#(don't live like me. go to the doctor.)

[vi-138]

#sth #shadow the hedgehog #wahh been working on this for ages can finally get rid of it yippee #luzki's art #the needles are pretty stylized so i don't think i need a cw #but let me know if i should #i imagine shadow would be apprehensive about going to the doctor #after gerald happened #also because he's convinced hes invincible and hates vulnerability lmao #man don't you love medical malpractice #its so silly to me that ppl on the arc went and made a fully sentient hedgehog #like. if you wanted a living weapon or develop pathogen resistance there are surely easier ways to go about it #i'm just rambling now #i love silly edgy hedgehog and his truckload of trauma

[rosepompadour]

JULIE CHRISTIE rests between takes on location for DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, 1965

#julie christie #doctor zhivago #the silver screen #marshmallow worlds #* #this is a christmas movie #much like die hard #but with bolshies #i first read the novel during my freshman year of college #and every week we had to go to a seminar where we were supposed to talk about our ~new exciting lives and being away from home etc #and the professor was like 'sarah rose! what is on your mind?' #me: 'yeah why does pasternak kill off lara guishar in just a few lines?' #professor: 'pasternak? don't you have any questions about college?' #me: 'no. this is literally the only thing on my mind right now.' #i wasn't even reading it for a class #i was just a girl with her priorities in order 💅🏻

[hurglewurm]

bro when u are trying so hard to curate ur life experience so u don't go insane but the insanity comes from within

#i have been experiencing severe intrusive thoughts xoxo #when u feel urself get triggered when nothing is happening and u look inwards and it's You??? it's smth in there???? #and ur like WHO IS THAT?????? and it's you. like #does this make sense. #hurgle says things #was it earlier this year that i was starting to feel like i wasn't actually mentally ill lmao #like by no means is this the worst i've ever been. i'm chillin. #but at this point i'm like. oh this might be a Bigger Problem. #and i don't want that ! no thanks x #if i never look at it or get it diagnosed it's not real am i right babes ! #(don't live like me. go to the doctor.) #(don't keep things from ur therapist. or if ur brain deletes them when u need to speak abt them write them down)

[kindahoping4forever]

Hello friends! Just a quick kh4f programming note: I'll be out of commission for most of, if not all of today, as I'm having a minor medical procedure done. (Outpatient, everything's fine, dw! 🫶🏻) So if anything notable happens (fully expecting Ash to announce ai2 the second I'm sedated 😌) and I'm MIA... that's why lol. Try not to have too much fun without me! 😘💙

#i overslept the day Superbloom was announced so it would only be right for Ashton to announce his next album while I'm anesthetized 😂 #i almost hope he does that'd be so perfect lmao #what other chaos might happen #if he randomly goes live - someone record it for me #if he randomly announces a concert and tickets go on sale in 5 minutes - someone buy me a ticket #if he finally reveals the back tattoo i've been begging for for the past 5 years - #someone call my doctor and ask her to put me under for longer bc I'm not ready for that #do u like how this entire scenario only involves Ashton content #if one of his friends posts something that'll be a fun treat for me to wake up to 😌 #but if it's Luke being slutty someone warn me bc I might want to stay on hospital property to consume that in my weakened state #fr tho i'm fine don't worry i'm just having some testing done no big deal #well a big deal to me bc i have ✨trauma✨ from this particular test when i had it done in the past 😜 #but we're being Brave and doing it anyways ✌🏻 #and then if i feel better later i can come online afterwards and say anything i want and blame it on the dr*gs so really it's all a win 🤡 #ok that's enough silliness love u ttyl 💙💙 #personal

[usermoreid]

.

