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#story time

Story time

There’s this guy I’m friends with, we hung out recently and hooked up where he made the first move and now he’s stopped talking to me and it kinda hurts? Because I thought we were friends dude? or did I not tell you that I wasn’t gonna look for extra meaning in the hookup and was completely okay it being a one time thing.

Long story short, my feelings are kind of hurt because we were friends and all, and now he’s avoiding me and I don’t like it. I did try to go back to how we were but he’s not behaving the same and has stopped messaging me completely now. I don’t know what to do guys

😒😞 this is not fun at all

Any advice?

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If you ever feel bad about yourself just remember that on the first day of school my freshman year I was sitting next to this kid I started talking to during band and the band director was talking about filling out forms and stuff and the kid mentioned something about “what if you don’t have a mom,” and I assumed it was hypothetical and that he was trying to make a joke so I went along with it and said something along the lines of “write bro she fuckin ded where the signature should be,” and he said “actually she went to prison.”

Somehow he’s now my best friend??

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I refamiliarized myself with the ‘Liang Zhu’ epic love story: families don’t approve, boy dies from heartbreak, girl goes to his grave on her wedding day, and then the usual–grave opens up, girl jumps in, boy and girl turn into butterflies to live happily ever after together as insects. The Chinese Romeo and Juliet.
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I’d like to share something connected to Plague Pestilence Parasite, now that it’s all published and public.

This whole project actually stemmed from a nightmare that I had late-October/early November (around the time I finished the Spooky Scary Spellbook). I had planned to make an herbalists guide next to explore plants based on region and use. But this nightmare qas so vivid thst I couldnt ignore it.

I was wandering through a desolate medieval town that looked like it had been pillaged, making my way towards a tower visible above the buildings. The wizard’s tower. I entered and it was full of corpses twisted in horrible ways and darkened from time (thank goodness I can never smell in my dreams). I made my way up to the wizard’s lab and confronted him. He appeared normal until he moved. He stepped forward and about collapsed. And then he began to melt in a very specific way, as if an illusion had been removed and his body was just barely being held together. And then he actually collapsed in front of me, and there was no sound but I could hear it from the way it looked. Like breaking a well roasted turkey bone. And then I ran from the tower into the city, chased by more rotting people. I didnt wake up until I knew I’d gotten cut up badly enough that I was sure I was infected.

That’s the origin if the disease in there called “dermakasis”. Originally, it was supposed to be called “Carthasomasis” in reference to its origin in a dream and my attributing the name “Carth” to the wizard.

When people tell you to follow your dreams, sometimes this is what they mean.

Other entries in the compendium are based in nightmares as well, but this was the most vivid. And it still bothers me months later.

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“Shipping” is such a common term now used by literally everyone, including my mother, but I remember back in 2014 middle school me tried to explain what it was to my mom, and she said in a very serious voice “You don’t do that though, right??”

And I began to SWEAT because I was like?? Yeah?? I definitely do??

And she was like “Don’t let your father hear that you ship people.”

And to this day I have no fucking clue what she thought it meant.

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Story time! Mi ansiedad y el chavo que me gusta.

No se como poner esto en una oración que se entienda así que aquí les va todo mi drama de la ultima semana con el chavo que me gusta.

Andaba bien ansiosa con el chavo que me gusta porque se tardaba un buen en contestarme y yo creía que lo molestaba o algo por el estilo. De hecho, hice algunos post de eso, los dejo aquí, aquí y aquí como referencia.

So. hable con mis amigas y decidí que iba a decirle que me gustaba y si me rechazaba pues no era tan grave, o sea nada mas me gustaba (aun me gusta btw) tampoco era que estuviera enamorada o algo super intenso.

La cosa es que me arme de valor y cuando me contesto el ultimo mensaje que le mande (literal mas de 24 horas después) le solté todo.

  • Adjuntaría los SS, pero nel, que vergüenza, aunque es mas flojera que otra cosa 

Obviamente me dijo que no sentía lo mismo que yo y le dije que no importaba, que lo entendía pero aun quería ser su amiga porque la neta me cae muy bien. El me dijo que si podíamos ser amigos, se disculpo por contestarme cada mil años y pues.

