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kritzkrieg-kiss · 9 months
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Happy Crab Day Everyone 🦀 💛
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 1 year
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Sniper's turn
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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If requests are open, can we get some mercs baking? Either together or separately, but I know them in a kitchen is a recipe for disaster lmao
You sure can
Mercs Baking 🎂
Soldier signed everyone up to bake a cake for the local preschool bake sale in exchange for a free t-shirt.
Scout: In charge of pre-portioning ingredients, and eating whatever chocolate chips don't get smacked out of his face first.
Soldier: Had an accident with the yeast, it led to enough dough to feed the local homeless union and the condemnation of an entire hallway.
Pyro: Lead the frosting brigade, ran out of cake and started frosting the furniture.
Demo: In charge of the stovetop caramel. Anyone who touches it will get a foot to the ribs.
Heavy: Designated taster, has full control over the sugars and spices. Had to break out the tomislav and fire a few warning shots in the wall to keep Scout and Pyro at bay.
Engie: Made no less than four trips to the corner store for eggs and milk to replace that which ended up on the floor.
Medic: Washing dishes, lost his baking privileges and isn't allowed within 20ft of anything edible.
Sniper: Delivery driver, but he used his better judgement and dropped off some cookies he picked up from the local bakery instead. He fed the cake to the ducks, who later had significant difficulty flying.
Spy: Damage control, but he gave up halfway through and hired a local contractor to remodel the kitchen afterwards.
Hope you enjoyed it 💛
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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Sometimes when I'm sad and wanna cheer myself up, I just remember that there are two doctors in the Team Fortress 2 lineup and neither of them are Medic
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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I dunno if you do romance stuff, but if you do and requests are open, could we get uhhh,,, kisses from the mercs?? 👉🏼👈🏼
Y'all I knew this one was gonna come up sooner or later
Kisses from the Mercenaries 💛
Scout: Unsure of himself. Scout's confidence is rock solid, able to handle anything that happens. That is, up until the point of him actually taking the shot and leaning in. He feels their breath on his lips and the weight of the relationship suddenly washes over him and drags him down in the undertow. He tries to pull away but is just one second too late. And good thing too, because all his doubts instantly melt the moment his lips meet theirs for the first time (and second, and third, and twelfth).
Soldier: Confident. Forget time and place, forget those around, forget public decency. He's in love and it's everyone else's problem. His heart has been captured and he's not getting it back anytime soon. He's full of affection and there's no good reason not to show it so why wait? Patience be darned. He sees them. He loves them. He kisses them.
Pyro: Wholesome. Getting a kiss from Pyro is akin to getting a school valentine only to open it up and find a lollipop. He's always there to kiss booboos should they occur, or catch a smooch under mistletoe, or at the new year's stroke of midnight. Either way, he always leaves 'em blushing.
Demo: Blissful. He's drunk a solid amount of the time anyway, so he's not exactly the best at hiding his feelings. But it's okay, because his kisses are on par with red wine and chocolate cake fresh out of the oven with the frosting melting down the sides. They go on for a while, leaving a lasting memory guaranteed to bring a gushing grin at a moment's recall
Heavy: Stoic. Heavy is not man of flowers and fluff, so it really means he cares if he goes out of his way like that. Just because there isn't much feeling doesn't mean there isn't any meaning behind it. If anything, it shows how much someone means to him to be willing to take a risk and put himself out there like that. It's something to be reckoned with, as it can't just be brushed off easily. And it's important that it is, because it may just lead to something greater.
Engie: Comforting. Ironically, the lips of someone so rugged sure feel an awful lot like coming home. It's like the feeling of a hot shower after a hard day's work, like sore muscles hitting soft pillows and clean sheets, like the sweet relief of the first sleep after a broken fever. From burnout to heartbreak, one kiss is enough to balm the soul. And Engie has a lot of balm to give.
Medic: Unexpected. Look, Medic is a man of focus, and who could blame him? I mean an entire team under constant gunfire, barely kept from a bloody grave by a single man? He doesn't have time for sap! So of course he doesn't even notice himself slowly piling up his feelings, putting his affections aside as they cloud his better judgement, steadily fraying at the seams until the thread suddenly snaps and before he knows it his lips are on theirs. He pulls away almost as quick as he went in, scarlet faced and lost for words. But little does he know that something entirely new may have flickered to life between them, only time will tell.
Sniper: Secretive. Sniper would sooner be caught with a bullet between the eyes than give anyone the impression that he even could be in love. He swallows it as best as he can, but it's difficult to keep calm when he feels his face turn redder than a sunset after a desert storm. But on those few and far between occasions, late at night, when he gets them alone in the nest or out among the open mesas, his worries are finally put to rest enough for him to press a gentle kiss against their mouth. He lingers on for a bit, leaning into the safety of solitude as he at last lets himself be known.
