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leerentouls · 1 year

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i feel like i've lost so much time. + character of my choosing (télesphore + westen) cw: suicide ideation discussed, past abuse, off-screen death for Vampire-Zombie + Werewolf munching + gore, and a mild/implicit sexual fantasy (very brief, not as upsetting as the others but jic)

The full moon of the month has come and gone, but Télesphore can still feel the ripple under his skin, the bristling and prickling of wolffur threatening to break out at every moment he’s not otherwise busy, the salivating and sharpness of his wolfteeth as the hunger still seats itself in him. But he is in control, and it will fade, as it always does after a denied night’s hunt -- until the next full moon. Only twenty-nine-point-five days between. According to Google, anyway. His dad makes fun of him, good-natured like, because he has to keep checking now and then when asked if he knows; ‘a werewolf should know its schedule so innately,’ or whatever.

It’s grating. Pulls at his nerves, makes him more snappish, more brusque than is necessary. That’d be the time that Western, should the pair of them be at one of West’s gigs, would pull him aside gently and remind him to breathe in, breathe out, so on and so forth. Ever patient (mostly, and nobody’s perfect -- God knows West’s got it’s own issues going on), even when Télesphore snaps at it. Sometimes snorts and says, “Yeah, I get it, and so do you,” rather pointedly. Abashed, Télesphore -- Telly, that daft nickname that West will never stop using -- will listen, and breathe.

There are plenty of other things besides the full moon that agitate his wolfhunger, and damn them, damn it, that hunger rising in response to anything that crawls beneath all his skins, regardless of the moon’s phase.

Some upstart at a gig or club? Hunger. Feeling morose on a wet and windy morning? Hunger. Dad being just a little too jokey? Hunger. Missing his kids? Hunger. The divorce between him and Stella, shortly after coming out to one another, and having to push down the fact that he was still in love with her? Hunger. (But of course, he’s over it now, or at least reconciled it; they just don’t match like that, is all.) The fact that, currently, West isn’t picking up its phone after going radio silent for two days? Fucking goddamn hunger.

And it’s a scary fucking thing, even knowing he can and does control himself -- the ‘envy of monks’, his mum says -- because that hunger is directionless. It’ll go in a three-sixty if he ever lets loose of the leash on it. He couldn’t forgive himself if he hurt someone he cared about, or even an innocent unknown bystander.

As it is, he’s trembling in his seat, driving to where he guesses West might be. It’s one of the few places that’re lonely, although West calls it a ‘peaceful piece of solitude’. What it really is is woodland -- easy to get lost in if you just wander off all willy-nilly, and even Telly gets turned around sometimes despite relying on his sense of smell to direct him back to the car park near it’s edge.

What directs him now, as soon as he opens the door, is the smell of freshly spilt blood. And flesh-becoming-meat.

Oh dear.

Wolfhunger propels him, more stomp in his step, more purpose and direction in his line ever-forward, and he knows he should rein it in because he doesn’t know for sure what West has done (as if West isn’t the same as him -- rather suffer and dissolve than harm someone innocent), but the blood is tantalizing, the meat makes him salivate, and there is his friend, dear Western Slate. A meal to share, blood to spill, to wipe off its face delicately, or perhaps more roughly, passionately -- their bellies full and sated, oh, well, they could indulge, maybe, among the fallen autumn leaves and crawling creepies and ash bark, grey sky overhead, and what is more--

Oh, put a pin in that. It’s stomach-wrenching to focus on such a fantasy when now, in this little dingy clearing, Telly finds West openly sobbing over its meal.

“Western.”

It shrieks, whipping its head over its shoulder to spot who the interloper is, and even when it spots Telly -- your good and ever-steady friend, Telly! -- it still stumbles and falls over backwards to get away. Almost a comical sight, dead body’s gaping-wound of neck still squeezed between West’s fingers, if only West weren’t so frightened.

Telly takes a step back, half-confused -- that evil old prick that held West under his boot for thirty years had never addressed it by this name, and West’s never mentioned any other cruel thing -- but holds his hands up. “It’s me, West! Telly! Télesphore!”

