spankingtheatre

[spankingtheatre]

Vigilance Costs Energy

The feeling of being drained after a social event is now so well-known, it's almost an introvert cliche. Sadly it makes introverts seem somehow flawed, like leaky buckets, or faulty batteries that discharge too rapidly.

But what if there was really no inherent fault in introverts at all? Perhaps what really exhausts people - regardless of their inner psychology - is having to maintain a state of extreme vigilance when socialising.

It can't be a coincidence that when we're with friends, our energy seems to last so much longer, despite being naturally more high-tempo than encounters with strangers. Perhaps that's a clue, that when we're comfortable being ourselves, we don't have to suppress the parts of us that we'd rather not show. Putting on an act - now that is exhausting.

Thomas Jefferson's famous quote about the price of freedom being eternal vigilance equally well applies to social situations. We want to be free to be who we truly are, but we're wary of letting our guard down. That's why sexual vulnerability is so difficult.

We are vigilant in social situations not because we lack courage, but because we're not naive. We learn from an early age to be wary of assholes, and those who might take advantage of our nature to exploit us.

Someone who's submissive will be rightly concerned that dominant individuals will take advantage of their neediness. How do we ever know anyone we encounter is saying what we want to hear whilst hiding their true intentions?

It's not that every stranger has a nefarious agenda. We'd be doomed to a lonely fate if we truly believed that. It's just that everyone is driven by their own motivations, and social niceties dictate we don't all lay our most personal secrets on the table the first time we encounter someone new.

Everyone's true intentions are revealed progressively, as we enter the social and sexual dance that leads to intimacy. We learn to place our trust in those who earn it. That's why relationships often begin with a kind of terrifying audition, with both partners hyper-vigilant for red flags - especially if they've been hurt badly in the past.

But maintaining such high levels of vigilance is literally exhausting. We're curating how others see us, in how we act and dress, and what we choose to talk about. We analysing reactions, and adapting how we appear. Inside, our hindsight critic is already berating us.

Yet we can not avoid others forming judgements about us. Even when we play safe, we're being judged, and we may be inadvertently conveying completely the wrong impression about ourselves. We might be passionate inside, but hide it so well that we appear dull and emotionless.

So we shouldn't fall into the trap of wanting to appear perfect in the eyes of others, because we can not possibly know their idea of perfection. Perhaps they just want us to be our most authentic selves, and would be greatly honoured to be trusted with our deepest and most precious secrets.

Until we drop our mask, we'll have no idea if others will find our interests hot or icky. But we can be sure of two things: if we've chosen our friends well, they'll be open-minded and love us regardless, and we burn more brilliantly when we're not hiding our flame.

We'll never quite lose our innate social vigilance, so it's helpful to remember that none of us is actually socially flawed, and it's probably our anxiety about how we're perceived that really exhausts us.

#vulnerability #sexuality #social awkwardness #interestingness #introversion #perfectionism #anxiety

[spankingtheatre]

Hello sir, I deeply fantasize being teased as my master spanks my butt red. I fantasize getting laid down on his lap as he spanks my bare skin and strokes and fingers my slit. Can you give more ideas of similar punishment and reward.

For new ideas try looking at my list of naughty games, there's currently 30 different games to inspire you, as well as 7 more complex games that couples can play. You can even use an online random number generator to choose which one to play.

Or if you'd like a much simpler idea, and you want to combine spanking and fingering, why not suggest a special rule for the next 7 days: whenever you're spanked, you must have at least one of his fingers in your vagina.

This rule will not only mean you'll have to be much closer to each other during spankings, but you'll also have to tweak some of your usual positions to allow his non-spanking hand to reach between your legs. But constraints are good at forcing us to experiment, and introducing us to new experiences.

Repetition helps too, hence trying it out for at least 7 days - enough time to start developing new erotic associations and responses. Just feeling his hand near your waist will generate a buzz of anticipation. You'll know how close you are to a spanking by your distance to his hand. Once you feel his fingertip between your lips you'll know a spanking is inevitable...

#reader questions #sex games #spanking #fingering #anticipation #experimentation #novelty seeking

[spankingtheatre]

Hello, when will you update the Beginner's Guide to Self-Spanking?

I assume this is a request for more self-spanking games!

