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eomma-jpeg · 9 months

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Heyyyyfor the writer ask! 20, 32 (not me please I want to hear about other cool writers!!), 58, 66, 73, and 75 for itm have a good one!!!<33333

squid !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I gotta brainstorm this

I used to use the word ‘jarring’ all the time because I say that in real life LOL

I think when it comes to writing and more dynamic themes, i think the main thing i try to emulate in my writing is that you know whats going on in the scene. I want to make sure that the reader knows the layout and how every person is interacting with each other. I try and go back over my writing over and over again to make sure it is understandable

I think a newer theme is emotions ? i focused so much on physical descriptions in my older works that it wasn’t,,,, fun? To read my stuff. So with my newer works i tried to experiment with more complex emotions, especially the physical repercussions of the emotions lol

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Squid said i cant say her T-T

SmutWithPlot on FF.net is an author who’s style inspires me SO MUCH. Their description style and flow is something I aspire to have. tension is so good….. (they’re also on ao3)

I’ve said this before but @eilwen is SUCH an incredible writer. No Reason is a fic that I cry whenever i see that its been updated. Their style is so poetic and detailed and i lovelovelove the story and world building its so incredible.

Kuwakun or @tomboyyyaoi here on tumblr has the most beautiful like,,, poetic style of writing… i want to try my hand at poetry style writing one of these days. I have such a literal and straightforward writing style that i would need to practice if I wanted to write the beautiful imagery that they have in their works…. (I sincerely believe they are one of the only people that really understand trimax vashmeryl)

58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

Hmmmm

I think outlining and editing are tied in my mind. I LOVE creating the story, and that happens when i outline. I see it all in my mind and can normally get it down on the page okay, but the story really comes to life when i outline, and then it is reborn when i edit lol

I love going back over my work and editing. It helps me realize what isn’t flowing well, what words were strange to use, what sentences just make absolutely no sense because my brain was moving so fast that i forgot half of the words lol. But I love editing in general…. Its so fun.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

So far i haven’t faced a lot, which has been nice. I think what helps is that I do this because I like to. I love sharing it with people and knowing that others really enjoy the story,,, but its really a selfish act LOL

If i get negative comments,,, those fly over my head. The positive ones far outweigh the negative ones (although, i havent gotten any ! which is so nice lolol)

Updating and deadlines,,,, i set those myself ? so like,,, if they need to be moved or adjusted i can just do that

And you can too ! please work at your own pace. Don’t feel burdened by those who read or consume your creations, I am certain most if not all are patient and willing to wait however long it takes for you to feel like its good enough to share

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hmmmmmm im gonna be a brat about this and say I write stuff that flows well. Funfact about lace, this is because I have written so many history papers, and those need to flow well in order to make sense. I go back over my works countless times to make sure everything is coming across well and that the audience knows whats going on. Is it perfect? No. I went back and reread chapter 1 of in the meadow recently and immediately wanted to start fixing lolol (i might do that 👀)

I would say it helps that I know grammar lolol,,,, i try to not put dialogue for different people in the same paragraph or do run on sentences,,, but I am certainly guilty of using the same adjectives over and over or putting too many commas in one sentence lol

75. What scene in in the meadow took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

Okay,,, there have been a few parts where i had to pause and take a moment before i actually got my thoughts down

The first was the fight between Milly and Knives about Wolfwood. I had planned that scene so early on,,, but I … i couldn’t figure out each character’s motivation for SO LONG. it took me forever to find why Milly would even put up with him when he was the one to kill WW but also Milly wouldn’t hold a grudge like that and yakjdlkfjsdlj it took so long and i went over it a billion times to fix it and change it ugh

Another one that was sillier was in the latest chapter (28) I was having the hardest time planning out the silly conversation with the sisters. It literally made me stop writing for like a week T-T I couldn’t figure out how to make the conversation flow or how to make Vash seem like a sleaze while not a huge sleaze or for the ladies to tease Meryl UGH

I still don’t think its good but it was the best i could get it

I also avoided writing the final chapter for a minute cuz i didn’t want it to be over,,, then i wrote the whole thing in one day lol (squid knows lol)

#asks #in the meadow #trigun #okay fixed some hyperlinks

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humanmorph · 9 months

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dont mind me just some of my palisade liveposting from twitter. ignore it. i just want them here. this is long and annoying but its my blog and also under a read more smile

(technically not yet palisadeposting just funny to me)

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Road to PALISADE game rankings (29. Mai)

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PALISADE 03 (4. Juni)

guy whos only listened to friends at the table listening to friends at the table: this is just like fr-

this is about me thinking of hieron & some archivists constructing patterns by manipulating events when they talk about the paint shop & bringing palisade on cycle. im also jokin

WHICH. i am pretty excited about (the cycle). its an incredibly cool concept that mostly existed in the bg in twilight mirage (or well, the intros?) but i love it.love to see it come back in a weird and bad way (different weird and bad than the original

