#I also always think of fahc Ryan as the ''I don't have feelings'' kind of guy

[jemmydoolz]

Edgar Has Always Been Kind of a Bitch

hi okay so it's a little after midnight but I'm posting a fic rn bc it's the first fic I've written in like,, a yr and a half and also I'm rlly excited abt it??

anyway battle buddies/fahc jeremwood angst based on ramblings in a gc

(warning for minor assault implications at the beginning, and brief mentions of a suicide attempt at the end)!!!

Fiona and Gavin decide that what Jeremy needs is a night of bevs, and, to put it simply, get wasted, so the crew settles on going to a club that Friday. Jeremy only has one or two drinks, but boy does he get fucked up.

Ryan’s sitting and talking with Geoff and Jack in a booth, sipping a diet coke. He looks over Jack’s shoulder to see Jeremy standing at the bar with a much taller, more intimidating man looming over him. The guy reaches out toward Jeremy, who leans away from the touch. Jeremy nervously laughs and his eyes frantically dart around for someone, anyone who might be able to help him.

“Hello? Earth to Ryan?” Jack waves her hand in front of Ryan’s face.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah. sorry. Hey, um, I’m gonna go home, I’m just not really feeling great,” Ryan murmurs as he slides out of the booth, already heading toward Jeremy.

“Um, alright, I guess? Drive safe,” Jack calls after him.

Ryan speeds up when he sees the man grab Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy’s face flipped through a thousand emotions at once when he saw Ryan approaching, but eventually landed on confused but grateful. He gave Jeremy a look that said just go with what I’m about to say.

“Hey, babe,” Ryan says. The man immediately drops his grip on Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy does his best not to choke on his own spit when he hears the word babe come out of Ryan’s mouth. He hadn’t heard it in so long, and he didn’t think it would still hurt so much.

“Oh, hey!” Jeremy turns to Ryan and reaches up to peck him on the lips. “Where’d Edgar go? It’s his birthday, I figured he would wanna hang out with his friends!”

Fuck. Mentioning something about their friend ‘Edgar’ was always code for I don’t feel good about this, let’s leave. Edgar’s birthday meant I’m having a panic attack, I need your help. Ryan wanted to punch the guy that was practically feeling Jeremy up. No—he wanted to fucking kill that bastard. He and Jeremy may have had a severe falling out, they may have suffered years of heartache and longing, but he still felt responsible to make sure Jeremy was safe.

“He said he kinda wanted to go home. He went to the bathroom while I found you. You, uh, just about ready?” Ryan’s eyes flitted between Jeremy and the other man, who cleared his throat and mumbled something about needing to go find his friends before walking off.

Jeremy and Ryan both sigh in relief once he’s gone.

“Wanna head outside for some fresh air for a minute?” Ryan asks, getting a meek, obviously shaken-up nod in return.

Jeremy says something that Ryan can’t quite hear over the music as they walk outside.

“Hm?”

“Oh, nothing. It was dumb.” Jeremy shakes his head. Ryan has had enough experience to know that it was better to just leave it alone. They both wordlessly come to a stop and lean against the wall of the building a few yards from the door. Almost as if they had been working as partners for years. They spend a few minutes saying nothing, watching people on the street, looking at the stars in the sky. Ryan can’t help but study the intricacies of Jeremy, realizing that so many things have changed, but somehow almost nothing about him is different. Jeremy’s hair is just a tad bit more grown out than it ever was at the agency (also, it’s bright purple and orange, which is not exactly the most appealing color combination, but that’s a topic for another day), but he still runs his hands through it when he’s lost in thought. It’s curlier than it used to be, but maybe that’s just because it’s longer. He still clenches his jaw so hard it seems like he’s going to break his teeth when he’s scared. He still wears a tank top under his shirt, no matter how hot it is outside. His eyes still crinkle at the corners when he lets out a bark of laughter that Ryan still swears up and down sounds exactly like a squeaky toy. He’s changed, though. Ryan can see in his eyes that he’s become aware of reality. He knows the responsibility he carries, the heavy consequences that come with his actions, that death is around the corner at every moment.

“D’you- d’you want me to take you home?” Ryan says barely above a whisper, but loud enough for Jeremy to hear. “You can go back inside if you want, but I know you always used to want to go home and be alone after Edgar shows up.” Jeremy lets out the tiniest breathy chuckle.

“Edgar has always been kind of a bitch, hasn’t he?” Jeremy says as he looks away from the sky to meet Ryan’s gaze, and his heart falls apart all over again for the thousandth time. That fond look of reminiscence and joy was one Ryan donned frequently at the agency. “I- Yeah. yeah. I’d really appreciate a ride home. I’m just a little too drunk to drive, I think.”

