#'psychopath' has become a catch-all phrase for 'people who do bad things' as a way to differentiate them from 'us' people who don't

[liminalweirdo]

spoilers for super dark times and josh’s character/motivation behind the cut. seriously, it’s spoilertown. proceed with caution.

Hate those articles that say that Josh is a character that helps us “spot the warning signs” in Psychopathic Children tm “before it’s too late” and honestly first of all what the fuck????

second of all, bitch WHERE?!

Look at him, he’s DISTRAUGHT. He literally almost passes out after Zach pulls the sword out. His scenes alone after Daryl’s death are Josh fucked up with guilt. This isn’t a kid who sits and plays with coins on the hardwood for the entirety of a school day in his day-to-day life. Look at his bedroom. This is a kid who keeps himself busy. He shows multiple clear indicators of stress and guilt afterwards. Josh doesn’t have any psychopathic “warning signs”, he’s a kid, a literal kid, that made a fucking MISTAKE?! The trajectory of the film doesn’t make sense for this reason, this is my biggest problem with an otherwise pretty perfect movie.

Like, this kid made a very big mistake and then very rapidly lost a very small but crucial support network, and it overwhelmed him.

Also, not only are psychopathy and sociopathy real personality disorders that real people have, and thus shouldn’t be used as just a “movie villain quirk” or the entire reasoning/motivation behind why someone “acts evil” (which is just incredibly lazy character creation), but Josh just... isn’t a psychopath. Neurodivergent? yes, absolutely. (I realize there are other problems with this. To be 1000% clear, NO I do not think that it’s Josh’s neurodivergence that causes him to be violent either. It’s a tragic thing that happened and spiralled a collection of tragic events, and I don’t think any of them are related to his ND brain. Neurotypicals can be and often are perpetrators of violence.) Again, this is more of a film canon issue, but: Why was Josh so weird? Why is Josh so blunt and straightforward and why doesn’t he look anyone in the eye? Why doesn’t Josh want to change their safe bubble of Josh&Zach to Josh&Zach and OTHER PEOPLE? Why does Josh shut down under (immense) pressure? Why does Josh have persistent, canonical stims and tics? If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person and Josh is not going to be like everyone on the spectrum, but as an autistic person, I spent the whole movie thinking “oh this kid is me, it’s me” and then?!!??! This kid is SURPRISE, a “psychopath” who murders people! I’M SORRY, LIKE WHAT?!

I’m not explaining this as coherently as I want to but I am percolating on it more so I can write more cohesively about it later. Basically, my overarching thought is: Josh is clearly ND and it SEEMS LIKE (i’m not saying this was the intent) but it SEEMS LIKE that neurodivergence just translates to “psychopathic murderer” as though that’s some kind of a) logical reasoning or b) a real and common thing (it’s not), and that is not great. That’s so not great, particularly because things involving violent teenagers and violent men involve the media FREQUENTLY pointing out that those people are autistic, often without any actual medical confirmation. This associates violence with autism. This is so incredibly rarely the case and is playing on such cause/correlation bullshit that it’s like saying “the killer was lactose intolerant.” And it sure does vilify autistics for no fucking reason.

I’m not a professional, but Josh is more clearly on the spectrum than he is exhibiting signs of psychopathy, even if they wanted to go the (bad) “psychopathic villain” route. This is one of the main reasons why the ending was so disturbing, but also confusing. The ending’s nonsensical “twist” is actually kind of just throwing people with real personality disorders like psychopathy or sociopathy under the bus, while somehow also saying “people who act autistic are going to become violent” and those things are both super not great. (new title? no, i’m kidding, i still adore this film)

I just... I don’t know. I guess I don’t know why this choice was made, in the film. I don’t even know if it was a choice. It’s extremely possible that I’m just reading into a character too much because my autistic brain relates strongly to Josh’s character. Until the murdering happens.

Even the scene where Zach comes to see Josh in his bedroom afterwards and Josh is just in shutdown mode is so similar to my autistic shutdowns that I have a hard time seeing that scene as anything else. Is he annoyed with Zach? YES, but not because he’s “a psychopath” now, it’s because he’s fucking done. He’s out of spoons. He cannot handle any more of this shit. Zach is outwardly expressive, he’s raised by a single mom who’s a good parent, he can voice his feelings. Josh doesn’t have that upbringing. Like, a lot of the time I think Josh has Zach and no one else and now he feels like he doesn’t even have Zach.

Also, hopefully we all know by now that autistic people are MORE LIKELY TO BE THE VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE than they are to be violent themselves. And psychopaths and sociopaths are also uh... not commonly or inherently violent, either.

If they wanted to make a film about a psychopath, I feel like they could have done it with more attention and tact (and also like... maybe not made him one that murders people), but as it stands Josh is not the main focal point of the film, adding to the confusion of the ending.

Anyway I would like to talk about this more.

Again, I’m not a professional and I am open and willing to hear other people’s criticisms of this theory (if you’re polite), and would love to talk about all this more in general. Like I said, my headcanon of Josh as autistic might just be me. I’m not saying it’s fact.

Disclaimer #875 I really do love this film. I’m not trying to call anyone out, I’m more just wanting to discuss this as the theory of the film itself because I really don’t think any harm was intended here by anyone, I think it was just more a case of unfortunate ignorance.

#this is my personal opinion #i'm not at all saying don't headcanon other stuff #but please don't use 'psychopath' as the reasoning behind why somebody commits atrocities or hurts others #'psychopath' has become a catch-all phrase for 'people who do bad things' as a way to differentiate them from 'us' people who don't #that's uh... incorrect #i blame fucking sherlock #high functioning sociopath are you fucking kidding me bleh blarhgh #anyway #that's my thoughts on #josh templeton #super dark times

[hannigramficrecs]

Murder Husbands

Nice Day for a Red Wedding by xzombiexkittenx [words: 2,129]

It is a quiet, unimportant morning much like any other, when Will decides he wants to marry Hannibal.

Never In The House by drinkbloodlikewine, whiskeyandspite [words: 4,079]

“You killed a man in our kitchen, Hannibal. Killed him. In our kitchen,” Will repeats again, each word clipped crisp. “Our. Kitchen.” “Will -” “One rule,” he says, laughing dire. “I asked for it not to happen in the house. Hell, even the cellar I’d understand, but Christ, that’s - that’s where the dogs eat!”

Held in the Highest Regard by HigherMagic [words: 12,357]

What happens when a group of serial killers pick the absolute worst targets? Will is already having a pretty rough night, since Hannibal proposed to him and Will said 'No' for reasons he still hasn't quite figured out yet. It's not their fault - they couldn't have known - but sometimes people have to learn lessons the hard way, and Will could definitely use some stress relief.

Before You And After You by ache_for_him, Breakmybones (CarterReid), CarterReid [words: 33,734]

Hannibal and Will had a past: a dirty, bloody, violent past. Will was sure he’d never see his own personal monster again - then he walked into Jack Crawford’s office.

Sweet Misery by everybreathagift [words: 1,272]

Will has no idea what personal space is. Hannibal hopes he never learns.

Bait and Switch by HotMolasses [words: 3,137]

“I told you I was married.” Will said, his eyes dark with lust of another kind now, the kind that made Hannibal’s heart sing. “I introduced you to my husband. But that didn’t seem to bother you.” “I…I…thought, I thought you wanted, um. You were flirting with me!” Hannibal tsked in his ear. “He flirted with the entire crowd all night.” Hannibal said. “Those with class politely stepped away. You, however, went after what was not yours.” 

It's A Good Car, Dammit by proser [words: 11,077]

Will never shares with anyone. His thoughts, his possessions, and his life are all his and his alone. Hannibal doesn't take from anyone. He prepares his own food, cleans his own house, and uses his own supplies. So when Hannibal starts driving Will's car everywhere, people are curious. Trust is so rare with these two, and it both makes perfect sense and is utter nonsense that it would reside between them.

The Abyss Smiled Back by HigherMagic [words: 49,768]

Will is missing, presumed dead, which makes it difficult for Jack and Alana to get Hannibal to help them catch another brutal serial killer, given that Hannibal's only condition for helping them is that he gets to see Will.

Deliverance by savethealiens (endoftheline7) [words: 9,843]

Hannibal and Will take their first tentative steps through the door to exploring the physical side of their relationship. Well, Hannibal does. Will practically kicks the door down.

A Darkness Seen and Shared by voxofthevoid [words: 10,344]

What would have happened if Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter first met each other when they were both hunting the same man, for entirely different reasons Attracting the attention of one psychopath is bad enough. Attracting two and for entirely different reasons… now that was just bloody rotten luck.

Table Manners by KareliaSweet [words: 1,510]

In which Will and Hannibal's first time is facilitated by the boorish manners of their dinner guest.

Fruitful by Everett_Harte [words: 11,629]

An AU remix of 'Hannibal'. Where they both meet several years before the show, start dating, and get married. And bang, a lot. Just don't go in the basement.