& i guess it makes sense for kesh to pull on ideas/ideals/visions their ancestors had, when this whole 'going back to the twilight mirage' is for nideo a reclaiming of their home/origin

dont need rot13 for this though its vague enough that was cool as fuck of jack. i was kind of cruising along like yeah this is pretty nice so far theyre just getting set up with this faction game thing and then woooowww. wah. banger

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PALISADE 04 & 05

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PALISADE 07 (13. Juni)

some PALISADE 07 thoughts. im thinking them

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(? idk which episode this related to. 12. Juni)

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(the rot13 says clementine. lol)

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(lmao)

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PALISADE 13 (1. Juli)

this doesnt have anything to do with what i wrote here but im very excited for the next arc (even if ill be fully caught up then...) with the way the cast has been talking about it

also idk what it was about this downtime but something happened halfway through ep 12 where it clicked and now i am enjoying myself way more. just took me a bit i guess

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PALISADE 15 (12. Juli)

palisade 15 thoughts (from like, last week. its just still vivid in my mind) . this made me go crazy

(this still makes me smile god i wanna know whats up with this so badlyyyy)

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PALISADE 17 (17 Juni)

god upon our grace fucking ruled

this arc was soooo much. just in the sense of things sure kept fucking happening oh my god

(oh this is the one i was looking for the other day after the brninegucci convo. (BLOWS UP) indeed)

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PALISADE 18 (18. Juni)

(man i was straightup not having a good time huh)

(yeah there we go. and i do feel better about it now)

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(just for posterity because this is when i did the first sketch for that long comic. smile)

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I'm at work with my phone on 10% but PALISADE 19 but dice ARE one side of the authority I'm halfway through this shit and the Cause has not gotten a win. I mean it did but that got rerolled & they still have one of those left it's not happening folks

Putting my head on my desk. "But you will win anyways. You must."

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Gathering Information 04 (23. Juli)

wait hold on i didnt think this through IF something tragic happened to phrygian and then leap coming in on the blue channel after oneof their crew members / friend / brnines second in command just died or worse(things can always be worse than dying. see gur). that. yeah. hmmmmmm

(tee hee hee) (im actually still thinking about that last tweet currently im turning it around in my mind. the dynamic. also "what if [things] got worse and also leap was there" still makes me laugh)

#wow i wasnt kidding this IS long and annoying. like im doing this for me but i dont even like looking at it #oh well its fine. i just wanna find my liveposting all in one spot(more or less)#palisadeposting

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cosmosrival · 4 years

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Any NSFW KamaxMaster hcs, Riri? Bless us with your knowledge!

HMMMMMM..... I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR A LITTLE BIT and i don’t know if it’d count as master*servant ship headcanons but... TAKE EM!!

also jus to make sure and to get p*dos off my blog for good: these are milf/dilf kama headcanons ONLY !!! final ascension!!!!! my content aint for weirdos!!!

ok lets go!!!

kama as a lover would be... very interesting to say the least, bc since they’re the god of love, you’d expect them to play the part !!! but their kind of loving isn’t the romantic type. They’re the god of Carnal love so despite knowing everything there is to know about lust, i believe that they’d be genuinely embarrassed when talking about vanilla stuff and very very soft and tame topics. they’ll tell u about every single position u guys could do and if ure a beginner they’ll be more than happy to teach u everything they know! But ! going on dates and holding hands???? (kama voice) THATS CRINGE DUDE!!!!! GO ASK PARVATI HOW ABOUT THAT????? but they’ll come. they’ll have a bit of a breakdown if u hold their hand but they’ll be there. and they’ll be there on time

AND I THINK THAT THIS IS WHAT MAKES THEM CUTE !!!!!

i headcanon kama as being a vers !!! but they top by default ! hell, i don’t see them being a pillow princess type, even when they’ll let you dominate them they’ll just be powerbottoming and praising you, i think they can’t hold back on being talkative during the act!! BUT THEY CAN ALSO VERY EASILY ADAPT TO THE PERSON THEY’RE WITH, so if you’re more of a beginner/shy/passive, they’ll be the one coming onto you in this... lazy way, gently Ordering you to show them more (oh yeah they’re very well aware that youre the master here but whats a master to a god? ha), reasurring you that it’ll be fine and that if you’d rather keep the lights off, you guys can do that. their hair glows and their limbs are constantly burning anyway so they’ll find you in the dark no problem. though if you’re more dominant/aggressive/comfortable then they’ll see you as a challenge, even a rival to be quite honest. they know for SURE that you’ll never be better than them, but might as well crush your hopes before they get too high ya know? so even if you have them pinned down they’ll just taunt you, ask if this is all that you’ve got. ask if you can hold on for a few more rounds. ego bruising is part of being horny !!!!!! so you better be ready !!!

kama’s buttons are overall easy to push i think, because if you choose to come onto them with vanilla little touches, cute smiles and cuddles, they won’t know how to react. THEY’RE EASY TO TEASE ONCE U’VE BROKEN PAST THIS... Strong Lusty Exterior, especially if you compliment them on anything else but their skills in bed. call em cute when they’re angry. this one is an instant kill because they’ll just... be stuck. if they get mad you’ll call them cute again. and if they don’t get mad then it’s your win. STUCK !!! and their face is RED

hmmmm....... i think masc kama’s cum is galaxy liquid. its just regular old cum and tastes like it but it just has star/milky way patterns in it. yeah. dont ask me about this one. just take it.

