#Dr. Kleiner sees the world

[justkleinerthoughts]

dr kleiner sketchbook reveal?

#Hot pics #Hot vids #World tour #Artists on tumblr #Artists of tumblr #I'm happy so #I'm so happy #I'm very happy right now #Dr. Kleiner sees the world #Dr. Kleiner sees Africa #Dr. Kleiner sees Australia #Dr. Kleiner sees Asia #Dr. Kleiner sees Antarctica #Dr. Kleiner sees Europe #Dr. Kleiner sees North America #Dr. Kleiner sees South America

[decks-writing-blog]

How Long Has it Been?

Summary: From Gordon's perspective he's just killed the Nihilanth and accepted G-man's job offer before getting dropped off on the train. Clearly a lot's happened that he missed.

[A/N] I'm playing Half-Life 2 again (the VR mod of it which is awesome, if you have a VR headset, I highly recommend it) and I realized at the start, no one explains to Gordon what's up with the Combine. They weren't around when he was put into stasis by the G-man so in that moment he'd have no idea what's going on. And it's been 20 years so all his friends are gonna be visibly older so that'd probably throw him for a loop too. So in answer to these thoughts, I wrote this. He also gets to have a little sit down because being frozen in time doesn't count as having a break and he's certainly earned one.

~

If Barney hadn’t introduced himself upon lowering the helmet’s visor, Gordon might not have recognized him. He was older, not just older than Gordon where once he’d been a couple years younger but old enough that his hair was starting to noticeably gray. Just a little around the edges, he wasn’t an old man yet, but, unless he was graying super early, it was a clear sign that more than just a handful of years had gone by as Gordon had first hoped upon realizing he’d lost time when stepping off the train.

What all had Gordon missed whilst in stasis? Not just with what was going on with his friends but the world as a whole. Who were the Combine? Did they have anything to do with the aliens he’d fought before? Certainly not, right? He’d defeated their leader, or at least someone important to their attack… somehow, barely. So what was going on? How many years had it been?

He lifted his hands to ask. Too slow though, Barney was already talking again. “When Eli said you were coming, I almost didn’t believe it. And then when I saw you I almost didn’t believe it again ‘cause well… you look exactly the same as you did back when I last saw you. You haven’t aged a day.”

How could Gordon possibly look the same? So much had happened. He’d killed more people and aliens than he cared to ever think about. He’d died and come back also more times than he could ever think too much about whilst also hoping to keep whatever thread of sanity he had left intact. He’d been to an alien world and killed and alien superpower. How could none of that have changed him visually at least as much as the years had changed Barney?

“But man, is it good see you again. I uh… missed you.” Barney sagged a little, the emotion on his face unreadable. A moment later though, he shook it off as he straightened. “But as much as I’d love to chat for a a bit, we don’t exactly have time to catch up right now. We gotta get you to Kleiner’s lab, ASAP.” He turned and started typing into the console again.

A few moments later Kleiner’s face came up on the monitor. He too was visibly older; more wrinkled, balder, and what little hair he had left, entirely gray. Like Barney, he was alive though, he’d survived the Black Mesa disaster. And Barney had mentioned Eli so that meant he’d gotten out too. But… how many more survivors were there? How many casualties? Now probably wasn’t a good time to ask.

“Dr. Kleiner, you’ll never guess who just showed up,” Barney said, whatever somber emotion he’d been feeling before fully gone from his voice now.

Later, Gordon would get his answers later. For now he’d just continue to listen and do as he was told. Barney and Kleiner knew what they were doing, they’d explain it in time. Besides, Gordon had gotten quite good at forging on ahead despite emotionally not wanting to.

~

It wasn’t until the elevator slowed to a stop that it finally clicked who Alyx was, or more like who exactly she was talking about when she mentioned her dad. Perhaps it should’ve clicked with him sooner, especially after having seen visible signs of age on Barney and Kleiner, but he was still getting used to the fact that he’d been in stasis for who even knew how long.

“You’re Eli Vance’s daughter,” he signed before she could turn away as the doors opened with a soft ping. He’d never met her or seen anything more than just the single photo Eli had kept of her on his desk but Eli had talked about her sometimes. Enough that Gordon knew her name. And if she was, there was a good chance he’d have taught her sign language as it was useful for far more than just people who couldn’t speak.

She gasped, almost seeming to flinch a little. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you… do you need me to…” She awkwardly lifted her hands to sign, her movements slow and unsure. “Yes. Eli is my dad. Sorry. I’m… I’m…” She fumbled with her hands, clearly unsure how to say whatever it was she wanted to say.

“I can hear.” Gordon made sure to move his hands a bit slower than usual as she clearly wasn’t very comfortable with this form of communication. “You don’t need to sign to talk to me.” He appreciated the effort though, not everyone did.

“Oh, thank god,” she said, visibly relaxing as she lowered her hands. “For a moment there I thought you missed everything I just said. Dad taught me sign language when I was little but I don’t get many opportunities to use it outside of missions. And for those we we only really use stuff like ‘all clear’ or ‘three Combine ahead’, you know?” As she said the phrases out loud, she also lifted her hands to sign them too. “So I’m not very good at it.”

“That’s fine.”

“All right um… I guess I’m gonna have to practice that, huh? For now though, we should continue. We’re almost there.” She turned and resuming leading the way and Gordon continued to follow. Still no time to waste on talking apparently.

~

Despite never having been in this iteration of Kleiner’s lab, it still felt somewhat familiar and very Kleiner. A cluttered mess that was somehow still organized. The addition of Lamarr wasn’t nearly as shocking as everything else Gordon had seen upon waking up in the new present. In fact, it was the exact kind of thing Gordon would’ve expected from him if he’d been given the time to think about it.

As Lamarr hopped away, Gordon set to exploring. Not counting his time in stasis, it hadn’t been that long since he’d last been in a working laboratory but it certainly had felt like it had been ages. He missed it.

Would he ever be allowed to settle down and just be a normal theoretical physicist ever again? If given the chance would he even be able to? The world had changed so much while he was in stasis and he’d changed so much during the fallout of the resonance cascade. All the killing, violence, and death weren’t things he could just pretend didn’t happen. Surely there could be no peace after…

Something touched his shoulder. Flinching, he snapped around to face it as he reached for a gun that wasn’t there. He scrambled for were his crowbar should be magnetized to suit’s front instead but that also wasn’t there.

“You okay, pal?” It was just Barney looking at Gordon with a concerned expression. His hand was still raised as if he wanted to put it back on Gordon’s shoulder but didn’t dare.

Trying to pretend he wasn’t breathing a bit harder and his heart wasn’t still racing, Gordon stepped back and looked up and around to see Alyx and Kleiner looking at him with similar shocked expressions. They’d been talking to him, hadn’t they? He’d heard their voices but had been too lost in thought to pay attention. Here, that was fine, anywhere else though, a death sentence. Even if he reset afterwards, dying hurt, sometimes a lot. He’d like to avoid it whenever possible so he had to be more wary and honestly shouldn’t have relaxed as much as he had in the first place.

“I’m fine. Continue.” Somehow he managed to keep his hands steady as he signed.

Silence held for a few moments before Kleiner broke it. “Ah well, as I was saying, I upgraded your HEV suit. If you would like to put it on, I’ll go over the specifics with you.” He turned to the keypad in the wall he’d apparently walked over to whilst Gordon hadn’t been paying attention. He input a code, opening the metal door next to him. Inside was indeed the HEV suit.

Of course Gordon had to put the suit back on. He wasn’t here to rest and relax, he had a mission to complete even if he wasn’t sure of the full perimeters of it. He was good at killing people now and even better at not dying because he didn’t stay dead when he did die. There was probably no time to waste either, things were happening, he needed to get a move on. But also…

“How long has it been?” Surely asking for at least that much would be okay, right?

“Since when?” Barney had stepped back from him and lowered his hand to lean lightly on a nearby table but he was still just in arms’ reach.

“Since everything that happened at Black Mesa.”

“Oh, uh, ‘bout twenty years, I think.”

“Twenty years to the the exact date, actually,” Kleiner added. “From the resonance cascade, not since you went to Xen to kill the Nihilanth.”

Oh. He’d lost twenty years. But hey, at least he had a name for the thing he’d killed Not that helped him much. He still missed twenty years of his friends life while apparently the world went to hell even despite his efforts to save it.

“Wait, if he’s been frozen in time since the Black Mesa incident, does he not know what’s going on with the Combine and stuff?” Alyx said it in a near whisper to Kleiner, just barely audible to Gordon from over here. Thanks to the suit, all that gunfire hadn’t damaged his eardrums though so he did hear it.

Kleiner took a moment to respond, his forehead wrinkled in thought. “Now that you mention it… Gordon, do you know what’s going on? I’d assumed you’d been told but if you don’t even know how long it’s been…” He trailed off.

Ah, so they hadn’t been barreling on because they didn’t care, they’d assumed he was caught up. Probably a safe assumption to make since the man in the suit could’ve easily told him something before dropping him off on that train. “I know nothing.”

“Oh dear, we don’t have time for a full debriefing right now but you are certainly owed and explanation. Come on, come over here and sit down and I’ll give you a rundown on things.” Kleiner gestured for Gordon to come over as he walked back over to his desk. “Barney, go with Alyx and help her brush up on her sign language skills, she’s gonna need them now that’s Gordon’s back. Though, really we could probably all brush up on them some.”

The thought of sitting down and having something explained to him was almost too good to be true. Surely something would come up to interrupt them. … If so though, Gordon should hurry over to get as much explanation as he could before that happened. He jogged over while Barney and Alyx moved off to the side. Besides, he’d earned an explanation and a break. Even if it was bound to be brief, he’d happily take it.