My Husband by VictoriaAGrey [wprds: 3,563]

“My husband this, my husband that. It’s a wonder Jack hasn’t followed your trail of “my husband”s to our front door.” “He doesn’t know we’re married.” “He’s the only one!” In which Hannibal is a little too smitten and Will figures out Hannibal is That Guy

The Risks of Marrying Will Graham by everybreathagift [words: 1,558]

Will has discovered something about himself. Hannibal would complain, but it's hard to speak with so much... Will.

Edible by shiphitsthefan [words: 4,376] 

The temptation to take a taste of Will is almost too great for Hannibal to resist. Good thing he isn't the only one who's hungry.

Everything I Wanted by CarnivalMirai [words: 5,330]

In which the phrase "but Hannibal..." paired with a pout and a Southern drawl is enough to get Will Graham exactly what he wants.

Eurydice by peppermintquartz [words: 11,324]

Will took Hannibal's offer to leave before the dinner with Jack. They are now in a smaller town, and they have new lives. Will can't decide if this is better than before.

Götterdämmerung by Chifuyu [words: 20,925]

Will Graham had not expected to survive the fall. Neither had he expected to find himself on a plane to Italy, with Hannibal Lecter sleeping peacefully by his side. Looking at the man now, with his silver-blond hair fanned across his face, Will wasn't sure if he could rise to this new challenge of not only surviving but living with Hannibal Lecter.

Carnivore, Won't You Come Digest Me? by HigherMagic [words: 64,019]

Role Reversal AU: Following the execution of Garrett Jacob Hobbs, Hannibal is forced to see Doctor Will Graham for a psychiatric evaluation before he can return to the field. Once cleared, Jack insists that Will shadow Hannibal in the hopes of catching the Shrike's copycat. Hannibal has become a master of making sure the FBI stays blind to his extracurricular activities, but Will is a man who sees far too much, and won't be so easily overcome.

Old Dog New Trick by iesika [words: 1,961]

Hannibal is in the doghouse

The Only Place I Can Hold You by snapdragonpop007 [words: 27,865]

“Hello, Jack.” These past two years had not been kind to Will Graham-Lecter. The solitary confinement that Chilton had promised would help had only seemed to make the omega worse. “I was wondering when you were gonna come talk to me.” Will hadn’t looked up from the book in his hands. He was running his fingertips across the pages, and when Jack looked a little closer he could see that it was full of photographs.

The Significant Other: The Will and Hannibal Edition by house_of_lantis [words: 18,431] 

After their terrible and abrupt break up, Will and Hannibal attempt to maneuver through their social circles, side step ongoing gossip, and deal with the fact that Will knows the truth of Hannibal. Through impossible odds, Will and Hannibal do find their way to each other again.

Dancing with the Beast by proser [words: 86,347] 

In order to catch a mediocre serial killer, Will must pose as Hannibal's date for a series of pretentious social events. Hannibal is dramatic and jealous as ever, and Will is having a great time without the encephalitis. Of course, it's a love story.

There's Pride In Your Mouth by nobetterlove [words: 10,992] 

Instead of diving head first into the avoidance pool, Will allows his empathy to grow - taking him further from the constructs of society. He uses the slip into other killer's heads to perfect his craft. As a cover, Will goes through the process of becoming a chef and takes to the profession like it was meant to be.

I Love Our Secrets by sourweather [words: 4,146] 

Freddie Lounds knows Will Graham is hiding something, she just doesn't know what. When she tries to snoop around Will's house one snowy night, she finds him in a very compromising position.

The Breath of Sun by Snerp [words: 10,203] 

Will and Hannibal met each other one fateful night in New Orleans. They get violently married, consummated in the river of blood and bone, in the flesh of the monsters of men. They are faithfully married, but not many know they are married to one another.

#murder husbands #hannibal au #hannibal fanfic #hannigram fanfic #hannibal fanfiction #mh

[saranghanuuu]

LOVE LASTS FOREVER JDRAMA REVIEW ♡

Love Lasts Forever / An Incurable Case Of Love (Koi Wa Tsuzuku yo Dokomade mo) is a 2020 romance-comedy-medical Japanese drama based on Maki Enjōji’s 2016 manga series of the same name. It stars Takeru Satoh playing the role of Dr. Tendo Kairi and Kamishiraishi Mone as Sakura Nanase.

PLOT SUMMARY

Love Lasts Forever / An Incurable Case Of Love (Koi Wa Tsuzuku yo Dokomade mo) tells the story of Sakura Nanase who accidentally (or should I say, fatefully) encounters cardiologist Tendo Kairi after an old woman collapsed on the street due to vasospasm. Sakura is greatly impressed on how Dr. Tendo handled the matter at hand and falls in love with him at first sight. After Dr. Tendo complimented Sakura for playing a key role of screaming for help for the old woman, she then realized her desire to become a nurse for a chance to meet him again.

Five years later, she was admitted as a nurse trainee at Hiura General Hospital where Dr. Tendo works. Sakura confessed to him on her first day of work, only to receive a blunt rejection. Unbeknownst to her, Dr. Tendo is dubbed as a “devil” at work for being a perfectionist and for criticizing other doctors and nurses. Sakura earned the title “hero” in the cardiology ward because of that daring confession, but Dr. Tendo sees her as nothing but a “boulder” hindering his job due to her clumsiness. However perhaps with love and patience, nothing is impossible. Sakura continued to pursue the seemingly cold-hearted Dr. Tendo, especially after she was placed under his team. She now aims to receive his validation both at work and in love. Will Sakura be able to succeed in this sweet ordeal?

MY TWO CENTS

I haven’t seen a Japanese drama in a while and it’s highly unlikely for me to watch one as my hands are full of Korean dramas these days (I am currently watching 3 ongoing and 4 finished series). But then I happen to see a fan-made video again circulating in Facebook about Love Lasts Forever. The FMV is so well-done that I was fascinated - covering all the meaty parts from start to finish. That’s when I decided I should gamble my time for this. It appears to be just an easy-going series, I thought, which will be a good catch since everything’s so complex recently. I started it with low expectations... And I unexpectedly loved it so much than I can handle!

WARNING: I suggest you not watching this if you are tired of this kind of plot, OR you prefer complicated stories, OR you expect this to focus on the medical aspect than romance. I want to save this drama from your disappointment. On the other hand, this drama suits best for hopeless romantics who fairly need a breather from the intricacies of life.

Since I never once reckon Love Lasts Forever to be a perfect drama, I am setting aside my criticisms. Instead, I am listing the things that made me fall for this series:

Kamishiraishi Mone is sooo KAWAII! Yes, this is the first reason HAHAHA😁 The way she speaks is very cute that it made me an instant fan. Of course it followed that I researched about her and found far more interesting things! She is a singer and the voice actress behind Mitsuha Miyamizu of Japanese anime film Your Name at that! She even sang an OST of Your Name entitled Nandemonaiya. Whoa~ So impressive, this girl.

Right on acting. I am well aware that Japanese series tend to be OA and loud. This one is no different, but more of on the entertaining side than cringeworthy.

Clichè theme, yes, but the kind you will never get tired of. Admit it or not, your heart still flutters on stories of a tsundere male lead falling head over heels with a clumsy but bright female lead

Similarity with Itazura Na Kiss - anyone who watched this drama will be able to tell, I suppose. Itazura Na Kiss is evidently one of my most loved stories that I made several posts about it here in my blog. But I guess Love Lasts Forever stood out in a way that it's more relaxed and less toxic (just like what a user commented on my previous post).

Love Lasts Forever showed justification behind Dr. Tendo's strict and aloof personality, which brought more excitement as Sakura slowly breaks down the walls on Dr. Tendo's heart. It is thrilling when they do this in a drama really. Dr. Tendo initially drew a line between him and Sakura, so him growing as an expressive character is one for the record! He gave so many reassurances to Sakura that he loves her, that it was never a mistake that he chose to be with her.

Kiss kiss kiss overload!

In my standard at least, Takeru Satoh is not handsome (sorry hah~), but I must admit he's oozing with sex appeal. He's a good kisser too and I love it🙈 And since we're already talking about kissing, Kamishiraishi Mone's responses to kissing scenes are really good too. It's not awkward and will indeed make you feel the tension.

Feel-good OST! This is on repeat in my playlist nowadays and everytime I listen to it, it brings back all the heart-fluttering memories in the drama.

Every episode has a distinct story to tell.

Hilarious side characters! And second and third couples that are likewise lovable - Dr. Kisugi x Sakai and Nishi x Ryuko

My happily ever after ideal ending - a marriage.

FUN FACTS/TRIVIAS ABOUT THIS DRAMA (Compiled from Blitzfansub)

Dr. Tendo is your stereotypical “Do-S” character (literally translated to “Super-S”) where normally the “S” stands for sadistic. Because they just say Do-S, the running joke is that he can be both super stoic and super sadistic at the same time.