Which makes this a good opportunity to ask what kind of posts you'd all like to see. I could create more like the challenges I've already posted, but perhaps you'd like to see something different? Maybe some guided instructions you can read and follow - like interactive stories, or even some audio files you can listen to as you spank yourself?

Or would you like me to create something else entirely? Do add a reply to this post, or send me a message if you have an idea you'd like me to try!

#reader questions #self-spanking #guided masturbation #naughty games #question of the week

[spankingtheatre]

hello! i’ve been trying to find a story which i believe is yours and i cannot find it for the life of me! i’ve seen your post about the woman with the knobs attached to the bedposts and what i’m looking for is similar. it was in a monastery and the nuns would do inspections on the newer nuns to see if they had been touching themselves. if they had, the punishment was to sit on the bed knob in front of the entire room of nuns.

The only story I've written with nuns is Verso, Recto - and that doesn't involve bedposts!

There's also this mini-story Riding the Bedknob, but that doesn't feature any nuns. Likewise The Naughtiest Thing does involve bedposts, but no nuns!

So it's perfectly possible that you're thinking of a story posted elsewhere! Being pleasurably penetrated by bedknobs is a super hot fantasy though, and anyone else reading this who's thought about this fantasy will now have a few new discoveries to enjoy...

#reader questions #bedpost #erotic writing #naughty nuns #penetration

[spankingtheatre]

Sex With Words

If you were to record what goes on during a kinky relationship and depict it in a pie chart, spanking would appear as a tiny slice. There might be other similarly small slices for inspections, masturbation, and fuckings, and a larger slice for cuddles. But most of the pie would represent talking.

Words are the foundations of kink. We can't negotiate without them, or express our desires and our boundaries. Sex without words is crude and feral. Kinky sex is a meeting of minds, as much about what what is imagined than what is actually performed.

Words keep our internal erotic fire glowing, and stoke the flames of neediness in others.

What we actually say (or send — because this kind of play works particularly well over messaging) is not just what turns us on, but what we know will also intrigue and arouse our partner. It can be as simple as just talking erotically, like telling our partner what we’d like to do if we were together right now, such as:

“Daydreaming about slipping my hand up your skirt.”

"I have my hand in my pants. Is that naughty of me?"

“I want your taste on my tongue.”

“Can you feel yourself tingle where you most want to be touched?”

“Suck your little finger for me.”

“Are you making your pretty little panties damp?”

“Tell me how much you need me.”

“I know you need to hold my hand, little one, so you don’t get lost.”

“When I get home I’m going to put you over my knee, and spank your bare bottom.”

"Are you going to wank over my poor sore smacked bottom?"

The secret to talking erotically is not to censor yourself. Not to stay silent for fear of seeming too outrageous. Silence does no one any favours, it is impossible to reply to. Often the boldest statements are the most arousing. In saying something we give our partner the opportunity to riff off what they've received.

Even though the Top might have originally instigated the conversation, and taken charge of directing it, it's still very much a two-way dialogue. What the Bottom has to say is just as important in sustaining the conversation’s erotic energy. If a Bottom was to agreeably reply "Yes Sir" to every message, the dialogue would quickly become boring and peter out.

Anyone who's practised theatrical improv knows the golden rule is "Don't be boring". To keep the energy flowing, we must offer novelty, and build on what we're given rather than block.

With the right vibe, both partners can give each other a feelgood buzz that will linger throughout the day. Time matters, it's OK to pause and give your partner time to anticipate what you’ve said. To tell them what you have in store for them in the morning, and make it happen later that evening.

A long gap to think might seem paradoxical, but anticipation fills the mind with enjoyable imaginings of what’s to come, quite different from a mind that’s empty, and cranky through lack of stimulation.

If this makes stoking neediness sound like an eroticised kind of flirting, you’d be right. Eroticism is a flame that requires continual tending to keep it burning hot.

In the early stages of relationships, flirting allows us to subtly signal our romantic interest. As intimacy develops, we need to be able to communicate that we still find our partner desirable. That’s why messages that keep the fires of neediness stoked are more overtly sexual. Kinky talk is like flirting, only hotter.

Once we decide we’re sexually interested in someone, we still want to hear them tell us just how hot they think we are. In disciplinary relationships, it's an opportunity to be strict and give our partner the joy of submitting to what we say. When we're being kinky, we're continually reaffirming we turn each other on.