#the doctor and jack actually make me so insane #like. i am going to live for a very long time and i have nobody that truly understands what its like to die and be reborn #and i latch onto people who will die and leave me and i will never get to experience genuinely spending my life with somebody #and you are immortal and you love me and you waited so long for me but i cannot bear even being in the same room as you #the very sight of you hurts. #i met you when you were chasing your past and i was running from mine #and now you chase me as i run from you. #you're too permanent. i don't know what permanent feels like anymore. #like my fucking god i have so much more to say but i am so tired and in so much pain😭 i just love them so much #this is specifically ab ten and jack btw if u couldnt tell #i just think theyre tragic and wonderful and i love them and despise them. u get it. #sorry these r all tags bc my thoughts r not coherent enough to actually post this. so im whispering. #tenjack

[yardsards]

living alone is all fun and games til you have a medical emergency and there's no one there to help you to the hospital

#eliot posts #im fine now it's just last week's Incident fucked me up a lil #a couple online friends offered to call me an uber #and i maybe could have woken my neighbors up (though i would have felt awful abt that) #but while i was figuring out how to get to the hospital and if i'd be able to like #verbally communicate to whoever was driving where to take me #and explain to the doctors what was wrong with me #and fill out the entrance paperwork #and find my wallet/insurance card and my housekeys before i left #...i had gone unconscious before i could make the decision to find someone to take me #luckily i was mostly fine after i woke up #i knew it wasn't an ''i'm gonna die if i don't go to the hospital'' type medical emergency so i didn't call an ambulance #bc i was not abt to bankrupt myself unless i was Literally Dying #but yeah. eugh. 0/10 do not recommend. #at the VERY LEAST i'm gonna need to have good friends that live very close in the future #i don't want this kind of thing happening to me again #i am gonna be roommates with a very good friend in a few months after i move to the city #and then i'm probably gonna be roommates with a different very good friend in a couple years when i leave the state #both mostly out of financial necessity for us all #but also i thiiink i want to go back to living alone eventually? #unless living with friends goes so great that it changes my mind #it's just like. for the most part i've loved living alone #not just in a ''yay i'm no longer living with my abusers!'' way but like. in general. #i can do whatever the fuck i want in my apartment without having to talk to anyone #chores get done when i want. food gets cooked and eaten when i want. i can take a 2 hour bath no problem. i don't have to close doors. #i can walk around late at night without having to worry about waking anyone up. #when my social battery is drained i know that no one will try to talk to me. when im overstimulated i don't have to tell anyone to be quiet #it's like. the thing with me is every social interaction has a timer where i start thinking #''GOD i cannot fucking wait to go be alone in my nice empty apartment again'' #that timer is much longer for some people and situations than others but it is always There even when i'm having a great time

[an-assortment-of-forks]

there are doctors there are hospitals there are specialists there is medicine there are systems in place so people do not have to suffer and be tortured under their own chronic pain daily and yet. they're all fucking inaccessible to the people who need it most!!! to what I would argue is most disabled people!! I'm so fucking done with the medical system.

#today is an absolutely wretched pain day that makes me want to not be here anymore but guess what! #wasted a whole year trying to convince my doctors I was in significant and disableing pain daily and the best they could do #is tell me to go to PT and to wait 6 months and tell them if it gets better #to prescribe some shit like gabapentin or otc pain meds and write me off #tell me they'll get new X-rays to see if it got worse by the summer #disability exists!! specialists exist! good doctors fucking exist!! somewhere!!! I'm sure!! #but here I sit. in excruciating amounts of pain unable to convince any fucking doctors of anything #and that year I spent pushing myself to the limit is wasted bc at the very end of it all only one guy listened to me #and he said no one in their giant ass facility could diagnose me #so I'm back to square one bc I got a new job which means new insurance and new doctors to try and convince again #I just want to be on disability so i can want to be alive again #I'm so frustrated and in pain constantly #what are people like me who have to work 40hrs to afford to live but don't have any family to rely on supposed to do?? #just die? am i supposed to continue to work until im too disabled to move and be profitable unless i get lucky? #bc some fucking doctor finally decides to actually listen??? #ive tried ALL THE DAMN TRICKS TOO. telling them a friend has it and thats how i found out. that my previous doctor was looking into it #etc etc #I'm SO done living like this i am exhausted. #and to know that i COULD BE HELPED. RIGHT NOW. is the worst fucking part #these systems are in place so people like me dont have to fucking suffer. #but i cant even do anything about it bc i have a cat.

