frimushroom

[frimushroom]

CATs, the thought piece

So I finally finished this piece <3

The movie of the Broadway musical CATS has always had a special place in my heart.  A few weeks ago I tuned into original cast member Jacob Brent (Mr. Mistoffelees) doing a live commentary about the film. It was a great nostalgia trip-- an evening video-chatting a friend a few states away to commence our CATs tradition.

Little me’s obsession

But this is a thought piece not a fan letter. While I doubt anyone many are going to click through to this part of the post, I did something similar with my last fan art, it’s a brain dump. So far it’s helped a bit in working through feelings I have when I see my own art. I want to be able to enjoy what I do and this is a step in the right direction.

I took my time with this piece and I’m proud of that. I didn’t let it stop me from completing it and posting it. Continuing to adjust through sketching is not a weakness. Not being able to finish this in a session like a professional live stream artist does not mean anything. This is how one practices and being hard on myself will only continue to cripple my creativity and keep me where I am. It’s ok to not be doing this full time, think of it as building my callouses back up. In the end the final product is good and no one will think less of it but probably me if they saw all the in between steps.This piece took me waaaay to long. From the idea doodle it’s taken me several weeks, and I redrew it several times. I had to futz with the anatomy and trying to match the pose from the reference image. It’s frustrating to not have the eye for human anatomy, I should have these basics down a bit better by now. The feet and hands still feel a bit off. Everything seemed awkward, especially for a ballet pose. It makes me wanna take more still life classes after this quarantine is over. I need to practice and get the fundamentals back under my belt cause it’s embarrassing.

I took a risk- that’s a good thing! It’s ok for digital to not be my prefer medium and it’s normal to feel some discomfort in working with something while still learning. It takes time and practice. I can see things that need improvement without it taking away from the joy the subject matter and progression in my skills gives me right now. I’m not less of an artist for accepting praise without appending all my issues with the piece to prove that I have an artistic eye (or whatever my current negative thoughts are). Also look at how much you learned about photo shop. Working digitally still gives me a sinking feeling as I can see the glaring gap between where my paper and pencil is to my comfort with a tablet. I feel like I’m still treating the programs like MS paint. An earlier sketch of this looked so stilted. While digital allows for helpful layers and adjusting proportions earlier, if I’m not tracing scanned line art it just doesn’t seem to work right. It’s hard to not look at this and be swarmed by the need to practice more and how I shouldn’t be satisfied when looking at it because it’ll be complacency. The lighting, the glow effect, the skin tones look a little off, white space as a possible crutch to avoid details…

PRIDE! Why overthink this. I’m sure it shouldn’t matter to me if anything thinks into this is anything but a positive light. I also can’t read minds so there is no use spinning possible catastrophic scenarios.I feel like I’m projecting my queerness too strong in this. Obviously this is fan art and the actors aren’t my OTP or something. I realized, until the last time I watched this film that I never thought about cats with any sexual undertones, cause like I was a kid so that’s fine. But this time I watch it and caught all the queer vibes these two cats and it made me giddy happy-Is that weird? Tagging them in my post makes me squirm. The same way I don’t wanna be summed up by only a part of who I am, I don’t wanna boiled these guys down to their sexuality either. I always worry about were the line between fan appreciations to let them know, in case they needed the boost, that they were part of something that meant something to me…..and being a wierdo fan.

You don’t have to be a dancer to enjoy everything it makes you feel. It just means you have a greater depth of understanding an appreciation for the art. You aren’t less for it.I wish I had stuck with dancing as a hobby. This makes me sad that I stopped in grade school and only took it again as an elective in college. This piece reminds me of the magic I saw in it as a kid. Reminds me I couldn’t cut it as an athlete, my spotty memory wasn’t going to do me favors in memorizing choreography, and the podiatrist didn’t recommend I try point at all. I miss my flexibility; it makes me feel old and tired.

