#.... it's genuinely distressing though.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[not-equippedforthis]

really love characters who have varied panic responses. kirk stating himself that he does not panic outright, externally, not in high-stress dangerous situations, but instead becomes tense and level like a wound string, on-guard: mostly because his role as captain necessitates that he maintain level rationality even when facing potential death as his training as 'the guy who tells you what to do when shit hits the fan' requires, but also because his childhood experiences taught him early that drowning in the desperate haziness of panic won't help you survive. especially as kirk already follows his intuition so deeply. he learned to grasp and contort the feeling. spock is the main person who represses his emotions, of course, but kirk does it to those deep-set, personal ones (this includes how he doesn't reveal anything truly personal about himself willingly 90% of the time, only what others already know/shallow anecdotes) in a much more subtle way that's really interesting to me. certified expert at avoiding the subject as long as he isnt caught out on the lie. professional bluffer.

in terms of past or parents we dont know much!!! hes known as the heart-on-his-sleeve guy!!! like yes he yells, he gets irritated, excited, hes a whirlwind of quick-thinking and plans and intuition, he goes out of his way to connect with his crew and shows it, when he puts on a little act or bluff he puts his heart into it and clearly enjoys the dramatics so much, at times he wears his heart on his sleeve, he laughs openly and is honest to spock about what he means to him, he's very sun-coded to me in a burning, passionate way, always intertwined with the stars and seeking them out, but when it comes to genuine deep-set turmoil? we dont actually know all that much about him??? hes so full of emotion and character (i love fics where spock characterises jim's mind/bond as a whirl of colour and sensations, hes a quick thinker!!! intuitive!! lively!!!) and yet its still so outwardly surface level. tarsus iv gets mentioned like twice? so especially here where kirk gets briefly jumpscared by the creature, because like:

its subtle but his eyes. his eyesss!!!!! kirk commands with his emotions but there's always some sort of level of control to it, or he transforms them into something that spurs on others or uses them to ascertain a goal: seeing unguarded fear/distress in his eyes even if its faint and brief (in this instance) makes me go insane every single time. like!!! its such a small moment!!! he isnt even panicking!!! really, he just got jumpscared!!! its insignificant!!!!!!! but seeing a two-second flash of actual, naked apprehension is just...oughhh,,,,,,,,,

oh god, and dont even get me started on the galileo seven episode where he assumes a tense level-headedness throughout the whole thing, irritated and apprehensive but not panicking, making sure he maintains intelligent rationality, even when he has to leave them behind, but when spock and the crew are confirmed safe and the bridge is occupied the camera pans to him and his eyes look like they're fucking watering and he's so achingly relieved. don't even talk to me. im. fuck.

he shows so so much but at the same time reveals so little.

#just had to write something about this because i loveeee seeing cool characters in distress. sorry but i need to see that boy PANICKING #im only on season 1 still so i dont know if there is a point where kirk openly seriously panics in the typical way #in high stress situations hes guarded but controlled #seeing him genuinely lose his nerve and start panicking would make me ouuughghgughg #like if he starts actually hyperventilating for kirk you know somethings so wronggg #but no yeah even if spock is injured or kirk is concerned about him he still shows that in the tense guarded high strung demeanor #same with spock really - his tone becomes tense and he uses jims name and its subtle but AAACKKK #i love the note of desperation being logical. that one episode is such a good exploration of spocks characer #i just think its interesting. to me it reads not only of kirks headstrong nature but also of his experience on taurus iv #not equipped for rambling #star trek tos #star trek #james kirk #jim kirk #captain kirk #kirk tos #hope this is right because im only just coming to the end of season 1 so #i love kirk so much though i cant even #hoping so so much ive interpreted him well #and that this makes sense. this is a ramble to the max. #he draws people into his orbit hes lively hes intelligent hes a burning whirl of passion and arhrthhhh

[little-red-fool]

Brainworms but I was thinking about what if Raphael’s and Haarlep’s dynamic and relationship is something similar to an arranged marriage to fiends.

#this is just my interpretation though im not saying its right or wrong #bc ik lots of other people interpret it differently #because to me i know Haarlep has their own agenda and such what with telling the player where the Orphic Hammer is hidden #and taking the mickey out of Raphael #but they dont seem unhappy in the House of Hope like it would have been really easy for them to convey if they were genuinely upset or #distressed #but for me it just seems like playful banter #fiends are known for their cruelty and Haarlep could have very easily completely destroyed Raphael #but they pretty much just said “lol he’s bad in bed” and just sort of left it at that #idk it gives very *old married couple that constantly complain and tease each other but theres still some affection there* energy #bg3 #bg3 raphael #haarlep

[cloverandhagstones]

Nothing has ever made me question my polyamorous lifestyle quite like the round of Uno we just played.