“Alright. I parked just down the street. Penthouse or your apartment?” Ryan hadn’t even noticed that Jeremy did seem somewhat tipsy; his Boston accent slipping in occasionally and his words slurring the tiniest bit.

“Um, apartment,” Jeremy says. “D’you rem-”

“Yes, I remember where your apartment is, Jeremy.”

It’s only a few minutes into the drive to the other side of town when Jeremy pipes up. “I honestly didn’t really expect you to help me. I didn’t expect you to remember Edgar, either. I dunno why I said it, I guess just vaguely hoping you would even though it’s been, what, three years?” he pauses for a moment and just takes in Ryan's profile. “I always hope you remember things from then. I know it went to shit, but we still had so much fun. We made so many memories and did so much dumb shit there. But I’m glad that stupid fuckin’ place collapsed. All of it was complete bullshit. I just wish it all fell apart before we did.”

Ryan doesn’t know how to respond. So he doesn’t.

“All those meetings I had to stay late for? Fuckin’ useless. They served no purpose, and I don't know why I was forced to go to them. I feel like the only reason I had to go to those meetings was because someone was hiding something from me. It was obvious that so many things were kept from us.” Jeremy stops for a second to try to will away the lump rising in his throat. “I thought you were cheating on me. For the longest time. I still don’t know whether you actually were. You were always out on ‘special missions’ and shit.”

The moment Ryan hears Jeremy let out a shaky breath his heart breaks.

“Was it me? Was I not good enough? I promise I tried my hardest to be what you needed. I’m sorry if I wasn’t. All I wanted was the best for you, Ryan. Even now, I just want you to be happy. If you're happier with someone else, then that’s what I want. I don’t blame you, though. I don’t deserve someone like you. You deserve so much better than me. I would do anything for you, Rye. We were together for so long. We did everything together! I thought I was gonna marry you. I was saving up money to get a ring. I guess I was too stupid to see that you didn’t want me anymore.”

Ryan looks over to see the tears staining Jeremy’s cheeks reflecting the soft orange glow of the streetlamps. Is this really what Jeremy thinks?

“I was so in love with you, Ryan Haywood. I’m- I’m still in love with you. I love you so goddamn much it hurts sometimes. Every time I see you hurt, upset, angry, anything other than healthy and happy my heart aches. I’m sorry I wasn't enough. I promise I tried. Fuck, I tried so hard.”

With every sob Jeremy lets out, Ryan's heart breaks just a little bit more. The short distance left until Ryan pulls up to Jeremy’s apartment building is spent wordlessly. Jeremy’s clambering out of the car and reaching to grab the door when Ryan speaks.

“Hey, Jer, do you want me to walk you up? I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“No. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’ve already been a pain in your ass tonight, I don't need to waste even more of your time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.” Jeremy sniffles and wipes his cheeks, giving a half-hearted smile before shutting the door and walking away.

Ryan sits there for a second, unable to process fully what he just heard. He starts driving without even knowing where he was going, and he’s so lost in his thoughts that suddenly he’s sitting in his car in front of the boardwalk along the beach and crying. He can’t believe anything he was just told—there is no way in hell that the brilliant, witty, talented Jeremy Dooley ever doubts his worth. It’s jarring to think that part of it was because of Ryan. He was going on extra missions because the agency was growing more and more demanding. For months they tormented Ryan with the threat of kicking out Jeremy. They said they’d do other things to him that Ryan doesn’t want to remember. Why did Jeremy never bring it up? Why did he just accept that Ryan had ‘moved on?’ Their lives were so intertwined with one another that Ryan never felt truly whole again. The only reason Ryan went with the break up was that he saw how distant and cold Jeremy had gotten. Ryan had assumed that, for whatever reason, Jeremy had changed his mind. He hated it, he was devastated, but he didn't know how to fix it.

Ryan decides he doesn’t want to go back to the penthouse tonight. He pulls up to the nearest crew safehouse, and suddenly things click.

Jeremy had always struggled with bad self-image and depression. He had gone to Ryan for comfort, which he was always more than willing to give. Jeremy was doing better. At least he told Ryan he was.

Jack had mentioned a while ago that when Jeremy first joined the crew, she had found him after a suicide attempt and barely left his side until he recovered. The only reason for it Jack had told Ryan about was ‘emotional trauma from a past relationship, that he didn’t really want to talk about.’