i’ve also been thinking about masc kama having an apadravya piercing... even if kama themself does not have a link to the kamasutra since it’s a book about human pleasure, in chaldea they’re much closer to having the condition of a “human” since they’ve become a “pseudo-servant” (they also have a demon inside em aha! though they’re obviously still a God and should be treated as such) so despite knowing everything that’s said in the book, they’d love to boast about it. ITS NOT THEIRS BUT THEY LOVE ACTING LIKE IT IS!!! CAREFUL WHEN GOOGLING THAT PIERCING NAME THO !!! ITS A COCK PIERCING OOOPPPSSSS!!!!! tho of course, since they don’t technically have a body, they can remove this jewelry at will to satisfy you however u wish !!

my fem lean kama piercing headcanons are right here !!! same headcanon as above, they can remove em/make em disappear since they can shapeshift at will !!

i don’t see them as the type to dress up.... first because it’s a little annoying and if their emotions go haywire the cloth might burn... but they can definitely see the appeal. their “body” is already perfect so if you have a kink for something in particular they’ll provide and make sure to hide the best parts so you’ll have to imagine the rest. (or take em off...? ;)

OH BUT YOU ? THEY’LL LOVE TO DRESS YOU UP especially if they’re topping. it’s all part of their sadistic little humiliation game so make sure to accept all of their love okay?

their relationship with masters can vary, since we’re all different aint we. Aha. but one thing will stay the same and it’s the fact that kama trusts you to teach them about soft romance. in their dialogs and bio, it says that they can’t stand dummy couples but i believe that it’s because they genuinely crave it more than anyone. (especially since Rati doesn’t seem to exist in the fgo timeline :( ) being your most favourite sex friend? they can do that. being your sole lover?? UH..... (SWEATS)

what else does ree have..... OH YEAH !! i believe that kama is overall extremely kinky and it’s hard to surprise them. but since they’re so lavish, quite elegant and have this... aura of luxury to them, i think that the Gross Kinks(u know the ones. Real bad stuff i wont mention here) are an absolute no on their list. being the god of carnal love is one thing but they have standards!!!! no i will not come back on this headcanon and if ppl try to debunk it, stay away from me blog !!

i like to think that they genuinely adore porn sites and see it all as a tribute for themself. once again, they stay off gross shit but the vanilla tag? THEY CANT CLICK IT. ITS TOO EMBARRASSING TO CLICK. help them out.... ;) (opportunity to tease +1)

they’re very good at giving massages but i think they’d prefer receiving them most of the time !! though, if you’re into them and they’re blowing ur back out/riding u, they’ll make em feel extra special just for you

i don’t know if they’d have a favourite position... they’re very versatile, so they’ll go along with your preferences

they’re very open about following what you’d like to do since they’re already good at everything!!!!! u pick !!! then they’ll dive in and eat you out/suck u off right there

they’re a big spoon by default. yep. BUT BEING THE LITTLE SPOON MAKES THEM VERY SHY AND EMBARRASSED AND ITS CUTE coax them into being a little spoon sometimes Please

i think that they’d consider everything remotely sexual a way of worshipping them, so they’ll gladly watch u masturbate even if they don’t have to actively participate

ITS HOT AS HELL DUDE... TAKE UR CLOTHES OFF

i picture them constantly wearing this... lazy, arrogant smile, especially if you’re topping. think you’re that good, huh ?

though it vanishes very quickly if you start treating them gently. tomato ! ONCE AGAIN: EASY BUTTONS TO PUSH !!!!

they’d find toys very funny and practical. so they’re not above using those on you and they’re also into you using it on them. THEIR RANGE IS WIDE AND THEY’RE EAGER TO EXPLORE i love them so much theyre such a dreamboat

OH THIS GOT LONG SO IM GONNA STOP THERE BUT IF U MADE IT ALL THE WAY DOWN: THANK U FOR READING MY BRAINROT!!!

#answered #lemon #ree's fgo hcs #kama #kama fgo #THATS AN AWFULLY LONG POST WHEN ALL IVE BASICALLY SAID IS THAT THEYRE A SERVICE TOP

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subjectsix · 3 years

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The lovely @plainrea tagged me in a fic author interview!! ;o; ;u; thank you!!!

Name: Kip!!

Fandoms: That I’ve written for? Pacific Rim, Hitman, Fallout (NV/4 bc those are the one’s I’ve played), Control, and Terminator! I have an extremely niche Star Wars fic for a minor character and OC cause ‘tis the Star Wars life

Where do you post: Archive of Our Own and sometimes here, when fic just kinda Happens™

Most popular one shot: The Best Laid Plans, a Hitman oneshot that’s a missing scene between Hitman 1 and 2, exploring some emotions around 47 realizing he might learn more about his past finally, Lucas loving his adopted daughter so much (bc they’re father and daughter 100%) and also absolutely aching in equal parts to see his brother again and annihilate providence.

