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ifishouldvanish · 3 months

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Some Mizrak / Mizrox Analysis and Headcanons

I know, I know, I'm That Alurox Blog™, but I'm just gonna take off the rarepair goggles for a bit to take a closer look at Mizrak and his relationship with Olrox as it's presented in canon. I feel like there's a tendency for his character to be reduced to just the 'repressed gay monk' archetype and it does him a disservice because he's way more interesting than that!!!

Anyway probably not as cohesive as my Olrox analysis because I don't really have specific headcanons with regard to his backstory yet but here goes:

1. Mizrak FUCKS!!1!

All the "haha the Catholic monk folded and had gay sex with a hot vampire in .2 seconds" jokes aside... I think Mizrak really does fuck. Like I'm not convinced at all that he is some repressed virgin who just got his world rocked for the first time.

First of all, he takes like, zero convincing to jump in bed with someone who has just established themselves as an enemy. We get the little fight in the courtyard, Olrox saying, "let's do this somewhere more comfortable" and next we see them they're already post-coitus. Furthermore, Mizrak is like... pretty fucking casual about it? Like, he's the one brushing a clingy Olrox off in the morning. I'm sorry but I don't see any evidence in that scene that suggests he hasn't done this sort of thing before. This man has had casual sex before, presumably with other men.

Sure, we get a few shots of him being mopey and conflicted in the morning after scene, but these are brought on by Olrox watering the seeds of doubt he already has about the whole working with Erzsebet thing; not Catholic Guilt over knocking boots with a vampire.

Also just... from a writer's perspective, if you have some repressed monk character and he's gonna get carnal with a vampire, you are MILKING that shit for all it's worth. You're gonna lay on the angst, the temptation, the moral quandary of giving into the sins of the flesh. But all of that is markedly absent in these scenes. We just see two grown men who think each other are hot and decided to have sex about it.

2. A Foundation of Mistrust

The first thing either of these men learn about each other is that they are on opposite sides of the same conflict (and it don't stop them from fuckin' 😌)

Olrox's mistrust is born out of his experiences with colonization by the Spanish, and an understanding that imperialism is the ultimate goal of Erzsebet's mission. Mizrak's distrust is born out of Olrox being a vampire, and the antagonistic nature of their first meeting.

But there's still a draw, of course. Despite going along with the abbot's plans, Mizrak expresses some misgivings about the whole thing. He doesn't want to work with Erzsebet—they just have no other choice. This is probably a position that Olrox knows all too well: just as native Americans were divided on whether or not to help the American colonists, just as some states in mesoamerica decided working with the Spanish was a good opportunity to strike blows to the increasingly powerful Mexica Alliance.

A telling thing Mizrak says to Olrox is, "There's evil everywhere we look, so we use our heads." In the context of their conversation, he's referring to the arrangement with Erzsebet—but I think it's also his general attitude toward Olrox as well. He's willing to get close to him, but he's going to keep his wits about him and not lower his guard.

They don't trust each other, but they do begin to understand each other. For what it's worth, I do think Olrox grows to trust Mizrak by the end of the season (otherwise he wouldn't have put his cards on the table to protect him during the battle), but it's clear from Mizrak's reaction that he has not grown to return that trust yet.

Which isn't to say that Mizrak is being unfair here. As far as he's aware, Olrox really hasn't done anything to earn his trust yet. Pulling him out of battle was supposed to be Olrox's gesture of "see? I'm sticking my neck out for you!" but to Mizrak it's just cowardice. Which... I'll touch on later.

3. "Is that what you have planned for me?" / "Of course not, I'm not in love with you."

Again, jokes about Mizrak having the absolute balls to be like "oh so ur in love with me?" after like, two nights aside... This is a really interesting exchange they have here??

For me, Mizrak's line here is just an expression of his distrust. Olrox has just told him about the only man he's ever loved, and this??? THIS is his response???

Hoo boy. This isn't "well, we are having sex and hanging out so obviously you're falling in love with me 😌". This is "I think you're just trying to manipulate me into believing you actually have a conscience/are capable of compassion, and I'm not falling for it." Mizrak thinks he has Olrox all figured out. Thinks he's calling a bluff.

And so with that framing?? Olrox's response, "Of course not, Mizrak. I'm not in love with you," is a FANTASTIC rebuttal. This isn't "oops, you caught me slipping and catching feelings, time to deny, deny, deny!!!" This is, "Of course you can trust me. I'm not trying to lure you in with romance or manipulate you into temptation—we both know I didn't have to do any of that to get here. I'm just here to tell you like it is, and you know in your heart that I haven't told you a lie yet."

Mizrak is accusing Olrox of trying to manipulate him into developing feelings for him, and Olrox is saying, "Gods no, I know you're smarter than that."

Which... is SO delicious in that I'm sure this is the line that will prove to be a lie. It's just not one yet. Ooh the foreshadowing and dramatic irony of it all gives me goosebumps!!! (Have I mentioned that I love Olrox and everything about the way his lines are written??? 🫠🫠 THE character of all time I love him sm)

4. Mizrak Has Nothing to Lose (History of the Knights of Malta Speedrun)

We know that Mizrak and the abbot came from Malta, and the 8-pointed cross they bear identifies them as part of the Order of St John. The history of the Order and of Malta is basically a centuries-long back and forth between the Ottoman, Holy Roman, and Byzantine empires. The Order is founded in Jerusalem 1023 with the mission of preserving the faith, aiding the poor, and providing care to people making pilgrimages to the Holy Land, regardless of faith. But they turn into this sort of paramilitary outfit during the crusades—granted authority by the pope to sort of act on its own without any real checks and balances. In short, they are tasked with defending the Catholic church independently of any conflicts between individual European/Christian nations, and European powers grant them land and financial support so they can carry out their mission.

Eventually the Ottomans expel them from Jerusalem (and a few other places), and the Order makes its new home on Malta, where they are tolerated by the locals in exchange for establishing some infrastructure (hospitals, schools, etc) and boosting the economy. The Order famously defends Malta from another Ottoman attack in 1565 and they're heralded as heroes of the church (but let's stick a pin in that for now)

As the centuries go by and the conflict between the Muslim world and Christian world kinda fizzles out, the Order becomes an outdated relic of a bygone era. The Catholic church lost some traction in the protestant reformation, and a more complex political landscape has the knights taking arms against other catholic entities (particularly the Franco-Spanish war). In fact, by the time Nocturne is set, the Order had already established a protestant division because they just REALLY didn't want to lose the support of Germany and England. France, who had been one of the Order's strongest supporters, forms an alliance with the Ottomans, and they just kinda have to look the other way.

As a sovereign entity that's no longer needed or even really wanted by mainland Europe, the Order decides to use its advantageous location to take on the responsibility of intercepting Ottoman ships—confiscating goods and taking slaves, to the extent that Malta becomes something of a major slave trade hub in the Mediterranean. The age of piracy is in full swing, and the Order earns itself a not so great reputation of effectively being pirates themselves, as even Christian ships start complaining that they're getting raided by the Knights. This campaign was called the 'Corso', and despite the Order's vows of poverty, it entitled them to a portion of any spoils they confiscated during a time when the Maltese economy was doing poorly.

Their souring reputation creates a cyclical effect where more and more countries drop their financial support for the Order, and the Knights have to lean further into the piracy and slave trade stuff to support Malta's economy. Not only is Catholicism losing ground, but the Order's mission: preserving the faith and aiding the poor, has become more of a loosely interpreted suggestion. The meaning of the 8-pointed cross gets diluted, as non-members of the Order are able to fly the flag—for a fee.

