rpgnonsense

[rpgnonsense]

Non-lethal... please?

So one of our players, with a critical hit dealt an accidental 214 points of damage to one of the party's mother who was being mind controlled by an enemy.

Needless to say she was killed instantly.

Player, in utmost horror - "That's the most amount of damage I've ever dealt with a single attack, and I feel awful."

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #dnd 5e #non-lethal

[rpgnonsense]

Gotta catch em all...

"These are enemies, you're supposed to kill them, not collect them. This isn't Pokemon!"

An outburst from our DM after we decided we wanted to keep a zombie as a pet instead of killing it.

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #dnd 5e #shit my dm says #d&d #d&d 5e

[rpgnonsense]

Player Discretion

DM - "Oh I forgot to use this one action, can I retroactively do it?"

Players - "We'll allow it."

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #dnd 5e #shit my dm says #d&d #d&d 5e

[rpgnonsense]

New Rules #1

"Goblins are connoisseurs in piss"

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #dnd 5e #d&d #d&d 5e

[rpgnonsense]

Flavour text

When an enemy stepped on a landmine that one of the players threw on the floor.

DM - "Okay, describe the explosion."

Player - "...Boom?"

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #shit my dm says #dnd 5e #fallout equestria #foe

[rpgnonsense]

Roach???

Our Centaur Monk - "I am going to run up the wall and backflip off so that I land on the opposite platform."

DM - "Horse physics, activate!"

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #dnd 5e #d&d #shit my dm says #centaur #monk

[rpgnonsense]

Odd DM #idkanymore

DM - "I don't know what it is about my sessions but there are just some moments where there are no filters."

Player - "You allowed a dildo-firing rifle to exist. There's no going back."

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #shit my players say #shit my dm says #foe #fallout equestria

[rpgnonsense]

A fantastic rendition of our D&D party as Drawn by our Cleric (@Cl4ptr4sh)

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #d&d #art #cl4ptr4sh

[rpgnonsense]

The trouble with old age...

DM - "As you hit the corrupted Treant you become infected with wood-blight."

Aged Goblin Cleric - "Damn it, I have erectile dysfunction!"

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #dnd homebrew #shit my players say #dnd 5e #d&d #goblin #erectile dysfunction #limp dick

[rpgnonsense]

Get fucked Pythagoras

Player 1 - If the enemy is on a platform 60 feet above mine how far back would I need to go to be able to see her?

Player 2 - Well if we use the Pythagorean theorem...

DM - Just eyeballing it, from there she would probably have 3/4 cover from you.

Player 1 - I ignore 3/4 cover because of my Sharpshooter ability.

Player 3 - Get fucked Pythagoras!

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #dnd homebrew #shit my players do #shit my players say #dnd 5e #d&d #pythagoras

[rpgnonsense]

Extradimensional gloryhole

After our monk learned to use Banishing Strike...

Player - "What if you accidentally activated that while you were jerking off and just sent your penis to the ethereal plane?"

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #d&d #dnd 5e #monk

[rpgnonsense]

According to all known laws of Alienation...

The party met a symbiotic alien life form that could create living metal creatures.

Symbiote - "There is a range to the connection. It is the same as if a bee travels miles from it's hive, it will be confused and not know what to do."

Player - "And it might marry a human woman."

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #fallout equestria #dnd homebrew #foe #shit my players say #bee movie

[rpgnonsense]

LARPing

When asked what he was doing on his turn the rogue decided to hide... literally.

#foe #fallout equestria #dnd homebrew #dungeons and dragons #dnd #shit my players do #method acting #larp

[rpgnonsense]

Discrimination against the demonic

After the party encountered a family of demons living on a farm.

Player - "I really want to kill them but I don't want it to be racism."

#dnd #shit my players say #dungeons and dragons #d&d #divinity #demons #divinity orginal sin 2

[rpgnonsense]

My precious....

Player (after getting laid in the campaign) - "Its been so long. My last sexual encounter was with a ring."

DM - "I do not want to imagine what you did to that ring."

Player - "I put it into Mount Doom. That's what I call my clunge."

#dnd #shit my players say #dungeons and dragons #d&d #divinity #lotr #mount doom

[rpgnonsense]

No Homo...

"I imagine, like if you say "I don't believe in fairies" then a fairy dies, if you were to say "no homo" a gay person dies."

This was said by one straight player in a dnd group, the rest of whom are all gay or bi.

The table erupted in raucous laughter.

#dnd #shit my players say #dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #d&d #no homo #gay pride

[rpgnonsense]

Discrimination against the undead

While solving a murder mystery, the party found wraiths in the basement of a castle.

Player - "We do need to deal with this ghost problem before it gets out of hand. We should probably kill them."

Other player - "Just let them be man, this is just wraithism."

#dnd #shit my players say #dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #d&d #rift #wraith