#I WAS LIVING THE GOOD LIFE AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT AT THE TIME!! 💔💔💔💔

[starlooove]

I rlly liked red hood the hill bc besides the gift it completely ignored everything else with the batfam which to meeee I’m taking it as the hill has been overlooked by the bats forever (see Orpheus rising) so yeah nobody there gives a fuck about those people and jason knows better than to bring that shit over there

#genuinely tho #I dislike the trend rn of simplifying Jason and Bruce’s issues and making it seem like Bruce was nice and accepting all along and Jason just #needs to get with the program #like the fanficication of that and the Damian Bruce issues or Damian tim issues or even Dick and bruce issues #where everything comes down to the kids being insecure and Bruce being bad at communicating #which has always been PART of the main issues but using that as the crux and lens through which a solution will be acheived is a stretch #a stretch only made in fix it fics that is picked up by ppl who dont read shit and then writers who dont read dont care and get a check #THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH WHERE IT SEEMS BATFAM IS GOING THAT IS NOT AN ISSUE I HAVE WITH RE #NOT ABOUT RED HOOD THE HILL #back to red hood the hill #i DO like them #playing off how jason has always been able to relax there #with a community that has eachothers back #and the flip from #his early red hood days to seeing dana go that path is soooo #what i find interesting tho as that he positions himself as support and backup more than a deterrant #like yes he does try to talk her down a lot but most of the time hes living his life with a worried eye on her #and i think it shows to how he reacted to ppl (bruce) being heavy handed with him #and u know i love the batfam repeating awful cycles shit i think its very interesting that this is one jason didnt repeat #maybe bc hes so close to the feeling or that dana isnt to him what he was to bruce or even that hes just relaxing and thinking clearly and #above all trusts her #most toxic fun future would be for her to break that trust and him to go crazy but thats a diff rant #anyways my entire summary for jasons character is that THAT is what good coochie does to a nigga #carmen thank you for your service another crazy off the street 🙏🏾 #red hood and the hill #oh. still no Orpheus mention #no it doesn’t hurt less anytime 💔 #Jason Todd

[kyolypso]

NEW GREAT PRETENDER MOVIE IS SO GOOD BTW.

#i have so many thoughts #i really enjoyed all the new characters!! #i usually dont like it when shows bring back characters that are supposed to be dead but they did it pretty well #dorothy doesnt remember anything from before and she is just living her own life #and the story is about Her first and foremost even if Laurent had his grubby hands all over the case #laurent really has grown a lot in the time since becuase hes keeping his distance he knows he shouldnt be anywhere near the case #and i understand him at the end when hes talking to her at the station. its very clearly a goodbye for him #hes letting go and letting them both go their separate ways #i also really like how unclear edamura's status with the crew is #hes clearly still friends with abby but he doesnt seem to have anything to do with the case #which is so good for him after the shit he went through im glad he actually said no and left #but he still keeps in contact with abby which makes me happy :) #also i did catch the cynthia name drop from i think the like cartel members?? made me gasp #SO SAD we didnt get to see her or abby :( #other notes the lady with the african restaurant was a delight i loved her #ALSO I SWEAR THEY MADE EDAMURA MORE TAN. HELL YEAH #grepre #great pretender #great pretender movie #great pretender movie spoilers

[mewtwo24]

You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.

Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡

Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme

#mdzs #i was really out here thinking svsss would be my fave bc of lbh #and then i finally get around to reading mdzs and it blows my expectations out of the fucking water holy actual shit #and i just had this feeling the first time i read parts of it like 'oh. this series is going to kill me. im not coming back from this.' #and here i am booboo the fool getting my clown ass make-up on #idk how to explain it like i just fucking LOVE mxtx's takes on arrogance #that wwx is constantly being perceived as a show off and an incorrigible flirt and a know it all #how wwx cant always help the ways he acts out the desperation that has embedded itself into his very bones #how wwx only ever wanted to do the right thing and that having been so much of his downfall #how his worth and talent would always be eclipsed by virtue of his circumstances #how he's above needing recognition at his core but at the same time longs for an ounce of good will and positive recognition -> #how human he is despite his brilliance. how he never gets it no matter how hard he tries to be worthy. #like to me wwx is emblematic of what it means to be poor/an immigrant in high places #always villified always alien always wrong always unwelcome #no matter how clever or capable or kind youll always be an eyesore because you don't 'act right'. not 'one of them.' you never will be. #i just...the way he just wanted it all to be over by the end. the way he didnt even want to come back to life. that he was sick of it all. #im rattling the bars of my cage i love him I LOVE HIM i love him #i understand you lan wangji (and i love lwj too) #and even lan wangji too like. the way so many of their issues in the beginning stems from that self-same problem #how lwj couldn't live with his out of control feelings how he too couldn't quite lay down his pride #how lwj was also trapped by the expectations of his clan in his own way how so much of their separation was a form of penance #that the calamity of wwx's loss forced him to reconsider everything he thought he knew about himself and his life #how he was left with nothing but regret. how when wwx returns--lwj refuses to leave anything to chance this time #he refuses to let wwx be alone anymore--refuses to let him hurt himself for the sake of others refuses to just let it all happen #even if it means overstepping a boundary or propriety it doesn't matter--as long as wwx stays with him. pride be damned #god i just can't i just can't do it im biting im ripping things apart GOD #will also say the jokes about lwj being like. 'strict moral compass or BUST.' and then wwx literally committing like 17 felonies in the bg #while lwj is like 'crimes? what crimes. nothing to see here.' NEVER stops being funny. like i was pissing myself laughing #i know its a known trope but by god are they hilarious about it #also. lan qiren how many times do your nephews have to go catatonic for you to stop with the catholic guilt and repression

[perilegs]

i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans

#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was #a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha'' #yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans #i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that #but it's still a bit. hmmm. #also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute #i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way #but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my #wavy hair and slight babyface and round features #which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man #as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this #though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c #well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow #also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which #once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans #the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy #oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute #face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man #and i love that #but also one of these ppl is not cis #if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people #but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans #but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im #living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow #but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl. #anyways i dont want to ruin our broship #i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared #agh idk #leevi talks

[grymmdark]

eaaughhhhh siblings are so hard to have sometimes.....

#grymms spectacular fucking posts #my sister is an incredibly frustrating person to live with #she spends all day either at her computer playing games or in her bed #she has back and knee pain that makes it so she cant bend over plus general chronic pain so she doesn't do a whole lotta chores. which i get #but she also complains about our parents not doing enough to take care of the house. like they both have fulltime jobs and have to take care #of 2 disabled kids. it's not fair to expect that they can also regularly do chores ontop of that #and if she spent her time putting in a bit more of her fair share of housework then I'd be a bitmore understanding but she doesn't do that #much. like i have chronic pain and i go to school 5 days a week and i do more chores than her #and she's an incredibly stubborn and emotional person who will flip out at anything and so i feel like im walking in eggshells talking to he #r #one time i was upset and said that if our parents went to jail for me skipping school I'd just dumpstedive for food and she said she didnt #wanna do that and i said she didnt have to. and she took me saying that as saying i wanted her to starve and didnt talk to me for a month #like if i cant even say something small and stupid when im upset and she's the one whose egging me on by saying stuff while im upset then #what can i even say around her aughhhh #anyways i know that shit like this is why i have a therapist but there's genuinely nothing i can do about this because she is the problem #and she's the one who isn't doing anything and aughhhhhh she makes my life so much harder just by being around #and i love her i want her to get better and move out for her own good but it's so hard to love someone who is nothing but a burden who #refuses to be responsible

[the-trans-dragon]

What if they didn't put ads every 3 posts. Three posts between ads, literally. Not even counting the ad for Tumblr Live.

Also what if tumblr didn't know what city Im in. I do not want my location tracked or stored anywhere unless I give explicit ongoing permission, like with my GPS app that I allow to track me only when the app is open, and then it deletes the data (allegedly) when I stop giving permission.