Most popular multi-chapter: There is only one! Grow Brighter! and I’m still baffled it exists, bc I’ve always struggled hardcore to write multichapters in the past ksjdhfsdhfk

Favorite story written: hmmmmmm... I mean. Grow Brighter is 100% up there bc its just. catharsis. and im really proud of myself for getting it done ksjdhfksjdhf but im also really proud of the prose in Campfire Stories, a fallout fic abt my 4 OC and my friend’s Courier! I also have a big soft spot for And It All Comes Crashing Down bc. lucas and emotional catharsis. im sensing a pattern in my fic

Do I outline: [hand wave?] With oneshots usually they’re just. In my head until they’re in a doc. Sometimes I spitball them with friends and they’re sorta half-outlined in discord as a pitch skdjfhkjsdhf. I guess I outline in the sense that I tend to jump around when I’m writing until everything is filled in, so sometimes I just leave vague notes for myself to come back to in some sections. Grow Brighter is outlined in my own unique way so I don’t forget anything! It was originally meant to be 1 chapter, then meant to be around 10 chapters, and then 16. Now it’s 19 ksdjfkjdshf

Complete: Everything but Grow Brighter since they’re all oneshots :Oc I guess I vagued at making my PacRim oneshots a continued series of oneshots but they fell away from me, oops.

Coming soon: The final 2 chapters of Grow Brighter 👀

In progress: Some Alan Wake and Control oneshots in the wings! I have some vague Detroit Become Human, Terminator, and Fallout ideas that could spring up in any moment :O I also kinda wanna run with some of those “fake fic title” things I did and flesh them out!!

Prompts: I’ve never really gotten prompts outside of ask games that encourage them, which I adore, but sometimes I see or get sent headcanons that demand I write something ksjdfhjksdhfj they just strike the inspiration in the right spot

Upcoming work: Alan Wake and Control oneshot titled after one of Alan’s lines-- There’s a Long Journey Through the Night, Back Into the Light

idk who to tag so hhhhhhh @olliemander and anyone else who wants to!!!!! i have bad memory and im shy ksjdfhkjdh

#coffee talks #kips writing #hhhhhh fic #tag game #im always too shy to tag other people KSJDHFKJSDHF

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tacittherapist · 3 years

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3 AM

You gently shake your girlfriend awake, rousing her from her peaceful slumber. The two of you are in her room, your various knitting projects scattered about along with her gadgets and plushes. Admittedly, half your knitting projects are clothes for her plushes; heaven forbid Mr. Snagglystache go without proper winter attire.

ROSE: Jade. Jade, wake up. JADE: muh ROSE: Wake up. JADE: whats going on :0 ROSE: I want to show you something. JADE: its so early though >_> ROSE: I know, it has to be this early. JADE: ok ok im up! ROSE: Good. This way.

You lead her, bleary-eyed and still half-asleep, towards her observatory. The place smells much of citrus -- likely because of all the lemon and lime trees planted about the room. Supposedly they like this room better than the others, including the garden or the greenhouse. The coordinates in the telescope are locked, making sure no errant wind or metal warping might accidentally tear the sight away from the lens.

ROSE: Look into the telescope. JADE: what are you showing me? ROSE: Just look.

The telescope peaks into Paradox Space, glimpsing past the immediate celestial bodies and into the very fabric of reality. Past the dreambubbles, past the alternate realities, past the waning and unused memories still yet to be collected by the Furthest Ring and condensed into more bubbles... lie stars. Perhaps not heavenly bodies, not stars in the traditional sense, but simply twinkling obfuscations of pure matter floating within the ether of the unknown.

JADE: its a bunch of stars?? ROSE: Yes. Take a good look. Once you have them in your mind’s eye, look here. JADE: hmmm?

You unfurl Jade’s 3 AM dress, its slight-green hue almost glowing in the darkness of the observatory’s dome. The stars on it twinkle, not unlike the ‘stars’ outside the bounds of Paradox Space.

