#*i want you on your best behavior!!!*

[yuridovewing]

i really hate how the fandom’s excuse for jayfeather’s shitty behavior (and outright medical malpractice in certain cases. looking at the time he refused to help squilf in labour bc he couldnt be bothered and later blamed her for how bad it was) is “well the clan was ableist to him growing up, so fuck them!” ok how does that excuse him screaming at and berating the cats that didnt do any of that. or the babies.

#or ‘’well hes snarky and mean! we dont get snarky and mean characters!’’ what are you talking about everyone in this series is an asshole #im also a bit bitter bc you know if he were a she cat then he’d get tons of animations of ocs killing him #ppl (fanon and authors) really really want jay to be this underdog whos just grumpy at best #but in reality hes like. one of the head honchos in the clan. he holds a ton of power over people #sure sometimes the narrative doesnt WANT that to be the case but hes literally gods messenger boy #and is in charge of medical care #maybe im just very familiar with shitty doctors/nurses who abuse their patients and excuse it with ‘’but im stressed :(‘’ #but this character never was endearing to me even before the team switch #jayfeather is not your beaten down blorbo in a shitty retail job hes the nurse making a tiktok about how cringey pregnant patients are #also i just. really despise ‘’but theyre traumatized :(‘’ as an excuse for abusive behavior #did you ever think maybe some of his patients like twigkit were traumatized by his behavior?

[jaevy]

your room was square

i once noticed from there

in your bed, as you slept

and i held my breath

everything had its own place

and i wondered what space would i take

in the order you kept

#in this drawing i wanted to use the song ‘Square’ by Mitski #personally i feel like this song is about being in love and trying far too hard to be the perfect lover that you are incapable of being #to me it’s like trying to see where you fit in that person’s life and not knowing where you belong in it #but then you’re still longing for that feeling of belonging there with them #so you self-destructively go to great lengths to ‘earn’ your place with them #i feel that the self-destructive behavior of trying to be that perfect lover just to ‘earn’ their love #is exactly the ‘burning’ that Mitski describes #it hurts trying to fit in but not quite succeeding again and again and again... #this is something that i think i relate to #trying far too hard to belong with someone who is 'only sometimes madly in love with me' #and says that i 'wouldn't be their first choice' #-that person kept switching between wanting me as a friend and a lover and now i am neither #and yet therein lies the problem: if i cared less and gave less effort #perhaps we could’ve worked things out without me trying too hard to “earn” their love #but why would i ever try to care less? #the situation was doomed from the start and i lost a friend in the process #i made this illustration to reflect that the best i could. I think the square motif was particularly obvious— #the canvas itself is a square and the illustration itself has to fit in a square box #everything else i drew would have to fit within this box to maintain the “order” #the colors are all some type of blue with not too much contrast except for the text eyes and teardrop on the figure #i wanted to keep contrast low within this illustration— everything should be “fitting in" after all #for the figure itself i wanted it to be clear that the figure is being forced into that square #its body’s being forced into that half of the box and even then its head is forced downwards #it’s clearly not fitting comfortably but it’s sure trying its hardest to #also also also!!! i wanted to do more angular shapes with this drawing because square and whatever lol :P #i don’t think i was particularly obvious in communicating that in the drawing though #but anyways i just wanted to draw to help process something that happened to me a while back :0 #i still think i love that person but just like how i don’t have a place in their life #i don’t think they have a place in mine and i think i’m starting to make peace with that :D #jaevyart

[seiya-starsniper]

.