So imagine you are Mizrak, and you're a devoted Catholic who's committed himself to the Mission™ only to find... It's pretty much bullshit. No one cares, least of all the Knights of Malta who are more interested in engaging in legalized piracy and slave trade than God. You've lost all sense of purpose. But then... Some abbot named Emmanuel comes along and HE is legit. HE believes in the power of God and Faith and the Church. HE sees the way the world has turned its back on God and HE has a plan to fix it.

Sure, it involves allying with a vampire and creating a demon army for her, but that's hardly any different from anything else the Order's been up to for the past two centuries or so. At least this time it's For The Cause. You have to believe Emmanuel is doing the right thing, that he's in this for the right reasons—because if you can't have faith in that, then what else is there? The world has already abandoned you.

(The history of Malta and the Order is pretty wild honestly. Here are some sources to check out:)

History | The Knights of Malta

r/AskHistorians - What Were the Knights really like?

The Decline of The Order (PDF)

Noble Slavers: The Knights of Malta and Slavery in the 16/17th Century

Tragic Tales of Slaves in Malta

5. Courage as a Virtue and Redemption

So back to courage, and back to that pin from the Order's history.

The Ottoman Empire was massive, and during the Great Siege of Malta in 1565, they vastly outnumbered the Knights. Ottoman forces had about 30-40 thousand soldiers while the Knights had six thousand—half of which were Maltese civilians who were called upon for service. The siege lasted four months, and ended in a decisive victory for Malta.

This was an epic underdog story that turned the tides of the conflict and revitalized Christian morale across Europe. And I think this story is what drives Mizrak. This is why he became a Knight in the first place. What he believes the Order is capable of, what he believes Emmanuel is fighting for.

To be clear, I think Mizrak is disheartened by what the Order and church has become by the 18th century. So Emmanuel's plan, as sketchy as it is, is an opportunity to restore it to its former glory and rally people around the church again. To return the sort of disgraced Order to its original mission: preserving the faith and protecting the vulnerable.

This is his Moment to serve his God in the fullest extent of the word, to take a stand for what he believes in. Anything short of that is cowardice. And that's why he's so offended that Olrox would pull him out of that fight.

And if we take all this context from the previous points here and we circle back to his and Olrox's first meeting, it adds a new layer of meaning to, "It doesn't sit well with your faith" and Mizrak's defensive, "What would you know about faith?" — Mizrak has likely already had to compromise his morals on more than one occasion, with his faith being the one thing he still has to hold onto to justify it.

6. So What Is His Deal?

Honestly, I really don't know. The history of Malta and the Knights is so long and winding, the show could do just about anything with his backstory and I'd be like, "yeah, that checks out."

What I do think we can take away from canon is:

He's a True Believer and defender of the Catholic faith. One of his first lines to Olrox is his "faith is a foundation" speech where he quotes Isaiah 43:2. In the finale, we got his call to the other Knights to put down their swords and pray with him for forgiveness to stop the madness. When Olrox presses him about why he's forging night creatures, he explains that Catholics are being executed.

He's a pragmatist. Despite his devotion to the church, he demonstrates some moral flexibility so to speak. There's the "use our heads" line, of course. But there's also this line during the meeting with Drolta: "We don't have to pretend to like each other. This is an arrangement convenient to us both because we share a common enemy." Devoted as he is, this man is not a purist.

... But he still has lines he will not cross. Earlier in the season, we see the abbot express discomfort about Drolta attacking Maria, about harming children. But by the end of the season, he's justifying sacrificing her to Erzsebet. Mizrak however, remains steadfast in the "killing children is wrong, even if they are part of the 'godless mob'" position. Holding this line is what pushes him to deflect from Emmanuel and Erzsebet.

#castlevania #castlevania nocturne #mizrak #Olrox #mizrox

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licncourt · 2 years

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One thing that's interesting to me about the VC fandom is how people approach the canon take on vampiric sexuality (i.e. that it doesn't really exist). A lot of people retcon the canon approach or find some other way of incorporating actual sex. Do you think an explicit depiction of sexuality adds to the canon or detracts from it? Should we let them bone down or not??

I have quite a bit to say about this because I've thought about it a lot when it comes to my own writing, so thank you for asking!

A brief preface: I debated for a long time whether or not I wanted to include explicit sex scenes in my VC fic. I was very hesitant because, like I've mentioned, I'm a lesbian, so all of this is theoretical for me. I can't really gauge whether what I'm writing would be appealing to someone attracted to men, so I was extremely worried that it would be awkwardly written or deeply unsexy.

But I ended up including it and I did hella research in an effort to do it well (and hopefully I succeeded), so to answer your question, yes. The vampires should bone, and here are the reasons I personally choose to have them do so despite the laborious process and defiance of canon:

Firstly, it's a bit of a middle finger to AR's "genderless" vampires. Her books fall very much into the tropes of desexualizing m/m relationships to make them more palatable to a straight audience, and yet the one real exception to this is the the CP in TVA that also serves to reinforce the stereotype of gay men as predatory. Gay relationships are as complex and three dimensional as their straight counterparts, and I want that reflected in my writing.

Just as important though (at least to me) is the opportunity for character building. There are so many ways to frame sex, so many different tones it can take. What a fantastic avenue for exploring character interactions! It's an extremely intimate and emotionally charged scenario that allows the writer to pause the narrative and explore the nature of the relationship they're writing about. A sex scene is a summative snapshot that's been stretched out over potentially thousands of words for close reading.

I approach writing a sex scene the same way I would an important conversation between the characters. It's really its own form of exchange and focused connection, and there's something very interesting about exploring emotions through physicality rather than words. How can I express what each character is thinking and feeling without much or any dialogue, only the way they interact physically? Touch and body language are such powerful tools, especially in writing where you're almost entirely dependent on what's said or thought to understand characters. Switching that focus to physicality can be very impactful with that juxtaposition.

For Loustat in particular, I think this works very well. Sex scenes are a great way to track how a relationship changes over time and that enemies to lovers arc is so integral to their story. For Lestat, sex showcases his intimacy struggles in a very concise and clear manner. In turn, how Louis approaches sex directly reflects his self acceptance journey.

I also find it to be quite cathartic for both characters when it comes to their personal trauma. Lestat has experienced two attacks that are essentially rapes, extreme violations of his body. Catholic religious trauma has deeply damaged Louis' perception of his own desire/pleasure. Depicting these characters in a healthy sexual relationship goes a long way towards healing these wounds. Lestat reclaims his sexual agency and repairs his relationship with his body. Louis is allowed to finish healing his self image and begin loving the parts of himself he was taught to hate.

(I find this especially important for Louis because while Lestat seems to have fully embraced his attraction to men as a human, Louis very much did not. The idea of his sexuality being essentially erased or "fixed" by vampirism and left forever as unfinished emotional business doesn't sit right with me. I want him to have a chance to deal with those feelings and accept that part of himself.)

I hope that answered your question! I know it was a pretty subjective answer, but that's my thoughts.

#answered #vc #meta

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mz-elysium · 5 years

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The Bay By Night

Last updated: August 1, 2019

The Bay by Night follows five protagonists as they struggle to survive a night filled with vampires, hunters, werewolves, and worse in the San Francisco Bay Area. The freedom-loving Anarch vampires have found themselves betrayed by their Baron of the Bay and handed over to the feudalistic and lordly Camarilla. Ruthless elders and their minions flock in droves, while Anarchs either bow and scrape with the hopes of avoiding the wrath of their overlords or plot vengeance in the night.

One way or another, blood will run.