“I--” Something seems to clear: it stands, still sniffling, dropping the body unceremoniously to the woodland floor. If it were any other time -- if Western weren’t so fucking miserable, for whatever reason -- it’d look beautiful. “... Rotten.”

“... I’m sorry.”

//////

After they’ve eaten what’s left (and quite honestly, West looks all the better for having a meal -- livelier-looking, much less haggard), Télesphore leads Western back to the care. West had mumbled something about the body having been full of awful thoughts, cruel things, entirely of their own volition, and the fucker was just chilling out in the woods, like they were untouchable for their cruelty.

“It wasn’t even the same thing,” West had gasped between hiccups, “not even the same thing but it--” Its face scrunched, attempting to stop crying. “Hateful motherffffffucker.”

Telly opens the car boot to grab a bottle of water and a washcloth; at least make an attempt at washing West’s hands and face before they both head home.

Think of something else, he tells himself as he washes West’s hands and face, wiping over West’s face with the washcloth gently, watching far too intently when it closes its eyes. This is not the time or place, for the love of fucking God. It’s easier to rip himself away from that type of hungry thought when West starts to sway, at risk of falling over. “Hey, watch out.”

“Mm.”

“Sit in the car, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Telly can’t even feel relieved that he’s found West.

//////

Still in the flat’s car park for a good five minutes, radio on quiet, when West finally speaks again.

“I’m not even... I’m not, like, properly suicidal, but oh my fucking God, it’s like-- I’ve been alive-- nah, not even that, been around too fucking long.” It sniffs, thumbing at its nose and staring into nothing. “Thirty fucking years of my life just fucking gone, and I-I, I don’t even-- I don’t eve-even remember most of it, do I? And I’m too much of a fuc-fucking coward to try and see my mum, ’cause-- ’cause look at me! I haven’t aged, have I? My mum’d fucking pass away in shock -- if she isn’t even al-- if she isn’t even alre-already d-dead, because she is so fucking old-- and my sisters! My aunt! Everyone I fucking loved before then all just think I’m proper dead, like, at-peace dead, but no I’m fucking killing and eating-- eating-drinking people!” It pulls on its hair and grunts. “I was meant to be an uncle, or whatever, my mum’s son, even if, you know -- but I don’t even get the choice. I don’t even get the choice, the chance, to actually have my life.”

It’s something Ezzie’s said before, about being blindsided by whoever it was that turned her; it’s something that Stella told him, in the time they were still married; it’s something that Griselda had mentioned on a night out; it’s something that neither the Dempseys nor Echo even needed to say. Neither of them were offered a choice, it was simply their bad luck.

“... I’m sorry, West.” What else can he even say? He’s shit at comforting people with words. Instead, he reaches to touch West’s shoulder, watching it lean into the touch. “C’mon,” he says softly, “we’ll go up, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Piggy-back?”

That manages to wring a smile out of it, strained as it is. “Yeah. S’long as it’s not me carrying you.”

“Course not.” And Telly wants to kiss it so badly, chaste and on the cheek like they’re a couple, as if they’d even talked about it (instead of talking around it, glanced but never maintained that kind of eye contact).

Telly always forgets that West is heavier than it looks -- lanky, yes, not as built as it used to be when it was alive, but tall and not even that skinny -- but he always manages. Still be handy to have the elevator fucking work, but the council is for shit anyway, and the landlord’s a cunt, so Telly takes his time up the stairs to the top floor, with West half-snoozing against his back.

“Home at long frigging last.”

“Mmm.” West wiggles and hops off Telly’s back, opting to slump towards the settee, flopping face-down on it unceremoniously. “... Thanks, by the way,” it says, after turning its face to look at Telly as he turns the TV on to check the news. “For letting me just... get it all out.”

“Never a problem with me, mate.” Telly scoots West’s legs out of the way to sit down, before letting West lounge out properly. “I just...” Is there anything he can actually say? Will it help, or make things worse? “I just think that... with what you have now-- what we all have, no matter what-- is to try and make the best of it. With our friends, and... all that.”

