#(trying to find an aesthetic for her is so hard because i cant find decent galaxy related resources)

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Midnight Meadows (Pt.1)

-------------------------

Being part cat wasnt all fun and games. People tended to focus more on that than the human part, and it annoyed Virgil to no end.

It was hard enough trying to get a date when all he would ask about was the ears and tail and the visible binder straps on most of Virgil's outfits. He just wanted to meet a guy who focused on him as a person rather than a cat. But maybe he just had bad taste in men, after all, his brother Remy hadn't had any trouble finding a decent man in one Janus Oliver.

"I just dont get it, why is it so easy for everyone else?" Virgil said, crossing his arms and resting his head on them.

"Virgil you're only twenty-two, you shouldnt be worrying about all that yet," Remy said from the couch.

"You're only two years older than me," Virgil pouted, tail swaying anxiously.

"Vi. . ." Remy said quietly.

"Maybe I'd be better off if I just ran away to live in the woods," Virgil grumbled.

"Oh yeah, the woods, with bears, and falcons, sounds perfect for you," Remy said sarcastically.

"Hey just because I'm short doesnt mean I can get swept off by falcons!" Virgil responded angrily.

"Oh please, I've seen wind strong enough to knock you over," Remy said, smirking.

"Why you little-" and suddenly they were fighting, not aggressively, just play, they did this a lot when Virgil was upset. After all, you cant very well think of what's bothering you when you're busy avoiding razor sharp claws.

It was a few moments before Virgil felt a gloved hand grab him by the hood.

"I walk away for ten minutes and you two are already fighting," Janus said, shaking his head and smirking slightly.

"He started it!" The brothers said in unison, glaring at each other to punctuate the sentence.

"Of course he did," Janus said, chuckling as he set both boys back on the couch. Remy rested his head in Janus' lap, Virgil merely shrunk into a corner.

"Virgil, I have some interesting information for you," Janus said, Virgil's ears swerved in the direction of his voice, but Virgil didnt move his head.

"Theres a party of sorts going on at Chateau de Kingsley, the twins seem adamant that any available man come to call," Janus said, still smirking.

"Oh please, like any princes would want anything to do with me," Virgil muttered. Janus frowned slightly.

"Of course you're good enough for a prince! I'd say you're good enough for a hundred princes!" Remy said indignantly.

"You're just saying that," Virgil said, ear twitching slightly.

"Look, can you at least check it out? You can call us if you dont want to stay," Remy said quietly.

Virgil stayed quiet for a few moments.

"Fine, I'll go," he said finally, voice barely above a whisper.

"Great! Let's get you ready then," Remy said, bolting upright and dragging Virgil toward his room.

"Wait its tonight?" Virgil said in alarm, looking between the two boys currently pulling and shoving him towards his room.

"Yes Virgil I just said that, honestly when was the last time you cleaned your ears," Janus muttered.

"I cleaned them yesterday thank you very much!" Virgil said, glaring.

"Well we're cleaning them again, you need to look nice," Remy said.

It was a few hours later when Birgil was finally ready. He stood in front of a mirror and looked himself up and down. His hair was brushed over one eye, bells and purple ribbons tied around his ears, and a matching bow on his tail, a purple hooded dress with a black corset, black leggings, and black knee-high boots. Remy said he looked like a knight, Virgil had no comment.

"The princes wont be able to keep their eyes off you, I guarantee it," Janus said, finishing off Virgil's makeup.

"That's what I'm worried about. . ." Virgil said quietly.

"Aaawww, Virgie, it'll be alright!" Remy said, ruffling Virgil's hair slightly before pulling the hood over it, careful not to remove the ribbons.

"Alright, the carriage should be here soon for you, let's get you outside," Janus said, smiling.

"Carriage? Why in the world would I need a carriage!" Virgil said.

"For the aesthetics babes," Remy said with a laugh.

The carriage that had arrived for Virgil was one of ebony black, with black roses and black silk curtains along the sides, ornate designs were carved into the top and sides. Virgil took Janus' hand as he helped him inside. The seats had black velvet cushions laid across them, it was comfortable, much more than anything Virgil would have thought to expect for himself.

The estate itself was even more brilliant, with structures of vibrant ruby and emerald on backdrops of white and black. It almost seemed to sprawl into the sky. But that was nothing compared to the inside, the stairs were lined with gold that seemed to rap around the banister like tentacles, and upon closer inspection, that's exactly what they were. The tentacles seemed to change from gold to black as the light hit them.

In the opposite end of the room were four ornate thrones, two silver, one gold, and one black.

The two queens were each sitting on a silver chair, tails and ears covered with gems and jewels that reflected dozens of colors on the floor in front of them. The first was Queen Anne, her hair was black, and her eyes a dark shade of green. Next to her was Queen Mary, who had lighter brown hair and striking red eyes. By Anne's side was the golden chair that Prince Roman sat upon. Roman had rusty red hair and green eyes like his mother, his ears had red ribbons tied around them and connected to a gold crown on his head, he looked bored. His brother Prince Remus sat cross legged on the black chair, brown hair sticking out in all directions, save for the white streak parted to the right. His red eyes were trained on two fully human boys with glasses, wearing suits with different shades of blue, were dancing and laughing.

Virgil decided it was best if he merely stayed outside where no one could see him, so he made his way to the gardens marked by an archway of orchids.

