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jq37 · 4 years

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The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 10 Blood and Bread

Come Together

Welcome back and I hope you took advantage of the opportunity to catch your breath because the Rocks family is granted no such reprieve. Fresh off the heels of Jet’s tragic murder by Ciabatta and Calroy answering the question of whether a cake can coup, we pick back up with Theo who’s foiled his imprisonment by making use of the skills Lazuli taught him and magically busting down the door. Then, he makes use of his other knight skills and absolutely eviscerates the shocked guards outside.

He runs for the King’s quarters and, obviously, doesn’t find Amethar as he’s in a smoking crater outside, but he does run into Caramelinda who he immediately informs of the situation as best he can. Cara is confused, even as guards (Cal’s men) show up and start firing on them. She tries to get them to stop on her royal authority but Theo hears a lot more soldiers coming on a Nat 20 Insight and is like, “We need to go.” Cara does her own Insight check and has the good sense to follow him.

They run and Theo takes her into a little secret door in one of the hallways. Just in time too, because Cal walks by all camp-y kids movie villain, clearly telegraphing his intention to kill Cara, and tries drawing her out by saying some bait-y stuff about Amethar but Theo says they should ignore it and they escape down a spiral staircase instead of confronting Cal.

Meanwhile, Ruby (still Invisible) runs across the bridge, feels Jet pass, and keeps running, all the way to the standing stones of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

“Bring her back,” she demands, tearfully. “I know you can bring her back. What is the point of having magic if I can’t bring her back. Please.”

The SPF appears and gently says that the nature of the world is such that she can’t bring Jet back. However, it may be possible to bring them to Jet. Go north to the Stone Candy Mountain, she says. That’s where she is and where her sister is waiting.

Ruby then sneaks her way back to the castle, and sees Kerradin on his way there with about 30 knights. On double Nat 20s, when she gets to the castle, she clocks her dad immediately. Cumulous (who was also in the general area Ruby just came from and can now see where she is based on the glow of her magic, though he doesn’t know it’s her) also sees Amethar. Ruby, horrified at the thought of losing both her sister and father within about five minutes, runs to him.

Liam, still in the lingerie shop, hears Ciabatta wonder where the “witch boy” (Liam himself) went and also gives away some plot info for free: Alfredi has been hanged and she was apparently the only person skilled enough to make watersteel daggers. They’re fresh out. They leave and Liam pops out of the Rope Trick. He checks the glowing chest and sees that all that’s in there is a glowing rock--ambush bait. He then wraps Jet’s body in tasteful lingerie (sure), puts it in a cabinet for later retrieval, and takes her sword and locket for Ruby before stealthing away to find the others.

Amethar, fallen but not Fallen, unsteadily picks himself up, just in time to see the magic glow of his invisible daughter’s footsteps approaching him. “Pops, it’s me,” she says, voice wavering. “I think Jet is dead.” Amethar gives her a huge dad hug as she channels some of his barbarian energy, vowing to kill whoever did this, and their children, and drown their lands. The very stealthy Liam and Cumulous also show up for this--Liam joining the hug and Cumulous just announcing his presence awkwardly when his name is mentioned.

Liam lets them know where Jet’s body is and also gives Jet’s things to Ruby. Ruby takes the sword but haltingly insists that Liam keep the locket--it won’t work alone, and besides, Jet would want him to have it.

Cara and Theo pop out of the secret tunnel and the kids instantly Perception/Insight check her (no doubt feeling burned after Cal’s betrayal). Ruby, on a 23, gets nothing sinister--it’s just her extremely freaked out mom. With that reassurance, she reveals that Jet is dead and Liam chimes in that it was Ciabatta and his men. Liam accusatorily mentions the letter that got them ambushed and Cara claims to not only not know about the letter, but to not know the lingerie lady at all.

Ruby lets everyone know that Kerradin is on his way and Cara says that most of the Castle Candy soldiers have been sent to Castle Many Licks on Cal’s orders. It’s mainly just Cal’s men in the castle--the castle that is currently being redecorated with House Cruller banners. Translation: They’re F’d.

Amethar remembers that Manta Ray Jack is still in the harbor and--after talking Liam out of going rogue and tracking Kerradin--the group decides getting to him and making a break for it is the best bet. They pick a path that will go past the lingerie shop so they can pick up Jet’s body on the way.

They see torches being lit and hear dogs--clearly a search party coming for them--so Ruby uses Prestidigitation to scent the path with anise so the dogs will be confused (which Brennan rewards with disadvantage on tracking checks). Ruby and Amethar are both mortally wounded, but they decide that getting away ASAP is a better option than waiting to tend to their wounds. They roll initiative and head off.

The Sweet Escape

This is another unusual combat episode from Crown of Candy. There’s not so much brawling as there is running and trying to avoid fighting. I don’t think a play by play will be very interesting, so I’ll just give a quick rundown of the highlights.

The mechanics of this is it’s basically a series of group stealth checks until they get to where they’re going. Ruby still has 25 mins left on her invisibility and Brennan lets her cast Mage Hand with a 1st level spell slot to keep Theo’s armor from clinking and giving him disadvantage for seven rounds.

They fail their first round of checks and are spotted by hot-hounds (hot dog hounds, of course). Cumulous tells the group to keep going and he stays behind to handle it. He kills the dogs (yay?) but alerts other guards in doing so. Liam, with his crossbow, headshots the guard about to make trouble for Cumulous and then Cumulous steals his chariot.