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it #she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin #all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's #all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood #and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here #and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does #so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff #when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die #and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates #cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter #grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni #she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t #so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too #and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress #when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk #i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz #cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all #grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done #unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess #it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help #like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi #and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous #and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree #at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar #without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since #we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by #i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear #its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage

[egginfroggin]

I don't mean to sound complainy, but one of my pet peeves is when ads, books, or what-have you talk about diabetes being a reversible condition and utterly refuse to specify what kind of diabetes they're talking about.

For those who may not know (and I don't blame you, diabetes is a very complex issue):

Type 1 diabetes is a condition that results from the body attacking itself by specifically destroying insulin-producing cells in the pancreas. These cells, the islets of Langerhans, do not regenerate or divide, and are permanently gone when they die. Type 1 diabetes cannot be reversed, only treated.

Type 2 diabetes is a condition wherein the body does not metabolize carbohydrates, insulin, or glucagon (a hormone produced and stored in the liver; raises blood sugar when released) properly, causing a rise in blood sugar. It may involve insulin resistance or overutilization of glucagon, among other things. In some cases, type 2 diabetes can be reversed, usually through diet and exercise (however, this is not a certain outcome, and some people may need medication).

To summarize:

Type 1 diabetes: body does not produce enough insulin. Permanent condition. Symptoms managed.

Type 2 diabetes: body does not utilize insulin or carbohydrates properly. May be reversed. Often treated with diet and exercise, in addition to medication, if patient is overweight.

Needless to say, that is a very distinct difference! One may even say crucial! After all, they are two conditions that have similar outcomes, but very different causes.

You do not tell a type 1 diabetic, "oh just exercise and eat better, it'll fix it," because, I am so sorry to disappoint, we do not know pancreatic necromancy. If we did, well, then, type 1 wouldn't be an issue, now would it?

I feel like it really isn't hard to put in the two words, "type 2," before "diabetes" in your advertisement or book, yet I keep seeing it. Yes, I know that most diabetics have type 2, but still -- is it really so hard?

(Yes I'm bitter. Back in my wee days of diabetes, when I was still using syringes and lamenting the sheer number of carbs in cake, I was severely disappointed upon finding that the majority of sources claiming that diabetes wasn't permanent were referring to the type that I specifically did not have. Very disappointed. Rub it in, why don't you.)

So, yes, please specify! It could very much save an already-stressed child, teenager, or even an adult (as type 1 can surface in adults as well) a good two hours of fuming and lamenting their lot in life.

Also you'll have fewer enemies with needles at their disposal.

#for legal purposes that last threat was a joke #type 1 diabetes #egginfroggintalkin #vent post #I'm sure this has been said before but like #UGH #it drives me nuts #yes there is overlap between the two versions! yes there is even overlap in treatment! #but every time an ad or a book summary says 'oooh studies have shown this can be fixed!' comes on I'm just like #'oh do tell. DO tell. does this apply to all diabetes? to both main and distinct versions of the disease? #'no? then why are you talking a if it does? tell me. tell me why you couldn't add two. little. words. to your little soliloquy #'for shame. do better. are you a doctor? then you should know this. are you a greedy little infomercial? then you shouldn't speak of this #you forget yourself. now be specific or be silent' #brought to you by my scornful attitudes towards such literature and frippery #incredibly scornful #and because I went on this whole rant about a disease I happen to have #which indicates that I have knowledge about it #go ahead and ask if you have any questions and I'll do my best to answer #diabetes is a complicated and large topic that I don't think most people really get exposed to #mind you I'm not a doctor. I just live with type 1 and have done a level of research on it for school and personal purposes #but yeh go ahead