He stayed there for a while, watching the sky, wishing he'd never showed up at all.

"Such a shame that such a pretty face hasnt been seen all night," Virgil froze at the sound of Prince Roman's voice.

"Shouldnt you be inside, dancing, having fun," Virgil said quietly, not daring to look back.

"I could ask you the same thing," Roman said, moving to stand next to him. Virgil's face flushed scarlet.

"Didnt feel like it," Virgil said simply.

"Well, would you mind if I asked?" And suddenly Roman's hand was over his.

And he was nodding.

And he was dancing.

And he was smiling and it was fun.

And suddenly, this didnt seem like such a bad idea after all.

----------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@extercs-experiences

@theonetruebeepboop

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

#cori writes #long post #catboy au #ts remus #ts virgil #ts sides #ts logan #ts patton #ts roman #ts janus #ts remy #desleep #romantic desleep #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #intrulogicality #romantic intrulogicality

[semi-imaginary-place]

started playing octopath traveler. i like the visual design, music and general aesthetics. thk it is hard to tell where you can walk and where you cant. im not sure if the xp to next level means exp in this levels bin, like progress so far, or how much exp is need until the next level up. ui weirdness. sunshade section is real uncomfortable between orientalism, sexual coersion and worker exploitation! yall should unionize. oh it really is sex slavery. yikes. this is uncomfortable.

at least i got to kill him. was thinking why did primrose end up a sex slave if she really wanted to kill her father’s murderer why didn’t she train as a assassin or warrior like olberic for 15 years. but then i thought about it and posing as a dancer is exactly the stupid sort of thing a child would think up and then the slimebag tavern owner probably trapped her in a mile of debt and exploited someone vulnerable.

i started with tressa and went counterclockwise around the sea so now im done with everyone’s chapter 1. there’s was no real reason for choosing tressa, her’s seemed to be a less serious story and a soft intro to the game. and now that i have a party of tressa, therion, and alfyn its all about that economy. alfyn has powerful item based abilities and tressa and therion have abilites to get items so i hit the item cap (99 stack per item) before i hit level 20. I also got like a 120 atk bow before level 10 lol. money money money.

can’t believe shinto-catholic girl’s story got to me. h’aanit’s story is the one i find most compelling and the ch 2 i want to see the most. i like cyrus. he reminds me of miles edgeworth. comedically super serious walking sherlock holmes reference. also is it me or are there a lot of pop culture references in this game. my favorite character tho is alfyn. he’s a good boy. he also reminds me of one of my highschool ocs. what a good boy, i love him.

octopath traveler is a weird title. why didn’t they go with like the paths of eight travelers. or eight traveler’s paths. and what’s up that cat burglar enemy

overall i think the ch 1s were decent. there were some tropes that just seemed to be there because they are genre staples instead of doing anything with them, but its also only the first chapter. i said it already but the music is really good.

i ostly picked it up because time limited input games aren’t really enjoyable for me and there are so few games these days that aren’t like that. gameplay is like halfway between goldensun with its character based puzzle solving and the nds era smt games with the elemental weaknesses being a major part of battle. some of the ui stuff is clunky. the transition to battle screen is just bad. also idk if i missed it but weird that i can’t find the protags’ ages anywhere given how you learn the ages of every random npc. i mean i can guess based on the ages of people in their starting town. like alfyn, primrose, and ophilia are all like early twenties like. not quite as sure for h’aanit and therion but probably early-mid twenties too. tressa seems like typical jrpg protag age so like 17. olberic seems a bit older like mid thirties? the blur effect is too strong for my taste, i do like how it puts into focus where you character is at, but just a bit too much. some of the glittery effects seem to be based on where you are on the map so if you run around the white dots move super fast and i don’t like the look. i think there were trying to go for like a  boko or whatever and its fine if you take a screenshot of it, but in motion its really annoying.

oh yeah and i haven’t even started any ch2s and its already been 20+ hours so... im going to be here a while. (i keep getting lost!)

went and spoiled myself on secret classes. primrose deserves warmaster. i dont even play her (i dont get the summoning mechanics) but its what she deserves. read about how making cyrus a sorcerer is redundant, but have you considered, i like big numbers.

so party comp. i can’t get rid of tressa but i always need money anyways. therion is there for the same reason. and alfyn is there to use all the items and because he’s my fav. the last spot cycles between cyrus and h’aanit. i also really like h’aanit but cyrus’s ability is usefulf for finding weaknesses because i struggle to remember which elements i’ve already tried out and its such a bad time for me without cyrus. also big numbers. give me the explosions.

#octopath traveler

[rvb-is-gay]

ok so now that the final episode of rvb0 is out for everyone, lets get into some discussion about it! please note that post isnt a topic of debate but rather just my personal thoughts about everything, so dont go arguing in the replies

(fair warning ahead of time for any fans, this is mostly criticism and negative feelings about it, so keep scrolling if you dont wanna read it)

When RVB0 was first announced, I remember everyone was first upset that the Reds and Blues weren't in it, including me. But now that I've watched the whole thing, I can say with confidence that my only issue with RVB0 isn't the lack of the Reds and Blues, but rather everything. the dialogue, some of the animation, the characters, the delivery, the pacing, the ridiculous amount of clichés, etc. I don't dislike RVB0 just because there's no Reds and Blues. I dislike it because I just found the entirety of it bad.