#half life #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #alyx vance #isaac kleiner

[f4gbutchdyketwink]

Honestly I think all the characters should have been way more amazed and emotional that Gordon Freeman just suddenly reappeared after 20 years looking exactly the same as he did when he disappeared. Especially from Barney's pespective. Your good (best?) friend, who you may or may not be in love with, suddenly disappeared one day. Because of, ya know, the alien invasion, you assumed he died. You live for 20 years under an oppressive, genocidal regeme. By the time half life 2 begins you're almost 50, but the trauma has aged you far past that. Then one day, out of the blue, you see him. On the security cameras in your office you can just barely make out his face. Your heart is racing. Your head is swimming. It feels like you're moving through jello as you make your way out of your office towards the train he's about to board. A train to certain death or worse. He can't board that train, you can't lose him again, but if you don't appear perfectly calm everything, and I mean everything, will be lost. He's almost in your reach. You're sounding the alarm and opening the door. You finally see his face. Confused, scared, silent. It's all you can do to keep your voice from shaking.

"you. Come with me."

The other CPs don't say anything, he follows you to your office silently. You're almost there, you almost have him again. It's all you can do to keep from running to your office. When you're finally there you almost forget what you're doing. A hasty "I'm gonna need me some privacy" and an off switch on the cameras so you don't blow your cover. Now finally, it's you and it's him. You tear off your mask to greet him.

"it's me Gordon!" But what if he doesn't recognize you after all these years? "Barney, from Black Mesa!"

With your mask off you finally get a good look at his face. You realize. He hasn't changed a bit. In twenty entire years. Where has he been all this time? You're practically an old man now, this guy isn't even 30. Will be still want to be your friend? Will he still want *you*? The fear that things have changed too much grips your heart and this one small moment before he realizes feels like an eternity. Finally it's broken when you see recognition, even joy wash over his face at the sight of his friend. After all this time it looks childlike to you. He doesn't even realize the gravity of what's happened yet. He doesn't know he didn't save the world last time. How are you going to tell him after all he went through at Black Mesa that there's still more to do? The joy of seeing him again mixed with the sorrow of not being able to grow old with him in a peaceful world is almost too much to bear. You choke back tears with your next words-

"About that beer I owed you..."

You don't even have time to explain to him the first eight hours since he disappeared, let alone the last 20 years. You don't have time to throw your arms around him and tell him how worried you were, how you thought he died, and how much you missed him over the last two decades. How much you thought about him every night since the incident. You have to get back to your beating quotas, and he has to get going to Dr. Kleiner's.

#i get emotional over this so much #crying at work rn #half life #half life 2 #hl2 #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #im a simple man i see halflife i hit reblog

[unidentifiable-body]

Ok so! Some important notes to clarify things from my last summary

Xen is a border world. Nothing is native to there, they all fled to Xen to escape the Combine. That includes the Nilanth. The most important aliens to know from there are Vortigaunts (they are enemies in HL1 and the expansions, but the are friendly in all other games! They actually become really important later. They were enemies because the Nilanth had them under its control. And they were also enslaved by the Combine before they fled to Xen), headcrabs (when attached to someone's head, they make zombies. Kleiner has a pet one named Lammar.), and barnacles.

Every protag from HL1 are just from expansions. Barney is from Blue Shift, Adrian is from Opposing Force, and Gina and Colette are from Decay. Adrian is an employee of G-man, but never shows up again. Gina and Colette also never show up again.

Eli made Alyx a giant companion robot named D0g! He is very big and friendly. He likes to play ball.

There is a rival company to Black Mesa called Aperture (there are games centering around that company, that's the Portal series which I can also 100% ramble about if you want) So anyways these guys make absolutely crazy shit. Like they just throw science at the wall and sees what sticks. This is important.

So anyways! Half Life 2 Episode 1 takes place in a timeline where Half Life 1 happened, but time was reminded just a bit before G-man could put Gordon back in stasis (both Gordon and Alyx were taken back by the Vortigaunts who don't like G-man for some reason.) so now he is under the rubble. D0g saves him and Alyx, and they contact Kleiner and Eli. Kleiner tells them the Citadel's core (which is what killed Dr. Breen, he fell into it) is going to explode and destroy the city. He tells Gordon and Alyx to stabilize it. Eli reluctantly agrees to let them because. He's worried about his daughter. He dies want her to explode. But yeah they make their way to stabilize the core, contacting Judith along the way and finding out she is in the Arctic and has discovered something with her team, but she is attacked before explaining. Gordon and Alyx then make their way through the sewers which are filled with zombies. There are even zombie Combine, which Alyx calls "zombine" because she is ADORABLE AND I LOVE HER. So they fight through that and get to the train station and find Barney. They help him defend some City 17 escapees, fighting their way through a hospital. At this point Kleiner has hacked the screens used to make Breencasts (Breen broadcasts. It's clever) and is explaining now that the suppression field is down people can have babies again. He basically tells people to have sex. So Alyx and Gordon are finally back at the train station and help people onto trains before boarding one themselves, and the City blows up behind them. They get into a trainwreck because of the explosion.

Episode two! They both are fine after the crash, Alyx gets Gordon out and tells him they have to deliver an information pack to White Forest, another rebel base. There is also a portal storm going on, which is very bad news because that's kinda what happened in Black Mesa when all the aliens arrived, so that means more Combine can show up. After a bit of a fight through antlions they contact White Forest, and Kleiner and Eli are there! They are happy to see the pair alive and happy, but the leader of White Forest, Arne Magnusson, is more worried about the data pack. The two then leave for White Forest but Alyx gets very badly hurt. Luckily, a Vortigaunt finds her and they get to another rebel base near an antlion nest. (There are two very silly guys there, Griggs and Sheckley.) The Vortigaunt needs both antlion grub extract and more Vortigaunts to heal Alyx, so Gordon goes with the Vortigaunt to get the extract. They get back and a bunch of Vortigaunts heal Alyx. The G-man used this opportunity to show up and talk to Gordon, explaining that he rescued Alyx as a baby back in Black Mesa despite people not wanting him to (Breen flashes on screen when he says this for some reason). He also tells Alyx to warn her dad about "unforseen consequences". Alyx and Gordon also get soul bonded. So yeah Alyx is all ok now, so it's time for a road trip to White Forest! The guys decide to stop to tell White Forest they are coming, but find a Combine Advisor in a barn! They almost die but the Advisor freaks out and flies away. So yeah. They get badly ambushed and have to fight through a LOT of Combine. But they get to White Forest! You see Magnusson really likes rockets and has been making one so they can send a satellite up, as well as the data packet, so they can shut down all the Combine's portals! They also find out about an Aperture superweapon known as The Borealis. Kleiner wants to use it, but Eli wants to destroy it because it could be very bad for everyone. So they decide to go and destroy it. Unfortunately, they get attacked again but they fend off the Combine. Once they get a quiet moment Alyx tells her dad what G-man told her, and he freaks out because that's what G-man told him before the Resonance Cascade (Eli doesn't like or trust G-man) and he thinks something bad is going to happen. But still, they decide to go and destroy it. Eli confides in Gordon he thinks the G-man wants them to destroy the Borealis. They are just about to take a helicopter to get arctic to destroy it when a Combine Advisor comes in and sucks Eli's brainwaves out RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS DAUGHTER. D0g attacks it too late. Alyx holds onto her father's body and the credits roll

I will send a seperate ask for Half Life Alyx, I swear it's good.

I AM SO SO CONFUSED BUT SO SO INTREGED.

#unidentifiable ushers~☆

[gmanwhore]

can u tell me abt Half Life....*looks at you with the widest shimmering eyes*

*STARES BACK INTENSLY*

Ok so it is a game series by Valve where you (mostly) play as a theoretical physicist named Gordon Freeman. He worked at a top-secret science facility called Black Mesa and they were experimenting on a crystal from a border world planet called Xen and ended up accidentally ripping a portal open to Xen (it was called the Resonance Cascade), and Gordon (And a security guard named Barney Calhoun and two other theoretical physicists named Colette Green and Gina Cross and a HECU Marine named Adrain Shephard) had to fight the aliens had to come through. Also everyone but Adrian also had to fight the HECU marines because they HECU are there to bascially go in and kill everyone and everything in Black Mesa if things go to shit. Anyways. Gordon fights everything and ends up going to Xen and kills the Nialanth which is the giant alien baby-looking thing which had every other alien under it's control, it was also the last on it's kind. So yeah Gordon kills it then the G-man shows up and is like "Hey Gordon. Join me or I'll let all the remaining aliens kill you" so Gordon joins him. And twenty years later Gordon wakes up on a train going to City 17, which is one of the last remaining urban centers after the Combine, a race of fascist aliens took over the world after finding earth through the Resonance Cascade and they took over the whole world. Anyways now everyone is kinda like. Under the Combine's rule. So anyways Barney finds Gordon and brings him to Dr. Kleiner (Dr. Kleiner is Gordon's mentor and science dad) and everyone is so happy to see Gordon! That's also when we first meet Alyx (she is my wife I love her) and Gordon gets his power armour back, and he has to go to Black Mesa east where Eli is (Eli is Alyx's dad and Gordon's old co-worker) and he goes to do that and Comine shoot at him. Oh yeah Gordon's old boss Dr. Breen is working with the Comine that's important. Anyways he gets to Black Mesa East and sees Eli again (Alyx is also there cuz she teleported first but Gordon didn't) and they hang out a bit (Eli's friend Judith Mossman is there too, she's important) before Black Mesa East gets attacked because SOMEONE ratted them out so everyone scatters and Gordon has to go to Ravenholm (We don't go the Ravenholm) which is filled with zombies and there's this preist guy named Father Grigori is there, he's chill, he gives Gordon a shotgun and they fight the zombies together before Ravenholm gets set on fire and Father Grigori runs into the flames because he won't leave his people. So Gordon is just kinda there now. And then he finds out Eli is at Nove Prospekt (The Combine's really big prison) so Gordon goes on a road trip to find him. He also finds out what Antlions are are also learns how to control them throught the pheremone pods the antlions have. So he gets to Nova Prospekt and tries to find Eli and fights some guards and antlions and shit but Eli isn't there! So he meets up with Alyx again and they go back to Kleiner's lab. They also found out Judith betrayed everyone because she hates Gordon for taking her job. Anyways. So it turns out an entire week has passed way to fast because of the teleporter mishap. And the uprising started! Yay! So yeah they decide to go to the Citadel. Barney joins them and they head to the Citadel, and Gordo gets in (Alyx got captured) Breen tried to get Gordon to betray his friends and but Gordon...didnt say anything, I am sure he is mute. Anyways Breen tried to contact the Combine and ends up dying, Gordon, Alyx and Eli escape, and the Citadel blows up then G-man shows up again and is just like "Just checking in <3"

