#DO YOU EVEN REALIZE I'M A PERSON TOO

[6ftslug]

cool so if you guys are going to blatantly ignore my art can you at least tell me what sucks so hard about it. instead of completely wasting my time.

why are you even here?

#soo funny watching for two days while my apparently dogshit art gets no interraction #'oh ok well maybe it's bad timing and no one saw it:)' #point 2 seconds later everyone liking and reblogging fanart i've reblogged #literally no one's gotten the memo about this blog ig but it's specifically about supporting the unsupported #really fucking sucks when y'all will only interact with fanart of what's popular #inb4 'you can't blame others for what they like' #i can and i will #get better taste and start supporting original content right fucking now or else #this doesn't just apply to me btw i see y'all ignoring original shit i rb #but i won't lie it really does fucking sting to know that my art is just way too ugly to be on anyone's blog #been working at this shit my whole life and it doesn't matter because i'm not drawing #the real life people y'all be treating like characters #or whatevers on paramount plus nowadays #because i have the gall to make little fucking guys #it's been literal decades can i PLEASE have a CRUMB of validation LITERALLY EVER #HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO RUIN MY LIFE JUST TO GET PEOPLE TO SPEND TWO SECONDS LOOKING AT MY DOGSHIT DRAWINGS #DO YOU EVEN REALIZE I'M A PERSON TOO

[zeynatura]

Ranting about Nucani

There is something I want to express and this fandom should know.

Nu: Carnival is a Harem game but unlike most games in the genre the relationships with MC are all canon within the same story, there are no "Routes", no "Alternate Universe/Timelines", it's all 1 Main Story where you get to gradually meet all the Characters who'll be your companions, in this game named Clan members, and all of them one way or another end up falling for Eiden (MC), which makes polyam relationship canon with Eiden as the center:

Like very few games have polyam representation, let alone a positive one, like yes the polycule it's very Eiden central but even then all the Clan Members interact with one another, as we see mainly in the time limited Events but also in the Main Story, and have friendly and amicable interactions, they rely on one another sometimes even without Eiden being involved.

But also, Aster and Morvay have a relationship established too since way before the events of the prologue of the game, Kuya and Quincy have hinted some sort of situationship (idk I don't care about Quincy and my knowledge about Kuya is limited to what happens in the story and events cause I have no limited SSRs nor have I read any of his Intimacy Rooms).

[Also if any of you knows of any other relationship that have been hinted at that i'm missing feel free to share, i specifically ask of you to refer to only canon, i know in fanon anything and everything is possible and sometimes we may be missperceiving some interactions between characters so i ask of you to take those rose tinted glasses off and see unfiltered canon, it's hard for me too ngl so dw]

All this started with some posts I saw about ppl feeling bad for Yakumo and/or Edmond to be "forced into a polyam relationship" when they are the "most romantic members" and "deserve a monogamous relationship", their words not mine, as if mono > poly , but also do you really think they're against it!?

One thing is being Clan Members against their will (which is all Huey's fault btw), having to work together to regulate the Altars' Essence (or their own) and then another one completely is involving themselves in a personal and intimate way with Eiden, which the latter they all did in their own terms and out of free will.

Also i wanna share one of the best and my fav scenes with Karu, which i know not everyone was able to experience it cause it's hidden in the Intimacy Rooms of a Limited SSR, but it expresses exactly why the polycule is consensual.

Context: Eiden has been worrying about forcing the Clan Members to be with him because he is the New Grand Sorcerer, against their will just because of Huey's magic that ties them together and the responsibility of Regulating the Altars and basically maintaining stability in the Klein Continent.

His worries began (at least that i noticed) in "Eerie Escapade" (Halloween Event), that was also the first time Garu got hurt while protecting Eiden and the first time Karu got mad at him and fronted to yell at Eiden (which is my another fav scene of Karu omg i love him so much i gotta go back and take screenshots of that but that's for another post), the second one being in "Army x Blood x Oath" (which are the screenshots i'll show u)

Because this are the Intimacy Rooms of Garu/Karu's Limited SSR this scene focuses on Eiden feeling guilty because Garu got hurt in the past (Halloween Event) and this time he lost his memory (temporarily, due to this event's story) and Eiden blaming himself for it all and wondering if they would be better off without him, but the same can and is applied to the rest of the Clan Members, seeing how Eiden met and approached Rei while respecting his privacy and independency even tho he's also a Clan Member and the newest introduced in the story, means that the Limited Events are also canon and part of the story because Eiden seems to be growing and learning from previous Events and showing that development in future Events and the Main Story.