Ruby, cantrip master, uses her Mage Hand (feeling a kiss on her cheek as she does) to hold a lantern and send it in a different direction, creating more confusion for the people tracking them.

Cumulous, on a Nat 20 Animal Handling check, fully on purpose (and after taking a bunch of damage from being fired on by ballista) drives the chariot off a cliff.

We’ll get back to that.

Liam, four rounds in, remembers that, oh yeah, he *does* have Pass Without Trace which gives +10 to all stealth checks--a little late but a game changer nonetheless. As he casts it, Cumulous feels the call of something like the Hungry One but not the Hungry One and Liam feels that same weird magical feeling he did running from the Cathedral in Comida.

Cumulous, as he rockets off the cliff (killing the horses in a very Hardwon Surefoot move), uses Fluffwind (his staff) to cast Gaseous Form--dropping his speed to a snail’s pace but saving his candy bacon.

The rest of the group does stealth checks until they make it to Dulcington. Ruby sets a tent on fire with her lantern as a distraction and all of them have to cross a river (the bridge is occupied by guards). Ruby gets a Nat 1 and falls in but Liam gets a Nat 20 and helps her across.

Unfortunately, the initial splash into the river alerted guards and they’re run up on by Ceresian soldiers. But, really, it’s more of a minor annoyance. Between Peppermint Batman critting, Ruby doing some sniping (losing her Invisibility in the process), Theo desperate to not see another Rocks dead on his watch, and Amethar in a full dad-rage, these guys are dead before they even have a chance to attack.

Cumulous drops Gaseous Form and anime sprints back to the gang.

Amethar and Liam grab Jet’s body and then run for the harbor with the others. Theo Messages Jack to get the ship ready because they’re gonna be there in a minute and they need to go NOW.

Enemy archers fire on them but they ignore it and just keep running. When they show up, Jack is confused but they’re like, “Sail now, questions later.”

Brennan says there’s no way they’re gonna get the ship going before soldiers catch up with them but he obviously didn’t count on Amethar going into a rage and just pushing the boat himself, snapping the mooring keeping it docked. As soldiers ride up on them, Ruby uses Mage Hand to help with the few remaining ropes and Theo casts Knock to undo the reins on one of the horses, sending the mounted soldier flying.

They narrowly escape up the river, and that’s where we end our episode.

Thing I’m Concerned About

This is something I mentioned as an aside in the last recap and it seems that it’s become relevant so I’ll be more explicit now. When the tear-away lingerie came up in episode one, it seemed like it was news to Cara (and I’m sure Brennan too because it was obv off the cuff). But last episode, the letter they got seemed to indicate that she was in cahoots with that person. But then in this episode, after a pretty high Insight check that indicated she was on the level, she said he didn’t know about any lingerie lady. Which seems to indicate setup, right? Which would make sense there was nothing at the shop and assassins waiting (assassins who seemed unsurprised to see the kids and not her for what it’s worth). But the way they got the letter, with Cara leaving the room, it seems like she would have seen it. So was that even really her? Is there a bad guy walking around with Disguise Self? If so, Bad! Also Bad! if she actually does turn out to be bad and it was like a DC 30 Insight check to find out, “Surprise! Your mom has been secretly evil this whole time!” Cara calls Ciabatta Imperator before she gets that info and idk if that’s Brennan misspeaking or A Clue and it *better* be the first because I don’t have the energy for *another* betrayal right now. It does seem like exactly the kind of thing you’d use in story to bait the twins if you knew them though, right? Like anyone who even sorta knew them (but especially someone who really knew them like Cal--was he there for that lingerie conversation in episode 1?) would know that was surefire twin-bait.

Don’t love that the SPF is, with different faces and different tactics, corralling everyone to the Mountains. I don’t know what her game is but I Do Not Trust fae. Also, maybe I’m being paranoid but when the SPF said, “Your sister is waiting,” I def had a burst of...your sister as in Jet or your sister as in this bastard child who we know nothing about? Wouldn’t that be such a dirty trick? To skirt fae lying rules (idk if they exist in this world) by talking about Jet a bunch and then saying, “Your sister is waiting,” about a totally different (half) sister?

So who all is working together? Cal last week said he was working with Alfredi and Ciabatta was also working with Alfredi. Plus, Kerradin was there (which, sidenote, WILD. Did Alfredi just take all the heat or something?). But I can't imagine everyone’s goals are fully synced. Ciabatta seems to mostly care for his own power. The Pontifex wants the Ramsian Doctrine fulfilled presumably which puts her at cross-purposes to Cal. What’s everyone’s game here. Is any of this stuff just happening independently of the others and Amethar just has hella enemies/has just lost Concord protection?

All this “like the Hungry One but not the Hungry One” stuff has me suspicious. People have mentioned to me that the noises that Brennan makes when he brings that up are kinda snorty and pig-like which raises two possibilities. It could be the vengeful spirit of Preston--which would go with the ice motif since he’s a peppermint pig and we all know peppermint is the cold magic of candy. It could also be related to the Great Boar of the Meatlands. I can see a pig spirit showing favor to an angry kid who took good care of his best pig friend who then tragically died, even with the cross-food barrier. Idk, we’ll see how this goes.