Lo irónico de todo esto es que si pensé que ahi iba a quedar todo, que ya no me iba a hablar o a responder los mensajes y la neta me dije que era lo mejor, lo que no me esperaba era:

  1. Que me siguiera respondiendo
  2. Me contesta mas rápido que antes
  3. Ahora puedo hablarle sin que la ansiedad me consuma

Mentiría si digo que después de todo esto no guardo esperanza de que nos conozcamos mas y quizá pase algo, pero también soy consiente de que es poco probable. 

En fin, esa es mi historia con el chavo que me gusta. 

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My centaur legs swollen with an aching, cramping pain thats embedded in them. My limbs are so strong but still so weak from not resting. I am trying to run away from reality as I scribble that in my journal while riding along a long path of despair. Galloping for a solid 4 months. My nomadic Sagittarius behavior could not endure the negative in this situation so I continued running. My moon in the 8th house causes me to be hidden from the world but still so sensitive as my pisces rests in that house. “You can’t run away forever!” A stern tone of voice from a messenger rings in my ear repeatedly during my journey. Suddently I hear a crack. I automatically realized I broke my legs. Without hesitation my whole body drifts to the surface of the road. Scraping my human skin leaving an opening to my flesh. I am no longer filled with positive energy. Only negative fire spears through my organs. Causing a never ending trail of damage. A sorrow in my spirit. A sorrow I did not want that I did not deserve! However, I could no longer run. I glare up. Barely able to make anything out of my eyes since it’s filled with the water element dripping down my human face as an attempt to cool me down. A reminder again that I’m not immortal and that I’m not invincible. I start to make something out. An olive tree. I haven’t seen that olive tree for quite some months. Athena watching over my shoulder. Summoning herself in different forms. Trying to help me without telling me it’s time to move on. Even in a form of a messenger.. I am lying on the ground half human half centaur causing quite a stare. Weakened and unable to move. The towns people ran to help me. Although I felt attacked by their stares of my deformed broken legs and blood gashing from my body. They still proceeded to help me. At first I fought back. “No let me be!” But with dedication and energy of the 3 water elements. They would not stop for their hearts craved their natural behavior of being caring and nurturing. “Deception is life. Learn and move on. It’s going to be okay. It was their lost not yours. The grieving process is suppose to be over with. Accept what happened and move on saggie.” You have broken down in front of us. You have to rest you must heal. We can help heal you 50% by cooling your negative fire with our soothing presence of water but, the rest you have to heal by yourself in isolation. After hearing the last of theirs words. I passed out. Alone again. But this time I was happy. Everything was positive. The sun shined so brightly. It caused my energy and positive fire to replenish. I decided to rest in that town and interact with the people. I met 3 people. 2 of them sent by the love planet Venus. A different feeling I thought I lost.. Positivity filled the dream. It was a graduation outside near a few trees. My graduation. Olive trees. It’s time to stop grieving and move forward. Perhaps it’s telling me here let me show you better people, a better environment. You thought that, that was the best person but that Sagittarius man was tainted with a negative fire. It’s good that you left. Not everyone is like that. Keep positive. Be patient. Be loving. I agreed ending with an Okay. I see 111 on the clock. Then it zooms in. Snap. A screenshot taken. I close my eyes smiling and shout “love” that was the affirmation I chose. How interesting.. I’ve been hiding and killing that word in my head for these past 4 months. Waking up from my rest. My eyes are as clear as a non polluted sky. I notice two rose quartz nearby shining, glaring at me. I am feeling better now. I am able to smile. I am able to love. I am able to improve. I am able to move my legs. They are no longer broken.. The heart tree that I planted has grown. My heart is restored. I am no longer a prisoner in my own mind.

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Today I have decided to share with everyone how my family does jewelry, with many pictures missing because yeah.. I am pulling up photos of my wedding necklace. Also I live in an apartment, and it would be very dangerous to do lost wax casting here.

First, you need a design. I decided to do a stylized butterfly, something that has a lot of different meanings for me.

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There was a lot of designs and sketches, which I do not have anymore. I like to use graph paper cause I think it is better for design, especially if you want to make something symmetrical.  I decided on the left side, so that it was a bit shorter to work better with my dress.