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan made the love of his life want to die.

The pieces left of his heart fall into more shards than there are grains of sand in this world.

He collapses onto the couch inside, too exhausted to even get to the bed. He knows he’s not going to be able to sleep, though.

To: Geoff

Dropped Jeremy off at his place, he was pretty drunk though so check on him please

To: Geoff

I’m staying at kung fu safehouse for the night

#my fic #holy fuck #i did that !!! #thats a whole ass 1874 words babeyyy!!!!! #fahc #fahc ryan #fahc jeremy #fahc au #angst #battle buddies #fake ah ryan #fake ah jeremy #fake ah crew #fake ah au #minor suicide mention #suicide mention tw #ragehappy

[vagrantblvrd]

(Sending another fic i wish you'd write meme you don't gotta do it if you don't wanna) a fic where battle buddies was a thing long before either of them joined the fahc. and they don't join at the same time but whoever joined first just sorta dragged the other in like oh hey guys i know a guy who can help out and depending on who joined first i feel like the reactions would be very different

Okay, so the whole Battle Buddies in the FAHC universe thing makes me so happy?

Like, what were they before they decided the criminal life was the way to go?

Special ops? SWAT officers? Freaking mall cops? A couple of nerds who got a little too into a game of laser tag on their lunch break and somehow ended up criminals through a series of improbable wacky shenanigans?

WHO KNOWS.

Thing is, they’re somewhat “normal” on their own, right? (Aside from Jeremy and his whole thing with Rimmy Tim and Ryan with the Vagabond shtick.)

The crew hears about this ~spooky figure in Ryan, right? This guy who’s terrifyingly good at his job. Who everyone’s heard of with a high success rate and this reputation for not taking being double-crossed well, not that anyone does that anymore after what happened with the last guy to try that.

(Thing is, though, there’s always someone who thinks they can get away with it, so there’s always a new “last guy” and after people hear what happened to him, you’d think they’d learn, but they don’t, so….)

Geoff wants to hire him for a job, needs the extra muscle and with his reputation behind him they might  pull this off without anyone dying horribly.

They meet in some abandoned warehouse or an parking garage that has some overhead light about to die flickering and making that buzzing noise because ~atmosphere.

At least that’s what the crew thinks, Geoff muttering about this Vagabond guy being a fucking dramatic bastard because seriously? But in reality Jeremy’s around somewhere with his sniper rifle because the whole double-cross thing, you know?

And, sure, the Fakes have a reputation for dealing fairly with their allies and various freelancers and the like, but still.

Geoff’s talking to Gavin who’s taking in the place they’re supposed to meet, casually notes that there are a few prime spots for a sniper to set up.

Hands in his pockets, shades pushed into his hair as he glances around, says, “That’s a lovely spot,” and, “Oh, that’s nice,” and so on and Geoff’s watching him because Gavin would know, wouldn’t he.

Spent a lot of time up high for the crew before Ray happened along. While he plays a different role in the crew now, he likes to keep his hand in. Stay sharp, and there’s more than one reason Geoff brings him to things like this.

Still, Gavin doesn’t seem concerned, so Geoff’s bitching about waiting for the damn Vagabond in this shithole of a warehouse or some parking garage in the middle of the night.

And then the Vagabond’s just there.

Geoff turning around when Gavin stops talking mid-sentence, eyes moving to track the Vagabond behind him, and is just like, of course.

Sees the Vagabond standing there watching them, waiting for them to get on with it, and lays out the job offer he has for him.

Ryan accepts and the crew deals with him being a creepy weirdo for a while because he’s good at what he does so they keep bringing him in on things.

He fits in pretty well, deals with Gavin surprisingly well even through the most ridiculous shenanigans and unbelievable questions. Works well with the others, and deals with Jack needling him every now and then as time goes on.

Of course they’re all a little curious as to why he heads out as soon as he gets paid after a job/gets his cut for a heist he’s gone, you know? Not like it’s a requirement for any of them to hangout at Geoff’s penthouse to wind down after something like that, but still.

They wonder, but no one wants to pry (well, maybe Gavin but even he’s not dumb enough to cross that boundary – yet.)

And then someone puts out bounties on the crew – new ones, just one more than enough to set someone up for life – but they just don’t realize for a bit because someone’s usually trying to kill them.

For the notoriety of taking one of the Fakes out or some past slight of old grudge, it doesn’t matter what the reason.

But then it’s Ryan and Michael playing muscle for Gavin at a meet, and someone goes after Gavin, and throws the whole thing into chaos.