When I first started watching it, I went in with an open mind that maybe this season could actually be really good. I’d also be lying if I said that there wasn't a single scene that I liked. There were actually a few, but they still didn't make up for just the overall badness of the season. But please note that I don't blame the voice actors for any of this or even just Torrian Crawford for the season coming out a giant mess. Many people worked for this season and always had the opportunity to improve or change things but didn't. But anyways, let’s get into some of the criticisms I have for this season.

1. Smaller and more opinion oriented criticisms

This isn’t really criticism or anything important, but rather just a few things I found a bit weird to me personally.

First, the term “ragtag team of misfits” was used to describe Shatter Squad (and was even actually said out loud by One in the last episode, which sounded just so cliché and dumb in my opinion). I don't think this describes them at all?? Everyone has, at the very least, decent relationships with each other (save for One and East who were competitive with each other (which I also fucking hate in RVB that all the girl characters are always competitive with each other)), but that still doesn't really fit the term ragtag) and they all fight very well. I think ragtag fits the Reds and Blues more than it does Shatter Squad; they're bad at fighting, they argue and fight all the time, they're idiots, and that's why we love them. If they had just stuck with “a team of misfits”, that would've made more sense, but again, this is more of a personal opinion than genuine criticism.

Second, I don’t really like the aesthetics this season had. Everything felt a bit too neon and bright and then some stuff just felt like it came straight out of World of Warcraft or something. It didn’t really feel like RVB.

Third, my feelings about Carolina constantly calling Wash David can be summed up by what Michael said in the first episode of Halo 4 LASO: “Now we’re just gonna throw his name around all willy nilly. It used to be a secret.” When someone is called by their real name in RVB or just any story in general where everyone goes by code names, it’s usually a big deal and indicates something serious. Carolina wore out Wash’s name the first time she said it and it just got more and more irritating from then on out and lost its value.

Fourth, who was the blue and purple soldier in the first teaser we got? Was that One? Did they decide to change her armour colour? I don’t know, I just randomly remembered that and thought it was weird but I guess it must’ve just been a colour change.

Now, onto the more serious criticism.

2. Animation and dialogue

The second thing I wanna talk about is the animation. Don't get me wrong, the fighting animation is probably the best compared to everything else and it was pretty good to watch, but the talking and idle animations and gestures were..... kinda yikes. I know that it could be chalked up to “well we’re not used to seeing animated gestures since all of RVB usually has everyone just holding their gun and using the regular Halo models” but there were still some pretty bad parts.

Take the scene from Encounter at 3:26 as an example (I uploaded the scene to YT to put here, but obviously it was blocked for copyright):

This scene is probably one of the worst when it comes to not only the animations, but the dialogue, pacing, and delivery. When I first saw this, I honestly laughed. Here's a list of my problems with this scene and what made it so laughable:

The overexaggerated hand gestures. I get that because everyone's in armour and a helmet, it can be hard to show expression, but this feels like a bit much. Especially when One says “what? You’re pulling us off the mission? You cant do that!” I think that one scene in season 15 when Grif stays behind on Iris while everyone leaves and it slowly zooms in on Simmons’ visor somehow does a lot better at expressing feelings than this.

East immediately making the connection between Axel and Zero feels weird. I don't know if its just me who feels this way, but I think it should've been a little bit longer before she immediately is just like “you know Zero don't you”

Axel saying “I... I do... I did”  also sounds weird and like he was trying a bit too hard to sound dramatic. I don't really know how to describe it its just such a weird delivery of the line.

The way they all immediately start yelling at each other.

One saying “Axe, I trusted you” right after saying “tell us the truth”. Girl, you gave him no opportunity to explain and just immediately jumped to not trusting him anymore. Speaking of which, I don't think this was ever really mentioned again and had no meaning or importance to it.

The echoing of “I trusted you” also feels cliché to me, but this is more of a minor thing.

I think this one comment on one of the episodes on the RT site that says the dialogue “seemed acted rather than natural. It didn't really sound like how people normally talk, more how actors talk in plays” is how I feel about all of the dialogue in RVB0.

3. The villains

Zero and Diesel both felt like they didn't really have any motivation at all for being villains. Phase is probably the best when it comes to this. She was essentially abused by her father as a child and forced to undergo being experimented on. This is an actual good and understandable motivation.

Diesel we know basically nothing about, and then on the other hand, all Zero wants is power. But for what? Why? I can understand that power is a pretty common thing for people to want, but it still kind of felt like there wasn't really anything there.

Some previous good villains in RVB include:

Temple: Temple witnessed his best friend be brutally murdered right in front of him by 2 soldiers who didn't give a shit and just left him to die, especially right after he told him he was having a baby. Of course it’s understandable that he has a hatred of Freelancers after this. Any normal person would.

Felix: Felix was probably the best villain of all of RVB, to be honest (right beside the Director). He was just somehow so likeable and had so much personality, despite being an asshole. His ultimate motivation was money and being rich, which is another thing I can understand; the more money you have, the more you can essentially do whatever you want and live in luxury. I mean, even so many people in real life do horrible things just for money. I don't even have to give examples for this. Felix in general is also just a psychopath.