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I asked my Dad to make it, since I wanted something he made for me to wear on my wedding. Here is a first draft where we tried to figure out the issues of the design. Dad though of doing a more floating stone, but that it ended up not working out too well. The stones would have to have a ‘cage’ around them, and Dad felt they they would not be that secure, especially the top stone. So on to phase 2.

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This is pink wax we use for larger pieces. Our base, it is soft, moldable, easy to melt, but not Too Soft. Dad likes to cut out items with the paper on top, though I prefer the wax above the paper, especially since I like more finicky designs. Notice how I have not made much.

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The stone is a bit more guarded but something was still wrong, I wanted a more straight edge on the top.

Also notice the blue was around the stone. It is a harder wax that can come in wax wires, such as seen in the first draft of the necklace, blocks for carving, and many more varieties. It is more brittle than the pink wax and perfect for forming harder structures that you don’t want to mess with.

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Like that.

After that, Dad kinda got secretive and didn’t let me know what was up.  So I shall describe the process below.

Once you are happy with your wax you have to make a sprew base, basically a channel to allow your molten metal to flow into the mold. Then you put in in a steel cylinder and pour in a plaster like mixture (I am not sure what) and let it set. Then you place that in the burnout oven to, well, burn out the wax. You basically vaporize it. It is Very Very freaking hot.

Once you remove it from the burnout oven you take your preferred metal and pour it into your mold while it is on an air compressor to basically suck the metal down to fill the mold completely. While the metal is still very hot you plunge it into a bucket of water and let the plaster basically explode underwater.

Once the metal is cool, you remove it and trim off the sprew base. You grind it down along with any other bits you don’t want there and polish it up!

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And here is the final design. Dad actually decided to inlay the stones a bit, to keep them flush with the wings, which resulted in an overall thicker necklace but a nicer overall affect. It also better secured the stones so that they wouldn’t come loose. The stones are actually four natural sapphires that my grandmother, my father, and I found in Phillipsburg, Montana. My Dad cut them himself, which is another thing I requested. I hope to pass this down to my children and my children’s children as a family heirloom. Something that incorporates 3 generations of my family.

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Since y’all love animal crossing now I can finally tell this story. I got animal crossing wild world for Christmas when I was 10 and I was so obsessed that I got my whole family sucked into it; everyone had their own DS and their own cartridge, and 2 nights a week we’d all play together in mine or my brothers town after dinner.

The one night we decided to mix it up and visit my dads town, we found it completely covered in turnips. There was literally no square inch of usable ground with no turnips on it. And none of them were rotten, so they were no more than a few days old. My dad had a million bells before any of us because he played the turnip stock market for hours every week without us knowing. And he worked 9 hours a day on the air force base creating educational programs for satellite teams or something (I was 10 I never really listened well) so I have no clue where he found time to do this. He had a room in his house that had a royal throne, a computer, and of course, turnips

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okay, so once upon a time, when I was a lil kid, we lived in the country.

we were heading to church (about a 10 minute drive), and I was thinking about a book I just read about a penguin and people painting their houses random colors.

so I came up with something I thought would be cool, (and at the time I thought the word only meant ‘happy’) I said to my parents, “when I grow up, I’m going to paint my house BRIGHT and GAY colors!!”

well, dad almost ran the car off the road. here we were, heading to church, all nicely dressed, and his kid says they want to paint their house with gay colors.

dad pulled the car to a stop at the side of the road, and of course I had no idea what my parents were so upset about. they explained what 'gay’ meant, and I corrected myself to 'bright and happy colors’.

years later, I get older, learn more, realize I’m lgbt+, and now I consider what I said as a good thing. (although, if I ever do get a house, it will stay as normal colors)

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The Story of The Red Hood

@lilacsandorangeblossoms (if you’re confused why I tagged you read the group chat messages)

(A/N): this is something I wrote a long time ago but didn’t post because I felt like it was too unfactual. This is my version of Jason’s backstory.

Jason telling his story on BuzzFeed Unsolved channel anonymously, not even the staff knew who he was. It was just audio and they put a few diagrams in the actual video to make it better.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“I’m The Red Hood and this is my story. I lived in Crime Alley which was formally known as Park Row in downtown Gotham. It’s the hood or ghetto whatever you call it, there was a lot of projects around there, we lived in some but they have since been knocked down. My earliest memories are of my mom and dad arguing, a lot of times it would end in physical violence against me and my mom. My dad was a piece of shit to keep it short. He was a drug dealer and alcoholic, my mom ended up getting addicted to what he sold. I don’t know what type because I was 4 when I noticed she was changing. It was pills of some sort.