Anyways that's just. 1 and 2. There are other episodes to Half Life 2 and also Half Life Alyx but my arms hurt

#asks

[tonkipark]

Magic leap magic leapbassbloomberg

Magic Leap claims that its device is unique in the way it beams light into the eye, though the company declines to explain it further at this time. The user sees the outside world through the glass, while the virtual elements are projected from a light source at the edge of the glass and then reflected into the user’s eyes by the beam-splitting nano-ridges. But all things considered, the answer seems to be: “probably.” See also Kevin Kelly’s sparsely detailed megafeature on ML for Wired in 2016:Īll three major MR headsets rely on images that are projected edgeways onto a semitransparent material-usually glass with a coating of nanoscale ridges. ML then released another video “shot directly through Magic Leap technology on 10/14/15, without the use of special effects or compositing.” Was that true? Definitely a question worth asking, in light of what had happened with the previous video. Magic Leap sent an email to press with a video and the claim “This is a game we’re playing around the office right now” subsequently, The Information revealed that entire video was F/X, created by Weta Workshop. It’s worth noting there was some spin-that-more-than-verged-on-deception going on. What happened to that “completely different approach?” The ML1 is a not a “lightfield projector” or display by any broadly accepted definition This is the part that has gotten the most hype over the years, with endless talk of “Photonic Lightfield Chips”, “Fiber Scanning Laser Displays”, “projecting a digital light field into the user’s eye”, and the holy-grail promise of solving vergence-accommodation conflict, an issue that has plagued HMDs for decades … TL DR: The supposed “Photonic Lightfield Chips” are just waveguides paired with reflective sequential-color LCOS displays and LED illumination, the same technology everyone else has been using for years, including Microsoft in their last-gen HoloLens. Again, yes he would do so … but the details are quite striking … Tull even told TechCrunch “Magic Leap takes a completely different approach.” This is especially interesting because when Magic Leap finally - finally, after 5 years and $1.6 billion - released a product, Oculus’s Palmer Luckey wrote a truly scathing teardown of the Magic Leap One. Legendary and a16z had previously invested in Oculus Rift. It was incredibly natural and almost jarring - you’re in the room, and there’s a dragon flying around, it’s jaw-dropping and I couldn’t get the smile off of my faceĥ/ and having the Magic Leap demo is as impressive as the original multitouch demo. Not just an order-of-magnitude more pixels or a faster frame rate, but – thanks to sensors and optics and mobile phone volumes and breakthroughs in computer vision – something I always dreamed of … The product is amazing … this is different I mean, it’s a VC’s job to rave about their portfolio companies, but this was different: Investors included Andreessen Horowitz, Kleiner Perkins, Google (not Google Ventures - Google itself) and many many more. Magic Leap drew in a lot of true believers over the years $2.6 billion worth. He is actually assuaging some of my considerable skepticism re ML, too. The Chief Game Wizard of Magic Leap has the relieved look of a man whose company has, 5 years and $1.6 billion later, finally released something, anything, for the love of God Montresor.

#Magic leap magic leapbassbloomberg

[notnights]

No no you have a point though. I feel like all I can find are not a game au content a lot of the time and some are really lovely but also that was half the draw to me! Like ouugh these funky ai men they are trapped! What are the moral implications of this? Dr. Coomer is my favorite and I will not let this slide!

I can get the appeal of wanting these little AI guys Real. I imagine for some folk it's easier to write or come up with ideas for too. I wouldn't mind it as much if people actually... had something for Coomer in this kind of AU. Its sort of the nail in the coffin for me with this kind of AU content.

Coomer's arc could be translated into something more befitting of the "Real World." Existential crises are a real thing after all, the trigger behind Coomer's is what could be tweaked. Maybe he finds out Gman's employers "nudge" things in directions and starts wondering just how much is and isn't nudged. Attacks Gordon in the same vain of "they'll never see this coming and it'll ruin their plans!" or maybe even thinks Gordon's the web connecting everything for their plan to work and removing him from the picture can potentially stop all this.

Also smaller ideas like why he's so fond of the Player, aka Gordon. He loves you because he's the tutorial NPC programmed to be by your side and help you. If this is the Real World, what could that unconditional love be translated to? Maybe, seeing as Coomer and Gordon seemingly knew each other before the series' events, and since Kleiner isn't in this picture as far as we know, Coomer is this Gordon's Kleiner. Maybe Coomer was the one who recommended Gordon to Black Mesa, used to teach him and is his mentor.

I think there can be a lot of creativity and brainstorming to be gained from that, like the examples I just gave. But I think the truth is most Not-A-Game-AUs don't involve or think about Coomer enough to care.

Coomer is just kind of swept under the rug in these AUs. And for me personally I just couldn't do that to him, our dear friend Dr. Coomer. 😫

#Harold P Coomer #doctor coomer #hlvrai #hlvrai musings

[bellygunnr]

You remember being 8.

You remember a shadowed house, the windows blacked and boarded, all the lights turned low save for a kerosene lamp that flickered more than glowed. You had a book beneath your hands, the words swimming in and out of focus, while a storm raged outside. These storms were strange-- nothing like the torrential pours of your old home, the memories of which failed the test of time. These storms had no rain and thunder.

You struggled to read the book between exhausting and the failing light, but also because your skin would start to crawl, treaded upon by millions of invisible ants. Then, rapidly, the sensation would disperse, chased off by the outside world flashing blue and green. Occasionally, a more concussive sound would follow.

And then it'd begin anew.

But, you remember being 8. You remember the door being thrown open and fresh air gusting in, followed up by your father stomping in, weighed down by some other hapless shape. You struggled to your feet, but were nudged back down by Kleiner, who pressed you to Ms. Mossman.

When she tried to shepherd you away, you dug in. You stared at the doorway with your father and the strange man and you knew--

You remembered, as you remember now, that this was Barney.

-

You remember being 14. You remember seeing another girl so pretty that you had to stop and stare. Then you had to talk to her, any means necessary. You chased her from one end of the complex to the other, only to realize that no, she wasn't ignoring you, she just couldn't hear.

She used her hands to talk, and it was pretty, because she put her whole body into it.

You resolved to learn her language, to understand her words. It took you two weeks and a month-- with most of it spent upgrading your friend, D0G.

Then, the night before your first date, the Overwatch came.

Population shuffle. Destination: City 17.

-

You remember being 16. You remember lurking in the hallway just outside the room meant for the adults-- a pretty bogus restriction, still to this day. You peeked around the doorway, ears straining for the low voices of your dad and the big green aliens.

They spoke in hoarse tones, but you understood the gist.

You slipped away with the One Free Man on your mind and Dr. Freeman on your tongue. Who was he, and why did they call him that?

You remember asking Barney.

The conversation, in retrospect, makes you sad.

-

You remember being 18. You remember your birthday, so closely monitored and calculated, so ready to be celebrated, but tragedy had struck. A botched raid meant injuries and casualties, meant you found yourself wrist-deep in other peoples' blood until they were stable enough for alien intervention.

You remember getting through your patients the quickest and seeing Barney at the end of the line. He was baring his teeth in some kind of grin, gesturing other folks past him to join the triage, but you hardly gave a damn for the injured rebels approaching you.

You remember, vividly, Barney's expression hardening upon seeing your approach. He'd closed up then, all masks and lazy smiles and haunted eyes.

He was nursing his left leg. Blood was starting to pool from it, dribbling freely from a gash in his knee.

You had never quite come to terms with Barney's mortality until just then.

The rest of the encounter was a blur.

#alyx vance #half life #barney calhoun #eli vance #character study time

[gt-ridel]

i’d LOVE to hear more about your borrower au!

Oh, okay then! Thanks for the interest! :D (Putting it under a cut because it ended up being WAY longer than I thought...)