JADE: theyre both stars ROSE: Yes. But look deeper. JADE: hmmmmmm ROSE: See any familiarities? JADE: i ROSE: Hmm? JADE: i think ROSE: Yes? JADE: i think i see it ROSE: What do you see? JADE: theyre twinkling at the same rate ROSE: Yes! JADE: wait ROSE: Yes? JADE: what does that mean ROSE: Ah, forgive me. I forgot you weren’t much of a gamer growing up. JADE: ohhhh wowwww i see how it is ROSE: No no. This is pointless bullshit, only relevant now due to arbitration. ROSE: The stars on your dress twinkling at the same rate as the uncategorized data beyond Paradox Space means we’ve discovered the tick rate of SBURB’s engine. JADE: what!! >:O ROSE: Yes. For those observing narratively, I’ll explain. When developers create a game that doesn’t follow a turn order like chess or checkers, there must be some internal mechanism keeping track of all events that may or may not occur. Actions follow this mechanism according to its ‘tick rate’, which allows for things like invincibility frames during attacks, and clipping through walls during collision checks. JADE: i cant believe you just explained tick rate to absolutely no one also rose are you trying to break the game again ROSE: I cannot break that which is already broken. JADE: im serious!! the last time you tried to break the game there were a lot of bad things that happened ROSE: It isn’t so much ‘breaking’ SBURB so much as it is... using it in ways the developers didn’t intend. JADE: like ROSE: Like clipping through walls. Like invincibility frames. Like infinite items. Like shortcuts to the Reward. JADE: dont we already have a lot of those things ROSE: We do, but not according to class or aspect. The ways we engage with SBURB and its mechanics, I must assume, have all been intentional by the developers. But breaking SBURB down into its parts –- ticks, allocated memory, location of game assets, even comments the developers may have left in –- are not. JADE: this is sounding a lot like your funny gamefaqs guide now ROSE: It is, somewhat. But I’ve graduated. No more GameFAQs guides, we’re in hacker territory now. JADE: ohhhh my god ROSE: You have nothing to worry about. Look. JADE: hmm?

You present to her a medium-sized gift box. Inside is potentially one of the most beloved consoles of the 90s and even early 2000s: an N64, plastered with goth anime stickers, as clean as the day your mother had purchased it. Included are 4 separate controllers, coded for each of you. An entire library of classic games are included too, especially the ones whose very limits were tested and stretched by speedrunners of the era.

ROSE: Normally such a niche item wouldn’t be available via abstraction-based alchemy given ‘brands’ are such an obfuscated, arbitrary, useless concept, they simply don’t exist within the game’s array of constructable items. But... through a bit of data manipulation, I was able to access its pattern given the contents of my home were stored within the game assets even before the Earth was destroyed. JADE: wow.......... JADE: this mustve been buried pretty deep if its from before earth blew up ROSE: It was. But now we can all relive the joy of wishing Gay Bowser a farewell. JADE: ehehe i cant wait to get these references JADE: wanna go play right now?? ROSE: Only if you’re Player 1. JADE: oh im r ROSE: Wait. Don’t. JADE: im ready p ROSE: Don’t you say it. JADE: im read ROSE: DO NOT. JADE: im ready player one B) ROSE: Maybe this was a mistake. JADE: pffff cmon you goof ill go hook us up! ROSE: Happy birthday, Jade.

You chase her back through the halls back to her bedroom, where the two of you spend the morning playing old games and destroying the computers in racing. It’s a fun day until the two of you invariably pass out just after dinner since you woke up so early.

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soullesscoyote · 4 years

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Tagged by: @robots-and-rawhide

1. NAME: Taylor!

2. NICKNAMES: Tay, Tay tay, Sol, Solly,

3. ZODIAC SIGN: Aries!🐏

4. HEIGHT: 5'2

5. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English. I took spanish classes but I really am only good when absolutely necessary

6. NATIONALITY: American

7. FAVORITE SEASON: Spring!!

8. FAVORITE FLOWER: Theres this one that looks like a lions head i always find pretty

FAVORITE SCENT: its hard to say, there's one i know that was my moms perfume when I was really really little but I never got a name to place to it

FAVORITE COLOR: Green!

FAVORITE ANIMAL: So so many. Cheetah, Make mole rats, cats, African Painted dogs, tree kangaroos,

FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER: Jay Merrick, Beast Boy, any pokemon, Kipo,

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Hot chocolate 😤😤😤

AVERAGE SLEEP HOURS: 5 or 12 no inbetweems

DOG OR CAT PERSON: both but often cats more

NUMBER OF BLANKETS SLEEP WITH: three or more

DREAM TRIP: hmmmmm im not the biggest on travel (not that i dont enjoy it, but i more so like it regardless where im going) but I guess a roadtrip to go to places my friends live would be ideal bc then I'd get to see them!!

BLOG ESTABLISHED: 2013,

FOLLOWERS: 600 ish? Idk how many are real ppl?

RANDOM FACT: hmmmmmm, heres a couple

- as a twin who deosnt look alike. Ppl always mix my sister and I up after we tell them we're related

-theres a species of frog called the tomato frog in the wild (the name is something like that) and it sweats glue

-while theres albinism and its opposite melanism theres also psuedo forms thats are lesser versions of them

Leucism is a lesser form of albinism that results in a yellowish tint to animals as opposed yo all white

And abundisim in which more so is dark and or bigger stripes and spots on an animal instead of them being all black.

Albinism in particular outside of causing white cats with blue eyes to be deaf, can also end up causing animals to be mentally off due to lack of pigment

Piebald is a tuxedo color variant that's less rare, but common in domesticated animals if I recall bc the allels are close genetically

-bc im real particular on textures and all that one day I would love to make a YouTube channel abt stuffed animals just bc i like talking abt how u can use a team ripper to cut tail strings without causing damage and textures they have from minky, terry cloth, velboa, and stuff they don't put on tags

-i am better with understanding animal social cues but with ppl im empathetic enough to feel their emotions so it makes me trying to understand why ppl feel the way they do interesting compared to most ppl

-got into cocaine once when i was two

-zebras have their stripped pattern not as much to blend into surroundings but to blend in with one another bc to predators eyes they can't pick zebras apart bc the stripes

Tagging: @antivaxxer @toxic-astin and anyone else whom wants to do it!