So it was a repeat of yelling, beatings, going hungry and mom being high for about 2 years. One thing is my dad was a drug dealer but he wasn’t a good one. It ended when my father got arrested and sentenced for a very long time. I was 6 and all I knew was that he was gone and that maybe things would get better, but they didn’t. My mom didn’t have a job and I was basically keeping us both alive at the age of 6. I knew how the hood worked, people out there were the only people I’d ever known. So I somehow kept us alive for another year and a half. Until one day I came home from school because I was in school at this time, can’t tell you how I got there. But I called out for my mom and she didn’t answer, I assumed she was high again so I searched the apartment and found her on the bathroom floor. She OD’d while I was at school, she was cold so she’d been there for awhile. So I called the ambulance and gave them the address then hung up.

I already knew I didn’t want to be in the system or an orphanage so I grabbed some stuff in a little backpack and left. I’d rather be a street kid then in the corrupt system. I was a smart kid, I knew not to get mixed up in gangs and drugs. I was about to turn 8 when I first got on the streets. It was rough, I was already small and malnourished because we were broke and didn’t eat often. After the first few months of being on the streets I had to prepare for winter and Gotham winter’s are no joke. But I found out my dad was killed in prison, I wasn’t upset, he deserved it after everything he’d done to people including me and my mom. But that meant I was the last of my family, I didn’t know my Grandparents and I’m pretty sure my parents didn’t have siblings so I had nobody left.

So I was on the streets for just over 2 years. The streets were probably better then my home with my mom and dad to be completely honest. One night I was in an alley and I saw the batmobile, I saw his wheels and in my head I was literally like "those will go for a lotta money down at the shop”. So I started taking the wheels off, I got one off and was going to go for the other one but there was a deep voice behind me that said “what are you doing?”. I turned and Batman was behind me and in my 10 year old brain I thought I was dead because he looked scary. I grabbed the tire iron I had and hit him in the gut to try and get away but it didn’t work. I tried to apologise but he didn’t let me and just asked a question “are you hungry?” Is what he asked me. I nodded and he took me to get burgers and we ate at a random place. He gave me a place to stay and it was scary at first because I didn’t think I could trust him. I found out who he was, obviously I can’t tell you that information, and I got even more skeptical about him. But he ended up adopting me and those first 3 and a half years were amazing.

I became the second Robin at age 12, I was trained by him and he was the father I never had. I truly considered him my dad, still do but don’t tell him that. His somewhat dad was there too and he is like a Grandfather to me, he is the only other person in that family I will admit I love with all my heart. We call him Agent A. He’s awesome. But everything went kinda bad when I turned 14 and was starting to see more of the shitty things people do. I got to reckless and if anyone knows that Batman or any other hero, unless they’re like me, they have a strict no killing rule. So it got close many times with me, Batman and I started arguing a lot. It drove our relationship apart and he benched me from being Robin. So I wasn’t allowed to patrol or do missions anymore because I was getting to reckless.

I didn’t have anything to do and I don’t exactly remember how I found this out but at 15 I found out my mom was alive and in Ethiopia. My mom who was dead wasn’t my actual mom, she was just my dad’s wife but she took care of me when she could. Before all the drugs, I mean I don’t remember much but I have a few memories of her being a mom to me. So it was a complete shock to find out that my mom wasn’t really my mom and that my real mom was in Ethiopia. So I told Bats and he said he knew so we got into another fight. So I did probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I decided I would go to Ethiopia by myself so I did. How I got there and what I did when I got there isn’t important.

I found my mom and went to her. It was good for a few hours then the Joker showed up. I was familiar with the Joker because I was Robin, I knew how crazy he was. So I was trying to protect my mom but she stabbed me in the back like a lot of people have. She was working with Joker and basically lead me to him. This is where my story gets really complicated. We both ended up tied up in a warehouse with him beating us with a crowbar. Mostly me because he wanted to teach Batman a lesson. I was going through this for months, I was in the middle of a warehouse being beaten to death with my mom by a deranged clown with a crowbar. He killed my mom at some point then he left the warehouse one day because he knew Batman was close. He told me to tell Batman ‘hi’ but he knew I wasn’t going to make it to then. I tried to get the door open but he locked it on his way out and as I leaned up against it I saw the bomb. I knew I wasn’t gonna make it and I didn’t.

