The Big Damn Kiss
Buckle up, my fellow Good Omens Ineffable Mystery Puzzlers, Crackpotters, and Assorted Brainrotters, because I learned something HUGE yesterday.
This will be a bit of a long post, because I want to show you exactly how I got where I am. I want you to understand. I want to put all the naysayers to bed (ha! But I'm still gonna try), and settle this once and for all.
I know (almost) exactly what Crowley gave to Aziraphale during the kiss.
DO NOT TAKE ANY OF MY THEORIES TO NEIL! PLEASE!
Okay? Okay. Thanks. Shall we begin?
Ahem.
Firstly, whether you believe me or not, I am 100% certain that Crowley did, indeed, give something to Aziraphale in his mouth during The Kiss. I've covered that in the link previous. Okay? Okay.
I did not know what it was. I've now heard theories that it was a bullet (nope), a ball bearing (nope), hellfire (nope), and no one, NO ONE has suggested what I see. (If you have, hello! Talk to me!)
Here's our first foreshadowing Clue:
And here's our next foreshadowing Clue:
And the next:
And our last Clue:
With me so far? Well, that first GIF is a bit off, I couldn't find one of Crowley actually spitting out the flies. But he does. When Beelzebub first drags him to Hell, he actually goes "Pleaugh!" and spits out four or five flies.
Moving right along, we come to Crowley in Heaven with Muriel, looking at the trial. We learn two important things here:
One, Gabriel doesn't have a desk.
Two, Muriel does. Where they keep the records. And it's a bit lonely. Every few hundred years, someone comes and asks for something. Muriel can't access the sensitive ones, you have to be pretty high up. A throne, dominion, or higher. Like, maybe Supreme Archangel?
So if Gabriel doesn't have a desk, whose desk is he at when he's getting ready to leave Heaven? Of course I can't find a damn picture of Gabriel at the desk, but it's Muriel's. Where they keep the RECORDS.
Gabriel puts his memory into the fly, then gets on the elevator to go to Earth.
Now, when Gabriel opens the fly with his memories inside, we find out that it's a container. Bigger on the inside. You can put thing(S) in it. The bit we see of him remembering is shot in two parts, one where he's flying down a red tunnel, one where he's flying down a blue. If you slow this scene down and watch, you can see that he is NOT looking at just his own memories. There is more going on here, more that he was not present for. @embracing-the-ineffable put up a great meta about that here. Go look!
Now I figured Gabriel must have taken something else. Something important. Something useful. Something he meant to give to Aziraphale, except he forgot.
I also figured he must have left whatever it was in the fly when he took his memories out. Crowley must have realized while watching the trial footage that Gabriel also grabbed something else. I don't know when Crowley grabs the fly, but he does. And that is what he gives to Aziraphale in the kiss. Why? Well.
I had no idea what Gabriel took until I started working on the chiastic structure of season 2. I'm not done with that analysis yet, but let me show you one thing that I have found so far:
(The numbers are just to try and help me navigate the story and its events without time stamps)
My note #357 of what happens isn't quite right, but when I saw the only two times Aziraphale says "I forgive you" are towards the beginning of Season 2 and towards the end, I realized I had something.
Rephrase line 357: Crowley's kiss is forgiven IN EXCHANGE FOR RECORDS.
(Not that I think Crowley's kiss needs to be forgiven. It's just what Aziraphale says, and had to say at that moment, because the Metatron was listening in.)
What does Heaven in Good Omens remind us of most of all?
A big corporate entity. And what do powerful people do when they get fired from a big corporate entity? They download all their emails while they're cleaning out their desks. Damning emails. Emails that can be used to black mail or even destroy big corporate entities. Or, ya know, maybe they swipe some sensitive RECORDS?
Oh yes.
Here's Aziraphale reading the records:
Here's Aziraphale being horrified and outraged by what he's reading:
And here's Aziraphale realizing he has got some GOOD DIRT on Heaven. Maybe enough to bring them down:
That's it folks. I have no idea what the records actually say, and maybe we're not meant to know until season 3, but whatever it is, it's GOOD.
