#🐏💭 lamb words | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

Text

25 Jan u ary 2023 Wednesday 3:24 am pdt

I had awoken to pain and felt more heart ♥️ pain I think. When I am in the middle of doing something I sometimes 4get. 3:25 am pdt sometime soon after my parents separated my mom tells me things such as don’t make that face you look like your dad and something I think was I only love 💕 you because I am your mom which for some reason I took 2 be interpreted as she was obligated to love me and that she didn’t really like me. 3:29 am pdt I was probably 8 years old. 3:29 am pdt 8 or 9 years old I don’t remember 🤷🏻‍♀️ 3:35 am pdt but my grandma 👵 snipping my long hair was probably b4 the separation maybe when I was 6 or 7 years old when I had long black hair and I was probably 9 years old when my mom told me I looked like a sick old woman 👵 and she said “I know! You should get a haircut!” 💇‍♀️ Deshana barber 💈 Iranian Kurdish people hair cutting themes. 3:39 am pdt king 🤴 David mentioned in a song. 3:40 am pdt

3:30 am pdt ⏰ when I typed 8 million in the previous post 23 Jan 23 I thought 💭 I typed billion. I heard the population reached 8 billion. Hard 2 believe especially when COVID happened and shootings still happened. 3:34 am pdt

3:40 am pdt when I lived in king 👑 city 🌃 I saw 👀 the ring 💍 pop commercial and wanted one ☝️. When me and mom and probably younger sister went to a small store 🏬 2 get cookie 🍪 mix I found a small bin of ring 💍 pop but all were broken 😞 so I didn’t get any. Reminds me about my mom’s promise ring 💍 falling in2 the river and finding out her boyfriend was caught in bed 🛌 with the ex girlfriend and had a shotgun marriage after the ring 💍 fell into the river. 3:45 am pdt meant 2 b... go with the flow? Bcz dirty old men are in power 2 say it’s ok 👌 2 have extramarital?? Affairs bcz it’s meant 2b. If that’s the case then I guess there’s no real thing as loyalty long lasting until death old age together do you part love and he holds us to a double standard where he expects us to fall so deeply madly In love otherwise he calls us whores , so that when he leaves 🍃 us 4 another bcz love 💕 died he cannot feel it anymore so we weep 😭 deep rivers when he leaves but he’s bouncy happy Bcz he found a younger chick 🐣 to rob of her virginity, friendly unicorns 🦄 only liking virgins to devirginize. 3:51 am pdt is this what he wants????? But he 4got? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ 🎶🎼🎵🎤 3:53 am pdt

Sierra LaMar Twitter tweeted if you’re a bird I’m a bird say it with me the notebook 📒 movie 🎥 clip. 3:54 am pdt birds of a feather flock together???? 🤷🏻‍♀️ 3:56 am pdt sirens 🚨 half bird sea 🌊 gulls fallen angels 3:57 am pdt. 2 types of sirens 🚨: half bird 🦅 creatures, & mermaids. Tandem opposite meanings/definitions. Yin and yang ☯️? Chinese word was it shanyang? Can b used 2 mean goat 🐐 or ram 🐏 depending on modifying??? Addditional words. 3:59 am pdt but if you’re suffering that is probably a clear indication of a sacrificial lamb 🐑???? 4 am pdt