Karu also mentions that Garu (prior to losing his memories) was also worrying about the same thing Eiden was, like 'what if Master (Eiden) stays with us just because of the contract with Huey? :c' and he calls them both idiots because they don't communicate and fronts to fix it! (Mighty Karu to the rescue)

And talking about "Eerie Escapade" that is also the event where Yakumo's possessiveness towards Eiden shows, i'll admit i haven't seen the last room but i feel like those people i mentioned before are using it as fuel to their idea, because if Yakumo is jealous of other Clan Members interacting with Eiden and "Wants him all to himself" that must mean he wants a monogamous relationship, right?

WRONG!

That just means Yakumo is a complex person that feels different emotions specially when it comes to the most important person in his life (Eiden) other than his grandparents!

And Yakumo feels guilty for having those feelings, not because of them being in a polycule and he not wanting to be in it, but because he has trauma and sees his desires and wants as selfishness and he would never allow himself to be selfish cause he doesn't want to hurt people, he's a people's pleaser! He lives with constant fear of hurting others like the Great Serpent did when it killed many (but apparently there may be more that meets the eye, because the current event hinted that the Great Serpent actually liked humans and took care of children ???)

And Yakumo dealing with those feelings along with his yokai powers as a descendant of The Great Serpent have been the main topic of his last 3 Limited SSRs, which is great because that means CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~

Now unfortunately i cannot talk about Edmond's Intimacy Rooms as i'm missing ALL OF HIS SSRs (why do you hate me Edmond if ily) but from what i've seen he's also pretty happy being with Eiden, heck even HIS MOM is happy his son is with Eiden!

That's right, she's the first and only parent of the Clan Members that knows and approves of their relationship, if it weren't because most of them are orphan we could get many more... i wonder if Yakumo's grandparents are aware hmmm ... and we all know Olivine's parents are gonna HATE it xD and maybe Garu's wolf pack will approve of Eiden by the end of this event.

#i just realized i may not be the right person to talk about polyam relationships and representation #even if i'm open to polyamory while in a monogamous relationship currently #and i do my best to do my research about it and learn from polyam people #but then again i used to do the same with queer people before finding out i was queer #and neurodiverse people before realizing i am one too #and the most recent was autism :D #so maybe i'm not the wrong person to talk about it #also if any of you treat Garu and Karu as the same person when they're a system i will lose it #or worse when people don't acknowledge Karu #help me i love these pups with my life and i will protect them #aster and morvay relationship's nature is not for us to decide #but the fact is that they have one #nu carnival #nucani #canon polyamory #if you read all this i love you~ #edit: i thought Morvay having multiple sex partner was obvious 🤔 #but some ppl pointed it out so #yeah #the incubus has sex with many ppl besides Eiden and Aster all consensual #while Aster finds it annoying but also helpful Eiden think it's hot #big edit: nvm I AM THE RIGHT PERSON to talk about this as im ambiamorous #which means im happy both in a monoam and polyam relationships #so i am in the polyam spectrum and would love to have what these boys have

[icewindandboringhorror]

There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz #ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and #then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc. #Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific #cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or #etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as #you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on #accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have #as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence #of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate #versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a #neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest #ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling #and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for #documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like #sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I #can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If #I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my #ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ?? #Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be #accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor #focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it #were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan #that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is #some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my #kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means #i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m #in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in #one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability #& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER

[meowchela]

random ass lps popular thought but i literally dont understand people who treat brooke like shes innocent solely because her mom is shitty??? like to me it seems like a very clear "villain origin story that explains why they are the way they are but doesn't redeem them". her mom is neglectful and abusive, yes, but a lot of her actions through the series are like. completely divorced from that conflict. brooke may be taking ques from her mom with the whole cutthroat social attitude she has going on but her actions are still very much her own, like she only got the baseline ideology of "you need to stay at the top to have any worth" from her mom and everything else (the manipulation, cheating, blackmail, etc) is all stuff she chose to do herself to attain that goal. and even THEN she's doing it all completely to serve herself, her mom couldn't care less about her daughter's status in high school. brooke probably knows this and is doing whatever she can to derive self worth from her social status alone because she's all too aware that her mom just doesnt give a shit. so everything she does is still on her

i guess a more succinct way of putting it is like. brooke's backstory is more of a frame for her mindset than something you should feel sorry for her over, yknow? because as badly as she's treated at home she turns around and treats everyone around her the exact same way. abuse is cyclical and it's crystal clear that brooke is willingly continuing the cycle because she's obsessed with the power it gives her, power that was stolen from her that she's now stealing from others. and the kicker here is she HAD chances to make positive changes, both with her dad treating her nicer while he was still alive which establishes that she does know how to be kind as well as savy being willing to reconnect and give her genuine friendship again which could've helped her out of this toxic mindset. but she threw both of those chances away because she's so power hungry and is CHOOSING to continue acting like her mom because that's what gets her the most power/worth.

she needs help, but she doesn't deserve forgiveness or sympathy because of all the heinous shit she's done. also, you can't help someone unless they accept the help and/or are willing to change, and we've seen that brooke is NOT willing to change at all. idk man i just dont think we should be so fast to absolve her of accountability when she hasn't shown any willingness to overcome her circumstances. like not even "oh i want to change but things are so hard" no she doesn't want to change full stop. shes stuck in her mindset and that's her downfall and that's the point

anyway brooke would fucking love marina and the diamonds. unrelated to everything

#meow meows #lps popular #brooklyn hayes #and before u come for me for ''hating abuse victims'' or whatever: i'm literally a victim of similar abuse to brooke herself #it's why i get so heated about this tbh #i've been down a similar road and it boggles my mind how she can continue the cycle so effortlessly the way she does #i know from experience that you can be a good person or at least TRY to be a good person despite your circumstances #so the fact that she doesn't even think about trying to do that and perpetuates the cycle instead is super interesting to me #god lps popular was SO ahead of its time in every way i salute sophiegtv #i feel like flattening brooke to ''sympathetic abuse victim'' takes away everything that makes her interesting #like u do realize victims can be bad people too right. we're regular people and surprise regular people range from kindhearted to shitheads #and that doesnt take away from what happened to us #both things can coexist. see nuance

[lieutenant-amuel]

Elena of Avalor is genuinely such a good show.

#Personal #You know I've never forgotten about this show for a single day even after it ended #Just thinking about it makes me happy already but I recently listened to all the songs again #and directly interacting with the show and rewatching the clips from it hits so much different #I really need to do a full rewatch someday I haven't watched the show in ages #Just episodes I love most or something random for the content making purposes which is certainly not the same as watching for pure enjoymen #I probably realized it long ago but I'm currently in the 'analyzing my life' state of mind #and this show means so much to me on a personal level too because it brings up so many important topics to me as a person #And it just does it so well it's clear to see that creators actually cared about the story they wanted to tell #And really EoA also has absolutely fascinating and unique worldbuilding #and in the combination of important not trivial messages and dynamic layered characters this is just such a solid show #It really deserved to get more recognition #I wouldn't even say attention because lots of attention may cause more harm than good #It's actually more about recognition and acknowledgement #Really I'm not even talking about what a huge impact being a part of the fandom has had on my life #it's worth the whole separate post #I'm just talking about the show itself and how great and meaningful it is #Anyway EoA warms my heart and I'm so happy I encountered this show

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet' #and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient- #kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an- #instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.' #like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues- #our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard- #of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things. #in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive' #but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity' #...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people! #who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish! #thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories! #and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly! #ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[kenzie-ann27]

oh cool it's getting real bad again

#i just. i don't know anymore #i wish i mattered to anyone #i wish like. idk #i could disappear off the face of the planet and not one person would even fucking realize i was gone #that's how little impact i have on anything and it just. i fucking hate it #people just forget i even exist and it hurts so fucking much and it doesn't even matter! i don't matter! #and they just go on like i never was anything at all #and i'm the horrible one for caring. i'm the horrible one for being nice #i don't understand it and it makes me go insane like #i get it i'm the only person who has zero friends so like obviously i care too much #when you're popular you can afford not to care #and it's fine when i get upset because no one even fucking notices #makes me want to tear my hair out like what the fuck #what did i do wrong #and no one will answer #fucking no one ever answers

[tin-can-iron-man]

No but like seriously it's almost been 10 years and it's crazy that the MCU introduced Pietro, someone who historically has SO MUCH CHARACTER TO HIM, let him have like 3 lines and turn him into a one off with a shock value death the movie didn't need.