#ugh i do SO much to try to keep my location private. i use an android with all the tracking things Off (except for my weather app #which is a highly specific app that does NOTHING except provide weather; and i have the location turned Off so it doesnt even know where i #live). my tumblr email is not connected to any real life stuff because i made it when i was very closeted and made a new email and password #for it and never linked them to anything else. i have bare minimum apps. i use firefox and duckduckgo. #for shits sake i use a small barely-known map app because any Map App that has had large success under capitalism is inevitably going to #start selling private info or working with a cheap security system designed to allow quiet data leaks. #i guess i use gmail and gphotos but my phone doesnt HAVE a native Photo App. i have to use one i download and im too damn skittish to try #i guess i did get netflix recently....sigh.... i figured they WERENT tracking me because they email me EVERY TIME I USE NETFLIX to alert me #that OHHHH A NEW DEVICE IS USING NETFLIX AAAAA WHAT IF ITS AGAINST NETFLIX POLICY OH NOOOO. so i figured they didnt have a way to ID me. #UGH. CAN I PLEASE EXIST WITHOUT BEING MONITORED FOR FIVE SECONDS. can i please access Social Media which is a shitty substitute for actual #human connection but its the best i have--without someone noting my location and then trying to sell me things??? can i please watch film??? #i cant go to a theater because my region does NOT believe in covid and not even medical staff attending Very Ill Patients wear masks anymore #stupid fucking homophobic transphobic anti-vax society has made it too dangerous for me to access most Not-Online forms of enrichment. and i #cant even use the Internet (a magnificent ASTONISHING human creation) without being tracked and advertised to. #ugh.. #humanity is just so cool and brave and kind and amazing and yet we have taxes and advertisment IDs and traffic and medicine shortages. #its not like the ads even work. even when it shows me stuff i DO want. i cant fucking afford things. i already have spent too much money on #things that i dont need like Good Food and Entertainment and Juice. ugh....okay i do need food and liquids....Good food even. my body cant #survive on College Foods like it could in the past. And i might literally die if i dont buy juice... #and i guess its really really really heartwarming to have good entertainment to take breaks from all the stress.... its not like i havent l #..... like im so frugal. thank god my partners encourage me to buy myself things. i have been so much healthier since giving in and buying #Non-Water drinks instead of just Chronically Drinking Less Than A Bottle Of Water A Day. my partners are so good and sweet 😓 i shouldnt be #upset with myself for letting them convince me to take care of myself. that isnt fair to them or me so i will stop doing that now. #my faith in humanity is mostly just knowing that my partners exist. theyre so sweet. if people like them exist--then i have faith in humanty #no pressure lol. they are both so good and perfect regardless of how much energy they have to spare for Being Good. they are just inherently #very dear and good to me and for me. but just because i have faith in humanity doesnt mean im gonna stop complaining the whole time!!!!!! i #will whine about the bad stuff forever!!!! and BITE IT if i ever get the chance. but i will complain until the bothersome things go away. #if i complain my whole life with no results then...! so be it. i will whine and it will be art somehow. #sorenhoots

[theythemmer]

for years my friends have tried to get me back into minecraft and idk how to explain to them that after tosoth the game will never be the same . it’s been A DECADE and this fic still rules over my brain

