monomorphilogical

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Bilal Al-Shams, Sacrifice

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“Young Girl and Death”, by Henri Leopold Levy, 1900.

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Transmuted cupid

I've been hit once or twice before

with a fatal point torn right at the core

and when the spider-webbing veins turned black

I carved the heart-shaped arrow from my back

cupid's shame raining down from a clear sky

I've drank it all down with a tolerance so high

but now the angel has come back down

to hold me still when there was no one around

said he's gotten love and war down to an art

as he grabbed my shoulder and tore out my heart

and I watch it slug its way across the floor

very much like it's somehow begging for more

beating like a sawed-off's reload

over-eager concession to the limbic overload

and my head rings in falsetto tones

monotonously chasing the metronomes

while the blood soaks through my favorite t-shirt

symbolic red droplets of age old hurt

falling down like metal hitting the ground

makes a dent that'll never be found

splintered knees over the floorboard again

soon to hurt but I don't know when

all I know is that I never wanted to say goodbye

I'm all weakened legs with a mouth gone dry

trying to find something more than words

the bloodstream flowing backwards

all the days passed in a forgotten dream

no eternity as time makes it seem

my heart's caught in many before splinters

shudders like limbs in stone cold winters

I've gotten overcomplication down to an art

prepositioned to take the truth apart

but as I watch the blood circling for something

I know it can only mean one thing

whispered soft with the curl of two tongues

not to the heart but to the space between my lungs

every breath I take is with cupid's prayer

ever since you've nestled yourself right there

you're weaved within me like a stitch to my core

I'm left feeling like something I've never felt before

it's taken me long enough to admit

all my blood sings with a heaven if you want it

with your eyes bright like the morning sky

sweet in a way that gets me on a new kind of high

the pull of your smile a never ending catalyst

let's make up for time we've already missed

if you still want it I'll be waiting right here

unveiled for the first time since the start of the year

it's my turn to linger in your doorway

I'll be here right up until you turn me away

#here's begging in the form of a poem enjoy #let me love you hard enough to feel it even when I'm not there and let me be a place where you can rest and let me hold you and #writeblr #writing #original writing #writers of tumblr #poetry #poem #spilled ink #poems on tumblr #poetry by renae #renae #i think i would still choose to love him even if i knew how to stop

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every love letter anyone’s ever written me

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A moldable body

God hides in a small corner of my room

where I've washed off the water of the womb

bare beneath a nightgown — 

fracture of a tooth when I bite down

and it multiplies under the weight

like the endlessness of a vein as I wait

following pathways of decay I carry within

family bloodline spiders underneath my skin

my hands a chain link of my father

mere definition of their fragmented bother

written down on a torn regrettable note

and it's lodged in my throat

curvature of my mouth like a missed uncle

unreachable for a young girl

in dreams I'll never be the same as me

shame in the bend of a knee

in my sleep I've severed the limb in two

the tissued scar tried and true

sharpened nails on the exposed bone

the unfamiliarity of my own

childless at the table beside the narrowed eye

watched and covered by a multitude lie

— I've barely known the elder

where there's no love found to be tender

they say to grow it takes a village

I'm covering my corner with all their spillage

and the vein will close as an old wound opens

like an angel going through the motions

watching from my shoulder

the scarred tissue never feels older

God never granted me that sword to swing

and I became a horrid thing — 

no weapon to yield and no weapon to steal

made a body destined to heal

the length of my fingers digging into flesh

brought upon the blood still so fresh

broken bones sharpened to a knife

held only to protect a life — 

be it seeping from mine or my neighbor

bending under family labour

lonely creature left beneath this decay

hardened eyes watching the rot wash away

molded by God's pressing thumb

I feel how my nerve endings have gone numb

until all my fight's revealed — 

my God given right hand to yield

through the sharpened teeth and leather skin

where once my softness would have been

in the set of a jaw and the slit of familiar eyes

the angel inside my body the same size

I am still who I was before

in the light crawling underside the door

#lonely nights where you feel bad about your childhood #the usual #but you grew up religious so! #writeblr #writing #original writing #writers of tumblr #poetry #poem #spilled ink #poems on tumblr #poetry by renae #renae #grotesque #religion #growing up religious #childhood

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on the grotesqueness of life

#web weaving #web weave #webs #webcore #collected poems #grotesque #on life #and living