It is part of Japanese politeness to describe *every* *single* *action* the nurse takes. And every time they touch the patient, or get too close to them, they literally say “pardon me”. It doesn’t sound natural in English, but not translating those lines will also be unnatural. The cultural difference is that in US, the nurses try to keep a conversation with you to distract you from the discomfort. In Japan, they tell you everything about it so you don’t get uncomfortable.

Team Tendo or Team Kisugi is of course, a double entendre. It means a doctor-nurse assignment as they described in the show, but they hint at it as also being “a fan of…” Tendo or Kisugi.

You may have noticed Dr. Tendo’s favorite phrase is “baka” and while it can translated to any one of stupid, idiot, retard, there is a distinction based on context. When he’s calling her “baka” at work, he’s insulting her lack of experience, and not necessarily her lack of intelligence. That’s why “retard” was used. In Episode 3 when Sakura mimicked Dr. Tendo in self-deprecating way, she said “idiot” and he defended himself saying he wasn’t that harsh. At the end of this episode, when she called him out, the baka he used was a very endearing kind, so the word “stupid” was used.

The scene where Dr. Tendo pretends to fall asleep after Sakura gets out of the shower may be seen as “cruel” in American culture but it’s a classic “gentleman move” in Japanese romance plots. He’s worried that she feels too pressured if he’s awake, so he pretends to be asleep and alleviate the pressure to have sex. I hope you can all appreciate his kindness!

A line from Episode 8 that literally says “It’s all your fault for making this weird kid be attracted to you” is such a hard line to sub. Like, who says that?! I mean, never mind that it sounds awkward. Nobody I know thinks like this (that it’s her fault he’s attracted to her). So translating isn’t just about replacing Japanese words with English words, but it’s also about placing it in the correct context. In this case, such a scenario would never happen in America because no guy says this in a lovable/jealous manner. Every guy that says this is a psychopath!! So what do you do in this case? The translator took a stab at the possible context and rephrased it to sound a bit more normal. If the context turns out to be different, the translator probably have to rephrase it significantly. Just a little “behind-the-scene” on how subtitling works!

Difference from Manga: In episode 6, Miori is supposed to be the younger sister of Minori. Most people assume they are twins because that was the setting in the manga. However, the drama never explicitly mention them being twins. But if you check TBS’ website… it mistakenly shows Miori as 33 and Minori as 26 even though Minori is suppose to be older. And furthermore if you read the description for Miori, it says “Minori’s twin sister” so… in conclusion, the TBS website is a hot mess!

The amusement park Dr. Tendo and Sakura went to was filmed at Tokyo Dome City.

Takeru Satoh gave a “behind the scene” talk where he said that removing Sakura’s hair tie in the living room scene of Episode 8 was ad-libbed. He thought of it on the spot because the drama has used hair tie as a symbolism for “focused career-mode Sakura”, and untying her hair there showed that he’s treating her as a woman.

Another behind the scene talk regarding last scene of Episode 8: The editors were going to start the I love… song at the point where Dr. Tendo shows up, but the editors said “it’s probably obvious that he’s going to show up, so might as well start the song early and match Dr. Tendo’s appearance with the crescendo.”

Bath culture is big in Japan. People don’t normally just take showers. That’s why when Sakura’s mom realized her house is not fit for a guest to take a bath, she sent the whole family to a public bath (called sento).

In a scene where Sakura’s trying to act cute in Episode 9, Dr. Tendo literally says “Did you eat something spoiled?” because there’s a reference that you act out of character when you eat something bad. This reference doesn’t work in English, so instead, “hitting yourself in the head” is used.

In the scene on Episode 10 where Nishi is introducing himself to Dr. Tendo, he actually calls Dr. Tendo “younger brother.” This is because even if he is younger than Dr. Tendo, if he marries his older sister, Nishi automatically becomes the “older brother-in-law” in turn making Dr. Tendo the “younger brother-in-law”.

In Japan, the “best man” of the wedding is usually the groom’s boss.

Apparently this series was so popular it crashed Paravi (TBS streaming site) few hours after EP10 release!

Not long ago, I was afflicted by an emotional disturbance that lasted for two months. It affected my everyday living so much that I had a hard time sleeping. After watching this drama, it faded away, to my surprise. I owe my happiness these days to this show. Maybe that's how I can sum up the fun of watching this. I hope the same goes to you!

#love lasts forever #satoh takeru #mone kamishiraishi #koi wa tsuzuku yo dokomademo #takeru satoh #kamishiraishi mone #jdrama #an incurable case of love #jdorama #japanese drama #drama reviews #nanase sakura #tendo kairi #sakura nanase #kairi tendo #恋はつづくよどこまでも

[eldritchsurveys]

911.

5k Survey XXXIV

1751. Do you think that it is okay for a homosexual or a woman to become a priest? >> Of course. I’m sure some sects think they’re justified in barring certain kinds of people from being priests, but I think it’s kind of fucked up to deny someone that kind of religious stature based on nothing but some arbitrary fact of birth or design. 1752. Which would you rather give up forever, religion or sex? >> Why can’t you love god in your bed? said Steve Vai and he was fucking right, god dammit. Give me both at the same time. 1753. What comes to mind when you think of these places: Canada? Moose. UK? Those red double-decker buses. I’ve seen way too many pictures of London and not enough of the rest of the UK. USA? The White House. Australia? The movie The Nightingale. Germany? Beer. Italy? The canals in Venice. 1754. What does your favorite bumper sticker say? >> Oh fuck, I’ve forgotten! I saw one a while ago that just slayed me but I’ve forgotten what it said by now. Unfortunate. 1755. Have you ever taken a shower with another person? >> Yes.

1756. What bath toys do you have, if any? >> I don’t have any bath toys. 1757. Would you rather propose to someone you love or would you rather be proposed to by someone you love? >> Does it matter? 1758. How can you reject someone nicely? >> By being tactfully honest about the fact that you’re not interested in what they’re offering.

1759. What kinds of diary names make you interested enough to check out the diary? >> --- 1760. What do you think are three common passwords people use to secure their diaries? >> --- 1761. Pick an object in the room. Give that object a name. >> I’m cheating and picking a plushie. Its name is Marshmellow and it’s a white dog with pink accents. 1762. What is the quickest way to make you blush? >> --- 1763. Do you usually feel that you deserve it when other people compliment you? >> I don’t always feel like I deserve it, but I try to accept it gracefully anyway. It’s a kind gesture to give a compliment and I'd hate to alienate the giver by denying it. 1764. If you were to start your own business what kind of business do you think it might be? >> I don’t want to do that. 1765. What is one of your pet peeves? >> When I’m taking a walk and have to dodge into the fucking street to avoid lawn sprinklers. 1766. What question do you get asked too frequently? >> I used to get asked constantly if my septum ring hurt. Luckily I haven’t heard that question in a while.