Ruby, my girl, please don’t do anything rash in your grief. You’re 1000% valid but please stay as levelheaded as you can.

Five More Things

Lol at Ally very confidently saying they don’t have Pass Without a Trace even after being reminded of it and then three turns later being like wait nevermind.

Killshot Thompson at it again with those precision voice breaks at all the most heart-crushing times. I would have loved to have seen Emily’s reactions from video village during the scene with Amethar. And then the, “I can’t lose another. Please,” to Liam? Ugh. My heart.

Ally’s “WHY?” when Manta Ray Jack started ringing that bell was beautiful.

“Another secret black woman,” might be the funniest thing Lou has ever said. And he’s said a lot of funny things. He originated, “Somebody call Wizards of the Coast.”

A second set of double Nat 20s from Siobhan! She also did it in Fantasy High Sophomore Year when freeing Fig from mind control. The only other person I think who’s done it is Lou as Fabian during the arcade battle in FH S1. You can’t really tell because of the way I glossed over the nitty gritty of this ep, but the Nat 20s were really out of control this session. It’s just that, as the cast said in Adventuring Party, Nat 20s don’t get you spectacular things this season. They just mean you get to not die that turn.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #a crown of candy #a crown of candy spoilers #the royal report

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adobabe · 4 years

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my acoc oc is a vegetarian breakfast burrito named egguardo “eggy” relleno. he’s a beast master ranger with a plant-based sausage caiman as an animal companion. he’s from vegetania, along the coast by the forest. his mom is a spanish omelette and his dad is a jalapeño popper. because of his mixed heritage, he doesn’t feel like he really fits in. eggs are from where? the dairy islands? the meatlands? cheese is from the dairy islands, obv. beans are legumes, potatoes are a root vegetable, so vegetanian, tortilla is grain, so ceresian, avocadoes and tomatoes are technically fruit, so fructeran (wtf are peppers and olives???)...etc bc of this he’s a bit insecure about his place in vegetanian culture, or any of the others he belongs to for that matter, and is a bit of a loner who loves animals and prefers them to humanoids. he dreams of starting a veteranary clinic, but is anxious about interacting with the people the animals live with. he rehabilitates wounded wild animals when he can and loves to sleep out on the beach with chicha (the caiman). he is chubby (grande, if you will), nonbinary, and very bi

new addition: here’s a very rough pencil sketch of eggy and chicha

image id: a pencil drawing of a smiling burrito man from the thighs up with his eyes closed. the top of his head is open to expose his fillings in the place of hair. he’s wearing foil wrap armor and has a strung bow over his right shoulder and is holding a lumpy, smiling camain in his arms.

#acoc oc #a crown of candy #dimension 20 oc #dimension 20 #listen I’m a vegetarian caribbean who loves animals and is very gay #this oc is a huge and shameless self insert #the tortilla wrap comes from the breading on the jalepeño if that isn’t clear #fuck anatomy #it’s a burrito #and a sausage

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alienjock · 4 years

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So we’ve now seen that candian steeds are peeps, and vegetarians ride just basic carrots and Shit. We can assume that milk horses aren’t a really big thing, bc island cultures. Ceresians probs have loaves of bread or sheaves of wheat in vague topiary animal shape. My big question is, do the meat lands just have straight up butchered animals as their native animals? Are there horses made of beef? Beefhorses? Do you ride a skinless horse?

but consider the dairy island cows

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tandemunicycle · 4 years

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acoc character idea: animal cracker circle of the Moon druid (born from a candian/ceresian alliance marriage??)

#acoc #dnd #druid #talkies

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swipestream · 6 years

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Science Fiction New Release Roundup: 11 November 2017

This collection of the latest new releases in science fiction features a space-based litRPG, future knights clad in mecha armor, a final confrontation against a conquering empire on an alien world, and, in time for Veteran’s Day, a collection of post-apocalyptic animal stories to support the charity Pets for Vets.

* * * * *

Blood World (Undying Mercenaries #8) – B. V. Larson

A dirty deal was struck. Humanity was allowed to keep three hundred rebellious worlds. In return, we declared war on a powerful enemy from beyond the frontier.

A frantic build-up of forces has begun, but the task is hopeless. Seeking allies, Earth’s legions are sent to BLOOD WORLD. A planet on the fringe of known space, where the people only respect masters of combat.

Earth’s Legions must impress them, but other alien powers have been invited to join the contest. The prize consists of billions of loyal troops—Earth must win.

Fighting and dying and fighting again, the struggle is half-mad—but so is James McGill.

* * * * *

Bunker: Book 5 – Jay J. Falconer

One Battle. One Man. One Mission.

The insurgents are dug in and ready for war. To them, it’s about guns, guts, and glory.

For Bunker, the flag and freedom are paramount. He’s prepared to fight, despite their overwhelming firepower.

As the final confrontation nears, Bunker knows death comes with it.

Some will perish so others can live.

But in the end, who will stand atop the rubble to claim victory and will there be anything left worth protecting?

* * * * *

Chronicle Worlds: Tails of Dystopia (Future Worlds #17) – edited by Samuel Peralta and Chris Pourteau

1984 meets The Incredible Journey in thirteen dystopian tales by some of today’s most accomplished writers of science fiction.

In this title in the acclaimed Future Chronicles series of speculative fiction anthologies created by award-winning author Samuel Peralta, discover tales of dark futures, tragic pasts, and a present that’s run off the rails are presented in landscapes as varied as their authors’ imaginations.