There isn’t a whole lot to it. I just have a very basic idea of what could happen. Partly because I’ve only played through the beginning of Half-Life one (I attempted to stream it, but my internet connection isn’t strong enough). Everything I know about the series comes from cultural osmosis.  When I finally play the games all the way through I’ll have a better idea of things that could happen in the AU. For now what I have is... Barney is a third or fourth generation Borrower who lives inside of Black Mesa.  A long time ago some Borrowers were kidnapped and experimented on by the company, but some escaped and managed to hide long enough to start families and such.  Barney has never seen anything outside of the facility. As far as he knows, the whole world is concrete and steel and hiding from giant creatures that WILL cut you up or torture you if you are caught.  As far as most of the humans in Black Mesa know, Borrowers are just this funny little story people tell to freak out the new guys. “Yeah there’s totally tiny rat people running around in the vents. It’s true! My friend Dave’s friend Tom saw one once! Some kind of messed up experiment that got loose.” New guys tend not to believe it. People who have been around long enough to know what kind of shady stuff Black Mesa is into are a bit less skeptical. Very few people have ever actually SEEN one though. These Borrowers are next level paranoid. (Totally justified) Barney is living on his own. It’s safer to live alone or in very small groups. Less chance of taking other Borrowers down with you if you are caught.  He’s claimed a few offices as his territory and scavenges for scraps in them. Mostly I think he eats those gross cockroaches that are always running around (safer to hunt than to steal) but when he needs something non food related, the offices are where he goes.  Gordon is fairly new to the company. He recently graduated from MIT, and is currently working on a big project (you know the one).  He’s temporarily staying in the level three dormitories just so he can basically run off to have a shower and a snooze before getting right back to work every day. Once the project is over, he’ll return to commuting from home. He’s heard the stories about Borrowers, but Dr. Kleiner assures him it’s just a prank people like to pull, so Gordon puts it out of his mind pretty immediately.  One day Barney sneaks into one of the offices to snag some rubber bands (INVALUABLE stuff). This scientist seems to work very long hours, but he’s pretty sure they’ve left for the night. While he’s climbing up his rope to get back into the vent, he gets spooked by the sound of a giant human opening the door.  Barney has never in his life been seen by a scientist, and in his panic, accidentally slips and gets his leg tangled in his own rope. He’s trapped right out in the open at the mercy of some mad scientist! Gordon isn’t a mad scientist, but he sure is a surprised one when he returns to his office with a fresh coffee in hand and finds a tiny man on his desk.  Is he seeing this because he’s been working to hard? Had to much coffee? Hasn’t seen the sun in weeks? But no mater how long he stands in the doorway blinking stupidly, the tiny man is still there.  Barney feels like he’s going to drop dead at any moment, but he tries his best to at least LOOK calm in the face of death.  He gingerly lifts a hand a waves. “Uh, h-hey Doc.” He says with a wobbly smile. “Uh... Hi... tiny... man on my desk?” (Yeah Gordon talks in my AU) Gordon approaches, still in shock, and when Barney flinches back violently, he flinches too. Gordon gently untangles Barney from the rope and introduces himself. With no immediate means of egress, Barney feels like the only thing he can do is chat with the giant, trying to keep things light and friendly. No need to get the scalpels and the cages.    Gordon is of course curious as heck, and whatever he was supposed to be working on is completely shoved to the side in favor of talking with Barney all night.  Much to both of their surprise (Barney’s more than Gordon’s) they actually end up really enjoying each others company. They share a granola bar from Gordon’s desk (one of the best things Barney has every eaten) and a bit of coffee (Not good at all, but not the worst thing he’s been forced to drink). Over time, Barney finds himself coming back to visit the weird human whenever he’s alone in the office.  Gordon is very concerned about Barney’s diet. He eats cockroaches and scraps from the garbage? When was the last time this man had a vegetable? (Barney: What the hell’s a vegetable? What’s a fruit? Are you swearing at me?)  These discussions leads to other troubling revelations. Barney is in constant danger. He’s never been outside of the facility. He doesn’t even know there IS an outside! Gordon’s heart is thoroughly broken on the borrowers behalf, and he offers to take Barney with him when he goes home at the end of the month. Barney doesn’t exactly understand, because he thought humans just lived in the dorms. But the more Gordon talks about the outside, the more Barney is captivated by the idea.  It is absolutely 100% insane, but... But maybe he could live in a house with Gordon? Not have to worry about hiding. Not have to worry about starving. Get some of that fresh air he’s been hearing about.  It takes a little while, but eventually Barney caves, and the two start excitedly planning for the big move.  First Gordon has to finish his project, and Barney has to pack up everything he owns (which isn’t too much, but still a job).  On the day of the big test, Barney is waiting in Gordon’s office, filled with anxiety and excitement.  He waits... And waits... And waits... The lights flicker. Is something wrong with the power? Is... was that a scream he just heard out in the hall? Was that a gunshot?! What’s happening out there? Is Gordon okay? Barney decides maybe it would be safer if he waited for Gordon back in the vent. But just as he’s about to climb in, he hears something huge scuttling through the metal tunnel.  Suddenly a... THING bursts out of the vent and lands clumsily on the desk in front of him, scattering giant pieces of paper filled with Gordon’s writing, and shattering the desk lamp.  He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s staring at a headcrab that has been following his scent all through the ventilation system. (Do headcrabs have noses? I don’t know. But it tracked him somehow)  Barney runs and the creature goes crashing after him. Barney is forced to dive for the floor (not a deadly fall for a borrower, considering their incredibly light bodyweight. But still scary!) He’s backed into a corner while this unnatural thing closes in on him. He’s going to die. He’s going to die and he’ll never see Gordon again and they’ll never escape this place and- A figure bursts through the door, covered head to toe in some kind of armor. It races forward, crowbar in hand, and swings at the creature, smacking it away from the cowering borrower. The figure slam it’s weapon into it again and again, long after it’s stopped moving. All that is left is a pile of twisted flesh and yellow viscera.     The towering figure then turns to Barney, and his heart is suddenly trying to claw it’s way up his throat.  He stands to run, but it’s too late. Swiftly, roughly, a giant gloved hand reaches down and snatches the Borrower up. The glove is covered in alien gore, but that is the least of his worries. He can’t tell who the human is behind the heavy helmet, and even if he could, he can barely breath for fear, let alone speak.  The figure examines him, then walks over to the desk and sets him down carefully.  The figure falls heavily into the seat, and with arms that suddenly look too heavy for it, lifts the helmet off its head.  There in front of the borrower sits Gordon Freeman. Pail, sweaty, shaking, and so, so relieved that Barney is alive. He’s seen a lot of people die today, and was nearly sick with the idea that Barney might be among them.  Their plan has been complicated. Leaving Black Mesa isn’t going to be as easy as just hiding in Gordons pocket and walking out the door. Now they are going to have to fight their way out.  In game mechanics don’t translate very well to real life, and I don’t think the HEV suit actually has pockets and holsters that let you carry tons of weapons and stuff. I think they settle on having Barney ride along with him inside the helmet. It’s not super safe (and I imagine it would be pretty gross what with the sweat and everything) but it’s the best option they have.  That’s all the story I’ve got. I’m not sure how it ends, or if/how we get to HL2 from this, but still. Maybe at the end they just get to go home and live a peaceful life together away from Black Mesa. That would be nice. =p   So, uh... Yeah! That’s the idea so far. ^__^;;   

#half life #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #borrower barney #borrower au #This took a lot longer to write than I thought it would #;;>.> #But I hope you like it! :)

[girzapata6]

Alright... *INHALES*

Combine Gordon au would basically take place if Gman gave Gordon to Breen instead and if Breen took the opportunity to get Gordon on their side before the Resistance found him. Gordon would basically be tricked into thinking that Breen's rules are trying to help the world after the war, Gordon would be on screen everyday to give the messages instead of Breen, basically spilling propaganda out of his mouth, or well, signing propaganda to a camera. He would be isolated from everyone, given two combine guards for protection and treated like a God still. Given foods the public didn't know still existed, better water, maybe even some soda, and fancy clothing with rare golden jewelry. The combine does this to make sure they can guilt trip Gordon when he tries to refuse something.

Ultimately Manpulating Him.

Holy fuck does it work. Gordon lives in a fake and praiseful world, not knowing he was in danger.

One day he ends up... asking. If any of his colleagues were still alive. Mostly asking about Barney. Breen knew Barney was one of their soldiers but still said, "I don't think any of them made it far. But I will look for them." They decided to use that to their advantage as well, saying 'if you don't do this then why should I look for Barney for you?' Gordon would immediately obey.

You can imagine the heart break Barney feels when looking at the big screen and seeing Gordon, talking about everything he was against. Gordon belittling the Resistance, who reached out for him to save them. God.. Gordon couldn't have known the damage he was doing. He. Couldn't. Have. Dr. Kleiner and the rest of them didn't give up though. So Barney, can't give up. He kept fighting hard, and ended up signing up to be one of Gordon's Guards. He didn't make the cut though, and was pushed aside. Barney was so angry, he just knew if he could get to Gordon in time.. he could tell him the truth.

Did Gordon even know he was alive?

That's all I have rn but I am designing clothing for Gordon so I'll be doing that rn!!

-Handy

Ah,,, my heart,,, I'm actually going to cry. Like this is a great idea. I LOVE IT HANDY!! If you came up with more, please let me know!!!

I do love some good angst,,, and Barney being basically heartbroken. I'm sure he suspects Gordon does know what the fck he's doing. Since we all know the Combine are fucking bastards, of course they are making him do this<///3

Also,,, the idea of Barney trying to be one of his guards it's incredible, but also dangerous. Since idk why but I'm pretty sure if they gave him some personal Gards, I'm sure they are like, higher ranks than Civil Protection... And if I'm not wrong, the higher the rank, the less humans the Combine Soldiers are (They even erase their memories and just turn them into brainwashed killing machines),,, And that won't be good at all for Barney. Kinda feeling relieved that he didn't make it but,,, I'm scared :( <''3

AAAAAAH MY HEART---- <'''3

(I'm sorry for the late answer btw!)

#Gir Says #If you also post or send me the designs I'd loooove to see them!! Maybe make some fanart too!!♥♥♥;v; #Half-Life #AU #AU idea #HL #Gordon Freeman #Barney Calhoun #Wallace Breen #The Combine #HL Gordon Freeman #HL Barney Calhoun #HL Wallace Breen #Combine Gordon AU #Ask #Ask Me Anything #Ask Me Stuff #Send Me Asks #Send Me Anons #Send Me Stuff #Send Me Requests #Send Me Suggestions #Send Me Submissions #Talk to me pls ;; #Friends Stuff #Anon #Anon ✍️ #Handy (Anon) #handy-is-still-anonymous

[bubbyleh]

Do I Know You? - Chapter 4

minor content warning, there are allusions to a child being taken from their family in the last section. if you want to skip it, just feel free to only read the last 3 paragraphs, since it sums up what bubs learned from that.

Chapter 4: B-K55

It isn’t actually that late when Bubby makes it back to their dorm, around nine at night, but they’re still a little shocked to find Coomer waiting for them at their kitchen table. They’ve barely managed to close the door, file weighing heavily in their hand, before Coomer’s on them.

“Bubby!” he shouts, and before Bubby knows it, Harold’s yanking them down into a hug. “Thank goodness you’re okay, you’ve been gone for so long!”