He can’t help, now, but squirm a little under West’s gaze. It’s an indecipherable look, giving away nothing but perhaps cold judgement, like it’s weighing whether Télesphore is talking absolute shite or offering some genuine hopeful crumb. Could end with West kicking him in the head, calling him a moron, giving false platitudes like any old arsehole, fucking waste of time--

But it nudges him under the ribs, causing Telly to jump, ticklish. “That is true. Because I love you lot, you and Stel and Ezzie and everyone. I just... miss everyone I can’t talk to, now.” There’s more than West’s family and friends from when it was human, Telly knows, but it hardly ever talks about those years, only ever mentioning that yeah there were vampires under Augustus’ sireship, and nothing more.

Telly pats its leg, and West hums.

There’ll be more, later, either this evening or tomorrow morning, when West will apologise for ‘going on and on about it’, and Telly will assure it that he understands, in his way, and you can’t bottle it up all the time, that it has to come out. And West, well, it’s getting better, he likes to think; no longer denies that it feels and relives its grief, no longer avoiding its friends, and it’ll probably stop short of denying itself comfort. Small steps.

“You are right,” it says, startling Telly from the TV. “Just wanted to say I appreciate it, too, by the way. Because you lot are an absolute God-send, despite the... you know, the circumstances we’ve all -- well, you know -- been through.” And Telly does know; his life has been fairly comfortable, never been foisted upon so violently as everyone else with the lack of choice. “And I do...” West fiddles with its hands, almost shy now. “I do enjoy what I do now. It’s fun. I have you lot as friends, and it’s... lacking a more appropriate phrase, it’s a good life. With you.”

West pretends to watch the TV now, falling quiet, and pulls their legs off Telly’s lap. There’s a selfish little thing in the pit of Telly’s stomach that wants to push for something.

“I feel the same. It’s a good life-- with you.”

Western almost glances at him. Almost.

#my writing #oc: western slate #oc: télesphore pelletier #this is. something.#suicide ideation tw #<- actually contained to a Single paragraph at least but it's. There #also i was Struggling to end this satisfactorily @_@ augh #feels like it leans too heavily on some aspect at the end but alas its bedtime

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gracette · 3 years

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apocaylpse cat w diprosopus. her name is twinfog

#this was just supposed to b a quick ref OTL #twinfog #warrior cat #warrior oc #warriors #body horror #< jic #its a very mild case. just duplicated noses and some extra teeth. theres a slight divet in their skull where a third eye socket was juuuust #about to form

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fagderolo · 4 years

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very sorry about this but i want these here jic so uhmmmm jug mem dump 😳 hopefully i can get a readmore to work

Ignore the formatting it's from my vent acct where i am like Its Aesthetic Time

👑 JUGHEAD JONES 👑

*mild cw for parental abuse and self harm mentions*

👑 jells made my current hat, have another rattier one passed down at least a couple generations w a few patches n stuff

👑 arch n i would make up stories a lot, play as rivals that would fight or knight that would save someone all sorts of things but usually he had to be all heroic

👑 climbin a tree too high n bein stuck with arch, I broke right arm he broke right leg?

👑 Everything in canon is wrong arch wouldn't support a prison or Hiram

👑 Betty didn't get me the typewriter (arch??) but I did know what it was immediately irl

👑 Jells sent me a new pin for my hat it was a little trans circle n I put it where the red one was before

👑 There was a heart one too but it was So cheesy I kept it idk. Not on my hat. At home or with me when didn't have one

👑 Called her often, name was jells to me n JB when they were feelin more masculine. I knew bc they'd call me dude more often as a little hint for little dysphoria

👑 Arch n I played by the river (?)

a lot, catching bugs n frogs n stuff n doing fake news reports on whatever we caught or found (my idea) n then fake sports reports (archs idea) with him tackling me into the water mid report

(Update: it's Sweetwater swimming hole... Kin rights)

👑 Sitting in front of heaters w arch cold? Space heaters in the trailer mayb

👑 Fell asleep at pops a lot, woke up to him or arch a lot too. Him to tell me that unfortunately I had to buy smth and arch just tryin to carry me out, Betty prob would've if her mom was less strict

👑 Stayed w arch a lot even more than his father realized, snuck in

👑 Dad was kinda violent idk not exactly toward me always not more than the pinning me against walls in canon but throwin stuff Near Me

👑 Mama too like the grabbing my hat/hair in canon

👑 Arch had braces in middle school, I couldn't afford em

👑 Pretty sure I was the one that got shot in 220? Or at least that something happened idk the end of the ep hinges on me but. Idk.