4:30 🕟 am pdt when I typed shanyang my head got VERY hot 🥵 maybe my brain 🧠 too 😞. I think it was about a year ago my aunt told me nobody likes me. Thanks 4 telling me that. If it’s the truth I need 2 hear 👂 it? I’m receptive 2 those comments/feedback. Ever since I was a kid since at least my parents separated I felt the need 2 change myself in2 the ideal person. I fall short all the time though. I practiced drawing ✍️ since probably kindergarten and somehow I lack technique like example drawing with geometric shapes and planning out spatially. Usually I look 👀 at something and tried 2 feel it out and hopes 4 the best. When I was in school 🏫 I was often distracted. Unfortunately. But high school 🏫 onward we were taught 2 b receptive 2 criticism because that was how we learned 2 see how flawed our work was I guess. 4:39 am pdt I wonder 💭 if my need 2 change was bcz I thought my mom didn’t like me. Maybe I feared no one would like me. And that I’d never have friends and a lover. I romanticized and thought I wanted a slow court ship the type that start off as friends and progressed into best friends then lovers. After my first boyfriend broke up 🆙 with me it got harder 2 find a guy who would take it that slow. A lot of them rushed into s*x. 4:43 am pdt I had wanted something that would take years 2 develope and I was willing 2 wait if my addictions? Didn’t kick in. If he was very attractive all it would take was a kiss 😚 2 get hooked 🪝. I’ve only been physically intimate (s*x) with 4 young men. 3 of them I tried not to, I fell into the hole 🕳 (rinpoche? Poem read from Karen sahlmonsen ? Spelling bounce back book 📚) and it wasn’t my fault bcz of addiction? And he wanted to and we only did it once through pants 👖 at my request but I don’t think I anticipated that semen was going to rocket 🚀 launch out through the pants 👖 until last minute and I don’t remember if I anticipated his 🍆 being felt through the pants 👖 bcz it was my first time doing that. I wore his sweat pants 👖. To be honest, that was the best s*x I had. He was a healthy skater 🛹 and very productive active person mellow artsy tall great voice. Probably not the most handsome but I think his 🍆was long enough 2 fit me well. The following 2, I believe I was somehow in someway psychologically ? Forced into it. I 4:59 am pdt ran my left middle finger 🖕 through my hair and it forced its way through a thick knot 🪢 pain, intestines pain 🐒💨 5 am pdt that was probably 4th knot 🪢 this morning. 5:01 am pdt with second guy, I had tried 2 tell him I needed 2 take it slow, but I said the wrong 😑 words. I said I wasn’t ready 4 a relationship yet after he kissed me. I did not want to kiss at that moment but some reason I felt like hugging him and he took that as a que to kiss me. 5:05 am pdt I even felt magnetism magnet 🧲 between us to pull me into hugging him. Uh oh incubus is trying to erase my memory of the magnet 🧲 feeling i felt between us. 5:07 am pdt bad incubus! 🤬😡🥵😤🥵😤🥵😰😱 5:07 am pdt

5:54 am pdt I remember he had I think this was the order: he had started to unbuckle his belt of his pants 👖 and I remember him asking me “you want to have s*x, right?” And then I told him through clothing. He did seem irritated when I probably told him to “wait” bcz I think I was trying to keep from going too far s*xually with him, bcz I think we had not been on many dates with each other yet but he was willing to jump into s*x without much discussion or verbal or written promises of a future together. We didn’t even know each other b4 we started dating. My sister might have known him a little b4, but I don’t recall her telling me how long. 6:01 am pdt I was stupid to think that through clothing (supposedly I assumed dry humping was this and that there wouldn’t be semen but I was wrong! 😓) abstaining is probably safer. 6:04 am pdt

6:18 am pdt I think that was the only time I had s*x with the 2nd guy. 6:19 am pdt 6:25 am pdt We both changed pants 👖 when I requested through clothing. The third guy I had sat on his lap and dry humped? Grinded? And probably each time I did that he said I was driving him crazy. Long before we had “s*x” but maybe some might call it rape? He drew/wrote my name with a lot of backward little 7’s in sets of threes??? I think I did not learn about triple 7 represented perfection until recently, maybe it was last year I learned this? Probably within last 5 years, and the drawing ✍️ was from summer 2007. 6:32 am pdt I am guessing backwards means =not perfect. 6:33 am pdt

6:39 am pdt we both wore blue jeans 👖 pants 👖 and it I think always happened in his car 🚗 6:40 am pdt.

6:59 am pdt I need 2 clarify that I did not learn the word shanyang until last year? Or the end of the year before last year. 7 am pdt

