help(when i found out about angels of death i was very, very surprised and a little betrayed). so i ask my ma if there were doctors for things that aren’t people. she told me about vets, who help cats(my sister was allergic and i was convinced cats were a myth from egyptian mythology), dogs(i was terrified of them and with good reason), and other types of animals. i nodded and asked about things that aren’t alive, do they have doctors? she told me about mechanics, who fix cars and trains and planes, so we can go places. she told me about scientists, who are trying to fix so, so many things and hopefully make them better. she told me about people who write in the language of computer’s minds, fixing any little glitch. she told me about poets, who heal themselves and others with every language in the world. and finally i got impatient. i can’t use the computer so why would i need to know about it’s fixers? i already spoke spanish and english, if i want to be a writer will i have to learn more?? no, that’s not what i needed. so i asked my ma if there were toy doctors. she told me that we’d find out together. so we went to the library and googled it. i very, very carefully wrote down the number to the website we found and we went home to use the landline. i had never used the phone before so i was excited and nervous. i practiced what i would say over and over as the phone rang, but when it was picked up and the other side said, “hello?” i panicked and blurted out, “rumplebear is dying and i’m not a toy doctor. i’m not a doctor at all! i’m FIVE.” there was a chuckle through the line, then, “well, tell me what’s wrong and i’ll walk your through how to help him.” so i told her how his stuffing was all in his rump and there was nothing left in his bear. i told her how his eyes were fading and how his fur was dirty. she asked to speak to my mother. i handed her the phone. the two spoke for a while before my mother handed me the phone and i heard the voice say, “alright kid, are you ready to become a toy doctor?” to make an even longer story short, my mother and i went to the store for surgery tools(stuffing, sharpies, and gentle laundry soap) then we performed the surgery(we gave him a bath, ma cut his seams around his shoulders, i put the new stuffing in, i “helped” her sew him back up, and she drew new eyes over his old ones.). when my sister got home she cried. i was very proud of being the family’s first toy doctor for about a week until i discovered that there was a job that included digging up dead things like dinosaurs

4 notes

The music faded in my thoughts.I missed the steps, I dropped your hand, we weren’t dancing anymore.

Your look weaker than a whisper.

The story was over, that was the moment I knew. I stepped back, I ran away, you didn’t try to stop me.

4 notes

i’ve been thinking about this recently and something really strange and probably some kind of pre-emptive mental illness shit ngl, but when i was younger (like 6-11 or something) i used to go to church with my parents, and after one time there i went home and decided that would be the end of my problems.

so any time i got anxious or thought something would go wrong or hated myself (yes fun childhood ik) i would ‘pray’ to god to fix it…

i’d say (in my head usually) : if i tap this wall 20 times in this exact place and count them, do you PROMISE i won’t be so weird? if i count the tiles on the ceiling at school right and get the correct number do you GUARANTEE i wont be ugly when i’m older?

so yeah i’m guessing anyone reading this is thinking wtf she’s crazy that’s not how god works… but i really thought it was. i really thought that if i walked exactly 17 steps from my kitchen to my room my brother would never die even when he was old or that leaving half my sandwich would ensure that any future pet i got would never be stolen.

I’m not a christian anymore but over the last few months and years as my ed has developed, i’ve found myself doing it again… i can’t explain it at all. let me repeat. I DONT EVEN BELIEVE IN GOD and yet i’m doing these things.

so yeah in conclusion my brain is much more messed up than i thought and if anyone has any idea what the heck this is can you let me know lol i’m really confused right now

0 notes

I played scrabble with my family today and let me tell you, it was DRAMATIC

In the 2nd round, I got a Q. This would’ve been fine but throughout the ENTIRE GAME I never got a SINGLE U

Near the end of the game, everyone was making Q jokes and getting pretty anxious, waiting for the high-scoring Q word “Make sure your turn is QUICK”  “Oh, don’t make any QUESTIONABLE decisions”


My parents get pretty competitive about scrabble. 

1 notes

They say you will always remember your first kiss, your first sex, first love.

I don’t.

I just know I fell in love at the age of four. It lasted about 2 years and then I fell in love again.

I know when and with whom I had my first sex. But I don’t remember details. I don’t know if I even liked it. The one thing I remember - there were fireworks. Real fireworks.

First kiss. I don’t remember even when and with whom. It was wet and warm. Still can’t kiss. So I guess we know why I bite and leave marks.