If not shot then definitely at some point

👑 Bad at sleep a lot but esp during teen years and Especially during all the murder shit

👑 Called arch a lot we talked more than canon shows and hung out but also everythin was different

👑 Spot on the back of my neck right under n around where the base of my hat was that made me relax, mama used to use it to help me sleep back when I was young enough that she still cared/maybe she was more sober

👑 Lots of big panic attacks (idr why) mostly as a kid, had to learn to panic inwardly if I did bc made mama mad, archie helped defend me from people when they teased me for it (and a lot in general)

👑 Helped arch write songs n he stuck with music more during everything. Told me once it was grounding n helped him process feelins

👑 Snuck out w arch a lot in a? Truck? I think his dad's bc it wasn't mine or my dad's truck

👑 Hotboxed that truck n I slept in the bed of it when I was too embarrassed or guilty to go stay with arch

👑 Was caught in it when it was snowing once bc ig jells called to see if I was there bc nobody else bothered when dad would tell me to get out of his face or smth like that. Not kick out but I didn't feel quite safe in my room.

Jells was always safe with him at least she was the favorite and I leaned into being the oldest they didn't need dad's anger

👑 Went so long without sleeping sometimes, had coffee at pops before dad really let me have it

👑 Sometimes couldn't afford heat or electricity for space heater n trailer got Really really cold

👑 Was hard to sleep in like that, school was harder durin winter a lot of years bc + esp bc I probably was also like seasonal depression time

👑 Walk t Archie's wasn't too far but it really sucked in the snow when couldn't bike n was already tired n cold n also usually hungry, bit bc of my appetite but also bc poor

👑 Growing up betty always had things like bandaids and water and hand sanitizer and extra snacks (unfortunately usually healthy if her mother had anything to say about it)

👑 Arch helped me cut my hair the first few times before my parents realized that I Needed it short and then trans shit happened around then prob

👑 arch did Not sleep during black hood stuff I walked to his place lots while on phone bc he would do stupid shit alone and at least with someone besides his father in his house he could get an hour or two of sleep before school

👑 hurt myself maybe a handful of times before mama found out n told me that if I did it again she'd give me somethin that really hurt if I wanted it so bad, threatened jells too to get me to stop. Did that lots when I cried too to make me shut up fast.

👑 Dunno why she cared guess she was worried arch or betty would tell someone

👑 Shield jells w my whole body once n told mama she'd have to kill me before I let her hurt her, think she would've taken me up on that offer if she could

👑 Mama was nicer on nice days than father but way worse on mean days, made me have a weird soft spot for her while also being scared all the time

👑 Like even now Need to call her mama bc it's nicer

👑 Father must've been away lots bc mama was worse when she could get away with it. Father was just. Aggressive not Usually mean in the same way

#Those tags got so fucked up #jug.txt

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haipain · 6 years

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oomf hI can i ask for a scenario wherein im stargazing with akaashi (if u dont know akaashi jic make it uhh todoroki) but it figures that im actually just imagining it all in my head, and once i snap back to reality, i'm stargazing alone? u kno who i am dont expose my blog HAHAHA ilyy

thanks for requesting nia!! i hope you enjoy hehe 💓 oomf i hope i didn’t disappoint with this waaaa

It was a nightly routine, somewhat of a ritual now. Stargazing with Akaashi had always brought your mind to a rest, the thoughts that constantly wreaked havoc in your head seemed to bow down before him, disappearing like the fleeting moments of happiness that had made themselves known to you once in a blue moon.