#and don’t even TALK about snow angels around me i’ll cry blood and vomit tears #that fic gave me SO many trust issues i hve TO THIS DAY #and i KNOW ive ranted about this before but IT GENUINELY TRAUMATISED ME #but i was at one of the lowest points of my life and decided fuck it. i’m gonna read a long fic. i’m usually a max 25k person but i was like #nah let’s get invested in this one. good ol erisol human au. what could go wrong #oh dear reader it turns out that there was something that could go wrong #because at tht time i was an avid ff net user and there are no warnings there #especially not for major character death. #so i’m so invested in this fic #got a few chapters left. and then i start a chapter i swear ive read before in a one shot #and i’m over the MOON bc i know how this ends. they get engaged! so i’m SO fkn happy #and then. all alone in the snow of their front yard. eridans heart gives out. and he’s gone. #as a very traumatised teen who was dependant on happy endings to make me feel like life was worth living #i have never felt heartbreak and betrayal like that. only other thing that ever made me feel that much was my really messy breakup w da loml #i didnt sleep for a week. i was constantly sobbing and breaking down at school #reading about sollux going through their minecraft world and i just #yeah. #haven’t been able to make pancakes since too. used to be the thing i was best at #since then pancakes minecraft and snow angels are forever tainted #absolutely INCREDIBLE fic but i do Not do MCD or sad endings #and i was like being horrifically abused going thru hormonal conversion therapy to ‘fix’ my nonexistent sex drive #whilst dealing with r/pe accusations simultaneously . as a fkn 16 year old baby trans gay ace #so i was going thru it and when i tell you my ENTIRE mental state was depending on the dopamine i got from fan fictions w endings that #gave me hope my story wasn’t gonna end there. for them to struggle for so long to find true happiness within eachother #to them being torn apart by the cruel hand of death #bro i was inconsolable for so long . i still am and im almost 26 LMFAO #know it seems so silly to be so worked up over this but i can’t articulate how much my undiagnosed autistic bpd cptsd ridden self depended #on these fics to emotionally regulate #OBV THIS IS NOTHING AGAINST THE AUTHOR OR THE FIC I WAS JUST YOUNG AND TRAUMATISED AND COPING UNHEALTHILY #but i will never be able to play minecraft happily ever again

[get-more-bald]

Brb. Getting my brain chemistry changed 👍

#this is about doctor who!! #sorry zane ninjago but youve been replaced by my dearly beloved ninth doctor. christopher eccleston ❤️ #christ i just watched Dalek and holy fuckity heck #i dont even think like. supernatural merlin good omens or star trek had this effect on me #ya definitely not #maybee good omens but hm eh #theres only so much you can get with twelve episode adaptation of one book frankly #and i dont really even know why who is doing this?? #like. ive watched maybe four episodes of season 1 #like 6 at most of capaldis era #and like one christmas special #it wasnt even really that deep but hollyyy. damn. #Dalek had me completely sold. time to endure the moff*t writing. #im NEVER gonna watch any season finales tho. except season 1 #bill getting turnt into a cyberman? no fcuking way i didnt see it so it never happened👍 #any other companion dying? rose departing from the doctor?never fucking happened👍. #ten just left her at home to get a life and still visits her! and now hes travelling with donna! #and btw i know hes minor but danny pink literally never died! he accepted twelve in the end and lives (as much as he can) a peaceful life #im not saying anything about nine because hes deeply tragic and his regeneration was. something for sure. #and it was SO important. and also im not erasing his finale gay kiss 👍 from like 2005 👍 #maybe its just because all the other finales were written by m*ffat 🖕 #yeah. yeah. yeah. #i guess nine IS my favorite doctor. god i need to watch classic who #mine #doctor who #ninth doctor #the daleks #rose tyler #donna noble

[snekdood]

Dude.. my ex boyfriend totally did get me into conspiracy theory shit, even if unintentionally (i think its intentional im sure he believed in that shit. Would not surprise me at all.) At the time i was already pretty isolated from anyone online who mightve countered any of my dumb spiritual or alien related beliefs because of some dumb shit i said online making most of the friends and followers i made online generally avoid me, depending on who it was. I was just a regular pagan and then he showed me this weird video with all this weird conspiracy theory symbolism in it. I looked it up later on and looked up the meaning of the symbolism and came across a whole bunch of stuff posing itself as Secret Information The US Govt Doesnt Want You To Know About, etc. And then i just fell deeper into the conspiracy theory pipeline, traded my paganism for new age beliefs, and goddamn dude. Like we both got suspended from school bc he had a dumb idea to dumb shit there and i spent my time in detention fucking. Trying to read "the emerald tablets" or whatever tf. Its all coming back to me rn.