7:19 am pdt From 2009 onward there were guys I hung out with who were 3 or 4 years younger than me who seemed they wanted more from me than friendship. One of them reminded me a little of my ex in some way but I wanted to friend zone him and hopefully 🙏 grow a brotherly type of friendship with. He touched me inappropriately during a hug at the olive 🫒 garden 🪴 parking lot without permission. There wasn’t any open discussion about feelings. Such as him saying I like you and I want to date you and see if this can be a long term romantic relationship. Nope. 7:27 am pdt it was for Q’s birthday 🎂 maybe 🤔. 7:28 am pdt It was very awkward when he decided to pull me down to sit on his lap in front of everyone and I felt as if I was cornered into playing along bcz I might embarrass him and hurt his feelings and I would end up 🆙 looking like a b*tch from the awkwardness and conflicting feelings and the confusion it was probably causing (I think I felt angry head hot 🥵 7:46 am pdt). For some reason I met men that wanted to have s*x with me without knowing me 4 long. I texted a guy giving him a chance bcz my mom wanted me to back when I still had a job and b4 we could go out on a one-on-one date in person (which never happened) he already was telling me he wanted me in his bed 🛏. 7:37 am pdt 7:38 am pdt I never played love 💕 like it was only a game. I had hoped for feelings to grow that would often plateau, stagnate? And die off b4 or after feeling the butterflies 🦋 and amourous feelings. One guy that I thought I fell in love 🥰 with twice I thought he was going to be the one, but periodically he rejected 🙅‍♂️ me and told me I was going to make blonde 👱‍♀️ blonde 👱 hair babies 👶, (that was his funny line to tell me he rejected me, which is more likely to happen if I married a blonde 👱 man). 7:42 am pdt 7:43 am pdt weird watery gurgle like sounds from left side 🐒💨 7:44 am pdt

8:27 am pdt roku = 6 nihongo. I read something online that god is also referred to as a rock 🪨? If you want to be funny you can break the syllables differently and say rok-u instead of ro-ku. 6 is even. But 7 is odd. Aud-Rey Hepburn? Au = gold. Go ill 🤒 d. D= dominus or devil? Devil = lived backwards. How does someone live backwards? What does that mean? Lucifer? Or Lucia/Lucy? I love 💕 Lucy. Backwards 7? 8:33 am pdt @_@ audi car 🚗 au-di?? 8:34 am pdt we all die 2 things are for certain death 💀 and taxes mark Twain? And if you drop 3 objects you can probably draw ✍️ a triangle between the three. 8:36 am pdt rock 🪨 and roll 🎸 chuck berry???? 8:36 am pdt

8:47 am pdt roll, turn over? High turnover???? 🥵😤🥵😳😖😭😞 Head hot 🥵 they’ve punished me for putting ice 🧊 on my head. 8:49 am pdt 😖😭

8:52 am pdt I have read stuff online that when you meet someone new it’s probably best in a public place and to tell some friends and probably not go alone. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe also take public transportation? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ my head is hot 🥵. If you read previous posts probably should take precautions also if introduced by someone else you have been hanging out with for a while. Unfortunately I never know 😑😖😭😤🥵😤🥵 or I did not back then???? 8:58 am pdt

8:59 am pdt clarification my mom probably did not know that guy like longer than I did, which was not at all, the one she wanted me to give a chance to who I texted. 9:01 am pdt

9:03 am pdt the sudden thought 💭 popped n2 my head that some people divorce and say “irreconcilable differences” ? I heard 👂. Can you date someone a long time and still find irreconcilable differences after saying “I do”? Sometimes you just bite the cookie 🍪 and hope it works out. Movie 🍿 5 year engagement? 9:07 am pdt I don’t remember going on any dates incubus. We are still at negative square 1,000,000 the way it’s going. 9:08 am pdt 😑😭😖😭he thinks he can trick me?! 9:09 am pdt I don’t want you anymore! I told you in 2017 (9:14 am pdt and preferably divorced is what was also in my head) we have 2go on dates 2 get 2 know each other 2 see if I can like you. Preferably in public in a group setting 2 allow organic spontaneous partnerships 2 happen. 9:11 am pdt

12:13 am pdt call me crazy but I think I like structure in social relationships: I like for a father to only be my father not my husband; if I had a brother I would only like him to be my brother ideally not my husband; I think I would like my cousins to only be my cousin not my husband no matter what weird feelings incubus wants 2 give me 🤬😡🥵😤🥵😤😖😭. With polygamy I think that makes it more difficult, what I mean is more likely to cross those lines if they secretly cheat. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what happens if you do do it with a cousin or half brother; I don’t want to find out. It’s not only about genes 🧬 but I like to think about relationships in general having their designated roles. 12:20 pm pdt my grandpa cheated on my grandma so I should probably b more cautious about my mom’s home country and try 4 someone different ethnic identity? And I don’t really know many people on my dad’s side either 😞 but I don’t think my grandpa cheated on grandma 👵 on that side, I guess my grandpa was maybe ugly? My mom said it’s better to like a man not every woman 👩🏻 wants. Steve Harvey said an ugly man is probably the most well behaved man 👨 (I don’t know if it’s true 4 all men but maybe 🤔 it’s true 4 some?) 12:27 pm pdt