Genre >> new adult urban fantasy, supernatural fantasy, gothic horror, romance

POV >> third person, multi-pov, interlocking with individual stories

Current status >> 88k words

Expected length >> 500k+ words

WiP tag >> #the bay by night, #tbbn

Also features:

Vampire Oscar Wilde with a pirate ship

Hunters in black trench coats with swords

Everyone is their own worst enemy

Shakespearean levels of tragedy

Eventual happy endings (promise)

Found family (brother/sister, father/daughter, mom friend)

Game of Thrones: Vampire Edition

Edits and posts

Character Introduction: Matthew Monroe

Character Introduction: Annabelle Hawthorne

Character Introduction: Nathaniel Hawke

Primer: Ghouls

Tags

my oc: tony, my oc: monroe, my oc: annabelle, my oc: hawke, my oc: reed

The Bay By Night

tbbn

POV Characters

[Tony Ross] is a new Anarch and turned only last year during a Sabbat attack, which took the life of his older brother, a loss he’s still reeling from as he struggles to pull himself free from his brother’s shadow. Tony soon finds himself at the center of a dizzying web of politics as his gang’s leader (the idealistic orator, Everett Smith) sets himself against the new Camarilla overlords. Without a place to turn and trapped between the sly Valentine and rebellious Anarchs, he strives to protect his still-human sister from the vampires who surround her. (Black and gay protagonist, family devotion, living a life true to self)

[Matthew Monroe] is a charismatic and honourable Camarilla loyalist, eager to stake out territory and titles amidst the fresh land rush. His sire’s death fifty years ago set him free, but the wounds of his century of abuse are still fresh. Ever since, Monroe’s struggled for respect and honest friendship among the selfish vampires. He finds grudging acceptance among his clan and, for the first time in the last 174yrs, power begins to flow into his lap. Monroe longs to set things straight, but the elders’ game of shadows isn’t kind to those with things to lose -- like his dear ghoul and adopted childer. (abused protagonist, unequal love, good intentions and looking down the road to hell)

[Annabelle Hawthorne] is an heirloom ghoul with more than two centuries of service under her. The countless decades serving monsters has burned the appearance of humanity from her with a cold wind. Once, she served Monroe’s sire, and now him. Monroe’s a far kinder regent, but a master nonetheless. He allows her to attend university and associate regularly with mortals and his unwitting herd, who she fiercely defends from her regent who preys on them. While Monroe approaches her for an earnest friendship, Annabelle’s good friend (James Ritter, elder ghoul of the influential Jan Pieterzoon) searches for a way to escape the chains of blood that emotionally enslave and physically addict ghouls to their vampiric masters. (addiction, slavery, what it means to be human)

[Nathaniel Hawke] was once an infamous vampire hunter, feared from San Francisco to Miami. In New York, he pissed off one too many, who turned him as punishment. Animated by the quasi-sentient Beast of vampire blood, he’s unable to end his life and struggles to find his fellow hunter (Joan Schubert, a Catholic inquisitor).to help him. Along the way he discovers he can feed on vampire blood, but depends on the patronage of a powerful elder of the Bay to protect him. One of the elder’s brood (the eternally cheerful Kathy Weise) takes him under her bat wing and, much to his discomfort, he begins to learn about the monsters he’s spent fifteen years slaying. (found sister/brother, man vs self, the meaning of good and evil)

[Chelsea Reed] is the proud and cunning leader of a pack among the dread Sabbat, a blood cult who revels in their undead nature. With the recent loss of New York to the Camarilla, the Sabbat are compelled to turn their heads westward and the warlord (Polonia) takes her with him as a personal templar. Chelsea struggles as she comes into her own with powers of shadow, but the Abyss worms its way into her mind, even as the priest of her own pack deals with foul dreams and being tormented by a far greater force. (mentally ill protagonist, found family, urban fantasy guerrilla war)

Background knowledge

Disclaimer: The Bay By Night is based on White Wolf’s Vampire the Masquerade RPG system and the world’s history. Some things have been retconned or streamlined to make more sense and all the characters and plot are original.

The Sects

There are three major factions of vampires (or kindred, as the civilized ones like to call themselves) that were formed during the Inquisition in response to humanity hunting them down.

Camarilla. Somewhere between Mafia and a royal court, they’re the Big Brother cabal who steeples long thin fingers together and says “Eggcellent” in an obscure European accent. Steeped in subterfuge, arrogance, scheming, backstabbing, favours, and with a glass ceiling about three feet high for the average fledgling. The dominant sect of vampires around the world and, by and large, lawful and peaceful if you don’t fuck with the elders who’ve ruled it like quasi-benevolent dictators since men wore tights.

Sabbat. They’re the inheritors of Caine’s legacy (of “Caine and Abel”, the First Murderer) and they weren’t going to start kowtowing it to any elder. After all, the end is neigh and when Caine rises again, he’s gonna want to start devouring those elders who pissed him off eight thousand years ago by siring the clans (those 13 elders are myths in modern times, told like stories from the Bible in culturally Christian America). In the modern nights, the Sabbat are a murderous blood cult steeped in mysticism and a deep worship for Caine and contempt for humanity.

Anarchs. The ones who thought the Sabbat were nuts. Anarchs just wanna be free, man. Don’t want no one telling them what to do or how to live or where to eat or when they gotta face sunrise. So long as they agreed to be peaceful and follow the Cam’s rules, they were allowed the protection of the Camarilla. From 1944 - 1966, they rebelled in California and established the Anarch Free States: hundreds of small baronies run by gangs where the only law was “every vampire for themselves”. With the Sabbat breathing down from Sacramento, the Baron by the Bay turned desperately to the Camarilla, who were only too happy to help repel an attack.

The Siege of New York (2008 - 2010)

Sabbat has claimed New York as a stronghold since before it was New Amsterdam, but during the Great Depression a brave Camarilla prince staked a claim in Manhattan. She struggled valiantly, fighting a war nightly, but it became too much.

Prince Michaela pled at a conclave for assistance. New York had been a lost cause for centuries and the cautious elders scoffed at the plea. Matthew Monroe, a born gambler and opportunist, pledged to uphold her claim to the ends of his life.

He called in a favour from another prince and tipped the first domino by taking the case of New York to the justicar of his clan, the Ventrue Justicar Lucinde. She deployed her agents and Monroe played runner between allies who loathed each other.

Jan Pieterzoon, a key strategist, was sent on behalf of his sire, the Camarilla Founder Hardestadt. Pieterzoon and Monroe worked close the next two years, as Pieterzoon humiliated the Sabbat leadership of New York and captured the city. The Sabbat power base and Polonia’s pride, stretching from Miami to Conneticut, now had a gaping hole where the crown jewel once sat.

The justicars swooped in and claimed credit, dividing the city among esteemed elders and their childer, giving their agents and strategists a pat on the head.

Pieterzoon accepted the plea from the Anarch Baron by the Bay and surreptitiously asked Monroe to come with him to San Francisco, personally offended but unsurprised at how Monroe had been treated.

#vtm #original writing #vampire #vampire the masquerade #elywrites #the bay by night #fiction

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kiwigreenflame · 5 years

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It’s been a while since the Top 10 religion and comics installments, and I’ve been meaning to post a number of other comics that didn’t make it into that list but are still worth mentioning in passing. No commentary on these apart from the official blurbs. As always, YMMV reading these.

Testament

Creators: Douglas Rushkoff & Liam Sharp Publisher: Vertigo (DC Comics) Date: 2006-2008

From the imagination of best-selling author Douglas Rushkoff, one of the most iconoclastic and acclaimed minds of our era, comes a graphic novel series that exposes the “real” Bible as it was actually written, and reveals how its mythic tales are repeated today. Grad student Jake Stern leads an underground band of renegades that uses any means necessary to combat the frightening threats to freedom that permeate the world. They employ technology, alchemy, media hacking and mysticism to fight a modern threat that has its roots in ancient stories destined to recur in the modern age.