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throwingmuses · 5 years

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1-5 and 8 :•)

hey srry i didnt see this last night!! i passed tf out lol

1. Name your top three favorite songs

ahhhh shit thats hard... im just gonna list three ive been really into lately sooo ill say hang on to your iq - placebo, milk - garbage, and test pattern - the thermals :-)

2. Do you have a favorite band?

ive got like. 3 tied for my #1 (which i will elaborate on in the next question)

3. What are you top five bands?

tied fer #1 weve got throwing muses, placebo, and nirvana, but the next two are probably sonic youth and hole oh also elliott smith and failure and slint

4. Favorite album cover?

either sister, without you im nothing, or incesticide:

all so baller

5. What’s an album that you prefer to listen straight through instead of shuffled?

its a SIN to shuffle albums in this household

8. What’s your guilty pleasure band?

hmmmmmm im gonna say arcade fire honestly lol

thank u so much! :~]

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somnilogical · 6 years

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petty bitch

[22:58] somni: this body is really pretty 2 me rn [23:14] somni: that lasted 16 minutes [23:59] somni: okay this is super petty but im kind of annoyed that porpentine

>talks big about the experience of being ugly and gross >has a fleshform thats amazingly pretty

i feel so betrayed??? (i dont actually feel betrayed, i just feel i want to be pretty)

i wanna be pretty so bad

i wish i could stop wanting to look pretty and okay

ill probably end up having an abstract n dimensional figure if i have a form. idk if id still use a vision analogue in simspace

liike non-passing -> passing as 10000-dimensional representation of parts of my psyche

i kind of wish i could look nice in the middle(edited) 24 March 2018 [00:00] somni: kind of sad but at least i look better than i did before hormones [00:42] somni: okay

i think ill acknowledge petty and hug her but not let her front because letting things front makes them stronger? [00:43] somni: i think. ive read this no strong experience corroborating it with 2 sec of thought [00:45] SmolDuck: I think uhhh It’s important to try to like make sure all your subagents have their needs met and letting them front can lead to them taking care of their needs and then going to bed and leaving you be, while keeping them from fronting can lead to them going crazy and driving you nuts [00:45] SmolDuck: it can also lead to them sabotaging things tho so [00:47] somni: i knoooow mertl i originally wrote ‘fork’ [00:47] somni: because i also thought that and wasnt sure!! [00:48] somni: this is actually a hard choice for me,!,! [00:48] somni: but specifically petty i will ask her what is up [00:48] SmolDuck: sounds like you might want to gather experimental data by trying each path and seeing how it goes [00:48] somni: and not go autobloodlet [00:49] somni: hmmmmmm its haaard to be systemic about this thouuuugh thats a cached thought and may be #invalid [00:50] somni: (all thoughts are valid ooohh bb im so sorry for saying that omg. what was i thinking) [00:51] somni: i think the cached thought might be inaccurate [00:52] SmolDuck: nodnod [00:52] SmolDuck: outdated [00:52] SmolDuck: obsolete [00:53] somni: i want to try reinforcing things that i want to be stronger hmmmmmmmm [00:53] somni: merrr and talk privately with the other voices?

that would annoy me if people did that tho [00:54] somni: less so if they listened and changed policies based on my input? [00:55] somni: idk i dont like to declare things conserved quantities, because particular kind of zero sum thinking can cause lock in…. in most people i dont think it would lock me in because im actually good at noticing this

but it does seem like these two things trade off(edited) [00:56] SmolDuck: Hmmmmm [00:57] SmolDuck: Gentle reminder that this is not at all a private location for talking to your voices [00:59] somni: this is true [01:00] somni: the voices are #screaming tho and i gotta process

so like i thiiink that i want to be able to shift between these states depending on a thing but i d k what the thing is [01:01] SmolDuck: External cue? [01:02] somni: like between the states of letting everymodule out and trying to reinforce what ecosystem i want to have (who i want to beee) [01:03] somni: im keeping this post https://radimentary.wordpress.com/2018/01/16/the-solitaire-principle-game-theory-for-one/ in the back of my mind as a guiding framework when i say this(edited) [01:05] somni: and have been thinking of incentivizing and reinforcing parts of me i want (different but not disjoint from what i find pretty) [01:10] somni: i was also thinking of the process by which i passively gain most of my updates in personality traits and aesthetics and beliefs

where you have:

evaluate {laugh, aesthetic response, ooh i like it!} inspect for coherence with other parts (okay i often skip over this but also sometimes do it here instead of later) mirror the thing i like reinforce pattern by imitating independently let other people who have the pattern do discernment on your imitation, take criticism [01:11] somni: –

its like getting minor updates on all your programs nbd. passive growth / expansion [01:13] somni: –

but this is like directed towards growth and change which is different from being okay with and acknowledging the parts you currently have… except its not?