#anyways im not about to let yall make me feel guilty for falling in this direction anymore bc i was fuckin 14 and didnt know SHIT about us #politics aside from lgbt ppl deserve rights and to live like everyone else and same w all the other minorities (even tho i probably still #had issues i needed to work on around those things. still generally i wouldve considered myself progressive but apolitical) #and i was already at the time rejecting my christian upbringing and trying out satanism and paganism and such and so #i had a very rebellious mindset at the time. i also hated authority so the first antiesrablishment thing i saw i clung to bc it was #*close enough* to how i felt. none of that shit ever outwardly stated (at the time at least) that anything was abt jewish ppl and i was #filling in the parts about 'child sex rings' to be about christians bc thats how i knew them to be like. it just like. seems so obviously #something a christian would try to do. like a creepy priest or something. i imprinted my own meaning onto it #im not saying it was good but i definitely didnt go into it and stick to it for reasons some ppl might wanna believe #i was way more on the spiritual leaning side and the ~secret spiritual meaning~ of the world. like the flower of life or fuckin. #shit like how theres. idk. a fucking disc or something thats supposed to go on top of the great pyramids that super enlightened #people can only navigate like a spaceship or some shit? #idk the mythology of it all really fucking enraptured me. and i still liked the reptilians even tho they were supposed to be evil and #apparently an antisemitic dogwhistle. i thought it was the annunaki or whatever i was supposed to hate. at least. #the opinions were pretty mixed back then. admittedly i didnt really look up other ppls opinions on that stuff other than articles ppl wrote #like no forums or anything really. which is probably a very good thing i avoided those lol. regardless i thought of the reptilians #as being more neutral but generally looking out for themselves kinda like. the way a reptile would ig. but now that ik its a dog whistle #it really took a the magic out of all of that stuff for me :/ im disillusioned to say the least lol. #all that new age shit was appropriation. christianity rebranded. or weird shit people made up about atlantis or whatever sjjsksks #my favorite was the oceanis one where theres a star system where whales and dolphins come from #like that one was my favorite to believe in dhdjjsksksbdhs #imagine being on a star planet diving around in the sea of light u_u anyways it still sounds fun shsjskskwne. #i hope that one is at least more tame. though im sure its still somehow connected to everything else which im p sure it is #dude all of this information is just resurfacing about all of this shit. i could totally write a whole thing about all the conspiracy #theories i learned about. i might if only to make fun of it all sjdjksksks #yall ever heard of FUCKING david willcocks???? #his willing cocks??????? #his fucking ass #and gaia FUCKING tv #all that dumb shit

[thatone-highlighter]

What songs have u been thinking of adding to strengths playlist :0 [and the others if u have any you’ve been thinking of for them] Also you could make a streatney+ playlist, just sayin

I have been creating a list of Set It Off songs to put in here, and this is on top of the ones ive already added. I am also just now realising that even tho i associate the band in general with Strength the distribution of songs does Not favour Strength much if at all.

Theres a few of the songs where its just the general vibe or just so much of the song works its hard to pick one section, but i went and grabbed some of my fav sections

Peekaboo; like i mean it LITERALLY says this what do you want from me

Why Not Me?; it feels alot like things a Strength vessel would say. I especially like the bit about „a little voice is shouting get up“

Catch A Break; i mean isnt that such a Witney concept, shes put thru so much bullshit after bullshit and everyone is So mean to her Constantly. And „same tragedy different day“ thinking about Witney,,,, hhnnnggg

Playing With Bad Luck; a very similar idea to Catch A Break because the guy is literally the whole time just talking about how all this bad stuff keeps happening but hes done nothing to deserve any of it, which again, yeah. Man thinking about Witney makes me Feral

Unopened Windows; honestly a streartney song to me but i feel like Witney would be the most nostalgic about it like this. Like hes def the one to look back at it like what-could-have-been the most

Who‘s In Control?; it especially makes me think of Anne at her peak blaming herself for Heart and all that, like „living in fear living afraid/hysterical every day“ TELL me that doesnt remind u of Heart and Anne in ibybf

Me W/O You; it feels vaugely manipulative and vaugely genuine in a way i can only compare to Heart. Plus the whole „theres no me without us“ over-reliance and codependence feels very Heart as well

And i didnt add a part of the song because i cant EXPLAIN it but. Dancing With The Devil in my head just makes me think of Streart. imagining it as like the two of them alternating screaming the lines at eachother, they both see eachother as the counterpart in the song. And this song also lead me to for some reason learning how to draw partner dancing Just so i could draw streart partner dancing and then also went a bit insane about who would be lead dw about it