“It was an hour,” Bubby comments. They try to draw back, but Coomer just pulls them further into the hug, cradling their head against his shoulder

“They’ve never called you after hours for a noble reason. Did they try something?” His tone turns uncharacteristically harsh. “I swear Bubby, if they did anything, I’ll march down there and I’ll-”

“Harold.” Bubby shimmies out of Coomer’s grasp, tucking the folder under their arm and taking his hands into their own. “It was just a meeting. I’m fine.” He glances past Coomer, into the kitchen. “Did Kleiner leave already?”

“We wrapped up about thirty minutes ago,” Coomer says, but he seems unconvinced. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, though, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course,” Bubby assures him. He grabs the folder once more. “Actually, well… it sounds like there isn’t going to be any more testing?”

“What do you mean no more testing?” Coomer glances down at the file in Bubby’s hands. “What happened?”

Bubby sighs. “I’m so tired. This has been the longest night of my life.” They pinch the bridge of their nose. “Can we talk in bed?”

Coomer’s hand cups Bubby’s chin, thumb lightly brushing back and forth on their cheek. It’s a simple gesture, but early in their relationship, Harold had caught Bubby lightly ghosting a finger along his right cheek. When Bubby explained that it was calming to them, in a strange way, Coomer realized he had discovered his partner’s instant relax button.

Bubby leans into the touch, smiling in the same content way they do whenever Coomer uses his special calming technique on them. They place their hand on top of his, holding it there.

“What would I do without you?” Bubby wonders aloud, all the love in the world in their voice.

- ○ -

Bubby ends up spilling the beans to Coomer with their face buried into his chest, voice slightly muffled. It's a little difficult to understand them, but based on how tightly they're gripping onto him, it seems like Bubby needs this.

When morning comes, Coomer let's Bubby sleep in, quietly slipping from their grasp. It’s a Saturday, too, so at least they don’t have to worry about work. With all the stress that Biological Research put them through the night before, they deserve it.

As he leaves the bedroom, Coomer spots the file. Bubby had left it on their bedside table before they went to sleep, making plans to sort through it when they woke up. He’s struck by the feeling that, whatever’s written inside there, it’s not going to be pleasant to read.

Maybe he should get started on breakfast.

- ○ -

For as long as Bubby can remember, Biological Research had told him that he was

their

creation. That his DNA was specially crafted by the sharpest minds Black Mesa had to offer, so of course there was nobody out there. He had no mother, but in the file, there was a picture of a woman who held him as if he were the most precious thing in the world. He didn’t have a father either, even though the file clearly showed him being lifted by a large pair of hands. And there certainly weren’t any siblings, despite the small hands he held onto as he tried to stand.

Reading that file would go against everything he thought he knew. Everything Black Mesa wanted him to think.

So maybe Bubby’s a little nervous. They’ve been on shaky foundations ever since Dr. Cynthia’s phone call and their meeting yesterday, and they’re pretty sure that there’s a bomb inside that file that’s going to knock them out for at least a whole day.

If—and that’s a huge if—Black Mesa kept information on Bubby’s family, he isn’t sure what to expect from it. What if they hated him, so much that they wanted to get rid of him? Is that even possible? To hate a baby so much that you’d just give them away?

But the alternative almost seems worse. Bubby’s family could have loved him, more than even the nicest scientists at Black Mesa ever showed them. And, for whatever reason, they lost him.

The willful ignorance almost seems preferable. If he loses either way, then maybe the best strategy is not to play.

The only problem is the fact that Harold can see right through them.

“Bubby, I thought you were going to read through your file today?” Coomer asks when he catches them curling up on the couch.

“Oh, uh-” Bubby struggles. “Yeah, but I’m going to take a nap first.”

“You woke up less than an hour ago,” Coomer counters.

Bubby shoots him a glare. “I’m tired.”

“Nope! You aren’t!” Coomer sits down on the couch, laying a hand on the side of Bubby’s head. “You’re being avoidant.”

“Maybe that’s the smart thing to do,” Bubby mutters, crossing his arms and looking back at Harold.

Coomer sighs. “You’ve been talking for years about how you would love to get your hands on that file. What happened?”

“It’s different now.” Bubby sits up and leans against his fiancé. “I don’t know a lot about what they did to me, or what they took, but… what I do know scares me.” They wring their hands together. “What if it’s bad?”

With a frown, Coomer takes Bubby’s hand into his own. “Well, we already know it’s going to be bad, don’t we? It’s Black Mesa we’re talking about.” That gets Bubby to chuckle slightly under their breath. “I can’t make you read it, but whatever it is, it’s in the past,” he assures them. “We can handle it.”

Bubby allows themself a brief moment by Coomer’s side. It’s in times like these when the thought strikes them of how lucky they are to have him. Before they’d met Harold, they had been content to sit on their own and spiral out of control. It’s nice now to have someone to ground them when they need it. They take a deep breath, and the second they let it out, they stand in front of the couch and face Harold.

“Okay,” Bubby finally says. He points at Coomer. “You’re going to stay right there. We’ll read the file together, alright?”

Coomer only smiles.

- ○ -

The best place to start is the beginning.

With the continuation of Biological Research’s augmentation and enhancement projects, it became apparent that Black Mesa would be unable to provide an adequate test subject through fabrication. Efforts were then put forward to identify a potential subject within the general population.

While many subjects were considered, one was identified for extraction. Due to this subject’s limited number of family members, they were quickly selected above others. Monitoring of the residence and analysis into records revealed that this child was known as Bethany Kleiner.

Bubby stops reading out loud. “Oh, that’s. A coincidence.”

Coomer frowns, eyebrows furrowing at the document that Bubby holds so tightly in his grip. “Hang on a moment. Keep reading.”

Preparations for the acquirement of the subject are underway. Once extraction is complete, they will be redubbed Subject B-K55. Beforehand, all of the subject’s known relatives will receive a pre-emptive blacklist from the Black Mesa Research Facility. This includes their parents, David and Lillith Kleiner, as well as their brother

Suddenly, Bubby gasps, cutting themself off. They cover their mouth with one hand, staring down at the file in disbelief.

“Bubby?!” Coomer grabs onto his shoulder. “Are you alright!?”

“No, it’s- it isn’t a coincidence!” Bubby manages to stammer out. “I have a brother, Harold, he’s-” They pause. “Isaac’s my brother.”

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #hlvrai boomer #boomer #dr bubby #bubby #dr coomer #my writing #do i know you

[arocoomer]

Time to rant about my au woop woop

HL alien! Gordon:

- Born on Xen

- Was mostly alone there because his species is almost extincted

- Is a shapeshifter, can electrocute people (can only do that in original form), and is pretty fast

- Is kindof related to vortigaunts

- Is dark green, has 2 big green eyes and 2 smaller eyes under them, and has claws, tiny spots on his face, a lil arm on his chest, and sharp teef

- When he shapeshifts, his eyes are always green. Except if the thing has no eyes

- Taken to Black Mesa by scientists after they figured out how to get to Xen and back and they studied him and tested on him

- Kleiner stumbled upon where they were keeping him and read files about him

- Soon after that, Gordon escaped and made himself look like Kleiner. He bumped into Kleiner and it was very awkward. But once Kleiner figured out the situation, he decided to help him out

- Eli had walked in on them planning on what to do and was very confused why there were two Kleiners. Kleiner explained and then helped Gordon find someone else to shapeshift as

- Gordon had decided to stay to figure out how to get home

- Can't make human noises

- Talks to very few people

- Never actually left Black Mesa (except for occasionally going outside, but that's just desert), so he's never seen what the rest of the world looks like

- Resonance cascade happened months after he escaped. He couldn't get into his original form during it because he didn't want to reveal it to the people there. He does get into it in Xen though

- Fucking h a t e s the HEV suit because the people who took him to Black Mesa were wearing them

HLVRAI alien! Gordon:

- Very similar to HL Gordon, but story is a lil different

- When he shapeshifts, only one of his eyes are green. The other eye is just whatever the thing's eye color is. In his case, it's brown

- Had an egg on Xen but was taken to Black Mesa before it hatched. And he knows the baby can't live on it's own :(

- Was taken to Bubby's tube months after he was taken because... idk, Black Mesa doesn't make sense. So he's buddies with Bubby :] and Gordon bit him when they met

- They escaped together and he disguised himself as Dr. Coomer before making himself look like another human

- Can make human noises, but it's difficult when he looks like an alien compared to doing it while disguised as a human

- Resonance cascade happened years after he escaped. He stayed for the same reason as hl Gordon

- Lied about having a baby because he honestly didn't know how else to explain the random baby picture in his locker. He has no idea where that came from

- Says his blood is orange because of some disease

- Often whispers to Bubby to ask him about Weird Human Things

- Acted very strange when they got to Xen and never explained

- Terrified of telling the others because they may see him different or worse, think he's like the Xen creatures they ran into. Bubby calls him a baby for being scared of that

- It is kinda obvious he's not human when he acts very strange when the science team hang out after everything. Because he's never been outside of Black Mesa!! He has no clue what he's doing!

- Knows Gman can take him back to Xen, but never asks because he realized there was really nothing there for him

#talk to me about them!! pls #gordon freeman #gordon feetman #half life #half life au #hlvrai #hlvrai au #alien gordon au #tw blood mention #tw death mention #tw child death mention

[21-torpedo-salvo]

Cylinder-fed

You hope it isn’t obvious how closely you’ve been watching him. You hope your line of sight is obscured by the stale mug of coffee you drink deeply from, that the fog on your lenses is enough to distract from you tracking him in your periphery. Yet, despite the anxiety, the fear of being caught, you cannot bring yourself to look away. This was your first time seeing him in a lab, after all, and the difference was… startling, to say the least.

You knew, on some level, that he was more than hot air, but his bastard-like demeanor compelled you to discount him on principle. He was abrasive and cruel at times, wielding his words with a sharper intelligence than your second other, and that did not completely go away as he rounded on Dr. Magnusson with a vengeance. Your eyes linger on the way his muscles bulge underneath the lab coat, the white fabric pulled taut as he gesticulates broadly at a whiteboard.

