#And I think I've had a few shifts

[zevrans]

#haven't had energy to log into here because my work has been kicking my ass i'm spending half of my day off laying in bed #i fell asleep yesterday after my 2nd shift in my clothes with no blanket and woke up freezing at 7 am 🤧 #i layed on the bed for 5 mins just to regain strenght to do a few things before bed yedterday and got knocked out by the exhaustion 😭 #these 2 shifts were particularly hard and i think it had also to do with my coworker suggesting the dumbest thing imo #the dude wanted me to give my WHOLE november shifts to him like...WTF #he said he needed a sum of money for december and like helloo.. #what do you think i am doing here?? don't i need money?? #i'd understand if he'd ask for a shift or two but whole fucking month the sheer audacity.. #i've struggled so much mentally to ge to this point and to be able to get this job even if it's not in my professional field #and it's physically demanding very much and so many other cons #but i've got it and i was happy i got it and to think some stranger thinks #he's more entitled to it than someone else like ??? it's just bizzare to me #he seemed such a chill person before he asked this #and i've spent last 2 work days feeling guilty for protecting my boundaries... #but everybody around me says i did the right thing so i am trying to not stress about it anymore #and i was afraid this would ruin the good work relationship i thought we established but idk anymore #i will be very cautious about him now #tbd

[alren-ki]

Hmm. That sure is brains. Don't like em but they sure are fucking exist

#feeling like the only one in any of my groups that has been consistently drawing the past few years with little to no change #awled rens vents #I've always had- issues about the fact it seemed my art style was uniquely unwanted or something #I think I've had all of like- 10-15 commissions in my whole online career #and a solid chunk of them have been out of pity of some kind #I've always felt like I put in more effort towards lifting other people's work then people put into mine #and there's been periods where it felt like any complements I've gotten have been less detailed and just there to be polite #I've watched all my friends have these massive dynamic shifts meanwhile I pick out a peice from 2020 and a peice from this year- #and it barely looks at all different #even the shit I'm proudest of some of the time #it's not even maybe I'm bad and everyone's to nice to say it anymore it's entirely #maybe my arts just got nothing to be said about it #maybe the reason I'm struggling so much to be even noticed is there's nothing to notice #idk man I'm just having a Time and Circumstances aren't helping at all #best I can describe it is feeling like I'm being left behind in some way compared to my peers #then again #what else is new?

[katya-goncharov]

can't wait till i quit my job can't wait till i quit my job can't wait till i quit my job can't wait till i quit my job -

#ugh i'm just so annoyed that they keep putting me on overtime shifts #i'm only supposed to do 17 hours a week and that's all i signed up for! but literally like 90% of the weeks i'm scheduled in for or have #worked i've been put on extra shifts. and it's never just like a few hours extra. it's always an extra 6 hour shift at stupid early in the #morning and extended hours on all my other days and whenever i try to very timidly suggest that i'd rather not do too much the managers are #just like oh but you said you were available at those times! and like yes i did but i thought i'd maybe get one overtime shift a month! not #literally every fucking week. and just because i'm technically available on some days of the week doesn't mean i never have any plans then #so you can't just schedule me without asking! and it's about mentally coping too because i really feel like i'm going to get burnt out. i'v #barely had any time to do my university summer work and i've already had to reschedule a tutorial because i got put on extra shifts that da #and ugh sorry for ranting AGAIN but it's just making me feel so stressed and awful. i really don't want to do those extra shifts but it's #something i feel like i can't really say no to and i just didn't think employers would be so entitled like that. just scheduling me in #constantly as if they have this unquestioning right to my free time #emma vents

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A green-toned drawing of two characters from an original universe, shown from the shoulders up. It's framed as though they're taking a selfie. On the left is Heathrow, a human with dark skin, long hair, a good number of facial scars, and two painted lines below each eye. He wears something akin to a green hoodie, with fluffy plant matter sewn into the back of the hood. On the right is Crassie, a half elf, which in this universe entails long pointed ears, a pair of short pale horns, a slightly rabbit-like nose and markings under her eyes. Her skin is olive-toned, sporting a couple distinct scars on her face and hand, and she's wearing what is essentially a bush and spiked glovelets. Both of them are smiling, Crassie a little bit wide-eyed and Heathrow with a fond expression. The background's a saturated green with the text "1 YEAR!". End ID]