I failed to remember all my first times. Oh well😏

2 notes

I can’t come, I’m doing Depressed Girl Shit *plays Omori all day until my eyes hurt too much to stay open*

21 notes

Mic has 3 jobs and Aizawa has 2 jobs. With mic and aizawa’s schedule they have no time for each other or their relationship. Theres no texting, no calling, no kisses, and little talking. They both dearly miss each others company but they cant do anything about it. Until…

                                      Monday, December 3rd, 11:58 pm

Aizawa walks in, breathing in the air of their warm home. He strips off his extra layers, turns on the heater, and walks to the calander to cross off another tiring day. He crosses of the day, looks over at the next day and sighs. The door opens and mic runs in and struggles to close the door as the icy cold wind keeps it open. Aizawa runs over to help him and together they close the door. Mic smiles at his husband. “Thanks sho! Whew! Its crazy cold out there. Maybe we will get snowed in!” Mic suggests trying to catch up with his husband who is already down the hall getting ready to brush his teeth and go to bed. “Don’t be silly, Mic. Even if we did we’d have to find a way to get out because we have work in..” Aizawa pauses checks his watch and sighs, “4 hours…”. The blonde rubs the back of his neck. I want to have a good relationship with Shouta…but he doesn’t even say my real name anymore. Maybe we just need an off day! No shouta wouldn’t take a day off…I cant do anything..Maybe we should just break up theres no point in- Mic’s thoughts get cut of when the clock dings, signaling that it was midnight and they both only had 3 hours left to get any sleep before their long day tommorow. Mic changes out of his clothes and makes his way into bed, where shouta is already laying. Mic moves his arm around aizawa, his throws his arm back at mic and turns over. Mic, defeated, closes his eyes and falls asleep.

                                  Tuesday, December 4th, 4:00 am

RINGGGGGG! The couple get up and groan, unhappy to wake up. After getting dressed they open the door and snow falls in by their feet. A thick, hard wall of snow blocks their doorway, windows, and any other exits that lead outside. Aizawa, not wanting to be late, tries plowing his way through. Nothing. Mic tries. Nothing. Aizawa gets a message at the same time as mic. Its from the groupchat of pro heros and teachers. Nezu: Due to all the snow from the blizzard, the entire town is closing everything for the day, which means you all must stay home until further notice. Thank you, Princaple Nezu. Mic cant help but smiling. He looks over at aizawa who sighs and almost smiles until he realizes mic is staring at him and he turns away. “ I guess that means we’re stuck together until “further notice”~” Mic smirks  and lifts up his boyfriends chin, who looks like he just got blessed by a unicorn, blush spreading across his face. He hadn’t been flirted with in years. “Y-yeah whatever!” Aizawa looks away still completely flustered. “Aww did I pitch a nerve?” Mic says, trying one last time to get his boyfriend’s attention, he lifts up his face again and gets close. “Will this make up for it?~” Aizawa couldn’t move. He wanted this affection for so long. Now he’s getting it and he doesnt know what to do. Should I be stubborn or just let him kiss me. And if I let him kiss me should I kiss him back? I dont- Aizawa’s body moves without thinking. He grabs mics face softly and kisses him before mic could get the chance. Mic deepens the kiss. He couldn’t believe his boyfriend just took the lead. Aizawa pulls away after realizing what he just did. “I-im so sorry I didnt-” Mic pushes aizawa on the couch harshly, cutting aizawa off. Did I anger him by kissing him?! Aizawa backs off to the corner of the couch and mic hovers over him. “You made a mistake taking charge sho~ Lets see if you can keep that up when I’m done with you~” Mic smirks as he removes his own jacket and tosses it on the ground. 

After that night, mic and aizawa made sure to make time for each other. And on lunch breaks they would text each other and call. Before leaving the house they flirt and kiss each other goodbye.

1 notes

I have 2 cats, and when I vacuum, my Russian blue mix (Medusa) creeps around the sides of the room wherever the vacuum isn’t until she can escape to another part of the house. but my little calico, Ophelia, finds a place to hunker down, even if she isn’t actually hidden, and she just won’t move at all for the longest time unless the vacuum is like right next to her. which was pretty funny today when, 20 minutes after the vacuum was put away, I was going to fold up a blanket on the couch. only when I lifted it, I found her still hiding. like, “oh, excuse me, miss.” and back the blanket goes.

20 notes