I have witnessed a veritable tower of Babel constructed of draw-four cards and bitter betrayel. The turn order reversed so many times I can barely remember my own name. Every time the end might have been in sight - the would-be-champion mere moments away from putting us out of our misery - the other three would sabotage their efforts, prolonging The Hunt.

More than once the door opened and we chose to remain in a hell of our own creation. Dante may have assigned us to the second circle of hell, but Sartre knew much better.

Eventually, somebody won (though at what cost only time may tell). The game is over.

My mother was right - this life can only end in heartbreak.

A single, crucial piece of the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle we've devoted hours to has been carried off by the winds of chance. We are in mourning.

#we are actually having a lovely time #the missing puzzle piece is genuinely distressing though #polyamory #polyamourous #shitpost #jean paul sartre #no exit #board games #uno #draw four #clover and hagstones

[perexcri]

happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3

now, because i'm curious:

#to hell and back again #i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :') #anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags: #1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now- #mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol #2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much #(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME) #3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down #i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up #but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor #and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own #and then had to go to work right after that #so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad' #so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags #idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts #anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike #byler

[wetslug]

.

#finally got to watch an embalming and i was supposed to clean the girl up after #and even though i washed and conditionned her hair it was so tangled and dry and everytime i brushed it more hair kept coming out #and it was genuinely distressing like i have one task and i cant even detangle her hair #btw count ur blessings if youve never had to see a 15 y/o with meth sores.. its fucked #her parents showed up to make arrangements and they didnt even remember how to spell her middle name #what a fucking life what a shitty goddamn life

[stupidninjas]

should’ve known I was hormonal when I sobbed on my boyfriend about how every time I watch Naruto I start having heart palpitations because I can’t “reach through the screen and stop sasuke from leaving”

#It’s true though. it causes me genuine distress #I also cried about how “all of naruto is wrong because they were supposed to get sasuke back in part one and spend shippuden ‘just #defeating all the bad guys together’ #good one windy

[duckontheceiling]

Not me finding out the Trojan war probably didn't happen, at least not like that. There was no horse, childhood ruined, the Iliad will never read the same again :(

#I am genuinely distressed #Helen wasn't even real #Achilles might have been based on a person though #on the upside #there were like #9 Troys (the place) #I should really not be as surprised as I am #i mean #greek myth didn't happen either #Athena was not born from Zeus's head #and yet

[crabsdaily]

friend asked me if i could only listen to 10 albums for the rest of my life which ones i would choose and my IMMEDIATE first thought was “fuck fall out boy has 9 albums i only have space for 1 more”

which might be the wrong answer

#literally dont think i could do it #what am i supposed to do #cut a fob album??? #and i would need black parade #but then what??? just not have any of my other music guys??? #im in genuine distress over this #fall out boy #i am genuinely curious to hear other ppl’s thoughts though

[solarisgod]

When the narrative in first point of view shifts into third to show Micah's dissociation between themself and the reality they are in. When there are cases Micah does speak in third person as a mechanism to place themself away from a distressful situation so they don't have to think and feel that they are the one who would have to experience it.

#ASK TO TAG CW #DISSOCIATION CW #/// #// #/ #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ THOUGHTS . › #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ MICAH . › #[ very rarely I do this - especially Micah's third pov talking habit ] #( even though realistically with what they have gone through recently especially ; it would be a frequent thing ) #[ because it usually genuinely stresses me out as someone with dissociative disorder but ] #[ Micah's sense of reality with time and space is often so distorted and disconnected due to traumas and DID ] #[ so when they experience distress ; their speaking manner and thinking pattern will sometimes switch to third person ] #[ and if you look at this in a lens of metafiction ; their distress would change the narrative to ' remove ' themself ] #[ from being the narrator when in first pov so they wouldn't have to carry the story so closely anymore ] #[ and this detail does drive me up the damn walls hhh ]

[moinsbienquekaworu]

I thought about working a 9-5 for the next 45 years of my life and all of my love for life has evaporated