#if I've made anyone uncomfortable with the things I've been posting the last few days that was in fact the point and fully intended #and I don't say that to be cruel but simply to drive home the point that fandom spaces can be both safe and hostile at the same time #it is a deeply uncomfortable thing to acknowledge and I know most people do no want to deal with that and I understand that truly #but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did #At the same time none of this changes my opinion on my ship or the fact that I love a certain character other people find problematic #and I am fine with people finding that problematic because I am human being I am problematic by default #and I am confident enough in myself as a person to know when to acknowledge when I've contributed to problematic behavior #and realize the world doesn't end when this happens #my opinion of the fandom I've made my home in hasn't changed either #I had these views before and now they're out there in the open messy wording and all #and if you've decided that changes your opinion of me for the worse that's fine you can unfollow block etc #I understand that even in my attempt to acknowledge hurt within my fandom I've probably hurt other people and I have made my peace with it #but for everyone else that's shown me support both on tumblr and in private #for everyone that's listened to me vent about this subject over DMs and validated my hurt feelings #instead of trying to press your own discomforts onto me to carry in addition to my own #thank you #I've carved a permanent space in my heart for you and I truly mean that #I waded into this mess fully expecting to be ignored at best and to lose connections at worst and I was fully okay with it #but the love I've gotten and the deep honest and vulnerable conversations I've had over the last few days has truly been astounding to me #this last part is taking me AGES to write #because I'm actually crying thinking about all the good that's come out of this #and I acknowledge that's not a universal opinion and that's fine I'm really only speaking to my personal experience with what's happened #which despite outward appearances has been incredibly cathartic and uplifting for me #and I don't need everyone in the fandom to share my views or validate me or tell me I'm right people are allowed to disagree #I also don't need to have a deep personal and honest connection with everyone in the fandom where I can share my deepest vulnerabilities #but the fact that I could have that connection with some of you? that's enough for me. it's everything to me.

[technicalthinker]

i acknowledge that a limited group of people will understand this but sonic prime shadow really is SO wolf's rain tsume-coded

#amanda rambles #wolf's rain #sonic prime #tsume #shadow the hedgehog #sonic prime spoilers #kinda???? this read was specifically bc of s3ep1 #i mEAN THIS IN THE BEST WAY BTW #it makes for great scenes and writing #it's the 'i will save you with no hesitation but complain about it'' #'i care about you but i pretend i dont' #'we are counterparts that are strong together once we get over our differences' #it's the 'i will call you a fool for your idealized worldview but admire you for it' #'i want to be a better person bc of you but frankly that's embarrassing' #WHAT REALLY SEALED THE DEAL FOR ME THO WAS THE #IT IS THE SIMILARITIES OF #' i will judge everyone else harshly. call them traitors. not trust them.' #'bc i dont want them to hurt the few people ive decided to care about' #shadow being rdy to fight tails immediately has the same vibe as tsume being rdy to fight hige and just seeing the worst in him #i know you can say this is typical anime rival behavior and i agree a lot of the similarities are bUT #IT'S GETTING MORE AND MORE SPECIFIC IMO. #(i think it doesnt help that the Shadow VA is RLY giving Crispin Freeman as Tsume???? ) #(like i thought this before i made the direct connection. a similiar between gruff and genuine)

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

What do you mean other people didn’t spend their entire life intently preparing themselves to be in leadership positions

#since I was like a little kid I have paid attention and internalized effective leadership/supervisor/parenting strategies and words to say a #and behaviors because my entire life I’ve wanted desperately to succeed at the leadership positions I get put in #and like talking to someone else who does not have that intrinsic desire is just ????? what do you mean you want to be a supervisor bc it #will force you to grow up like ??? #it’s not about you it’s about doing your best for the people you are in charge of #specifically the tags are about being a trench supervisor at an arch site

[stonersolana]

it's always so funny when someone "acknowledges" your disabilities but when those disabilities actually, you know, disable/impact parts of your life then they act as if the disability couldn't POSSIBLY be the problem and you're just bringing it up as an excuse

and by funny i mean it makes me want to powerdrill my own teeth

#sunbun speaks #like yes i am currently sitting down and eating instead of washing dishes #i need rest so i can keep the pain down and i barely eat so what do you want me to do? #I'm sorry i didn't pick up on whatever hidden message your words had in them and now it's awkward - yes it's the autism #like... if the symptom or behavior is obviously connected to a source but you don't take it into account then what do you want? #there's a difference between someone harming you and someone just not understanding what you meant #because their brain shits the bed in those situations no matter how much i work on it #like i take other's situations into account when i consider their words/actions because I'm not a self-centered prick #like I'm not doing this on purpose and I'm trying my best but i can't keep pushing myself past burnout #for people who don't even consider my struggles valid

[luthienne]

what was aggressive?? I asked a dumb question and acknowledged that, also sent both messages within seconds of each other. normalize laughing

i’m not sure what you want me to say, anon. thanks for not sending me something worse? i don’t know about you but the kind of people who say unnecessarily rude things and then call it a joke (normalize laughing) when they get called out for it are not usually the kind of people i feel comfortable spending time with.