I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there and making this piece. It’s a good piece! I’m thinking about this too much, that’s normal. I wanna thinking about all the possible down sides to this piece, negative reactions in the form of a polite thumbs up, or just the thought of me looking at in a year and missing the joy I had making it in my unhelpful thought patterns. Also did I mention my last post got more likes then I expected and I’m freaking out a little?

*Deeeep breaths* and so it’s time to let all the thoughts go into the night. I’m happy with this one :)

Final piece HERE. #mental health#therapy#arttherapy#theprocess

#mental health #therapy #arttherapy #theprocess

[frimushroom]

Little me at work :)

#cats 1998 #cats musical #fanart #cats fanart

[frimushroom]

Being kind with art [Part 2]

Trigger warnings- anxiety, depression - I am very aware that the way I talk about myself adds to my own narrative that I’m trying to change AND can reinforce this thinking in others who have similar thought patterns.

Lessons Learned

Ok, so here is the bit that’s the reason I’m writing this whole thing up. I don’t know if you knew this but artists are notoriously critical of their own work (in my experience). Or, maybe mental health issues aren't talked about enough and are just easier to “see” in the creative arts. 

Throughout this entire process I could really hear my inner narrator tearing me down. Everything from it being fanart, to a collab with an artist I admire, to being a mixed-media piece out of my element, to the fact working on this was really just me procrastinating on finishing other projects.

After finishing the first part of the piece my anxiety had me worrying for a YEAR that if i drove it to the places to take the pictures I wanted that the window paint would melt or something equally ridiculous. I know I was also worried that if I did it after work, i’d have to bring the work in progress into my job and oh man, that social interaction is a big trigger for my art related anxiety.

Mostly I was worried I wouldn’t be able to make the finish product look good. I don’t finish a lot of pieces to my own satisfaction and I wanted to do justice to the original content. What ifs I didn’t figure out how to make the photo effect work? So many what ifs.

Negative Spirals

(before anyone else can think anything about it Here I go, protecting myself with negative expectations listing some things I think about when I look or think about my process making this piece:

The window paint isn’t perfect. There are areas I smudged, squeezed to hard, didn’t make light enough ect. I don’t have enough endurance.

The trace over of the original isn’t even perfect. I don’t know that the archway physically makes sense, as I lifted the general design from a pedestrian arch at my alma mater. Poorly thought out.

I didn’t take my time to reink the sketch, and even the sketch I really played the scale of the buildings by ear. The paper wasn’t suited for so many layers of acrylic. Rushing.

I didn’t nail the glamour effect I was going for. I wanted the asphalt to shimmer into an older dirt road to show that that the landscape behind the gate was hidden from the normals. At the end I really thought about adding a few gems, or glitter, maybe add a “light” from the lamp.

What happened to the great lawn? I lost the depth. The stone walls, egh look at that masonry. The hills are so boring.

The blur effect was ok overall but the campus doesn’t look good. It’s missing something (practice for one thing). Should I have added more detail back in? Was I just not mixing the paints enough to get better color range?

I probably skimped on the finishing touches cause I just wanted to get it done. It’s so easy to ruin it right at the end. I could’ve added Watford school colors, some more life to the image, a gold plaque on the brick columns, highlights on the ironwork. Heck checked the shadows. Where is my light source??

Posting my art makes me feel uncomfortable. On 3 platforms? Doesn’t matter if it’s 5 or 50 people with positive thing to say or likes, why am I even checking my phone every couple minutes. Does this piece even add to the fandom? Is it ok to have just an ok piece?

I suck

Deep Breaths. Man brains suck and feelings are weird. Let’s try this again.

Positive Reinforcement

The window paint has been fun to play around with. Now that I've used it more I can feel better going back to my other project some time soon. I even have more supplies for that other project. It’s not a forgiving medium, but also it looks like it’s better suited to a bigger scale piece. Leading is thicker and harder to handle. Thankfully once set it’s pretty easy to trim the sides with a knife. It added a cool texture and layer. Go me :)  The window paint isn’t perfect. There are areas I smudged, squeezed to hard, didn’t make light enough ect. I don’t have enough endurance.