Spy: Tender. Aloof and debonair as he is, if Spy really loves someone, his demeanor starts to crack and a much softer side begins to drip out of him like wax from a candle. His words are kinder, his hands are gentler, and his lips are sweeter than the taste of midnight maple creme on an old brick-and-ivy balcony. His kisses can soften the most jaded of hearts, and are best pressed against tears and injuries.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone! 💛
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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This blog is finally a year old 💛
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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Dang Spy looks hot in that art you drew of him dancing
Oh gosh, thanks hon. I appreciate it 💛
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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I have a headcanon that Spy was classically trained in ballet, which is how he got so light on his feet.
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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Just wanted to see if ya have anything on the mercs Secret special talents? (Aside from the whole killing thing)
As a matter of fact I do.
Mercs' Secret Talents!
Scout: Sewing. Scout's a mama's boy, and she had to make all the clothes for her sons as they were growing up. When he was young, he would spend time with her by sitting and playing next to her sewing machine as she would work. As he got older, she would have him help her out with things like notions and cutting. He eventually learned the skill himself well enough to make and repair his own clothes, which he would use to his advantage to avoid her scolding him whenever he would come in from rough neighborhood play with his clothes torn to shreds. Now whenever things get rough on the field, he has the ability to keep his shirts intact. The other gents all wonder how his clothes stay so well-kept, but everyone refuses to even consider the thought that Scout of all people would mend his clothes himself, a theory which Scout is very okay with honestly.
Soldier: Baking, bread mostly. Soldier once had a brief scare with the food that was being produced in the local area. It's a long story, but the nutshell version is the communist party was ~allegedly~ spiking the bread at the supermarket with low-saturation, food-grade, radioactive uranium dust to make Americans weak and more subservient to dictatoral ideals. Despite no prior experience and no instructions, Soldier raided the nearest farm for all the wheat flour they had and went to work. It was a disaster. The kitchen was a warzone. There was flour in every room on the base. His first batch ended up as a bunch of pans full of glue. After four days of painstaking work, he emerged with the perfect loaf of bread, as well as the recipe that would become the standard for RED Bread. He never quite bounced back from the paranoia and has been making his own (and the team's) bread ever since.
Pyro: Thriller-suspense short stories. Pyro has his off days every once in a while. Sometimes the rainbows just don't shine as bright, or the unicorns aren't in the mood to play. Over the years, the team has taught him that sad or angry feelings aren't a bad thing, but there are better ways of expressing those emotions than through a bunch of kerosene and a flare gun. As such, he started writing stories as a way to vent his frustration through characters and themes. He was proud of his work, but shyness ultimately got the best of him. Worried about the other gents finding his stories eventually, but not willing to torch the literary gold he'd worked so hard on, he sent them off to the local paper under a pseudonym. They assumed it was for the local short story competition and counted them as entries. He won of course, but unfortunately never claimed his prize because he never found out. Because he never read the local paper. Because reading is boring.
Demo: Ceramics. The process of producing handwrought explosives over several years would have been enough to give Demo a steady hand, but combine it with the fact he was heavily intoxicated for more than a vast majority of the time and it's easy to see the amount of practice and training he underwent to aquire such fine motor skills (halfway sober, that is.) He was bored one night and picked up some clay that had been mined from the nearby gravel pits. After playing with it for a while, he realized he already had a leg up on the skill and decided to take it a bit further. He's not a professional or anything, but he does enjoy throwing on the wheel in his downtime every once in a while. Besides, it makes for good mugs to gift to the team every Christmas, as well as fatally sharp ceramic explosives.
Heavy: Swallowing fire. Friends were few and far between in the Siberian gulag camps, and Heavy tried to make as many as he could during his time there. He met a real young fellow, a former clown turned counter-revolutionary. This man could take a tattered piece of cloth on the end of a metal spit, dip it in the dying flames of the only furnace on site, and swallow the fire with as much ease as he would a cherry from a stem. Heavy took a liking to him when he noticed he would use this skill to help cold and hungry children stop crying. The guy offered to teach Heavy and the two formed a close, albeit short, friendship through it. They never saw each other again after Heavy's escape. Although the memories still weigh on his heart, Heavy will still swallow fire for children in his friend's honor. He's seen enough darkness in the world, and now he has the means to make it just a bit brighter.
