psychocdblues

[psychocdblues]

lots of updates today. after my first therapy session i desperately reached out to 5 old friends i haven’t seen or spoken to since who knows when. as my brain started up with its usual self-deprecating talk, one of them replied, curious to ask how i had been doing. i asked them, you still want to talk with me after all this time? and they said, yeah…of course. the tears came along with a healing wave of relief. yeah, we have friends…and as of last week all 5 had reached back wanting to catch up. depression had definitely twisted my mind over a long period of time…makes me wonder what other damage has been done

#mental health #therapy #depression #friends

[psychocdblues]

just had my first therapy session in years. it felt good because the person seemed to understand most of what i was saying. i know that's all it takes - understanding, or at least the feeling of being understood - but with over 8 billion people on the planet the only 2 people who seem to truly get me (for the most part) are my spouse and my therapist. i know that existential isolation is the experience of being fundamentally separate from other people, but i feel it so sharply that it makes me want to...but hopefully these appointments will mark the start of some healthy change for myself this year

#mental health #psychotherapy #depression #existential isolation

[psychocdblues]

i’ve been lonely for nearly my whole life, but this past month or so i’ve been feeling existentially isolated even more intensely than usual. i know it’s winter but come on. when i’m doing therapy with my clients i’m on, but it’s getting harder, and when the camera is off i’m back to feeling as solitary as an oyster. except i’m tired of this, mr. dickens. please write some dialogue for me, even if it’s just with spirits

#mental health #depression #lonely #existential isolation #charles dickens #a christmas carol #will hallucinate for friends

[psychocdblues]

positive news on a dreary winter’s morning: i finally have appointments with a psychologist and a psychiatrist. i’ve been without regular care for years due to finances, but catching covid recently showed me firsthand the consequences of putting off my needs for so long. as a therapist, caregiver, and person who just can’t opt out of living, self care is mandatory, and i have a lot of catching up to do

#mental health #self care #psychology #psychiatry

[psychocdblues]

here’s to another happy new year.

#happy new year #dead #lol #billie eilish #maybe i’m the problem