I know that’s very confusing and the only way you’ll understand is if you listen. The bomb went off and it burned for a few seconds but then it was cold and peaceful. You’re at peace and it’s nice, especially if you had such a life as I had. But it didn’t last long to me, it lasted for what felt like a few minutes before I woke up underground. I was dead for 6 months, no pulse, no heart beat, I had an autopsy, I still have the scar. I woke up in my coffin at 16, I was calling for Batman but by his real name. I realized no one was coming and I freaked out and clawed my way out of the coffin. I wasn’t all the way there, I was dead for 6 months so I had a good bit of brain damage and don’t remember much from after I dug myself out of the coffin except that I broke a couple fingers, it ripped my nails out and I was bleeding all over my hands. After that I somehow ended up with a whole organization of assassin’s. This woman who is very significant in a few of the bats lives was apart of it and was trying to nurse me back to health but it wasn’t working.

The amount of brain damage I had was to much to fix so she threw me in something called the Lazarus pit. It’s basically a fountain of youth except it can bring people back to life as well. Her father who was the leader of the assassin’s discovered it and kept it secret. Most of them are destroyed now but I think there’s one. The pit was painful, I remember that, it feels like you’re burning alive and it does for a few minutes after you get out. Then you’re extremely disoriented and crazy full of rage and anger. I still have some of that running through me but it’s a lot better than the first few years. At this point in my story I’m 17, I started training with the league and the woman to get my memories back because most of those were still blank. I still have a few gaps in my memory but most of it is from before my dip in the pit.

In this training I was learning about Batman and Nightwing who was the first Robin and is kinda my older brother. We weren’t close when I was Robin because him and Batman weren’t on great terms so we didn’t hangout much. I regained my memory at some point then I was told Bruce had another Robin, who is now currently Red Robin, and the Lazarus made me angry about it. I felt replaced but what made it worse was the fact that Joker was still alive. I was never mad at Batman or blaimed him for my death, the reason I was so angry was because after everything Joker put me through he was still alive. I felt worthless and it was even worse because I felt replaced as well.

I ended up leaving the assassin’s base a month or so later. I was set on tormenting Batman, I was going to try and kill him, Nightwing and Robin. It was definitely the anger because I’d never put a kid in a situation I put Robin in now. I got to Gotham and started killing the bad people, like rapists, murderers, drug dealers, abusers, pimps, just anyone making another person’s life a living hell. The reason I started doing it was because prison wasn’t working for them. The drug dealers not as much as everyone else but I still killed some of them. I never killed the innocent, that’s something I never did or ever will. So eventually I got Batman’s attention and it took a couple months for him to figure out it was me. I wanted it to take longer but I made the mistake of saying his name. So because no one really knew it at the time it made things make sense but it didn’t at the same time, because in their head I was dead.

So about a week later we ended up in another fight but he was holding back because he figured out I came back to life. But I had this whole plan to have him choose between me and Joker. Unfortunately it fell through and he didn’t choose either of us, we were in and apartment building in a random apartment. I had Joker and we had a talk I guess you could say. More of me being angry and having a few choice words to say to him then anything else. I gave him choices but he didn’t really choose. There was a bomb and it had like 10 seconds left and I shot at him. He had his back turned but he’s Batman so he dodged it, with a few seconds left he grabbed me and Joker and jumps out the window so we’re not caught in the blast. It was still kinda close but I left before he had a chance to register.

Let’s just say I wasn’t okay after that. I have PTSD, Anxiety and Depression from what Joker did to me so it was hard to except that I didn’t mean anything more to Batman then Joker did. So I was a wreck, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, all I did was drink, I was about to turn 19 and definitely should not have been drinking. I became a bit of an alcoholic just like my dad and I hated that. I eventually got a grip on myself even though it was only a little. I left Gotham because I wasn’t in the right state of mind to stay there. I traveled all over the place and in my travels I ran into Arsenal and we became best friends. Still are. We started working together as Red Hood and Arsenal, we were broke as hell. Eventually we ran into Starfire and we kinda just decided we’d become a team after hanging around each other a lot. Then The Outlaws was formed.