Set in bestselling worlds fully realized by their authors, the stories of Chronicle Worlds: Tails of Dystopia unfold as seen through the eyes of animals — tamed and feral, domestic and savage — as they traverse a world of perdition where often their capacity for nobility and self-sacrifice transcends our own.

Enter these worlds with some of the most inventive authors writing today, including USA Today bestselling authors David Adams and Cheri Lasota, Wall Street Journal bestselling authors Daniel Arthur Smith and Ann Christy, and Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award winner Rysa Walker.

Dystopian deserts, post-apocalyptic mountain ranges, the medieval English countryside, the far reaches of the galaxy – in each of these and more, animals and their human companions discover heart-stopping adventure among the ruins – and you will, too.

Proceeds from this volume of The Future Chronicles help support the charity Pets for Vets, which rescues and re-trains shelter animals and matches them with military veterans in need of a companion animal.

* * * * *

Cruel Stars (Ark Royal #11) – Christopher Nuttal

The Royal Navy never expected to fight a full-scale interstellar war. Everyone knew the Great Powers would never risk everything on armed conflict, when there was plenty of room for everyone in outer space. But when a hostile alien force stumbles across humanity’s handful of colony worlds, the Great Powers must set aside their differences and fight to preserve humanity from utter destruction.

Desperate for starships and manpower, the Royal Navy embarks upon an ambitious plan of converting freighters into makeshift carriers and recruiting reservists and criminals to fill the ranks. Classed as expendable, the small carriers will be given the most dangerous missions to slow a remorseless alien foe…

…And the pardons their crews have been offered will be meaningless if they die.

* * * * *

Forged in Fire (Destiny’s Crucible #4) – Olan Thorensen

Joseph Colsco has survived what many would not have—cast naked on an alien planet amidst humans speaking an unknown language and with a different culture and history. Now, known to the people of Caedellium as Yozef Kolsko, he has risen out of despair to prominence and finds himself a central figure in the culmination of a struggle against an imperialist power bent on subjugation.

The clans of the Island of Caedellium must gird themselves for what is to come. If they can’t unite to a degree previously unimaginable, they will fall into the bottomless abyss of lost history. Their strengths are their determination, bravery, potentially new allies, and a single man with a mysterious history. The options are simple: victory, death, enslavement.

Yozef Kolsko may have transformed from who he had been on Earth, but did the trials he has undergone produced a savior some of his adopted people see him as or is he an illusion? The crucible of fate is about to yield a final product, but is the result enough against a formidable enemy?

* �� * * * *

Showdown (Rise of Mankind #10) – John Walker

The decades long conflict comes crashing to a dramatic conclusion as the alliance faces off with their age old enemy to determine the fate of the galaxy. As the massive fleet launches for a final battle, The Behemoth and The Crystal Font are tasked with a dangerous mission to destroy a transmission facility which may well be the deciding factor in the outcome of the attack.

They’ve committed everything, heading into a situation which may well spell their end. Pilots, marines and crewmen alike look toward the moment that will make history regardless if they are victorious. A win means peace for the beleaguered alliance, a chance to heal from the wounds of war while a loss could lead to the destruction of their respective cultures if not civilization as they know it.

* * * * *

Space Knight #2 – Samuel E. Green and Michael-Scott Earle

To protect the crew against betrayal, Captain Cross sends the Stalwart on a training mission to Ecoma, a gas giant populated by evolved humans with dangerous empathic abilities.

The journey was supposed to be easy: Acquire training from the evolved humans, negotiate the use of magical devices that can protect the knights from mind control, and get a bit of R&R.

Of course, nothing is ever easy with the Stalwart, and Squire Nicholas Lyons soon finds himself battling for his life against sensual mind readers, hordes of bloodthirsty Grendels, enemy kingdom warriors, and a berserker knight named Olav.

“Fun and easy to get into. Great action and likable characters. Tons of fighting which is awesome.” – Amazon reader review

* * * * *

The Complete Circuit Trilogy – Rhett C. Bruno

Earth is a dying planet. To survive, humanity founds the Circuit, a string of colonies across the solar system, dedicated to mining resources vital to preserving what remains of mankind.

The New Earth Tribunal, a powerful religious faction, rises to rule the Circuit. They believe a Spirit within the Earth will one day appear and welcome humanity back home. Following a string of seemingly random attacks, the Tribunal suspects its mortal enemy, the Ceresians, have again rallied to challenge their absolute rule.

Join an unlikely band of would-be saviors–the Tribunal’s best spy, a roguish Ceresian mercenary, a subservient android and a disgraced general–as they are drawn into a conspiracy destined to change the Circuit forever.

A new, sinister threat has arisen–and it plans to bring down the Tribunal once and for all.

This omnibus contains Executor Rising, Progeny of Vale, and Earthfall.

* * * * *

The True Measure (Terran Armor Corps #3) – Richard Fox

The Ibarra Nation holds Roland prisoner. The armor soldier’s fate lies in the hands of the inhuman Stacey Ibarra.

Roland will face the truth behind the Ibarra rebellion and decide if his loyalties are to Earth, or his ideals.

While the Iron Dragoons recover from their last battle, dark forces are at work. Gideon is called as a witness to New Bastion, where the treaty that opened the stars to humanity may force all-out war with the Ibarras or turn the rest of the galaxy against Earth.