1767. You notice a ring is priced $40.00, but the cashier only charges you $10.00. Do you mention this to the cashier? >> Yeah. Back in the day, I wouldn’t have, because an extra $30 in my pocket would have been beyond lucky. But I don’t have to worry about that so much anymore, so I can indulge the luxury of uprightness. 1768. Could a kiss on the ___ be considered cheating? Cheek?  Lips? Nose? Hand? Ear? Neck? 1769. Would it bother you if your lover occasionally flirted with others? >> Of course not. That person’d better flirt back too, she’s a catch.  1770. How long has it been since you last played truth or dare? >> I don’t play that. 1771. Should people who are living now be obligated to do things that will make the world better for people who will live 100 years from now? >> I don’t know. I mean, we’re struggling trying to make the world better for ourselves, let alone hypothetical people who don’t even exist yet. 1772. Imagine you have a dream in which someone you care for acts mean to you. Is it possible you will still be angry with this person when you wake up? >> I know it’s possible for some people because I’ve heard this kind of story before. It’s not possible for me, I don’t think of the people in my dreams as actual avatars of real-life people. Dream folks are just wearing faces they’ve pulled from my memory. 1773. Have you ever left someone a note with a picture in it? If yes, how do you do it? >> Er, no, I don’t think so. 1774. What do you fear more, death or pain? >> Pain, definitely pain. When I think of the various things I fear about death, they all come down to being afraid of some kind of pain (physical, mental, psychic). 1775. Are the questions still interesting this far into the survey? >> Some of them are, like the previous one. And then there are whole sections that have just annoyed me, lol. 1776. Do you like the cartoon Inspector Gadget? >> I’ve never seen it. 1777. You know how Gadget wears the same outfit all the time, and his closet is full of outfits that are exactly identical to the one he wears? If your closet was full of just one outfit that you had to wear everyday what would it be like? >> Sweatpants (or shorts, in summer) and a band t-shirt. And a hoodie, in chilly weather. 1778. Would you rather time travel to the future or the past? >> No. 1779. Would you rather know how the world began or how it will end? >> I think we’ve learned a lot about how the world began, right? Or at the very least, we have sound theories about it. Now, how the universe began... that’s the kind of shit I’m into. 1780. Would you rather meet your ancient ancestors or your great great great great great great grandchildren? >> --- 1781. Out of these 4 which is most important (1=most, 2= second most, 3 = 3rd most, 4 = least)? Curing diseases such as aids, cancer:  Preserving wildlife areas:  Ending terrorism:  Building colonies in space: 1782. In your opinion should every child be entitled to a good education? >> Sure. I mean, why not, right? 1783. What news item are you tired of hearing about? >> The presidential election. 1784. Speaking of 9/11 the anniversary is coming up. What will you be doing? >> Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything to me, I wasn’t there and neither was anyone I know. 1785. If this were a recipe for you, how would it go? >> --- 1786. Which of the following would YOU be more likely to survive: A fall from a 3 story building Driving a car into the water >> A fall from a 3-storey building. I can’t swim, so I’m definitely not surviving the second one. 1787. What philosophy was manifested in the communist manifesto? >> Was it not Communism? Or is that not a philosophy, per se... hmm. 1788. Who is your exact opposite? >> No one is my exact opposite. That just doesn’t make any sense. 1789. Would you rather have serenity or insanity? >> --- 1790. What do these phrases mean? Moulin Rouge:  Le voyage sur le bateau:  Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir: something about would you like to sleep with me tonight, idk. I just remember it from that one song. 1791. What is the longest distance you have ever walked? >> I have no idea. Miles and miles. 1792. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato believes that beauty truth and justice all basically mean the same thing. What are your feelings about this? >> I don’t understand what Plato was trying to say here, I need the context. 1793. How did you first begin to assert yourself as independent from your parents? >> I mean, that... happens in childhood, right? The development of the self as a separate entity from one’s caregivers? 1794. If you had a magic bracelet, would you use it to gain luck, money, health, creativity or love? >> No. 1795. What would you do if every time you used your magic bracelet something bad would happen to someone else? >> I wouldn’t have used the bracelet in the first place, because all shit like that has some kind of equivalent-exchange side effect. I know my magic devices, okay. 1796. This is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be that she fell in love with him then and there, although she didn’t even see him after the funeral ended. A few days later, the girl killed her own sister. What is her motive for killing her sister? >> Oh, I’ve heard this one before. It’s some kind of crack “test” to see if you’re a psychopath. The supposed “psychopath answer” is that she was hoping that the guy would appear at her sister’s funeral. 1797. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone’s feelings? >> Sure. 1798. What do you think of Franz Ferdinand? >> As far as the band is concerned, I like that Take Me Out song, but I don’t know any of their others. Alas, I don’t know anything about the Archduke except that he was assassinated, so I can’t say I have an opinion on him. 1799. What do you think of the band Modest Mouse? >> I liked Float On, but I don’t know any of their other songs. 1800. What do you think of Morrissey? >> I like Morrissey. Well, his music, anyway.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey

[osleyakomwonkru]

Failure of Empathy: Team Delinquents and the Undoing of Octavia Blake

A few weeks ago, I wrote about Team Adults, and how they failed Octavia in the bunker and then betrayed her the first chance they had after it was open. Today, we take a look at Octavia’s former friends who found themselves outside the bunker and how they failed her too.

While for the adults, the major way they failed Octavia was by not putting their experience into practice, the delinquents failed Octavia in a different way - empathy. Not one of them asked her what happened over those six years with an honest desire to know and understand. Not one of them acknowledged the difficult circumstances she must have led through or told her that she’d accomplished something extraordinary by uniting a group of people who mostly hated each other, and kept most of them alive despite the bunker’s expiration date passing a year earlier.

Then they proceeded to destroy the society she’d built, betraying her one step at a time. She also gave them the latitude to do so, because she believed that she could trust them. She believed that she could trust her friends, because they’d been through a lot together. Even when she was presented with evidence that she couldn’t trust them, her big heart still wanted to, and that trust was her undoing.

So let’s get into it, shall we?

Monty (and Harper)

I hate how fandom views these two as having made a “great sacrifice”. Seriously. They didn’t. They chose their peaceful life. They chose not to wake anyone else up, even when they could have helped in finding a new place to call home, because they didn’t want anyone else interfering with that peaceful life. Hell, they didn’t even start looking for a new place to live until 28 years after the others went to sleep. Them finding this new planet for the others to live on was their redemption.

Which brings us back to the purpose of this post - them and their relationship to Octavia. Octavia and Harper never really had one, so the focus here will be on Monty.

Now, Octavia and Monty have had an understanding and friendship going back to the early days of the dropship, when it was the two of them and Jasper. While in season 1 most of the others were all business, those three were the sweet kids trying to make the best of their situation. They always stood by each other, defended each other - until the irradiation of Mount Weather, and nothing was ever the same again after that.

And the reason it wasn’t ever the same again after that was Monty - for awhile I thought Monty’s callous attitude to Octavia in season 5 was an anomaly, but it really wasn’t, if you look at how Monty treated Jasper throughout a lot of season 3 and 4. Octavia was the only one who showed Jasper any sort of compassion in season 3, and Jasper then reciprocated that when Octavia lost Lincoln. Monty? He threw a bucket of cold water in Jasper’s face.

Monty does pretty much the same thing to Octavia in season 5. He actively doesn’t want to understand the trauma that Wonkru went through in the bunker, and while tough love is something that works in some circumstances, it isn’t something that you can apply with any sort of success to the deep-seated psychological trauma that Wonkru had.

It isn’t just Octavia either - when he’s talking to Cooper, and she says they’re marching to war and she never wants to see the bunker again, he brushes that off with a flippant “you did things to survive” and thinks that they should just get over it. A few episodes later, Octavia as good as tells him and Harper about the Dark Year - but they don’t seem to catch the underlying message of “you fight to live or you die - that is how I survived when this farm stopped feeding us” - and brush her off again.

Because of their lack of desire to understand her world - and why she needed out of that bunker - they put the final nails in the coffin of their own hopes of restoring a peaceful farm there. Cooper offered Monty the hydrofarm upon their departure for the war, and I do believe Octavia would have upheld that. But instead of staying in their new farm, Monty and Harper provided support for Traitor Squad for the next three episodes in their fruitless attempt at trying to stop an inevitable war (see post here) and destroyed their opportunity for peace on earth instead, because them proclaiming the restored farm to Wonkru was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Octavia (as detailed in this post here).

Clarke

Now, to her credit, Clarke was impressed by - and did want to understand - what happened in the bunker at first. She even told Bellamy that their survival was impressive. But what she should have done is told Octavia that too. It would have meant so much to her. Octavia’s heart would have warmed from Clarke’s story about Madi having “heard every story about the girl under the floor who saved the human race” - but she wasn’t that girl anymore, and hadn’t been for a long time. She needed a different kind of acknowledgment, and Clarke was well poised to offer it - she respected what Octavia had accomplished, she herself knew what it was like to have to make the hard choices, they should have been natural allies.

Instead, Clarke let Bellamy’s doubts eat at her, which resulted in her losing all sense of logic when Madi showed up. Clarke and Octavia had a similar goal - neither of them wanted Madi to take the Flame - but Clarke didn’t see that for some reason, even though Octavia was very clear about it all. She accepted Madi into Wonkru, and by doing that, granted her protection that Clarke couldn’t dream of being able to give. She made Madi her second, which also provided protection that Clarke couldn’t give - people would know that Madi wasn’t to be messed with, because Blodreina had taken a personal interest in the girl and was training her for battle and eventual leadership.

Eventual leadership is a key phrase - Octavia wasn’t stupid. She knew that there were people who wanted the Commanders back. So by accepting Madi as her own and training her, she was preparing her for when that day would come (which would also hopefully be a day in a time of peace, in which Madi wouldn’t have to make the hard decisions that Octavia - and Clarke - had had to).

They had a solid battle strategy, plus a sneak attack, where Madi would have been safer than any other battle that could have been waged - because as noted in the post linked above, that war was going to happen one way or another.

Instead of trusting in that, or even going with Bellamy’s plan of taking off in the Rover to retrieve Spacekru, Clarke decided the best idea was to attempt to deliberately sabotage Octavia’s plans by murdering one of her people. Clarke knows Octavia. She knows Octavia is relentless. That when she has a goal in mind, she pursues it single-mindedly and nothing will stand in her way. This would be no different. So instead of being able to go with a reasonable Plan A, Octavia had to keep going down the list of plans, each one becoming more dangerous.