A redraw-in-spirit of the post from last year's Feb 16 that introduced these two to my blog. It's their birthday :]

#peridots-art #heathrow chtn #crassie chtn #chtn #eye contact #peridots-ocs #i've only posted about them three times including this and every single time i manage to go 'hey did you know heath was originally meant as #a stand-in for the hunter from hk? i thought that was neat :)' so. obligatory mention of that i guess #because of their shifting nature i could never pin down the days they/their universe were created but i love an excuse to get emotional #about birthdays/anniversaries and such. so today it is then (it just turned midnight 17th in my timezone... it's the thought that counts) #this is also the first non-fullbody I've posted on Tumblr in a Really long time?? like there's the dragon from nov 5 and daud from oct 26. #looking past that i guess there were quite a few okay but three and a half months is a lot when you draw as much as i #anyway. these guys. #had a little more to say about them but i scrapped it. they're both very ace and aro and while i respect aroaces who don't want Any sort of #intimate relationship (platonic or otherwise!) they are about as far as you can get from it. a qpr sounds appropriate #the nature of their relationship defies description. friends and a little like siblings. life partners? a little like father and daughter. #they've only ever known each other. i may not think about them so often but man do i love them. #for the most part accidental but this was definitely inspired by miecz's art :] the linework was surprisingly fun to do #wasn't gonna address kit directly seeing as i don't know if it always reads these? but if you are your tags were very kind!! #i don't know anyone else who's as lengthy with it as i but i like talking in the tags! so. i'm glad they're appreciated :] #that isn't all i have to say on the subject (i'm never used to people being nice to me) but i'll save it for somewhere it will def. be seen #...idk how to describe their clothing. i designed his a year ago and hers more than that do you think they're supposed to make sense #there were a Lot of particularities with the id that made it. hard to write. this is better than nothing of course but don't know if it's #the most efficient. with that hour-to-thirty-minutes of my day over with (I AM TALKING ABOUT THE IMAGE DESCRIPTION MY ART TAKES 6 HOURS AT #ABSOLUTE BEST apologies for the screaming) i can officially say goodnight to you tag-wanderer and farewell

[diningpageantry]

haaaaiiii guyyyyssss (gn) probably gonna be on here more often again soon. life events occurring. have occurred? still occurring, i suppose.

i'll probably post abt it more in depth at some ltr point, still in the very early stages of some stuff. i dont want to classify them as positive or negative things, however they're certainly things.

there's a lot of thoughts in my brain (hah), and ultimately i want to share them, but for now this is kind of me waving at everyone with a smile while my life has an "under construction" sign

#the last sentence also pertains to system stuff bc there was a major split from a significant alter #so like imagine an 'under new management' sign as well #not a host shift tho afaik but the split has resulted in a new fronter who's very active and has been co-con very frequently since #i've been having a Time recently in ways i'll ltr divulge abt but i finally established a solid communication with her today and that helped #i dont know how many splits/alters had broken off because intuition is saying a few but she's the most present and active in my awareness #i think we settled on her name being Lily but that may not be concrete #for a few alters i get like a single letter for their name and i try to work with them to find a name within that letter that feels right #one of my oldest and closest alters has only had the letter 'E' for the longest time and he and i cant find a solid name yet #every now and again im like 'edgar??? edwin??? edward??? emil???' and he's like 'fuck if i know' so like. fair enough dude. #i wonder if he'd like ez/ezara given that's a name we picked for ourselves pre-diagnosis however he doesn't fit that name in my opinion #ANYWAY. Lily is a teen girl in very much every way possible and she's very much an ANP #she is loved but as i type that she made it clear she's having an eyeroll reaction but that is the best i've got lol #i dont really mention system members often on here and mention them moreso to friends however i have a feeling she'll want a sideblog tbh #which is not something i've created/done for alters before as generally most of the system choose to be more private #but she seems extremely social and i want to give her her own space #i hesitate to give her an okay posting on her own on here mainly because i am an adult and i consider this blog an adult space #but im also okay discussing her in reference if that makes dense #anyway. yeah. as you can probably imagine shit has been Going On given there was a major split/restructuring but again that's for later #that's enough rambling from me lol ttyl