Chosen (American Jesus)

Creators: Mark Millar & Peter Gross Publisher: Image Comics Date: 2009

From the writer of the Universal hit, Wanted, comes his next graphic novel on the way to becoming a feature film! American Jesus Volume 1: Chosen follows a twelve-year-old boy who suddenly discovers he’s returned as Jesus Christ. He can turn water into wine, make the crippled walk, and, perhaps, even raise the dead! How will he deal with the destiny to lead the world in a conflict thousands of years in the making?

The 99

Creators: Naif Al-Mutawa Publisher: Teshkeel Comics Date: 2007-2014

Young heroes gain superhuman abilities when they bond with 99 powerful gemstones. These Noor Stones were forged from the destruction of ancient Baghdad to preserve the wisdom of the ages, and were lost for centuries, but they are being found, one-by-one…

Vampirella Strikes

Creators: Tom Sniegoski & Johnny D. Publisher: Dynamite Entertainment Date: 2013

For years, the raven-haired heroine Vampirella has hunted the world’s supernatural threats, all the while fighting back her own bloodthirsty nature. After a night out in Boston leads to particularly brutal violence, she seeks comfort in her Brownstone home… but discovers the most unexpected surprise of all. Angels have been sent to her by God — and they come asking for help! Enter Janus, a former soldier in the legion of Heaven, who skirts the line between the damned and divine. Only a fallen angel can navigate Vampirella through the seedy, demon-run underworld, where she hopes to find the source of an addictive, body-altering drug derived from archangel blood. Will Vampirella’s mission redeem her… or will she uncover secrets so shocking that their discovery will damn her forever?

Loaded Bible: Jesus vs. Vampires

Creators: Tim Seeley, Nate Bellegarde & Mark Englert Publisher: Image Comics Date: 2006-2008

In the near future, nuclear Holy War has decimated North America and humanity’s last stronghold is the dome metropolis of New Vatican City. When vampires attack, the Church turns to a clone of Jesus Christ Himself to protect them! But all is not as it seems for the Test Tube Messiah, as he’s drawn into a web of betrayal, bloodshed, and seduction!

The Sisterhood

Creators: Christopher Golden, Tom Sniegoski, Wellinton Alves, & Andrew Dalhouse. Publisher: Archaia (BOOM! Studies imprint) Date: 2008

The Order of the Holy Sepulchre is an elite group of specially trained nuns, the world’s most powerful exorcists. But they don’t just get rid of the demons they exorcise…the Sisters draw the demons into themselves, using their own bodies as cages of flesh. If they die a natural death, the demons die with them, small pieces of the world’s evil gone forever. But if the Sisters should dies violently…the demons are released into the world again!

Now someone has sent assassins to kill the oldest of the sisters, releasing the captive demons out into the world. Eden Parish is assigned the task of discovering who is behind this massacre, and why. In her journey she will uncover dark secrets about the Order, and about their enemies. And the real reason behind all this murder.

Blankets

Creators: Craig Thompson Publisher: Top Shelf Productions Date: 2003

Blankets is the story of a young man coming of age and finding the confidence to express his creative voice. Craig Thompson’s poignant graphic memoir plays out against the backdrop of a Midwestern winterscape: finely-hewn linework draws together a portrait of small town life, a rigorously fundamentalist Christian childhood, and a lonely, emotionally mixed-up adolescence.

Under an engulfing blanket of snow, Craig and Raina fall in love at winter church camp, revealing to one another their struggles with faith and their dreams of escape. Over time though, their personal demons resurface and their relationship falls apart. It’s a universal story, and Thompson’s vibrant brushstrokes and unique page designs make the familiar heartbreaking all over again.

This groundbreaking graphic novel, winner of two Eisner and three Harvey Awards, is an eloquent portrait of adolescent yearning; first love (and first heartache); faith in crisis; and the process of moving beyond all of that. Beautifully rendered in pen and ink, Thompson has created a love story that lasts.

A Contract with God and other Tenement Stories

Creator: Will Eisner Date: 1978

This semi-autobiographical work captures with pen and ink the drama of the city and its all-too-human inhabitants. Set in the same Bronx neighborhood as later works Dropsie Avenue and A Life Force, the four stories that comprise the book – “A Contract With God”,”The Street Singer”, “The Super” and “Cookalein” – examine the world of immigrant life in New York City in the 1930s with a unique look at the emotion and character of its denizens.

Warrior Nun Areala

Creator: Ben Dunn Publisher: Antarctic Press Date: 1994-2002

Follows the exploits of Sister Shannon Masters who is part of a militant Catholic organisation, the Order of the Cruciform Sword, who protect Church and world from supernatural threats. Plays fast and loose with things Catholic the series still manages to portray characters with genuine faith, humility and the odd bit of theology.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Creator: Michael Mendheim; Mike Kennedy; Sean Jaffe; & Simon Bisley Publisher: Titan Comics Date: 2014

Raised by the ancient Order of Solomon, Adam Cahill is one of a rare handful of highly trained warriors bound by bloodline to guard the Seven Holy Seals that contain the End of Days.

But ageless forces have conspired towards a prophetic event foretold by numerous cultures and multiple religions… and when that cryptic date arrives, they strike against the order without mercy!

The Lone and Level Sands

Creator: A. David Lewis and mpMann Publisher: Archaia (Imprint of BOOM! Studios) Date: 2005

Pharaoh Ramses II hasn’t seen his long-lost cousin Moses in nearly forty years. Yet while pressed by the Hittites to the North and construction delays in the South, Ramses must make time for this ancient desert rascal, the long-ago mystery he represents, and the impossible demands of an alien deity. Drawing on the Bible, the Qur’an, and historical sources, writer A. David Lewis (Mortal Coils) and artist Marvin Perry Mann (Arcana Jayne) present a retelling of the Book of Exodus through the eyes of the man who is either its greatest leader or its worst villain: a man trying to rule wisely, love his family well, and deal justly in the face of a divine wrath.

Some New Kind of Slaughter, or Lost in the Flood (and How We Found Home Again)

Creator: mpMann & A. David Lewis Publisher: Archaia (Imprint of BOOM! Studios) Date: 2009

If there is one constant throughout most of Earth’s historical nations, cultures, and religions, it is the threat and the destruction of the Great Flood. In the wake of the recent Indian tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, and alarm over global warming, the award-winning creators of The Lone and Level Sands return to plumb the depths of the world’s great myths with this graphic novel exploring how this legendary fear may be more relevant now than ever before. Like Noah, sea-bound Ziusudra and other heroes across time must strive against the coming Floods and the baffling will of the gods.

Judas

Creator: Jeff Loveness & Jakub Rebelka Publisher: BOOM! Studios Date: 2009

Judas Iscariot journeys through life and death, grappling with his place in “The Greatest Story Ever Told,” and how much of his part was preordained. In a religion built on redemption and forgiveness, one man had to sacrifice himself for everyone…and it wasn’t Jesus.

Kismet: Man of Faith

Creator: A. David Lewis; Noel Tuazon; Rob Croonenborghs; Taylor Esposito; & Tyler Chin-Tanner Publisher: A Wave Blue World Date: 2018

Punching Nazis used to be more than a meme. In 1944, it was a vocation. And no one put his gloved fist in the faces of more fascists than the Man of Fate, the Algerian Operative, our man in Occupied France — Kismet.

Then, he disappeared. Gone without a trace…until now.

Back from beyond, Kismet finds a new world of gay rights, quantum physics, and computer technology along with the old evils of bigotry, greed, and ignorance at a crossroads. Twenty-first-century America needs more than a superhero. It needs an ally.

Religion and Comics – Wrap Up It's been a while since the Top 10 religion and comics installments, and I've been meaning to post a number of other comics that didn't make it into that list but are still worth mentioning in passing.