The Director: The whole reason the Director did what he did was because he lost the person he loved most in the world: his wife. He was willing to do literally anything to bring her back, leading to all of his actions in the Project Freelancer saga. You can find many examples of movie/TV/book/etc characters/villains seeking vengeance as a result of loss of a loved one and grief. Despite being a horrible person, the Director actually managed to be a villain you could even sympathize with, making him even better.

Sharkface: Although a bit of a more minor villain, similar to Temple, Sharkface is a villain because he wants revenge on the people that killed his team, the people he considered to be the only family he’s ever had.

4. Tucker & the swords

The fourth thing I wanna talk about is the whole thing with Tucker and the swords. I always found it kinda weird how both Tuckers sword and now Locus’ sword in the chorus trilogy were the same, but then in RVB0, Zero’s sword looks and acts completely different, but that might just be a little nitpick of mine.

As for Tucker, it was so good to see him. Although I don’t know if it was just me, but he seemed a little OOC. What I didn't like about seeing Tucker again was that he did literally nothing the entire episode. He was useless. He said “I can fight” at one point but then all he does during the battle is get held at knife point, run away, and then get stabbed and have his sword taken. Tucker isn't an amazing fighter, but he’s definitely a lot more capable than just this. We’ve seen him in action many times and I just feel like he could've done a bit more. It almost feels like he was purposefully nerfed and tossed aside just to advance the plot.

Another thing that I and probably a lot of people are upset about is the fact that Tucker might not even own his sword anymore?? When East stabbed him, he apparently died and the sword was rebound to Phase, but it wasn't very clear that this was the case. Although the beginning of the next episode starts with hospital beeps and a flatline, I don't think it was still really clear enough that Tucker actually died long enough for Phase to reclaim the sword because I saw a handful of people confused in the comments and, like me, even thought it was just bad writing at first and that the writers completely forgot about the rules of the sword established over several prior seasons.

When in the hospital, Wash tells Tucker that he almost died. Although I actually liked this scene because it was nice to see wash and tucker bantering again, I think it could've been made better and made the plot clearer if instead of saying he almost died, Wash said something along the lines of “Tucker, you died. Your heart stopped, but they were able to bring you back thanks to their advanced medical tech” and then in response Tucker freaks out because that means his sword will now work for Phase and now they know how urgent the situation is.

I really really hate that Phase just has Tucker’s sword now and nothing is even said about it. If Tucker was to give his sword away to someone, I think many people would prefer that it was at least someone close to him, like Junior for example, but instead it goes to a random girl he hardly knows.

5. Pacing

The fifth thing I wanna talk about is the pacing. This season was definitely a lot shorter than normal and I think that’s one of the things that really prevented it from being good. The entire story just feels rushed and while I understand that it can be really difficult to build a good story and characters in such a short time, I think there’s still ways you can do it without it feeling like there’s so much missing. I think the long intros and outros are also responsible for less time and maybe they should’ve considered cutting them to give more actual episode time. Here’s a few things that were poorly done as a result of bad pacing:

The final battle against Zero: The whole battle just somehow felt like a typical video game boss battle that ends super quickly to me. Shatter Squad didn’t even defeat Zero, he just up and got disintegrated or whatever from Black Lotus.

Shatter Squad giving up on their mission: After receiving the silly deep voice filtered message from Zero, everyone on Shatter Squad just immediately gives up on finding him.

One’s speech: One’s speech wasn’t awful or anything and I didn’t really have any problems with the speech itself, but rather just how quickly the team went from “we can’t do it.. it’s over..” to “you’re right! I’m in! Let’s go get them!” Compare this to Doc and Sarge’s speech to the Reds and Blues after Church and Carolina leave in season 10 episode 20. It just felt a lot more genuine (this is probably because the Reds and Blues had a lot more time to be developed, though) and was only given after some time passed rather than 2 seconds later. The scene and context also transitioned well into it and at first, nobody was on board with what Doc was saying, which is more realistic in my opinion. People’s minds won’t just instantly change, they’re still gonna think about it and maybe have a few doubts at first.

Phase and West: During their fight, West talked a lot about how he regrets giving Phase away to Starlight, that he won’t hurt her, and is even willing to die for her. Their scene together ends with Phase punching him in the head and then leaving to join the others and nothing else about them is mentioned. We don’t know if Phase forgave him or not, we don’t know how West feels, etc.

Tucker’s sword: Phase still has Tucker’s sword and like the scenario with West, nothing about it is mentioned. We don’t know what she’s going to do with it, if she’s going to keep it, if Tucker’s gonna do anything about it, etc.

6. Clichés

Clichés aren’t inherently bad and can be really impactful and good if done right. But when it comes to RVB0, it’s jampacked with clichés that aren’t good. Here are a few examples:

Everyone gives up until a speech is given: All of the points for this are the same as above, but I wanted to include this scene as a cliché as well.

Every female character is competitive with each other: RVB falls into this a lot, like I mentioned earlier. It happens again with East and One, although luckily they seem to resolve it, but not until literally the end of the season.

West’s fit about East: All of the lines and delivery in this scene were just atrocious and cheesy. I think West’s dialogue just could’ve been a bit more original, but instead we’re given this boring predictable “I won’t lay a hand on her. I promised her. I promised her mother. I promised she’d be safe” spiel that has no emotion to it in his voice.

The whole “I got this, you go ahead” thing: This isn’t like a super cliché thing, but I found it pretty interesting how it happens twice in the same episode.