Eventually, he ceases shouting, quieted by a smug contentment curling his scarred lips into a smile. He takes his scattered array of papers into his arms and leaves, but his eyes narrow on you, tension snapping back into his frame. He stalks toward you, purposeful and intent. You feel lightheaded with how the world suddenly locks back into place.

“Hey, hey, what are you lookin’ at? You’ve been staring at me all day, Freeman. What’s with that?”

You flounder for an answer. Of course he’d have noticed-- he was paranoia given body. And you didn’t bother to think of a liable excuse, so now you’re just staring at him, throat burning with the aftereffects of a too-big gulp of coffee.

“Oh, I get it,” Freemind says, eyes sparkling. “You want a piece of me. You think I’m hot when you’re not calling me an insufferable asshole, right?”

“You’re a dick,” you sign, suddenly exasperated. Paranoid and egotistical. How could you forget?

“And yet,” Freemind laughs. “So what have you been working on, Freeman?”

You step back as Freemind shifts his weight, conspicuously arranging his broad frame across your one exit. Your mind flashes to the crowbar slung at your hip, hidden beneath the lab coat, and the gun hanging heavy in your right pocket. There’s a dozen different solutions to your entrapment itching at your fingertips but you execute none of them, opting instead to stare blankly ahead, wound up like a snake.

It works, after a time. Freemind has the grace to look apologetic-- or something approximate-- as he leans to the side, arms crossed against his chest. His brow is still cocked expectantly, but his expression is softer. You relax.

“We’re still working on long-distance teleportation,” you say carefully. “It’s easier now that we have a target. But the recipient is using a Combine teleporter that they’re having trouble with.”

“That’s a shame. I’m guessin’ that’s what Alyx got roped into working on?” Freemind asks. “Man, we were havin’ fun stealing antlion grubs.”

You shrug noncommittally. You think the friendship he and Alyx have is strange when Freemind can barely interact with Barney. Besides, she was far more useful teaching the rest of humanity Combine tech than messing with antlions.

“Even less talkative today, then,” Freemind says after you fail to respond. “Well, I’ve got shit to do. See ya.”

With that, Freemind leaves, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck as he goes. You watch him walk past his desk and out of the lab entirely. Yet, before he’s out of sight, he twists on his heel and flashes a sign at you. The universal gesture for “follow.”

You take a deep breath. Did Freemind look disappointed just before he left? Did he want you to elaborate on your work? No, it couldn’t be that. He already knew your work-- he made it a point to keep up on it, even as he focused on something else entirely. Something else was up. You wanted to know what.

Leaving your coffee behind, you gather up your things and make for the door, pushing your glasses up your nose as you do. Freemind is lingering at the end of the hall, chatting loudly to a guard. When he sees you, he claps their shoulder and disappears around the bend, forcing you to chase after him. Somehow, he manages to always stay just out of sight. You’re following his raucous voice more than his ponytail.

He strings you along the network of guards stationed throughout White Forest. You pass the cafeteria, where you see him walking out with a handful of headcrab jerky, a strip dangling from his mouth. He flashes you a toothy snarl rather than a smile as he forges on, back into the complex. You wonder why the hell you’re following him.

It’s not like you care about his antics. He’s mean, unruly toward even Dr. Kleiner, and does things that would have gotten him arrested should things like formal law still exist. He’s not even that pretty-- musclebound, sure, and tall, with a mouth full of sharp teeth he won’t share the story about. Maybe he has a pretty green eye, but so did you, and if you keep thinking about this you’re going to feel like one hell of a narcissist.

Maybe that was your problem. You were just a narcissist.

So deep in your thinking, you hardly notice that the trail’s gone dry-- superheated into nothingness by Freemind’s presence. He’s lounging on a bench, a revolver in his hand-- empty, if the row of bullets arranged nearby are any indicator-- and belt already undone.

You stare, bewildered. He doesn’t seem to notice you as he shucks off his lab coat and folds it neatly on the other end of the bench, laying it over the discarded shells. The shirt he’s wearing is a little small, riding up to reveal his stomach with just the leaning motion.

Then he talks.

“Good job! On following me this far, that is. Honestly, I’m a little surprised you even did,” he says, smiling. “I’ve got a proposition for you. Well, not even that. I had this wicked dream last night that’s been bothering me all day. Do you want to help me out?”

Huh. Wait, huh?

You try to say something, but mostly just wave your hands around, signs aborted before even coming to fruition. In the end, you just gesture at him forcefully, hoping the heat in your face isn’t noticeable.

To your surprise, Freemind seems to take pause, chewing on his bottom lip in the way he does when he’s doubtful on something. Then he licks his lip, gnawing on the inside of his cheek before apparently finding his words, eye flicking up to pin you down.

“I—” Freemind raises the revolver by the barrel, waving the butt-- “am going to use this to get off. You’re welcome to watch, if you want. That’s how the dream went.”

Oh.

You’re not sure what else you were expecting. You stare at each other for a long moment, the silence suddenly thick and tense.

“If you don’t want to watch, then you can leave. I am going to get myself off right here no matter what you choose, though, so… Your loss, really,” Freemind finishes.

With that, he raises his hips, sliding his pants down until they bunched around his ankles. You’re more surprised than you should be by the fact that he’s gone commando, and is apparently already soaked, if the state of his cunt is anything to go by. He makes a low sound as he takes the head of his dick and rolls it beneath his thumb.

“I’ll stay,” you sign, though you’re unsure why because he’s already gotten this far and you haven’t left yet. He knows you’re staying-- he knows it because he’s arching his back and exposing more of his hips and grinning at you luridly beneath hooded eyes.

Freemind doesn’t stifle a groan as he slides his free hand further down, shoving his fingers without preamble into his cunt. He shifts his hips, settling forward so that they sink deeper inside him, tongue hanging past his lips as they move wordlessly.

Your face is burning. Your hands shake as you slip off your own lab coat, letting it fall gracelessly onto the floor around your feet. This wasn’t how you were expecting your day to go, but you’re also not against it. Freemind looks good, fucking himself on his fingers. He even looks relaxed.

When Freemind removes his hand, it’s coated. He licks it clean, slipping his tongue between his fingers, saliva glinting in strings off his tongue and lips. A dark flush has started to creep across his neck, darkest where his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. His shirt rides further up his torso, exposing skin marred by HEV lines and old scars.

“You look like you want to help,” Freemind says roughly. “Or touch yourself. Ohh, I’d love that. You should touch yourself, Freeman, while you watch me get off. That’d be hot.”

Your hands tighten into fists, twisting up the fabric of your pants. You do think about touching yourself-- about fishing your cock out from your pants and bringing it up to full hardness, about finishing on Freemind’s face while he fucks himself on his revolver, while he says stupid shit-- oh, you could shut him up for once, if he just put his mouth on you.

“Don’t be shyyy about it,” Freemind drawls. “Come on. I can see your cock. Those pants don’t hide much, Freeman.”

Your skin prickles with something like irritation. Roughly, you unzip your pants and yank them down, boxers and all. Your dick is already plenty hard-- standing at attention, leaning a little to the left, flushed pink. Freemind whistles.

“Touch yourself,” Freemind says, and it sounds like a command. “And don’t take your eyes off me. Eyes up.”

You wrap your hand-- tough, calloused, scarred-- around the base of your dick, squeezing gently. You do look at him, much to your chagrin, and gape openly at the sight. He’s got the gun grasped by the barrel, the grip wedged between his legs. There’s a practiced ease in how he slots the weapon in himself-- a relieved, desperate sort of sound that leaks out of him as he pushes it further inside.

“That’s it,” he grunts. “Eyes on me. Follow my lead, Freeman.”

Using the bench as a stabilizer, Freemind rocks himself over the handle, thighs visibly trembling with the effort. He’s shameless in his motions, making them full-bodied, and unabashed with his noises. It seems he’s vocal, no matter what he’s doing.

The thought makes you stroke yourself faster. You take a step toward him, shuffling so as to not trip over your own pants. When he doesn’t stop you, you continue to approach, fixated on how red his lips are against white teeth.

“This is even better than the dream,” Freemind moans.

The gun seems to disappear deeper inside him with every rock. Freemind moves faster, chasing the rush of impending orgasm with a vengeance. His expression is twisted, face flushed with exertion.

Your own pace is growing erratic. Follow his pace, indeed-- you reach out to grab his head and dig your fingers into his scalp, eager to hold onto something that isn’t yourself for balance. It brings your hips to eye-level; you make a show of thrusting into your fist.

“Oh, much better,” Freemind says thickly. “Look at you... You’re that hard for me. Looks like I’m not the only narcissist here, eh?”

How can he talk so much? You growl in the back of your throat and grab a fistful of his hair. His confidence turns into shock as you grind your cock against his cheek, smearing pre-cum into his beard and eyepatch. Then he grins, a shark’s caricature, and licks a stripe up to the tip of your dick.

He takes it into his mouth of his own accord. You thrust forward, not wanting to give him time to adjust but he adapts to it, slackening his jaw and following your meter exactly. His eye rolls back at one point, a muffled, heinous moan sending vibrations to the base of your cock as he grows overwhelmed by you and the gun in his cunt.

So badly you wish to talk, but your throat doesn’t make noise, so you dig your fingernails into his scalp and keep his head in place. The bench creaks ominously as Freemind moves even faster, eye screwing shut, so close to climax. He seems to gag a little, your rhythms’ falling out of sync, but still he doesn’t stop.

You’re getting close yourself-- you can feel it, coiling tight in your belly. Your muscles are aching from holding yourself like this, but you ignore it. Freemind’s mouth is hot and wet and finally silent as he sucks you off. Looking down on him, he looks utterly blissed out, and that fact alone is enough to make you cum.