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

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tube thoughts vol. 2

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

zack snyder's 300: Rise of an Empire *Lady warrior commandeers the battle scenes and saves it from being a male meat fest like the first film.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Independence Day" *One way to make this movie more moronic would be if social media existed in its world at the time.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Cannon films "Ninja 3: The Domination" *Spunky shinobi, you must avenge me!* 3 stars

Septic Man *Municipal shit-storm* either zero stars for grossness or 3 stars for grossness and surrealness

"The Stuff" a Larry Cohen film starring Michael Moriarty *Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it.* 3 stars

Farscape premier episode *Awol from the ratcage.* 3 stars

Garth Marenghi's: Darkplace "The Creeping Moss from the Shores of Shoggoth" *Brocolli from space. I'd thought it had tasted odd.* 3 stars

Albert Pyun's "Omega Doom" starring Rutger Hauer *It's nice to know after we've killed ourselves off, through constant warfare, sentient robots will become gun nuts and start acting out cold war westerns.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: "Who Can Sell More Bibles?" *The Devil is in the details.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Clive Barker's "Valerie on the Stairs" *Another bodice-ripper.* 2 stars

"I Spit On Your Grave" uncut 1978 either zero stars or 3 stars

"Beyond the Door" *Paranormal pregnancy with personality.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "The Condemned Woman" *Josie and the pine weasels* 2 1/2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night: Vol 7 -- 3 stars

Seinfeld: "The Frogger" *George's high score.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Mr. R.I.N.G." *What's the difference between right and wrong? robot need to know.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible "The Rise and Fall of God" *Homeschool is the answer.* 3 stars

Roger Corman presents Andrew Stevens' "Subliminal Seduction" featuring Sharknado's Ian Ziering and Critters' Dee Wallace Stone *CD-ROM Inception meets Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" type inept erotic thriller.* 3 stars

David Cronenberg's "eXistenZ" *Jennifer Jason Leigh penetrates Jude Law's port hole in order to play an addictive and twisted version of The Sims.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" *Butter scraped over too much bread.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

"Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone" *Han Solo babysits a brat-pack ginger cutie, Ernie Hudson is Lando, and Michael Ironside is a Darth Humongous who believes that Earth Girls Are Easy.* 3 stars

"Riddick" *Robinson Crusoe machismo* 3 stars

Farscape: "I, E.T." *My name is Mud.* 3 stars

Dominion: pilot episode *Bright light city gonna set my soul on fire.* 2 1/2 stars

"Thor: Dark World" *Science lady Padme pines for Adam of Eternia so that she inadvertently stumbles into the evil fudge and awakens the 9th Doctor Keebler Who causes the realms to converge like ornaments on an imploding Christmas tree.* 3 stars

"Priest" *Paul Bettany's Obi-Wan character is disenchanted with his forced retirement in a Catholic 1984 dystopia and his regret filled dreams lead to the wasteland where his fallen knights of the old republic partner, a cowboy from hell Karl Urban, lurks about with his horde of bloodsucking bandits and xenomorph vampires. A decent cameo from Brad Dourif as a snake oil salesman. This movie's biggest flaw is that it forgets the classic genre work of Sergio Leone, John Carpenter, and George Miller and instead mimmicks the cliche Matrix ripoff style hack work of Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil flicks.* 2 stars

"Scanners 2: The New Order" *If you get inside me, go gently, and easy on the nosebleeds. This kind of telepathic power in the hands of a fascist P.D., no thankee.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Christmas Special: Charles Band's "Pets" *Inhabits the same universe as other weird, dumb kids' adventure comedies like 'Garbage Pail Kids', 'The Super Mario Bros Movie', 'Ernest Scared Stupid', and 'Problem Child 1 & 2'* 1 1/2 stars

Sami Rami & The Coen Bros present "Crimewave" aka "The XYZ Murders" *Reminiscent of the Three Stooges, classic Mel Brooks, 40s cartoons, humorous Tom Waits song tales, and the original SNL.* 3 stars

Udo Kier in "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss OSbourne' --sexploitation-- *Show me where it hurts. Fill me with hatred. My pleasure is seeing your dead body.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "Right to Die" *The crispy, vengeful ghost of Terry Shiavo.* 3 stars

William Lustig's "Vigilante" starring Robert Forster & Fred Williamson *Regular Joe nihilism* 3 stars

rifftrax presents Ridley Scott's "Alien" *H.R. Giger porn on the sattelite of love.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

Josh Brolin is DC's "Jonah Hex" *Sometimes spooky, often dumb B-western that's sadly too gutless to show any blood n grit. Still it might fit into a marathon of 'The Quick and the Dead', 'Five Bloody Graves', 'Navajo Joe', and 'Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.'* 2 stars

"Rhinestone Cowgirls" 1982 --xxx-- *Easy listenin' and screwin', plus plenty of other prickly situations protruding in Cactus Corner.* 2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Primal Scream" *Unfrozen caveman mauler.* 3 stars

"Shogun Assassin" *Daddy day samurai* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Dino De Laurentiis presents "Orca" *starring Richard Harris as a salty sea-dog, Charlotte Rampling as a sensitive marine biologist, Bo Derek as a sexy shipmate and Shamu snack, plus the indian fella from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' lending his wisdom by saying things like, "The old ways no longer work. Now, even our gods dance to a new tune."* 2 1/2 stars

"Baron Blood" *Decent dubbing, giallo lite, moody nightscapes, cursed castle, creepy stalking.* 2 1/2 stars

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace: "Illuminatum & Illuminata" *Interviewer: Do you believe in the Horned One? the actor Todd Rivers: You mean the Hoofed One? Interviewer: Yeah.* 3 stars

Beavis & Butthead: "Time Machine" *Butthead: 1832, that's like not now. Beavis: Yeah, aren't we more than that?* 2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks: "Wounds and Scars" *"A country habit. We are so very trusting."* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs" *A ghetto version of Twin Peaks' "Black Lodge" where "Hills Have Eyes" type inbred freaks are trapped in the cellar and "Sometimes further in is the only way out." in a twisted Tom & Jerry style game of cat & mouse.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "We All Scream for Ice Cream" starring Lee Tergesen, William Forsythe, and the kid from Bad Santa and Eastbound & Down *The Good Humor Man returns from the land of the popsicles to scoop out and dish some cold and sticky revenge.* 3 stars

Gun Fu John Woo and Risky Bidness Tom Cruise present: "Mission Impossible 2" *We've got the cure, we made the disease. Dianetics incorporated.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric present: Bedtime Stories "Hole" *Spitting surreal absurdism sometimes sidetracks the sinister suburban satire.* 2 1/2 stars

MST3K presents: Charles Band's "Laserblast" *Moppy-haired stoner with a muscle-van gets to rain down the fire of the lizard alien gods on his stereotypical 70s burnout and redneck cop enemies in his one horse desert hometown.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Farscape: "Exodus from Genesis" *A hot time in the roach maternity ward in the outer reaches of the universe, tonight.* 3 stars

"Saga, Curse of the Shadow" aka "The Shadow Cabal" *Somewhere between Peter Jackson's LOTR and LARPers that run around yelling, "Lightning bolt, lightnight bolt, lightning bolt!" 2 1/2 stars

"Night of the Loving Dangerously" --xxx-- *With the allure of his ever-wanton ex-wife, Traci Lords, private dick, Peter North, is pulled into a web of blackmail involving his ex's new fiance- a perverted CEO with everything to lose, Jamie Gillis, his naughty daddy's girl daughter, and gay son's snooping photographer boyfriend.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "Poltergeist" *Joe Bob maligns Spielberg's involvement with a Tobe Hooper horor flick, Heather O'Rourke gives me the sads, an 80s kids bedroom is full of nostalgic shit, the mom looks sexy even with a streak of grey hair, there's some kind of message about the sinister nature of suburban sprawl, a sassy medium with a drawl steals the show, and Joe Bob ponders the difference between "Go into the light" & "Stay away from the light."* 3 stars