A sniper, and after they get to over there’s yelling and stand-offs because the Fakes don’t know if the people Gavin was negotiating are in on or not (they’re not). Ryan being all Vagabond-y at these guys with Michael as his foil and Gavin trying to de-escalate -

And then there’s a commotion outside the area they’ve taken cover and someone kicks the door in. Throws some asshole through the door and everyone freezes.

A moment later a guy in some ridiculous ensemble walks in dusting his hands off (no, really) and is like, “Nailed it.”

All pleased with himself and whatnot and it comes out that Jeremy just got back in ton after a job of his own. Heard about the bounties someone put out on the Fakes and got all curious, ended up doing a little  investigating and shit.

What he tells the others, though, is that he was in the neighborhood just happened to stumble on this asshole with a sniper rifle – real shitty one, too, fuckin’ amateur – and oh, hey. How’s it’s going, Battle Buddy?

And then everyone’s freaking out about whoever put the bounties out on them, and Jeremy’s like, “Uh…”

Because this certain area of Los Santos is now on fire, and roughly half a block is just gone, and Ryan sighs because they’ve talked about this. No blowing shit up without him and all that.

After that he’s just part of the crew, although they think his name is Rimmy Tim for the longest time. Find out Ryan’s living with some guy named Jeremy, that they’ve been together for years, but think he’s cheating on him with Rimmy Tim when someone catches them doing the “holy shit, we almost died, guess it’s time to make out” thing.

Have no idea what to do, and try to approach Rimmy Tim and Ryan separately, both of those assholes keeping the lie going until Ryan fucking loses it. Breaks down laughing when the crew puts together a fucking intervention, wondering why Jeremy won’t answer his phone and the ~truth comes out.

NOW.

If Jeremy’s the one to join the crew first he gets hired on as additional muscle when Michael’s hurt and the crew’s under pressure. Maybe rival crews and whatnot are testing boundaries, pushing and testing just to see how the Fakes reacts.

Michael gets hurt in an altercation, and while they make the people responsible for it very, very sorry, it leaves them a man down.

So they find Jeremy, Geoff leaving it up to Gavin if he wants this weirdo in the purple and orange as backup while Michael recovers. And Gavin, okay. Gavin’s got Jack too, and this Jeremy guy is likable enough. Comes highly recommended from their allies, so he says sure.

And it’s awesome because he not only goes along with Gavin’s terrible ideas, he improves upon them.

They wreak havoc for a bit, terrify the Fake AH Crew’s enemies and new and terrifying ways and eventually things calm down. Go back to normal-ish for Los Santos and this trial run they’ve given Jeremy during all of it comes to an end. They decide to keep him, because he fits in with the crew and everyone loves him and also he’s awesome, right?

Things go on for a while and one day Jeremy’s crappy little car breaks down and he needs a ride, gets one from his old buddy from way back.

And for whatever reason the crew just happens to be hanging around outside the building waiting on Jeremy before heading up to the penthouse.

See this sweet little Zentorno pull up and Jeremy get out, all smiley and laughing and when he stats up the steps to the others there’s this moment, right? All of them trying to see who’s driving that car, and holy shit, it’s the goddamn Vagabond???

And Jeremy’s like, uh, yeah? Didn’t Geoff want to go over plans for the new heist?

The others are like yes, but also Vagabond???

But Jeremy’s already headed inside and the Zentorno long gone, and Jeremy’s acting like nothing is out of the ordinary.

Doesn’t say a damn thing when it keeps happening, or when the Vagabond drops by with his lunch, or baked good and whatnot and it’s so, so bizarre, but so is Jeremy and it just turns into a thing that everyone is like “fuck it” about.

Eventually they’re planning a job and Geoff’s like “We could use an extra gun on this one, anyone have suggestions?”

Everyone looks pointedly at Jeremy because by this point the Vagabond might as well be part of the crew anyway. Hangs out at the penthouse and drinks all of Geoff’s diet soda and sniffs out various candy stashes better than any bloodhound.

May or may not have taken care of some problems for the crew on the down low (only not, because the Vagabond’s a very distinctive figure in Los Santos), and really, he might as well be getting paid, you know?

Jeremy’s just like, “What? Oh, yeah. I mean, I kind of do?”

And that’s how the Vagabond joins the crew.

…A few months later this whole Rimmy Tim business starts, and no one in the crew bats an eye while the rest of Los Santos has no fucking clue what’s going on.

#Anonymous #replies #jeremwood #prompt fills #vagrant fic #*hands* #fahc #fic i wish you'd write meme #technically not a fic