#it's 1am i'm going to read fun fics and forget about it and go to sleep #i have other things to worry about. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. #.... it's genuinely distressing though. #because the only times i feel like a real person are outside of school or work. #especially holidays #i am never as much myself as during the summer holidays #i never have as much energy and motivation and joy for life as during the summer holidays #but soon i won't get a 2-4 months period to be a real person anymore. #soon i'll have to take a few weeks/year for a good 4 decades and by the time i'm done i won't have enough money to enjoy my freedom #i don't want that. i want to be a person. i want to be me 24/7 all year round #i don't want to say 'i'll do it when i have the energy' every day and know in my heart i won't ever have it anymore #do you know how long it takes to recharge those batteries? three weeks of holidays won't cut it #and i'm not even going to get that #i don't want to stop drawing to stop having fun with fandom to give up my hobbies and who i am as a person #but i know i don't have the energy to be a person after 4-5 hours of work #what is it going to be like when i have to do 7 hours a day? #when i have to push past my limits every day? #i can't conceive of a future where i work. i just can't. and it's going to happen and it's going to kill me #and i'm not even going to be dead! i'm just going to sleepwalk around the whole time and never be a person again #because all of the energy i have for that will have been taken by a work i don't want to do #.... okay i'm going to cry. um. fanfic time. i'm going to bury that under good fanfic so i can manage to fall asleep #wow i have a ramble tag now

[benjinkies]

wish i could play omori for the first time again cuz first time i played i thought the only way to get out of That room was to kill mewo like i thought the game was forcing me to do it and it’s a genuine stain on my soul

#. i think about it so much #i mean. props to that game though cuz i was genuinely distressed and horrified #omori

[bitegore]

i have GOT to stop going "omg im high! i should think about everyone being mad at me and there being scary nightmare monsters so i can have a bad high! :D" it DOESNT WORK it just makes me REALLY EXCITED because i want to try having a really bad trip to put the rest of my shit into perspective with and also because it'll be cool. and then i get to wait like 20 minutes and be disappointed that there is no paranoia-inducing scary monster materializing out of my weed. or like. i watched horror movies before the first time i ever did shrooms because i wanted to have a terrible time. that shit DID NOT WORK it was LOVELY and i am STILL DISAPPOINTED even though i am now like forever going to want to do them again for the pleasant and fun time i had the first time round

#red rambles #WILL however say though #because they all respond to and amplify your state of mind. if you're prone to being scared and know how to hack your brain or whatever #i am like 90% sure this makes me (sigh) permanently immune to getting genuinely bad trips and shit #like. i have had [hears spooky noise] [thought: it is the monster] [gets really excited] [distressed emotion goes completely away] 'NO WAIT #ive gotten to the point of almost hvaing bad times. and then i simply do not #i need to like talk one of my meaner friends into following me around with like cymbals and a spray bottle of water or some shit to #like idk deliberately throw me off my grove

[oatbugs]

do u ever get the beautiful dooming calming feeling that all of this right now is Out Of Time your entire world and all you know as even axiomatically true is Out Of Time and this is the flash happening before you die and it's not 19 or 20 or 80 years it is just a simultaneous moment at which you hallucinate and reflect and create . am i on my deathbed and if i am does it matter ? (there is still the reflections of light on water + the sky around the stars)

#also im fine #unreality #idk how to tag this lol im aware it can be a little triggering though maybe #or maybe its not . idk #talked to a philosophy professot once and she said genuinely being a skeptic at your age must be distressing and i told her #its ok its peaceful and she said ill grow out of it and i said i hope i dont . i hope someone gives me an argument convincing enough to #grow out of it. but even then this feeling this its-ok-that-nothing-i-have-experienced-is-emperical feels so much like a matter of fact it #feels so intuitive that i wonder if its not just a philosophy but also genuinely a mental illness . is it an illness if its not distressing #but then lots of things arent distressing but are illnesses. i dont know. but sometimes i get flooded with the same sensation of everything #being outside of time and in those moments the world is so beautiful and vivid (it is that way normally but even moreso when i feel #outside time actively) #personal

[strange-aether]

psychology hack:

if everyone starts vocally saying things like "ugh I can't stand people-pleasers" or "I don't have any respect for someone who's just a people pleaser 🙄" then when people-pleasers hear that they will go "oh the way to earn everyone's love and respect is to stop being a people-pleaser" and they will be cured 😊

source: trust me I'm totally an expert

#though legitimately as an autistic I am extremely put off by people's people-pleasing behaviors #like i don't have time for anyone who won't just be genuine with me #i know when someone is just telling me what they think i want to hear and it makes me Distressed and Frustrated

[aquariium-ediits]

sooo I think I may be one of my ocs irl

is that even a thing

#mioara rambles✦ #genuine question sobs #like #am i #does that #is that how that works #??? #because uh!! #i refer to her in first person #i view all the characters she's close to as peolle I'm close to #(she's a fandom oc i made in 2020) #and at this point i think she might be the reason i have my f/o #aka #the character i shipped her with since her creation #and now #i feel like her #and i feel as though i am dating that character #and the idea that i am maybe not her is very distressing!! #this all sounds like. irl stuff. right? #is it possible to be an irl of your character?????? #she. didn't start out with me feeling as though i literally *am* her #it's just been a feeling I've been getting more and more over the past half a year #idk im confused help