Beyond the edge of known space, an old enemy readies a vendetta that can only be ended with humanity’s extinction.

“This story (and these stories) bring the guts and the glory of the infantry back, with the added tie to the ancient and honored knights. One of the best military series I’ve ever read!”–Amazon Reader Review

Science Fiction New Release Roundup: 11 November 2017 published first on http://ift.tt/2zdiasi

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afoxysunny · 5 months

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Guys this creation might be one of my new favs!

Dumpling Hamsters!

If you tell me you don't wanna hold one of these guys you're a liar smh

Bready for more?

More hamster info under the cut

I didn't label which hamster is which dumpling bc i am a native german speaker and it hurts my soul to call something "dumpling" (which i associate with the twisty asian food) instead of saying "Knödel", which is just too perfect of a word and shape descriptor for me to accept anything else ~ I'm sorry

So here: i made a diagram for the actual foods they're based on and the ingredient that informed parts of their design; instead of labeling them with names I couldn't verify the correct-ness on (and hurt me to research anyway)

Again, I'm sorry, I can't let go of that Germanic pride on this one

#dimension 20 #a crown of candy #the ravening war #calorum fauna #ceresian animal #dumpling hamster #knödel hamster #d20 #acoc #trw #image description #alt text #idk why I'm so stubborn on this one #it just feels wrong not to say knödel #if anyone wants to use one of these cuties for a character or story pls name it knödel? it'd mean the world to me #i mean. any use of my designs in anything else would water all my crops and clear all my pores #I'm just so weak for rodents #i love these lil guys so so much #i wanna hold them gently

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jq37 · 4 years

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The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 3

Keep Sharp

On the Road Again

Welcome back to Calorum you guys. We last left off witnessing an actual miracle as a group of cheese assassins masquerading as meatlanders (and Brennan by proxy) failed to kill a single Candian, Tartguard included.

Now, everyone is picking up the pieces. Amethar is still messed up from the fight so he’s being tended to. Liam and some of the NPCs are working on clearing the tree from the road. Ruby, still covered in blood, is in one of the carriages and when she uses Prestidigitation to clear the blood from a circus flyer she was carrying, Calroy walks in and grabs her hand to stop her as a reflex. He quickly drops her hand--very bold move to grab one of the princesses like that--and tries to impress on her that the rest of the world isn’t like Candia and she really really needs to stop with the casual magic when they’re on the road. Ruby is really naively taken aback and frustrated by this information but Calroy describes it like it’s business as usual. Her aunt, Lazuli, has the title of Archmage but the official position is that the title is an archaic holdover from less enlightened times and she was simply a really good alchemist--even though everyone knows that’s untrue. That’s politics bay-bee! Lapin joins the conversation (along with Theo shortly after) and says that if people knew where he got his powers from, he’d be dead (which seems a weird thing to say with Calroy in earshot).

Outside, Liam is chopping up the tree and finds these little peppermint acorn things called Heartseeds which are basically concentrated, ambient, magical energy that can grant small wishes. Preston eats them and gains a fly speed of 40 (but it’s like he’s a firework--he has to land after 40 feet). Jet finds Liam and asks for help with keeping an eye on Ruby. She’s pretty shook after seeing her almost die. Liam is down to do it for nothing (the kid just wants to be included) but Jet insists on being in his debt and--always on brand--he just asks for some cool seeds. She also finds a meat shield that’s made out of gross, burnt, stuck-to-the-pan meat bits that she names Burnt Ends.

They get going again and in the PC wagon you have all the PCs but Jet (who is outside with the guards and Grissini) along with Cruller and his wife--Lady Donetta. She chats with Grissini for a little bit while the adults try to get her to get in the carriage. She’s finally swayed by Ruby but when she comes in she says she wasn’t (just) flirting. She was trying to get intel on how in trouble Ruby was. Liam offers that he speaks Ceresian so he can spy if they need him to and also did anyone have any dreams last night? Theo--who is trying to keep everyone alive and was like so close to being impressed by Liam--along with Lapin and Cruller try to get everyone back on track but Ruby--defiantly--is all, “They’re not gonna kill me. I’m a princess!” Theo points out that someone almost killed her literally ten minutes ago and Cruller points out that death isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to a person. She could get forcibly put in a monastery for instance. Jet is not even having that in hypothetical-land and says that as the heir princess, she would lay the smackdown on anyone who tried to do that.

It looks like things are about to dissolve into overlapping gibberish but Amethar does the dad thing of putting his foot down and yelling at everyone to get along before taking a dad nap passing out from his injuries. Lady Donetta patches him up while Cruller once again talks about the importance of politics. It’s not just them that have to play this game. The Meatlanders are polytheistic generally but all Bulbian on paper. Jet thinks this whole song and dance is ridiculous and should be changed once she has more sway in politics, but she’s willing to shut up for now. She’s also willing to keep Lapin’s secret, but him bringing it up sparks Cruller’s interest. Lapin tries to gloss over it but Liam chimes in that he’s sorry about breaking his teacup. Lapin shuts him up (Liam on a low Insight check thinks he hates him) and rolls a 14 to get Cruller off his back.