Being kinky can be difficult to define. Many describe it in contrast to "vanilla" activities, as if being kinky was merely an appetite for unusual sex. But I think a better definition is possible:

Kink is when we go beyond physical contact, and use ideas to take control of others' imaginations - to arouse, and tease, and tantalise.

Kink is having sex with words.

#kink #power of words #flirting #eroticism #relationships #neediness #improvisation

[spankingtheatre]

hello sir, i found your blog a few months ago anf im honestly really obsessed with it. the way you use your words are so endearing and arousing anf jdnfndnd. ive also been curious about your thoughts on diapers. i honestly think theyre arousing because of how it makes you feel like a helpless baby thats jus dependent on your partner.

I have to admit diapers aren't personally my thing, that's why despite having posted so copiously, I still haven't written any stories about diapers or adult babying. I just don't find it erotic to treat a partner like a helpless infant, and bodily waste isn't a turn-on for me.

Yet everyone has their own erotic preferences. As long as consent exists there's no right or wrong, which is why we should always be careful not to yuck on others' yums.

I think this is important because beneath the scenes, props, and settings each of us personally fetishise, there are universal desires we all share - such as power, dependency, and vulnerability. Where some might choose to explore eroticism through pacifiers and diapers, I prefer to play with inspections and orgasm control, tying up and chastity belts. And spankings on the bare bottom, of course.

The roles, situations, and objects we personally find erotic might differ, but I believe we're all manifesting different aspects of the same universal human sexuality. Whatever turns you on is good, that's why this blog exists, after all.

#reader questions #sexuality #eroticism #diaper play #fetishes #kink #vulnerability

[spankingtheatre]

Hello Sir, first of all I love your content! Secondly, may I ask if you perhaps know movies with mxf/domxsub spankings in them?

I assume you're referring to mainstream movies that contain spanking scenes. There are lots of sites that maintain lists of vanilla movies with kinky scenes, just search for "spanking in movies".

But I'm going to give a shout out to one particular favourite - Chross, someone who's been blogging for longer than even me! You'll find a list of movies with spankings in this subforum.

I think my favourite spanking in a mainstream movie - which isn't listed in the site above, because it's implied rather than depicted - is Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Perhaps others will reply to this post with their own favourites!

#reader questions #spanking #kink #movies

[spankingtheatre]

How Sexual is Spanking for You?

I'd happily spank anybody who asked for it, as long as I vibed with them.

And if a play partner preferred the spanking didn't involve sex, I don't consider that a deal-breaker, I will respect their boundaries.

Personally I'm fine with spankings not involving any sexual contact. I'm perfectly content, for instance, to roleplay the disciplining of a naughty schoolgirl, where she'll be sent off to do her homework on a sore bum afterwards. Or (like in the First Date story) to tell someone I'd just met: "Just a spanking, nothing more."

So whilst sexual contact isn't necessary for me, my sexuality does still play a part, as my preference is to play with women rather than men. I couldn't see myself spanking a man 1 on 1, but might be open to spanking mixed groups with both men and women present. It seems for me, even if there's no sexual contact, there's still a sexual energy. Which is interesting, isn't it?

But that's just me, how about you?

#question of the week #spanking #sexuality #kink

[spankingtheatre]

Threshold

There's a point in every spanking where something changes. When self-consciousness and worries cease, when the recipient enters a brand new headspace and their thoughts and reactions start to flow differently.

In the recent poll, I called this the Loss of Dignity, but I could also have called it the Loss of Inhibition. It's the moment of letting go, the transition from resistance to acceptance.

For some, this is the moment when they cease pleading for mercy, and begin to plead for more. For others, the moment they stop recoiling from the smacks and push their pink bum out in anticipation. And then there are others, who've resolutely kept their legs tightly closed, who suddenly kick and squirm, any thought of preserving their modesty forgotten.

Why does this moment turn us in so much? I think it's the most powerful emotional peak of a spanking, when protests and pleading are loudest, and the pain feels sorest. Then suddenly, the resistance ends, and discipline prevails. As we know from watching any drama, abrupt changes in emotional energy are extremely powerful.

Usually, the surrender of inhibitions occurs during a spanking, but it can occur in earlier - or even later - stages, depending on the emotional dynamics between the spanker and the recipient.