Clarke continued to aid the movement down the list of plans after she and Madi left Polis and went to Shallow Valley. If her single solitary goal was to protect Madi, she would have disappeared into a far corner of the valley and waited out the battle, rather than joining up with McCreary. She’d taken the worms out of the equation, there wasn’t a risk to her or Madi if they did that. Instead, she delivered her daughter to a psychopath, and instead of letting Madi kill him when the moment was open, she continued to heal them and sold out the rest of her remaining friends.

Clarke is credited with having a change of heart and trying to stop McCreary and spearheading the evacuation, but it would have all been wholly unnecessary if Clarke had stayed out of everything in the first place. Clarke is the one who started the war with Eligius IV in the first place. Clarke is the one who murdered a member of Wonkru, resulting in Bellamy’s actions against Octavia, and thus putting the Flame in Madi. Clarke is the one who betrayed her friends to McCreary, resulting in them getting slaughtered. Meaning Clarke is the one who created the circumstances by which she was essentially sending her daughter into a kill box (see this post).

If Clarke had worked together with Octavia from the beginning, the valley would have been won with little fuss, Madi would not have the Flame, and hundreds more would have lived. What’s more, she could have been the emotional support that Octavia so desperately needed, because Clarke had been in her position enough times to understand. I’m really disappointed that we didn’t see that.

Echo

Now, Echo isn’t a delinquent, but there’s not really a reason to make a special post just for her, and given that she spent six years living in space with five delinquents, she fits here well enough.

Out of all of the people here, she did the best - her only issue was deferring to Bellamy when she should have stood on her own merits. Echo more than any of them would have understood the pressures Octavia was under - and she did, though Bellamy chose not to understand. Echo was the only one who recognized that something horribly bad had happened in the bunker and that Octavia needed Bellamy, her brother, to be there for her. She should have been more specific in how that should happen.

Echo also respected Octavia’s authority in the way the others didn’t - even when Bellamy disagreed, Echo acknowledged that Octavia was right. This also meant that Octavia listened to Echo and took her information and recommendations into consideration. Not to mention that in 5x09 when the fighting starts in Shallow Valley between McCreary and Diyoza’s factions, and Kane shows up to say that Bellamy and Clarke negotiated a surrender with Diyoza, Echo writes it off as fake news, because Octavia would never surrender, knowing that Bellamy and Clarke had no authority to speak for her with Diyoza. All the respect to Echo for that.

Bellamy

Now, I have another essay planned on the Blake dynamics through the series as a whole, but here we’re sticking just to S5, and to the thesis of that essay - despite all of their tumultuous past, their reconciliation at the end of S4 and the subsequent six years apart should have been the best thing that happened to them and their relationship. Six years apart would break their co-dependency, so that they could restart their relationship as adults with a clean slate when they saw each other again.

It should have been wonderful. But it wasn’t. And it was Bellamy who screwed it all up.

It’s this moment. This moment right here. Their first private conversation out of the bunker in 5x04.

You can see Bellamy’s hostile stance - holding himself back, arms crossed. You can see Octavia steeling herself for the lecture she knows is coming, though you can tell she’d hoped for understanding.

Then Bellamy begins to speak. “Blodreina. The Red Queen. Tell me about the fighting pit. How did that happen? Because it looks to me like someone read Ovid a few too many -”

Bellamy’s only concerned with what he’s seen in five minutes. He’s not concerned about her, the person he’d spent most of his life trying to protect from harm. He doesn’t ask her how she’s doing, what happened to her, what she had to do to lead them - like he said she’d have to, in their last radio conversation before Praimfaya.

Bellamy is known as the heart for a reason - because he uses it. But suddenly, all that heart he’s been known for is gone. He doesn’t want to know what happened to his sister in those six years. He only finally wonders in 5x10, at which point it is way way too late.

This here in 5x04 is the moment when everything could have been different. If he’d asked her what happened. Or not even that - he knows she’s not a talker. All he needed to offer her was understanding. Love. Confirmation to her that he’d be there for her no matter what. And hell, knowing at least that some sort of gnarly shit went on down there even if he didn’t know the specifics, but now they were free - he could’ve offered her that forgiveness that he and Clarke were so famous for giving to each other: “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.”

But he didn’t. He didn’t give her validation, he didn’t even give her consideration.

He did ask her to trust him. And she did. Which backfired so spectacularly that she almost ended up vaporized on the streets of Polis.

This set the tone for the rest of the season. I could write thousands of words more on it, but I don’t think I need to. Because this scene in this episode is the tipping point. Everything else was just actions and reactions to each other, all stemming from here, all stemming from how Bellamy showed no empathy and Octavia could take no chances.

Clarke and Spacekru spent six years living in peace and relative plenty. Octavia spent six years in a war zone. It was clear from the moment the bunker was opened that some serious shit had happened there, and Octavia was at the epicentre of it - and yet, despite having had to make all sorts of horrific choices for the survival of their people in seasons past, her fellow delinquents seem to have forgotten what that felt like. Forgotten their own experiences. Forgotten the way they wanted to be treated, forgotten the empathy that they so desperately craved after those acts. After their six years of peace, they didn’t want to understand that Octavia had been living in a very different world, and that the choices they’d had to make in the past were now choices that she’d had to make as well.

Octavia even calls Clarke and Bellamy out on it in 5x07 - and they have no words to say in their defense. The thing that they could do, however, is draw on their shared experiences - but they don’t even do that. Bellamy’s always been full of motivational tidbits to prevent others from making what he perceives as the same mistakes he has - such as when he tells Riley in 4x05 that “war made me a murderer, don’t let it happen to you” or when he tells Madi in 5x13 that she can be “better than them [the prisoners]. You can be better than us.” Why doesn’t he have one here for Octavia besides “don’t do this”? Where was his empathy here?

Bellamy failed her. Clarke failed her. Monty failed her. They all failed her.

#the 100 meta #octavia blake #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #monty green #echo kom spacekru #harper mcintyre #the 100

[cyanpeacock]

OK, feel like writing again.

Lots of thoughts on my mind. There are every day, and they’re pretty continuous? I don’t have the same kinds of black spaces and intense YOU MUST REMEMBER memories? 

Uh, my brain feels more connected to my body? I can think, walk, and feel all at the same time without such bad snaps of fear/confusion? And I’m shocked to think a child would be left to go through those experiences being told it’s “normal.” I understand it’s “normal” to dissociate and feel intensely after a traumatic experience, and I understand why it happened, as far as I can right now, but like... that kid was me? 

And nobody went to me, “yeah, kid, you’re right, it’s not normal, because you can feel that it isn’t normal for you.” Nobody validated how my brain and body felt. I concluded that maybe I didn’t feel? Maybe I was some kind of psychopath, and faking, because Mummy(tm) called me a “little actor” and whacked me when I was hurt and acting out as a child does? Was I doing this on purpose? What about the shit I got done for that I didn’t remember doing?

I got told I had an “overactive imagination” and to “just stop thinking about it” when I said I was hearing cruel voices (understatement, they were telling me to kill myself). This did not help my feeling of being unreal in a hostile world. This did not help me understand that not all thoughts are voluntary. 

That was my body, that went through that, and coped the only ways it could, and ended up... here? 

Like, only I can remember what the inside of my head was like back then, and it was bad. I was homicidal and suicidal. Lots of thoughts about killing random strangers. I felt trapped and threatened everywhere I went. Nobody called me by the right name. People laughed when I said I couldn’t see, or feel my body, or move properly. I was paranoid, and delusional, and aggressive but inhibited, and vulnerable to the kinds of people who hurt others for a laugh. 

I know. “A lot of people have lives like that! Plenty of people are worse off! You should be grateful!”

I am grateful. But I can’t be properly grateful for the comforts I did have until the pain I felt, and still feel, has been properly acknowledged. 

Acknowledgement would seem to be a process I am currently engaged in. 

Anxiety around my education has become... anxiety, rather than my primary driving force? Like, all I had to keep me going for a very long time was “don’t fail school, you’ll disappoint your mum, be Punished(tm), get a shit job, and die.” Like... that’s not a very healthy approach to learning. 

Now it’s more like this thing I’m piloting is saying “don’t fail school, you’ll struggle for work and money, but don’t go so hard it kills you, man, you don’t have to any more.” This is scary, because I don’t want to Do Badly(tm). This is also hopeful, because perhaps I’ll be able to enjoy life as a whole more, now I’m at a point where I’ve worked enough within myself to feel confident enough to meet new humans, and make some physical changes to my life?

Maybe I’ll learn how to go to sleep sober and happy?

My dreams aren’t as frightening any more. Strange, lonely, and vaguely disturbing, sure, but frightening? Eh, only in the way that being totally alone and unprotected in the world is frightening, and I’ve felt that ever since I was a tiny child. 

I’m so angry that I had to validate my mother’s perspective before she could validate my own. The whole, “put yourself in my shoes” deal. I didn’t have a pair of my own to get back into! I knew I felt bad because of what she was doing to me, but Mummy Was Good(tm) and Doing Nothing Wrong(tm), so I had to be inherently bad somehow? It was the only explanation my child brain could come up with?