1:20 pm pdt funny how I remember things after I type about it. I did have a few drawing books 📖 📚 one for Pocahontas, my dad had Spider-Man and X-men. I stupidly gave the X-men one to Scott when he probably didn’t need it. And my sister had one for horses 🐴. I practiced those but I don’t really recall applying that method/technique much when I wasn’t looking at those books. 1:24 pm pdt

1:29 pm pdt if I had mastered the technique I would have drew a lot more drawings in the amount of time I spent drawing ✍️ probably. In 2015 I tried coloring in a skeleton copy to help myself learn anatomy drawing and then tried to draw ✍️ it but I was slow. I remember also trying to play the guitar 🎸, to learn it on my own but I started falling asleep 😴. So I had to decide to focus on my health and I remember I slept 🛌 a lot, probably between 10-14 hours a day. 1:34 pm pdt

4:14 pm pdt I 4got 2 type uncles, whether blood 🩸 related or in-laws; if there potential 4 cousins 2 b born then an uncle idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ probably b considered like a father figure? Are cousins similar to half-siblings? 4:17 pm pdt

10-14 hours a day would have given incubus a lot of time with me. I remember times when I slept 🛌 I had nightmares and felt my body being weighted down. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if this is the time incubus was on top of me. I remember feeling the need 2 scream and my mouth 👄 opening and no noise coming out. I might have written a little about it in previous posts. 4:22 pm pdt it’s getting difficult 😞 4 me 2 remember. 4:23 pm pdt incubus tried to dig a hole 🕳 into my right ear about 40 minutes ago and I woke up 🆙 with a dry throat again. Immediately after I felt the pain in my ear 👂 I heard a loud bass booming sound then minutes later heard a text message alert 🚨 sound from this cellphone 📲 and it didn’t sound as good. I’m hoping that it was bcz of something it was touching, otherwise I would have 2 anticipate that the phone 📲 speakers 🔊 are degrading suddenly, even though this phone probably cost a lot of money 💰 in its original msrp? What does it stand 4 again 4:30 🕟 heard a loud sliding click don’t know if that’s my mom coming back. 4:31 pm pdt my mom bought me this phone 📲 at a clearance price of ≈$300 which is still expensive 4 an electronic device that only fits in your hand ✋ & I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how effective it is to editing on it other than very simple little stuff. Back in 2005 when I took fashion classes we were told China 🇨🇳 would sew 🧵 garments 4 a few cents a piece, she mentioned 7 cents I think 🤔. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if that’s accurate but that’s what I remember. 4:37 on pdt It is a lot nicer than the cheaper android phone 📱 which I tried last year. If everyone recycled would it bring down the cost? Or would inflation continue 2 rise? 4:41 pm pdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ enough of anything 2 probably b helpful. 4:42 pm pdt

I believe the twitch is really dead 💀. I believe incubus will drive me to the point of wanting 2 commit suicide. I believe he will control me like a muppet and make me walk 2 the train 🚊 and get hit by it/smashed by it similar 2 his maps video. 4:46 pm pdt

6:49 pm pdt I believe incubus is running 🏃‍♂️ the same game on me that he did on other women. On Q in particular years b4 me. Q’s bday is one day after my grandma’s bday. Incubus is yelling “NOOOOOO!!!” Usually that means they’re going 2 do more stuff 2 kill me. Even though he has a lot of knowledge of what’s going 2 happen b4 hand, would make me believe it’s all actually his own decisions. He owns what 3 mansions? Many cars 🚗? Stocks in several companies? A fashion line? A fragrance? The verve? Royalties? Am I missing something? He throws a basketball 🏀 from far away and it seems to fly a tremendous? Distance. I see pictures that it looks like he’s doing poses in mid air as if he has powers to levitate. He may have had me half fooled, & telling me things I want 2 hear 👂 but aren’t you spreading yourself thin incubus? How can you have much genuine feelings romantically deeply 4 that many women? How are you carrying on with all these relationships if we are only capable of having 150 connections???? 7:01 am pdt you keep on running game incubus, rapist, murderer. 7:01 pm pdt the train 🚆 passed by and it shook the place. It’s going too fast past a residential area. Cramps after gurgle feels like burning diarrhea 🐒💨