She liked it. She thought the arch was a good add. Also setting your piece apart a bit from the original is a good thing. So what if the archway might not be feasible it reminds you of your college years and well magic (that’s not a copout here). The trace over of the original isn’t even perfect. I don’t know that the archway is physically makes sense, as I lifted the general design from a pedestrian arch at my alma mater. Poorly thought out.

So I’ve actually gotten much better with this for my last few pieces. It’s ok to not always pre-plan and over-prep. This is a personal piece not something i’m trying to sell. I don’t have to have everything be a masterwork. It’s ok to be an amateur. Now I know that paper isn’t the best for acrylic and- honestly it wasn't that bad with it either. I didn’t take my time to reink the sketch, and even the sketch I really played the scale of the buildings by ear. The paper wasn’t suited for so many layers of acrylic. Rushing.

Details. You slept on it. You see that when you look at it, it’s what you add when you look at it. I didn’t nail the glamour effect I was going for. I wanted the asphalt to shimmer into an older dirt road to show that that the landscape behind the gate was hidden from the normals. At the end I really thought about adding a few gems, or glitter, maybe add a “light” from the lamp.

So. Ok girl, there is room for improvement. That’s how practice works. But in the end the gate take the focus so no one is looking at all of that but you. You’ve never tried this effect. Good on you for taking a risk. That’s what matters. What happened to the great lawn? I lost the depth. The stone walls, egh look at that masonry. The hills are so boring.

See above. The gate takes center stage, more details might have changed that so less is more. Next time just try something different and see what happens.The blur effect was ok overall but the campus doesn’t look good. It’s missing something (practice for one thing). Should I have added more detail back in? Was I just not mixing the paints enough to get better color range?

SO WHAT. Stop nitpicking at it. It’s ok as is. It has to be done at some point. There will always be more you COULD have done and you know that. I probably skimped on the finishing touches cause I just wanted to get it done. It’s so easy to ruin it right at the end. I could of added Watford school colors, some more life to the image, a gold plaque on the brick columns, highlights on the ironwork. Heck checked the shadows. Where is my light source?? Also light source for the rainy English countryside, psssh

This is part of the process. You’ve had problems with sharing your art and accepting praise since like, middle school. It’s not going to suddenly go away. You have to normalize posting your work, and over time it’ll be easier. Be kinder to yourself. And it’s ok to call yourself an artist. You fit in the group. Reminder this is that impostor syndrome thing Posting my art makes me feel uncomfortable. On 3 platforms? Doesn’t matter if it’s 5 or 50 people with positive thing to say or likes, why am I even checking my phone every couple minutes. Does this piece even add to the fandom? Is it ok to have just an ok piece?

I’m proud of myself for doing my therapy homework and letting out my anxieties so I can start to let go of them

I don’t need this piece will help anyone but me, but if it does that is a bonus. Everything is ok.

Back to [Part 1]          

Final piece HERE

#mental health #therapy #arttherapy #theprocess

[frimushroom]

Being kind with art [Part 1]

So this will be a half making of/half therapy piece to put the final touches on my recent collab with @penpanoply “The Watford Gates” (I guess I just gave it a title) It started a while ago......like a year ago.

Backstory

When she showed me their work-in-progress I was instantly inspired. Between how the words themselves make me feel (all tingly inside) and my background includes historic preservation (ironwork also makes me tingly) this was a dream piece for me.

I had put aside a window glass project as while before this and I got the idea that this would be cool overlaid with an image of a watford-esq photo. I live close enough to two private schools/college campuses that could do the trick- so why not? Only note there is “leading” with window paint is really hard on the hands.

I was happy to be able to add onto the original design with the archway, something to tied this version of the piece together. I added gold paint and called that part of it a day....and then for the next year never got to taking that perfect picture for it. Boo.