not really? not the way i do it

i mean yes its a different process but i d k if the two actually trade off in me when i do this thing

i was. autocompleting from memories of others subjective experience reports [01:13] somni: hmmmmmmmm [01:15] somni: i could probably both accept parts of me while reinforcing other parts at the same time [01:15] somni: meeevvvvvvvv okay so the thing nathan said is also a good observation that we also noted [01:15] somni: wanna address that [01:16] SmolDuck: wait which thing [01:16] SmolDuck: I say a lot of things [01:16] SmolDuck: fully half of them are framed to sound insightful but are actually kind of bullshit [01:16] somni: I think uhhh It’s important to try to like make sure all your subagents have their needs met and letting them front can lead to them taking care of their needs and then going to bed and leaving you be, while keeping them from fronting can lead to them going crazy and driving you nuts [01:16] SmolDuck: oh, yeah that one I endorse [01:16] somni: me too! [01:16] somni: i think!! [01:17] SmolDuck: ……uh [01:17] SmolDuck: if you did disagree, what would your disagreement be? is maybe a good way to find out [01:18] somni: let me think

ummm i might want to ask the subagent what its going to do [01:18] somni: if it fronts and talk with it [01:20] somni: but idk why do the council of elders have to be in concordance before i do anything

they dont thats literally not how you work

but i mean like in the ideal, or like in this ideal

we talked with person about how we have the council of all the parts of you, they talk it out and give their cases and then if their cases dont agree with you, you throw them out and do what you wanna do(edited) [01:21] somni: um! ！！ [01:21] somni: there are like three different alerts saying that’s wrong [01:22] somni: >yeah but one of them is our sim of nathan’s reaction so we can throw it out [01:22] SmolDuck: I endorse that [01:23] SmolDuck: if you want my reaction I can give it to you directly [01:23] SmolDuck: if you don’t want my reaction, toss your simmed version [01:23] somni: omg okay i miiight endorse this way of choosing

it is consonant with the way of choosing where to live where you have a bunch of spreadsheets and crunch the numbers and if in the end you dont like what the numbers say, throw them out and move where you wanna [01:24] somni: but its important to deliberate first because figuring out what choice you want to make is not always clear [01:26] somni: but also sidenote most choices branch out and then converge to roughly the same endpoint and for these you can actually do whatever you want without consideration as long as you can identify this sort of structure well [01:29] somni: um this is related to impulsive longsightedness where you mentally model the state of your body 1 day in the future and see that you are more or less safe invariant over a wide range of actions. so you are free to do fun and weird stuff. (that often looks really impulsive and reckless to people who are running shortsighted or people running 24hr!longsighted but who occupy a different epistemic state. but ime most of the objections and autoresponses come from people running shortsighted.)(edited) [01:32] somni: –

ooookaaay coming back to… what was the thing before the branch?

how to choose!

you have a bunch of voices in your head! how do we determine how fronting works and whats a good idea and how to pursue goals

and whose goals matter and how the system will grow and change and what parts of it to practice

okay stating it right here, evermodule’s goals matter [01:32] somni: >matter

like every module gets to be heard [01:50] somni: hmmmmm

this looks like a Project

okay!

so i want to be able to direct my growth #VALID

i also want to be able to tend to the parts of me [like id tend to a garden] #VALID

i dont have to maintain and reinforce things i dont want to grow in to #VALID what?! how is this valid??

>so look if i grow into new things and go in new directions, old things that are depricaded kind of iwhrvissh… i want to say fade away but idk what happens. they stop existing as much. stop being as available and salient?

i think there’s an important distinction between actively going around optimizing for killing parts of you. and like growing outwards into something new and the old stuff doesnt get that much reinforcement anymore because you cant hold on to everything, and even of i could i don’t want to?

some old parts are depricaded because they are clearly inferior on all fronts from their replacement, some because im not that interested anymore

maybe this is deathism? (mer what is it doing that causes harm though?) i may want to keep more in the gtf but not everything. though rn i want a memory with no non-con deletions [02:01] somni: -

okay

i want to be able to reinforce stuff i like and grow directedly

um does this mean things that want to cant go out to play sometimes?

wait okay i think we are talking about different things because there are a lot of desires and stuff that you cant make die by not feeding them? the will to masturbate under t being one of them

i feel there’s a distinction between the thing you are talking about and other sorts of values and desires that are embedded in people.

um im addressing both the hard to get rid of and the more ephemeral things like 'hi im workethic bot!’…. my work ethic, when i have it does not sound like that but okay. and also 'work ethic’ isnt a native concept??? it isnt part of us yet but i know it as a thing that is part of other people.

maybe its part of us but havent really processed what 'work ethic’ is in internal terms when people use it. i think we have something different than the median meaning of work ethic but also it could be projected down to 'work ethic’ for legibility and people would still be able to follow most sentences i would output with the concept. …. given that i also worked to make the other stuff 'legible’. i hate the word 'legible’ now!!!