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Heading west

I’m alone on some unknown road

with my head way past ready to implode

I miss the familiar countryside I once knew

had enough of the desert dry I keep traveling through

there's this angel on the shoulder of the I-65

still watching over me while I drive

needle pegging 95 as I crossed state lines

passed heaven and hell on those billboard signs

blind by sparks flying from crossed wires

until I caught my angel trying to slash the tires

now the radio's telling me to pull over but I won't

'cause I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't

so tell me where you are and I'll be on my way

another cigarette to stub out in the ashtray

passing gas stations while the tank's been low

chain smoking through the shattered window

until I'm gasoline fuming out of my mouth

and you're telling me you're going down south

I bet you'd look cool in that burning sun

like a shadow with nowhere to run

so I'm turning this scrap metal around

tracing back all the lines on my covered ground

I know I said I wanted you to be my baby

but you make me go fucking crazy

and I'm so sick and tired of riding on my own

I don't want to be a faceless stranger far from home

driving is only fun until you want to stop

but I've still got miles to burn on that lonely blacktop

God knows I've finally got my headlights on right

heat blasting while I drive through the night

and I’ve gotten so fucking angry at you all the while

so I'm flooring it for another mile

'cause I'm going where I know the roads best

I keep driving down this road just heading west

[previous part]

#God I hope this is the last part #I'm at my fucking limit #writeblr #writing #original writing #writers of tumblr #poetry #poem #spilled ink #poems on tumblr #poetry by renae #renae #once again this is not particularly about driving #driving south series

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Devils in church

I traced back all my lines crossed

bathed a vision in all the blood I lost

just as well to be stirring in paint thinner

sunday service faces have shadowed me a sinner

a child taken in by the skin of my teeth

there's a lick of flame that I can feel underneath

coiling around the conviction of the ageless

pulling a premature arm like the devil's contagious

blood to the surface for a week or so

running through veins like it's putting on a show

feet heavy in the courtyard at only sixteen

verdict spoken through inhaling the smokescreen

preachers keep speaking in tongues

I can't hear how they'll right their wrongs

I used to be baptised and haloed by a rising sun

and it felt like staring at the barrel of a gun

less than a mile away since their hair went grey

walked in unaware of a brand new prey

arms around the waist of another teenage waste

pinned black magic would't be misplaced

pled to take a knee with their raised hand to head

through jaws I'll only go down when I'm dead

taste the unveiled desire to drink from the cup

in between sacrilegious lines praying to give it up

I should've twisted the arm in a joint effort

those white walls have always made my head hurt

I'll bend the knee only to hit the right spot

hidden in the haunt of a face carved to be shot

remembered my pressed legs in union

followed by scrounging eyes at communion

head's circled around by another age old vulture

living through a real sick and sacred culture

told to hold your tongue until you're through the gate

sit up straight until you bend under the weight

a whispered undercurrent from mouth to ear

nothing I ever should have to hear

all my children of God bleeding around the devil's jaw

wolf in sheep's clothing only caught by the claw

quick to scold me with a conscious soaked in sin

their fingerprints scorched in my skin

told me forty in the desert is why they feel so lonely

but they've got thirst for water they know isn't holy

sharp teeth spilled my blood into the water

through the mirage I'm still somebody's daughter

their statued issue of a heinous act

community pillar will never come close to the fact

looking through stained twenty years passed

holy through church pews from the past

I know they're old and I'm new

not one saint willing to believe a teenage view

but I've grown the same way as the courtyard's ivy

twenty-four with a sinner's head held highly

and I'll be sure to go to church come sunday morning

God knows they won't heed no warning

followed all my lines of a bible I've read every night

it's grotesque justice but I've got the right

to take the hand and gouge out man's wandering eye

deafen the pleadings to their empty sky

while I'm wondering who they're praying to

it can't be the same God that I look up to

#grew up with old gross creeps in church #and they fill me with blood boiling rage #if I ever see them again I'll so as the bible says and take both the hand and eye #writeblr #writing #original writing #writers of tumblr #poetry #poem #spilled ink #poems on tumblr #poetry by renae #renae #not proof read don't kill me

[monomorphilogical]

Breezeh aka Briscoe Park (American, b. Cary, NC, USA) - Untitled, 2020, Photography

[monomorphilogical]