Secrets and Lies

As they cross the border into Fructerra, Sir Theo invites Ruby and Jet out for some fresh air and they invite Liam which he goes along with even though it’s clear he wanted to talk to the sisters alone. As soon as they’re out of earshot of everyone Theo turns off the scold and says that regardless of everything they’re all saying, Ruby absolutely needs to keep studying magic. He says that he was a ward of Lazuli who taught him some magic (including animating Sprinkle) and he has a whole-ass lore dump for them that he was planning on subtly revealing over time but now’s the time for getting everybody up to speed ASAP not mentoring from the shadows:

He says that Lazuli--who, like Ruby and Jet, wanted magic to be acceptable and not relegated to the shadows of one kingdom--was doing arcane research into wild stuff like immortality that would have advanced the world a lot further than its current state. She died sacrificing herself in a battle where she was the only Candian casualty. Theo was there and, before she sent him away, she said that she needed to do it to, “save [their] people and save [their] world.” He didn’t get what she meant and why that would be literally the hill she--a princess and Archmage--would choose to die on but he knows she would sometimes have visions of the future and he thinks she might have known Ruby was coming and needed to ensure that timeline happened. Ruby--who is outraged that this is the first she’s hearing of all of this and shocked that Theo is suddenly cool (“I've always been cool! All of us are cool!”) still doesn’t want to do all this “book stuff” or embrace any kind of magical destiny and even Jet is like, “Come on girl.” Anyway, Sir Theo tells them they just need to be chill and lowkey and he’ll hook them up with magical training and banned books for Jet. He also promises to teach Ruby the Find Familiar spell.

Liam helps Lady Donetta with herbal remedies for Amethar and he comes back at full health. Amethar gets to talking about Liam’s dad who he says had Liam’s knack from nature stuff and taught him (Amethar) how to fight. Calroy chimes in that his dad and Amethar fought together in the Ravening War. He also says that Liam being a hostage (he outright calls him a hostage) is what lets his dad not join the Concord (the kind of ride or die, post Ravening War pact everyone else is in) and remain an independent rebel state. Apparently, he seceded because, King Jadin (Amethar’s Dad--the past king), would not uphold Candia’s alliances. Liam’s dad (Duke Joren Jawbreaker) turned traitor to go fight with their Dairy Island allies.

It takes another couple of days to get to Comida and, on the way there, Ruby learns and casts the Find Familiar spell--netting her a butterscotch falcon that she names Yak after the noise he makes. She hopes he’ll be friends with Sprinkle because Siobhan knows that the second real objective of every D&D campaign (after making friends) is acquiring pets and having them play with each other (which is in direct opposition to the DM goal of not letting any of your players have any pets).

Cruller checks in with Theo about the secret magic lessons and also says that he’s looked into it and the imperial soldiers who saw Ruby do magic are gossiping. Grissini is shutting some of it down so it’s not spreading like wildfire but it’s really just a matter of time. Cruller tries to get more specifics about what Jet and Lapin were talking about (his Sugarplum magic) and Theo dodges the question. Cruller says that he can be more helpful if he’s in the loop but doesn’t push further.

Faces and Names

We have made it to Comida and, after a quick House Rocks family heart to heart, it’s time for a parade of a BUNCH of new characters:

Manta Ray Jack: Man at Arms of House Cheddar and one of Amethar’s Ravening War buddies. A literal 2 foot tall cube of cheese. He also has a tattoo of a Manta Ray on his arm which isn’t important to the plot but is important to me that you know.

Sir Morris Brie: Knight of House Cheddar, Master of State to the Duchess (who we’ll get to next) and another Dairy Island buddy of Amethar.

Duchess Primsy Coldbottle: A literal bottle of milk, 16-year-old regent of House Cheddar (Duchess of Lacramor specifically) and ruler of the Dairy Islands. On a nat 20, Ruby knows that Prince Tarthur Cheddar was the prince during the Ravening Wars but died. She also knows about…

Captain Annabelle Cheddar: (Captain of the Colby) who is this cool, naval, battle-ready lady that Ruby sees hanging out with a bunch of solider women fighters and having a great time while Primsy is talking to her advisors. Apparently, Anabelle should be the rightful heir to the Dairy Islands but was stripped of her title because she refused to marry (hmm) which Ruby thinks is sick as hell. She goes to chat her up and finds out that she’ll be fighting in the Melee part of the tourney.

Senator Augustus Ciabatta: A full bread person who’s a senator from the very populous Ceresia and he’s throwing coins to the people from his palanquin. (I want it on the record that I feel an episode called Bread and Circuses coming.)

Prince Cabbage: The adult son of King Cabbage. His palanquin is the second largest. The largest belongs to...

Hierophant Rex Belizabeth Brassica: She is basically the Bulb Pope. She’s like a green woman with broccoli hair. She and Lapin have met before before she became pope. They quickly talk and she invites him to tag along as they pay their respects to the Emperor. He agrees to go. She’s followed around by Archbishop Onionpatch (another Primogen from Greenhold in Vegetania).

Theo is a little nervous about Amethar cozying up to all these dairy people considering the attack but Amethar insists he can handle himself. There’s a big feast set up and Amethar goes to talk to Primsy who is just super sweet and seems to know she has a lot of responsibility that she is trying her level best to uphold. She’s like the anti Jet and Ruby and Brennan...if something happens to her...I swear...