[saviorkink]

x

#so its been 3 months exactly since me & my ex like... said farewell #very dramatically #i just found out he blocked me on tiktok. 2 months ago i would've been devastated but now i just feel kinda bummed out #like is this really how 4 years of best friendship & 1 year of dating fuckery ends? damn lol it wasn't even all that #but mostly i just think its extremely pathetic & childish and LOSERRRR BEHAVIORRRR . for a 100k tiktok acc #to block a 150 follower account that doesnt even follow him + doesnt interact #like ok you said you weren't in love with me?? yet you feel the need to block me 3 months after the fact #im minding my business unless he breaks first (which has been the case a few times) #its still hard to get over him but he's making it easier every day! #just yesterday i was on the train On my way! to a concert & i remembered the afternoon before my harry concert in june last night #the mutual interest if you will had been re-established like a week prior & i texted him if he wanted to hang out and he said yes (ofc) #and the tension.......... GOD I MISS THATHSFDJKFS #walking around decathlon flirting oh it was SO STUPIDDD. THE GIGGLES. personally i've never really experienced that on that level before bc #like it's the best friends to lovers thing its the fact that we both felt the energy shift very clearly and were leaning into it #but not actually doing anything about it yet #just making stupid jokes flirting giggling but acting like actually nothing is going on #when i damn well know that if any of my friends saw us that afternoon they would've side eyed us SOOOOO HAARDDDDD #not to wax poetic over the guy who fucked me over so many times but. the electric energy ..... #i'm probably not going to feel That ever again #whatever! whatever #txt

[crunchycrystals]

i'm about to use ikea to symbolize my mental illness for a school assignment

#crunchyposts #i hope this doesn't make sense to anyone lol it's so specific to my life #trust me i know what i'm doing #i think im gonna have a lot of fun writing it honestly im just planning it a bit but i've got a ton of ideas in my head already #actually nowthat im typing this irealized theres been a shift in the past few years #from me enjoying writing fiction and now i think i enjoy writing non fic more????? #i havent had a lot of ideas for fictional stories bc. mental illness lol #but i read a really good piece of non fiction for class and it made me realize wait i can just do this????? #maybe ill try that more lol #writing #school stuff

[despite-everything]

pretty sure i'm a gay man right now and honestly it's been funny. all of a sudden these men who i found objectively attractive but i wasn't attracted to them are now the hottest people alive and i've never wanted anyone more

#idk man the gender stuff in the past couple years has been pretty interesting #especially as it relates to my sexuality #i think i've got it figured out now though (9 years later...) #i'm genderfluid and my sexuality also is fluid #i've just noticed my shifts in gender happen more frequently now and i understand it better #but it's been fun to discover esp with the sexuality thing. i'm a gay man rn but i was a non binary lesbian a few years ago #and most of the time these past couple years i've been pretty agender and bisexual #anyway. its fun. but i am so insanely attracted to a very different type of person these days than i had been before #tree talks

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

We are truly No Thots, Head Empty. There is no higher cognition going on right now.