Sometimes the threshold is crossed early in a spanking, as anticipation and preparation bewitch the recipient's mind.

Sometimes the loss of inhibition will come after the spanking ends, when the recipient leaps on their disciplinarian, smothering them with urgent kisses, begging to be satisfied.

The threshold is a state of serenity and submission, when pain is numbed by a rush of endorphins, an inner deluge that obliterates any feelings of shame and self-consciousness too.

"Do I look hot enough?"

"Am I reacting right?"

"Have I been a disappointment?"

"Do I come across like a cheap easy slut?"

Then the threshold is crossed and all intrusive thoughts vanish. The natural painkillers are worry-killers too. How the recipient is perceived ceases to matter, they can just react naturally and experience the intensity of what their body is telling them. This is the moment of submission, the trust fall of falling and knowing you'll be caught.

A smacked bottom might be hot and sore, but the experience induces a state of deep satisfaction. Beyond the threshold is a realm of floaty contentment.

Any worries that existed at the start of a spanking no longer seem to matter by the end.

#spanking #subspace #inhibitions #kink #submission #satisfaction #trust

[spankingtheatre]

Stoking Neediness

Neediness is a hunger for another person. It could be for your lover, or someone who fulfils an important erotic role in your life.

Just like any other appetite, it can be stoked and stimulated long before the first bite is taken. Those who enjoy kinky relationships know this well, they appreciate neediness is a psychologically pleasurable state of desire, not a hunger craving that must be quenched as soon as possible. 

Thus a common kinky dynamic is for the Top to deliberately fuel their Bottom partner’s neediness. To let them linger and enjoy the intensity of that longing for a while, before finally satisfying it. The result is an exciting roller-coaster ride of tension, anticipation and release, as neediness is progressively escalated and then relieved.

This is only possible because there's a difference between making someone horny and stoking their neediness. 

Being horny is an intense state of sexual expectation, when we believe some kind of sexual activity is imminent. Since our bodies can only stay physically aroused for a limited time, this feeling is exciting but inherently short-lived.

Being needy is a less intense feeling, so it can be prolonged for longer. It is more of a mental and emotional state, so its associated physical responses are more subtle, tingling and butterflies rather than conspicuous sexual arousal.

When we’re needy, we’re not expecting anything sexual to happen immediately. We are instead longing for more of our partner’s attention, like a plant stretching for life-giving sunlight. The warming rays of our partner’s attention inspire fantasies about them, and lead us to imagine of all kinds of tantalising erotic possibilities.

As orgasms temporarily sate our sexual appetite, neediness can be intensified by voluntarily abstaining from masturbation, making it a privilege only your partner can grant. Those who’ve tried chastity and erotic denial know they can be surprisingly enjoyable experiences.

Remember though: neediness is a state of sexual vulnerability, where we are exposed for our lovers to see, and play with as they please. So it’s vital that neediness is nourished compassionately.

Stoking and sustaining neediness is quite different from emotionally manipulative strategies like deliberately ignoring someone (“silent treatments”), or cruel avoidant behaviours like ghosting. Neediness should be a desirable state of yearning, and the recipient needs to trust their partner will not abuse their emotional needs.

We stoke neediness through words and instructions, through being present and letting our gazes linger. But neediness is not fuelled by silence, that only increases feelings of loneliness and abandonment.

So the golden rule when playing with neediness is to keep communicating. If real life intrudes and you’re too busy to respond to you partner, tell them. Even a quick message will do. It is unethical and abusive to deliberately ignore someone who loves you.

Kink is often compared to a trust fall, because before we can be truly vulnerable, we need to know there's someone trustworthy to catch us. But once we feel secure, neediness feels incredible, it really is the most delicious kind of anticipation.

#neediness #eroticism #sexual desire #sexual tension #attention #vulnerability #kink #relationships

[spankingtheatre]

The Little Slit Between Your Bottom

The position of the vulva right between the buttocks has always been linked to my love of spanking.

But I've always spanked without the expectation of fucking afterwards. It's satisfying enough for me to spank and be part of a mutually enjoyable experience, without feeling the necessity of getting my penis involved.

To me, her pretty little slit is a place to admire and adore, rather than a vacant hole that needs to be filled. Every vulva seems like a fingerprint, as unique as its owner.