#I'll be honest I don't go out of my way for quicksilver comics but when he shows up in other ones I'm reading he's just SO present! #he has SO MUCH of a personality and it kills me not even from a fan standpoint but just a writing standpoint #there are many other ways to have wanda have her moment (which was the entire purpose of his death and therefore character 🙄) #like. just from a story standpoint it would have been on the nose but you could have her fail to prevent the death of some kids parents #and her breakdown is in the realization that she has perpetuated the cycle that victimized her in the past #becoming the monster™️ #and YOU COULD HAVE THAT BE HER/THEIR CONCLUSION TO THEIR BACKSTORY ARC WITH TONY #just a fucking conversation. that theres blood on their hands whether it was with good intentions or not #the only thing they can try to be is better #THE END #THE FUCKING END. NO LOOSE END THERE. godDAMNIT #I'm never ever going to fucking forgive the mcu to what they did to wanda but they do deserve a special kick in the balls for pietro too

[adore-gregor]

study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true

#my advice #but this saying is sooo true #i know some people at uni who study for exam so long and hard but then fail or just barely make it :( #like what are you doing? i don't mean this in a mean way but it doesn't have to be this difficult #i don't understand how some people can study for an exam for 2 weeks or even a month and still fail and i don't think they're stupid #or i don't see myself as particulary smart #but i guess they just waste their time a lot and i realized studying effective is so important #now everyone is a bit different and has to find what works best for them but there are certain techniques which are proven to work well #there is so much information on the internet on this look it up seriously #it made my life sm easier i never struggled in uni like i did in school and i get good grades #and if i ever struggled a bit it was because i started so late it was almost impossible to pass 😂 #which is why to do both is still best 😂 #but i actually always made it and i never failed an exam at uni (which i studied for) #(two i was fooled into to just try without studying bc it's easy lol) #i mean i shouldn't speak too soon but i already made it through some of the most difficult of my studies #ofc it depends on what you study how well this works but i'm speaking for myself #i once passed an exam with a B studying only 2 days as one of the best students while others studied 2 weeks #and got worse grades or failed #still studying only 2 days is stupidity don't do it 😅 #so the techniques i find very helpful are ofc exam questions probably the best one #if there are none make your own #then blurting for which there are different ways but i like to just go over a topic and then write down everything i remember #then fill the gaps #quizlet is also great it's an app which allows you to create cards and then tests you in creative ways #videos can be helpful as well for summaries and using summaries in general is normally enough it saves you sm time #normally you don't actually need to know everything but you should be careful it's not a bad summary leaving out too much 😅 #and i also like mindmaps bc i'm a very visual person #but all those tipps are mostly for remembering information so it doesn't work so well for other fields of study #well i hope this is somewhat helpful idk 🙈 #oh and reading texts over and over again is the most useless in my opinion i don't remember much at all and it takes sm time

[irregularbillcipher]

going over old fic notes and outlines and character talks with friends and it's always really funny when i get to the stuff i was developing early-mid 2019 where bill just literally kept kryptos around to rag on, and he genuinely just. did not like the man. like was just completely annoyed with his general existence. boy have things changed