Sadness wasn’t a thing unfamiliar to you now, neither was fatigue. It had gotten to the point where the concept of unhappiness is so ingrained in your mind, that it wasn’t really out of the ordinary to feel as though there was a heavy cloud weighing down on your heart. What was unusual would be the brief moments of peace and elation that pops by every so often — moments that you had a distaste for. To others, they may be a respite, but to you, they were untrustworthy, never lasting, only serving to drag you further down the pits of melancholy. With Akaashi however… he had the power to slip in more moments of happiness and calmness, overriding the tides of constant sadness in you.

With a gentle brush of his fingers over your knuckles, Akaashi plants featherlike kisses on them, a warm smile playing on his lips. He laces his fingers with yours, the mild pressure on your palm reminding you that he was still there, comforting and reassuring.

You had multiple dreams of this being unreal — time and time again, because your mind just couldn’t comprehend how lucky you were to stumble upon a gem like him, much less have him return your feelings. But you were fairly certain that this time, it was very much real.

It was a game of probability and chance, and the odds had turned in your favour. There weren’t many things you were satisfied with in life, as all humans were, but the one thing you wouldn’t ask to be taken away from you was this boy right beside you.

You’ve known Akaashi for at least a year or two now, and yet what never ceases to surprise you is the discovery of fresh details about him you wouldn’t have otherwise known, without growing closer to him. Right here, right now, you could feel every single detail and you were committing them to memory as you go. The rough exterior of his skin, small scratches from volleyball that stick out just a little… The smell of him, freshly showered and ready for bed, the calm look of love that made your heart flutter just that tiny bit… Pray tell, this could never be a dream.

Yet, for quite some time now, you had realised that there was nothing new to discover about him. His scratches remained the same, strangely, never healing, and the way he looked was as though he was frozen in time — even the tiniest of detail remained the same. Something was off, but you didn’t want to think about it. It wasn’t a big deal to you, because, after all, he was still the same Akaashi you know and love. Nothing else would matter if it meant he was there with you, and he is, in this space, and in this time.

“Look,” he says, nudging a finger up into the sky. Stargazing was what you were here for, but you weren’t as interested in the act when you were with him. How could you be, when all the stars were in his eyes?

“Hmm?”

“That’s Rigel, one of the brightest stars, a supergiant star, in fact,” he mumbles with slight confidence in his knowledge, thumb moving to trace your knuckles in a circular motion. Akaashi himself was not really a fan of stargazing, in fact, the reason why this ritual even came about was due to your insistence. So it definitely came as a pleasant surprise that he knew small tidbits of information.

“That’s right,” you nod, a soft smile appearing on your face.

“It’s a little like you, you’re rather bright too,” he states, tearing his gaze away from the star to look at you.

The familiar warm tingle spreads on your face, and Akaashi’s eyes widens, swiftly angling his face away, body twisting to face the other way.

It wasn’t something hard to pick up on, but it wasn’t easy either. His usual calm facade cracks, a mild blush dancing across his cheeks. It is then you realised — oh no, he probably, no, definitely did some research on the galaxy and its related contents.

Even though he didn’t have much of an interest in stars.

There was no words needed to express how you felt, or rather, none that could express how you felt. So with a gentle call of his name, you shift forward, ready to pull him into your arms, just so you could convey a fraction of what you felt, to him.

He never makes it into your arms.

You jolt awake, still sitting on the roof where the two of you used to stargaze together, eyelashes dampened with the smearing of your tears. The brain works in a weird way, and it really has a way of engraving his presence deep into you, ensuring you never forget him, even after he was gone. Now your brain feels unimaginably numb, heart painfully hollow.

Waves of mixed emotions were crashing down, reality nipping at the back of your heels, chasing and quickly catching up. There was a reason why you detested happiness, because with it came the false sense of security and the fear of it not lasting, leaving you even more broken than you already were. And sure enough, the fear came true. Aah… you think with a tired sigh. The delusion...it happened again.

#akaashi keiji #haikyuu!!#scenario #bless i hope i didnt butcher the ending gaaaaah :<#mukiyukii

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