[inniave]

after surgery i'm buying myself pentiment goddamnit

#reasons to live #also new doctor who episodes #i've been wanting to play for soooo long but haven't really had the money to spend #so i'm using this as an excuse #trying to focus on all the fun/good/cool things that i can do after #seeing hozier later in the summer #watching the wild flowers come up in the backyard #this is hell but i will get through it and there WILL be an other side i will make sure of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #there's a chance we can get it done tomorrow if the doctor thinks it won't be super complicated #i hope we can cause the longer this goes the more we suffer #i just want it to be over #once i'm all healed i am going to smoke a cigarette and savor every fucking puff i haven't been able to smoke for over a k month now :/ #another thing to look forward too #and i think i have a vinyl preordered???? am can never remember what other parts have bought #oh and i'm going to binge rewatch the hunger games (all of them) after surgery #been meaning to do that & im using this as an excuse to do nothing but watch movies all day #got some audiobooks downloaded that hopefully they'll let me listen to during (unless it's going to be loud (??) then i have music) #i'm taking my puppy stuffie husband got me when we had to live apart for a summer before we got married #puppy is so special to me #he goes everywhere with me #i love him so much #i would just hold him and cry and cry and cry when husband had to leave :(((( #i am so scared #there's so many young parts too who are just i mean they are the ones holding a lot of this shit like i cant imagine what it's like for the #the little bit that leaks through to me is horrific and makes me want to fucking vomit #i'm worried for them #they're splitting bad :((( and i don't have any way to help #we're doing our tapping and tre and everything but idk how much that helps on the inside #idk man #it's all so much

[gardenianoire]

anyways I was so happy to get my blood work back and everything being negative and my doctor telling me my weight loss was mostly due to truvada and I had almost a full 24 hours of thinking I avoided my family's curse of just up and fucking dying in your 30s with little to no warning and my pap results came back and it's beginning to look a lot like cervical cancer

#I mean at least when if I die now it'll literally be partially my mother's fault for not letting me get hpv vaccine when I was a teenager #despite the fact the doctor begged her and explained to her this was a possibility #so I'll definitely put in my will #I don't even have anything of value to leave people #she's just likely not to remember that and if I told her that in person she'd deny it #so argue with ashes about it #which I'd like spread in the mississippi river when I die #now would be a great time to tell her if I tell her at all since her sister just died #I'm not going to undergo any treatment because I couldn't afford it anyways #and I don't know anyone that had cancer and lived #I have months left to live probably let's spend those months pushing a gfm and being violently ill and bald #ramblings of a nonsense human #not to quote hamilton but I've imagined death so much it's a memory #but I could never quite bring myself to end it all #but now my body's picking up the slack #joining the majority

[steves-strapcollection]

They should invent a type of dentist who shuts the fuck up and does their fucking overpriced job without comment.

#I need to go to the dentist but they're always so fucking rude and condescending #I'm never going to be able to do the sort of dental routine they expect and every time they go in #They spend the entire fucking time essentially shaming me #So then I don't go to the dentist until I have pain I can't ignore anymore #Like is it too much to ask? #To just go to get my teeth cleaned and fixed without comment? #Ur not even covered by healthcare and are considered a cosmetic service shut the fuck up don't talk to me #About how I live my life #(I know dentists are doctors but as long as they're technically a cosmetic and voluntary service they can shut up) #Like the last time I got my teeth cleaned the fucking tech was so rude bitching about how bad my teeth were #Like I was inconveniencing them being there #Like girl you only have a job bc ppl need their teeth cleaned like wtf??? #Anyway I'll start respecting dentists when they stop being hoity toity ableist cunts tbh

[aftermathing]

How to find will to live and purpose in life when chronic pain is destroying your body and mind.