#for anyone curious: i came to the conclusion that no amount of 'this guy sucks but he's fun to bully' would get bill to keep someone around #for like literal eons. bill gets bored of his toys too quickly. he'd break 'em. plus the fact that bill decided he was worth saving to begi #with. there was at first an element of 'i owe the guy' because [FIC SPOILERS] and a grudging 'if i had a gun to my head i'd say he was my #best friend i GUESS but do not tell him that' but no real genuine friendship or anything more #before realizing that with the specific story i was going to tell it just made the most sense to have these assholes still be like. #bad people for sure but to actually care about each other. it also just felt too easy to write bill off as someone whose cruelty is just #a lack of certain emotions. like that doesn't automatically make a bad person and a bad person doesn't automatically lack emotion #(there's a character that'll be introduced sometime soon who is aroace and doesn't make friends easily and she's lovely because...) #(idk man. i'm aroace and why shouldn't she be. a lack of affection doesn't make you bad and the ability to feel it doens't make you good) #so bill can and does love people-- even if actual vulnerability is near impossible to get from him-- and kryptos is included in that #it's just that he still sucks really bad and hurts and even kills people that he loves because again. bad person who has no idea how to #navigate relationships healthily because of his own baggage and the environment he grew up in #(also in canon he usually does not want to navigate relationships healthily because. again. he sucks!) #so the only lasting relationship he's ever had where he isn't trying to hurt someone is still just... messy as hell #(and to be fair kryptos is also a p. bad person by adulthood it's just that they're pretty young at this point in the fic) #(so there's less avenues to show that) #kryptos being desperate for any scrap of attention and bill providing the only attention he's ever gotten was always the vibe #but it really was much more of a 'bully and bulling victim who he lets hang around him because said victim' #'is like the only one willing to talk to him' dynamic which is... very much not the case anymore #as said in the tags of my fic. these awful shapes care about each other as best they can care about anyone #anyway sorry idk how much anyone really cares about these tag essays but theyre helpful for me to get my thought process like... down #and track how different the story used to be

[there-will-be-a-way]

Something about making your mother cry that makes you think you need to go to jail

#personal posts #my mother's mother was an alcoholic too #I'm repeating patterns that probably traumatized her #and watching her child go from psych ward to psych ward and finishing one therapy after another yet still being sick #must be more difficult than I can imagine #I'm deeply sorry #you know I don't really care about myself #but I do care about the people I'm hurting and dragging down with me #I've dragged so many people down #and yet I'm still here repeating the same patterns #my roommates words about us being sick really are true #I'm realizing this for the first time in my life #I don't care about protecting myself #but I want to get better for the ones who love me #tw addiction #she always offers me help yet I turn it down #because my life is my responsibility and I don't want anyone to become co-addicted #but maybe turning down people's offers to help hurts them more in the end #it's something I'm learning #first evening at home is hard #but I'm still sober #and coping by listening to music #writing poetry #and smoking by an open windows #(because you have to be melodramatic sometimes #addiction tag

[yo9urt]

mutuals i may be on the verge of becoming a gamer...

#not really LOL not like a serious one at least but umm this could be huge #mine #ok i realize i havent made a personal post in a while so let me explain... #for a while now ive been wanting to get a proper pc so i can play games and also do other stuff (<- macbook air owner) #but i was like ill just wait til i move out cause money and moving etc etc and then i was like well maybe ill get one for black friday #and then i was like no i don't have space and i need to be frugal and it'll be easier to move out if i don't have a pc to worry about #but i still want to play games...COUGH bg3. i really wanna play bg3...and minecraft and stardew valley and the yakuza games also #possibly other games too but anyway i was beginning to lose hope and then i saw someone on some thread somewhere mention the steam deck #and i was like oh yeah waht is that thing (i had never considered it before bc i thought it was more of a serious gamer thing but i also #didnt really know what it was at all anyway back on topic) so i goog'd it and it's like exactly what i need? #it's in my budget + small and portable + can run all the games on my list #(it doesn't run bg3 WELL...you have to be a bit careful with the settings and the framerate is a little messy #but i'm willing to accept that honestly it doesn't bother me i just want to play the game i'll lower my standards) #and with winter break coming up i'm like umm. i need something to do.... #plus they just came out with the oled version and after doing research #even though i want to be frugal i honestly think the 512gb oled seems like the right choice #so. i might order it tomorrow LMAO

[littlegildedswallow]

you losers will see a thin woman existing and rush to let her know how sick and disgusting and starved she looks. I'm becoming so disillusioned with the body positivity movement.

can't even talk about how nutrition and being careful about what you put in your body are important without some performative insecure idiot having a meltdown about diet culture.

everyone's willing to make video essays and write theses on counting calories being "inherently unhealthy", "almond moms" and people who very obviously have an unhealthy, deficient diet. these same people will then turn around and pretend that stuffing your face with empty calories with no nutritional value, greasy, fried shit and ungodly amounts of sugar five times a day everyday is "self care" and "knowing what's right for my body and giving it what it needs 🥺🥰💖".