#when your shift is just that bad #this cider is delicious though #I've had it for a few weeks now #didn't love it on the first try #but now i think the extra time in the can improved it

[solradguy]

I came to terms with the Sol kinnie thing months ago now because honestly who gives a shit, but every now and then I'll find myself in a situation where I wonder if whatever it was I was about to do was/is a pre- or post-Guilty Gear interest lol

#textpost #Most of them have been pre-Guilty Gear interests which is honestly hilarious #Like of course I don't have proof for most of it but my fursona is the funniest one #He's basically bootleg furry Sol Badguy BUT he was like that MONTHS before I got into GG #I've been thinking about this over the last few days though #Because I was doing some Queen stuff and had a thought like 'am I only doing this because my brain's weird or do I actually care' #And went through like a checklist of things. I do actually care #Sol is like frighteningly relatable though and sometimes I wish he wasn't lol #I typed this at 2am last night but saved it to my drafts instead of publishing it haha Still kinda feeling it this morning though tbh #I wish I could better articulate or find a term that describes how I relate to Sol better because 'kin/fictionkin' feels too... #Hmm.... Psycho-religious? A lot of essays I read while initially figuring this out related the kin tag to something more like a- #-Philosophy or something similar to a religion #But for me it's more like my brain filling in empty spaces within itself because No One was like me growing up and #now that I'm also trans there are even LESS people who are like me #So my brain sees a character that's similar to me and is like 'oh holy shit it's us. Let's be like that' hahah #This got really long I should've put it up in the post sorry lmfao #Anyway this is something I've done my whole life and 'kinning' is really the only term that fits what it is even if it's not a 1:1 fit #It usually doesn't bother me but knowing that some of the things I enjoy now I probably won't later once my interests shift again does #I still keep waiting for it to happen with Guilty Gear but GG is so different from anything else I've been into I'm not sure it will #Since most of the things I like about GG were things I liked before getting into it. Like heavy metal & weird scifi/fantasy #I'm not going to elaborate on how exactly I relate to Sol also. My blog is too public for that #and this post is already a little too personal #kin tag

[tvrningout-archived]

not me getting anxious over going to work tonight

#me @ my brain: can you just be calm for a second i beg #i dunno i think it's just bc it's a change in routine and the fact i've never worked a bath bomb party before #bc they're always happening after hours and i don't work night shift rn #this is just a special case and i feel all weird even though it's a few hours away #if i get spacey or disappear it's bc i had to distract myself and i'm sorry ;;;; #get ready to ramble | ooc

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#as a rule it generally has always frustrated me that it very often feels like people are WILLFULLY misunderstanding&misrepresenting me #&occassionally it leads to fun past-times such as actively matching the level of intelligence generally expected from me-- none. #or matching whatever bland&one dimensional personality type i have been very obviously&typically tactlessly assumed to have. #but especially in regards to how nice i am as a default ive always had issues with negative backlash from it lmao. #like its a toss-up as to whether or not the assumption is that i'm too stupid w/ too little life experience #to understand that ppl are inherently evil&thus should be treated poorly&w/ as much suspicion as possible as a default-- lol #-- or that i'm being manipulative+fake &the kindness is surely just a front for nefarious intentions. #&like for the vast majority of my life ive primarily dealt w/ the former which is vaguely annoying but also a lot of fun to play around w/ #until i've become too bored w/ the one-sided game to keep on playing it w/ ppl who have the overall depth of a shower floor #&the tact of a rabid wild boar only made worse by the continued assumption that im too stupid to understand that im being insulted. #but over the past few years the tides have shifted to the latter&like. #it took years of adjustment but i've finally perfected the art of actively disappearing in situations where its made clear #that my words&behaviors are being dissected for hidden meanings or malicious intent lmao. #truly the '... nah' philosophy has saved what little is left of my fucking sanity lmao. #it's officially the holiday season&i am already prepared to '... nah' my way straight the fuck into extremely comfortable isolation lol. #bc while i am more or less proud of having leashed my more vicious impulses it's still my first&strongest instinct #to take how bad someone thinks i am&to see how much lower i can go lmao. #when the assumption is that the worse that could happen is shattered kneecaps you take both the feet instead. #this is simply how i was raised lmao. #but in the interest of removing myself from that rather unhealthy cycle i am doing my best to just not engage when it happens. #... but fuck me if it doesnt feel like i'm being purposefully baited most times lmao.