#i dont know wjat to SAY to you about DWTD it just IS okay i thought it by accident and then Went Insane #maybe in the back of my head i was thinking about sashanne knife dance who knows #its like. a very violent but beautiful dance i think they would have #ANYWAYS SOBBING OVER WITNEY DONT TOUCH ME #admit it and taste of the good life. same sorta idea as liar and no disrepsect thats already on its playlist #i didnt include a ss of it because its the whole thibg but BETTER THAN THIS HEARTNEY REAL PLEASE #i have developed a version of the heartney dynamic in my head that im terrified to talk about because im scared i misinterpreted or am wrong #but yeah better than this is So hearts side to me. them lovibg her but being terrified they didbit wrong and scared her off before they coul #before they could fix it. mmmmmmm tasty mmmm munchy #and ohhh myyy fucking helllllll Different Songs. im feral about that song real #the lyrics r all about like they lived eachother they still live eachother but can they fix it/get along now theyre all so different #none of them are the same people they were the first time round can they even still make it work? #hnnnngggggg insane feral why do these ppl make so so FERAL HHNNNGGGGG eating biting ripping to shreads w/ my teeth rn maiming killing biting #also when i went to find that list i had put anti-hero by taylor swift beneath it and labeled it heart ???? #i have not listened to antihero enough to make an educated call on that one but sure okay #Tree Man Posts #asks #wjh #strength #witney #heart #gem playlists #is that a tag i have?? What?? sure

[spade-club]

Reminding myself that I did all of my goals I had for this year. Even if some of them turned out to be mistakes, I've come a long way in the past half a year especially, and even if I am currently struggling with the weight of it all right now, these achievements are nothing to ignore or take value away from.

#anyway considering quitting my new job because I almost died for it already and I cant handle all of the all of it. #I had to call out sick today and I got told off and a manager basically said he thought I was lying because I didnt want to work there. #it felt so bad and I just.... ugh #its just all so overwhelming #like. I'm incredibly sick right now. dealing with a whole cheating scandal going on. Christmas was hard as fuck. this new job is overwhelm #I just... cant handle it all. #plus my old job never gave me my last paycheck so I have to deal with that #and I am trying so hard to get in contact with this new therapist guy but I keep just not having time to set things up. #im overwhelmed. so much. #the one good thing I have going for me is my friends and even then I'm starting to feel like a burden on them for struggling so much #idk! its just a lot! #but hey. I didnt kill myself this year! and instead I have been living a life and thats not nothing #checked *kiss a second person* off my list. yeah they were also kissing many people I didnt know about including their girlfriend but ! yk #things happen haha (im devistated) #and I checked off *get a job* and *leave the state I was living in* and *start driving* #and two of those are still going well! #mostly I mean. I do still kinda hate driving and have almost killed myself on accident twice #but really the point is im trying lots of new things and figuring out what works and what doesnt! #im not just living but im alive and thats all that needs to matter #the pain of all of this is the proof im alive and I can still feel. I just am convincing myself thats a good thing

[bellwitchfaggot]

I do understand the way in which spirituality is like a deep-seated psychological human need and the way in which ppl seem to tend to go a little batshit crazy when that need is not being met like I think spirituality is kinda the like glue that goes in all the cracks of a person's perception of reality and I do think spirituality is extremely useful for not losing the plot of one's life entirely. This being said however I used to be a very spiritual person and then it was systemically abused out of me by the psychiatric industrial complex and like. I can see now I think that a lot of the beliefs I used to hold and the ways in which I would process and make sense of the world were not actually harmful to me and were also not actually harming anyone else and I think I was like a much happier and more fulfilled person when I was a much more spiritual person and I'm really interested in trying to reincorporate a lot of that into my life but at this point I straight dont know how to like do that without feeling like I'm cracking tf up inside due to the extreme dissonance surrounding spirituality that has been bred in me specifically by people who I believed were helping me for a very large part of my life

