river-bone

[river-bone]

Being reassured that I won't be replaced over and over again just to be replaced the moment I get comfortable

I know I have to be the problem, but why isn't there a solution that isn't just to be someone else, because I've tried and it doesn't work

#please don't reblog #it just makes me so upset #like i feel so fucking lied to but i can't express it to anyone because I'll just be called immature and childish and I'll be ignored #or just forced out entirely #i just can't fucking win no one wants me around unless I'm just in the background #I'm only ever wanted if I'm more a piece of scenery than i am a person #and i know every bit of how i feel would be invalidated because god forbid i feel something about how I'm treated #because if i say I'm hurt then I'm just being selfish and annoying and not letting anyone else be happy #but why is it that everyone's happiness must be defended but mine? why is it that i just don't matter? #what did i do wrong to deserve this? why me? #i know I'm not special but it seems like there's something fundamentally wrong with me that makes everyone not want to me around me #i try to do everything right and be as good as i can but nothing i ever do will ever be enough #I was just born a failure in every way and I'll die that way alone forgotten and unmourned #my body will be found a month later when someone gets needs me to play errand-boy and they get mad that I'm not texting back #no one will even notice until they find my rotting desecrated body cold and alone like how I've lived my entire life #personal #vent #depression #anxiety #suicidal

[river-bone]

I can't even be surprised when I'm not cared about anymore, at this point it's just expected

I'm forever stuck in a cycle of abandonment

Please don't reblog

#that one person who says #it's the same every time #I'm just a placeholder and I will always be replaced #it's not even like there's there isn't there's no one #personal #vent #suicidal #depression #anxiety

[river-bone]

Me: "My feelings are always invalidated or I'm patronized for them and it makes me really upset"

Them: "Oh I won't invalidate them or patronize you!"

Me: "Ok I trust you"

Me at a later point in time: *talks about something that upsets me*

Them: *invalidates my emotions and patronizes me*

Me: 😐

Please don't reblog

#I'm done talking to people about how i feel it's fucking pointless #they'll tell me i should talk to them yet they really don't care #they only actually listen when I'm in crisis mode because no one seems to think i exist outside of their tiny notion of me #I'm only allowed to be sad and if I get mad or frustrated about anything I'm treated like a tantruming child #I'm so fucking sick of it and it doesn't even matter because they won't fucking realize it since no one pays attention to how i feel anyways #I'll get told I'm doing shit cause i think they'll act a certain way yet they'll still fucking treat me that way then act like I'm stupid!! #I'm just reacting to what you're doing it's not my fault you don't want to accept that you're making me feel like i need to close myself off #but no it's my fault like how everything is my fault because all i know how to do is be a fucking failure at everything no matter what i do #vent #depression #personal

[river-bone]

I wish I wasn't me. I'm tired of myself, nothing is getting better and I'm trying so hard I don't know what to do anymore. At the very least I wish I felt like I mattered to anyone.

#please don't reblog #depression #suicidal #vent #personal

[river-bone]

Listening to "Oh Klahoma" by Jack Stauber gives me the same feeling as being at birthday parties as a kid but I'm only there cause it was a family friend and I don't really belong anywhere

#please don't reblog #depression #personal

[river-bone]

I swear it's like I can't do anything without people getting mad at me, I'm constantly being spoken down to by everyone because everybody assumes I'm just a useless idiot who can't do anything

Honestly what's the point in trying when all I can do is fail? No one even believes in me, so why should I bother? What is there to even try? I can't do anything no matter what I try, it's so useless to even bother at this point I just want to stop trying.

#please don't reblog #depression #anxiety #vent #personal

[river-bone]

I'm just a fucking mistake

Since birth I've been nothing but a burden on everyone else on my life

I'll never be good enough to anyone because all I ever do is make everything worse

My mom was right, I really do always manage to ruin everything.

#please don't reblog #vent #depression #anxiety #suicidal #personal

[river-bone]

It feels like everyday is a reminder that I can never me emotionally open with anyone or it'll just ruin everything. I'm just an annoying, whiny, crybaby, piece of shit that makes everyone else's lives worse all the time.

#please don't reblog #vent #depression #anxiety #personal #I'm going to actively never talk about anything that bothers me to anyone because that's the only way i can ever improve #the only way anyone tolerates me being around is when i pretend nothing is going on and everything is fine #I'm not supposed to have problems because no one wants to hear them so fine no one has to #my friend don't care my family doesn't care no one does! no one is even reading this because it's stupid! #using this stupid blog is the only way I can ever express anything without having to cover it up so it's palatable for everyone else

[river-bone]

I've mostly come to terms that I'm no one top priority, or priority in general, but thinking about it still hurts sometimes y'know?

#please don't reblog #vent #depression #anxiety #personal

[river-bone]

I have no one I can rely on and it's so crushing. I'm all alone, even when people are around. I can't really confide in anyone or have a shoulder to cry on because I've been forced into the roll of caregiver for everyone. I have to be the smart, mature, responsible one even though I'm still so young. I've never gotten the chance to be taken care of because so early on I was forced to be a carer for myself, then everyone else.

I feel so alone. Like I'm in a bubble, being forced to watch everyone else swim freely.

#please don't reblog #vent #depression #anxiety #isolation #personal

[river-bone]

I think I got fucked up too young and now I don't know what love is.

#even so i want it so bad #the thing i never got #the thing I'll never have #suicidal #depressed #vent #personal

[river-bone]

I feel so fucking bad I feel like the only things that could help me are drugs and self destructive actions

So guess who's gonna do both

#it's me i am #please don't reblog #vent #depression #suicidal #drug tw #personal

[river-bone]

Feel like shit, might do something unhealthy

#like uh #not eat lol #depression #vent

[river-bone]

Height/sw/cw/gw?

Height: 5'6"

SW: ~185lbs

CW: 157lbs

GW: 115lbs

#anon

[river-bone]

Wow I'm dumb

I turned anon on so please send asks or whatever

#i really thought i had them on already #personal

[river-bone]

I couldn't fast all day, but I did keep my promise to work out so I'm happy with myself

I'm very excited to have that thigh gap and smaller arms

#i'm still gonna fast till 3pm tomorrow #weight loss #thinspo #personal #I hope y'all like me updating cause you can't stop me

[river-bone]

I went to run errands with my mom and I forgot that that's a death warrant on my fast 😔

#thinspo #weight loss #personal