7:03 pm pdt nihongo has different counting systems? To = ten-> net backwards which looks like a spiderweb 🕸 to like toe tag 🏷 on cadavers. 7:04 pm pdt

7:22 pm pdt time goes by too fast 💨😖😭 he’s playing love 💕 like it’s a game pretending to feel love ❤️. With memory loss, he can con anyone. 7:24 pm pdt head is hot 🥵 came back from bathroom 🚽 7:19 pm. Not good. 7:25 pm pdt

In December 2012 me and Q went to a restaurant with karaoke 🎤. Met some people Q was friends with and some acquaintances or new people I guess. 3 of the men were actually from my high school 🏫 I wonder if they are still alive. I was interested in a blonde-ish haired man 👨 and I thought 💭 he might have been interested in me bcz he started talking 2 me. But I said something that turned him off and he lectured me without asking anything else about me. I thought 💭 maybe we can see eye 👁 to eye 👁 on somethings and maybe I could respect him. But when we said goodbye 👋 he was totally shunning me I guess if I’m using that word right. I had hoped if he knew me more that he would not be so strict? Like if he had noticed that I was completely shy ☺️ around him, and that I had suffered a lot and I do try to work even with my difficulties? 7:34 pm pdt and the only vacations I took were to visit family I don’t see often and once bcz of my eczema. After we left the building, in the parking lot Q told me she thinks she likes him and if it would be ok if she could have him, and she said I could have his twin brother. If you’ve ever watched sister sister or met identical twins 👯‍♀️ you might notice they have slightly different personalities?? Is that right? One might be extrovert and the other introvert? Or did I jump to conclusions? I didn’t think about that back then , but it bothered me that Q asked 4 me 2 back off. I didn’t tell her, but if someone asks an introverted person to do something without really asking their feelings... it seemed like my feelings didn’t matter. I told her I think he likes you more anyway. And then I chose not to hang out again sometime after that. I think it was after another time of hanging out there again with almost the same people but he didn’t show up 🆙. One of the other guys tried to invite me to the house party coming up 🆙 but I felt unwelcomed by his twin brother. Twins 👯 friends with twins 👯. So I tried not to be too disappointed at feeling unwelcomed probably and I stopped trying. 7:44 pm pdt it almost feels like Q is cock blocking me selectively. Even though she put music is her boyfriend on MySpace. 7:45 pm pdt 7:46 pm pdt the twin I felt unwelcomed by was dating one of Q’s friends and was friendly with Q in front of me. 7:47 pm pdt

7:55 pm pdt once my mom gave me an ultimatum that she would leave me unless I took accounting classes, so I enrolled. 7:56 pm pdt unfortunately I didn’t finish the certificate program. I started getting too scared to go and I made excuses. 7:57 pm pdt my eczema started flairing a lot anyway and it was getting harder for me to get to class on time with anxiety. 7:58 pm pdt

12:18 am pdt incubus has been pouring vinegar down my throat I suspect. If this is his way of giving me diverticulitis/crohns whatever it’s called that’s a very cruel way to make someone die especially when you’ve already put me through a lot. 12:20 am pdt divorce relationship came up in auto fill correct. Permanent divorce 2 an imaginary husband. If you were dating stroh 4 a year I wonder if your children ever see you that much and probably don’t know you. Every one thought he was being a stay at home dad. Guess NOT. 12:23 am pdt 26 Jan u ary 2023 Thursday

12:32 am pdt incubus is probably the reason why dusty rose is so short in comparison to gio grace. 12:32 am pdt

12:37 am pdt incubus destroyed love.

that tattoo should be “you’re so cold you’re so cold you’re so cold” 12:39 am pdt

0 notes