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #I'm starting to realize why people wear underwear without the legs/trunks. even a small bit of mass gain and my briefs are riding up so bad. #I don't wanna buy new clothes since the briefs I've got are barely a year old but I've gotta figure out a way to wear them that works. #cause they're riding up on my thighs the moment I move at all. #and when wearing looser jeans I can adjust them occasionally but anything tighter and I really can't shift them easily so I just suffer. #adjusting to a new body type is gonna be funky. I don't foresee drastic changes but even something small can have chronic effects. #but I'm very happy. all the warnings about body changes are things I've been hoping for and I'm glad to be seeing the effects finally #before a week ago it was just slight breast budding under my nips but now I'm seeing real change for real. #makes sense since it's been a few weeks since I bumped up to a higher dose plus added spiro on top of that. #I was worried about side effects from spiro cause I've heard stuff but I haven't had any issues at all #been experiencing dick atrophy I think but I like that actually so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

customer who spoke to me exactly one time weeks ago: hey I think I spoke to you before, is that right? did you talk with me like a month ago?

me who takes phone calls from different people all day as a job: well, you know, that is definitely a possibility

#customer: it was about the [insert thing i've taken numerous calls about over the last few weeks] #me: well. you know. i may have. i definitely. may have interacted. with you. for sure #customers will be like hey i think i spoke to you a few days ago about an order. was that you? #an order? no way. i only place up to 50 of those a day and track several and deal with several order queries too #that narrows it down considerably. who are you #i literally just do not know how to deal with that #like from a customer service pov i don't know how to politely be like no i don't remember you #but we could've definitely had a conversation i forgot about the second i finished that shift #like it's so possible

[what-wait-why]

if i were not on T I'd be on my period right now

#tmi i know but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #i was considering why i had such an intense craving for chocolate #and my (abnormaly) fucked sleep schedule and the increase in feeling like my skin is too small for my flesh #oh. yeah it's around the middle of the month #i had to miss like a week and a half of T last month while waiting on my new insurance #and i missed a few days at the beginning of October bc i was sick #so now my hormones are all fucked up #anyways. I've been up all night and i don't have go into work until 2. (it's 5:19. i have a four hour shift.) #i think I'll just bite the bullet and stay up because I'm off tomorrow #and obviously i need another day to sleep in because i have the past two days #see this is why i think i dislike night shifts now #yeah I'm not a morning person (store opens at fucking EIGHT. we have to be there at 7:45) #and it's a good two hours before you can expect me to be fully functional #but at least i have something i need to wake up for #otherwise I'm easily sleeping until eleven #i need to find a new job anyways #because I'm getting increasingly annoyed with this one #and i need something that pays better #(ive already gotten a rent notice from my landlord. if we don't pay the back-due 1020 and change we'll receive a 3-day on November 3rd) #but the only fucking things actually hiring around here are either jobs I'm incredibly not qualified for (nursing/trucking) or like. cashier #wich i HAVE been applying for even though i really don't want to #because i was a cashier for four and a half years #and while I'm not fond of being a floor/dept. associate i hate being at a register #(in large part because i can move around to mediate the pain while working the floor #but at a register i just have to grit my teeth and bare it) #this has turned into a vent / life updat now. I'm going to make coffee. #if you know like. online jobs someone with only a ged can do please send them my way #crow.txt

[katya-goncharov]

i'm starting to wonder if spending basically all the overtime money i earned before i actually get paid was really a wise thing to do...

#i mean i don't spend it until i've actually worked the hours and technically earned it #and it's sort of my way of coping with having to work shitty shifts. because at least i get nice treats for myself which i earned! #but also my bank account is going to look so empty before pay day and probably give me anxiety #and also i have no idea if i'll actually get all the money or if some of it will go to pensions etc. though i don't think i have to pay any #tax or student loans from it since it's part time minimum wage so it's below that threshold #idk it's been so long since i've had a job that i've forgotten how to be responsible with money! but at least i've got some savings so i'm #a few months off being really in trouble