Lost & Found Video Night Vol. 5 *Hot diggity tallyho* 3 stars

"Purely Physical" 1982 --xxx-- *Schmaltzy motel fornicating where the lovers' lips refuse to move when the pillow talk gets filthy.* 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "The Trevi Collection" *Fashion victims. Some hilariously bad acting from a witch.* 3 stars

"Gallowwalkers" starring Wesley Snipes *Spaghetti vampire western. The kind of movie Blade 3 should have been.* 3 stars

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi ---despecialized editions--- *Impressive. Most impressive* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: 1954's U.S. version of "Godzilla" & "Godzilla vs. Mothra" *Tokyo stompin' in a Texas trailer park.* 3 stars

"Manborg" 2011 *Will Ferrell's 'Westworld', Scott Pilgrim vs. Mega City 1, Napoleon Dynamite 2: Judgment Day, Tom Green's 'Total Recall', Jim Carrey's "Battlefield Earth', Sam Raimi's 'Mortal Kombat: Annihilation', Paul Verhoeven's 'Army of Darkness', Patrick Swazy, Jacki Chan, Jake Busey, and Cynthia Rothrock in 'Revenge of the Sith'.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Stuart Gordon presents Edgar Alan Poe's "The Black Cat" *Pluto, the little devil.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents: "The Last Slumber Party" *More potty-mouthed and homophobic than a Wayans Bros. "Horror" "Comedy" "Movie"* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

The Outer Limits: George R.R. Martin's "Sandkings" starring Beau & Lloyd Bridges *Red menace* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Battlefield Earth" *L. Ron Hubbard's The Passion of the Prometheus as acted out by the rat-brained man-animal, John Travolta.* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Mel Brooks "Spaceballs" 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Fantasic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" *Fate of world hangs in balance while obnoxious bantering, obnoxious celebrity style wedding is overshadowing focus, obnoxious background extras actors mug for the camera and stare at the pop culture status heroes, obnoxious twirling mustache Dr. Doom villain moments, obnoxious studio thinking Galactus is a stupid concept and yet going through with having his threat to earth being the plot-- leaving us with a cloud of lame spacedust* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Troma presents: Lucio Fulci's "Rome 2072: The New Gladiators" *Televised brutality in a cyber-disco dystopia where the cities of the future are painfully obvious scale models covered in Christmas lights and dirtbikes along with karate chops are still considered pretty badass.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Game of Thrones: Season 3 episode 1

*The inept, pudgy comic relief gets to stumble around in the snow avoiding ice zombies,

the dashing dwarf gets dissed by dear old dad,

the high class pimp positions himself near the daughter of the woman who always shunned his advances,

the would be future queen shows kindess to orphans and gets politely scolded for it,

a crow defects to the king beyond the wall,

a fiery zealot harshly deals with infidels,

a shiprecked war veteran brother puts himself back in harm's way to try to talk sense to his witch's pussy whipped brother,

the king of the north returns to his scorched hometown and imprisons his mum there,

a puppy eyed dragon mama sails with her seasick soldiers and goes shopping for baby slaughtering drone warriors while narrowly escaping creepy child with scorpion assassination attempt.*

3 stars

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rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "Predator" *"Speak mono-Slavic-ally and carry a big stick."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

George Lucas & Ron Howard present: "Willow" *In order to save a red-headed bastard baby, Frodo Skywalker fellowships a force of ragtags including a Han Solo in Pocahontas drag, an indian in the cupboard Kevin Pollack, and a wizard lady trapped by spell in the body of a wombat.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Twilight: New Moon" *A frigid, psycho chick gets dumped by her prissy, older, unhealthy obsession. she then begins having night terrors ruining the sleep of her closet gay lumberjack dad. next, she begins leading a lovesick puppydog around on a leash while getting wreckless on a mopad, attempting suicide for attention and all before going on a sisterhood of traveling pants adventure to a pretentious Anne Rice version of faggy Europe. 1980s teens were awesome. 2000s teens are awful.* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

---- monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:

"Slaughter High" aka "April Fool's Day"

*These jokers aint' f-f-f-foolin'. They like their drugs, they like their sex, they like their cruel pranks on nerds.

Unlucky for them, their 10th year class reunion takes place at the now abandoned old high school in the middle of nowhere on a rainy night.

It's the perfect setting for an old dark house horror mixed with Agatha Christie style revenge picture.

This is one of the best episodes of monstervision.

It features a classic 1980s slasher flick, it has the original mail girl, Joe Bob skewers the logic of the TNT censors, and he reads an awkward letter from a male admirer named Rufus.*

3 stars

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"A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors" *Freddy flew over the cuckoos' nest* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Valerie 23" *Do androids sleep mode with electric wet dreams? 2 be or R2D2? See, I could think of some existential questions to ask my prototype sexbot over a romantic dinner, especially if she were the first sentient being of her kind, and had Hulk strength for no apparently necessary reason.* 2 1/2 stars

Jamie Gillis in "Midnight Heat" 1983 --xxx-- *Rare grime. A gem of a different time. Seedy NYC.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "The Washingtonians" *Patriotic blue hairs set their wooden teeth on edge about the disclosure of that rich colonial tradition of chomping on cherry tastin' child flesh.* 2 stars

Farscape: "Throne for a Loss" *Rigel, the royal pain in the rear.* 3 stars

"Hellraiser 2: Hellbound" uncut *The stigmata of Sigmund Freud, from the makers of 'Scratch it, sniff it, squeeze it, suck it,' now available at finer novelty shops.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "On the Wings of Love" *Hangover cures, hidden secret half-sister, hallelujah for the hard of hearing, hometown beauty pageant queen hitlist, and hoot owl hieroglypics.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Randy Quaid in "Parents" *A Norman Rockwell painting hanging on the wall behind the desk at the Bates Motel.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Blood Brothers" *Twelve immortal monkeys* 2 1/2 stars

"Kill List" 2011 -- *This feels like it could be a Garth Ennis story. It has old mates drinking together and shooting the shite about life. It has acts of extreme violence almost to the point of dark comedy. It has a bleak poignancy. There's also the occult undertones like a Hellblazer comic.* 3 stars

William Hurt in Ken Russell's "Altered States" *Waiting, in a fish-bowl, for Godot.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Chopper" *Stunt motorcycle riding, sword slashing specter with separation anxiety.* 3 stars

Farscape: "Back, and Back, and Back to the Future" *"Psychic Spanish-fly," alien lady combat, genetically structured spy seductress, quantum singularity also known as a blackhole used as a soul saving secret weapon of mass destruction that is seriously in jeopardy of being stolen or accidentally set off."* 3 stars

"The Wind" starring Meg Foster, Wings Hauser, & Steve Railsback *Swept up in stormy solitude and story.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "The Second Soul" *Lending our dead bodies, like they were used cars, to alien parasites, leads to some serious moral implications. Feels like a 50s style sci fi message about the dangers of multiculturalism given a more progressive twist at the end.* 2 1/2 stars

"Virgin Witch" --sexploitation-- *Prissy Galore throws a feisty spell when a group of dysfunctional devil worshippers decide they really, really fancy her.* 2 1/2 stars

Van Damme / Raul Julia "Streetfighter" *"Who wants to go home, and who wants to go with ME?!" Self aware dumb fun.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "xXx" starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, & Asia Argento *Double Ohhh Seven sez, "Do the DEW, dude."* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

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bywordofaphrodite · 3 years

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Book Reviews 9&10: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K Rowling & Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

This review’s theme is *drum roll* books I was banned from as a child! Audience age: age 9 and up for reading level… as for content, that will vary between parents !