Your only warning to him is a broken keen and erratic thrusts down his throat. Judging by how he grabs onto your hips, fingernails dragging into the flesh, he must have already came himself-- and is eagerly swallowing yours, mewling as he does so. When you finish, he slides his mouth off with a wet pop.

Excess spit dribbles past his lip and hangs from a string between your cock. It snaps a second later, becoming a glistening wet trail down his chin. Panting heavily, Freemind leans against the wall, the gun laid flat beside him.

Messy, is the only thing you can think. And way too fucking good. You grab his shoulder as you drop down onto the bench beside him, squeezing tightly the muscle there.

“That,” Freemind starts, “was fucking perfect.”

You snort, but nod in agreement.

He turns to look at you. His expression is… unreadable, an unfamiliar sight. It’s softer, maybe. You realize why when he leans in close and presses a short kiss to your mouth.

“Thanks, Freeman,” he murmurs. “Let’s try that again sometime.”

You nod, caught off-guard.

#life half #my writing

[elbiotipo]

Gordon Freeman Saved My Life!

City 17 wasn’t on its best shape before the Citadel exploded; now, the quaint European streets and brutalist apartment blocks were little more than random piles of concrete scattered around. Many people left already after the final defeat of the Combine and the liberation of Earth. Even if Dr. Kleiner insisted that the radiation left by the explosion was “harmless, by the most part”, in all common sense, there was little reason to stay there.

But the thing is, City 17 was inhabited by humans. And where some humans just see devastated ruins, others see things worth cherising, a place worth rebuilding.

“I think a couple greenhouses would look good up there in that roof. Plenty of sun, and the rest of the building seems mostly intact, it would look downright decent with a new coat of paint. A good place to start anew... many people would love something like that... What do you think, Doc?”

Alyx looked at Gordon, deep in his thought. Even such little dilemmas of (now) daily life put the gears on his mind to work. She didn’t really expect an answer; a verbal one at least, it was rare from him after all (though more common lately...). But she did know he would respond with action, as he always did. He scratched his beard -he was letting it grow lately- and fixed his glasses. Frankly, of all the crazy things she’d lived with Gordon, the most amazing one was the fact he didn’t lose his glasses once. Good thing, too; the optical industry was just barely being rebuilt.

Gordon nodded at Alyx. He went ahead and entered through the broken windowshop and climbed the stairs of the abandoned building, crowbar in one hand, the gravity gun on his hip. Ecological restoration was going on steadily, but headcrabs were still a nuisance in urban areas -as much as a jumping rotisserie chicken that can horribly zombify you can be called a ‘nuisance’- luckily, this building was clean. He got to the roof. He felt the wind on his sweat, the soft spring sun on his skin, and thought, after some brief calculations, that it was good.

So he took out the gravity gun and started his job. With the patience of a kid on his last coin in a crane machine, he unloaded the supplies from the boxes labeled “FOR EARTH RECONSTRUCTION - BLACK MESA SCIENCE TEAM”; metal beams, rolls of plastic, pipes, soil, planters, seedlings, and other materials to build greenhouses to feed the citizens of what was still one of the world’s largest cities; and then slowly started to bring them to the roof of the old 20th century building.

He was very good at theoretical physics, but he could had been a good engineer too. Or a farmer. Physical work suited him, Alyx thought. A lot.

Even if the gravity gun did most of the job.

Heh. Physicist, physical.

“You’re an eager worker antlion today, Gordon. You didn’t even wait for me, huh?” she teased from below.

“You were right, Alyx.”

Gordon, of course, seldom spoke, and when he did, it was always in a serious tone. Even when talking from the top of a building. Despite spending so much time together, it still caught Alyx off-guard sometimes; while she felt easy to talk to him most of the time, to answer him often made her blush and stammer, no matter the topic.

She should just spit it out one of these days and be done with it, she thought. Goddamn it, wasn’t it time already? How long would she wait?

“W-what do you mean?”

“The angle of the sun is excellent here. And the roof has good space. Perfect for a greenhouse. Good eye, Alyx.” he said, not taking his eye from his work, like always.

“Oh. Right. Yeah, you know...” she scratched the back of her head. “Anything to make the work of my worker antlion easier.”, and gave a thumbs up with a wink. Gordon smiled, and while he was a bit far away, she swore he blushed. Yep, cute names worked. The wink couldn’t have hurted either.

As she watched Dr. Gordon Freeman manipulate the laws of physics with the amazing power of science, she had a fun idea.

“Hey, hey, Gordon!”

He looked at her.

“Pick me up!”

Gordon lifted his eyebrows.

“With the gravity gun! Bring me up to the roof!”

Gordon looked away, thinking. He was unsure.

“Come on, it’ll be fun! I’ll help you out when I get up there, promise!”

Gordon sighed.

“I’ll be careful! Come on, antlion!”

‘It was him who needed to be careful!’, he worried.

She would either keep at it all afternoon or be dissapointed later. And Gordon never wanted to disapoint Alyx. So he carefully checked the settings, and finally pointed the gravity gun at her and engaged it.

The graviton particle beam of the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator surrounded her and produced a sensation on her skin that could be best described as ‘tingly’. She slowly lifted from the ground and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh yeah, this rules!” She said, and struck a Superman pose, while humming the theme from an old movie, as she got higher. She was getting close to the roof.

“Higher, Gordon!” She said, as she did a loop in mid air. “Woo!”. Gordon couldn’t help but smile, despite the anxiety that seeing her floating in the air sensibly provoked.

She ‘flew’ right in front of him. They both smiled, face to face, although he was standing and she was resting on an invisible air couch. Alyx giggled.

“Hey, take me higher! I wanna see the city from above!”

Gordon was, on his mind, nervously calculating vectors, trajectories and forces so that Alyx didn’t fall down. Even her weight, though maybe it was a little rude. It wasn’t the first time he thought about Alyx’s body, though, as much as he wouldn’t admit it at all...

The beam was on a weird setting to begin with, and as she flew over him, he was worried on how much longer he could keep it up. She was too high, and the gravity gun wasn’t as reliable as one would like, and if she fell down she definitively could hurt herself, and after all it happened, it couldn’t be like that, and he had to do something!

“Alyx...”

“Wooo! What is it, Gordon?”

He was trying to bring her down, when the beam grew fainter and she started to fall, walking in midair. It was just as he feared. He dropped the gun and ran to her.

He catched her on his arms. He wasn’t wearing the HEV suit (fortunately it was needed less and less...) but his arms were strong enough to carry her.. like a princess, maybe? He wouldn’t say that to her face.

The both of them gasped and then exhaled. Alyx was smiling. It got a little scary at the end, sure, but she had worse. It was more of a thrill than anything.

And another thing that was thrilling right now was being princess-carried by the One Free Man.

“Wow.” She sighed. “Uh, t-thanks for the, the catch, Gordon...” She stammered. She looked at his face. She expected to see him blushing and looking away, like he did lately. Instead, he looked at her with worry, breathing heavily.

“Don’t worry, I’m OK, Gordon!” she said, as she climbed down from him -not that she wouldn’t have minded staying a little more like that, but even she was a bit shy sometimes...- and stretched her arms, now in safe ground once again. “Thanks to you, of course! Gordon Freeman saved my life! What a legend. Though I guess you’re used to hearing that, huh?”

He just stared and smiled akwardly. He was really worried. Oh no. Ugh, now she felt really bad. If only she could rewind back what she said...

“Hey, it’s fine, it’s fine. You got me at the nick of time. Don’t worry.”

Gordon nodded, but his face was still concerned.

“H-hey, how about I help you with the greenhouse like I said?”

He nodded. She grabbed her tools and they put their minds and hands to work.

...

“You know what we should plant? Chili peppers. There’s this guy down the street, he was from City 9, I mean, Mexico, before they sent him here... He makes damn good tacos. He would be so happy to get his ingredients from here. Pretty sure they could grow in the greenhouse. It’s a good thing so many people brought their recipes and such here. Now that we have lots of seeds once again, things here might get a lot more tasty...”

The spring sun was setting in the horizon. While the reconstructed building wasn’t very tall, most of the city could be seen from there. Scattered here and there, there were neighboroods -those that have been deemed safe- turning on their lights. Most houses had patches of green on their roofs; some parks and gardens were already having flowers. And beyond them, in the center, the twisted alien metal of the ruins of the Citadel still stood, mostly out of inertia, as nobody could be able to remove it. It was part of the city now, in a way.

Gordon and Alyx were sitting -at a safe distance from the edge- in the roof of the building, with a brand new greenhouse behind them. A couple of bottles of cold water, scattered tools, and some pigeons kept them company.

“...I mean, I didn’t have much to choose when I grew up, with, you know, the alien invasion and the Combine regime and all, but I miss some good ol’ homemade food every now and then, you know? I’m sure you have some favorite foods you miss from the old times, too.”

He just nodded, looking at the sunset.

Alyx looked at him, and then again at the city horizon.

She sighed.

“Are you still mad?” She finally asked, softly, looking at her feet.

Gordon took quite a while to answer. She wasn’t worried about that; he always did. What she was worried about was the answer.

“...I’m not mad...”

Well, off to a good start.

“...I was just worried you could get hurt. That’s all.”

“Sorry. I... I just wanted to have some fun. And I did! but... I Didn’t want to make you worry. Sorry. Won’t do it again.”

Gordon’s idea of fun was more about reading about new research or watching bad old sci-fi movies. But to be fair, making Alyx fly was a little fun, it really was!

But he still felt uneasy.

“You’re fine, after all. It was just a little scare. And it WAS a little fun.” He clarified, smiling. “It’s fine.” He said.

And then Gordon found her looking at him, her eyes drifting away from the sunset to him.

It was time for Alyx to think. She stayed silent for so long that Gordon became a little worried.

“I’m... I’m always fine with you.” She finally said, softly. “If I’m in danger, you always come to save me. And you can trust I’ll ALWAYS do the same for you, too. You’ve always saved me. And I’m so glad. I’m so gald you did. So I could be with you.” She looked away, blushing. It was as close as a confession she could get. Even if maybe it wasn’t the best time.

