mamaskodie

[mamaskodie]

Struggles living with Mom...

Living with anyone can be a challenge. You have to learn their habits, their specific do's and dont's, their schedule, and so on. Now add kids and make the people you live with your parents and just sit back and watch the fireworks begin. It is difficult enough trying to figure out being a parent in your own space, and now you have to try to be a parent under the watchful eye of the people that raised you.

This is especially hard for me because my mom and I are so different. She is more black and white, and me, well I live in the grey. Now, I do not claim to know everything. I think that is pretty evident between my first post and this one telling you that I still live at home. I definitely have my flaws but still sometimes I just want to step back grab her by the shoulders and say, "Mom please back off! I can do this. Please just give me a chance." You never want to be disrespectful but at the same time when you get questioned at every turn and can't make a mistake without someone having an opinion, it is enough to drive you crazy. 

I have one of those moms whose love language is communication, I just feel like our communication line is on hold. Plus, my mom is extremely smart so she has a comment for anything and everything I do. Examples...I thought you would never ask. 

"Mom I am helping my friend Katie plan her wedding." Mom's response, "Don't put your name on anything or give her any money."

"I plan on calling that job this week to see if I got it." Mom's response, "Remember to use your big girl voice and no low cut shirts SKodie."

"Mom please don't undermine me with my kids if I tell them they can't do something." Mom's response, "Well don't come up here telling them they can't do something I told them they could do, because then aren't you undermining me?"

Those are just a few examples, so as you can see it is an uphill battle. I know some of this stems from the fact that I am her daughter so she is just trying to help, but would it kill her to just have my back? Maybe when I tell her that I am working on a wedding for a friend say congratulations, or when I say I am going to check on a job say good luck honey. I can never just get positive reassurance without some negative comment. When you constantly feel belittled it makes it really hard to want to accept any amount of criticism from anyone.

Sometimes I just wish she could take a step back and remember what it was like when she was learning to be a parent. I will never be the perfect parent, I will make mistakes. Do I mind a little guidance and parental interference along the way? No, of course not. Mistakes though...they are part of this wonderful new chapter in my life and I would like the chance to make some without feeling like I just started WW3. 

With parents though I feel like however you react...you will loose.

#parents #mom4life #growingpains #thestruggle #mommy #communication #challenge #rolemodel #learningcurve #neverending #mommyknowsbest #canttellhernothing #hopeful

[mamaskodie]

Taking a Break

I have finally hit a phase where I am starting to figure out how to create schedules that work in my hectic life. This week just so happened to work to the point that I had time to apply for a good job and do some per-employment shopping. I even carved out a little time to see old friends. 

This week has not changed what is going on in my life. Every stress factor and more exist still...but days like today where things just fall into place makes me smile on the inside and out. I do not know if everyone who reads this believes in God, I do though and I believes he gives us these days as glimpses into what hard work can reward us with.

#happyday #simplethings #goodday #forgettentroubles #inthemoment #loved #payoff #hardwork #rewarded #lifestough #idealday #preview

[mamaskodie]

BathroomChampagne: Start of it all

Ladies, do you ever have those weeks where you just smile and go through the motions, but deep down inside you are screaming at everyone to just "F" off? Well I feel that way more often than not in my life right now. So, rather than let it own me I decided to put it to use.

My name is SKodie. I am a 26 year old mother of two and recently married. My oldest daughter is a two year old fire cracker. She is loud, busy, funny, caring, and demanding. My youngest is only a month and a half, she is my cuddler. Now just from reading that I am sure all of you are wondering what I have to complain about. Let's just say that those two girls are the easy part of my life.

My husband has been in legal trouble for almost a year now. He got two DUI's within a span of three months and totaled my car. I can see your faces now. "Well why the hell are you still with him?" Trust me it was not an easy decision. However, if you are reading this blog I have a strong sense that I don't need to explain that. With agreeing to stay came a lot of court dates, money, driving, and responsibility on me to do everything. Anyone who has been through this knows that DUIs come with a revoked license, drug and alcohol classes, alcohol monitoring bracelets, random drug test, and a whole lot of money. Now for you assholes thinking I made my decision so now I have to deal with it. I know that and your judgement doesn't mean anything to me. Just because your heart and mind haven't been tested in this way, I understand that you don't get it. Hope you continue on this journey with me and hopefully it sheds some light in the darkness of confusion.

My next added layer is dealing with all this while living in my mom and dad's apartment in the basement of their home. The space is very nice. Plenty of room for my family, only catches is it comes with my parents feeling the need to be involved in everything. Now this wouldn't be bad if I did not have to kids and a husband in legal trouble. I feel like I have to explain the moves I make and I can not just do something with my children without an opinion. Of course they are my parents and raised me so they have some knowledge, but I speak for all mom living in multi-generational homes when I say this...it is our turn to learn and raise our kids. Sometimes I just want to scream, "Not everything I do for my kids I have to ask you about, not every decision has to go through you, and you do not know my children better than me. I am their mother rather than me explaining myself you need to explain yourself when it comes to my kids". There has to be a level of understanding between the grandparents and parents. I feel like my parents do whatever they want because they feel they can. Kind of one of those my house my rules type of things but, news flash that's a fantasy. When you live in a home like this whether you like it or not you do not have the freedom of just being grandparents. You are just as responsible for molding them into everyday normal human beings as the parents themselves. If the kiss only visit their grandparents that's one thing. When you all live together and you are constantly undermining the parents wishes it is hell on us. I have to explain to my child why what you say does not trump what I say or why they can not just run to you when I say something they don't like. How is that fair? To me you just are making learning to be a parent harder on us because you don't have to do it. We are just embracing parenting and without trying they turn it into a battle rather than a time to grow. Please try to remember what it was like when you first had us. You were not perfect and you were given the opportunity to get it right.

Lastly, on top of all this I am job searching. As if I did not already have enough on my plate. I have to get back to work and make money to help my family. After all this came to a head in one week I found myself locked in my bathroom on my cold floor with a glass of champagne and my kindle. When I first went in I was crying ready to call it quits and admit I failed and it was all too much. I started reading and got lost in my book not looking up until I was out of champagne. When I snapped back to reality is when I realized that was all I needed. I needed a time that was solely about me. Not everything I had committed to, just me. Once that happened I just knew that I couldn't be alone. So I decided to share my life and hopefully open a door for someone else to share. At the very least to let other women in similar situation know there is someone out there to talk to who understands the decision you made that everyone else finds crazy. From now on this will be my outlet a place where I can talk about everything without a filter.

Be ready...I plan on using my outlet well.

#mom #nevergiveup #workhard #legalprob #daughter #multigenerational #help #support #womenunite #teachinglife #growingup #norestforthewicked #getyourmindright #moveforward #husband #life #Grinding