I think this is pretty much all I can think of at the moment. If I think of anything else, I’ll add onto this. Overall, I think RVB0 would’ve done a lot better as just an RVB spinoff so that it could have more episodes and seasons dedicated to developing characters and a good plot. I’m really disappointed with this season and I hope whatever comes next is better than what RVB0 was. I hope the team that worked on it can learn a few things that come from the good and valid constructive criticism given to them. And if I had to pick, I think I’d say Raymond was my favourite out of all the new characters. He just felt the most relatable and realistic to me.

#rvb crit #rvb0 critical #rvbz critical #post #mod sol

[misskaygray-blog]

Model, producer and co-creator

Model, producer and co-creator of YouTube channel ComeCurious, Reed is essentially the physical embodiment of sex positivity, which she defines as trying to make people feel like what theyre doing and what theyre into isnt wrong, its normal and its absolutely fine. Shes a huge advocate for removing stigma and taboos around sex, and we caught up with her to learn more about webcamming, a line of sex work that is seldom talked about. That wasn't always the case. Before she started stripping — both online and off — Domino was a suit: working at a Fortune 500 company as a graphic designer. She quit the firm out of boredom in 2010, and now mainly flexes her aesthetic skills to push her online sex shows. Unlike most cam girls, Domino isn't affiliated with a network like LiveJasmin. She's completely independent, streaming strip and fetish sex shows from her home studio, straight from a website she built herself. Stripping at a local joint came first, but after breaking her wrist, Domino segued away from brick and mortar clubs. She'd heard there was good money to be made doing pretty much the same stuff online — and she could be her own boss.How did you get into webcamming?Part of the misconception comes from the fact that it's not policed. It's a very underground industry, and there's no governing body you can turn to, so people can be taken advantage of. It's an online community and it's hard to police. Anything can go wrong; people can be abusive and feel like they can go away with it, but then you can also just turn off the screen. But many women feel like they need to stay because of the money. I've never felt like I had to do that, but then again, it's the same when people stay in the wrong job for so long because they're scared of leaving and losing that financial security. It's so close to the porn industry and a lot of the sex industry isn't policed. If you have a problem and you go to the police about it, most of the time they'll just say well, you're asking for it, which is not acceptable. We're freelance and self-employed. We work for ourselves and these are our decisions, and we should be respected in the same way everyone else is respected.

As with most sex work, webcamming doesn’t have the best reputation. It’s often seen as exploitation or a last-resort hustle to pay off debt, but Reed Amber, 26, explains how webcam models are just your average self-employed freelancers with the same amount of agency and independence as anyone else.For the unfamiliar, camming is where clients pay to either watch a livestream of or have an individual video chat with a sex worker. It can’t be pirated and watched for free because the whole point of it is that it’s intimate and personal—you’re actually interacting with the person behind the screen.So as I sat there, in front of my laptop, I thought to myself, Why didnt I just respond the way that I normally do when somebody proclaims something which I dont agree with? Why didnt I just say, firmly but reasonably, you are wrong and these are the reasons why… Perhaps it was because it was so personal, that I felt like for once, I wasnt defending femininity as a whole, but just myself. Which on the surface would seem like a less daunting task, but for me it left me stumped. I knew that I was a feminist and it wasnt often that I had to justify myself to anybody. I was used to breaking down all the reasons that men used to justify their behavior.And as a cam girl, you won't know where it's coming from. You'll get your split — typically around 35-percent, but sometimes upwards of 70 — siphoned to you via an innocuous credit card processing site like CCBill, while the site takes the rest of the cut. However you earn that cut is up to you. Some sites, like Streamate, allow actual sex to the point of orgy, while others limit your act to a solo show. You can do whatever you think will earn cash in the form of dollars-per-minute private shows or instant "tips". That's the formula. You're up against tens of thousands of women (and men, to a lesser degree) offering the same product in varying versions. That's a tough stab at making a living, even with your clothes on.

If abuse were such a big problem, Anna says, then why would any Romanian girls bother with it at all? Why wouldn't they just find some other job? In a country whose GDP only stopped shrinking two years ago, with 20 per cent of the population living below the poverty line and personal income levels far below Kazakhstan, Iran and Gabon, that question answers itself. There's a reason Anna's so happy to be independent from her former employers, a status she equates with nothing less than her "freedom".Her conditions at the next studio were bare at best, and at times the most personal privacy she had, while performing for strangers on live camera, were a few hanging sheets separating her from the others walking in and out of some rundown flat. Although she was the frequent victim of what would certainly qualify as flagrant, physical sexual harassment in any other business, Anna stuck through it, priding herself on her ability to talk a path out of a "bad situation" with male employers.Youd think that all an Insta celeb has to do is look hot, but its actually a full time job. Ona Artist posts new photos every day and does a week of photoshoots every month. She manages all her social media and built her own website. The way her business model works is that she advertises on Instagram and from there, people can go to her private site and cam with her naked. On Instagram, because of censorship restrictions, you cant see her nude. So, the more you want from her, the more you pay, and the more explicit it gets. It's just like any other online business, really.It happened through a friend of a friend of mine. Thats usually how these things go. She had found, through a network of girls, a website that paid decent money for cam girling if you put the work in. I signed up, submitted my name, ID, bank details and some photos and within 24 hours I was approved as a bonafide Cam Girl ­with no bloody idea of what I was doing. CONTINUED BELOW...