I’m also so angry about my ex-stepfather, and his refusal to listen to and learn about new concepts that were important to me, or to support me through my emotions. Dickhead. I still hope he’s found a way to live more happily.

Same again r.e. my grandfather, the one who’s a counsellor, who, uh, offered to counsel me? Within the family? Which totally isn’t a professional conflict of interest. Totally appropriate. And he kicked me out while I was psychotic and sent me home in a cop car, so, like, while I appreciate all the good times I had with the guy, that wasn’t a straw to break the camel’s back, that was an iron girder. I know it’s still fresh, but all I can think about him is... go to hell, man. 

It’s not all I can think, I’m aware he’s going to get sick and die, sooner than I realize. I don’t know if I’ll have any contact with him by then, since I hear the relationship between him and my mother turned sour. 

Best not to think too hard about that, at least not yet, but I guess it’s good to be aware of those kinds of things, to some extent. I have a nose for grief and conflict, let’s learn to turn away from it rather than follow it. 

I miss my siblings. They’re great. I’d like to talk to them again. I need a little more time before I’m ready, because I don’t wanna see them while I’m feeling like shit for reasons they can’t console and drag them down. 

I miss my mum in a weird way, because I know at least some of the stories as to why she became the way she did (although she certainly told them at unhelpful times), and I feel as though I instigated some kind of change in her, and I know there are grown-up conversations on neutral turf to come and drinks and smokes to follow, but I’m still too volatile over it to communicate as respectfully as I want to. I think it’ll be okay. 

Broadly, I need to... well. Relax? Hunt and gather, for whatever I can apply that instinct to that is useful for day-to-day functioning in the modern world? Review, experience, and plan? Keep managing my emotions and impulses with these new skills that used to be really fucking difficult to implement even for a second, never mind days/weeks/months/years? Be grateful for what I’ve created for myself, and not just indebted to people I’m viewing as in some way superior to me, because I’m undoing some nasty fucking work in here (taps head)?

Hard to believe this world is mine too?

I do catch myself thinking “if I’m doing better now, does that mean I was faking it?”

It doesn’t. It means I’ve put in a lot of effort to learn and apply new skills, and that I’ve made changes to my pace, and I’ve learned how to talk about things that I had words for but no ability to speak about before. It means I’ve learned reassuring phrases and tones, and that I’m increasingly trusting that reassurance from myself. 

I’m gonna do pretty great, I think. I think I can do this, I think I can figure out how to achieve a sustainable, happy, secure adult life. 

OK. Let’s keep trying.

#fliptext #trauma #suicide #abuse #ask to tag #family #recovery

[java-induced-daymares]

"He knows about you."

There's so much weight to that sentence, for a second Miley thinks it might burry her. It's a avalanche of realization, brought to life in such a short string of vowels and consonants. Xavier is so beautiful, in a way only men can be pretty, with sharp piercing blue eyes, a sly little smirk and a fall of raven hair that always falls into his eyes, just so.

"What does that mean, I mean, for us?" She asks with a hopeful look. He has to have a plan. Right?

His long look speaks so much. It says he is sorry. That perhaps, he always recognized this possibility, but chose to ignore it. Of course he did. He always knew his other self was a sociopathic murderer, it's just her that's slow to the uptake. Miley shifts uneasily, breathing in deep, and exhaling slow and pointedly.

"What can I do?"

His wince is another answer. No one accuses Xavier of being overly wordy. Perhaps it's unnecessary, with such a expressive, eye catching face. This is probably the part of the conversation where she should regret saving this troubled, deeply erratic man. Her empathetic impulse always lands her in trouble, but this time...this time it's deadly.

"What's he like?"

His forget-me-not blue eyes blink rapidly. She's caught him off guard. Bemused by the rarity, Miley sips her dark espresso and waits for him to collect himself. It's a loaded question, after all.

"I don't..." His brow furrows and his teeth clench, "Obviously, we've never met." Her dry smirk echoes his wry sentiment. "I only see the carnage afterwards. I've never..." He clears his throat, awkward in a way only the impossibly handsome can be while being so shy and open. "I don't attach myself to people. I don't know how he will react, but I don't suspect it will be nice."

Miley feels her palms grow wet, even as she maintains her dry tone, "Is he..." She lowers her voice to a whisper, as if what she says is too dark to speak full volume, "Do you think he wants to kill me?"

Another wince from her blue eyed friend and she feels her stomach drop. Xavier is peculair, in a way more unique than his movie star good looks. Every day at seven pm he becomes someone...not Xavier. This other person, who lives and breathes in his body, who takes him over, likes to call himself Jack. Perhaps like the Ripper. It seems the sort of gruesome appeal that the theatrical killer night subscribe to. She's never asked. Xavier doesn't like to talk about him. They are always careful. Leaving no signs of interaction. Always in public, never touching, their meetings so brief they had hoped to never be discovered. But it's all for naught. Jack is too clever by half. Even Xavier is afraid of him, and he fears very little.

"I'd tell you to run, but he er-" bashful now there's a light, becoming blush on the man's high cheekbones. Xavier is dreamy. It's a wonder so many passed him by in the street, bleeding and near death, but then he didn't look nearly as appealing then. "He likes the chase. I'm afraid it'll excite him more if you do."

Miley nibbles her lower lip. Trying to digest this fact analytically. It seems so wrong, so adverse to everything Xavier, this shy handsome man who stutters around social interaction, so adorably awkward and blunt, to imagine him preying on others. Hunting humans like cattle and butchering them so candidly, with blood lust only equaled by his enjoyment. Yet of course it isn't him, not really, it's Jack. A persona she doesn't know, and has no desire to meet. Yet it seems the choice has been stripped from her. Jack knows about her. Only time will tell what consequences such a thing will bring.

The sounds and smells of the coffee shop permeate the air. Filling the tense silence with the hiss of milk being steamed, the ding-da-chink of the register popping open, the idle chatter of patrons and baristas alike. It seems so normal. So wholesome. A dreadful contrast to their illecit conversation. It hasn't really hit her yet. She means for it to. The brunette pushes her hair behind her ears and eyes her counterpart somberly.

"You have to tell me about him, it might be my only chance," she presses. Xavier baulks. He doesn't like discussing Jack. Aside from the racy headlines, she knows so little. If he hadn't had that profiler's sketch drawn of him a few months back, a face unmistakable, Miley wonders dejectedly if he would have even told her of his other half's existence. Jack is dehhabilitating to Xavier, ruination and despair. A part of him feels inordinately guilty, as if he is somehow responsible for something so beyond his control. And who could blame him? Two personalities, one body. She suspects the man before her wonders who is real sometimes, him or Jack. To her he is real, very much so, but he isn't fully convinced. Didn't expect her to believe him at his word. Logically, perhaps she shouldn't, but she feels it. Deep on a part of her where doubt can't touch, Xavier is Xavier. He couldn't kick a puppy, let alone butcher another human being in cold blood. It's hard to say how she knows this, considering they aren't so very close, have only met sporadically over the passing months. She just does. Like how she knows the sky is blue and the ocean has waves. It shocked her at first, yes, even almost repelled her, but she's made peace with that now, and that determination isn't the sort to be lightly cast aside.

""Xav," she says it like 'Xave' a shortening she only uses rarely, to keep it's intimacy from scaring him off, "Please." It's the please that does it, he sips from his hot Zen tea idly, but she can see the fine tremors in his hand he tries so hard to quiet.

His whole body sighs, and with a air of reluctant defeat he monotones, "Jack doesn't like to share. Especially me. He won't be happy to know I've formed a-" he searched for the right word absently, "attachment, outside of him. He wants all my focus. My suffering is just as important to him as his victims'."

Lost blue eyes meet her own green-hazel ones forlornly. "When we were kids, if I liked some toy, he broke it. If I got close to someone he hurt them or drove them off. He won't let this go Miley, he can't."

She nods, profuntury, trying for disinterested even as her heart pounds a frantic rhythum in her chest. She's seen the headlines. The gruesome torture and rape, the blatant violence and sickened showmanship of a psychopath making art out of corpses. Her skin needles and she fights the dizzy distortion of realizing very soon she might be facing a real monster. Not the ones of her childhood with dripping fangs and glowing eyes that hide under beds and in closets, no. This one will appear in the guise of a close friend, someone she started to feel protective of and cherish before she actually meant to. It's all very distressing.

"He takes over at seven, right?"

His sullen nod is answer enough. Miley sips her espresso, feeling the hot liquid slide over her tongue thoughtfully and hoping beyond hope it won't be her last taste. Her last time seeing her friend. Or her life. She doesn't have much of one, obviously, or else she might have not been so drawn to Xavier and his plight, but it's still her life. The only one she has. Sad to think it might not last. Ended pathetically at age twenty five.

"I want to be there."