I love how her little groove and delicate lips are exposed when I pull her panties down.

I love seeing the care she's taken in shaving herself so bare and smooth.

I love how she presents her most intimate places to me, literally laying them over my lap.

I love how the oval gap between her thighs grants such a perfect view, like a frame around a masterpiece.

I love watching her little folds swell, and how they glisten as the adjacent cheeks are soundly smacked.

I love it when her little bump stiffens and peeps beyond its tiny cowl.

I love how her squirming legs conceal and then reveal, and the glimpses of her beautiful gothic arch.

I love how good her arousal smells, because that reminds me of how delicious she tastes.

I love how the skin she keeps hidden from the world feels like the softest and most luxurious velvet.

I love when she's over my lap how close her clit is to the tip of my cock, even though our throbbing places never actually touch.

I love how close her hands are to her slit when she rubs her sore bottom, and how rubbing one frustratingly fails to relieve the other.

I love pulling up her panties when we're both so obviously aroused, and seeing her pout as I tell her to be a good girl now.

I love being in control of not just her pleasure, but my own desires too.

That's why the ending of my story First Date was personal to me.

“Just one drink. And maybe a good spanking. But nothing more.”

#spanking #sexuality #intimacy #vulva #inspection #appreciation

[spankingtheatre]

Question of the Week: Satisfying Neediness

Put simply, neediness is the perfectly natural desire for your partner's attention, but what's your favourite way to receive it?

Perhaps it's through talking, sharing moments and flirtatiously teasing. Or words might not be enough, and you you need to be physically close and cuddled.

Or maybe you want your body to be seen and intimately inspected. Or be spanked until your bottom is sore and your mind goes floaty. Or maybe it's coming hard that grants you the satisfaction you need.

Or maybe you need someone to impose strict discipline, who'll say no to you, and set firm boundaries. Or perhaps you need them to push you past the boundaries of "decent" behaviour, so you feel the embarrassing rush of feeling filthy and depraved.

Whether giving or receiving, what's your favourite way to have your own need for attention met?

#question of the week #neediness #attention #kink

[spankingtheatre]

Being Horny vs Being Needy

Being horny sounds hot. Your pulse is racing, you're aroused, and eager for gratification.

Being needy sounds awful. It implies a yearning, of being cruelly deprived of what we want.

But in reality, neediness is the essential fire that grows and sustains sexual relationships.

They even feel very different.

We can feel horny when alone, but we only feel needy within an intimate relationship. Horniness is a familiar physical sensation, a readiness for action driven by our libido. It gives us a quickened heartbeat and a tingling in intimate places. Either someone satisfies us, or we'll do it ourselves.

Neediness, on the other hand, is an emotional state, like a gap within ourselves, one we need others to fill. There is no expectation of orgasm, it lasts far longer than any period of feeling horny. It might continue for days. We can not satisfy it alone.

Neediness isn’t a deficiency, it's a vital state of sexual desire. It's an opening in ourselves, without it intimacy would like trying to eat with our mouths closed, we’d just bounce off each other. It is the need makes intimacy possible. Just as food only satisfies us because we grow hungry.

You know from experience that masturbating can satisfy horniness, but it won’t vanquish neediness — if anything, playing alone only makes the yearning stronger. 

The fact that climaxing can temporarily stop us feeling horny, but not stop us from feeling needy is a clue — playing alone lacks something special that only playing with others can supply. 

Just think of what we fantasise about when we play. We don’t think about the rush of pleasure an orgasm might bring, but imagine the sexual activities with others that might lead to it. We fill our minds with thoughts of being inspected, teased, spanked, or fucked. 

We arouse ourselves with fantasies of other human beings. We are social creatures. Our sexuality is hard-wired to involve others, only they can fuel the erotic fire within us.

Neediness is fundamentally a hunger, for the sexual attention of those we desire.

Right now, are you horny? Or are you really needy? How often do you conflate and confuse the two sensations?

Understanding whether you're horny or needy at any given moment empowers you greatly. True satisfaction only comes once you know exactly what you really need.

#neediness #attention #relationships #satisfaction #sex advice #sexual desire #masturbation #sexuality

[spankingtheatre]

Being needy sounds awful. It implies absence and yearning. It suggests we’re deprived of something essential, desperate, to the point of being famished. But in reality, neediness is the essential fire that grows and sustains sexual relationships.