[julstudies]

thanks for tagging me tay!! (@thestudyfeels)

01: do you have a good relationship with your parents? our reltionship is decent lol

02: who did you last say “i love you” to? my best friend valeria, as her birthday was yeserday

03: do you regret anything? you know it!!

04: are you insecure? very, working on not being so tho

05: what is your relationship status? single single single baby

06: how do you want to die? naturally ig

07: what did you last eat? rice and stew <33333

08: played any sports? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no

09: do you bite your nails? nah i peel them off LMAO

10: when was your last physical fight? ?????

11: do you like someone? yes

12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours? no why would you do this

13: do you hate anyone at the moment? hate is a strong word

14: do you miss someone? yeah boi

15: have any pets? i wish i had a cat (’:

16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment? kinda overwhelmed. i’ve been in this slump for like the past 4 months and everything is catching up with me now (’:

17: ever made out in the bathroom? who would make out w me

18: are you scared of spiders? i am scared of everything

19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance? NO

20: where was the last place you snogged someone? never have

21: what are your plans for this weekend? going through my tumblr and doing everything ive been procrastinating on for the past ew months lol

22: do you want to have kids? how many?

2 or 3

23: do you have piercings? how many? one on each ear but theyre starting to close because i never wear earings lol

24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)? well i like and am good at all of my subjects but im a huge history nerddd

25: do you miss anyone from your past? yeah but im also finding new gr8 people which is gr8

26: what are you craving right now? uh

27: have you ever broken someone’s heart? probably

28: have you ever been cheated on? no

29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? no!!!

30: what’s irritating you right now? my brothers ):

31: does somebody love you? as a friend? yes?

32: what is your favourite color? i like pastelsss

33: do you have trust issues? kinda

34: who/what was your last dream about? i cant remember but it was probably good

35: who was the last person you cried in front of? i cry a lot but its never in front of people so i cant really remember

36: do you give out second chances too easily? depends

37: is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive but don’t forget

38: is this year the best year of your life? yeah actually. i’ve learned, grown, and changed a lot and made so many new friends

39: how old were you when you had your first kiss? 23

40: have you ever walked outside completely naked? ?????? why would i do this

51: favourite food? pizza boii

52: do you believe everything happens for a reason? yep!

53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? snapchat (’:

54: is cheating ever okay? NO. NO NO NO

55: are you mean? sometimes but i try my best to not be

56: how many people have you fist fought? um 0?

57: do you believe in true love? yes!! (hopeless romantic over here)

58: favourite weather? spring/ fall kind of weather

59: do you like the snow? it’s pretty and good for the aesthetic but i actually dont like it LMAO

60: do you wanna get married? absolutely

61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? yes!!

62: what makes you happy? many things!!

63: would you change your name? no

64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? nbk (never been kissed!!)

65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? if i like him back YEAH BOY if not um we have to talk and not make it awkward

66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeah

67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad

68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? it wasn’t really a convo it was just me crying about my problems and the other person going “rip ):”

69: do you believe in soulmates? yeah!

70: is there anyone you would die for?

anyone who is not a terrible person !!

i’m tagging everyone because i actually like this tag and it reveals a lot about people in a non-weird way

#tagged #ask game

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”

#animorphs #long post #WOW i love not using humorous hyperbole to cover up how animorphs gets sad even when ur talkign about. COOKING heck #here we see a classic case of descent from 'I Must Do My Best to Uphold Character Accuracy' to 'Please Just Let Them Be Awful Chefs' #me riding into the sunset on my Desperate Optimism Horse: fuk u applegrant

[s-nnyd]

all of the ask me meme :) please stop talking about naruto

i think that was this one?

rose: what makes you feel beautiful?

man, hmm, when my hair falls just right and it looks like the hairstyle that could be used in like a romcom drama oh or when the sun starts to set because everythign just starts to feel like the right color and it makes it just about everything right

lace: how would you describe your best friend(s)?

complete idiots i love hanging out with

wish: what are your favourite memories?

oh fuck dude my favorite memories? okay so back in middle school when there was the open house and i signed up for one of the shifts i just stayed in ms. dean’s room and like it was raining and pouring and i was just kinda fooling around with some friends before our shifts started and like we ordered pizza and my goodness it was cold and wet as fuck but it was such a genuinely nice memory of just the feeling during that time also when were painting murals for  art ds like shit man that was like the time of my life and i genuinely get all these heartfelt feelings each time i think about it (oh oh oh oh and like mrs q said that like shes trying to make things work with walker about doing a mural inside the class and im like holy fuck please like im legit gonna cry if that happens) and although its super embarrassing just like all the times ive ever really had talks and hung out with mrs q like they were genuinely nice memories and esp friday too like she told me stories about the previous schools she went to and the types of students she had and i love hearing stuff like that and yesterday was truly enjoyable

