mamawritten

[mamawritten]

Day Four…

This is the fourth day that I have been stuck. Stagnant. During the weekend I made an attempt to get all the laundry done but as usual I fell short a load. Where I’d usually just finish it during the week, I just now today was able put some of the clean basket away. I am frustrated to say the least.

Our dog passed away last week. It was pretty traumatic for the family. I could tell by the way my aunt reacted that she was worried this would trigger me into an episode. As soon as I felt that energy I began to fear it too. I tend to pretend it’s not happening and when it begins. So naturally that is what I have done. I have accepted the bouts of tears in the bathroom and ruminating about what I could have done differently. I knew that I would get down but had things to do at the same time. Now that all the ‘have to-s’ are done I remain imprisoned in my mind.

It’s almost the weekend which means the kids will be home all day. I need to go to the grocery store. Tomorrow night is my girl’s basketball game and I need the energy for that. I can’t miss that. I know that I will push through and get done what has to get done. But what am I making for dinner tonight?

I am really tired of this.

#blackbloggers #mamawritten #blackwriters #blackwomenwriters #black writers #black writeblr #bipolar depression #depressive episode #stayathomemom

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#ai art #shopping #sailor moon #sailor scouts #blackbloggers #black sailormoon #etsyseller #shopify #sailor moon merch #anime art

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Please don’t let me be misunderstood...

Nina Simone by Anthony Barboza

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Every time...🙄

[mamawritten]

Hope everyone enjoyed halloween 🎃

#mamawritten #blackbloggers #blackwriters #blackwomenwriters #black writers #black writeblr #black poets on tumblr #black poets society #blackgirlmagic #blackwomen #happy halloween

[mamawritten]

Stay at Home Mom

I can understand how the mind can fantasize about the luxuries of being able to stay at home. So I try not to carry too much judgment when I find that people are jealous of what they think not having a job looks like. Yes, I am a stay at home mom. And trust me, that is a job. Especially with three crazy children running around almost nonstop. I often wonder what they think transpires in a house full of kids. What they think I do all day. And once upon a time, I felt the need to defend all that I do. As if having those jealous minds understand the amount of exhaustion staying at home all day brings-no adult conversation, no breaks, no me time, no freedom-as if my life depended on them realizing how hard this shit really is for one person. But nah. I’m a just keep doing what I’m doing. Let the unnecessary jealousy work itself out on its own. I wish I could take my ass to work everyday. But trust, I’m going to make the most out of my circumstances. And focus less on how others perceive and judge me as a person.

#mamawritten #stayathomemom #blackbloggers

[mamawritten]

When someone doesn’t act in accordance with your perception of them, you sum it up as crazy. Mental illness is more in depth than a simple assertion. What is crazy for you, may be another’s reaction to trauma. Could be the result of a trigger. Dig deeper.

[mamawritten]

The Narcissist as a Father

He will not teach his children anything. For the early years of their lives he will be absent. He will run the streets doing as he pleases. He will do only for self. And forget that he was supposed to get his two youngest shoes. He will expect the mother to educate, nurture, entertain and tend to the kids. As he only contributes less than half of his check. He spends the rest only on himself. He does not pay any bills. He does not make repairs in the house. He comes home and throws his shoes and clothes anywhere. Leaves his wet towel on the bed every day. He lays in the bed and looks through his phone for hours. Then complain about having nothing to do as his children look up at him with pleading eyes. He’ll take the one outside for ten minutes maybe. If the baby is crying he won’t budge. If they want anything they go to her. They know not to go to him. Because they know he won’t do anything. And through all of this he will criticize the woman holding down the fort. This is the narcissist father.

#narcissist father #black blogger #deadbeat

[mamawritten]

yrsadaleyward

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#word

[mamawritten]

Daughters Of Nri (The Return of the Earth Mother) (2019)

Strong-willed Naala grows up seeking adventure in her quiet and small village. While the more reserved Sinai resides in the cold and political palace of Nri. Though miles apart, both girls share an indestructible bond: they share the same blood, the same face, and possess the same unspoken magic, thought to have vanished with the lost gods.