This is an article about sexual neediness. If you’ve been in an intimate relationship, you’ve almost certainly experienced the feeling personally. It’s a longing, an unfilled emotional void deep inside, but something quite different from feeling horny.

Neediness is the need makes intimacy possible. Just as food only satisfies us because we grow hungry.

#attention #neediness #sexual communication #relationships #intimacy #vulnerability #kink

[spankingtheatre]

How would you deal with a particularly needy and pent-up bottom?

Inspection.

Smacked bottom.

Climax in front of me.

Let me explain.

I believe neediness is a desire for three separate things: attention, calmness, and sexual release.

So to deal with a needy girl, all 3 needs must be satisfied. If you only satisfy one, for instance, by climaxing - that might temporarily stop you feeling horny, but it won't stop you from feeling needy.

I suspect you already know this from personal experience. Masturbating doesn't cure neediness, if anything, it only makes the yearning stronger.

So here's my personal prescription for dealing with neediness.

First, I deal with her need for attention. This is more than just a desire for my company, I know she wants my focus completely.

A lack of attention can manifest itself as being bratty, acting up through silly little provocations intended to elicit a response. That response might be a smacked bottom, but for a brat seeking attention, a spanking where she becomes the centre of attention again is well worth the soreness earned.

I'll begin by telling her to undress in front of me, and fold her clothes in a neat pile. She will, of course, have my complete attention as she does so.

Once she's undressed, I will inspect her whole body, including her bottom. I'm yet to find a better way to satisfy a need for attention than through a thorough inspection. No need to talk, just my gaze on her skin. During an intimate inspection, my attention couldn't be any more focused on her.

Once I've inspected her, I can deal with her busy mind, and the best way to do that is to help her into a calm euphoric state of mind, which some call subspace.

I think the best way to do this is through a good hard spanking, slowly and steadily smacking her bare bottom until her cheeks are hot, pink, and sore, and her head is worry-free and floaty.

After her spanking, there's still the matter of her accumulated sexual excitement, which will now be even greater given the attention she's enjoyed.

As she'll be in quite a floaty state by now, it would be very easy for her to zone out completely. So I prefer methods where she has to actively participate in her own pleasuring, and which will deliver her orgasm slowly. That means her clit should definitely not be touched.

I might tell her to lie back, spread her legs, and masturbate in front of me. That's it. Show me what a naughty girl who's just been spanked does when she's sent to her room with a well-smacked bottom.

Or I might make her sit on the coming chair. So she's properly stretched and filled as she squirms on her hot seat.

Or I might put the suction base dildo near an edge of the kitchen table, place a chair in front of it so she can step up and sit on it. Once she's seated I can take the chair away so her feet dangle over the edge, and watch as intrusion stretches her and she slowly comes.

It won't take much for her to climax, not after being so thoroughly inspected and spanked. She might come more than once.

That's how I deal with neediness.

Are you reading this with your fingers in your panties? Do you recognise the symptoms of neediness in yourself right now? Somebody should do something about that. Perhaps you should forward this post to whoever takes care of you...

#reader questions #attention #neediness #inspection #spanking #coming chair #forced orgasm #subspace #masturbation

[spankingtheatre]

Did you notice the spanking statue in Knives Out? Sorry if that’s weird, I just figured that other spankos would get it.

It's been years since I watched Knives Out (a tremendous movie, highly recommended), so I don't remember seeing a spanking statue. Maybe I was concentrating too hard trying to work out whodunnit!

But now I'm curious to know more. Feel free to add a comment to this post with details, or even better, a screen grab if you've got one!

#reader questions #movies #kinky ornaments

[spankingtheatre]

Is your discord still active and accepting new members? I’d like to join but I’m a bit nervous.

Of course! Our community is open to everyone, provided they're adults, and they're willing to abide by our golden rule: be kind to one another.

We've worked hard to create a respectful environment where everybody can discuss kinky things candidly. That means it's not a role-playing or a dating site, so it’s not the place for those looking for partners. We wanted to create a place members can talk freely without being hit upon.

So if you'd like to join a genuinely nice community of like-minded souls, who'll encourage your own kinky explorations - do join us, and post a message in the #hello channel to introduce yourself!

#reader questions #community building