#ask #anon #if you want to keep doubling down on your behavior i’m not sure this is the right space for you. but i wish you the best i really do

[ziracona]

I would so much rather play a game that is shorter and looks worse and has less area, but is complete, than an expansive beauty where they do shit like like the most beloved companion dies 99% of the time because they just cut the entire last 3rd of their questline, and didn't even patch the end to not default to a failstate.

#that's insane guys. Like I'm sure the game is fun but I can't live like that anymore #playing all the DA games back to back was wild bc /easily/ the best one (technically speaking) is DAO. It just is. DA2 is buggy #you lose your entire save on console if you play both DLC and pick up any item. They /never/ patched that. But you /can/ play the game #coherantly while jumping through hoops at least and it's good (especially for what was it. a fucking NINE MONTH production??? like jesus h #christ.) and then DAI is like so big it actively gets boring and they cut all kinds of quest lines like they sacrifice so much in the name #of graphics and expanse that you don't even get companion chatter but once every hour and a half #insane. inSANE behavior!!! I don't want to live like that anymore! Go back to making ugly games with the most fucked (loving) decision tree #a person ever even tried to /comprehend). and make stand-alone games only so you don't have to worry about the tree reconverging more often #baldurs gate 3 spoilers #how tf people putting up with that kind of shit #it's crazy #they didn't even jurryrig it???

[kimmkitsuragi]

if i dont see my friends tomorrow i will literally die

#i know im always so dramatic about this but im so alone it's pathetic....... #like everyone always has other people and im always asking people to pleeeeease pay attention to me like a pathetic dog #i keep asking people 'so are we meeting this week' 😥 like i swear im always asking this #and i just feel so pathetic about this like. heeyyy hiii please meet me someone im so normal hahaha pleaseeee 😥 #and i dont want to blame people because like yeah. life. in general #but also it just keeps happening how we specifically set up a possible time and #then that time comes and TO ME it's supposed to be like the best day ever. literally the only time i can ever feel happiness. ONLY time fr #and then it's just another thursday for them like they promised someone else something. #and then i have to be like okay :') what about next week x day then :') #and then i ALWAYS end up making myself believe that this time it's actually gonna work out!!!! really!!!!!!! #and then it never does!!!!!! for such a long time!!!! #and i know like. whatever. life. it's literally normal i know and im not blaming them i really am not #but im just blaming myself for being so pathetic that the only sliver of happiness in my life is #meeting other people every few weeks if im lucky lmao #like. truly loser behavior #before anyone says i should meet new people maybe. that's true probably #but. :') #that post that goes like 'how it feels to be in a transitional period in your life' lmaoooooooooooo ooooo ooooo you know #anyway. i will probably delete this when i realize how unwell i sound but. well #🗒

[kitakeo]

I KNOOW OKAYY /lh

theres just not a lot of protagonists written from a perspective like his i gotta romanticize the rare indifferent autism guy when i can </3

#for realsies though i have spent so many hours going back and forth on how i feel about meursault #like as a fictional character i adore him. i think he is a most wonderful character to read #as a person though. to judge him as i would a real living person #obviously i am not okay with murder and the circumstances of his murder has some questionable motivations at best #there is so much to talk about with it. his reasoning and well. how arab people are treated and talked about through the book #the anger at the end that i sympathize with is ultimately him being angry at his life being unfairly taken away by other people. #which is what he did to someone else #but when i see people who dislike him not because of any of these reasons but because of like #oh this (clear autistic behavior or thought process) is so crazy he is so dislikable and scary #instead of the MURDER!!!!!! #it is what makes me want to romanticize his autistic and low empathy experience #SORRY FOR LIKE RAMBLING ON YOUR SILLY LIGHTHEARTED TAG #i do not think that you were actually trying to say anything about me #i just REALLY LOVE this book and will take literally any cue i can to ramble about it LMAO #kitakeo l'etranger