That's my story, and by God Herself, I'm sticking to it.
194 notes
·
View notes
so. what has been bothering me A LOT about aziraphale's face in the final 15. and THAT smile.
You know the one.
It does not look like his face. at all.
It isn't how he holds his face when he smiles, he doesn't normally close his lips like that. His eyes aren't shaped like that. That's why it is so uncanny valley. It's not him to me. I may be bonkers. (That's always possible.) But that's why it looks so unhinged, so disturbing, besides the most devastating timing.
But you know who does hold their mouth that way when they smile? You know whose eyes look a bit more like that when they smile?
I'm effin' breathing into a paper back right now. It's CREEPY.
But you know how there was that post where Neil talked about what an insanely good mimic Michael Sheen is? And how he turned to look because he thought it was David Tennant slagging off Aziraphale, and it was MICHAEL SHEEN doing an impression? [found it, thank you @fuckyeahgoodomens!]
And also, how excellent Michael was in the appearance swap in Season 1?
Do you also remember/have you seen the theories that Aziraphale mouths "we need help" when he's speaking to Crowley in the final fifteen? ["We need help" final 15 post. h/t @somehow-a-human]
Who would they have to help them now? Not heaven. Not hell. Not each other, this is too big now. But who might be powerful enough? Who was holding their hands when they performed the 25 Lazarii miracle whoopsie?? Who no longer has any allegiance to heaven? Who did AZIRAPHALE JUST HELP PROTECTING FROM HEAVEN???
GuYSs. Could...it be?
This is all in my brain because someone wrote up a thing about the line "books are like people but portable" (aeeugh I can't find any of these right now, I'll go back to find the links) [edit: okay this one is here. thank you, @tossyouforedinburgh] right before the final 15? and "who is the book"? who has been ORGANISING ALL THE BOOKS? Could the memories of Aziraphale/Aziraphale HIMSELF have been saved into a book? The only person they could learn this from is Gabriel, because he knows how. He put himself into a fly.
I have not been thinking about this long, so it may be easily dismissible, but I have been thinking about it long enough I had to say something. I almost didn't post.
But...look at the FACES. It's WEIRD.
sorry for all the edits. 😮💨
52 notes
·
View notes
Oh my god my brain hurts
Maggie has a poster in her shop (41:37, s02e02) that says "Who is Piet Hein?"
"Piet Hein, who, in his own words, "played mental ping-pong" with Niels Bohr[2] in the inter-War period, found himself confronted with a dilemma when the Germans occupied Denmark. He felt that he had three choices: Do nothing, flee to neutral Sweden or join the Danish resistance movement. As he explained in 1968, "Sweden was out because I am not Swedish, but Danish. I could not remain at home because, if I had, every knock at the door would have sent shivers up my spine. So, I joined the Resistance."[3]
The poster seems to say something about "Even the woman he loved could not run from the strange [blocked] cunning behaviour [blocked] cunning Man [blocked]."
IT"S EVERYWHEREEE
414 notes
·
View notes
Y'all, the world is sleeping on what NASA just pulled off with Voyager 1
The probe has been sending gibberish science data back to Earth, and scientists feared it was just the probe finally dying. You know, after working for 50 GODDAMN YEARS and LEAVING THE GODDAMN SOLAR SYSTEM and STILL CHURNING OUT GODDAMN DATA.
So they analyzed the gibberish and realized that in it was a total readout of EVERYTHING ON THE PROBE. Data, the programming, hardware specs and status, everything. They realized that one of the chips was malfunctioning.
So what do you do when your probe is 22 Billion km away and needs a fix? Why, you just REPROGRAM THAT ENTIRE GODDAMN THING. Told it to avoid the bad chip, store the data elsewhere.
Sent the new code on April 18th. Got a response on April 20th - yeah, it's so far away that it took that long just to transmit.
And the probe is working again.
From a programmer's perspective, that may be the most fucking impressive thing I have ever heard.
53K notes
·
View notes