He cringes. Actually, physically cringes. "I don't think-"

"He knows about me, you said it yourself, he likes the chase. Very predator and prey, I imagine," at his shocked grimace she shrugs, "What? I watch documentaries and cops shows. I get the idea, I think. Maybe if I'm there-"

"He won't admire your bravery, that's not how he works, it'll be like a lamb to the slaughter," Xavier immediately feels bad, she can see it as his shoulders sag, "I didn't mean-"

"No, I get it. But what else is there? You're really smart Xav," she smiles fondly, "You haven't been caught even with your picture everywhere and everything he has done. I can only imagine Jack is just as smart. Brilliant really. Even if he's a wackjob."

His hallow laugh makes her blood curdle. "Yeah, he's smart."

"Well I'm just ordinary. Regular. I don't have much cunning and let's face it I don't even know how I would run if I wanted to," she muses dejectedly, "I make minimum wage, remember? Hardly the sort of lifestyle that accommodates international flights or a life on the lam. Facing him is going to happen sooner or later. Maybe if it's on my terms he'll I don't know..." Miley rolls her eyes, "Give me a shot?"

""Okay, okay, too much optimism," she relents at his pained expression, "but I want this to be my choice. Since it seems I won't have much longer to be making them. Maybe it'll surprise him, you never know."

"I'm so sorry," Xavier looks away, uncomfortable and edgy, "You don't deserve this. You saved me, us, I guess." He chuckled self depreciatingly, "I bet you wish you hadn't."

"Nope," she pops the word, trying in vein to lighten the dark mood, her hand finds his. He startles. They never really touch. Not ever. "No regrets, you know, YOLO, and all that."

"Did you just anagram me with a Facebook catch phrase?" He's incredulous, slashing black eyebrows lifted. She giggles, bright eyes flashing.

"Maybe."

[succorcreek]

He Cut Your Heart Out: Trump VERBAL VIOLENCE is Real. Don't doubt it. PT 1 He Cut Your Heart Out: Trump Verbal Violence is Real Part 1 first half of CNN article: Part 2 second half: Verbal Violence is REAL though our self-blaming mind often doubts this feeling we're the fault not the verbally violent psychopath Many who have experienced the real trump have said this. He cut your heart out He'll cut your heart out Know who and what the psychopath is that abusive con taker and don't fall under the spell of accepting any blame or shame. Only the finest scalpel will due to cut out so many hearts. Tools tools and more tools. This article is attributed to CNN today and it's authors athttp://cnn.it/2x81w9H The full article is shown here because of it's importance. Often just an excerpt of news articles will be posted. But this article has several critical ideas that serve each other and not separated. I'll be saving this article as one of my reference articles and for future posts on: a. verbal violence b. death of one's soul from verbal violence of the psychopath c. verbal violence is always a part and character of the psychopath: they do not value a human's life or worth and see "decompiling and destruction of others as necessary. d. Trump is using verbal violence at all times and we're to blame for letting that go on e. Your next: if one person is being cut down don't revel in that you're not the victim: you're not going to escape the wrath though you seem you're on the "right side of his violence for now. You're next. f. psychopaths don't change they just learn to smile more when maming later in life. and an interest of mine that I share: g. what is the history and mythology of "cutting out one's heart". How has this phrases been a part of our language literature movies and video games? Unfortunately with psychopaths by the time one realizes "he is cutting the heart out (of you your desires DACA Dreamers Affordable Care Police with Conscience a unified America peace) the deed has already been done. When a dear in the woods realized it's being stalked by a hunter....the deed is usually already done: shot. See in the topic archive cloud below related articles on this: verbal violence psychopaths are in a war against one's own people lack of compassion cruelty Hitler Kim Jong-un psychopath deceit taking from poor to give to rich oligarchy: Russian greediness Trump emulates taking takers vampires lack of compassion brain of psychopath why Trump is "decompiling unwinding and unraveling America 6 articles A note from Scooter X: Do us a favor today and look up in the archive cloud below the "spiritual father of Donald Trump: Xenophobe and Hater Judge Roy Cohn. Then go online to Amazon.com and get a DVD of that ordered to share with those you love. BTW: Dr. Bunch's first books on Spider takers and Abusive Narcissists have information on the psychopath defined by the metaphor of the VAMPIRE. How to use metaphoric weapons against Vampires is described such as your own metaphoric garlic Cross mirror and more. See those books with Spiders on the cover in the catalog tab above. I care for you." Scooter X (CNN)Touring his recently purchased Plaza Hotel in the late 1980s Donald Trump noticed an armoire that offended him. Fuming Trump accused his staff of making him look bad. In an expletive-laced explosion he ripped the door off the subpar piece of furniture a former senior Trump Organization employee recounted to CNN on Friday. Thirty years later the antique armoires at the White House remain intact. But Trump's temper -- honed over years as a public and political persona -- hasn't waned. Attorney General Jeff Sessions bore the brunt of Trump's most recently disclosed upbraiding. The New York Times reported this week that Trump in front of multiple people called his long-time supporter an "idiot." In the West Wing Trump can be a temperamental commander-in-chief prone to bursts of anger that dissipate as quickly as they came on. The rage is an extension of what many say they experienced on the campaign trail. Some close to him even say his expressions of anger are a sign that he is engaged. "I would much rather have him yell at me than be dismissive" said a source familiar with his management style. "If he doesn't get mad it means he doesn't care." People who have been in meetings with the President describe a pattern for Trump's outbursts. They arise without much warning -- in keeping with Trump's flair for the dramatic -- making it difficult for those in the room to avoid situations where the businessman-turned-politician lets loose on his subordinates. He's not shy about singling out one particular aide for a lashing even with others looking on. Fighting back rarely ends well since there are few topics Trump won't broach in his humiliating takedowns. He enjoys swearing one source said especially when he is around people he is comfortable with like his longtime aides and family. But he tries to avoid it with people who don't know him well. His preferred curse word multiple people say: The tried-and-true F-bomb. 'Volcanic' temper The volcanic temper of Donald Trump One person who has been in meetings with Trump recalls the President displaying his "volcanic" temper when he "feels ganged up on" or when nobody tells him one of his ideas is good. The tirades have at times left his staff shaken. After an angry phone call with the Australian prime minister in January some of his staff were left white-faced after catching a first glimpse of his capacity for rage. Even as his temper has left some with memorable stories those who have been in the room with Trump describe a man who quickly moves on. "He has a temper yes and it doesn't take much to set him off but at the same time it is always overblown and he will be fine five minutes later" said one person who had worked with Trump. "He can be volcanic and then he will be fine five minutes later." Another source acknowledged that Trump had regular blow-ups during the campaign but that they were more surprised by times when then-candidate held back. "It was a pretty rare thing" the source said. "There were a lot of times on the campaign trail where he didn't get mad but if he had nobody would have blamed him." "President Trump goes out of his way to care for his staff and has throughout his career" a White House official said. "The relationships he has built and maintained are a testament to his leadership and his thoughtful approach. He looks out for his people and they look out for him." Trump isn't averse to acts of kindness. Valet attendants at his Florida golf clubs say he has arrived on slow nights when tips are scarce to hand over $100 bills. Staff at the White House residence largely describe Trump as a pleasant if mercurial man to work for. And many of Trump's longest tenured advisers men and women who have worked with him for two decades or more remain loyal to him because they believe that loyalty is reciprocated. But as Trump developed an outsized persona as a real estate developer and later as a television celebrity it wasn't kindness that formed his reputation. It was anger in all its shades: the fury-filled executive the high-maintenance billionaire the pugnacious Twitter troll. As Trump rants and raves through his first eight months in office his penchant for outbursts has persisted. The isolation of the White House paired with the enveloping cloud of the Russia investigations have caused Trump to brood and bellow with unpredictable results. Outbursts at his most loyal underlings have become commonplace. Multiple men of distinction with long careers in public service say the dressings-down that have sprung from Trump's lips are the most demeaning they've enduring in their adult lives. Traveling in Arizona last month Trump lashed out at his chief of staff John Kelly trashing the retired Marine Corps general for suggesting the President tone down his heated political rhetoric when discussing policy matters. Before the same event an irate Trump phoned his longtime advance man George Gigicos to complain the crowds at the rally looked sparse on television. Three months earlier it was Sessions at the end of Trump's fury firehose. Debasing him recusing himself from Russia-related matters the President's tirade prompted Sessions to draft a resignation letter (Trump didn't accept). Humiliation The list of top officials that Trump has humiliated in front of other aides stretches on. He cut off and undermined his Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin during a meeting on the debt ceiling. He repeatedly and publicly accused his first chief of staff Reince Priebus of acting disloyal during last year's campaign. And he barred his first press secretary Sean Spicer from a meeting with the Pope despite knowing of his long desire to meet the Pontiff. Trump is not the first president to have explosive outbursts in the White House -- "You couldn't be around Bill Clinton very long without seeing him get angry" Clinton aide and senior CNN political analyst David Gergen has said. Multiple sources close to Trump in an effort to tamp down on the President's outbursts cast his anger as normal in a White House noting that past presidents have displayed plenty of anger. Psychopaths Pirates Vampires and more: Run flee tell others! 300 topics on this listed below in the Cloud Archive: Click Here: Catalog of 100 Books Kindle Hypnosis Binaural Subliminal CDs cohn cruelty deceit heartless hitler lack of compassion oligarchy psychopath taking from poor to give to rich trump emulates trump smiles vampires verbal violence war against one's own people #trumpbully #stopbully #trumpmentalhealth http://bit.ly/2rZ1vSp

He Cut Your Heart Ou

#narcissist abuse #psychopath abuse #trump bully #abuse recovery #ptsd #ptsd recovery #ptsd hypnosis

[succorcreek]

He Cut Your Heart Out: Trump VERBAL VIOLENCE is Real. Don't doubt it. PT 1

He Cut Your Heart Out: Trump Verbal Violence is Real Part 1, first half of CNN article: Part 2, second half:

Verbal Violence is REAL, though our self-blaming mind often doubts this, feeling we're the fault not the verbally violent psychopath

  Many who have experienced the real trump have said this. 