That was probably some of the best and worst years in my life. Best because I had those 2 by my side and they are still my best friends. Worst because my mental health was at an all time low. I couldn’t sleep, I was having very bad PTSD episodes, my Anxiety was through the roof, so was my Depression. Arsenal had his own problems, so did Starfire and all we had was each other to lean on and it was all we could ask for. Just people who cared and understood. We did missions pretty often as a group and we would get paid by people who requested the jobs but it wasn’t much. We’ve slept in the worst places, most of the time not sleeping at all. But our own lives kinda pulled us away from each other. Starfire went off world back to her planet, Arsenal and I stock together for awhile until he went back to Star and I went back to Gotham. I was in a better place, wasn’t killing as much, the Lazarus through my system calmed down a lot. It still effects me but no where near as bad.

I was laying low in Gotham but the Bats found out. It was only 4 of them at that point, Batman, Nightwing, Robin 3 and Agent A. It was all good until I tried to kill the Joker. It was in another not so good state of mind but I wasn’t able to kill him because the bats came. I was planning to kill him the same way he killed me, beat him with a crowbar and blow him up. I was 22 at that time. They got me away from Joker and took him into custody and I left to one of my safehouses. We eventually crossed paths again but it was awhile before I could actually talk to them again. So me and Nightwing ran into each other we ended up having a talk and we kinda made amends. It wasn’t anything crazy. It took a long time for us to be okay with each other again. But eventually I was able to call them family again and I visit the house Batman lives in to see them.

But as time went on we added new people, we became a bigger family as you can see. Robin became Red Robin, then the current Robin, then Orphan, Spoiler, Batwoman, Signal, Bluebird and Bluebird’s brother who isn’t a Vigilante. I’m pretty much cool with everyone, no one I really have a problem with except Batman because we’ve been through so much together. I’m 25 now and things are better, I still have my struggles and family issues but that’s my family. As much as I pretend to not care they’re my family and I love 'em. So this was a less detailed version of my story and look how long it is. But anyway I don’t really know why I did this but I did so bye I guess.

Oh and before you ask I am not the rapper NF. I actually really like and relate to his music because we’ve been through similar things but I’m not him. I know someone is going to ask that question.“

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The NF joke was just that a joke, don’t come for me I love him lol.

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Why finding blue birds?

It’s actually from a korean drama that I watched and inspired me. It is entitled “When the Weather is Fine”.

I didn’t know the title of the book but it tells that….

“A long, long time ago a brother and sister set out on a journey to become happy.

They had heard there is a bluebird that gives you happiness.

After climbing many mountains and crossing many rivers, they arrived in the village where the bluebird was supposed to be. But the bluebird that gives you happiness was nowhere to be found.

In the end, the brother and sister came back home without finding the bluebird”.

So that the story end base on the drama and I realized that why finding happiness in somewhere, in someone, or in something? There’s happiness within yourself, to your home and to other people close to you.

I also thought when you become happy you find that bluebird inside your heart so just love and be happy.

(Sorry for the grammar, I think I need to practice more. Peace)

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Lesbians & Girl Scouts

I had a dream that I was at Girl Scout camp riding a cow(?) lol it was fun don’t judge me.

But it reminded me that all the volunteers at this girl scout camp in Sherman oaks (one I went to for many years) were just big ol lesbians. They were chubby, tall lesbians with short hair or hair pulled back into messy buns, they wore oversized camp t-shirts, khaki shorts and cargo pants, hiking boots and wrap around sunglasses. As a young kid I wasn’t sure if some of them were boys or if they were masculine women. I had never seen women like them before. But regardless, everyone loved them. They sang the camp songs with so much passion and they could sing so loudly!! They were so detail oriented and observant. They knew everything there was to know about the land, the creatures, the camp. They ate in the dining hall with everyone else. I’m sure they were paid like shit. But they worked there the whole sweaty summer and the snowy fall because they loved it so much. Maybe because in 2009 it was hard to find a job that celebrated butches. I remember one time my conservative, Catholic family and I invited our favorite leader over to our cabin for dinner. My dad barbecued. It felt so wholesome. I hope those women are doing alright. I think about them a lot.

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