heaven: describe your ideal date

hhhhhhhh okay okay okay okay so its raining out but we still were supposed to meet up and im standing outside with a cup of hot choco with extra whip cream just the way she likes it cause i wanted to get it for her and when she comes to meet me she also has a cup of hot choco with extra cocoa for me and its just the kinda heart and chest swelling kinda moment cause we both were thinking about each other and then we head over to watch the movies first something stupid yet enjoyable and after going to have some lunch at like a really good tofu house and then after going to an art museum and then ill say somethign cheesy like man im surprised you dont live here ‘why?’ cause youre a work of art  or you know whats the most beautiful piece of art out of this whole exhibit ‘ooo was it the ______ or the _____ one or maybe its the ______?” nah its you and thats the main commentary im making through out the whole exhibition and like after that we head over to my place and the rains still coming down my head on her lap and her fingers through my hair as watch a movie both of us has seen far too many times already that it this point its just for the sake of background noise and like we swap spots where shes on my lap now adn eventually she falls asleep i carry her to the bed and let her nap for a bit and she wakes up after a while and comes into the kitchen and im cooking fried rice at like 3 in the morning and its just lazy hugs and bad singing but all in all its just relaxing soothing loving and everything i really want

angel: what is your dream aesthetic?

oh man like okay have you seen that godzilla jacket that was floating around on tumblr for a while like like that specific aesthetic where its super cool stitching and japanese words that i can actually read for once OH OH OH or like just absolute artist like just paint splatters and charcoal and pastel that wont wash out and jean jackets with patches and just yeeeeeee

wings: list five things you love about yourself

hmmm i think my determination to always be improving, my loyalty, my ability to think from multiple angles of a situation, my creativity and the multitude of ideas that come as a result of it , and mmm prolly the fact that when i love someone or got a crush like more than anything id love to give them the absolute most like id give them the world if i could if it would make them happy and like they dont gotta accept my feelings or anything but jsut please dont reject my gifts like i just want you to be happy and i wanna see you smile and laugh and like even if this aint gonna turn anything im glad i got to love you and have this experience

marble: what do you look for in a partner?

oh man okay so like ive noticed that every single person ive ever had a crush on like  i dont necessarily got a type in the sense of like looks or anything like that cause they all look super different and there is no one “type” but like its a lot closer to a “type” as in a type of person like someone whos generally super open minded and caring and gentle someone who even though they dont believe so theyre changing and helping so so so so many people around them someone who has the best laugh that id do anything to hear and the prettiest eyes and the most amazing smile that id truly do anythign to see someone whos usually loved by many but even in close relations theyre extremely close heart to heart and very attentive someone whos got a great head on their shoulders and the mindset to keep moving forward and improve someone who rlly pushes the idea communication, trust, and honesty and like man theyre people with the most beautiful minds and hearts and like it ends up being a case where theyve got the most beautiful face too

velvet: describe your dream home

oh fuck dude i couldnt even talk about this for my project for japanese i cant do it here

pearl: what is your favourite: scent, flavour, sound, texture?

shit dude ive really gotta say that my favorite scent is prolly the art and the ceramics room like really its super calming my fave flavor would maybe be honey? (i just had a honey stick rn so) my favorite sound is the sound of my crush’s voice and laugh, fave texture has def gotta be my paint like fuck i love sticking my hand in that shit

sunlight: list five things you find to be beautiful

link, zelda, my crush, the specific color of cerulean blue, okay and oddly enough that scar thats on my leg from when i fell off my skateboard

cherry: what words of advice would you give to a stranger?

if you think someone’s got a cool shirt, pretty eyes, a nice laugh, the cutest button nose, a soothing voice, or is just in general attractive to you, just tell them like the smile on their face is worth a whole lot and i promise you that it could make their day

blush: describe your ideal future

oh fuck okay so its one where i got a like four big dogs (cause these are my faves), a samoyed a husky a german shepard and a pit bull, and im living in a nice decent place with my loved one i have a job either at one of the major animation studios or im working with a huge game company (preferably Nintendo so i can work on some loz games) and ive also got a seperate place thats a block or two away from my home and its my own personal studio a place that is just a whole floor dedicated to working on my art whether it be two dimensional traditional or digital and i also got a throwing wheel and a place to put my ceramics and ive made some movies and games that ive dedicated to mrs q and mrs y because theyve brought me so far in my art career and also played such a big role in my life in general and id love to make them proud and like honestly that soudns like the absolute shit to me

sea: what music, art and/or literature brings you peace?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man just seein loz fanart is the best but also like fuck dude like mmmmm when i see an art style i really love that has literally the best fuckign composition and color usage like fuck thats my shit like theres some specific ones that i dont know how to describe

wine: talk about something you are looking forward to

working on that mural if mrs q can make it through cause that is legit what i really wanna do like i fucking love working on murals oh oh oh also when we can finally order the new j shirts cause i finished the design and i really wanna see everyone wearing them im really proud of this year’s design aalsososoooooooo like im really excited to work on the next project for ceramics like were makign slab boxes and we can basically tell a story and do whatever the fuck we want with it and man im just so excited for that (wow i legit realized that like everything ive listed that is part of my dream or makes me excited or happy is like art related like wow)

honey: what do you do to relax?

i watch shitposts oh that or i talk to my cousin lynnette cause really shes super understanding and its really easy to talk to her

silk: describe your most recent dream

man i forgot the bulk of it but i think like it was one where i didnt finish my charcoal portrait or my coil pot in time and then i woke up in a cold sweat

matte: what is something you are proud of?