#going to find a snackie then maybe get blasted n take a nap idk im sooo sleepy tired #oh just realized its cuz i think i only slept for like 3 hrs #christ maybe i'll start going to church again at some point idfk #i really dont. even know where to begin with starting to unravel what spiritual beliefs i may or may not actually hold and also like for me #spirituality is soooo tied very very VERY deeply in with my severe fucking long term and still semi ongoing cult trauma i just. i really #dont even know where to BEGIN with figuring shit like this out but the mere thought of reintroducing spirituality into my life makes me #feel like such a deepseated fear and sense of danger and unease. ig i gota figure out where tf the line lies for me at some point tho #personal #like. i have very good reason to believe that during my childhood and teenage years i was specifically being groomed to be like acting as #the leader of some sort of fucking apocalypse death cult by my church and that really complicates things! #and then like at some point in my teenage years SOMEONE started to like try to help me get out somehow which took the form of me being like #introduced to like neo paganism and shit and those were some of the most enjoyable and like positive but simultaneously like apeshit years #of my life . and then i was like forcefully medically lobotomized for like years using strong prescription drugs that i didnt really unders #tand what i was being given and like basically fully convinced by someone or something that all spirituality is automatically psychosis #the thing about that is i think believing THAT has actually somewhat led to me accidentally just becoming even more fucking insane #idk its all very complicated and like at this point in my life and recovery i am aware that like i have literally hundreds if not thousands #of unintegrated parts and its just going to take some real fucking time of me like being allowed and safe and comfortable enough to like #fully start to unravel all those different lived experiences inside of me that someone or some group of ppl may or may not have been #specifically attempting to prevent me from ever fully unraveling for me to like. figure out what my own actual opinions are on this and a #lot of other things are #idk i didnt mean to type this many tags on this post or go this in depth but here we r i spose. much 2 think abt #did log

[4giorno]

????? the way ppl were speaking made it seem like al haitham like. destroyed all kavehs belongings and spat in his face and maybe even killed him idk. just something way different and out of character than what he was already doing

#i guess this wasnt such a shock if you already 1. were under no illusion that haitham is a good respectable person #and more importantly 2. thought and knew kaveh actually is a complex character and was suffering the whole time #even before it was being slapped across our faces and 3. didnt live under the impression that their relationship is sunshine and roses #what we know is they were close friends. for some reason that changed so what happened? why is haitham so terrible now? #and believe it or not despite how he acts haitham has a rich inner life. bc hes a person and everyone does #in my opinion we saw some indications of that in this part #i just dont understand how when a single relationship is not all perfect and beautiful then its not worth existing in a story or examining #but yknow im not surprised #but at least finally ppl are starting to afford kaveh some dignity in their eyes! even slightly so yay for that #for what its worth i do think he should move out! they cant even begin to deal with what happened if they feel trapped together physically #so thats why i do hope he wins the competition #id wish for him to win anyway bc i love him jfjgjdjfkgkf im kinda happy i have no idea whos gonna win #maybe cyno wins but kaveh is gonna be chosen by the guy. that would be the best case actually right #also they said haitham stepped down as the acting grand sage already. who is it now currently????

[snapjock]

JSJJDKDKDF MY BOYS REF IS FINISHED,,, ITS ME

#he is a Revolutionary war ghost who is simply alive in this life time but directly served under the general in war era #and got killed by a friend in the line of duty #i just think hes interesting i love him hes so fun to play with and write for #and hes amoral but has a very strong opinion abt morals thats so hypocritical for him to preach when hes a #thief. a beggar and a liar and a cheat and did everything in his power to steal station and rank and land to get ahead #and didnt actually care about the war itself but about the general and saving his people on his islands outside of america #and never got to save them but is content in knowing he did his best in that alone #and he did his job well in defending and standing up and EMBODYING to the public a strong willed and good hearted man #he definitely is but he will do anything to gain what he feels he needs in life at the end of the day fr himself and family #like for example hed do everything he could during war times to eat bc he was so hungry and would steal from other camps and civilians just #to satisfy his need with no regard for those people's lives or hunger #In his mind he did it to survive but as time went on and they got more supplied and he didnt need to steal or hoard he just never stopped #he needs to be managed and contained like a controlled burn #all wild passion and hunger and drive with nowhere to put it except explosive fits of passion that seem nearly unnatural in nature #hes so outgoing and kind but a hugely morally conflicted character with his own desires and goals #never knowing when hed next overstep some mortal boundry he never connected with even while human and in touch with his better virtues #plus: trans + intersex rep! hes intersex and identifies as boyflux. had top surgery etc #and he's bisexual #but has a very intense obessive love for his General that nobody has ever stepped between so far despite it being mostly (..mostly) #unrequited thus far #luciel tag #oc tag #edith project #art #furry #persona #707.txt