  He cut your heart out

He'll cut your heart out 

Know who and what the psychopath is, that abusive con taker, and don't fall under the spell of accepting any blame or shame. 

Only the finest scalpel will due to cut out so many hearts. Tools, tools, and more tools.

This article is attributed to CNN today, and it's authors at http://cnn.it/2x81w9H The full article is shown here because of it's importance. Often, just an excerpt of news articles will be posted. But this article has several critical ideas that serve each other and not separated. I'll be saving this article as one of my reference articles and for future posts on: a. verbal violence b. death of one's soul from verbal violence of the psychopath c. verbal violence is always a part and character of the psychopath: they do not value a human's life or worth and see "decompiling and destruction of others as necessary. d. Trump is using verbal violence at all times, and we're to blame for letting that go on e. Your next: if one person is being cut down, don't revel in that you're not the victim: you're not going to escape the wrath though you seem you're on the "right side of his violence for now.  You're next. f. psychopaths don't change, they just learn to smile more when maming later in life. and an interest of mine that I share: g. what is the history and mythology of "cutting out one's heart".  How has this phrases been a part of our language, literature, movies, and video games? Unfortunately, with psychopaths, by the time one realizes "he is cutting the heart out (of you, your desires, DACA Dreamers, Affordable Care, Police with Conscience, a unified America, peace), the deed has already been done. When a dear in the woods realized it's being stalked by a hunter....the deed is usually already done: shot. See in the topic archive cloud below related articles on this:

verbal violence

psychopaths are in a war against one's own people

lack of compassion

cruelty

Hitler

Kim Jong-un

psychopath

deceit

taking from poor to give to rich

oligarchy: Russian greediness Trump emulates

taking

takers

vampires

lack of compassion

brain of psychopath 

why Trump is "decompiling, unwinding, and unraveling America, 6 articles

A note from Scooter X:  Do us a favor today and look up in the archive cloud below the "spiritual father of Donald Trump: Xenophobe and Hater Judge Roy Cohn. Then, go online to Amazon.com and get a DVD of that ordered to share with those you love.

 BTW: Dr. Bunch's first books on Spider takers and Abusive Narcissists have information on the psychopath defined by the metaphor of the VAMPIRE. How to use metaphoric weapons against Vampires is described, such as your own metaphoric garlic, Cross, mirror, and more. See those books with Spiders on the cover in the catalog tab above. 

I care for you."  Scooter X  (CNN)Touring his recently purchased Plaza Hotel in the late 1980s, Donald Trump noticed an armoire that offended him. Fuming, Trump accused his staff of making him look bad. In an expletive-laced explosion, he ripped the door off the subpar piece of furniture, a former senior Trump Organization employee recounted to CNN on Friday. Thirty years later, the antique armoires at the White House remain intact. But Trump's temper -- honed over years as a public and political persona -- hasn't waned. Attorney General Jeff Sessions bore the brunt of Trump's most recently disclosed upbraiding. The New York Times reported this week that Trump, in front of multiple people, called his long-time supporter an "idiot." In the West Wing, Trump can be a temperamental commander-in-chief, prone to bursts of anger that dissipate as quickly as they came on. The rage is an extension of what many say they experienced on the campaign trail. Some close to him even say his expressions of anger are a sign that he is engaged. "I would much rather have him yell at me than be dismissive," said a source familiar with his management style. "If he doesn't get mad, it means he doesn't care." People who have been in meetings with the President describe a pattern for Trump's outbursts. They arise without much warning -- in keeping with Trump's flair for the dramatic -- making it difficult for those in the room to avoid situations where the businessman-turned-politician lets loose on his subordinates. He's not shy about singling out one particular aide for a lashing, even with others looking on. Fighting back rarely ends well, since there are few topics Trump won't broach in his humiliating takedowns. He enjoys swearing, one source said, especially when he is around people he is comfortable with like his longtime aides and family. But he tries to avoid it with people who don't know him well. His preferred curse word, multiple people say: The tried-and-true F-bomb. 'Volcanic' temper The volcanic temper of Donald Trump One person who has been in meetings with Trump recalls the President displaying his "volcanic" temper when he "feels ganged up on" or when nobody tells him one of his ideas is good. The tirades have, at times, left his staff shaken. After an angry phone call with the Australian prime minister in January, some of his staff were left white-faced after catching a first glimpse of his capacity for rage. Even as his temper has left some with memorable stories, those who have been in the room with Trump describe a man who quickly moves on. "He has a temper, yes, and it doesn't take much to set him off, but at the same time, it is always overblown and he will be fine five minutes later," said one person who had worked with Trump. "He can be volcanic and then he will be fine five minutes later." Another source acknowledged that Trump had regular blow-ups during the campaign, but that they were more surprised by times when then-candidate held back. "It was a pretty rare thing," the source said. "There were a lot of times on the campaign trail where he didn't get mad but if he had, nobody would have blamed him." "President Trump goes out of his way to care for his staff and has throughout his career," a White House official said. "The relationships he has built and maintained are a testament to his leadership and his thoughtful approach. He looks out for his people and they look out for him." Trump isn't averse to acts of kindness. Valet attendants at his Florida golf clubs say he has arrived on slow nights, when tips are scarce, to hand over $100 bills. Staff at the White House residence largely describe Trump as a pleasant, if mercurial, man to work for. And many of Trump's longest tenured advisers, men and women who have worked with him for two decades or more, remain loyal to him because they believe that loyalty is reciprocated. But as Trump developed an outsized persona as a real estate developer and later as a television celebrity, it wasn't kindness that formed his reputation. It was anger in all its shades: the fury-filled executive, the high-maintenance billionaire, the pugnacious Twitter troll. As Trump rants and raves through his first eight months in office, his penchant for outbursts has persisted. The isolation of the White House, paired with the enveloping cloud of the Russia investigations, have caused Trump to brood and bellow with unpredictable results. Outbursts at his most loyal underlings have become commonplace. Multiple men of distinction, with long careers in public service, say the dressings-down that have sprung from Trump's lips are the most demeaning they've enduring in their adult lives. Traveling in Arizona last month, Trump lashed out at his chief of staff John Kelly, trashing the retired Marine Corps general for suggesting the President tone down his heated political rhetoric when discussing policy matters. Before the same event, an irate Trump phoned his longtime advance man George Gigicos to complain the crowds at the rally looked sparse on television. Three months earlier, it was Sessions at the end of Trump's fury firehose. Debasing him recusing himself from Russia-related matters, the President's tirade prompted Sessions to draft a resignation letter (Trump didn't accept). Humiliation The list of top officials that Trump has humiliated in front of other aides stretches on. He cut off and undermined his Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin during a meeting on the debt ceiling. He repeatedly and publicly accused his first chief of staff Reince Priebus of acting disloyal during last year's campaign. And he barred his first press secretary Sean Spicer from a meeting with the Pope, despite knowing of his long desire to meet the Pontiff. Trump is not the first president to have explosive outbursts in the White House -- "You couldn't be around Bill Clinton very long without seeing him get angry," Clinton aide and senior CNN political analyst David Gergen has said. Multiple sources close to Trump, in an effort to tamp down on the President's outbursts, cast his anger as normal in a White House, noting that past presidents have displayed plenty of anger. Psychopaths, Pirates, Vampires, and more:

Run, flee, tell others! 300 topics on this listed below in the Cloud Archive:

Click Here: Catalog of 100 Books, Kindle, Hypnosis Binaural Subliminal CDs

via Blogger http://bit.ly/2xaQfqG #trumppirate #trumpgangster

#trumpmental trumpmentalhealth trumpdisorder trumpwolf trumpgangster