>why tho?

it is overused and i feel like you papered over subtleties there and there are more good details. buuuut ill think about this later. [02:07] somni: -

okay!

back to what i was thinking about. i think that

k, lotsa agents up in this skull

stilll we think directed growth is nice and i think im okay with letting parts be deprecated

so a core problem here is that fronting does more than one thing!!!

so far im tracking two things i think fronting does:

(1) lets a module take full control of the body so it can get its needs met (2) reinforces the strength of the module [02:08] somni: -

autoquestion: (can we seperate these things?) are there other ways to let a module get its needs met besides fronting? are there ways to reinforce the strength of modules without fronting?(edited) [02:11] somni: @SmolDuck also im on 20 mg moda which i think accounts for a bit of why im Like This. but ooh! what do you think about the separability of the things? [02:14] SmolDuck: Hmmmmm [02:14] somni: ill take some l theanine to help CALM and help the comedown process go smoothly

(i think im coming down a bit) (im p sure this is moda comedown qualia) [02:15] SmolDuck: It depends on the need [02:15] SmolDuck: Seraph does better the less they front, currently [02:15] SmolDuck: the little one needs gentleness and respect [02:16] somni: nodnod [02:17] SmolDuck: if their need is like, 'attention’ they might need to front to get that fulfilled [02:17] SmolDuck: if their need is 'feeling safe’ then they can do that without fronting [02:17] SmolDuck: in my personal experience, ymmv, ianad, etv [02:18] somni: (i think im only a little more than median fragmented but of people in my fragmentation reference class im a LOT more self-aware of the thing) [02:18] somni: nod

hmmm [02:21] somni: you are very focused on taking care of parts and this is good and a thing to do…….

i dont think im as attached to parts-as-they-are but like parts that are anthropically called into existence because they can optimize over a thing (like if a module for containing anxiety isnt good at it, it sort of dies and is replaced with a new pattern; whatever anxiety containment module i have after a bit is a result of an iterative process like this*)

hmmmmmm

i do care about their welfare, but i think i care about them differently?? its hard to put my finger on(edited) [02:24] somni: *i also have spiritual feelings about this wrt people. where problems form voids in space to be filled by people who have shaped themselves to solve the problem [02:25] SmolDuck: hmmmm [02:26] somni: <i <l<3ve3 my spiritual feelings3 [02:31] somni: liike i think okayness works differently when parts of you keep getting replaced and this is standard operating procedure

whereas your parts seem like humans who eat soup and live in a village together and talk

and less like theyll quickly die and be replaced with another thing when the problem shifts [02:31] SmolDuck: nod [02:31] somni: wow okay i have low confidence in this model of my structure but it is like 1/3 right [02:31] somni: maybe 2/3? [02:32] SmolDuck: ………idek if any of us like soup [02:33] somni: hm i meant soup as a stand in for comfort and eating [02:33] SmolDuck: Ahhh [02:33] SmolDuck: I think we like clam chowder [02:35] somni: also im on moda so a lot of the descriptions will be biased towards mania / inducing in me a visceral sense of motion i thiink (die and be replaced is motion-y) [02:35] SmolDuck: ahh [02:35] somni: oooh…. everyone likes clam chowder? [02:38] SmolDuck: yeah [02:38] SmolDuck: some things, we all like, cause they’re pleasant for our body [02:40] somni: wheeew

this is better than last time

wait last time was 50 mg; okay i feel like i might be approaching the harsh meta-ing out event horizon and id want my squid module analogue to help keep calm [02:40] somni: –

hm it is nice that you can agree on something [02:41] SmolDuck: we cooperate pretty well now that we’ve actually talked about this and agreed that mutual cooperation is optimal [02:44] somni: like i can do better meta but at the event horizon things become a Lot and stuff dissolves and syntax feels like an illusion and things connect to other things without bottoming out and stuff dissolves

idk i feel like it diverges from metacog, though the chemicals help metacog in some ways [02:47] somni: okayyy feeling better

i dont need to be so tied to this visceral experience but also have the impulse that i want people with me

it doesnt affect my core i dont think which means panic attack is probs not going to happen [02:49] somni: -

if i become enlightened do i have to let go of drama? (no)

okay good because i like drama and snark and all that gay stuff [02:55] somni: -

so like ive been okay the whole time im so proud of me? im able to meditate in the eye of the storm, of course ive maintained calm under much more difficult circumstances but that was unexpected and i improvised as best i could.

i feel like i can actually do this reliably?

i still have the urge to grouse about it and snark which is spooooky why is this still appealing? is it blindsight grousing? force of habit? if im still attached and want to grouse maybe i havent let… something… go completely? idk what i mean by 'let something go’ but i def mean something [03:14] somni: @SmolDuck thanks for talking with me [03:15] SmolDuck: 👍👌

#who do you want to be and why?#copy pasted from discord #high on life #modafinil is part of life #will you take me as i am?

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