[ringneckedpheasant]

every day I get more and more angry that my roommates got a puppy that they were completely fucking unprepared for like. it is your own goddamn fault that it acts the way it does because you don’t know how to train a puppy and apparently don’t care to learn and there’s no reason to be swearing at your kids because it chewed stuff up while they were home and you were at work. they are like 10 and 5 and should not be held responsible for what the Family Dog is doing

#idk what it was like for other people but like. #my parents basically never swear and the few occasions where they did were really upsetting #because it emphasized SO much how angry they were #and hearing victor swear at his 10 year old makes me want to choke him out #very very much someone who is doing the best they can considering how *they* were raised #but i really don’t think that’s good enough #like yeah you don’t beat your kids but you berate and yell at them and tell them they’re annoying you like…. dude chill the fuck out #i hate that i feel like i can’t say anything to him about it without jeopardizing my living situation #and i hate that they’re probably going to remember me as an adult who was around & didnt do anything to stop how they were being treated #but i Really Really don’t know what to do about it and obviously have my own trauma related to verbal abuse #he doesn’t usually do it in front of me but i can hear him Very Clearly from my bedroom because of how loud he’s being #took me so long to type this post but he finally calmed down #never mind he’s yelling again 🙄 #like… they got this dog in august? september? and its behavior has not improved At All

[notjanine]

i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i

#like okay i said that guy was messy and maybe i am messy too #but only internally! i can at least be consistent and honest in my communication and behavior #but idek what is going on with me #is this a belated quarter life crisis is this being thirty is this what happens when grad school and an internship scramble your brain #scramble your brain so hard that your emotions and physical desires also go haywire #this month is gonna be so weird for me and like i'm depressed enough to not care if i live or die which is when i do my best flirting #and i (theoretically) will have enough time off to take care of myself and get good sleep and do skincare and hair care and work out #and do all the little things to make myself feel more confident #anyway all i know is. i have baby steps initiated progress on some things. #but also the mutually agreed upon six-month post-breakup communication moratorium with my ex is almost up and i am half tempted to call him #i am also half tempted to mess with the OTHER guy in our internship cohort even though that would be THEE messy bitch move #(do not let me do it physically stop me from doing it if it seems like i'm going to) #(but y'know he's. nice. nearby. single. quietly hilarious and has full lips and a similar schedule to my own. pls stop me) #(we might hang out next week. i will not WILL NOT invite him over. i repeat do NOT let me invite him over) #earlier this week i talked to a close very cool and fun and social friend about wanting to start dating again and she was like #Oh i know like ten guys for you lemme have another party and invite all of them and you #and i'm thisclose to being like. actually just fucken see if any of them will go on a blind date with me next weekend. #what the FUCK is wrong with me rn #ANYWAY lemme go work out and finally start the vampire show #bc exercise will distract my body and that toxic relationship bullshit will put a damper on these desires right. right?? #starting to understand why so many religions are like watch out for sins of the flesh or whatever. like how they're like temptation is bad. #lizzo_boys.mp3

[boltgunkiller-archive]

my glee powers are too great, why’s my sister starting to get obsessed with it too

#miracle i haven’t made her rewatch sexy more than the one time she’s seen it #i seriously do not mess around about that episode #i’m nothing without analyzing santana’s behavior throughout it #the eye contact thing. her refusal to make eye contact during the sacred sexy sharing circle #and then her trying to keep eye contact with brittany throughout landslide to convey her true feelings for brittany #and prove that she’s being serious and genuine and that she’s full of love and wants to tell brittany her feelings #and even have a relationship. “it’s better with feelings” remember? #and then during the confession she’s still anxiously checking her surroundings #but she tries her best to look at britt #but then she gets rejected. and it hurts. and she closes up again and doesn’t even let britt touch her #she immediately turns away. no more looking #and then in 2x16 during the dirt locker scene she won’t look at brittany for a while either #she keeps looking at her locker (“i miss being your friend…” + santana replying with “still waiting for the question.” #like she literally keeps looking at her locker bc she got rejected and she’s reserved again because her expressing herself only resulted in #her getting hurt again… 😞) #and the “stop looking at me. i can’t remember my locker combo.” #yes it’s a funny line but also #distressing. when you examine her relationship with eye contact. naya’s acting is insanely good #Anyway idgaf about sexy guys. #this was meant to be about my sister my bad. #gleeposting