She glanced at Gordon for a second. He was blushing. She was sure he got what she meant. In a way, it only made her feel more embarrased.

Another silence.

“Alyx... I... Don’t want to save your life anymore.” What? Before she could say something, he continued. “That is not the life I want for you, or me. I want... to live my life with you.”

Alyx stared at him, her mouth open, her entire mind blank, only a soft, tingly warmth, one that she felt so many times, yet like never as before.

“Gordon...”

“I don’t mind a little adventure every now and then...” he uncharacteristically added. “But... I would like to live a quiet life right now.” He paused, as if couldn’t continue.

He was absolutely red.

She wanted to say so many things. In fact, she didn’t expect Gordon to say all of this, at once, even.

“I’ll... try to... give you less headaches, then.” she giggled. “But you better do your part too, I mean... I know you like jumping in portals and crawling in sewers, Doc. You aren’t as innocent as you look.” She giggled. It wasn’t even that funny. She just tried to make jokes to lighten the mood. And she was feeling extremely happy after all. “Sorry, stupid joke.” Gordon didn’t mind. He nodded and sighed, smiling.

“And I’m up for it every time. But I... Really want to live a nice life with you too. I think it’s time.” she finally said, her words becoming softer at the end.

She got closer to him and took his hand. It wasn’t the first time they held hands, but it often was in more dire circumstances. Today, there was just the spring breeze and the soft smell of garden earth.

Earth.

He held her hand back. Alyx got closer. And a little bold, again. As she liked.

She rested her head on his shoulder. Gordon was frozen. But still very warm.

“Hey. Dr. Freeman.” She whispered. “Do you mind if we kiss?”

She was surprised when he answered instantly.

“Not at all.”

They returned very late to Black Mesa East that night.

#half-life #hl #gordon freeman #alyx vance #freemance #cosas mias #romance #mirá lo que me puse a escribir en vez de mi tesis

[ethanlivemere]

Hello! I'm just checking in to see how your doing as you haven't updated in a while. I love what you've written so far and I hope to see more. Hope you're having a great day!

Thanks for keeping up with the project!

Truth is, I've had a crazy busy summer and now I'm back to college so time (time, Dr. Freeman?) isn't exactly something I have an abundance of. However, I have been rereading parts of Raising The Bar and that has definitely sparked new inspiration and enthusiasm for the project. The problem is I have a bunch of awesome ideas for the big setpieces and important scenes but have to string them together with what in-game is fine gameplay (walking, shooting, looking for loot) but doesn't translate well to the written medium. I am currently a bit stuck in the part between the station and Kleiner's lab because I don't want to make the first two chapters ENTIRELY Gordon looking at the shitty world and deacribing what he sees.

I am also considering reworking the prologue and chapter 1. Not rewrite them completely, just alter and tweak them a little bit. I am also still not sure if I'm gonna stick with 1st person or if it would be better to change to 3rd. Any advice?

Anyway, thanks again for keeping up. You're kinda the only person who has voiced their interest in this on Tumblr beyond just a like (thanks for the reblog btw) so I'll try to keep working hard on it even if it's just for you!

#anticitizen #half life #half life 2 #fanfiction #my writing #half life 2 beta #writing

[bellygunnr]

you’d finally like to learn ch.4

Barney catches up with Gordon on the tram ride 'home.' He's sitting instead of standing, head leaned back against the window, arms wrapped protectively around his torso. He looks for all the world like he's in pain, but Barney's about seventy-percent sure he's not. Gordon, despite being mute, doesn't seem to internalize anything-- if he's hurt, he whines about it.

So maybe he's just sleeping?

"Hey, Doc," Barney starts, quiet. "You good?"

And Gordon shudders, cracking one eye open, then the other-- he's drowsy, then. His jaw cracks as he yawns as wide as he can go.

"When'd you get here, Calhoun?" He asks, sitting up straight.

"Just got on. Hey, I've got lunch for ya," Barney replies, taking a moment to put together the signs before setting the paper brown bag on his lap. "Even you have to eat."

He watches Gordon rummage through the bag, pulling out what looks like an elaborate sandwich and a thing of vegetables. The doctor bites into it with a surprising vengeance.

"What's on your mind, Doc?" Barney chances to ask, taking a tentative seat beside him. "You've got your thinkin' eyes on."

The other doesn't respond for a while, focused on eating. There's a tension in his shoulders that translates to rigidity throughout the rest of his body-- he's on edge, like a finely sharpened knife. Barney pays close attention.

"This is what Kleiner eats," is the first thing he says. "He ate it in MIT, too. Never saw him eat anything else during lunch."

Barney nods. "Kleiner's, uh, he actually asked me to give that to you," he admits. "Says you-- didn't eat lunch?"

Again, that guarded look. Then Gordon shakes himself and it's gone, leaving nothing but bright eyes and a pinched expression. His hands dance-- finally waving around to clear everything he tried to say, curling up against each other in his lap.

Barney smiles, gentle. "You don't have to tell me anything, ya hear? Kleiner was your professor in MIT, right? Y'know, he talked about you even way before you first got here."

At that, Gordon flushes, embarrassed. "That doesn't sound very professional."

"No, I guess it ain't."

The tram shudders around them. Vibrations underfoot intensify as the rails underfoot grow dirty and mal-cared for, which triggers an automated response from the tram itself. Barney mimes along to the robotic message, using his right hand as a puppet to mouth it.

There's a strange, raspy splutter beside him-- he looks, just in time to see Gordon laughing.

Barney feels heat strike his cheeks, the world swaying around him. The laughter is mostly silent except for some errant squeaks. His shoulders shake and one hand grips Barney's knee as an anchor, the other pressed against his mouth. A giddy feeling rises in his chest-- he's never seen Gordon laugh before.

Not like this, anyway.

Dumbly, he thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He almost says as much but his voice comes out incoherent, sentences jamming into one another. Besides, over the violent tram ride, it's impossible to hear anything...

The automated response finishes unparroted by Barney.

His skin is on fire even after Gordon removes his hands, apologizing profusely, and Barney just--

"Why are you apologizin', Dr. Freeman? By golly, if you think I'm funny, I ain't gonna tell ya otherwise! Hey, what do you know about aliens?"

Barney grins wide enough to hurt as Gordon puffs up real big, a keen look in his eye, and launches into a tirade.

-

you sit in your room, wrapped up in darkness, and think about barney calhoun. you think about black mesa. you think about college, and what your life was like outside these walls. you think about the people you met, the friends you never had, and the deadlines taunting you from the other end of the week. it all comes back to calhoun in the end.

he's an unknown. you can't compartmentalize him with the rest of the security team because he's become an individual. you know his face, could pick his voice out from a crowded room. he's got hazel eyes with more green flecks than brown. he swears at you in sign.

he remembers what you say.

he remembers what you do.

that's new. the last person to do that was kleiner.

(and look what you did with kleiner-- you attached to him like a lost puppy; you've become a dead weight to his career. every time you meet there's disappointmentregretpity in his---)

pain radiates throughout your hand as you squeeze the edge of your blanket. you double down on your hold for as long as you can stand it, taking comfort in the heat of your injury. the bandage restricts your movement somewhat, but you stress that too, willing the maelstrom of negative feelings to go away.

they abate, eventually. you're left feeling somewhat relieved, but mostly ashamed, slightly numb.

you wonder what calhoun is up to.

you wonder if it's too much to text him.

you decide against it to the tune of the kettle whistling on your stove. you let it ring for several moments, piercing the stale air of your Black Mesa apartment. it's the little things, you think. the handle is hot, and the water steams as you pour it into a mug.

the water quickly darkens as the teabag's contents leeches into it-- nothing to do now except wait.

the clock hands read midnight, maybe a few minutes past. your tea steeps, impassive and uncaring to the exhaustion in your bones. what time was it when you tried to go to bed?

nine pm? something to that effect. you wonder what calhoun is doing. he could be sleeping himself, or working graveyard shift. that makes you smile.

"The only reason I volunteer for graveyard shifts is to look for aliens," Barney had told you, only a few days ago. "I swear to god we have them. Black Mesa's hiding them in the lower levels."

you had looked at him askance, a little put upon. "go on," you told him deliberately.

"Black Mesa's hiding them! That's why we have the military on call. Shit, my last exercise was headed by a Marine. That's weird, Doc! And, and, and," Barney had punctuated his words with a snap of his fingers, then pointed at you with conviction, "I hear some guards are issued RPGs. What the hell do we need RPGs for in a goddamn research facility, Doc?"

you hadn't known. you still didn't know, but you also didn't want to think about it. scientist though you may be, there were some things that were better left unknown.

no matter how much effort you put into the strange crystals that constituted your research here. where they came from mattered not-- this you tell yourself to maintain sanity.

"Why don't you tell me?" you had invited him, because letting Barney talk had been the safest option.

and talk he did.

you're surprised to feel yourself smiling as you remove the teabag, carefully depositing it into the waste bin. the conversation had lifted your spirits then, and it seemed it was doing the same now. but calhoun always seemed to have that effect--

which makes you feel guilty for doubting him at times.

the peppermint tea scalds your tongue, stealing you away from another spiral.

Once again, Barney finds himself staring down Gordon's door, their conversation having carried them off the trams and directly into the science team's dormitories. He laughs, then sobers up fairly quickly, cutting a look at his friend.

"This time I really do need to get home," he starts, "but if you need anything, just call, ya hear?"

"I hear," Gordon replies, looking some kind of way. Embarrassed, maybe? Or just tired...

"Tomorrow I'll come by to help ya with the new workout routine. You had some questions, right?"

Gordon nods, looking relieved. "Thanks for helping me with that. I hope it's not--"

"You're not troublesome, Doc," Barney says earnestly, effectively cutting him off. "Get some sleep. See ya tomorrow."

#freehoun #half life #barney calhoun #gordon freeman #hl