Engie: Public speaking. This one actually terrified him at first. Not many people know, but back in his college days he ended up joining the debate team. He did it for extra credit as a last-ditch effort to raise his sulking grades in English. He didn't think it would be so bad, plus he looked great in a blazer. He was wrong. The poor guy was​ absolutely thrown through the wringer. Current events, economics, philosophy, foreign policy, environmental impact, warfare, everything. Topics he had never heard of he suddenly had to become an expert in, ready to construct any and every kind of defense at moment's notice. And that doesn't even begin to cover actually giving the speech itself. He'd bumble through his notes, stuttering and sputtering as he tried in vain to get his point across, only to be the extra weight his team had to carry if they wanted to win. But no matter. He didn't need to be good, he just had to survive the year. And survive he did, slowly getting more and more articulate with each round. He dropped out of debate club the second his english classes concluded. It wasn't until much later down the road that he realised he was left with a superhuman ability to take any subject or topic and make an hour-long lecture on the spot and give it well. It was a valuable skill, especially when it came to rounding up the team. From battle strategy to pep talks, and even talking down Soldier and Demo from their endless bad ideas, Engie became the voice of reason and the ultimate rhetorical support for them all.
Medic: Lockpicking. Medic is a man of of knowledge. Specifically, forbidden knowledge that came to him through less than ethical means. When he found that the research on the resources he had been given only went so far, he took matters into his own hands. When brute force against morgue and blood bank doors proved futile, he opted to come up with a better plan. Namely, one to get him out of jail while he was awaiting trial for breaking and entering. While the guards were smart enough to lock him up good and well, they weren't smart enough to keep at least one man guarding his cell at all times. Armed with nothing but his specs and a hypodermic needle he kept in his sock for emergencies, he took to the lock like a young child to a calculus equation. He spent all night prodding and picking, several times getting close to opening the lock only for all the tumblers to snap back into place. After the 462nd try, he gave up in a fit of rage, jamming the needle into the mouth of the lock as far as it would go. Instantly, all the tumblers made contact and the lock snapped open. He booked it out the door and was halfway to the base when he realised that if he could open cell doors, he might also have some luck with morgues and blood banks. Medic's research was greatly accelerated from that day forward, and investigations into the Great Teufort Biohazards Caper turned up empty. On a sidenote, they no longer needed Demoman's axe to open the intel cases.
Sniper: Singing. For as wide as the Australian Outback is, there sure aren't a whole lot of people around out there. Sniper never really had anything to listen to but the radio in his truck, and that was only when he was lucky enough for it to pick up something other than white static, usually old Johnny Cash or Elvis Presley songs. When the days dragged on long, he would often find himself humming softly, careful not to spook any prey he was hunting after. When there was nothing around to shoot at, he would occupy himself by singing the few songs he learned on the radio. The benefit of living out in the barren bush not only meant that there was no one around to hear him, but it was quiet enough that he could hear himself. His vocal technique was refined over time, he built up a very clean tone and a good range. He could sing like the old crooners as well as the classic blues artists. But as skilled as he became, he never built up the courage to sing around others. Very few people have actually heard what he sounds like, mostly Spy who often catches him cooing to himself in the nest. He always stabs him anyway but he's usually kind enough to let him finish the song first.
Spy: Ballet. How else would he have gotten so light on his feet? His parents put him in lessons at a young age as a way for him to exercise. He never went pro, but he made it pretty far up in the ranks. It's a good thing he did too, his fancy footwork skills have gotten him out of a plethora of dangerous situations. He even had a barre installed in his room, hidden well behind a bookshelf lest anyone find out. Whenever he feels his sense of stealth is starting to suffer, he'll kick back into a rough training regimen to recenter his balance and regain his flexibility. He'll sometimes break out into spontaneous dancing spells on the field when he's cloaked, leaping and turning between enemies and gunfire in an invisible display of strength and grace. He can fold in half both ways and pull off an oversplit in the air, none of which any of the other gents have ever seen. And hopefully, they never will.
Hope you enjoyed it! 💛
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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Spy: Why. WHY would you give Pryo a KNIFE?!
Soldier: I'm sorry, he said he felt unsafe!
Spy: Now ~I~ feel unsafe!
Soldier: I'm sorry...
Soldier: ...would you like a knife?
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 2 years
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I 💛 the Doc
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 3 years
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I’m so glad I’m not the only one with the headcannon that they got married! Also!!! Holy shit you’re one of the few people I’ve seen that draws spy w/ brown hair and I AM HERE FOR IT!!!
Yeah he seems like the kinda guy to be all up and aloof but actually commit to one woman for the rest of his life. He probably took the job as a mercenary to support her from afar, I figure being an international spy would put the ones you love at risk.
Also Spy's model shows his hair greying so I would imagine he had brown hair when he was younger. I also find it hard to believe that Scout would turn out blond if both his parents had jet black hair.
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 3 years
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I have a headcanon that Spy actually eloped Scout's Ma and is technically still married to her.