The twin girls were separated at birth, a price paid to ensure their survival from Eze Ochichiri, the man who rules the Kingdom of Nri. Both girls are tested in ways that awaken a mystical, formidable power deep within themselves. Eventually, their paths both lead back to the mighty Eze.

by Reni K Amayo  

Get it here

Reni K Amayo was born and raised in London to two Nigerian immigrant parents. Her active imagination was the cause of many terrible nightmares, beautiful daydreams and colourful white lies. Reni has now used her gift to reimagine the Nigerian land untouched by the scars of colonialism, and instead enriched with its deep, old and powerful magic in her debut book Daughters of Nri, the first instalment of The Return Of The Earth Mother series.

[SuperheroesInColor faceb / instag / twitter / tumblr / pinterest / support ]

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#mamawritten #blackbloggers #blackwriters #blackwomenwriters #blackmentalhealth #boundaries #anxiety problems #codependency #mentalheathawareness #mental heath support #trauma be like

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They won’t take your mental illness serious until you take your own life.

#mamawritten #blackbloggers #blackwriters #blackwomenwriters #black writeblr #black writers #mental health #mentally unstable #bipolar disorder #suicide

[mamawritten]

Judgement

I'm sitting here wrestling with my emotions. Alone. I need so badly to talk to someone. But with social media I have learned that people will lend a listening ear only to run tell dat the first chance they get. They immediately judge. There is no worry of how you are holding up. How you are truly feeling. Just judgment. I've made so many bad decisions over the past few years. Every person I think of turning to, all I see are their judgmental stares. I see them making determinations about me based on those bad decisions. And in the end I see myself feeling worse than before. Is anyone even capable of seeing past their judgments anymore? I remember a time when I could go to a friend and pour out my pain to them. I've lost trust in the world. I'm closed off.

#mamawritten #blackbloggers #blackwriters #blackwomenwriters #black writeblr #black writers #blackwomen #blackmentalhealth #bipolar disorder #support black women #im drowning #judgement free #or nah

[mamawritten]

I chopped off my locs and restarted. Now I miss my hair 😩

#mamawritten #blackbloggers #locs #locdcommunity #blackwriters #blackwomenwriters #black writers #big chop again #third times the charm #microlocs #bipolar depression #pretty brown eyes

[mamawritten]

What of this ‘hood nigga?’ This…real nigga. These little boys posed as men. From what I’ve seen they are so lost. I cannot speak on such things without my own flaws being thrown back in my face. Many of which stem from the disappointment in what they believe makes them men. They spend hours on end playing a video game, passing money back and forth amongst each other. Whether they get together or not, no matter what day of the week they poppin bottles. All their money goes towards gambling, drinking and trying to look fly. Their kids, their women become an afterthought in the competition for who can pretend they ‘that nigga’ the most. I understand. Growing up surrounded by abandoned houses, liquor stores and overwhelming police presence can weigh heavy on a person. Mixed in with poverty and poor education, the brainwashing is easy. It’s sad to sit back and watch. I try to teach him what it is to be a family man, but do I really know? I’m not a man. I didn’t grow up with enough of a male presence to know. I only can go by what my pop pop and dad showed me. He’s come such a long way. But those poisonous habits will forever lay dormant in the back of his mind. And it’s only a matter of time before it starts rearing its ugly head again. I wish these black men could see what and who they really are. They would move so differently. In such a more positive vibrational way, without these walls built up so high that no one can get passed them. They would lead. They would see each other as kings and us as their queens. But here we are. Niggas and bitches. Hating each other. Functioning from our lower selves. Fueled by hatred, fearing vulnerability. And here I love my black man through it all.

#black people #melanin #black consciousness #black power #hoodshit #hoodmentality #staywoke #blackmen #blackunity #mamawritten #black women writers #black writers #blackbloggers #the black condition #brainwashing #black is king #wake up