Quarantine

Then, as quarantine started, I realized I really needed to finish off some of my WIPs to make room for new stuff. This one caught my eye. I might have recently been over the moon about Red, White, and Royal Blue and well, that means I was also fangirling again about Carry On cause like you know. The boys <3 Not able to really go out, I though F it, i’ll make a background.

Before this point I had doodled with some building on the Watford campus, what can I say, historic architecture is pretty hot. So I gave it a shot.

and you know what I surprised myself, I was actually pretty happy with it. Did I rush it and instead of re-inking the sketch on a new, thicker paper? Sure did. I will say the paper held up really well, I was worried it was going to warp as it started to look better.

So I went for a style I really have never tried because, it take time to layer, determine complicated shadows, and make it look like an out of focus landscape (so it wouldn’t compete with the in focus gate). I took two weeks to finish this piece, that’s a lot more stopping, sleeping on it, futzing with details ect. then i usually do. In the end I felt I was at a good stopping point with the background, more and I would probably regret it given this was a new style. I made some minor adjustments to the window glass paint, repainted the gold, added bricks to the columns- and BA BOOM! Called it a day.

Also shout out again to @penpanoply for keeping me motivated on this project even if it took forever.

[Part 2] Therapy time

Final piece HERE

Teaser detail ->

#carryonfanart #thought piece

[frimushroom]

Images to go along with work in progress post

[frimushroom]

“Magic separates us from the world. Let nothing separate us from each other” Watford main gates

From Rainbow Rowell's Carry On, this is a collab with @penpanoply that has been in the works for a while (aka on my shelf project shelf). This piece was something new for me in a lot of ways. I'm looking forward to having this hanging in my cubical once quarentine ends.

I'll post the behind the scenes and detail in a follow-up post on my Instagram.

from Carry On, by @rainbowrowell

If you haven’t figured it out already—let me just say:  I have very poor impulse control. (I couldn’t stop ‘til I made the other half of the gate.)

#watford #carry on #book quotes #handlettering #digital version #mixedmediaart

[frimushroom]

When you log back into Tumblr year and year after creating is... Wow. Guess nothing has changed, including me....

[frimushroom]

Too much to be done.

You are thrown out of the school bus into busheling traffic.Given coffee and told that you're running out of time, that life is short. Everyday there is more to do, a never ending pile of responsibility and work. What I won't give to be driven some where again at dawn, watching the world, knowing that the journey would end in the arms of friends and the security of predictability. 

#school work change teenage

[frimushroom]

Sometimes I amuse myself by comparing my life to that of a hunted fox. Except for all the horsemen are societies needs and the dogs unknowing minions of society, like bills, irs and college credits. And all the time I am hiding, sneaking around corners and trying to please everyone I come across incase they're a cleaver horseman in disguise... But now I feel like a mangy fur matted wild animal that is overly sensitive to the rustle of bushes and the first drops if rain, wishing the huntsmen would find one quickly and bring this chase for ones very hyde to an end. Life loses it's wonder if one feels they are being hunted down, even if it is all in ones head -- (This picture is obviously not mine)

#depression hunted busy

[frimushroom]

My first real attempt at foxes. I'm not sure if I want to focus on realistic or cartoon. Both are hard, I might have to go to the zoo and study them (I tried that with lions, but that went badly). I think my issue is the fur itself.

#fox füch drawing tutorial

[frimushroom]

Best tutorial I've seen. Gonna try my luck at it. Drawing animals is not my strong suit.

#fox howtodraw füch

[frimushroom]

Have just recently been introduced to this and am exploring what it means to me. At first I wasn't sure if there was any animal that really spoke to me (except a cat maybe lols). I'm not sure if I should be looking for animals actual characteristics or the personified ones. But when I thought long and hard, my name sake "little fox" or füchsel, seemed like the best bet. But what kind of fox, and how do i really resemble the ways of a fox? Unsure. But I'm definitely looking into it :)