[ventcode]

i cant even sleep. this is bad. just caught up in my own thoughts.

#the fault was mine. this all happened because of my actions and no one elses. #the cause and the effect of ones actions #i dont even want to die. i just want a life i truly want to live. #so why did i say i was? people fucking care about me and people love me and are willing to help me when i need it so why did i think in the #time that i wanted to die? i didnt want to. i was just tired and miserable and confused. having a moment. not a good moment. #i kept telling them no intent no plan and they believed me only after 2 weeks. i overhear what they say when i leave that room. #was that the best for me?? i wasnt happy. my mental health stayed the same. except i had no one to tell this time. just myself. maybe a #friend there but everyone has their own issues. #if i could make a wish i wouldve wished i never said that. i wouldve wished this wasnt the consequence i wish this wasnt what my life is now #this is *exactly* what i feared if i expressed these feelings #and now life still feels like hell. even when im home. #congratulations me. you fucked up major. #and now you have to adjust to your normal life again. forget this part that happened because it wasnt supposed to. #and now everybody knows my thoughts. this is all i feared. #this is absolutely terrifying. im so scared even still. #but this is better for me??? i fucking hope it is.

[apathyfairy]

i spent 3 months watching gilmore girls and i finally finished it and a year in the life and then netflix is like hmm what should we recommend... gilmore girls season 1 episode 1 is starting in 3 seconds

#against my better judgement i watched a year in the life again and it was so much worse the second time. i only watched it when it first #came out and then forgot everything that happened because it was so bad it didnt even have to be that bad but it was so bad. #like this might be an unpopular opinion but god whenever they reboot shows or do like a reunion the magic from the original is just gone #that came out wrong i dont mean the original show loses it's magic but that the reboot is missing the thing that made the original special #like ok spoilers and also unpopular opinions but there was just like no chemistry between any of the cast anymore IMO. imo dont come for me #i have no idea what the actors were doing or what they had to move around to make cameos or whatever but just imo alexis was like on another #planet i have no idea why rory was like that. it was just so. routine and expected ? like they were acting how we would expect them to act #but it was just so insincere? i guess is the word #like season 7 sucked and we all know it but god season 7 was better than a year in the life in retrospect #the ONLY good thing about a year in the life is emilys story like good for her finally living her own life and finding what she loves #that makes sense and that all adds up like love that for her. #im biased because ive been a jess girl since i was 8 but jess. fantastic. sucks that he's still in love with rory but hes doing great fine #lane deserved more than that that was bullshit that she was there for 5 minutes and sookie too like #from what i remember melissa mccarthy couldnt be in it or didnt want to or i dont know but i didnt like that they essentially made sookie #abandon jackson and her kids idk. #christopher i dont care about but PARIS deserved more as well #dont get me started on the wild plot omg. #but that's another thing that ruins the reboots is they just try to add such topical references and it just ages so badly imo #and anyway im just so confused. rory is still sleeping with logan but she has a boyfriend whose name she cant remember but also #she's having one night stands at comic con ? #all for the show to end with SPOILER her saying she's pregnant ? #? ? ? #? #ok. #like. they ruined her character a long time ago but they just completely gave up in this. #lorelai is lorelai i expected nothing else so it was boring i just. think this was the wrong show to do a reunion with i dont know. #i didnt watch it but i think the friends thing is the best way to go where they dont make new episodes but just bring the cast back together #like it was so much better with us all just imagining luke and lorelai got married and had another kid and rory went on to be a journalist #and that was that but here we are