#fucking hell #realizing the groups of people i despise all do the thing where they talk around in circles rationalizing things that go against basic #common sense #haes people #tras #libfems #so fucking gross #saw someone who claimed to be a radfem rant about how being fat is a feminist action because of diet culture beauty standards yada yada #like girl wtf are you talking about stop embarrassing us #bring back teaching kids about nutrition and the importance of balanced meals and protein and fiber and indulgent junk too but in moderation #saw someone talk about how dieting is toxic because you have to starve yourself to lose weight #like no dumbfuck you just have to be in a calorie deficit #I'm recovering rn but that doesn't mean i want to swing in the opposite direction and gain 100 kilos #been eating balanced meals with lots of sexy spicy chicken and fruits and veggies and muffins #i feel so good #I'm losing body fat but gaining muscle #and i want to keep doing that until i hit around 43 kgs because that's my good zone #the fact that we can't even talk about this stuff without some big-backed defensive haes person yelling about beauty culture is insane #what's funny about these people is their complete lack of integrity #how are you gonna claim you're subverting beauty standards by being fat then wear three different types of shapewear and contour your face #and chin and do everything in your power to give the illusion of having an hourglass figure ? #mine

[existentialflirt]

Okay, I've decided I need to make some new icons. That always helps me get out of a tumblr rp wriitng funk because then I'm like :)))) Time to show off my hard work :)))))))))))))))) Trying to decide if I want to ruin my Pinterest dash and make a Buffy pin board for icons. Idek....I'm pretty content with it being currently mostly GOmens fanart and David Tennent thirst. I'm a simple creature. Maybe I'll make a second account for Buffy pins. I'm honestly just so scared of the inevitable bad take machine.

(As you all prolly know, Pinterest became thievery central when they changed something about it ages ago. I can't remember anymore, only that it was suddenly mostly imbedded links. Anyway, even before that, it was 50% meme and fandom meta screen shots from tumblr, and that hadn't changed. Lord though, fandom makes me feel so old. It's like, if I didn't think I'd end up cringing out of my skin, I'd pop onto my og dreamwidth account. Not for the DW content, no no no, it's gets so much worse. When I switched over from LJ, I imported my blog there too, so there's also ancient stuff that makes me both happy and kinda wanna vomit. You know, it's nice to see that kinda thing be preserved but also oh god, oh no. My point is, in my typical roundabout way, has fandom changed and lost its sense of literacy and humour, or was I also taking the funny bits of a story and spinning it into incredible grimdark head canon I'M LOOKING AT YOU GOOD OMENS FANDOM JFC CROWLEY PSYCHOLOGICALLY TORTURES PLANTS BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING FUNNY. IT'S NOT ANY DEEPER THAN THAT UNLESS YOU WANNA SAY THAT IT'S EMBLEMATIC THAT CROWLEY IS A SHIT DEMON. HE'S AT HIS MOST TERRIFYING WHEN HE'S BULLYING PLANTS. FUCKING PLANTS. Ahem. Sorry.)

#anyway #sorry again i've been MIA #haven't been feeling great #mostly having migraines from adjustment to new glasses and prelude to the wolf moon making me feel awful #also you know it apparently takes me few days to psychologically recover from talking to my doctor lmao #i'm not so paranoid as to think he legit doesn't like me but i do think he's got the emotional awareness of a gnat #like you know i'm several anxiety disorders in a trenchcoat so do you just not realize you trigger my discomfort strongly? #Do we think it's a good thing? who even knows #maybe i'll just start lyin and masking baybeeeee #too many tags and way too personal i'm so sorry lol #tbd #ooc;

[born-to-lose]

Missing people and regretting shit o'clock

#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it #i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn #why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up #i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him #i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up #just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended #guess i just can't be happy. i never could #i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together #not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future #which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility #or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically #while i seem to be the only one with that goal #idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now #and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess #disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change #deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim #mel talks #depressed bitch posting #i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation #it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before