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

i have been thinking about “forms” in music, but also “forms” in Greek philosophy (as the disembodied concept of a given thing), and how perhaps that same sense of form survives in our use of the word “formal” when describing clothes and events

#- HK #and I now wonder if perhaps forms in social behavior in ages past were seen less as oppressive restrictions #and more as expressions of one’s feelings and beliefs #because when I look at Southern forms—Southern hospitality #I don’t think ‘I’m doing this because it’s Expected of me’ #I’m doing it to say to my guest ‘I love and respect you and I want to give you the best of myself & ease your burdens & make you enjoy life’ #and I see that same sentiment reflected in etiquette books from the Victorian and Edwardian eras #it’s not ‘this is how you make people respect you and your family’ #it’s ‘this is how you show your respect for the shop lady downtown and consideration for your dearest bosom friend’ #mobile #x

[skitskatdacat63]

I hate when apps temporarily block your acct bcs "suspicious activity", yeah yeah I understand it's for security measures BUT PLEASE IM JUST BAD AT REMEMBERING PASSWORDS, LET ME LIVE 😭😭

#having a bit of a freak out right now 🌚 #my best friend is gonna be in china for 2 months and our only option of communication is wechat #expect i forgot to log into wechat lately so it logged me out and i cant remember my pass and it got pissy with me for requesting sms codes #so it temporarily blocked me for suspicious behavior PLEASE WECHAT I JUST AM IMPATIENT #and then it said i requested unblocking too many times i have to 'wait' #wait how fucking long wechat?????? how long????????? #and even then with requesting your acct to be unblocked the easiest way is to get a friend w a wechat acct to verify you #HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU THINK I HAVE WECHAT 😭😭😭😭 #MY ONLY FRIEND WHO HAS WECHAT IS ON HER WAY TO CHINA AS WE SPEAK WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT THAT #she has to stop in another country for like half a day so im hoping when she lands she can help me 😭 #BUT WHAT IF I STILL CSNT REQUEST BY THEN?? WHAT DO I DO THEN WECHAT???? #once she gets to china i feel like im basically fucked #but yes i understand security measures but jesus christ please irs me i swear why are you making me jump through all these hoops????? #but im gonna actually be so upset if this screws up me being able to msg her :( we talk every day :( #i think i will actually combust and die if were just no contact for that long im actually gonna die #how am i gonna survive without her sending me china pics and me harassing her with f1 updates :((( #ugh i dont know what to do :( and i feel really upset abt it #maybe whatsapp will work and we can fix my acct but who knows :( #catie.rambling.txt

[master-of-fluff]

is anyone gonna write a Fic where Kai tries to make money via streaming cuz he heard it makes decent pay but he hates newer technology so its just ninjago citizens coaching kai via chat and recommending him games to try for thefirst time and he always curses a lot at the beginning but when he gets something right he's like "woo let's gooo :D!!!"

And every once in awhile jay or nya will join him and its the same basically except theu destroy kai at whatever theyre playing and theres a lot more cursing.

Or am i gonna have to write it myself?

Please i honestly want everyone to write a fic like this and see how each one is different please oh my lord

#also one day lloyd comes in crying because hes had trouble sleeping for the past few days and Wu told him to stop training and take a nap #and kai turns the camera off but in his hurry forgets to mute his mike #and then there's a quiet conversation and then the camera turns back on to kai back in his chair but he has lloyd in his lap #and he's like #all right chat so i was gonna end stream early cuz Lloyd's not feeling well but he wanted me to keep going #so your all gonna be on your best behavior or the fire ninjas gonna take come to your house and take you down got it then he switches over #and quietly plays and talks to chat while lloyd falls asleep on him #and everyone is like absolutely stunned and/or going balistic at what they're seeing #Because the green ninja that saved them all is asleep on kai and apparently a cuddle bug #and kai isnt cursing or yelling at all and before lloyd fell asleep and was watching what kai was doing #and lloyd would talk kai was actually speaking *gently!?* to him? #something they've never seen before #And then Kai's p.o box gets flooded with a bunch of get well soon cards and other things for lloyd #Oh my gosh please don't make me write this I want to read it not write it #...I'm probably gonna have to write this aren't I?