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 3 years
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Girls will play tf2 once and have one of the mercenaries imprint on them like baby birds I don't make the rules
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 3 years
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Hey I hope you're doing well! If its alright I wanted to request what you think the merc's love languages would be and a few things they like their partner to do that fall under that language. I didn't see any rules so I apologize if this something you won't do. Thank you in advance! Have a great day!
Awe 💛
Mercs' Love Languages
Scout: Quality time. Growing up as the youngest of eight boys all competing for attention meant that he was sometimes overlooked. He grew to understand why as he got older, and eventually learned to not hold it against his family. But even still, it left a desire in him for someone to actively want to spend time with him. So when someone finally shows up and gives him their undivided attention unprovoked, it almost takes him off guard.
Soldier: Quality time. Soldier is a man of will, a man of focus and endurance. He never really seemed to notice (or care) when people couldn't keep up with him. It never bothered him, and how could it when there was whatever task at hand? But in the rare occasion when he runs into someone who not only gives him their time, but faithfulness through it all as well, it serves as a nice reminder that sometimes it really is better when you have someone watching your back.
Pyro: Words of affirmation. Pyro might not be the one to dish out words of affirmation (that anyone can understand at least), but that doesn't mean he won't gush when he's on the receiving end of things. All it takes is a simple 'Hey, nice work there bud!' for him to go from a regular old Pyro to singlehandedly capping the point, stealing the intel, and scorching the entire enemy team in one go. The whole team made a mental note on him from that day on: Positive reinforcement = good Pyro.
Demo: Physical Touch. Demo's got a real rough n' tumble way of showing affection. From back slaps to bear hugs, if he's fond of you, you'll know it. Every once in a while he needs to be reminded to dial it back a bit lest he accidentally really hurt someone, but his whole heart is always in every gesture. And believe me, that man's got a lotta heart.
Heavy: Quality time. Heavy's not big on conversation but that doesn't mean he can't enjoy people's company. Chess games, cooking, matches, you name it. He just likes to be in the presence of others without necessarily having to interact, it establishes a kind of bond that wouldn't otherwise happen. He's learned the people he spends the most time with are the people he loves the most, and he spends most of his time with his team.
Engie: Acts of service. Engie knows how hard it is to make things happen from firsthand experience. He's usually the first to volunteer whenever something needs to get done on base or some mess needs to be cleaned up. He very rarely complains, it's just his way of showing how much he appreciates his team. Because of this, he knows how much people love him when he walks into a spotless workshop or finds his tools meticulously cleaned.
Medic: Words of affirmation. Medic is the kinda guy who absorbs everything that's said about him, positive or negative, and ruminates on it all day. If it's something negative, he'll let it fester and fill him with spite to prove whatever was said about him wrong. But if it's a compliment or kind word from a friend, he'll secretly gush about it all day, carefully filing it away in his heart to pull out periodically during his work. When things get tough, he opens up his mental stash of memories to give him that little boost he needs to get through.
Sniper: Physical touch. This one isn't nice so much as it is unfortunate. See, Sniper isn't the kinda guy to willingly accept affection like most people. Be it he's shy or a little too proud and professional to go about gettin' all sappy with people. So when someone shows him they care in such a direct matter, it usually puts him at an internal conflict with wanting to simultaneously accept it and push it away. He'll cringe at first, but then he'll lean into it against his subconscious need for space. Most people don't know what to do with that so they often refrain from touching him in the first place. Poor guy.
Spy: Gifts. Most people may chalk it up to materialism but it couldn't be further from the truth. To Spy, gifts are another language, a way to express emotions when words don't do it justice. He couldn't care less about how much they cost. The best ones to him are toiled over, like someone had a unique message in mind. They're laced with meaning and usually handmade, actual showings of affection. If not, he'd rather not receive anything at all.
Hope you enjoyed it 💛
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 3 years
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I feel like spy is probably a lot less... spylike outside of work? Like he's good at his job and with some of his colleagues but he gets flustered easily and he thinks he knows all of the gossip when he actually knows very little??
I like to think he wears the mask all the time cause it makes him feel mysterious when in reality he's just a dork
Like have you heard his in-game lines
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kritzkrieg-kiss · 3 years
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Ok this is a silly one and not really realistic but whatever. but I like to imagine that on fridays, Engie bakes a pie for the whole team, and the Friday Pie is not to be trifled with. Everyone sets aside some time to sit together and enjoy a slice of pie, regardless of any arguments or previous grudges or whatever, all that shit gets put on hold during Friday Pie Time. Just a small moment of peace and comfort that no one on base would dream of disrupting because it's just that nice. Thank you ♡
I identify with this on such a spiritual level y'all have no idea
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