So to shake things up for my final reviews, rather than reviewing books I grew up with, I am discussing two books that were banned in my household, my church and my school. Triple threat! Good for them. To be transparent, I have not read Harry Potter before at all. I even bought one of the books a couple of years ago and still haven’t made it round to reading yet. However, I have seen all the movies and I love them very much. More than that, I’ve always loved the lore surrounding the series; I think fans have made the legacy more interesting than the movies in adapting the lore to different fanfictions, which I’m sure some people will agree with and others will not. With many people I meet around my age, it is fairly common for me to be asked what my Hogwarts house is (Slytherin, in case you’re curious), and even people I wouldn’t expect to be all that interested will know their house.

As for Twilight, I actually did read these in year 9 in school, and I snuck the movies into my house too (I still have PTSD from my mother bursting into my room and catching me- don’t worry she’s not a crazy religious person anymore. She even watched Twilight for the first time in last year’s lockdown lmao). My friendship groups reference Twilight memes multiple times a day and I even gifted my best friend a poorly printed ‘BWTHHYBL’ (‘Bella where the hell have you been loca?’- God, Jacob, why did you say this) on a piece of paper and stuffed it into a small frame for her birthday present a few weeks ago… which she keeps beside her desk, just as I intended… so I think it’s safe to say that Twilight has not exactly faded into the background of pop culture just yet, even though the hype surrounding the series began well over ten years ago.

Nostalgic review

Rating: ★★★ (for Twilight only)

Book wise, I can’t actually write my old opinions of Harry Potter because I grew up in a weirdo Catholic cult that quite seriously believed J.K Rowling’s works to be articulated by the devil’s own hand (I’m sure Rowling is involved with the devil for other reasons, but that would be due to her obsessive transphobia not her writing). Using my imagination and hypothesising a little here, I’m going to assume that had I been allowed to read the books I would have loved them. Magic books and boarding school stories were a great love of mine, after all.

Now, for Twilight. I read this series just once, about nine years ago, and while I recall thinking that Meyer was not a very good writer I do know I was hooked on the storyline. I don’t know what she laced that series with but it was addictive for no good reason, especially given how many weird racial stereotypes were in there, in addition to her Mormon ideals that permeate Bella’s every move. Whatever it is, I know I ate it all up even with the awareness that it was not good (no, I don’t mean morally due to religion, I just mean it was compelling garbage).

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone Review

Post-read: ★★★★

Synopsis: On his 11th birthday, Harry Potter discovers that he is the orphaned son of two powerful wizards and the survivor of an attack by the evil, most powerful wizard to have ever lived, Voldemort. He is whisked away to the wizards’ school Hogwarts, where he studies and hones his powers, and eventually comes face-to-face with the enemy everyone believed to be dead.

I’ve seen plenty of criticism of Rowling’s writing problems, many of which I absolutely agree with. The writing is not the best, and this article actually dissects Rowling’s patterns and explains how she fails as a writer. Despite this, for the first book of a series that many young children read, I don’t think it is all that bad. My younger siblings struggle to read well, but I’ve begun reading this book to them for bedtime and they say it’s ‘good for learning’, so that’s something I’ve taken into consideration while thinking over this.

In terms of setting and place, Rowling did a good job of transporting me to the various locations in the novel. Part of the charm of Hogwarts is experiencing the rainy weather, the crackle of the fireplaces and the eeriness of sneaking about a giant castle in the dead of night just like the characters. It felt very vivid to me, and while that may be in part due to my having the film scenes to envision while reading, I believe Rowling did well. Harry’s first encounter with the Weasley family and the house-sorting scenes are enjoyable and lovely beginnings to Harry’s found family after a dreadful upbringing in the Dursley home.

Harry Potter is a very clear example of the Hero’s Journey literary route, which makes the storyline very easy to follow; the heroes and villains are very distinct, there are clear goals, and the main characters have genuine and natural character development as the story goes on. The adventures to the Forbidden Forest and other off-limits areas of Hogwarts are all the right amount of engaging and spooky. The opening chapter does have me on the fence still in regards to its length and basis for introduction. Upon first reading it, I found it a bit strange that it’s written from the Dursleys’ point of view, as this awful couple may have adopted Harry, but they are simply not the Main Characters. The conversation between Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall goes on for a longer time than I would think necessary. A brief analysis of this scene is actually available on the Pottermore website, and it explains some of the clever details written in. Regardless, the film’s choice to shift the immediate focus to Harry was a better choice in my opinion.

Something that became a source of amusement to me while reading was the obvious hate every house has for Slytherin, and I know that’s because they contain most of the ‘bad’ characters, but having read so much fanfiction from other fandoms just using the house characteristics and lore meant I’d never read so much consistent Slytherin-hate before. ‘Stinking Slytherin’ Harry says- well, he’ll be maddened to know half the internet bases half their personalities around being Slytherin. Yes, this is a call out, for myself included.

Characters who aged well: good or bad, the characters in Harry Potter are entertaining, even as an adult, the children’s antics and developing friendships are entertaining and heart-warming as they become closer. Voldemort is a solid villain, and the Dursleys and Malfoys are well-written antagonists; children tend to adopt their parents’ values for better or worse, and Draco and Dudley are perfect examples of the way young people turn out when raised within a vicious cycle.

Characters who aged badly: Severus Snape with his weird grudge against Harry. I don’t care about your history with his parents, Harry is a child, and you are an adult school teacher. Get a grip, sir.

It would be remiss for me to ignore the strong controversy surrounding J.K Rowling herself, though it isn’t the focus of this review. Strongly criticised for lack of representation for both POC and LGBT+ readers, Rowling has constantly made alterations in recent years, claiming certain characters to be something they were never written to be; most notably, Albus Dumbledore being announced as gay but with no scene in the books nor the films alluding to it. I would also add in that while Hermione’s character is great for exploring an ‘outsider’s’ perspective (the daughter of two muggles in the wizarding world), she also does take the role of the ‘bossy girl’ in a male-dominated book series. I’ll link an article here that discusses some of the gender roles, sexism and other concerns across the series.

Favourite scene/quote: “‘There are all kinds of courage,’ said Dumbledore, smiling. ‘It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends’.”

A wonderful piece of advice for young kids! It’s something a lot of people don’t learn until they’re older- how important it is to stand your ground no matter who you’re up against, and that sometimes the people you like and admire aren’t always in the right.

As for my favourite scene, that would have to be when Neville stands up to Draco! Harry tells Neville he is ‘worth twelve of Malfoy’, and Neville, red-faced and timid, stammers the words back to Draco later. Neville is my favourite character (he’s just so cute I love him) and I was so proud when he joined Ron to fight against the Slytherin bullies.

Twilight Review

Post-read: ★★

Synopsis: awkward teenager Bella Swan moves to the tiny town of Forks where she meets mysterious classmate Edward from the strange Cullen family and becomes determined to find out more about them.

Re-reading Twilight I was made aware of two things. First, that the writing is just as bad as I remembered it to be, and second, that despite knowing how ridiculous it is, I still love it.

I was still invested in what happens. The romance, the drama, the detective work leading up to Bella’s confirmation of supernatural existence- all of it. As this article acknowledges, much of the appeal of Twilight is its bad writing: the sentence structure is basic and easy to binge-read, making it perfect material for a young audience to enjoy, especially for kids who might not normally pick up a book in the first place. There is also not much to worry about in terms of applying solid concentration, because many scenes border on being simply filler content.

For all of its ease, I still found myself plagued by its many problems the entire read, so at best I would rate it two and a half stars. Sorry, Meyer.