Anyway, Theo is scanning the room for trouble and he sees (1) That Anabelle is looking at Amethar forlornly from across the room (maybe like she wishes she could be in the room where it happens so to speak?) and (2) there is a young Dairy nobleman stealth flirting with Primsy. Amethar asks Sir Brie about the attack and he says they had nothing to do with it. They don’t have the resources after the war which was fought largely in the Dairy Isles. He seems to blame Anabelle at least partially for the diminished power of House Cheddar based on the dirty look he shoots her when he mentions the state of the state. Amethar reiterates that the alliance between Candia and the Dairy Isles is solid and Manta Ray Jack pops in to casually drop that Amethar had a war girlfriend (lover? idk what the proper terminology is here) in the Far East Isles back in the day so I’m sure that’s gonna become relevant at the worst possible moment.

Brennan also curses us by unleashing Thad (Jet’s avocado pen pal boyfriend) onto the story and as soon as Jet re-meets this poncy, French-y, horny, avocado she’s like “I made a huge mistake” and later gets him to “meet her outside” so she can ditch him.

Theo goes with Liam to check up on Primsy because he’s concerned with whatever is going on with her and that cheese boy who he learns is her traveling companion--Lord Stilton Curdeau. And it’s covered by cologne but his cheese stink is familiar. He wants to alert Amethar but Amethar is currently eyeing Basha Myaso (Warlord of the Beef Clans and ruler of all of the Meatlands) who is glaring at him. On Calroy’s advice, he squares up with Basha who implies that Candia is responsible for the false flag attack. Amethar tells him to “watch [his] fucking mouth.” Diplomacy!

Meanwhile, Lapin is with the Pontifex in the Great Food Pyramid (which is, of course, a thing). She introduces him to Sir Keradin Deeproot who is this super buff super intense carrot Paladin. We learn that Lapin isn’t an archbishop and his title of primogen comes from his status as a “miracle worker”. Apparently, Miracle working is very uncommon even though the Bulbian church is so massive. When asked, Onionpatch says that things in Vegetania are fine except that King Belvedere Cabbage is infirm. Another Priogem--this one of Cersia--joins them, the Archbishop Fettucina Alfredi who is this very classically beautiful looking, toga wearing woman with glowing eyes--she’s also a miracle worker. Lapin is like, “Oh fuck,” because if she’s magic too then she might be able to tell that he’s not actually on the level.

Lapin veers away from Alfredi and chats up the Pontifex who says Brightgarden is OK but they're currently dealing with a murder of an archbishop in the Meatlands (the Archbishop Raddica). Lord Basha is looking for who did it and the Pontifex wants them brought to justice ASAP. Alfredi brings up the attack on the road and wonders about the rumors she heard about strange magic. Lapin, sweating bullets, lies and says that he thinks it was the work of the Bulb. On a 14 Deception from Lapin, Alfredi thinks lavender fog would be a weird Bulbian intercession. It sounds more like something a false good she’s heard about from Candia would do. What’s her name? The Sugarplum Fairy? Lapin, with a 25 Persuasion check, is able to wave that off as primitive backwoods things that he’s working to stamp out in Candia. That’s enough to get the Pontifex on his side and they go up to see the Emperor.

Outside of his room is his daughter--Lady Plumbeline Uvano--who is lowkey very upset about something. She greets them and then takes the Pontifex in to talk to the Emperor while Lapin waits outside with Alfredi and Kerradin. When she’s done paying the respects of the church, the whole holy crew goes back to the party. Before Lapin splits off, the Pontifex does a little pull aside with him about Candia’s role in the war and how she thinks, with him at the helm, Candia is in good hands.

At Sir Theo's suggestion, Amethar has the Candy Crew stand with the Cheese Peeps during the announcement of the tourney which is a big deal because it’s a symbol that the alliance is still on even though they were attacked by cheese bandits. Primsy introduces herself to the princesses and gives them cool, milksilk handkerchiefs she embroidered herself with a candy cane crossed with a cheese cube on a stick with their house words: There is Strength in Sweetness. She doesn’t have one for Liam but gives him hers (it has her house words: Keep Sharp) on the condition he joins the archery competition and fights for her. With not a 15 between the 6 of them (even w/ multiple help actions) none of the PCs have presents for anyone else.

The tourney is announced. There are three events, each with a dope prize. Winner of the melee gets a boon from the emperor at the end of his rule. The winner of the archery contest gets a seat on the Cornucopian Council, the title of Master of Arrows, and is made advisor to the next emperor (which seems like a LOT to put on a person whose main skill is “can shoot arrows well” but OK sure). The winner of the joust gets to name a candidate for Emperor from any class or house they wish and their choice must be considered. Ruby and Liam join the archery contest. Theo signs up for the joust. Jet is hesitant but Amethar convinces her to join the melee with him. She also scratches “The Dairy Islands Rule!” into a piece of wood for Primsy and she’s charming enough that Primsy doesn’t think it’s a slipshod afterthought.

An imperial courier shows up and tells Theo the Emperor wants to talk to Amethar. He brings all the PCs and Calroy. Lady Plumbeline is still outside her dad’s room and she’s still pissed. On a 24 Insight check, Theo can tell that--as I suspected from episode 1--she is pretty ticked that she has all this institutional knowledge and competence and experience but, because of an arbitrary rule, she can’t take the throne. She tells Amethar (who she met when she was a teen) that they need to limit how many people go in as to not overwhelm him. He takes Lapin and Theo (who gives Sprinkle to Jet) and goes in to talk to Uvano.