#Slash gen #I can't do ANYTHING #No doctors believe me #I'm in my early twenties I should not should not have to lay down in bed for an hour after bending over to pick up a sock #My life is being brutally stolen from me #My parents call me lazy and unmotivated and don't believe I physically CAN'T do some things #I shouldn't have to beg not to be in constant unending pain #Nobody understands. My pain is literally. Not joking. Constant. Every second of every day I am hurting. #I'm not exaggerating or making a funny literally every single cell in my body is dedicated to pain #And it's getting worse it's getting so much worse and I have no one to help me #I'm going to die writhing in agony until my body gives up or I'm going to make it quick and shoot myself #I can't live like this #Nobody even pities me anymore they just make it seem like I'm disappointing them by ruining conversations with my pain #I can't do it #Please genuinely anyone with ANY tips please #Please even the dumbest and most obvious shit like drink water idk

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years #not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion #so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all #but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all. #it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid) #and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable. #but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him #i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted #and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried......... #the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms #i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still #and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :))))) #insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case #i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!) #but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man. #it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/ #why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly??? #while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING??? #if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now #but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃 #shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience #and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over #he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday #and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now. #i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again.. #i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh #(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh) #at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*

[serkonans]

the way we handle medical leave in the states even for people with good benefits is cruel

#the number of hoops i have to jump through. the way that my requirements for one surgery are apparently different from another surgery #even though there's nothing in the paperwork to indicate any need for that and the surgeries don't differ all that much #the way that they lost my initial letter and now i'm up against my deadline next week and they haven't even told me what day next week #so i'm worried that it's literally tomorrow #the way i am not receiving ANY pay for an entire month because of all the delays so i'm having to live off my savings #the way that every single person i've talked to has said something different about what is and isn't required #the way that for a lot of this i had to be navigating it while high on painkillers immediately post-surgery #the way that the group my employer contracts through has two different emails and names and flips between them constantly #the way that my healthcare provider does it differently than every other healthcare provider so i need special forms from them #instead of the leave group but then the leave group doesn't seem to accept the forms that they send #the way that the doctors office has seemed incredibly confused by my requests #the way that the ROI office told me they'd send over a completed form and never did #the way i literally don't even know who to call next to try and sort this out or if it's possible TO sort out #like i guess i'll call the leave group tomorrow and cry and beg for an extension. i guess i'll grovel bc it's the difference #of getting a few thousand dollars or not and i can't just be like oh well guess i won't get my short term disability pay #especially bc none of the hospitals have billed me yet and i'm getting scared bc i don't know what my ER bill is going to look like #bc they did xrays and a CT scan and they gave me a splint and a sling and a lot of drugs #so i do need the money. just sitting here like. idek what to do lmfao. #not tagging this bc i'm on desktop and i can't do the accent mark easily and idk where my phone is rn sorry

[carcarrot]

clawing and biting like a cat that does not want a bath

#preparing to schedule my wisdom teeth removal...... i dont wanna do thisssssssss #theres only like 3 oral surgeons in the city i live in that take my insurance #and none of them have any reviews #however the location of one of the doctors has some pretty bad reviews. not going there #im also dreading that this will mean taking x rays and i HATE getting x rays done. im so bad at it #im the biggest wimp abt x rays and i hate having that stuff in my mouth. yech. i have the worlds easiest gag reflex which is awful #the surgery itself im not That worried abt. however i do want to be completely knocked out i hope i can request that #i honestly wish i could be completely knocked out for any and all dental procedures (especially x rays) #like itd just be better for everyone involved. if im awake im going to be ough and in pain and a wimp abt whatevers being done #im interested to see the effects anesthesia will have on me like when i wake up. hee hee #but im also dreading the recovery time of after the teeth are removed and i gotta eat soft foods and :( #also apparently bottom wisdom teeth are harder to remove and those are the ones i need out 🤪 #the never ending saga of I DON'T WANT TOOOOO