Something I thought about more extensively while reading was that Meyer essentially took away any real ‘flaws’ of vampirism with her reworking their existence. Vampires are evil and eat humans? Solved! The ‘good’ vampires are ‘vegetarian’, eating only animals. Vampires can’t go in the sun or they’ll burn alive? Sort of solved? They won’t die a terrible death, but *shock horror* they will sparkle. Bella describes Edward’s skin to be like ‘thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface’. So, the stakes are what, exactly? The vampires are beautiful, never age and don’t even eat humans. If anything it’s comedic that the Cullens don’t show up to school on sunny days, lest they… sparkle. Honestly, I don’t hate the concept, really, but Edward’s constant referral to himself as a ‘monster’ doesn’t really make sense with the knowledge that the Cullens are extremely tame… after all, humans hunt and eat animals too.

The final chapter and epilogue tie everything quite neatly together, and if Meyer hadn’t continued writing the novel could easily be left at book one. Bella informs her mother she wants to stay in Forks with her father, and Jacob Black the werewolf comes to the high school dance to tell Bella that the Quileute tribe will be ‘watching’ her and Edward, still distrustful of the Cullens (even though the Cullens have done literally nothing, but whatever, that’s over dramatic territorial werewolf-vampire drama, I guess). It ends with Bella still pestering Edward to turn her into a vampire, and him declining. I suppose that’s enough of a cliff-hanger to warrant a sequel?

Characters who aged well: Did any of them, really? To be nit-picky, it could be argued that all of them have one too many problematic roots to age well. I’m going to add in Carlisle and Esme, though, because I can’t find fault any serious fault with them. I’m also going to add in Bella’s father, who despite being criticised very constantly for not keeping an eye on Bella, did a decent job. After all, Charlie had no way to know anything about the supernatural world that turned Bella’s life upside down, and I don’t think he can be blamed for that.

Characters who aged badly: well. Um. A massive part of Twilight’s criticism is Bella’s one dimensional character. I’ve always been on the fence about it, because sometimes people just really are quite bland, and she is a depressed teen so I usually cut her some slack on that count. My real issue is Meyer’s intention for Bella to be a Mary Sue rather than a substantial character: while she can be headstrong and humorous in passing, she does not have any real opinions, thoughts or motivations that aren’t related to Edward or the Cullens to the point that she has no initiative to exist outside of being with him. This also makes her selfish in her lack of care for her father; I understand not caring too much about the kids you have to attend school with- not many choices in a small town- but the way Bella shuts her dad out is just too much. As for Edward, why does he like Bella, really? I understand the intrigue of not being able to read her thoughts, but beyond that there’s really not much going on. I think they actually do have some good banter between them and parts of the relationship are very fun, but if you took away the vampire aspect, none of it makes much sense (*spoiler* like, say, Bella’s sudden marriage to Edward in Breaking Dawn immediately after high school graduation would be just as weird to us if they were only human as it is to the townsfolk in Forks).

Both the novel itself, the film and Edward’s character- and many of the male characters in the series- normalise a lot of misogyny, gender roles and sexism (please refer to the links for further information). Edward’s misogynistic tendencies- rushing in without asking Bella’s consent to ‘protect her’- are portrayed as desirable, and Bella is flattered by it. Every girl in the books- human, vampire or werewolf- is described unimpressively, always some form of shallow and petty compared to every male character having a distinct personality. Rosalie had so much promise for a strong female character, with her university degrees and interest in mechanics, not to mention her revenge on her rapists, but it all becomes lost in her overwhelming dislike of Bella (which worsens with the realisation that Rosalie sees herself as a ‘monster’ because she can’t have children, and she hates Bella for being a ‘real’ woman).

I’m going to link one article here about racism entrenched within the Twilight series. The writer discusses the racial bias within the Twilight saga, and while it is primarily geared towards the movies, the points made also reflect the characters in the books. Concerning the lack of diversity in the series, Stephanie Meyer is quoted saying she ‘wrote that they [the Cullens] had this pale glistening skin!’; she refused to allow Twilight director Catherine Hardwick to change any Cullens to people of colour, wanting the actors to resemble the white friends and family she had in mind writing the books. Hardwicke herself had hoped for Alice to be of Japanese descent, but that her ideas were thwarted as Meyer ‘just could not accept the Cullens to be more diverse’. While Meyer allowed some of Bella’s school mates to be POC, it is concerning that the most prominent character she accepted being non-white was the antagonist vampire Laurent, who was played by a black actor. Along with all the ‘good’ characters being white, there is also the issue of Jasper’s backstory as a proud Confederate soldier- which Meyer seems to portray with a strange reverence.

I’m also going to link a Reddit thread here where people offer their different opinions on whether the novels, movies or Stephanie Meyer herself are racist or at the very least, very ignorant. The werewolves of the series are not as present in the first book/movie, but the legends of the Quileute tribes are referenced- and changed- according to how Meyer wanted to use them in her story. To summarise, many readers believe Meyer’s use of descriptors such as ‘dogs’ or ‘mongrels’ toward the werewolves (the Native American Quileute tribe) are racist. This is due to the Cullens (the good, all-white vampire clan) being the ones to refer to the Quileute people in such a way; furthermore, they are the only non-white people in the books, making Meyer’s decision to liken only POC to animals more questionable; others argue that the ‘dog’ term is only because they are effectively intended to be giant dogs.

Favourite scene/quote: “‘You said last night that you weren’t interested in any of the boys in town.’ But he picked up his fork again, so I could see the worst was over.

‘Well, Edward doesn’t live in town, Dad.’

He gave me a disparaging look as he chewed.’”

Charlie just doing his best while Bella always remains a few steps ahead of him is one dynamic Meyer wrote decently (probably because it was all in aid of Bella’s only motivation in life: being with Edward).

The chapter ‘The Game’ holds my favourite scene from the novel, aka the iconic baseball game regarded as the film’s best scene. It’s a fun moment where Bella watches the Cullens play baseball as a storm rises, requiring the thunder to mask the loudness of their hits. Unlike the film, the novel is able to explain the dynamics between the Cullens and how their powers work, specifically detailing the communication between Edward’s mind-reading and Alice’s ability to see the future.

Overall verdict:

Owing to the stark popularity of the books I’ve discussed here compared to my past choices, there was a lot more material and controversy to discuss for this review.

I found both books to provide a solid feeling of time and place. I love stories shrouded in rain and dark forests and both series are set firmly in just that. Like I mentioned earlier, I have issues with both authors’ writing, though I still feel that it is more acceptable in Harry Potter than Twilight. Interestingly, there is no character in either novel that I really see myself in, which is rare; I like plenty of them, I just don’t relate to anyone in full.

With author Stephanie Meyer’s Mormon beliefs and personal morals obviously creating these characters, it isn’t exactly an easy case of separating art from artist. Twilight is an entertaining read for all its flaws and its too far gone to ‘cancel’ now- although I suppose it has probably been cancelled numerous times anyway?- but it isn’t too late for readers to educate themselves on its problems to prevent Meyer-level ignorance where possible. Harry Potter, on the other hand, doesn’t have the same ties to the writer that Twilight does. Most of Rowling’s problematic behaviour came well after the books were written, but I’ll link one article here that discusses how some transgender fans have responded to Rowling’s actions. For some people, the controversy has affected their abilities to love the franchise anymore; others have chosen to separate the content from author, akin to many Twilight fans.

Personally, if religion hadn’t interfered with my ability to read Harry Potter as a child, I maintain that I would have loved it, especially as I enjoy the films now. Just as with Twilight, I typically find it easy to enjoy stories while understanding their flaws. There is a keen amount of nostalgia surrounding both these franchises and likely always will be, but there are newer stories with real representation being released all the time, and the ideal outcome for me would be working towards popularising these series over wasting our time arguing over already-published novels!

#twilight #stephanie meyer #harry potter #jk rowling #book review #book rating #university project #nostalgia #fiction #representation #diversity

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