Uvano, as we already know, was another Ravening War buddy of Amethar’s and another person he’s seen piss and shit--which we learn because that’s apparently how Amethar classifies who his best friends are. They talk the way old buddies do and Uvano asks what he would say about his life taking a surprising turn. Amethar says that if it was anyone else asking, he probably wouldn’t be on board but for Uvano? He’ll do it. That’s just what he wanted to hear.

And that’s where we end the episode without rolling initiative because the combat in the next episode is all fun and games and to quote Lou Wilson--who I suspect is about to become the wrongest person in D20 history--“It’s all sparring. Nobody is going to get killed.”

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

You Should Know

Country Accents seen to be as follows: Dairy (Scottish), Meat (Russian), Fruit (French), Grain (Italian), Candy (American/British)

In the long awaited sequel to “Kristen Has -3 Dex,” Liam has a -2 to Charisma.

Ruby speaks Lacra (Dairy-speak).

The Meatlander gods include The Great Cow, The Great Boar, and The Great Hen.

The head beef dude has a super jacked T-Bone steak wife who I assume we’ll get a name for during the melee next episode. Update, courtesy of @fjordgofurther--we did get a name this ep. Her name is Scravoya.

The Bulbian concept of hell/the devil involves the “Hungry Ones” which just serves to underline that Brennan really did think this crazy thing all the way through and still decided to not do it but to DO it.

Everyone levels up every episode I believe since D20 uses milestone leveling for the main seasons but Ruby and Jet leveled up twice to level 3 to help catch them up a little now that they have a story reason to be stronger.

Things I’m Concerned About

Uvano is only in his 60s. Like, people die in their 60s but that detail casually mentioned in a setting like this always brings up the possibility of poison or some other kind of sabotage.

The second Brennan mentioned the daughter of Uvano in passing ep 1, I clocked it and the situation is basically what I was anticipating it seems. Like, of course she’s pissed. I would be too. I wonder if either the boon or the chance to offer up a candidate could be used to override the Concord rules? Either way, gotta keep an eye on her. Also, I noticed the little flippant remark she had for the Pontifex (“This is Fructerra, I’m dressed for court.”) and I don’t know if that’s distaste for the church or something more personal but it seemed interesting enough to mention.

I know that the improvisational nature of D&D means that there’s not foreshadowing in the same way that you have in something fully set like a book or a movie but every time the Rocks family gets together for a sweet (ha) conversation (“We just want to protect you, Pop.”) I am just more and more sure we are being set up for a fall.

Lou Wilson’s defining trait as a D&D player is doing what his character would do and letting it play out to its logical conclusion, consequences be damned--consequences be welcomed even. And Amethar is--como se dice--no Calroy when it comes to politics. I can’t imagine these facts at up to any kind of happy sum.

Also, speaking of, I wanna trust Calroy, but I can’t. He’s too good at this. He’s too competent. He knows too much information and Amethar trusts him too much. Hope he proves me wrong but I will not be made a fool of by a slice of cake. Do you hear me Brennan? I REFUSE.

I've only had Primsy for a week, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself. No but, seriously, if she is just as she appears to be (and this is GoT so I guess it’s not off the table that she’s secretly like bad and it would have taken a 30 Insight check to find out) then MAN I am so scared for her. Characters who are just trying their best to do a good job are my Kryptonite and she is as much in the wrong genre as the twins are. Moreso even.

I’m concerned Amethar has a cheesecake baby somewhere out there that’s gonna end up being a Problem. Oh my god what if one of the twins dies and their backup character is Amethar’s illegitimate kid?

The Bulbian Church has so much power but so little magic which seems...odd. Also, just curious, what is a Paladin without divine magic? Isn’t that just a fighter?

I very much vibe with the concept of Alfredi as a character but lol I was STRESSED for Lapin during that whole conversation and I feel like that’s gonna be my default state for him all season.

I’m concerned (or maybe just suspicious) that there’s more to the backstory with Theo and Lazuli than we heard. That little extra narration from Brennan about swearing he could feel her smile? Mmm, OK.

Five More Things

The character art for this season cracks me up because Brennan clearly gave the artist for this season two lists and one list was labeled “Hot” and one was labeled “Ridiculous” and that’s how we got characters like Primsy and Calroy in the same scene as Anabelle and Grissini and the funniest part is Brennan’s absolute refusal to play any of these characters like they’re any more or less ridiculous than any of the others. He’s like, “The hot pasta woman is valid and the talking cheese cube is EQUALLY VALID.”

“Not this season. Not season five.” Very bold of Brennan to be outraged about Emily trying to ride a living sprinkle dog like that's the ridiculous thing about a world with a living sprinkle dog.

The Sucorsi Road running into the Glucian Road for Sucrose and Glucose is the kind of worldbuilding detail that I love.

I was gonna be so mad at Brennan for the nonsense that is the name “Belizabeth” but he said on Adventuring Party that he was specifically dunking on GRRM with that so he gets a pass this time.

You know that famous Pixar meeting/lunch where they came up with Bugs Life, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, and Wall-E in one conversation? I bet Brennan had a similar brainstorming sesh where he came up with Garthy, Anabelle, and two other thirst traps that haven’t been introduced yet. Like come on. He described her hair as, “princely”? Brennan is trying to kill some of y’all.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #a crown of candy #a crown of candy spoilers #the royal report

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