hmmmm at current im proud of the presents i gave to mrs y and mrs q cause it made the both of them really happy and like i really wanted to show them how thankful i am to them and like they genuinely liked the posters and the flowers

gloss: list ten songs you love right now

lmao shit uh

feelings - hayley kiyoko

maple - hayley kiyoko

redbone - childish gambino

forrest gump - frank ocean

shes so mean - matchbox twenty

perfect - ed sheeran

and legit just like all of the soundtracks for all the loz games

satin: what never fails to make you happy?

oh oh oh oh oh when i give a present to my crush or i do something nice for them and they just give me the biggest smile or the best laugh ive ever heard and theres just the crinkle at the corners of their eyes from smilign so hard and because theyre trying so hard to keep eye contact with me while but theyre laughing really hard and they can only keep one eye open and like just the genuineness of joy and all

opal: talk about your interests and passions

hhhhhhhh dude dude like mannnnnn like hhhhhh okay imma talk about loz for a sec and like i know i brought it up before but i love like so much okay like oot was my first time playing time playing any loz game and my lord it was the shit like the storyline the characters the graphics the sound track the quests and side characters liek everything really made it feel like so much mroe and like i feel so much for it like heres link growing up and hes like what around ten or so and hes got some friends and he finally gets his fairy and then his tree dad goes and dies right after telling him lmao sorry but you kinda gotta save the kingdom k bye and like this kid this kid literally knows jack shit about anything but he goes on and does it anyways he goes and helps zelda he goes and helps the people who are in trouble along the way and plays some rad ass tunes on his tiny lil ocarina of time while doing it and like even when he gets put into the future like he sitll has the mindset of a ten year old hes still as innocent and earnest and pure hearted as when he first started and like holy fuck dont get me started on sheik like shit sheik is so damn cool and like knowing that it was zelda all that time like fuck yeah zelda can kick ass fuck yeah zelda got muscles for days fuck yeah she can punt you across the kingdom and like at the end when she thanks him and sends him back and time so he can enjoy the lost time like shit dude i know zelda meant well and all but like hes experienced so much with and for her hes done so much give the kid a break and then even then navi in the end like leaves and then eveything continues in majoras mask and again hes in his ten year old body but now wiht the experiences and knowledge and basically memories from being seventeen like hes got so much mroe than what his body and mind should handle at this point and he wanders into the forest again all in search for an old friend to look for navi and like when he gets sent to termina after trying to chase after skull kid and like havign those nightmares witht he scrubs like hes gone through so much and i only want more for him and like he doesnt have to save termina he doesnt he doesnt need to do anything he can let termina get smooshed to smitherins by the moon for all the work hes already done for hyrule but he does it anyway and he rewinds time again and again and again and again so he can fix all of these problems for all of these people he does all of this to bring some sort of proper ending for these people who have the last three days of their lives the last three days before their deaths repeat over and over and over and over and over again and he saves them each and every time he rewinds time and he goes through all this shit i mean this ten year old mother fucker is doing olympic bakc flips and twirls and shit after oot like shit boi and then like oh myy gooddddd like damn botw like fuck dude that game means a whole lot to me like its lacking a lil bit in the presence of an evil and i mena i know its ganon and all but like shit i could ignore that motherfucker for all eternity if he wasnt being such a total asshat to zelda and like i mainly beat that motherfucker up just for zelda like for once in a game ive never wanted more to save her like they went so much into detail abotu her and like dude those memories thos cutscenes? like that shit made everythign and i truly love her she works so hard and shes held up to this image of being extremely spiritiually adept because of all her ancestors ebcause of all the other zeldas but she jsut cant she jsut cant do the same thing and so she tries in other ways she tries to udnerstand and get a grasp on sheikah and ancient tech so she can at least be prepared to stand against the calamity when it does come and like the champions all worry about her like the girl nearly got herself killed in the process of trying to awaken her so called spiritual powers and like dude finding out that in the beginning zelda legit hated links ass like they put so much mroe into her like she she hated seeing that he was a prodigy that he didnt have a single trouble in the world and then finally link speaks up and he tells her he talks to her about why he keeps quiet and like the two finally bond and like the two dorks love each other so much that it really does go beyond friendship and romance like they legit would die for each other that one time that zelda was this fucking close to getting her ass handed to her on a silver platter and link was beat the fuck up like he went to save her and then the time when link was basically on his death bed and a guardian was about to pulverize him zelda stood between him and the guardian this bitch wasnt even thinking about having her spiritual powers she was legit ready to die for him if it meant he could run away and get to safety and i mean luckily she her spiritual powers did come out but she legit realized it when she was so genuinely scared but chose to stand up cause she cared for him so much and like these two kids fight so much and have gone through a lot both on their own times and also together but like i love them so much no matter what timeline theyre in

kiss: what do you want from life right now?

my lord i want life to point me in the right direction tbqh or at least give me a mentor for some help like please ive been guiding and doing everything myself this whole time give me a break like after reading all the stories for lang and lit like it makes me feel so lost in what im doing like after catcher in the rye and playing the role of holden caulfield and denying that i fit any part of the role and then realizing how similar i was to him and then reading death of a salesman and relating to biff and reading raisin in the sun and relating to beneatha like shit i really felt lost like ive been talking about it with my therapist lately and like yeah i think i really need some direction or reassurance or a mentor or at least something in my life thats consistent cause right now im a complete mess

#thanks jae #like i really enjoyed this #sickinthesoul