1-800-3-AM

always mulling over unattainable probabilities

trying to hide in godless possibilities

red-faced and on fire in the the dark of my room

take a guess but I could never assume — 

come to mind in the dead of night

the way you'd look at me covered in red light

wish you'd talk to me when you're liquor soaked

voice hoarse from that shit you've smoked

call me with your tongue loose and no shame

no inhibitions in some harmless drinking game

I promise you I'll be there when it's past 3 AM

wide awake with that nightmare again

so make me feel you right through the phone

don't want to feel like I'm laying here all alone

tell me your mouth's numb and you're feeling gutsy

if someone kissed you and how it wasn't me

some faceless stranger or did you know her

do you just want someone to put your hands all over

— I think I brought another knife to your gunfight

would you believe me if I promised you it's all alright

'cause I'd kiss her just to taste you in her mouth

and I find out what's she's all about

and maybe there's something wrong with me

acting like a starving animal when I'm this empty

— I should get it off my mind but I can't

all over you with my heart to hand

acting like I don't care and I'm something tough

you know I care but how much is enough

remember that jacket hanging off my shoulder

do you look at me different now that I'm older

talking around the bottle makes things easy

— at least that's what everybody tells me

why won't you tell me what you were thinking about

when you said my name and then walked out

have you thought about me late at night

face gone all red in the face come morning light

the way I'm still doing laying here

and I don't care I'm kicked like a dog into high gear

skin burning like I'm running a goddamn fever

even if I can only hear you breathe through the receiver

I'll tell you all about it baby — 

how I'm laying here going fucking crazy

in my t-shirt three sizes too big but it isn't yours

do you know that when it rains it pours

and you want me to tell it to you

remember when I said you were all shades of blue

how I'm still judged beneath the eye of God

— perpetually covered in my own blood

won't you blend right into me until I can't see

any difference between you and me

burning up like we got too close to the flame

in the lowlight we're one and the same

my hands on my skin while you're holding the phone

come up all over me until I'm no longer alone

#somehow theres a theme going on in my recent works #& its not intentional #i figured i was just ovulating #but now i'm starting to think im going feral #which is fine by me tbh ive had it w trying to be normal #writeblr #writing #original writing #writers of tumblr #poetry #poem #spilled ink #poems on tumblr #poetry by renae #renae #not proof read don't kill me

[monomorphilogical]

god loves me unconditionally. there is nothing i can do about this.

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Interstate lines

I'm doubling bodies down the thinning line

two sides of a faded billboard sign

an angel perched on the shoulder of the I-65

holding my breath like I could live half a life

all my limbs fractured in another man's hit a run

odd angles making it hard to move on

strapped the seat belt severing my blood line

frayed edges like another passed sign

it still feels like a blade pressed against my neck

scratching like that 1984 cassette deck

caught on tape like a shadow in the southern sun

nowhere to go and nowhere to run

my mama said to always keep up my chin

but it's still scars me with all that could've been

like a roadside creature decaying in the southern sun

I've always had that devil riding shotgun

turning up the heat so we won't go up in flames

engine rattling with all my past names

I always survive but I can never leave it behind

backseat pile-up so high the rearview's gone blind

wholly covered in dust and it bites

twenty-four and crying at passing gas station lights

been praying to the radio stations for so long

strike me down at the finish line drawn

save me from flipping coins out the console

who knew chasing this straightaway high takes its toll

passing highway signs like I'm just a roadie

but right now I'm just eroding

all these steering wheel bruises on my knees

squeezing the blood around the cut of my keys

rambling on with all my haggard edges worn down

I'm just another strange face in an unknown town

I've lost myself in the land of the free

but the rearview mirror reflection is still me

how I've come so far without moving up a mile

so fucking angry at myself all the while

always looking out for that white car to pass me by

but there's nothing around here but desert dry

so I missed my exit a couple of states ago

my taillight's still busted and the transmission's slow

metal to blacktop sparks like the fourth of july

if I can't ride just let me fucking die

'cause I’ll keep going on when I burn through the motor

and there won't be a tomorrow if I don't pull over

so I hope God just lets me die today

give me forever riding down heaven's highway

'cause I've seen too many nights gone stone cold

torn backseat leather and no hand to hold

I'm so fucking sick and tired of riding on my own

should've known these roads don't lead home

[previous part & next part]

#have I finally made up my mind? I still don't have the answers sorry #obligatory 'this is not about driving' tag #also obligatory 'I don't really want to die don't worry' #ok I kind of do but that's just my default setting #writeblr #writing #original writing #writers of tumblr #poetry #poem #spilled ink #poems on tumblr #poetry by renae #renae #driving south series

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